Kongen befaler (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 11 - Nei nei da dør jeg jo - full transcript
I can not think!
Did the others understand this?
Yes!
Welcome to Kongen Befaler
the programme where I see what five
seemingly upstanding participants
are willing to do to win
a gold bust... of me.
With me is another seemingly
upstanding person, Olli Wermskog.
Yes, that's nice to know.
I appreciate that.
That I'm not just sitting here by
virtue of my appealing appearance.
Yes, it was nice to have that clarified.
But should we let our attention
go to our participants?
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
The first task is, as
always, a prize task
where the participants have been asked
to bring something in a given category.
The task today is: "Bring something
you wish did not exist."
"Bring something you wish did not exist."
Steinar, you're conveniently
at the far end there.
It's so difficult to bring
war and pollution,
so I have brought something that I
wish would disappear for good.
-Climate crisis!
And that's stinging nettles.
-No...
It's...
It's so incredibly annoying to wear
shorts, for example, at the cabin,
and then there's nettles there.
It's stinging, and then you
have to wait for 15 minutes.
Or pee on it, as I have
learned that you can also do.
If you pee where you have been stung
by the nettle, the pain goes away.
This sounds like it could be a
gesture towards your kids as well.
Yes, they hate that I
pee on them all the time.
They're getting tired of it.
-That I can understand.
That's lovely.
Solveig, what do you have with you?
I have brought something completely useless.
-All right?
Oh yeah, those.
-These.
Yes
-What is it?
Oh those!
-Yes, those!
That they have tucked so hard
around all the hotel beds,
and that you are always too tired
to take off when you go to bed.
And which is completely impossible to
get rid of when you wake up all sweaty.
Yes, you have my full support!
And what is it for?
What is it for?
It doesn't even look good!
This is a very practical thing, made so that you
can throw yourself on the bed with your shoes on.
I totally agree with you, Solveig.
I don't understand why it's useful.
Even after he explained about the shoes,
I still don't understand why it's useful.
Amir?
-Yes.
Let's see...
This is a bit personal.
-Oh right.
A little sad.
-Personal glasses?
This is my journal document from
the eye department at the hospital.
Oh no.
Two years ago I cycled without a helmet,
and then I got a permanent
brain injury, it seems.
That's what it is!
Yes. And I also damaged
my optic nerve in that fall,
on the left side here.
And I really wish that did not exist.
The optic nerve?
-The damage to the optic nerve.
If you wear those sunglasses...
-I can do that.
...this is how I see every day.
-Really?
It's as if I have sunglasses on one of my eyes.
Now it sounds...
-It's very sad!
But it looks very cool!
-Yes, it does, yes.
You look like a Bond villain
from the 70s. You do.
But yeah...
So I wish that didn't exist.
I could live without it.
And now I got the opportunity
to ask all the young people in this
room to remember to wear a helmet.
Yes, we'll see if I
think it's sad enough.
Yes. Einar?
-Hey, Atle.
I have brought two identical toothbrushes
that my father and I have at the cabin.
No, Einar!
Because they are identical, I often mix
them up and take the wrong toothbrush.
Therefore, I wish his
toothbrush did not exist.
That he could buy one that
was not identical to mine.
Can we add to the story
that you are colour-blind?
Does that have anything to do with the case?
You're always pulling the colour-blind card against me!
You've played the colour-blind
card a couple of times before,
so I thought I'd do it now.
-I don't understand the relevance.
I have two identical toothbrushes.
It's a bit awkward to complain about your
eyesight right after Amir. At least I think so.
Yes, but that was a
self-inflicted accident.
I was born with a disability
that I couldn't do anything about.
I can't encourage them not to have
the same disability. I'm getting upset.
No, maybe you were a little unlucky with
the timing, but nothing more than that.
Ida? What do you have with you?
-Now I have such a high pulse.
I'm dreading this.
I really regret it.
This is a CD.
On that CD there is a song and
a music video that I have made.
It's not as home-made as it looks.
It's on Spotify and YouTube.
Crazy Cat Lady?
-Yes.
Do you understand?
It's getting worse and worse.
Every time I think about that
video existing, I get so sick.
I can wake up at night like this and
getting reminded of it. It's so embarrassing!
I will regret for the rest of my
life that you'll see a snippet now.
But I want you to keep in mind
that when I made it, I thought:
"Yes, maybe it could be
some kind of new The Fox."
So...
-Wow!
Wow!
-It's so horrible!
It's not like it was in middle school.
That's four years ago!
I was over 30 years old!
-Crazy Cat Lady
Now we have to move on.
-Yes, speaking of which,
have you decided on any points?
-Yes, I felt bad for several of them.
I have to say that.
Now I'll either be
cynical or detestable.
It's hard to give points then,
but that's my job! Yes.
It's one point for you, Einar.
There. Then that was settled.
Two points for you, Steinar.
And then you get third for the sob
story with your brain damage, Amir.
It was worth it.
-You'll get three points for it.
I'll get scolded when I get home if you
don't at least get three points, but no more!
And it'll be four for that fucker,
that I also hate with a passion.
Then it's of course five
points to Ida Fladen.
The first points are awarded.
But already now I think you
deserve a little break, Olli.
Not just a break. You deserve to
be taken on a wonderful journey.
Hey guys.
You have to stand there?
All right, that's fine.
"Take Olli on a wonderful journey."
"He must be back in the house in
30 minutes. Your time starts now."
What is a wonderful journey?
I should have had some
LSD or something.
But I don't. I won't be able to
get any in such a short time.
What are you talking about?
-LSD.
Yes, so that was the first thing
you thought of? "Good, old LSD!"
Remember how old I am.
-Yes, absolutely.
What is a wonderful journey?
That's the big question.
Even though it's Olli
who is on the journey,
I am the one who will judge
how wonderful the journey is.
Who should we see first?
-We can start with Ida and Einar.
Yes.
Do you know what we're doing now?
We're going on an all-inclusive trip.
Yes, we are now going to one of the biggest
tourist attractions in all of Northern Europe.
Also known as Holmenkollbakken.
[the Holmenkollen ski jump]
But you know the whale
that was in Free Willy?
Keiko?
-Keiko, yes.
He was suddenly in Norway.
I was going to go there.
I was even allowed by my mother.
And then he died.
Then, my dear friend, Olli Wermskog...
Yes, look at this.
-What a wonderful view!
I was hoping it would be a little better.
This is where you went.
-Yes.
Is this where an ice-cold
coke was ordered?
Would you look at at.
And I found some candy.
-Wonderful.
There are 40 seconds left.
-You have to go back to the house.
Then, unfortunately, the journey is over.
But you get to live on the memories.
There. The 30 minutes are over.
Yes, then you can just get out here.
Thanks for the trip.
-Thank you.
Yes. No, it was absolutely
a wonderful journey, Einar.
How did you come up with
that in such a short time?
Well, I had a time limit.
But where did Olli have to
be back after 30 minutes?
In Oslo.
-Yes.
We were in Oslo.
He was back in Oslo.
Specifically in the house,
so of course that's a minus.
Minus how much? A decimal?
-Disqualified, surely?
No, he will not be disqualified,
but it will be a solid minus.
So close to a disqualification.
Maybe the closest you can get.
-That close?
It actually could be a disqualification.
I haven't decided yet.
That close to a disqualification?
-Yep.
Are you ready to see more?
-I really want to see more.
Are you thinking of anyone in particular?
-Yes, I thought we could take a look at Solveig.
Yes, let's!
Should we think of an inner journey?
That I'll take you into something
you've never experienced before.
Then we leave.
-"I had a wonderful childhood."
Do you understand what you are now?
You are on a wonderful journey into
Lilli Bendriss' life. [famous psychic]
"I got engaged when I was 16,
so I started early."
"And tried to masturbate and all that."
It's quite intimate.
-"But just in the sexual..."
Should I fast-forward a little?
-Skip a bit forward.
"This is a clitoral vibrator.
It should not be inserted anywhere."
"It should just be held onto the..."
Then I think I'll just say
thanks for the trip, Olli.
Thank you.
See you later.
I want to ask what you think, Steinar.
This was bad! God damn!
It's almost like you should
be cut out of the programme.
I think maybe LSD would have been
better than this traumatic trip.
But there are more left.
-Yes, we have two left. Steinar and Amir.
Shall we see if they could
bring me on a wonderful
Steinar sold himself very well.
-Yes, it should be good.
Here are Steinar and Amir.
We're going on a trip, Olli.
We're going out to sea.
We're swinging out on the open sea.
Do you feel that?
-Yes.
Yes There are a lot of plants here.
That is good. That's very good!
Come on, Tommy.
Get down, Tommy!
-Yeah.
-He's just around the corner.
I'm afraid.
Don't leave me, brother.
Olli! How are you?
The remains of the plank float up.
The girl, who was just
sawing a new pier, died.
Right in front of your ears.
I thought I heard something over there.
I'm just going to throw a grenade, okay?
Hold your helmet.
I got one! I got one, Johnny!
Look, it's a guinea pig
trying to get your attention.
Hello.
Maybe your sweet little lips.
But you must not kiss her, Olli.
Hello? [changing dialect]
-Hello.
I'm ready to get the
bike out to sea now.
You get tingles from
this wonderful journey.
It's over.
They got me! Tommy!
They got me, Tommy!
They got me. Oh my God!
It hurts. God damn sniper!
I'm fine again. I'm fine.
Yes. There you go.
It was an adventurous journey.
A time travel back to 1968.
And the Vietnam War.
Maybe you felt what it was
like to be an American soldier,
many hundreds of thousands
of miles away from home.
I got the feeling that the trip was
just as important to you as it was to Olli.
I have always dreamed of experiencing the
feeling of being an American soldier in Vietnam.
Yes, you went all in.
-Yes, it was 100%, yes.
Impressive.
I have to ask you too, Amir.
Is it possible to summarise briefly
what the story was about?
It was a wonderful journey. There were
several people who were part of a shipwreck
who just happened to meet each
other during that shipwreck.
And a guinea pig.
-And a guinea pig was there too.
Have you made up your mind about
who took me on a
wonderful journey?
Yes, let's start with Einar's
pre-announced one point.
You're welcome.
-Amazing to hear!
Ida, you get two points.
It was a pretty tough competition.
Solveig, you get three.
You should be happy with that,
because these guys showed a high level.
Although I love you, Steinar,
and like Vietnam and all that,
what Amir is doing is just too good.
It's fantastic, in capital letters.
Amir gets five points. Steinar gets four.
Yes, then the standings are like this.
Overall, it looks like that.
Would you look at that!
-Amir!
Yes, Amir is at the top,
but it's very close.
Einar hasn't exactly had a good
start, but that can change.
Yes, it can change!
-Yes, it can! We'll take a short break.
It's time to test the participants'
survival skills, fight or flight.
How fast do they react? How fast are they?
And not least, are they faster than you?
Yes, the next task is simply to run
away from me as fast as they can.
That's exciting!
Who do we start with?
Can't we start with the catwoman, Ida?
Ouch.
Where's Olli?
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
No, I don't want to! Olli!
No!
Damn, you're so fast!
I hope someone was slower than me.
Yes, but you got to the gate.
-Yes, but I
I'm wondering about the others.
-You were good.
I see, Steinar.
Yes, then I'm happy.
How long did Ida manage
to keep you away?
It wasn't... It was for 11 seconds.
-You know what, now I want to see Amir.
And his beautiful, fantastic,
athletic running style,
which I have already come to love.
-You'll get that.
Olli?
Olli?
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
Oh God!
Yes, then I'm going back into the shed.
-I'm going up here. Goodbye.
It's a wonderful chicken imitation.
Amazing flapping!
I love... I could take a long weekend
and just watch you run a marathon.
It would've been wonderful.
-We can fix that.
How did it go with Amir?
-14 seconds.
You're leading in front of Ida.
-Yes.
Ready to take a look at Steinar?
-Yes, I'm ready for Steinar.
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
No...
Haha, so funny to watch the fat guy run!
But what I'm much more concerned about is
that you take the time to jump in surprise.
I think that was fun.
If you were to guess for yourself,
how long do you think you lasted?
Twelve seconds.
-3.5 seconds.
Haha, so funny!
We'll take a look at Solveig now.
Yes, let's see if it will
be positive or negative.
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
That was lovely.
Yes.
That was real fear.
-Yes, I was so scared!
I think I was just thinking,
"Just get it over with. Come and get me."
It's fascinating, because this is a
guy you've been working with for weeks.
But as soon as he starts running
after you, you are terrified.
-I panicked.
I thought thought the same thing:
"Just get it over with."
I was so scared of Olli.
-You lasted 6 seconds.
That wasn't so bad.
-No.
It's better than Steinar.
-Stop it, Olli.
Then there is only one left,
as far as I can count.
That's right. It's Einar.
These letters...
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
Yes...
But I noticed that he was about
to give up when I gave up.
That was a mistake.
-Yes, it was.
We're in the exact same shape!
Not bad.
No, I think it was impressive,
but I understand that you gave up.
It looked a little tough,
the hill you started on.
Yes, and I also had no
weather advantage that day.
You had boots too.
-Yes, I did!
You can get the seconds.
It was 26 seconds.
I'm disappointed.
That's good.
The points are, then, as
we pretty much already know:
Steinar takes one point, Solveig takes
two, Ida three, Amir four and Einar five.
Olli, now I know you
have a little treat for me.
I have been looking forward to this.
-Yes, I have been looking forward to this myself.
Then I think we should take a look at it.
-Yes, let's do it.
Hey hey.
-Hi.
Look at this.
-Ok. And 200 kroner.
"Make a magnificent sandwich for Atle."
"You have a budget of 200 kroner."
"Olli will wait here while you
buy what you need. Good luck."
Good luck.
-Thank you.
Sorry. Miss negative here now,
but cooking and being creative in
the kitchen is the worst thing I know.
He's from Lillehammer.
There they are a bit...
With all due respect,
they're a bit stupid there.
And simple. So there they can be
fooled by taco baguette-like food.
I think Atle likes
big pieces of meat
and that the fat flows down.
And that he can somehow
pick up from the navel.
Fat?
-Fat, yes.
It seems like many of them think that
this should be possible to pull off.
I think there was a lot of positivity
here, apart from Ida, of course,
who is not in the habit of starting
positively, but she ends it positively.
We must remember that this was
only the first half of the task.
I thought of making a dessert sandwich.
I will make a Persian sandwich.
It's called "sandwich cotelette", and it's
kind of a hamburger and french fries in one.
Pommes frites au gratin. There can't be too much,
because there will be many flavours in one place.
Now we'll cut this up here.
Look at that! Atle likes it that way.
"A little bloody", he says.
It's entrecôte, and then
I've fried some peppers.
Now I'm putting on mayonnaise.
-You're putting on plenty.
There must be plenty! In order to get full.
-What do you call the sandwich?
Sandwich à la Atle.
Some tomatoes. Lots of onions.
Iranians like onions.
Do we like onions?
Yes, I can swear to that!
Now, you see. Now we're talking!
Look here now!
It looks better right away.
Béarnaise.
-Have you done this before?
Almost every day for my daughter.
It's her packed lunch. Like that.
Last but not least, we need Atle.
The mustache. Atle's crown.
A bun with strawberries, banana,
Nutella, Oreo biscuits, vanilla ice cream.
Oi oi oi!
Look at that!
Satisfied?
-Yes, actually.
When will Atle eat it?
-Yes, you feel there is something more?
I feel something more is going to happen.
-Yes, then you feel correctly. Here you go.
What does it say?
-"Eat Atle's sandwich."
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Good?
-Yes.
Damn, it was good!
It was good?
-It was absolutely extremely good!
It's the best I've ever tasted, I'm not kidding.
-That was good!
Now you're missing out, Atle.
Are you starting to get full?
-I've been full for a long time.
I'm starting to get damn nauseous.
Now I'm having a blackout.
This is like being at a five star
restaurant in Lillehammer.
Now I only have one bite left.
That was good. Thank you so much, Atle,
for allowing me to eat my own sandwich.
And as I said, these are not Atle's.
This is Olli's and Olli's friend's.
Should I stop the time?
-I'm done eating. Very full.
Oh my God.
It is...
Stop the time!
I'm really nauseous.
But happy.
-That's good.
But now some of it is on its way back up.
-Enjoy.
It was a twist.
It was a little twist.
Yes, you might not have seen that coming, Ida?
No, absolutely not.
That's the most disgusting...
But you had not made a sandwich
for me, but for Atle nine years old.
It was an attempt to be creative.
Do something different. I regretted that.
It was very different.
-You should be glad you didn't have to eat it.
You ate it all, and you spent
6 minutes and 42 seconds.
That's good. I'm satisfied
with that. Because that was...
But Amir, you made
a wonderful sandwich.
In three parts, but there was a lot
left on the plate. How do you explain that?
I had made one sandwich for you,
and then I know you have lackeys.
One guy behind the camera,
and then you have Olli.
So then I made one for Olli and
one for the guy behind the camera.
I can actually confirm...
I see the rest of you are unsure.
It wasn't included here, but before
he started making it, I confirm
that he said he would also make one
for me and the person behind the camera.
But it's still up to you...
You ate such a generous portion yourself,
that I don't think we should flunk you.
How long did he spend?
Amir spent 14 minutes
and 11 seconds.
And it was very similar to Einar,
who spent 14 minutes and 27 seconds.
Yes, it was only 16 seconds behind.
Steinar, deep down, you were
hoping this would happen.
I'm not kidding, this is the
best sandwich I've ever made.
When I got the task of eating it... A fantastic
experience. Everything was fantastic with the task.
Is that the best task
we've had this year?
Yes.
-Yes.
You ate it quickly too.
One minute and 55 seconds.
Yes, that's good.
-It is good.
We're taking a short break.
We'll be right back.
I don't know if you have
noticed that we have one left.
Are you looking forward to see Solveig?
-I'm always looking forward to see Solveig!
Here comes the feature.
I have chosen to call it:
"Those who make a sandwich for
others must eat it themselves."
Hi.
-Hi.
Two bags?
-Yes.
It didn't say that I
couldn't spend my own money.
So I have bought food for twice as much.
This, my friend, is a
whole grilled chicken.
You're enjoying yourself now.
-Yes, I'm thinking Atle will be so happy.
Oi!
-Oi, oi, oi. Look, it's dripping from it.
If this isn't a magnificent sandwich,
then I don't understand anything.
And pine nuts.
I'm so happy with this sandwich.
And then mayonnaise. I don't think
there can ever be too much of that.
Look, look, look.
Dear Atle. Here is the world's
most magnificent sandwich.
There's a whole loaf of bread.
There's a whole chicken.
There is half a glass of mayonnaise,
and a whole glass of pesto.
And as if that isn't enough...
Are you satisfied?
-I'm very satisfied! Bon appétit.
There. I'm putting it there.
No... Is the task not finished?
No...
What does it say?
-No no no.
Then I'll die!
"Eat Atle's sandwich. Fastest wins."
But that's not possible, Olli!
I can't eat this.
And here I thought I was so clever.
You love mayonnaise, too.
-No, I hate mayonnaise.
Ew, I'll throw up
just thinking about it.
I'll just eat it then.
It's that bad?
You know what? I don't think I can...
I can't...
-Talk?
I can't eat it.
I'll vomit.
I...
You're throwing in the towel?
-Yes.
Are you done then?
You were so happy a moment ago.
It looked like something
from Asterix and Obelix.
If there's one I would've wanted,
it's that one! Total madness!
But Atle, you're going to love it!
I'll just start then.
-Then I'm starting the clock.
It's absolutely amazing!
It's so good!
Thank you so much.
-My pleasure.
This... Now I'm going to do
something I haven't done before,
on Kongen Befaler.
You're getting bonus points.
-For real?
What!
You are. You will get...
You really only got one point,
because you couldn't eat anything.
But you'll get three bonus points.
-Really?
Yes. You are in last place
with three bonus points.
Yes, then that means Solveig, you
came in last place with four points.
Einar, you came second
last with two points.
Then it's Amir, then it's Ida, and
then it's Steinar with five points.
Congratulations. Then we can see
that the standings are like this.
And in total so far today...
-Oi, oi, oi, it's really tight!
Amir on top with 15, 14 for Ida,
13, 12 and 9. This is so close
that I would dare say almost everyone
can win today's programme.
Just almost. There is one task left,
and it happens, as always, in the studio.
Now the participants can fight
for the audience's favor,
and it will be from up here.
Get on stage.
Then it's the last task of the evening.
And it's an election campaign.
Yes, there will be an election campaign.
You will one by one
go over to the lectern
and get 30 seconds each
to try to convince
this beautiful audience
which of you deserves to win.
Would anyone like to start?
Yes, Steinar. All right.
Then I say ready, set...
Dear audience.
This programme is so much more
than a competition for me.
So I don't want to ask
you to vote for me,
because there are so many others
here who are just as good.
Amir, who I have gotten
to know, is wonderful.
Ida. An absolutely amazing person.
Solveig, of course. And Einar.
We have become such good friends,
so please, do not vote for me.
Thank you very much. Job done.
Einar.
Ready, set...
Does anyone here love Drammen? [the city they are in]
-Yes!
Is Drammen Norway's best city?
Then vote for me if you want
Drammen to be the capital!
We are Godset from Drammen
[Song for the local football team Strømsgodset]
We are true love
Come on, everybody!
Godset from Drammen
For all eternity
Until the hill falls
And until the river dries up
Godset from Drammen is my club
Yes!
Drammen!
Then you're done.
Einar!
Amir.
Ready, set...
Dear beautiful audience.
I just had a phone call
with my eye doctor.
And he said I was missing 20 points
to perhaps have an eye
operation performed in Germany.
So I'm missing five points from you.
If I get those, it
could possibly be fixed.
Other than that, I love you. I think
you are nice and beautiful, all of you.
And I like those four very much too.
Thank you.
Solveig.
-Hang on.
Oh, you have to prepare stuff?
All right, that's not against the rules.
Ready, set...
Then there's only one left, Ida.
Good luck. Ready, set
Ok. The thing is, I still
have the opportunity to win,
and, as you might have noticed,
that's very important to me.
And wouldn't it be very fun if a
woman won over Einar and Steinar?
I'm thinking, we have to strike a
blow for girl power, everyone!
If this didn't work,
I also have this never-shown-before
nude photo of Einar Tørnquist.
And I promise if you vote for me, you'll
get to see the whole photo. Thank you!
Yes, then we have heard five
fiery election campaign posts.
Then we will sum it up down in the seats.
Yes, then everyone has been allowed
to speak for 30 seconds each.
And it's the audience here that have voted.
We can get some graphics.
Here are some question marks.
Shall we see...
-Oi, oi, oi!
We'll start by seeing who
is at the very bottom.
Who can it be? Steinar.
You got your wish fulfilled when
you asked them to vote for others.
Reverse...
-Idiots!
Reverse psychology that did not work.
-It did not work here in Drammen.
Shall we see the second bottom?
-No, really?
You didn't get to blow
all the way to the end.
Third place. Oi, Amir!
-Amir, yes.
That's good.
Then we will try to get first
and second place at the same time.
With 33%, it's Einar Tørnquist!
Five points! And Ida got four. Good.
That's all the points.
Then we will take a little
look at how it went today.
We'll see who ran away with the victory.
It's a tie! Amir and Ida
share the first place.
Amazingly good job!
Come up and share the things
that should never have existed.
And the total score so far looks like this.
We'll be back next time, and
it's the final, you guys!
New tasks and new points, but
with the same lovely participants.
See you!
-Good bye.
Original Norwegian subs:
Monica Mikkelsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
English translation:
u/msbtvxq
Final tweaks:
u/taskmastermaster
Did the others understand this?
Yes!
Welcome to Kongen Befaler
the programme where I see what five
seemingly upstanding participants
are willing to do to win
a gold bust... of me.
With me is another seemingly
upstanding person, Olli Wermskog.
Yes, that's nice to know.
I appreciate that.
That I'm not just sitting here by
virtue of my appealing appearance.
Yes, it was nice to have that clarified.
But should we let our attention
go to our participants?
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
The first task is, as
always, a prize task
where the participants have been asked
to bring something in a given category.
The task today is: "Bring something
you wish did not exist."
"Bring something you wish did not exist."
Steinar, you're conveniently
at the far end there.
It's so difficult to bring
war and pollution,
so I have brought something that I
wish would disappear for good.
-Climate crisis!
And that's stinging nettles.
-No...
It's...
It's so incredibly annoying to wear
shorts, for example, at the cabin,
and then there's nettles there.
It's stinging, and then you
have to wait for 15 minutes.
Or pee on it, as I have
learned that you can also do.
If you pee where you have been stung
by the nettle, the pain goes away.
This sounds like it could be a
gesture towards your kids as well.
Yes, they hate that I
pee on them all the time.
They're getting tired of it.
-That I can understand.
That's lovely.
Solveig, what do you have with you?
I have brought something completely useless.
-All right?
Oh yeah, those.
-These.
Yes
-What is it?
Oh those!
-Yes, those!
That they have tucked so hard
around all the hotel beds,
and that you are always too tired
to take off when you go to bed.
And which is completely impossible to
get rid of when you wake up all sweaty.
Yes, you have my full support!
And what is it for?
What is it for?
It doesn't even look good!
This is a very practical thing, made so that you
can throw yourself on the bed with your shoes on.
I totally agree with you, Solveig.
I don't understand why it's useful.
Even after he explained about the shoes,
I still don't understand why it's useful.
Amir?
-Yes.
Let's see...
This is a bit personal.
-Oh right.
A little sad.
-Personal glasses?
This is my journal document from
the eye department at the hospital.
Oh no.
Two years ago I cycled without a helmet,
and then I got a permanent
brain injury, it seems.
That's what it is!
Yes. And I also damaged
my optic nerve in that fall,
on the left side here.
And I really wish that did not exist.
The optic nerve?
-The damage to the optic nerve.
If you wear those sunglasses...
-I can do that.
...this is how I see every day.
-Really?
It's as if I have sunglasses on one of my eyes.
Now it sounds...
-It's very sad!
But it looks very cool!
-Yes, it does, yes.
You look like a Bond villain
from the 70s. You do.
But yeah...
So I wish that didn't exist.
I could live without it.
And now I got the opportunity
to ask all the young people in this
room to remember to wear a helmet.
Yes, we'll see if I
think it's sad enough.
Yes. Einar?
-Hey, Atle.
I have brought two identical toothbrushes
that my father and I have at the cabin.
No, Einar!
Because they are identical, I often mix
them up and take the wrong toothbrush.
Therefore, I wish his
toothbrush did not exist.
That he could buy one that
was not identical to mine.
Can we add to the story
that you are colour-blind?
Does that have anything to do with the case?
You're always pulling the colour-blind card against me!
You've played the colour-blind
card a couple of times before,
so I thought I'd do it now.
-I don't understand the relevance.
I have two identical toothbrushes.
It's a bit awkward to complain about your
eyesight right after Amir. At least I think so.
Yes, but that was a
self-inflicted accident.
I was born with a disability
that I couldn't do anything about.
I can't encourage them not to have
the same disability. I'm getting upset.
No, maybe you were a little unlucky with
the timing, but nothing more than that.
Ida? What do you have with you?
-Now I have such a high pulse.
I'm dreading this.
I really regret it.
This is a CD.
On that CD there is a song and
a music video that I have made.
It's not as home-made as it looks.
It's on Spotify and YouTube.
Crazy Cat Lady?
-Yes.
Do you understand?
It's getting worse and worse.
Every time I think about that
video existing, I get so sick.
I can wake up at night like this and
getting reminded of it. It's so embarrassing!
I will regret for the rest of my
life that you'll see a snippet now.
But I want you to keep in mind
that when I made it, I thought:
"Yes, maybe it could be
some kind of new The Fox."
So...
-Wow!
Wow!
-It's so horrible!
It's not like it was in middle school.
That's four years ago!
I was over 30 years old!
-Crazy Cat Lady
Now we have to move on.
-Yes, speaking of which,
have you decided on any points?
-Yes, I felt bad for several of them.
I have to say that.
Now I'll either be
cynical or detestable.
It's hard to give points then,
but that's my job! Yes.
It's one point for you, Einar.
There. Then that was settled.
Two points for you, Steinar.
And then you get third for the sob
story with your brain damage, Amir.
It was worth it.
-You'll get three points for it.
I'll get scolded when I get home if you
don't at least get three points, but no more!
And it'll be four for that fucker,
that I also hate with a passion.
Then it's of course five
points to Ida Fladen.
The first points are awarded.
But already now I think you
deserve a little break, Olli.
Not just a break. You deserve to
be taken on a wonderful journey.
Hey guys.
You have to stand there?
All right, that's fine.
"Take Olli on a wonderful journey."
"He must be back in the house in
30 minutes. Your time starts now."
What is a wonderful journey?
I should have had some
LSD or something.
But I don't. I won't be able to
get any in such a short time.
What are you talking about?
-LSD.
Yes, so that was the first thing
you thought of? "Good, old LSD!"
Remember how old I am.
-Yes, absolutely.
What is a wonderful journey?
That's the big question.
Even though it's Olli
who is on the journey,
I am the one who will judge
how wonderful the journey is.
Who should we see first?
-We can start with Ida and Einar.
Yes.
Do you know what we're doing now?
We're going on an all-inclusive trip.
Yes, we are now going to one of the biggest
tourist attractions in all of Northern Europe.
Also known as Holmenkollbakken.
[the Holmenkollen ski jump]
But you know the whale
that was in Free Willy?
Keiko?
-Keiko, yes.
He was suddenly in Norway.
I was going to go there.
I was even allowed by my mother.
And then he died.
Then, my dear friend, Olli Wermskog...
Yes, look at this.
-What a wonderful view!
I was hoping it would be a little better.
This is where you went.
-Yes.
Is this where an ice-cold
coke was ordered?
Would you look at at.
And I found some candy.
-Wonderful.
There are 40 seconds left.
-You have to go back to the house.
Then, unfortunately, the journey is over.
But you get to live on the memories.
There. The 30 minutes are over.
Yes, then you can just get out here.
Thanks for the trip.
-Thank you.
Yes. No, it was absolutely
a wonderful journey, Einar.
How did you come up with
that in such a short time?
Well, I had a time limit.
But where did Olli have to
be back after 30 minutes?
In Oslo.
-Yes.
We were in Oslo.
He was back in Oslo.
Specifically in the house,
so of course that's a minus.
Minus how much? A decimal?
-Disqualified, surely?
No, he will not be disqualified,
but it will be a solid minus.
So close to a disqualification.
Maybe the closest you can get.
-That close?
It actually could be a disqualification.
I haven't decided yet.
That close to a disqualification?
-Yep.
Are you ready to see more?
-I really want to see more.
Are you thinking of anyone in particular?
-Yes, I thought we could take a look at Solveig.
Yes, let's!
Should we think of an inner journey?
That I'll take you into something
you've never experienced before.
Then we leave.
-"I had a wonderful childhood."
Do you understand what you are now?
You are on a wonderful journey into
Lilli Bendriss' life. [famous psychic]
"I got engaged when I was 16,
so I started early."
"And tried to masturbate and all that."
It's quite intimate.
-"But just in the sexual..."
Should I fast-forward a little?
-Skip a bit forward.
"This is a clitoral vibrator.
It should not be inserted anywhere."
"It should just be held onto the..."
Then I think I'll just say
thanks for the trip, Olli.
Thank you.
See you later.
I want to ask what you think, Steinar.
This was bad! God damn!
It's almost like you should
be cut out of the programme.
I think maybe LSD would have been
better than this traumatic trip.
But there are more left.
-Yes, we have two left. Steinar and Amir.
Shall we see if they could
bring me on a wonderful
Steinar sold himself very well.
-Yes, it should be good.
Here are Steinar and Amir.
We're going on a trip, Olli.
We're going out to sea.
We're swinging out on the open sea.
Do you feel that?
-Yes.
Yes There are a lot of plants here.
That is good. That's very good!
Come on, Tommy.
Get down, Tommy!
-Yeah.
-He's just around the corner.
I'm afraid.
Don't leave me, brother.
Olli! How are you?
The remains of the plank float up.
The girl, who was just
sawing a new pier, died.
Right in front of your ears.
I thought I heard something over there.
I'm just going to throw a grenade, okay?
Hold your helmet.
I got one! I got one, Johnny!
Look, it's a guinea pig
trying to get your attention.
Hello.
Maybe your sweet little lips.
But you must not kiss her, Olli.
Hello? [changing dialect]
-Hello.
I'm ready to get the
bike out to sea now.
You get tingles from
this wonderful journey.
It's over.
They got me! Tommy!
They got me, Tommy!
They got me. Oh my God!
It hurts. God damn sniper!
I'm fine again. I'm fine.
Yes. There you go.
It was an adventurous journey.
A time travel back to 1968.
And the Vietnam War.
Maybe you felt what it was
like to be an American soldier,
many hundreds of thousands
of miles away from home.
I got the feeling that the trip was
just as important to you as it was to Olli.
I have always dreamed of experiencing the
feeling of being an American soldier in Vietnam.
Yes, you went all in.
-Yes, it was 100%, yes.
Impressive.
I have to ask you too, Amir.
Is it possible to summarise briefly
what the story was about?
It was a wonderful journey. There were
several people who were part of a shipwreck
who just happened to meet each
other during that shipwreck.
And a guinea pig.
-And a guinea pig was there too.
Have you made up your mind about
who took me on a
wonderful journey?
Yes, let's start with Einar's
pre-announced one point.
You're welcome.
-Amazing to hear!
Ida, you get two points.
It was a pretty tough competition.
Solveig, you get three.
You should be happy with that,
because these guys showed a high level.
Although I love you, Steinar,
and like Vietnam and all that,
what Amir is doing is just too good.
It's fantastic, in capital letters.
Amir gets five points. Steinar gets four.
Yes, then the standings are like this.
Overall, it looks like that.
Would you look at that!
-Amir!
Yes, Amir is at the top,
but it's very close.
Einar hasn't exactly had a good
start, but that can change.
Yes, it can change!
-Yes, it can! We'll take a short break.
It's time to test the participants'
survival skills, fight or flight.
How fast do they react? How fast are they?
And not least, are they faster than you?
Yes, the next task is simply to run
away from me as fast as they can.
That's exciting!
Who do we start with?
Can't we start with the catwoman, Ida?
Ouch.
Where's Olli?
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
No, I don't want to! Olli!
No!
Damn, you're so fast!
I hope someone was slower than me.
Yes, but you got to the gate.
-Yes, but I
I'm wondering about the others.
-You were good.
I see, Steinar.
Yes, then I'm happy.
How long did Ida manage
to keep you away?
It wasn't... It was for 11 seconds.
-You know what, now I want to see Amir.
And his beautiful, fantastic,
athletic running style,
which I have already come to love.
-You'll get that.
Olli?
Olli?
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
Oh God!
Yes, then I'm going back into the shed.
-I'm going up here. Goodbye.
It's a wonderful chicken imitation.
Amazing flapping!
I love... I could take a long weekend
and just watch you run a marathon.
It would've been wonderful.
-We can fix that.
How did it go with Amir?
-14 seconds.
You're leading in front of Ida.
-Yes.
Ready to take a look at Steinar?
-Yes, I'm ready for Steinar.
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
No...
Haha, so funny to watch the fat guy run!
But what I'm much more concerned about is
that you take the time to jump in surprise.
I think that was fun.
If you were to guess for yourself,
how long do you think you lasted?
Twelve seconds.
-3.5 seconds.
Haha, so funny!
We'll take a look at Solveig now.
Yes, let's see if it will
be positive or negative.
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
That was lovely.
Yes.
That was real fear.
-Yes, I was so scared!
I think I was just thinking,
"Just get it over with. Come and get me."
It's fascinating, because this is a
guy you've been working with for weeks.
But as soon as he starts running
after you, you are terrified.
-I panicked.
I thought thought the same thing:
"Just get it over with."
I was so scared of Olli.
-You lasted 6 seconds.
That wasn't so bad.
-No.
It's better than Steinar.
-Stop it, Olli.
Then there is only one left,
as far as I can count.
That's right. It's Einar.
These letters...
"Run away from Olli. Run!"
Yes...
But I noticed that he was about
to give up when I gave up.
That was a mistake.
-Yes, it was.
We're in the exact same shape!
Not bad.
No, I think it was impressive,
but I understand that you gave up.
It looked a little tough,
the hill you started on.
Yes, and I also had no
weather advantage that day.
You had boots too.
-Yes, I did!
You can get the seconds.
It was 26 seconds.
I'm disappointed.
That's good.
The points are, then, as
we pretty much already know:
Steinar takes one point, Solveig takes
two, Ida three, Amir four and Einar five.
Olli, now I know you
have a little treat for me.
I have been looking forward to this.
-Yes, I have been looking forward to this myself.
Then I think we should take a look at it.
-Yes, let's do it.
Hey hey.
-Hi.
Look at this.
-Ok. And 200 kroner.
"Make a magnificent sandwich for Atle."
"You have a budget of 200 kroner."
"Olli will wait here while you
buy what you need. Good luck."
Good luck.
-Thank you.
Sorry. Miss negative here now,
but cooking and being creative in
the kitchen is the worst thing I know.
He's from Lillehammer.
There they are a bit...
With all due respect,
they're a bit stupid there.
And simple. So there they can be
fooled by taco baguette-like food.
I think Atle likes
big pieces of meat
and that the fat flows down.
And that he can somehow
pick up from the navel.
Fat?
-Fat, yes.
It seems like many of them think that
this should be possible to pull off.
I think there was a lot of positivity
here, apart from Ida, of course,
who is not in the habit of starting
positively, but she ends it positively.
We must remember that this was
only the first half of the task.
I thought of making a dessert sandwich.
I will make a Persian sandwich.
It's called "sandwich cotelette", and it's
kind of a hamburger and french fries in one.
Pommes frites au gratin. There can't be too much,
because there will be many flavours in one place.
Now we'll cut this up here.
Look at that! Atle likes it that way.
"A little bloody", he says.
It's entrecôte, and then
I've fried some peppers.
Now I'm putting on mayonnaise.
-You're putting on plenty.
There must be plenty! In order to get full.
-What do you call the sandwich?
Sandwich à la Atle.
Some tomatoes. Lots of onions.
Iranians like onions.
Do we like onions?
Yes, I can swear to that!
Now, you see. Now we're talking!
Look here now!
It looks better right away.
Béarnaise.
-Have you done this before?
Almost every day for my daughter.
It's her packed lunch. Like that.
Last but not least, we need Atle.
The mustache. Atle's crown.
A bun with strawberries, banana,
Nutella, Oreo biscuits, vanilla ice cream.
Oi oi oi!
Look at that!
Satisfied?
-Yes, actually.
When will Atle eat it?
-Yes, you feel there is something more?
I feel something more is going to happen.
-Yes, then you feel correctly. Here you go.
What does it say?
-"Eat Atle's sandwich."
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Good?
-Yes.
Damn, it was good!
It was good?
-It was absolutely extremely good!
It's the best I've ever tasted, I'm not kidding.
-That was good!
Now you're missing out, Atle.
Are you starting to get full?
-I've been full for a long time.
I'm starting to get damn nauseous.
Now I'm having a blackout.
This is like being at a five star
restaurant in Lillehammer.
Now I only have one bite left.
That was good. Thank you so much, Atle,
for allowing me to eat my own sandwich.
And as I said, these are not Atle's.
This is Olli's and Olli's friend's.
Should I stop the time?
-I'm done eating. Very full.
Oh my God.
It is...
Stop the time!
I'm really nauseous.
But happy.
-That's good.
But now some of it is on its way back up.
-Enjoy.
It was a twist.
It was a little twist.
Yes, you might not have seen that coming, Ida?
No, absolutely not.
That's the most disgusting...
But you had not made a sandwich
for me, but for Atle nine years old.
It was an attempt to be creative.
Do something different. I regretted that.
It was very different.
-You should be glad you didn't have to eat it.
You ate it all, and you spent
6 minutes and 42 seconds.
That's good. I'm satisfied
with that. Because that was...
But Amir, you made
a wonderful sandwich.
In three parts, but there was a lot
left on the plate. How do you explain that?
I had made one sandwich for you,
and then I know you have lackeys.
One guy behind the camera,
and then you have Olli.
So then I made one for Olli and
one for the guy behind the camera.
I can actually confirm...
I see the rest of you are unsure.
It wasn't included here, but before
he started making it, I confirm
that he said he would also make one
for me and the person behind the camera.
But it's still up to you...
You ate such a generous portion yourself,
that I don't think we should flunk you.
How long did he spend?
Amir spent 14 minutes
and 11 seconds.
And it was very similar to Einar,
who spent 14 minutes and 27 seconds.
Yes, it was only 16 seconds behind.
Steinar, deep down, you were
hoping this would happen.
I'm not kidding, this is the
best sandwich I've ever made.
When I got the task of eating it... A fantastic
experience. Everything was fantastic with the task.
Is that the best task
we've had this year?
Yes.
-Yes.
You ate it quickly too.
One minute and 55 seconds.
Yes, that's good.
-It is good.
We're taking a short break.
We'll be right back.
I don't know if you have
noticed that we have one left.
Are you looking forward to see Solveig?
-I'm always looking forward to see Solveig!
Here comes the feature.
I have chosen to call it:
"Those who make a sandwich for
others must eat it themselves."
Hi.
-Hi.
Two bags?
-Yes.
It didn't say that I
couldn't spend my own money.
So I have bought food for twice as much.
This, my friend, is a
whole grilled chicken.
You're enjoying yourself now.
-Yes, I'm thinking Atle will be so happy.
Oi!
-Oi, oi, oi. Look, it's dripping from it.
If this isn't a magnificent sandwich,
then I don't understand anything.
And pine nuts.
I'm so happy with this sandwich.
And then mayonnaise. I don't think
there can ever be too much of that.
Look, look, look.
Dear Atle. Here is the world's
most magnificent sandwich.
There's a whole loaf of bread.
There's a whole chicken.
There is half a glass of mayonnaise,
and a whole glass of pesto.
And as if that isn't enough...
Are you satisfied?
-I'm very satisfied! Bon appétit.
There. I'm putting it there.
No... Is the task not finished?
No...
What does it say?
-No no no.
Then I'll die!
"Eat Atle's sandwich. Fastest wins."
But that's not possible, Olli!
I can't eat this.
And here I thought I was so clever.
You love mayonnaise, too.
-No, I hate mayonnaise.
Ew, I'll throw up
just thinking about it.
I'll just eat it then.
It's that bad?
You know what? I don't think I can...
I can't...
-Talk?
I can't eat it.
I'll vomit.
I...
You're throwing in the towel?
-Yes.
Are you done then?
You were so happy a moment ago.
It looked like something
from Asterix and Obelix.
If there's one I would've wanted,
it's that one! Total madness!
But Atle, you're going to love it!
I'll just start then.
-Then I'm starting the clock.
It's absolutely amazing!
It's so good!
Thank you so much.
-My pleasure.
This... Now I'm going to do
something I haven't done before,
on Kongen Befaler.
You're getting bonus points.
-For real?
What!
You are. You will get...
You really only got one point,
because you couldn't eat anything.
But you'll get three bonus points.
-Really?
Yes. You are in last place
with three bonus points.
Yes, then that means Solveig, you
came in last place with four points.
Einar, you came second
last with two points.
Then it's Amir, then it's Ida, and
then it's Steinar with five points.
Congratulations. Then we can see
that the standings are like this.
And in total so far today...
-Oi, oi, oi, it's really tight!
Amir on top with 15, 14 for Ida,
13, 12 and 9. This is so close
that I would dare say almost everyone
can win today's programme.
Just almost. There is one task left,
and it happens, as always, in the studio.
Now the participants can fight
for the audience's favor,
and it will be from up here.
Get on stage.
Then it's the last task of the evening.
And it's an election campaign.
Yes, there will be an election campaign.
You will one by one
go over to the lectern
and get 30 seconds each
to try to convince
this beautiful audience
which of you deserves to win.
Would anyone like to start?
Yes, Steinar. All right.
Then I say ready, set...
Dear audience.
This programme is so much more
than a competition for me.
So I don't want to ask
you to vote for me,
because there are so many others
here who are just as good.
Amir, who I have gotten
to know, is wonderful.
Ida. An absolutely amazing person.
Solveig, of course. And Einar.
We have become such good friends,
so please, do not vote for me.
Thank you very much. Job done.
Einar.
Ready, set...
Does anyone here love Drammen? [the city they are in]
-Yes!
Is Drammen Norway's best city?
Then vote for me if you want
Drammen to be the capital!
We are Godset from Drammen
[Song for the local football team Strømsgodset]
We are true love
Come on, everybody!
Godset from Drammen
For all eternity
Until the hill falls
And until the river dries up
Godset from Drammen is my club
Yes!
Drammen!
Then you're done.
Einar!
Amir.
Ready, set...
Dear beautiful audience.
I just had a phone call
with my eye doctor.
And he said I was missing 20 points
to perhaps have an eye
operation performed in Germany.
So I'm missing five points from you.
If I get those, it
could possibly be fixed.
Other than that, I love you. I think
you are nice and beautiful, all of you.
And I like those four very much too.
Thank you.
Solveig.
-Hang on.
Oh, you have to prepare stuff?
All right, that's not against the rules.
Ready, set...
Then there's only one left, Ida.
Good luck. Ready, set
Ok. The thing is, I still
have the opportunity to win,
and, as you might have noticed,
that's very important to me.
And wouldn't it be very fun if a
woman won over Einar and Steinar?
I'm thinking, we have to strike a
blow for girl power, everyone!
If this didn't work,
I also have this never-shown-before
nude photo of Einar Tørnquist.
And I promise if you vote for me, you'll
get to see the whole photo. Thank you!
Yes, then we have heard five
fiery election campaign posts.
Then we will sum it up down in the seats.
Yes, then everyone has been allowed
to speak for 30 seconds each.
And it's the audience here that have voted.
We can get some graphics.
Here are some question marks.
Shall we see...
-Oi, oi, oi!
We'll start by seeing who
is at the very bottom.
Who can it be? Steinar.
You got your wish fulfilled when
you asked them to vote for others.
Reverse...
-Idiots!
Reverse psychology that did not work.
-It did not work here in Drammen.
Shall we see the second bottom?
-No, really?
You didn't get to blow
all the way to the end.
Third place. Oi, Amir!
-Amir, yes.
That's good.
Then we will try to get first
and second place at the same time.
With 33%, it's Einar Tørnquist!
Five points! And Ida got four. Good.
That's all the points.
Then we will take a little
look at how it went today.
We'll see who ran away with the victory.
It's a tie! Amir and Ida
share the first place.
Amazingly good job!
Come up and share the things
that should never have existed.
And the total score so far looks like this.
We'll be back next time, and
it's the final, you guys!
New tasks and new points, but
with the same lovely participants.
See you!
-Good bye.
Original Norwegian subs:
Monica Mikkelsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
English translation:
u/msbtvxq
Final tweaks:
u/taskmastermaster