Klovn (2005–2021): Season 6, Episode 3 - Sivsko og ægget - full transcript

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RUSH SHOES AND THE EGG

- Cool shop.
- Frank...

- Isn't it cool?
- A genuine Egg chair.

- Imagine it over by the bookcase.
- Jesus...

- We'd have the Swan and the Egg.
- It costs 65,000 kroner, honey.

It would just complete the lounge.

- Yes, but not for 65,000.
- It's so cool.

Yeah, it's nice. But it's
too expensive. It's a no go.

I want to try and sit in it.

- Honey...
- What?

- Haven't you seen the sign?
- Stop being so boring.



- Boring?
- Yes. It's really unsexy.

- Just because you can't have it.
- That's not up to you to decide.

- I can decide for myself.
- For 65,000...

- You don't even want to sit in it.
- No. It says "Don't touch".

Damn...

- Is that you, Jannik?
- Hi.

There's grass stuck in my old mower.
I'm thinking of getting a new one.

I looked at one the other day.
I thought we could maybe share.

- So that we both chip in?
- Yes. We could have it in the shed.

Then you just take it when you
need it. Instead of buying two.

- Good idea. How much was it?
- About 6500 kroner.

- Alright. I'm up for that.
- We'll do it.

- I want to show you something.
- Kids, keep an eye on the fire.

- What is it?
- I've put up a nesting box.



- I thought we could have a look.
- I don't think you're supposed to.

Tweet, tweet...

- Well, well...
- Let's celebrate our mower.

I better say no.
Tut gets so...

That's not for Tut to decide.
We're grown men.

- Here's to good neighbourliness.
- Yeah, cheers.

You better drink up.
Mia might look out the window.

Come on.

Wow!
That takes strength.

- Yeah...
- You're strong.

- I saw it and thought it looked fun.
- Yes, if you're strong enough.

Hi. My name is Liv.

Hi, Liv. I'm Frank.
Do you often run here?

No. I just moved here
a couple of days ago.

We moved to Denmark, because my
husband got a job with Novo Nordisk.

- He could never climb up there.
- Couldn't he?

He's got arms like a scientist.
They're not up for much.

Well, I think it's important
to jump in at the deep end.

You know, challenge yourself
and not take no for an answer.

That's important.
Otherwise, it gets too boring.

- What do you do?
- I'm a comedian. You know..?

Oh, yes.
It's not very risky, though, is it?

- But then you can climb ropes.
- It's not without its risks.

People get angry
when you speak up.

And we had the Mohammed cartoons.
That was a risky time for comedians.

- So you're one of the cartoonists?
- Sorry?

I've just come from Norway, and then
I meet a Mohammed cartoonist!

- Wow!
- More or less... well.

Gosh... Who would have thought?

- On my very first run.
- Yeah, well, what can you say?

- Do you want to join me?
- Yes.

I must say. So did you start
exercising after the controversy?

No, I've always been quite fit.

The pheasant is dead.
Isn't it boring to listen to?

As long as I don't have
to be alone I don't really care.

I told a Norwegian girl I was one
of the Mohammed cartoonists.

I was hanging from a tree. She wasn't
impressed by me being a comedian.

So now I'm a Mohammed cartoonist.
I'm huge in Norway.

- You get along fine with Muffi.
- Yeah.

- Why don't you have a dog?
- I'm not a dog person.

- See how nice it is.
- Well, I can't have a dog like this.

You could borrow Muffi
for a few days.

Then you could try it out.
I guarantee you'll feel better.

I wouldn't be alone, of course.

As soon as I'm alone,
the walls start closing in on me.

And gravity is so claustrophobic
once you start thinking about it.

- You're tied down, you know.
- That's gravity for you.

Yes, but it's intense.
You can never get off the ground.

- Muffi can't suspend gravity.
- As long as I don't think about it.

- That's the problem.
- Well, you probably wouldn't.

- Okay. See you, Frank.
- Are you taking him now?

Yes. There's no reason
to sit here if I've got him.

- Come on, Muffi.
- Alright. Say goodbye to Daddy...

- Frank..! Do you live here?
- Yeah, right here.

- Where have you come from?
- I live down by the white fence.

What a coincidence.

- Strong men can lift lawn mowers.
- It's not that heavy.

- It looks pretty heavy.
- No. Not when you're fit.

No, I can see that.

- So this is where you sit and draw.
- Yes. It is.

- It was nice running with you.
- Yes. Maybe we could do it again.

- How about a cup of coffee?
- I'm busy with this right now.

- Maybe later.
- Yes. Okay.

We could meet at the rope...
At 4 pm?

- Great. See you.
- Yes. Bye.

Who was that?

A Norwegian woman. She just moved
into number 16 with her husband.

- What do you think of our new mower?
- It looks heavy.

We're rolling, Jannik.

Jannik, come and have a look!

Gosh.

- What do you say?
- That was quick.

Well, I don't like lazing around.
Hi, Tut.

Maybe I could start with it,
and then you could have it tomorrow?

I think I was a bit too quick
off the mark yesterday.

It's just that...
I can't be part of it after all.

- Could you take it back?
- Don't you want it?

No, not really.
We have joint accounts...

It's not that complicated.
We just don't want to be part of it.

The arrangement was a bit unclear,
and you were drinking at the time.

You can't do deals like that
when you're drunk.

- Just because we had a schnapps?
- I don't get your schnapps thing.

We have an agreement
not to spend... How much was it?

- 6500 kroner.
- That's a lot of money.

- We need to talk about it first.
- That's not what Jannik said.

- We don't want to be part of it.
- Aren't you being a bit pathetic?

It's not okay to tell people
that they're pathetic.

That's out of order. We don't
want to be part of that mower.

End of story, Frank.

By the way... Couldn't you ask
the kids to burn less wood?

- We get a lot of smoke.
- It's never been a problem before.

- My smoke quota is almost used up.
- So is our quota for tooting horns.

- First of all, it's a hunting horn.
- We've had a bonfire for years.

- The hunting horn isn't new, either.
- No, but it's new on this road.

- Come on, Jannik.
- I'm sorry, Frank...

As if the bonfire
has anything to do with it.

We don't need it. You can walk!

I met that Norwegian girl again.
She lives on our road.

- She finds me fascinating.
- Well, you're a Mohammed cartoonist.

- Exciting.
- She's gorgeous.

Hi, Muffi. How's it going?

- It's good to see you again.
- We're having such a good time.

- I'm feeling great.
- That's what I'm saying.

- Animals are man's best friends.
- Exactly. Well, go on.

I'm meeting her at the rope
in the wood.

It sounds a bit like a book
with "The Famous Five".

Except there's only two of us.

- Where are you going to shag?
- We're just going to run.

Oh, shut up.
You wouldn't have had to lie, then.

- I'm afraid Mia will find out.
- Stop it. Live a little!

- She can see right through me.
- The trick is to lie in the dark.

Make sure you don't lie
in full daylight.

If Iben asks me I never answer
until it's pitch dark.

Then I can hide in the dark
and say, "I don't know who she is."

- So you only lie at night?
- Yes, or in dark rooms.

But you have
to fuck around anyway.

Right... Come on, Muffi.

I'll give him some food, Frank.

- You'll never get him up the stairs.
- Come on, Muffi.

- Hi.
- Hi there.

- Right. Four o'clock.
- Hi, Liv.

We'll see if I'm brave enough
to run with a daredevil like you.

- Well, you're here now.
- Aren't you scared of running alone?

No. If you have to speculate
about consequences all the time -

- you'll never get anywhere.
You have to follow your heart.

That's so brave.
And really sexy, actually.

- You think so?
- Yes. It takes a real man.

- I think you're sexy, too.
- Watch out. I might come after you.

- Would you chase me or..?
- Yes. Watch out.

That would be a pleasure.
But I'm a fast runner, you know.

- False start, Liv.
- I've got you now!

Little, Norwegian troll...
Right, I got you now.

Damn it, Liv.
You're cheeky!

Give me my cap.
Give it to me.

- Frank?
- What is it?

We have to stop.
We've been spotted.

I can't be seen with anybody.
Then you might be targeted as well.

You better run.
Pretend everything is normal. Run!

- Hi.
- Hi.

Are you out for a walk?
Hi, honey.

Great. Can I join you?

It's yours, Muffi. Yes!

- He's really fond of Casper.
- Yes, and vice versa.

Before, Muffi would have come running
to Frank straight away. But not now.

That's because he's well trained.

It's just fun to see
the way he's changed.

- I was in the house...
- You don't have to be sullen.

No, no. All I'm saying is
Muffi is my dog. Not Casper's.

It just doesn't look that way.
Look at it.

- Look how much he likes Casper.
- God damn it..!

- Is he upset now?
- Casper, stand over there.

Muffi... sit.

The girls claim that Muffi
likes you better than me.

I'll count to three. On three
we both shout "Muffi, Muffi."

- To see who's most popular.
- Among dogs?

- I don't feel like it.
- Come on. Three, two, one... now!

- Muffi... Come on.
- Muffi, Muffi.

Yes... Good boy.
Good boy!

- Well done, Muffi.
- Oh no, honey...

- What did I say, honey?
- I'd like to go home.

Well done, Frank.
Kicking a guy who's lying down.

Idiot!

- Don't you want to take him?
- No, Frank!

- God, they're ugly, those shoes.
- You think?

- They're comfortable. And practical.
- Yes, but they're ugly.

Alright. I wear them,
because they're comfortable.

- Can you smell smoke?
- Maybe a bit.

Jannik? Tut? Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Bloody hell.

Bloody hell.
Damn it...

Who was that woman
you were running with?

I think she was Norwegian.
I didn't really speak to her.

She looked like the girl
you spoke to yesterday.

- But maybe I misunderstood.
- Well, it wasn't her.

- I can't sleep right now.
- Well, I can.

- Can't you tell me more about her?
- I'm tired, honey.

There's nothing more to tell.
I've never seen her before.

Okay.

Frank. Frank...

It's the smoke alarm.
Go out and check.

Go out.

It's a fire, honey.
Get out.

Oh God, honey...
We'll be alright, I'm sure.

We've found your dog.
I'm sorry, but he didn't make it.

He inhaled too much smoke.
We put him in the garden.

- Did he suffer?
- No. He died of asphyxiation.

- So he didn't suffer.
- That's good. Thank you.

Oh, honey... Little Muffi.
But he didn't suffer.

- He didn't.
- No.

The most important thing
is that you survived.

- You didn't have a smoke alarm?
- Yes. It kept beeping.

- That's what woke us up.
- Yes, but it didn't work properly.

- The house burned down, right?
- It's not an extinguisher.

The most important thing
is they woke up.

One thing is certain : You're welcome
to stay here as long as you want.

- I thought we were going to a hotel?
- No. We might as well stay here.

- They've got room.
- I don't want to be a burden.

You could never be that, Frank.
You know that.

- We'd love to, Mum.
- We'll help each other out.

Oh, no. Here we go again. It's
every time I drink strong coffee.

- My stomach can't take it.
- Why do you eat it, then?

If you have to go, do it now.
The smell will last for 20 minutes.

- 30 minutes. At least.
- Do you have to go?

- I'm off. Sorry.
- It's like this every day.

Bloody hell.

Oh, no.

- Hi.
- Hi. What an ordeal.

It's so horrible.
It's just awful.

- You must be so shaken.
- Yeah, this is new.

- I'm in shock.
- Yes, of course.

We're just happy we got out.

Hello. Kjeld Rasmussen,
Pyrotechnical Division.

The fire was caused by
a pair of rush shoes in the hall.

- That was the point of origin.
- Your rush shoes, Frank.

Have the rush shoes been
close to any source of fire?

No. I don't think so.

- Did you go over to their fire?
- No.

Someone has been
stamping around in the fire.

It was wet,
and it smelled of urine.

Did you go over
to their bonfire last night?

- Did you go over to their bonfire?
- Yes. Just to have a look.

- Did you pour water on it?
- Yes, I did.

You didn't have any water with you.

- Was there water on it?
- It was wet.

- Did you piss on their bonfire?
- No, honey.

I don't think so. What does
that mean insurance-wise?

It means that the fire
was self-inflicted.

- Have you had a fire?
- Yes.

- Was it a terror attack?
- No, it wasn't.

Frank pissed on the neighbours'
bonfire, so our house burned down.

He told me about the Mohammed
cartoons, so I thought of terrorism.

- What did you say?
- He drew one of the cartoons.

He's had death threats
and everything...

Where do you think you're going?

Goodbye, Muffi.

Let's have two minutes of silence.

- We'll have to do it again.
- Why does it have to be here?

Excuse me?

- Gosh...
- Where do you want it?

- Did you order that?
- Yes.