Kingdom Hospital (2004): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Young and the Headless - full transcript
Paul presses Rolf to make Peter and Mrs. Druse his next victims. Dr. Stegman's malpractice suit heats up and he is forced to seek assistance of the hospital's secret medical fraternity, the Keepers of the Kingdom. Meanwhile, Mary and Peter team up to save the Antubis after Paul tries to kill him.
Richard, you sound
pretty damn overconfident...
for someone who's new at this.
I don't think you know how easy it is
to start pouring it down your throat again...
when you're on the road.
- By the way, are you in yet?
- Yeah, my plane just landed.
- Landed where?
- I'm in a place called Lewiston, Maine.
- You need a meeting?
- No, I'll be fine, Jack.
I really have it beat this time. I really do.
- You sure?
- It's been 30 days, so no worries, okay?
- Be careful.
- All right.
I'll tell you what, if I get thirsty,
I'll give you a call.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
Keep the plug in the jug, Richard.
I will, I promise.
- Same time tomorrow?
- Yes, same time tomorrow.
Okay, take it easy. Bye. Thank you.
Impeccable credentials, right?
The Kingdom Hospital board and the
insurance companies...
will have no reason to squawk now.
Dean Bertram Swinton.
- Real pleasure, Dr. Schwarzton.
- Nice to meet you.
- Here, let me take that.
- Thanks.
There we go.
- So good to see you again.
- Good to see you.
You may tell the powers that be
at Kingdom Hospital...
that Richard Schwarzton knows
more about fault-free earthquakes...
than anybody, living or dead.
He knows his California cabernets, too,
but that's another story.
To spirits of all kinds.
A tragic accident.
Suffering horribly.
So I did the humane thing...
and put him to sleep.
Listen, Bobby.
You hear her?
Mama, please.
Have it your way, snout man.
Die a slow, painful one.
I wish I could share in your festivities...
but there is a child, a little child,
in terrible trouble.
I might have heard her.
Mama, he didn't hear anything.
Please, you must take me
to Mr. Rickman now.
He knows that child's name,
and we have got to help her immediately.
Mrs. Druse, I spoke to Mrs. Rickman
concerning you...
and she's considering it...
- but we can't just...
- But you...
I can't wait. She...
Okay. It's all right. I'm going to go...
and I am going to find her myself.
White coats.
Steg!
Just the man I'm looking for. Carry on.
- More earthquakes.
- Not a concern, Steg.
The university and the medical board
are bringing in...
a professor of plate tectonics
from California to fix the problem.
Good news, though.
The earthquakes appear to be confined
to the hospital premises.
They don't affect
the surrounding community.
That would be good news if we worked...
in the surrounding communities
and not here.
Can you see it? Desire, lovelorn obsession
for the lovely Lona.
Find someone your own age.
I work with your father, I like my job,
and I don't date children.
Steg, look what...
I didn't need that in Boston.
Warlocks never painted death threats
on my car there.
You've been very bad, Steg.
The whole Kingdom is talking about
how you stormed out of surgery...
after your patient coded.
Idiots can't even anaesthetize patients.
Instead they have
talking heads on monitors...
Operation Morning Air, the Keepers...
All these infantile eccentricities.
I can't bear it, Brenda.
If the Mona complaint becomes a lawsuit...
the Keepers have a way
of keeping each other safe.
Not another word about Mona.
Except one. Well, maybe two.
Thank you.
For?
For spoiling me...
and destroying
the Klingerman anaesthesiology report.
I spilled coffee on it.
Voil?.
Dead ringer.
What?
You know, sometimes...
a guy's just got to set the world on fire.
Rolfie...
I wonder if there's a nice bottle...
of rubbing alcohol around here...
- and a match?
- Yes.
Never mind an earthquake expert,
I told them.
I'll get you the Director...
of the California Institute of Technology's
seismological laboratory...
President of
the Centre for Geophysics Research...
head of the Theoretical and Computational
Seismology group...
I'm not allowed to have alcohol,
but I don't want to seem rude.
Could you bring me some ginger ale
in a flute glass for the toast? Thanks.
Right away, sir.
If that little girl...
If she was a patient here,
we could look up her records...
and we'd find out what happened to her.
Mama, we don't even know her name.
Here, boy.
I've got to find Blondie.
We're going to Room 426.
Mr. Rickman's room.
I can't be a part of that.
I need to help Otto find Blondie...
or we'll both
be drawing unemployment again.
Nat, don't go.
The pyro has murder in his eyes.
Just look at him.
Mrs. Rickman...
I think it's time
you had a night of real sleep in a real bed.
No.
Are you sure he'll be okay?
No, I won't be okay. Don't leave.
His vitals are fine,
and we've also got a visual on him.
All right. I could use some clean clothes.
You could use this place any time you like.
It has more amenities than the on-call room
or the doctors' lounge.
I think I might take you up on that,
unless I knew you were using it yourself.
I'm just coming off another relationship,
which was kind of complicated.
That, and work. No sleep.
- I just don't think...
- I know what you mean.
Zombies can't trust their feelings.
Should we?
Well, that figures.
No rest for the wicked.
I was told a Dr. Fulcher was injured...
in some heathen initiation ceremony?
I'm sure you'll be fine.
Just don't make any sudden movements...
and hope that the guy in charge
is not barking mad.
Coming?
To our host, Dean Swinton...
and above all, to Dr. Schwarzton...
who so graciously agreed
to help Kingdom Hospital solve our...
- I detest the word "earthquake."
- Seismic irregularities.
Yes, better. How about mild irregularities?
No, wait. Regular irregularities, that's it.
And I know Dr. Schwarzton will provide us...
with a perfectly rational,
scientific explanation...
for these completely normal abnormalities...
and sunlight, reason, and morning air
will return once again...
to the patients and the staff
of Kingdom Hospital.
Hi, neighbour.
Looks like we'll both be
up and around in no time.
Come with me.
Venerable elders,
beloved brothers and sisters...
comes now a worthy one...
who would be faithful to us
and to our kingdom.
Keep.
The lucid beams of science
will shine their light...
and chase away our fears
of darkness and disorder.
The uneasy ground will rest easy
once more.
Let us raise our glasses
and welcome Dr. Richard Schwarzton.
To Bates College,
to the fine city of Lewiston...
and the great state of Maine.
- Hear, hear.
- Thank you.
Where did that little bitch go to now?
I was right behind her.
So...
she took him with her.
How nice.
If you kill him now,
he'll be stuck in between, just like her.
Could be fun.
Get busy.
Rub two sticks together if you have to...
or just pour it down his throat.
Do you solemnly swear allegiance
to our kingdom and its Keepers?
I so swear.
Do you solemnly swear allegiance
to the physical sciences...
and enmity to the occult
and the supernatural in all its forms?
I so swear.
Keep.
I'll make Lona so sorry.
I got here as quick as I could.
This is such a shame.
This hasn't happened since the last century.
1999, Fulcher.
- There she goes again!
- Who?
It's Druse!
What brain-dead compound idiot
admitted her this time?
Afraid I did, Steg.
Hook and Chris had a look at her, too.
Obvious paresthesia.
Brenda, you go after her,
take her back to her room...
tie her down to her bed
with four-point restraints.
I've admitted the poor woman
for a week, for observation.
I think that's reasonable.
When they're done patching you up,
do rejoin the Keepers upstairs.
The rest is just fellowship and festivities,
no more rituals.
I'm so grateful.
One more thing.
The Klingerman's lawyers
are sniffing around...
for a copy of that anaesthesia report.
Some rumour about her blood pressure...
and you not listening
to the anaesthesiologist.
Now that little Mona
has permanent brain damage.
That's neurosurgery.
You rummage around in a person's brain...
- sometimes things happen. You know that.
- I do.
But I need to satisfy the lawyers...
that there is no legible copy
of that anaesthesia report.
Copy?
Lona's on duty in the sleep lab.
Just give her the bag and tell her:
"Elmer said it was the only solution
to his philosophical problem."
- What are you talking about?
- Just do it.
Now the infernal elevators don't work either.
Hey, Sonny, what's up?
This is from Elmer.
He says he's sorry, but it was the only way.
I want nothing from Elmer.
He asked me to give you the bag.
You tell Elmer to come get his present.
He obviously hasn't gotten the message.
- She got it.
- Did she open it?
- No.
- Why not?
- I don't know. Can I go back to bed now?
- No! I...
I talked to Dr. Traff
about trying this rotation instead of surgery.
He thinks this place
might be more my cup of tea.
You know, nurses must learn
to stand the sight of blood sometime.
I know. Just not this week.
Okay, hang your coat over there.
What's in this bag?
There, there, you'll be fine.
Your name is Mary.
What's your last name? Who are you?
I'm headed in now.
Antubis!
- What the hell is it?
- It's Antubis.
He cures...
and kills.
I've seen him do both.
Is there a way to tell
which one he has in mind...
at any given moment?
That depends.
- On?
- You.
What kind of a creature is he?
He eats disease.
He likes to be scratched behind the ears.
He's horrible.
Beautiful.
I do you a solid.
You do me a solid.
That's the way it works.
Do something!
Help him!
Without him, we'll both die.
He's lost a lot of blood.
It's worth a try.
It's working.
It's called "doing a solid."
Hurry up, Rolfie. It's almost daylight.
- The old lady's in the can.
- Torch them both.
Two for the price of one.
Mary, please help.
I'm looking for a boy named Paul.
He was under strict orders
to stay in the pain room...
until the experiment was completed.
Where is that pesky young assistant
of mine?
Mary, where are you?
We've got a Code Red in 426.
Code blue.
I'll phone you if I'm thirsty.
Help me.
You better go to the King Hotel
and pick up a shaker.
Sounds like alcohol hallucinosis,
possible DTs, maybe other drugs involved.
10-4.
Carrie Von Trier to ER waiting and receiving.
I'm Dr. Traff.
We're coming in hot, Kingdom.
This guy's ready to grand mal on us.
We can't give him benzos.
His med-alert bracelet says he's allergic.
Who's there? Who is it?
Who's there?
Who is it? Hello?
Stay away!
I'll call you if I get thirsty.
pretty damn overconfident...
for someone who's new at this.
I don't think you know how easy it is
to start pouring it down your throat again...
when you're on the road.
- By the way, are you in yet?
- Yeah, my plane just landed.
- Landed where?
- I'm in a place called Lewiston, Maine.
- You need a meeting?
- No, I'll be fine, Jack.
I really have it beat this time. I really do.
- You sure?
- It's been 30 days, so no worries, okay?
- Be careful.
- All right.
I'll tell you what, if I get thirsty,
I'll give you a call.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
Keep the plug in the jug, Richard.
I will, I promise.
- Same time tomorrow?
- Yes, same time tomorrow.
Okay, take it easy. Bye. Thank you.
Impeccable credentials, right?
The Kingdom Hospital board and the
insurance companies...
will have no reason to squawk now.
Dean Bertram Swinton.
- Real pleasure, Dr. Schwarzton.
- Nice to meet you.
- Here, let me take that.
- Thanks.
There we go.
- So good to see you again.
- Good to see you.
You may tell the powers that be
at Kingdom Hospital...
that Richard Schwarzton knows
more about fault-free earthquakes...
than anybody, living or dead.
He knows his California cabernets, too,
but that's another story.
To spirits of all kinds.
A tragic accident.
Suffering horribly.
So I did the humane thing...
and put him to sleep.
Listen, Bobby.
You hear her?
Mama, please.
Have it your way, snout man.
Die a slow, painful one.
I wish I could share in your festivities...
but there is a child, a little child,
in terrible trouble.
I might have heard her.
Mama, he didn't hear anything.
Please, you must take me
to Mr. Rickman now.
He knows that child's name,
and we have got to help her immediately.
Mrs. Druse, I spoke to Mrs. Rickman
concerning you...
and she's considering it...
- but we can't just...
- But you...
I can't wait. She...
Okay. It's all right. I'm going to go...
and I am going to find her myself.
White coats.
Steg!
Just the man I'm looking for. Carry on.
- More earthquakes.
- Not a concern, Steg.
The university and the medical board
are bringing in...
a professor of plate tectonics
from California to fix the problem.
Good news, though.
The earthquakes appear to be confined
to the hospital premises.
They don't affect
the surrounding community.
That would be good news if we worked...
in the surrounding communities
and not here.
Can you see it? Desire, lovelorn obsession
for the lovely Lona.
Find someone your own age.
I work with your father, I like my job,
and I don't date children.
Steg, look what...
I didn't need that in Boston.
Warlocks never painted death threats
on my car there.
You've been very bad, Steg.
The whole Kingdom is talking about
how you stormed out of surgery...
after your patient coded.
Idiots can't even anaesthetize patients.
Instead they have
talking heads on monitors...
Operation Morning Air, the Keepers...
All these infantile eccentricities.
I can't bear it, Brenda.
If the Mona complaint becomes a lawsuit...
the Keepers have a way
of keeping each other safe.
Not another word about Mona.
Except one. Well, maybe two.
Thank you.
For?
For spoiling me...
and destroying
the Klingerman anaesthesiology report.
I spilled coffee on it.
Voil?.
Dead ringer.
What?
You know, sometimes...
a guy's just got to set the world on fire.
Rolfie...
I wonder if there's a nice bottle...
of rubbing alcohol around here...
- and a match?
- Yes.
Never mind an earthquake expert,
I told them.
I'll get you the Director...
of the California Institute of Technology's
seismological laboratory...
President of
the Centre for Geophysics Research...
head of the Theoretical and Computational
Seismology group...
I'm not allowed to have alcohol,
but I don't want to seem rude.
Could you bring me some ginger ale
in a flute glass for the toast? Thanks.
Right away, sir.
If that little girl...
If she was a patient here,
we could look up her records...
and we'd find out what happened to her.
Mama, we don't even know her name.
Here, boy.
I've got to find Blondie.
We're going to Room 426.
Mr. Rickman's room.
I can't be a part of that.
I need to help Otto find Blondie...
or we'll both
be drawing unemployment again.
Nat, don't go.
The pyro has murder in his eyes.
Just look at him.
Mrs. Rickman...
I think it's time
you had a night of real sleep in a real bed.
No.
Are you sure he'll be okay?
No, I won't be okay. Don't leave.
His vitals are fine,
and we've also got a visual on him.
All right. I could use some clean clothes.
You could use this place any time you like.
It has more amenities than the on-call room
or the doctors' lounge.
I think I might take you up on that,
unless I knew you were using it yourself.
I'm just coming off another relationship,
which was kind of complicated.
That, and work. No sleep.
- I just don't think...
- I know what you mean.
Zombies can't trust their feelings.
Should we?
Well, that figures.
No rest for the wicked.
I was told a Dr. Fulcher was injured...
in some heathen initiation ceremony?
I'm sure you'll be fine.
Just don't make any sudden movements...
and hope that the guy in charge
is not barking mad.
Coming?
To our host, Dean Swinton...
and above all, to Dr. Schwarzton...
who so graciously agreed
to help Kingdom Hospital solve our...
- I detest the word "earthquake."
- Seismic irregularities.
Yes, better. How about mild irregularities?
No, wait. Regular irregularities, that's it.
And I know Dr. Schwarzton will provide us...
with a perfectly rational,
scientific explanation...
for these completely normal abnormalities...
and sunlight, reason, and morning air
will return once again...
to the patients and the staff
of Kingdom Hospital.
Hi, neighbour.
Looks like we'll both be
up and around in no time.
Come with me.
Venerable elders,
beloved brothers and sisters...
comes now a worthy one...
who would be faithful to us
and to our kingdom.
Keep.
The lucid beams of science
will shine their light...
and chase away our fears
of darkness and disorder.
The uneasy ground will rest easy
once more.
Let us raise our glasses
and welcome Dr. Richard Schwarzton.
To Bates College,
to the fine city of Lewiston...
and the great state of Maine.
- Hear, hear.
- Thank you.
Where did that little bitch go to now?
I was right behind her.
So...
she took him with her.
How nice.
If you kill him now,
he'll be stuck in between, just like her.
Could be fun.
Get busy.
Rub two sticks together if you have to...
or just pour it down his throat.
Do you solemnly swear allegiance
to our kingdom and its Keepers?
I so swear.
Do you solemnly swear allegiance
to the physical sciences...
and enmity to the occult
and the supernatural in all its forms?
I so swear.
Keep.
I'll make Lona so sorry.
I got here as quick as I could.
This is such a shame.
This hasn't happened since the last century.
1999, Fulcher.
- There she goes again!
- Who?
It's Druse!
What brain-dead compound idiot
admitted her this time?
Afraid I did, Steg.
Hook and Chris had a look at her, too.
Obvious paresthesia.
Brenda, you go after her,
take her back to her room...
tie her down to her bed
with four-point restraints.
I've admitted the poor woman
for a week, for observation.
I think that's reasonable.
When they're done patching you up,
do rejoin the Keepers upstairs.
The rest is just fellowship and festivities,
no more rituals.
I'm so grateful.
One more thing.
The Klingerman's lawyers
are sniffing around...
for a copy of that anaesthesia report.
Some rumour about her blood pressure...
and you not listening
to the anaesthesiologist.
Now that little Mona
has permanent brain damage.
That's neurosurgery.
You rummage around in a person's brain...
- sometimes things happen. You know that.
- I do.
But I need to satisfy the lawyers...
that there is no legible copy
of that anaesthesia report.
Copy?
Lona's on duty in the sleep lab.
Just give her the bag and tell her:
"Elmer said it was the only solution
to his philosophical problem."
- What are you talking about?
- Just do it.
Now the infernal elevators don't work either.
Hey, Sonny, what's up?
This is from Elmer.
He says he's sorry, but it was the only way.
I want nothing from Elmer.
He asked me to give you the bag.
You tell Elmer to come get his present.
He obviously hasn't gotten the message.
- She got it.
- Did she open it?
- No.
- Why not?
- I don't know. Can I go back to bed now?
- No! I...
I talked to Dr. Traff
about trying this rotation instead of surgery.
He thinks this place
might be more my cup of tea.
You know, nurses must learn
to stand the sight of blood sometime.
I know. Just not this week.
Okay, hang your coat over there.
What's in this bag?
There, there, you'll be fine.
Your name is Mary.
What's your last name? Who are you?
I'm headed in now.
Antubis!
- What the hell is it?
- It's Antubis.
He cures...
and kills.
I've seen him do both.
Is there a way to tell
which one he has in mind...
at any given moment?
That depends.
- On?
- You.
What kind of a creature is he?
He eats disease.
He likes to be scratched behind the ears.
He's horrible.
Beautiful.
I do you a solid.
You do me a solid.
That's the way it works.
Do something!
Help him!
Without him, we'll both die.
He's lost a lot of blood.
It's worth a try.
It's working.
It's called "doing a solid."
Hurry up, Rolfie. It's almost daylight.
- The old lady's in the can.
- Torch them both.
Two for the price of one.
Mary, please help.
I'm looking for a boy named Paul.
He was under strict orders
to stay in the pain room...
until the experiment was completed.
Where is that pesky young assistant
of mine?
Mary, where are you?
We've got a Code Red in 426.
Code blue.
I'll phone you if I'm thirsty.
Help me.
You better go to the King Hotel
and pick up a shaker.
Sounds like alcohol hallucinosis,
possible DTs, maybe other drugs involved.
10-4.
Carrie Von Trier to ER waiting and receiving.
I'm Dr. Traff.
We're coming in hot, Kingdom.
This guy's ready to grand mal on us.
We can't give him benzos.
His med-alert bracelet says he's allergic.
Who's there? Who is it?
Who's there?
Who is it? Hello?
Stay away!
I'll call you if I get thirsty.