Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 15 - Kevin (Probably) Saves the World - full transcript

Feeling guilty about the role he played in getting the former high-school security guard fired, Kevin looks to help Becky follow her true passion: inventing. With Amy and Tyler's assistance...

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Previously on "Kevin
(Probably) Saves the World"...

I'm a messenger from God.

I'm here to guide and protect you.

The only job you have in life

is to build up your spiritual powers

through acts of kindness
and selflessness.


We're not gonna do this again, right?

You know, I always thought you guys

would get back together someday.

We have the opportunity

to help a kid do the
second-best prank ever.

Phase One begins with you, Nate.

Distract the security
guard, Becky Simpson.

- Let go of the wheel.
- What?!

Fear minus death equals...?

- Thrills.
- Oh, yes!

I have something to show you.

Up until now, I thought
we were impervious.

You can't tell Kevin any of this.



- Oh.
- What happened? Where'd he go?


Dave, come back. Wait. Okay.

He got electrocuted.

I saw.

How is that even possible?

Yvette, you... you have to
tell me what's going on.

- I-I'm...

Dave... Dave has been
having some problems.

He got hurt.

- Hurt? How?

Little things. He scraped up his leg.

And the... the woman in Canada
stepped on his foot, but...

But why didn't you tell me any of this?!

Because we didn't want to worry you.

Great job!

All right. All right.

Now you need to pull yourself together.

Okay, okay.

He's embarrassed.

The same thing happened
to him when he got

hurt in Canada. He took off.
That's his M.O.

- I'll track him down.

Okay, well, then I'm coming with you.

- No. No.
- Why?

You... You have plans with Kristin.

Okay, I'll cancel them.
I'll just cancel them.

Because Dave is hiding his
stupid head in the sand?

Absolutely not.

No. No, no, no. This is more important.

Plus, I'm in no shape
to go out on the town.

You look good to me.


This is new. And nice.


I feel like a catalogue person.

You also have reservations for two

at the best restaurant in Austin.

Oh! Okay.

I know what you're doing.

- You're trying to distract me.
- Me?

Yep, just put a shiny thing in front

of old Kevin's face, and he...

- What is that?
- Would I do that?

- I...


Oh, I love Ferraris.

- Ohh!

Yeah, you seem like the type.



I'm just gonna sit in it.

♪ There I was, completely wasted ♪

Whoo-hoo-hoo! [SIGHS]

You deserve this, Kevin.

Enjoy your night with Kristin,

and I will find Dave.

Okay, but we're talking
about this later.

Can't wait.

♪ ... if I live or die ♪


Oh, this is stick shift?

Okay. I'm not really, uh...

- Oh.

All right, I got it.

- One minute.


I'm figuring it out!

♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪


♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪

- Nope.

- Oh! Okay.



Wow. This place is so fancy.


Gosh, I-I cannot believe
you planned all this.

Right? Me neither.

Oh, and the Ferrari? [LAUGHS]

That was hilarious.


That's pretty much exactly
what I was going for.


First date in almost 20 years.



I am so nervous.

Oh! Okay. [CHUCKLES]

I'm completely freaking out.

- Oh, okay. Good.
- Yeah. But I'm glad.

I'm glad because I want to be nervous,

'cause I want to do it right this time.


You a doing it right this time.

I don't know. I just...

I-I always sensed that you were...

Holding back,

like, a big part of yourself,

and now you just...

You seem so open to everything.

Thank you.

I'm glad you think so.

But you should know that
there will be lots of times

where I will act a little weird,

uh, or do weird stuff.

- Obviously.
- But, um...

But I will never let
that part of my life

interfere with this.

And that is a... a promise.


Whoa! Whoa.

Where is that coming from?

What? Where's... Where...
Where's what coming from?


That alarm! Th... Ohh!

Where is that coming from?


Um... uh...

- Are you okay?

- Ooh!

- Okay.



Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- I'm fine. Um...

Just the menu's a little...

- Loud!

Would you like to see
our wine selection?

Oh, God!


Nobody hears that sound, huh?

- Nobody. Nobody.
- Wow!

You don't hear that?

Nobody else hears that noise, huh?




There it is. No. Uh, no wine.

No, thank you. Please don't open that.

All right.

- Oh!


Um, maybe we should do
this a different time?

NARRATOR: Kerns, Wyoming,
is a sleepy little hamlet,

a place where you might forget
to lock your front door

and not lose any sleep over it.

Miriam Welch did just that

one quiet evening in August...

an evening that ended in murder.

- She'd spent the night

knitting a baby blanket for a neighbor,

- then prepared for bed.

But then Miriam made a decision

- that would prove fatal.

Reese? Are you home?

All right. All right, Dave.

I'll say it.

I will say what you want to hear.

But when I do, your ass
better show up on that bed.

You got me?


We should've told Kevin
what was happening with us.

I was wrong.

And you. Were. Right.

You were right, Dave, okay?

So you can... You can stop
this nonsense and come back.

You're worrying Kevin.

- And you're worrying... [GASPS]



You don't have to be afraid.

This isn't... This isn't
what it looks like.

I'm a friend of Kevin's.



Now I'm the crazy one.



REESE: You got sick?

Well, let's just say I had a, um...

"Splitting headache"

and had to end the date early.

Why are you using finger quotes?

Because I like it.


Do you not understand
how finger quotes work?



Okay. New house rule.

Why? Why do you like rules so much?

No more eating upstairs.

I think that we have a rodent problem.

I heard them crawling around last night.

- Ew.
- Way to go, Reese.

Now we all have to suffer

because of your irresponsible snacking.

Interesting, because I
found this under your bed.


And you'll notice that the
bowl is completely empty,

because I ate the cereal
and I drank all the milk.

Responsible snacking.


I found this under your pillow.

[SIGHS] Okay, fine!

You find my stash, okay? I can admit it.

I have a cereal problem. I love it.

I love it more than you, and
I love it way more than you.

I'm having more right now.

What exactly did you hear?

Something walking around.

Okay, well, rodents don't walk around.

They... They scurry.

- Uhh!
- Yeah, but people walk.

Well, there were no people upstairs.

What if it was dead people?


Ghost people.

- Oh, my God. What if we have a ghost?!
- Ohh!

We don't have a ghost,
because ghosts do not exist.

Think about it. This house is old.

We don't know what happened
to it or who lived in it

before Grandma and Grandpa bought it.

She's right, Aim, actually.
And now that you're saying that,

- I remember hearing a tale of murder.
- Oh, God.

Four victims. Right here.
In this very house.

It was famous. They
called it "The Triple..."

"Murders, Plus One"

after they found the fourth guy later,

- but they had already titled it.
- Would you shut up?

Shut up, shut up!
Just stop eating upstairs,

or you're gonna be the fifth victim.


- Hi.
- Hey.

How's your, um...

How's your head?

Oh, better. Yes.

- I'm so sorry.

Are you free tonight?

'Cause I will make it up to you.

Um, yeah.

I will... I will look forward to that...

- Fantastic.
- ... Mr. Finn.

- Oh!

Yeah, Ms. Allen. Enjoy class.

- Nice to see you.

- Hey, Becky.
- Hey.

Uh, how's the security business going?

Well, wouldn't really know,
'cause I just got fired.

Oh, man. That's rough.


It didn't have anything to
do with the Freshman Prank

happening on your watch, did it?

[SCOFFS] Well, that didn't help.


I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Not your fault.


You stealing mugs?

Uh, no. These are my mugs.

- Oh, okay.
- I invented them.

I gave them out as Christmas gifts,

and nobody wanted them,

so I'm taking them back.

Uh, sorry. You invented a... a mug?

Uh, no. It's called a Shot-Mug.

There's a shot glass in
each one, so, you know...

- Oh! Cool.
- Want a little Irish coffee

or a little, you know,
whiskey in your caffeine?

- Shot-Mug.
- Hey!

Measures the perfect shot for you.

You know, it might be catchier
if you call it a Mugshot.

Those are pictures of criminals.

Sure. Yeah. I mean...

Yeah, you're not wrong.

Um, can I keep this?

- Yeah, of course.
- Thanks.

Oh, I wouldn't actually
put coffee in it.

- Uh...
- Why?

Well, evidently the hot coffee

melts the epoxy used to secure

the shot glass to the mug,

and it's highly toxic, so...

- Okay. Uh...



Okay, I can't hear you over this alarm.

- Hold on.
- You can hear that, too?

- Yeah.

It happens all the time.

And I'm the only one who
knows how to fix it.

I should just let it ring
in their ears forever.

But I won't, because I'm nice.


Good luck without me, jerks.

So, it's you. [CHUCKLES]

- Oh.
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! That tastes like poison!

You checked everywhere?

All his usual spots.

Well, what about New Orleans?

I bet Dave would like New Orleans.

Looked there, too. No dice.

Dave's best talent is lying low.

He'll pop up when he's ready.

Where are you going?

I... [SIGHS] I messed up Becky's life,

and the Universe wants me to fix it.


Why... Why... Why does
this have to be so hard?

- What's so hard?
- Well, I mean, I help one

person and hurt another.

Meanwhile, I can't even go on a date

without the Universe paging me.

The Universe is giving you a chance

to help someone you wronged.

That's a blessing.

But what if... What if I help Becky,

and then I hurt someone else?

Then you help that person.

It's not complicated. At all.


Well, I'm... I'm making this right.

- I'm getting Becky her job back, so...

POPEIL: Kevin Finn.

Officer Popeil.

Recognized you from
the faculty database.

Oh. I didn't know that
I was in the database.

Yeah, I'm just running some
standard background checks

on everyone at the school, and

I kind of have a photographic memory.

Finn, Kevin. Last four digits
of your Social... 9612.

- That's all in your mind?

- Old habits, yeah.
- Wow!

25 years on the job in Austin.


I'm the new head of security.

Oh. Really?


Turns out retirement's pretty boring.

Plus, I'm helping my granddaughter

pay for nursing school.

- All she wants to do is help people.
- Mm.

Least I can do is help her, right?

Yeah. Yep, that's, uh, really...

That's a good thing you're doing.

Anyway, I hope to see
you around, Mr. Finn.

Or should I say "Mr. Funn"?

[GASPS] I make that joke, too!

Great minds.



- Well, I mean, that guy's a total...
- No.

I mean, he's... He's, like, just so...


- Oh, my God, he's so nice.
- He is so nice.

I wish he were my dad.

I can't get him fired.

I'll ruin his life and his
granddaughter's life,

and then all the people
whose lives she would've

saved because she
couldn't become a nurse.


I'm like the world's worst domino.

Yeah. Kind of.


Well [SIGHS] no signs of rodents.

Or ghosts.

Yeah, I'm not finding anything either.

I could start opening up the walls.

Let's try an interim step

before getting to
full-scale destruction.

I found this.

Oh! Reese's old baby monitor.

You can set it up, see
if you catch anything.

That's a really good idea.

I also found this.

- My bingo hat.

Wait. You...

You have a bingo hat?

Yeah. To play bingo in.

What? No, no, no. I'm keeping this.

I am wearing this to work tomorrow.

- It's a good color on you.
- Bingo!

Putting together a goodbye party

for Becky was pretty nice.

Awkward, throwing one for
someone who was fired.

I-I felt bad for her, so...

Oh! And you... And you invited
the guy who took her job.

That's... also awkward.

Becky is not your responsibility.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna
be honest with you.

I'm the reason Becky got fired.

No, you're not.

I'm the mastermind behind
this year's Freshman Prank.

I know.

Because it was so good.
Second best ever.

Listen, Becky didn't get fired

because of the Freshman Prank.

Sh... Wait. She didn't?

Becky is very sweet.

Becky is a terrible security guard.

Like, honestly, just the worst.

She... She left the
school doors unlocked

almost every day in February.

She... She set the chem lab
on fire just last week.

Well, what was she
doing in the chem lab?

I was working on this idea
I had for a new product.

And apparently it was
slightly flammable.


Do you invent a lot of things?

Yeah. I have a ton of ideas.

- Hmm.
- You know all that cool stuff

that you see on late-night
information commercials?



Anyway, I watch them all the time.

Like, there's this guy,

and he invented this little thing

that goes in a shower drain,

and it catches hair so you
don't get a gross clog.

It's so simple,

but it makes someone's
life like 1% better.

I want to do that.

Well, what... what else
have you invented?

Oh, well, since you asked...


This is the Mazer.

What does it do?

Well, it's the next big
thing in self-defense.

It's a stun gun combined
with pepper spray.


But here's the problem I encounter

any time I try to build any of my ideas.


It doesn't work.


You know what, Becky?

I think that you were
supposed to lose your job

so that you could dedicate your time

to achieving your real dream
of being an inventor.

That sounds stupid.

But I don't know. Maybe.

I'd love to help you,

'cause maybe together we could build

something that actually works.

Oh, my God. That would be amazing.

Yeah, I... Oh!


- Oh!



Anyone know why there's a square

taped on the floor of my bedroom?

That's your "privacy zone."

My... My what?

Your privacy zone.

It's a 24-inch square
that I taped around your

bedroom floor where the
cameras can't see you.

My what?

Did you not notice all the cameras

around the house? Or in your room?

Okay, uh, new question...

Why are there cameras?


I plan on capturing these
nasty little critters...

- Or ghosts...
- That are hiding all over this house.

I'm gonna get rid of them.

Or make ghost friends with them.

Okay, well, um,

I don't like it.

And I never gave you permission

to install cameras in my room.

I don't need permission.

There's no expectation of
privacy under this roof.

- So that... That's it?
- Mm-hmm.

Just no discussion. No
more privacy for Kevin?

It's a very private square, Kevin.

You... What about you?
You're cool with this?

I mean, where's your angst?

Where's your teenage rebellion?

Privacy is an illusion.

No, it isn't.

Well, you're safe in the bathroom.

Except for anything around the sink,

so that's not safe.

That's where I'm naked the most!

So... how are we helping Becky?

Um, are we just not gonna talk about

what happened to my head last night?

Oh, it was just a dart, Kevin.

- Suck it up.
- You missed it.

You never miss. You save.

You've saved me from speeding
cars and 10-story falls.

- How the heck do you miss a dart?
- Look, fine...

Dave's disappearance has me

a bit distracted at the moment.

And we're sure it's not
anything more than that?

Such as?

Well, with everything
that's happened with Dave,

maybe it's happening to you, too.
Maybe you're on the fritz.

O-On the fritz?

[LAUGHS] So, what?

Wait. What am I, a-a microwave?

No, no, but something
is wrong, isn't it?

Does this look like I'm on the fritz?



Even though I've seen that before.

All right, fine.

I mean, yeah. Yeah, that's new.



Fine. Fine. Point taken.

Oh, my God. They're so fluffy!

Fritz my ass.


Wait, but if you can melt a tree,

how come you can't find Dave?


Because I-I can't sense him anymore.

- What do you mean, sense?
- I should be able to feel Dave,

and... and I can't,
and I don't know why.

What about the others?
Can they feel him?

You know, I haven't asked them.

[SINGSONG VOICE] Might be a good idea.

Suppose so.


Oh, come on! That's not...

Didn't even let me say goodbye.


There are a ton of
product ideas in here.

It's very impressive.

BECKY: Anything you want to make?

Anything jump off the page?

Um, [CLEARS THROAT] are there any

- that you've already tried to build?
- Oh, yeah.

Uh, you know, the Shot-Mug, and...

- Yeah.
- ... the Mazer.

- So, nothing that works.
- No.

- God, no.
- Okay.


One big boy brisket platter
for Killer K-Rock...

Ah, thanks, Ty.

... and a honey-glazed,
spiral-cut ham Sammy

just for the Beck-oning.

Thank you. [CHUCKLES]

You guys ever wonder why they
call it "Spiral-cut ham"

when it's not really cut into a spiral?

- Not really.
- Only, like, eight days a week.

Yeah, it's basically false advertising.

Totally. They get your hopes up

- for ham cut into spiral shapes...
- Yeah.

And then all you get is a boring,

flat slice of meat.

Kind of lame.

I think they actually do cut it...

You'd think Big Ham would have

figured this one out by now, right?

Yeah. You know, people have been

spiralizing vegetables forever.

I mean, this... this feels
like an untapped market.

Does it, though? I mean...

Yeah. I mean, if you can turn

a zucchini into a noodle, why not meat?

You just need the right machine.

I'm listening.

Okay. Okay, picture this...

Long, succulent, strips of meat

like spaghetti, but ham.

I'm picturing it with
my mouth right now,

- and I like it.
- Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay.

But how many people could
possibly want ham spaghetti?

Um, all of them.

That seems a bit high
to say all of them.

Every person?

Hey, uh, guys? Quick, informal poll...

Who in here would be interested

in a dish that's just like pasta

except the pasta is made out of meat?

[GASPS] We'll call it Pighetti.

Yeah, you know, I'm not
sure, but I like the name.

Yeah. Branding is everything.

Honestly? I've got chills.

Can I sleep over at Zoe's tonight?

Uh, yeah, sure, right after you put

your clothes away in your room.

Mom, what is up with you?

What's up? I just...

I want you to put your
clothes in the hamper.

No, this... the cameras
all over the place.

I mean, it's overkill, even for you.

Well, call me crazy, but I'd really like

to not contract Hantavirus from rats.

This is about more than rats.

- Whoa.

Look at that.

- What? Where?
- Look.

- What? I don't see anything.
- The hallway.

- But I don't see any...
- Look closer!

- Oh!


- Kevin made me do it.
- Yeah. No, I know.

- It was his idea.
- It's really funny.

- You guys are hilarious.


- Aah!
- Ohh!

You know what? It serves you right.


Sorry, Aim, but you can't run

from the "Terrible
Triple Murders" forever.

- Aah!
- Whoa!

Wow. The double-cross. Masterful.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Here we are... Tool town.


With your great idea and
my building expertise,

we'll have a working
prototype in no time.

Thank you so much for helping me.

You know, if this works out,
it could be life-changing.

For real?

The guy that invented the Slap Chop

had enough money to buy a Komodo dragon.

Seems dangerous.

- Yeah, very.
- Um...

- Okay, this looks fancy.

- What does it do?
- [CLEARS THROAT] Oh, careful. Yeah.

Yeah, this is an, um...

Electric... saw... drill,

and, um, it's not for beginners.


See? Yeah. There's...

You got to... There's
tons of torque, so...

- AMY: Kevin, stop touching my stuff.

Put it down.


Nosy sister.

One moment, please.

Thank you.

Okay, where was I?
This guy... got to careful.

- Yeah.
- Um...

Wow, you're thinning
a little bit on top.

Oh, come on! Where are you now?

- Hi!

- Oh.
- Hey, Becky.

Hey, Amy! You sound good.

Well, thank you. I love
that little jacket.

Oh, this? This is just,
like, an old thing.

Okay, we're kind of busy,
and we're doing some...

- Well, it fits great.
- Thank you.

Do you need to borrow some tools?

- Can you just...
- Yeah.

... come down here and help us, please?

- I call it Pighetti.
- Mm-hmm.

Swine Vines was also in the running.

It's, um...

Well, it's weird, but it's kind of cool.

You know, if I saw this on
a commercial at midnight,

I, um, I might drunk buy it.

Yeah. For $19.95 plus
shipping and handling,

of course you would.

Okay, so why do you need Kevin?

Don't say it like that.
I know how to do things.

What things?


Many things.

Okay, like...?

Many... things.

Well, Kevin said he'd help
me build the prototype.

Uh... I don't think so. No, no.

Well, I mean, I guess
that's kind of obvious now.

- Yeah.
- But Kevin's been really helpful.

I mean, I've kind of been
having a rough time lately,

and he helped me see that this is a bles

and I should just be
focusing on my dream.

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.

Well, I could help you
build a prototype,

if that would be something
that you would be into.

Very into.

And I-I... I'll, uh...
I can, uh, supervise.

[EXHALES SHARPLY] This is... amazing.

Okay, but before we get started,

um... I'm so sorry, can I
offer you a glass of wine?

Uh, yes,

but this is my house, so...

Uh, yeah, I know this is your house.

Red or white? You want one?

- Um...
- I can mix them.

Does she know where the wine is?

No, she's never been to our house.

If we apply X- and Y-axis pressure

and install a friction-triggered stop,

the bone shouldn't be a problem.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

She is so much smarter than you.

I always had a hard time
believing you two were related.

Uh, yeah, we're twins, so...

Oh, God. I do not see that.

- Thank you.

- You're so welcome.
- So nice.

- You know, my... My university

is about to have their Innovations Expo.

If I can get this
prototype done in time,

I bet we could attract some investors.

- You think?
- Yeah!

You could even get on one of

those information commercials.

- Right?
- That's not what it's...

You know what? Forget it.

Amy, you're so awesome.

I've been so down lately.

I lost my job, this guy
Nate totally ghosted me...

Oh, yeah, sounds like you
really dodged a bullet.

Oh. Um, I have to go to the bathroom.

You guys need anything?

From the bathroom?

Yeah, or, you know, wherever.


No? Okay. I'll see you later, then.



No... No one has seen him,

and no one knows where he is.

What does that mean?


It means...


I've... I've been in denial.

Well, what does that mean?

I got a paper cut.

Oh. Wow. Just now?

No, b-before you left for Canada, and

[EXHALES] and I got hungry,

so Dave and I ate your pizza,

and the reason your
sister is putting cameras

around the house isn't because of rats.

It's because she heard me.

And I lied about it

because admitting the truth means...

Admitting something
I don't want to accept.

What... What's that?


Is dead.

Oh, my God.

I don't... I don't know what to do.

This is uncharted territory.

All I know is Dave is gone,

and I don't think he's coming back.

Yvette, I'm so sorry.

I'm... Uh...

What... What can I do?

Sham-wow. This place is amazing.

I know. It's cool, right?

This expo gets bigger every year.

We need to be at the top of our game.

Hey, Kevin, focus up.

Uh, yeah. I'm focused.

Um, Becky, at this very Expo,

a young man named Mitch
Taylor invented a laser

that eventually filled an
entire house with popcorn.

Okay, stop focusing.

- You're ridiculous.
- What?

I'm just building off of your point

- that this is a big deal.
- That's not my point.

- Where did you get that was my point?
- I'm...

Dreams come true here.

You guys. Look at all these products.

What are we doing here? What if
my product's not good enough?

I... Okay, yeah. Uh, yeah.

There's a lot of stuff here,
but who's gonna remember

some stupid magic glasses,

or, like, a stupid magic neck thing?

I might go back and get that neck thing.

Of course you will. It's amazing.

But, Becky, your idea has
something going for it

that nobody else's has, okay?

It's real weird.

- Real weird.
- Mm-hmm.

And that's gonna cut through the noise.

Yeah. Yeah.

- It's weird. You're right.
- See?

Okay. Let's do this!

- Okay. All right.

- Okay, we're in booth 27, so...

Um... Ooh!

Okay, Kristin's almost here,
so I'm gonna help her,

- and then I'll meet you at the booth.
- Okay. Okay. Over here... 27.

Okay. Yes!


I-I shouldn't have...

I shouldn't have done
that in front of you.

Done what?


You can cry in front of me.

How are you feeling?

I'm [SIGHS] feeling...

I'm numb.

Yeah, you're... You're grieving.

It's a big loss for you.

I-I've never lost anything in my life.

I don't know how to do this.

Hi. Can I get some help?


- New car?

Uh, it was my... Was my mom's.

- Oh.
- But, uh, yeah,

it fits all these hams, and I...

Sure does.

... couldn't bring myself
to sell it, so...

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Um, great.

- Um, hey.
- Yes.

Can I ask your advice on something?


So, I just, um, found out

that one of my old co-workers

recently passed away, and...

Oh, I am so sorry.

Oh, thank you.

Um, I-I didn't actually
know him that well,

but my friend did,

and, um, she's having
a really hard time,

and I-I just... I wish I
knew how to help her.


Time helps.

I started getting back
into my old routine,

and then I suddenly found myself

doing all these... These little things

that reminded me of my mom.

I started driving her car to work.


She used to take this route

that took 15 minutes longer,

but she liked it because
it went past a horse farm.

So, now I take that same route.


Yeah, I-I mean, I guess
my advice would be

tell your friend to do things
that remind her of his life,

not his death.

BECKY: Good morning! Hello.

KEVIN: Uh, hello, Expo-goers.

We're here to revolutionize
the way you eat.

- Yeah.
- People.

Don't know what you're missing.

- Hey!
- Pighetti.

- Anybody?
- Hello.

You're missing out.

Good stuff.



- Whoa.
- Is this you?

- Is it...
- No, it's... It's not me. Is this you?

- AMY: Are you doing this?
- I...


Yeah. Yeah, all me.

Surprise. [LAUGHS]


[AMPLIFIED VOICE] We're here to...


We're here to introduce the new product

that's gonna revolutionize the way

that people eat in America.

Who here loves pasta?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I do, too.

But what's the problem with pasta?

Too many carbs.

Too many carbs, and you get

that gross carb feeling, so...

BECKY: Mm-hmm.

If there was only something
we can do about this.

Yeah. That's why I
invented the Pighetti.

The Pighetti. [CHUCKLES]

It's a simple device that'll make your

meal time just a little more enjoyable.


Now, the Pighetti takes

the idea of spaghetti and meatballs

and combines them into
one delicious meal

that gets rid of that carby old pasta.

And, actually, it also
gets rid of the meatballs.

- Rid of the meatballs.
- But the meat is still...

I mean, the meat is then...
It... it's the pasta.

It's... Yeah, it's pasta.

It's... It's meat pasta.

Anyway, who would like
to try the first sample?

Oh, I-I would!

Oh! Cool.

Step right up.

TYLER: So would I!

- BECKY: Okay.
- Wonderful.

What an innovative idea.

Thanks! Come on up.

- KEVIN: Oh, look at that.

Cranks this up for you.

Look at it. It's delicious.

Just hold on.

Maybe the engineer could speed it up.


You want to speed it up a
little more than that, though?

I can't because this
is a precise machine.

Remember all the
engineering that it took?

- Okay, um...
- So, I can't.

- How long is it gonna take?
- I don't know. Maybe four minutes.

Four minutes?

Um, one second, everybody.

- We'll figure it out.
- Yeah.

We're losing them.

I'm not losing them, you're losing them.

- No, you got to figure something out.
- This is...

- Okay. What happened?

It's on low. Oh. Oh. Okay.
Gather around, everyone!

- There's enough for everybody!
- Oh.

Kevin. This is great. Here.
This is not mathematically...

- Just go with it.
- This is not what it's supposed to do.

- I think this can be dangerous.
- Okay, ev... You know what?

Everyone... Actually, yeah, maybe we

should take one or two steps back.

- No. This is bad.
- Um...

It won't turn off.



♪ Hold tight, there's
something over here ♪

♪ I can't explain these things I feel ♪


- Hey.
- Um, I'm sorry

that this was such a disaster,
but don't... don't worry,

because I'm gonna find
an even better expo,

and we'll get the Pighetti
machine working again,

and it'll be great.

Are you okay?

I'm great.

This has been really interesting.

But I wrecked your dream.

What? No. I've never
gotten this far before.

And I realized something really big.

- Oh.
- I don't know what I'm doing,

like, at all.

I-I wouldn't say that, entirely.

I mean, I have cool
ideas, really cool ideas,

but, you know,

I don't know how to
make them into a reality.


So I think I'm gonna go back to school.

- Wow. Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, I am just as good

as any one of those people at that expo,

but now I know what I don't know.


That is awesome.

- That is so awesome, Becky.
- Thanks.

You know what?

I even know someone who will

write a recommendation for you.

Oh, that's so nice.

- You?

No, no, no. My sister.

- Oh, thank God.
- Yeah.

That's so much better than you. [LAUGHS]

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

Anyway, it wasn't, you
know, a total bust.

I did happen to sell one unit.

- No way.
- Way.

- To who?
- It's our newest menu item!

Two bowls of hot ham noodles.

- This one's for you, K Through Twelve.
- Yum.

Oh, wow. Thanks.

And, Becky, that was amazing.

Oh, my Gosh. Thank you. Thank you.

I would've bought anything.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- I'm gonna give this to...
- So sweet.

Okay, yeah.


[EXHALES SHARPLY] I hope you're hungry.

- Not for that...
- It's all for you.

- ... ever...
- Why not?

- ... so I'm just gonna...
- Oh, come on.

- Thank you, though. Thank you.

- Hi.

Ooh! What's, uh...
What's going on over there?

Looks like a little bit of flirting.


Um, maybe I don't always
screw things all the way up.

Are you kidding?

You help one person,

and then that sets off
this chain reaction,

and then you help him and her, and...

And who knows how... how many more?

So... I'm like the world's best domino.

I mean... you're all right.

- Wow.

- Um...
- Yeah.

- Mm.
- Well...


♪ I know ♪





♪ It's up for me ♪

♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪

♪ Making sure I'm not in too deep ♪

♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪


- ♪ If you steal my sunshine ♪


So, I got my vision.


It was, uh...

- It was terrifying.
- What... What did you see?

I was dead, in a body bag,

and some dude almost
sawed my chest open.

[SIGHS] That sounds...

That sounds awful.

And I-I woke up.

And I found a pig noodle

behind my ear that I guess I missed.

I'm... I'm sorry I made
the ham thing explode.

I... [SIGHS]

I guess only Dave can be... can be Dave.


Do you feel any better?

I'm... Um, I'm feeling
guilty and selfish.


Because when I realized what
happened to Dave, when...

When I realized he was dead,

my first thought was for myself

because if this can happen to him,

it can happen to me.

I don't... I don't know what to do.

I'm... I'm awf... I'm awful.

No. No, no, no. You're... you're normal.

Oh, that... that... That doesn't help.

Why? Normal is... Normal's great.


Kevin, this may never happen again,

but I'm gonna ask your advice.

What do I do to feel better?


You know what to do.

♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪


♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪


This is for you, Dave!

- Dave!

♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪


♪ Breaking the law, breaking the law ♪

KEVIN: It's a stick shift, you know?

I mean, I just don't know
how to put it into first

or into reverse, but then
once I get going it's, um...


Amy? Reese?

Anyone home?


- AMY: Yell. Yaah!


- Oh, I got you.
- No, you didn't get me.

- Yes, we did.
- You didn't get me.

- We got you on four cameras.
- Let's go watch it.

- Okay.
- No. You didn't get me, guys.

Oh, we did... Four cameras.

Oh, God, you got me.

- Yaah!


- Oh, my God.

KEVIN: You didn't get me.

- Oh. Give me another angle.
- Okay.

I want to see his face
go from dumb to scared.

- You didn't get me, though. Got you!
- We got you!

Um, Amy?

- Reese?
- Wait, what was that?

I don't know.