It Takes a Thief (1968–1970): Season 1, Episode 13 - It Takes a Thief - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -

That film was shot yesterday. You just
saw Miko Radomir and his family about

to leave Bulgaria and enter Turkey
disguised as peasants.

Miko Radomir. That name doesn't ring a bell.

Miko Radomir, one of the three most important molecular biologists in
the world.

It took our agents in Bulgaria six months planning this escape from
behind the Iron Curtain.

Nice caper.

Up to a point.

[Sound of film reel running].

- As you just saw, his daughter didn't make it.
- What went wrong?

We don't know.

- What about your agents? Where were they?
- We don't have any in there anymore.

Within an hour they were all rounded up.

- What happened to that little girl?
- They sent word to Radomir and his wife.

If they return to Bulgaria within 48 hours,
all will be forgiven. If they don't, the

child will be reared as a ward of the
state and they'll never see her again.

- That's some choice.

There is no choice.
We've got to get that girl out within 48

hours or Radomir will go back and we
don't want that to happen.

How are you going to do that?

I don't know. We don't
know where the leak is.

We can't afford to send any more regular SIA agents in
there. You're not listed in their regular

central files as an agent. Oh no, that
wouldn't work out anyway.

- What do you mean?
-You steal things, not people.

Oh, come on, Noah. You wouldn't
have got me out of

bed to come down here in the middle
of the night to run that film unless you

thought I could handle it.

Thanks, Al.
I just wanted to know how you felt.

Well, now you know how I feel. Are you finished
playing your little game? What's the setup?

You won't be entirely on your own.
We have reason to believe that the local

underground resistance circle is still
in business.

I don't work with amateurs.

Don't underrate them. They're brave,
dedicated people.

All right, where do I find them?

There's a music shop in
the city called Tatras. Walk in and ask for

Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. They'll
put you in touch with the Freedom Fighters.

- The leader's code name is Fist.
- Fist, huh? That's catchy. You got my airplane ticket?

- We leave in an hour.
- We?

Well, you didn't think I was gonna sweat this
one out back here, did you?



(It Takes a Thief theme's playing)

Oh, look, Al, I'm not asking you to spy.
Just asking you to steal.



Okay, here we are, old man. Can you
make it all right? Here, let me help you.


- Got your papers on?
- Yeah.

Well, it was nice talking with you. Nothing fancy
now, just play the old man.

Good luck, Al.






- You've got a named, police?
- No.

- You sure you look like my son.
- I do?

- He was a guard like you.
- Was he?

Good on you, old man. Go on, go on.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- You're not Boris.
- I told you I'm not Boris. Come on, come on.





May I help you?

- Are you Mr. Tatra?
- Yes. Do I know you, sir?

No, no. I'm looking for a recording.
Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture.

Ah. You are interested in Russian music?

In a way.

I think I have what you want.

In here, somewhere.

[phone ringing]

1812 Overture.

Oh, I forgot to ask, sir.

What version of the 1812
Overture interests you?

I can't remember, but it was
made by a local orchestra.

Amateurs, perhaps,
but very, very dedicated.

Another S.I.A. agent.

Local, of course.
We are probably the only shop carrying it.

I think you should listen
to it in one of these booths.

You can listen in privacy, without any
interruptions. Be with you in a moment.

- Get the squad out there.
- Yes, sir.

It is a silent record.
For appearances only.

Now, what can I do for you?

I want you to put me in
touch with the resistance circle.

What do you want of them?

I'll tell them that when I see them.

First, I must be sure of you.

I gave you the password.
What more do you want?

Your name and S.I.A. number.

Alexander Mundy. I don't have a number.

(Door opens).

The police are coming. This way.

(gas bomb explodes)

Block the alley!

- I'm Dina Karluk.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hang on to me tightly, huh?
- My pleasure. The only way to travel.

(Tires screeching)

(Tires screeching)

(Tires screeching).

(Tires screeching).



(motorcycle engine running)

Come on.

- This is Anya.
- This is the one?

It's better.

Than what?

The last agent was
middle-aged with bad teeth.

Anya has very strict standards.

Well, I'll see that there's a
memorandum issued on dental care.

This is our headquarters.


You expected a dirty cellar, huh?

A small circle of revolutionaries
with beards manufacturing bombs.

I guess I'm old-fashioned.

I am not. I am modern.

I have to make a living.

So, my place.
The number-one mod shop in the city.

Come, we will meet the others.

Anya, bring coffee, huh?

Karl, Lisa, Miklos, Sasha, Peter and Janos.

This is the American agent, huh?

I should wear a sign.

You are safe here.
We are all in the resistance circle.

Now, how can we help you?

You already have, helping
me get out of the music shop.

The police have covered it ever since
we were betrayed over the Radomir affair.

Any idea who the traitor was?

Huh? If we knew, we would have
taken care of him ourselves, huh?


Don't mind Anya.
She's seen too many movies.

Now, let us get down to business, huh?

I'm looking for a man called Fist.

I am Fist.

I thought the S.I.A.
would take us more

seriously if I used a
traditional cover name.

I see.

You have brought this money?
There is so much we need.

I'm afraid that's not my department.

What did you come for?

Maritza Radomir?

You came here for a child?
What sort of an agent are you?

Quiet, Janos.

We need guns and ammunition,
and he comes after a child?

All right. Outside. All of you. Now.

Why? Are we not all comrades together?

Shut up, Janos.

Now, get out.

All of you. Now.

Hurry up. Out.

Come on. Anya, you too.

They mean well, but they lack discipline.

Now, what is this about Maritza Radomir?

I want to find her.
I was told you could help me.

Well, I know where she lives, yes.

But it would do you no good.

There are police on
guard constantly outside,

and there is a policewoman
with her in the apartment.

Nobody can get in the building
without proper credentials.

Would you be willing to
supply the proper credentials?

Well, I don't understand.

It's an old gag, but with the
right equipment, it never fails.


Hey, where do you think you're going?

This is 57.

That's right.

I'm electrician.
There is short someplace in the master circuit.

I check every apartment in this block.

All right?

It's all right.

Thank you.




Away from window.












Who is it?



Yes, the television.
It goes off and on. You fix it.


We got a report that they were
having trouble with this building.

Go fix.



It's all right.

Where is fuse box?


You know?

The kitchen.


Do you know anything about electricity?





Hold this.

And, uh.

Put your hand on the set here.



Where is kitchen?

This way.

There it is.

[door closing]

Maritza, don't say anything. Just listen.

I'm not here to fix anything.

I'm just pretending.

So I can get to see you.

It is working now.

Good. Good.

Just watch the meter.

Why? What do you want?

I'm going to take you to
your mother and father.

Who are you? Did they send you?

Yes, they did.

I'm an American.

I came all the way from
the United States to get you.

Are they all right?

They're fine.

They want you to be a brave
little girl and do everything I tell you.

What do you want me to do?

I don't know yet.

I just wanted to be sure you're all right.

I'm sorry about before.

I wasn't here before. It's all right.

This time I will do everything right.
I will.

That's my girl.

It is still on.

Just a moment.

Oh, it just went off.

Keep your eye on the needle.

Are we going to escape right now?

No, but we will soon.
I'll come back for you.


I promise.

A word of honor?

A word of honor.

Cross your heart?

I cross my heart.

Now do you believe me?

All right.

Just a moment.

It is off this.
We shouldn't have any trouble now.


The picture is good.

All right.

Thank you.


The circuits are fixed.

Did you find the trouble?

It's all fixed.

Where is 58?

Right up there.

Like you said, they've
got her well covered.

I told you you could not get her.

I'm not going to let you do that.

I'll get her out.

She's well covered.

I said she was well covered.
I didn't say it couldn't be done.


Well, I can get in there all right.

But getting a ten-year-old
girl out, that's another matter.

What I need is a diversion.

Something to pull the
guards away from the door.

I don't think my legs are that good.

Can you get some of your people to
stage an auto accident down the block?

You mean you plan to take
her right out the front door?

If we time it right, it'll work.
All I need is ten seconds.

Are all Americans as crazy as you are?

That's why it'll work. It's the last thing
they'd expect from a well-trained agent.

Can you arrange it?



All right. I'll do it.

But it's a shame.

I was getting to like you.


They won't man up.


They all think they are the Lone Ranger.

All these heroic films.

It works the brain.

You are positive, Captain?


He talked quite freely.

Apparently you put on quite a
convincing show at the music store.

He trusts me completely.

Good. Good.

I hope he's a man of his word.

I want him caught in the
act of sabotage and murder.


But of course.

He's obviously intending
to kill the little Radomir girl.

To prevent her father's return.

Typical bloodthirsty
capitalist fascist mad dog.

This is not a play, Mircea Lukovic.

This man is an agent.
An enemy of the state.

Enemy of the state.

Where do you memorize this jargon?

I am a patriot.

You're also a police officer and a spy.

And a very capable politician.

And very pretty, too.

Tell me.

To get this American agent to
talk, did you make love to him?

Why do you ask?

Well, I would like to think that he'll have
a few pleasant memories of his visit here.

To take to his death.

It's a very melodramatic plan.

It is simple.

The car goes along here, like so.

And then, through the barricade.

I am a terrible driver anyway.

Should be easy for me.

I hope I don't kill myself in the process.

But, uh, I do my part.

And I will do my part.

When Janos crashes, I
scream and then I faint.

Right to the arms of the police.

You should distract
at least one full squad.

What a nice thing to say.

Don't overdo it, huh?

You're supposed to faint.
You're not auditioning for La Scala.

Don't worry. I will be very believable.

Come. Let's get the car.


Don't forget. Nine o'clock.


That Anya. What a child.

She's no child.

From the neck down, no.

But up here.

No, as long as she does her job.

She will. And so will Janos.

You will have your distraction.

If we get the little Radomir girl out,

what do we do then?

You will have my sincere thanks.

And when I cross the border, I'll wave
a fond farewell to a colorful Bulgaria.

You can't simply stroll across the border.

I'll think of something.


I think you have already.

You just don't want me to know.

Why do you think that?
I've told you everything I've done so far.

Why would I keep any secrets from you?

I get the feeling you don't
take my people seriously.

What gives you that idea?

The way your agent
handled the Radomir affair.

Oh, we were allowed to
do a few menial services.

Provide authentic peasant clothing,

draw up a plan, and then told to go away.

And your feelings are hurt.


But the Radomirs were also hurt.

The escape was a failure.

Well, that's why I'm here.

Oh, of course.

You come into my country on your mission.

The heroic American, full of
mystery and plans and orders.

Why should I help you?

Well, the idea is that
we're on the same side.

No, not all together.

There are many things wrong with
my country, but this is my country.

I want to change it, not destroy it.

I don't intend to destroy it.

All I want to do is get
one little girl across

the border, back to
her mother and father.

I am sorry.

I guess my feelings were a little hurt.

But I should not take them out on you, huh?

Am I forgiven?


Well, that's a beginning.

I thought Americans were
supposed to be aggressive.

Well, after all, the
guy's got to think twice

before he makes a
pass at a girl called Fist.

You forgot.

My real name is Dina.

That's better.

(phone ringing)

I have to answer it.

Oh, let it ring.

It might be important.

So is this.

Don't go away.

Uh, Janos, did you get the car?

Don't worry, he is just nervous.

We arranged for him to borrow one.

What time will he stage the accident?

Remember, Janos, nine o'clock.

The time is very important.

The American will move precisely at nine.


Have you discovered how he planned
to get the child out across the border?

That is not our affair.

Keep working on him.

There may be others involved.

Don't worry.

I will be with him all the time.

You just take care of your part.

Now, as we were saying...

Twenty-five minutes.

I want you just inside the front entrance.

I want pictures of him entering.

And the moment we
get him... It is not pretty.

That is true.

But you are not an infant.

You know that the world is not a fairytale.

You will see your parents again, Marica.

Very soon.

Not as they planned.

But as we planned.

Less than twenty minutes.

We could have started later.

I don't understand you, Mr. Al Mundy.

You are about to risk your life... You act
as if you didn't have a care in the world.

Something to do with adrenaline.


You even make a joke.

I am not joking.

It's just that when I cry,
I don't look very pretty.

You know, it makes my eyes all puffy.

Just the same.

Something could go wrong.

A plan put together
in a few hours like that.

Last time it took six months
to put together a failure.

Besides, I've got a time problem.

Twenty-four hours left before
Dr. Radomir comes back...

Turns himself into the secret police.

Would that really be so terrible?

It all depends on what
you want out of life.

Hey... You're enjoying the idea.

Darling, you know I'm an exhibitionist.

Don't you realize that this is dangerous?

Darling, driving with
you is always dangerous.

I want you to take the
Americans to accomplice's prison.

We want them alive.

For the trial.

Yes, sir.


What are you stopping here for?

They're not there yet.

I know.

We're early.

I thought we could spend
these last few moments together.


Oh, Dina.

Tell me.

What's the plan?

To arrest me for a full-scale trial?

Or shoot me down?


Are you a lady cop?

Or are you just bought and paid for?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, yes, you do.

You see, I found it most
interesting when you

told me about Dr. Radomir's
48-hour ultimatum.

The secret police know.

The S.I.A. know.

But nobody else.

And, sweetheart...
I'm with the S.I.A.

But you told me about it.

You told me.

So I must have heard it somewhere else.

We have many sources of information.

I'll bet you do.

This is ridiculous.

I'm leader of freedom fighters.

Must keep you pretty busy, huh?

Being on both sides.

You blew the whistle on the
border crossing, too, didn't you?

All right.

What you going to do now, hero?

Kill me?

Oh, that's a very tempting proposition.

But I've got a date
with a very nice little girl.


Nothing is going to stop me.

There are two guards covering the back.

And the photographer.

There they are.

We'll go downstairs.

I want everything ready.

Yes, sir.

Will you be all right?

Yes, sir. We will be just fine.

Won't we, dear?

Take her into the kitchen.

I'm going downstairs.

The trap is polished and ready.

Fourteen minutes at nine.

Wish me luck.


Relax, we have twelve minutes yet.




[Tense music].

[Engine rumbles]

[Tense music]

[Tense music]

[Metal clanking]

What are you doing? Pick it up!

[car engine]

The house is up around the corner.

[woman crying]

I didn't believe it, but I kept on trying
to pretend that you were really coming.

I'm here, and we're going. Come on.


Wait a minute.

It's time to go.


Stay on the side. Around the corner.

This way.

Stay on the side.

All right.


[car engine]

Police! Help! Police! Police!


Put her down here.




[car engine]


[girl crying]

Come on. Come on.

Just lean back. Come on.

Now step down.


Come on.

It's my staff.


Just hold on tight and don't be frightened.




Stop. Stop.

Where is she?

Check the child's room upstairs.

Right. Go.


Come here.










Don't open that door.

If you open it, I'll blow everyone up.


I'll blow up everyone.


Keep that door shut.

You hear me?

If you want the girl and the old
lady alive, you better not come in.

I mean it.



Come in here. All of you.

Something's gone wrong.

Leave her. Follow me.




You all right?








Hang on, sweetheart.

Uh-huh. Okay.




Just stay away from that door. I've
got enough stuff here to put us all away.

I've got enough stuff here to
blast us all across the Iron Curtain.


Come on.


Nice to see you again.



[tires screeching]

Get in. There's been a change of plans.


[tires screeching]


[tires screeching]

Stay away from that door. Get back.

Break it down.

Way back. Now get away from that door.

I'm not kidding.


Get back. Way back.

Stay away from that door. Get back.

Get back. Way back.

Get away from that door.



Is she all right?


The border's over that hill.

What are we going to do with her?

I'd like to break her neck.
That is what I would like to do to her.

Your friends don't seem too happy with you.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll give you a chance to break even.

I'll let you get us across the border.

It's not much after all you've
done, but at least it's a start.

You don't really think you
can make me do that, do you?

I think I can.


As you Americans are
so fond of pointing out,

you like to play by
your own childish rules.

Stabbing a woman in cold
blood is simply not done.

You'd be surprised at how far I can go with
stretching the rules in a worthy cause.

Give it to me.

I will waste no more time talking
about national characteristics.

She knows that I will do it.

Don't you?

What do you want me to do?

All border stations have been alert.

So far no one has made an attempt
to smuggle a child through any of them.

There will be.

I want to be notified immediately.

Yes, sir.

Your papers.

I am Captain Carlock.

These are my relatives.

Who is the girl?

She is my daughter.

Her cousin.

I have orders not to let any
children cross the border.

I said they were relatives.

Surely you are not
questioning my authority?

No, Captain, but my orders are.

Of course.

I will sign for them that
you will not be responsible.



That should be sufficient.


Get out!

Get out.

(Tense Music)

(Guns firing)

(Tires screeching)

Are you all right?

Are you okay?


No, this is Maritsa.

This is Noah.

He is a friend of your family.

What are you doing?

I brought some friends.

These people help me out very much.

This is Anya and Janos.

And this lovely young lady is a dedicated
freedom fighter known as Miss Fist.

Otherwise known as Captain
Carlock of the secret police.

Secret police?

Yes, that's right.

Honey, you do not know
how glad I am to see you.

Al, I think I will recommend you
for a course in driver's education.

All right, everybody, this way.

Bring her along too. C'mon.

That's sweet.

You know, there may be hope for you.

(uplift music)

(car engine roaring)