I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 5, Episode 3 - Guess Who's Going to Be a Bride?: Part 1 - full transcript
After another rebuff by Tony to marry her, Jeannie takes up her uncle's offer to become queen of a foreign country.
[♪]
[SIGHS]
I got it. I got it.
Yeah.
Oh. What, Major Healey?
Tell me, quick.
I got it.
Why don't you give him
a briefcase? Huh?
The one he's got
is falling apart.
Major Healey, my master and I
are celebrating
five years together
as master and genie.
This... This gift
must be something special.
Yeah, something special.
Something special.
Hey, if you want to give him
the kind of present
a wife would give him,
give him a tie.
Is that what wives
usually give husbands?
All the time.
Oh, well, all right.
[♪] What...?
What's that?
A Thai...
from Thailand.
I wonder if I should
have him gift-wrapped.
Just what Tony needed:
A half a set of Siamese twins.
That's great. Not...
Not a foreign Thai.
A foreign hand tie.
Oh, that kind of a tie.
Yes.
[RUMBLING]
Oh!
Hey. What was that?
Oh, major.
Oh, oh, I am sorry.
You will not be needed. Heh.
[SIGHS]
Well...
It's for you.
Oh.
Uncle Sully!
My little Jeannie.
Will you...?
Will you let me down? You know,
guys, heh, I'm with her.
Oh, Uncle Sully,
you have not changed a bit.
Oh, a few last hairs
and a little plumper,
but you, my dove,
you have blossomed into a woman.
ROGER:
Jeannie. Jeannie.
Oh, I am sorry.
This is my very dear friend,
Major Healey.
Major, this is
my granduncle Suleiman,
maharajah of Basenji.
Oh, granduncle, yes.
Maharajah, no.
I have abdicated.
You, my niece, will be
the new queen of Basenji.
Oh, oh. Oh, no. No.
Salaam to the new queen.
Oh, uncle, no.
I could not.
Uh, Your Majesty,
as your first official act,
would you mind
getting me down from here?
Oh!
[GROANS]
Thank you, uncle.
Oh, Major Healey, I have
the most marvelous idea.
I know just what to give
my master for our anniversary.
What?
A country.
Oh, my master, the king.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Now, if Major Nelson is
to be maharajah of Basenji,
we must investigate him
thoroughly.
So we will wait. Sit down.
[♪]
Now, Major Nelson,
I want you to understand
that this assignment is
just as important to the program
as your last moon flight.
Well, isn't there
someone else, sir?
I-I'm not very well versed
in diplomatic protocol.
I'm apt to agree with you,
major, but that's not the point.
The State Department promised
the ambassador of Kasha
that an astronaut would show him
and his party around the base.
Kasha?
Hmm.
SCHAEFFER: Yes.
Kasha has the only deposits
of refineable phinkilium,
a rare metal that we must have
for the propulsion system
of the Saturn 12.
Um, exactly where is Kasha, sir?
Uh, it's in the Mideast.
Uh, it shares borders
with Russia, Afghanistan
and an insignificant
little emirate called, uh,
uh, Basenji.
Oh, yes, here.
Now, your job, Major Nelson...
[QUIETLY] Your Majesty.
Hi, Roge.
What'd you call me?
Oh, uh, nothing, Your Highness.
Well, what are you
talking about, Roge?
Not me. Not Roge.
Mum's the word.
When I keep a secret,
I really keep a secret. See?
[♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Oh.
Oh!
Well, you must be...
Major Anthony Nelson?
Yes.
Salaam!
Oh, local custom, huh?
Salaam!
Now, Major...
No. Arise.
The Most High kneels to no one.
Oh. Heh-heh.
Well, thank you.
You know, major, I have
had good reports of you.
But, uh, my country
is very dear to my heart.
So before I make
this final decision,
I must investigate you
thoroughly.
I understand, sir.
I'll make myself
at your disposal.
Major Nelson, I just wondered...
Oh, they're here, I see.
Yes.
Salaam!
I beg your pardon.
Uh, it's a local custom, sir.
He wants you to kneel.
In Cocoa Beach?
Please, sir.
Oh, of course.
Not to me, to him.
You want me to salaam
to Major Nelson?
Remember the phinkilium, sir.
Oh...
You may rise, sir.
Well, I see that you're all
getting along quite swimmingly,
so I'll... I'll just report
to the general, uh,
that you're here.
Uh, gentlemen.
Oh, uh...
Uh, effendi.
A, uh... Effendi.
Well, slow down, doctor.
The... The ambassador from Kasha
isn't supposed to be here
until late this afternoon.
Sir, I have just come
from Major Nelson's office,
where I saw them
with my own eyes.
They... They made me
salaam to Major Nelson.
Salaam?
[CHUCKLES]
To... To Major Nelson?
Yes, sir.
In the interest
of the phinkilium,
I thought it was best
to humor them.
Ah, come along, doctor.
I'd like to meet
this ambassador from Kasha.
[♪]
TONY: Just step in this
way please, gentlemen.
Now, in this room
we simulate conditions
of inner and outer space.
And I think you'll find this
room particularly interesting.
It's the wind tunnel.
Uh, in this room
we test air draft.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, well, thank you.
Uh, now, this generates heat
as well as wind velocities
up to 2000 miles per hour.
Now, if you'll look
at those giant blades
in the back,
that's what gives it...
Uh, please feel free to look
around and just enjoy yourself.
Take all the time you want.
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
Uncle Sull...
Are you really going
through with this thing?
I have to.
It's in the national interest.
ROGER: Oh, well, if
you need any help,
I'll be glad to give you a hand.
Thanks, Roge.
Uh, you're probably having
your own harem and, uh,
you could maybe get me one
and we can double-date.
Harem?
What are you talking about?
Swell.
Now that you're the maharajah,
you're gonna forget
about your old buddies?
I don't know
what's going through your head,
but the only reason
I'm doing this is
because NASA wants the mineral
rights to the phinkilium.
What did you say?
Uh, uh, the phinkilium, sir.
I was, uh, explaining
to my colleague
that the major resource
of Kasha is phinkilium.
And you are
a supporter of Kasha?
Yes, sir. We all are.
Tony, this-those guys...
Roge, we have to reassure 'em.
Uh, sir, Your Excellency,
written across my heart,
in letters of affection
and respect, is the word Kasha.
Traitor!
Vile offspring of a snake!
Now... Now, wait... Wait, sir.
Don't get excited, please.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
Oh...
Well, you can forget about
the harem girls.
He blinked. You blinked.
He blinked!
Of course I blinked.
Of course he blinks.
He's Jeannie's granduncle.
It runs in the family.
What?
You have the colossal effrontery
to tell me...
Me, Suleiman,
that you are a partisan
of Kasha, our hated
and hereditary enemy?
Uh, sir, if you'll just
let me explain, I...
Take him.
[YELLS]
Hey, let's negotiate!
The only thing you'll be able
to negotiate
is whether I turn you
into a galley slave
or a keeper of the camel.
TONY:
Jeannie!
[SULEIMAN CACKLES]
Where is Major Nelson?
Major Nelson?
Oh, Major Nelson.
Oh, he's, uh... He's not here.
Well, I asked you
to have him wait.
Oh, I asked him.
I asked him, sir. He had to go.
He said he had to go.
It was urgent.
With the Kashese ambassador,
right?
Uh, a plump fellow
with two huge ones?
I-in, uh, turbans and robes?
Well, I didn't see
any Kashese, uh, ambassador.
But he was with them.
TONY [MUFFLED]:
Jeannie!
What was that?
What was that?
What was that?
Well, they're testing
the wind tunnel.
Nonsense.
That was a human voice.
Excuse me, major.
Don't go in there, sir.
Sir, sir.
Oh, uh, sir, have you noticed
that Dr. Bellows has been
acting rather strange lately?
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
[WIND BLOWING]
[BUTTON CLICKS]
[WHIRRING FADES]
I saw him.
I saw him!
He was chained to a huge plank
over his shoulders,
and those men
in the turbans and the robes,
they were standing over him.
And then, all of a sudden,
that plump one folded his arms,
and they all disappeared.
But it's true.
I saw it.
Major, in answer
to your previous question,
I'd say you were guilty
of a gross understatement.
Come along, doctor.
Now, Major Healey,
find Major Nelson
and ask him
to come to my office.
Yes, sir.
Major Healey...
It's all right.
BELLOWS: General, I tell you...
As soon as he finishes
taking care of the camels.
[♪]
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
Two, three.
One, two, three.
[GRUNTS]
Oh...
Oh, it is terrible.
It's true.
What have I done?
Shh. Quiet!
I don't wanna miss a beat.
It fouls up the other guys.
Oh, it's terrible.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, it's great. Great.
An all-expense-paid vacation,
as an anniversary present,
as a galley slave.
Do not worry, master.
I will rescue you.
Yeah, just don't talk
about it, do it.
Would you please blink me home?
Oh, I want to, master, more than
anything in the whole world.
Yeah?
But, uh, it is not that easy.
You...
What's so tough about a blink?
Well, you see, master,
blinking would not do any good.
You see,
Uncle Sully put you here,
and besides being a genie,
he's also a maharajah
and his blink
takes precedence over mine.
Oh. See, I don't want a lecture
on the ranking of genies.
Just get me home, please.
Oh, yes, master.
Instantly.
Yeah...
I will, uh...
I will talk to Uncle Sully.
Good. Good.
Yes.
[♪]
Oh, please, Uncle Sully.
Please.
He is my master and I love him.
By punishing him,
you are punishing me.
You, my dove? Never.
Besides, you don't
need him anymore.
As soon as I abdicate, you will
be the new queen of Basenji.
I do not wish to be
queen of Basenji
if I must lose my master.
You love him that much?
Does he also return your love?
Well...
Yeah. Yes, yes.
He... He does. Yes.
All right.
I am about to make
an executive decision.
I will release him.
Oh, thank you, Uncle...
Mwah! Oh!
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
On two conditions:
First, that he avenge
the honor of Basenji
for his traitorous support
of Kasha.
Oh, I'm sure he will do that.
And second, that he marry you.
Oh, I'm not so sure
he will do that.
MAN: Stroke, you
traitorous oxen, stroke!
Water!
Thanks.
Dr. Bellows...
Yes?
Do you still insist
that you saw Major Nelson
with the ambassador from Kasha?
Well, o-of course, general.
Two huge guards
in turbans and robes.
Brace yourself, doctor.
Would you come in, please.
This is Dr. Bellows.
He's had a slight accident.
Dr. Bellows,
this is His Excellency,
the ambassador from Kasha,
the emir Hamid Al Yachman.
[♪]
This is ridiculous. I can't
agree to those conditions.
Oh, well, of course, master.
I understand if you do not
wish to marry me.
I didn't say
I did not wish to marry you,
but I will not be intimidated.
Master...
What?
I think it'd be better
if you got down on your knees
as if you were proposing to me.
I'm not gonna get down
on my knees to anybody.
One, two, three, stroke.
One, two, three, stroke.
All right.
This is blackmail.
Oh, master, you know I would
not put you in this position
if it were not necessary.
Yeah.
But as long
as you're down there...
do you love me
just a little bit?
Yes, I love you very much!
Oh, Uncle Sully,
he says all right!
I did not say,
"All right."
Well, I know that
and you know that,
but Uncle Sully
does not know that.
Wait a minute.
What about the other condition?
How am I g-going to avenge
the honor of Basenji?
Oh, master,
do not worry about that.
It will probably be something
relatively easy to do.
Yeah...
Wait!
Tony.
Oh, uh, excuse me,
your most high.
This'll just take a second.
Oh, hi, Tony. Uh,
did you have a rough cruise?
Oh, listen, listen.
Thanks.
General Schaeffer wants
to see you.
He wants you to escort
the ambassador of Kasha.
What?!
Roger!
What'd I say?
Quiet, slow-witted one.
Oh, you have just supplied
the means
for Major Nelson to satisfy
the first condition.
[♪]
Tony? Tony.
What?
Wait, wait.
I got something for you.
Oh, careful.
What is that, Roger?
I've thrown this thing away
three times.
Why do you keep picking it up?
Tony, you don't want
to be a galley slave.
Besides, the ambassador's
a little guy.
I'll give him the tour
and that'll be the end of it.
Give him the tour.
Come on.
ROGER:
Yeah, give him the tour.
[♪]
Oh, it will be a pleasure
to watch Major Nelson
get rid of him.
Perfect.
Ah!
His Excellency,
the ambassador from Kasha,
the emir Hamid Al Yachman.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
It's a great honor
to meet you, sir.
Ptooey.
The honor is mine.
Hey! Oh!
Oh, uh, a-and also
an honor to present you
with this ceremonial
letter opener in honor o-of
your visit, Your Honor.
Heh-heh.
Well, that's...
That's very thoughtful
of you, major.
Isn't it, doctor?
Yes, uh, very thoughtful.
Now, uh, gentlemen,
the base is yours.
If you need anything,
just don't hesitate to call.
General,
about that letter opener.
Come, doctor.
Uh, we'll...
We'll start off
with the Simulated Space
Environmental lab, sir.
Uh, right this way.
Roger.
"Made in Basenji"?
Ptooey!
Right this way, sir.
It is dangerous in here.
TONY: Now, you'll notice, sir,
that this is a very small room.
However,
with our various devices,
we're able to simulate
the vastness of outer space.
Now I'd like to draw your
attention to the wind tunnel.
No, no.
I beg of you.
I... I am an honored guest.
Well, it's just a pointer.
I was just pointing with it.
You are trying to kill me.
[YELLS]
Sir, if you'll just wait
a minute.
When some man with a scimitar
has it pointed at your throat,
there is nothing to wait for!
[♪]
Now, this is what I call fun.
Heh-heh.
Wait a minute, sir.
[YELLS]
[GROWLING]
[BOTH YELL]
If you touch me, it means war.
I have diplomatic immunity.
Please get up, sir. I...
I can explain everything.
[CHUCKLING] Really, I can.
Can I listen?
Now for the finishing touch.
Psst.
Psst.
Psst.
Psst.
Figured you'd be
around here someplace.
Give him this.
[FIZZING]
Give it to him.
[QUIETLY]
Yeah. Yeah.
Stay there.
Please, please, please!
TONY: No, no, no.
Sir? Sir, uh, take this.
This will soothe your nerves.
Oh.
Sorry, sir. Where'd
you get it? Good idea.
From Uncle Sully
in the garbage can.
Huh?
[YELLS]
I'm... I'm sorry
I had to do that.
[GASPING] What's the matter?
[SIZZLING]
Ah! The foot, the foot.
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
You assassin!
Assassin?!
[YELLING]
Well, gentlemen,
how are things going?
So, general, this is the way
you treat an honored guest.
You turn him over
to that murderous maniac.
He tried to stab me.
To slit my throat.
To throw me into a den
of ferocious tigers.
To poison me with acid.
A den of tigers?
In the Space Environment lab?
Your Excellency, please...
No more, no more.
Kasha is going
to sever diplomatic relations
with the United States.
We are going to sell
our phinkilium to...
To Albania!
S-stop him, doctor!
Stop him!
Yes, general.
Sir, if you'd just...
Atten-hut!
You will explain nothing.
In the last 24 hours,
you have not only
driven Dr. Bellows
to the point
of a nervous breakdown,
but you have muffed
an assignment
that is vital to the future
of the space program.
Permission to speak, sir.
Permission to speak?!
[CHUCKLING]
Nelson, you'll be lucky
if you get permission
to stay in the Air Force.
[♪]
And get some decent shoes.
Well, you've always got
your job as a galley slave.
Is that lunatic
still in the g-garbage can?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What is it? What is it?
What is it?
Shh.
Gotcha!
Now, you listen to me,
maharajah of Basenji.
You and your two clowns
better stay out of my life
or you're gonna spend your life
in a NASA garbage can.
Yeah. And... And none
of your cockeyed conditions.
I'm Jeannie's master and
that's the way it's gonna stay.
You understand?
I'm sick and tired of her
and her magical nincompoops
f-fouling up my life.
I wouldn't marry her if she were
the last genie on Earth!
That's telling him, Tony.
Yeah.
Goodbye, master...
forever.
[♪]
Just calm down.
Everything's gonna be all right.
She'll probably be waiting
for you in her bottle.
She said she was gonna leave
a million times.
And will you calm down?
Hold that, will you.
What...
What are you looking for?
My keys.
Oh. Your keys.
Boy, you're in bad shape.
Listen, Roger, what did I...?
I completely lost my temper.
You think she'll ever
forgive me? Huh?
I don't know, but I don't want
to be around if she doesn't.
Oh. Oh, those are the car keys.
Here... Here's the house keys.
Look, just... Just...
Jeannie. Jeannie.
Oh, I didn't meant it.
Jeannie, he didn't mean it.
Even if he did, he's the one
who said it, not me.
I didn't do it.
This is no time to joke.
She might really be gone.
It wasn't me.
Oh, thank heavens,
here's the bottle.
Here, give me those.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Jeannie, listen.
I'm... I'm really sorry
for what I said.
I... I didn't mean it at all.
What happened was that I...
I was pretty angry
at your uncle, and...
Ah, I hope you'll forgive me.
[♪]
Maybe she didn't hear you.
[SIGHS]
Jeannie, come on out.
I-I brought you some flowers.
There's nothing in there.
What?
TONY:
And she left me a note.
What's the matter?
You read it.
Well, I think she really
left you this time.
[ECHOING] Well, I think she
really left you this time.
I think she really left you
this time.
I think she really left you
this time.
I think she really left you
this time.
[♪]
[SIGHS]
I got it. I got it.
Yeah.
Oh. What, Major Healey?
Tell me, quick.
I got it.
Why don't you give him
a briefcase? Huh?
The one he's got
is falling apart.
Major Healey, my master and I
are celebrating
five years together
as master and genie.
This... This gift
must be something special.
Yeah, something special.
Something special.
Hey, if you want to give him
the kind of present
a wife would give him,
give him a tie.
Is that what wives
usually give husbands?
All the time.
Oh, well, all right.
[♪] What...?
What's that?
A Thai...
from Thailand.
I wonder if I should
have him gift-wrapped.
Just what Tony needed:
A half a set of Siamese twins.
That's great. Not...
Not a foreign Thai.
A foreign hand tie.
Oh, that kind of a tie.
Yes.
[RUMBLING]
Oh!
Hey. What was that?
Oh, major.
Oh, oh, I am sorry.
You will not be needed. Heh.
[SIGHS]
Well...
It's for you.
Oh.
Uncle Sully!
My little Jeannie.
Will you...?
Will you let me down? You know,
guys, heh, I'm with her.
Oh, Uncle Sully,
you have not changed a bit.
Oh, a few last hairs
and a little plumper,
but you, my dove,
you have blossomed into a woman.
ROGER:
Jeannie. Jeannie.
Oh, I am sorry.
This is my very dear friend,
Major Healey.
Major, this is
my granduncle Suleiman,
maharajah of Basenji.
Oh, granduncle, yes.
Maharajah, no.
I have abdicated.
You, my niece, will be
the new queen of Basenji.
Oh, oh. Oh, no. No.
Salaam to the new queen.
Oh, uncle, no.
I could not.
Uh, Your Majesty,
as your first official act,
would you mind
getting me down from here?
Oh!
[GROANS]
Thank you, uncle.
Oh, Major Healey, I have
the most marvelous idea.
I know just what to give
my master for our anniversary.
What?
A country.
Oh, my master, the king.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Now, if Major Nelson is
to be maharajah of Basenji,
we must investigate him
thoroughly.
So we will wait. Sit down.
[♪]
Now, Major Nelson,
I want you to understand
that this assignment is
just as important to the program
as your last moon flight.
Well, isn't there
someone else, sir?
I-I'm not very well versed
in diplomatic protocol.
I'm apt to agree with you,
major, but that's not the point.
The State Department promised
the ambassador of Kasha
that an astronaut would show him
and his party around the base.
Kasha?
Hmm.
SCHAEFFER: Yes.
Kasha has the only deposits
of refineable phinkilium,
a rare metal that we must have
for the propulsion system
of the Saturn 12.
Um, exactly where is Kasha, sir?
Uh, it's in the Mideast.
Uh, it shares borders
with Russia, Afghanistan
and an insignificant
little emirate called, uh,
uh, Basenji.
Oh, yes, here.
Now, your job, Major Nelson...
[QUIETLY] Your Majesty.
Hi, Roge.
What'd you call me?
Oh, uh, nothing, Your Highness.
Well, what are you
talking about, Roge?
Not me. Not Roge.
Mum's the word.
When I keep a secret,
I really keep a secret. See?
[♪]
[CHUCKLES]
Oh.
Oh!
Well, you must be...
Major Anthony Nelson?
Yes.
Salaam!
Oh, local custom, huh?
Salaam!
Now, Major...
No. Arise.
The Most High kneels to no one.
Oh. Heh-heh.
Well, thank you.
You know, major, I have
had good reports of you.
But, uh, my country
is very dear to my heart.
So before I make
this final decision,
I must investigate you
thoroughly.
I understand, sir.
I'll make myself
at your disposal.
Major Nelson, I just wondered...
Oh, they're here, I see.
Yes.
Salaam!
I beg your pardon.
Uh, it's a local custom, sir.
He wants you to kneel.
In Cocoa Beach?
Please, sir.
Oh, of course.
Not to me, to him.
You want me to salaam
to Major Nelson?
Remember the phinkilium, sir.
Oh...
You may rise, sir.
Well, I see that you're all
getting along quite swimmingly,
so I'll... I'll just report
to the general, uh,
that you're here.
Uh, gentlemen.
Oh, uh...
Uh, effendi.
A, uh... Effendi.
Well, slow down, doctor.
The... The ambassador from Kasha
isn't supposed to be here
until late this afternoon.
Sir, I have just come
from Major Nelson's office,
where I saw them
with my own eyes.
They... They made me
salaam to Major Nelson.
Salaam?
[CHUCKLES]
To... To Major Nelson?
Yes, sir.
In the interest
of the phinkilium,
I thought it was best
to humor them.
Ah, come along, doctor.
I'd like to meet
this ambassador from Kasha.
[♪]
TONY: Just step in this
way please, gentlemen.
Now, in this room
we simulate conditions
of inner and outer space.
And I think you'll find this
room particularly interesting.
It's the wind tunnel.
Uh, in this room
we test air draft.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, well, thank you.
Uh, now, this generates heat
as well as wind velocities
up to 2000 miles per hour.
Now, if you'll look
at those giant blades
in the back,
that's what gives it...
Uh, please feel free to look
around and just enjoy yourself.
Take all the time you want.
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Roge.
Uncle Sull...
Are you really going
through with this thing?
I have to.
It's in the national interest.
ROGER: Oh, well, if
you need any help,
I'll be glad to give you a hand.
Thanks, Roge.
Uh, you're probably having
your own harem and, uh,
you could maybe get me one
and we can double-date.
Harem?
What are you talking about?
Swell.
Now that you're the maharajah,
you're gonna forget
about your old buddies?
I don't know
what's going through your head,
but the only reason
I'm doing this is
because NASA wants the mineral
rights to the phinkilium.
What did you say?
Uh, uh, the phinkilium, sir.
I was, uh, explaining
to my colleague
that the major resource
of Kasha is phinkilium.
And you are
a supporter of Kasha?
Yes, sir. We all are.
Tony, this-those guys...
Roge, we have to reassure 'em.
Uh, sir, Your Excellency,
written across my heart,
in letters of affection
and respect, is the word Kasha.
Traitor!
Vile offspring of a snake!
Now... Now, wait... Wait, sir.
Don't get excited, please.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
Oh...
Well, you can forget about
the harem girls.
He blinked. You blinked.
He blinked!
Of course I blinked.
Of course he blinks.
He's Jeannie's granduncle.
It runs in the family.
What?
You have the colossal effrontery
to tell me...
Me, Suleiman,
that you are a partisan
of Kasha, our hated
and hereditary enemy?
Uh, sir, if you'll just
let me explain, I...
Take him.
[YELLS]
Hey, let's negotiate!
The only thing you'll be able
to negotiate
is whether I turn you
into a galley slave
or a keeper of the camel.
TONY:
Jeannie!
[SULEIMAN CACKLES]
Where is Major Nelson?
Major Nelson?
Oh, Major Nelson.
Oh, he's, uh... He's not here.
Well, I asked you
to have him wait.
Oh, I asked him.
I asked him, sir. He had to go.
He said he had to go.
It was urgent.
With the Kashese ambassador,
right?
Uh, a plump fellow
with two huge ones?
I-in, uh, turbans and robes?
Well, I didn't see
any Kashese, uh, ambassador.
But he was with them.
TONY [MUFFLED]:
Jeannie!
What was that?
What was that?
What was that?
Well, they're testing
the wind tunnel.
Nonsense.
That was a human voice.
Excuse me, major.
Don't go in there, sir.
Sir, sir.
Oh, uh, sir, have you noticed
that Dr. Bellows has been
acting rather strange lately?
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
[WIND BLOWING]
[BUTTON CLICKS]
[WHIRRING FADES]
I saw him.
I saw him!
He was chained to a huge plank
over his shoulders,
and those men
in the turbans and the robes,
they were standing over him.
And then, all of a sudden,
that plump one folded his arms,
and they all disappeared.
But it's true.
I saw it.
Major, in answer
to your previous question,
I'd say you were guilty
of a gross understatement.
Come along, doctor.
Now, Major Healey,
find Major Nelson
and ask him
to come to my office.
Yes, sir.
Major Healey...
It's all right.
BELLOWS: General, I tell you...
As soon as he finishes
taking care of the camels.
[♪]
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
Two, three.
One, two, three.
[GRUNTS]
Oh...
Oh, it is terrible.
It's true.
What have I done?
Shh. Quiet!
I don't wanna miss a beat.
It fouls up the other guys.
Oh, it's terrible.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, it's great. Great.
An all-expense-paid vacation,
as an anniversary present,
as a galley slave.
Do not worry, master.
I will rescue you.
Yeah, just don't talk
about it, do it.
Would you please blink me home?
Oh, I want to, master, more than
anything in the whole world.
Yeah?
But, uh, it is not that easy.
You...
What's so tough about a blink?
Well, you see, master,
blinking would not do any good.
You see,
Uncle Sully put you here,
and besides being a genie,
he's also a maharajah
and his blink
takes precedence over mine.
Oh. See, I don't want a lecture
on the ranking of genies.
Just get me home, please.
Oh, yes, master.
Instantly.
Yeah...
I will, uh...
I will talk to Uncle Sully.
Good. Good.
Yes.
[♪]
Oh, please, Uncle Sully.
Please.
He is my master and I love him.
By punishing him,
you are punishing me.
You, my dove? Never.
Besides, you don't
need him anymore.
As soon as I abdicate, you will
be the new queen of Basenji.
I do not wish to be
queen of Basenji
if I must lose my master.
You love him that much?
Does he also return your love?
Well...
Yeah. Yes, yes.
He... He does. Yes.
All right.
I am about to make
an executive decision.
I will release him.
Oh, thank you, Uncle...
Mwah! Oh!
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
On two conditions:
First, that he avenge
the honor of Basenji
for his traitorous support
of Kasha.
Oh, I'm sure he will do that.
And second, that he marry you.
Oh, I'm not so sure
he will do that.
MAN: Stroke, you
traitorous oxen, stroke!
Water!
Thanks.
Dr. Bellows...
Yes?
Do you still insist
that you saw Major Nelson
with the ambassador from Kasha?
Well, o-of course, general.
Two huge guards
in turbans and robes.
Brace yourself, doctor.
Would you come in, please.
This is Dr. Bellows.
He's had a slight accident.
Dr. Bellows,
this is His Excellency,
the ambassador from Kasha,
the emir Hamid Al Yachman.
[♪]
This is ridiculous. I can't
agree to those conditions.
Oh, well, of course, master.
I understand if you do not
wish to marry me.
I didn't say
I did not wish to marry you,
but I will not be intimidated.
Master...
What?
I think it'd be better
if you got down on your knees
as if you were proposing to me.
I'm not gonna get down
on my knees to anybody.
One, two, three, stroke.
One, two, three, stroke.
All right.
This is blackmail.
Oh, master, you know I would
not put you in this position
if it were not necessary.
Yeah.
But as long
as you're down there...
do you love me
just a little bit?
Yes, I love you very much!
Oh, Uncle Sully,
he says all right!
I did not say,
"All right."
Well, I know that
and you know that,
but Uncle Sully
does not know that.
Wait a minute.
What about the other condition?
How am I g-going to avenge
the honor of Basenji?
Oh, master,
do not worry about that.
It will probably be something
relatively easy to do.
Yeah...
Wait!
Tony.
Oh, uh, excuse me,
your most high.
This'll just take a second.
Oh, hi, Tony. Uh,
did you have a rough cruise?
Oh, listen, listen.
Thanks.
General Schaeffer wants
to see you.
He wants you to escort
the ambassador of Kasha.
What?!
Roger!
What'd I say?
Quiet, slow-witted one.
Oh, you have just supplied
the means
for Major Nelson to satisfy
the first condition.
[♪]
Tony? Tony.
What?
Wait, wait.
I got something for you.
Oh, careful.
What is that, Roger?
I've thrown this thing away
three times.
Why do you keep picking it up?
Tony, you don't want
to be a galley slave.
Besides, the ambassador's
a little guy.
I'll give him the tour
and that'll be the end of it.
Give him the tour.
Come on.
ROGER:
Yeah, give him the tour.
[♪]
Oh, it will be a pleasure
to watch Major Nelson
get rid of him.
Perfect.
Ah!
His Excellency,
the ambassador from Kasha,
the emir Hamid Al Yachman.
[MAGIC BOINGS]
It's a great honor
to meet you, sir.
Ptooey.
The honor is mine.
Hey! Oh!
Oh, uh, a-and also
an honor to present you
with this ceremonial
letter opener in honor o-of
your visit, Your Honor.
Heh-heh.
Well, that's...
That's very thoughtful
of you, major.
Isn't it, doctor?
Yes, uh, very thoughtful.
Now, uh, gentlemen,
the base is yours.
If you need anything,
just don't hesitate to call.
General,
about that letter opener.
Come, doctor.
Uh, we'll...
We'll start off
with the Simulated Space
Environmental lab, sir.
Uh, right this way.
Roger.
"Made in Basenji"?
Ptooey!
Right this way, sir.
It is dangerous in here.
TONY: Now, you'll notice, sir,
that this is a very small room.
However,
with our various devices,
we're able to simulate
the vastness of outer space.
Now I'd like to draw your
attention to the wind tunnel.
No, no.
I beg of you.
I... I am an honored guest.
Well, it's just a pointer.
I was just pointing with it.
You are trying to kill me.
[YELLS]
Sir, if you'll just wait
a minute.
When some man with a scimitar
has it pointed at your throat,
there is nothing to wait for!
[♪]
Now, this is what I call fun.
Heh-heh.
Wait a minute, sir.
[YELLS]
[GROWLING]
[BOTH YELL]
If you touch me, it means war.
I have diplomatic immunity.
Please get up, sir. I...
I can explain everything.
[CHUCKLING] Really, I can.
Can I listen?
Now for the finishing touch.
Psst.
Psst.
Psst.
Psst.
Figured you'd be
around here someplace.
Give him this.
[FIZZING]
Give it to him.
[QUIETLY]
Yeah. Yeah.
Stay there.
Please, please, please!
TONY: No, no, no.
Sir? Sir, uh, take this.
This will soothe your nerves.
Oh.
Sorry, sir. Where'd
you get it? Good idea.
From Uncle Sully
in the garbage can.
Huh?
[YELLS]
I'm... I'm sorry
I had to do that.
[GASPING] What's the matter?
[SIZZLING]
Ah! The foot, the foot.
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
You assassin!
Assassin?!
[YELLING]
Well, gentlemen,
how are things going?
So, general, this is the way
you treat an honored guest.
You turn him over
to that murderous maniac.
He tried to stab me.
To slit my throat.
To throw me into a den
of ferocious tigers.
To poison me with acid.
A den of tigers?
In the Space Environment lab?
Your Excellency, please...
No more, no more.
Kasha is going
to sever diplomatic relations
with the United States.
We are going to sell
our phinkilium to...
To Albania!
S-stop him, doctor!
Stop him!
Yes, general.
Sir, if you'd just...
Atten-hut!
You will explain nothing.
In the last 24 hours,
you have not only
driven Dr. Bellows
to the point
of a nervous breakdown,
but you have muffed
an assignment
that is vital to the future
of the space program.
Permission to speak, sir.
Permission to speak?!
[CHUCKLING]
Nelson, you'll be lucky
if you get permission
to stay in the Air Force.
[♪]
And get some decent shoes.
Well, you've always got
your job as a galley slave.
Is that lunatic
still in the g-garbage can?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What is it? What is it?
What is it?
Shh.
Gotcha!
Now, you listen to me,
maharajah of Basenji.
You and your two clowns
better stay out of my life
or you're gonna spend your life
in a NASA garbage can.
Yeah. And... And none
of your cockeyed conditions.
I'm Jeannie's master and
that's the way it's gonna stay.
You understand?
I'm sick and tired of her
and her magical nincompoops
f-fouling up my life.
I wouldn't marry her if she were
the last genie on Earth!
That's telling him, Tony.
Yeah.
Goodbye, master...
forever.
[♪]
Just calm down.
Everything's gonna be all right.
She'll probably be waiting
for you in her bottle.
She said she was gonna leave
a million times.
And will you calm down?
Hold that, will you.
What...
What are you looking for?
My keys.
Oh. Your keys.
Boy, you're in bad shape.
Listen, Roger, what did I...?
I completely lost my temper.
You think she'll ever
forgive me? Huh?
I don't know, but I don't want
to be around if she doesn't.
Oh. Oh, those are the car keys.
Here... Here's the house keys.
Look, just... Just...
Jeannie. Jeannie.
Oh, I didn't meant it.
Jeannie, he didn't mean it.
Even if he did, he's the one
who said it, not me.
I didn't do it.
This is no time to joke.
She might really be gone.
It wasn't me.
Oh, thank heavens,
here's the bottle.
Here, give me those.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Jeannie, listen.
I'm... I'm really sorry
for what I said.
I... I didn't mean it at all.
What happened was that I...
I was pretty angry
at your uncle, and...
Ah, I hope you'll forgive me.
[♪]
Maybe she didn't hear you.
[SIGHS]
Jeannie, come on out.
I-I brought you some flowers.
There's nothing in there.
What?
TONY:
And she left me a note.
What's the matter?
You read it.
Well, I think she really
left you this time.
[ECHOING] Well, I think she
really left you this time.
I think she really left you
this time.
I think she really left you
this time.
I think she really left you
this time.
[♪]