House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 3, Episode 6 - House of Lies - full transcript

At the DollaHyde sneaker launch party, Marty is tested by Dre and considers a double cross. Meanwhile, Jeannie learns that Lukas has become suspicious of their plan. A displaced Clyde tries to make headway with Marty, and Doug makes a fatal mistake.

Previously on House of Lies:

You don't trust us?

That's all right,
I don't trust you, either.

But you do like me.

Marissa, I can get you the
whole McClintock media group.

But you have to do exactly
what I tell you to do.

It's McClintock.

Hand-delivered by Judas.

I will not fuck this up.
This would be huge

for Kaan and Associates.

Just out of curiosity,

which associate am I?

Did you see the redhead?
Which one is that?

She's the one
I told you about. Caitlin?

She has a boyfriend.

Oh, that's fine.
Apparently, you have a wife?

Oh, yeah, no.
I wasn't, uh...

You're smart and
you're attractive.

But no one's gonna
hand you anything.

My sneakers will
absolutely fuckin' work.

Decision's been made.

All the capital stays
with the clothing line,

and Lukas gets 100%

of nothing but a shoe.

Marty's probably
getting a bikini wax

for his date with Dre.
'Cause he so wants

to fuck that guy.

You know, what
we're about to do,

there's no coming
back from that.

I bet you never been to
a party like this before,

have you, Marty Kaan?

- I have not.
- Yeah.

Dancing bitches are great and
all, but this right here?

This shit never gets old.

All right!

Whoa, whoa.

Check out that!
Hey, he got

his balls taken out
about two weeks ago.

He ain't even got
his Neuticles yet,

and look at him go.

I'm proud as hell, though.

Manny Ribera, you do
your thing, man.

Establish dominance!

Whoa, man.
Knock that shit off.

A tip.
What do you mean, knock it off?

He liked it, you liked it, man,
don't you, man?

Don't you like it?
Stand still.

Don't move. Let him finish.

Oh, he-he finishes?

Hell, yeah, all over the place.

Come on, man,
you know you like it.

Hey, anyway, you better not

be skimping on the champagne,
you cheap motherfucker, you.

Motherfucker, does it look like

I skimped on anything in here?

Hey, speaking of...

To the Soldier sneaker line.
All right.

The brand expansion that's gonna
take DollaHyde to the next level.

I'll drink to that.

Sky's the limit, baby.

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.


That is some
exquisite-tasting bullshit.

Just think:

all of this for a product line

guaranteed never to exist.

Well... welcome to the DollaHyde
Trojan horse party.

That shiny object
keeping Lukas distracted

while he unknowingly cedes
complete control of his company.


You're goddamn right!

Morally questionable?

I guess.

But at the end of the day,

with his big baller
drug-dealing ties

and his ball-less
leg-humping dog,

Lukas is a corporate cancer.

So Lukas has got to go.


It's a sneaker.

I like it.

It's an interesting colorway.

Looks like they pulled
a little inspiration

from the, uh, Nike Dunk Highs.

I did my homework.

That's what you were
looking for, right?

I've been told my, um...

good-natured playfulness

sometimes comes across
as mean-spirited.

Oh, there he is.

Uh, excuse me, I'm just
gonna give my gift

to Lukas.
You brought a gift?

Uh, yeah.
It's a party.

I always bring
a gift to a party.

Janet Guggenheim
didn't raise no fool.

Normally, I'd bring

scented votive candles,
you know?

But that hardly
seemed appropriate.

Then I was thinking maybe

a nice bottle of champagne,

but I didn't want to be
the ignorant white guy

whose only knowledge of black
culture comes from rap videos.

We all know it's
much more than that.

It's a lot more than that.

What did you bring?

Box of chocolates.

Are you...

...are you serious?

Uh, yeah. Why?

You brought a box of chocolates
as a gift...

for a black man?

Hold on. That's....

that's not a thing.

That wouldn't be a...

Oh, my God,
that's a thing, isn't it?

Please tell me
you're kidding, Doug.

Uh, no.

What kind of chocolates
did you bring?

Dark chocolates.
Jesus Christ, Doug!

No! My God!
It's the worst kind.

Chocolates, of course...

All right.
Hey, listen, could you not...

Marty's not gonna hear
about it from me.

Thank you. Thank you.
But I-I can't guarantee that...

Oh, my God, chocolate,
they would never...

He actually thinks
that's a thing.

See? Playful.

Oh, ah...




Feel good?

Bet that shit feels real good,

huh, Marty?

Lukas said you should
take them prototypes

out for a stroll.

Get a real feel for the product.

It's his night, Marty.

It is his night.

Yeah. All right.
Take a little stroll.

I-I can actually do
this part by myself.

Lukas said not to let 'em
out of my sight.

Shit's valuable, Marty.

Okay, got it.
Got it.

All right, here we go.

A little Cuervo Gold on top.


Came up with this little
concoction back in college.

I call it "Attica, 1971,"

because chaos and riots
are known to ensue.


For those who like their drinks

historically pretentious.

You hit it again,
new guy. Well done.

Well, I can make you
something else.

Oh, no, I won't be
drinking tonight.

One little nervous breakdown

and suddenly you're sober?

Gotta stay sharp, boss lady.

But you, by all means, please,
please, please drink. Oh, can I?


I mean, how else will slutty Jeannie
make an appearance tonight?

Mmm, mmm!

Oh, is it delicious?

So good, Clyde.
Is that really good?

It's so good.
Alcohol ends up being really delicious?

You guys are fucked-up.

I like it.

You make a hell
of a drink, Twenty.

Thank you.
Hmm, why would you

call Ghetto Clark Kent "Twenty"?

Will's nickname in college.

You haven't heard this story?

Ooh... Oh, oh, you'll love this.
This is great.

No, no, it's true.
I feel like I won't love it.

You will, you will.

All right, so they were, uh...

they were doing this...
this shoot for Perfect 10

at my school.

"Perfect Tens of the Big Ten,"
some shit like that.

Anyway, later that night,

some of the girls show up
at this party we were having,

one thing led to another, and...

Will had a threesome
with two Perfect Tens.

Oh, him?
He did that

with two Perfect...
Oh, my God!

Fuck! Oh, my...
That never happened.

Oh, yeah?
Because it did.

Yes, it did.
Fuck that.

You believe that story?

Coming from this?

Yeah, I do.

I've had a threesome before.

That's why we call you Six.


Oh, shit!

Look at Jeannie, comin' strong!

Oh... why don't you calm
the fuck down, new guy, huh?

Actually, Clyde,

I've been at K&A
for a couple of months.

You've been here, what, a week?

New guy?



That's not how we roll.

You know what?

I'm gonna do a lap.

Enjoy your little
drinks, all right?

I think he likes me.

Thank you.
The fuck out.

Go, man.

You know, I don't
remember seeing you

at the DollaHyde offices.

That's 'cause I don't
work for DollaHyde.


Work for Lukas?

Yeah, that's right.

You know, I was
just wondering, um...

where on the gangster
hierarchy scale

does, uh, "shoe bodyguard" fit?

I mean, what are we looking at?

Drug dealer, killer...

Or is it killer, drug dealer,

thug, shoe...

I'm fuckin' with you.

Come on, man.
What the fuck is this?

Lukas wanted me to
let you know, he knows.

He knows what?

He knows everything.

About the sneaker line
being some bullshit.

About... yeah, about
how you and Dre

are trying to push him
out of his own company.

Jesus, come on, listen...
Uh-huh, that's right.

Look, I always knew
that Lukas was a little...

I'll be nice and say "off."

But this?

This is some President Nixon

paranoid-level type shit.

Mmm... hmm.

See, this is my favorite
part, right here.

See just how long a
bullshitter will keep

bullshitting until
he starts to lose it.

Are you fucking...

What, are we supposed
to fight now?

I'm just playin'.

Man, fuck you.

Relax, Marty.

I'm here because Lukas has
a proposition for you.

He wants your help.

Well, outside of
a good therapist

to recommend, I can't help him.

You know what? Yeah.

Let's go talk to Lukas.

Let's go.
All right, all right, all right, Marty.

You say it's all bullshit,
it's all bullshit.

I'll pass it along.

But I can guarantee you

that Lukas will pay
a hell of a lot more

than whatever Dre is paying.

Do you hear me?
So you still want

to stick with
your story or what?

You still want
to stick with yours?

I keep blowing it with Jeannie.

I mean, I don't know what else I can do.

I have worked harder at this
than anything in my entire life.

Where am I?

I hear you.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not
cut out for this job.

No, no.
God, that would suck.

Hey, but this is nice, right?


Two coworkers having
a nice smoke.

And getting to know each other.

Learning about
each other's dreams,

- hopes, fears...
- Fuck is wrong with you, man?

Lukas told you to keep an eye on him.
Look, man, I did.

The fucking dog must've got into
something when I wasn't looking.

Yeah, you breaking this shit
to him after the party.

All right, cool.
And I'm gonna be

finding something
to wrap your ass in.

You ain't gonna wrap
any damn thing.

No, no, no, no, no.

No! No, you're right.

I am Caitlin Hobart,

and I have never
failed at anything,

and I am just gonna go in there,

and I'm gonna work
twice as hard.

That a girl, okay.
Hey, you know what?

Excuse me for just one second?

Um, I-I, um, be right back.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where you been?

I was just hanging out
with Slim Walter.

You know Slim Walter.


Yeah, Slim Walter's the guy

you sent to me,
see if I was gonna sell you out.

It's that obvious, huh?

It might've worked
on anybody else.

You know, don't beat
yourself up about it.

Said you held you own
under pressure.

He was impressed.

Wait, what?
Slim Walter was impressed?


Hey, uh, bartender!

Round of drinks for everybody.

I fucking impressed Slim Walter.

Nigga, calm down, all right?

I needed to see if you were
just about the money.

Do you know how badly I could've
soaked you by now, Dre?

I could've fucking taken you

to the goddamn cleaners.

And you try this shit with me?


I don't know you like that yet.

Oh, okay.

I hired you to do a job.

So, you let me know

when you're done
whining about this.

Because we still got shit to do.

Now, enjoy yourself.
It's a celebration!


Fucking dick.

Feeling a little displaced?

Do you have any idea
how tedious these things are

when you're not drinking?


You see your boy?

I will bet you 50 bucks

that Twenty over there
strikes out

with the Bishop... you want in?

Oh, you're on.

Oh, okay!

Are you fucking serious?

Just tell me
he sucks at his job.

He sucks at his job.

Nah, really?

No, he's very, very good.

He's good?

Great. Fantastic.

I fucked up.

I know, this is gonna be the
easiest 50 bucks I've ever made.

Going over to Monica's?

Going against Marty?

I mean, how fucking
stupid could I be?

And now, I mean,

forget about working my way up.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have to bust my ass
just to one day maybe,

maybe gain a tiny bit
of trust back.

Yeah, going to Monica's was

the stupidest decision
you've ever made.

It might be the stupidest
decision anyone's ever made.

Thank you.
Like, in the history of ever.

Jesus Chri...
You know, it's like

a Wile E. Coyote plan,
but somehow

with less forethought.

Okay, thank you.
It was a bad move.

Just saying.
Stop it!

But, Clyde?

The idea behind it...

you know,
not putting all of your eggs

in the Marty Kaan basket...

that was smart.

Did you two ever fuck?

Welcome back, Clyde.
Mmm. It's good to be back.


Can I talk to you for a minute?


What up, Clyde?


Hello, Marissa McClintock's
room, please.

What's up?

We may be switching sides,

exposing the double cross
to Lukas

and see if we can't, you know,
leverage it for our advantage.

Why? What happened
with Dre?

Oh, fuck Dre, okay?

He turned out to be a completely
unpredictable asshole.

So, you want someone
more predictable?

Like Lukas?

Well, at least he's
a manageable asshole.

Well, now I know we're talking
about two different people.

Jeannie, I...
I don't see the advantage.

You don't need to see it, okay?

I see it.

Vodka, neat.


Did you and Dre break up?

God, I liked you so much better
when I was your boss.

Hmm, do you think this
conversation would be going

any differently
if you still were?

Listen, I need you
to feel Lukas out, okay?

Figure out if we expose
this double cross, I...

can he keep his emotions
in check so we got a play?

Or is he gonna, you know, try
to go all scorched earth on us?

Can you do that?

Oh, sure thing, chief.

And thanks for the
plum assignment.

I'll get cracking
on it tout de suite.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I'm asking; I'm not ordering.

Okay, I'd do it myself,
but I'm not a blonde seven

with perky tits.
Excuse me?

A seven?

I don't want you
getting a big head.

Yeah, no danger there, Marty.

Okay, tout de suite.

I get it!

Nike changed the game,
Air Jordans, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah...?
I'm just saying...

Hold up, hey! Where Lukas?

Hey, Lukas? Hey, come holler
at me real quick, man.

What's up?

Hey, so shorty right here,

she trying to tell us

that Adidas is better than Nike.

I did not say "better."

I just said you can't discount
the cultural relevance

Adidas has.

Man, fuck cultural relevance.

Of course,
there is that argument.

Okay, all right, Miss Smarty
Pants, you know it all?

Such a sneaker head, tell me
what Lukas got on right now.

Yeah, a real sneaker head
would've noticed them earlier.

True. No peeking.

High-top Air Force Ones.

Big fan
of the reflective swoosh.

'07s, yeah?

You can go lick your wound
over there, partner.

I got some business I need
to talk about with her.

Whoosh! Nothing but net.

Three points!
Oh, yeah?

Bam! That's how you like it?
Right in the rim, huh?

Right on the... No.

Hey, you know that, uh...

that offer to check
out my collection

still stands.

That's very tempting.

But I think we should
just keep this professional.

Yes, professional.

Like, what if I were to tell you

that I wanted someone with
real respect for the product

to run point on this consult?

I would tell you that I am still
not going to sleep with you.

That's your loss,
but the job is still yours.



So, I put you in charge
of consulting

the entire Soldier sneaker line,

and all you have
to say is, "Oh"?

Not even a smile?

What the fuck is wrong?

I thought you people
liked promotions.

No... Yes, I mean, um...
I thought you...

This... Thank you.
This is very exciting.

We gonna finish this.

What the fuck is this, man?

You said you
always wanted one, right?

Yeah, I mean, but...

Well, this is a little present

for putting in
all that hard work.

My man.


Yeah, sit on the joint,
see how it feel like.

Ah. Come on, show Lukas
some love, y'all.

Come on, bring some love.

Give him some love.
Come on.

Hi. Hey. Hi.

Can I please talk to you

for-for just one minute?

Thank you.

Hey, Jeannie, everything's fine.

Who says it's not?
Excuse us.

Oh, my God!

You killed his dog?!

Caitlin, goddamn it!
Doug, that's horrible!

I know! I know!

You think I don't know?

God, I...

I feel terrible about it.

I feel sick about it.

I love animals!

No one loves animals
more than me.

Oh, my God!

Every year, I give...

I give my $25 to the ASPCA.

No questions asked, you know?

And-and I even use those
ugly address labels

just to get the word out.

Oh, you poor thing.

Do you want me to be there

when you tell Lukas?

You are gonna tell him, right?

Uh... yeah.


Um, I can't not tell him.

I mean, I could not tell him.

Is that what you're getting at?

No, you're saying tell him.

Oh! Which I will.
I will tell him.

What up, Joshua Jackson?


'Cause you're all Pacey;
the name of the character

on Dawson's...

Don't listen to me.
I've had a lot to drink.

What you think,
because I'm a black man,

I've never seen the Creek
before, Jeannie?

Did I just racially profile you?

A little bit.


This looks confusing.

Not that much.

You see, um...

got your brake...


And that's about it.

So, um, why exactly you think

Dre gave me this bike?


despite the way he acts,

he respects and appreciates you.

Now, given your profession,

you should be a little bit
better at bullshitting.

You know, before he got married,

Dre had this rotation
of females he used to fuck.

My, you have an odd
sense of foreplay.

Each one of them got
a piece of jewelry.

The longer they were
in the rotation,

the more expensive the piece.

But once you got it...

that's it.
It was over.

This party...

this bike...

even these shoes...

They're parting gifts,

aren't they?

My expensive pieces of jewelry.

Dre intends to move on
without me, doesn't he?

At least that's the plan, right?

You think you got
all the information

you need down here now?

Lukas, I...

Yeah, I bet you better
get back to the...

Hey, Jeannie. Jeannie!

Marty! I got
good news, man.

I just get off
the phone with Marissa.

She says hello, by the way.

Great. Tell her hi.
And who the fuck is she? Yeah.

Are you fucking...?
The girl I'm dating, Marissa.

The black sheep of the McClintock
Family Media empire.

That's not a racist word, black sheep.

Yes, I know who that is.

Yes, the piece of business that
I hired you for

that you've yet
to fucking close on.

I'm about to close on it, okay?
Do tell.

She was talking to Julian Zannino.

Yeah. Hedge fund guy
out of New York.

You heard of him?
I know who that is.

I think he could be the
leverage we need

to wrestle control
of the business from her siblings.

He's gonna be here in a couple weeks.
And guess what, daddy?

I set up a meeting with him.
Beautiful. We'll talk to him

in a couple weeks, okay?
No, you know what, actually?

Is it possible
to chat things out now?

It is. Okay, I think...
Wait... no.

If we... Marty, I think
when he gets...

He's a busy dude, though, okay?

Are you fucking kidding me?


So? Lukas knows Dre
is trying to push

him out of the company.

And he thinks we're involved,

so it's not great.
Great job, Jeannie.

Don't even try
to pin this on me.

How the fuck did he know?

That thought was in his head way
before I even approached him.

If we're gonna make a move

to win him over, Marty,
we gotta do it now.

So, this one still pissed at me?

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Go work the other
boss, sweetheart.

Give us a minute.

I was thinking about
our conversation earlier.

Ah, fuck it, man.
It's just business, right?

Yeah, that's true.

But it didn't have
to be, though.

And if I was you,
I would probably say something like,

"Man, fuck that

Yeah, I was going with "asshole,"
but you know,

is an acceptable option,

if that was...

But come on, man. I mean,
somebody like yourself,

I mean, you got to understand
what that was about.

Now, look. I trust
you, Marty, all right?

And I respect you.

But gotta know, man,
putting my future

in someone else's hands,
even yours...

that shit ain't easy.

I get it.

So we good?

We good.

My man.

But we have a brand-new
exciting problem to fuck with.

Whoa, Doug!

Jesus Christ, slow down, man!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I gotta tell a gangster
that I killed his dog.

You have to do what now?

It was an accident.

Okay. So Doug did not
kill a dog in cold blood.

Has anyone spoken
to Lukas tonight?

I'm about to,
and I'm going in hard.

Uh, what's wrong with Lukas?

He's put some pieces togethe

and I just want to make sure
that none of us have helped him.

I haven't said a word
to him all night.

All right, fuck it.
Let's do this!

No more Mr. Nice Doug.

Oh, he killed Lukas' dog.

Of course he did.
Of course!

Hey, hey, hey!

Guess who's got two thumbs
and a blowie from a Bishop

under his belt?


Oh! Oh, fuck!

Oh, sorry, Jeannie.
I'm sorry about that.

Let me rinse 'em off.

Don't touch my feet!
Don't touch my feet!

Get away from my feet!
Get away from my feet!

Get away from...
Oh, it's so squishy. Oh!

How are you not even looking
behind you?

What is wrong with you?

Oh, it's nothing.
I just fucked up

and possibly cost us one
of our biggest clients.

Oh, God, Will! Jesus!

Where did everybody go?

Shit, I don't know,
away from you,

you fucking disgusting
piece of shit!

Can we get
a couple waters, please?

Put your number

in my phone, girl.
We gonna talk later.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Shoot, what the fuck
is wrong with you, Doug?

Listen, motherfucker...

I killed your dog.

Really funny.

What the fuck
you talking about, man?

I killed your dog,
and I'm fucking...



Where's Manny?

Vernon was watching him.

Where's my dog?

Look, man, I was upstairs,

but then I had to go
to the bathroom

'cause I spilled
something on my shoe...

I know good and goddamn...

Lukas, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

How the fuck could you do
such a thing?

I didn't! Not on purpose
I didn't!

I swear to God!
Here's the thing.

I didn't understand
the stigma of gift chocolates

in the black community.

Whoa. The stigma
of gift chocolates?

What the fuck
you talking about, man?

Hey, man, don't play dumb
with me.

How black people
are offended by chocolates.

I didn't know.

Black people are offended
by white people

who come to their parties and

kill their goddamn dog.

Ugh! Black people
are offended by everything.

What the fuck you talking about, man?
No, now you

should be!
You have every right to be!

I would be, too, if I was...
I wasn't thinking!

I didn't...
Yo, Lukas...

want to do about this, man?

Nothing! Nothing!

You don't want
to do anything, 'cause...

It's-It's the Gugg.

It's the Gugg!
Honestly, I didn't

even think about it.
I grew up in a cat house.

Not a house of prostitution,
you know.

But with cats in the house!

Lukas, please.

It's over.
You fucked up, Doug.

- Great party!
- Yeah...