House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 3, Episode 4 - House of Lies - full transcript

Marty deals with hip-hop clothing moguls. Jeannie defines her new role.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Previously on House of lies...

I am gonna keep you here,
right here for the rest

of your mediocre career.

I've decided to spread
my wings, and, um,

stay at Galweather.


I love you.

Jesus, Jeannie.

"Jesus, Jeannie"?

Do you remember how fun it was?
Clyde and me goofing around?

Marty always telling me to,
you know,

- "shut the fuck up, Doug."
- Shut the fuck up, Doug.


Nah, I met someone kind of cool.

- On the team?
- Yeah.

Lex-- boy or girl?

Lex was born a girl.

The work we're doing for
the defense department?

Why are you whispering?

Because I think we've crossed
some legal and ethical boundaries.

My college roommate is
with the New York times.

If you tell her even half
of what you told me...

This could take down
Galweather stearn.

I want what you have.

I want parity.

While our interests coincide
at the moment,

I will not hesitate to
throw you under the bus

if it serves me in the future.

It's been a long road.

A little bumpy, sure,

but here you are.

Got your own shop up
and running.

Your right-hand gal
by your side again.

Everything you wanted.

Yeah, it's just a matter of
how I fuck it up now, right?

Oh, I'm not that much of a scold.

Am I? Don't you answer that.

You just need to let your
defenses down and smile.

'Cause these moments
are rare, Marty.

I'm happy for you.

Thanks, pop.

Tiny little bird

flying back home to the nest.


: Jeannie,
Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie...


You know, Galweather's the nest.

She's actually leaving the nest.

So your metaphor's for shit.

: Okay.

Oh, no, no, no.

Come on, dad,
you chose to wear this today?

What are...?
Look. It's not a big deal.

People start new jobs all the time.

Dad, what are you talking about?

You said you had a meeting
with Dollahyde today.

Yeah, and you didn't forget,
did you?

You promised you'd score
me some swag.

Grandpa, Dollahyde has
the sickest clothes.

Well, score me some
of that swag as well.

Oh, yeah, that'll be a good look.

Dad, if you want Dollahyde
to buy in, I was thinking,

you know, you need more flair.

Maybe a fedora?

Fe...? Yeah, I'm not wearing
a fedora.

You know who I bet would
like to see you in a fedora?


It's Jeannie's first day today.

Oh! Jeannie.

No, no, no, no, no. Roscoe...

Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie.


Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie.

It's like preschool
in here with you two.

Jeannie, Jeannie,
Jeannie, Jeannie.

Have a great day
at the office, son.

Jeannie, Jeannie...

Say hi to Jeannie!

♪ Ooh, don't think it's over... ♪

Aw, shit!

Jeannie bean up in this motherfucker.

- Hey. Morning.
- Good morning.

Uh, yeah, let me give
you the tour.

Actually, I want to get
up to speed on Dollahyde.

Would you mind pointing me in
the direction of my office?


Sur... yeah, it's this way.

So, uh, I read an interesting article

this morning in the newspaper
concerning Galweather Stearn.

Front page.

Front page of the newspaper?

Tell me more, grandpa.

Apparently a woman
named Benita Spire

leaked all this black budget dod shit.

Benita? I think she was in my pod.


I hope this doesn't come
back to hurt the rainmaker.

Gosh, guy just can't catch a break.

Here we are.

Pretty bitching, huh?

Check out those views.

Oh, uh, apparently,

these are called "accent pillows."

Cost more than my fucking loft.

Oh, and that's that back-support
chair that you were trying to...

Trying to convince them
to buy you at Galweather.

It's nice.

Uh, what's the wireless password?

The wireless password.

The wireless password is
"the wireless password"?

I-I'll-I'll have someone
get it for you.

Great. Thanks.


The operations manager
is the brains, right?

And Marty can see that,
but he also sees

the CEO is not really
taking this guy seriously.

Means he's kind of
this crass type.

It's a classic
cherry orchard scenario.

That's a-a term that I originated.

You see, the cherry orchard
is a play by Anton...

Chekhov, yeah.

The CEO is Lyubov and the
operations manager is Lopakhin.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, what did Marty do?

What? Well, he got us
the business obviously.

- Very cool.
- Yeah! Very cool.


She has a boyfriend.

Oh, that's fine.

Apparently you have a wife?

Yeah, no, I wasn't, uh...

No worries.

Put her in the spank bank.

Deposits are free.

- That's fine. I get it.
- Doug?

Wha...? Hey, speak of the devil.

I was just, uh, regaling the newbies

with some, uh, classic tales
of Marty Kaan derring-do.

What are you doing here?

Literally just told you.

- I was regaling the newbies...
- No, no, no.

What... what are you doing here?

In my kitchen at my company.


What do you mean?

Jeannie spoke to you, right?


Well, that when she came over,

the thought was
that I would obviously...

Oh, oh, oh, God. I'm sorry.

been some confusion.

Okay, well, now that
we've sorted it out.

We can just work through it... Doug...

I'll just hit my office...
You made a decision

to stay at Galweather.
I respect that.

Uh, that was stupid.

No, don't-don't respect me.

Honestly, I'm so stupid.

Uh-uh-uh, have you read the papers?

Federal investigation, Marty.

There won't even be a
Galweather in six months.

It's not personal.

We just don't have any
space for you right now.

Make space. Fire someone.

- Doug...
- What about him?

- Yes, fire him! Hey!
- What are you talking about?

Come on, look at him,
he's perfect.

It's guys like that that used
to beat guys like us up.


I'm sorry.

Look, it was great to see you, okay?

Say hi to Sarah for me.

Yeah, I will.

It was good to see you, too.

How dare you.

Yeah, you.

I just spoke to Marty.

How could you not stand by me?

I've always stuck by you! Always!

In spite of your myriad flaws.

Yeah, that second-tier intellect
that you try to cover up by flashing

your pearly white veneers
and giving them a little of that

working class moxie.
Give me a break.

Oh, and don't even get me started
on your questionable sexual morals.

- Are you done?
- No, I am not!

He's fucking with you, Doug.

I know.

And I don't have veneers.

No, of course not.

That's... no, you have a great set

of beautiful, natural teeth.
That's what I'm saying.

I'm fucking with you!

Seriously, Doug,
I don't have veneers.

Real, not real, who cares?
They're lovely.

Hey, we got to get going.

Yeah. Okay, I reviewed Dollahyde.
It seems straightforward, right?

Doug, can you excuse us, please?
This is proprietary information.

We cannot have Galweather
poaching our business.

Right, right, right,
'cause I still work at Galweather.

I love it. Get out.

So, listen, this Dollahyde thing
is pretty by the numbers.

Our guys are looking to trade
their hard-earned credibility

for a big old payday.

Mmm. Little wrinkle here:

They started on a street corner.

- Drug dealers?
- Yeah, small-time, by all accounts,

but, you know, they had some
pretty hardcore friends.

So Dollahyde's seed money...

Did not come
from a venture capital firm.

And I've gotten
so used to consulting

for white-collar criminals.

Hey, Doug, you want us to, uh,
drop you off at Galweather?

We're gonna be shooting
right by there.

- Zing. You are en fuego, sir.
- Come on.

Uh, hey, Jeannie,
have you spoken to him or not?

Because I can't tell.

Marty, please tell Doug
you're fucking with him.

Doug, I am fucking with you.


Okay. So is now the time
to talk about terms or...

- Doug.
- I'm sure you'll be fair.

So, listen, since you're
playing catch-up,

I'm gonna take the lead
at Dollahyde.


You're over an hour late.

I had shit to do.

Yeah, I can see that. Mmm.

What's your problem, nigga?

My problem, nigga,

is the meeting was at 10:00.

10:00, 12:00, 2:00.
What difference does it make?

They need us to put a shitload
of paper in they pockets.

Where the fuck they going?


Vernon, dre blood sugar actin' up on him.

Give him your apple pie.

I don't want no
motherfuckin' apple pie.


Looks like they've lost
that... lovin' feeling.


When dre Collins and Lukas
frye started dollahyde,

they had nothing but a
dream in their hearts

and a little drug money in their pockets.

God bless America.

Dre was the business mind,

and Lukas was the creative force,

but they shared a common goal:

Getting huge.

And they did it.

Ten years later,

here's dre in his cashmere sweater

and givenchy shoes,

with all the accessories

this season's rags-to-riches
story is wearing.

The fairy tale family...

Invitations galore to rub
elbows with the elite...

Wait a minute!

Who was that guy?

He looks familiar.

Where have I seen him before?

But Lukas?


That shit don't interest him.

What interests him?

What's always interested him.






And the latest in ankle monitor fashion--


Personally, I could give two shits

if these two ever rediscover the love

that made dollahyde

the envy of the hip hop fashion world.

But I got a brand-new shop

and 25 hungry mba bellies to feed.

And they're not getting fed

unless these two link
arms and sing "Kumbaya."

The question is

how are we going to
convince them to do that?


I wonder if they like money.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Marty Kaan.

Dre Collins.

I... I gotta...


That is some good shit.

Lukas. Lukas frye.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry we kept you waiting.

Aw, ain't a thing, ain't a thing.

Right this way. All right.

Hey, Ronnie,
get that apple pie off the floor.

You heard dre.

We're running a professional
organization here.

In a year's time,

you will be extreme net worth individuals.

Let me stop you there, playboy.

You see, we are already

extreme net worth individuals.

Ralph Lauren
has six billion dollars.

Valentino, not nearly that much,

maybe two billion.

They are extreme net worth individuals.

You guys are just rich.

An ipo is obviously

the ultimate goal here. Right.

But there are steps that we need
to take before we get there.

You like, sweetheart?

I had 'em about a month.

They came out today, though.

They're nice.

They're a'ight.
I got some really nice

sneakers at the crib, though.

Over 800 pair.

You should really come check that shit out.

What about licensing?

We've had some internal discussions

about collaborating.

Well, yes.

That has proven to be a cash cow

for a lot of fashion labels.

Lagerfeld at h&m.

Missoni at target.

Except dre

don't want us at target.

Nah, this bougie motherfucker
want to cut a ribbon

at barneys New York or something.

But even target's too
highbrow for you, right?

Because you're

a Walmart man.

Walmart did

$135 billion in sales
last fiscal year alone.

Why would anybody want to
be in business with them?

And besides, who the fuck we know

from the hood that could go
shop at barneys? "The hood."

: Okay.

If I could just add...

Me, myself,

I don't have anything
personally against barneys.

They have a bangin' whitefish platter.

Oh, that's true.

And you catch a lot of
fine-ass girls shopping there.

I bet you shop there, don't you, cupcake?


Sometimes? Your man

should buy that for you all the time.

If you were mine,

I'd dress you up like a
sexy little doll, baby.

Why don't you shut the fuck up?

Don't mind her.

She has a thing about black people.

Right, that's true.

She's not crazy about asians, either.

Don't help, Doug.


I like it.

We will come at you

with some hard numbers.

You can have your philosophical

fight then. In the meantime,

what do you say we move on to other topics?


The floor's all yours.

Oh, you sure?

Okay. Thank you, Jeannie.

If you'll just look at
the, uh, top sheet...

I mean, he is all
over Caitlin, right?

The one I told you about. Anyway.

So then, out of nowhere,

Jeannie literally tells the client

to "shut the fuck up."

Which is just as well, because, you know,

I was this close to
jumping across the table

and teaching him some manners myself.

Oh, God, I wish you could've been there.

Anyway, uh, call me when you can.

Uh, I miss you, buddy.


Everett, hi.

Uh, it's Doug guggenheim here.

I'm trying to get a hold of Clyde.

Yeah, you and half of kinsley.

He hasn't been to work in three days.

What, is he sick?

Uh, taking vacation or something?

No clue. He's totally awol.

You have 26 new messages.


That's my fucking car!

That's my fucking car, man!

Get off my fucking car!

Fucking go, dude. Go.

Get your fucking hands
off my car right now.

Get off of it. Dude, I'm sorry,

but you didn't make your payments.

All right, how about you
get fucking cancer?

How about that? How's that fucking feel?

Dude, I'm just doing my job.

You're just doing your job?

You know who else was doing their job?

Osama bin laden, huh?

Pol pot!

Fuckin' Jeffrey dahmer is just

doing his job!

I fucking kill and eat teenage kids!

Don't yell at me, though, man,

I'm just doing my job! Hey!


Step the fuck back.

Please don't take my car.

You don't understand
what this means to me.

Look at me, man.
You don't understand

what this means to me.

I always wanted a Porsche
and I finally got one.

Okay? I got one, and it's mine

and you're gonna take it
away from me right now!

Just please, give it to me.


No. No, no, no, no.

Don't drive away.

Don't fucking drive away!

Just let me get my fucking car!


Fuck you, then!

Fuck you!

Just keep fucking driving!

Oh, hey, Jeannie?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah. What's up?

I just wanted to thank
you for this morning.

With Lukas Frye.

At a bar or a party,

I'm pretty good at telling guys to...

But, you know, with a client, I just...

Anyway... thank you.

You're welcome.

There was a bit more going
on there, but...

I don't know if I...

Well, Dre is clearly
in the driver's seat at Dollahyde,

so taking down Lukas

is a way of earning the trust

of the guy deciding our future.

I totally didn't get that.

That's with any company.

Even one where there's
an equal partnership,

like Lukas and Dre,
there's always an Alpha.

And it's all about keeping him happy.


I hope I can be half as savvy
in these situations one day.

I'm sorry, that completely sounded
like I was kissing your ass.

Don't apologize.

That's the move.

- Caitlin...
- Yeah?

Do you know what C.A.M. is?

Capacity and availability marketing.

Yeah, that's what you wrote
in your deck for frontier electronics.

It's actually capacity and
availability management.

We're promising to manage
the service capacity,

not market it.

Free piece of advice:

Rather than spending your lunch time
reading Jane Austen...

Oh, um...

It's Thomas Hardy.

That doesn't matter.

Maybe I'm lucky.

I am not the read-for-pleasure type.

But when I was you,

I spent every waking moment

poring over the shit I
didn't fully understand.

When I was at work, when I was at home,

in the car, in the shower.

I mean, more than a few times,

my then-boyfriend would
be going down on me,

and I would be checking out

earnings sheets on my bedside table.

You're smart and you're attractive,

but no one's going to hand
you anything.

You want to be me?

Put down the book.

- Hey.
- Hey. Come here.


Anything on Dollahyde?

Nope. Still in LA-LA mode,
waiting on the data dump.

What do you think?

These guys even gonna make it to an ipo?

- Cain and Abel?
- Yeah, no.

I might just have to kill
Lukas if he doesn't.

Maybe Lukas will step down.

Maybe he'll just swag
himself to death.

I mean, he was obviously value added
for the launch, but you know,

at this phase, I think we
got to worry about...

So, Marty, I am gonna get going.

And, um, I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay? Whoa. Whoa.

Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie.

It's 2:00.


It's 2:00 in the afternoon

on your first day.


You gonna be working from home? Maybe.

Like you've never left in
the middle of the afternoon.

Hey, how 'bout you just
tell me where you're going?

How hard is that?

It's not hard.

I just don't see how that's
any of your concern.

You don't see where it's my concern?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact

that my name's on the goddamn wall.

Oh, is it?

I hadn't noticed.

Just out of curiosity,
which "associate" am I?

Oh, boo.

I would've put Van Der Hooven up there,

but I think we might have
run out of office space.


I'll see you tomorrow, Marty.

Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute!

What the fuck, Jeannie?

I could ask you the same thing.

In fact, I will.

What the fuck, Marty?

You know, since you got here,

you've been acting like a real...


What? A cunt?

Were you gonna s...?

I wasn't gonna call you a...
well, I'm sorry

that I have upset your little fantasy.

You know, the one where I come back,

we fall into old habits,

and then I'm your girl Friday again.

And I'm so flattered that you've
gone to all to this effort.

"Wow, this big beautiful
office for me? Thanks, daddy!"

I'm not trying to be your daddy.

Oh, I'm well aware of what
you're not trying to be.

I've been working forever

to have something that's mine, okay?

Not mine and somebody else's-- just mine.

But I-I gave you what you wanted
because you're great consultant,

and the firm is stronger
with you here, okay?

Thank you for the pat on the head.

But it's not about my work.

I mean it is, but... what is it?

You had torpedoed your
very last relationship,

outside of your family, maybe,

with someone you gave a fuck about,

and you saw that barely open window

to your soul creaking shut.

That's why you went to
all this effort, Marty.

And that's why I'm here.

Have a great afternoon.

See you tomorrow.

You, too.

And just for the record...

You didn't give me shit.

I took it.

All right, I think I have
got the perfect one for you.

You are really gonna like this one.

Only 42,000 Miles.

It is in great shape.

It's so pretty.

Yeah, it is.

Mike, pick up on line three.

Mike, pick up on line three.


Hey, pop.


How was your day?

How was Jeannie?

Uh, fine.

It was good.

You pencil dicks bringing
that shit into our house?!

Hell no!

She think we're at a truck stop?

I've had a word with them.

Several, actually.

They're teenagers.

You know, it's like trying

to get a Parisian not to speak French.

And one!

In your face, bitches!

Dad, the game wasn't even over yet.

Oh, it's over yet.

Lex, can I give you a ride home?

I would love to have a chat.

Take a rain check on that. I drove.

You drive?



I wish you didn't

have to leave so quick.

I don't have to leave
right this second.

Uh, think I'll go to to my room.

Good night, Lex.

Dad, please?

You're really pretty, you know that?


You're supposed to say
something nice to me now.

You're fuckin' amazing.

Later, dude.


All clear, dad!

So, uh, you and Lex, huh?

Me and Lex what?


Go finish your homework.

Hey, hey, listen.

There is no way I'm
leaving this room again.

Okay, okay.

Hey, what's up, man?
I'm Dre Collins.

Dre Collins! Yeah, I-I know!

Please come in!


Dad, why didn't you tell
me Dre Collins was coming?

I didn't know
Dre Collins was coming.

No, your pops told me you were
hyped on what we're doing,

so here-- I hooked you up with
a little something something.


Thank you!

All right.

Nice spot.


You just in the neighborhood?

Can we talk?

Got a hell of a view, my friend.

Thank you.

So... you seen our operation.

What do you think?

Well, doesn't matter what I think.

It matters what you think.

Who the fuck do you think I am?

What are you doing, giving me the
consultant runaround?

Oh... You came over...

At night...

To my residence...

Without your partner.

Or was that just an oversight?

Should we ring him up?

I think what you think.

I want him out.

Any way you can convince him to sell?

Not a chance.

Lukas is all "dollahyde my baby."

Well, dollahyde my baby, too.

And he's gonna fuck us up.

No, he's not.

Oh, fuck.

You know, I hate that it's come to this.

I really do.

We've been partners for a long time.

Look, it's just the nature of things.


Lukas and I, we were just
shorties when we met.

Me and my people, we
moved out from New York.

And he got shipped out
from Atlanta

to live with his granny.

Two nine-year-olds
on corner lookout,

arguing about who's cooler,
kid or play?

- Oh, come on, it's play.
- Of course it is!

I mean, how is that even
an argument?

That's not an argument!

Kid gets no pussy, and
keeps getting beat up!

- Get his ass beat, right?
- Yeah!

Lukas and I, we made sense once.

We did.

But now...

Can't go home again?


I fucked up.

Curled up naked in a used car lot?

You sure did fuck up.

No, I mean, I fucked up with you.

What the fuck happened to
you today anyway, man?

Listen, I need a new car.

It's hard to get a feel for
the upholstery with pants on,

so I figured,
"why not take the shits off

and see what happens, right?"

I lost my shit, man.

And I don't know

how much of it was
drugs and alcohol,

how much of it was...

Was my life.

But you're okay, right?

Are you okay enough to be alone?

Yeah, I just need to get some sleep.

Put your seatbelt on.

So Doug and Jeannie,
first day of work today, right?

Getting the old band back
together for a reunion tour.

So you asked me to bail you
out of jail so you could

- hit me up for a job?
- No, that's not...

'Cause if you think
I'm gonna forget

every fucking thing that
happened just because, you know,

I had a soft spot for you in
the middle of the night because

- if you called me...
- I don't think you're gonna

forget anything that happened, okay?

Are you fucking kidding me?

I called you because
there's not many people

- in my life that I could...
- Clyde...

It's not important.

♪ Cut off at the sound ♪

♪ cut off at the sound, oh-oh ♪

♪ cut off at the sound, oh ♪

♪ cut off at the sound, oh ♪

♪ cut off at the sound, man ♪

Sync by rindazz
Corrections by parlobrito