House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 3, Episode 11 - House of Lies - full transcript

Marty questions Dre about Luka's shooting, only to be surprised later. Jeanne and Marty finally hook up.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Previously on House of Lies...

Do you know that
Dre's motherfucking ass

has not been to this place

since we moved production?

Lukas is all,
"DollaHyde my baby."

Well, DollaHyde's my baby, too.

You want final approval
of our floor displays.

And that would be
a deal breaker.

You're okay with
what just happened?

You think because I was laughing
that I'm okay with it?

You were gonna use
my painful breakup,

your separation from your wife,

to try to fuck me?

I blacked out, so I don't know

if we... I'm not saying
for a fact that we did.

I don't remember, either.

You remember when
you were in sober living

because you had a drug problem?

We're too fucked up.

There's no fixing us, right?

Yeah, maybe.

This right here is gonna
make me fucking rich.

That disgusting brown drink
that I guzzle down like come

has saved me from having to
purchase a meal in over a week.

Well, I know
one thing's for sure...

we're not gonna be
the blood brothers

on the corners
that we once were.

...unit over here.
Is there a medic here, please?



personal, I guess.


Are you sure
you're okay to drive?

Yes. I'm fine.
'Cause I could just drive you...

I'm fine.


I'm gonna go.

I know I look like
a meth addict, but I can make

your life a living hell,
so keep that in mind.

I... like your shoes.


Hey, um, can you check

the DollaHyde pro forma
revenue models

before the Barneys meeting?

Some of those figures,
they look funky to me.

Are you serious?
The meeting wasn't cancelled?

No. I just got off the phone
with Dre's assistant.

All systems are go.

Huh. Seems a little...

Let me tell you something.

I would insist that Marty
cancel all our meetings

if you were murdered.

Thank you, Doug.

I mean that.
And where are we at with

Deutsche Bank on setting
the final IPO for WON? Uh, no,

Clyde's dealing with that.
Well, do you know where he is?

I don't know. Not here yet.
Um, actually,

Jeannie, could I talk
to you about something...

Shut up.

Jeannie Van Der Hooven.

Where the fuck are you?

I... am at...


the Amberley Hotel...

in San Francisco.

How about that?

San Francisco? Are you aware

our offices are in Los Angeles?

Yeah, well,

I am servicing
an account right now.

Okay, well, get on a plane now.
I just have

to service the account
one more time...

probably from behind.

Lukas Frye was
murdered last night.

What are you talking about?

get back here now, please.

What, Doug?

Oh, yeah.

So, listen, um...

about WON.

I-I've been sampling it,
you know that,

and I might have experienced
some side effects.

What kind of side effects?

Um, last night, um...

I noticed a slight
enlargement in my, uh...

pectoral region.

Douglas Guggenheim,
are you getting boobs?

No. Please don't touch them.
They're very sensitive.

Oh, my God.
Um, the doctor says

it's likely the result of
a spike in my estrogen levels,

probably related
to a change in diet.

But if it is the result of WON,

well, then that's a huge
clusterfuck for Monica.

All right,

I'll-I'll look into it.

Uh, anything I can do?
You can get yourself a bra.

This is a place of business;
I need you to be professional.


How did you sleep?

Like shit.

But, you know, I don't sleep, so...
Me, neither.

What do you think happened?

I don't know.
It certainly looked

like a gang hit.

Maybe too obviously

like a gang hit.

Could you remind me
which one you are again?

Is it Cagney or Lacey?

Wow, sweet '80s
reference, Chief.

Thank you.

You can't tell me
that the thought

hasn't crossed your mind that...

I-I can't take you seriously

with your tooth like that.

I am getting it
fixed later today,

so shut the fuck up.

Have you spoken to Dre?

Jeannie, uh...
Just call him.

See how he's doing.
And then just

slip into the conversation,

"Hey, did you have
your friend Lukas murdered?"

I don't know,
see where the conversation goes.


I know he's your buddy, Marty,
and it's not like

I'm rooting for
his involvement, but...

Listen, Dre is...

He's been involved
in some bad shit, okay?

He's ruthless.

He'd never because you'd never?

You think you two are the same,


God... and I mean this in
the nicest way possible, Marty...

you're not.

I just had an epiphany.

I've got to get my own office.

No, Lukas's death... it
really got me thinking.

You know, made me...
it's made me take stock

of what-what
matters in life.

Oh, but you weren't even there.

But I knew him.
I knew him.

Oh, of course.
Yeah, you killed his dog.

Okay, yeah, Clyde.
Forgive me

that I care about people who die.

And dogs, who die.
Who you murder.

I need to work on my marriage.

Oh, is this the epiphany?
It's Sarah.

I mean, it's always been Sarah.
Of course.

Except for when it was Caitlin.

Okay, yeah, sure.

I may have lusted in my heart,
but I never strayed.

Because she wouldn't let you.

Because I decided...

Nice of you to join us, Clyde.

Oh, Jeannie!

Jeannie! Embracing
your hillbilly roots.

Very chichi.
I like it very much.

Yeah, hey, ain't that the tooth.

Sarah's gonna love that joke.

Ain't that the tooth.

Say it like that.
Let me update you real quick.

He is trying to win Sarah back.

Because Lukas died,
and not because

Caitlin absolutely
demolished him last night.

She doesn't need
to know all that.

So Sarah likes girls now?

'Cause you have fun bags.

Doug has fun bags?

You haven't heard?

Our little girl is
going through puberty.

Douglas is?

Okay, let's get this over with.

Yeah, I have experienced
some temporary

pectoral growth due to a spike

in my estrogen levels, so that's it.

Is this a real thing?

Yeah. You swear to me this
is a real thing? Aw.

May I see them, Doug? I would like to
see them, please. Certainly not.

I think he's just embarrassed
'cause they're kind of teensy.

Oh, no, they're tiny titty tops?

You know what,
you shouldn't even feel ashamed.

Lugging big old titties around,
you can get back problems.

And I say fuck you

to all those guys
who do not love you for you.

I wouldn't mind bigger tits,
you know what I mean?

What's this WON shit
taste like, anyway?

Dude, I love your tits
just the way they are.

There they are.

Aw, he loves my tits.

I like to put
smiley face in between,

so it looks like they're
talking to me all the time. Like...

You get it. Don't pretend you
don't get it; you get it.

How was the rest of your
morning in San Francisco? It was... good.

Yeah? It was good.
I sold off McClintock Media

for $4.2 billion.

You just sold McClintock Media,
just quickly sold it...

this morning?

Are you being serious?
Did you really sell

your company this morning?
We've been in quiet negotiations

for, like, a week, so yeah.

You never thought to mention it to your

the person who's been working on this
with you for the whole fucking time?

Uh... mm.

That's huge, by the way.
That's fucking enormous. Yeah.

You put any thought into what
you're gonna do with that new cash flow?

First I'm gonna buy you and
me a pretty little outfit.

A matching outfit? Okay.
Yes, obviously.

And then I'll probably blow
a ton of it on heroin.

That's an amazing plan,

and I don't want to throw
you away from that, but...

anytime you want to come in,
Marty would have

some mind-blowing ideas for you.

I love Marty...

I do... and in a world
where we weren't dating,

I'd be all over
that black dick...

but I'm pretty much
done with K&A.

I mean, I got what I needed.

You know?

Mmm. This butternut
squash is amazing.

What the fuck did
they put in this? Mmm!

Do want to stop fucking
stealing the food from my plate

when you're ruining my life?
No problem. I'll order my own.

Where's the guy? You know
I'm on shaky ground with Marty.

I thought we were in a relationship...
we're supposed to look out for each other.

We're not supposed
to fuck each other over.

Okay, just because I
let you put your mouth

on my vagina, I'm supposed to
write you checks for the rest of my life?

You're missing the point.
That's not what I mean.

This relationship started
because you came by sober living

to drum up business.
Okay, fine,

it was a slimy beginning, but
I thought we moved past that.

Forget it. Let's just go do
a bump in the bathroom. Okay?

Hey, girls, we're
gonna go do a bump

in the bathroom,
so can you watch our food?

I don't want them to clear it.

Maybe we should just end this.

Just like that? "Okay"?

I said "maybe we should
just end this," and you say fucking "okay"?

I can't believe I couldn't see how fucking
self-centered you are.

Your ATM of a girlfriend
stops spitting out hundies,

and your first instinct
is to end things? No.

Yeah. I'm the
self-centered one.

Right. Fuck you.

I'm gonna go do that bump in the bathroom,
so I'll see you later.

You know, her tits suck, by the way.

Your tits are bullshit.

Clyde Oberholt shits
when he comes.

I do not.

- I do not.
- Wow.

Come on.

Oh. Jeannie, Jeannie, wait.

Oh, God, hey.
I'm freaking out here.

Sarah... she's not
returning my calls

or my texts or my anything.
What do I do?

Uh, give up?

I don't know, Doug.
Do something romantic.

Like a dick pic or something?

Finally! Please,
can I get a minute?

Whoa-kay, hold on.
Speaking of romantic,

chance of rain tonight.

That's good,
that's great, actually.

You know, in the movies,
when guys are trying

to win back the girl,
they're always, you know,

running through the rain?

That's usually
a real panty melter.

Don't say "panty melter," ever.

This is an independent
clinical study on WON.

Check the date.

Fucking fantastic.

You said you wanted
our expertise.

And really,
you just wanted the manpower

to push you through to the IPO.

And then you...

sell off your shares
for a fat sum

and just fuck
everybody else, right?

I did not keep anything
from you, Marty.

And I... honestly, I didn't
even think that it was relevant.

Or... you were greedy.

I think you were just afraid

that we were gonna ask
for higher fees if we knew.

And you should have been afraid,
because, well, we would have.

Oh. But it's nothing compared
to what we're gonna ask for now.

How much do you want?

I don't know.
Jeannie, what do you think?

I don't know, it's hard.

I mean, you know,
you want it to be enough

that she learns a lesson about honesty...

...but not so big
that she'll be tempted

to leak it and fuck us over,
so I think that

I'd probably be satisfied
with 75%

of her shares of WON.

That's fucking outrageous.

It's nuts.

And our final offer.

Hey, I'll call the lawyers

and have them draw up
some contracts.

* Do-do-do-do-do-do. *
I'm gonna get a cookie.


Marty, no, this isn't...
Don't do this.

This is... this is supposed
to be my ticket back.

You are leaving me scraps.

You know, I...

I genuinely thought
that we had gotten to some...

new place or something,
you know?

When you came over, it felt...

We were both there
for each other

at a vulnerable moment,
and it was real.

I don't know why I believed it.
I was...

I mean, I guess I wanted to.

But it just goes to show you,
if you leave your door unlocked,

you shouldn't be surprised
when somebody comes in

and takes a shit
in the middle of the floor.

I'm gonna go get
that cookie now.

Thank you.

You smug,

self-satisfied... cunt.


You know what is
so incredibly sad?

I mean, like kill-yourself sad?

I think you actually believe
your own bullshit.

Small-town girl
makes good, right?

Tough, disciplined, independent.

Now there's a fucking joke.

You are just

a remora clinging
to a shark's back.

I know what a shark is.

I'm pretty positive
a remora's a fish.

Let me check.

You would still be
sharpening pencils

at Galweather's
research basement

if Marty hadn't
plucked you out...

given you life.

Marty plucked me out because...

Because he saw something in you?

What Marty saw

was a desperate girl, eager
to shake off the sticks,

whose pussy appeared
open for business.

The reason that you rose
so quickly at Galweather,

the reason that you're here,

the reason you have
any career at all...

because Marty wanted
to fuck you.

Not to say that you have
not played that brilliantly

by not actually fucking him,
but when you do,

he will look at you
and he will see

what the rest of us see,

what everyone has always seen.


The tooth.

It's looking sexy.

First and foremost,

I want to thank you
for having the meeting here.

I mean,
with all that's happened,

things at the DollaHyde offices
are a little, uh...

We were so sorry to hear.

Thank you.

I mean, I still
haven't quite grasped

that it's actually
even happened, that he's gone.

I'm sorry.

You know what?
We can reschedule.

We'll be back in town in two weeks.

No, no, that's exactly...

what we shouldn't do.

We should soldier on.

Lukas helped build this company,

and I can't think
of a better testament

to his memory

than to... ensure its future.

Especially if that future
includes Barneys.

- Absolutely.
- Lukas loved Barneys.

"Barneys this, Barneys that,"

you know,
"Barneys, Barneys, Barneys."

He wouldn't shut up
about it, right?

So, we-we've met
with a few other retailers,

and I'm pretty sure that these
fine folks sitting next to me

would probably advise me
that I'm giving away

the negotiation before
we actually even get started.

But the fact is,

Barneys is the place
I want to be.

Yeah, Dre would kill
to be at Barneys.

That's a poor choice of words.

Um, is, uh...

everything okay, Marty?

No, everything... everything's
not okay, Dre. Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Uh, Jeannie, could you...?

Go away, go away.


I'm guessing
this is the first time

you've ever seen
somebody get killed.

I'm telling you, Marty,

that shit'll fuck you up...
Shut up, please.

Just shut the fuck up, Dre.


Are you telling me...

Look, don't treat me like
I'm a goddamn idiot, okay?

What are you talking about?

Oh, what, you think I had
something to do with Lukas?

Did you?

You wearing a wire?

Come on, man, that was a joke.

Yeah, it was a good one.

Look, I can see that
you're obviously upset.

I could've got hit, man.

Jeannie could've got hit.

See, whoever did Lukas,
they were professionals,

and professionals,
they don't miss.

Well, we're just assuming
they were pros, right?

'Cause we don't actually
know what happened. No.

Right. And you took
a bullet, too,

so not so professional, I guess.

I mean... unless...

Unless... Wait,
wait, wait, wait.

You go yelling this shit
from the rooftops,

and someone's gonna believe you.

Whether... it's
true or not.

And I can't have that.

You gonna kill me, too, Dre?

You know what?

Do it. Do me a
fucking favor, man.

Or do you make a phone call?

H-How does it work?
You got these guys on speed dial?

Give me the phone.
I'll do it.

You change your mind,
you got my address.


Hey, asshole.

And we're right back into it
with the witty banter.

Wait, now, hold on, hold on.
Sarah, Sar, please wait.


I'm sorry. I...

I don't know what I can say
to make things right

or what I can do.

I-I... I just know
that I need you in my life.

I do.

just... I'm sor...

Wait, no, hold on.
Let me finish.

Look, I'm not the kind of guy
women ever went for.

I wish I was, but I'm-I'm not.

Hell, I took a cousin
to my prom.

And not even
a pretty cousin, either.

I think she had, like,
a mild form

of spina bifida or something.
I'm not kidding.

And she ended up going to
second base with another cousin.

The whole situation
was really dark, honestly.

But anyway, you came along,
and you were so beautiful

and so cool, and-and...

you made the insane choice
of actually wanting me.

And not just wanting me,

going so far
as to trick me into marriage.

I would have tricked a lot
of men into marriage, actually,

so don't... flatter yourself.

All right, well,
I'm trying to say that I...

I didn't appreciate how fucking
amazing you are. How about that?

Well, not as amazing as...

Caitleen, right?

Caitlyn. L-Y-N.

I don't care.
I know, I know.

I held Caitlin up
as this... ideal.

But then I realized...

That she's
a boring little bitch?

Mm, no. I-I was gonna say that
I realized that she's not you.

And that she's
a boring little bitch.

Okay. But compared to you...

Compared to anyone.

I kind of need you to say it.

Um... yeah,
she's a boring little bitch.

I know, right?

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

You can come in now.
Okay. Thank you.

We're done.

Good as new.

What's happening?

Why am I crying?

Sometimes patients
coming off anesthesia

exhibit strong emotions.

You're gonna be okay.
Am I?

Am I gonna be okay?

Why did I just ask you that?

What is happening to me?
Oh, fuck.

Oh, God.

So, this is normal?


Oh, God, I miss this place.

It's our home.

Another leg broke off?

I know. And the springs have gone to shit.

I was gonna get a
new one, but I just couldn't

bring myself to give this one away.

Lot of memories on that couch.

It's where I first
gave you a blow job.

I was just thinking that, yeah.

We were watching Chicago Fire,

and you said, "This
show is so stupid."

It is. Right.
"Do you want a blow job?"

And I... Do you
remember what I said?

You were just like,
"Yes, please." "Yes, please."

Because I did.
I did want...

You hurt me, Doug. Jesus!
I'm sorry, Sarah.

I'm so sorry. I know.
I'm such an idiot.

If I could go back and if
I could take it all back...

Hey, look at me...
I love you so much.

I wouldn't have tricked
anybody else into marrying me.

I just... I was
just lashing out.


Oh, come here.



Oh, Sarah.


I think that this is good.
I think this is great.


I just wish that we had
figured that out last week.

I know. Each moment...

Each moment is so precious;
I know that now.

And every day that we
didn't spend together

is-is a day lost in
the sands of time.

Yeah. That's... true, I guess.

Also, I had
an abortion last Friday.

What? No, wait. What?

I don't know, there was a baby,
and then there wasn't one.

You had an-an abortion?

Are you serious?

Hey. Wh...

Why didn't you tell me?

I... I mean, I know
we'd broken up, but...

it was mine, too.


Are you okay?
What was that?

Yeah. No.

Was that a shrug?
Did you just shrug?

It was a little...

That's a shrug. Yeah,
that's a weird shrug.

You know what, Doug?
I wasn't completely sure

that it was yours, okay?

I went on a bit of a spree.

But you used protection.

You know how I feel
about condoms, Doug.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.


I'm gonna go get some Fresca.

Do you want a Fresca?

Um... no.



I thought Dre had given you
the code. He's up at the house

if you want to follow me in.
No, actually,

I wanted to talk to you
for a second, if I could. May I?



What's going on, Marty?

You seem...

It's about Lukas.

I can't prove anything,

and I...

I wouldn't say this
if I wasn't sure.

Your husband had Lukas killed.

You've never been in
a good relationship, have you?

One where you really open
yourself up to that person,

where you make...

every important decision

good and bad.


Dre and I talk... a lot.

Sometimes we even talk
about you.

Maybe you should focus

on trying to fix your shit,
instead of coming in here

trying to fuck up
what Dre and I have.

Because that is not

going to happen.

Good night, Marty.


Jeremiah let me in.

And then he went

to Chantelle's.

And I think Roscoe is...

School field trip.

Brought you a present.

And I might've gotten
a teensy head start.


Hey, Jeannie, you
remember what happened

last time we...
shared a bottle?

Not really.

Okay, uh, listen...

today has been...

I... I don't want
to end up doing

something stupid.
I do.

I want to do something
really fucking stupid.

So why don't you get

your big-boy pants on
and grab a glass.

I seriously lost my shit.

I-I could not
stop crying.

I think it scared the dentist.

Doesn't make sense.
I mean, you've been

with hundreds of guys, right?

Clearly, this can't be the
first one that's been murdered.

I don't think it had anything
to do with Lukas.

What was it?

I don't know.
It's not important.

Are you fucking kidding me?
What was it?

Just tell me.

You finally make a friend,

and he turns out
to be a murderer.

That's not funny.

Where the fuck is this thing?

What are you doing?

I am trying to take my bra off
without taking my blouse off.


'Cause it's sexy.

No, no, I should
never have said it.

I mean, I think it was just

something about
being at the wedding

or being in Vegas.
No, it's not...

I mean... I just wasn't in a
place to hear it, you know?

Not like I'm ever
really in a place to...

to hear it, but...

I'm glad you said it.

I mean...

I'm glad you felt it.

number one...

best picture.

Oh, my Lord.

Uh-huh. And there's
this picture.


My mom.
She was beautiful.

Yeah. Graduation.

Oh... God, I'm
such an asshole.

I don't know, you did sacrifice

your body last night
to protect me.

Yeah, but I broke your tooth.

I know, you asshole.



I love you.

Dummy, you were supposed
to say that before,

to get me into bed, not after.

I know, I fucked it up.