Hard Quiz (2016–…): Season 6, Episode 29 - Hard Quiz - full transcript

Only one winner can take home Tom Gleeson's Big Brass Mug. Expert topics include Manchester city, Australian blue-tongued lizards, Mariah Carey, and The Babysitters Club.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
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VOICEOVER: Tonight on Hard Quiz:

Expert subject, Bob Geldof.

Expert subject, machine learning.

Expert subject, the powerful owl.

Expert subject, the Matrix trilogy.

Here's your host, Tom Gleeson.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello! How are you?

Yibbida, yibbida.

Welcome to Hard Quiz!
These contestants are protests.

Last one to be dispersed will be
tonight's Hard Quiz champion!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)



To be part of the show at home,
go to the ABC TV socials.

Let's say hello.

G'day, Jen.
Hi.

Now, you're into the Matrix series.

Yes.
Like, all the Matrix movies.

Yes.
Why do you love them?

I love the philosophy and
the technology, predominantly,

and just leather and stuff,
in general.

(LAUGHTER)
OK. Did you see them at the cinema?

Probably. I can't remember.
It was too many years ago.

And also, like,
you were probably on weed.

Uh, no.
(LAUGHTER)

Just checking.
Something... Mescaline. Much better.

Oh, mescaline! OK.
(LAUGHTER)



Whatever that is.

Do you reckon it's a bit like
diminishing returns though?

Like, the sequels kind of peter off.
Did you hang in there?

Yeah. Actually,
the philosophy is stronger.

The movies... yeah,
the concept's definitely better.

Hopefully you're not gonna
be like the movies

and have diminishing returns tonight.

No. Never.
(LAUGHTER)

And you grow your own microgreens.
I do, yes.

I grow a lot of...
OK. What are they?

They're, um, furry little things
that are good for you

and they turn green
and they're delicious.

(LAUGHTER)

What's going on here?

Oh, you're excited?
Oh, you're excited!

(LAUGHTER)
I'm excited too.

It's going to be a lovely day.

(LAUGHTER)
That was second lockdown.

OK.
(LAUGHTER)

Um, I was really, really alone...

Yes.

..and they were... lovely friends.

(LAUGHTER)

Did you take mescaline
to cheer you up?

(LAUGHTER)
I don't have my dealer anymore.

Oh, OK.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

Mike!
Tom.

You're really into the powerful owl.

I am.
Why?

Well, it started a long time ago

and, uh, it wasn't really

until we moved into a house where
we... we heard them around the house

that I became really
interested in them.

Have you ever shot one?
No.

OK. Do you own a powerful owl?

No.
No. What's that, then?

(LAUGHTER)
'Cause you were a ranger.

Or is that stuffed?
It is stuffed, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)
In more ways than one.

OK. So that's a taxidermied
powerful owl.

It is, yeah.
You look a bit like a powerful owl.

Well, you act like a powerful owl.
Oh!

You know why?
No.

Because powerful owls are
very ruthless to their prey

and you're ruthless
to our contestants here.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

So, you said that powerful owl
was stuffed.

Yes.

Is it the only animal you stuffed
at the ranger's station?

(LAUGHTER)
No. I had a lot.

Yeah. OK.
Well, what else did you have?

Many birds and, uh... and mammals.

Possums. And other birds.

But they were road-kill, yeah?
Mostly.

Mostly.
(LAUGHTER)

I'm just saying,
'cause you were a ranger -

you were there
to protect the animals.

You weren't just out, like...

blowing them away and stuffing them
back at the ranger's station.

Mostly.
OK.

(LAUGHTER)
Kshira.

Hey, Tom.
Machine learning is your subject.

What... what is it?

It's teaching machines to do three
things - find, what Google does,

analyse, which is what ABC does to
see why people watch this show...

Yes.
(LAUGHTER)

..and reason, which is what the...
all the self-driving cars have.

So, find, analyse and reason

and teaching machines to do that
is machine learning.

And predicting.
Yeah, predict.

OK. So, using machine learning,
are you gonna win tonight?

We'll see.
(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)
Do you not have enough data?

No, not enough data.
OK.

Now, you're a data scientist.
That's right.

You're really nerdy into numbers,
though, right?

That's right.

But you like to tell people
information in threes.

Yes, that's right.

So what happens if you've only got
two tasty facts?

I'll spin up one more

and it'll look easier and tastier
than the last two.

Oh, OK.
(LAUGHTER)

And you read 19 books a year

because... why?

Why 19?
Because that's a good number.

It's a prime number and I love 19
as a prime number and so...

And it also makes sure that you
don't read just one book a month

but you read more than
one book a month

but you don't read two books
a month and so... you know.

(LAUGHTER)
You get it.

You majored in math and science,
I know, so you get it.

Yeah, I understand it

but I moved on.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

Steve.
Hi, Tom.

Uh, Bob Geldof is your subject.

Now, how did you first become hooked
in Bob Geldof?

Well, it would...

I was probably about 15,
when I was at school

and all the girls at school
all seemed to fancy Bob Geldof,

so I thought, well,
maybe if I do like him,

they will like me.

So I even went out and bought
a woolly jumper with holes in it,

because that's what he wore -

try and get a few of the girls'
attention.

Yeah.
But it didn't actually work.

Yeah. Was it because
you were in the jumper?

(LAUGHTER)

Have you seen him live?
Oh, yeah, yeah.

I saw him the first time
in Manchester,

when I was about... oh,
I would have been about 15 then.

Yeah.

Um, I've seen him in Sydney
a few times

and a few years ago, he was
doing a gig at, um, Star City.

Yeah. I think we've got a photo of
you when you saw him at Star City.

There you are, there. Wearing the
same shirt, interestingly enough.

(LAUGHTER)

What happened with this photo?

I'm not sure he looks like
he's happy to be in it.

Bob's coming towards me, like that,
'cause he's pretty tall.

I said, "Hi, Bob. Any chance
I could have a photo?"

He went, "Yeah, sure,"

but the thing was, he was
facing the wrong way.

The roulette tables were there.
Mmm.

So I put my hand on his shoulder
and I spun him around like that.

Oh, right.
(LAUGHTER)

His leg... his leg come up and he
goes, "What the... are you doing?"

Yeah.
I said, "Nothing."

And I went like that
and he was holding me here.

Well, I can tell you, as a celebrity,
we really love being manhandled.

(LAUGHTER)

So, when you go to one of
Bob Geldof's concerts,

he's a bit of a one-hit wonder -

like, how does he string out a set?

Oh, rubbish!

(LAUGHTER)
He's had so many hits.

Well, they've eluded me
and everyone else in Australia.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

Alright. Let's play... hard!

Win or lose 5 points.

Steal an answer - double points.

I'll ask each of you five questions
on your expert subject.

Right, you get 5 points. Wrong,
I will take 5 points from you.

The rest of you can steal at any time
to get double points.

Let's start with Steve and his
expert subject, Bob Geldof.

(APPLAUSE)

Alright. You ready, Steve?
Yeah.

You've got your favourite shirt on.
Yeah. Yeah.

Bob Geldof's band the Boomtown Rats
had a number-one hit

with which song based on a quote
from a school shooter?

Steve.
I Don't Like Mondays.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

And that was their only hit, Steve.

(LAUGHTER)
No, it was not.

Do you know the story, by the way,
about that song?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Her dad bought her a gun
and he buys her one every year

and, um, she basically leant out
of the bedroom window

and started shooting people
at the school -

all the kids and everything.

Luckily, she didn't kill
any of the children

but I think she killed the
school principal, as far as I know.

And basically, they said,
"Why did you do it?"

She says, "I don't like Mondays."

Thanks for depressing my audience,
Steve.

(LAUGHTER)

Here's Geldof announcing 1985's
Live Aid.

This magnificent gesture

and probably the ultimate gesture
on the part of the pop music,

will once again
draw people's attention

to what is going on
in a part of the world

that I think most of us
would sooner forget about.

The concert raised funds for
famine relief in which continent?

Steve.
Africa.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

After almost 20 years together,

TV presenter Paula Yates left Geldof
for which Australian singer?

Steve.
Uh, Michael Hutchence.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

How do you feel about
the relationship change? Did it...

Yeah. Yeah, that was terrible, that.

Bob was so much in love with her
and, um, he gets his...

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

..he gets his dirty mitts on her.

It's just not fair.

(LAUGHTER)

Australians.

(APPLAUSE)

You're talking about Bob
like he's a mate of yours.

(LAUGHTER)

Not like someone you wrestled
at a casino into a photo.

(LAUGHTER)

Geldof sued I'm A Celebrity -
Get Me Out Of Here

as part-owner of Castaway,

the company behind
which reality TV franchise?

It's wide open.

(BUZZ!)
Time's up!

Survivor.

Survivor. Yes, Geldof helped
create Survivor.

He came up with the
immunity challenges

before COVID did.

(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Steve.

In 2016, Geldof led a fleet of boats

in a clash against politician
Nigel Farage

while campaigning during
which referendum?

For the steal, it's Kshira.

The Brexit referendum.

Correct! Double points for you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Ooh!

Of course - it's a vote!

It's numbers!
(LAUGHTER)

And you were happy, 'cause it was
an unlikely result.

Exactly.
(LAUGHTER)

Time now for Kshira
and machine learning.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

So, would've machine learning
been able to predict Brexit?

Mmm. Yeah. Meta.

It's easy to say that now, Kshira.
(LAUGHTER)

A specific form of machine learning
known as deep learning

is used by Amazon to predict
the needs of customers

using which virtual assistant?

Kshira.
Alexa.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Applied in machine learning to
determine the likelihood of events,

Thomas Bayes' seminal work
on probability

was published two years after
which major life event?

Kshira.
His death.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

So, Kshira, can you explain
Bayesian probability to us

without boring us stupid?

Sure.

If you toss a coin once, you know
what the probability of winning is.

Yes.
It's 50%.

That's the boring probability.

The Bayesian one says if you
keep tossing it 10 times

and seven times you win heads,

the eighth time, the likelihood of
winning heads is more than 10th,

so it looks into the past
and predicts it better.

Alexa, make Kshira shut up.

(LAUGHTER)

Are you sure that's right?
That's right.

Really?
Yes.

You're saying if you
toss a coin several times,

it changes the probability
of the last toss?

Exactly.
That's not true.

That's true.
No, it's not.

(LAUGHTER)
It's not.

I did maths at uni and it's not.

I'm just trying to help you out.
I thought you moved on.

You're on national TV,
being incorrect.

I'm being correct on national TV.

Every time you toss a coin,
it's 50-50.

Doesn't matter what's happened
in the past.

But what if it's a bad coin

and you've tossed seven times
and it's heads?

What, if it's a biased coin?
Exactly.

I didn't say it was a (BLEEP)
biased coin!

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

You rigged your premise!

(LAUGHTER)

In 2016, Google DeepMind's computer
program AlphaGo

became the first to beat
a human world champion

at which ancient Chinese board game?

Kshira.
Go.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Yeah. AlphaGo was taught
to play the game by humans.

The next year, AlphaGo Zero
taught itself to play the game

and wiped the floor with AlphaGo.

Uh, so in short, we're all doomed.

(LAUGHTER)

They tried replacing me
with a computer.

It's called Mastermind.

(LAUGHTER)

Or ratings zero.

Devising the concept of regression,
later used in machine learning,

Sir Francis Galton also
pioneered the study

of which method
of forensic identification?

Kshira.
Fingerprinting.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Last question in your set, Kshira.

A test to see if machines
could trick people

into thinking they were talking...

Kshira.
Turing test, by Alan Turing.

Incorrect. I'll finish the question.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ooh!

..were talking with another human

is also the name of which
Alan Turing biopic?

Wide open.

(LAUGHTER)

(BUZZ!)
Time's up!

The Imitation Game.

Probably your favourite film,
isn't it?

(LAUGHTER)

Next set of questions is for Mike
on the powerful owl.

(APPLAUSE)

You weren't tempted to dip into
some machine learning there, Mike?

No.
No.

(LAUGHTER)

The powerful owl, or Ninox strenua,
is Australia's largest owl

and feeds mostly on arboreal mammals,

meaning animals that are found where?

Mike.
In the trees.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Yeah. They eat 250 to 350 possums
per year.

Not enough, I say.

(LAUGHTER)

Adult powerful owls

are differentiated from
other members of the genus

by distinctive chest markings
in what pattern?

Mike.
The 'Z' pattern on their chest.

It, uh... Oh.
Incorrect.

It's wide open.

For the steal, it's Jen.
A 'V' pattern.

Correct! Double points to you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Yeah, 'V' or chevron, yeah.

Chevron.

The powerful owl

is the only one native to Australia
that makes what classic owl sound?

Mike.

A 'woo-hoo'.

(LAUGHTER)

Correct!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

It's not a very powerful hoot,
is it, really?

I'll do a better one later.

(LAUGHTER)

(OWL HOOTING)

That's a female.
Oh, is it?

(LAUGHTER)
How do you know?

I know.
(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Well, I've got news for you -

it was actually our executive
producer blowing...

(LAUGHTER)

..blowing over the top
of a beer bottle.

(LAUGHTER)

According to Birdlife Australia,

the leading causes of powerful owl
deaths are flying into glass

and getting hit by what?

Mike.
Cars.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

It's estimated 12%
of Sydney's powerful owls

are killed this way each year,

uh, so on the powerful scale,

it's owl, window, Hyundai.

(LAUGHTER)
Last question in your set, Mike.

Used to identify owl habitats

and described as looking like
a bucket of paint has been spilled,

'whitewash'...

Mike.
Is their excrement.

Correct.
(APPLAUSE)

Yeah... refers to what substance?
Faeces, or excrement's fine.

Yeah, powerful owl, powerful bowel.

(LAUGHTER)

Last set in the expert round.
It's Jen and the Matrix trilogy.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

After a war between humanity
and artificial intelligence

leads to the sun being blocked,

what do the sentient machines use
to create power?

Jen.
Humans.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Kshira, is this what the future's
going to look like,

with machine learning?

Pretty much, yeah.
Is that how you sleep at night?

Just plug some shit into the back
of your head and go...

(LAUGHTER)

Appearing in all three films,

Hugo Weaving told the SBS Movie Show
that Agent Smith's delivery

was styled after someone from
the '50s with what profession?

Oh!

I forgot.

(BUZZ!)
Time's up!

Newsreader.
Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's a 1950s newsreader.

He said he didn't want to sound
too robotic or too human.

A glitch in the Matrix can be
expressed as the strange feeling

that you've already experienced
the present moment,

which is known by what French name?

For the steal, it's Kshira.

Deja vu.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Black cat walks by twice, which
they say is a glitch in the Matrix,

or it's just a cat being
an arsehole - it's hard to tell.

(LAUGHTER)

A glitch in the Matrix can be
expressed as the strange feeling

that you've already experience
the present moment,

which is known by what French name?

(APPLAUSE)

Lead character Neo goes through
a training program

featuring a woman
in a distracting red dress

which was filmed
in front of a fountain...

Martin Place.
Correct!

Double points to you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

..in front of a fountain
in which Sydney pedestrian mall?

Martin Place is correct.

Martin Place is also infamous,

uh, for scenes of domestic terrorism.

Yeah. Sunrise.

(LAUGHTER)

Last question in your set, Jen.

In the words
of the telekinetic spoon boy,

once you realise there is no spoon,

what is the only thing
that actually bends?

Jen.
Your mind.

Incorrect.
(GASPS)

Wide open.

(BUZZ!)
Time's up!

Yourself. Yeah, yourself.

Is the whole film just a bunch
of pretentious wank, Jen?

(LAUGHTER)

In the Matrix,
you are only your mind.

OK.

But the problem is,

"In the words
of telekinetic spoon boy,"

as in, it's a quote,
so in the words of him,

once you realise there is no spoon,

what is the only thing that
actually bends, in his words?

He says 'yourself'.
Alright. Pass.

(LAUGHTER)

But I'm just saying, you are very
brave, taking on the researchers.

You are one of two
and the two of you have failed.

(LAUGHTER)

We've strolled through
their subjects.

Now let's stroll through mine!

This week, I've been
really getting into bubbles.

They're just like
the contestants on this show -

one prick and they burst.

(LAUGHTER)
This round is multiple choice.

Select your answers on your screens,

then press the buzzer
to lock in the answer.

(READS QUESTION)

The answer is

C, lowers surface tension.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(READS QUESTION)

The answer is

A, cassava.

(APPLAUSE)

In America,
the balls are called 'boba',

which is Taiwanese slang
for 'big boobs'.

(LAUGHTER)

Yeah. So it's Taiwanese titty tea.
That's what it is.

(LAUGHTER)
Uh, bubble tea has been cancelled.

Sorry.

(READS QUESTION)

The answer is

D, wallpaper.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(READS QUESTION)

The answer is

D, The Wire.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Alright. Last question in my round
is worth double points.

(READS QUESTION)

The answer is

B, Dubble Bubble.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ooh.

Alright. At the end of my round,
Mike, you're at the bottom on zero.

Get over here.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

What happened, Mike?

I suppose I just couldn't
give a hoot.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Alright. Out!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

There he goes.

It's the people's round!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Stoke the fire. Play along at home.

Your time starts now.

During a solar eclipse, what passes
between the Earth and the sun?

Kshira.
The moon.

Yes.

In Western culture,
a one-handed peace gesture

involves holding up how many fingers?

Jen.
Two.

Yes.

The sea breeze that cools Perth
in the summer

is known by what colloquial name?

Oh, no.
Steve.

The Fremantle Doctor.

Yes.

Gozleme is a stuffed flatbread
from which country?

Jen.
Turkey.

Yes.

Focusing on brides-to-be is the TLC
reality show Say Yes To The WHAT?

(BUZZ!)
Time's up. Dress.

Oh.

In his TV sign-off, who tells you
to say hi to your mum for him?

Steve.
Rove McManus.

Yes.

Which American state flies
the Lone Star flag?

Kshira.
Texas.

Yes.

Time's up!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright.

At the end of the people's round,
Steve, you're at the bottom on 30.

Get over here.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Where'd you go wrong, Steve?

Listening too much to Bob Geldof,

not watching The Matrix,

not looking at owls.

(LAUGHTER)
And I don't know about numbers.

I don't know what the hell
that was about.

(LAUGHTER)

Well, I think you might have been
a bit of a one-hit wonder as well.

Oh!
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Oh!

Oh! Eat shit, Steve.

(LAUGHTER)
Out!

There he goes.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
See you later.

Alright. Only two left. Who's going
to be the Hard Quiz champion?

Kshira and Jen, get over here because
it's time to play Hard Quiz.

Machine learning vs The Matrix.

Now, there can only be
one Hard Quiz champion

who gets to take home
the limited edition big brass mug.

What will you do with the mug
if you win, Jen?

There is no mug.
Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

What about you, Kshira?

It's a keepsake - it's not worth
anything but it's a piece of art,

so I'll take a photo and sell it as
an NFT and it'll be worth millions.

(LAUGHTER)
A non-fungible token?

Yes.

It's best of five,
penalty-shoot-out style.

Harder questions
on your expert subject,

so it's Jen's knowledge
of the Matrix trilogy

vs Kshira's knowledge
of machine learning.

Let's play... hard!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Did you predict this outcome, Kshira?

No.

Jen, when Neo first meets the Oracle,

what does she say to him

immediately before
he accidentally breaks her vase?

"Don't worry about the vase."

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Yeah. She's actually a computer
program, is that right?

Mmm. Yeah, she is.

That has such insight
into human psychology

that she has clairvoyant abilities.

Yes.
Yes.

The big question is would he have
broken it

had she not have said anything?

Right.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ooh.

(LAUGHTER)

Wow.
(LAUGHTER)

Kshira.

Google tested its machine-learning
system Vizier in 2017

by getting it to create
the perfect recipe for what?

Um...

'Vizier' sounds like...

a doctor,

so maybe the perfect recipe
for a hangover?

Incorrect.

The correct answer
is chocolate-chip cookies.

Jen.

On Instagram, Will Smith posted this
deepfake video of himself playing Neo

with a caption reading:

..what film?

Wild Wild West.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Yeah, Smith actually turned down
The Matrix for Wild Wild West.

He was apparently very confused
in a pitch meeting

when the Wachowskis tried
to explain the film to him.

He didn't get it.
Yeah.

And he was probably straight,
as in... none of that.

(LAUGHTER)

Whereas if he had, like...

He'd be like, "Oh, yeah.
Now I really like this film."

(LAUGHTER)
Kshira.

In 1948, Claude Shannon
used an early probability tool

to generate four sentences

based on the distribution of letters
in English words.

What was the only actual English word
longer than three letters

it produced?

Probably...

..go with the word, maybe...

Looks a bit crazy
so I might say 'help'.

Incorrect.

The correct answer is 'whey'.

Here's the full sentence,
which means nothing -

but it could get you
punched in the face in Scotland.

(LAUGHTER)
I'll try to read it.

(READS)

What's the point of this gibberish?
(LAUGHTER)

Yeah, don't worry about it
at this point.

OK.
(LAUGHTER)

Jen.

At the start of
The Matrix: Revolutions,

Neo meets a family of programs

while trapped between the real world
and the Matrix

in a subway station

with what name?

Mobil Avenue.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Kshira.

A competition launched in the US
in October, 2006,

offered a million dollars to anyone
who could beat, by 10%,

the accuracy of what
proprietary algorithm?

Netflix recommendation algorithm.

Correct.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Yeah, so, a bunch of nerds
were able to beat the algorithm

but not long after that, Netflix
changed from DVDs to streaming,

so it was pretty much useless.

Because this was the algorithm
when they had DVDs.

That's right.
So where did you get the DVDs from?

Out of a wall. Is that right?
Yeah.

Wow. How old-fashioned.

Like a vending machine?
Yep. Hole in the wall.

Alright. If you get this right, Jen,
you are tonight's Hard Quiz champion.

Jen, according to designer
Simon Whiteley,

the iconic Matrix code was derived
from Japanese characters he found

in what kinds of books
belonging to his wife?

Sushi recipes.

Correct, which means you are
tonight's Hard Quiz champion!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, Kshira.

You know what this means - out!

There he goes. See you later.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Congratulations, Jen. You are
tonight's Hard Quiz champion!

You get the big brass mug.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

And you get to do the sign-off.

Thanks for playing... hard!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Captions by Red Bee Media