Hap and Leonard (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Hap and Leonard - full transcript

Hap and Leonard flee from the KKK and get lost in a thicket outside Grovetown. They discover Florida's abandoned car and a tape recorder.


♪ It's okay ♪

♪ You don't have to be afraid ♪

♪ There's nothin' to worry
about 'cause we got it made ♪

♪ It's just a simple matter of ♪

♪ Letting me into your love ♪

♪ If you let that
feeling come over you ♪

♪ Then there's nothin'
more that you can do ♪

♪ Just let it go ♪

♪ Let it go ♪

♪ If it's love you want ♪

♪ Hold out your arms ♪

♪ It's all right here,
it's safe and warm ♪

Need a ride, darlin'?

Someone needs to teach
crazy here some manners.

- I'm gon' getcha.
- Come on, now! Where you goin'?!

He's gon' get ya!


Oh! Oh, watch out, now!

- Ooh!
- Watch out, girl!

We got a live one!

- Get her in the truck!
- Get in that truck, girl.

Get her arms, Boone!

Hold her down, man!
Get those arms!

I'm tryin'!

She just keeps movin'!

Don't let her buck, Boone!

- Hold her down!
- I got... I got...

- Firecracker, damn it!
- Stupid...



Son of a bitch.

Best think this through, boy.

You don't know who
you're messin' with.



Let's get out of here, Boone!

Get up, Boone!

Let's go! Get out of here!

You're dead, boy!



All right. Stay here.

I'ma go get somebody
that can help, okay?

I'll be right back, okay?


S03E04 Senorita Mambo

Can you tell me what happened?

Did he...

put his hands on you?

You can tell me.

You're safe.

I won't let him hurt you again.

My father used to...

hurt my mother that way.

And when I tried to stop him...

the fists'd come out.


I seen you before.


I play music sometimes
down at Blind Tillie's.

The black club?

Yes, ma'am.

I look like the
kind of white woman

who hangs out at a black club?

Just where'd you get the
idea that we tolerate

black boys messin' with
white girls in this town?

I didn't touch her, I swear.

It was two white boys
in a black pickup.

You wearin' a belt, Bobby Joe?

What you mean?

You wearin' a belt, I said.

Well, yes, ma'am.


A belt's a good way to
put an end to all this.

That's what I'm sayin'.

I want to talk to my lawyer.

What'd you say?

I got a right, don't I?

That's funny.

He's right.

Whatever rights he had,

after what he done to that
girl, he don't have any more.

She ain't said what
he did to her.

We know what he did.

He asked for his lawyer.

Never mind. Cut him loose.

- I didn't say we should cut him lose.
- Nope. I did.

Get him outta here.


It's your lucky day, boy.


What do you...
What do you think?

You think we lost 'em?

I think we the ones lost.

'Cause I-I think we lost 'em.

Keep walkin'.

What the hell is this?

Oh. Oh.

Even when we're lost,

all roads lead to him.

- Who?
- The Klan.

Brown's the head of it.

Aw, sorry I got you into
this mess, Leonard.

The hell you sorry for?

Ain't your fault
people are assholes.

Oh, I'm still sorry.

Don't you go get soft
on me, now, Hap.

We got our hands on
Brown, I'ma need ya.

All right.







Aw, hell!

- Aw!
- The hell with that!


God damn!

- Aah!
- Aah!

Now I'm gon' blame
you for all this.

Blame me? What'd I do?

Well, you hadn't burned
down that crack house,

Hanson wouldn't have
gotten the idea

to send us all down here.

Hanson didn't send us...
he sent you.

Only reason I'm here is
'cause I'm stupid enough

to be your goddamn friend.

If Florida woulda am-scrayed

when she realized Grovetown
wasn't no Disney World,

we wouldn't be here now.






- Ohh.
- What the hell was that?

I don't know.


Florida's car.




Hey, hey! Hey.

Just 'cause we found her car,

that don't mean to
say she's dead.

Don't mean she ain't either.


Ooh. Just in time.


Hey. Gimme that.

Let me go! Stop it!

Let go!

She dead, ain't she?


What else is on there?


call Gary Randall at

I want to find out if licensing
L.C.'s song might be an option

if I don't like the split this
guy offers on distribution.

Also, how long

until the rights for the master
revert back to Bobby Joe?

Note to self... if I ever have
a chance to get a record deal,

find a lawyer who knows more about
the music business than I do.

So if you're too shopped
out to cook, too tired,

if that son-in-law
you can't stand

eats all the green pickles
before you say grace,

if your family's too damn
big or just too damn lazy,

get on down to Maude's Diner.

It's the place to
be this Christmas.

Now, as promised, Mr. Burl Ives.

All right.

♪ Please send some snow ♪

♪ Some snow for Johnny ♪

♪ He wants to build... ♪

- Hi.
- How you doing?

- Sonny Knox.
- Florida Grange.

Uh... so, uh,

where's that boy?

Uh, I-I'm sorry.

Bobby Joe should've
been here by now.

Well... you know how it is,

between CP time and
musician time...

no offense.

Some taken.

Can I get you anything...

coffee, wine,
champagne spritzer?

Coffee'd be nice, thank you.

Coffee. How do you like it?

Uh, a little sugar, please.

- Little sugar.
- Thank you, thank you.

♪ Some snow for Johnny ♪

♪ He wants to build ♪
Don't mess this up.

Geez. She's beautiful.

♪ I'd like to build a snowman ♪

Stay cool, stay cool.

Stay Sonny.

Little sugar.

Stay Sonny.

All right, all right.
There we go.

♪ Yes, everything is ready ♪

♪ And I'm all set to go ♪

There you go.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

So funny... we like, uh,
our coffee the same.

You know, that's... it's
amazing 'cause, you know,

Jews were like the
original black people.

Well, y-you know,
they were more brown.

That's why Jews and
blacks always got along

because... you know, it's
like bagels and lox.

We're like an endangered
species here, you know?

I mean, bottom line,

sometimes you got to see
kismet for what it is.

And what is that?


♪ Got a big long cigar, too ♪

Mr. Knox I'm short on time.

Sh... Shall we get
down to business?

Yeah, sure. Uh, have you
heard the recording?

Uh, not yet, no.

Well, you know, it was L.C.
Soothe's last recording.

Bobby Joe thinks it's
worth a fortune.

I'm not so sure. But...

But I'm feeling great,

it's Christmastime,

and I'm willin' to
make Bobby Joe a deal.

I didn't know, uh, Jews
celebrated Christmas.

Yeah, well, you know,
when in Grovetown...

So, you know what?

This is nuts.

$1,000, all... I'm not
even gonna think about...

all in... publishing, masters.

I'll even throw in a new guitar.

Well... Well, nearly new.

My... My friend left
it here a month ago.

Either, um, what they say
about disc jockeys is true

or you think you're
talkin' to a fool.

♪ Thanks for the snow ♪

Uh, what do they say about
disc jockeys? What...

That the only thing they know
how to lay down is a record.

You want to throw down with me,
you gon' have to come correct.

All right. Okay.

Listen, why don't we get
out of here, have a drink?

Things always feel better
with a drink in your hand.

♪ Thanks for... airs ♪

♪ Thanks for... airs ♪

I think your record is skippin'.

♪ Thanks for... airs ♪
All right. Wait here.

Just hold on. Just let me...

♪ Thanks for... airs ♪

♪ Thanks for... airs ♪

Burl Ives, I hate you.

♪ ...doors as fast
as he could go ♪

Listen, listen, I got a plan.

We go for a drink,

we get somethin' to
eat, me and you.

Uh, kismet, remember? Kismet?

The last man

who put his hands on me
without an invitation...

I shot.


You call me when you get serious

about makin' a deal
with Bobby Joe.

♪ Thanks for the snow ♪
I love her.

She shot a man!

She shot a man.

Oh, "Last man that..."

She's got a lot of
fire in her gut.

She really does.

♪ Thanks for the snow ♪

Forget about Burl.

Let me tell you about this girl.

A-hey! You get it?

Like a rhyme.

♪ Can't you feel a happy
holiday in the air ♪

♪ Whatever you do, don't worry ♪

♪ Whatever you do, don't frown ♪

♪ Bring out the jingle bells ♪

♪ Ring a ling a bells ♪

♪ All join in for
one more chorus ♪


♪ It's Christmas, Christmas ♪

♪ Everybody needs... ♪

LaBorde Sheriff's Department.
Officer Pendergrasp.

How may I direct your call?

Detective Marvin Hanson, please.

This is Florida Grange.

Hey, merry Christmas, Florida.

Merry Christmas, Peg.

If you don't mind
me saying this...

I know he's been calling you, but
you're a strong black woman.

Can I say that?

You just did.

Well, it's none of my business,

but sometimes the best thing

you can give yourself
for Christmas

is the one thing no one would
ever think to give you,

and that is to move on.

Uh, thank you.

Now, can you put the
call through, please?

I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Lieutenant Hanson.

Merry Christmas, Marvin.

You know what would make for
a very merry Christmas?

Marvin, I think I need your help
with something. Could you...

Hold on a minute, Florida.

Sorry. Go ahead.

Look, I'm in Grovetown.

Grovetown? Why?

I came here to negotiate
a contract for a client.

We had a meeting scheduled.
He never showed.

I can't think of any
reason unless...

Unless what?

Unless something happened.

Something like what, Florida?

I don't know. Use
your imagination.

I'd like for you to call the
Grovetown Police Department,

put out an APB for
Bobby Joe Soothe.

I got a better idea...
you come home.

I don't like you being
down there alone.

So you're not gon' help me.

I'm helping you by telling
you to get out of Grovetown.

Fine. I'll take
care of it myself.

Baby, please come home.

I can't.

Not yet.

And you don't get to
call me "baby" anymore.

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

You look like you could
use a cup of coffee.

Oh, I would die for one.
Thank you.

♪ Troll the ancient
Yuletide treasure ♪


Good Lord.

That and a little...
something a little heavier?

Thank you.

- Hey, Frank.
- Hey, Truman. Merry Christmas.

How you doin', Margaret?

Hi, Truman.

Coffee, Maude.

♪ Strike the harp and
join the chorus ♪

Black and hot.

♪ Follow me in merry measure ♪


You're sittin' at my table.

There's plenty of
room at the counter.

Well, it's just that
I like sittin' here.

Hey, everybody! There's a-a
dude hangin' from the bridge!


Unit 12, you got
everything you need?

Little out of your jurisdiction,
aren't you, Ms. Grange?

I wondered what
happened to you, Sneed.

I bet you fit in real
good around here.

Is that your chief?

This area's closed.

That's Bobby Joe Soothe.

And what's that make you?

His lawyer.

Good. Here we go.


This is Florida
Grange from LaBorde.

Says she's the
dead guy's lawyer.

What happened here?

Fella died at the end of a rope,
and someone called it in.

Now you know what I know.

There's an FBI unit
in Nacogdoches.

You call them?

No. No, I haven't.

But I will call you should
I need your services.

Do you do estate plannin'?

Somebody hung a black
man from a bridge,

and that makes this
a federal case.

Maybe it's just a good,
old-fashioned suicide.

People tend to off themselves
around the holidays.

I can't say why...

depression, loneliness, boredom.


Maybe he just didn't get what
he wanted for Christmas.

You think this is funny?

I think it would be funny
if we made any decisions

before the coroner has his say.


I'd like to be present
at the autopsy.

This ain't the way I
do things in my town.

But I will need you to come
on down to identify the body.


So, what do you say, Frank?

Died of cerebral
hypoxia, Chief...

asphyxiation due to...

So it is possible that
he hung himself, hmm?

It's possible.



Always best we keep an open mind

about these things, Ms.
Grange, until we know more.

That's kind of hard to do when
you're clearly leading him.

What Bobby Joe do, beat himself
up and then hang himself?


How many dead bodies you seen?

Enough to know that this
man did not kill himself.

Exactly how do you know that...


He's got bruises on his
face, a cut on his lip,

ligature marks on his wrists
that suggest he's been tied up.

Now, I suppose it's possible
that he tied himself up,

beat himself up, and
then hung himself.

I mean, this is
Grovetown, right?

I tell you what.

Why don't we call it
a suicide, Frank,

uh, but you put that in pencil.

If my investigation
turns up anything,

well, we could always change it.

Can I use your phone, Frank?

Pay phone's down the hall.


What are you doing?

Calling the FBI in Nacogdoches.

Now, now, Ms. Grange.

It's a little premature,
don't you think?

Why is it the men in this town
always try to calm me down

when I know that they're lyin'?

Go home, counselor.

Your client's dead.
My nuts are barkin'.

Nothin' you're doin' right now

is gonna bring him
back or me any relief.

I find something
out, I'll call ya.


I find something
out, I'll call ya.

He definitely part of it,

however it went down.

That was a trunk.


Better let me look

case you don't like
what ya find in there.

Ugh. Good idea.


Ah, thank God!

Don't go gettin' all
religious on me.

She ain't here, so...

so there's hope.

How do you see hope?

Look around, Hap.

We're stuck in the
middle of nowhere,

wet and cold as shit!

Bobby Joe Soothe is
dead, Florida missin',

and the Klan is on our ass!

We don't know how we're
gon' get through the night,

much less get out of Grovetown.

No matter what happens,

you always see everything
as peachy keen!

Come on! Get in!

Hold that.

Just 'cause Florida
ain't in this trunk

don't mean she ain't
in some other trunk.

Till I know for sure she's
dead, she ain't dead.

All right?

We agree on that?

You know, sometimes
I worry about you.

Yeah, well, I appreciate that.

Right now, we got
to get to Hanson

'fore Hanson gets to Cantuck

'cause if Cantuck is
who we think he is...

Hanson might be next.




No, no, no. God damn it!


Out of gas.

You got to be shittin' me!

No, I ain't shittin' you.


Excuse me? Is anybody here?

Well, hello.

Good afternoon.

Please tell me you ain't lost.

Uh, I'm Bobby Joe
Soothe's lawyer.

I'd like to see
his room, please.

Uh, well, I'd have to
ask the owner first.

Wait a minute. I am the owner.

That was...

I'm sorry. That...
You're just so pretty.

Um, uh,

Tim Garner.

- Florida Grange.
- Hi.

Can I see Bobby Joe's room?

Um, I'd like to show you.
I really would.

But, see, uh, Chief
told me he...

Bobby Joe, that is...
committed suicide.

Poor man.

- We all got our devils, I guess.
- Mm-hmm.

Anyway, Chief told me not to
let anyone in after he left.

He don't want nobody
messin' with his stuff

till he says so, is what, um...

Will that get me in?


Well, Bobby Joe does still
owe 72 bucks for the room,

and dead men ain't known
to pay their bills so...

I-I'll need a room for
the night, as well,

and some gas.

Yeah, uh, th-that'll
be $12 for the room.

Gas, you'll have to wait on.

I'm expecting a
delivery tomorrow.

There you are. You
keep the change.



Chief of Police says
this is his town.

This is his town,

he knows who killed Bobby Joe.

For all I know, he's in on it.

I need to find someone
around here who I can trust,

somebody who knows
what's goin' on.

Maybe, uh, the
cook at the diner.

You hang around here
as long as he has,

you're bound to know somethin.

♪ Here comes Mary Christmas ♪

♪ Ready as can be ♪


♪ On the Christmas tree ♪

I was hopin' I'd find you here.

Good mornin'.

Yesterday was a good mornin'.


not so much.

Thank you.

- Thank you, sir.
- Uh-huh.

♪ She's dressed in red
and green and white... ♪


Would you like to have this?


You know, I tried to be nice.

Bacon, didn't I try to be nice?

But here you are
again in my seat.

I thought that was your seat.

Oh, they're all my seats.

I thought I made that
clear yesterday.

♪ Here comes Mary Christmas ♪

What's clear to me, sir, is
that federal law prohibits

any establishment, even in a
town as backwards as this one,

from discriminatin' on the
basis of race, color,

religion, or national origin.

Most people know that that means

that even if you're black,

if this is America,

you can eat at a restaurant...
any restaurant.

Now you know that, too.


You better tame your girl here.

She's got a mouth on her.

She ain't my girl...

any more than I'm your boy.

♪ O-O-O-Oh, here comes
Mary Christmas ♪


Old man, you're lucky I
like your Huevos Rancheros.

Ooh! Hey.


Let's get Ms. Grange her
coffee to go, please.

Comin' up.

I'd say that's a good idea.

Weather's unpredictable.
It's got teeth.

If I was you, I'd drive
straight through.

You don't want to be dillydallying
around here no more.

I know you took those tapes
from Bobby Joe's trailer.

Don't come back.


♪ They baptized
me one fine day ♪

♪ Down at the river's edge ♪

♪ All my sins are washed away ♪

♪ Like water under the bridge ♪


♪ Now the river run clear,
and the river run clean ♪

♪ And the river run
rough sometime ♪

♪ River run wild,
and it run serene ♪

♪ Just like a friend of mine ♪


Ho, ho, h...


What if you're wrong?

If the Klan killed Bobby Joe,

the L.C. Soothe tapes
would've been in his trailer.

They weren't.

Those tapes would have to
be worth a lot of money

to kill somebody over.

Well, they're worth enough.

I think whoever killed Bobby Joe

wanted to make it look
like the Klan did it.

Whoever tries to sell
those tapes to Sonny Knox

is the killer.

Daggone. You're
real good at this.

Unfortunately, I've had
a lot of practice.




Sonny, are you around?



Oh, God. Jesus, Sonny!

Aah. Aah! Aah.

Who did this to ya?

I gotta get the shit
kicked out of me

to get some attention from you?

Who did this, Sonny?

Cleavon. Aah.

The bass player from
Blind Tillie's.

Was lookin' for
Bobby Joe's tapes.

Lookin' or sellin'?




Where you goin'?!

Now, I didn't kill no Bobby Joe.

He owe me money.

You don't kill a man
that owe you money.

You beat up Sonny Knox,
so you'll forgive me

if I have a hard time
believin' you right now.

I punched him 'cause I
thought he got them tapes.

And I figured it'd make up
for what Bobby Joe owed me.

Baby, I could use a
drink right now.

In fact, I think we all could.

I-I'm all... I'm
fine, thank you.

She'll have one.

Just bring it.

All right. Just one.

Of course just one.

I ain't made of free booze.

Go on, Cleavon. Go on.

He's a good man.

Bass player.

All a bass player wanna do

is put a song in your heart
and a swing in your step.

'Course, he's a
expert at foreplay.

But, now, a percussionist?

Child, mnh-mnh.

They dangerous.


Psycho amazing sex, though.

But they ain't good at
long-term relationships.

They got too much anger
built up in 'em.

Mm, but it wasn't no
percussionist killed Bobby Joe.

Who do you think killed him?

It wasn't no percussionist.

Women loved Bobby Joe.

And he loved to love the women.

Women and cards.

That's what he loved.

But he wasn't lucky in
love or lucky in cards.

But havin' bad luck alone

don't get ya killed over here.

Mm, no. Mnh-mnh.

We all know what
killed Bobby Joe.


I wish you were wrong.


Me too, girl. Me too.






So, uh, find out how long

till the rights to the master
revert back to Bobby Joe.

Uh, and, uh, note to self...

if I ever have a chance
to sign a record deal,

find a lawyer who knows

more about the music
business than I do.

To Bobby Joe.