Good Grief (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Face Off - full transcript

-Oh. Ah.

I just realized I
forgot my shoes.

-I'd like to invite you
all to pay your respects.

-Don't give me
the evils. What?

Yeah?

-Makeup.

-What about it?

-They look very different.

-Yeah, because that
one is quite natural,

and that one is
a going-out look.

- She looks like It.
- Oh, you mean Pennywise.



Uh, yeah, I... Yeah,
I kind of see it.

-Her family were
very distressed.

This is unacceptable, Gwen.

-I'm sorry, but when the
hell was I supposed to learn

how to do makeup
on dead old ladies?

I don't even wear makeup,
and her face was...

Her face was like cold clay.

It's a miracle that I
didn't throw up again.

-Fair.

I get that you
hate me right now.

You want to sell.
I want to stay.

But I've given it some thought,

and it doesn't
matter either way.

I didn't mean for that to rhyme.



-Wait, what are
you talking about?

-You saw Trinity Meadows.

That's our competition.

No one's gonna buy us out

when the place
looks like a dump.

-Who cares? They're
just gonna bulldoze it

and turn it into
apartments, anyway.

-I'm not gonna let someone
bulldoze Koro's legacy.

The point is, whatever we
do, this place needs work,

and if you want half, you
need to pull your weight.

-Does that mean you'll
treat me like your partner

rather than your slave?

-Yeah.

Now, grab that bottle of bubbly
'cause I've called a meeting.

- This is bullshit.
- This is business.

I'm a businesswoman.

-Yeah. Business is booming.

-Well done on another
very special service.

Couple of things to work
on, but very special.

- Aw.
- Cool.

-Ah, sorry, Beau,
not quite done yet.

Gwen, pass me that.

We wanted to show
you our appreciation

for all your hard work and
for making us feel so welcome.

-Aw!

-So we splashed out
on a $14 Prosecco.

-And we have some exciting news.

We're renovating. Whoo-hoo!

- So, you're not selling?
- Unclear.

-Seems like you're
not on the same page.

- Exactly.
- We're fine.

All you need to worry about

is having a nice glass
of Sangue di Ariete.

-Well, that's good news.

Reno's well overdue,

and while you're doing that,
I can take over management.

-Let's chat about
that in private.

-We've got no secrets here.

It's like a family, so we can...

-We love what you do
as a celebrant, Dean,

but financially it
makes more sense if...

-So you're cutting my hours.

Ugh. I'm gonna
be a part-timer.

-Aw, Dean, you're gonna love it.

If I wasn't part-time,

I couldn't do my
stand-up paddleboarding,

my doll-making classes,
my Whiz Wally's.

-Um...

I've got a couple ideas for
renovations if youse want.

-Great! I'd love to hear them.

-Okay, uh...

a ball pit 'cause, you know...
- Yeah.

- funerals are pretty sad,
and kids love ball pits.

- Neat.
- Uh, cat.

Cat for here.

-Yeah, two so it
doesn't get lonely.

- Aw.
- Two cats.

- Do on-site cats.
- Yeah.

-Um, a pool for when it's hot

and you want to, you know,
cool down in the water.

- Obviously.
- Okay.

- Write that one down.
- Yeah.

-When it's hot and... a maze,

inside, outside.

Uh, special guest performance.
- Oh.

-You know, if you had,
like, celebrities coming in

for the microphone
and stuff, yeah.

-Okay, thank you, Beau.

-Awesome. Well, any of those
would improve our reviews.

-What reviews? What
are the critics saying?

-Yeah, what reviews?
I'll just...

We'll save that for later.

-Guys, there's this thing
called the Internet.

You may have heard of it.
There's lots of things on here,

including reviews
of Loving Tributes.

"The whole place smelt like
cabbage and chemicals."

- Oh.
- "The decor was sadder

than the death of my auntie."

"The vegetarian sandwiches
had chicken in them."

-It's a boot.

-Well, nothing wrong with a
bit of constructive feedback.

-"This shit hole
is beyond repair."

-All right! Lots to keep
us busy, and it sounds like

maybe the first thing is
getting an interior decorator.

Gwen, maybe you could...

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- I would love to.
- Thank you.

-Dean, before you go,

do you want to have a wee
chat about your hour...

No, that's fine.

That's okay. It's
been a long day.

Cool.

Perfect.

-So, Trisha, what do you think?

-It feels like a death trap.

-Well, they're usually already
dead when they get here.

-Well, if there
was an earthquake,

you'd just be crushed.

-Okay, cool.

So, what are your
thoughts on the decor?

Can you transform this
place like "Queer Eye"?

-My brother had a really rough
time coming out, actually.

- Oh.
- Morning, there.

-This is Trisha.

Trisha is our
interior decorator.

-Oh, we have an
interior decorator.

Trisha, first impression?

-A little bit overbearing.

-Oh, no, I-I meant the room.

-Well, I'd need to spend
a bit of time on it,

but at first glance,
we're talking about

getting rid of
these heavy drapes,

opening up the space a
bit, fresh coat of paint,

lifting the lighting scheme,

introducing some
natural elements,

getting rid of the smell.

-So, basically, we just
have to change everything?

-Well, that's what my
ex-husband used to say to me.

-Do you have an idea on budget?

Well, it's a lot.

-Could you be more specific?

-Not really, no.

Look, I'm already late
for a custody hearing,

and I'm pretty sure my
ex-husband and his new wife,

Carly, are going to win.

Here. That's awful.

-Oh, sorry, sorry.
So will you just...

-I'll fax you through
an invoice just as soon

as the police locate my laptop.

-I found her on the
supermarket notice board.

She's very cheap.

-Thanks.

Mmm.

-Oh!

Okay, we need a code.

-Oh, uh, have you tried
the captain's log?

There's an entry on
the 22nd of March.

How about 2203? That's
a four-digit code.

-That's interesting,
Ben. Not a clue.

-I really think you
should try 2203.

Hey, isn't that the
day we first met?

-I don't know, but we've
got six minutes left.

Please just get your
head in the game.

- I've just got a good feeling.

-Ugh! Okay. What was it?

- Uh...
- 2-3...

-2-2-0-3.

-Oh!

- Shars!

- Oh!
- No, no.

-No, but did you?

-Well, sometimes.

-Oh, Dean! Dean!

I don't get it.

-No, it's just like...
Just what it says.

- Is it a meme?
- No, Shars, no, no.

- Is it a TikTok?
- It's art.

It's... It's commentary.

See, people judge
him on his looks,

but he's got dimensions.

He's got a whole inner life,

and sometimes his
dog is the only one

that really understands him.

-Oh, okay.

Well, that's really
lovely, Beau.

-Yeah, I don't really
think about anything

when I make these, though.

-Do you get it, Gwen?

-I get that Beau
smokes a lot of weed.

-No, no. Actually, weed
makes me less creative.

-Had you been smoking before
doing that lady's makeup?

-Touché, Dean, but no.

I was actually hungover.

That's not why I did
a bad job, though.

-Ugh. When I first started
here, I could never figure out

how they did those three-layer
sandwiches with the crusts off.

The trick is the outside is
the inside of the next one.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Don't worry, though,
practice makes perfect.

-Oh, you can practice
your makeup on me.

I love to be touched.

-Hmm, me too.

I mean, you can practice your
makeup on me if you want.

-That's a hard no from me.

I'm the only one that
touches my foundation brush.

-I have to go.

-Oh, Gwen, doll,
take some "shushi."

- Sorry?
- "Shushi."

It's from Japan.
- No, thank you.

I've got lunch, but
that looks "sho tashty."

- Why you talking funny?
- No, I'm not.

I'm being dead "sherious."

I'll "shee" you guys later.

"Shank" you, Sharyn.

"Shee" ya.

What?

Fun girl.

-Watch out for the bumps.

It's kind of like
a roller coaster.

-Keep your mouth closed.
They're out of your league.

-So for this look, I'm
using the Hourglass bronzer.

It's great for contour,

but you can also use
it as an eyeshadow.

-Hmm.

- What the...
- Hello.

Hi! Hello.

Um, can I help you?

-Try and sit still.

-I'll just be one second, okay?

Hi! Who's your friend?

-Um, it's Fannie, eh?

- It's Barbara.
- Barbara.

There's definitely a Fannie.
It's a hard name to forget, hey?

-Excuse me, Barbara, I just
need to borrow Gwen for a sec.

- Sure.
- Okay.

-Why are they here?

-'Cause you told me
I was shit at makeup,

so I took the initiative
to source some saggy skin.

-Do you even know them?
Where are they from?

-Golden Age.

- The rest home?
- Yeah.

- Do they know where they are?
- Yeah, yeah.

Three of them, like,
begged me to come.

-Gwen, you can't
just take people.

-I'm not gonna foster
four old ladies.

I don't want to do that.
Imagine the maintenance.

One of them... she had all
these tubes in her arms.

She just started, like,
throwing them out.

Who's coming with me?

Oh, I feel like
they should stay in.

No? Okay.

Um, what about
your finger thingy?

I think that's...
That's dialysis, no?

Or I'm gonna bring the
chair and your jacket

'cause of hypothermia.

Also, there is a very
weird smell in here.

It was a lot of beeping.

-Okay, very funny,
Gwen. You're hilarious.

-No, I'm being serious. I'm
actually getting better.

And she's having a
lovely time, eh, Barb?

Barb? Oh, shit!

Please don't be dead.

Barb? Barb?
- Is it nighttime?

-Oh, no, the...
The eyelash glue.

Oops-a-daisy.
- Okay, just... okay.

- I will have to fix that.
- Okay.

You need to run
these things by me.

-Well, you told me to pull my
weight, so I'm trying to help.

-Oh, this is you helping.

-Yeah, I got here on
time this morning,

and I found the, um,
interior decorator lady.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I'm practicing makeup,

and you're still on my
balls? I can't bloody win.

-Why can't you just do
things like a normal person?

-Normal? Normal like you?

'Cause, yeah, your life
seems awesome, Ellie.

-Grow up, Gwen.

You still live at home with Mom!
- Yeah.

-You don't even
make your own lunch.

This is why you can't
hold down a real job.

-Um, you got fired,
you dumb fuck!

-Oh!

-Don't you swipe me!

Oh my God!

No, no, no.
Let go of my face!

-No, grow up! Ow! -Ow!

-No! Don't pinch!

-You need to get a
hold of yourself.

-You... I was so calm!

- Ow!
- Let go!

- Ah!
- Ohhh! Okay. Ow!

- Ah!

- Why can't we just...
- Ah!

-Just calm down. Calm down.

Ow, ow, ow!

Who bites a person?!

-I hate this place!

Sisters... we sometimes do that.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Do you want me to
let you rest in peace, or...

-No, the lid's actually
way heavier than I thought,

so it's good you
arrived when you did.

-Is that always happen
between you guys?

-No, the knee kick was new,
but Ellie's acting weird.

I mean, like, she's always
had something up her ass,

but this is different.

-She and Hemi were pretty close.

He always used to
talk about her.

It hasn't been that long.
She's probably still grieving.

-Yeah.

-Frankie's mom, Gloria...
She would always

pick fights with me.

This one time, I got
her this cookbook

'cause she said she wanted to,
you know, get back into cooking.

But, like, she thought
that was me just, like,

telling her that
she had to cook,

like I was Jake the
Muss or something.

It wasn't about the
cookbook, or me.

It was about her.

And now she's gone.

-Oh my God. I'm so sorry.

I didn't...

Is she dead?
- No, no, no, no.

She just lives around the corner

on Oak Street, just
off Benham Road.

Anyway, we're just not together.

-Okay, I really thought that
was going somewhere else.

-No. No, I'm
just saying, you know,

it's when you know someone's

always gonna be
there, it's just...

It's easy to be a dick to them.

-But you guys aren't together.

-Yeah, but she's Frankie's mom.

I'll always be there for her.

-I'm always gonna
be there for Ellie.

I just don't want to be here.

I want to go to Bali.

-Then why don't you just go?

-'Cause I don't have the money.

-Well, then, just save.

-But I'm not working.

-Oh. Okay, um...

Well, then, why don't you
just, like, DJ for money?

- I'm not that good yet.
- I'll bet you are.

You're good at this
job. You just need to...

make yourself.

-Thanks, Beau.

I think I just need a nap, eh?

- Bye.

- Just...
- Leave it.

Shit!

The grannies.

-Supporting local content
so you can see more

of New Zealand On Air.