Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 4, Episode 20 - Art Lover - full transcript

Steven accepts works of art for WKS's 1986 auction, reluctantly even Alex's 'fiscal-surrealist' bank yard eviction drawing (at age 5) and an abstract welded sculpture by Nick, which only gets a bid from filthy rich, glamorous art lover Victoria Hurstenberg, who calls him an irresistible hidden talent. Nick brings more of his works for a private show at the Keaton house, and becomes her protégé. Only Mallory and naive Nick need weeks to realize the airhead didn't get to see Nick since miss (!) Victoria offered her patronage not for his 'art' but for his company. Just when Nick sweetly told off Victoria's private attentions with a gentlemanly hug at a gallery, idiotic Mallory is there and dumps her true love...

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there
ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Abstract -
oil and tempera.

Impressionist -
watercolor and charcoal.

Horsey and ducky -
crayon and glitter.


Nice try, Elyse.

Oh, come on, Steven,
it would be so cute to have

one of Alex's kindergarten
drawings in the auction.

This is a serious auction

to raise funds
for the station, Elyse.

I can't ask for bids
on a 5-year-old's

simplistic rendition
of two farm animals.

Steven, this isn't
a simplistic drawing.

S-see, the...
The ducky and the horsey

are barnyard bankers,

and they're foreclosing
on old Macdonald's farm.

Oh, yeah.

I see the ducky's got
a little eviction notice.

You see something new
every time you look at it.

Can we get on
with this, Elyse?

I want to be finished
Before Victoria gets here.

Who's Victoria?

Victoria Hurstenberg,

The sponsor of our auction,

one of the biggest art dealers
in the Midwest.

The Hurstenberg name
is virtually synonymous

with fine art and culture.

Do you think
she'll want a chili dog?

Whoa, hey.

My horsey-ducky
eviction picture.

This is a classic.

This is from my
fiscal-surrealist period.

Dad, Nick has something
very special for you.

Yeah, I hope you like it.

It's got my personal touch
all over it.

Don't get too close, dad.

It's either stolen
or freshly killed.

It's for your auction, dad.
I convinced Nick to donate it.

I don't know
what to say.

How about "thank you"?

No, that's not it.

How about "get me
my blowtorch"?



Are you the art lady?

Yes, I am.

Your chili dog's
almost ready.

Please come in.

Hello, Elyse.
I hope I'm not late.

I had to stop by the gallery
and pick up these pieces.

Oh, no.
Not at all, Victoria.

Uh, there's, uh, Mallory,
Nick, Jennifer, and Alex.

Victoria Hurstenberg.

These are the final three pieces
for the auction, Steven,

and on the back is all
the information you need...

What's this?

Don't get too close.
We're not insured.

This is very interesting.

Who's the artist?

Here he is right here -
Nick Moore.


Hello, Nick.
I must say, I'm very impressed.

This work is intriguing.

It's brutish,
vital, challenging.

Yeah, not only that,
it's, uh, rustproof.

You have real potential,

Hey, you hear that, Alex?
And this is an art lady.

This ain't no bozo
off the street.

Thank you, Nick.


Ah! Item number 43 is sold.

to the new owner

of "Horsey and Ducky:
a barnyard eviction."

And now, if I may,
I'd like to take a moment

just to introduce some of the
hardworking phone volunteers.

Of course, it really wouldn't
be a WKS fund drive

without my own family
being here to help out.

My wife, Elyse.

Hi, Andrew.

That's our baby boy.

Our, uh,
daughter Jennifer.

Hi, Andrew.

Daughter Mallory.

Hi, Andy.

And our son Alex.

You call that
an offer, lady?

That's the cheapest thing
I've ever heard in my life.


Uh, keep those calls
coming in, folks.

All right, it's time now to put
the next item up for auction.

It's a sculpture
donated by a local artist

Who happens to be with us
tonight - Mr. Nick Moore.

Hello, Nick.


Uh, uh, hey, um, um,
I got a special message

for my aunt
who's watching at home.


Well, thanks, Nick.
Okay, let's, uh...

Let's... Let's start
the bidding on this piece.

Call in now, please,
at 555-2131.

Uh, I-if you get a busy signal,
please, please try again.

Uh, our... Our operators
are handling these calls

just as quickly
as they possibly can.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, we've just received
a very generous opening bid

of $220
from Victoria Hurstenberg.

Hey, uh, you don't
have to do this.

I made my aunt promise
to call in a bid.

Why are you
so surprised, Nick?

I told you yesterday
I liked it.

Well, I thought you were
just being polite, you know?

I mean,
uh, I never met anyone

who looked like you
who liked my work.

Well, I never met anyone
who looked like you

who could do
this kind of work.

Well, uh, I never met anyone
who looked like you

Who, uh...

I never met anyone
who looked like you.

Sold to Victoria Hurstenberg
for $220.

Nick, you sold it.
That's... Oh, that's great.

Um, you know, this is just one
of a collection Nick has.

They're all good.

Well, I'd be
very interested

in seeing more
of your work, Nick.

Do you think you could arrange
a private showing for me?

You really like my work?

I know your style may be
a little avante-garde

for the general public,

but I pride myself on a good eye
for unsung talent.

When I see something I like,
I take it.

Well, hey, uh,
here I am.

Well, I've been looking all over
for the perfect spot for this.

Not in here.

I don't want a picture
of dogs playing poker

in my living room.

Oh, come on, Elyse,
how about over the fireplace?

How about
in the fireplace?

Why'd you buy that thing
anyway, dad?

Well, it was the only auction
item that didn't sell.

It was just sitting there,

There used to be one just like
it in my den when I was a kid,

right above the lamp

with the little hobo
leaning against the streetlight.

I miss that little hobo.

Why do I do this to myself?

Hey, hey, hey. Heads up.
Art coming through.

These should be
the last of 'em.

What you see
before yourselves here

represents the last five years
of my life.

Couldn't you just have a photo
album like everybody else?

Come on, tell me what you think
of them. And be honest.

They're really nice, Nick.

Dad, can we go?
I'm scared.


Steven: see you later.

I can just feel it, Nick.

After tonight,
you're gonna be famous.

Eh, I don't know, Mal.

I mean, what if miss Hurstenberg
hates everything?

Oh, what are you
nervous about?

You're very talented, Nick.

And miss Hurstenberg's gonna
love every one of them.

And I love you.

What is going on here?

These are Nick's
sculptures, Alex.

He's having a private showing
for Victoria Hurstenberg.

Touch the hors d'oeuvres
and die.

Ugh, no idle threat.

Hey, hey, hey,
you know, that's my recipe.

They're little cherry tomatoes
stuffed with whipped salami.

Hello, Nick.

Hey, miss Hurstenberg.
I'm glad you could make it.

Handsome outfit. Heh.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's nice,

uh, nice
and, uh, ventilated.

I guess you don't sweat too much
in that thing.

It's nice to have you here,
miss Hurstenberg.

Well, thank you.

May I?
Oh, sure.



Bordering on offensive.

Well, my aunt liked it.

Uh, of course,

she's bordering
on offensive, too.

Even a quick look
at the body of your work

confirms what I thought
when I met you

and when I bought
the auction piece.

You have real potential.

I think so, too,
Mrs. Hurstenberg.

It's miss Hurstenberg.
I'm not married.


Uh, if you'll let me open
some doors for you, Nick,

I think we can cause a real stir
in the art world.

Oh, hey, you hear that, Mal?
We're gonna cause a stir.

Nick, you need someone
to look after you,

to encourage you,
nurture you, protect you.

That's what art patrons do.

What do you think?

I think I'd like
to be patronized.

What have you
been fixing?

Just a few small repairs.
Nothing special.

Hold it right there,

I found this
hanging over my bed.

Do you know
how it got there?

Well, don't look at me.

I have standards, dad.

It's okay if I'm alone
in my appreciation of this work.

As Thoreau once said,
"I have found no companion

so companionable
as solitude."

Yeah, but he didn't have
any dog pictures.

There must be a place
to hang this painting.

Dad, it's not in my room.

Where are you going, Mal?

Oh, Nick and I are going
out to dinner.

We're celebrating his official
entrance into the art world.

Things are going well,
then, huh?

Victoria's really taken Nick
under her wing.

Yeah, she's really
helping him.

It's been
a little rough lately.

I haven't seen Nick
for 11 days.

But, um, it's worth
going through that,

'cause miss Hurstenberg

is really gonna do
great things for Nick.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Alex, if you're insinuating
there's something going on

between them,
you can forget it.

I'm not worried.

Hello? Nick, hi.

You're supposed to be here.
I'm all ready.

Oh, I see.

With miss Hurstenberg.

No. Sure, I understand.

No, it's okay.

Yeah. Bye.

Um, that was Nick.

Uh, he has to go
to another gallery opening

with, uh, miss Hurstenberg.

Can't believe it.

We were supposed to
go out to dinner tonight.

Uh, say,
I've got a great idea.

Why don't we all
go out to dinner, huh?

Hey, that's
a great idea, dad.

Elyse: Yeah, let's go get dressed.
Alex: Let's do it.

Uh, I hope you guys don't mind.
I-i won't be going with you.


Honey, I-if you're not gonna go,
then maybe we shouldn't go.

No, you guys
go ahead, really.

Well, if you change
your mind...

Jennifer: Dad, I don't want
to go out to dinner.

Look, Mal, uh...

Sorry what I said
about Nick and Victoria.

I mean, I only said that
when I thought it wasn't true.

I mean...

You know what I mean.

Alex, what if there is something
going on between them?

Aw, come on.

Look, there's absolutely nothing
to worry about.

Let's look
at the facts here.

Nick I-is a good-looking,
y-young guy.

Victoria i-is
an attractive older woman

who's taken
a special interest in Nick,

and they've spent nearly
all their time together

in the last two weeks.

Let me give you a hug.

Alex, how can I compete
with someone like Victoria?

I mean, she's...
She's sophisticated,

she's wealthy,
she's intelligent, she's older.

You'll be older
one day, Mal.

But what about elegant,
sophisticated, and smart?

Those things fate.

But you'll be older.

So, are you enjoying yourself,

Oh, hey, yeah.
It's great.

Oh. Thank you.

Hey, uh,
these are free, right?

No, seriously, huh?

Oh, Nick, Nick, Nick.

Oh, miss Hurstenberg, miss
Hurstenberg, miss Hurstenberg.

Your sculpture is creating
quite a stir.

Yeah, I remember
you said that.

You said we'd stir,
and, uh, we're stirring.

Yes, we are.


Don't you think
you should introduce me

to some of these people?

Well, I will.

I just want to keep you to
myself for a few moments longer.

All right.

Nick, you're really
a wonderful artist.

I can't tell you
how impressed I am with you.

Why not?

Oh, Nick.

Oh, miss Hurstenberg.



Here to see
The Braxton Exhibit?

Yes, I am.

Um, I'm a huge admirer
of Braxton.

Great sculptures.

You mean paintings.

Yes, I love his paintings.

Her paintings.

Of course, her paintings.

Yeah, I've loved them
for years.

This is her first exhibit.

I know.
See, I-I know her from camp.

She's 62.

She was a counselor.

Oh-ho, miss Hurstenberg.

You're kind of funny,
you know that?

Victoria: Ha!

Oh, Nick, why do you always
call me miss Hurstenberg?

My name is Victoria.

Well, uh, miss Hurstenberg
is easier to remember.

I find you
extremely attractive, Nick,

And I think we could be
a lot closer.

I'd like our relationship
to be more than business.

Oh! Wow!

Great sculpture.
Nice balance.

I'll take two.

I've developed
a very special feeling

for you, Nick,
and I think...

Uh, look, miss Hurstenberg,

let me stop you
right here, okay?

I don't want
to sound ungrateful,

I really like you

and you've been
really good to me.

But I'm in love with Mallory.
I'm sorry.

So am I.

I suppose that sometimes I let
my passion for an artist's work

become a passion
for the artist.

Hey, that can happen.
I know how it is.

No hard feelings?

No hard feelings.

Hey, uh, Mallory.


It's up to you.

I'll see your quarter,

and I'll bump you
a quarter.

Huh, Skippy?

I don't know.

I think he's bluffing.

What a poker face.

What do you think,

I have no idea.
He's a rock.

All right.

All right,
I'll see you, mister.

Too rich for my blood.

Oh. Read 'em and weep.

Three ladies.

Oh, well, that's just great.
I'm cleaned out.

Steven: hey.

Oh, Alex, you kept him up late
again just to play poker?

I don't mind
staying up late.

It's just losing all my money
that's killing me.

Good night, Alex.

Good night.
Oh, I'm glad he's still up.

It gives daddy a chance

to put him to bed tonight.

Daddy loves putting him to bed
on poker night.

Why don't you guys
put him to bed,

and I'll get
his bottle ready?

Okay, Andy, I'll keep an eye
on your money, as usual,

and deduct my normal fee
for setting up the game.

Hey, Mallory.
Is everything okay?

Uh, I'd rather not talk
about it, mom.


I never want
to see Nick again.

Did you two have a fight?

I'd rather not talk
about it.


I can't believe
he'd leave me

for the first gorgeous,
intelligent, wealthy,

sophisticated woman
to come along.

Does this have anything to do
with Victoria Hurstenberg?

Mom, please!
I'd rather not talk about it!


Mom, you should have seen them
together at the gallery.

They looked like
one of the exhibits.

All they needed was
a little sign next to them

"New couple of the year."

Honey, look,
Nick has a lot of flaws.

In fact, your father
hzas an alphabetized list

of those flaws.

But deceit
is not one of them.

How do you know?

I've seen the list.

Uh, Nick.

Uh, I'll take this bottle
up to Andrew.

Look, Mallory, I am
only gonna say this once.

And if you don't believe me,
I'm just gonna turn around,

walk out that door,
and never come back.

There is nothing going on
between me and Victoria.

I don't believe you.

Mallory, I am only gonna
say this twice.

There is nothing going on
between me and Victoria.

Look, I don't
blame you, okay?

Any guy would
fall in love with her.

She's gorgeous,
sophisticated, and wealthy.

All right, she's all of those
things, but so what?

She's not you, and that's
all that matters to me.

You're all that I want.

You expect me
to believe that?

Yes, I do,
because it's true.

You know, when I see you,
my heart starts beating faster,

my palms get sweaty,

I get this funny kind of lump
in the back of my throat.

You know, that doesn't happen
with nobody else,

so either I love you
or I'm allergic to you.

Nick, I know
what's gonna happen.

You're gonna become a "big hit"
in the art world.

And every night
you'll be out there

partying and meeting people
and galleryin'.

I'll pick up Twine Magazine,

and you'll be on the cover
as man of the year every week.

All right.
That could happen.

But, uh, let's say one day
it all starts to fall apart.

My art stops selling,
nobody returns my calls,

I'm on the cover of
loser magazine every week.

And then I realize that all
the success, all the money

doesn't mean a thing
without you.

So I'll sell everything,

I come back, I find you,

and we live
happily ever after.

You know, so why put ourselves
through all that travel?

Why don't we just skip it
and get to the good stuff?

Mal, I love you.
And only you.

I'm sorry
I didn't trust you.

I guess I'm afraid
of losing you.

And what if somebody else
figures out how great you are?

Hey, you're the only one
who's figured that out so far.

You know, and that's
just fine with me.

You're the first one
who really believed in me.

You're the first one
who saw me the way I want to be.

I need you, Mallory.

I need you, too.

When I'm with you,
I-i feel special.

I never felt that way


Y-you can tell your dad,
"no, thanks."