Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 3, Episode 8 - 4 Rms Ocn Vu - full transcript

The parents are away for a few days, Alex is in charge but cares only for his date Monica, so he wants the girls out; Mallory 'drives' straight into a telephone pole, now they must come up with some $300 to pay for repairs. Alex decides to earn enough by renting out rooms with ocean views to traveling Leland sports game attendants, who certainly bid enough to make a profit on top. Skippy, who can't go home, is happy to stay as unpaid bellhop and sleeps on the floor like the girls, 'hotel manager' Alex gets the couch and can't resist to keep the sweet money flowing in. Then dad calls: he'll be home in a few hours. The guests even brought fellow Leland fans to celebrate their victory frat-style...

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Okay, kids,
I've gotta get going.

Say goodbye to the old man.

Okay, Dad, listen,
have a safe trip, okay?

And give our love to Mom.

Yeah, and Grandma too.

Daddy, do you really
have to go?

Well, it's just for
a few days, Jen.

Yeah, even so, Dad,

I mean, it's just not the same
without you guys around here.

Yeah, we really miss you
when you're not here.

Yeah, we love you.

Love is an understatement.

Thank you, kids.

That's very sweet.

Uh, where's...?
Uh, where's my suitcase?

Oh, it's in the car.
The motor's running.

Uh, yeah. Thank... Thanks...
Thanks a lot.

Uh... Uh, look, Grandma and I...

Uh, or your mother and I
will be back on, uh... On Sunday.

Grandma's number
is on the kitchen counter.

Alex, I'm leaving you in charge.

Dad, don't worry. I'll rule
with a firm but loving hand.


Listen, have fun.

And if you need anything,
give us a call.



All right, bye-bye.

Well, you all heard Dad.
I'm in charge.

Monica Dillon is gonna
be here in an hour

and, uh, the two of you
don't fit into our plans.

Well, where are we
supposed to go?

Go to the mall.
Go anywhere.

But Mallory's not allowed
to use the car, Alex. Remember?

She's being punished
for using it

when she wasn't supposed to
last week.

I'm in charge, and, uh,
your punishment's suspended.


Uh, Jennifer,
you go with her, okay?

But I don't want
to go to the mall.

Go to the moon, okay?

I don't care.

Just don't be here
when Monica gets here.

Look, I can take you
to Krissy's house, Jen.

I'm not allowed
to go over to Krissy's house.

I'm being punished for goofing
off with her at school.

Your punishment's suspended too.

You know, Alex,
I like having you in charge.

Yeah, me too.


Now, get lost.

Try and be back for school
on Monday.

Oh, hi, Alex.

Hey, Skip, listen, guy, uh,
I don't think

this is a good time for one
of our little chats, okay?

Is Monica Dillon coming over?

You got it.

Hey, uh, I gotta speak
to Mallory before I go.

I... I got us a couple of tickets
to the NCAA chess semifinals.


I... I want to invite her.

Well, Skip, she just left.

Although if you hurry,
you may be able to catch her.

You know, usually it takes her
20 minutes

to back out
of the driveway.

Oh, uh, hey, Mallory! It's me!

It's Skippy!

Uh, do you want to go out
with me Friday night?

She... She stopped.

I think she's considering it.

Um, you know that telephone pole
out there?


It smashed into our car.

I... I'll check
for damage.

Oh, the car!

Oh, the car. Dad's car.

Mallory, how could you do that?

You know you're not
supposed to be driving.

You're... You're being

What am I gonna do, Alex?

We have to get that fixed
before Dad gets back.

How are we gonna
pay for that?

I don't know. I don't know.

There's gotta be three hundred
dollars damage to that car.

I don't know where we're gonna
come up with that kind of money.

Uh, good news.

The telephone pole's okay.

Look, Skippy, uh, we've got
a little problem here.

Uh, maybe you could come back
another time.

Well, I don't know
where I'm gonna go.

I can't go home.

Why not?

It's jammed with people.
My whole family's here

for the big
Leland homecoming game.

They're making me sleep
in the garage.

Unless you guys don't want
to rent me a room, huh?

Not while I'm alive.

Skippy, why, uh...?

Why aren't your relatives
staying in a hotel?

Because there isn't one
available room

between here
and the state line.


Yes, there is.

Alex, no.

If there really is
a shortage of rooms,

it seems to me that somebody who
had a room to rent out

this weekend could really
make a killing.

Or at least enough
to buy a new fender,

if you get my drift.

Alex, no.

Well, Alex has a point.

There's a lot of money
to be made.

My dad's charging his cousins
$45 a night.

But Alex, it's wrong.

Of course it's wrong,

Seventy-five a night
is right.

Come on, Alex.
It's wrong, and I'm telling you

you can't do it.

I mean, what if Mom and Dad
find out?

What if Mom and Dad
see the piece of modern art

you turned their car into?

Do it.

Okay, the, uh,
ad is in the paper.

What's our state of readiness,

All systems are go, chief.

The baby's room is in a state
of rental preparedness.

It still feels weird to me,

renting out a room
in our own house.

Well, Jen, don't...
Don't think of it as renting.

All we're doing
is letting strangers

use a room in our home

for money.

You know what I think?

Don't ask the impossible,

Alex, I think that Mom and Dad
would not approve of this.

Oh, come on, Mallory.
You underestimate our parents.

Now, they are thoughtful,
generous people,

and I think they'd be thrilled
to know we were using their home

to... To shelter weary travelers.

You mean we're gonna tell them?

What are you, crazy?

Uh, hi. We've come
about the room.

Come right in.
Come right in.

Pleased to meet you.
Jack Driscoll. Leland '81.

And this is my wife,

Leland '82.

Pleased to meet you.
Alex P. Keaton.

Leland '88.

And, uh, this is
Skippy Handleman

Harding High '86.

My sister Mallory.
Harding High '86.

God willing.

And my little sister Jennifer.
Randolph Elementary '88.

What a bunch of smarties
we are.

We were so happy
to see your ads.

You know, you can't get a room
in this entire town.

Do tell.

I... I'll get that.

Skippy, why don't you show
the, uh, Driscolls the room.

Happy to, Alex. Right this way,
Mr. and Mrs. Driscoll.

And, uh, may I say
that I hope your stay here

is a pleasant one.

If you stay.

Don't tell me it's rented

or I'll kill myself
right on the doorstep.

Well, no,
it's not rented yet.

Although there's a couple
looking at it right now.

Fine. We'll take it.

Um, but you haven't
even seen the room.

We'll take it.

Are we there yet, Mommy?

Yes, sweetheart,
we're here.

These nice people are gonna
let us stay with them.

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you.

This is it, Ma?

This is where
we're gonna stay?

Yes, Dougie.
This is it.

I don't like the lobby.

Oh, the room's perfect.
We'll take it.

I love the bassinet.

Great. Well, we aim to please.

I believe the ad said
75 a night.


Wait a minute.
We want that room.

I'll give you 80.


Eighty. I'm sorry, sir,

but that's not the way
I do business.

Now, you offend me.

The Driscolls were here first,
and they should get the room.

Make it 90.

I'm not as offended anymore.

Do something, Jack. I'm not
gonna sleep in the car again.

We slept in the car last year
for homecoming.

I still have ashtray marks
on my neck.



Ninety-eight fifty.


Wait a minute.
Wait just one minute.

This is a big house.

What are we all bidding
on one room for?

I mean, there's lots of rooms
in this place.

Please, look, there's only
one room for rent.

The others are occupied.

Little girl,
do you have a room?

Give you 100 bucks for it.

You got it.

Well, um, I...
I have a room.

Hey, Jen.
All the guests asleep?

Yeah, I just tucked in
the Driscoll family.

This is fantastic.

I never had so much fun
in my life.

Why don't we do this
more often?

Alex, does he have to
sleep in here?

Mallory, look, he is an employee
of Keaton Manor.

And he is entitled
to sleep in the living room

with the rest of us.


Who's, uh...?
Who's sleeping bag is that?


Looks comfy.

You're a real gentleman,

he's the boss.

It's important
that he's well-rested.

You know, Alex,

I really didn't think
this was gonna work out,

but so far it's been okay.

"Okay. " Jennifer,

I think it's a little better
than okay.

The car is being fixed,

we, uh... We have enough money
to pay for it,

and we've got a little money
left over for ourselves.

How much left over?

Don't you worry your pretty
little head about it, Mallory.

Let Alex handle all the big old
nasty financial details.

I want some French toast.

The kitchen is closed.

Well, open it.
I want some French toast.

You can have some French toast
for breakfast.

I want it now.

Douglas Barker, you get up
these stairs this instant.

You have had enough to eat.

I did not.
I still have space.


Now, dear.

But there better be French toast
here in the morning.


Coming, coming, coming.

We've come about the room.

Alex, no.

We'd like one
with an ocean view, please.

We're all booked up,

Uh, yeah, uh,
like she said, uh,

we are completely booked.

In fact, we're overbooked.

I mean, I couldn't rent you
a room, you know, even...

Even if I had one.

We're desperate
and we're wealthy.

That's my favorite

Welcome to Keaton Manor.
Thank you.

Whoa, hey, wait!

Hold on.

Just a minute.
Hang on...

Did you, uh...?

Did you get the sheets
from all the beds, Skippy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got everyone.

Some of the guests
didn't want to get out of bed,

but I made them.

Good boy.

Can I help you?

Yeah. Can I get
a massage?

I'm sorry, but the spa
is closed.

I want a massage.

I'm sorry, but the...

I want a massage!
All right! Okay!

Come here.

There you go.
Get out of here.


That's a lot better.

Thanks. Get yourself
a little something.

Uh, we ordered room service
over two hours ago.

Right, sir. Sorry.

You are...?

The Barkers. Room 201.

Yes, sir. Uh...

We'll, uh...

We'll get that up there
right away.

Uh, don't forget I... I want
the crusts cut off the toast.

Right, well, that's, uh...
That's what's taking so long.

Oh. Well, sure.

Front! Front!

What is it now, Alex?

Mallory, what is the problem
with the Barker's toast.

Alex, forget it, okay?

I'm tired of making sandwiches,

I'm tired of doing
people's laundry

I'm tired of making
their little beds.

Now, we have enough money
for the car.

Let's just send everyone home
and close up.

Mallory, how can you say that?

You know, we hotel operators
have a...

Have a certain code of ethics.

You know, you can't just throw
people out into the street.

Alex, that is the fifth time
I have fixed that shower today.

I just locked the door.

There is no more bathroom
for these people.

No more bathroom
for these people?

That's hardly a motto
for a hotel, Jennifer.

This is not a hotel, Alex.
This is a house.

I'm with you, Jennifer.

Okay, look, listen to me.

Let's just get these people
off to the game, okay?

Then we can sit in peace and...
And we can talk about this.

Okay, all right.

All right, okay.

Attention. Attention, please.

This is the bus
that will take you to the game.

Now, if you'll form
an orderly line...

My feet are killing me.

Your feet?
My back and my neck.

Right now let's just relax
and enjoy the peace.

No more guests,
please, Alex.

Hello, Keaton Manor.


I meant in a "manner"
of speaking,



You're where?

You're... You're what?

You're coming home now?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm fine.

No, I'm just excited.

Yeah, we're all excited.

Boy, this is exciting.

Okay, Dad.

We'll see you soon.

What, Alex?
Dad's coming home?

Yeah, he had to cut
his trip short.

There's some kind of strike
at the station.

Anyway, he's gonna be here
in a couple of hours.

Oh, that's good.

We could use an extra hand
around here.

Oh, come on, Skip.
Is that all you could carry?

Sorry, Alex.

Well, Skippy, how'd you get
the bags packed so fast?

Well, I took the clothes
out of the drawers

and stuffed them
into the suitcase.

How'd you know which clothes
went in which bags?

Was that important?

Look, we can't worry
about that now.

We gotta get the rest
of these bags packed

and get these people
out of here as fast as we can.

We won!

Oh, great.

Sit down and tell us
every detail of the game.


Oh, uh, no.

I mean, grab your bags
and get the hell out of here.

What he means is we had a...
A little, uh... Uh, emergency,

and we're forced
to evacuate the hotel.

What's wrong?

Well, the building, uh,
is condemned.

Did you hear that?

He's making it up, Skippy.

Oh, no, no. Darlene and I
want to stay.

This old hotel
means a lot to us.

Uh, look, uh, Skippy,
go get the rest of the bags.

Jennifer, you go help him.

We won!


I am so pooped I'm not moving
for the next two days.

Uh, that's what you think.

Hope you don't mind.
I invited a few people.

Uh, mind.
As a matter of fact...

Hey, what are you doing?

We did it! We captured
the other team's mascot.

We got the Crawford Kangaroo.

Do you believe this? They
captured the Crawford Kangaroo!

This is a day
we will never forget.

I'm home.

Hi, Dad!

How was your trip?

It's so nice
to see you.

What is going on here?

Now, Dad, uh, don't go jumping
to any conclusions.

Whoa! Whoa!

I can't believe how angry
Dad was.

I've never seen him
like that.

He didn't seem that angry.

Oh, come on.
He was beyond angry, Jennifer.

He had that...
That look, you know?

Where he can't quite get
the words out and he just goes:


Shh! Here he comes.

Hey, Dad.

How's it going?


Do you think Dad
will ever like us again?

Of course he will, Jen.

It's just gonna
take a little time.

Twenty, 30 years.

He'll come around.

I hate for his last words
to me to be:

Hey, Dad, come on. Stop.
Look, at least slow down, okay?

Look, do you, uh,

plan on being mad at us
for the rest of your life?

That is my plan.

But Dad,
we're your flesh and blood.

Yeah, yeah, Dad.

Remember how cute we were
when we were babies?

Yeah, well,
I'm still a baby, Dad.

Will you read me
a book, Daddy?

Yeah, Daddy,
read us all a book.

Look, come on, Dad.
Don't go away.

You always said that we should
talk about these things.


parents are conditioned
to accept a...

A- a few, uh, minor problems

when they leave their children
alone at home.

Spilled milk on the rug.

Broken dish.

There was a kangaroo

in my living room.

He was just here
for the party, Dad.

Then I guess I'm overreacting.

Dad, if you just give us
a chance,

we can explain everything.

Oh, can you?

Can you explain the valet
parking in the driveway?

The flashing "Vacancy" sign

in front of the house?

The billboard on Route 41?

Look, Dad, I just... I...
I just lost my head, you know?

When the... When the money
started rolling in,

I got out of control.

I could... I could smell it.

I could taste it.

I could hear it
calling me at night, saying,

"Alex, at last
we'll be together. "

Dad, I... I guess you could
just say that I...

I kind of became a...
A moneyholic.

Dad, I need help.

Um, Dad, I guess most of this
was my fault.

I mean, I shouldn't have been
driving the car at night

without your permission.

And Alex and Jennifer
were just trying to help

pay for the car damage.

They're really not to blame.

Well, I guess it's my fault too.

I shouldn't have asked Mallory

to take me over
to Krissy's house

when I wasn't supposed to go.

Dad, uh, you left me in charge

and I let you down
in every possible way.

I was immature,
I was irresponsible

and, uh... And I was greedy.

I'm sorry.

He's coming around.