Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 3, Episode 4 - Love Thy Neighbor - full transcript

Jennifer is delighted at the return of Scotty, a neighborhood boy and her garden ball sports friend from a few years ago, who has meanwhile turned into a handsome 17 year-old, according to Mallory 'grown into his ears', but unfortunately Scott now seems irresistibly drawn to the dumb sister his horny age; this leaves Scotty's true friend Jen practically ignored and literally forgotten, but she won't take Alex's word for that just being cruel nature, so she intrudes on the couple's restaurant date... Meanwhile mother is eating like a bear and dad determined to pick and put together a crib, although the blueprints daunt even Alex, hopefully not architect Elyse.

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

What do you got there, Dad?

Well, I've got a teddy bear,
two rattles, a cuddle bunny,

and a little ducky.

Well, you can play
for five minutes,

and then you got
to go night-night.

Alex, we're just trying
to get an inventory

of the baby toys we have

so, uh, we'll know
what we need to buy.

Wow, what's that, Dad?

This is the mobile that used
to hang over your crib.

I remember we experimented with
a lot of different things

until we found the one symbol
that would calm you down.

Aw, t-turn it on, Dad.
Turn it on.


MAN Continental Telegraph up three points.

It's up to 25 cents.

Cintram Corporation,
down 14.

Still works.

Oh, and when you've
finished your nap,

uh, take a look through
that catalog there.

We're trying to
pick out a new crib.

Oh, come on, Dad.
What do I know about cribs?

A crib is a crib.

All right. We're gonna go
with that one.

You're going to go
with the The Snooze-A-Lot?

What's the matter
with this one here,

The Inky-Binky-Beddy-Bye?

I don't know. That one, uh,
scares me a little.

The Inky-Bink looks like a bear
to put together.

Whoa, Whoa.
More food for Mom?

I know.
It's getting ridiculous.

This is the fourth meal
Mom's eaten in two hours.

Try to be a little more
understanding, Mal.

She's an energetic person.

Now that the doctor wants her
to stay off her feet,

she's channeling all her
energies, uh, into eating.

Is Scott here yet?

No, Jen. We told you
we'd call you when he gets here.

Uh, coming!
That's Mom again.

She's getting
a little demanding now.

You better hurry up
and take that to her.

You don't want to miss Scott
when he gets here.

What's the big deal? He was
your goofy friend, not mine.

He wasn't goofy,

He just had glasses
and braces and big ears.

Well, then,
I'll hurry back down.

What's all this?

This is equipment from all
the different sports

Scott and I used
to play together.

I thought I'd let him pick which
one he wants to start with.

Scott is in town for
a college interview, Jennifer.

I don't think he'll have
time for the decathlon.

I know he'll want to play, Dad.
Before he moved away

the two of us were the first
two kids outside every morning

and the last two kids
in every night.

Yeah, but that was
five years ago, Jen.

Scott is 17 years old now,
you know.

People slow down
as they get older.

Their bones start to deteriorate
with each passing year.

Look at Dad.

Thanks, coach.

He's here.

Scott, it's good to see you!


How are you?

Great. Look at you.

Well, hello, Scott.
Welcome back.

Thanks, Mr. Keaton.

Hey, Scotty.

Hey, Alex. How's it going?

Ah, king of the hill.

Top of the heap,

You haven't changed a bit,

What'll it be, Scott?

Baseball, soccer, tennis.

Greco-Roman wrestling?

What do you mean?

I thought we'd play some sports

just like we did
when we were kids.

Oh, sure. Sounds like fun.

You two have a good time.

Hi, Scott?

Hi, Mallory.

Boy, have you changed.

Well, you changed too.

I mean, you grew into
your ears, and...

You look good too.

Scott, what are you waiting for?

Uh, Let's hold off
on the soccer for a while,

okay, Jennifer?

Good idea. Uh,

do you want to go down
to your old house?

Or maybe we could just
sit on the lawn

and talk about old times.

Uh, yeah, sure.
Go ahead and start without me

and I'll be right there.


## Ya, ya-da-da, da-da, da-da ##

## Ya, da-da-da-da-da ##

## Hey! ##

You're gonna love
Pasta Alex. Mwah!

Well, I hope it's better
than Pancakes Alex, Alex.

Well, your mother says she can
smell the Pasta Alex, Alex,

from all the way upstairs.

Yeah, well,
it travels well, Dad.

Hey, what's all this?

Just a few things
for Scott to see,

pictures of us when we were kids
and stuff like that.

He didn't have a chance
to look at them yesterday.

Whoa, Whoa.
There she is.

You want me to take
this up to Mom, Dad?

Oh, no, no, I'll do it.
She denies it,

but I think she kind of enjoys,
being waited on by her husband.

Yeah, they all do, Dad.

You know, they may say things
have changed, but basically,

they're happiest when
they're barefoot and pregnant.

Oh, coming, Elyse!

Sounds serious.

This won't be enough.
Girls, give me a hand.

Uh, Mallory,
get the peanut butter.

Uh, Jennifer, the garlic bread
and the antipasto.

Oh, and, Mallory, uh,
a watermelon.

That ought to hold
her for a while.

## Ya, ya-da-da, da-da, da-da ##

## Ya, da-da-da-da-da-da ##

## Hey ##

Hey, Alex.
Hey, Scotty.

What, are you cooking?

You bet-a your life.

Hey, where's, uh...
Where's Mallory?

I don't know. I don't know.
She's upstairs or something.

So hey, Scott. Are you up
for your interview tomorrow?

Uh, yeah. I'm pretty excited.

Yeah, listen. Let me give you
a couple of tips, okay?

I am, uh...

Well, hey, I'm kind of
a legend at that college,

and so I think you should slip
my name into the conversation

as much as you can.
Oh, uh, why don't you, uh,

take this with you?

This is a picture of you,


You know,
you can keep that.


Hey, listen, uh,
Mallory must be about,

what, 17 years old now, huh?

I don't know.
I don't know.

She's in her teens.
I know that.

Oh, another thing.
Another thing. Listen.

You want to be serious, right?
But not overly serious.

They like you to be
a good student,

but, uh,
fun-loving, like me.

So, uh, is anybody seeing
Mallory on a regular basis?

Yeah, yeah. I am, and I've
had about all I can take.

Your mom really loved
the Pasta Alex, Alex.

Never seen anyone
eat that fast.

It was incredible.

I was afraid to put
my hands near her mouth.

Hi, Jennifer, Mallory,
Mr. Keaton.

I was giving Scott a couple
of tips for his interview.

Ooh, let me give you
the opposite advice

I gave Alex
before his interview:

Just be yourself.

Okay. Dinner, she's served.

Ah. Great. I can't tell you
how hungry I am.

I love a man with a healthy


Well, I-I guess
she's still hungry.

I'll take her some more
the Pasta Alex, Alex.

Hey, what's all this stuff?

Just a few pictures of us
when we were kids

and stuff like that.

Are there any pictures
of you in here, Mallory?

I don't think so.

Hey, wait a second.

Look. There's Mallory.

No, no.

That's us when we dressed up
for Halloween

as Miss Piggy
and Kermit the Frog.

No, no, no. In the back. Look.

That's Mallory's foot.

Well, Scott,
I was just thinking.

The Indians are playing
a twinight double-header

this Saturday.
Do you want to go?

Oh, sure.
Anyway, Mallory,

we have a lot of catching up
to do.

This picture of your foot
really sparks the memories.

Yes, I was wondering
if you have two tickets left

for tonight's Indians game?

You have 35,000?

Well, I only need two.

Can you hold them for me,

My name is Jennifer Keaton.

Thank you. Bye.

Any sign of Scott yet, Alex?

Ah, no, Jen.
I haven't seen him.

Tonight's the night we're
going to see the Indians

play a twinight double-header
against the Seattle Mariners.

Whoa. The clash of the Titans.

You want to come?

There are 35,000 extra tickets.

Uh, no. Just, uh,
give them to somebody else.

Scott and I are gonna have
a great time, Alex.

He loves baseball,

You used to come sometimes
when we were kids.

Yeah. That's right.
That's right.

Remember that time
I got that foul ball?

You know, I made that
great diving catch,

you know, leaning over
the railing.

You didn't make
a diving catch.

That's right. That's right.
It was a one-bouncer.

It bounced once,
I jumped up and I caught it.

No, you didn't.

Ah, rolled down
the steps to me.

It rolled down the steps
right to me.

Alex, you bought
that ball.

I remember the store
was really crowded.

I had to leap over
this lady...

Alex, give it up.

I'm going to go
in the garage

and see if I can find
some old pennants.

Call me
when Scott comes.



Whoa. Wait a minute.

Whoa. Hey, Dad.

Let me give you
a hand with this.

Oh, all right.

What have you got in here,
a new tie?

It's the crib.

Come on, roll up your sleeves,
Alex. We've got some work to do.


Yeah, it's been
a while since you and I

built anything together.

You can assemble some
furniture, can't you, Alex?

Of course I can.
All right.

All right. It's just
that you'd be surprised

how many guys can't
put together a simple kit.

Well you're, uh... You're looking
at a guy who can, Dad.

Let's see what we got here.




Yeah. There we go.





I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Scott.

Hi, Mallory.

How did your interview go?

Oh, pretty well, I think.

I tried to mention
Alex's name a few times.

I hope they don't hold it
against you.

Hey, have you eaten yet?

How about dinner at Guido's?

All right.

Hey, champ.

What happened
to your baseball game?

Rained out.


It's not raining.

I have a problem, Alex.

you're 11 years old.

You got a roof over your head.

You're fed every day.

You don't pay taxes.

What kind of problem
could you possibly have?

The baseball game
wasn't rained out.

Scott took Mallory
out to dinner instead.


Well, maybe he forgot.

How could you forget
about something like that?

Scott and I used to be
best friends.

He never used to like
Mallory at all.

Now it's the opposite.

What has Mallory got
that I don't?

Ah, let's put it this way,

A 17-year-old guy

will tend to have
different tastes in girls

than an 11-year-old guy.

It's only natural.

At this point in his life,

Scott is interested in girls
who are more


When did this happen to Scott?

Why did he have to change?

Well, it's nature, Jen.

Through, uh... Through none
of our her doing,

Mallory just happens to have

that certain
intangible quality

that attracts boys.

Boys who are helpless
victims to the hormones

coursing through their veins.

You know, boys like Scott.

Can we put
a stop to this?

It's too late, Jen.

It's all over for Scott

and his kind.

It's not fair, Alex.

Yeah. There's nothing
you can do about it, Jen.

My advice to you is that you
just enjoy being a child

for as long as you can.

I know I did.

It was the best
two weeks of my life.

You know, Mallory,

it's really nice
being here with you tonight.

Heh. Grazie, grazie.

That's terrific. When did you
learn to speak Italian?

Grazie, grazie.

Uh, Scott Handley's table,

If you will follow me,


Good evening, Scott.
I thought I'd join you.

How nice to see you!

Hi, Jen.

Jennifer, why are you dressed
this way?

I'm a woman
of many moods, Scott.

Young and playful
one moment,

sophisticated and
deadly serious the next.


Uh, Jennifer, this is a table
for two.

I'm sure you can make
room for your sister.

Well, Scott,
what do you recommend?

The last time I was here

I found the pizza with the
bologna very much to my liking.

Shall I go for it again?

I don't get it.
This a joke or something?

I'm deadly serious, Scott.
Pizza with bologna or not?

Jen, we already ordered.

Mallory, Scott
needs his strength.

He has Mormons coursing
through his veins.


There will be no talking about
baseball tonight, Scott.

You know what I mean?

Not really.

You'll find tonight that I can
be as soft as the next girl.

Buy you a drink?


all right, Jen.
Uh, come here a minute...

No! You're making
a spectacle of yourself.

Hey, listen. I think we
ought to take you home now.

I don't need you
to take me home.


Are you okay, little girl?

I'm fine.
And I'm not a little girl.

Waiter, my bike.


Well, Alex,
what do you think?

She a beauty?

She is a beauty, Dad,

although I'd, uh, feel
a little better about her

if we'd, uh, used all
the parts she came with.

How many
are left over?

Well, uh, she came with 22 nuts,
22 bolts.

We used six nuts
and seven bolts.

That's not good.

Jennifer, where have you been?

I- I was upstairs playing
dress-up in my room,

and I heard Mrs. Alpeck
pulling up next door,

so I wanted to say hi to her.

Because I haven't seen her
for such a long time.

So I leaned out my window
and I called to her,

but she didn't hear me.

So I leaned out some more
and I fell out my window.

And I'm coming back in now.
Good night.

Jennifer... Jennifer,

your window
is 20 feet off the ground.

You don't believe me,
do you?

If you'll excuse me,
I'd like to go talk to Mom.

Well, I'm sorry, honey.
Your mom's asleep.

I'm sure you can talk to me.

It's not the same.

Dad, if you'll excuse us,

I think
she needs me right now.

I'll take Dad.

Try and be a good brother,
and they spit on you.

Well, uh, what's...
What's going on?

I made a mistake tonight, Dad.

What did you do?

I walked in on Mallory
and Scott's date at Guido's.

I made such a fool
out of myself.

It happens sometimes.
It just happens.

I wanted Scott
to like me so much.

I thought if he got a good look
at me in this dress,

he'd leave Mallory.

He doesn't know
what he's missing, Dad.

Come on, come on.

You cry. That's good. You cry.

I love you.
What does Scott know?

He knows that he doesn't
want to be with me.

Well, maybe you're too young

to have a romance
with someone like Scott.

I don't want a romance.

All I want is for things to go
back the way they used to be.

Well, I'm afraid
that can't happen, honey.

You and Scott had
a very special relationship

when you were younger.

Things change.

I'm so confused,

I don't know the way
I'm supposed to act.

Sometimes I feel
really grown up,

and sometimes I feel
like a little baby.

That's one of the great
things about being 11.

You get to act
any way you want.

You do that at my age,
they put you away.

How did this happen
to Scott?

He grew up
and I didn't.

You grew up too, Jen.

You're growing up
right now.

Hi, Jen.
Hi, Dad.

Oh, uh, hi. Hi, Mallory.

Um, can I be alone with Jen,

We have some things
to talk about.

Okay. Ah, no problem.

I was, uh... I was just about
to go into the kitchen, uh,

get me a handful
of trail mix.


Love that trail mix.


I guess I made a big fool
out of myself, huh?

Ah. No, you didn't.
Hey, I didn't notice anything.

You must think I'm the biggest
jerk in the world.

As long as Alex
is around,

you aren't even the
biggest jerk in this house.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have barged in
on your date.

Oh, no, come on. I'm sorry.

I should've been more
sensitive to the way you feel.

You know, I-I knew
you were excited

about Scott coming
and everything.

I should've invited you
to come along with us.

I may only be 11,

but I know how many people
it takes to make a good date.



What does it feel like
to go out with boys?

Is it as much fun
as playing soccer with them?


Well, it's a different
kind of fun.

Just give yourself
a little time, Jen.

You're getting there.

I guess so.

You know, lately
I've been feeling like

we weren't friends anymore.

We don't spend time
together like we used to.

Hey, come on.
We'll always be friends.

It's just that
we're growing up,

and our interests are changing.
You know?

Yeah. I'm not so crazy about it,

Do you want to go

to the Cleveland Indians
game with me tomorrow?

Oh, wow. I'd love to.

What time's kickoff?

Maybe we'll just go
to the movies.



Hey, you know something?

With any luck,

we'll have a little
baby sister soon,

and we'll start
all over again.

It will be fun, Jen.

Hi, baby.

Hi, little sister.

We have a present for you.

Nice going, Dad.