Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 3, Episode 10 - Lost Weekend - full transcript

The Keaton parents have high hopes for the weekend, one of their last chances to spend some quality time, each alone with the same-gender kids, before the baby is born, and prepare trips ...

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Yo, Elyse. Look alive.
Oh, Steven.

And they say that pregnant women
can't catch.

That's an old wives' tale.

Whoa. Ha-ha-ha.

Do you realize that this is
the actual football

I used 13 years ago
to teach Alex how to throw?

I thought that was
in the hall of fame?

Nope, hall closet.

This is gonna be a great weekend
for all of us, Elyse.

You and the girls up in the
country, Alex and I here alone.

Really looking forward to it.
Yeah, me too.

This is a very pivotal weekend

in my relationship
with the girls.

After the baby's born, I'm not
gonna have many opportunities

to spend time with them alone,
you know, real quality time.

Oh, Steven.

I made a surprise
for the girls.

It's a complete photo history
of our lives together

as mother and daughters.

"Keaton Girls:
Oh, How We've Grown. "

I didn't know we were
supposed to make things.

Oh, I've gone all out.

I- I have a complete list
of activities,

topics of conversation,

this full collection
of memorabilia.

Each item is specifically
selected to spark memories

and generate closeness.

What have you got
besides the football?

Do you have any extra pictures?

Oh. Oh, that's okay. I'm sure
Alex will be happy enough

just to see his old ball.

That's all you've got, huh?

Jennifer's got some clay.

Maybe I could build
a scale model...

Oh, that's okay, Steven.

I'm sure he'll be happy
with his football.

I- I don't know if we're doing
the right thing,

not telling the kids
what the weekend is about.

Oh, I'm sure we are.

Don't wanna put
any pressure on 'em.

Let 'em think that
our only motive

is to have a good time.

That could work.

Well, anyway,

I'm not gonna show the football
to Alex now.

You know how he doesn't like
to get too emotional

in front of women.

I'll hide it.

Give it to him
at just the right moment

when we're alone.

Good idea.

What you cooking, Dad?

Uh, souffle.

Okay, Mom, car's all packed.
Let's hit the road.

An entire weekend
without boys.

I haven't had one of those
since I hit puberty.

It's gonna be
quite a test for me.

My prayers are with you.

All right, girls. Let's go.
Keaton girls to the car.

Okay, bye-bye, sweetheart.

Keaton guys, you're on your own.

Oh, we'll do all right.
Drive safe, Mom.

Take care, honey.

Have fun.


Your football's ready.

Hey, Alex.


What are you doing, Dad?

You know,
you could break something.

Come on, Alex.
What are you worried about?

We got the house to ourselves.
Just the guys.

Let me see that arm.

Good toss, son.

Ah, sorry, Dad.
No, no. No, it was my fault.

I should have dove for it.

You know, uh,

that's not just any ball, Alex.

Yeah, I know, Dad.
It's a ball with glass on it.

That is the Bart Starr
autographed model

we used to toss around
in Lincoln Park

when you were a kid.


Not really, Dad, no.

Come on, don't you remember?

I taught you to throw
with this ball.

Are you sure that was me?

Well, sure. Sure.

Heh. It was you. You...
You were about, uh, 5.

I used to take you down
on Sundays

after you finished watching
Meet the Press.

Then, uh...

Then afterwards, uh, we'd, uh,
stop at the old Dairy Queen,

get a couple of soft cones.

You always got
extra sprinkles. Heh.

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

That was the vacation
we took to Colorado.

No, no.

It was here
at Lincoln Park.

All right. All right, Dad.

I'll take your word for it.

Those were good times,
weren't they?

The best.

Oh, anyway, what do you say
we, uh, go down there

and toss the ol'
pigskin around?

Dad, I'd have to change
and everything.


Yeah, well...

Well, this is it.

This is it?

This is it.

This is it?

It looks... I know it's a little
rough around the edges,

but the important thing is
we'll be together.

We're gonna have a great time.

Well, where's our room?

This is it.

Where's your room?

This is it.

Where's the bathroom?

If you say this is it,
I'm leaving.

The bathroom is two cabins down.

Look, we're only gonna
be here for the weekend.

We can make the best of it.

Well, we might as well unpack.

No, no. Let's leave
the unpacking till later.

I'm too excited.

Oh, let's just sit down

and have a rap session.

What do you wanna wrap?

Uh, no. Not...
Not wrap with a W.

This is rap with an R.

Um, it's... It's a term we used
in the '60s.

It means talk,

but "talk session"
didn't sound right,

so we used to say...

Well, never mind.
Let's just sit down and talk.

What do you wanna talk about?

Uh, well, um,

I w-wanna talk about
the change

that's gonna happen
in our lives

when the baby
comes home.

Uh, I wanna know how...
How you feel, what...

What your thoughts are, your...

Your fears, your expectations.

Tell me everything.

I don't wanna change
any diapers.

Good. This is good.

And this is exactly
the kind of thing

we wanna get out in the open.

What else is on
your mind, Mal?


Uh, Jennifer,
w- w-what about you?

I mean, you've always been
the youngest, the baby.

This is all gonna change.

Do you have any special feelings
that you want to discuss?

I'm still feeling
a little carsick.

I'm afraid I might throw up.

Thanks for sharing that
with us, Jen.

She asked for my feelings.

That's not what she meant.
You don't have to be so gross.

Girls. Girls. Hey, wait.

Maybe this isn't the right time
for a rap session.

Maybe... Maybe we can ease
into that one later.


Oh. Oh, I've got an idea.

I was gonna save this
for tomorrow,

but we're in the mood now,
so why not? Heh.

I don't believe it. You brought
a photo album with you?

Oh, this is not
just any photo album.

This is an album
that I made up

of our history together
as mother and daughters.

Keaton Girls:
Oh, How We've Grown.

These are
old pictures, Mom.

I know they're old pictures.
That's the point.

Well, there's none in here
of Alex or Dad.

I know. That's the point.
It's... It's just us.

But we've seen these pictures
before, haven't we?

No, not like this.
Not all together.

See? Not...
Not in this format.

They're still
the same old pictures.

They are not
the same old pictures.

When you put 'em
all together in one book,

they take on
a totally different meaning.

Now, they show the joy
and the closeness

that we've shared
down through the years.

Now, sit down
and share the joy.

Say, I... I got it.

How about a game of chess, huh?

Yeah, okay. All right, Dad,
uh, if you really want to.

Okay, all right.

This is great.

All right, so, uh,
play a few games of chess,

and we'll go out
for a real man's

night on the town, huh?

Get a couple of big steaks,
very rare,

then, uh, back here
for brandy and cigars.


Oh, hi.

Uh, Susie.

Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

Oh, what?

You mean right now?

Well, Susie, you kidding me?

I mean, I'd love to...

But I can't.

No, no. I...

Ah, it's just not possible.

No. Look, thanks for calling.

Okay. Bye-bye.

We're all set.

Don't think you're gonna
mop up the board

with your old dad tonight.

I got some new strategy
lined up. Ha-ha-ha.

Go ahead.
You move first, lad. Heh.

That, uh...

That was Susie Farkas.

Susie Farkas?


You remember her.

I had this big crush on her

all the way through high school.

She wouldn't even
talk to me then.

So anyway, she just, uh...

She came into town
to surprise her folks,

but, uh, they weren't home.

So she called me

and invited me over

to her, um,

empty house



Oh, well, uh...
Hey, I-listen, Alex.

If... If you'd like
to go over there,

believe me, I understand.


No. No, don't be silly, Dad.

No, no, my feelings
for Susie Farkas

were nothing more than a passing
schoolboy crush.

Come on.
I'm over that.

No, I'd much rather just

hang around here with you.

Play chess.


I mean, we're, uh...

We're in the middle
of a game here, you know?

It wouldn't be right for me
to just pick up and leave

in the middle of a game.

If the game were over,

you know, then that would be
a different matter entirely.

Bad move, Alex.

Bad move.




Whoa. Dad. Holy cow.

I didn't even... Whoa.

Nice move.

Boy, you pulled that
out of a hat.

Holy cow.
Boy, when I took your...

Your rook, your knight,
your bishop, and your queen,

I thought I had you beat,

but, boy,
I didn't even see that.

Ooh. Nice move, Dad. Whew.

Go ahead, Alex.

Go to Susie Farkas'.

Don't mind if I do, Dad.

Catch you later.

Oh, Dad.



And when I brought you home
from the hospital, Jennifer,

Mallory wanted you to sleep
in her toy chest

with her dolls.

You remember that, Mallory?


Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you talking to me?

Apparently, I was
talking to myself.

Mom, can I go out and see
if there are any kids we met

the last time
we were up here?

Oh, great idea.
Maybe somebody brought a radio.

Oh, wait a minute. This is
not exactly what I had in mind

when I planned this weekend.

Don't worry, Mom.
We'll be back before dark.

Nice rapping with you.


Hello, Elyse. How are you?

Steven, oh, it's so nice
to talk to you.

What's wrong?
You sound a little blue.

Aren't you and the girls
getting along all right?

Oh... Oh, yes.

Oh, we're having
a wonderful time.

Uh, girls,

I'll be over there with you
in just a minute.

Uh, oh, go ahead.

You can look through
that old photo album

one more time.

Oh, you're welcome.

I tell ya,

ever since I got here,
it's been go, go, go.

I'm... I'm having the same
thing with Alex.

Yes, son, I'll be happy
to toss the football around

with you again,

just as soon as I finish talking
with your mother.

Oh. Heh. Well, I...

Oh, let me say hello to Alex.


I- I wanna say hi to Alex.

You can't.

Uh, I mean, um,

he's already gone outside,

and, um, he's got his cleats on.

Oh, okay.
Well, tell him I miss him.

I miss you too, honey.

I miss you too, Elyse.

Um, give the girls
a big hug for me.

Oh, I will.

Oh, girls, I'll be over there
in just a minute

to give you a big hug.

You... You hug each other
till I get there.

All right, sweetheart.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye, Elyse.

Keaton Girls.

Ugh, how you've grown.

MAN And Albertson makes
a beautiful 8-2 spare.

That moves him
into fourth place.

Oh, hi, Mr. Keaton.

Oh, hey. How are you?

Great to see you.

Are you talking to me?

Of course I'm talking to you,

Come on in.

Come on in.

I'm...? I'm not
interrupting something?

Oh, don't be silly.

In fact, I'm all alone here.

Alex has a date.
The girls are off camping.

They won't be back
till tomorrow.

So it's just you, huh?

So, Skipper...

What's been happening
in your life these days?

I almost killed
a lizard yesterday.

You are really
something special.

Hey, you wanna play some chess?
The board's all set up.

No, no. I don't know how
to play chess.

Oh, it's easy. I can teach you
in two minutes. Sit down.

No, thanks, Mr. Keaton,
but the reason I stopped by

is because I need a lift
to the library.

See, both my parents are out.

Oh. Oh, well, sure.
Sure. I'll be glad to.

Thank you.
I really appreciate it.

Uh, you wanna stop
at the park on the way there,

uh, maybe toss
a football around?


Uh, the Dairy Queen
is right on the way.

I'll buy you a cone.

No, I-I've gotta get
to the library.

Okay, sure.

Uh, oh, say, I can help you with
whatever you're working on.

I'm good at using
a card catalog.

Mr. Keaton,
all I need is a lift.

That's it. Just a lift.

Let's go.

Can I teach you
how to drive?

Just a lift!

Here, Mom. Here it is.
The movie starts at 6:00.

If we leave now,
we can make it.

Can we, Mom? Please.
Please, Mom?

All right. A-all right.
Yeah, you can go to the movies.

Just be back
no later than 8:30.

Thanks, Mom.
Thank you.


I hope you're not mad about us
wanting to come home early.


You know, we had a great time
while we were up there.

Yeah, it was a great day
in the country.

It wasn't a day,
it was an hour and a half.

You're forgetting the drive.

That was seven hours.

Go to the movies.



Well, what...?
What are you doing home?

Is everything all right?

Oh, everything's fine.

We just came home early

to avoid the traffic.

But you had a good time?

Oh. Oh, we had a wonderful time.

Oh, the girls and I
had a fabulous day.

We... We looked at
the photo album.

We talked about old times.

We laughed. We cried.

It was


Where are they now?


The girls.
The... The girls.

Uh, the girls are, uh,

out making copies of photos.

How...? How are things going
with you and Alex?


Great. Wonderful.
Today we were, uh...

Huh? Huh?


But you're eating alone?

No, not at all.

I- in fact,
Alex is on his way home

from the market right now
with his own frozen dinner.

We're having a race.

All right.

All right,
we're not having a race.

Alex hasn't been here all day.

He went over
to Susie Farkas' house.

The girls aren't out
making copies.

They're at the movies.

We came home early
'cause they were bored

out of their minds.

I guess this didn't turn out
the way we planned, huh?

I tried, Steven.
I really tried.

I mean, I-I steered
the conversation

towards all the old things
we used to talk about.

I had the photo album,
but they weren't interested.

Now, look, we shouldn't feel
too bad about this.

It was bound to happen.
The kids are older now.

Their lives are expanding
to include more and more things

all the time.

Well, I say
we put a stop to it.

Well, the depressing thing

is it doesn't look like
it's gonna get any better.

Aren't you forgetting
something, Elyse?

We're gonna have a baby
in the house pretty soon.

So what? The baby's not gonna
wanna look at the photo album.

You know, this is nice.

We should be happy
to have a little quiet time

to spend like this
before the baby's born.

I am happy.

The best part is, we have
each other to spend it with.

Oh, well, great.

Glad to see somebody's having
a good time tonight.

Hey, Alex, what are you doing
home so early?

I thought you had a date
with the legendary Susie Farkas.

I did.

so did three other guys.

We all sat around her house

and watched
professional bowling on TV.

You know, the only one
who paid any attention to me

was her dog, Pierre?

I told him to get off my leg,
and he barked.

I'm sorry it went
so badly for you.

Ah, don't worry
about it, Dad.

Tell you what.

It's kind of reassuring
to come home

after a night like tonight,

and find you the two of you
on the couch carrying on

like a couple of
crazy teenagers.

Makes me feel like everything's
all right, you know?

Oh, great. They're here.

Oh. Ho-ho.

Hi, Dad.
I really missed you.


Hi, Alex.

W- what are you guys
doing home now?

Is the movie out already?

No, Mallory saw
some boy she knew,

then we had to leave.

She didn't wanna
be seen with me.

It's nothing personal,

I just don't want him to think

I've got nothing better to do
on a Saturday night

but to hang around with you.

Now, who could take
that personally?

Mom, we really need to talk.

I need to reevaluate
my whole life.

Do you have a minute?

I think you're underestimating
your problem, Mallory.

I think it would take
a team of mothers

working around the clock.

Come on, Mom.
Come up to my room.

Oh, Mallory, you don't mind

if we wait until tomorrow
to talk, do you?

I'm really pretty tired.

I thought I'd finish
this chapter and go to bed.

I think I'll join you, Elyse.

Oh, Daddy,
please don't go to bed yet.

I haven't see you all day.

We have a lot
of catching up to do.

Come on, you guys,
if I'd have known I was gonna

spend the evening
with Mallory and Jennifer

I would've stayed with
Susie Farkas and Pierre.

I don't know, Alex.
We're pretty tired.

Come on, you guys.

It's not the same
without you two.

Yeah, come on, stay.
Yeah, come on.

Look, you can sleep
any time.

We're all together now.
Let's do something.

You know, we don't do enough
family stuff anymore.

Hey, I got a great idea.

I could make some popcorn,

and we can all watch
old movies on TV.

There you go. Great idea.

Why don't you kids do that,

and we'll just
toodle upstairs here.

All right. Okay, all right.
All right, all right. You win.

Get your old
Peace Corps films.

We'll watch those.

Both reels?

Yeah, okay. Both reels.

All right. Okay, great.

Come on, Jen.
You can help me make popcorn.

Are you sure you wanna
be seen with me?

You never know who you might
run into in the kitchen.

Come on.

What do you make
of this, Steven?

This morning we were the two
most boring people in the world.

And now they can't
get enough of us.

Um, maybe with kids,
you just have to take it

when you can get it.

We've got everybody together,
and we're gonna have

a nice, quiet family evening.

And if anybody
tries to run out,

I say we smack 'em.