Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 2, Episode 4 - This Year's Model - full transcript

Mallory enters herself and Elyse in a Mother/Daughter Modeling contest but ends up regretting it when they win and Elyse steals her thunder.

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

What is that?

It's my geography project.

It's a relief map of Sweden.

That is Sweden?

No. It's just a map.

The actual country
is much larger.

That is a terrible map
of Sweden.

Where are your saunas?
Where are your Volvos?

Why didn't I do this in my room?

You're a Keaton, Jennifer.

What does it mean
to be a Keaton?

You go the extra mile.

What else?

Perfection is my copilot.

That's right. Okay.

We got a lot of work to do here.

This thing is totally unusable.

Okay, we're gonna need

eight strips
of number two balsa wood.

We're gonna need 100 yards
of corrugated paper.

We're gonna need 4 pounds
of plaster of Paris

and a herring.

Okay. Get that all together,
give me a shout.

I'll have a look at it.

You're not going to help me?

No, you have to take it
from here, Jennifer.

I'm just the idea man.

It's here. My letter's here.

I can't deal with it.

Mallory, opening mail is a skill

we all have to learn.

"The Columbus Express
and the Ed Hanson agency

"are pleased to announce
that you've been selected

"to be photographed

in our annual mother/daughter
modeling event."

I won.

I won!

Oh! I'm gonna be
in the Sunday supplement!

Look, there's a chance

for a professional
modeling contract,

a $250 prize!

This could be my big break.

How did you win

a mother/daughter modeling
contest by yourself?

Ever hear of mom?

I sent in that great picture
that dad took of us

at the beach last summer.

Wait a... wait... wait...
Wait a minute, Mallory.

Uh, I was in that picture.

I won! I won!

I won the mother/daughter
modeling contest!

Whoa! Is that, like, $250 each?

Do we split that or what?

No. Relax, Alex.
I cut you out of the picture.

I drew a... a volleyball
where your head was.

Mom hasn't said
anything about this.

That's because she doesn't know.

It's a surprise.

Hey. Hi.

Oh, mom! Guess what?

We won a mother/daughter
modeling contest!

I didn't know you'd entered.

Well, we did. And we won.

Isn't it great?! Wait a minute.

A-are you saying you entered me
in a contest

without asking me?

I didn't want to
get your hopes up.

This is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Isn't it great, mom?
Aren't you excited?

She looks thrilled.


A good model doesn't show
her true feelings.

She just smiles...

As if she doesn't have
a thought in the world.

Then, uh, you should
make a great model.



Yo, "Yennifer."

Did you get that stuff
I told you to get?

Uh... Yeah.

Except they didn't have

that number two
balsa wood you asked for.

But the guy told me this stuff
would work just as well.


What is wrong
with you, Jennifer?

We can't use this.

That is the last time

I send you to
the lumberyard alone.

Don't deny her
her childhood, Alex.

Oh, hey. Hey, that's
a good idea, Mallory.

Maybe some of it will
leak into your brain.

Mother, I've been reading
these modeling instructions.

I've got it all planned out.

I'll wear my white dress,

and you can wear the black dress
with the full sleeves.

Now, hold on, Mallory.

I told you I didn't like it

when you entered me in the
contest without my permission.

I don't want to do this.

Why not?

It's not something
she wants to do.

You know, that's funny,
'cause it says here

mom's been working
towards a modeling career

her whole life.

Alex, give me that. No!

Mallory, I think it's important

that mom read
her own autobiography.

Wait... what autobiography?!

"After a hard day
of shopping for sweaters

"with my gorgeous
daughter, Mallory,

"I hurry home to make sure

"my husband's happy
in his favorite chair

with his robe, his slippers
and his pipe"?

Mallory, that's ridiculous.
I don't smoke a pipe.

Get a load of
Mallory's biography.

"I've always liked
the simpler things in life...

Children, rain, cashmere."


Mallory, it is unbelievable
that you would do this.

You're right, mom.
I shouldn't have done it.

It's just that
I really wanted to win,

and you were so busy,
I didn't think it would hurt.

I'm really sorry, mom.
I was wrong.

Good. I'm... I'm glad
you can see that.

I do.

So will you do it?


Why not?

I don't know.
I... I'd feel silly.

Are you saying I'm silly
for wanting to do it?

All of you think
I'm silly, don't you?

I do.

Thanks a lot, mom.

Oh, honey, don't...

Oh, boy.

She, uh, she seems upset.

I better go talk to her.

Sometimes only a brother knows

what needs to be said.

Modeling. Pfft.

I better go, too.

Sometimes only a sister knows

what needs to be said.


I'll have to fake it.


Maybe you should think
about giving in

on this one.

Steven, she entered me
in a contest

without asking me.

Then... then she wrote
these phony biographies.

Okay. Obviously, Mallory's
gotten carried away.

But at least she... she...
She's taking some initiative,

showing some enthusiasm.

We've always wanted her
to care about something.

I always hoped it'd be
physics instead of fashion.

Well, they both start
with a "fff" sound.

I'm not a model, honey.

Models get so carried away

with their outfits
and... and tossing their hair.

It's just not me.

It's just one day.

It would mean so much to her.

I guess it couldn't hurt.


Man: Beautiful, beautiful.
I love it.

Who's the mother?
Who's the daughter?

I can't tell the difference.

This is great, mom.

Isn't this your idea of heaven?

Yeah, well, I always
pictured a larger room.

Okay, mom, Mallory.

I'll be back in a couple of
hours to pick you up.

Got to get dad from the dentist.

Or I could wait around.

Dad can hitch.

Keaton girls, am I right?

That's us.

What did I tell you? Ed Hanson.

I recognize you from your pictures.
Ed Hanson.

What did I tell you?

Here. My agency is
cosponsoring this event.

Wow, you own your own agency.

Thanks, sweetheart.
Well, come on. Hey.

I think we're almost ready
for you. Come on, follow me.

Isn't this great, mom?
I already have an agent.

Remember... no frowning,
grimacing, pouting.

And above all, don't smile.

That causes more wrinkles
than anything.

But, mom, what if they
want me to smile for the camera?

A high-fashion model
never smiles.

She holds her head steady

and looks straight
at the horizon.

You know you have
beautiful eyes?

Thank you.

Your nose and mouth
are no slouches, either.

Not that I've ever seen
that mouth smile.

Was that a smile?

I think it was.

Heather. What did
I just tell you?

No laughing, no smiling.

Oh. This must be your sister.

You're mother and daughter

going on a trip to Paris.

Okay. Take it, Phil.

Okay. Packing, packing, packing.

Okay? You're smiling
as you're packing.

You love packing.
You love traveling.

That's beautiful.
You love smiling.

Okay, keep it up.

That's beautiful, Elyse.

Honey, sweetie, darling,

would you mind just taking
one step behind your mom?

That's beautiful, honey.
Beautiful. Beautiful.

Okay! I'm exhausted!


Okay. It's airport time.

Let's go. We're going
to the airport.

Come on. Line 'em up.

Okay. You're getting ready.

You're getting ready.
You're getting on the plane.

You're airborne!

Ooh! Ooh-ooh.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Uh-oh! Little turbulence.

Little turbulence.

Give me more turbulence.

I love the turbulence.


Not so much turbulence, kid.

Okay. Keep it going.
Keep it going.

You're coming down
for a landing.

You're coming in.
You're almost down.

You are... Down!

Okay! Beautiful!

I have seen you before.
I know I have.

Wasn't that you on
the cover of Cosmopolitan?

No. This is my very first
modeling experience.

You're not a professional model?

Come on.

No. My mom just brought me
here for the contest.

You know, I'm, uh...

I'm planning a little contest
of my own.

Okay, ladies. Ladies.
We are in Paris now.

We're in Paris. Okay?
Bonsoir. Bonjour.


Okay, we're gonna
go for a little walk

down the Champs-Elysées.

Are you ready? Start a-walking.

Walking. Walking. Walking.

Let me see a little Paris
in those faces.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Kid, that's a little
too much Paris.

Elyse... you see
the Arc de Triomphe.

See it! Love it!

Point to it!
Show it to your kid!

Show it to her.

You're not seeing it, kid.

It's a landmark. Love it!

Not that much, kid.
It's not the Eiffel Tower.

Honey, sweetie, darling,
would you mind

just moving a little further
to the right?

A little further. That's good.

Further. Further.

Further. Good.


Ed: That's great, Elyse.

You look beautiful. Beautiful.
Beautiful. Beautiful.

That's terrific!
Keep shooting, Phillip.

Beautiful, Elyse. Beautiful.

Give me that smile
that only you can smile!

Beautiful! That is wonderful!

That's fabulous! I love it!

It's beautiful,
fantastic, wonderful,

lovely, fabulous,


Oh, thank you.

Yeah, I've had a lot of
compliments on those photographs.

I never realized

so many people read
the Sunday supplement.

No, that... my first
modeling job.

Who is it, mom?
How much are they offering?

Don't sign anything yet.

Do you mind?
I'm trying to study here.

Study? Shouldn't the book
be on your head?

Alex, you're not helping me
with my project!

I am going to get an "F,"

and I'll never get into college,

and I'm gonna wind up
on the street selling thimbles!

Well, thank you.

I'll tell you, this doesn't
sound like it's for me.


Details, ma. Give me details.

Well, I-it was
for a magazine ad,

and they wanted me
to pose in a bubble bath.

Sounds like good exposure. Oh.

How does anyone expect me

to get any studying
done around here?

Alex, you left me
stranded in Sweden.

Oh, bundle up. I'm on my way.

Quiet night by the hearth?

I tried to call you for hours.

Was the phone off the hook?

People have been calling here
all day about modeling.

I guess they saw
that thing in the paper.

Hey. That must make
the two of you feel great.

What, are you kidding, dad?

I wouldn't waste my time
on that stuff.

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Ed.

Hi there, Valerie.



Hey. Pretty exciting
having your picture

in the paper, huh?

Oh, was it this week? Silly me.

I already threw it away
and shredded it.

Oh, well.

Uh, Ed. Uh, Steven Keaton.

Come on in. And...

You must be Elyse's husband.

Yes, I am.

Elyse! Elyse. Sit.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.


Proper Penguin
frozen gourmet dinners

is looking for a spokesperson

for their TV commercial.

Elyse, they want you.

And they're
shooting it tomorrow!

Tomorrow? Oh, that's
such short notice.

Hey, no one turns down
the Penguin.

I... I'm not sure about this.

Elyse, they took
one look at you and said,

"Elyse Keaton is
the Proper Penguin lady."

That's how I fell for her.

What do you say, Elyse?

$1,500 for one day's work.


This is ridiculous, right?


Do you need
a Proper Penguin man?

Man: Places!

Ready to go!


Mallory. I-i thought
you all went bowling.

Oh, no. I told dad
to go ahead without me.

I've got a lot
of studying to do.

Oh, uh, sorry.

Um, this is the day
for your little commercial.

I forgot.

I get out of your way.

Okay, people. This is for real.

Places, everyone. Places.

Roll 'em.

Proper Penguin
frozen food commercial.

Take 1.

And... Action!

I was held up at work.
Traffic was awful.

How am I supposed to cook
an impressive dinner

for 8 important friends
in 20 minutes?

What about the Proper Penguin?

Oh, I forgot.

Thank you, sir Penguin.

Look at that...

An entire gourmet meal
right in your freezer.

Escargots, turtle soup,

succulent Peking duck
with all the fixings.

And for dessert, uh...

Cut. Ye...

What is it?

Sorry. Mom, can I have
the ice cream that was...

It's r-right behind
the turtle...


Here, Mallory.

Now, please don't interrupt!

I won't. I'm sorry.

Can I just get a spoon?


Ed: Places, everyone. Places.

Roll 'em.

Proper Penguin
frozen food commercial.

Take 2.

And action!

I was held up at work.
Traffic was awful.

How am I supposed to cook
an impressive dinner

for 8 important friends
in 20 minutes?

What about the Proper Penguin?

Oh, I forgot.

Thank you, sir Penguin.

Look at that...

An entire gourmet meal
right in your freezer.

Escargots, turtle soup,

succulent Peking duck
with all the fixings.

And for dessert... Oh.

Yes. Ooh.

Why not?

Crêpes suzette flambé.

And I'll top it off

with Proper Penguin
premium Peruvian coffee

in this hardy
boil-in-the-bag pouch.

Why fool with instant?

Just pop it all
in the microwave.

Excuse me.

Cut! Cut, cut, cut.

It's just that

we don't have a microwave.

We don't need a microwave

for the commercial!


Sorry. Um, I'm just
trying to help.

Look, kid...

It's 114 degrees in this suit.

Maybe I'll take a walk.

Make it a long one.

Ed: Okay. Places, everybody.

Places. Once more from the top.

Ready. And... Roll 'em.

Proper Penguin
frozen food commercial.

Take 4.

Ed: Okay. Very quietly.

Once again. And... Action.

I was held up at work.
Traffic was awful.

How am I supposed to cook
an impressive dinner

for 8 important friends
in 20 minutes?

What about the Proper Penguin?

He's locked out.

Cut. Cut.



Oh! Sorry.

Oh, stupid me.

I-I locked the door.

Habit. Safety.

I'm sorry. Um...

I'm warning you, kid.

Proper Penguin
frozen food commercial.

Take 22.

Ed: Action!

I was held down at work.
Traffic was important.

How am I supposed to cook
8 friends and a Penguin?

I cannot believe
you behaved like that.

Finish the commercial, mom?

Sure. After 34 takes.

It's not my fault
you kept flubbing your lines.

I-I don't think I would have
flubbed them so much

if you weren't deliberately
trying to throw me off.

What? Is that what you think
I was doing in there?

I just happened to be
in the kitchen.

I was minding my own business.

Oh, and in
the middle of shooting,

you just happened to yell,

"run for your life!
The house is on fire!"

Slipped out.

Mallory, you're acting
like a 9-year-old.

Obviously, something
is bothering you.

Please tell me what it is.

All right, I'll tell you
what's bothering me.

I'm the one
who wanted to be a model,

and you stole that away from me.

Now I'll never be one.

I didn't steal
anything from you.

If you hadn't been there,
they would have chosen me

to be the Proper Penguin lady.

Well, maybe not
the Proper Penguin lady,

but at least
the Proper Penguin daughter.

I didn't want to get
into this to begin with.

You dragged me into it.

Maybe so.

But once you were there,
you certainly enjoyed it.

Why does it matter
so much to you

that I enjoyed it?

Because you forgot about me.

It's supposed to be
my big, shining moment...

And everyone
was shoving me aside.

You didn't even care.

It's like I didn't exist.

Honey, I-i didn't realize
I hurt you.

Yeah, you were too busy
with your makeup

and your lines
and your Penguin friends.

You didn't have time for me.

I always have time for you.

I'm a mother first
and a Penguin lady second.

Don't tell your father.

Why did you do it, mom?

You knew how important
it was to me.

I don't know.

I guess I got carried away.

All that fuss,
all that a-attention.

It was flattering.

I guess I just didn't stop

to consider your feelings.

Everyone else has something
they're good at.

I just wanted
to be good at something, too.

Honey, you're good
at lots of things!


They're not the things that
anyone thinks are important.

Sometimes I feel like
such an outsider.

Honey, it's true, maybe,

that... that different things
are important to you,

but it shouldn't make them
any less valuable.

Then why does everyone

always make fun
of the things that I like?

If that's what's happening,
I'm so sorry.

We should be much more aware
of your feelings.

Especially me.

Oh, honey.

I should apologize, too.

It was pretty childish of me

to ruin your commercial.

You were good, too.

I would have been
good, too, though.

I mean, I have
everyone's lines memorized.

Even sir Penguin's.

You did?

I was tied up at work.
Traffic was awful.

How am I supposed to cook
an impressive meal

for 8 important friends
in 20 minutes?

What about the Proper Penguin?

Well, thank you, sir Penguin.

Well, hey. How'd the filming go?


Just okay, and you're
hugging like that?

Dad bowled a 200 game.

You don't see me
slobbering all over him.

No. But you did spike
the bowling ball.

So, mom...

when's the next assignment?


I'm not gonna do
any more modeling.


I thought you said it went okay.

Did they make you
eat that Penguin food?

Mom, get... get ahold
of yourself.

We're talking about
a lot of money here.

Some things
are more important than money.

Name one.


Oh. Hello, Ed.

Uh, yes... well...
Well, thank you,

but I'm really not interested
in doing any more modeling.

But maybe my daughter is.

She happens to be right here.

Now, hold on. Just be relaxed.

Calm down. Be yourself.

Bonjour, Edouard.