Family Ties (1982–1989): Season 2, Episode 2 - The Homecoming - full transcript

Mallory's boyfriend Jeff returns to Columbus and confesses to Alex he hates Princeton and is willing to do anything to get out of it--even ask Mallory to go steady with him.

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Where's Mallory?

Ah, she's still getting dressed.

What's taking her so long?

Jeff is gonna be here
any minute.

That's what's
taking her so long.

Look, Jennifer, let me
explain to you a few things

about the female of the species.

This ought to be good
for a laugh.

You see,
the most important weapon

that... that
any female possesses

is her ability
to attract the male.

For example,
the, uh, the female Blue Jay

has her decorative plumage.

Thus, right now
Mallory is upstairs

putting on her feathers
and snapping on her beak.

Alex, it is the male Blue Jay

that has the pretty feathers.

Okay, okay.

Occasionally, you'll find
a deviant Jay or two, but...

As a rule, most birds
play it straight.

Give it up, Alex.

Well, what do you think?

Did Jennifer say
you could borrow that?

This happens to be
what all the college girls

are wearing this year.

You like it, don't you, Jen?


You look...


Cute! I don't want to look cute.

I want to look sophisticated.

Maybe you should put
on a false mustache.

Mallory, why are you so nervous?

Jeff is crazy about you.

He was crazy about me
before he went off to college.

I'm just nervous
that he's changed.

Alex, you got to help me out.

What do you think I could do

to be more interesting
to a college man?

Buy a car.

Look, let's face it, Mallory.

You have always been...

Borderline interesting at best.

Jeff has been away at Princeton.

He... he's mingling
with people of the world,

with jet setters
and cover girls.

Nice of you
to cheer her up, Alex.

Okay, okay, Mallory,
I'll help you out.

A few pointers to get you
in tune

with the way
a college man thinks.

Great. Go ahead.

Okay, let me see. Uh, books.

Just discuss books.


Uh, have you read, uh,
"The Scarlet Pimpernel"?

"Wuthering Heights"?

Uh, "The Sound and the Fury"?

I saw "The Sound of Music."

Now, wait a minute.

What am I worried about?

I know Jeff still likes me.

I'm sure of it.

Listen to these letters.

"Mallory." That's me.

"The cafeteria food
is worse than I imagined,

"and as I sit here

"looking at the corn
in cream sauce,

I think of you."

"Your pal, Jeff."

Can you believe
how romantic he is?

I don't know, Mallory.

Uh, I may be a little jaded,

but, uh, that doesn't sound
all that romantic to me.

That's because
you don't know how

to read a love letter.

You got to read
between the lines.

Like when he says
the food stinks,

he means, "I miss you."

So if he really meant
the food stinks,

w-what would he say?

"Be my love"?

Elyse: Okay.

Dinner is set.
I hope Jeff likes lasagna.

I hope he likes me.

Mallory, stop worrying.
Jeff is crazy about you.

What if he's all different now?

What if he's not shy?
What if he's not sweet?

What if he just
doesn't like me anymore?

Of course he still likes you.

Why else do you think he's
coming for dinner tonight?

You think it's just
for the lasagna?

Well, he did write me how awful
the food was at college.

Oh, come on, honey,
that was just his way

of telling you he missed you.

See, Alex?

Oh, I'll get it.

Wait. Don't answer it!
It could be Jeff.

Maybe I should change.

No. You look cute
in Jennifer's outfit.


Honey, you look fine.


Hey, Jeff, welcome home. Hi.

How are you?
Hi, Jen. Hi. Hey, Alex.

And who's this?

Jeff, it's me, Mallory.

I know it's you.

What happened
to your sense of humor?

Oh, that's clever. Very clever.

"Boola boola."

Mallory, did you make
these cookies? They're great.

Well, I-i kind of helped.

Mallory's the one
that set the oven on 375.

We're all pretty darn
proud of her.

So, Jeff, tell me,

have you read
"The Withering Pimpernel"?

You know, Jeff,
everyone was very impressed

when you got that scholarship.

Whole town's very proud.

I am, too.

I'm truly delighted

that things
are going so well for you

there at the, uh, league of Ivy.

Well, I think I'll go change
for our date.

What's wrong
with what you're wearing?

Don't be silly, papa.

This outfit is simply
for dining,

not for an evening on the town.

My apologies, ma petite.

He's so amusing, isn't he, Jeff?

Oh, Mrs. Keaton, could Alex
and I do that?


Being at college, I never get
to clear the table anymore.

I kind of miss it.

I don't think I want
to go to college.

Okay. Have fun.

If you really want to have
a good time, mop the floor.

Alex, I have a confession
to make.

I really didn't want
to clear the table.

Well, neither do I.

There's the back door.
Let's make a run for it.

I'm serious.
I have to talk to you.

All right, Jeff, go ahead.

Alex, college is terrible.

I'm homesick. I'm confused.

I don't want to be at Princeton.

I hate it there.

Ah, you had me going
for a minute,

you kidder, you.

I know what this is.

This is a fraternity prank,

No. I-I'm not kidding.

You know how in high school,

you're one of the smartest kids?

Yeah. It's one
of my favorite things.

Well, at college, all the kids

were the smartest kids
in their high schools.

I'm just average there.

Just average?

I don't think
I could tolerate that.

I'm disoriented. I-I'm nervous.

There's too much pressure.
I'm not happy.

So, what are you two chaps
talking about?

Jeff was just telling me...

About the great
college days I'm having.

Did... did I tell you,
in a few weeks,

we go against Yale in Polo?

No. What will they be wearing?

Did you like the movie?

Yeah, I did. It was great.

Why? Didn't I act
like I liked it?

You did. You did.

This is nice, too.
Just relaxing.


I don't know how to say this.

I knew it! You don't want
to see me anymore.

No, that's not it.

Will you go steady with me?

You don't have
to answer right away.


You hesitated. Does that mean
you're not sure?

No! I'm sure! I'm thrilled!

You don't like it.

I love it!
It's your French Club pin!

Oh, I want you to pin it on me!


On my sweater.

Jeff, it's traditional
to pin it closer to the heart.

There. How does that look?

Great. Oh.

I just have one question.

How can we go steady
if you're at Princeton?

You mean, how can I
go to Princeton

if we're going steady?

Either way.

I've given this
a lot of thought,

and the best thing would be
for me to transfer

to school here in town.

Are you serious?

Sure. Why not?

I didn't know how much you meant
to me until I went away.

I guess you could tell that
from my letters.

Any fool could tell
from those letters.

Sure, if I graduated
from Princeton,

I could probably do anything
I want with my life.

But right now,
you're what I want.

I don't know how I could be
somewhere where you're... Not.

Jeff, I didn't know
you felt this way.

You probably haven't
noticed this,

but I'm a "keep it inside"
kind of guy.

It's great that nothing's
changed between us, isn't it?

Nothing's changed, and nothing's
going to change.


Nothing like unwinding on
a Saturday morning, huh, Alex?

I like to stay wound, dad.

It's what gives me my edge.

I-I'll relax tonight
at the homecoming dance.

Who are you going with?
Oh, you don't know her.

I don't know her, either.

You're too selective, Alex.

You've got to lower
your standards a little.

I thought you had a strict
policy against blind dates.

Oh, I do. I do.
This isn't a blind date.

I've seen her yearbook picture.

She's on page 157.

So all you know about this girl
is what she looks like

and what page she's on?

I know her name, I mean...

Couldn't forget that.

It's Inga...


And I know she...
She's chock-full of pep,

she speaks fluent Latvian,
and best of all,

she's a member of
the Future Farmers of America.

Don't let her get away, Alex.

Morning, Mallory.

Oh, yes, hi.

I've got an announcement
to make.

It's really important.

You found a new eye shadow.


Jeff and I are going steady.

I was stunned, too.

You're what?

Oh, he just asked me last night.

I don't know if I like
the idea of you going steady.

Why not? I thought
you liked Jeff.

Well, I do, uh,
but as terrific as Jeff is,

I think you're too young
to restrict yourself

to one person.

Steven: You don't want
to miss out on your youth.

If going steady at 15 is okay,

when is it okay
to get engaged... 18?

Then what...
Married at 20?

Isn't that the way
you and mommy did it?

We're not gonna
forbid you to go steady,

but we don't think
it's a good idea.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

He gave me this.

It's his French Club pin.

It means l'amour.

Sure it doesn't...

Sure it doesn't mean

he didn't want to spring
for real jewelry?

You have to make fun
of everything, don't you, Alex?

I feel sorry for you.

You feel sorry for me?

That's right.

It's too bad you've
never felt the love

for another person
that I feel for Jeff.

I've felt love, Mallory.

Love is a sacred thing.

I just like to keep it
in perspective.

this doesn't make sense.

How can you go steady
with someone

who's going to school
so far away?

That's the best part, mom.
He's coming home.

He's gonna go to Grant college.

Grant college?

That's not a real school.

You could get
into Grant college.

That is enough out of you, Alex.

Jennifer, could you
help me pick out an outfit

for the dance tonight?

But we only have 10 hours.

That's cutting it close,
but I'm game.

Some people search
their whole lives

for the right person.

I'm so lucky
I didn't have to wait.

I can be happy from now on.

You know, I knew Jeff was
unhappy at Princeton,

but, uh, not this unhappy.

What makes you think
Jeff was unhappy at Princeton?

Oh, he told me last night.

He... he went on and on about
how he couldn't handle it there,

how he didn't fit in.

I thought that I'd convinced him
to stay, give it a chance,

but then he goes
and he pulls a stunt like this.

I don't like it, Steven.

I don't either, Elyse,
but let's, uh, give it some time

and see how serious they get.


Yeah, uh, just a minute.

Alex, it's for you.

Inga. Ah.

The future farmer.

Hi. How you doing?

Hey-hey, congratulations!

Her pig had a baby.


Uh, well...
Well, I-i don't know.

I mean, if you want me to.

Uh, put her on.



It's a pig.

No, no, Inga...

I got to take a break.

My legs are buckling.

I don't do the plowing
that you do.

Inga likes to dance, huh?

Well, she threatened
to hog-tie the band

if they took a break.

Man: And one more time, boys.
And a one and a two...

Whoa. Got out of there
just in time.

I'm glad someone's dancing,

Mallory, what's the matter?

Where's Jeff?

Alex, we haven't danced once.

This whole evening has been...

Has been a stroll
down memory lane.

We visited the cafeteria.

We... we looked up
his favorite books

in the card catalog.

We went to the chem lab

and took pictures
of his old Bunsen burner.

Well, that's, uh...

That's natural.

I mean... I mean, after all,
it is his first time home.

He probably just wants to see
some of the things he missed

while he was away, that's all.

I know. It's just that I thought
that I was one of 'em.

Inga: Sooey! Sooey!

Uh, that's for me.

Inga, wait...

Mallory, you should have
gone with me.

That window in my homeroom
is still broken.

It was great.

Jeff, when are we gonna dance?

Soon. I just want
to see my old locker.


What a locker.

This will be one for the album.

It's just like the old days.

Same girl, same locker.

Jeff, I don't understand

why you even
brought me here tonight.

You might as well
be here by yourself.

Mallory, I haven't been
in this school for four months.

It's not the same for you.
You're here every day.

What are you talking about?

I-it's hard
to be away from home.

I-I'm scared. I'm confused.
I-I get homesick.

You don't know what
I'm going through right now.

What you're going through?
What about me?

I'm out with someone

I was supposed
to be going steady with.

You know, "going steady."

That means two people...
A girl and a boy,

not a girl and a boy
and his locker.

Mr. Needham!

Remember me?

Oh, well, how could I forget?

Roger. Jeff.

Mendoza. Wakefield.

Right, right.

You still working
at the firestone plant?

Uh, no, I went to Princeton.

How is it? I'm dropping out.

Good for you.

I love that man.

Jeff, this has been
a ridiculous evening.

Take me home.

Why? I thought everything
was going so well.

Say, uh, Don, could you
give me a hand here?

Uh, someone spilled some punch.


The school needs me.

Just like the old days.

How's it going, Alex?



Boy, can that girl bale hay.

I'm glad someone's having
a good time, anyway.

Didn't Jeff come back?

Yeah, he came back.

Took a few snapshots
of his favorite locker.

And now he's off
mopping up punch

with his favorite teacher.

We haven't danced once
all night.

Oh, great.
That's my favorite song.

Uh, you want to da...

You want to dance?

I'd love to.


You're a hard guy
to figure, Alex.

I never thought you'd go
for a farm girl.

Call it...

Animal magnetism.

What do you possibly have
in common with this girl?

Oh, the land, dad.

The land.

She's special.

She's contributing
to the breadbasket of America.

She's got dirt
under her fingernails.

That's a nice quality in a date.

Well, hi, Mal.
How was the dance?

Mom, I'd like
to speak to you alone.

Come on, Alex.

Let's continue this
up in the bunkhouse.

She was at one with nature, dad.

It was thrilling.

Stray ducks followed us home.

Aw, Mallory,
what happened tonight?

Nothing. That's the problem.

Jeff hardly knew I was there.

Mallory, have you asked yourself

why Jeff wants
to come back home?

I know why he wants
to come back home.

He wants to be with me.

Well, I know...
I know that's part of it,

but... but Jeff's been
very unhappy at school.

You know, the first year
of college

can be a very
frustrating experience.

Okay, I admit Jeff is homesick.

He's confused and scared.

Doesn't mean he doesn't
care about me, does it?

Of course he cares
about you, Mal,

but that's not the point.

You see, I-i think
it's hard for him

to admit that he's scared,

that he might not
be good enough,

and it's nicer to think

that there's this... this
wonderful girl back home

that he just can't live without.

Mom, Jeff is
the sweetest guy I know.

He makes me feel

like I'm the most special person
in the world.

No one else does that.
I don't want to lose him.

Oh, honey, sometimes
when you love someone,

the best way to hold on to him
is just to let him go.

Oh. Sounds like Jeff.

Probably wants to look
at our door once more,

for old time's sake.

Oh... Hi.

I hope I didn't wake anybody.

No, Jeff.

Normally we don't sleep
this close to the door.

Good point.

Good night. There she is.

You know, it's crazy.

These past two months,

all I've wanted
to do is be with you.

Tonight I could have been,
and I was, but I wasn't.

Is this what you
looked like tonight?

Pretty much.

And I didn't notice you?

Well, it's kind of tough
to compete against

a great-looking locker
like old 235.


235 was Biff Duggan's.

Jeff, we need to talk.

I know.

You want to go first?

No, you go ahead.

Mallory, you know, the first
year of college can be a...

Jeff, I thought
I was gonna go first.

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Well, Jeff, you know,
the first year at college

can be a very frustrating...



Go on.

And it might seem
like the easiest thing to do

would be to just...

Come home.

Exactly. This is good.

Jeff, you know
you mean a lot to me.

And you mean a lot to me.

And sometimes when you care
about someone,

the best way to hold on to them

is to let them go.

I think I should go back
to Princeton, Mallory.

You do? So do I.

You do?

I was hoping for a little,
"Jeff, please don't go."

Well, I was kind
of hoping for a little,

"but, Mallory,
I can't leave you."

It is gonna be hard
to leave you.

It's gonna be hard
to see you go.

What's gonna happen to us?

No girl's ever liked me
like you before.

I'm afraid of losing you.

I am, too, but I'm glad
we're afraid.

That must mean we really care.

Do you think we can
still go steady

on weekends and holidays?

Weekends are tough.
Princeton's so far away.

Okay, just holidays, then.

What are you doing
on Lincoln's Birthday?

Jeff, let's just play it by ear.

It's worked out pretty well
for us so far.

I guess it'd be wrong
for you to keep the pin.

We don't need a pin to say
how much we care for each other.

No, we don't.

Are you busy Groundhog Day?