Charmed (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Episode #4.3 - full transcript

(singing along): ♪ You've got
your right side up ♪

♪ But you can wait behind me ♪

♪ K-K-K-Kickin' down doors,
I'm gonna get the money ♪

♪ Tell your friends back home
that I'm made of lightning ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,
you'll see me coming ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm super stylin' ♪

♪ Sit back and watch me
work this ♪

♪ I'm an ice-cold real queen ♪

♪ Big boss, big dreams ♪

♪ No rinse and repeat, so ♪

♪ Don't make me say it over ♪

♪ And over and over... ♪

Framily Dinner's served!

So I figured after dinner, we
could have, like, a game night.

Like charades or something?


These buns are so good.

They're actually
just a riff on a recipe

that I found
in the kitchen drawer.

They were called... Love Buns.

♪ Put it on the line... ♪

Are you kidding?

Someone named Ruby, like,

drew little hearts
all over the page,

so I just figured

they were, you know,
really made with love.

Who's Ruby, anyway?

Oh, she's my ex.


Hmm, my bad.

You guys still friends,
at least?

Uh, we don't
talk since,

um... we don't talk anymore.

I bet she's
one of those, um,

"boil your bunny" types, right?

I had this ex,
I actually found her

collecting my hair.

- (laughs)
- JORDAN: Mmm-mmm.

I'm going to excuse myself.

I forgot that I have

some papers to grade.


I really just stepped in it,
didn't I?

It's fine, she's fine.

Just... needs some space.


(laughs softly) Speaking
of space, you looked like

a sexy stormtrooper
last night.

Where were you going
in that bad ass outfit?

Yeah, Mags.

Where were you going?

I, um, I couldn't sleep, so I...

Went demon hunting without me?

Would you relax?

I can handle myself.

That's not the point.
Then what is the point?

You lied to me.
I didn't lie. I just...

You didn't tell the whole truth.
All right, um...

I suddenly lost
my appetite.

Thank you for a lovely meal.

Rain check on the charades.


My bad. Again.

It's okay.

Oh, hey, I guess that
just means more jollof for us.

(both chuckle)

Is something wrong?

It's just the...

That bowl.

It was, um...

Sorry, I'm just...


"Welcome to the family, Kaela."

"Thanks for dinner."

*CHARMED (2018)
Season 04 Episode 03

Episode Title: "Unlucky Charmed"
Aired on: March 25, 2022.

CHILD: ♪ Tallyman, Tallyman,
he keeps count ♪

♪ Tallyman, Tallyman ♪

(rapid footsteps)
♪ Don't step out ♪

♪ If you're good, then he pays ♪

♪ If you're not,
then he slays. ♪



Miss me, Love Buns?


(footsteps approaching)

Oh. You look like hell.

Didn't sleep. Terrible dreams.

About the Tallyman?


And maybe about Ruby?


I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, that's, you know,

it's totally understandable,

what with the whole
Framily Dinner thing.

Any chance you're ready

to tell me what exactly
happened between you two?

Can we just focus on work?

Roger that.

These are the
weird events

that have been happening
in the past...

six months.

An elf was kidnapped
and buried alive.

A satyr woke up
to his vineyards burning.

Razor blades in the school
lunches of goblins.

That's horrible.
The Tallyman did all this?

I think so.

But the question is why.

There's no pattern, no motive.

Maybe that's the point.

Random acts of terror

are way more damaging
to the psyche.

It creates this
constant feeling of fear

and lack of control.

It's scary.

Which is why I've decided
I need to figure out

a way to get my
time powers back.

Because this guy
will strike again,

and when he does,
we are going to need

more weapons at our disposal.

I am going to go get changed.






Are you still mad
about last night?

Because I really want
things to be okay.

No, you want things
to feel okay.

What is that
supposed to mean?

I talk, you pretend to listen

so you feel like
you've heard me,

but you don't actually
change your behavior.

And I'm not even a psych major.


(phone buzzes)

It's Frank the Leprechaun.

Nice of him to
finally text you back

after almost getting you
blown up in that safe house.

There's something
he wants us to see.

Says it's urgent.

In the beginning,
magic was everywhere,

until one being known
as the Conqueror

sought to steal it for himself.

And he would have, if
not for three sisters

brave enough to
stand against him,

the first Charmed Ones:
Ishta, Inara, Ishani.

From that day forth,
any time a grave threat

to the magical world forms,

the Charmed Ones
rise to meet it.

...and make everyone
a ham sandwich.

Kaela. You must
pay attention.

I am.

no disrespect, dude,

but when you said that we
were gonna do "witch training,"

I kind of thought you meant
we'd do some real magic.

Of course we're gonna do magic,
in a little over four months.

Four months? Uh, but I already
helped save Josefina.

You got lucky.
And skill and improvisation

are two very different things.
No, no, they're not.

Not to me. Do you think

I learned to fix an engine
from a book?

No. I took it apart
and put it back together.

And, yeah, I made mistakes,
but that's what...

You are a manifest or,

which means you have
a particularly powerful form

of magic at your disposal.

You can't make mistakes.


Why don't we take a break?

Yeah. Yeah, let's do that.

Thanks for your no-show at
my Framily Dinner, by the way.

Yes, I'm, uh, sorry, I
prefer to take my meals

in the Tree Room.

See, I don't know
what that means.

And I would ask,
but I learned last night

that that's not cool
with this crew.

Well, what happened last night?

Mel's love life,
Maggie's outfit.

Everyone freaked out and left.

(laughs softly)

I don't know how I'm supposed
to bond with anyone

when no one will
talk about anything.

You're meeting the members
of this family

at a very delicate time.

Yeah, even a bowl
can set them off.

I used this blue bowl

and Maggie practically
started crying.

Cornflower blue,
with yellow stars?

Macy and I bought it
at a little flea market

just outside San Francisco.

So what, we're just supposed
to encase it in amber

a-and never touch it again?

I mean, come on, dude.

W-Where are you going?

Break's over.

You were right.
Time to get our hands dirty.

Come on, baby.



Stop! Stop!

Damn it, why won't you stop?

(glass shatters)

What's the bubbly for?

Oh, nothing.

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

Between those boots,
that dress

and the $300 bottle of bubbly,

something's clearly up.

Put your book down
for a sec.

But I'm just getting
to the part where...


Okay. In the nine months
we've been dating,

this is by far the most nervous
that you've ever made me.

There's no reason for
you to be nervous.

What the hell was that?

JORDAN: Leprechaun lives there
at the end of the block.


This guy's our only lead
to the Tallyman.

We need as much info
as we can get out of him.

You'd be surprised
how much info

this can get out of people.

You're missing the point.

You know, if you have
something to say, out with it.

This passive-aggressiveness
is unhealthy.

You want to talk unhealthy,

your whole ass-kicking
coping mechanism

is at the top of that
DSM-V chart.

I thought you
liked fighting.

You said it felt good.

It did. All that anger
is empowering, but...

Maggie, sometimes...
you gotta let it feel bad.

I went to therapy for months
after Macy died.

I felt my feels.

LEPRECHAUN (crying out):

Did you hear that?

Help! Help!

Help, help, help!
Get me out of here.

Help. Help me!

Get me out of here.

Help! Help me. Help!

Get me out of here.

- So much for the luck of the Irish.
- Help!

I don't want to die.

I'm too young to die.

I've never been in love.

I've never seen
the Eiffel Tower.

I mean, I still sleep

on my futon, for God's sake.
You're not gonna die.


This thing's running on
its own internal battery.

Very sophisticated.

I said needle-nose.

Well, this is the best
I could do.

He's not exactly Mr. Organized.

You can't just
bust me out of here?

I've tried every reversal spell
I can think of.

This damn force field
won't budge.

I think I know how
to tackle this.

Pretty sure we start
with the yellow wire.

Pretty sure?!

My bunkmate in Afghanistan

was studying to be an EOD tech.

You didn't tell me that.

Guess we both forget
to tell each other things.

All right. Okay.

Now... the green

twisted with black.

Oh, God!

I mean, one wrong snip,
and this thing, what?

Fills with poisonous gas?

I mean, I just can't...
My throat!

It already feels tight.

Little help here.
Um, hey.

- Hey, we're gonna figure this out.
- (hyperventilating)

Just take some deep breaths.

(breathing deeply)

I'm incepting you with calm

because we need you
to not panic.

(device beeping)

Oh, that's not good.

I'm sure you've got
another trick up your sleeve.

I mean, your other bunkmate,
or some such thing?

I'm not getting any visions.


The numbers...

I'm so sorry.


No! No! No...
I'm sorry.

(car alarm blares)
(funny whistle blows)

(Tallyman song playing)


It was fake.

It was all fake!



Oh, God.

(both grunting)

Chin up.
Shoulders back.

Freakin' intense!

You're the one who said
you learn hands-on.

Yeah. I was talking
about engines,

not deadly weapons.

Oh! You almost just
cut my face.

Are you crazy?

I had a lesson on
defensive combat moves

planned for next week,
but we had to skip ahead.

This is about the bowl. (Grunts)

I know you and Macy
were a thing.

This isn't about that.

You're so busy trying
to recreate

what it's like to train her... can't let me succeed
or fail on my own merit.

(cries out)


'Cause I have to be me.


You are the most reckless,
unrefined witch

I've ever trained.
You want to succeed?

Learn to be less you.

(indistinct chatter)

Roxie wants to see you.

What is this, a mob movie?

I'm kind of in the middle
of something.

You can come
with us quietly,

or you can make a scene.
It's up to you.


Let's get on with it, then.

Screw the special occasion.

I had just gotten home
from the gym,

and I was making
a shamrock smoothie when...

the dishwasher started making
a funny sound.

Like someone had
thrown rocks in it.

I bent down to look
at it, and bam!

The bastard clobbered me
on the back of the head.

When I woke up,
I was inside the box.

- So you never actually saw the Tallyman?
- No.

Do you remember
anything about him?

At some point,
I felt cold hands.

Ice-cold hands.

Mm. Ahh.

Thanks for this.

It's really helping
the old nerves.

Your one always brings
the best whiskey.

Uh, I didn't bring that.

Found it on the counter
over there.

He must have left it.

He must've left this, too.

"A house without hinges,
lock or key,

"yet golden treasure
lies inside me.

"Life and death and
everything in between,

"all will be clear
when some is seen.

"Foe is friend
and friend is foe,

but it won't matter
when it's time to go."

Great. Now he's
the Riddler, too.

(rapid ticking)

Does anyone else hear ticking?

(rapid ticking continues)

Where's that coming from?


Uh... People.

People! It's coming from me!

(crying out)


Any luck reaching Mel
or Harry?

No. Their phones are going
straight to voice mail.

Kaela texted to say
she's on her way.

(exhales sharply)

[♪ ♪]

♪ The room in my mind
I'm alone ♪

♪ And I know that
if I slept there ♪

♪ I would die ♪

♪ Hurt is boring ♪

♪ Hurt is boring. ♪

Mel? Maggie?

Is anyone home?


Stop it, Kaela.

(music bleeding from headphones)

[♪ ♪]

(cries out)

(glass shatters)

Did you hear that?

What are you wearing?
And where have you been?

Nothing. Nowhere.

Are you drunk?

It's, like, noon.


I was trying to figure out
this time thing,

and I saw this box
of Ruby's stuff.

And then I picked up
the champagne bottle,

and when I touched it,
suddenly my brain was

back there with Ruby.

Back where?
In the past.

On the day we broke up.

Uh, guys?

Is that snakeskin?

Where's Kaela?

(big band music playing)

♪ Just one look ♪

♪ That's all it took ♪

♪ One look at you and my... ♪

He is just so enchanting.
♪ My poor old heart ♪

♪ Skipped a beat ♪

♪ Just one kiss ♪

♪ And I found bliss ♪

♪ With one kiss, one look ♪

♪ That's all it took ♪

♪ Every time I try ♪

♪ Oh, I try to be
Mr. Nice Guy ♪

- ♪ You say you want no part of me ♪
- (knock on door)

♪ But every time
I walk away... ♪

You got me here.
Now what?

Well, good afternoon
to you, too.

Please, have a seat.

Suit yourself.

Thought we could get to know
each other a little bit.

- Why?
- I like to know all of my patrons.

Especially the ones
who come in

demanding information about
cursed coins and leprechauns.

Who knows? Maybe we can
even become friends.

Oh, you send goons
after your friends?

I send the nice ones.

You and I are the same,
you know.

I doubt that very much.
We're nothing alike.

So you're not destined
to wander this earthly plane

year after year,

never aging,
never changing,

while the world you know
and the people you love

just keep passing you by?

What are you?

I'm a Circadian.

Means I get a year up here,

then it's back underground
for seven long ones.

I'm on the back half of
this round of Rumspringa.

- I thought Circadians were all gone.
- They are.

Just like Whitelighters.

Being the last one
can be lonely, can't it?

(clears throat)

How's the training going?

You are a White lighter,

and there is a new
Charmed One in our midst.

And let's just say

the circumstances
under which she arrived

were... curious.

So, come on, spill some tea.

Well, to be honest, she's
proving to be quite difficult.

Oh, yeah?

Think I can help you with that.

Sunny, got a minute?

Any luck?

No. What are you
doing over there?

Mixing a potion to
help me sober up.

I think I got it.
Listen to this.

"Lamias are half
serpent, half woman,

"known for their
distinctive screech,

"marking their territory
with a neon-blue substance

"consisting of blue saliva,

"and shedding their skin

every few days." Boom.

Does that say they
swallow their prey whole?

Ah, but it says
they regurgitate it

and spin it into a sac.

That's why Kaela's light
is blinking.

"So digestive enzymes can
liquefy the skin,

organs and bones."

- Well, why did she eat Kaela?
- Let's find out.

(witch board chimes)

Wait for me.

(Mel panting)

Slow down.



And this is why

we don't day drink,
boys and girls.

Okay, uh, if you're trying to
convince me not to be nervous,

you're failing.

(chuckles) You don't
need to be nervous.

As for me...

Mel, what's going on?

I need you to
close your eyes.

For a second.


I am not
going through that again.




Guys. Guys!

What? What?

(Jordan panting)

She's breathing.

Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.

All right.

(screech nearby)

What is that?

Jordan said lamias are known

for their distinctive screech,

Mortiferum fi.

Maggie, let it go.

Kaela's safe.

That's all that matters.
Are you serious?

She's safe, but she's not okay.
Look at her.

That thing is gonna pay
for what it did.

Maggie. Maggie!

She's been like this for months,

and she won't talk to me
about it.


Let me try.

One Malleable Maven.

Thank you, Sunny.

Here you go.

One drink of this,

and your rebellious student

will become putty
in your hands,

ripe for the molding.

And why should I believe

that drink does
what you say it does?

Because, unlike the Elders,

I want to give you a choice,

That's why I brought
you here today.

I have a proposal for you.

One that could
potentially change your life.

Maggie, we need to talk.

Oh, now you want to talk?

Earlier, when I wanted
to talk to you,

it was all, "Let's
focus on work."

So until you're ready to sit
in the same sharing circle

- and actually open up to me, I'm...
- I proposed to Ruby.


I full-on asked her to marry me,

and she looked me in the eyes
and smiled

and said a big, fat no.

Five months ago.

It was a total disaster.

Mel, why didn't you tell me?

Because it was embarrassing.

And life-shattering.

And you and I
have experienced

enough life-shattering things
this year.

And then today,

I was transported
right back there.

I could, like,
smell her perfume,

and it was...

It was wonderful.

And awful.

Might sound crazy, but it
actually makes a lot of sense.

Magic is so emotional.

It's great you're finally
getting all these feelings out.

Maybe it's time

you start letting yourself
get some feelings out, too.

Jordan got to you, didn't he?

He's not wrong.

(screeching nearby)

You could take
the Malleable Maven,

give it to your girl and then
go back to your old life.

Training witches by day,

padding around in your
fuzzy slippers by night.


You can eat this.

What's that?

A magic mushroom
from the forbidden gnome forest.

This will help you determine
who you really are.

Not who you used to be
before Macy died

or even before the Elders
got a hold of you

but who you have the
potential to become.

Come on, Harry.

Live a little.

Whatever you think I am,

you're wrong.

I'm a lot of things.

Saucy, moody, stubborn.

But I'm never wrong.

(indistinct chatter)

(door closes)
See you soon, Harry.


- MEL: Is that an animal carcass?
- (snarls)




Hey. Hey.

It's okay. It's okay.

I got you. I got you.

I got you.

Where am I?

We're on one
of the San Juan Islands.

I remember going into the house

a-and grabbing that egg.

Whoa. Hold up, what egg?

On the table,

there was a stone...
It was an egg.

How on earth do you know
it was an egg?

Because of Harry's lectures

about the reproductive cycles
of magical creatures.

It's like Tim Burton's version
of the birds and the bees.

Were you
still holding on to the egg

when the lamia attacked?

Okay. Okay, come on.

Where are we going?

To stop Maggie
from killing an innocent mother.

Okay. Come on.
(lamia roaring)

Don't even think about it.

Wait, Maggie, don't!

We had it all wrong.

She tried to kill Kaela.

That's enough for me.

- Because I was holding her egg.
- JORDAN: The stone

we found
at the leprechaun's house.

She's not a vicious killer.

She's just a mama

protecting her baby.

Is that true?

That means the Tallyman
planted the egg

with the leprechaun

and then blew him up
knowing we would take it.

So she would
come attack us.


Why would someone

pit us against each other
like that?

(rapid ticking)

Does anyone hear... ticking?


It's the leprechaun
all over again.

The leprechaun

that you just said blew up?

Hurry, get it off of you.

- I don't feel anything.
- MAGGIE: He sneaks it in you.

Like how the leprechaun
drank the whiskey.

So it could've been
in any drink?

I'm not gonna survive this,
am I?

Then here.

My nest is about five miles due
north, next to the waterfall.

The egg has to be in it
when it hatches,

or it won't survive.

Go. We don't know

how much time we have left.

No, no. No, we have
to do something.

Mel, no,
we have to do something.

- Go.
- MAGGIE: Jordan.


Get away from me!

Get my baby to safety!

I said go!



That was awful.

Hey, you know,

at least we got that egg
back to the nest.

First the leprechaun.
Then the lamia.

They both exploded

while we were with them.
That can't be a coincidence.

It's almost as if...

He's watching us.

How are we gonna find this guy?

He's everywhere but nowhere.

Well, whoever

or whatever he is,

we all better be
at the top of our game.

KAELA: Stop!

Because I was holding her egg.

Why would someone pit us

against each other like that?

(indistinct chatter)

HARRY: I'm sorry
for what I said earlier

about you being
a bad witch.

You should keep being
exactly who you are.

I was just being an ass.

Well, I was being a bigger
ass pushing your buttons.

You have every right to
grieve Macy however you want,

bowl and all.

(both chuckle)

You know, I think

I've always kind of been
like a bull in a china shop.

Even when I was
a kid. I mean,

that's probably because I'm...

Makes sense.

Uh, I was gonna say it's...

it's probably because
I'm an only child. (Chuckles)

What do you mean,
I'm-I'm adopted?


Kaela, I'm so sorry. I...

I guess I thought you knew.
Knew what?

That my life is a sham
and that my parents are liars?

Oh, my God.


(sobbing loudly)


No. (Chuckles)

That's what you get for
killing me earlier, dude.

Very good.

Oh, you should've seen
your face.

Um, no, my-my parents adopted me
when I was a baby,

and they're all I've ever known.

Well, your biological parents
would be an excellent source

of knowledge about your powers.
Could fast-track everything.

No. I'm not going there.

I've always said
that I don't need to know

exactly where I come from
to know exactly who I am.

The same goes
for me and my magic.


(knock on door)


I got your text.
Are you in trouble?

Is Maggie hurt?

Everything's fine.

I was just hoping we could talk?

Uh, yeah.

Can I come in?

I'm the social media director
for the Falcons

and volunteering at a shelter
for homeless LGBTQ+ kids.

But something tells me we are
not here to talk about my life.

No, I want to hear about you.

But you're right.

I was hoping we could talk
about the... you know.

The proposal?

The one

where you got down on one knee,
like, ten minutes

after your sister died

and you had just

given up your future baby?

I admit, the timing was bad.



But I would've turned you down
regardless of the timing.


Being with you was wonderful.

It was also difficult.

And lonely.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

No, no, I...

I need to know.

I want to know.


The relationship was...

all about you

and saving the world.

And if I am being
really honest...

I don't know how well
you really know me.

(indistinct chatter)

What's that?

A Malleable Maven.

Exactly what you're not,
which is a good thing.

You know, we got off
to a rocky start,

but I think we're gonna
make a great team.

We're gonna kick some ass
together, dude.

(both chuckle)

You're gonna kick ass,
I have no doubt,

but unfortunately,
it's not gonna be with me.

What are you talking about?

All that friction
with your training

actually has nothing to do
with you.

No, being a White lighter
just doesn't feel right anymore.

Huh. Okay, so...

who's gonna train me?

Well, the universe has a way
of sending the right person.

Right. Right.

Uh, on that note,
I'm gonna go pee.

And I'm gonna go live a little.


(Kaela chuckles)

What are you looking at?

Not much.

To new beginnings.

I can trust you, right?

Most people would say no.

But we're already part
of our own club.

And what club is that?

The one where we fall in love
with someone

and then have to spend eternity
without them.

How do you feel?

(whistling, whirring)

"A house without hinges,
lock or key,

yet golden treasure
lies inside me."

"Life, death..." Hey.

"...and everything in between."

Okay, we know
that's referring to the egg.

"Foe is friend,
friend is foe,

but it won't matter
when it's time to go."

That's the lamia.

It's this line
I still don't get.

"All will be clear
when some is seen."

Well, I don't know.

Let's not worry
about that tonight.

We already got the egg in
the nest. Let's celebrate

by taking
this bottle of wine upstairs

and crawling into bed.

You sure you wouldn't rather
go vanquish some demons?

I thought we were over that.

Yeah, I did, too,

until I saw you with the lamia.

Maggie, you would've killed her
if Kaela hadn't have

stopped you.
Yeah, well, she did,

so I didn't.

You're missing the point.

The Maggie
I fell in love with

was empathetic first.

- So, what is it that you're saying?
- (scoffs)

I'm saying that...

I can't keep enabling you.

I won't be a part

of your fighting anymore.

I'm a Charmed One.
It's my job to fight.

This isn't about that,
and you know it.

You say you want to save
the world from bad.

Maggie, what if that's
what you're starting to become?

That's a little harsh,
don't you think?

I think I want to help people.

Heal people.

You know, if you want

the same thing,
then we can work through this.


But first,
you got to figure out

what it is you want.

("Send Me Away" by Zach Person

(indistinct chatter)

(chatter, laughter)

Hi, Dr. Choy. It's Maggie Vera.

Um, I know it's
pretty late,

but I could
use a session.

Hey, beautiful.

- Hey, you need someone to talk to?
- (chuckles)

Come on over here,
talk to me.

It's kind of an
emergency, actually.

Where's your man at?

You got a man?

- I'll be your man.
- Please, just... can you call me back?


(whoops) Yeah, back is
even better than the front.

What's your problem?

Can't you see I was trying
to leave a voice mail?

Oh, my bad, sweetheart.
I was just being nice.

Oh, nice?

You think it's nice
to harass women like that?

Hey, I was
giving you compliments.

You don't need to be
such a bitch.

♪ Send me away... ♪

What did you say to me?

I said

you're a bitch.

♪ Send me away now, darlin' ♪

♪ Send me away now, darlin' ♪

♪ Send me away now,
darlin' ♪

♪ Send me away ♪

♪ Gon' send me away,
gon' send me a. ♪

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