Cash Register (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 20 - What to Do Without Kochava - full transcript

Kan 11 presents

On the previous episode

"Issachar Bounty"

Recently Kohava's discipline
has become very lax.

It's empty.

He wants to return the bags!

Son of a gun.

The only way to get rid of Kohava
is if she'll quit.

How about coming to work for me
at "Levi Bliss"?

This is what I'll pay you to work for me.

You're not considering it, right?



The Kohava Shavit era
at "Issachar Bounty" is over.

"Checkout"

"Register closed"

"What do we do without Kohava?"

"Kohava Shavit the queen"

Tha... tha... thank you.

Good morning, bitch!

Take a cigarette break.

I'm crazy about you, Nissimka.

Watch me imitate Anatoly.

"Nissim, Nissim, I'm a dumb Moldovan."

Sounds like me.

Kohava, Kohava...

How did you leave us so, Kohava?



It's been a week
since Kohava went to "Levi Bliss."

I don't know if I'm angry or sad.
-Bored, damn it.

Since Kohava left..

Who's Kohava?
The Ethiopian, no?

But I saw her today.

Forgive me.

Since... Kohava... left..

It's a huge loss.

As if the rump steak
was cut out of my body. -Exactly.

Everyone is so sad.

"All that is past, is past,
All that is past, is past..."

Come to me, gaze into my eyes
All that is past, is past

"All that is past, is past,
All that is past, is past

"Come to me, gaze into my eyes."

Good morning.

"Register closed"

Remember how
she got on the checkout counter

and turned it into a treadmill?

"What do I need a gym for
if I get it for free?" -That idiot.

That's it, it's over. No more.
-Kahava, Kahava...

Kihava.

Kahava.

Kihava.

Kahava.

Kihava.

Just jump off the roof, why don't you?

An employee left the supermarket, oh no...

And it's not like when I left
and the employees were really...

Lucky for them they have a manager
that can cheer them up.

In Girl Scouts I was called
"Shira good laugh."

What did the snail say
when he rode on the turtle's back?

Weeeeee..

Because the snail is slower
than the turtle! -Ramzi!

It's not funny if you explain it.
-Sorry.

Okay, but let's say, guys,
that this was just the promo to...

"Monday laughs" with me.

Nice.
So you tell me what's cooler,

or shall I say, more exciting,

than starting our shift
with superb Israeli humor?

And... a small tip,

whoever didn't go to the bathroom,
this is the time,

'coz you may pee your pants.

"Comedy classics"

Ta-da!
Ramzi, please turn off the light.

"He was very skeptical.
She was skeptical too.

"They were... a skeptical family.

"In Europe...
-In Europe he was skeptical too.

"He was... a skeptical youth,
but when they came here he...

"He was skeptical.
-Yes, he was skeptical...

"They came here and were very poor..."

What can you do?
These guys don't have... our sense of humor.

They have...
Kohava's sense of humor.

But you know what?
That's fine by me.

Kohava's sense of humor?
Piece of cake. Less work for me.

You called, Big Boss?
-Yes, Ramzi...

my tag fell in the dumpster
and I can't...

Sounds like a mission
for Ramzi Abed Ramzi. -Thank you.

I can't find... Oh no!

Smile!
You're on candid camera!

Are you insane?
-What? Kohava did it too!

When the dumpster's full,
not when it's been emptied!

Ramzi?
-Are you an idiot, Shira?

Are you alright, Ramzi?
Are you alright? -Is he alright?!

Get him some ice, a towel, something.
-I'm fine, it's A-okay.

I didn't mean it.

So they won't laugh at work.
Big deal... It's work.

Work is work, it's not...
a clown colony.

Excuse me, I'm sure that very soon
they'll be done "mourning"

in a totally organic way.
Main thing is Ramzi's alright.

Ramzi, are you alright?
-Much more than alright.

Just a small fracture
in the eye socket, over the nose.

"There's a pack of salt on the shelf."

"There's a pack of sugar on the shelf."

Yes, Kohava left,

but even if I'm a wreck,
shattered, a shell of Ramzi,

outwardly I must be strong
for the customers.

The supermarket must go oh.

Damn ants.

They're the number one enemy
of the retail world.

They must have detected my weakness
and decided to attack.

No problem,
even the most stubborn enemy

is no match
for Ramzi Abed Ramzi's heavy artillery.

Citrus fruit rinds generate
a citric acid that destroys the fungi

off which the ants feed

and my touch... "Lobello."

A slice of cherry "Lobello."

Two, three sprays of the magic liquid
and the ants are goners.

The threat has been removed.
It's back to normal!

When Ramzi's around...
the ants go underground.

They have not a crumb,
no sugar, no caraway.

Seriously? Guys!
The break ended 30 minutes ago.

We work according to Pacific time.
-Nissim, don't be a smart afe’e-k.

Too bad Kohava's not here,
she would have said something funny.

"Pacific time" is nice, no?
-Nice doesn't cut it in the supermarket.

And what's "Pacific time" anyways?
It's not even funny.

Can you stqp?
"Kohava, Kohava, Kohava."

"Too bad Kohava isn't here."
"Kohava would have said something funny."

Enough! No more Kohava!

People, the supermarket existed
before Kohava

and it will go on after Kohava!
Move on!

I don't want to hear that name anymore!
Get back to your ^hift. Now!

Thank you, Brandon.

You need a special invitation?

You'll miss her one day.
-Of course.

I don't know what I'll miss more,
her pleasant shrieking

or her graceful laughter.

It's just a matter of time
before the employees realize

how awesome it is
without Kohava's influence.

The calm.
The delightful atmosphere.

This is highway robbery!
-It won't do you any good.

Excuse me.

This is a crime! -Amnon!
-This is terrorism! Not on my watch!

This is terrorism! -Fine.
-Do you hear me? Read my lips!

Not on my watch!
-Amnon, Amnon.

Not on my watch!
-Titinsky, find your center.

Find your center.
What happened? -W*hat happened?

A customer comes in.
Legitimate, right? -Yes.

He wants to buy soda for 4.90.
-Okay. -Theft...

He gets to the register, hocus pocus,
the price spikes to 5.90!

It's from the fridge,
it's another shekel.

I don't care where it's been
before I got here!

I can't believe this!' It's...

And if I take this milk?
That someone left outside the fridge,

will you give me a discount?
-No, it's not the same thing.

When it's convenient for you,
the fridge is worth money.

But when it's to my advantage...
"Go to hell!"

You know what? No problem.

This coin was in the fridge too.
Now it's worth six shekels.

Do you see what I go through?
This bozo thinks he can always get a discount.

Ring it up at 4.90.

What?!
-Yes.

We're done arguing with customers.
C'est tout.

The Kohava Shavit era is over.
-What...

"The Kohava Shavit era is over"?
-You didn't hear? -No.

Kohava is no longer... with us.

Yay!

Yay! -Amnon...
-Yay!

Amnon, Amnon!
-Yay! Yay! Yay!

Watch it with the soda.
-I don't care! I don't care!

It's a dream come true.

That was your dream?
That Kohava leave the supermarket?

Obviously!
That woman made my life miserable.

Wait... "leave the supermarket"?
She only left the supermarket?

What did you think?
-She said: Kohava's no longer with us.

I was sure...
-You thought she's dead?

What's the difference, right?
As long as she's not here.

I haven't been so happy since...

ever, actually.

I think that this is
the happiest day of my life.

You see for yourselves. When Kohava's
not here, everything's much simpler.

A tiny incident begins
and presto, it's over.

So if no laughs
is the price to pay,

laughs of the lowest kind,
then I'll pay the price.

With interest. Believe me.

Oh me, oh my.

Stubborn ants.
Maybe I got the "Lobello" dosage wrong.

One time extermination
won't solve the problem.

Thus, there is no escaping
a ground attack.

I'm going to follow the wayward ant,
locate the leadership base

and topple the rule of ants
once and for all.

This is an offensive war.

And yes, there may be
apple vinegar involved.

Ramzi?

Ramzi!

Ramzi.

Ramzi, what are you doing?

As senior all-purpose employee,
I was forced to declare war.

On whom? -Her.

The floor? -The ant.

An army of ants, to be precise.

But this ant is the key
to winning the war.

She will lead me
to the cowardly leadership.

She is so cowardly.

Okay, Ramzi, are you sure
the results of the CT were fine?

Don't worry, Big Boss.
It will be a swift, victorious blow.

The Six Day War
of "Issachar Bounty," if you like.

"Go, troops, go!"

"Issachar Bounty"

Not on my watch! -I can't.
-Not on my watch!

Don't you understand? I can't!

Sshhh... Naomi, Amnon.
-Don't touch me. Step away.

Who's Amnon? -Amnon's a walk
in the park, this one is nuts!

Excuse me... Sir, we're here for you.

What seems to be the problem?
-She's the problem.

She's denying me my basic rights
as a customer.

Okay, which rights did she violate?
-To taste the olives before I buy them.

Ah

Naomi, you know we allow customers
to taste the olives.

From the cans?! I told you this one
is nuts! He was just about to open a can!

Okay... uh... alright.

Excuse me.

Here you go.
-What are you doing? -Sshhh...

We are post Kohava era.
We don't confront customers

and now... we'll prove
that the customer is always right.

Isn't this more pleasant? Right?

What?

Ew!

I told you you'd miss Kohava?
What's Kohava got to do with this?

What?
The supermarket is like a jungle.

In the jungle there's a food chain,
tigers eat zebras... -So?

Same goes for the supermarket.
Yes, Kohava was trouble,

but she was the natural predator
of pests like Titinsky.

Once Kohava left,
the balance was violated.

No, there's no one to stop
the Amnons from multiplying.

Oy, Nissim.
"The balance was violated."

"The Amnons multiply."

Nissim, you watch too much
"National Geographic."

You think I'm a-sucker?
Do you know who I am?

I'll get what I deserve!

Not on my watch!
You heard me!

Hold on, hold on.

This is an argument free supermarket.
-Argument free or shame free?

You have some nerve.
It says "special" on the shelf,

you get to the register,
hocus pocus, no more special.

So it says "special..." -Disgusting.
-Okay.

Sir, what special are you referring to?
-20% off the hair products.

David, why didn't you give it to him?

He bought oil. -Excuse me?!

You'll tell me what to put on my hair?

Lady, you don't change a winning horse.
-Excuse me, excuse me. -Disgusting.

Why is there no price tag on this book?
How will I know how much it costs?

That's mine!
-No, it was on the shelf.

I have every right to buy
what's on the shelf.

I placed it there by mistake!
-Disgusting. -Hold on, hold on.

We're talking about hair products.
-How much is it?

I demand my discount.
-I'm handling it.

You'll hear from my attorney.
-One by one.

So many Amnons.
The Amnons are multiplying.

The balance has been violated.

The balance has been violated.
Kohava.

"Issachar Bounty"

Come on, you sniveling ant.
Lead me to your nest.

Stop!
Stop. Don't move.

Turn around. Thank you.

The ground campaign is in full swing.

"I have pursued my enemies
and overtaken them."

Psalms 18:38.
King David wrote that.

I guess he had an ant problem too.

Can you move, please?

Thank you.

It won't help you, Missy.
You won't get away from Ramzi.

You won't break me.

But we were already here.

What is this?
Are you toying with me?

Making yourself out to be stupid
when you're actually a femme fatale.

Where are you?

No more. Enough.

All hope is lost.

You won, okay? Enough!
That's it!

An entire day
you've been misleading me.

Instead of tidying up the carton bin,
I've been subject to your deceit!

How?!

You're better than me, alright?

Alright?
There! I said it! You're better than me!

You won.

Oh, please.

It's the ant nest!

I found it!

The ant nest!

I did it!

I found the headquarters!

Laughs he... who laughs last!

That's it.

Now all I have to do
is pour the apple vinegar.

was about to pour the vinegar
when it hit me. Why?

What is the conflict about?
With all due respect to Odetta,

if I learned anything
from spying on the ant

it's that we may come
from different worlds,

but in the end, she and I are alike.
We're both hardworking.

We both adore the Queen Mother.

At your command, Commander.

We can both lift 50 times
our body weight.

So why exterminate them?

Because they're strolling about
the supermarket?

I stroll about the supermarket
all the time. Can I blame them?

Yes, but you don't want ants
in the supermarket.

Right, but that doesn't mean
the supermarket can't go to them.

I made a special delivery
to the opening of the nest

of all our finest products.
So they don't have to come in.

"Depart from evil and do good.

"Seek peace and pursue it."

"For the ants,
from Ramzi, with love"

Psalms 34:15.

‘Aw no

What was that, Toli?

Go see ant nest.
I put explosive, ba-boom!

Ant confetti!
Now it's... a small hole and nothing.

You missed it, Ramzi.
It was funny. You missed it.

First I want to thank you
for agreeing to meet with me.

I don't take it for granted.

How's it going at "Levi Bliss"?

Wow, wow, wow, wow...

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow...

I don't know where to begin.

It's as if... I was reborn there.

I'm... I'm... glowing, I'm flourishing.

I'm totally fed up!

That "Levi Bliss" killed me.
What an awful place to work.

Pleasant, clean, tidy. Yuck...

The cashiers are so enthusiastic as if...
it's their job or something.

Terrible. A nightmare.

It's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

No wonder they're called "Levi BLISS."

Why are you asking...?
-No reason.

No reason.

I mean...

You could say...

that you're missed by... most of us.

And... I was wondering if you'd want...

What? What?
Leave my dream job for...

this garbage can of yours? No...

You'll have to offer me
a lot just... to consider it.

A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot,
a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot...

Okay, "a lot, a lot."
What were you thinking?

I wasn't. I told you,
I'm not interested at all.

But just for the... you know...
the mind game,

I can think of a few demands.
-Okay, so for the mind game...

Ah. Oh, wow. Okay.
-From the negotiations with Kushtai.

Kohava, these are three pages of demands.
-Tomorrow they'll be five. Pity.

Okay.
You want the chair from my office?

Oh, Kohava...

Okay, Ramzi at your place
for the weekend? Kohava...

Excuse me.

Yes, Ramzi?
-Not on my watch!

Big Boss, where are you?
-Not on my watch!

Patience, Sir.
I need you here.

Okay... Alright, Ramzi.
-Boss? Boss? -Bye.

Okay, I agree.

But on one condition. -What?
-That you start right now.

What's the rush?
-It's Amnon.

We have a problem.

Since you left, he... multiplied.

I see.

The law of nature,
like in the jungle.

Gimme that.

Tag.

47 bags. Cash refund, please.
-Good morning, Titinsky.

What are you doing here?
-I missed this place.

Did you miss me too?
-Cash refund, please.

I bought these bags here
and I'm not pleased with them.

It's okay, I always get a refund.
The manager approved it.

Well, if the manager approved it,
then the manager approved it.

What are you doing?

This is what we call quality control.

Making sure their quality is intact.

There.
-What now?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What?
-All will become clear.

Is that necessary, all the...?
-Have a nice weekend.

What are you doing? Are you nuts?
Are you nuts? It's a private collection!

Water! Help!

The water's from me.

Help me!
-The picnic is over, sweetie!

The sheriff is back in town!

Kohava!
-My friends!

Kohava! Kohava!

Thank the Lord
for bringing us to this time! -Amen!

I missed Kohava too.
There, I said it.

It's true that she's...
not disciplined and vulgar and crude

and mean and lazy,

but she's the best guard dog
in the jungle.

In the supermarket.
-Same difference.

Ouch...

You want wafers?

Then say you want wafers.
Why don't you say it?

I came back here for these wafers,
what d'you think?

You remember where she hides them?

You don't?
Are you kidding me?

Stolen wafers are sweetest.

Ta-da!

Where shall we eat them?

"He was very skeptical,
she was skeptical too.

"They were... a skeptical family.
-In Europe too.

"In Europe he was skeptical too.
He was..."

Oh, shut up.

Action.
-Okay, shall we begin?

Naomi,
why are you wearing sunglasses?

Are you sleeping?
-I have an infection.

Ramzi says the pasta barcode
doesn't shift smoothly. -Right.

Action!

You want to donate your hair?
-There are women who need it.

My grandma, Khanam,
came to me in a dream with...

My grandma, Khanam,
came to me in a dream with...

It's Yuval's fault.

My grandma, Khanam,
came to me in a dream with...

Water, water, water...
-Pour it over him.

Brandon,
you didn't load my Talkman.

Management restroom,
the restroom by the office.

You took a crap in my bathroom?

More... put in more.
-Oy, sorry.

Sorry, Shkedi.

And after

profound consideration

I realized

it's not right

to threaten management..

Revolt cancelled...

Thank you.

And after...

What is this?

No, it's like shit.

Taste it before you give it to me!
You're giving me grass to eat?

Let me spit it out.
I want to spit it out.

The beauty in black,
braids on her head,

she works on register 3.

Damn it!

You get to Stempier Street?

You get to...

You get to Stempier Street?

It won't open.

You're such a funny bunny.

I'm an idiot. I'm sorry.

Hold on.

Okay.

Oy, someone's happy to see me.

Does this look like a joke?
-Nissim. Nissim.

Yes! Yes... Ow!

Guys!

Ow!

"See you next season"

Translation: Tammy King
Subtitles: Trans Titles Ltd.