Car Share (2015–2018): Season 2, Episode 1 - Car Share - full transcript

Kayleigh has moved house and now takes the bus to work but still rings John on his car-phone and needs his help when she gets lost. John meanwhile falls foul of an angry cyclist and ...

Peter Kay's Car Share S02E01
Extracted by Clumpton.

# Whatever it takes
I'm gonna be there

# I swear it's true
You know I'm gonna be there

# It's pure and simple

# I'll be there for you

# Pure and simple
Gonna be there

# Wherever you go

# I'm gonna be there

# Whatever you do

# You know I'm gonna be there

# It's pure and simple

# Yeah, yeah, I'll be there for you

# Pure and simple
Gonna be there

# Whatever it takes
I'm gonna be there

# I swear it's true
You know I'm gonna be there... #


Morning, hiya. Hi! Morning.
What you up to?

What YOU up to?
I'm just driving in.

You're missed.

Oh, yeah? Are you missing me?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh! I'm walking.

All the way?

No, to the bus stop.

Oh, right. Is it far?

No, nearly there now.

I need the exercise anyway.

Keep doing this every morning and
I'll soon get all my weight off.

What weight? There's nothing to you.

Hmm. I wish. You've not seen
my muffin top.

Seen your what? I ate a full pack
of Maryland cookies last night.

It's easily done.

And too many Babybels.

I don't know
what's the matter with me, John.

It's not even me lady time.

Yeah. I can't eat anything
after sunset any more.

Lies too heavy on me.

I felt like I'd swallowed a brick.
Then I couldn't sleep.


No, Mandy's got thin curtains.

She's got what? Thin curtains.

It lets all the light in.
Does my head in.

Do you not just shut your eyes?
Well, I do.

But I secretly know
it's still light.

I need to have it pitch-black, me,
I'm like a mole.

Then I was awake for ages,
sat up watching YouTube.

Oh, aye? What were you watching?

Kittens dancing and Carpool Karaoke.

Oh, that'll do it.

So much addictive shit.

Tell me about it! There is nothing
but shit on YouTube and you sit up

for hours watching it.

Then I was watching your Chameleon.


You, your band.


Compendium, you and your mate.

# In the city

# Feel so fine here tonight. #

Yeah, then our Mandy's Steve was up
at half-six,

revving his effing bikes.
Woke up half the street.


Bit early for that carry-on.

I know. He's a right freakoid.

Then the kids were up,
Misty was barking.

Then I had to queue for
the bathroom, which has no lock.

I have to shower with my foot
on the door handle.

My left leg's going to stink.

I can't carry on like this, John.

It's driving me mental.

You've only been there two days.

I know,
and I already feel like this.

No wonder I'm comfort eating.

Carry on like this, I'm going to be
a right bag of doughnuts.

I'm so out of condition.

Are you not there yet? Hang fire!

I'm in court shoes here,
I'm not Zola Budd.



Did you play it, then?
Did I play what?

The CD I got you.
Did you listen to track two?

Did you listen to the words?

Erm...the CD?

No, I've not had a chance yet.

Oh, right.

But I will do.

Track two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Track two. Yeah.
Listen to the words.

Yeah, I will, all right.


how was your Monster Trucks
at the weekend?


Ben and Sophie were terrified.

how loud were the monsters?


The creatures, the puppets?

What you on about? What monsters?

It's Monster Trucks. Oh.

I thought it was monsters IN trucks,

like it was some telly programme
they liked or something. No!