Cagney & Lacey (1981–1988): Season 1, Episode 5 - Suffer the Children - full transcript
Cagney and Lacey become involved in an investigation of child abuse and possible murder when they rescue a child from a window ledge.
You call these plain clothes?
(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
ON RADIO: Got male white and
female black...
Open up.
Okay, you know the routine.
Let's go.
Why don't you take a seat?
So, what time was it when
it happened?
How many times I gotta tell
you? You got the wrong guy.
We don't have all the kinks
out of the system yet.
Look, I gotta go to the john.
Or is that a federal offense?
On your feet.
(GRUNTS)
Okay move and I'll blow
your head off!
Everybody freeze! Now!
I said freeze!
Get those hands up!
(GUNSHOT FIRES)
I want an unmarked car, gas
and money, now!
Okay. Take it easy.
SAMUELS: We'll take
care of you.
Hold it!
(GRUNTS)
ISBECKI: Let's go.
Come on, hey! You're twisting
my arm! I'm gonna get you guys
for this!
What happened?
He wanted a car and a tank
full of gas.
Unleaded?
You two got an assignment.
You're in charge of security
for Helen Granger.
She arrives tomorrow.
The Helen Granger who's been
bum-rapping the
Equal Rights Amendment?
Yeah, that's the one.
(SIGHS)
HOST: Well, how do you feel
about the enemies you've made
because of your conservative
stand on these issues?
GRANGER: Well, I suppose it
can't be helped.
Besides, it's not as if I'm
running for political office.
HOST: Nothing you do would
surprise me.
GRANGER: (CHUCKLES) I'm going
to take that as a compliment.
HOST: Mrs. Granger, as a
leading figure in the
anti-feminist movement,
haven't you acquired a great
deal of power for someone who
would like us to figure her as
just another wife and mother?
I don't think of it as power.
I think of it as support
for my beliefs.
Oh, and what exactly are
those beliefs?
That every American woman has
the right to be a full-time
wife and mother without being
forced to work outside
the home.
-Well, that sounds nice but...
-I can't believe I'm
doing this.
I could be out finding Harvey
an anniversary present.
Helen would love that.
And an awful lot of women
insist upon going out to work
and competing with men.
I can't imagine why any woman
would want to give up
her freedom,
and become imprisoned
like men.
(HOST CHUCKLES)
That's right boys. You don't
know it, but you're in much
worse shape than we are.
CAGNEY: I think my lunch is
coming up.
HOST: I think we're talking
economics here.
GRANGER: I'm talking
about freedom.
HOST: Economic freedom.
What about the economic
freedom of men whose jobs
have been taken over by women?
(GASPS) Wait 'til she gets
a load of us.
HOST: Well, just to be fair,
I think this would be
a very good time
to read the Equal Rights
Amendment. What do you think?
Fairness is what I'm all for.
HOST: Thank you very much,
Mrs. Helen Granger for being
here today.
GRANGER: I loved every minute
of it. Thank you so much now.
After we meet her, I'm not
gonna say anything.
I'm afraid what will
come out of my mouth.
Well, that certainly went by
very quickly.
-You were wonderful.
-Thanks again.
-Watch your step.
-Oh yes. Yes. Thank you.
-Mrs. Granger?
-Yes.
I'm Detective Lacey, N.Y.P.D.
This is Detective Cagney.
How do you do?
What can I do for you?
We've been assigned to
protect you.
But I requested police
protection because a man...
We know, ma'am. We're it.
The limousine's waiting
outside.
Something tells me you're
uncomfortable, Mrs. Granger.
Uncomfortable?
With us being your security.
It's my guess you'd feel safer
with a couple of guys.
Rather than policepersons?
I won't deny it.
You mind if I smoke?
If I don't have one little
puff I'm gonna die.
Oh, go ahead. Although,
it's the other way around,
isn't it?
Well, since you seem to be it
for the moment,
I guess I'd better fill
you in on what's been
happening to me.
You left on a lecture tour
three weeks ago yesterday.
Approximately two days after
you left, you began receiving
telephone calls
of an obscene nature.
The first call came after
your initial appearance
at Cornell.
The second one in
Uttica, the third, Syracuse.
You then became concerned
and, uh,
contacted the police
departments in each and every
city that you were
speaking in.
Albany, Rochester.
They attempted to trace the
calls, but were unsuccessful
in doing so.
And last night was the final
engagement of your tour
at Princeton.
And this morning you boarded
a helicopter for New York,
Mrs. Granger.
Did you enjoy the ride in this
limo from the airport to the
TV studio?
CAGNEY: This is some place.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
It's good for meetings,
and we do most of our
entertaining here,
but our real home is
in Connecticut.
Hello?
Hello, Helen.
What present?
What are you talking about?
That was him again.
Take it easy. You said
something about a present?
I don't know what
he's talking about.
He was here. In my apartment.
He left that.
CAGNEY: Don't touch anything.
I'm gonna check the rest
of the place.
We'll get a forensic team
up here, find out how he
got in.
CAGNEY: Until now it's just
been phone calls,
is that right, Mrs. Granger?
What does he want?
I don't know what he wants.
LACEY: Mrs. Granger.
Could you step in here please?
PRISONER: I have never
been so humiliated in
my whole life! Never!
Hey! Excuse me!
Where is Dankar?
Hey, settle down, settle down.
But I tell you, I was minding
my own business. It was...
3-0-4, public nuisance.
My dear fellow, this is
a free country!
You do remember Abraham
Lincoln, don't you?
-That the tall fellow
with the beard?
-Yes.
Yeah, I used to go out
with his sister.
But I bring him here legally.
I told the policeman.
I have the papers.
I don't care if you got
his grandfather's
birth certificate.
It is against the law to take
a python or other poisonous
reptile on the subway.
Ah! Dankar is not poisonous!
(CHUCKLES) Isn't about time
for the girls to check in?
Yeah, why?
I got something that's not
only gonna make the hair on
the hair on their two
little heads stand up.
It's gonna turn white.
Yeah? So what is it?
Take a look.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Yeah. It's a great gag.
Hey, it's genius.
Even if I say so myself.
Yeah.
Great gag.
What should I get Harve
for our anniversary?
What anniversary is it?
Our twelfth.
A see-through black negligee.
Christine! I was thinking
about getting him
a meerschaum.
Oh, Mary Beth, you can't
fit a dog that size
into your tiny apartment.
A meerschaum is a pipe,
not a dog.
-Hi, ya men.
-Hey.
Geez, it's like a graveyard
around here.
Hey, you girls want to see
something really cute?
We just found this sweet
little bugger in the subway.
Oooh. Hello, sweet-skin.
Look at you.
Aren't you pretty.
You're just curled
up there for a nice nap,
aren't you?
Hmm. He's a real live one.
Fat and sassy.
Okay, so what's happening with
your big, obscene
phone call caper?
Hey, hold your horses, cowboy.
If it was a man that was
receiving those threats,
he'd be an endangered
species, right?
But since it's a woman, she's
a neurotic ready for
the loony bin!
Hey, relax, relax! Who said
anything about being neurotic?
Yeah, I saw the Granger lady
on the Carson Show.
She's an okay broad.
LACEY: Why?
Because she thinks if
a woman isn't in the sack, she
should be making a pot roast?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing.
Not if your life's goal is to
become a Dallas
Cowboy cheerleader.
Will you two get off each
others' case?
Lacey, come on. You got
a report for me or what?
Uh, yeah. The guy's
a real psycho.
He gets off on tearing
up Granger's underwear,
you know?
Forensics found nothing.
Well, let's send a telephone
trace team down there.
We already arranged for that.
Good. Who's covering?
Davidson and Velasquez are
on it.
She's scheduled to speak
tomorrow at the Village
Auditorium,
and she has been advised
that it would be wise
to have protection.
We're gonna miss the fight.
(SIGHS)
ANNOUNCER: Well, fans, here
we are at the beginning
of round number two,
and this match with Dominic
Circio really needs a lot
to foul.
ISBECKI: Come on,
get in there.
SAMUELS: Yeah, yeah.
SAMUELS: Oh, what a shot!
Come on, come on.
It'll never go the distance.
Five'll get you ten,
there's no knockout.
-All right, you're on.
-All right.
-What round is it?
-The second.
Your boy's holding his own.
Hey, Isbecki.
You know Luke the Nuke was
their first collar?
Cagney and Lacey.
That was up
at the twenty-third, right?
Yeah.
Luke Powell, you're kidding?
You must be putting me on.
No, that's right.
They started his career.
If they hadn't have busted
him, he never would have made
it to national TV now.
Hey, sweetness.
I got a newfound respect.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Detective La Guardia,
14th Precinct.
All right. Just a moment.
-Lieutenant.
-Yeah.
Lieutenant, Helen Granger.
She wants to talk
to the man in charge.
Yeah, well give it to
Cagney and Lacey, will you?
It's their case.
Lieutenant, she wants to talk
to the man in charge.
Cagney, will you take
the call?
Tell that woman she's got
the best in the department on
the case.
She'll leave me alone.
Watch his right, Luke!
Watch his right!
Cagney, will you take
the call!
Cagney, I can't see through
you, come on. Come on!
Yeah! Hit him again,
hit him again! Yeah!
ANNOUNCER: Circio moves in for
a clinch, he's trying
to hang on...
He deserves a point
for backing us.
You know why he's backing us.
He doesn't want to miss
the fight.
I'll take it any way I can get
it. Go ahead back to the blood
bath. I'll talk to her.
I owe you one.
Detective Lacey.
Yes, ma'am.
I see. When was that?
Well ma'am, I think that
my superior would advise
that you cancel.
ANNOUNCER: Backing out
of the clinch. Circio!
Circio in trouble now!
Circio, down! Down he goes.
He's not getting up.
Come on. Up, up, up, up, up.
He's never getting up.
He really rang his bell.
What a punch.
Boxing is the only so-called
sport where one player tries
to do irreversible harm
to another.
What do you know about boxing,
La Guardia?
What do you know about
boxing, Cagney?
Well, it's an art.
To me, boxing is an art.
It's the art of attack
and defense
using your fists, but it's
practiced as a sport.
It's been around for, uh,
almost as long as 5,000 years,
and, uh, I think it began,
and originated in Sumeria.
Sumeria?
Sumeria, yeah.
Which is now Iraq.
From Iraq, it spread down
and went across...
Okay, okay, okay.
So you know about boxing.
LACEY: Thank you.
(HANGS UP PHONE)
Hey, Lieutenant.
That fan of Helen Granger
that's been following her
on the lecture circuit.
He called her again. He added
a little something.
Like what?
He said he's gonna kill her.
All right. Get her back
on the phone and tell her
this department advises
against her doing that
lecture thing tomorrow.
She has been so advised.
-And she's not about to take
the advice, right?
-Right.
Okay. When is she due
to lecture?
CAGNEY: Uh, tomorrow at four.
La Guardia.
You and Isbecki are going over
to Granger's place tomorrow
morning,
and stick with her the whole
day, all right?
Cagney, you and Lacey go over
to that auditorium and take
a peek.
Tonight.
I better call Harve.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello?
HARVEY: Who is it, Mike?
Hi, Mom.
Here's Dad.
Hi ya, honey. Yeah, they did
their homework.
Uh, just a quart of milk
and some onions.
Yeah, okay. Me too.
I'll wait for you to eat.
-Did you wrap your gift
to Mama?
-Almost.
Hey, Mike, Mike! What are
you doing?
I just want to see what you're
giving her.
Aw man, the saleslady, she
folded it perfect.
HARVEY JR.: I was
just looking.
MIKE: Now we gotta fold it up
again, right?
HARVEY JR.: What is it?
P.J.'s. Can't you see?
It's doesn't look like P.J.'s
to me.
It's girl's P.J.'s.
Is this all Mom said
she wanted for
her anniversary?
It's the thought that counts.
Isn't that right, Dad?
That's right. And it's
a surprise, uh?
So don't say anything, okay?
It's a secret between
us guys.
HARVEY: Huh? Okay.
LACEY: And you know how
much they want for the pipe
and tobacco setup?
You know, the works with
the pipe and tobacco, humidor.
269 dollars.
CAGNEY: So what? It's
your twelfth anniversary.
He's gonna love you for it.
LACEY: He's gonna love me for
getting it for him, but kill
me for spending the money.
Hey! Whatcha doing?
(SHRIEKS)
-There he is!
-Where?
Go!
Nice fella.
Look, Mrs. Granger, we went
to check out the auditorium,
and he was there,
but he got away.
We think that you'd be taking
a very big risk
going back
there tomorrow.
In other words, I'm supposed
to give up my work because of
your incompetence.
We'll have better luck
next time.
How do you like that?
LACEY: Hmm?
-You know what she said?
-What?
She thinks we're in
the wrong profession.
Yeah? I think maybe she's
in the wrong gender.
PETRIE: You guys sure are
touchy about that woman.
How would you feel if you were
guarding the head of the
Ku Klux Klan?
Might leave my gun at home.
(CHUCKLES)
Cagney, Lacey.
You know who that was?
That was Helen Granger.
You know what she wants?
SAMUELS: She wants you two
off the case.
Fine. She wants us off?
We're off the case.
Hold it a second. Helen
Granger does not set
the assignments here.
I do.
So are we off this lousy
case or not?
I don't get it. What is
your beef with her?
CAGNEY: You wouldn't
understand.
Again with the "I wouldn't
understand." Try me.
-Politics.
-It's economics.
SAMUELS: It's that
Gloria Steinem
feminism stuff, right?
Well come one, come on.
Explain it to me.
I want to know.
Men will not be truly
liberated until women are.
But Helen Granger doesn't
want women to be liberated
because she thinks men should
take care of women.
I don't get it!
LA GUARDIA: It's simple.
Helen Granger says women
are already better than equal
under the law.
They don't have to serve
in the army.
They don't pay alimony.
It's stuff like that!
How come you know that?
You're single.
You never know.
If you ask me, it's all bull.
(MOCKINGLY) It's bull,
it's bull.
Why do you always come on
like that, Isbecki?
It comes naturally.
Petrie, will you help
us here?
The Constitution of the United
States
said all men are created
equal, right?
-(CHUCKLES) Hmm. Right.
-And they didn't live
up to it.
So they put in an
amendment about black
men.
-Now you're gonna have a kid.
-Right.
If it's a girl, don't you want
her to be equal under the law?
Of course I do.
All right.
SAMUELS: Come to think of it,
Thelma had a job once.
Oh yeah?
Yeah. We needed a little extra
money, you know?
We were young, and just
starting out.
Might have been
the happiest...
So what happened?
Well, so, when I was
finally well-situated,
I made her quit.
Good night.
Lacey.
Cagney, hold it a minute.
Hold it a minute, hold it
a minute.
I got a message for you
from Captain Hightower.
Hightower?
Yeah, you remember him, public
relations, N.Y.P.D.? Huh?
Well he wants you to call
Peter Schuyler, sports writer.
Schuyler wants to talk to you
two about your
favorite fighter.
Luke Powell.
Uh, sir, what we have to say
about Luke Powell
Peter Schuyler would not be
allowed to print.
Well, maybe not,
but Schuyler's making a lot of
noises about parole for Powell
and he wants your input, so,
remember the image of the
N.Y.P.D. and be like you
always are girls.
Nice.
So, Pete Schuyler came
to see you, huh?
Uh-huh.
Is he gonna put you
in his column?
Oh, I doubt it.
He's pushing to get Luke
Powell paroled. We're
against it.
Luke Powell's a good fighter.
How long's he been up
the river?
Harvey.
Nobody says
up the river anymore.
But I'll tell you something,
up the river is exactly where
Luke Powell belongs.
Mean. That was
one hostile guy.
Out of control, you know?
Rage like that,
it's like, insane.
He's a killer.
All right, all right. But he's
had some time to cool off.
How long's he been up there
now? What, six, seven years?
Oh sure, great.
Who's always saying,
longer sentences,
throw the book at 'em.
You're Mr. Law and Order until
it comes to some jock.
Then all of a sudden,
go easy 'cause the spotlight
washes all your sins away.
I'm not only talking about
Luke Powell.
Hey, come on. Get off your
soapbox, will you?
Maybe the guy's turned
around, huh?
Maybe he hasn't, but in case
he has,
don't you think he rates
a shot?
Everyone's entitled
to a shot, Harve.
You bet!
Harvey, you ever get
the feeling that sometimes
I'm screwing up your act?
What're you talking about?
I'm a cop, and you're chopping
onions.
So?
So according to Helen Granger,
I should be chopping
the onions...
And I should be up on a
skyscraper catching
rivets, huh?
Yeah, I could live with it.
Didn't work out that way,
did it?
So what are we gonna do?
Break up a lousy marriage?
Harvey, do you think that I'd
be crazy for you if all of
a sudden,
you went completely bald?
I don't know.
You know, some day,
Helen Granger
is gonna run for President
of the United States.
If she does, would you vote
for her?
Hey, a screwball who thinks
a woman's place is in
the home, huh?
Gotta admit, it's
a gutsy position.
Hey.
Tomorrow night,
in case you forgot,
our anniversary.
Tomorrow?
Got reservations at
the Shamrock.
I don't know, Harve.
Tomorrow I'm supposed
to bust the entire mafia.
Get outta my kitchen.
(LACEY LAUGHS)
How long has it been?
An hour and a half?
Two hours?
Just about.
Do you think Harve would like
a leather-bound edition
of Mark Twain?
No.
No. He'd let the kids look
at it, they'd just get peanut
butter and jelly all over it.
I came up with this stuff
in the middle of the night.
Bathrobe is a lousy idea.
Jogging suit?
Jogging suit? Harve?
Well, I said it was the middle
of the night.
(SCOFFS)
Aftershave.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Tell me why you call me.
What do you want from me?
What do you want to say to me?
Are you lonely?
Come on. Come on.
Where are you?
Where do you live?
Come on.
Tell me something
about yourself.
GRANGER: Do you go
to school?
14th and Broadway.
Southwest corner.
14th and Broadway,
southwest corner phone booth.
(HONKING)
About five minutes ago,
a call was made
from that phone booth.
Did you get a look
at the caller?
No, well, I was busy with
a customer, you know?
I mean I wouldn't even notice
the guy at all except
that he, uh,
ran out of the phone booth
so fast,
he almost knocked
over my stand.
It was a man, huh?
Well, he sure wasn't
wearing no high heels.
Did you get a good look
at his face?
Well, I'll tell you.
It happened so fast
that, uh,
I mean, he was gone
before I could catch
my breath.
Thanks, Mr., uh...
-Aparicio.
-Aparicio.
-Yeah, nice meeting you.
-Yeah.
Ciao.
Mrs. Loomis, the owner
of that store saw
the caller,
and she will come
to the precinct
when she closes.
Any luck?
Uh, a little.
A little.
Lieutenant Samuels,
Mrs. Loomis.
Oh, how do you do?
Mrs. Loomis, this is
Mr. Uhrig, our sketch artist.
This is Mrs. Loomis.
She's the lady who saw the man
in the telephone booth.
-How do you do?
-How do you do?
Sit down.
Just relax. Don't force
anything.
Hello.
Don't push it.
Oh.
I remember him quite clearly.
He was about five feet,
eleven inches.
He had fuzzy hair.
Eyeglasses.
And a baby face.
Okay, let me start with
a round kind of face.
All right.
Congratulations, you made
Schuyler's column.
"Two women scorned."
Oh, listen to this.
"Whoever invented the phrase,
the milk of human kindness,
"never had to break
bread with the two
female police persons
"I met yesterday."
There's more.
"Completely disregarding
Luke Powell's efforts
"at rehabilitation..."
Ah, geeze.
Forgot to mention the crime
we committed.
SAMUELS: Lacey,
when Don's through with this
sketch, I want it wired
to every police station
in every town where Granger
every lectured, you hear?
Yes, sir.
UHRIG: How about this?
Oh, it's really beginning
to look like him.
I can't believe that you can
actually reproduce something
like this
with a simple description.
MRS. LOOMIS: Yes,
yes, that lower lip.
It seemed to quiver like when
he was talking on
the telephone.
But the hair could be
a little darker.
Some of it kind of thicker
on one side than the other.
Jaws I never forget.
It was a strong jaw,
definitely.
Let's see what you got
now there.
You've done
him perfectly.
We're not staying.
We just came to show
you this.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Anyone you recognize?
Hello.
Oh, oh, Jason.
You bet I'm ready.
I made a commitment to talk.
I didn't cancel my lecture
at Village Auditorium
and I'm not about to cancel
because some psychotic
whom they can't catch
threatened me.
You think her husband is
a possibility?
If you were her husband,
wouldn't you be tempted?
What?
Huh?
No, I can't guess who's going
to introduce me.
Judge Margaret Stockwood?
Jason, you're a genius.
It must have been tough
rounding up somebody black,
conservative, and a mother
of four who actually likes me.
Thanks.
Got to run. Bye bye.
Well?
Well, you were the ones
who saw him.
I certainly never did.
Let's get one thing straight,
Mrs. Granger.
Even though we're not a couple
of linebackers from the Jets,
we've still been assigned
to protect you.
In your fashion.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
I don't want to go to Hawaii.
I get burned on the first day,
Thelma.
Why should I fly 6,000 miles
to stay indoors for nine days?
Huh?
PETRIE: Well?
VICTIM: Huh?
Oh no, nothing yet.
Listen, we'll talk
about it later.
-Maui Mokaio!
-What?
Maui, number one.
The best. You'll love it.
You check out those mug shots,
will you?
I was only trying
to be helpful.
Suspect had been arrested
for armed robbery,
served, uh...
You want some?
Are you kidding?
Do you know how many
fats and chemicals
you're eating?
It's just pastrami.
Animal fats.
Parasites, carcinogens,
nitrates, sodium.
Maybe that's why it tastes
so good, huh?
Lieutenant? Any response
on that wire photo
we sent out?
Eh, bupkis, no.
That Loomis broad that
we brought up here with
the description.
She probably didn't see
the guy at all.
What? You think she made
all that up?
Well, who knows? Maybe
that's the way she makes
herself feel important.
Maybe that's her substitute
for sex.
When you write
your autobiography,
Lieutenant,
don't give up
the comic book rights.
Hey, Mr. Aparicio.
Hey, how are you?
Fine. You mind
if we ask you a few
more questions?
-Oh no, go right ahead.
Go ahead.
-Terrific.
You know the guy that was
in the phone booth
that bumped into your, uh,
stand here?
I know you said you didn't get
a very good look at him,
but does this do
anything to your memory?
Hold on, wait a minute.
Like I told you, I never saw
his face.
You don't remember anything
about him?
No, he had his back to me.
You know, I was getting
pretty teed off, you know.
I mean the guy...
You know he took my business
phone for over ten minutes.
I was running out of hot dog
buns and I couldn't make
a call.
You said he was in the phone
booth for ten minutes?
Yeah, ten minutes.
Thank you, Mr. Aparicio.
-Sure.
-Nice to see you again.
-Take it easy.
-Ciao.
-Ten minutes.
-So?
So the calls to Granger never
last more than a minute.
He must have his obscene
routine down pat.
Or he must have been talking
to somebody else before he
placed the call to Granger.
Good one!
Ms. Malone? Detective Cagney
at the 14th Precinct.
Yeah. You helped us
trace a call from a phone
booth in Manhattan
with the number 555-9832.
That's right.
What we need to know is
was another call place from
that number,
uh, minutes before the call
to the Granger apartment.
That's right.
Terrific. Can you get
right back to me?
Thanks.
Thelma, I don't need
a physical, Thelma.
I'm feeling fine. Yeah.
It was just a heart burn.
That was all. Yeah.
I don't have to exercise, no.
I get all the exercise I need
just walking to the funerals
of all my athletic friends.
You don't think that's funny,
Thelma?
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Detective Cagney,
14th Precinct.
Yeah.
The call was made to Yonkers.
Subscriber's name is
Mike Walker.
And the number?
One more thing, Ms. Malone,
um, we've got
traces on calls, um,
made from Uttica, Syracuse
and Rochester?
Yeah. What we want to know is
if the calls to Yonkers were
also made from pay phones,
just before the obscene calls.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Mrs. Walker.
Yes?
We'd like to talk
to you about your son, Mike.
Who are you?
LACEY: We're police officers,
New York City.
I'm Detective Lacey.
This is Detective Cagney.
Can we come in for a minute?
All right.
Is, uh...
Is he in some kind of trouble?
When was the last time
you saw your son?
He's been traveling.
Uttica, Syracuse, Rochester?
Yeah.
Why are you asking
all these questions?
LACEY: Have you ever heard
of a woman named
Helen Granger?
No,
and neither has my son.
How do you know that,
Mrs. Walker?
Because,
he tells me about every girl
that he meets.
We have a very sincere
and open relationship.
Michael tells me everything.
Well, we have reason
to believe that
he's been making threatening
phone calls to this
Helen Granger.
You're wrong!
How could he?
He don't even know her.
You have no right to come
into my home, and
make such
ridiculous accusations.
We didn't mean to upset you,
Mrs. Walker. Is this your son?
Yeah, but, uh, he's taken
off some weight
since that picture.
I made him stop eating sweets.
Oh!
Oh, he got a merit badge
in bee keeping!
That's just like my son.
Oh, Michael was
an Eagle Scout.
Well, Harvey Jr.'s still
a tenderfoot.
We're sorry to have
bothered you.
If you hear from your son,
then we would like to talk
to him.
Okay.
Mrs. Walker.
Does your son own a gun?
He has a license for it.
Does he carry it with him?
Of course not.
He always keeps it here.
It was always there.
The guy's name is Michael
Walker, and the picture
matches the sketch.
And what's his relation
to Granger?
His mother says that he's
never met her before
in his life.
Some kind of psycho.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Samuels. 14th Precinct.
Yeah, I know she's going
on that ERA fundraiser
tonight, La Guardia.
So what?
Pal from Yonkers
just called Granger,
and said she's never gonna
make it to that fundraiser
unless she sees him first.
He has a gun, Lieutenant.
Why not? Everybody else has.
I'll get an A.P.B.
out of this guy, Walker.
You two get over
to Granger's house.
Stick on her tail. Don't let
her out of your sight.
Just hope she resumes her
lecture tour, gets out of town
and off our backs.
-Yes, sir.
-Amen.
Oh!
What?
Harvey.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello.
LACEY: Hi ya.
Hey, what're you doing?
I'm waiting.
Harve, you're gonna hate me.
Yeah?
Harve, it's our anniversary.
Yeah, our anniversary.
Same day every year
last 12 years.
And you have reservations
and everything?
Not everything.
So far, just reservations.
I can't make it, baby.
I'm on duty.
Okay, so you can't make it.
You're on duty.
You're mad.
Mad? I'm not mad.
Harvey, why do
you always keep everything in?
When you're mad, say
you're mad!
I'm disappointed. What do
you expect?
It's our anniversary, huh?
I am not mad.
Stay up for me, huh?
Please.
You think I could go to sleep
without you?
Be careful, Mary Beth, huh?
Yeah.
All clear on nine twelve.
On my way to check
nine fourteen.
Out.
We copy.
He loves all that
physical stuff.
Can't you just picture him
leaping from roof to roof?
CAGNEY: Or tree to tree.
You okay in there,
Mrs. Granger?
MRS. GRANGER: I'll be
right out. I'm just spraying
my hair.
Did you get a load
of that dress she's got?
-What's the matter with it?
-Nothing.
I wish I could afford it.
All ready.
Wait a minute. I'll check
and make sure that
everything's clear.
Thanks.
You smell that perfume?
Cagney and Lacey must have
been driving this thing
around yesterday.
It's kind of heavy, like,
mentholated musk.
It's my new cologne.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(SIGHS) Oh, just what I need
right now.
Maybe it's not him.
Don't you believe in women's
intuition either, Mrs. Lacey?
Hello.
La Guardia.
LACEY: He's on the line.
I really don't have time
for this right now.
1,200 people have paid ten
dollars a plate to hear
me speak
and make no mistake, I am
going to be there.
Don't talk to me about
1,200 people.
May I ask you something?
What have I ever done to you?
You don't listen to me.
LACEY: Listen to me, Michael.
I'm a friend of your mother's,
and she is very, very worried
about you.
MICHAEL: Who the hell are you?
Doesn't matter.
I saw that picture of you with
that boy scout uniform.
Geeze, you got a lot of merit
badges, didn't you?
You were in my house?
Anyway, your mother wrote
you a letter,
and she had no idea where
to send it to, so she gave
it to me.
You want to hear what she had
to say?
I got it right here
in my purse.
Hang on just a second.
Helen, would you hand me
my purse, please?
You got that make?
68th and Second.
68th and Second, La Guardia.
68th and Second.
Go.
Right here, Michael. I got it.
Dearest son.
I've been thinking an awful
lot about you, Michael.
And I miss you.
And son,
I wish you'd come on home.
Chasing all over the country
after that woman,
that's foolish.
You bastard.
You told my mother
about me and Helen!
Michael, I didn't say
anything to her that you
would not want her to hear.
And she told me that
you are, uh,
a very decent young man.
You wouldn't hurt anybody.
She told me when you were
a kid, you wouldn't even step
on an ant.
Mary Beth.
Cagney.
We got him.
Granger, we got him.
Chris.
Yeah.
Yeah, could you get over here
and take over for me?
I got a chance to salvage
a couple minutes
of my anniversary.
LACEY: Ready?
Yeah.
That's a nice set of P.J.'s
I love my presents, Harvey.
I hate myself.
Why?
'Cause I haven't found you
yours yet.
And I've been wracking
my brains for weeks,
and work started to pile up
so fast.
Hey.
You want to give me something
that'd make me really happy?
-Huh?
-Anything.
You name it.
There you go.
Pleasing your man.
Glad to see you learned
something from this
Helen Granger.
Oh yeah.
She's smart.
And she's gutsy.
And I wish she was
on our side.
So what can I give
you that would make
you really happy?
Give that up.
-Ah, you're kidding.
-Am I?
Read statistics on women
smokers lately?
Harvey, that's not
a real present.
Five or ten more years
with you.
It's one hell of a present.
Happy anniversary.
(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
ON RADIO: Got male white and
female black...
Open up.
Okay, you know the routine.
Let's go.
Why don't you take a seat?
So, what time was it when
it happened?
How many times I gotta tell
you? You got the wrong guy.
We don't have all the kinks
out of the system yet.
Look, I gotta go to the john.
Or is that a federal offense?
On your feet.
(GRUNTS)
Okay move and I'll blow
your head off!
Everybody freeze! Now!
I said freeze!
Get those hands up!
(GUNSHOT FIRES)
I want an unmarked car, gas
and money, now!
Okay. Take it easy.
SAMUELS: We'll take
care of you.
Hold it!
(GRUNTS)
ISBECKI: Let's go.
Come on, hey! You're twisting
my arm! I'm gonna get you guys
for this!
What happened?
He wanted a car and a tank
full of gas.
Unleaded?
You two got an assignment.
You're in charge of security
for Helen Granger.
She arrives tomorrow.
The Helen Granger who's been
bum-rapping the
Equal Rights Amendment?
Yeah, that's the one.
(SIGHS)
HOST: Well, how do you feel
about the enemies you've made
because of your conservative
stand on these issues?
GRANGER: Well, I suppose it
can't be helped.
Besides, it's not as if I'm
running for political office.
HOST: Nothing you do would
surprise me.
GRANGER: (CHUCKLES) I'm going
to take that as a compliment.
HOST: Mrs. Granger, as a
leading figure in the
anti-feminist movement,
haven't you acquired a great
deal of power for someone who
would like us to figure her as
just another wife and mother?
I don't think of it as power.
I think of it as support
for my beliefs.
Oh, and what exactly are
those beliefs?
That every American woman has
the right to be a full-time
wife and mother without being
forced to work outside
the home.
-Well, that sounds nice but...
-I can't believe I'm
doing this.
I could be out finding Harvey
an anniversary present.
Helen would love that.
And an awful lot of women
insist upon going out to work
and competing with men.
I can't imagine why any woman
would want to give up
her freedom,
and become imprisoned
like men.
(HOST CHUCKLES)
That's right boys. You don't
know it, but you're in much
worse shape than we are.
CAGNEY: I think my lunch is
coming up.
HOST: I think we're talking
economics here.
GRANGER: I'm talking
about freedom.
HOST: Economic freedom.
What about the economic
freedom of men whose jobs
have been taken over by women?
(GASPS) Wait 'til she gets
a load of us.
HOST: Well, just to be fair,
I think this would be
a very good time
to read the Equal Rights
Amendment. What do you think?
Fairness is what I'm all for.
HOST: Thank you very much,
Mrs. Helen Granger for being
here today.
GRANGER: I loved every minute
of it. Thank you so much now.
After we meet her, I'm not
gonna say anything.
I'm afraid what will
come out of my mouth.
Well, that certainly went by
very quickly.
-You were wonderful.
-Thanks again.
-Watch your step.
-Oh yes. Yes. Thank you.
-Mrs. Granger?
-Yes.
I'm Detective Lacey, N.Y.P.D.
This is Detective Cagney.
How do you do?
What can I do for you?
We've been assigned to
protect you.
But I requested police
protection because a man...
We know, ma'am. We're it.
The limousine's waiting
outside.
Something tells me you're
uncomfortable, Mrs. Granger.
Uncomfortable?
With us being your security.
It's my guess you'd feel safer
with a couple of guys.
Rather than policepersons?
I won't deny it.
You mind if I smoke?
If I don't have one little
puff I'm gonna die.
Oh, go ahead. Although,
it's the other way around,
isn't it?
Well, since you seem to be it
for the moment,
I guess I'd better fill
you in on what's been
happening to me.
You left on a lecture tour
three weeks ago yesterday.
Approximately two days after
you left, you began receiving
telephone calls
of an obscene nature.
The first call came after
your initial appearance
at Cornell.
The second one in
Uttica, the third, Syracuse.
You then became concerned
and, uh,
contacted the police
departments in each and every
city that you were
speaking in.
Albany, Rochester.
They attempted to trace the
calls, but were unsuccessful
in doing so.
And last night was the final
engagement of your tour
at Princeton.
And this morning you boarded
a helicopter for New York,
Mrs. Granger.
Did you enjoy the ride in this
limo from the airport to the
TV studio?
CAGNEY: This is some place.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
It's good for meetings,
and we do most of our
entertaining here,
but our real home is
in Connecticut.
Hello?
Hello, Helen.
What present?
What are you talking about?
That was him again.
Take it easy. You said
something about a present?
I don't know what
he's talking about.
He was here. In my apartment.
He left that.
CAGNEY: Don't touch anything.
I'm gonna check the rest
of the place.
We'll get a forensic team
up here, find out how he
got in.
CAGNEY: Until now it's just
been phone calls,
is that right, Mrs. Granger?
What does he want?
I don't know what he wants.
LACEY: Mrs. Granger.
Could you step in here please?
PRISONER: I have never
been so humiliated in
my whole life! Never!
Hey! Excuse me!
Where is Dankar?
Hey, settle down, settle down.
But I tell you, I was minding
my own business. It was...
3-0-4, public nuisance.
My dear fellow, this is
a free country!
You do remember Abraham
Lincoln, don't you?
-That the tall fellow
with the beard?
-Yes.
Yeah, I used to go out
with his sister.
But I bring him here legally.
I told the policeman.
I have the papers.
I don't care if you got
his grandfather's
birth certificate.
It is against the law to take
a python or other poisonous
reptile on the subway.
Ah! Dankar is not poisonous!
(CHUCKLES) Isn't about time
for the girls to check in?
Yeah, why?
I got something that's not
only gonna make the hair on
the hair on their two
little heads stand up.
It's gonna turn white.
Yeah? So what is it?
Take a look.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Yeah. It's a great gag.
Hey, it's genius.
Even if I say so myself.
Yeah.
Great gag.
What should I get Harve
for our anniversary?
What anniversary is it?
Our twelfth.
A see-through black negligee.
Christine! I was thinking
about getting him
a meerschaum.
Oh, Mary Beth, you can't
fit a dog that size
into your tiny apartment.
A meerschaum is a pipe,
not a dog.
-Hi, ya men.
-Hey.
Geez, it's like a graveyard
around here.
Hey, you girls want to see
something really cute?
We just found this sweet
little bugger in the subway.
Oooh. Hello, sweet-skin.
Look at you.
Aren't you pretty.
You're just curled
up there for a nice nap,
aren't you?
Hmm. He's a real live one.
Fat and sassy.
Okay, so what's happening with
your big, obscene
phone call caper?
Hey, hold your horses, cowboy.
If it was a man that was
receiving those threats,
he'd be an endangered
species, right?
But since it's a woman, she's
a neurotic ready for
the loony bin!
Hey, relax, relax! Who said
anything about being neurotic?
Yeah, I saw the Granger lady
on the Carson Show.
She's an okay broad.
LACEY: Why?
Because she thinks if
a woman isn't in the sack, she
should be making a pot roast?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing.
Not if your life's goal is to
become a Dallas
Cowboy cheerleader.
Will you two get off each
others' case?
Lacey, come on. You got
a report for me or what?
Uh, yeah. The guy's
a real psycho.
He gets off on tearing
up Granger's underwear,
you know?
Forensics found nothing.
Well, let's send a telephone
trace team down there.
We already arranged for that.
Good. Who's covering?
Davidson and Velasquez are
on it.
She's scheduled to speak
tomorrow at the Village
Auditorium,
and she has been advised
that it would be wise
to have protection.
We're gonna miss the fight.
(SIGHS)
ANNOUNCER: Well, fans, here
we are at the beginning
of round number two,
and this match with Dominic
Circio really needs a lot
to foul.
ISBECKI: Come on,
get in there.
SAMUELS: Yeah, yeah.
SAMUELS: Oh, what a shot!
Come on, come on.
It'll never go the distance.
Five'll get you ten,
there's no knockout.
-All right, you're on.
-All right.
-What round is it?
-The second.
Your boy's holding his own.
Hey, Isbecki.
You know Luke the Nuke was
their first collar?
Cagney and Lacey.
That was up
at the twenty-third, right?
Yeah.
Luke Powell, you're kidding?
You must be putting me on.
No, that's right.
They started his career.
If they hadn't have busted
him, he never would have made
it to national TV now.
Hey, sweetness.
I got a newfound respect.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Detective La Guardia,
14th Precinct.
All right. Just a moment.
-Lieutenant.
-Yeah.
Lieutenant, Helen Granger.
She wants to talk
to the man in charge.
Yeah, well give it to
Cagney and Lacey, will you?
It's their case.
Lieutenant, she wants to talk
to the man in charge.
Cagney, will you take
the call?
Tell that woman she's got
the best in the department on
the case.
She'll leave me alone.
Watch his right, Luke!
Watch his right!
Cagney, will you take
the call!
Cagney, I can't see through
you, come on. Come on!
Yeah! Hit him again,
hit him again! Yeah!
ANNOUNCER: Circio moves in for
a clinch, he's trying
to hang on...
He deserves a point
for backing us.
You know why he's backing us.
He doesn't want to miss
the fight.
I'll take it any way I can get
it. Go ahead back to the blood
bath. I'll talk to her.
I owe you one.
Detective Lacey.
Yes, ma'am.
I see. When was that?
Well ma'am, I think that
my superior would advise
that you cancel.
ANNOUNCER: Backing out
of the clinch. Circio!
Circio in trouble now!
Circio, down! Down he goes.
He's not getting up.
Come on. Up, up, up, up, up.
He's never getting up.
He really rang his bell.
What a punch.
Boxing is the only so-called
sport where one player tries
to do irreversible harm
to another.
What do you know about boxing,
La Guardia?
What do you know about
boxing, Cagney?
Well, it's an art.
To me, boxing is an art.
It's the art of attack
and defense
using your fists, but it's
practiced as a sport.
It's been around for, uh,
almost as long as 5,000 years,
and, uh, I think it began,
and originated in Sumeria.
Sumeria?
Sumeria, yeah.
Which is now Iraq.
From Iraq, it spread down
and went across...
Okay, okay, okay.
So you know about boxing.
LACEY: Thank you.
(HANGS UP PHONE)
Hey, Lieutenant.
That fan of Helen Granger
that's been following her
on the lecture circuit.
He called her again. He added
a little something.
Like what?
He said he's gonna kill her.
All right. Get her back
on the phone and tell her
this department advises
against her doing that
lecture thing tomorrow.
She has been so advised.
-And she's not about to take
the advice, right?
-Right.
Okay. When is she due
to lecture?
CAGNEY: Uh, tomorrow at four.
La Guardia.
You and Isbecki are going over
to Granger's place tomorrow
morning,
and stick with her the whole
day, all right?
Cagney, you and Lacey go over
to that auditorium and take
a peek.
Tonight.
I better call Harve.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello?
HARVEY: Who is it, Mike?
Hi, Mom.
Here's Dad.
Hi ya, honey. Yeah, they did
their homework.
Uh, just a quart of milk
and some onions.
Yeah, okay. Me too.
I'll wait for you to eat.
-Did you wrap your gift
to Mama?
-Almost.
Hey, Mike, Mike! What are
you doing?
I just want to see what you're
giving her.
Aw man, the saleslady, she
folded it perfect.
HARVEY JR.: I was
just looking.
MIKE: Now we gotta fold it up
again, right?
HARVEY JR.: What is it?
P.J.'s. Can't you see?
It's doesn't look like P.J.'s
to me.
It's girl's P.J.'s.
Is this all Mom said
she wanted for
her anniversary?
It's the thought that counts.
Isn't that right, Dad?
That's right. And it's
a surprise, uh?
So don't say anything, okay?
It's a secret between
us guys.
HARVEY: Huh? Okay.
LACEY: And you know how
much they want for the pipe
and tobacco setup?
You know, the works with
the pipe and tobacco, humidor.
269 dollars.
CAGNEY: So what? It's
your twelfth anniversary.
He's gonna love you for it.
LACEY: He's gonna love me for
getting it for him, but kill
me for spending the money.
Hey! Whatcha doing?
(SHRIEKS)
-There he is!
-Where?
Go!
Nice fella.
Look, Mrs. Granger, we went
to check out the auditorium,
and he was there,
but he got away.
We think that you'd be taking
a very big risk
going back
there tomorrow.
In other words, I'm supposed
to give up my work because of
your incompetence.
We'll have better luck
next time.
How do you like that?
LACEY: Hmm?
-You know what she said?
-What?
She thinks we're in
the wrong profession.
Yeah? I think maybe she's
in the wrong gender.
PETRIE: You guys sure are
touchy about that woman.
How would you feel if you were
guarding the head of the
Ku Klux Klan?
Might leave my gun at home.
(CHUCKLES)
Cagney, Lacey.
You know who that was?
That was Helen Granger.
You know what she wants?
SAMUELS: She wants you two
off the case.
Fine. She wants us off?
We're off the case.
Hold it a second. Helen
Granger does not set
the assignments here.
I do.
So are we off this lousy
case or not?
I don't get it. What is
your beef with her?
CAGNEY: You wouldn't
understand.
Again with the "I wouldn't
understand." Try me.
-Politics.
-It's economics.
SAMUELS: It's that
Gloria Steinem
feminism stuff, right?
Well come one, come on.
Explain it to me.
I want to know.
Men will not be truly
liberated until women are.
But Helen Granger doesn't
want women to be liberated
because she thinks men should
take care of women.
I don't get it!
LA GUARDIA: It's simple.
Helen Granger says women
are already better than equal
under the law.
They don't have to serve
in the army.
They don't pay alimony.
It's stuff like that!
How come you know that?
You're single.
You never know.
If you ask me, it's all bull.
(MOCKINGLY) It's bull,
it's bull.
Why do you always come on
like that, Isbecki?
It comes naturally.
Petrie, will you help
us here?
The Constitution of the United
States
said all men are created
equal, right?
-(CHUCKLES) Hmm. Right.
-And they didn't live
up to it.
So they put in an
amendment about black
men.
-Now you're gonna have a kid.
-Right.
If it's a girl, don't you want
her to be equal under the law?
Of course I do.
All right.
SAMUELS: Come to think of it,
Thelma had a job once.
Oh yeah?
Yeah. We needed a little extra
money, you know?
We were young, and just
starting out.
Might have been
the happiest...
So what happened?
Well, so, when I was
finally well-situated,
I made her quit.
Good night.
Lacey.
Cagney, hold it a minute.
Hold it a minute, hold it
a minute.
I got a message for you
from Captain Hightower.
Hightower?
Yeah, you remember him, public
relations, N.Y.P.D.? Huh?
Well he wants you to call
Peter Schuyler, sports writer.
Schuyler wants to talk to you
two about your
favorite fighter.
Luke Powell.
Uh, sir, what we have to say
about Luke Powell
Peter Schuyler would not be
allowed to print.
Well, maybe not,
but Schuyler's making a lot of
noises about parole for Powell
and he wants your input, so,
remember the image of the
N.Y.P.D. and be like you
always are girls.
Nice.
So, Pete Schuyler came
to see you, huh?
Uh-huh.
Is he gonna put you
in his column?
Oh, I doubt it.
He's pushing to get Luke
Powell paroled. We're
against it.
Luke Powell's a good fighter.
How long's he been up
the river?
Harvey.
Nobody says
up the river anymore.
But I'll tell you something,
up the river is exactly where
Luke Powell belongs.
Mean. That was
one hostile guy.
Out of control, you know?
Rage like that,
it's like, insane.
He's a killer.
All right, all right. But he's
had some time to cool off.
How long's he been up there
now? What, six, seven years?
Oh sure, great.
Who's always saying,
longer sentences,
throw the book at 'em.
You're Mr. Law and Order until
it comes to some jock.
Then all of a sudden,
go easy 'cause the spotlight
washes all your sins away.
I'm not only talking about
Luke Powell.
Hey, come on. Get off your
soapbox, will you?
Maybe the guy's turned
around, huh?
Maybe he hasn't, but in case
he has,
don't you think he rates
a shot?
Everyone's entitled
to a shot, Harve.
You bet!
Harvey, you ever get
the feeling that sometimes
I'm screwing up your act?
What're you talking about?
I'm a cop, and you're chopping
onions.
So?
So according to Helen Granger,
I should be chopping
the onions...
And I should be up on a
skyscraper catching
rivets, huh?
Yeah, I could live with it.
Didn't work out that way,
did it?
So what are we gonna do?
Break up a lousy marriage?
Harvey, do you think that I'd
be crazy for you if all of
a sudden,
you went completely bald?
I don't know.
You know, some day,
Helen Granger
is gonna run for President
of the United States.
If she does, would you vote
for her?
Hey, a screwball who thinks
a woman's place is in
the home, huh?
Gotta admit, it's
a gutsy position.
Hey.
Tomorrow night,
in case you forgot,
our anniversary.
Tomorrow?
Got reservations at
the Shamrock.
I don't know, Harve.
Tomorrow I'm supposed
to bust the entire mafia.
Get outta my kitchen.
(LACEY LAUGHS)
How long has it been?
An hour and a half?
Two hours?
Just about.
Do you think Harve would like
a leather-bound edition
of Mark Twain?
No.
No. He'd let the kids look
at it, they'd just get peanut
butter and jelly all over it.
I came up with this stuff
in the middle of the night.
Bathrobe is a lousy idea.
Jogging suit?
Jogging suit? Harve?
Well, I said it was the middle
of the night.
(SCOFFS)
Aftershave.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Tell me why you call me.
What do you want from me?
What do you want to say to me?
Are you lonely?
Come on. Come on.
Where are you?
Where do you live?
Come on.
Tell me something
about yourself.
GRANGER: Do you go
to school?
14th and Broadway.
Southwest corner.
14th and Broadway,
southwest corner phone booth.
(HONKING)
About five minutes ago,
a call was made
from that phone booth.
Did you get a look
at the caller?
No, well, I was busy with
a customer, you know?
I mean I wouldn't even notice
the guy at all except
that he, uh,
ran out of the phone booth
so fast,
he almost knocked
over my stand.
It was a man, huh?
Well, he sure wasn't
wearing no high heels.
Did you get a good look
at his face?
Well, I'll tell you.
It happened so fast
that, uh,
I mean, he was gone
before I could catch
my breath.
Thanks, Mr., uh...
-Aparicio.
-Aparicio.
-Yeah, nice meeting you.
-Yeah.
Ciao.
Mrs. Loomis, the owner
of that store saw
the caller,
and she will come
to the precinct
when she closes.
Any luck?
Uh, a little.
A little.
Lieutenant Samuels,
Mrs. Loomis.
Oh, how do you do?
Mrs. Loomis, this is
Mr. Uhrig, our sketch artist.
This is Mrs. Loomis.
She's the lady who saw the man
in the telephone booth.
-How do you do?
-How do you do?
Sit down.
Just relax. Don't force
anything.
Hello.
Don't push it.
Oh.
I remember him quite clearly.
He was about five feet,
eleven inches.
He had fuzzy hair.
Eyeglasses.
And a baby face.
Okay, let me start with
a round kind of face.
All right.
Congratulations, you made
Schuyler's column.
"Two women scorned."
Oh, listen to this.
"Whoever invented the phrase,
the milk of human kindness,
"never had to break
bread with the two
female police persons
"I met yesterday."
There's more.
"Completely disregarding
Luke Powell's efforts
"at rehabilitation..."
Ah, geeze.
Forgot to mention the crime
we committed.
SAMUELS: Lacey,
when Don's through with this
sketch, I want it wired
to every police station
in every town where Granger
every lectured, you hear?
Yes, sir.
UHRIG: How about this?
Oh, it's really beginning
to look like him.
I can't believe that you can
actually reproduce something
like this
with a simple description.
MRS. LOOMIS: Yes,
yes, that lower lip.
It seemed to quiver like when
he was talking on
the telephone.
But the hair could be
a little darker.
Some of it kind of thicker
on one side than the other.
Jaws I never forget.
It was a strong jaw,
definitely.
Let's see what you got
now there.
You've done
him perfectly.
We're not staying.
We just came to show
you this.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Anyone you recognize?
Hello.
Oh, oh, Jason.
You bet I'm ready.
I made a commitment to talk.
I didn't cancel my lecture
at Village Auditorium
and I'm not about to cancel
because some psychotic
whom they can't catch
threatened me.
You think her husband is
a possibility?
If you were her husband,
wouldn't you be tempted?
What?
Huh?
No, I can't guess who's going
to introduce me.
Judge Margaret Stockwood?
Jason, you're a genius.
It must have been tough
rounding up somebody black,
conservative, and a mother
of four who actually likes me.
Thanks.
Got to run. Bye bye.
Well?
Well, you were the ones
who saw him.
I certainly never did.
Let's get one thing straight,
Mrs. Granger.
Even though we're not a couple
of linebackers from the Jets,
we've still been assigned
to protect you.
In your fashion.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
I don't want to go to Hawaii.
I get burned on the first day,
Thelma.
Why should I fly 6,000 miles
to stay indoors for nine days?
Huh?
PETRIE: Well?
VICTIM: Huh?
Oh no, nothing yet.
Listen, we'll talk
about it later.
-Maui Mokaio!
-What?
Maui, number one.
The best. You'll love it.
You check out those mug shots,
will you?
I was only trying
to be helpful.
Suspect had been arrested
for armed robbery,
served, uh...
You want some?
Are you kidding?
Do you know how many
fats and chemicals
you're eating?
It's just pastrami.
Animal fats.
Parasites, carcinogens,
nitrates, sodium.
Maybe that's why it tastes
so good, huh?
Lieutenant? Any response
on that wire photo
we sent out?
Eh, bupkis, no.
That Loomis broad that
we brought up here with
the description.
She probably didn't see
the guy at all.
What? You think she made
all that up?
Well, who knows? Maybe
that's the way she makes
herself feel important.
Maybe that's her substitute
for sex.
When you write
your autobiography,
Lieutenant,
don't give up
the comic book rights.
Hey, Mr. Aparicio.
Hey, how are you?
Fine. You mind
if we ask you a few
more questions?
-Oh no, go right ahead.
Go ahead.
-Terrific.
You know the guy that was
in the phone booth
that bumped into your, uh,
stand here?
I know you said you didn't get
a very good look at him,
but does this do
anything to your memory?
Hold on, wait a minute.
Like I told you, I never saw
his face.
You don't remember anything
about him?
No, he had his back to me.
You know, I was getting
pretty teed off, you know.
I mean the guy...
You know he took my business
phone for over ten minutes.
I was running out of hot dog
buns and I couldn't make
a call.
You said he was in the phone
booth for ten minutes?
Yeah, ten minutes.
Thank you, Mr. Aparicio.
-Sure.
-Nice to see you again.
-Take it easy.
-Ciao.
-Ten minutes.
-So?
So the calls to Granger never
last more than a minute.
He must have his obscene
routine down pat.
Or he must have been talking
to somebody else before he
placed the call to Granger.
Good one!
Ms. Malone? Detective Cagney
at the 14th Precinct.
Yeah. You helped us
trace a call from a phone
booth in Manhattan
with the number 555-9832.
That's right.
What we need to know is
was another call place from
that number,
uh, minutes before the call
to the Granger apartment.
That's right.
Terrific. Can you get
right back to me?
Thanks.
Thelma, I don't need
a physical, Thelma.
I'm feeling fine. Yeah.
It was just a heart burn.
That was all. Yeah.
I don't have to exercise, no.
I get all the exercise I need
just walking to the funerals
of all my athletic friends.
You don't think that's funny,
Thelma?
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Detective Cagney,
14th Precinct.
Yeah.
The call was made to Yonkers.
Subscriber's name is
Mike Walker.
And the number?
One more thing, Ms. Malone,
um, we've got
traces on calls, um,
made from Uttica, Syracuse
and Rochester?
Yeah. What we want to know is
if the calls to Yonkers were
also made from pay phones,
just before the obscene calls.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Mrs. Walker.
Yes?
We'd like to talk
to you about your son, Mike.
Who are you?
LACEY: We're police officers,
New York City.
I'm Detective Lacey.
This is Detective Cagney.
Can we come in for a minute?
All right.
Is, uh...
Is he in some kind of trouble?
When was the last time
you saw your son?
He's been traveling.
Uttica, Syracuse, Rochester?
Yeah.
Why are you asking
all these questions?
LACEY: Have you ever heard
of a woman named
Helen Granger?
No,
and neither has my son.
How do you know that,
Mrs. Walker?
Because,
he tells me about every girl
that he meets.
We have a very sincere
and open relationship.
Michael tells me everything.
Well, we have reason
to believe that
he's been making threatening
phone calls to this
Helen Granger.
You're wrong!
How could he?
He don't even know her.
You have no right to come
into my home, and
make such
ridiculous accusations.
We didn't mean to upset you,
Mrs. Walker. Is this your son?
Yeah, but, uh, he's taken
off some weight
since that picture.
I made him stop eating sweets.
Oh!
Oh, he got a merit badge
in bee keeping!
That's just like my son.
Oh, Michael was
an Eagle Scout.
Well, Harvey Jr.'s still
a tenderfoot.
We're sorry to have
bothered you.
If you hear from your son,
then we would like to talk
to him.
Okay.
Mrs. Walker.
Does your son own a gun?
He has a license for it.
Does he carry it with him?
Of course not.
He always keeps it here.
It was always there.
The guy's name is Michael
Walker, and the picture
matches the sketch.
And what's his relation
to Granger?
His mother says that he's
never met her before
in his life.
Some kind of psycho.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Samuels. 14th Precinct.
Yeah, I know she's going
on that ERA fundraiser
tonight, La Guardia.
So what?
Pal from Yonkers
just called Granger,
and said she's never gonna
make it to that fundraiser
unless she sees him first.
He has a gun, Lieutenant.
Why not? Everybody else has.
I'll get an A.P.B.
out of this guy, Walker.
You two get over
to Granger's house.
Stick on her tail. Don't let
her out of your sight.
Just hope she resumes her
lecture tour, gets out of town
and off our backs.
-Yes, sir.
-Amen.
Oh!
What?
Harvey.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello.
LACEY: Hi ya.
Hey, what're you doing?
I'm waiting.
Harve, you're gonna hate me.
Yeah?
Harve, it's our anniversary.
Yeah, our anniversary.
Same day every year
last 12 years.
And you have reservations
and everything?
Not everything.
So far, just reservations.
I can't make it, baby.
I'm on duty.
Okay, so you can't make it.
You're on duty.
You're mad.
Mad? I'm not mad.
Harvey, why do
you always keep everything in?
When you're mad, say
you're mad!
I'm disappointed. What do
you expect?
It's our anniversary, huh?
I am not mad.
Stay up for me, huh?
Please.
You think I could go to sleep
without you?
Be careful, Mary Beth, huh?
Yeah.
All clear on nine twelve.
On my way to check
nine fourteen.
Out.
We copy.
He loves all that
physical stuff.
Can't you just picture him
leaping from roof to roof?
CAGNEY: Or tree to tree.
You okay in there,
Mrs. Granger?
MRS. GRANGER: I'll be
right out. I'm just spraying
my hair.
Did you get a load
of that dress she's got?
-What's the matter with it?
-Nothing.
I wish I could afford it.
All ready.
Wait a minute. I'll check
and make sure that
everything's clear.
Thanks.
You smell that perfume?
Cagney and Lacey must have
been driving this thing
around yesterday.
It's kind of heavy, like,
mentholated musk.
It's my new cologne.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(SIGHS) Oh, just what I need
right now.
Maybe it's not him.
Don't you believe in women's
intuition either, Mrs. Lacey?
Hello.
La Guardia.
LACEY: He's on the line.
I really don't have time
for this right now.
1,200 people have paid ten
dollars a plate to hear
me speak
and make no mistake, I am
going to be there.
Don't talk to me about
1,200 people.
May I ask you something?
What have I ever done to you?
You don't listen to me.
LACEY: Listen to me, Michael.
I'm a friend of your mother's,
and she is very, very worried
about you.
MICHAEL: Who the hell are you?
Doesn't matter.
I saw that picture of you with
that boy scout uniform.
Geeze, you got a lot of merit
badges, didn't you?
You were in my house?
Anyway, your mother wrote
you a letter,
and she had no idea where
to send it to, so she gave
it to me.
You want to hear what she had
to say?
I got it right here
in my purse.
Hang on just a second.
Helen, would you hand me
my purse, please?
You got that make?
68th and Second.
68th and Second, La Guardia.
68th and Second.
Go.
Right here, Michael. I got it.
Dearest son.
I've been thinking an awful
lot about you, Michael.
And I miss you.
And son,
I wish you'd come on home.
Chasing all over the country
after that woman,
that's foolish.
You bastard.
You told my mother
about me and Helen!
Michael, I didn't say
anything to her that you
would not want her to hear.
And she told me that
you are, uh,
a very decent young man.
You wouldn't hurt anybody.
She told me when you were
a kid, you wouldn't even step
on an ant.
Mary Beth.
Cagney.
We got him.
Granger, we got him.
Chris.
Yeah.
Yeah, could you get over here
and take over for me?
I got a chance to salvage
a couple minutes
of my anniversary.
LACEY: Ready?
Yeah.
That's a nice set of P.J.'s
I love my presents, Harvey.
I hate myself.
Why?
'Cause I haven't found you
yours yet.
And I've been wracking
my brains for weeks,
and work started to pile up
so fast.
Hey.
You want to give me something
that'd make me really happy?
-Huh?
-Anything.
You name it.
There you go.
Pleasing your man.
Glad to see you learned
something from this
Helen Granger.
Oh yeah.
She's smart.
And she's gutsy.
And I wish she was
on our side.
So what can I give
you that would make
you really happy?
Give that up.
-Ah, you're kidding.
-Am I?
Read statistics on women
smokers lately?
Harvey, that's not
a real present.
Five or ten more years
with you.
It's one hell of a present.
Happy anniversary.