Bump (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Relative Strangers - full transcript

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Mm...

- Oh.
- It's not...

Are you sure you
don't want some lube?

Um... yeah. I guess.

I got it specially
'cause it's, like,

it's a bit more viscous
than the others.

Oh, it's super secure too.

LOL.

Is that good?

Maybe you could
go on top instead.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.



OK.

- Ow.
- Oh.

Oh!

Mm!

I'm so sorry. Are you OK?

Oh. Um... sorry.

One sec.

Hey, um...

You know we don't have to do
this if you don't want to.

It's... It's fine.

We got this.

Is that good?

Um...

- OK.
- That's...



- Oh.
- That's not the...

Oh. Oh!

Oh, that's...

That's not the
algorithm I planned for.

Just gonna change it. Oh.

I think I need to go.

Oh.

- We can just spoon.
- Um...

I don't... sort of feel good.

I love you.

Oh, hello!

Oh!

This is for you.

Mm! You sure you
don't want to come in?

No, thank you.

Oh. Cheers.

Gracias.

Sorry, but
we can't hide a baby

from the other
half of its family.

We're not. Bernardita knows.

- You know what I mean.
- No, I don't.

Would you stop fussing?

Are you worried about...

Are you not... not
sure if Santi is...

Obviously he is.

I'm just trying to
understand so I can help!

If it's not that, why wouldn't
we just get it out in the open?

Why are you obsessed with this?

I'm not. I'm just saying
truth will come to light.

OK, Mum, if you would
like to be helpful,

standing in the driveway
sprouting clichés isn't it.

'Spouting', not 'sprouting'.

And we're not in a driveway.

What are you doing?

I'd rather walk than get
driven by a superior cow.

Oh, sweetheart,
there's no prizes

for making today
hard for yourself.

Oh, my God!

Mum, if women can
climb mountains

to get their children
to another country,

then I'm pretty sure that I
can handle Pyrmont Bridge Road.

Ita, you promised me that
you weren't gonna do that.

You're not even a good liar.

Stop sneaking over there.

OK, just let me
deal with it. I'm...

Wow. Deal with what?

Nothing.

Nothing! Everything's
nothing with you, Santi.

You know this house.

It's really nothing, Dad. It's
just Abuela messing around.

You know I've got
spies at school.

I can find out everything.

Then go ahead and ask 'em.

Hey! I don't have
spies at school.

- Sure you don't want an Uber?
- Why is everybody so dramatic?

- Because you look deranged.
- I'm clearly very balanced.

Are you ready for today?

You never really told me

how we're meant to be
moving forward with... this.

Hello! Our history WIP.

How am I the one managing
our collective focus?

I had a rhythm.

Why are you bringing
the baby to school?

Because I'm keeping it.
Can I please walk now?

Wait. Wait. Like,
you're keeping it?

Well, that's mental!

- You've gone mental.
- Well...

If I don't bond
with her properly,

she'll become, like, a
mass murderer or something.

- What?!
- I don't know.

So, am I still meant
to be the father?

I don't know!

Well, my
dad's gonna kill me.

Lachie!

I just had a baby.

My boobs are giant
burning rocks.

So I'm sorry if I don't
have the brain space

to deal with you
and your psycho dad.

But you have the brain
space to deal with

some stupid presentation
that's not even assessable!

It's my education.

What?!

Hey, Oly, it's me.

Um, just checking if you're
OK. Can you text me, please?

Everything alright?

Uh... Whew.

There is a lot going
on, yeah. Um...

Yeah, a lot to get
our heads around.

Hey, if you need some fresh
air or a family outing...

You said you'd come
to the Latin Festival.

Oh, yeah, um...

Yeah, I don't know. I don't...

When has Angie ever
said no to some dancing?

Mm.

Let's get some
culture into the baby.

Just because she's not Latina
doesn't mean she has to suffer.

I really should find Oly.

And if Jacinda Ardern can

bring her baby to the
Prime Minister's office,

I think it's reasonable that
I can bring my baby to school.

Shh.

You don't want to join the
school mothers program?

We can transfer you very easily.

Excuse me.

What are you...

Oh, it's just a breast.

Yeah, well, that's
easy for you to say.

You really might
be more comfortable

at the mothers program.

Who might be more comfortable?

It's all set up specially,

and babies can be
very disruptive

in a regular
classroom environment.

Boys are disruptive. Do they
get sent to a special program?

Gender equality in education
is a destination, sir,

not a diversion.

I worry for the babies of today.

Now, that poor baby,
you know, she...

What's her name?

Um...

Bro, you need to meditate.

You need to free your mind.

Oh, Papa Dawg.

- Here's the baby!
- Oh!

- She's so beautiful.
- Oh, my God, she is so sweet.

- Her cheeks are so red.
- Oly, what's her name?

I'm waiting to see what
name suits her personality.

- How long does that take?
- They don't do anything yet.

It'd be better if they could
speak straight out of the womb.

Will you make her bilingual?

- Um...
- Yeah.

Hopefully.

Good morning, you
crazy Ninja Turtles.

Ah-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho! Whoa!

Another mind to brainwash.

I'll remember that response
when I'm marking your exams.

- Okey-dokey, who's ready to go?
- Yes!

No, Oly, you don't
have to present today.

- We're ready.
- You don't have to stand up.

- OK.
- Everybody needs to meditate.

We were thinking about
different models of action

related to women's education,

and the relative
outcomes for girls

in particular regions...

..to...

To analyse the effectiveness
of those outcomes

in different societal cultures.

Have you decided what
campaigns you might focus on?

Contraception for all!

Alright,
alright, that's enough.

Um, we'll choose two
and we'll compare them.

Um...

Um, so we were thinking...

Sorry.

Nah, come on, Dad, share
that emotional load.

Daddy!

Daddy!

Papa!

Daddy. Daddy.

Sorry, puchita.

The feminist is busy right now.

Lachie, wait!

Hey, wait!

When were you even in
the same place as him?

- This is so embarrassing.
- I know.

Do you?!

Do you have any
idea how lame it is

to cheat on me and
have some stoner baby?

He's not a stoner.

- He's introspective.
- He's introspective?

What, do you like him?

Oly...

Hey...

That was alright.

Look.

- Oh, shit. Fuck.
- Huh?

- Oh, shit.
- Keep going, keep going.

Do I have to hear it
from someone else?

You don't want to tell me?

You don't want me
to know you anymore?

Your life?

I didn't even know, Dad.

But now you do.

Be the one to tell me.

The baby, Dad. There's
a baby. And it's mine.

I'm the dad.

I'm so... I'm sorry, Dad, I...

Hijo, I love you.

This is Lachie. You
know what to do.

Are you excited to be
stuck in here all day with me?

Mm-hm.

And I can save you from this
boring-ass family all day.

I don't need saving.

Just because you have
an Australian baby,

don't forget who you are.

Don't worry about it.

I don't worry about it.

I'm just saying, don't
forget who you are.

Hey?

Hey? I'm Latin as.

OK, you're banned from talking
for the rest of the day.

Why?

Oh, my God, stop! Stop.

You said it would be less
awkward to meet here, not more.

Yeah, exactly. Imagine if he
was doing this in their house.

What? I'm just getting
into the spirit.

- It's baby's first salsa.
- Salsa is Cuban.

We're only staying half an hour.

I don't want her overstimulated.

We can just have them over if
you don't want to go in there.

- Yeah, if it's too much...
- No, no, no.

Um, we're here.

You guys don't want to meet
them? We have to meet them.

Just please be normal.

Ange!

Hi! Hi.

Hey, how are you?
Hello, Oly. How are you?

Dom, Matias. Matias, Dom.

Hey.

Whoa! That is a handshake.

- We haven't got any tickets.
- That's what I'm here for.

You're family. Come
on. Come with me.

Oh, not sold out?

I found them.

Thanks to God!

I was dying to meet
Matias's little work friend.

- Hi!
- Hello!

- Hi.
- Hello.

Yeah, well, you must
be so tired, no?

Hm.

Is this our baby Hernandez?

Guys, this is
Bernardita, Santi's grandmother.

So nice to meet you for the
very first time ever in my life.

Yes, and it's
lovely to meet you.

Thank you.

- Good to meet you.
- Good to meet you.

Hi, I'm Angie.

- Bernardita?
- Hello, Angie.

Hello!

I can, yes?

Sorpresa, sorpresa, sorpresa!

Sorpresa.

Oh, beautiful!

Oh, don't think we'll
be needing this.

They're so awkward,
this family, no?

Half an hour, we smoke-bomb
and blame it on the baby.

Where is she taking her?

Mm!

Eat something while
you can, darling.

I should get the baby back.

Matias got two wives, has he?

I don't know who that is.

Ho-ho! Whoa!

It's pretty normal.

Dance-fucking someone
else's husband?

Yeah. The sexier it is,
the less you have to worry.

Which you would know if you
had kept coming to the lessons.

Whatever.

I'm gonna have a look at this.

She's dressed too
warm for today.

- Oh.
- But she's pretty now.

Rosa...

- Hola, Ita.
- Hola.

- Mwah!
- Hola.

Oly, come here.

- No, no, no, no. Ita.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Ita, we don't need to do that.

- We don't need...
- No, no, no.

OK.

Little bit closer.

Like a family.

Aw! The newest little Hernandez!

- Hi, Santi.
- Hi, Ms Davis.

You are doing so well.

I would have told everyone
to fuck off by now.

- Let's find you somewhere quiet.
- I'll go.

- You sure? You alright?
- I'll be back in a minute.

Where's she going? We
should get a big photo.

She's gonna feed the baby.

- Then we should have a dance.
- Oh, no, we're heading off.

We... We... She's tired.
We're gonna go soon.

You're not going anywhere
without having a dance.

Eso!

Don't forget to move
those tight hips of yours.

Just relax, my friend.

Why didn't you say
anything to me?

About what?

You knew it was Santi.

Yeah, um, for a couple of days.

Um, I should look out for Oly.

You knew I had a granddaughter

and you let me find
out with everyone else.

Yeah, I promised Oly.

Why would you hide it?
This makes us family.

Yeah, I know.

Oh!

So what does it
mean when the dance

looks like two people
who have fucked before?

- It's just dancing.
- Is Matias the guy?

Is he the one?

Where's Oly?

Ange, did you have
a crack at him

before or after you knew you
were kind of related to him?

Could we do that smoke bomb now?

Definitely. Let's go.

Oh, no, I'll get the pram.

Oh. Is that...

No, wait.

Hey.

Are you OK?

So, are you going to tell
Oly or do you want me to?

Don't be ridiculous.

You know you don't have to be
polite to people who snub you.

She didn't snub me.

They come, they go. Bye-bye.

Why are you always so aggro?

Aggro?

Why aren’t you aggro, you
weak canguro piece of shit?

You get a girl pregnant,
you don’t even know her,

and you don’t care that
she doesn’t know you.

She will never see
you, not like me.

Hey, what's going on?

He's so... aggro.

Hey, is everything OK?

They didn't stay long.

It's a big change.
It's a big change.

Yeah.

- What are you doing?
- Can you hug me, like normal?

I fucking hate you.

What?

You better get that.

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.

No, don't. I'm sorry.

I hate everything about you.

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.

Hey, sh-sh-sh.