Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Sexy Dance Fighting - full transcript
Tina is going through the heartbreak of puberty; once they see it is not contagious, Gene and Louise try to cheer up their big sister. They show her what they believe is a smelly special needs breakdancing class in Brazilian. Tina's hormones are fueled by lithe, muscular Jairo and his martial art, Capoeira. Soon, it is "Jairo says this" and "Jairo says that" and Tina is neglecting her job, working night and day, to master Capoeira. Tina wants to earn her yellow corda in the Troca de Cordões ceremony, Portuguese for "exchange of strands." Teddy equates it with becoming a woman; Bob is having a much harder time letting go of his little girl than he is of his 4:30 appointments. However, when poop comes to slap, the Belchers fight it out...together.
Uhh...
Tina, if you're gonna
lay on the floor,
at least roll around so I don't have
to mop up later.
What's wrong with Tina?
Puberty.
Yeah. She's pubing out
right now pretty bad.
Jordan Sturman moved away,
and now I'll never play
kickball with him again.
- Oh, you should kill yourself.
- Yeah!
Gene and Louise, be nice.
You're gonna go through
adolescence, too, you know.
Like that? Oh, sick!
Is she contagious?
You shut up, mom!
Watch it.
You can't hurt me.
I'm already dead.
Can I have your moustache, then?
It's only one hair.
It's the beginning
of a great thing.
It's a huge hair.
I can't cut it.
It's beautiful.
Leave her alone.
You're beautiful, Tina.
Let me pull it out.
Let me put my foot
on your chest.
Gene, get off. Enough.
Come on, gene.
Let's go have a childhood.
My heart.
My heart.
Shh, sweetie. I'm on the phone.
Ginger is very upset.
Ha ha! Go on, ginger.
What? Ha ha ha! No!
Come on, Tina. Get up.
You're on the grill.
Why?
Come on. Cheer up, you know?
We're having fun.
- We are?
- Yeah.
Plus, it's father-daughter time.
Why don't gene and Louise
have to have fun like this?
Well, Tina, you're the oldest,
and you have added
responsibilities here,
like on Saturday mornings, for example,
you're on the grill.
I can't trust them on the grill.
You know that.
Fire comes out of it.
Ha ha! I know. It's awful.
All right. Bye.
Ginger's cat died
but in a really funny way.
- Ha ha ha!
- Oh...
Tina, we just saw
the most amazing thing ever.
This might be the best day
of my life,
besides the day
you kids were born.
Words can't explain this.
You just have to see it.
Come with us. Come on, Tina!
I can't. Dad won't
let me leave work...
I mean, fun.
He won't let me leave fun
father-daughter time.
You fell for that?
That's not a real thing.
Come with us.
Aw, Bob, let her go.
All right, fine, but you're gonna miss
when I scrape off the grill.
That's the best part of the day,
although today
has been pretty slow,
so there's not gonna be
as much gunk to...
oh. Everyone is gone.
Oh. Ow. Oh!
Aren't you supposed to lead
someone who's blindfolded?
It would ruin the surprise.
Where are we going?
At first, we thought
it was a break dancing class,
and them we thought it was
a special needs class.
Now we think it might be
a special needs break dancing class.
Also, it's Brazilian...
Slash hilarious.
- Sounds interest...
- Stupid?
Oh, it's even more stupid
than you could possibly imagine.
Just wait till we get near it.
They take off their shoes
so when they open the door,
the whole block
smells like feet.
Feet that have been
cooked in feet.
- Yes!
- Still funny. Ha!
Oh! Ooh. Ooh.
Can you smell that?
That's just what's
coming through the walls.
That smells exotic,
like ranch dressing.
Whoa, he's beautiful.
That's a man?
Where are you going?
I'm signing up for that class.
What? Why?
- Oh!
- Don't open the door!
The smell will kill us all!
Let me go. Let go of me.
- No!
- No!
Oh, the feet smell.
The feet smell.
Wait. What is it?
- It's Capoeira.
- Capo-what?
Tina, are you really sure
you want to do this?
Yes, dad. Wait till you see it.
Jairo is amazing. I have a DVD.
Oh, by the way, I need
$14.95 for the DVD.
Wait. What? What's Jairo?
Hyah!
Ola. My name is Jairo.
Welcome to the world
of Capoeira.
Capoeira is the most seductive
form of self-defence.
It combines peacefulness,
fighting, and cardio
in perfect harmony.
Capoeira is breathtaking,
but it is also breath-giving.
You can advance
through the stages
by earning different coloured
cords at the troca de cordoes.
Wow, I thought maybe
you were doing it wrong,
but that's actually
what it looks like.
They're bringing
the tambourine back.
That's a pandeiro,
a Brazilian frame drum.
It's a tambourine.
I'm gonna get mine.
Those guys don't know
how to shake it.
I don't get it.
I mean, what am I looking at here?
What is it? Is it some kind of dancing.
What is it?
Jairo says it's not dancing.
It's a deadly form
of street fighting.
Oh, yeah? Well, you don't need
some male model to teach you how to fight.
That's what dads are for.
Come on.
I'll show you some stuff.
Box with your old man, huh?
Uh! Uh! There you go.
Just got to... there it is. Uh!
Whoa, Tina. Good fight.
Good fight.
That was fun to watch.
Jairo says if there's
any Capoeira inside me,
he'll find it
with enough classes.
- Jairo knows a lot about life.
- Hmm.
- Jairo says he can hypnotise animals.
- Shh.
But only if they want
to be hypnotised...
Tina, shh shh shh shh.
- Which they almost always do.
- Tina!
Jairo says toothpaste
insults your teeth.
Tina, go to bed.
Jairo only needs two
hours of sleep a night
because he regulates his heart.
Tina, get out.
- Jairo sleeps with his eyes open.
- Tina!
OK. Just follow my lead.
Sa! Sha! Brazil!
Sa! Sha! Brazil!
Class is over.
We now have an hour
of open practice time,
which is completely optional unless
you're serious about Capoeira.
Mm. Mm!
Mm! Mm!
Ho! Yah!
Oh, I'm definitely staying.
Ah! Ho! Hih! Sa!
Tina is supposed to be
here to cover the grill.
It's after 4:30.
She's at a kookaburra class.
Dad, the grill is doing
that thing again.
Ach.
What is your problem with fire?
You know what? Go. Go away.
Go down and collect trash
and bring it to the dumpster.
Does it have to be from around here,
or can we go anywhere?
Just go. Yay! Yeah! Trash!
♪ Trash! Trash! Trash! Trash! ♪
Yesterday I found a necklace.
It's time for
my afternoon meeting,
you know, in the bathroom.
Your 4:30 meeting?
Yeah, my 4:30.
- So go.
- No.
Tina made a commitment
to be here at a certain time.
I'm going down there
to remind her
- that she has a job here.
- Wait.
What about your meeting?
Well, I'm postponing it today.
Bob, you can't do that.
I'm gonna set a time
for 10:30 tonight.
This is why I tell you, Bob,
just have little meetings
throughout the day
instead of one big one,
little poops.
Oof! Oh! That is horrible.
Wash your feet.
I have an infection.
Tina. Tine. Psst psst psst.
Dad, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be
back at work, Tina,
to cover me for
my 4:30 meeting.
- Dad...
- Oh, hello.
Please remove your shoes.
Oh, I don't want to
take off my shoes.
I'm just picking up
my daughter Tina.
Oh, you are Tina's father.
Ola. My name is Jairo,
like "gyrate."
Ola. Mine is Bob.
Are you sure you
don't want to stick around?
I enjoy helping elderly men
repair their ageing bodies.
Thanks, but I got a job
I got to get back to,
and so does Tina, plus
I don't really dance.
Although Capoeira incorporates
elements of dance,
it is a highly dangerous
form of martial arts.
Right. I'm sure it is.
It seems like a great
way to stay in shape,
like jazzercise.
Not like jazzercise.
Whatever you say.
Class, would you like
to see a demonstration?
Come on, Tina.
Let's go right now.
Sha! Hyah! Sha! Hyah!
OK, OK. I saw your movie.
It's very cute.
Hyah! Ponytail!
Hey! You can't do that.
You just hit me with your hair.
- Ponytail!
- Stop that!
Hyah! Sa! Huh! Oh! Uh-oh.
Dad, let's go. Come on.
Give me a second here.
What about your meeting?
I just had my meeting.
- Right now?
- Mm-hmm.
Uh...
Don't. Don't.
What do we do?
- Grab me that flag.
- No, dad.
Tina, we're gonna
get out of there, all right?
Just let me think. Shh!
All right. I got an idea.
- You go into the corner and yell.
- What?
Go in the corner
and start yelling
like you're having a heart
attack, and I'll run out.
OK. Go. Go. Fast.
Wait. Come back..
- I'm having a heart... what?
- Don't... shh!
Don't do that.
It's a dumb idea.
Dad, I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, oh, are you?
I'm sorry because I'm
not embarrassed at all
because I just pooped my pants.
I would do this every
day if I could, Tina.
No, no.
He's in the shower now.
Well, sometimes it's hard to feel clean
after something like that happens.
It's very embarrassing.
OK, kids.
Your father is very
tender right now, all right?
Whatever you do, do not mention what
happened today at Tina's class.
Just act normal.
So you pooped your pants.
Linda, let's not talk about it.
Wasn't a fair fight.
He's younger, and
he's cute and strong.
Linda, this isn't helpful.
Hey, when you got to
go, you got to go.
Linda, stop!
- Are you on the phone with ginger?
- No. I got to go.
Ha ha ha! Sorry, Bobby.
I'm not laughing at you.
I was thinking about
ginger's dead cat again.
- Dad, dad, dad.
- Yes, Louise?
- Dad, dad, hi.
- Yes? Hi.
Did you know that it only takes
two pounds of pressure
to drive someone's nose bone
into their brain?
That's... what?
Two pounds. That's it, dad.
Why are you telling
me this, Louise?
Revenge.
♪ Revengeourine revengeourine
revengeourine ♪
- Cut it out, gene.
- All right. Listen, everybody.
What happened today
is in the past,
and we're never gonna talk
about it again ever.
I'm just glad Tina is quitting
the class, right, Tina?
But my body needs it.
Your body needs to work in the
restaurant with your father.
Ohh... Oh, fine.
If you need me, I'll be down here
on the floor dying.
All right. Sounds good, honey.
Ohh...
You have to learn to
groan right, Tina.
Ohh...
Hey, she groans fine.
It sounds weird.
So you groan, then,
if you're so good at it.
Agh.
- That's a groan?
- Yeah. Agh.
- I'll do it. Let me do it.
- Agh.
Aagh... Aggggh... Ach...
Ahh... Meow meow... Aggggh...
Brr brr! Gg gg gg! Ohh...
- Ohh...
- Tina, enough already. Come on.
Tina, it's your boyfriend.
Oh, God.
- Ola.
- What do you want?
I got a message that
Tina was very upset
and needed to be
encouraged to come back
to the art of Capoeira.
A message? From who?
You're welcome,
and... You're welcome.
Well, I'm sorry. Tina is busy.
She's working the grill.
It's OK. I'll wait.
Hmm. Ah...
Uh... Well...
What's wrong?
Well, I'm looking for your
fresh-squeezed juice selection.
Is it on another menu?
Ahem.
Oh. Sorry. Here.
Yeah. Here it is.
This is the same menu.
Yeah, because we don't have
fresh-squeezed juice.
Fresh-squeezed juice is stupid.
That is not how I talk at all.
Yes, it is. So it Capoeira.
It's stupid, OK?
- Dad, stop.
- Oh, hello, Tina.
I didn't notice you. That's OK.
Is everything all right
with you, Tina?
My dad won't let me
train anymore.
- Tina...
- What?
It's because you made him
poop in his pants.
- Oh, my God.
- Tina!
Bob, please. There is nothing
to be embarrassed about.
It is quite common
for a wounded animal
to make a bowel movement
as he is defeated
by a much stronger predator.
- Hey, it wasn't you. It was 4:30.
- Here, Bob.
Let me show you
some very convenient
sphincter-tightening exercises.
- No, thank you.
- Tight. Relax.
- I don't want...
- Tight. Relax.
- Stop it!
- Tight.
Don't do sphincter-tightening
exercises in my restaurant.
- OK. Fine.
- Thank you.
I'll be feeling this
in the morning.
- Hoo!
- Gene!
Well, now my stomach is full
of negative energy,
so I've lost my appetite,
which is just as well.
It's time for me to go to class.
Tina, you should come with me.
Remember, the troca de cordoes
is next week.
The troca de cordoes?
What's the troca de cordoes?
I feel if Tina trains hard,
she has the potential to receive
a promotion to yellow cord.
Tina, listen to me.
You're not going anywhere.
I'm your father. Yes, Tina...
But I am your
Capoeira instructor.
Wait. I'm going
to class with you.
Tina, what are you doing?
Dad, you don't understand.
I understand you're grounded,
effective right no.
- Bob, let her go.
- No.
She's grounded, Lin.
We all just need
a minute to calm down.
Hey, Tina, you walk
out that door,
and you're no longer
my grill cook.
Dad. Calm down.
I'll go get her.
You get out of here!
You hear me?
Never look back!
You are dead to us.
Sorry, dad. There's no
getting through to that one.
Thanks, Louise.
That was very helpful.
- Big day.
- Mm-hmm.
- Big, big day.
- Hmm...
- The troca de cordios.
- I know.
I know it's the
troca de cordios.
- I told you, I'm not going.
- OK. Fine.
I'm just gonna say
one more time,
I think that you should
come support your daughter.
Linda, I just grounded her.
You let her go.
Bob, I'm sorry. OK. Come on.
It's just a phase.
I know you're afraid
your gonna lose your little girl.
That's sweet,
but what'd you think,
she's gonna spend
the rest of her life
standing next to you
grilling burgers?
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
That's silly, spending
the rest of her life
standing next to me
grilling burgers.
Of course not.
I mean, nothing wrong with it.
I mean, it would be fun.
♪ Tinarine, tinarine,
cha cha cha, tinarine ♪
♪ Tina, Tina, Tina,
Tina, tinarine! ♪
- We're ready.
- OK.
- I'm coming.
- I'm sorry, Tina. I'm not going.
I love this restaurant.
You can't abandon
the things you love
just because of
sexy dance fighting.
If I were a hamburger,
you'd come watch me fight.
Good job, Bob.
Gene, Louise, come on.
We're going to Tina's
karate concert.
So you're not going
to get revenge today?
- No, Louise. I'm not.
- OK. Got it.
Then I won't bring
your credit card,
which I cut into a ninja star.
Oh, you cut my credit card?
Into a ninja star.
♪ Tambourine, tambourine ♪
♪ Ninja star, credit card,
tambourine ♪
Family drama
at Bob's burgers, huh?
- Bob. Bob. Bobby.
- What, Teddy?
What's a troca de cordoes?
It's a ceremony.
It's like a graduation.
- Oh.
- Yeah, but this guy is a creep,
and I got to stand my ground.
She made a commitment
to this restaurant, period.
- "Exchange of strands."
- What?
I just looked up
troca de cordoes.
It's Portuguese for
"exchange of strands."
Sounds momentous.
This very day,
she's becoming a woman,
exchanging her strands.
Wait. That's what it says?
Yeah. That's what it says.
It says she's becoming a woman?
Well, yeah. Take a look.
What you gonna do about it, Bob?
Doesn't say becoming a woman.
No. Read into it.
It says, "exchange of strands."
It's exchanging strands.
Has nothing about
her becoming a woman.
What are you saying, Bob?
What are you saying, Teddy?
Just, if my daughter was becoming
a woman, I would want to be there.
She's not becoming
a woman, Teddy.
No, but if she was, I'm saying.
She's not my daughter.
You were the one who
just said it again.
Get out. Get out, Teddy.
I want to pay my bill!
Get out of my restaurant!
I want to pay my bill.
There's your bill...
$4.16, pervert.
- $4... pervert? Pervert?
- Pervert.
- Who you calling pervert?
- It's written on the bill.
Here's your $4.16, Bob.
Best of luck.
There's a million
restaurants I can go to.
Then go to them all, Teddy!
- I'm sorry, Teddy. I get carried away.
- No.
I blew my stack. I'm sorry.
It's just,
she's growing up so fast.
Also, I crapped my pants
yesterday.
Yeah. I know. I heard. Ha ha!
Listen. I got to close up shop.
I have somewhere to be.
So you really do
have to get out.
- Sha!
- Uh... Ah...
Sha! Brazil.
That's my son.
Sha! Sha!
Oh, God.
Brazil! Sha!
Sha! Sha!
And I'm a... Brazil. Finished.
Congratulations, Neil.
You have earned
your yellow cord.
Tina, you're next.
All right! Go, Tina!
You're doing great.
Hyah! Sa!
- Hyah!
- Mm. Mm.
So glad you came, Bobby.
She looks like she's
having a good time.
- Sa! Sha!
- Mm. Mm.
- Hyah! Brazil!
- Mm!
Thank you.
The test is complete.
I'm sorry, Tina, but you have failed.
Have a seat.
The next student testing
for her yellow corda is Janelle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.
Wait a minute. Wait.
Please do not interrupt
the ceremony, Bob.
Just give her the stupid cord.
Can't you see how much
this means to her?
I'm sorry, Bob, but she did not
perform the 5 elementary motions,
so she will not be
receiving her yellow corda.
What? She did better than Neil.
That kid was a mess out there.
What? Hey!
Oh, you know it's true.
Tina did all 5 of the elementary
weird motions, I think.
She did that one.
She did that one a lot.
Is this because I made you
poop your pantalones?
This isn't about me.
It's about Tina.
Oh, is that what you think?
All right. That's it.
I'm taking a corda.
- Ow!
- Don't touch.
- Ponytail!
- Stop that.
Make me.
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight ♪
Nose bone!
Nose bone into the brain
and skin him
and wear him like a costume.
All right, Louise. All right.
All right. Here we go.
Bobby, don't do this.
I have to stand up for Tina.
But, Bob, look at the clock.
- It's 4:28.
- I know, Lin.
I know, and if I poop, I poop.
Oh, Bobby...
♪ Jairo, Jairo, Jairo,
Jairo, Jairo... ♪
Sha!
Heh heh heh. Hold on.
I wasn't ready that time, so...
- Brazil! Ponytail!
- Ow!
Keep your sphincter
tight, Bobby.
I'm OK, Lin.
- Use this, dad.
- Ow! Louise...
- Ponytail!
- Ow!
- Oh!
- Brazil!
Uh! Huh!
- Hey, you want some more?
- Um...
- Hyah!
- Ow!
Make him stop, mom.
- Brazil!
- Uh!
Dad was right.
Jairo is just a jerk...
a sexy, sensual, creepy,
sexy jerk.
Go, dad! Come on.
♪ Dad, dad... ♪
♪ Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad,
dad, dad, dad, dad, dad... ♪
Thanks, Tina.
I got him right where I want him.
Ow.
- Sha!
- Ow! Enough. Ow!
- Hey, nice form.
- Thanks.
Sorry Jairo knocked you down
25 to 30 times in
front of everyone.
Yeah. Sorry I couldn't
get your yellow corda.
It's OK. Thanks for
getting beat up for me.
Anyway, I'm kind of
interested in Russian
kettleball strength
training now.
Don't make me watch this
because I...
- I'll show mom.
- Yeah.
Well, I have a surprise for you.
- You got a promotion.
- Really?
- I get a raise?
- No...
But you get these
yellow dish gloves.
I present to you
your yellow gloves.
So much fun.
Well, we better get going.
Yeah. That dead seal down
at the pier isn't gonna poke itself.
Wait, wait. Hold on.
You two are working today.
What? We're not
on the schedule today.
Read. Learn how to read
the schedule that you write.
Tina, honey, we're
giving you the day off.
Go do something fun.
Do you know where this dead seal is?
What's that about?
Its a dead seal, mom. It's...
a washed-up seal.
They go poke at it.
And we're gonna slap it.
It makes a great sound.
Then I sample the slaps.
Sounds like an orgy.
I like dead seals,
but I think I'm gonna
stay here instead.
I'm actually having
fun at work today.
- Besides, it's our father-daughter time.
- Aww!
- Sucker!
- Gene, run.
Run, run, run, run,
run to the seal!
Tina, if you're gonna
lay on the floor,
at least roll around so I don't have
to mop up later.
What's wrong with Tina?
Puberty.
Yeah. She's pubing out
right now pretty bad.
Jordan Sturman moved away,
and now I'll never play
kickball with him again.
- Oh, you should kill yourself.
- Yeah!
Gene and Louise, be nice.
You're gonna go through
adolescence, too, you know.
Like that? Oh, sick!
Is she contagious?
You shut up, mom!
Watch it.
You can't hurt me.
I'm already dead.
Can I have your moustache, then?
It's only one hair.
It's the beginning
of a great thing.
It's a huge hair.
I can't cut it.
It's beautiful.
Leave her alone.
You're beautiful, Tina.
Let me pull it out.
Let me put my foot
on your chest.
Gene, get off. Enough.
Come on, gene.
Let's go have a childhood.
My heart.
My heart.
Shh, sweetie. I'm on the phone.
Ginger is very upset.
Ha ha! Go on, ginger.
What? Ha ha ha! No!
Come on, Tina. Get up.
You're on the grill.
Why?
Come on. Cheer up, you know?
We're having fun.
- We are?
- Yeah.
Plus, it's father-daughter time.
Why don't gene and Louise
have to have fun like this?
Well, Tina, you're the oldest,
and you have added
responsibilities here,
like on Saturday mornings, for example,
you're on the grill.
I can't trust them on the grill.
You know that.
Fire comes out of it.
Ha ha! I know. It's awful.
All right. Bye.
Ginger's cat died
but in a really funny way.
- Ha ha ha!
- Oh...
Tina, we just saw
the most amazing thing ever.
This might be the best day
of my life,
besides the day
you kids were born.
Words can't explain this.
You just have to see it.
Come with us. Come on, Tina!
I can't. Dad won't
let me leave work...
I mean, fun.
He won't let me leave fun
father-daughter time.
You fell for that?
That's not a real thing.
Come with us.
Aw, Bob, let her go.
All right, fine, but you're gonna miss
when I scrape off the grill.
That's the best part of the day,
although today
has been pretty slow,
so there's not gonna be
as much gunk to...
oh. Everyone is gone.
Oh. Ow. Oh!
Aren't you supposed to lead
someone who's blindfolded?
It would ruin the surprise.
Where are we going?
At first, we thought
it was a break dancing class,
and them we thought it was
a special needs class.
Now we think it might be
a special needs break dancing class.
Also, it's Brazilian...
Slash hilarious.
- Sounds interest...
- Stupid?
Oh, it's even more stupid
than you could possibly imagine.
Just wait till we get near it.
They take off their shoes
so when they open the door,
the whole block
smells like feet.
Feet that have been
cooked in feet.
- Yes!
- Still funny. Ha!
Oh! Ooh. Ooh.
Can you smell that?
That's just what's
coming through the walls.
That smells exotic,
like ranch dressing.
Whoa, he's beautiful.
That's a man?
Where are you going?
I'm signing up for that class.
What? Why?
- Oh!
- Don't open the door!
The smell will kill us all!
Let me go. Let go of me.
- No!
- No!
Oh, the feet smell.
The feet smell.
Wait. What is it?
- It's Capoeira.
- Capo-what?
Tina, are you really sure
you want to do this?
Yes, dad. Wait till you see it.
Jairo is amazing. I have a DVD.
Oh, by the way, I need
$14.95 for the DVD.
Wait. What? What's Jairo?
Hyah!
Ola. My name is Jairo.
Welcome to the world
of Capoeira.
Capoeira is the most seductive
form of self-defence.
It combines peacefulness,
fighting, and cardio
in perfect harmony.
Capoeira is breathtaking,
but it is also breath-giving.
You can advance
through the stages
by earning different coloured
cords at the troca de cordoes.
Wow, I thought maybe
you were doing it wrong,
but that's actually
what it looks like.
They're bringing
the tambourine back.
That's a pandeiro,
a Brazilian frame drum.
It's a tambourine.
I'm gonna get mine.
Those guys don't know
how to shake it.
I don't get it.
I mean, what am I looking at here?
What is it? Is it some kind of dancing.
What is it?
Jairo says it's not dancing.
It's a deadly form
of street fighting.
Oh, yeah? Well, you don't need
some male model to teach you how to fight.
That's what dads are for.
Come on.
I'll show you some stuff.
Box with your old man, huh?
Uh! Uh! There you go.
Just got to... there it is. Uh!
Whoa, Tina. Good fight.
Good fight.
That was fun to watch.
Jairo says if there's
any Capoeira inside me,
he'll find it
with enough classes.
- Jairo knows a lot about life.
- Hmm.
- Jairo says he can hypnotise animals.
- Shh.
But only if they want
to be hypnotised...
Tina, shh shh shh shh.
- Which they almost always do.
- Tina!
Jairo says toothpaste
insults your teeth.
Tina, go to bed.
Jairo only needs two
hours of sleep a night
because he regulates his heart.
Tina, get out.
- Jairo sleeps with his eyes open.
- Tina!
OK. Just follow my lead.
Sa! Sha! Brazil!
Sa! Sha! Brazil!
Class is over.
We now have an hour
of open practice time,
which is completely optional unless
you're serious about Capoeira.
Mm. Mm!
Mm! Mm!
Ho! Yah!
Oh, I'm definitely staying.
Ah! Ho! Hih! Sa!
Tina is supposed to be
here to cover the grill.
It's after 4:30.
She's at a kookaburra class.
Dad, the grill is doing
that thing again.
Ach.
What is your problem with fire?
You know what? Go. Go away.
Go down and collect trash
and bring it to the dumpster.
Does it have to be from around here,
or can we go anywhere?
Just go. Yay! Yeah! Trash!
♪ Trash! Trash! Trash! Trash! ♪
Yesterday I found a necklace.
It's time for
my afternoon meeting,
you know, in the bathroom.
Your 4:30 meeting?
Yeah, my 4:30.
- So go.
- No.
Tina made a commitment
to be here at a certain time.
I'm going down there
to remind her
- that she has a job here.
- Wait.
What about your meeting?
Well, I'm postponing it today.
Bob, you can't do that.
I'm gonna set a time
for 10:30 tonight.
This is why I tell you, Bob,
just have little meetings
throughout the day
instead of one big one,
little poops.
Oof! Oh! That is horrible.
Wash your feet.
I have an infection.
Tina. Tine. Psst psst psst.
Dad, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be
back at work, Tina,
to cover me for
my 4:30 meeting.
- Dad...
- Oh, hello.
Please remove your shoes.
Oh, I don't want to
take off my shoes.
I'm just picking up
my daughter Tina.
Oh, you are Tina's father.
Ola. My name is Jairo,
like "gyrate."
Ola. Mine is Bob.
Are you sure you
don't want to stick around?
I enjoy helping elderly men
repair their ageing bodies.
Thanks, but I got a job
I got to get back to,
and so does Tina, plus
I don't really dance.
Although Capoeira incorporates
elements of dance,
it is a highly dangerous
form of martial arts.
Right. I'm sure it is.
It seems like a great
way to stay in shape,
like jazzercise.
Not like jazzercise.
Whatever you say.
Class, would you like
to see a demonstration?
Come on, Tina.
Let's go right now.
Sha! Hyah! Sha! Hyah!
OK, OK. I saw your movie.
It's very cute.
Hyah! Ponytail!
Hey! You can't do that.
You just hit me with your hair.
- Ponytail!
- Stop that!
Hyah! Sa! Huh! Oh! Uh-oh.
Dad, let's go. Come on.
Give me a second here.
What about your meeting?
I just had my meeting.
- Right now?
- Mm-hmm.
Uh...
Don't. Don't.
What do we do?
- Grab me that flag.
- No, dad.
Tina, we're gonna
get out of there, all right?
Just let me think. Shh!
All right. I got an idea.
- You go into the corner and yell.
- What?
Go in the corner
and start yelling
like you're having a heart
attack, and I'll run out.
OK. Go. Go. Fast.
Wait. Come back..
- I'm having a heart... what?
- Don't... shh!
Don't do that.
It's a dumb idea.
Dad, I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, oh, are you?
I'm sorry because I'm
not embarrassed at all
because I just pooped my pants.
I would do this every
day if I could, Tina.
No, no.
He's in the shower now.
Well, sometimes it's hard to feel clean
after something like that happens.
It's very embarrassing.
OK, kids.
Your father is very
tender right now, all right?
Whatever you do, do not mention what
happened today at Tina's class.
Just act normal.
So you pooped your pants.
Linda, let's not talk about it.
Wasn't a fair fight.
He's younger, and
he's cute and strong.
Linda, this isn't helpful.
Hey, when you got to
go, you got to go.
Linda, stop!
- Are you on the phone with ginger?
- No. I got to go.
Ha ha ha! Sorry, Bobby.
I'm not laughing at you.
I was thinking about
ginger's dead cat again.
- Dad, dad, dad.
- Yes, Louise?
- Dad, dad, hi.
- Yes? Hi.
Did you know that it only takes
two pounds of pressure
to drive someone's nose bone
into their brain?
That's... what?
Two pounds. That's it, dad.
Why are you telling
me this, Louise?
Revenge.
♪ Revengeourine revengeourine
revengeourine ♪
- Cut it out, gene.
- All right. Listen, everybody.
What happened today
is in the past,
and we're never gonna talk
about it again ever.
I'm just glad Tina is quitting
the class, right, Tina?
But my body needs it.
Your body needs to work in the
restaurant with your father.
Ohh... Oh, fine.
If you need me, I'll be down here
on the floor dying.
All right. Sounds good, honey.
Ohh...
You have to learn to
groan right, Tina.
Ohh...
Hey, she groans fine.
It sounds weird.
So you groan, then,
if you're so good at it.
Agh.
- That's a groan?
- Yeah. Agh.
- I'll do it. Let me do it.
- Agh.
Aagh... Aggggh... Ach...
Ahh... Meow meow... Aggggh...
Brr brr! Gg gg gg! Ohh...
- Ohh...
- Tina, enough already. Come on.
Tina, it's your boyfriend.
Oh, God.
- Ola.
- What do you want?
I got a message that
Tina was very upset
and needed to be
encouraged to come back
to the art of Capoeira.
A message? From who?
You're welcome,
and... You're welcome.
Well, I'm sorry. Tina is busy.
She's working the grill.
It's OK. I'll wait.
Hmm. Ah...
Uh... Well...
What's wrong?
Well, I'm looking for your
fresh-squeezed juice selection.
Is it on another menu?
Ahem.
Oh. Sorry. Here.
Yeah. Here it is.
This is the same menu.
Yeah, because we don't have
fresh-squeezed juice.
Fresh-squeezed juice is stupid.
That is not how I talk at all.
Yes, it is. So it Capoeira.
It's stupid, OK?
- Dad, stop.
- Oh, hello, Tina.
I didn't notice you. That's OK.
Is everything all right
with you, Tina?
My dad won't let me
train anymore.
- Tina...
- What?
It's because you made him
poop in his pants.
- Oh, my God.
- Tina!
Bob, please. There is nothing
to be embarrassed about.
It is quite common
for a wounded animal
to make a bowel movement
as he is defeated
by a much stronger predator.
- Hey, it wasn't you. It was 4:30.
- Here, Bob.
Let me show you
some very convenient
sphincter-tightening exercises.
- No, thank you.
- Tight. Relax.
- I don't want...
- Tight. Relax.
- Stop it!
- Tight.
Don't do sphincter-tightening
exercises in my restaurant.
- OK. Fine.
- Thank you.
I'll be feeling this
in the morning.
- Hoo!
- Gene!
Well, now my stomach is full
of negative energy,
so I've lost my appetite,
which is just as well.
It's time for me to go to class.
Tina, you should come with me.
Remember, the troca de cordoes
is next week.
The troca de cordoes?
What's the troca de cordoes?
I feel if Tina trains hard,
she has the potential to receive
a promotion to yellow cord.
Tina, listen to me.
You're not going anywhere.
I'm your father. Yes, Tina...
But I am your
Capoeira instructor.
Wait. I'm going
to class with you.
Tina, what are you doing?
Dad, you don't understand.
I understand you're grounded,
effective right no.
- Bob, let her go.
- No.
She's grounded, Lin.
We all just need
a minute to calm down.
Hey, Tina, you walk
out that door,
and you're no longer
my grill cook.
Dad. Calm down.
I'll go get her.
You get out of here!
You hear me?
Never look back!
You are dead to us.
Sorry, dad. There's no
getting through to that one.
Thanks, Louise.
That was very helpful.
- Big day.
- Mm-hmm.
- Big, big day.
- Hmm...
- The troca de cordios.
- I know.
I know it's the
troca de cordios.
- I told you, I'm not going.
- OK. Fine.
I'm just gonna say
one more time,
I think that you should
come support your daughter.
Linda, I just grounded her.
You let her go.
Bob, I'm sorry. OK. Come on.
It's just a phase.
I know you're afraid
your gonna lose your little girl.
That's sweet,
but what'd you think,
she's gonna spend
the rest of her life
standing next to you
grilling burgers?
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Ha ha! Ha ha!
That's silly, spending
the rest of her life
standing next to me
grilling burgers.
Of course not.
I mean, nothing wrong with it.
I mean, it would be fun.
♪ Tinarine, tinarine,
cha cha cha, tinarine ♪
♪ Tina, Tina, Tina,
Tina, tinarine! ♪
- We're ready.
- OK.
- I'm coming.
- I'm sorry, Tina. I'm not going.
I love this restaurant.
You can't abandon
the things you love
just because of
sexy dance fighting.
If I were a hamburger,
you'd come watch me fight.
Good job, Bob.
Gene, Louise, come on.
We're going to Tina's
karate concert.
So you're not going
to get revenge today?
- No, Louise. I'm not.
- OK. Got it.
Then I won't bring
your credit card,
which I cut into a ninja star.
Oh, you cut my credit card?
Into a ninja star.
♪ Tambourine, tambourine ♪
♪ Ninja star, credit card,
tambourine ♪
Family drama
at Bob's burgers, huh?
- Bob. Bob. Bobby.
- What, Teddy?
What's a troca de cordoes?
It's a ceremony.
It's like a graduation.
- Oh.
- Yeah, but this guy is a creep,
and I got to stand my ground.
She made a commitment
to this restaurant, period.
- "Exchange of strands."
- What?
I just looked up
troca de cordoes.
It's Portuguese for
"exchange of strands."
Sounds momentous.
This very day,
she's becoming a woman,
exchanging her strands.
Wait. That's what it says?
Yeah. That's what it says.
It says she's becoming a woman?
Well, yeah. Take a look.
What you gonna do about it, Bob?
Doesn't say becoming a woman.
No. Read into it.
It says, "exchange of strands."
It's exchanging strands.
Has nothing about
her becoming a woman.
What are you saying, Bob?
What are you saying, Teddy?
Just, if my daughter was becoming
a woman, I would want to be there.
She's not becoming
a woman, Teddy.
No, but if she was, I'm saying.
She's not my daughter.
You were the one who
just said it again.
Get out. Get out, Teddy.
I want to pay my bill!
Get out of my restaurant!
I want to pay my bill.
There's your bill...
$4.16, pervert.
- $4... pervert? Pervert?
- Pervert.
- Who you calling pervert?
- It's written on the bill.
Here's your $4.16, Bob.
Best of luck.
There's a million
restaurants I can go to.
Then go to them all, Teddy!
- I'm sorry, Teddy. I get carried away.
- No.
I blew my stack. I'm sorry.
It's just,
she's growing up so fast.
Also, I crapped my pants
yesterday.
Yeah. I know. I heard. Ha ha!
Listen. I got to close up shop.
I have somewhere to be.
So you really do
have to get out.
- Sha!
- Uh... Ah...
Sha! Brazil.
That's my son.
Sha! Sha!
Oh, God.
Brazil! Sha!
Sha! Sha!
And I'm a... Brazil. Finished.
Congratulations, Neil.
You have earned
your yellow cord.
Tina, you're next.
All right! Go, Tina!
You're doing great.
Hyah! Sa!
- Hyah!
- Mm. Mm.
So glad you came, Bobby.
She looks like she's
having a good time.
- Sa! Sha!
- Mm. Mm.
- Hyah! Brazil!
- Mm!
Thank you.
The test is complete.
I'm sorry, Tina, but you have failed.
Have a seat.
The next student testing
for her yellow corda is Janelle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.
Wait a minute. Wait.
Please do not interrupt
the ceremony, Bob.
Just give her the stupid cord.
Can't you see how much
this means to her?
I'm sorry, Bob, but she did not
perform the 5 elementary motions,
so she will not be
receiving her yellow corda.
What? She did better than Neil.
That kid was a mess out there.
What? Hey!
Oh, you know it's true.
Tina did all 5 of the elementary
weird motions, I think.
She did that one.
She did that one a lot.
Is this because I made you
poop your pantalones?
This isn't about me.
It's about Tina.
Oh, is that what you think?
All right. That's it.
I'm taking a corda.
- Ow!
- Don't touch.
- Ponytail!
- Stop that.
Make me.
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight ♪
Nose bone!
Nose bone into the brain
and skin him
and wear him like a costume.
All right, Louise. All right.
All right. Here we go.
Bobby, don't do this.
I have to stand up for Tina.
But, Bob, look at the clock.
- It's 4:28.
- I know, Lin.
I know, and if I poop, I poop.
Oh, Bobby...
♪ Jairo, Jairo, Jairo,
Jairo, Jairo... ♪
Sha!
Heh heh heh. Hold on.
I wasn't ready that time, so...
- Brazil! Ponytail!
- Ow!
Keep your sphincter
tight, Bobby.
I'm OK, Lin.
- Use this, dad.
- Ow! Louise...
- Ponytail!
- Ow!
- Oh!
- Brazil!
Uh! Huh!
- Hey, you want some more?
- Um...
- Hyah!
- Ow!
Make him stop, mom.
- Brazil!
- Uh!
Dad was right.
Jairo is just a jerk...
a sexy, sensual, creepy,
sexy jerk.
Go, dad! Come on.
♪ Dad, dad... ♪
♪ Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad,
dad, dad, dad, dad, dad... ♪
Thanks, Tina.
I got him right where I want him.
Ow.
- Sha!
- Ow! Enough. Ow!
- Hey, nice form.
- Thanks.
Sorry Jairo knocked you down
25 to 30 times in
front of everyone.
Yeah. Sorry I couldn't
get your yellow corda.
It's OK. Thanks for
getting beat up for me.
Anyway, I'm kind of
interested in Russian
kettleball strength
training now.
Don't make me watch this
because I...
- I'll show mom.
- Yeah.
Well, I have a surprise for you.
- You got a promotion.
- Really?
- I get a raise?
- No...
But you get these
yellow dish gloves.
I present to you
your yellow gloves.
So much fun.
Well, we better get going.
Yeah. That dead seal down
at the pier isn't gonna poke itself.
Wait, wait. Hold on.
You two are working today.
What? We're not
on the schedule today.
Read. Learn how to read
the schedule that you write.
Tina, honey, we're
giving you the day off.
Go do something fun.
Do you know where this dead seal is?
What's that about?
Its a dead seal, mom. It's...
a washed-up seal.
They go poke at it.
And we're gonna slap it.
It makes a great sound.
Then I sample the slaps.
Sounds like an orgy.
I like dead seals,
but I think I'm gonna
stay here instead.
I'm actually having
fun at work today.
- Besides, it's our father-daughter time.
- Aww!
- Sucker!
- Gene, run.
Run, run, run, run,
run to the seal!