Ana (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
PRESENTS
You're kidding!
It's been a year since I peed
on the script of "The Adames",
with the Hollywood
sign in the background.
A year since this happened.
That was amazing!
Really?
A year since I almost became
the next Morticia Addams.
Hi!
What?
Until my Hollywood dream
was shattered.
And just when I thought things
couldn't get any worse...
Marry me!
We would be a mess
if we got married.
I friend-zoned
this guy, he got mad
and decided to trick me.
Don't you want to read everything
before you sign?
No, I don't need
to read anything.
It's the moment
I've been waiting for
I just love the part so much.
This is my stupid face
before falling into the trap.
You're kidding!
Always read before signing.
HEMORRHOIDS
Fifteen seconds
and we're live.
Welcome once again
to the greatest
awards celebration in showbiz.
Today, this majestic
stage of dreams
and emotions lights up
in an event packed with more
stars, glamour and surprises
than ever.
The time has come.
Tonight, we make history.
The Network presents
the 69th anual TV Soapy Awards
sponsored by
BioFiber: For a good dump.
Hello! Good evening, everyone.
We're broadcasting
from our home, The Network.
I see some familiar faces,
great actors, actresses,
singers and producers.
Wearing rented suits,
but still looking good.
Exactly!
We're going to have
a great time.
Shout out to everyone
who's watching us at home.
Mariana,
it's a pleasure to work with you.
Same here, Burro.
You can all send us
your comments
and support you favorite artist
using the hashtag
#TVSoapyAwards.
That's right, you'll be choosing
the winner, and this year
the audience's favorite,
with 10 nominations, is...
"The Adames."
You don't like my lipstick?
It's made out of bat blood.
That's one of the things
that happened in one year.
And this is me,
saying stupid lines
in a stupid, plagiarized show,
while stuffed in a dress
that makes even my shitty boobs
pop out.
Yomero?
Do I look old?
She doesn't.
Right, Loco?
I feel like my skin
isn't soft anymore.
The creams aren't working.
PIGEON POOP EXTRACT
WEDNESDAY
TUESDAY
Well, you don't have
J-Lo's butt anymore,
but I love you anyway,
even if you look like...
Grandma?
FARTY
GRANDMA
I love you, Yomero.
Me too.
LARGE
EXTRA LARGE
NAILS
THE ADAMES!
WITH OVER 25 RATING POINTS
They say there's nothing worse
than a wish coming true.
THE COUPLE TELLS US
THEIR MOST INTIMATE SECRETS!
Everything we wish for
becomes vulgar and ordinary
once we have it,
especially if that wish
is manipulated by the press.
LAZY BOWEL AFTER 40
Today, I only
wish to poop again.
ANA TALKS ABOUT MORTADELLA,
BECAUSE SHE EATS IT TOO!
Come on!
Remember how I said
that there are two types
of people in the world,
those who poop well
and those who don't?
Well, I'm in the club
of those who don't.
BAD POOPING DAY #348
Damn it!
And another favorite of the year
that really connected
with viewers, a story full of
passion and betrayal.
"Moonlight."
I'm not an idiot!
I'm not, Ramiro!
Virgin Mary, forgive me.
I'm sure she poops well.
The following nominees
have worked hard
to be among the greatest.
The nominees
for Revelation of the Year are:
Paco Mermela, for "Blood Ties."
You know him,
he's the jerk who tricked me
into being on
this fourth-rate show.
Nails, for "The Adames."
And next to him
is our brilliant writer
and director.
278 FOLLOWERS
15 FOLLOWING
FOLLOW - CREATOR
OF #THEADAMES
And the winner is...
Nails!
Let's give her a hand!
You did it!
Thank you, thank you
for this
upcoming actress award.
As a seasoned actress,
I've expressed so many feelings
with this one hand...
Nails.
Bravo! Bravo!
Tips for pooping well.
This is what I found:
Tap your knees softly
against each other.
That's stupid!
Try to raise
your feet to help
empty your bowels.
There's no small part
for a supporting actor.
Have you seen Ana?
Carmencita, I'm your fan!
Congratulations!
You look gorgeous!
So do you!
-Congratulations!
-Thank you.
Girlfriend!
I have some gossip for you.
And the nominees for
Best Supporting Actor are...
-Keep it down, please.
-In a minute, in a minute.
Honey?
Honey?
-What is it, Mom?
-Your award is coming up.
Were you able to poop?
Just a tiny little piece,
les't go.
Aren't you going
to you wash your hands?
Screw that. Let's go.
We have to say hi
to "Marisela's" producer.
No, Mom, I already did.
I told her we'd say hi,
come on.
Scrumptious!
Alright, settle down.
If you're going to talk
about scrumptious men,
how about we bring
a "scrumptious" man onstage
to present the award
for Best Actor?
-Let's do it.
-Alright?
-Sure.
-Here we go!
-My son-in-law!
-Shut up, Mom.
Thank you, thank you.
Good evening.
First of all,
let's give a hand
to our bosses
at that table over there,
The Network's execs.
Thank you,
we couldn't do it without you!
LIVE AND LOVE WITH THE TRUTH
I'M THE FOUR-LETTER
VERB THAT YOU NEED
FEAR IS NOT AN OPTION
I don't know why you
didn't end up marrying him,
while you guys
were doing the show.
-Right, Mom, me neither.
-I'd have a 15-year-old grandson.
It's an honor to be here again
in what is my home,
The Network, after working
on different productions
across Latin America.
She's not here yet?
And now for the nominees
for Best Actor.
Sebastián Rullo for "Moonlight."
Yomero Adame for "The Adames."
And Loco Adame, for,
you guessed it, "The Adames."
And the winner is...
Wait a minute.
Jesus, this is the first time
we've had a tie
for Best Actor.
And the winners are...
BEST ACTOR
Yomero Adame and Loco Adame!
"The Adames"
have broken viewership records,
surpassing even "Wild Flower."
Yes, another success
for The Network.
Bravo!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Good evening!
Thank you.
Well, I want to thank
everyone here,
but above all...
What the hell?
Thank you to all my coworkers,
you're the best
and I couldn't have
made it without you.
Nails, Farty,
Thingy, Grandma, Extra Large,
Tuesday, Loco!
Thank you all, I love you.
What the hell?
He mentioned everyone except Ana.
One more thing, one more thing.
And to all
my Yomero fans out there,
I hate him.
I want to thank you
for your love and messages,
I love you too,
thank you.
It's an honor to...
Just one more thing and I'm done.
I also want to thank our director
and writer
for her magnificent work.
That's right!
Bravo!
Thank you.
We'll be right back
with the 69th anual TV Soapy
Awards Ceremony.
Don't go away!
There'll be more special guests
music, awards and Motita,
who has some surprises for us,
and much more!
Hey, sis. Sis! Come.
We'll be back on the air
in five minutes,
I repeat, the commercial break
ends in five minutes.
-Thanks.
-Marisela.
Hi!
-Ana.
-Right, sorry!
-You look gorgeous...
-Thank you.
And your dress, I mean,
it reminds me
of the one you wore
when we won the award
for Best Slap, remember?
I hate you,
I never want to see you again.
-Right, it's been a while.
-Yes, true.
Yeah, how long has it been?
Fifteen years?
Hi, Ana, how are you?
You look gorgeous!
Thank you.
How do you feel about the awards?
Tell me.
Good, good.
Can we have a picture
of you together?
-Yes, of course! Sure.
-Yes, gladly.
Like this?
Or like in the poster?
-A picture, please.
-Like the poster?
Take care of it, please.
We haven't seen each other
in so long...
-My love!
-Madam! Good to see you.
-Mom!
-Good to see you.
-You haven't changed a bit!
-No, I haven't.
Excuse me,
would you like to do
a new season of the series?
You look so cute together!
Well, the audience
is always right,
I'm sure they'll ask for it.
-That's right!
-Mom!
Please take your seats.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We'll be right back.
Back to your seats, damn it!
We'll be back later.
And we're back!
This is what I've been
waiting for, Mariana,
I'm going to go off-script a bit
because I just love her,
I love this woman,
she is so hot,
-I just can't help myself.
-Burro! Burro! Burro!
You mentioned scrumptious men,
well, this woman is gorgeous.
That's right,
she's gorgeous and
has more over 100 million streams
for her new single "Guau!"
Ft. Motita. Introducing...
-LatinTuber!
-LatinTuber!
Hi, family!
LatinTuber And Motita:
Super, hyper, ultra, mega
LatinTuber on the scene
Has arrived to make you scream
I'm an influencer
And I'm smokin'
I got followers galore
Over a million and more
I want to see you on the floor
Everybody, girls and dogs!
I see you, you see me
Relax, baby, let it be
I can hear you barking at me
Just one click and
I'll set you free
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Ow-ow, you say Guau!
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
What do you say? You say...
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Ow-ow, you say Guau!
You say Guau!
What do you say? You say...
Motita, attack!
Bark at them!
When I walk by
You want to say hi
But I'm in command
And I want to see you dance
Follow me on my channel
I know you'll like it
LatinTuber super star
I'll put you on a leash
if you're going to bark
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Ow-ow, you say Guau!
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
What do you say? You say...
That's right, bitches!
Bravo!
Sure, "wow".
LatinTuber is brought to you
by Bio Fiber:
For a good dump.
In many stories, the protagonists
are charming women
and TV shows
are a great opportunity
to get to know them better.
Today we'll find out
who's competing
for Best Actress.
Moon, I'm sick and tired
of going everywhere alone.
Sick and tired!
ARACELY ARÁMBULA
MOONLIGHT
Moon, tell me what to do.
Bravo.
Let's play Autopsy.
I'll start with your brain.
TUESDAY
THE ADAMES
I forgot you don't have one.
Nails, I feel Yomero
doesn't appreciate me anymore,
do you think I should
change my look?
Maybe part my hair to the side
to rekindle our love?
ANA DE LA REGADERA
THE ADAMES
And the award for
Best Actress goes to...
Tuesday!
Screw you all!
No, screw you all,
and, and screw yourselves!
Go show them what you're made of.
I should share
this award with you, Ana,
the best coworker
I could ever ask for.
I want to dedicate this award
to my daddy, grandmother
and my mom, may she rest
in peace. To the producers,
for giving me the chance
to follow my dream,
to our writer and director,
who makes me a better actress
every day, to Stage 8,
to the great Production team,
I love you,
but more than anything,
I want to thank the fans
who voted for me,
I love you all.
My little girl!
This is yours too.
Thanks, honey.
The TV Soapy Awards
wish to acknowledge
a beautiful person,
a woman that you love,
who's been working
on Mexican television
for decades.
Burro, we've lost count
of how many years it's been.
-How about yourself?
-Who knows!
But she's still going strong,
making her
the leading actress she is today.
She's had a
very successful career
here at her beloved home,
The Network.
The Lifetime Achievement Award
goes to...
The award for a lifetime,
of achievement goes to...
Ana.
-Ana?
-Let's give her a hand!
Bravo!
She deserves it! On your feet,
show some respect. Bravo!
There must be a mistake.
How could they
give it to this idiot?
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
Thank you...
Lifetime Achievement, "wow",
as LatinTuber would say.
So...
This night has been
full of surprises, and it's been
really great.
I'm...
I'm speechless, really.
Thank you, thank you.
Bravo.
What is this idiot's
big achievement?
We love Anita,
but she hasn't achieved anything.
I don't have to love her,
she just stole my damn award.
And the winner for
Best 350-Episode
Mini-series is...
"The Adames."
Papasito?
But you're not...
You're not Papasito.
600 FOLLOWERS
1238 FOLLOWING
FOLLOW
MUSICIAN, SINGER AND DREAMER
Screw it,
he's cute too.
In your eyes I could see
The light shining in the sea
A reflection of the sky
In your hair from up high
In your laugh I found
World peace at last
Darkness faded into the past
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
They didn't let me in.
Don't worry.
The Uber that brought me
took me to The Network,
-the one in Santa Fe.
-No!
Yes, I wanted to kill him,
but I didn't even dare
give him a bad review,
but never mind that.
-You look spectacular.
-Thanks.
Hey, I didn't know
this city was so big
and crazy and full of traffic.
I know,
I'm gonna show it to you.
Let me wax first?
How about we go to Veracruz
when you finish your show?
I'd love some Jaranas.
A lot of the music I'm writing
right now
is inspired by your hometown
and I've never even been there.
Like Agustín Lara,
who wrote "Granada"
without ever having been there,
he just fell in love with it
when he saw a picture book
about it somewhere.
Wow.
Hey, this is your night!
What do you want to do?
Screw?
How about we disappear a while?
Ana! Ana, Ana!
-You think?
-But where?
I almost broke my tooth again!
-Hi! So nice to see you!
-Wow.
Congratulations on your
Lifetime Achievement Award.
Awesome, right?
It's so exciting to think
that I wasn't even born
and you were already paving
the way. You're a legend!
-This is Papasito, by the way.
-Hi!
Girls and Dogs!
I never thought
I'd meet you in person.
-This is Motita, right?
-Yeah!
So cool!
I need to leave with you guys,
because I snuck out.
There's a party close by and
they're already looking for me.
Okay.
Good to see you're well,
Miss LatinTuber!
Thank you, Sir.
I met you when you lost
your tooth, remember?
Of course, how could I forget?
It was all this girl's fault.
Relax, baby, let it be
I can hear you barking at me
Just one click
And I'll set you free
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Are you okay?
No!
Let me turn that off.
I wrote this song
for my ex.
That's the most intimate
part of the verse.
When I say just one click,
I don't mean a keyboard.
Duh! I mean my click-toris!
That's what we used to call it.
And even though
I wrote her a hit single,
she still went back
to her ex-girlfriend.
I don't want to have anything
to do with women anymore,
I'm sick of them!
-I'm so sorry.
-Thanks.
Hey, look, you have
to learn to let go in life,
even if it hurts, you know?
In fact, Papasito
wrote a great song about it.
Listen, you'll love it,
I do!
-Will you play it?
-Listen.
Every day I'll take it slow
I'm going to start letting go
Of all the things
I don't want anymore
I'm going to start letting go
And the spark of my desire glow
I'm going to start letting go
Like a river, let it flow
I'm going to start letting go
Being free, afraid no more
That's exactly it, I don't
want to be afraid anymore.
It's beautiful.
Did you sign with anyone?
No, in fact,
this song is independent.
Yes, he has a lot of...
What do you call them?
He's releasing a video
on YouTube soon, right?
-Yes.
-He has stuff on Spotify.
-Reproductions.
-Reproductions.
But with your look
and that song,
it should be a hit,
how long has it been out?
Two months?
I mean, in two months,
with a good
social media strategy,
you can literally do anything;
a little investment
the right hashtags,
asking other artists to share.
You should get
at least 30 million streams
in two months
and after the first 30 million,
you just have to do a remix
to keep up the hype,
then make another investment,
and that's it. That would get
you at least 80 million streams
in four months,
and that's a record deal!
-I'm so excited for you!
-You're strangling Motita.
I'm just excited, sorry,
go with your auntie!
Okay, okay.
I just had an amazing idea,
a fabulous idea!
You and I should do a collab.
-No...
-Yes, yes, we should.
Listen. Bellyboy!
I need you to take us
to an address
I'm texting you now.
-Yes, Miss.
-Let's go see the people
he should be working with now.
I can't, I'm tired,
I have to get up at six tomorrow,
but you go ahead, I mean,
I think she can really help you.
Exactly, listen to her.
She has decades of experience.
Sure, great,
I think it's super cool,
but I'd like you to come.
Tomorrow is the last day,
let's go 'round the clock.
It's just that my...
My feet hurt.
And I'm just not
great company today.
Can you drop me off
at the apartment, please?
Then you take them
to their party. Thanks.
You won't regret it!
You'll be a star,
you'll record the song
of the decade.
Partners!
This'll be a hit, I'm sure of it,
I already believe in love again.
I'm not even sad anymore.
Sorry about that.
Can you turn on
the air conditioner?
Cut. Great.
Guau! Wow you say Guau!
Ow-wow you say Guau!
Guau! Wow you say Guau!
What do you say?
You say Guau! Wow...
Breathe,
put up with the bullshit,
don't get mad,
this is your last day.
It's great.
Done, right, hon?
Are you recording that?
Excuse me, excuse me.
You didn't even tag me
last time.
Me too, me too!
How are you, Yomero?
Come here, baby.
-For you.
-Thank you!
So, Colunga called.
He said I looked gorgeous,
and that the dress...
Well?
Lifetime Achievement.
Being friends with the exec
will never fail you.
Make up!
Colunga's an expert.
A star. But taking that award
from Carmelita was a sin.
Damned hypocrite.
I hate centennials!
0 POSTS
53M FOLLOWERS
0 FOLLOWED FOLLOW
NO POSTS YET
Can we make
less obvious jokes, please?
We're on national television.
-My turn, right?
-Yes.
Stop kicking.
I want to make this offering
to Holy Death,
our goddess Maribel Guardia,
so that Mortadella can get
that thin waist back.
Excuse me, director,
I don't think Mortadella
would think that's okay.
I mean,
female standards these days...
Anita, please, soap opera
characters don't think,
they just react.
We'll never finish
if you keep this up!
-Okay, fine.
-Thank you, Madam.
-My turn?
-Yes, we just have to finish.
-Yes, it's your turn.
-Yes, go on with the rehearsal.
I want to ask Holy Death
for my new little sister
to like rat poison icing
as much as I do.
I should say
I'm losing my hourglass figure.
What?
You're pregnant, love?
That's all for today's rehearsal,
very good.
Excuse me, director,
I'd like to propose something.
I think...
I know we have to finish,
but I'd like to finish
the series with something
much more close to "The Adames"
and less sexual.
What do you have in mind?
I was thinking
that when I tell Yomero
that I'm pregnant, I could say,
"I won't be giving Birth,
I'll be giving Death."
Do you like the name I chose
for our daughter?
Awful. Back onstage, Ana.
Let's go!
Please, I'll be late.
Right, you'll be late.
You were five hours late today!
I won't be paying overtime.
-I'll be late.
-I'm fine.
Before the studio closes.
Okay... Action!
I want to make this offering
to Holy Death,
our goddess Maribel Guardia,
so that Mortadella can get
that thin waist back.
I'm asking Holy Death
for my new little sister
to like rat poison icing
as much as I do.
I should say
I'm losing my hourglass figure.
What? Are you pregnant, love?
-Yes.
-She won't give Birth,
she'll give Death. Do you like
the name I chose, Daddy?
Great! Amazing! That's a wrap!
Wait! No, no, no.
I just suggested those lines.
I'm sick of having
all the good lines
either stolen from me
or given to Tuesday.
Look at the hypocrite's face,
you think I don't know?
And look at your ass face.
Your ass face
is bigger than mine!
As for these awful lines,
you know what? I won't have
to say them anymore!
They're stupid and sexist,
and I won't be waiting for you
to arrive late every day,
you damned junkie!
And don't think I didn't hear
your passive-aggressive comments.
Of course I heard them!
And you think you're a diva!
Nobody knows you,
get a clue,
you're a hand, a stupid hand!
You're all celebrating
your awards
as if they were Oscars,
well, go ahead!
They're just stupid statues!
The Network's statues!
And now you think
you're all so hot
go to hell!
What's going on? No way.
You think you're bigger
than "Game of Thrones."
Come on.
And by the way,
I didn't get the role as a favor.
I didn't have
a friend on the inside.
I earned the part at an audition
for the role of Morticia in L.A.!
But The Network
bought the idea.
Because they didn't want
to buy the damned rights.
They wouldn't even invest
in that, but you know what?
-You can all go to hell!
-No, no!
You're going to pay!
Regadera, Regadera!
To hell with you all,
I hate this set!
I hate this stupid set!
Regadera! What the hell!
And another thing.
You're all here thanks to me.
You should be
kissing my feet, assholes.
Sons of bitches,
did I want to be Mortadella?
No, I wanted to be Morticia!
Not Mortadella!
You'll pay, you sons of bitches,
now go to hell!
Give me the damned microphone,
I'm out of here, assholes.
Go to hell.
I'm finally free
of all this.
Regadera, Regadera!
Excuse me. Regadera!
What the hell?
Family, I have some good news,
and some more good news.
As from tomorrow,
you're all on holiday,
but only for a couple of days.
"The Adames" will be continuing
indefinitely.
How do I get out of this one?
TO MY REAL FAMILY
My princess
Let me kiss you always
You're my love
You're my universe
Anita!
Anita, I know it's you,
what an honor!
Can I have an autograph
for my daughter?
Yes, hold on.
Here, yes.
-Madam?
-Yes.
We're such big fans.
But she's really sick.
I'd ask you for a picture
but I don't mean to impose.
Right.
We love "The Adames."
And "Marisela's Return",
is my favorite.
-A pen!
-Madam...
You need a pen.
Here it is.
Here you go.
You can write:
"To Marianita, with love."
Just like that, "Marianita."
Not Mariana.
I'm so excited!
Do you know what's good
for constipation?
Papaya seeds. In the morning,
before breakfast,
you cut the papaya, scrape
off the seeds and swallow them.
At night,
it'll all come out.
EPISODE 1
HEMORRHOIDS
You still trying, aren't you?
IN MEMORY OF
CARMEN SALINAS (1939-2021)
Slut.
Hey, crazy.
You're kidding!
It's been a year since I peed
on the script of "The Adames",
with the Hollywood
sign in the background.
A year since this happened.
That was amazing!
Really?
A year since I almost became
the next Morticia Addams.
Hi!
What?
Until my Hollywood dream
was shattered.
And just when I thought things
couldn't get any worse...
Marry me!
We would be a mess
if we got married.
I friend-zoned
this guy, he got mad
and decided to trick me.
Don't you want to read everything
before you sign?
No, I don't need
to read anything.
It's the moment
I've been waiting for
I just love the part so much.
This is my stupid face
before falling into the trap.
You're kidding!
Always read before signing.
HEMORRHOIDS
Fifteen seconds
and we're live.
Welcome once again
to the greatest
awards celebration in showbiz.
Today, this majestic
stage of dreams
and emotions lights up
in an event packed with more
stars, glamour and surprises
than ever.
The time has come.
Tonight, we make history.
The Network presents
the 69th anual TV Soapy Awards
sponsored by
BioFiber: For a good dump.
Hello! Good evening, everyone.
We're broadcasting
from our home, The Network.
I see some familiar faces,
great actors, actresses,
singers and producers.
Wearing rented suits,
but still looking good.
Exactly!
We're going to have
a great time.
Shout out to everyone
who's watching us at home.
Mariana,
it's a pleasure to work with you.
Same here, Burro.
You can all send us
your comments
and support you favorite artist
using the hashtag
#TVSoapyAwards.
That's right, you'll be choosing
the winner, and this year
the audience's favorite,
with 10 nominations, is...
"The Adames."
You don't like my lipstick?
It's made out of bat blood.
That's one of the things
that happened in one year.
And this is me,
saying stupid lines
in a stupid, plagiarized show,
while stuffed in a dress
that makes even my shitty boobs
pop out.
Yomero?
Do I look old?
She doesn't.
Right, Loco?
I feel like my skin
isn't soft anymore.
The creams aren't working.
PIGEON POOP EXTRACT
WEDNESDAY
TUESDAY
Well, you don't have
J-Lo's butt anymore,
but I love you anyway,
even if you look like...
Grandma?
FARTY
GRANDMA
I love you, Yomero.
Me too.
LARGE
EXTRA LARGE
NAILS
THE ADAMES!
WITH OVER 25 RATING POINTS
They say there's nothing worse
than a wish coming true.
THE COUPLE TELLS US
THEIR MOST INTIMATE SECRETS!
Everything we wish for
becomes vulgar and ordinary
once we have it,
especially if that wish
is manipulated by the press.
LAZY BOWEL AFTER 40
Today, I only
wish to poop again.
ANA TALKS ABOUT MORTADELLA,
BECAUSE SHE EATS IT TOO!
Come on!
Remember how I said
that there are two types
of people in the world,
those who poop well
and those who don't?
Well, I'm in the club
of those who don't.
BAD POOPING DAY #348
Damn it!
And another favorite of the year
that really connected
with viewers, a story full of
passion and betrayal.
"Moonlight."
I'm not an idiot!
I'm not, Ramiro!
Virgin Mary, forgive me.
I'm sure she poops well.
The following nominees
have worked hard
to be among the greatest.
The nominees
for Revelation of the Year are:
Paco Mermela, for "Blood Ties."
You know him,
he's the jerk who tricked me
into being on
this fourth-rate show.
Nails, for "The Adames."
And next to him
is our brilliant writer
and director.
278 FOLLOWERS
15 FOLLOWING
FOLLOW - CREATOR
OF #THEADAMES
And the winner is...
Nails!
Let's give her a hand!
You did it!
Thank you, thank you
for this
upcoming actress award.
As a seasoned actress,
I've expressed so many feelings
with this one hand...
Nails.
Bravo! Bravo!
Tips for pooping well.
This is what I found:
Tap your knees softly
against each other.
That's stupid!
Try to raise
your feet to help
empty your bowels.
There's no small part
for a supporting actor.
Have you seen Ana?
Carmencita, I'm your fan!
Congratulations!
You look gorgeous!
So do you!
-Congratulations!
-Thank you.
Girlfriend!
I have some gossip for you.
And the nominees for
Best Supporting Actor are...
-Keep it down, please.
-In a minute, in a minute.
Honey?
Honey?
-What is it, Mom?
-Your award is coming up.
Were you able to poop?
Just a tiny little piece,
les't go.
Aren't you going
to you wash your hands?
Screw that. Let's go.
We have to say hi
to "Marisela's" producer.
No, Mom, I already did.
I told her we'd say hi,
come on.
Scrumptious!
Alright, settle down.
If you're going to talk
about scrumptious men,
how about we bring
a "scrumptious" man onstage
to present the award
for Best Actor?
-Let's do it.
-Alright?
-Sure.
-Here we go!
-My son-in-law!
-Shut up, Mom.
Thank you, thank you.
Good evening.
First of all,
let's give a hand
to our bosses
at that table over there,
The Network's execs.
Thank you,
we couldn't do it without you!
LIVE AND LOVE WITH THE TRUTH
I'M THE FOUR-LETTER
VERB THAT YOU NEED
FEAR IS NOT AN OPTION
I don't know why you
didn't end up marrying him,
while you guys
were doing the show.
-Right, Mom, me neither.
-I'd have a 15-year-old grandson.
It's an honor to be here again
in what is my home,
The Network, after working
on different productions
across Latin America.
She's not here yet?
And now for the nominees
for Best Actor.
Sebastián Rullo for "Moonlight."
Yomero Adame for "The Adames."
And Loco Adame, for,
you guessed it, "The Adames."
And the winner is...
Wait a minute.
Jesus, this is the first time
we've had a tie
for Best Actor.
And the winners are...
BEST ACTOR
Yomero Adame and Loco Adame!
"The Adames"
have broken viewership records,
surpassing even "Wild Flower."
Yes, another success
for The Network.
Bravo!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Good evening!
Thank you.
Well, I want to thank
everyone here,
but above all...
What the hell?
Thank you to all my coworkers,
you're the best
and I couldn't have
made it without you.
Nails, Farty,
Thingy, Grandma, Extra Large,
Tuesday, Loco!
Thank you all, I love you.
What the hell?
He mentioned everyone except Ana.
One more thing, one more thing.
And to all
my Yomero fans out there,
I hate him.
I want to thank you
for your love and messages,
I love you too,
thank you.
It's an honor to...
Just one more thing and I'm done.
I also want to thank our director
and writer
for her magnificent work.
That's right!
Bravo!
Thank you.
We'll be right back
with the 69th anual TV Soapy
Awards Ceremony.
Don't go away!
There'll be more special guests
music, awards and Motita,
who has some surprises for us,
and much more!
Hey, sis. Sis! Come.
We'll be back on the air
in five minutes,
I repeat, the commercial break
ends in five minutes.
-Thanks.
-Marisela.
Hi!
-Ana.
-Right, sorry!
-You look gorgeous...
-Thank you.
And your dress, I mean,
it reminds me
of the one you wore
when we won the award
for Best Slap, remember?
I hate you,
I never want to see you again.
-Right, it's been a while.
-Yes, true.
Yeah, how long has it been?
Fifteen years?
Hi, Ana, how are you?
You look gorgeous!
Thank you.
How do you feel about the awards?
Tell me.
Good, good.
Can we have a picture
of you together?
-Yes, of course! Sure.
-Yes, gladly.
Like this?
Or like in the poster?
-A picture, please.
-Like the poster?
Take care of it, please.
We haven't seen each other
in so long...
-My love!
-Madam! Good to see you.
-Mom!
-Good to see you.
-You haven't changed a bit!
-No, I haven't.
Excuse me,
would you like to do
a new season of the series?
You look so cute together!
Well, the audience
is always right,
I'm sure they'll ask for it.
-That's right!
-Mom!
Please take your seats.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We'll be right back.
Back to your seats, damn it!
We'll be back later.
And we're back!
This is what I've been
waiting for, Mariana,
I'm going to go off-script a bit
because I just love her,
I love this woman,
she is so hot,
-I just can't help myself.
-Burro! Burro! Burro!
You mentioned scrumptious men,
well, this woman is gorgeous.
That's right,
she's gorgeous and
has more over 100 million streams
for her new single "Guau!"
Ft. Motita. Introducing...
-LatinTuber!
-LatinTuber!
Hi, family!
LatinTuber And Motita:
Super, hyper, ultra, mega
LatinTuber on the scene
Has arrived to make you scream
I'm an influencer
And I'm smokin'
I got followers galore
Over a million and more
I want to see you on the floor
Everybody, girls and dogs!
I see you, you see me
Relax, baby, let it be
I can hear you barking at me
Just one click and
I'll set you free
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Ow-ow, you say Guau!
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
What do you say? You say...
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Ow-ow, you say Guau!
You say Guau!
What do you say? You say...
Motita, attack!
Bark at them!
When I walk by
You want to say hi
But I'm in command
And I want to see you dance
Follow me on my channel
I know you'll like it
LatinTuber super star
I'll put you on a leash
if you're going to bark
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Ow-ow, you say Guau!
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
What do you say? You say...
That's right, bitches!
Bravo!
Sure, "wow".
LatinTuber is brought to you
by Bio Fiber:
For a good dump.
In many stories, the protagonists
are charming women
and TV shows
are a great opportunity
to get to know them better.
Today we'll find out
who's competing
for Best Actress.
Moon, I'm sick and tired
of going everywhere alone.
Sick and tired!
ARACELY ARÁMBULA
MOONLIGHT
Moon, tell me what to do.
Bravo.
Let's play Autopsy.
I'll start with your brain.
TUESDAY
THE ADAMES
I forgot you don't have one.
Nails, I feel Yomero
doesn't appreciate me anymore,
do you think I should
change my look?
Maybe part my hair to the side
to rekindle our love?
ANA DE LA REGADERA
THE ADAMES
And the award for
Best Actress goes to...
Tuesday!
Screw you all!
No, screw you all,
and, and screw yourselves!
Go show them what you're made of.
I should share
this award with you, Ana,
the best coworker
I could ever ask for.
I want to dedicate this award
to my daddy, grandmother
and my mom, may she rest
in peace. To the producers,
for giving me the chance
to follow my dream,
to our writer and director,
who makes me a better actress
every day, to Stage 8,
to the great Production team,
I love you,
but more than anything,
I want to thank the fans
who voted for me,
I love you all.
My little girl!
This is yours too.
Thanks, honey.
The TV Soapy Awards
wish to acknowledge
a beautiful person,
a woman that you love,
who's been working
on Mexican television
for decades.
Burro, we've lost count
of how many years it's been.
-How about yourself?
-Who knows!
But she's still going strong,
making her
the leading actress she is today.
She's had a
very successful career
here at her beloved home,
The Network.
The Lifetime Achievement Award
goes to...
The award for a lifetime,
of achievement goes to...
Ana.
-Ana?
-Let's give her a hand!
Bravo!
She deserves it! On your feet,
show some respect. Bravo!
There must be a mistake.
How could they
give it to this idiot?
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
Thank you...
Lifetime Achievement, "wow",
as LatinTuber would say.
So...
This night has been
full of surprises, and it's been
really great.
I'm...
I'm speechless, really.
Thank you, thank you.
Bravo.
What is this idiot's
big achievement?
We love Anita,
but she hasn't achieved anything.
I don't have to love her,
she just stole my damn award.
And the winner for
Best 350-Episode
Mini-series is...
"The Adames."
Papasito?
But you're not...
You're not Papasito.
600 FOLLOWERS
1238 FOLLOWING
FOLLOW
MUSICIAN, SINGER AND DREAMER
Screw it,
he's cute too.
In your eyes I could see
The light shining in the sea
A reflection of the sky
In your hair from up high
In your laugh I found
World peace at last
Darkness faded into the past
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
They didn't let me in.
Don't worry.
The Uber that brought me
took me to The Network,
-the one in Santa Fe.
-No!
Yes, I wanted to kill him,
but I didn't even dare
give him a bad review,
but never mind that.
-You look spectacular.
-Thanks.
Hey, I didn't know
this city was so big
and crazy and full of traffic.
I know,
I'm gonna show it to you.
Let me wax first?
How about we go to Veracruz
when you finish your show?
I'd love some Jaranas.
A lot of the music I'm writing
right now
is inspired by your hometown
and I've never even been there.
Like Agustín Lara,
who wrote "Granada"
without ever having been there,
he just fell in love with it
when he saw a picture book
about it somewhere.
Wow.
Hey, this is your night!
What do you want to do?
Screw?
How about we disappear a while?
Ana! Ana, Ana!
-You think?
-But where?
I almost broke my tooth again!
-Hi! So nice to see you!
-Wow.
Congratulations on your
Lifetime Achievement Award.
Awesome, right?
It's so exciting to think
that I wasn't even born
and you were already paving
the way. You're a legend!
-This is Papasito, by the way.
-Hi!
Girls and Dogs!
I never thought
I'd meet you in person.
-This is Motita, right?
-Yeah!
So cool!
I need to leave with you guys,
because I snuck out.
There's a party close by and
they're already looking for me.
Okay.
Good to see you're well,
Miss LatinTuber!
Thank you, Sir.
I met you when you lost
your tooth, remember?
Of course, how could I forget?
It was all this girl's fault.
Relax, baby, let it be
I can hear you barking at me
Just one click
And I'll set you free
Guau! Wow, you say Guau!
Are you okay?
No!
Let me turn that off.
I wrote this song
for my ex.
That's the most intimate
part of the verse.
When I say just one click,
I don't mean a keyboard.
Duh! I mean my click-toris!
That's what we used to call it.
And even though
I wrote her a hit single,
she still went back
to her ex-girlfriend.
I don't want to have anything
to do with women anymore,
I'm sick of them!
-I'm so sorry.
-Thanks.
Hey, look, you have
to learn to let go in life,
even if it hurts, you know?
In fact, Papasito
wrote a great song about it.
Listen, you'll love it,
I do!
-Will you play it?
-Listen.
Every day I'll take it slow
I'm going to start letting go
Of all the things
I don't want anymore
I'm going to start letting go
And the spark of my desire glow
I'm going to start letting go
Like a river, let it flow
I'm going to start letting go
Being free, afraid no more
That's exactly it, I don't
want to be afraid anymore.
It's beautiful.
Did you sign with anyone?
No, in fact,
this song is independent.
Yes, he has a lot of...
What do you call them?
He's releasing a video
on YouTube soon, right?
-Yes.
-He has stuff on Spotify.
-Reproductions.
-Reproductions.
But with your look
and that song,
it should be a hit,
how long has it been out?
Two months?
I mean, in two months,
with a good
social media strategy,
you can literally do anything;
a little investment
the right hashtags,
asking other artists to share.
You should get
at least 30 million streams
in two months
and after the first 30 million,
you just have to do a remix
to keep up the hype,
then make another investment,
and that's it. That would get
you at least 80 million streams
in four months,
and that's a record deal!
-I'm so excited for you!
-You're strangling Motita.
I'm just excited, sorry,
go with your auntie!
Okay, okay.
I just had an amazing idea,
a fabulous idea!
You and I should do a collab.
-No...
-Yes, yes, we should.
Listen. Bellyboy!
I need you to take us
to an address
I'm texting you now.
-Yes, Miss.
-Let's go see the people
he should be working with now.
I can't, I'm tired,
I have to get up at six tomorrow,
but you go ahead, I mean,
I think she can really help you.
Exactly, listen to her.
She has decades of experience.
Sure, great,
I think it's super cool,
but I'd like you to come.
Tomorrow is the last day,
let's go 'round the clock.
It's just that my...
My feet hurt.
And I'm just not
great company today.
Can you drop me off
at the apartment, please?
Then you take them
to their party. Thanks.
You won't regret it!
You'll be a star,
you'll record the song
of the decade.
Partners!
This'll be a hit, I'm sure of it,
I already believe in love again.
I'm not even sad anymore.
Sorry about that.
Can you turn on
the air conditioner?
Cut. Great.
Guau! Wow you say Guau!
Ow-wow you say Guau!
Guau! Wow you say Guau!
What do you say?
You say Guau! Wow...
Breathe,
put up with the bullshit,
don't get mad,
this is your last day.
It's great.
Done, right, hon?
Are you recording that?
Excuse me, excuse me.
You didn't even tag me
last time.
Me too, me too!
How are you, Yomero?
Come here, baby.
-For you.
-Thank you!
So, Colunga called.
He said I looked gorgeous,
and that the dress...
Well?
Lifetime Achievement.
Being friends with the exec
will never fail you.
Make up!
Colunga's an expert.
A star. But taking that award
from Carmelita was a sin.
Damned hypocrite.
I hate centennials!
0 POSTS
53M FOLLOWERS
0 FOLLOWED FOLLOW
NO POSTS YET
Can we make
less obvious jokes, please?
We're on national television.
-My turn, right?
-Yes.
Stop kicking.
I want to make this offering
to Holy Death,
our goddess Maribel Guardia,
so that Mortadella can get
that thin waist back.
Excuse me, director,
I don't think Mortadella
would think that's okay.
I mean,
female standards these days...
Anita, please, soap opera
characters don't think,
they just react.
We'll never finish
if you keep this up!
-Okay, fine.
-Thank you, Madam.
-My turn?
-Yes, we just have to finish.
-Yes, it's your turn.
-Yes, go on with the rehearsal.
I want to ask Holy Death
for my new little sister
to like rat poison icing
as much as I do.
I should say
I'm losing my hourglass figure.
What?
You're pregnant, love?
That's all for today's rehearsal,
very good.
Excuse me, director,
I'd like to propose something.
I think...
I know we have to finish,
but I'd like to finish
the series with something
much more close to "The Adames"
and less sexual.
What do you have in mind?
I was thinking
that when I tell Yomero
that I'm pregnant, I could say,
"I won't be giving Birth,
I'll be giving Death."
Do you like the name I chose
for our daughter?
Awful. Back onstage, Ana.
Let's go!
Please, I'll be late.
Right, you'll be late.
You were five hours late today!
I won't be paying overtime.
-I'll be late.
-I'm fine.
Before the studio closes.
Okay... Action!
I want to make this offering
to Holy Death,
our goddess Maribel Guardia,
so that Mortadella can get
that thin waist back.
I'm asking Holy Death
for my new little sister
to like rat poison icing
as much as I do.
I should say
I'm losing my hourglass figure.
What? Are you pregnant, love?
-Yes.
-She won't give Birth,
she'll give Death. Do you like
the name I chose, Daddy?
Great! Amazing! That's a wrap!
Wait! No, no, no.
I just suggested those lines.
I'm sick of having
all the good lines
either stolen from me
or given to Tuesday.
Look at the hypocrite's face,
you think I don't know?
And look at your ass face.
Your ass face
is bigger than mine!
As for these awful lines,
you know what? I won't have
to say them anymore!
They're stupid and sexist,
and I won't be waiting for you
to arrive late every day,
you damned junkie!
And don't think I didn't hear
your passive-aggressive comments.
Of course I heard them!
And you think you're a diva!
Nobody knows you,
get a clue,
you're a hand, a stupid hand!
You're all celebrating
your awards
as if they were Oscars,
well, go ahead!
They're just stupid statues!
The Network's statues!
And now you think
you're all so hot
go to hell!
What's going on? No way.
You think you're bigger
than "Game of Thrones."
Come on.
And by the way,
I didn't get the role as a favor.
I didn't have
a friend on the inside.
I earned the part at an audition
for the role of Morticia in L.A.!
But The Network
bought the idea.
Because they didn't want
to buy the damned rights.
They wouldn't even invest
in that, but you know what?
-You can all go to hell!
-No, no!
You're going to pay!
Regadera, Regadera!
To hell with you all,
I hate this set!
I hate this stupid set!
Regadera! What the hell!
And another thing.
You're all here thanks to me.
You should be
kissing my feet, assholes.
Sons of bitches,
did I want to be Mortadella?
No, I wanted to be Morticia!
Not Mortadella!
You'll pay, you sons of bitches,
now go to hell!
Give me the damned microphone,
I'm out of here, assholes.
Go to hell.
I'm finally free
of all this.
Regadera, Regadera!
Excuse me. Regadera!
What the hell?
Family, I have some good news,
and some more good news.
As from tomorrow,
you're all on holiday,
but only for a couple of days.
"The Adames" will be continuing
indefinitely.
How do I get out of this one?
TO MY REAL FAMILY
My princess
Let me kiss you always
You're my love
You're my universe
Anita!
Anita, I know it's you,
what an honor!
Can I have an autograph
for my daughter?
Yes, hold on.
Here, yes.
-Madam?
-Yes.
We're such big fans.
But she's really sick.
I'd ask you for a picture
but I don't mean to impose.
Right.
We love "The Adames."
And "Marisela's Return",
is my favorite.
-A pen!
-Madam...
You need a pen.
Here it is.
Here you go.
You can write:
"To Marianita, with love."
Just like that, "Marianita."
Not Mariana.
I'm so excited!
Do you know what's good
for constipation?
Papaya seeds. In the morning,
before breakfast,
you cut the papaya, scrape
off the seeds and swallow them.
At night,
it'll all come out.
EPISODE 1
HEMORRHOIDS
You still trying, aren't you?
IN MEMORY OF
CARMEN SALINAS (1939-2021)
Slut.
Hey, crazy.