American Horror Story (2011–…): Season 5, Episode 5 - Room Service - full transcript

After being infected by The Countess, Alex uses an unconventional and controversial method of treatment for a child in hospital. A demanding Halloween-hating couple push Iris to her limits and make her snap, and Liz Taylor's background with The Countess is revealed.

Oh, thank God, you're here.

Are you okay?

I'm good.

All of the antibiotics that
they're using aren't working.

Hi, Max.

They think the pneumonia's
turning to staph.

They've asked me if
I want to sign a DNR.

Please tell me

that we're not there yet.

I won't give up.

I promise.

Why don't you go get
a coffee or a sandwich?

I'll figure it out.

# American Horror Story 5x05 #
Room Service
Original Air Date on November 4, 2015

Ramona Royale-- is she in?

Sir, it is 4:00 in the morning.

I hear she's a night person. Move!


Ramona Royale!

What the hell?!

Shall I call the police, madam?

Oh, sure, call the cops, Jeeves.

I could use a snack.

It's fine, Graves.

I've got this.

What the hell are you doing back here?

I told you already
I don't have any use for you.

You were wrong about that.

Who's this?

The answer to your prayers.

You said you wanted an
inside man-- she's it.

She manages The Cortez.

Hell's wrong with her?

She's kind of a drunk.

She'll sober up.

Drunk, huh?

You want to take down The Countess?

So do I.

And Iris here is the key.

Nobody gets closer
to The Countess than she does.

You did.

We both did.

You're a movie star.


You're so beautiful.


Real waste, isn't it?

It is a waste.

Goddamn shame.

She took that life away from you.

Promised you something better,

then took that away from you, too.

I know just how that feels.

You want to make her bleed.

I want that, too, 'cause
she did the same thing to me.

Only, in my case,
she never even gave me a choice.

Did you give her a choice?

What do you mean?

Your mama.

And I know that ain't
no case of the DTs.

She been turned.

You do that?

I did what I had to do.

I don't know if that's
oedipal or just mercenary.

Either way...

you're intrigued.

You're reckless.

I like that.

We're all gonna die.

She'll know.

The moment she sees me, she'll know.

She never looks at you.

You're invisible.

Which makes her the perfect inside man.


You know you're not
supposed to be out of bed.


Can you believe it?

They thought he wouldn't
make it through the night,

and here he is begging me for snacks.

Jalape?o cheddar, my fav!

It's incredible.

But can I see his chart?

X-rays are clear.

Never seen anything like it.

He was in full respiratory failure.

It's a miracle.


Yes, it is. Does that mean

we can take him home?

I don't see why not.

Doctor, I don't know what you did,

but I know you saved my son's life.

Thank you.

Let's get the paperwork
ready for his discharge.

Where the hell have you been?

You look like shit.

What's wrong?

What's wrong is
you asking me what's wrong.

I just want to go to bed--
is that a problem?

No, honey.

Not a problem.

It looks like mama

needs a little hair of the dog

to help her sleep it off.

What is it?

Liz's special somethin' somethin'.

Just drink, honey.

Go ahead.

Ah, that's good.

- Well...
- It's good.

It should be.

It's from The Countess's

secret stash.

I'm drinking blood?

With a drop of triple sec.

You know how this goes, honey.

This little cocktail's gonna hold you

for the next couple hours,
but you're going to need

to feed on fresh blood.

Warm, living blood.

- Oh, God.
- And soon.

For 20 years,

I looked into the eyes
of those children,

and seen the pain and
the fear in their eyes.

God, how am I gonna...?

Oh, I can't even say the words.

Can I have some more?


Look at you.

In your moment of

transplendent rebirth.

How exciting to me!

"How exciting"?

Give me a goddamn break.

This world holds nothing
for women like me.

When you get to be my age,

men look right through you.

Unless they want something.

It's not just them, it's everyone.

You're invisible,
unless you can give them a key.

An extra goddamn pillow.

Ask any one of those guests upstairs

- who checked them in. I guarantee you,
- Oh...

they wouldn't remember a single detail.

It's ironic.

Isn't it?

I'm damned to eternity in this body.

With this life.

This... dark, meaningless little soul.

Right when it's never been worse.


Yeah, I guess it's just me

and the one-armed bandit
down at Morongo's,

every Saturday night
till the end of time.

You never know when you're gonna
get lucky, honey.

You might try a little
violet eye shadow.

It works for me every time.

Where were you?

You didn't answer my texts.

I almost died.

- No way.
- Max.

I thought the letter that
we sent home was very clear.

No weapons allowed in school.

- It's plastic.
- It's a sword,

no matter what it's made of. Come on.

Thank you.

Come help with decorations.

Stupid rules.

Pritchard took my witch's wand.

I've got a backup.

I missed you.

So tell the truth.

You weren't really gonna die.

I was in the hospital.


I had red spots

all over.


Are you contagious?

I'm so much better now.


Did you just bite me?


We're even.

Now you can taste my blood.

Okay, guys, I know it's Halloween,

and we're all excited about the party,

but that does not mean
there won't be class work today.

So open your books to chapter
three, "Synonyms and Antonyms."

Where are Max and Madeline?

What happened?

I'm itchy all over.

Oh, you are burning up.

- What are you doing?!
- Drink it.

Drink it, Maddie.

You're gonna be stronger

and feel better than you've ever felt.


I don't feel good.

Let's get you to the nurse.

Where's Mrs. Pritchard?


Mrs. Pritchard!

It's not my fault.

Oh, my...

Drink. It'll make you feel awesome.


You know, Patty, your costume is
really culturally insensitive.

You have that dot on your forehead.

I'm Hindu.

I love Halloween.

I like the candy, I like the costumes,

and I love being scared.


I'm gonna move your hand now, okay?

Jill, come help me now!
He's been attacked!

Patty, put the school in lockdown!

Lockdown, lockdown.

This is not a drill.
Lockdown, lockdown.

I want that perimeter secure.

No one goes in or out.

Don't be afraid.

You're safe now.


Daddy! Daddy.

Sir, I'm sorry, we have
an ongoing situation.

I need to ask your daughter
some questions.


Madeline, I know you've
been through a lot,

but you're safe.

No one's gonna hurt you anymore, okay?

Can you tell me what happened
inside the school?

How many people attacked you?

Th-There was just one man.

Dressed in black.

He had a mask over his face.

And he cut Mrs. Pritchard with a knife.

Um, and he was a big guy, and he
had a mask on his face, and...


How are you feeling?

Are you up to answering some questions?

Yes, sir.

I know exactly what happened.

Do you want to explain to me
what happened last night?

Uh, they-they must have drugged me.

Yeah. Let's talk about the suspects.

John Wayne Gacy,

Jeffrey Dahmer,

Richard Ramirez, Aileen Wuornos?

Not saying it was them.

Of course it wasn't.

That's who they claimed to be.

- It's Halloween, Detective.
- Did it ever occur to you

that maybe they might...

Yeah, of course it occurred to me!

That's not what this is.

Okay, so what is it?

It's, uh...

Must be some kind of...

copycat blood cult.

I don't know, you call it
what you want to.

It was people who are recreating
or are continuing

the crimes committed by
notorious killers from the past.

March-- there was a guy.

One guy called himself March,
James Patrick March.

You just check out the
history of the hotel.

That's the name of the guy who built it.

And you had dinner with him.

I was in a room with a guy
who claimed to be him,

a guy who I think is responsible

for the five dead bodies
on the wall in my office!

You think he's
The Ten Commandment Killer?

I do.

I do.

Lieutenant, we need to get a-a warrant,

cadaver dogs, forensics team.

We need to rip those walls apart,

down to the studs if you have to,

'cause the answers are in there!

I'd stake my reputation on it.

You're gonna have to
ante up more than that

because your reputation's shit.

Let's be honest,
it has been for a while.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I probably should
never have signed off

on that marginal psych
evaluation you received

five years ago after your breakdown.

That was different.

Our son had been taken.

I was under a lot of stress.

This job is stress, John.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna have to do what's
right for the department.

You're firing me.

Your pension will be safe.

Nothing is safe.


How can I help you?

We're wondering if
you had any special rates

for, like, influencers.

I beg your pardon?

Uh, well, um, I used to shoot
for Entrez-Vous Magazine,

and I heard that Will Drake took over,

and he's liked a shit-ton
of my Instagram pics.

We would like a room.

And a discount.

Look, I'm sure you
can't get the full rate

at this hour on Hallo-friggin'-ween.

Oh, we are so over trick-or-treaters.

Our-our neighborhood
used to be kind of rad.

But now it's just Strollerville.

Everyone started

pooping out kids.

So many brats.

The doorbell would not...

stop... ringing.

We just want to hide out and smoke out

and not deal with a zillion randos.

I hope this suits you.


Hey, w-wait.

No, we-we want to stay
in one of the rooms

that Will Drake has redone.

Well, they're all
more or less untouched.

This is a hard no. I'm out.

No, babe, can we try and make this work?

Justin, you keep dropping us
in these situations.

Can we get, like, way better sheets?

I mean, poly-blend?

I'll see what I can find.

Are these the only towels?

They're made of, like,

sandpaper or something.

I'll send up some extras.

Can you just, like,

review all that we just asked you for?

Like, out loud?

We just want to make sure
that you heard us right.

They're treating me like an imbecile.



Out for the evening?

Mr. Drake doesn't appear to be in.

If you happen to see Will,

remind him he's invited
to Demi's this evening.

Will do.

Is there...?

Can I do anything?

You seem nervous.

You smell different.

And you're sweating.


It must be Halloween.

It's all the people in the costumes.

It's just...

Keeps me on edge.

Must be.

Front desk.

Yeah, uh, I want to order
some room service.

I'm in the mood for a plate
of artisanal cheeses

and a full-body red.

Oh, and get an order
of grilled romaine-- super yum.

Uh, and an order of grilled romaine.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Make sure it's organic and non-GMO.

I-I don't think we have
anything like that...

Well, just tell the chef
to grill the lettuce,

throw in a little parm,
lemon juice, cracked pepper.

I can't do that.

Our-our cook barely speaks English...

Uh, what I'm hearing is that
you're not even willing to try.

So, um, I'm gonna make things
really simple for you.

There is a restaurant
renaissance happening

downtown right now, so all you got to do

is pick up the phone, order out,

and bring in some pat?
for Christ's sakes.


What did they want?



Bitches want pat??

Pat? they shall have.

Oh, oh, man.

I don't understand how cat food

can smell worse than cat poop.

Those fancy kids are gonna know
that we're messing with them.

They eat their salad cooked.

I mean, they're, like,
gourmets or something.

They need to believe
they're the kind of cool

that eats pat? in a shit hotel
on Halloween night.

They will swallow whatever
we put in front of them.

You don't miss a thing, do you?

You see everything when
the world doesn't see you.

Guilty as charged.

We worked together over 20 years,

and we haven't had this
much conversation combined

in all that time.

Well, you had your son.

Yeah, well, you're
being generous with me.

I'm not homophobic.

I'm not gay.

And you see?

That's why I stayed away.

'Cause I-I look at you,
and all I see is questions.

Well, you can't offend me. Ask away.


So, how does something like this happen?

How does a married man from Topeka

wind up as Liz Taylor
in the Hotel Cortez?

Her name was Tracy.

She married me because she was 30

and needed to marry someone.

What are you watching?

You have the weirdest taste in TV shows.

Isn't Cosby on tonight?


I married her because
we were the same dress size.

When I was home, I was like a man

walking between the raindrops.

No release from the constant burning.

It's for your trip.

This is a 707.

I fly a 757 to Los Angeles.

It has only two engines.

Don't you have to pack?

But I had the road.

I was a medical rep for Eli Lilly.

It was a golden age for us.

We used to schmooze doctors.

Took them golfing,
took them out for steaks,

to strip clubs.

Plenty of alcohol to numb myself.

But the real release came

when I was finally alone in my room.

We're taking Schwartz and Siegel
to the Palm at 8:30

and then to Crazy Girls.

This time, we're all wearing rubbers

so we don't stain our slacks.

Nothing like an L.A. lap dance.

- Yeah.
- You in, Nicky?

Oh, no, thanks.

I'm all about room service

and a good night's sleep tonight.

- Don't watch too much porn.
- Yeah!

# As we fall in love

# And I just can't seem to get enough... #

For those first few moments

in those rooms...

...I was transformed!

# And when it rains,
you're shining down for me... #

Hey. Uh, yes, hello.

Can I get a-a glass
of champagne, please?

You know what? Bring the whole bottle.

Thank you.

And there's nothing like
whispering a secret aloud,

if only to yourself.

The slip, that fur, those tiny rooms--

they were my furlough.


Room service.

Yeah. Thank you.

Can you leave it outside?

I just got out of the shower.

I'll bring you the tip later.

What are you doing here?

Get out. Get out of my room!

This isn't what it looks like!

I've been watching you, love.

I saw you come into the lobby.

You dress like a man, walk like a man...

but you smell like a woman.

It's Paco Robanne.

Not your skin.

Your blood.

Oh, my God.

You're so...

You're so beautiful.

Why do you cry, love?

I'm so ugly.


You don't lack beauty.

You lack commitment.

Let me help you.

Become who you were born to be.

A goddess.

I was her living doll.

# Her hair was Harlow gold... #

You need a smoky eye.

Like Donna Mills in Knots Landing.


# Her hands are never cold #

# She's got Bette Davis eyes... #

What is your name?


Nick Pryor.


With that white slip
and shame-wrapping fur,

I christen you Liz Taylor

a la Butterfield 8.

# And she'll tease you #

# She'll unease you #

# All the better just to please you... #

Let's go to The Roxy.

You can borrow one of my Halstons.

- I'll call up Mick Jagger.
- I...

# She knows just what it takes... #

I can't go out like this.

Oh, honey.

Goddesses don't speak in whispers.

They scream.

No, no. I'm sorry.


So we're not ready to scream.

How about a tiny yelp
just to warm up the pipes?

Go down the hallway...

Oh, God.

...and fetch us some ice.

I never felt so naked in all of my life.

# She'll unease you... #

The shame of nudity.

# Just to please you #

# She's precocious... #

But also the freedom.

# And she knows just what it takes
to make a pro blush #

# All the boys think she's a spy #

# She's got Bette Davis eyes... #

I was Venus in the clamshell.

I was a goddess born upon the world.

What in the holy hell?

What is this, Nicky?

Are you a fag?

Holy shit!

I took a sip of his Sprite on the plane.

What if he has AIDS?

How could you let me do that?

I'm... I'm not gay.

You are so toast

at the office, man.

And if you think Janet
isn't going to tell Tracy...

Do you have AIDS?

I need to know.

Tell me, you goddamn faggot!

I'm not gay!

Look at me, you piece-of-shit bastards!

See me and go to hell!

Howdy, boys.

We have two selves:

the one the world needs us to be--


and the shadow.

Ignore it, and life is
forever suffering.


She didn't...?

Infect me?


She hired me instead.

I never went back to Topeka.

I kept the fur.

I send the money though.

I did...

till the kids turned 18.

We don't speak.

You're so brave.

- You are!
- Oh, come on.

Don't you get it?

Stop ignoring yourself.

Especially now.

It's time to stop taking shit.

Scorch the damn earth before you.

How about you start

by teaching that hipster
couple some manners?

- Authorities are still piecing together...
- Room service.


Eyewitness accounts
describe the assailant...

Just put it anywhere.

...heavy build, dressed in black.


Are you okay?
You seriously look terrible.

I-I'm not trying to be a dick.

I just don't know
if you're ill or something.

It's common courtesy to tell us

if you're handling our food.

I'm not sick.

Where's the romaine?

You're kidding.

I tried to tell you on the phone...

So no green vegetables?

I don't think
she's the vegetable type.

At least the pat? is somewhat decent.

We're a little high on edibles.

He's not usually this awful.


You know who's being awful?

Will Drake is being awful,

with this puke brown carpet

and that cracked tile in the bathroom.

I get it, you can't

refurbish every room at the same time,

but how about trying to start
with hiring some hot waitstaff?

We should've gone to the Ace.

That place is teeming
with hot young Dominicans

and Harajuku fabulousness.

Oh, my God.

You almost sliced off my toe.

Are you Alzheimer's?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It was just...

It was an accident, that's all.

Uh, I think it was deliberate.

You know, you've been hostile

ever since we checked in.


That's reckless endangerment.

We can make sure that
you never work again.

It's really a matter of public safety.

You are clearly

a danger to society.

Oh, my God. Somebody help!

Oh, my God. Help!

You think the world didn't exist

before you were born?!

You've suffered nothing!

You have no idea

what it's like to be gutted!

To scrape yourself up off the floor!

I matter!



Well, hello.

What are you doing here?

How'd you get in?

How'd I get in?

You practically dragged me up here.

Or don't you remember it that way?

You need to go.


You need to go.

Oh, you prick.

You're gonna pull that shit
after the things we did?

Something real happened here.

And it wasn't a dream.

I don't remember anything.

Anything at all.

You're a goddamn liar.

Oh, yes, you are.
You remember everything.

Everything you did.

And it's gonna happen again.

And again and again.

And you can't stop it.

'Cause it's our destiny.

And you can't fight destiny.

I want to thank you, Liz.


Your words truly resonated with me.


That's sweet of you, doll.

No, really.

I feel changed.



Well, I did think you might let the girl

at the Lanc?me counter
give you a makeover.

But... sure, this is good, too.

You think I went too far.

Not at all.

Not... at... all.


I hope this isn't plasma.

This red is the Grenache blend

they never had a chance to finish.


Well, I guess I've come through it.

In fact, I'm sure of it.

Sure of what, honey?

- It's ironic.
- Hmm?

But I never knew how
to live until I died.

That dress fits you so well.

Always been one of my favorites.


doesn't your mother look pretty?

Give her a little kiss.


you're just like me now.

Yes, baby.

I'm just like you.

Does that mean
you'll stay with me forever?

As long as your mommy obeys the rules,

she can stay as long as she likes.

It's very simple.

You'll care for the children,
bathe them,

keep them out of harm's way
as their new governess.

The old one was terrible for years.

I should've removed her long ago.

Of course, if you feel

this burden's too much to bear...


No, it's no burden.


Then it's settled.

John lives in the hotel.

I haven't told him anything.

What if he sees me?

You'd be amazed,
the wondrous possibilities

that can begin with a simple hello.

Now, Holden,

I believe it's past
your bedtime, darling.

But we've only had a minute together.

You misunderstand, Alex.

You and Holden will have...