American Horror Story (2011–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Boy Parts - full transcript

Fiona threatens a long-standing peace when she delves into Madame LaLaurie's past, while Zoe and Madison must deal with a horrible tragedy.

MAN: There it is.
Another one.

Every hook I baited with that
jerk chicken got a gator.

It's the odor, I tell you.

You can blind the alligator,

he can still hunt for food,

but you block up his nose,

he'll starve to death.

Yeah, but he'd die first
from not being able to breathe.

Yeah, either way
it's a death sentence.

We got a lot of skinnin'
to do before sundown.

Come on, come to Papa, baby.



(bird warbling)

("Edge of Seventeen"
by Stevie Nicks plays)

♪ Just like
the white-winged dove ♪

♪ Sings a song

♪ Sounds like she's singing
What the hell?

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh...
Don't look like Fish and Game.

Well, we're cooked if she
already made the call.

We got $80,000 worth
of fines here in the camp.

♪ Sounds like she's singing
How can we help you, young lady?

♪ Ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh
This is wrong.

All wrong.

♪ Like a strand in the wind

♪ In the web that is my own...

All rot and black.

This will not be forgiven.

What do you want, girl?

Why would you kill
God's innocent creatures?

So they can be made into shoes?

You think she's one of
them goddamn PETA girls?

No, she ain't from PETA.

You should have
stayed away, girl.

You play with dead things, you're
more than likely to join 'em.

(music distorts, fades)

Not all dead.


(man yelling)


(muffled screaming)

(music resumes)
♪ Desire to please

♪ On the edge of seventeen...

(water gurgling,
insects trilling)


♪ La, la, la-la, la-la...

Rise and shine, ladies.

It's time
for morning gathering.

♪ La, la, la-la, la-la...

I expect you both downstairs
in five minutes.

Shall I come in this?


My God, get over it already.

He spent his summers
volunteering for the United Way.

Oh. He should be canonized.

Fiona? I know you're home.

How can you be such a bitch?

Because I understand people,
and that guy

would have happily taken a turn
on me if he had the chance.

No, that's bullshit.
He wasn't like that.

Those guys were
his frat brothers.

It's guilt by association.

Open the door, Mother.

No, I don't accept that.

Look, for the sake
of peace among roommates,

I'm sorry
I killed your boy candy, okay?

But given
your black widow status,

he was living
on borrowed time anyways.


I'm kind of busy right now.

My God, what's that smell?

I, um...

I went to a Chinese doctor,
he gave me some herbs to boil.

I know it's kind of pungent.

We're about
to have our morning gathering.

I'm going to be going over
the house rules with the girls,

and I would like you
to hear them.

Hmm. Sounds riveting.

I'll be down in a minute.

Now, listen up, Miss Pittypat.

If you scream,

I'm gonna put you right back in
the ground where I found you.

You understand? Hmm?



Shut up! Shut up!

I want you to tell me right now

how it is you're still
alive after all these years

and not some moldering corpse.

(phone ringing)

Shut up!

(phone continues ringing)

Jesus, woman, it's a
cell phone, all right?

CORDELIA: Fiona? We're starting!

Now you just stay quiet,
and when I get back,

we're gonna continue
our little chat.


And you better
make it worth my while.

Let me get a 44, extra crispy,

Yo. The medium bucket is
supposed to have eight pieces.

This one has only seven.

My name's not "Yo."
It's Queenie.

And you must have miscounted

because I packed
that bucket myself.

Well, you must have got
a "D" in math

'cause there's only
seven pieces.

Actually, sir,
I got an "A" in math.

All of 'em.

Calculus, trig,
advanced algebra.

Is that so?

Look, I'm sure you're a genius.

Just give me an extra piece

of chicken,
and I'll be done here.

Look, Pencil Dick,
I'm not stupid, okay?

You ate that extra piece,
and now you want a freebie.

I'd like to speak
to the manager, stupid fat ass.

What did you call me?
Get the manager!

I am the manager!

(gurgling and sizzling)

people gasp and murmur)

Help! She's burned me!

(man screaming)


Did they send you to jail?

There were lots of witnesses,

and none of them had actually
seen me throw the oil.

But it made
the local newspaper,

and that's how
Miss Cordelia found me.

You didn't want to
join us at first.

I grew up on white girl shit
like Charmed

and Sabrina the
Teenaged Cracker.

I didn't know that
there even were black witches.

But as it turns out,
I'm an heir to Tituba.

She was a house slave in Salem.

She was the first
to be accused of witchcraft.

So, technically, I'm
part of your tribe.

Is this where we all
sing "Kum-Bah-Yah"?

Bitch, I will eat you!
Hey! Hey! Hey!


You guys have got to start
taking care of each other.

We have enough enemies
on the outside.

Ms. Foxx?


Detective Sanchez,
NOPD Homicide.

My partner Detective Stiles.
What's this about?

We'd like to have a word
with two of your girls.

When a movie star like you
shows up at a sorority house,

people are gonna pay attention
to where you go and with who.

Lot of people saw you
go into a back room

with some
of the guys on the bus.

What does that have to do
with the bus flipping?

These are teenaged girls.

How could they possibly do that?

This all seems so silly.

I'm just looking for someone

who had a motive
to hurt those guys,

who could've screwed
with the brakes

or the steering column.

Maybe whatever happened
in that room was upsetting.

Shouldn't we have a lawyer here

or something?
We're just talking.

Did you know any of those boys?
Had you met them before?

No. We barely spoke to them
that night. They took me

in the back room to try
to get me high, but I said no.

She's sober.
Except vodka.

Madison has a wicked
sense of humor.

But, in fact, she's come a long
way with her addiction issues.

We're very proud of her.

Can I ask you why you visited

one of the survivors
in the hospital?

Um... I felt bad for him.

We-we just met him
the night before.

He seemed nice.

He died right after you left.

The doctors can't quite
figure out how,

but when we checked you out,
we noticed

that another boy you knew
died in the exact same way

right before you got here.

A boy named Charles Taylor.

(Zoe cries)

They gang raped her, and
they got what they deserved!

How did you flip the bus?
Was it the wheels?

It was the wheels.

I have no idea
what she's talking about.

I... Nobody raped me.

She's clearly lost her mind.

Madison did it. She can move
things with her mind.

And I killed that asshole
in the hospital.

I have powers, too.
We're witches.

I'm sorry, Detective.

Zoe has clearly suffered

some kind of mental break.

No! No, enough lying.
It's over!

Everyone here is a witch.
I'm so sorry.

Please don't send us to jail.

Nobody's going to jail. Girls.

Will you leave us, please?

Are you in charge here?

I'm Fiona Goode.

I'm in charge everywhere.

We're gonna have to take both of
those girls in for questioning.

We'll try to keep this quiet,
but that Madison girl...




Come on.

Oh. Tough guy.

Come on, give up.

I'm barely trying, you know.

In about ten seconds,

I'm going to turn the heat up
in that chubby melon of yours,

and I'm gonna turn your brains
to scrambled eggs.

Frankly, it's been
a hard morning,

and I'd really rather not
work up a sweat.

So come on. Just drink the
damn water, will you, please?

This is totally...
Shut up, Delia!

Unless you want me
to spit in a third cup.


Now, I'm going to need you both

to turn over
whatever information

you've gathered on these girls

and never speak about it
to anyone ever again.

Are we clear?


Do you think Fiona can fix it?

You're such a goddamn idiot.

I can't believe you told them

I'm supposed
to be cleaning up my act.

When this gets out, I'm screwed.

Who cares? This is murder.

Like, multiple murders.

They're not gonna find
any evidence that we messed

with the bus because
we didn't mess with the bus!

What did you do
to that shit-dick

in the hospital though?


Have you any idea
what's going on out there?

Now, I forgave your ham-handed

mass murder business
with the bus--

of youth and all that--

but if you haven't got
the goddamn brains to know

that when strangers come

asking questions,
we close ranks,

then I fear

our line is truly at an end.

But they knew so much already.
I couldn't

toast a piece of bread

with the heat
they were putting on you.

You are soft.

You're emotional.

You care what people think.

Now, if there's one thing you
learn before leaving this place,

it's that we,
even the weakest among us,

are better
than the best of them.

Are we gonna get arrested?

You are missing the point.

Which is?
The point is...

in this whole wide wicked world,

the only thing you have
to be afraid of...

is me.

I was supposed to play a
cat burglar in this movie once,

but the funding fell through.

But not before I learned how
to do this.

Hold that.



Madison, what are
we doing here?

I'm gonna pay you back.

Pay me back?

For what?

I know what you did for me,

dealing with that asshole,

so I'm gonna return the favor.

Stole it out of Foxxy's stash.

It's in Latin.

What is this?
Resurrection spell.

We're gonna bring your boyfriend
back to life.

Oh, shit.

Guess that crash was even worse
than I thought.

No, don't!

He's still kind of cute though.


Guess they're trying to figure
out where everything goes.

Can we please just
get out of here?

Zoe, look around this room.

Okay, what do you see?

A tragedy.

I see potential.


nice legs over here,

a great set of guns.

I wonder if he's a show-er

or a grower.

What's your point, Madison?

We take the best boy parts,
we attach them to Kyle's head

and we build the
perfect boyfriend.

Is this just a joke to you?

No, it's a challenge.

All we have to do is
follow this recipe.

Find me a saw.

How's the oven?

Ready for a bun?


I wish I could say yes.

You've been taking
the Clomiphene

as directed?


And I was sure
it must be working.

I had horrible cramps,
hot flashes,

blurry vision...
Doc, what's the plan here?

She goes through hell and it doesn't even work.

We've been at this for a year.
All I can do is stand around

like an asshole
while you get sick.

Well, unfortunately, the fertility
drugs don't come with any guarantees.

I'll send your blood
to the lab and we can

consider other options.

Like what?
Like in vitro fertilization.

Doc, can I have

a minute alone with my wife?

(door opens)

(door shuts)

if you want to try this,
I'll support it.

But I don't get it.

I'm not ready to give up.

I should be able to have a baby
just like any other woman.

I know it's horrible,
but a lot of women do this.

When they have no choice.
(quietly): You have a choice.

If I start using magic
to fulfill my every whim,

then I'm just Fiona.

This isn't...

a whim. This is about
us having a family.

You don't know
what you're asking me to do.

This kind of magic--
it's... dark.

It's about life and death,

and I don't want to play God.

So you're gonna let Dr. Morrison
play God instead.

(door opens)


Doesn't that smell good?


One thing

I'll give my daughter--

she can fry up a chicken leg.

I imagine you're...
a bit peckish

after spending 180 years
buried in a hole.

But then...

you probably don't need to eat,
being immortal.

Of course, sometimes we just
like to do things because

we enjoy them.
(chuckles) (mumbling)

Do you wish to speak?

What did you just say?

About what?

How long?

180 years.

Easy to lose track,

I suppose.

That bitch.

That evil bitch.


Who did it?

I mean, they said you
were poisoned, but...

they obviously got
that part wrong.

I was tricked.

By whom?

That black devil.

A love potion.

I offer it as a gift.





LAVEAU (outside):

Show yourself!

You think you and this rabble

can frighten me?

I am Madame Marie
Delphine LaLaurie.

And you're nothing.

Your feeble attempt
at poisoning me failed,

nigger witch.

If I wanted you dead,
you would be.

Where's my family?

Return them to me.

They never left.

Oh, my... God.

What have you done?

Oh, dear God.

Oh, God.

What have you done?

God in Heaven.





Don't think
that they didn't suffer

because they did, greatly.

But the fate
that I have planned for you

will make their suffering
seem as a gentle sleep.

It wasn't poison that I gave you
but something far worse.

My gift to you, Madame LaLaurie,
was life everlasting.

Immortality was in that bottle.

Bring her!

(others shouting)

My God...

For your sins,

Madame LaLaurie,

you are damned to live forever.

To never know the
release of sweet death.

To never reunite

with loved ones in
the realm beyond.

But instead to be alone,

sealed up in your unmarked grave
for all eternity,

listening to the world go on
around you,

even until that world
is no more.



I'm sorry for your loss.

You want a bite?

I'm not hungry.

I need a bowl

and some hair from his head.

(strikes match)



Breathe in the smoke.

(both inhaling)


(both screaming)


Give me your hand.

Blood is our sacrament.

Calpriziana, offina

alta nestra, fuero menut.

Azazel, we submit
to you body and soul,

the lord of the underworld,
we offer you our obedience

and everlasting devotion
until death sanctifies

this unholy union.

Did we just marry the Devil?
'Cause I don't know

if I'm down with that.

(Madison screams)

Berald, Beroald, Balbin,
Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

BOTH: Berald, Beroald,
Balbin, Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

Berald, Beroald, Balbin,
Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

Berald, Beroald,
Balbin, Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

Return to the mortal coil!


(both panting)

Well, that was a bust.

You sure you said
the spell correctly?

Hey, I've been acting
since I was five.

I know my lines.

I guess we're just
not powerful enough.

Hey, I'll, I'll meet you
in the car.

I, I left my phone
in here somewhere.

Hurry up.

(door opens)

(door closes)


Tough luck, bitch.

I'm so sorry, Kyle.

None of this would have happened
if we weren't at that party.

My life has just been
so out of control lately.

I wish I could have kept you
out of it.

(door opens, Zoe gasps)

Who's there?

What the hell?

Oh, Jesus Christ.


What the hell
are you doing here?



Kyle, no, no!

(indistinct chatter)


You're not used to having a...

white woman in your
chair, are you?

I'm not used to having a white
woman in this neighborhood.

Uh-uh, there's no smoking
in here.

Most of that is real hair,
more precious than gold.

We buy it by the pound.


(hip hop playing over stereo)


Yeah, yeah.

(stereo clicks off)

You look good, little mama.

All right, you get
going home now.

I was just finishing.

All right, you all
go home, too.

I'll finish this one myself.

(distorted speaking)


Stop it.

I don't like it, stop.


You okay?

Too much noise.

(distorted speaking continues)

You think too loud.

It... is bothering me.

Just get out.

What the...?

Oh, who are you?

Out of my way, slave.

Who you calling a slave, bitch?

Yo, who is this stinky old ...?

So, have you owned
this place long?

What do you think?

I think, when they say
good black don't crack,

they're not wrong.

What's your secret?

What's yours?

Your manicure cost
more than my rent.

Woman like you wipes
her ass with diamonds.

She don't just end up walking
in here for hair extensions.

My, my, my,
aren't you perceptive?

You know exactly who I am
and what I'm capable of,

just like I know
exactly what you are, witch.

I can smell the stink
of it on you.

Well, I didn't expect
you to like me.


I mean, after all, your kind
and my kind have been going

after each other for centuries,

though it is kind of like a
hammer going after a nail.

Everything you got,
you got from us.


Voodoo slave girl who graced us

with her black magic.

She couldn't tell a love potion

from a recipe for
chocolate chip cookies

if she had to read it.

You made her a slave.

Before that she came
from a great tribe--

the Arawak.

She learned the secrets
of the other side

from a 2,000-year-old line
of shamans.

Necromancy-- she gave it
to your girls of Salem.

A gift repaid with betrayal.


You want to tell me that some
illiterate voodoo slave girl

gave me my crown?

Well, maybe
you haven't heard the news

about civilization starting
in Africa.

We're more than just pins
in dolls and seeing

the future in chicken parts.

You've been reading
too many tourist guides.

Speaking of
tourist guides--

no more spray--

I have been to
St. Louis Number 1

and I have seen
the tomb of Laveau,

seen the fat tourists

from Little Rock to Hackensack

drawing crosses on the bricks,

making wishes to the bones
of Marie Laveau.


Little do they know,
all they have to do

to get their wishes granted was
come down here to the Ninth Ward

and get their hair braided.

And what is your wish, witch?

I want what you have,

whatever it is that has kept
you young all these years.


The hammer wants
the nail's magic.

Oh, that is rich.

Yeah, and you're going
to give it to me

because I have
something you want.

You could offer me a unicorn

that shit $100 bills,

and I'd still never give
you more than a headache.


Hurry, get, get it, put it out.

I don't like it.

(fire extinguishers spraying)

But we'll be in touch.

Such a lovely place
you have here.

It's nice to see
you doing so well

after all these years.

I mean, maybe in
another century...

you could have two
shithole salons.

Jam tibi impero

et principio maligne spiritus!

Ut confestim allata

et circulo discedas, absque...

You think it's gonna work?

Jesus, Hank, you scared
the shit out of me!

You shouldn't be in here.

You okay, baby?

It's all going to be all right.

I just... I need to concentrate.

Just give me 20 minutes, okay?

Whatever it takes.

(both laugh)

(door closes)

(water dripping)

Absque omni lisione

cujuscunque creature vel rei

et ad locum a justissimo

tibi deputatum in momento
et ictu oculi abeas...


Krek creeteo mav kaas kataan.

Say it.

Krek creeteo

mav kaas kataan.


(Cordelia moans loudly)

(crack, whooshing,
moaning continues)


(moaning continues)

(Hank moans loudly)

(both panting)

(crickets chirping)

(both groan)

(door closes, gasping)

(Kyle groans loudly)

Kyle? Kyle!


(truck horn blowing)

I know... I know you know
something's wrong.

Maybe this is too
hard for anyone

to hear, but...
Kyle, you died.

Can-can you
remember that?

You know, you were on a bus,

and-and there was
an accident.

Sort of. (gasps)

Like, it wasn't your...
it wasn't your fault.

Okay, none of it
was your fault.

We tried to put you together
the best we could, and-and...

(guttural yelling) Then we brought you back
from the other side.

(guttural yelling) No! No, stop!
Kyle! No! Kyle!

(tire squealing)

Look, okay, may...
maybe it would

have been better for you
to stay dead. I don't know.

But I couldn't forgive
myself if I didn't try.

I forgive you.

(Zoe screams, tires squeal,
Kyle yells)

Even though
you drew me out here.

(Zoe pants loudly)

Turn around.

Make a right.

ZOE: Do you really think
that's going to work?

I know it will.

This stuff is the
shit... literally.

Louisiana swamp is
full of Spanish moss

and alligator dung.

Amazing healing properties.

Mother Nature has an
answer for everything.

Healed me when I
was burned alive.

You are Misty Day.

You're the witch
Cordelia was telling us about.

Everyone thinks you're dead,

but, of course, you're not.

You have the power
of resurgence.

The power of resurgence.

I like the sound of that.

We have so much
to teach each other, Zoe.

Maybe we do.
I always knew there were others like me,

but I had no idea
how to find you.

And then today,

I was meditating in the woods

when my heart started racing,

and my teeth started vibrating.

Something was calling to me.

I had no idea
what it was, but...

I knew I had to follow.

And it was you, Zoe.

Your magic called me there.

And I'm so grateful.

Now I'm not alone.

♪ She rings like a bell
through the night ♪

♪ And wouldn't you love
to love her? ♪

♪ She rules her life
like a bird in flight ♪

♪ And who will be her lover?

Who sings this?

Who sings this?

♪ All your life
you've never seen... ♪

Fleetwood Mac.

Stevie Nicks is my hero.

That's Stevie Nicks
from American Idol?

It's Stevie Nicks.

"The White Witch."

The only witch before you
I've ever known.

She's an actual witch?

Listen to the lyrics.

♪ She rules her life
like a bird in flight ♪

♪ And who will be her lover?

This song was her anthem.

♪ All your life
you've never seen... ♪

Doesn't it just...
penetrate your soul

and tell the truth
about everything

you ever felt
in your whole life?

Yeah. Totally.

♪ Will you ever win?

Um, I really should be going.

Going? What do you mean?

My school-- I'm sure
they're wondering where I am.

♪ Rhiannon...

I just have to figure
out where to take him.

He can stay here with me.

I'll heal him.

(gently groaning)

And then, when you come back,
he'll be good as new.

♪ Dreams unwind,
love's state of mind... ♪

Hey, you'll come back,
right? Hmm?

(Kyle groans softly)

LAVEAU: And clean your
station, baby girl,

'cause I am sick and tired
of them old boxes

of Popeye's and Coke cans.

(indistinct chatter,
door opening)

(door closes)

You ain't never gonna believe
who's back.

(low growling)

We got some business
to attend to.



(birds singing)

They haven't changed the names
of the street signs.

You're lucky you
didn't get run over.

You know, the world
has sped up a bit

since you went
down in that hole.


I'd be trampled by
a herd of elephants,

it wouldn't make a
spit of difference.

They defaced my home
with a plaque.

"The House of Madame LaLaurie.

An historical site."

My home-- a
museum of horrors.

People have always
celebrated the macabre.

You're not remembered fondly,

but I guess that beats
not being remembered at all.

I was a woman of my time.

Hmm. That is
a crock of shit.

You've got a mean streak
wider than your backside,

or a sickness of the mind.

Either way, if ten
of the hundreds of things

I have read about you are true,

then you deserved every minute
down there under all that dirt.

They took my babies, you know?

Hung 'em in a straight
line right up there.

My husband, too.

Him, I didn't care about.

I'd been planning on
killing him for weeks.

Poison in his buckwheat.

Well, you'll forgive me
if I have trouble

feeling sorry for you.
I don't care

what kind of a monster
anybody says I am.

I loved my girls...
in my own way.

Even the ugly one.

The moment she came out of
my belly, she was a shame to me.

She had the face
of a damn hippo,

but I loved her just the same.

Hell is real.

I've seen it down in that box.

Time disappears.

The only thing that's left is
what's in your mind's eye.

And all mine saw
were the faces of my girls.


Well, maybe it's better.

At least in death,

you can't disappoint
the ones you love.

Are you a witch or something?

Well, I was hoping you were.

Then maybe you'd know
how to kill me.

Oh, I may kill you yet, but not today.

But you run away again,

and it's back in the box
for you, understand?

Yes, ma'am.

Good. Let's go home.

(birds singing)

(horn honking)