According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 8, Episode 17 - Diamonds Are a Ghoul's Best Friend - full transcript

KYLE, WHAT THE CRAP?

WE'RE WEARING
THE SAME SHIRT.

WE'RE ALSO WEARING
THE SAME UNDERWEAR.

I WAS OUT.

WE CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL
LIKE THIS.

YOU NEED TO CHANGE.

NO, YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
NO, YOU NEED TO CHANGE.

MORNING, URCHINS.

WHAT THE FUDGE?

JIM, TELL YOUR KIDS THEY NEED
TO CHANGE THEIR SHIRTS!

NO, YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
NO, Y NEED TO CHANGE.



NO, YOU NEED TO CHANGE.
NO...

HEY, LOOKING GOOD.

NICE SHIRTS.

YOU BOUGHT US ALL THE
SAME SHIRTS? SURE DID.

HEY, 6 BUCKS A DOZEN
OUT OF THE PHARMACY.

TOO BAD I RAN OUT OF CASH,
OR YOU'D HAVE MATCHING PANTS.

BUT, DADDY,
IT'S STARTING TO RAIN.

OH. OH. OH, OKAY.
OKAY, HERE.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

NEW BOOTS!

♪♪♪

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME TO
GIVE UP THE NEWSPAPER, GRAMPS?

YOU AND YOUR DEAD TREE
ARE SO YESTERDAY.

WITH MY COMPUTER, I'M
HANGING TEN ON A DIGITAL WAVE.



HA! HA HA.
WHAT? WHAT?

MARMADUKE.

OH, NO. WHAT'D HE'D DO?
WHAT'D HE DO? I LOVE MARMADUKE.

NO, COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.
IS HE TRYING TO RIDE THE BUS?

HE'S TOO BIG.

WHERE IS IT?
WHERE IS MY PRESENT?

WHERE IS IT? AH... (laughs)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT YOU'RE GETTING WARMER.

(gasps)

WARMER.
(gasps)

COLDER. COLDER.

COLD... WARM. WARM. WARM.
WARM, WARM, WARM, WARM.

AH, YOU'RE SITTING ON IT!
HOT! HOT!

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT!

IT FEELS LIKE
PLANE TICKETS... MM.

OR A GIFT CERTIFICATE?
AH.

"THE HAPPY WIFE
COUPON BOOK."

TA-DA!

"ONE HUG..."
UH-HUH.

"20 MINUTES OF SNUGGLING."
MM-HMM.

"1 NIGHT OF DISHWASHING,
5-DISH LIMIT."

YEAH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.

MM.

OH... (grunts)
YOU'RE WELCOME.

ONE HUG.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK...

YOU ALMOST GOT ME,
BUT YOU DIDN'T.

THIS IS A SETUP!

YOU'D NEVER GIVE ME
SOME LAME COUPON BOOK.

I WOULDN'T?
OH, PLEASE.

"ONE FREE
AT-HOME BIKINI WAX"?

WELL, I GOT THE SCISSORS
AND SOME DUCT TAPE.

(clears throat)
HE, UH, HE DID MY BACK.

SOON AS
THE BLEEDING STOPPED,

I WAS SMOOTH
LIKE A BABY.

NO. NO. NO. NO WAY.

THERE IS A GREAT PRESENT
HERE SOMEWHERE, SOMEWHERE.

I KNOW... AND YOU'RE...
YOU'RE SLICK, MISTER,

BUT YOU ARE NOT SLICK
ENOUGH FOR ME. OH... (laughs)

WELL, CHERYL, YOU GOT ME.

KEEP LOOKING.

AH! AH! AH! THE GARAGE!
YOU POINTED AT THE GARAGE.

THE PRESENT
IS IN THE GARAGE!

OH! I LOVE
THESE BIRTHDAY SETUPS.

WOW, YOU ARE GOOD.

OH, MAN,
IF I STILL HAD IT,

THE HAIR ON MY NECK
WOULD BE STANDING UP. OH.

ANDY, THAT WAS NOT
A SETUP.

THAT COUPON BOOK
WAS MY GIFT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA. THAT WAS REAL? YES.

I-I-I-I'VE RUN OUT OF IDEAS FOR
THESE STUPID GIFTS. OH, JIM.

I MEAN, I USED TO PUT
MY HEART AND SOUL

INTO EACH AND EVERY GIFT,

BUT NOW I JUST DON'T WANT TO
DO IT ANYMORE. JIM, COME ON, MAN.

IS IT... IS IT THAT HARD TO FIND
YOUR WIFE A PRESENT? FINE.

ONE PRESENT, OKAY.

BUT NOW IT'S HER BIRTHDAY.
IN A WEEK, IT'S THE ANNIVERSARY.

THEN THERE'S CHRISTMAS.

THE TREE ISN'T EVEN GONE YET,
AND THEN IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY.

I FEEL LIKE A GERBIL
ON A GIANT WHEEL OF PRESENTS.

YEAH, BUT, JIM,
A-A COUPON BOOK?

KYLE GAVE HER ONE LAST YEAR.
SHE LOVED IT.

KYLE'S 9.

HE SPELLED COUPON
WITH A "K."

THE POINT IS, IS THAT IT'S...
I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS.

WELL... (laughs)

LUCKY FOR YOU,
I'M HERE.

ANDY, YOU'RE ALWAYS HERE.

JIM, COME ON, IF THERE'S
ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN,

THEY LOVE JEWELRY.

(exhales)

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS
I'LL GO TO THE MALL

AND GET AN EXPENSIVE GIFT.
ACTUALLY, I KNOW A GUY

WHO GETS GOOD JEWELRY
ON THE CHEAP. DONE!

THAT ONE'S
FROM ME, MOM.

OH, SWEETHEART,
THEY'RE PERFECT.

THANK YOU. AW.

OPEN MINE NEXT.
OH, OKAY.

WOW, KYLE.

YOU BOUGHT ME A PURSE?

NO, I FOUND IT
ON THE SCHOOL BUS.

IT WAS RIGHT BEHIND
WHERE THE DRIVER LADY SITS.

OH, HONEY.

LET ME SEE.
OH.

THE COOL THING IS
THERE'S MORE PRESENTS INSIDE.

YOU'RE RIGHT...
GRANOLA BAR, KEYS,

DIABETES MEDICINE.

UH, I'LL GO MAKE
SOME PHONE CALLS.

YES, YOU DO THAT, HONEY.
OH, THANKS, RUB.

SO...
HMM.

HAVEN'T FOUND
YOUR GIFT YET.

MY GIFT'S GONNA BE
A LITTLE LATE.

YOU COULDN'T TELL ME THAT

BEFORE I STUCK MY ARM
DOWN THE SEWER PIPE?

HOW LATE?

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME
THAT CALENDAR THERE,

AND I'LL SEE.
(scoffs)

SOMEBODY'S GETTING WARMER.

OH, MY GOD!

(laughs)
(gasps)

(gasps, exhales)

JIM.
YEAH?

IT'S A NECKLACE.
UH-HUH.

AND IT'S NOT MADE
OUT OF NOODLES.

HONEY, IT'S AN ANTIQUE

GIVEN TO A WOMAN BY HER HUSBAND
60 YEARS AGO. (whispers) OH, MY GOD.

COME ON. COME ON.
READ THE INSCRIPTION HERE.

READ IT. READ
IT. READ IT. (sighs)

(normal voice) "FOR EMILY ROSE,
MY FOREVER LOVE."

YEAH.
(clicks tongue)

OH.
THAT'S HOW I THINK OF YOU,

EXCEPT FOR
I CALL YOU CHERYL.

OH, JIM,

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG
I'VE WAITED TO SAY THIS.

I LOVE YOUR PRESENT.
MM.

GREAT. GREAT. WELL,
PUT IT ON. COME ON. OKAY.

LET... LET'S SEE WHAT
IT LOOKS LIKE. OKAY.

HURRY UP. HURRY UP.
HURRY UP. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY.

(laughs) OH, JIM,

TO BE MARRIED TO YOU...

WHAT MUST THAT BE LIKE?

(making kissing sounds)

JIM. JIM, STOP.

DO NOT GIVE CHERYL
THAT NECKLACE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, THERE MAY BE A SITUATION
WHERE, IN THE FUTURE,

CHERYL'S NECKLACE MIGHT BE
CONSIDERED, OH, WHAT'S THE WORD?

EVIDENCE.

THIS... THIS... THIS NECKLACE
IS STOLEN?

BUT... BUT THERE'S GOOD NEWS.

IT WASN'T STOLEN
FROM A STORE,

AND THERE'S NO CHANCE THE OWNER WILL
COME LOOKING FOR IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, WHERE WAS IT STOLEN FROM?
OH, WHAT'S THE WORD? A COFFIN.

A COFFIN?
A COFFIN, ANDY?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
YOU'RE A... OOH, WHAT'S THE WORD?

IDIOT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR JEWELRY GUY IS A
GRAVE ROBBER. NO, HE'S NOT A GRAVE ROBBER.

HE DOESN'T STEAL FROM GRAVES.
THAT'S CREEPY.

LOOK, HE TAKES JEWELRY OFF
OF DEAD PEOPLE.

THAT'S A GRAVE ROBBER.
THAT'S CREEPY.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

MY GUY TAKES STUFF FROM
THE COFFIN AT THE FUNERAL HOME.

OHH.

A COFFIN
AT THE FUNERAL HOME.

WELL, THAT'S NOT CREEPY.
THAT'S DELIGHTFUL.

WELL... WELL... WELL, LOOK.
THERE'S A BRIGHT SIDE.

NONE OF THIS CAN BE
TRACED TO US.

(inhales, exhales)

YOU'RE RIGHT. WHAT CHERYL
DOESN'T KNOW WON'T HURT HER.

IT'D BE CRUEL TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM
HER NOW. TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT.

LET'S FACE IT.

WHEREVER EMILY ROSE IS NOW,
SHE DON'T MISS IT.

EMILY ROSE AND CHERYL ARE BOTH
IN HEAVEN RIGHT NOW.

AND, YOU SIR, LOOK LIKE A PRINCE
FOR THIS PRESENT.

NO, YOU ARE A HERO
FOR SAVING ME THE MONEY.

EVERYBODY WINS.
EVERYBODY WINS.

UH, EXCEPT FOR EMILY ROSE,
WHO'S DEAD,

AND MY GUY,
WHO'S IN PRISON.

OKAY, SEE YOU. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT. WHERE YOU GOING?

BACK TO THE HUB. (Cheryl)
ARE YOU READY, JIM?

(singsongy) I'M GONNA MAKE
MY GRAND ENTRANCE.

OH, I AM READY,
MY YOUNG BRIDE.

THEN HERE I COME.

TRY NOT TO LET YOUR JAW
HIT THE GROUND.

(laughs)

(normal voice)
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JIM?

OH.

WHO ARE YOU?

I KNOW, RIGHT?

OOH. (laughing)

IT'S JUST LIKE THIS NECKLACE
MAKES ME FEEL

LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON.
(gasping)

C-C-CHERYL, IS THAT YOU?

OH, NOT BAD

FOR A 39-YEAR-OLD MOTHER
OF 5.

OH.
OH. (groans)

AND, LOOK.

LOOK, HOW IT SPARKLES
WHEN I TURN.

DON'T MOVE TOO QUICKLY. I DON'T
WANT YOU TO BREAK ANYTHING.

AH!

C-C-CHERYL?

CAN YOU JUST TAKE OFF
THAT NECKLACE,

JUST FOR A SECOND

SO I CAN READ THAT BEAUTIFUL
INSCRIPTION ONE MORE TIME?

OH, I SUPPOSE SO.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS HOPING
YOU'D ASK ME TO TAKE OFF.

JUST THE NECKLACE
WILL BE FINE.

OH!

UH-HUH, YEP, "MY
FOREVER LOVE," YES. OH.

YES. YES. FOREVER...
YEAH. YEAH.

UNTIL YOU GET REALLY
OLD. OH... (scoffs) GIVE IT BACK.

(grunting)

OH.
(inhales sharply)

(gasps) I FEEL LIKE THE
QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

(laughing) YOU LOOK
LIKE THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

(voice cracking)
OH, CHERYL.

OH, JIM.

OH!
MM.

WHAT'S WITH THE PAPER?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

JUST SOMETHING ABOUT THE FEEL
OF A PAPER IN THE MORNING,

I LOVE IT.

I'M WATCHING A VIDEO
OF A SNAKE EATING A COW.

OH, LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE. NO.

MAYBE IT'S
IN YOUR NEWSPAPER.

I HAVE TO GET
READY FOR WORK. OH.

(cow moos)

ANDY, ANDY.

(exhales) I GOT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

THAT NECKLACE
HAS TURNED CHERYL

INTO A BONY OLD HAG.

LOOK, SHE'S A LITTLE THIN,

AND THE YEARS HAVEN'T BEEN
AS GOOD TO HER

AS THEY HAVE BEEN TO ME.

ANDY, YOU GOT TO LISTEN
TO ME HERE.

LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE.

WHEN CHERYL PUTS
THAT NECKLACE ON,

SHE ACTUALLY TURNS
INTO AN OLD WOMAN!

I-I-I THINK SHE MUST BE
THE GHOST OF EMILY ROSE

OR SOMETHING. WHOA.
WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.

YOU'RE SEEING GHOSTS?
YES! A GHOST.

(gasps) JIM.

I GAVE MANDY SOMETHING
FROM THAT GUY, TOO.

OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T GIVE HER
A HAUNTED NECKLACE

FROM AN OLD WOMAN, DID YOU?
NAH, IT'S NOT REALLY HER STYLE.

I GAVE HER SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE HIP.

WHAT?

(Mandy) OH, MY GOD, ANDY.
THE NECKLACE LOOKS SO GREAT.

YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS.

I GOT HER
A DIAMOND-STUDDED DOLLAR SIGN.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW
MY GIRLFRIENDS.

THEY'RE GONNA BE
SO JEALOUS.

I'M ONE LUCKY GIRL.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL
SO PRETTY.

JIM, I-I'M AS OPEN-MINDED
AS THE NEXT GUY,

BUT, UH, AM I DATING...

A 300-POUND CROSS-DRESSING
BLACK MAN? YES.

OKAY, JUST CHECKING.

WHAT THE HELL
AM I GONNA DO?

YOU?! I'M MARRIED TO A GHOST. YOU'RE
JUST DATING ONE. OH, NOT FOR LONG.

I DON'T THINK WE COULD BOTH FIT IN THE SAME
CAR. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

JUST LET ME THINK.
LET ME THINK. OH. OH.

I JUST GOT TO THINK, THINK, THINK. HEY. HEY,
YOU'RE... YOU'RE RI... YOU'RE RIGHT. HEY, HUH?

THIS IS IN OUR MINDS, MAN.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

I MEAN, THIS... THIS
WON'T LAST. RIGHT.

WE JUST GOT TO RIDE THIS
THING OUT. RIGHT, RIGHT. AND HEY...

A LOT BETTER THAN TELLING
THE TRUTH. (scoffs) WHAT ISN'T?

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

HOW OFTEN ARE CHERYL AND MANDY
GONNA GET ALL DOLLED UP

AND PUT ON
THEIR FANCY JEWELRY ANYWAY?

♪♪♪

I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS RESTAURANT
WAS SO FANCY.

WELL, BUT WE WERE GOING
TO GO

TO A MORE CASUAL PLACE,

BUT I WANTED TO SHOW OFF
MY NEW NECKLACE.

GET USED TO IT.

I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE ME,
MY BLING

AND MY MAN.

HER GOATEE
IS TICKLING ME.

MANDY, LET'S GO TALK
TO THE PIANO PLAYER.

MAYBE HE'LL KNOW
MY FAVORITE SONG.

WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

"BATTLE HYMN
OF THE REPUBLIC?

WELL, I SURE WOULD LIKE
TO HEAR SOME BARRY MANILOW.

COME ON, GIRL.
(clears throat)

AND, YOU,

TRY NOT TO MISS ME TOO MUCH.
(kissing sound) AHA.

IT'S ALL GOOD, BOO.

I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE
MUCH MORE OF THIS.

I GOT A PLAN. OH,
THANK GOD. WHAT IS IT?

WE TAKE SOME JEWELRY OFF
A COUPLE DEAD PLAYBOY BUNNIES.

DO YOU KNOW
ANY DEAD PLAYBOY BUNNIES?

OH, WE'LL PROBABLY HAVE
TO KILL 'EM OURSELVES.

YOU KNOW, JIM, I DON'T MEAN
TO BE "MR. NITPICK" HERE,

BUT IT MIGHT BE EASIER
TO TAKE THE JEWELRY

AND RETURN IT
TO THE NEXT OF KIN.

THEY'RE PLAYING
OUR FAVORITE SONG.

ALL RIGHT,

WELL, LET'S GO PARTY

LIKE IT'S 1899.

COME DANCE WITH ME. OH,
I'M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD.

ALL RIGHT, BRING THAT ASS
ON THE DANCE FLOOR. MM!

(piano playing)

MAKE IT STOP.
MAKE IT STOP!

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

ON THE COUNT OF THREE,
LET'S RIP OFF THE NECKLACES

AND RUN.
(clears throat)

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!
(grunts)

JIM! WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?

WHY'D YOU TAKE
MY NECKLACE?

UH, IT'S HAUNTED.
WHAT?

I-I-I GOT IT OFF A
DEAD OLD LADY. OH.

WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

AND IN YOUR CASE,
A SCARY GHOST RAPPER.

YEAH, BUT WE CAN FIX IT, BABY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU LOOK GREAT.

WHAT?
UH!

(sighs) WELL, TO MAKE
A LONG STORY SHORT,

WE CHECKED THE OBITUARIES,

AND WELL, WE HAVE YOUR
DEAD WIFE'S HAUNTED NECKLACE.

YOU HAVE MY EMILY'S NECKLACE?
BUT HOW?

IT WAS STOLEN
FROM HER COFFIN...

UH, BUT NOT BY US.
WE'RE GOOD GUYS.

THOUGH, IF THIS
DOESN'T WORK,

WE MIGHT HAVE TO KILL
A COUPLE MODELS LATER.

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?

WELL...

I WANT TO GIVE YOU BACK
YOUR DEAD WIFE'S NECKLACE.

WHY? I DON'T WANT IT.

OH, BECAUSE IT'S JUST
A MATERIAL THING,

AND IT WON'T BRING
YOUR BELOVED WIFE BACK?

NO. BECAUSE THE STONES
ARE FAKE,

AND IT'S A CHEAP PIECE
OF CRAP.

THE STONES ARE FAKE?

OH, MY OPINION
OF THAT GRAVE ROBBER

JUST WENT DOWN A PEG.

WAIT, THESE STONES ARE FAKE?
FOR YOUR WIFE?

FOR EMILY ROSE,
YOUR FOREVER LOVE?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

60 YEARS OF BIRTHDAYS
AND ANNIVERSARIES...

I CUT CORNERS SOMETIMES.

HOW OFTEN?
EVERY TIME.

STUPID PRESENTS.
(gasps)

JIM, THAT WAS YOUR EXACT
SAME ATTITUDE YESTERDAY.

I GET IT, ANDY.
I GET IT.

OH, SO YOU'RE
JUST LIKE ME?

NO, I'M NOT LIKE YOU.
I-I CARE FOR MY WIFE.

LET ME GUESS, YOU BOUGHT HER
THAT NECKLACE

BECAUSE SHE GOT TIRED
OF... OF YOUR OTHER LAME GIFTS.

THAT IS NOT TRUE.

YEAH.

HE SLAVED OVER
THAT COUPON BOOK.

A COUPON BOOK?

I PULLED THAT ONE...

A FREE HUG,
A LITTLE CUDDLING

AND PATTY DUKE'S AUTOGRAPH.

MINE'S NOT LIKE THAT
AT ALL.

ONE YEAR I PROMISED EMILY ROSE
A ROMANTIC VACATION

RIGHT NEXT
TO THE BEARS' TRAINING CAMP.

I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

JIM, YOU HAVE RESERVATIONS
THIS SUMMER.

I JUST CANCELLED 'EM!

LOOK, TAKE YOUR STUPID WIFE'S
STUPID HAUNTED NECKLACE BACK.

I DON'T WANT IT. WELL,
YOU'RE TAKING IT, DAMN IT.

I DON'T WANT IT.

AND FROM NOW ON, I'M GONNA GET
MY WIFE GOOD GIFTS.

I DON'T WANT TO TURN
INTO YOU.

NO. NO, MY WIFE,
SHE'S SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT?

AND I APPRECIATE HER.

SHE'S A GOOD WOMAN.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY FORGOTTEN
THAT YOU'RE IN MOURNING.

EDDIE, ARE YOU COMING?

YOUR BATH IS READY.

ACTUALLY, UM,

SOMEBODY'S GOT A BIRTHDAY
COMING UP.

UH, I'D BETTER
GET OUT OF HERE,

OR ELSE HE'S REALLY GONNA
GIVE IT TO ME. (laughs)

YEAH, WITH ANY LUCK,
SHE'S GONNA GIVE IT TO ME.

WELL, THERE'S MY
BIRTHDAY GIRL. (door slams)

WHAT THE FUDGE
IS WRONG WITH YOU?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, NOW I KNOW
YOU'RE MAD, CHERYL... YOU DITCHED US!

MANDY HITCHED A RIDE HOME
WITH A TRUCKER.

SHE MIGHT NOT COME BACK.

JIM, I WALKED
2 1/2 MILES HOME

CARRYING MY BROKEN SHOE.

WHY? SO I COULD DO THIS!
OW! OW.

OW. OW. O-OKAY, OKAY, I
DESERVE THAT, CHERYL. YEAH.

I DO. I DO.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

CHERYL, YOU DESERVE THIS.

OH, LOTTERY TICKETS?

NUDIE PEN?

WHOOPI GOLDBERG'S AUTOGRAPH?

CHERYL, JUST OPEN IT.

JUST... JUST, PLEASE, SWEETIE,
WILL YOU OPEN IT? (sighs) YES.

DIAMOND EARRINGS
AND A DIAMOND BRACELET?

YES, CHERYL, I'M GONNA DIG
DEEPER FROM NOW ON.

BUT NOT IN
GRAVEYARDS, RIGHT? NO.

NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO.

CHERYL, I'VE BEEN GETTING LAZY
WITH THESE GIFTS.

I-I STARTED LOOKING
AT THESE GIFTS AS CHORES,

BUT THEY'RE REALLY CHANCES
FOR ME

TO HONOR YOU.

OH, HONEY,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ME GIFTS
TO HONOR ME.

YOU HONOR ME EVERY DAY.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT?

THE CRAZINESS
OF THESE LAST COUPLE DAYS,

THAT COUPON BOOK
AND... AND DITCHING ME

AT THE RESTAURANT
AND THE GHOST STORY...

YOU SET ME UP

TO MAKE THIS
THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

YES, I DID.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHERYL.

OHH.
THANK YOU. OH.

OH.
OOH, YOU'RE GETTING WARMER.

OH.
OH, I'M GETTING WARMER.

JIM. JIM, I-I GOT A REAL PROBLEM
HERE. I NEED YOUR HELP.

WHAT... WHAT... WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S MANDY.

SHE WANTS HER DIAMOND-STUDDED
DOLLAR SIGN BACK.

SHE SAID IT MAKES HER
FEEL SPECIAL.

WELL, THAT MEANS
THAT SHE'S STILL...

HEY, HONEY BUNS.

IT'S GETTING COLD IN THE CAR.
I NEED YOU TO COME WARM ME UP.

COME HERE, YOU.

I'VE BEEN HAVING
A REAL STRESSFUL DAY.

I WANT TO GET
IN THE HOT TUB.

PLEASE, JIM. JIM.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.
THANK YOU, BABY.