Abbott Elementary (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Wishlist - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
[ Sips loudly ]

Pencils, erasers,
left‐handed scissors...

Oh, you got some southpaws
in your class.

- You know, there's actuallya lot of data...
- Jacob.

Please. I'm just trying
to inventory my needs.

So, it's wishlist week
here at Abbott Elementary.

The city doesn't always give us

the funding we need
for our supplies.

I know I keep saying that,
but it keeps being true.

It's not like we have nothing.

We, uh, clip old pictures
out of magazines



from the barbershop
down the street.

Uh, the whole wishlist thing
makes it very easy

for the community to help.

[ Door opens ]

- Hello.
- Hi.

- [ Door closes ]
- I heard about your needs over here,

so I would like to donate this
to the school.

Oh, um, thank you, but we
actually put specific items

on our online wishlist,
which you can find...

I don't know what that is.
Here.

Top of the line.
Enjoy.

Okay.
Um, you know what?

It's actually very nice,
now that I look at it.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
I love it.



Sometimes you need to unplug it,
then plug it back in.

Couldn't find the cord.

Okay.

It also smokes.

[ Door opens ]

Okay.

[ Door closes ]

The trash?

Yeah.

Maker's "Hold'em" playing...

*ABBOTT'S ELEMENTARY*
Season 01 Episode 03

Episode Title: "Wishlist"
Aired on: January 11, 2022.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Hi, y'all.
My name is Miss Kerman.

I'm a third grade teacher
here at Marshall Elementary

in Louisville, Kentucky,
and here are some of the things

we need for our classroom.

So I didn't get a lot
from our wishlist last year,

but this year is gonna
be different,

because I'm gonna make a video.

- Crayons and staplers...
- Melissa: Hey.

You gonna ask for
a pair of headphones

on that little wishlist
of yours?

'Cause I cannot listen to
one more squeaky voice

begging for pencils.

Well, if you saw how much stuff
these teachers got,

- you would make one, too.
- Yeah, no. I'm good.

I got plenty of
classroom supply plugs

to keep me stocked up
on whatever I need.

It's not my fault yous
didn't want into the deal.

Okay, to be fair,
none of us said no.

We simply
had a few questions.

And I said that's
a few too many questions.

Hey, Barbara, you know,

you should make
one of these videos.

I know your class
is short on resources.

This could really help.

- You know, I actually submitted a list.
- Mm‐hmm.

Typed it up myself, and I left
it with the young man

at the front desk with
the earring in his cheek.

Yeah, well, I mean,
it could be really easy, though.

It only takes 10 seconds,
and it's so effective.

All you have to do is go,
"Hi. I'm a teacher,

and I need pens and paper
and..."

It looks like you might need
a new stapler?

We make do in my classroom,
and my kids are just fine,

and there's nothing wrong
with my stapler.

Borrowing the teachers' granola,
y'all.

Trying to give y'all space
to talk about

your little Hondas
or whatever,

but I ran out of oats
in my earthquake kit.

We don't have earthquakes.

That's what everybody says,
until they wake up

and their kitchen is
across the street.

Some of you need to
open your eyes to the very real

and constant threat
of global catastrophe.

- Ooh, are you on TikTok?
- Uh, yeah.

Did you see my video that
I did about softening elbows?

Mnh‐mnh.

I did it to the tune of
"Black and Yellow."

It blew up.
[ Chuckles ]

♪ Soften elbows,
soften elbows ♪

[ Chuckles ]
Pretty clever.

I'm just looking at teachers'
wishlist videos from all over.

- Some of them are really cute.
- Mm.

Oh. Whoa.
That's not...

You're not throwing that away,
are you?

The bloody paper towel
or the Hustler magazine?

Oh, Lordy.
Boy is in the trash.

This is not trash.

Yes, it is.

We are so quick
to throw things away,

you know,
always looking for, or...

or asking for
new, new, new, new, new.

Well, I'm gonna
get this thing working

and show you that,
like our students,

you can't give up on something
just because it's easy.

I mean, this is a perfectly
good...

Well, I can't find
a brand name, but...

Oh, I know
what it's called.

It's called trash.

Don't put that up there.

[ Knock on door ]
Janine: Knock, knock.

I don't know
why I said that.

It's weird
when you think about it.

You don't say "pull"
when you open a door.

[ Both chuckle ]

Um, I just wanted to know if
I could borrow your projector

for a little pro‐ject
that I'm doing.

Making a wishlist video
for my classroom supplies,

which, by the looks of things,
you could use.

What happened
to your walls?

Oh, I took all
the old teacher's stuff down.

It just didn't feel like me,
you know?

I know that
if this feels like you,

you might be
a serial killer.

I think it looks good.

It's clean.
I like clean.

Yeah, no, clean is good.

It's just, you know, the walls
are the soul of the classroom.

You gotta put something
up there.

- You know?
- Yeah. Okay.

I'll, um...
I'll think about that.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Remember the walls.

Let them speak from you
to your kids.

What kind of teacher
are you?

Who is Gregory?

Gregory is
a Baltimore Ravens fan,

a Grape Nuts fan... although,
they can get a bit sugary...

and a temporary teacher.

I made this for you,
Mr. Eddie.

Thank you.

That trash?

Uh, no. No.

Thanks.

I got out all the old cords
from the computer room.

I mean, one of them's
gotta fit this thing.

Hey, can I show you
what I've made so far?

My video?

I know you have
ethical objections to,

well, everything,

but you're more Internet‐y
than I am, so...

Um, yeah.
Okay.

Alright.
Let me start from the beginning.

Hi. I'm Janine Teagues,
and I teach...

See how I spelled my name out
in the back

on the projector
on the wall?

- Hmm. Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm.
- ...needs school supplies.

What do we need?

Tape,
right‐handed scissors...

So, I'm going to, like,
put the items over my head...

pictures... and, um, as soon as
I learn how to do that.

And you get the idea.

It's easy as one, two, three,
so thank you, from me.

Did you notice
that last part?

That it rhymed?
Yeah.

That was fun, right?

I like it.
I just... I'm not sure

it's going to, you know,
break through the noise.

The Internet is very busy.

You know, you're competing
with alien conspiracies

and animals that can sing,
and it just...

it... it... it's missing
that... that thing.

Huh. What thing?

You know, that thing,
where you look at something

and you're like,
"That's good."

Well, I'm adding a filter
that's gonna rain glitter, so...

That's not gonna compete
with singing parrots.

It just needs a little
showmanship.

Well, I'm not a showman.

Hip‐hop music playing
in background...

[♪♪]

Yes! Yes! Yes!
[ Laughs ]

♪ Who did the thing
he said he was gonna do? ♪

[♪♪]

I‐Is that European, or...?

- [ Computer blooping ]
- Ava: Oh, yeah, I can help you make your video.

- Really?
- Yes. This is what I do.

Well, you're also
a principal, so...

Yeah, but this is my art.

I write, I edit, I direct,
I do the music, I lip‐sync.

Because of me, when people say
that their favorite director

is that Ava lady, somebody else
gotta be like, "Which one?"

[ Both chuckle ]

Well, maybe you can
just give me a few tips.

You know, maybe help build upon
what I already have?

Let me see your phone.

What is this?
An iPhone 9?

[ Chuckles ]
It's like a Walkman.

I don't know nothing
about this.

That's before my time.

Hi. I'm Janine Teagues,
and I teach second grade...

Ugh.

Well, I'm not
on social media like that,

so I don't have a lot of
experience with...

Quality control?
[ Chuckles ]

I'm kidding.

She know I'm playin'.

And that's why I,
or more importantly, we...

I can get you
a lot of views,

and that's gonna mean
a lot of supplies.

But I'm gonna need
complete creative control.

Mm, what does that mean?

I'm gonna take some photos,
do a little video,

and then I'll do my thing
in post.

Can you twerk?

You don't look like you can,
but I could be wrong.

[ Up‐tempo music playing ]

[♪♪]

[ Howie Long scream ]

With your help,
I can become the hero

Abbott Elementary deserves!

[ Howie Long scream ]

Okay, that's actually
really good.

- Right?
- It looks like a Marvel movie.

Yeah, it's cool.

Wait. How many views
do you have?

20,000, and it just went up
yesterday.

My wishlist is
almost totally full.

Ooh, Janine,
I'm happy for you.

Thank you.

Also, Taye Diggs shared it.

And I'm sure
that's a good thing.

Very good.

[ Muttering indistinctly ]

- Hey, Barbara.
- Mm‐hmm?

Have you gotten anything
on your list yet?

- I don't think so.
- Mm.

And yet,
the day moves on.

Sometimes the Lord gives a lot,
and then sometimes, He does not.

Yeah.

Well, you know, I'm gonna have
a bunch of extra stuff,

if you need anything,
in case the Lord cheaps out.

Also, it's not too late
to make a video.

It's just...
Janine, I am just fine.

- Okay.
- And if you'll excuse me,

I have shapes to grade.

Look.
I drew a picture of you.

Oh, wow.

Okay, what am I?
I'm a cowboy?

No. It's a picture of you
playing baseball.

Oh, right.

Yeah, I can see him
running the bases.

No, you're hitting
a home run.

Of course. Yes.

Well, thank you.

- Oh, hey, Janine.
- Hey.

I decorated my room.
You wanna come see?

Oh. Yes.

Excuse me.
I love a reveal.

[ Chuckles ]
Let me see this.

What?
You don't like it?

No. It's... It's great.
It's great.

It's just...
It feels a little like

you went into
an office supply store

and bought the first
five or six posters you saw.

[ Chuckles ]

Those are
really good stores.

I, um... I‐I got
a whole tub of licorice.

Would you like one?

No. Look, Gregory, this is
a classroom, not an office.

It's just missing
a certain warmth.

Those stores are great for,
like, ink cartridges

or whatever,
but I wouldn't rely on them

to represent me
as a teacher.

You know, is this really
a reflection of you?

Maybe the giraffe.

Yeah. M‐Maybe so.

[ Children talking
indistinctly ]

Okay. Yep.

Last one.
Oh, my, my, my, my.

Okay.

[ Child laughs ]

Janine: Barbara makes do
with so little.

It's pride, I think.

My psych professor used to say

that pride and stubbornness
share a fence.

Barbara's sitting on that fence.

I'm gonna help her off.

Sometimes Robin has to
look out for Batman.

Too many metaphors.

And I know she comes from
that generation

that doesn't ask for
what they need,

so I want to ask for her,

and that is why I'm here.

[ Motor running,
water splashing ]

Sorry, am I hearing, like,
splashing or bubbles?

Oh, yeah.

Soaking my toesies
in my new foot bath.

[ Massage gun vibrating ]
Where'd you get this stuff?

I put it on your list.

For the kids.

How does having a principal
with muscle tension serve them?

Ooh, that's a knot!
Ooh, that's a knot! Whoo!

You know what?
I'm gonna go.

That's a knot.
[ Laughs ]

Okay, okay.
Okay, you were right.

Mrs. Howard is
an amazing teacher,

and we should look out
for our own.

So, does that mean
you'll make her a video?

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna make it rain
glue sticks in that room.

[ Chuckles ]
Well, thank you.

You don't need to thank me.

I'mma thank myself by getting an
accessory for this massage gun.

I want the little part
that gets in between the bones.

Okay.

Wait, what kind of video
were you gonna make...?

I will find another use for you.

What could you be?
What could you be?

Could be trash.

Good. Good, y'all. So, now,
if you take away two stars,

how many do you have
after that?

Yes, Isaiah?

18.
18. Very good.

You get a sticker.
And which sticker do you want?

We have some dinosaurs,
kitty stickers, panda stickers.

We are stickers rich,
y'all.

Ms. Teagues.
Can I get stars?

It's me, Ava.
[ Chuckles ]

I was gonna text you,
but then I didn't.

This might be
my best work yet.

Hey.
I went in a new direction.

- [ Sentimental music playing ]
- Ava: Hello, I am Barbara Howard,

the oldest teacher at
the poorest school in America.

I do good voices, huh?
[ Chuckles ]

I should pursue that more,
like cartoons or something.

Please help me
fill my wishlist,

if not for me, Barbara Howard,

the oldest teacher at
the poorest school in America,

then for little Johnny.

His name is Amir.
Shh.

People like "Johnny."
It makes 'em sad.

Or little Mia.

Ava: Now, she can act.
She couldn't do it,

and then
I pulled out a dollar,

that little girl was
Viola Davis.

Ava, no. Delete.
Stop.

This cannot go out.

Oh, girl, it's out.
It's up and out.

What?
And it's hot.

These are OnlyFans numbers.

I usually gotta show feet
to go this viral.

Barbara's gonna get
everything she needs.

Ava, this is the grossest,
most emotionally manipulative,

exploitative thing
I've ever seen in my life.

Thank you.

I followed how
they make the Pixar movies.

It's a trick how they
make you cry, but it works.

If Barbara sees this,
I am gonna have to quit,

completely start over,
move to a small town,

and then right when
my tomato stand takes off,

she's gonna be there...
Barbara...

trying to buy one,
and it'll all be over!

Girl, tomatoes suck.

Why are you worried about
Barbara Howard seeing this?

She's the most aggressively
offline person I've ever met.

She responded to
my Paperless Post

with her ATM code.

But you know
who will see it?

Everybody else.
[ Chuckles ]

Man, how does this have
so many views already?

This is crazy.
I said this is what I do.

I feel like you went to the
plastic surgeon for a nose job

and woke up like,
"Why do I look different?"

Why does it say
#BelieveScience,

#RollTide,
#BelieveAllWomen...

#LockHerUp?

You said
you wanted eyes on it.

[ Chuckles ]
♪ And I got eyes on it ♪

"Luke 14:13"?
Ooh, what he say?

It's a comment about helping
the poor and sad

and lame and crippled,
sent by...

[whispering]
@Gimme10Inches.

Now, she got
a huge following.

This is great.
[ Chuckles ]

Delivery Person: Hey.
Sorry.

I got a package
for a Barbara Howard.

I'm Barbara Howard.

You can leave it right...
there.

- What'd you get?
- I don't know.

Wait a minute. Is all of this for me?
Yes, ma'am.

From my list?

No!
Melissa: Holy crap.

Oh, wow.
That's neat.

So much
unnecessary packaging.

Would you just
enjoy something?

- You're gonna get an ulcer.
- Wait a minute.

There is a tiny, little
printed note.

Oh, why don't you let me
read that for you, Barbara?

"I know you only
requested one,

but I wanted to get enough
for the whole class.

You deserve it."

- So many aprons.
- Yes!

You know the Lord works
in mysterious ways,

and He is good!
Yes. He is good!

I think He's great...
Yes!

...and this school's great,
and this box is great.

Barbara, you're great,
and most importantly,

it's great for the kids,
so we got everything we need.

Yay! Whoo!

Yeah.
You okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

Oh, hey, Ava. Hey, hey, hey.
So, it worked.

Mrs. Howard got everything
on her wishlist.

We can take
the video down now.

You want me to delete the most
liked video I've ever created?

If you don't take
the video down, I will quit.

[ Laughs ]

Okay. Fine.

I won't quit.
I love this job.

But could you please
take the video down?

This is like Beyoncé
deleting "Lemonade."

[ Sighs ]

Hey, how's it going
with the...

same stuff
that was here before?

Even the penguins.

Yeah, I just kinda
stopped trying.

Do you mean, like,

you're taking a break
before you keep going?

I don't know
what that means.

[ Chuckles ]
I‐I'm a substitute, Janine.

I just figured, why spend my
time trying to decorate a class

for another teacher
to come in here

and just take it all down
anyway?

Oh.

Did your kids
make this for you?

Yeah.
I got a bunch.

Janine: Oh, my God.

You might even have
more than I do.

Not that I keep count.
27.

How many are in here?

26?
[ Exhales sharply ]

Gregory...

these drawings are
all of you.

These kids have
a real connection to you.

They do?
Yes.

Look, here you are
hitting a home run.

How did you...

There you are buying a donut
at Dunkin' Donuts.

There you are
in a durag.

And here you are teaching...
on the moon.

Yeah.
In a space durag.

[ Laughs ]
Okay, so kids draw stuff.

So what?

So, they like you.

Yes.
Painting in silence.

After all of that panic
and guilt,

I'm so happy Barbara got
everything she needs.

That could have been bad, so...
[ Doors open ]

Ava: Make way!
Free loot coming through!

College Kid:
What's up, everybody?

We are live
at an inner‐city school

with gifts
for underprivileged kids.

They are being taught
in that classroom right there

by Mrs. Howard,
the oldest teacher here.

Let's go change some lives.
Come on. Let's go.

Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing in here?

Because you really should not
be in here.

We saw your video,
Mrs. Howard,

so we wanted to
come down here in person

and see the look on your face
when we...

All:
Fulfill your wishlist!

Thank you, but the list
has already...

- That one looks really sad.
- What video?

Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Hey!

- Should we get a happy one, too?
- Get out of here!

- Let's get both. Let's get both.
- Hey. Get out.

- What?
- Oh, no, no.

We're gonna do something
super respectful.

Yeah. "Oh, no, no, no.
I was just"... No!

You need to get out, okay?

- Do you want me to take off my other earring?
- No.

- Definitely not.
- Get out.

Get out!

Shameful.
Shameful.

Who even
let y'all in here?!

What was that all about?

Can I talk to you
for a second?

Ava made...

I asked Ava to make a video
to promote your wishlist

because it worked for me,

and I knew your class
needed stuff.

And it got a lot of attention,
clearly,

because it was a bit
over‐the‐top.

How far over‐the‐top?

Really, really
over‐the‐top.

Like, if you went to the top,
you wouldn't be able to find it,

'cause it was way up there.

I'm sorry. I just wanted you to
have all the tools you deserve

and that your kids deserve.

My kids don't have
half the supplies they need

most of the time, but they
don't need to know that.

Yeah, but I saw your kids

painting with
empty water colors.

It's our job...
Our job is to build them up,

make them confident.

Is it nice to have stuff?
Sure.

But my students do not need
to feel less than

because they do not
have stuff.

So, we talk about
what they do have,

not about what they don't.

[ Exhales deeply ]

That was a painfully well‐said
reality check.

So, um, are you gonna
give the stuff back?

Oh, hell no.

[ Chuckles ]
I'm keeping all of that.

Besides, do you know how
expensive those staplers are?

- They're so expensive.
- Mm.

And thank you for trying.

Your hyperactive little heart
was in the right place.

Hey, Gregory, um,
I just wanted to apologize

for inserting... myself...

Wha...

This looks amazing.

I think
it looks good, too.

Yeah, I still don't know what
kind of teacher I want to be,

but I think I want to stay
around and figure it out.

Plus, the kids probably want
to see their art on the wall.

This is a, um,
interesting piece.

That is you
as a businessman.

- Really?
- Yes.

Gregory: Okay, 'cause I thought
I was a building.

- I'm... I'm really bad at this.
- Mm. No.

Um, the trick is if you see,
like, a really big circle,

that's usually the head.

And if you see bananas,
those are usually fingers.

So, yeah.
Oh, yeah!

Yeah. Okay. Yes.

I'm really, really good
at deciphering this stuff,

so I'll help you.

Well, alright. So, I'm at a,
um, construction site here.

No, you're at a playground.
Those are the kids.

But this is
a caution sign.

That's the sun.

Square sun. Okay.

- Don Cheadle.
- No.

- Um...
- That's you.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

Okay, and, uh, this is, uh,
a fireman.

San‐‐ Santa.

Ooh! We're gonna have to
take this really slow.

[ Chuckles ]
Uh, where are you seeing Santa?

In the belly.
In the beard.

In the presents.
In the red suit.

And if it's getting
too much sunlight,

I just lift this up here,

use a common number‐two pencil
to prop up the shade...

distribution mechanism,

and...

[ Water pouring ]

It's trash.

Yeah, it's trash.

Water all over my trash.