Window to Paris (1993) - full transcript
Nikolai (played by Sergei Dontsov) has been fired from his job as a music teacher and has to live in the gym until he finds a place to stay. Finally, he gets a communal room in the apartment of Gorokhov (Victor Mikhalkov). The room's previous inhabitant, an old lady, has died a year ago, and yet her cat, Maxi, is still in the locked room, healthy and fat. Soon, Nikolai and his neighbours discover the mystery: there is a window to Paris in the room. That's when the comedy begins - will the Russians be able to cope with the temptation to profit from the discovery?
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There's no smell.
It happened a week ago, you say?
I came home from the shop,
and she was in the kitchen.
I said: Rush, Maria Olegovna,
they're almost out of yoghurt
And she says in this sad voice:
"I've rushed around enough,
it's time I took a rest."
I immediately suspected
something was amiss.
Then she went off to her room.
That was the last we saw of her.
To work!
"FONTAN". . .
with "INEX" and
"TROITSKY MOST" Studio
present
Agnes Soral
In Yuri MAMIN's film
WINDOW TO PARIS
Original script by
Arkady TIGAI and
Yuri MAMIN
Arkady TIGAI and
Yuri MAMIN
Go away. The vodka's finished.
-Get the people out of here!
-Play the "Internationale".
Leading actors:
S. DONTSOV, V. MIKHAILOV
The subject development was
suggested by Felix MIRONER
In the script's preparation
participated:
Viacheslav LEIKIN and
Vladimir VARDUNAS
Producers Guy SALIGMAN
Lavrenty EMRASHVILI
WINDOW TO PARIS
PART 1
Good day, Nikolai Nikolayevich!
Everyone in line!
- Hi!
- Good morning!
- You didn't freeze?
- I'm used to it.
I'm looking at a place today.
-They've given you a flat?
-No, a room in a communal flat.
Good day, Nikolai Nikolaevich!
Nikolai Nikolaevich, why are
your children blocking the way?
Herman awoke during the night.
Moonlight flooded his room.
He looked at his watch:
a quarter to three.
Sleep left him.
A this moment, someone
passing in the street...
...peeking through his window and
immediately walked off.
Unfamiliar, shuffling steps
approached,
the door opened,
and on the threshold appeared
the figure of a woman in white.
What are you doing in the dark?
Saving electricity?
This is equipment for the
school of management.
1 20 megabytes hard memory
Can't you see we're having a lesson?
-I can see.
-Boys, bring the stuff in.
-Get out of here this minute!
Don't mind us.
We'll talk later.
Dear Nikolai Nikolaevich!
You're over-dramatizing the situation.
Nothing terrible has happened.
We simply can't have valuable
equipment strewn in the hall.
This is your most valuable
equipment!
-Don't you understand?
-That's why we employ you
to cultivate, ennoble,
refine the soul...
You're talking to me...
...as if I'm a child or an idiot.
For you my subject is rubbish
and the children see that.
To be frank, we don't prepare
musicians, but businessmen.
If this were a musical college
yours would be the main subject.
But you didn't get along there.
Our main subjects are management
and marketing.
Sure. You brought up builders
of communism.
Now it's builders of capitalism.
And the result is one: beasts
of pray and ignorant thieves.
- How many megabytes did you say?
- 1 20.
The chrysanthemums
in the garden...
...have long since withered.
But love lives on...
...in my sick heart.
Let me kiss you, dear.
Papa, open the door.
Congratulations, daughter.
- Good day. Who are you looking for?
- I'm moving in.
-Into the old woman's room?
-I don't know. It's 1 8 sq.m.
Someone's come to live in the
old woman's room.
It's sealed up.
I have a warrant and the key.
We'll break the seal. Come in.
This is where she lived.
Blimey, where have you come
from, parasite?
It's the cat of the woman
who died here.
She's been dead a year, and he
was gone. Suddenly there he is.
Fat as a pig!
As if he'd been feeding at
the meat factory.
How'd he get in here?
The furniture is all ours.
Maria Olegovna, when she took
her leave, said:
I leave the furniture to you
who are like a family to me.
- Where to with the chair?
- Here.
- And this, papa? - Can't you
work it out for yourself?
A rental shop...
Concerto for vermicelli and orchestra.
Why so many pianos?
We work at the factory.
You a musician?
Here's to Nikolai Nikolaevich,
my neighbor and colleague.
And here's to my other neighbor
van Kuzmich!
He's a real fisherman.
Catches eels in the city canal.
I'll fetch some pickled eels right away.
No, don't! They stink of shit!
They live in shit all their life.
OK, we all live in shit.
So fetch your eels.
I don't like eels, myself
Till '83, we got them...
...in our Party rations.
I gave mine to the chauffeur.
I'm a simple fellow, I'd rather
suck on some dried fish.
In 70 years, your lot
fairy sucked us dry!
And now see what we have to suck!
I left your party before the putsch.
Your kind just comes and
leaves by any asshole.
I always carry my Party card!
I'll die with it.
Here's to the last communist!
Ditch you lousy school.
Do you need those juvenile slobs?
You'll be better off working at
our factory. We need tuners.
We play in the orchestra every
night and every day we're drunk.
We play in the orchestra every
night and every day we're drunk.
Max, Max!
So here you are, you rascal!
I'll have a few words to say
to you at home.
See that?
We're pissed.
Who was that?
The dead old woman, my neighbor.
We'll have to call a priest to
have the room blessed.
Where did she go to?
- Who?
- Your old woman.
To the cemetery, where else?
She was a plague in life,
and still is.
What a cupboard!
Did you see that?
In 20 years I never knew there
was a way out to the roof.
So that's how she comes and
goes from the cemetery.
- Were you at the funeral?
- No. She simply disappeared.
Maybe she didn't die, after all.
You mean she comes flying in
here alive?
That's a lot of nonsense.
- You can feel it's got warmer.
- Another drink's what we need.
- What time is it?
- 2:06
You've got a lively night life here.
-The fire escape's on the left.
- Let's get there.
- Lads, what's that down there?
- A porcupine!
You'd do better to go to bed.
I can't stand the sound of a
broken piano being murdered.
We'll be late. They'll close.
I can't go backwards down
the ladder.
A step is missing here.
Where to now?
Don't step on my hand!
It really has got warmer.
- Shh! Quiet now!
- Hold on, lads!
There used to be a beer stall here.
We always had a mug before school.
Every bastard knows me here.
It's a foreign currency joint!
Let's beat it!
Hold it! Why can't I, a native
Russian,...
...have a mug of beer in my own
country?
Not enough? Have some more.
See how they treat us Russians?
Remember our Party.There was
nothing like this in its days.
Take this, it's all I've got.
Still not enough?
If I have no stinking bucks!
Does that mean I can't have a beer?
Hey, look: they accept "baldies"!
- I've got one, too!
- I only collect these.
Excellent beer!
I haven't had it so good for ages.
And we get by without your party.
Tomorrow we'll come with a canister.
- I think you fell, Petia.
- Not me. My body did.
See how well they mended the street!
If you give our people a free hand,
they'll do anything.
But for the TV tower, I'd never
known my neighborhood.
If you only knew...
...how dear to me...
...are Petersburg evenings!
Here we go. Get in, lads.
See you tomorrow, Gorokhov!
Kolia, good-bye!
- Get in, Fedia!
- I'll take the subway.
It's closed. It's past 3 AM.
Don't be a nut. Let's go.
Kolia! I'm so glad you've
moved in with us.
I'm fed up with the dames.
But I liked you the moment I saw you.
Ditch your school and come to...
...our "Red October" musical
instruments factory!
Days, you'll tune pianos.
Nights, we'll play near the subway...
Stop!
This is more than I can bear!
Why did you do that?
Stop! That's bad, unsynchronized.
- The Director summons you.
- Can't you see we have a class?
I'm sorry.
The collective has decided:
For behavior inconsistent
with a pedagogue's calling...
e.g., systematic infringement
of pedagogical ethics,
childish populism and damage
to equipment...
...belonging to the Lycee,
Nikolai Chizhov, teacher of
music and aesthetics,
is to be dismissed from the
teachers' staff...
...and his class time to be turned
over to priority subjects
Anything biting?
Biting? Nothing but condoms.
They've fouled up the whole
ecology, the bums!
On this very spot,
I used to catch bream this big!
And now you're lucky if you
catch a lousy minnow!
Excuse me, are you the last
in this queue?
Where have you been?
-They've given me the sack...
- Forget it! Come take a look!
Look!
I'm being refracted...
What's the matter with you?
I'm undergoing special refraction.
What's that?
I'm undergoing refraction in
space, blockhead!
Bloody heck!
Don't just stand there!
Come here!
Well? Does it remind you of
some place?
Right! We're in Paris, comrade.
Hold on tight, or your head
will start spinning again!
To hell with it! Impossible!
I can't believe it!
- It's possible, Kolia!
-The discovery of the century!
Of course, it's the discovery
of the century.
God! We must invite the scientists.
The specialists.
You off your head?
You want a frontier post here
and a kick in the ass from us?
Not a word to anyone.
- Hey!
- Yes, that's good.
Just be grateful I brought you here.
No scientists. This is for the two of us.
They write in French
so we won't understand.
Here's a fine job: a turn of
the handle and money pours.
The perfume doesn't come
cheap here.
Look: loads of stuff down the
whole street,
and not a buyer in sight.
Who needs that?
Forty varieties! All this'll rot,
they'll dump it.
But if you ask for some,
they'll rather die than give it.
The French are stingy.
See the bottles they drink from!
And they say we Russians are
drunkards. They started it all.
These are our furs, from Siberia!
How many Russian mink die for
their prostitutes to dress up!
What a monster! Don't think of
taking it home: you'll go blind.
More radioactive than Chernobyl!
That fat mug should be pulling
a cart, but he's in films.
Oh, it's me! The bastards!
Here's the fire escape! And the bar!
But where's the embankment?
Simple enough. We're looking
for a bar by the embankment.
-There's our street!
- Are you sure?
- Or maybe over there...
- Where? There or there?
- The devil can tell...
-That's it. Farewell, Russia.
Hey!
- You could see the tower there.
- You can see it anywhere.
Here's the embankment.
There was one there, too.
Kuzmich! How did you get here?
-Through your ass.
- Lie! Through the old woman's room!
Why should I be tramping through
other people's rooms?
Do you know where you are?
First time in a year they bite
and you addling my brains.
- Go away!
- Where to? We're lost!
What do I care?
Come here! Here it is!
Here's the wall, and here's
the fire escape ladder.
They're so rich they throw away
motorcycles like this!
Churches all about and they
don't even believe in God!
Look who's here to greet us!
-That's where the pig got so fat!
- Well, expect a visitation!
I'll take care of this visitation tonight.
The insolent bum walking about
as if he owns the place.
He brought us to Paris and all
you can do is shout at him.
Look at this!
- So you speak French?
- No, it's an Ives Montand song.
If you think you can get away
with this,
you're mistaken.
The police know about your
last night carousal.
You'll have to respond before the law.
What does she want?
She says thank you for
tuning her piano.
You're welcome, Madam.
It was no trouble.
Play the fool at home in Poland,
but observe the laws
of civilized society here.
She definitely wants something.
What could a Parisienne want
of a Russian peasant?
You've inflicted damage
for 5500 francs!
Look what a mess you've made
of my studio!
I told you! She's asking us in.
Take my advice, don't be shy.
demand you pay damages and
put the studio in order.
Don't pretend you don't understand.
I have witnesses.
Watch her wiggle her fanny!
How am I to restore this composition?
-That's a hint! Hot babe!
- I think she's repulsive!
What about the divan?
What'll I do about these stains?
And the lobster?
You broke its pincher!
She wants the crab position
on the divan!
Gorokhov!
Darn Vera found the door. I'm off!
Take the condom. They've got
AIDS all about here.
shit face? Everyone's looking for you.
Already found yourself a dame,
you jerk!
What do you mean?
She's Nikolai's bird!
Parasite! Waving your arms too!
What's this brawl about?
And who are you, anyway?
You don't speak French at all?
I've had enough. I'm calling
the police.
Don't call the police. Don't be afraid,
we won't hurt you.
I'll fix your piano free of charge.
Monsieur Prevant,
help me get rid of him!
You don't understand!
Stop, lads. Here it is.
The bridge, the tower,
the river and the bar!
That river was like Fontanka.
This one's a piddling ditch.
No more questions. On we go.
I'd say this detail is revealing
of your friend's character.
You're right, Coco new not fear.
He attacked even the largest dogs
and turned them to flight.
The best are the first to die,
unfortunately.
In our family,
all the males are fighters.
My grandfather, cavalier of the Legion
of Honor, was a fighter.
So was my father. Likewise, myself.
And Coco, too.
Max! Max!
Meow, you old witch!
Good day, Maria Olegovna!
Have you nice neighbors in the
other world, or louts like us?
You ought to be ashamed, Maria.
If you want shopping done or
the doctor, call us, but Paris...
All Paris needs is you! You've
done enough spoiling this place.
We forgot to ask your permission
to take a walk about Paris.
The window belongs to us now!
We'll come and go as we like.
No you won't! Because this
window is closing!
That's a lie. How can it close?
But for that, I would have
gone there when still young.
Tell us when it closes.
- I will not!
-You will!
No!
Vera, get the scissors!
We'll cut off the kitty's balls.
Don't you dare! Let the cat go.
I ask for the last time: when?
We'll cut them off!
Very well, you monsters...
Read this. The exact dates
are marked.
- Run! The window is closing!
- What do you mean, closing?
Paris is closing, blockhead!
- How do you know?
-The old woman said so.
Her grandfather was a scientist.
He worked it all out.
See this rain.There wasn't a cloud
in sight in the daytime.
All as the old woman said.
Just wait till midnight strikes.
- How long will that be?
- I don't know exactly.
That's all humbug.
You'll see when it closes.
- When will it open again?
- In 20 years.
In 20 years, we'll be too old for Paris.
- Get closer to the windows.
- I can manage myself.
- You'll fall, you idiot.
-Take care you don't fall.
- Where'd you put the tank?
- I gave it to Mum.
And the hind wheel, too.
What are you doing here, Kolia?
I don't understand you...
Your chum decided to emigrate.
The sort of friends you have!
Drag it away before they catch
you in the act.
At least, we're not traitors like you.
That's an offence. Motorcycles
are common as mud in Paris.
They even dump cars, they got
so fat at our expense.
Why at our expense?
Who do you think shielded them
from the Golden Horde?
In the 200 years we kept it back
they've been developing.
So you're just taking your due?
Precisely.
And it's OK to rob other
people's tents? This is ours!
Let him use it.
We're generous people.
I'm giving you my room in exchange,
may you choke on it.
Thanks for the room.
We may be poor, but we're
ready to share our last kopeck.
Here, it's a cruel world.
No one will offer a hand in help.
Go to hell, you and your advice!
We'll go all right, but you'll
remember your fatherland,
when you lie dying under a
hedge among the frog gobblers.
Kolia, get up!
The window is still open!
Where to with these?
Leave them where you found them.
Good day, Nikolai Nikolaevich!
Did you sleep well?
You didn't feel cold in your tent?
Nights are warm here.
- Mum! The colors will stain!
- Don't tell me what to do!
See the outdated spelling?
This was written before the revolution.
Exactly! They used a different
calendar then.
So what?
When you celebrate the
Old New Year?
On the 1 3th...
Put those rags aside!
We only have 1 3 days ahead!
- 1 3? What do you mean?
- Round it off, Mum.
Silence! I'll read the Strike
Committee's declaration.
We, students of the Business
Lycee demand:
1 : Recommence the aesthetics
classes.
2: That the canteen again
serve doughnuts.
3: Permit smoking during recesses.
Nikolai Nikolaevich, I'm so
glad that you're back among us.
Thank you, I no longer need money.
But if you could give me
a French textbook...
- What do you mean?
- I need a textbook.
- For which year?
- For all of them.
But they've all been checked out.
We'll give you anything
if you influence the kids.
I have a proposal that
will suit everyone.
Withdraw your demands and
attend classes.
I, on my part, will arrange
a fantastic excursion.
Where to?
To a place you've never been to
and aren't likely to see.
To a place you've never been to
and aren't likely to see.
Vera! Hold on to the money.
Stop them!
Hey! Are you out of your mind?
Let go of me, you damn monkey!
- Hallo!
- Stop them.
What are you doing on my roof?
Clear out before I have them
put you behind bars.
Madame, may I make your akwiance?
- What?
- Acquaintance.
- You cretin.
- Why?
Please come in. make yourself
comfortable.
I'll go fetch your pet.
There...
I thought this will liven
things up a bit.
"The Afternoon of a Faun",
so to speak...
Faun! She was a virgin.
It was an unfortunate way
of putting it...
I meant "Diana Resting after
the Hunt".
Adele couldn't hurt a fly.
She was a noble creature.
But surely she rested
from time to time.
But not in this loose position.
She was very modest.
- I'm so tired of idiots!
- What?
Get your ugly mugs out of here.
I need a Russian-French phrasebook
and Russian swear words dictionary.
There! You thought we'd be
playing in orchestras here.
You were wrong.
Nobody here wants art. Nobody!
Come on, you're exaggerating.
Just look at these fat chops.
Those are the French for you.
Thick as planks.
- Surely not all of them.
- All.
No, really.
What about Voltaire or Bizet?
As thick as the rest of them.
Shrimp with lemon.
We know: "The mighty French
culture...
...fertilized the Russian culture."
It was we who fertilized them.
We filled their void...
...with profound meaning and
now stand in awe of them!
I don't agree with you.
No? See those people sitting
behind us?
You know what their conversation
is about?
It's about the food they're stuffing in.
And you remember how we...
...in a communal flat on Lenin
square, on the kitchen table...
... a bottle of vodka and one pickle...
And we talked about fine arts,
Motherland's fate, about God.
Oh, well...
Gorokhov!
What are you doing?
What do you need a piano
for on the roof?
I'm going to give concerts, stupid.
- Bought for hard currency?
- No, for your pretty eyes.
Who gave you the right to spend
Convertible currency on yourself?
On myself, huh? Who'd you think
I bought this for? You!
Mum, to think I wasted
my life on him!
- Wretched parasite!
- You old prostitute!
Me ask no noise. Me call police.
No noise. Call police.
Madame! Pardon, don't call the police!
When you deal with your wife,
you beat up her face,
but when it comes to a French tart,
it's "Pardon!"
Madame! Everything will be OK!
Yves Montand! C'est la vie!
Peace, friendship! Pardon, merci!
- Who took down our lines?
- Who needs your rags?
I know who needs them.
I'll sort her out now!
Vera, please stop it!
She's already on her way over.
There'll be trouble...
We're not saying a word.
Slut, idiot, tart!
You be scoundrel, fool,
bastard, shit, bandit!
Is that so? I'll show you!
You know what this is?
Stop! Stop!
At last we've found it!
The church, the bar, and the ladder!
It's the wrong church...
and the wrong bar.
They're robbing someone.
There's just as much shit here
as back home. Let's go!
You say: look at the dirt,
the poverty, the boorishness.
You're right, on the one hand.
On the other... Take me:
I have everything:
a car, a flat, a job, a family.
But I have an ache here.
The farther, the worse.
I've been here. And Australia,
the Hawaii, Florida and Japan.
So what?
It's just the same as watching
it on TV in Petersburg.
But when I sat bare-assed in
my communal flat,
and couldn't even dream of all this,
somewhere deep inside
I was much richer!
So many plans!
I was bursting with ideas!
Then go back there!
- If it were that simple!
- It's very simple.
It's no occasion for irony.
I swear, I'd give up all: France,
Australia, car and coat,
if you'd return to me my Nevsky
Prospect and communal flat!
But give it back this very moment!
Will you be satisfied if it's
in half an hour's time?
- Well, I'm blowed!
- Straight ahead.Turn left.
Careful, there are steps here.
Why such a stench?
Are we in a loo?
It's a surprise.
Especially for you.
A nice surprise but too stinky.
- Which way?
- It makes no difference.
It makes a difference to me.
Zip along Nevsky, past
Field of Mars, then turn right...
- Along Fontanka?
- No.
Along Mokhovaya,
to our local little pub!
Then left, and step on it till
you get to the end.
- Is he just out of a madhouse?
- He's just over from Paris.
- Is everyone a nut over there?
- All without exception.
Get out. We've arrived.
Take off your blindfold.
Recognize it?
So long, and good luck!
Stop!
News bulletin.
Democracy is upon us,
bringing to the sacred banks
of the Neva
not merely foreign traders,
but foreign gangsters as well.
Two criminals were arrested
while breaking into a flat...
That's them, the foul parasites!
They maintain, in broken French,
that they are citizens of France.
They are, more over,
unable to explain their
presence in Petersburg.
They'll pay for it.
Not so fast. What about Lenin Square
and your communal flat?
To hell with all that!
- Stop the idle talk!
- I've already stopped.
- You'll find me a job.
- No problem.
Get up! Cover your eyes!
Cover them properly! Let's go!
Stop!
Careful! Don't scratch it!
I don't need to be told.
What are you doing there?
Gorokhov!
I'm coming down.
- You bet you are!
- What's the matter?
Your French tart has
chopped the ladder.
What am I going to do?
Mother Russia, I'll never see you again!
Madame, can I help you?
Gorokhov! Get me out of here!
Well, are you satisfied now?
-This is not Adele.
- What do you mean?
A grey angora with spots,
white bib, blue eyes...
That's it. The eyes!
She has a frivolous look.
Adele's eye were chaste and meek.
She was a virgin, just like me.
Perhaps the light's not quite right.
I'll open the window and you'll see.
Let us through.
You gang of bastards!
You'll pay for this!
Go to hell!
She thinks we can fly.
Excuse me.
They look even more depraved
in this light.
My Adele, you know,
had meek and gentle eyes...
You be scoundrel, fool, bastard, tart!
Mesdames! Messieurs!
By" Red October"factory's pianos,
the sturdiest!
- You'd do better if you played.
- Right.
Congratulations. We'll take you.
But I should warn you,
we're no "Moulin Rouge".
We believe in serious art.
Our club was founded
almost 300 years ago,
and we have traditions you will
have to reckon with.
To start with: stop smoking.
No smoking here.
Second, take off your trousers.
Why?
Clear enough. Take off your trousers.
If you don't, you'll lose the job.
Can't you show your legs?
6 sections in all.
- Height?
- 2.5 meters.
- Too low.
- Banks use them.
But you don't know these people.
If you insist, we can put
in electronic eyes.
Anything crossing the beam sets
off the electronic defense,
triggering either high
voltage electric shock
or a blast of neuro-paralytic gas.
- Could I have both?
- Certainly.
And I'd also like a row
of spikes on top.
- Smeared with poison?
- Is it possible?
Madame, you've seen too many
horror films
and are over-dramatizing
the situation.
So. For physical injuries we'll
confiscate the telephone.
For moral damage, we'll take the bird.
Hey, thief!
Give back my things immediately.
Stop and give back my things,
that's an order!
All right, we've had our little joke,
but there's a limit.
Open the door, you bastards! Thieves!
This time, you won't get away with it!
I've had enough.
I'm going to the police.
You'll remember me!
You'll keep out cold.
Messieurs!
There are toilets for that!
Madame, tell me,
which district is this?
She's ill!
PART II
Cheers!
Hands off Lenin!
Remember, Russia always rested
on three whales:
God, Tsar, and Fatherland.
Ma'am, save Russia! Keep her
from hands of Jews and Masons!
Sign in support of our deputy!
RUSSIA IS FOR THE RUSSIANS!
How much is the chicken?
Hey, girl, is the dressing
gown for sale?
You're a foreigner! Are you cold?
What are you doing naked
in such weather?
Come home with me, we'll get warm.
Watch the step.
She's with me. My bird.
Careful, there's a piss on the floor.
Sit down.
What a beauty! Who is she?
Keep your hands off.
She's a foreigner.
Get out of here!
What are you shivering for?
We'll get warm now.
Cheers!
No, drink it all. Bottoms up!
Feel that? Sure!
Are you getting warmer?
What a nice gown you've got.
You're nice, too.
And your bird is nice, too.
I like your gown and the hat.
They were yours.
Now they're mine.
C'est la vie!
Your tails, monsieur!
-Thank you very much!
- No trouble.
- Monsieur, and the trousers?
- No trousers.
I won't play Mozart trouser-less!
No one here wants to see
Mozart in trousers.
-Then I won't play at all.
-Then you'll die under the hedge.
Let me die,
but with my trousers on.
That's your Russian prudery for you!
You all play at being saints,
being in fact a bunch of thieves.
Vodka and foul language -
that's
your moral code.
You say one thing, do another,
think yet another!
You're shit!
Messieurs, you speak French?
Help me!
Wait for me!
I'm coming!
I'm French, just like you.
Let me through! I must speak
to my fellow countrymen!
I must go home!
Leave me alone!
You little bitch!
No, no I'll show you "monsieur".
I beg you, let me go home.
I'll allow you free passage
through my flat.
Police?
This is the place, lads,
I've found it.
Look: here's the house, the wall,
the grill, the church.
And where's the fire escape ladder?
There are thousands of such
places in Paris!
-Then I don't know...
- But I know!
Madame, excuse me,
I must get through.
Hello. Come in,
I've no time to waste.
Lower it down here.
Over to the left.
That's it!
Look, there're some books!
Get in, granny!
And you said we'd never lift
her up! We did!
What a car!
A"Citroen Cabriolet".
- Look at those lights! Halogens!
- Where's the French girl?
- I'm serious. Where is she?
- Your dame's in Petersburg.
Gorokhov sent her there
for re-education.
I always carry it close to my heart,
I'll die with it.
I always carry it close to my heart,
I'll die with it.
In these hard times,
when our Party
has been forced underground
we have fought our way here
to fellow French comrades:
The Party still lives!
Our way to you was hard
and full of deprivation.
Our delegation was exposed
to cold and famine.
But communists never give up!
And extending to you our
hand in friendship,
and adhering to the principles of
proletarian internationalism,
we exhort you to pay our taxi!
Long live international solidarity
of workers!
Long live everlasting friendship
between our parties!
No pasaran!
8500 francs?
You've really come straight
from Moscow?
No, from Leningrad.
Have a look...
It's her! Edith Piaf!
Here's a book about her.
Help me get out of here.
Don't leave me here,
I beg you!
I want to go home!
Don't do that. Get up!
What are you doing? Calm down.
See what you've done to
the famous artiste?
- She's got a concert today.
- Well, what of it?
You think she can go out
on stage in this condition?
- Where's her concert?
- In a concert hall...
- Which one?
-The "October".
Find "October" phone number.
- And who might you be?
- Mme. Piaf's interpreter.
I double as the pianist.
-Your documents, please.
- How could I have them?
I'm in my concert dress,
I don't even have pockets.
"October" Hall? Lt. Vragov,
20th Police station, speaking.
Do you have Edith Piaf
performing today?
You do? With whom? Who?
With Elvis Presley?
Well, we have them both down
here at the station.
I'll pass the word.
Greetings to you both.
- We are free to go?
- Free to go?
We have criminal proceedings
against your artiste.
For assault of an officer on duty
and material damages.
What damages?
See this broken cap.
This offence calls for arrest.
Don't you realize that a concert
with Edith Piaf
is worth more than Petersburg's
entire Police Force?
Splendid! Then let her pay
for material, and, especially,
moral damages. Hard currency.
I'll find out in a minute.
Madame Piaf...
Have you been taking drugs?
Madame Piaf has agreed
to pay in goods.
What goods?
Video, TV set, washing machine,
cigarettes...
Can we have two videos?
I can't read item 1 7 here.
- Uev or Muev...
- Captain Chuev.
- 2 cassette recorders and a
hair-drier. - Thank you.
Petrenko will take you to your hotel.
Madam Piaf invites you to her concert.
Hallo. Who are you escorting?
- French Artists.
- What are the names?
Edith Piaf and Elvis Presley.
And you, I suppose, must
be Fyodor Chaliapin?
-Petrenko! Where are the artists?
-In the car.
Artists, my foot!
I want these criminals brought
to the station.
In case of resistance, we use weapons.
Easy now! Get out of the car!
Only don't shoot!
Quick, shut the door!
Madame, let's go!
Step on it!
Petrenko! Why don't you reply?
I order you to reply.
Go to hell, I've had enough of you.
Answer according to Regulations!
I've shot them.
Shot them?
But you don't
have any bullets.
And you don't have any brain,
you idiot
It's not Petrenko!
All highway and police cars!
Stop police car No...
Your card, Madam!
Let's see your card!
Leave her alone.
She's a foreigner.
What about your ticket?
Are you also a foreigner?
I could be a foreigner, too!
None of them have a conscience.
It's that insolent breed.
They've got money for restaurants.
I know their kind!
Keep calm, citizens.
We'll soon get off.
- And who'll pay your fare?
- Get them out of here!
Who will put this country to order?!
- I'm Nikolai!
- I'm Nicole!
At long last!
We've waited long enough.
We were worried.
You tell him, Vera.
You ran off with the club's costume.
That wasn't nice.
Dinner's ready. We have an occasion
to celebrate.
You won't believe your eyes.
See what a beauty...
So soft and comfortable.
Just feel the suspension!
A"Citroen"!
Time to take your medicine.
Drink this.
Why give her shit to drink!
It's full of synthetic nitrates.
Try this! 7 6 per cent,
made with natural herbs!
See how it spreads through
the system. Let's try it, too.
Your health!
Best of all, give her a rub down.
- What do you mean?
- Strip her, then rub.
I'll give you such a rub down
you'll crawl to the ceiling.
She's ill, poor thing!
And hungry...
- Come to our place for a bite and drink.
- Our table's loaded.
Can't you see, she won't come.
Leave her alone.
She doesn't have to,
if she doesn't want to.
If the mountain won't
come to Mohammed,
Mohammed goes to the mountain.
Kolya, you have callers.
Greetings, Nikolai Nikolaevich!
- We've come.
-That's wonderful.
And what next?
You promised to take us to a
place we've never been to.
Come on then!
Do you think
they're taking
us to lunch?
Comrades, in 1 5 minutes
we'll be at Pere Lachaise.
What are perlachaise?
It's a famous restaurant.
Like "Maxim's".
Nikolai Nikolaevich, how do
you say in French
"a window to Paris"?
"A window to Paris"?
Let's see...
Kolya, we've found them!
"We haven't eaten in six days."
Right, the concert's over,
time to go home.
Don't you understand? Home!
The window is closing.
Well, let it close.
It won't open again for 20 years.
Got it?
- Got it.
- Let's go then.
- We've decided to stay.
- You what?
We've decided to stay.
What do you mean, "decided to stay"?
How can you decide?
Grow up first, then decide.
I'll decide for you meanwhile.
Come on!
Fine. You've decided to stay.
What about your parents?
It's all the better for them.
Fewer problems with food.
You're a bunch of fools.
They love you. They worry.
They think something has
happened to us.
But we've written to them.
When they learn we're in Paris,
of course, they'll be glad.
Then we'll invite them over and
they'll have a good time.
Nastya! What about your granny?
She'll die without you.
Don't play on her feelings.
Her granny's sick because she
doesn't have good medicine.
But we'll buy her medicine here
and she'll get better.
And the money? Where's the money
going to come from?
See this?
We've earned 248 francs already.
The French are kind people.
They won't abandon children.
They're kind,
but you won't
always be children.
Do you plan to spend your lives
sponging on them?
Why our whole lives?
We'll find other work.
- Dishwashing...
- Or washing cars...
-There's plenty of occupations.
- What do you mean?
Beauty has its value everywhere.
Clever girl.
You ought to be ashamed.
Your teacher gave you a treat
and the thanks he gets.
He's in the hospital because of you.
You're cruel, ungrateful children.
Very well. You're right.
You were born at the wrong time,
in a miserable bankrupt country.
But it's your country.
Can't you make it a better place?
You could do much, believe me.
But you haven't even tried.
Don't you really care?
- And you?
- I do.
Then why have you decided to
stay here?
Who said I'm staying?
No, thanks, I don't want to
spoil my appetite.
Look!
-That's Gorokhov's neighbor.
- Kolya...
- Stop! Wait!
- Kolya! It's us!
Open the door, do you hear me!
Gorokhov, dear! Come for my sake!
The window's closing!
Insensitive creature.
Let them say goodbye!
Contact the Russian embassy.
They'll help their countrymen.
The hell they need you!
No passport, no money...
We can't get along without
the French communists.
We're fed up to there with that party!
Give me that thing, please.
I have a brilliant idea.
Hands up!
Where to?
To Petersburg!
What are you standing there for?
Give me a hand!
Agnes SOLAD - Nicole
Sergey DONTSOV - Chizhov
Victor MIKHAILOV - Gorokhov
Nina USATOVA -Vera
Kira KREILIS - Petrova,
Gorokhv'e mother -in-law
Natalia IPATOVA -
Gorokhov's daughter
Victor GOGOLEV - Kuzmivh
Tamara TIMOFEEVA - Maria Olegovna
Jean RUPPER -
M. Prevaut
and others
Directed by Yuri MAMIN
with Arkady TIGAI
Camera - Sergey NEKRASOV,
Anatoly LAPSHOV
Art Director - Vera Zelinskaya
Music - Yuri MAMIN with
Alexey ZALIVALOV
Sound - Leonid GAVRICHENKO
The End
---
There's no smell.
It happened a week ago, you say?
I came home from the shop,
and she was in the kitchen.
I said: Rush, Maria Olegovna,
they're almost out of yoghurt
And she says in this sad voice:
"I've rushed around enough,
it's time I took a rest."
I immediately suspected
something was amiss.
Then she went off to her room.
That was the last we saw of her.
To work!
"FONTAN". . .
with "INEX" and
"TROITSKY MOST" Studio
present
Agnes Soral
In Yuri MAMIN's film
WINDOW TO PARIS
Original script by
Arkady TIGAI and
Yuri MAMIN
Arkady TIGAI and
Yuri MAMIN
Go away. The vodka's finished.
-Get the people out of here!
-Play the "Internationale".
Leading actors:
S. DONTSOV, V. MIKHAILOV
The subject development was
suggested by Felix MIRONER
In the script's preparation
participated:
Viacheslav LEIKIN and
Vladimir VARDUNAS
Producers Guy SALIGMAN
Lavrenty EMRASHVILI
WINDOW TO PARIS
PART 1
Good day, Nikolai Nikolayevich!
Everyone in line!
- Hi!
- Good morning!
- You didn't freeze?
- I'm used to it.
I'm looking at a place today.
-They've given you a flat?
-No, a room in a communal flat.
Good day, Nikolai Nikolaevich!
Nikolai Nikolaevich, why are
your children blocking the way?
Herman awoke during the night.
Moonlight flooded his room.
He looked at his watch:
a quarter to three.
Sleep left him.
A this moment, someone
passing in the street...
...peeking through his window and
immediately walked off.
Unfamiliar, shuffling steps
approached,
the door opened,
and on the threshold appeared
the figure of a woman in white.
What are you doing in the dark?
Saving electricity?
This is equipment for the
school of management.
1 20 megabytes hard memory
Can't you see we're having a lesson?
-I can see.
-Boys, bring the stuff in.
-Get out of here this minute!
Don't mind us.
We'll talk later.
Dear Nikolai Nikolaevich!
You're over-dramatizing the situation.
Nothing terrible has happened.
We simply can't have valuable
equipment strewn in the hall.
This is your most valuable
equipment!
-Don't you understand?
-That's why we employ you
to cultivate, ennoble,
refine the soul...
You're talking to me...
...as if I'm a child or an idiot.
For you my subject is rubbish
and the children see that.
To be frank, we don't prepare
musicians, but businessmen.
If this were a musical college
yours would be the main subject.
But you didn't get along there.
Our main subjects are management
and marketing.
Sure. You brought up builders
of communism.
Now it's builders of capitalism.
And the result is one: beasts
of pray and ignorant thieves.
- How many megabytes did you say?
- 1 20.
The chrysanthemums
in the garden...
...have long since withered.
But love lives on...
...in my sick heart.
Let me kiss you, dear.
Papa, open the door.
Congratulations, daughter.
- Good day. Who are you looking for?
- I'm moving in.
-Into the old woman's room?
-I don't know. It's 1 8 sq.m.
Someone's come to live in the
old woman's room.
It's sealed up.
I have a warrant and the key.
We'll break the seal. Come in.
This is where she lived.
Blimey, where have you come
from, parasite?
It's the cat of the woman
who died here.
She's been dead a year, and he
was gone. Suddenly there he is.
Fat as a pig!
As if he'd been feeding at
the meat factory.
How'd he get in here?
The furniture is all ours.
Maria Olegovna, when she took
her leave, said:
I leave the furniture to you
who are like a family to me.
- Where to with the chair?
- Here.
- And this, papa? - Can't you
work it out for yourself?
A rental shop...
Concerto for vermicelli and orchestra.
Why so many pianos?
We work at the factory.
You a musician?
Here's to Nikolai Nikolaevich,
my neighbor and colleague.
And here's to my other neighbor
van Kuzmich!
He's a real fisherman.
Catches eels in the city canal.
I'll fetch some pickled eels right away.
No, don't! They stink of shit!
They live in shit all their life.
OK, we all live in shit.
So fetch your eels.
I don't like eels, myself
Till '83, we got them...
...in our Party rations.
I gave mine to the chauffeur.
I'm a simple fellow, I'd rather
suck on some dried fish.
In 70 years, your lot
fairy sucked us dry!
And now see what we have to suck!
I left your party before the putsch.
Your kind just comes and
leaves by any asshole.
I always carry my Party card!
I'll die with it.
Here's to the last communist!
Ditch you lousy school.
Do you need those juvenile slobs?
You'll be better off working at
our factory. We need tuners.
We play in the orchestra every
night and every day we're drunk.
We play in the orchestra every
night and every day we're drunk.
Max, Max!
So here you are, you rascal!
I'll have a few words to say
to you at home.
See that?
We're pissed.
Who was that?
The dead old woman, my neighbor.
We'll have to call a priest to
have the room blessed.
Where did she go to?
- Who?
- Your old woman.
To the cemetery, where else?
She was a plague in life,
and still is.
What a cupboard!
Did you see that?
In 20 years I never knew there
was a way out to the roof.
So that's how she comes and
goes from the cemetery.
- Were you at the funeral?
- No. She simply disappeared.
Maybe she didn't die, after all.
You mean she comes flying in
here alive?
That's a lot of nonsense.
- You can feel it's got warmer.
- Another drink's what we need.
- What time is it?
- 2:06
You've got a lively night life here.
-The fire escape's on the left.
- Let's get there.
- Lads, what's that down there?
- A porcupine!
You'd do better to go to bed.
I can't stand the sound of a
broken piano being murdered.
We'll be late. They'll close.
I can't go backwards down
the ladder.
A step is missing here.
Where to now?
Don't step on my hand!
It really has got warmer.
- Shh! Quiet now!
- Hold on, lads!
There used to be a beer stall here.
We always had a mug before school.
Every bastard knows me here.
It's a foreign currency joint!
Let's beat it!
Hold it! Why can't I, a native
Russian,...
...have a mug of beer in my own
country?
Not enough? Have some more.
See how they treat us Russians?
Remember our Party.There was
nothing like this in its days.
Take this, it's all I've got.
Still not enough?
If I have no stinking bucks!
Does that mean I can't have a beer?
Hey, look: they accept "baldies"!
- I've got one, too!
- I only collect these.
Excellent beer!
I haven't had it so good for ages.
And we get by without your party.
Tomorrow we'll come with a canister.
- I think you fell, Petia.
- Not me. My body did.
See how well they mended the street!
If you give our people a free hand,
they'll do anything.
But for the TV tower, I'd never
known my neighborhood.
If you only knew...
...how dear to me...
...are Petersburg evenings!
Here we go. Get in, lads.
See you tomorrow, Gorokhov!
Kolia, good-bye!
- Get in, Fedia!
- I'll take the subway.
It's closed. It's past 3 AM.
Don't be a nut. Let's go.
Kolia! I'm so glad you've
moved in with us.
I'm fed up with the dames.
But I liked you the moment I saw you.
Ditch your school and come to...
...our "Red October" musical
instruments factory!
Days, you'll tune pianos.
Nights, we'll play near the subway...
Stop!
This is more than I can bear!
Why did you do that?
Stop! That's bad, unsynchronized.
- The Director summons you.
- Can't you see we have a class?
I'm sorry.
The collective has decided:
For behavior inconsistent
with a pedagogue's calling...
e.g., systematic infringement
of pedagogical ethics,
childish populism and damage
to equipment...
...belonging to the Lycee,
Nikolai Chizhov, teacher of
music and aesthetics,
is to be dismissed from the
teachers' staff...
...and his class time to be turned
over to priority subjects
Anything biting?
Biting? Nothing but condoms.
They've fouled up the whole
ecology, the bums!
On this very spot,
I used to catch bream this big!
And now you're lucky if you
catch a lousy minnow!
Excuse me, are you the last
in this queue?
Where have you been?
-They've given me the sack...
- Forget it! Come take a look!
Look!
I'm being refracted...
What's the matter with you?
I'm undergoing special refraction.
What's that?
I'm undergoing refraction in
space, blockhead!
Bloody heck!
Don't just stand there!
Come here!
Well? Does it remind you of
some place?
Right! We're in Paris, comrade.
Hold on tight, or your head
will start spinning again!
To hell with it! Impossible!
I can't believe it!
- It's possible, Kolia!
-The discovery of the century!
Of course, it's the discovery
of the century.
God! We must invite the scientists.
The specialists.
You off your head?
You want a frontier post here
and a kick in the ass from us?
Not a word to anyone.
- Hey!
- Yes, that's good.
Just be grateful I brought you here.
No scientists. This is for the two of us.
They write in French
so we won't understand.
Here's a fine job: a turn of
the handle and money pours.
The perfume doesn't come
cheap here.
Look: loads of stuff down the
whole street,
and not a buyer in sight.
Who needs that?
Forty varieties! All this'll rot,
they'll dump it.
But if you ask for some,
they'll rather die than give it.
The French are stingy.
See the bottles they drink from!
And they say we Russians are
drunkards. They started it all.
These are our furs, from Siberia!
How many Russian mink die for
their prostitutes to dress up!
What a monster! Don't think of
taking it home: you'll go blind.
More radioactive than Chernobyl!
That fat mug should be pulling
a cart, but he's in films.
Oh, it's me! The bastards!
Here's the fire escape! And the bar!
But where's the embankment?
Simple enough. We're looking
for a bar by the embankment.
-There's our street!
- Are you sure?
- Or maybe over there...
- Where? There or there?
- The devil can tell...
-That's it. Farewell, Russia.
Hey!
- You could see the tower there.
- You can see it anywhere.
Here's the embankment.
There was one there, too.
Kuzmich! How did you get here?
-Through your ass.
- Lie! Through the old woman's room!
Why should I be tramping through
other people's rooms?
Do you know where you are?
First time in a year they bite
and you addling my brains.
- Go away!
- Where to? We're lost!
What do I care?
Come here! Here it is!
Here's the wall, and here's
the fire escape ladder.
They're so rich they throw away
motorcycles like this!
Churches all about and they
don't even believe in God!
Look who's here to greet us!
-That's where the pig got so fat!
- Well, expect a visitation!
I'll take care of this visitation tonight.
The insolent bum walking about
as if he owns the place.
He brought us to Paris and all
you can do is shout at him.
Look at this!
- So you speak French?
- No, it's an Ives Montand song.
If you think you can get away
with this,
you're mistaken.
The police know about your
last night carousal.
You'll have to respond before the law.
What does she want?
She says thank you for
tuning her piano.
You're welcome, Madam.
It was no trouble.
Play the fool at home in Poland,
but observe the laws
of civilized society here.
She definitely wants something.
What could a Parisienne want
of a Russian peasant?
You've inflicted damage
for 5500 francs!
Look what a mess you've made
of my studio!
I told you! She's asking us in.
Take my advice, don't be shy.
demand you pay damages and
put the studio in order.
Don't pretend you don't understand.
I have witnesses.
Watch her wiggle her fanny!
How am I to restore this composition?
-That's a hint! Hot babe!
- I think she's repulsive!
What about the divan?
What'll I do about these stains?
And the lobster?
You broke its pincher!
She wants the crab position
on the divan!
Gorokhov!
Darn Vera found the door. I'm off!
Take the condom. They've got
AIDS all about here.
shit face? Everyone's looking for you.
Already found yourself a dame,
you jerk!
What do you mean?
She's Nikolai's bird!
Parasite! Waving your arms too!
What's this brawl about?
And who are you, anyway?
You don't speak French at all?
I've had enough. I'm calling
the police.
Don't call the police. Don't be afraid,
we won't hurt you.
I'll fix your piano free of charge.
Monsieur Prevant,
help me get rid of him!
You don't understand!
Stop, lads. Here it is.
The bridge, the tower,
the river and the bar!
That river was like Fontanka.
This one's a piddling ditch.
No more questions. On we go.
I'd say this detail is revealing
of your friend's character.
You're right, Coco new not fear.
He attacked even the largest dogs
and turned them to flight.
The best are the first to die,
unfortunately.
In our family,
all the males are fighters.
My grandfather, cavalier of the Legion
of Honor, was a fighter.
So was my father. Likewise, myself.
And Coco, too.
Max! Max!
Meow, you old witch!
Good day, Maria Olegovna!
Have you nice neighbors in the
other world, or louts like us?
You ought to be ashamed, Maria.
If you want shopping done or
the doctor, call us, but Paris...
All Paris needs is you! You've
done enough spoiling this place.
We forgot to ask your permission
to take a walk about Paris.
The window belongs to us now!
We'll come and go as we like.
No you won't! Because this
window is closing!
That's a lie. How can it close?
But for that, I would have
gone there when still young.
Tell us when it closes.
- I will not!
-You will!
No!
Vera, get the scissors!
We'll cut off the kitty's balls.
Don't you dare! Let the cat go.
I ask for the last time: when?
We'll cut them off!
Very well, you monsters...
Read this. The exact dates
are marked.
- Run! The window is closing!
- What do you mean, closing?
Paris is closing, blockhead!
- How do you know?
-The old woman said so.
Her grandfather was a scientist.
He worked it all out.
See this rain.There wasn't a cloud
in sight in the daytime.
All as the old woman said.
Just wait till midnight strikes.
- How long will that be?
- I don't know exactly.
That's all humbug.
You'll see when it closes.
- When will it open again?
- In 20 years.
In 20 years, we'll be too old for Paris.
- Get closer to the windows.
- I can manage myself.
- You'll fall, you idiot.
-Take care you don't fall.
- Where'd you put the tank?
- I gave it to Mum.
And the hind wheel, too.
What are you doing here, Kolia?
I don't understand you...
Your chum decided to emigrate.
The sort of friends you have!
Drag it away before they catch
you in the act.
At least, we're not traitors like you.
That's an offence. Motorcycles
are common as mud in Paris.
They even dump cars, they got
so fat at our expense.
Why at our expense?
Who do you think shielded them
from the Golden Horde?
In the 200 years we kept it back
they've been developing.
So you're just taking your due?
Precisely.
And it's OK to rob other
people's tents? This is ours!
Let him use it.
We're generous people.
I'm giving you my room in exchange,
may you choke on it.
Thanks for the room.
We may be poor, but we're
ready to share our last kopeck.
Here, it's a cruel world.
No one will offer a hand in help.
Go to hell, you and your advice!
We'll go all right, but you'll
remember your fatherland,
when you lie dying under a
hedge among the frog gobblers.
Kolia, get up!
The window is still open!
Where to with these?
Leave them where you found them.
Good day, Nikolai Nikolaevich!
Did you sleep well?
You didn't feel cold in your tent?
Nights are warm here.
- Mum! The colors will stain!
- Don't tell me what to do!
See the outdated spelling?
This was written before the revolution.
Exactly! They used a different
calendar then.
So what?
When you celebrate the
Old New Year?
On the 1 3th...
Put those rags aside!
We only have 1 3 days ahead!
- 1 3? What do you mean?
- Round it off, Mum.
Silence! I'll read the Strike
Committee's declaration.
We, students of the Business
Lycee demand:
1 : Recommence the aesthetics
classes.
2: That the canteen again
serve doughnuts.
3: Permit smoking during recesses.
Nikolai Nikolaevich, I'm so
glad that you're back among us.
Thank you, I no longer need money.
But if you could give me
a French textbook...
- What do you mean?
- I need a textbook.
- For which year?
- For all of them.
But they've all been checked out.
We'll give you anything
if you influence the kids.
I have a proposal that
will suit everyone.
Withdraw your demands and
attend classes.
I, on my part, will arrange
a fantastic excursion.
Where to?
To a place you've never been to
and aren't likely to see.
To a place you've never been to
and aren't likely to see.
Vera! Hold on to the money.
Stop them!
Hey! Are you out of your mind?
Let go of me, you damn monkey!
- Hallo!
- Stop them.
What are you doing on my roof?
Clear out before I have them
put you behind bars.
Madame, may I make your akwiance?
- What?
- Acquaintance.
- You cretin.
- Why?
Please come in. make yourself
comfortable.
I'll go fetch your pet.
There...
I thought this will liven
things up a bit.
"The Afternoon of a Faun",
so to speak...
Faun! She was a virgin.
It was an unfortunate way
of putting it...
I meant "Diana Resting after
the Hunt".
Adele couldn't hurt a fly.
She was a noble creature.
But surely she rested
from time to time.
But not in this loose position.
She was very modest.
- I'm so tired of idiots!
- What?
Get your ugly mugs out of here.
I need a Russian-French phrasebook
and Russian swear words dictionary.
There! You thought we'd be
playing in orchestras here.
You were wrong.
Nobody here wants art. Nobody!
Come on, you're exaggerating.
Just look at these fat chops.
Those are the French for you.
Thick as planks.
- Surely not all of them.
- All.
No, really.
What about Voltaire or Bizet?
As thick as the rest of them.
Shrimp with lemon.
We know: "The mighty French
culture...
...fertilized the Russian culture."
It was we who fertilized them.
We filled their void...
...with profound meaning and
now stand in awe of them!
I don't agree with you.
No? See those people sitting
behind us?
You know what their conversation
is about?
It's about the food they're stuffing in.
And you remember how we...
...in a communal flat on Lenin
square, on the kitchen table...
... a bottle of vodka and one pickle...
And we talked about fine arts,
Motherland's fate, about God.
Oh, well...
Gorokhov!
What are you doing?
What do you need a piano
for on the roof?
I'm going to give concerts, stupid.
- Bought for hard currency?
- No, for your pretty eyes.
Who gave you the right to spend
Convertible currency on yourself?
On myself, huh? Who'd you think
I bought this for? You!
Mum, to think I wasted
my life on him!
- Wretched parasite!
- You old prostitute!
Me ask no noise. Me call police.
No noise. Call police.
Madame! Pardon, don't call the police!
When you deal with your wife,
you beat up her face,
but when it comes to a French tart,
it's "Pardon!"
Madame! Everything will be OK!
Yves Montand! C'est la vie!
Peace, friendship! Pardon, merci!
- Who took down our lines?
- Who needs your rags?
I know who needs them.
I'll sort her out now!
Vera, please stop it!
She's already on her way over.
There'll be trouble...
We're not saying a word.
Slut, idiot, tart!
You be scoundrel, fool,
bastard, shit, bandit!
Is that so? I'll show you!
You know what this is?
Stop! Stop!
At last we've found it!
The church, the bar, and the ladder!
It's the wrong church...
and the wrong bar.
They're robbing someone.
There's just as much shit here
as back home. Let's go!
You say: look at the dirt,
the poverty, the boorishness.
You're right, on the one hand.
On the other... Take me:
I have everything:
a car, a flat, a job, a family.
But I have an ache here.
The farther, the worse.
I've been here. And Australia,
the Hawaii, Florida and Japan.
So what?
It's just the same as watching
it on TV in Petersburg.
But when I sat bare-assed in
my communal flat,
and couldn't even dream of all this,
somewhere deep inside
I was much richer!
So many plans!
I was bursting with ideas!
Then go back there!
- If it were that simple!
- It's very simple.
It's no occasion for irony.
I swear, I'd give up all: France,
Australia, car and coat,
if you'd return to me my Nevsky
Prospect and communal flat!
But give it back this very moment!
Will you be satisfied if it's
in half an hour's time?
- Well, I'm blowed!
- Straight ahead.Turn left.
Careful, there are steps here.
Why such a stench?
Are we in a loo?
It's a surprise.
Especially for you.
A nice surprise but too stinky.
- Which way?
- It makes no difference.
It makes a difference to me.
Zip along Nevsky, past
Field of Mars, then turn right...
- Along Fontanka?
- No.
Along Mokhovaya,
to our local little pub!
Then left, and step on it till
you get to the end.
- Is he just out of a madhouse?
- He's just over from Paris.
- Is everyone a nut over there?
- All without exception.
Get out. We've arrived.
Take off your blindfold.
Recognize it?
So long, and good luck!
Stop!
News bulletin.
Democracy is upon us,
bringing to the sacred banks
of the Neva
not merely foreign traders,
but foreign gangsters as well.
Two criminals were arrested
while breaking into a flat...
That's them, the foul parasites!
They maintain, in broken French,
that they are citizens of France.
They are, more over,
unable to explain their
presence in Petersburg.
They'll pay for it.
Not so fast. What about Lenin Square
and your communal flat?
To hell with all that!
- Stop the idle talk!
- I've already stopped.
- You'll find me a job.
- No problem.
Get up! Cover your eyes!
Cover them properly! Let's go!
Stop!
Careful! Don't scratch it!
I don't need to be told.
What are you doing there?
Gorokhov!
I'm coming down.
- You bet you are!
- What's the matter?
Your French tart has
chopped the ladder.
What am I going to do?
Mother Russia, I'll never see you again!
Madame, can I help you?
Gorokhov! Get me out of here!
Well, are you satisfied now?
-This is not Adele.
- What do you mean?
A grey angora with spots,
white bib, blue eyes...
That's it. The eyes!
She has a frivolous look.
Adele's eye were chaste and meek.
She was a virgin, just like me.
Perhaps the light's not quite right.
I'll open the window and you'll see.
Let us through.
You gang of bastards!
You'll pay for this!
Go to hell!
She thinks we can fly.
Excuse me.
They look even more depraved
in this light.
My Adele, you know,
had meek and gentle eyes...
You be scoundrel, fool, bastard, tart!
Mesdames! Messieurs!
By" Red October"factory's pianos,
the sturdiest!
- You'd do better if you played.
- Right.
Congratulations. We'll take you.
But I should warn you,
we're no "Moulin Rouge".
We believe in serious art.
Our club was founded
almost 300 years ago,
and we have traditions you will
have to reckon with.
To start with: stop smoking.
No smoking here.
Second, take off your trousers.
Why?
Clear enough. Take off your trousers.
If you don't, you'll lose the job.
Can't you show your legs?
6 sections in all.
- Height?
- 2.5 meters.
- Too low.
- Banks use them.
But you don't know these people.
If you insist, we can put
in electronic eyes.
Anything crossing the beam sets
off the electronic defense,
triggering either high
voltage electric shock
or a blast of neuro-paralytic gas.
- Could I have both?
- Certainly.
And I'd also like a row
of spikes on top.
- Smeared with poison?
- Is it possible?
Madame, you've seen too many
horror films
and are over-dramatizing
the situation.
So. For physical injuries we'll
confiscate the telephone.
For moral damage, we'll take the bird.
Hey, thief!
Give back my things immediately.
Stop and give back my things,
that's an order!
All right, we've had our little joke,
but there's a limit.
Open the door, you bastards! Thieves!
This time, you won't get away with it!
I've had enough.
I'm going to the police.
You'll remember me!
You'll keep out cold.
Messieurs!
There are toilets for that!
Madame, tell me,
which district is this?
She's ill!
PART II
Cheers!
Hands off Lenin!
Remember, Russia always rested
on three whales:
God, Tsar, and Fatherland.
Ma'am, save Russia! Keep her
from hands of Jews and Masons!
Sign in support of our deputy!
RUSSIA IS FOR THE RUSSIANS!
How much is the chicken?
Hey, girl, is the dressing
gown for sale?
You're a foreigner! Are you cold?
What are you doing naked
in such weather?
Come home with me, we'll get warm.
Watch the step.
She's with me. My bird.
Careful, there's a piss on the floor.
Sit down.
What a beauty! Who is she?
Keep your hands off.
She's a foreigner.
Get out of here!
What are you shivering for?
We'll get warm now.
Cheers!
No, drink it all. Bottoms up!
Feel that? Sure!
Are you getting warmer?
What a nice gown you've got.
You're nice, too.
And your bird is nice, too.
I like your gown and the hat.
They were yours.
Now they're mine.
C'est la vie!
Your tails, monsieur!
-Thank you very much!
- No trouble.
- Monsieur, and the trousers?
- No trousers.
I won't play Mozart trouser-less!
No one here wants to see
Mozart in trousers.
-Then I won't play at all.
-Then you'll die under the hedge.
Let me die,
but with my trousers on.
That's your Russian prudery for you!
You all play at being saints,
being in fact a bunch of thieves.
Vodka and foul language -
that's
your moral code.
You say one thing, do another,
think yet another!
You're shit!
Messieurs, you speak French?
Help me!
Wait for me!
I'm coming!
I'm French, just like you.
Let me through! I must speak
to my fellow countrymen!
I must go home!
Leave me alone!
You little bitch!
No, no I'll show you "monsieur".
I beg you, let me go home.
I'll allow you free passage
through my flat.
Police?
This is the place, lads,
I've found it.
Look: here's the house, the wall,
the grill, the church.
And where's the fire escape ladder?
There are thousands of such
places in Paris!
-Then I don't know...
- But I know!
Madame, excuse me,
I must get through.
Hello. Come in,
I've no time to waste.
Lower it down here.
Over to the left.
That's it!
Look, there're some books!
Get in, granny!
And you said we'd never lift
her up! We did!
What a car!
A"Citroen Cabriolet".
- Look at those lights! Halogens!
- Where's the French girl?
- I'm serious. Where is she?
- Your dame's in Petersburg.
Gorokhov sent her there
for re-education.
I always carry it close to my heart,
I'll die with it.
I always carry it close to my heart,
I'll die with it.
In these hard times,
when our Party
has been forced underground
we have fought our way here
to fellow French comrades:
The Party still lives!
Our way to you was hard
and full of deprivation.
Our delegation was exposed
to cold and famine.
But communists never give up!
And extending to you our
hand in friendship,
and adhering to the principles of
proletarian internationalism,
we exhort you to pay our taxi!
Long live international solidarity
of workers!
Long live everlasting friendship
between our parties!
No pasaran!
8500 francs?
You've really come straight
from Moscow?
No, from Leningrad.
Have a look...
It's her! Edith Piaf!
Here's a book about her.
Help me get out of here.
Don't leave me here,
I beg you!
I want to go home!
Don't do that. Get up!
What are you doing? Calm down.
See what you've done to
the famous artiste?
- She's got a concert today.
- Well, what of it?
You think she can go out
on stage in this condition?
- Where's her concert?
- In a concert hall...
- Which one?
-The "October".
Find "October" phone number.
- And who might you be?
- Mme. Piaf's interpreter.
I double as the pianist.
-Your documents, please.
- How could I have them?
I'm in my concert dress,
I don't even have pockets.
"October" Hall? Lt. Vragov,
20th Police station, speaking.
Do you have Edith Piaf
performing today?
You do? With whom? Who?
With Elvis Presley?
Well, we have them both down
here at the station.
I'll pass the word.
Greetings to you both.
- We are free to go?
- Free to go?
We have criminal proceedings
against your artiste.
For assault of an officer on duty
and material damages.
What damages?
See this broken cap.
This offence calls for arrest.
Don't you realize that a concert
with Edith Piaf
is worth more than Petersburg's
entire Police Force?
Splendid! Then let her pay
for material, and, especially,
moral damages. Hard currency.
I'll find out in a minute.
Madame Piaf...
Have you been taking drugs?
Madame Piaf has agreed
to pay in goods.
What goods?
Video, TV set, washing machine,
cigarettes...
Can we have two videos?
I can't read item 1 7 here.
- Uev or Muev...
- Captain Chuev.
- 2 cassette recorders and a
hair-drier. - Thank you.
Petrenko will take you to your hotel.
Madam Piaf invites you to her concert.
Hallo. Who are you escorting?
- French Artists.
- What are the names?
Edith Piaf and Elvis Presley.
And you, I suppose, must
be Fyodor Chaliapin?
-Petrenko! Where are the artists?
-In the car.
Artists, my foot!
I want these criminals brought
to the station.
In case of resistance, we use weapons.
Easy now! Get out of the car!
Only don't shoot!
Quick, shut the door!
Madame, let's go!
Step on it!
Petrenko! Why don't you reply?
I order you to reply.
Go to hell, I've had enough of you.
Answer according to Regulations!
I've shot them.
Shot them?
But you don't
have any bullets.
And you don't have any brain,
you idiot
It's not Petrenko!
All highway and police cars!
Stop police car No...
Your card, Madam!
Let's see your card!
Leave her alone.
She's a foreigner.
What about your ticket?
Are you also a foreigner?
I could be a foreigner, too!
None of them have a conscience.
It's that insolent breed.
They've got money for restaurants.
I know their kind!
Keep calm, citizens.
We'll soon get off.
- And who'll pay your fare?
- Get them out of here!
Who will put this country to order?!
- I'm Nikolai!
- I'm Nicole!
At long last!
We've waited long enough.
We were worried.
You tell him, Vera.
You ran off with the club's costume.
That wasn't nice.
Dinner's ready. We have an occasion
to celebrate.
You won't believe your eyes.
See what a beauty...
So soft and comfortable.
Just feel the suspension!
A"Citroen"!
Time to take your medicine.
Drink this.
Why give her shit to drink!
It's full of synthetic nitrates.
Try this! 7 6 per cent,
made with natural herbs!
See how it spreads through
the system. Let's try it, too.
Your health!
Best of all, give her a rub down.
- What do you mean?
- Strip her, then rub.
I'll give you such a rub down
you'll crawl to the ceiling.
She's ill, poor thing!
And hungry...
- Come to our place for a bite and drink.
- Our table's loaded.
Can't you see, she won't come.
Leave her alone.
She doesn't have to,
if she doesn't want to.
If the mountain won't
come to Mohammed,
Mohammed goes to the mountain.
Kolya, you have callers.
Greetings, Nikolai Nikolaevich!
- We've come.
-That's wonderful.
And what next?
You promised to take us to a
place we've never been to.
Come on then!
Do you think
they're taking
us to lunch?
Comrades, in 1 5 minutes
we'll be at Pere Lachaise.
What are perlachaise?
It's a famous restaurant.
Like "Maxim's".
Nikolai Nikolaevich, how do
you say in French
"a window to Paris"?
"A window to Paris"?
Let's see...
Kolya, we've found them!
"We haven't eaten in six days."
Right, the concert's over,
time to go home.
Don't you understand? Home!
The window is closing.
Well, let it close.
It won't open again for 20 years.
Got it?
- Got it.
- Let's go then.
- We've decided to stay.
- You what?
We've decided to stay.
What do you mean, "decided to stay"?
How can you decide?
Grow up first, then decide.
I'll decide for you meanwhile.
Come on!
Fine. You've decided to stay.
What about your parents?
It's all the better for them.
Fewer problems with food.
You're a bunch of fools.
They love you. They worry.
They think something has
happened to us.
But we've written to them.
When they learn we're in Paris,
of course, they'll be glad.
Then we'll invite them over and
they'll have a good time.
Nastya! What about your granny?
She'll die without you.
Don't play on her feelings.
Her granny's sick because she
doesn't have good medicine.
But we'll buy her medicine here
and she'll get better.
And the money? Where's the money
going to come from?
See this?
We've earned 248 francs already.
The French are kind people.
They won't abandon children.
They're kind,
but you won't
always be children.
Do you plan to spend your lives
sponging on them?
Why our whole lives?
We'll find other work.
- Dishwashing...
- Or washing cars...
-There's plenty of occupations.
- What do you mean?
Beauty has its value everywhere.
Clever girl.
You ought to be ashamed.
Your teacher gave you a treat
and the thanks he gets.
He's in the hospital because of you.
You're cruel, ungrateful children.
Very well. You're right.
You were born at the wrong time,
in a miserable bankrupt country.
But it's your country.
Can't you make it a better place?
You could do much, believe me.
But you haven't even tried.
Don't you really care?
- And you?
- I do.
Then why have you decided to
stay here?
Who said I'm staying?
No, thanks, I don't want to
spoil my appetite.
Look!
-That's Gorokhov's neighbor.
- Kolya...
- Stop! Wait!
- Kolya! It's us!
Open the door, do you hear me!
Gorokhov, dear! Come for my sake!
The window's closing!
Insensitive creature.
Let them say goodbye!
Contact the Russian embassy.
They'll help their countrymen.
The hell they need you!
No passport, no money...
We can't get along without
the French communists.
We're fed up to there with that party!
Give me that thing, please.
I have a brilliant idea.
Hands up!
Where to?
To Petersburg!
What are you standing there for?
Give me a hand!
Agnes SOLAD - Nicole
Sergey DONTSOV - Chizhov
Victor MIKHAILOV - Gorokhov
Nina USATOVA -Vera
Kira KREILIS - Petrova,
Gorokhv'e mother -in-law
Natalia IPATOVA -
Gorokhov's daughter
Victor GOGOLEV - Kuzmivh
Tamara TIMOFEEVA - Maria Olegovna
Jean RUPPER -
M. Prevaut
and others
Directed by Yuri MAMIN
with Arkady TIGAI
Camera - Sergey NEKRASOV,
Anatoly LAPSHOV
Art Director - Vera Zelinskaya
Music - Yuri MAMIN with
Alexey ZALIVALOV
Sound - Leonid GAVRICHENKO
The End