Wilson City (2015) - full transcript

My God...

This can’t be!

But yes, it is!
Pressburg, Pozsony, or Bratislaw...

All names for the one and only
historic city of Wilsonov.

After the world’s armies were
called off the field...

several world powers laid claim
to the city above the Danube.

Czechs, Hungarians and the
rotten old Habsburgs of Austria.

And no wonder, because the town's
motley makeup was the mark...

of a global metropolitan melting pot.

While statesmen quarreled over who
would get to plunder the city...

the townsmen got help
from beyond the pond.



Woodrow Wilson himself,
the 28th U.S. president...

took temporary patronage over the city.

In honor of the American president,
the councilors renamed the city

"Wilsonstadt" – that is, Wilsonov.

God bless America.

Woodrow will visit the city in person
because, as he said in Congress...

he had never been to the Balkans.

Smile, gentlemen!

"WIRE LOCK PICKS - THEORY AND PRACTICE"

Murder!

I'm telling you there's been a
murder below the castle, sir.

Do you hear me?

Do you mean to say...

A homicide? In our precinct?



By the holy gourd, are you deaf?

I'm talking about murder!

Commissioner sir...

Just a minute baby cakes...
you're so beautiful.

The commissioner is out.

Out of the station.

That's fine, I’ll take you.

You may want to bring something bigger,
inspector sir.

I don’t take my shooting exams
until Maundy Thursday.

Come along, inspector, come on.

Twenty years I've worked in that boarding
house, right next to the dentist's office.

I’ve seen my share! Extractions,
resections, vivisections!

But that thing, there in the dark...

- It looked like...
- Like what?!

I have to go to work.
The owner is a beast!

Come on...

Rule number one:

Do not forget that the
murderer is also afraid.

Two:

Don’t make any sudden moves.

Three:

Never think out loud.

Never think out loud.

Get down!

Don’t lick it! Give me a hand!

Notify the men that I am declaring
a level two alert.

I want reports on suspects from the docks
to the Hungarian border.

And patrolmen will keep to their posts,
regardless of size.

And tell the Slovaks that the murder
was likely committed by Slovaks.

And the Hungarians that
they were Hungarians.

I don't want any
revolutions around here.

What's that smell?

We do our own laundry...

Such an embarrassment!

They’re writing about us
all the way in Pezinok!

My commissioner gets drunk...

and my police cadet slips and falls
on his way to a crime scene...

My brother had a
little girl yesterday.

Or a boy rather...

They're murdering people in the city
and you’re off having babies?

- It won’t happen again.
- If you please!

- Sir, I didn’t slip, I...
- Silence!

Is that any way to draw a murderer suspect
after five years as a cadet?!

Your father would be ashamed, Eisner!
He was a policeman body and soul!

Unlike you.

What do we know
about the victim?

Barbora Moserova, 23 years of age,
daughter of a trinket salesman,

last autumn married
Adam Moser, baker.

Eisner, Eisner!

You didn´t state the victim’s maiden name.

I’m sorry sir. Pelcova.

You will not pass your personal exam
at this rate, even by Palm Sunday!

Sir, Moser did not even let Moserova
go to the shop alone.

So the wife was cheating on him.
A classic murder out of jealousy.

I want that Moser and his
confession here by tomorrow.

If the weather’s nice, we can
hold the execution on Sunday.

The war is over, people
want some entertainment.

Find me Moser!

Pronto!

Eisner, you stay here.

Today you’ll see how a cross-
examination is conducted.

What is it?

Nothing, sir!

The murderer must be brought to his knees,
and made to beg for mercy.

- Ew!
- I beg your pardon!

I'm sorry, sir, but...

- Something's burning.
- Oh.

What's this?!

If you want to eat bread rolls
you don't need a police salary.

I'm very sorry.

Do you have Moser?

Well? Let's go!

Now where were we? Oh!

You have to cook the
murderer in his own fat!

Get him crawling on his knees. So that he
begs and gets as tender as baked pheasant!

Just like that!

- It’s Moser!
- Goddamn it...

He won't be getting any more tender, sir.

Keep the cooking tips to yourself, Eisner!

And find all the leads! All of them!

Yes, that could be it...

Nah, not that.

Or here!

Or... not.

Maybe here?

And... no.

Or here?

What is it?

Sir, Police President Wittich is here.

Not now, I'm working.

He says it is urgent.

Well let him in!

Mr Mayor!

What is more needful than the declaration
of our independence, police president?

- We have a mass murderer on the loose
in the city, sir. - Well catch him then.

I am concerned that your, or rather
our, newly established police force...

does not have sufficient experience.

President Wilson himself will soon be
naming me governor,

and you're here pestering me
with trivialities?

But we have to get used to
democracy, don’t we?

Well, what do you propose?

- In Prague I know of several excel...
- In ten days...

Wilsonov will become the 49th state
of the United States of America.

Czechs are historically passé.

Absolutely not.

In that case I recommend we
request assistance from... Washington?

You must be...

...in just the right profession!
You’re right.

There is no time
for compromises.

Before those clowns in Versailles divvy up
Europe, Wilson City must be on the dollar!

Stop fooling about!

You're a free citizen now! So stop
loitering and get me the White House.

Moscow here. Go ahead.

Hans! Mistakes like that could get us
in big trouble one day!

- You talk!
- But I've only had my second lesson...

Ignoramus! I decreed that
everyone learn American!

It’ll be fine.

"MURDER BY CREMATION"

The neighbor's Mary, the neighbor's Mary,
doesn't like to brush her hair.

The neighbor's Mary, the neighbor's Mary,
doesn't like to brush her hair.

He often sang, 'I love you, my dear'.
In that little mountain house,

the girl in the little white hat,
she sends you greetings!

- Seindele...
- Bye bye!

...the wee black dog is barking there.

The neighbour's Mary, she
doesn't like to brush her hair...

Standing by! Hello?

Hello?... Hello?

- You piece of crap...
- Eisner?

- Are you referring to me?!
- Not you, sir!

- Alert! To the bridge, immediately!
- Of course! Consider it done!

Cadet Eisner on your orders!

Do you know what the official time
of response is, Eisner?

- Six minutes, sir!
- Six minutes!

How do you explain the extra 90 seconds?
Speak!

- I...
- Enough!

Do you even know what it means
to be a police cadet?

You do not know!

It means that when I tell you jump
into the Danube, then you jump!

- Me.
- Yes!

President Wilson himself has apparently
learned of the Moserova case.

And he's sending us some expert from Rome.

As if we didn’t have
enough of our own.

Experts...

The Hungarians won't even
let him on the bridge.

- An American?
- American, African, who cares!

He’s fifteen minutes late. The 'expert'...

Watch out, sir!

Don't you know what the speed limit
around here is? You scoundrels!

Just a moment!

It could be a ruse.

Sorry, sir.

I have to call the town hall to see if
something that black can enter the city.

He seems to be hard of hearing, sir!

Arrest him preventatively!

There’s another one in there, sir!
Seems to be dead!

Arrest him too!

FBI, Inspector Food.

The expert! I... I...

Feel free to speak your own tongue, son,
I had a wet nurse from Bohemia. Get in!

No, sir, I can't. I have orders.

I'm only a cadet. Commissioner Bruner
would be... angry.

I want to see the spot.

Where are you going? Halt! Eisner!

I’ll have you subordinated!

Eisner!

Awful town! Not a gram of chewing tobacco.

Allow me to introduce myself.
Police cadet Eisner.

Police cadet Eisner.

He understands, but he doesn’t talk.

I call him Bobby.

I bought him at the station in Vienna.

In the States you can't find yourself
a polite negro any more.

They get rid of everything good.

How is it in your
country with slaves?

It’s here, boy.

It’s all over the place here...

What did you see exactly?

She was lying here.

Barbora Moserova,
maiden name Pelcova.

Daughter of a trinket salesman.

- Married to...
- Skip the nonsense!

...to Adam Moser.

- The guy who got baked?
- How do you know that?

The FBI knows everything, and what
it doesn’t know, it suspects.

How did she look?

Pretty?

Sir...

it was like complete, pure...

Horrifying... Darkness.

You shit yourself! Admit it!

Before I could secure the area...

my lamp went out.

And I heard a noise.

Continue.

- I don’t recall anything else, sir.
- Liar! You saw him! - No

- It was more than eight feet tall...
- It was a hallucination...

Even the police president says so!

- It had no face.
- I was shaken. - Nonsense!

- I’ve heard scores of such descriptions!
- Have you?

Bobby! The camera!

- How far is the coroner's office?
- About a ten-minute drive.

And the closest bar?

Last bets!

Necromancy has been described
since the Middle Ages.

It’s about summoning the dead back to the
world of the living. A second genesis.

It’s the ideal murderer. It has no
conscience, it does not need a motive.

It does not even want any reward.
It is sheer evil, Eisner.

So... I saw a necromancer?

Do you want to know your future?

This is my future.

The palm doesn’t lie. I’m not expensive.

I wouldn’t say you are.

Have at it then!

I see...

- ...a black grave.
- Bingo!

I guess I’m gonna die.

It runs in the family anyway.
Great-granddad, granddad, all dead.

What about him?

I see...

Water!

See! Maybe you’re going to buy a yacht!

Natives are the same everywhere.

In the end we got off pretty cheap.
Just your watch...

Dear God! What is it?

Danube carp, sir.

Even Napoleon himself enjoyed
the stuffed heads here.

I want to go to the morgue!

This way, down Sattlergasse.

Everything you’ve learned until now,
is worthless, Eisner.

And what you are about to see
will seem impossible.

Do you want to undergo this?

There was a certain Edward Norwick used to
go to the Green Frog to play billiards.

He had two different
faces on him.

One eyes on his cards and another
pair on the mirror behind his back.

This way, sir.

You wait here, Bobby. I don’t know
how it is with you and cannibalism.

Doctor Mitt.

Mitt - in death with wit.

Food. FBI.

- Excuse me, who?
- The American expert.

How long after Moser’s death
did you conduct the autopsy?

Police President Wittich ordered
me not to provide any information.

Read the autopsy report.

- You can’t do that!
- Is that her?

Yes, sir. That is
Barbora Moserova...

maiden name Pelcova. Married to Adam Moser,
baker. Daughter of a trinket salesman...

Trinkets.

I'm warning you!

- In accordance with the family's wishes,
the body mustn't be moved. - I understand.

I am going to inform the Police Presidium.

Lift up her arms.

How dare you?!

You are exceeding your authorities!
If indeed you have any!

- I protest, do you hear me?
- Everybody protests something

The Jewish Community will sue!

She’s a Jew?

By the looks of it, you disturbed
him when he was at his best.

- All of the organs are in place.
- She died of a loss of blood!

It's all there in the report, as I said.
All you have to do it read it.

And be assured, Inspector, that
the bodies of police authority

will take the utmost
exception to your behaviour!

Interesting...

What, sir?

Necromancers are incapable of
mating. It is forbidden them biblically.

Deus impotentus!

I'm here day and night... 18 years...
My marriage fell apart. And this...

It's my only joy.

Mitt, in sin with wit!

Hand me that pry bar!

- That was to be expected.
- Has she no tongue, sir?

She bit it off.

The sight of a necromancer is so horrific,
victims bite their tongues off out of fear.

- I didn’t find it in her stomach.
- What did you use to look for it?

The tongue is what the necromancer
takes with it to the underworld...

This is why the necromancer is sometimes
called Linguisto Morti...

"Tongue Beasts".

That's the 3. time today. They should file
a complaint with that Křižík fellow...

What kind of light bulbs do you
expect from Czechs...

Hold your tongue!

Detective Food has the full confidence
of the mayor, and has been authorised...

to investigate the strange deaths of the
baker Moser and his wife.

Do you understand?

Eh, well...

Moserova died in my precinct, sir.

- How many murder cases have you closed
the book on, my dear colleague?! - Me?

- Well, there was old Simonič...
- That was suicide.

Detective Food has solved 513 murders
around the world.

515! Two on the way from Rome to here!

But Moserova was a loose woman...

- She was what?
- She left the nest.

- Who was she cheating with?
- With Keiser the tanner.

A Jew?

Nothing is sacred to them.

Jehovah gave the Jews 365 prohibitions
and 248 commandments.

No where, though, does it say they cannot
have a bit of fun with the neighbor girl!

The FBI is the biggest and most powerful
police organisation in the world.

We’ve got guys in with the mafia,
drug dens, commies and other riff-raff.

We can find bombs, install and
remove dictators, agitate, sabotage.

And we also have aces
at exorcising evil!

And I’m the best of them! Gentlemen...

what is rampaging your
city is not an ordinary killer!

No, I told you, it’s a tanner.

And I’m telling you,
that when you see him...

your heart will fall into
the shit in your trousers!

Then what should we do, Mr Food?

We wait! He will kill in waves.

And he won’t stop until...

But I’ll get him.

- And can we be of some assistance
to the FBI? - Yes!

Yeah, keep the journalists, hookers
and insurance agents away from me.

And I want an office.
And two doughnuts.

- Doughnuts?
- Sour cherry.

And someone I can trust
one hundred per cent.

Him!

- Me?
- He hasn’t done his exams!

Cadet Eisner is not yet a full member
of the police force, detective.

Please respect our service procedures.
What about Commissioner Bruner here?

And you respect that this nose of mine
knows what it’s doing.

He saw it! He is not safe
anywhere but with me.

You should have taken Bruner with you.
He was a commissary major in the war...

Yeah, well, he stayed here, a
housemaid of Frankie Joseph.

A modern police officer must be unbiased,
make deductions, have self-confidence!

Are you depressed?

Depressed?

Tell me, how long is your penis?

Sir?

I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong
with you. According to Freud...

the size of a man’s member is the primary
impulse for depression. So how big is it?

Well...

- I don't know, sir.
- Dear God!

He doesn’t know how big his wiener is!
Bobby, how long’s your member?

No, don’t tell me!
Don’t tell me!

You see, Bobby is never depressed.

Stop here, Bobby.

Shall I collect you in the morning, sir?

You think it’s going
to let you be?

Whoever sees a necromancer
yearns for him like morphine.

Admit it, Eisner.
It attracts you.

But... you said that a necromancer must be
raised from the realm of the dead.

- Exactly.
- Seindele!

- Seindele is possessed!
- Šajndele Popperova?

Seindele.

Seindele Popperova?

What kind of a circus is this?

Seindele Popperova, sir, the only daughter
of engineer Popper, a city councillor.

A Jew? Voilá!

Mania is the first phase
of union with a demon.

We will get him sooner
than I thought. Drive!

- A black man!
- Excuse me.

- Who are you? We called for a doctor!
- Emergency services!

Pst, get lost!

They’re not exactly
living hand to mouth?!

Mr Popper... He's the richest man in town.
He owns a cartridge factory.

He has four brothers.
All of them engineers.

Gentlemen, I am emphatically warning you!
Mr Popper will be very cross!

They say the mayor and Miss Seindele
are engaged.

- Where is she?
- Gentlemen!

Who on earth are you!? In my home,
and bearing arms!

He said he was a physician.

A doctor! A doctor of
metaphysics and law!

Doctors help the sick. The FBI is here
for the possessed. So where is she?

Gentlemen, I categorically
ask you to leave!

I will not have you roaming around my home
like some... like some...

Like some plebeians!

Close the door, Eisner!

Police! Police! Police!

Open up now, you hear!?

The oscillatory phase! Bobby, suitcase!
Out of the way!

Eisner, are you going to keep
staring or help me? Hold her.

- Gi-me! Gi-me!
- Back up a bit!

It seems that union with the incubus
has not yet occurred. She is unctuous.

Bobby, the suitcase!

- Gi-me! Gi-me!
- What does "Gime" mean?

Gim and Arvik, two demons who partook
in the ruination of Babylon.

- Gi-me! Gi-me! - The coalescence of the
incubus and the human spirit gives life...

to one of the unliving.

- Gi-me! Gi-me! Gi-me!
- Another necromancer?

Dogs balls! You're not mute, you're deaf!
I'm telling you to open that suitcase!

Open that door right now, do you hear!?

Just wait, I'm calling the police!
They will be here soon!

I do not hold conversations
when combatting the Devil!

I... I am the right hand of the mayor!

Add oil.

Gi-me! Gi-me!

There we go. Now turn this handle...

Slowly, slowly...

The demon must be bisected in
the spinal cord just under the windpipe.

The drill must be made of the wood of
Christ’s cross. I bought it in Minnesota.

Are you sure it's from Christ’s cross?

It was written on the box.

And what’s this?

Morol. A powerful decoction
made of bird cherry root.

In humans it causes somnambulism.

Gi-me! Gi-me! GIVE me some water, please!

You were hallucinating.

Was I?

Well break down the damn door! Now!

Seindele!

My bubala!

Papa!

She’s all right now, sir.

I took too many migraine drops, papa.

- Morol!
- I usually only use lemon balm.

It eases migraines and
pre-ovulatory aggression.

I suppose you grabbed the wrong bottle.

It was an awful mistake.

Error! Error is a fundamental
force of science.

A man who has not eaten for two days
has the right and obligation to err.

Bobby, clean that up. Instead of proper
work we’re saving children with headaches!

Haven't we met before?

Yes.

No.

Well... sometimes I...

- Sometimes I look...
- Enough!

Enough! Out!

- Leave my house immediately!
- Papa!

Eisner, what are you doing here?

That's them, Mr Commissioner!
They were pretending to be doctors!

Bravo! You have faster informers
than the CIA.

What’s going on here?

Investigate it, colleague. I'm not going
to spend an eternity here, Eisner!

Eisner!

You're not getting away with this.
You will face disciplinary action!

Do you understand?

- You’re finished in the police force!
- I understand!

They intended to perforate my daughter!

The long finger of the law!

No one had any idea that
beyond the walls of Wilsonov...

a far crueller spectacle
was being prepared.

The gate had been opened,
and evil had gained the summit.

The city trembled under its footsteps.

Hurry up! Evil doesn’t wait.

Put it on the table, Bobby.

Nice dump.

Cadet standard, sir

That’s my father’s trumpet!

Calm down, Eisner! It's a piece of tin.

Daddy doesn't care who sticks it
in their mouth anymore.

Eight years ago, he fell into the Danube
during an investigation.

Water is the curse of our family.

My father, grandfather and
great-grandfather all drowned on duty.

The garments of Brazen Lue.

She cut ten guys’ throats with a razor
attached to her tongue.

Eisner...

Seventeen stitches!

I’m glad we started
with kissing that time.

Forget her!

Sir, I...

There is nothing more pathetic
than a cop in love.

Marriage is the end of intuition.

I’m not circumcised anyway.

In this line of work a wife
can only destroy you. I’ve had five.

Luckily they’re all deceased.

For love, this is the best thing.

- What is it?
- You'll figure it out...

Go get water!

Of course.

TANNERY

It’s worse than I expected.

I don't see anything, sir!

The seven seals of St. John.
Here, here and here.

We’re in a proper spot of trouble.

- And what about the tanner?
- Oh, forget about the tanner!

He could have summoned that incubus...

when Moserova ditched him and
went back to her husband.

Have you ever seen water run uphill?

No, sir.

No one ever goes back to their husband.
It’s against the laws of nature.

Let me think.

The tanner!

He’s our key!

By boiling the bones of a newborn...

with a pastor’s saliva and the
mons pubis of a virgin...

we can summon the gate to hell.

He who opens Pandora’s Box will be struck
down by vicious punishment and wild anger.

Who sows the wind will reap the storm.
He shall be swallowed up first.

- Is that from the Apocalypse?
- The U.S. Constitution.

The chapter on tax evasion.

I smell death here.

Police cadet Eisner! Police!

Commissioner Bruner has already been here.
He wrote it all down.

We don't know anything else.

Food, FBI.

Good evening.

How long were you seeing that Moserova?

- Excuse me?
- I know Hebrews are exceedingly potent...

but how the hell do you do
it with those crutches?

- She looked good, I'll give you that.
- Sir, this is Mr Ismael Keiser.

The father of David Keiser.

OK!

Just keep an eye on him.

May you earn much money...

and have to spend it all on doctors!

He is an American expert!

- Who is this?
- My wife!

You never know who’s on your side.

- Where is David?
- He’s not home.

And whereabouts is the boy?

He went to buy leather.

- What?
- He's gone to buy leather.

Oh.

Where?

Talk, or I'll reform you.

He goes all the way to Rye Island for it.

Under your mask I smell fear!

And that makes me uneasy.

Come on now...

When is he coming
back, Mr Keiser?

We already told Bruner everything!

What's downstairs?

The skin drying room.

You first, tanner!

Careful.

Dog's bollocks! What's that?

- A cat!
- For the back, sir.

Barbarians!

Sorry.

David!

My son!

So he is home after all!

That hurt!

- He was crushing me like an old woman!
- It was... It was him!

Him, or any other...

They’re like worms, they appear
whenever they smell rotten meat...

Gentlemen?

What you say to this?

It's the graduation suit of T. Jefferson!

I had it brought over for my
ceremonial appointment.

It's a beauty! Gorgeous!

I don’t know if you knew this, but
Jefferson was also a world-class inventor!

Outside his 12-hour working schedule he
also invented the copying pen, and...

This!

A president who
greets every voter!

Eh... sir? Have you read this?

- Panic! Chaos!
- There are murders in the city!

The citizens are calling for help!

It's exactly what the Czechs
are waiting for..

They are looking for an excuse
to occupy Wilson City...

and annex it to that absurd,
pan-Slavic republic!

Thomas Jefferson washed his
feet every day in crushed ice.

I would heartily recommend
it to you, sir.

It is beneficial for the nerves
and for nocturnal emissions.

I propose we have a democratic discussion.

/Hungarian/

Can anyone propose something
more comprehensible?

We could pretend to get
on board with the Czechs...

and then lead a secret partisan struggle
for the liberation of Wilsonov!

In ten days Wilsonov will become the 49th
state of the United States of America.

I have made a proposal to President
Wilson that the country be renamed...

"The United States and Wilsonov".

Only three cities in human
history had such fortune!

The Vatican, Monaco and Sodom
and Gomorrah.

Doesn’t that make four, sir?

I'm telling you, there will be pogroms!

I will not allow a couple of ink-slingers
and saboteurs to come between me...

...us...

and our great, united, American dream!

When will the necromancer stop killing,
if even a bullet won’t kill it?

You’re not ready yet, Eisner.

I want to know!

It says in the Bible that when
the end of the world comes...

even the fallen angel will be redeemed.
- Satan?

When a child sees its mother at the end
of the street, what does it do?

It runs to her.

He doesn’t want to wait any more.

Just like home!

I swear that I saw the tongue, sir!

The dead Keiser had it
in his mouth when I...

When we found him.

Doctor?

Doctor!

Mr Mitt!

Mr Mitt, hello?!

I guess he has a date
in the morgue...

What did I tell you?
A whole hour lost!

Oops, that was an accident!

What the...

A razor, sir!

Bravo!

What if someone just wants us
to think there's a necromancer?

What if it’s a man doing this, sir?

You have a magnesium deficiency, Eisner!
Otherwise you wouldn’t talk such nonsense.

A razor... A razor!

Back in ‘15, I had this case
involving a girl from Boston...

Ever since then I only shave my own face.

Such a sweet little lady, with customers
in her business going missing...

Pure as a lily.

No motive... Just fifteen
corpses in the basement.

I lived with her for two
years to suss it out.

Then I hit upon the fact that the
father had a cider house in Carolina.

The poor girl had peeled fruit there
for thirty years.

She couldn’t stand the sight
of an Adam’s apple.

So she got the chair!

A chair for what?

Don’t talk, sir!

The electric chair.
A wonderful gadget!

- You don’t have that here yet?
- We only have plank beds in the cells.

Don’t wriggle!

I’ll write for them
to send you one.

Execution by electrical current...
I actually saw it once...

It's absolutely humane.

Except for that, you know...

His eyes popped out.

I told you!

Good work, pal!

Back in '13, I was on the case
of the vasectomy patient...

He'd started having kids.

He cut up all the doctors
who'd done it to him. And then!

He caught his gal in the sack
with his father.

Police President Wittich
wants a word with you, sir!

Well at last!

Count with me, gentlemen:

The Moserova-Keiser case has gone nowhere.

You almost killed the mayor’s fiancé.

Nonsense! The drill will not
harm the innocent.

To say nothing of the two dozen complaints
about that black character of yours.

Bobby is an upstanding nigger.
You are a racist!

He is scaring the carriage horses!

Even an ass would get used to him.

I hope you do not mean that personally!

This is about democracy, Mr Food.

People are afraid.

The city is in the grip of chaos,
and we do not have the murderer.

That old tanner knows something!
I can tell...

Well what do you recommend?

In light of the fact that you do not
possess a dactyloscopic laboratory...

you´re unable to make an isotopic analysis,
to say nothing of a photometric analysis...

I suggest the traditional, and most
effective type of investigation.

- A reconstruction!
- Torture.

Mr Food, we are a civilised country...

Would you like to say that America is not?

No, surely not... What do you need?

A cellar, a chain and a bucket for offal.

- But on the record, I know nothing.
- Naturally. Nor does Congress.

I want you to close the case
by tomorrow evening. You're dismissed.

- You are over there snoozing, Bruner?!
- Never, sir!

I was analysing your interview.

Don't let them out of sight,
and if they find anything...

we will take the initiative
and solve the case ourselves.

- Is that clear?
- Affirmative, sir!

The proper policeman must make deductions,
get the most out of the least...

and most importantly, take
the initiative in time.

You will not miss promotion. Wilsonov
will be seeking a new police president.

You intend... or rather...
you no longer intend...

Analyse, Bruner!

As Minister of the Interior I
will require absolute loyalty.

I understand... That is, of course.

Excellent!

And now we must win over the mayor.

Imposing!

What I admire about Europe
is how they do atmosphere.

Bobby, light!

China, Europe, America.

Pain is the only emotion that truly
brings the world together, Eisner.

Eye deorbiter... thumbscrews...
testicle grinder...

And here...

- What is it?
- Bourbon.

America has not yet conceived
anything more disgusting.

It works wonderfully on the Irish.

And here we have... Cambodian Bamboo.

In one hour it grows
a meter and a half!

All it needs is enough water and it will
penetrate anything that stands in its way.

- The perfect implement of pain!
- Suspect Keiser, the tanner, inspector!

To the breaking wheel!
This bird will sing.

To hell with progress,
the ribbon is missing!

Take the car, Eisner,
and go to the station.

I´ll get my driving exam on Good Friday.

Don’t be ludicrous, driving a car
is a matter of intuition!

I need Bobby here to stir blood.

What are you waiting for? Get a move on!

- Take me down immediately!
- I'm going.

What are you saying over there?

We'll start with the bourbon.

You won’t believe what will be
coming out of you.

Well?

It's going to get worse.
Believe me!

I haven't done anything.

As you wish!

Listen to your intuition...

Intuition...

Stop. Stop!

Dammit! Stop!

Watch out!
Out of the way!

Watch out, ma'am!

Sorry!

Excuse me!

Coming through!

Out of the way!

- Sorry!
- Learn to drive!

My turtle-dove...

You little...!

So it's true...

Cadet?

Miss?

The mayor forgot his cane at our house.

He was quite aroused when he left.

- Aroused?
- Oh... I mean roused.

Papa would like me to marry him,
since he’s going to be a government.

- A governor.
- That too.

Three times I’ve rejected him already,
but he is very persistent.

The lecherousness of old age.

I...

- I still haven't ever...
- Me neither...

I still haven't ridden in an automobile.

Driving is completely intuitive.

I would like to... say something.

Let’s use first names!

You reverse so smoothly, it’s amazing.

Thank you.

I told my father I was going to Auntie's.

You shouldn’t lie.

I shouldn’t?

Watch where you're going!

Not often of course.

No hands!

My God!

Why did I deny it for so long?

- Mr Mayor...
- Don’t talk about him!

...he also taught me this.

The brute!

But he said that’s how they kiss
in the White Home.

In the White House.

In me...

In you?

- Deflower me like a bull in the garden!
- Consider it done!

Seindele!

Seindele!

Sir! Sir!

- Did the radiator burst?
- The necromancer has taken Miss Seindele!

We have to save her!

The two of us have to stop the devil!

- And that’s him!
- Me?! But Aaron...

- Mouth shut! You know nothing of evil.
- What?

The necromancer is bleeding,
sir, you shot it.

And on Seindele's jacket,
I found...

This hair!

Because you think with your crotch
and not your head.

I'll find her myself.

Alright I’ll tell you!!

Spit it out then already!

I was there when they stole those animals,
in Vienna!

A month ago the zoo in Schőnbrunn
was burgled.

- The zoo?
- I waited with the wagon...

in Schwechat, for my son to come.

Now - for the sake of
Jovish - release the rack!

It was such...

It was such a cold night,

not even rum helped!

And then...

- Then I forgot it.
- You don't say!

That hurts so much!

The truth hurts!

So not even rum helped...
And then what?

And then...

And then...

Then there was that horrible...

That monkey!

Fucking nails!

Even if you were to doubt a hundred times
that this is all the work of the Devil,

you must not to leave an investigation!
And certainly not because of a woman!

I’ll have myself transferred.

You wanted to run away like a little brat
from the sandbox!

I wanted to save Seindele.

It’s only because of cowardice
that you cannot admit...

that what is happening here
is crystalline evil!

The borders between morality and chaos
have vanished. This is a new beginning!

Sir, I think the necromancer is a person.

Aha, detective!

And where does it take
such strength from?

- That I don’t know.
- How much do you weigh?

- Uh...
- See?!

And yet it threw you over
the fence like a feather!

- You said yourself it was 3 metres tall!
- But it was dark and I was afraid!

It might have just seemed that way!

And what about old Keiser? He confessed
his son made money off gorilla skins.

Anybody can make money!

- And what about that hair?
- A hair!

She pet a dog on her way to a date!

Your theory's got a hole
like a Yankee's ass!

With all respect, sir, I think
the necromancer is a mortal.

Are you casting doubt on the
process of my investigation?!

No, sir! But...

I was already famous in the days when
you were still shitting your britches!

- Sir...
- Who do you think you are?

- How do you mean?
- No one!

A zero! A nothing!

See that! He can’t even
look at you anymore!

I like you like this, Eisner!

I'm sorry, sir!

A policeman has to stand up
for what he believes in.

- That has never happened to me.
- It’s going to happen a lot more times!

He killed all of his other victims,
but Seindele he kidnapped! Why?

He's going at it with her in quiet.

You said a necromancer
was incapable of copulation.

There are better things than
that miserable sex of yours.

Soon he'll be peeling the skin off her
like an orange, and in the end...

he’ll keep that soft...

...smooth...

little tongue!

I have to save her!

Forget her, she’s already living it up
with the necromancer.

That was under the belt!

When the harlot, drunk with the
blood of martyrs, is judged...

and the four horsemen of the
Apocalypse set off, then...

- Did you say a gorilla?
- Yes, sir!

And were they not just talking about
someone from the town council?

- Or from the Wilsonov Widows’ Committee?
- Absolutely not.

They said “an 8-year-old gorilla named
Trudy from Schőnbrunn Zoo," sir.

Have you told anyone about this?

- Only you, sir!
- Excellent.

Ex-cell-ent, Bruner!

Wilsonov is going to
need people like you.

It is the state interest that this
remain only between us for now, understand?

Top secret!

The independence of Wilsonov is at stake.

Something occurred to me, sir!

I almost had it!

...which vanquishes every hurt.
That two score and ninth star...

...an affair of the heart...

When the mayor finds out...

The anthem! It has to sound
like apostolic bells!

- Mr Mayor?
- Can’t you see I don’t have time?

Someone has kidnapped my daughter!

Gentlemen, I´ll show you something. Hans!

The Wilsonburger!

With sheep’s cheese.

A cousin from Znojmo has
promised me pickles.

- And sweet miniature tomatoes.
- My daughter, your fiancée, is in peril!

My fiancée?

My turtle-dove!

My little cookie!

- Wittich!
- Yes, sir?

What is happening in my city?!

I have only bad news, sir.

Masaryk learned of the chaos that
our mysterious killer has caused.

He says he will not permit another
Hilsner Affair.

That Masaryk again!

This is what it looks like when
senior citizens enter politics!

The Czechs are mobilizing.

The Legionnaires and the Sokols
are already grouping at Záhoří.

My God! When could they arrive?

I’m afraid, tomorrow morning.

When does President Wilson arrive?

- This afternoon.
- Excellent!

Therefore, I shall move the ceremony
to midnight tonight.

Two days mean nothing in
the course of history.

And tomorrow we can wipe our bums
with the Treaty of Versailles.

This evening... we rewrite history.

"CZECHOSLOVAKS! IT'S NOW OR NEVER!"

No goofing off, Eisner!

Gentlemen, on the authority of the mayor
I am taking over the Keiser case myself.

But... You can’t!

Who allowed you to speak?

I'm sorry. But the case has gone nowhere,
even under the stewardship of the FBI.

At midnight tonight, the mayor
will accept the office of governor...

straight from the hands
of “Woodrow” Wilson.

Mr Food, your train from Vienna to Hamburg
will be leaving at 4.30 this afternoon.

I’m sorry you had to come so far.

Don’t take it personally, Eisner.

There are worse things.
The prostate for example.

Farewell!

Count with me, Eisner!

Uniform, resignation letter,
service truncheon!

I want that all on my desk
in two hours! Is that clear?

I heard they’re looking for men to
unload potatoes down at the docks.

Maybe you’ll have better
luck as a proletarian.

God-damned hole in the ground!

Anybody’s dick would shrink in this place!

Well?

Three large gins.

The city council has decreed
that no alcohol can be served...

until midnight tonight.

Then I’ll wait.

I won’t wait though!

You wait here!

I am an American.

My right to booze is enshrined
in the Constitution.

OK.

I’m not good for anything.

I let my dad down.

I didn't make it as a cadet.

As a lover...

I’m leaving for the countryside.

- I’ll milk cows...
- Your map, sir.

- ...fertilise
- Don’t eat the whole thing at once, son.

- You’ll get constipated.
- Thank you!

And you pour another round! For everybody!

Even my negro! Let him see how good
it would have been if he’d been born white.

Eisner, you were right about the hair!

I made a pocket spectrometer test.

Look!

Just above the root I found remnants
of a heavily alkaline soil.

With high calcium content.

This is Leopold’s Gate...

- Keiser’s house...
- ...just muck about...

...and this is where they baked Moser.

The morgue is here... Popper’s house...

and the place by the river where
you last saw the necromancer.

What do you see?

A triangle.

But what is on the bottom...

is also on the top.

An Enneagram.

I knew it.

You can hate me, Eisner, but
it won’t change the evidence.

What's here?

Nothing, sir. The old City...

Cemetery.

Alkaline soil rich in calcium...

- He’s waiting for us.
- He is, yeah.

He's waiting.

- Gasoline!
- Gin.

Only seven wounds with a Solomon
knife can exterminate a necromancer.

Shoot at anything that looks undead.
Leave the rest to me.

Peace be with you, mother!

Where's Bobby?

He was walking behind me.

Probably squirt his britches, candy-ass.

Eisner!

The gorilla!

Doctor Mitt!

Dr Mitt, now not so fit!

Time of death: 19:37.

That's five minutes from now.

Nothing in this town works.

Food, look over here!

Atropine.

If you inject a large amount
directly into the heart...

it triples the strength of the muscles. I
used to do some hobby weightlifting.

He’s still alive!

Repeat the name “Noelis”.
Jesus’s middle name.

I call upon the holy seven,
Chamael, Jofiel, Cadkiel...

Or at least four of them. Dammit...

Dammit, Eisner!

I’m too old for this.

He looked a lot bigger in buskins.

And with atropine in his blood he could
tear out all the tongues in town.

Careful he doesn't bite you!

Where’s Seindele?

- Him...
- Who? Talk!

He forced me...

He knew, that...

He destroyed...

And it’s always like this.

Well, it seems to me someone wanted
to stir up a fear of Jews in the city.

And blame it on poor Keiser.

Maybe they knew Mitt likes cold meat
and forced him to do their dirty work.

Maybe Seindele is still alive!

Someone wanted us to do her in
ourselves with the drill.

- Seindele is possessed!
- Seindele Popperova? - Seindele.

But it didn’t work out for him.

So he kidnapped her.
Then he got rid of Mitt.

And now he only has to get rid of...

President Wilson is not a
fan of big words, nor am I.

I would just like
to remind you...

who it was that saved our city from
the clutches of post-war chaos.

Who made it into a
global metropolis.

- Who was the first...
- He’s flying in!

- ...to bring to our city...
- He’s flying in!

He’s flying in!

He comes from the sky, like Jesus!

- It seems he's passed us, sir.
- Nonsense!

- He's circling.
- Like a falcon!

What falcon? He's
circling like an eagle.

An eagle, the symbol of America!

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

Mr Mayor!

Gentlemen!
Jesus...

Mr Mayor, a telegram!

Excusations. Gastrointestinal... colic?
Colic, stop.

Next visit to Europe
in three years, stop.

- Will let you know.
- Well that must be some kind of joke!

- I wanted my picture taken with him.
- He’s got the shits.

- /Hungarian/ ????
- Gentlemen, gentlemen...

It is tragic, yet at the same time,
so human, in an American way.

The Czechs are bearing down
on us from the Carpathians...

The Hungarians are just across the Danube.
We must not delay.

I propose we do the Wilsonov's annexation,
even in the absence of President Wilson.

This very evening.

Futility, Eisner!

Carrara white marble, a
family of high society.

And I pay for a service
tomb in New Jersey...

I wanted to be cremated.

Like leaves? In death a man
should be conservative.

Do you believe in God?

I have only met the Devil...

Dear God... dear God...

- Water! Water!
- At least it will speed things up.

Drowning only takes a
few dozen seconds.

Bobby! Help! Help!!

We are Hungarians. We are not Indians!

Gentlemen of the press!

Gentlemen, try to stay
human today, alright?

Mr Mayor, when will President Wilson
be arriving? His hotel suite is empty.

He gave me the appointment
decree at the airport.

He has a case of American Flu.

- Aren´t you afraid of Masaryk’s wrath?
- He’s not my father.

- What is going to be printed
on the Wilsonov dollar? - Me.

Do you know who murdered those Jews yet?

The person who committed those monstrous
acts has already been justly punished.

Let's go.

When the sun rises over Děvín,

the Danube roaring down below...

..it strokes our Wilsonov with sunbeams..

...our sweet beloved homeland.

The country will protect us with love...

Do you know any prayers?

Little angel in the sky, please
protect this soul of mine.

Please protect it at night and day,
and keep harm and water away.

And do away with evil and bring
goodness to us. Praise the Lord!

- Would you be so kind as to take that
hand off my rear end? - Excuse me, sir?

Not even in the grave will I allow you
to tempt my dignity!

What are you talking about, sir?

About what you're trying
to stick in my trousers!

Eisner...

Where did you put that bamboo?

Bamboo, sir?

The Cambodian Bamboo!

I think it’s still in my pocket, sir!

Eisner!

You're a good cop! A very good cop!

You're the best cop in the world, Eisner!

Up! Up! Up!

I admit, I didn’t appreciate my delivery
so much the first time around.

- That jackass again...
- Commissioner sir!

Leave the chatter for the
interrogation, Eisner!

I am arresting you for the
murder of Doctor Mitt.

You’ll get the noose for this!

Inspector!

Your revolver!

It's loaded.

Take care you don't hurt yourself.

Take them to the station! Quickly!

What are you thinking about, Eisner?

About my father.

What's he going to say when they hang me?

That you should have used your head more.

You’re still a cop.

Someone wants chaos in this town.
Fine. He has it.

He stabs a few Jews and throws
it on some crackpot doctor. Why not?

But who does it help if they
hang the two of us for it?

Who is pulling the goddamn strings here?

The mayor.

- It's the mayor!
- Why would he do that?

Seindele rejected him three times.
So he had her kidnapped.

Now it will look like he saved her
and returned her to her father.

Popper will be obliged to him. And both
she and her father will do what he wants.

He scared the townsfolk himself, and now
he'll tell them he’s better than the FBI.

He's going to sacrifice us for Wilsonov.

Lie down, faces on the floor. Otherwise
you'll be covered in flies in a minute.

Impressive!

They haven't washed this floor, I guess.

Bobby?

He has my cigar!

- Stay down!
- He can speak!

Never trust the bearded!

I am Evžen Laszlo. Correspondent for the
Népszabadság newspaper.

- A black Hungarian!
- The apocalypse has begun.

I have been reporting on U.S. intervention
in the Hungarian sphere of interest.

Right under your nose, “inspector”!
My task is complete.

Your task was to shine my shoes!

"If there is a collision of two objects,
there will be damage done to both."

Some kind of Hungarian lullaby.

You have understood
nothing, Food!

This is about the larger game.
You’re finished. You and me...

And why this farce?

- You could have left us to hang.
- That would be a great pleasure.

But who is interested in two hanged men?
Something tells me that if I let you go,

I will have things to write about
for at least half a year.

And that earns my living.

- Seindele is in the opera house.
- The opera house?

- I thought...
- You have 20 minutes!

Thanks!

Come to daddy.

Seindele!

♪ Oh the city you see
from Brno to the right,

through the rain and the hail

where the Danube is streaming.

That two-score and ninth star,
won't give up with a fight... ♪

Seindele!

It’s over!

- So Mr Greenhorn wanted to solve
the whole thing on his own! - Food!

I should bend you over my knee.

Forgive me, my dear.

Police President Wittich!

- Wittich?
- The city is at stake.

He locked me in here.

He has the mayor in
the palm of his hand.

And he said that if he doesn’t sign
the defecation of annexation...

Declaration.

Oh you're so smart!

In my own name, and that of
the city council, I hereby declare...

that from midnight tonight,
Wilsonov will become a part of...

Will become a part of...

Czechoslovakia.

If he doesn’t sign the document, then he’s
going to blow the building to smithereens.

Why wouldn’t he sign it?

I don’t know. I don’t
understand any of it.

I'm so... confusing.

It was Wittich! He forced me to do it!

One move and I will fire the charge
that will send us all to the other world!

The mayor is well aware
that I’m telling the truth!

- You are a madman!
- Not at all!

I am Czechoslovak secret service
Captain Karl von Novak!

I have been charged by
President Masaryk to annex...

this Wilsonov of yours to
Czechoslovakia this evening.

The independence of Wilsonov
is a historical necessity!

Sign it! Otherwise the explosion
will signal for our pilots to attack!

I love you!

What’s your name, anyway?

Kvído!

Kvído... oh!

So it’s Kvído.

Sign it! You will save innocent lives!

That’s enough, Wittich!
You are under arrest...

- for the murder of Barbora Moserova...
- ...maiden name Pelcova...

- ...Keiser the tanner...
- ...Junior...

...and the murder of pathologist Mitt,
and maybe a couple of others.

How is it that I’m always
so glad to see you?

Out of the way, Food! Not
even the FBI can stop this!

You talk too much.

You can just scare the birds

Bravo, Food.

- You got me.
- That’s how it is with the FBI.

You should be ashamed.

A patriot knows no shame.

There they are! Arrest those two!

- There he is again!
- They're murderers!

But he is the murderer!

A black hole.

- In the name of Wilsonov, after him!
- I serve my country!

Kvído!

Everybody stay where you are
or she's done for!

- Seindele!
- Papa!

Hands up!

Seindele!

Food!

Kvído!

Here...

Make sure your dad will never be ashamed.

Run, run, run! We will build you
an equestrian statue!

Food!

Go! One peep and I make a
sparkler out of your head.

That clear?!

Seindele!

Hungarian line! Stop the car and get out!

Diplomácia! Asylum!

Fire a warning shot.

I love Hungary!

Good God!

Stupid, gormless Hungarians!

It's the Statue of Liberty, sir!
Coming from the Slovak side!

- Yes. What?
- The Statue of Liberty!

It's a Slovak provocation!

A bomb?

A bomb!

Halt! In the name of the law!

Seindele!

Bad! I’ve received a service castration!

Into the boat!

Kvído!

Kvído!

- Dammit!
- Seindele!

Help!

Help!

Kvído, I love you!

- Seindele!
- Long live Czechoslovakia!

So dad never has to be ashamed again.

- Food!
- It’s not good to splash about like that.

You’re bleeding?!

Gunshot to the belly.
Just a scratch...

What about Wittich?

I think he’s on the bottom.

I just received a top secret dispatch.
Zombies have multiplied in Casablanca.

What do you say, partner?

Seindele!

Kvído...

I never met a girl who
would hold me up...

If you were my son, I’d give you a
kick in the ass if you left her here.

I’ve still got a weird feeling though...

In my own name and that of
the city, I hereby declare

that from midnight tonight, Wilsonov
will forever become...

part of the United States of America!

Damn it!

And what's this here?

A match!

Fire!

The saddest thing in life is, it’s always
the idiots that have the last word.

It was only 30 seconds later
on that 4th of February, 1919,

that Wilsonov became Bratislava. And
Bratislava a part of Czechoslovakia.

President Woodrow Wilson never
visited the city in person.

With an eye towards his retirement,
he lent his support instead...

to the annexation of the Hawaiian Islands.

The edition
of Wilsonov dollars was looted.

during a sudden infestation
of magpies in the year 1948.

My dear...

- Drive, Bruner!
- Affirmative, captain sir!

I know what these rubber things
are for now.

Really? And what are they for?

For next time...

Subtitles by Christian Falvey