Whip It (2009) - full transcript

Five minutes,
my little lambs.

Has anyone seen
Bliss Cavendar?

Pash, this can't
be happening.

Why aren't you
backstage, Brooke?

You know how it is.

They get to a certain age,
they don't want you back there.

She said
she'll meet me here.

Really? That's odd.

It says "temporary."

It did a minute ago,
I swear.

My mom is
gonna kill me.



Now, Miss Amber Black

If I could have dinner with
anyone, it would have to be God.

Because what they say
is true. God is great.

Don't tell them
that I did it, okay?

Those are the rules,
you're not allowed to tell.

Let go.
I'm your only friend.

Corbi Booth,
ladies and gentlemen.

If I could have dinner with anyone,
it would have to be my grandfather.

I love you, Papa.

And now, also from Bodeen,
Miss Bliss Cavendar.

If I could have
dinner with anyone,

it would be
Amelia Earhart,

because not only was she
a pioneer of aviation,

but she was a great woman in history.



Thank you.

So enlighten me What was
that little stunt all about?

Are you trying to
sabotage your chances?

Or was it just your biological urge to
make your mother look like a jackass?

It was just a dare.

How did that
work out for you?

Not so great?

Corbi

Congratulations, honey
Well-deserved.

Thank you.
Thumbs way up.

Thank you,
Mrs. Cavendar.

Bliss is so hard
to beat. Usually.

Well, the Blue Bonnet pageant
is right around the corner.

And we'll be there.
Come on, honey.

See you later
See you.

I'm sorry that
these pageants

don't live up to your high
moral standards, Bliss,

but there's a lot you
can learn from them,

no matter what you
go on to be in life.

You think you're being
judged up there on that stage,

but no one's asking you
to be Miss America.

I wanna be Miss America.

And you're gonna be the
best one ever, sweetheart.

Teeth.

Eyes.

Trudy, bless your heart
for fitting us in.

Well, hell.
Shit happens.

Let me get my foils.

Now, what were you
thinking, getting blue hair?

Fourteenth
drive in the red zone.

They have now given up
nine touchdowns

and three field goals. We'll
see how this one ends up.

He's only had one take away
in the red zone.

Hey.

I won another one.

Lord, child,
you are unstoppable.

And had I known what you were up
to, I would have bought a ticket.

Earl.

I mean, dang it, girl,
what has gotten into you?

Just defective, I guess.

Nice parenting, Earl

Come on, now

I'll see you later

Dinner.

Seriously, out of all the
places to go to in the world,

who would come to Bodeen?

Them
I mean, they're smart,

at least they just
pass through.

Go ahead
and mock it.

But without the Blue Bonnet
factory, this town wouldn't exist.

You know what, Birdman,

I think I preferred you
before you got promoted.

You know, now
you're all corporate.

I know. I miss the old Birdman. Yeah.

Ladies, don't let the tie
fool you. I'm still one of us.

But y'all are gonna have to
start calling me Dwayne now.

It's more dignified.
No.

Birdman is the only thing
you have going for you.

That's what you think.

Really?

Yeah.

Hey

Make sure they
tip you this time.

Hey, what can I
get you guys?

Hey, Corbi

So what are you, like,
alternative now?

Alternative to what?

What's the name of that thing that
if I eat it real fast, it's free?

That's the Squealer. You have to
eat it in three minutes or less.

Yeah, you bring me
a Squealer.

And I don't mean Corbi.

Let's go, buddy, pick
it up Come on, come on.

Yes, you got it, you got it.

I can't believe you
used to share a bed with her.

You make it sound very dirty.
It was just sleepovers.

Come on! Come on!
Baby, do it. Do it.

Come on, Colby! Yeah!

That's my man.
Come on, Colby.

It's free, bitches!
It's free! It's free!

I was thinking

maybe we could go to
Austin and do some shopping.

Really?

Teach them well and
let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty
they possess inside

...them a sense of pride
to make It easier

You hate them.

Well, they don't have duct tape
on them That's an improvement.

Hi

Thanks.

Pretty vases.

They're great
for tulips, really.

Thank you. Yup,
I changed my mind.

- No, please, Bliss.
- Come on.

Don't...
Don't be embarrassed.

It's funny.

I'm supposed to buy you
shoes from a head shop?

Does that really strike you
as responsible parenting?

Fine 'cause shoes
are a gateway drug.

For gosh sakes, Bliss.

It goes out
of bounds near the 42 yard line.

There is a flag down.

- Yeah, it's Earl.
- Hello, Earl

Can you please explain
to your daughter

why it's inappropriate to
buy shoes in a head shop?

Dad, it's not like that

You took your
mother to a head shop?

Are you off your nut?

You know, if she wasn't
here and I used my own money,

it wouldn't make a difference
That's not the point.

Look, I am in the middle
of a deal here, okay?

So whatever you all
work out is fine with me.

- Give me that
- Okay?

Earl, do you know
how hard I have worked

to raise these girls in
a drug-free environment?

- Yes, I do.
- Exactly.

Hi.
Hey, girls. What's up?

Hello.
Dropping my flyers off.

- Perfect.
- Hurl Scouts-Holy Rollers.

- See you then
- Thanks, girls. Bye.

Come on All right,
let's go. Come on.

Screw you and your
grandma's Chevy Celebrity.

Here.

No, what are you doing?
Yes, yes, yes you got stiffed

on your tips again, just take it. No.

- Just take it, take it.
- No.

What is this?

Roller derby?

This is...
This is tomorrow.

This is in Austin.

Yeah, I know.

Will there be
cute boys there?

Hey, Mom, Dad. Ee're gonna
go to a football game.

It's an away game, but...

The team
kind of needs us.

No, not "kind of," they do.

Well, sure

Hey, I'll tell you what,
I'll take you.

No, it's cool.
You have your car.

Yeah, I have my car.

No, but I mean, you know,
we can watch together.

Earl, let the girls go on
and have their fun.

And then you and I
can nuzzle.

I kind of feel bad
lying to them.

I don't. I give my
parents straight A's.

I get freedom.

Don't say I never
gave you anything.

Okay, everybody, and welcome
to skate night at the Warehouse.

I'm a little hung-over
tonight, so I...

Anyway, let me Introduce you
to our first team.

Coming to you from
the streets of Austin,

men, hold on to your
cookies, it's the Hurl Scouts.

Number 99, captain of the
Hurl Scouts, Maggie Mayhem.

Number 69, Bloody Holly.

Number 3, Rosa Sparks

Number 2, Smashley Simpson

Razor Magee's Hurl Scouts have come
in last place three years running.

This league has five teams,
each with their own theme.

What outlaw do we have
skating against the Hurl Scouts

this fine Texas
evening here?

I'm talking about the girls so bad
that even God can't keep them in line.

Give it up for the
undefeated Holy Rollers.

Last season's champs
are led by their captain,

the league's leading
scorer, Iron Maven.

Yeah, she's the one
from the flyer.

I'm feeling hot in these
polyesters right now, baby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's play some
roller derby!

A jammer scores
a point in this course

by passing members
of the opposite team.

Maven gets a great jump.
That's fast.

And she's out
to an early lead.

Iron Maven,
ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, the ones to watch
tonight are the jammers.

Those are the ones with
the stars on their helmets.

Some of you might remember watching
derby on TV back In the '70s,

but it was reborn right here
in the heart of Texas,

a true Austin tradition.

Maven's heading up on the outside
but It's real crowded in there.

That's a big
hit by Rosa Sparks.

Jackie Daniels is down.

Lucky for the Hurl Scouts
this is only an exhibition bout

because the Rollers
are in control.

Thank you, Maggie.

I just wanna tell you all
that you're my new heroes.

It's your
first time here?

Yeah.

Well, put some skates on,
be your own hero.

The last time I wore skates,
they had Barbies on them.

Hey, you know, none of us knew our
ass from an elbow pad when we started.

You should come to
tryouts on Tuesday.

You have to be 21.
You're 21, right?

Two... I'm 22.

Yeah, I just had my...
I had my birthday, so...

Great, it's this
Tuesday at 5:00.

It is?
Yeah.

I'm Maggie,
Maggie Mayhem.

I'm Bliss,
but I can change that.

Yeah, you'll have
to change that.

Don't be late.

"Twenty-two.
Just had my birthday."

Twenty-one,
it's a red flag.

Twenty-two is way
more believable.

I guess, 'cause you're not actually
gonna do it, so I guess it makes sense.

Why don't
you and I try out?

Excuse me?

I didn't have a
Barbie-roller-skating phase. Okay?

I had a fat-kid-sits-inside-
and-reads-a-book phase.

You know that.

Well, what makes you
think I won't try out?

Because you'd
be scared to go without me.

And those roller derby
girls, they're tough.

And you are not.

How dare you?

Not to mention
your mom.

She doesn't
have to know.

You don't have
the balls.

I can grow the balls.

No way.

Hey!

Do you have room
for one more?

I like your hair.

Thanks, hon.
I do it myself.

All right, next
stop, downtown Austin.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What's your derby name?

Pocket Rocket.

What's yours?

Jaba the Slut.

- Hey, you made it.
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad
you came.

Thanks.

What is that?

That would be Razor.
He's our coach.

He's a good guy. And he
really knows his derby.

All right, ladies.
Let's roll.

Ooh, jeans shorts

Every single day.

Meet the
Manson sisters.

Gift from the Ottawa Women's
Hockey League to the Hurl Scouts.

They both seem
really aggressive.

Maybe we can finally
win a few this year.

Maybe.

All right, listen up,
fresh meat.

There's a lot more to derby than
fishnets and picking out a tough name.

This is a sport.

Now, the league
has six spots open.

So whatever shred
of talent you have,

hope you leave it out
on the track for me today.

Okay, what is it?

Sorry

Just what are the rules?

Derby 101, people.

Four blockers from each team
are lined up on the track.

Ten feet behind them,

two jammers are lined up,
one from each team.

We're the ones who score.

First whistle blows
and the pack takes off.

Then a second whistle blows
and the jammers take off.

Some of us faster than others.

Once the jammer
breaks through the pack,

she hauls ass around the track
a second time and tries to score.

For every player on the
opposing team the jammer passes,

she gets a point.

Most points wins the game
every single time.

Now, line up
and get you some.

Get up.

Go, ladies!
Move it!

Up, up, up, go!

Looking good, Barbie.

It's roller derby,
not cotillion.

Come on,
put a hit on somebody.

God damn it, Diane!

Hey. That move will get
you tossed from a game.

There's no place in
this sport for that.

What?

Okay, sorry.

But I like the aggression.

Is it bad?

No.

Forty-one, gotta improve
on that. 39. 32, not bad.

Twenty-nine. Let's go.

Twenty-three?

Looks like you've
got some competition.

Yeah, yeah, wake me when she
learns how to throw a hit.

Or take one.

Hey, you're
Iron Maven.

That's right,
kiss-ass.

Why don't you suck up
a little harder?

There's still part of your face
that doesn't have doodie on it.

- Nice shorts.
- Help.

Can somebody help me?
I...

Just kidding.

Hey, by the way, you made
it, you're a Hurl Scout.

Nice work out there.

Your feet are on fire.
They're on fire.

Seriously, look,
they're on fire.

You're changing
your schedule?

Well, I have to.
You know, for practice.

Don't leave me alone
with Birdman.

You can change
yours to mine.

I can't. I'm actually taking
an SAT class, remember?

Shania, I am not cleaning Salisbury
steak sauce off of that fringe again.

Hey, I just wanted
to let you guys know

that I'm gonna change
my work schedule

to Mondays, Wednesdays,

'cause I wanna take an SAT
class on Tuesdays, Thursdays.

I'm impressed.

Me, too.

I like smart girls, that's
why I married your mama.

Well, that and I
knocked her up.

Shouldn't... Shouldn't we,
like, be practicing soon?

Yeah, hurry up, you guys,
we don't wanna be late.

Careful, Pee-Wee here might
get the idea we actually win.

You don't?
Hell, no never.

All that "We're Number 1"
corporate crap doesn't apply.

Our bad attitude's
an asset here.

Okay, ladies.
Check it out.

Hot off the presses, brand new
playbooks compiled by yours truly.

Your hands clean?

Yes, my hands
are clean.

Pay particular attention
to Play Number 3.

I think it's gonna
blow your doors off.

Smashley,
you're late as per usual.

I know.

Well, then you must also know that
there's nothing cool about being late.

Hey...
Let's hit the track.

Who's up for Lovejoy's later
tonight? $2 pitchers. Beer?

I'm in.

Me, too.

I'm in.

You weren't invited.

I'm still in.

There's no such thing
as a scrimmage.

We practice
the way we play.

Maven, you know
what to do.

Bliss, show me
something good.

You ready?
Am I ready?

Let's go,
ladies. Skate.

Don't block your own player,
let's go.

Crossover the turn, stay
low. Crossover the turn.

Bend those knees. Bend
those knees. Bend those knees.

What the hell
was that?

You had Maven beat,
but she smoked you

'cause you're too
scared to throw a hit.

And then you quit.

I need you to
be a lot more...

- I want you to start being a lot...
- Ruthless.

Yeah.

That's right, you little peanut,
I need you to be ruthless.

This is
a contact sport, Bliss.

Eventually I'm gonna
need you to make contact.

- Next group up.
- Back off, Razor

- Just ignore him
- We do.

Seriously.

I mean, he's right.
I'm not cutting it.

You know what I like to
think about before every game?

My ex.

Little piece
of advice, Bliss.

Don't fall for your
regional manager

and think that he's not
gonna give you crabs

because he cheated on you,
'cause it happens.

And when I think about myself in the
shower, using that special shampoo,

which, for the record, doesn't make
anyone feel very special at all.

I really, really
wanna hit somebody.

You have to find that thing that
really pisses you off and you use it.

Have you ever had crabs?

No.

No, okay, my doctor said
it was really common, but...

B-man, come on.
What do you say?

Pash has to come. You
know, it's my first game.

Yeah, well,
what about me?

I mean, did anybody
bother to think.

"Hey, Birdman might appreciate hot
girls in fishnets and roller skates

"beating the crap
out of each other"?

No, they did not.

Do you wanna come, too?

Yeah, but I can't.
I have a prior engagement.

I'm covering for Pash.

- Yes, we love you.
- Birdman.

- Yeah?
- You know we love you.

- Thank you. We do.
- You know that, right?

Yeah, yeah.
Not enough.

We're crazy about you.

You can never have
too much eyeliner.

Or Lash Blast.

Here's a little gift
from the team.

Safety is sexy

You'll need these, too.
Those are just sexy.

Guys, thanks.

Let the bout come to you.
Let the bout come to you.

So, are you ready
for your big debut?

Has anyone ever thrown up
on the track before?

Yeah.

- Let's get them.
- Kill them dead.

Skate fast, skate hard.

I'm gonna puke.

During the day,
they go by Peggy, Francine,

Tammy, and Rachael,
but here...

All right, let
the bout come to you.

Okay.

One, two,
three, kick ass!

And they're off!

Jamming for the Widows, Eva
Destruction against the Hurl Scouts.

Bloody Holly who makes
her way out to the pack.

And, oh, she passes the block
with a beautiful backward skating.

But wait a second,
from out of nowhere,

Eva Destruction shows up
right on her tail.

Each girl the jammer passes,
they get a point.

Pass a girl,
get a point.

And she's gotten the first
seven points of the game.

And the Widows
take the lead.

Hey, Black Widows, my
spidey senses are tingling.

About to make a sequel
in my pants.

Yeah,
Spider-Man 3 and a Half?

Yeah, it is three and
a half inches wide.

Air trombone, yeah.

Nice jam, man.

That was amazing.

Thanks.

Yeah. Thank you.

Where did you learn
to skate like that?

Well, I once tried out
for the Olympics,

but that didn't
exactly work out.

You gotta maintain the
triangle configuration.

I've been over it and
over it with you guys.

What do you want
to do? Come on.

I don't need to do the triangle
I need to get up there and...

It's the second quarter
and we have Manson Number 1

jamming for
the Hurl Scouts.

This is a rough
contact sport.

These girls are lean,
mean skating machines.

And they gotta go fast if they
wanna get past the blockers

who are trying
to knock them down.

And by "knock them down,"
I mean "beat them to a pulp."

Eva's gonna grab
another four points,

bringing the Widows' score to
26 over the Hurl Scouts' 10.

Team captain Maggie Mayhem doing the
honors for the Hurl Scouts, but...

Getting Widows jammer Honey
Suck it back for that rail check

and Whiskey sweeps Manson
Number 2 out of the way,

making room for Honey
to widen the gap

to collect another three points
there as we go into halftime.

That makes the score 29-10.

They say the Scouts have
the most loyal fans,

and being the worst team in the
league, Lord knows they need them.

Oh, Rosa Sparks,
no, you didn?t.

God damn it.

Okay, folks, the Widows
have a pretty comfortable lead here

late in the game.

Hurl Scouts coach Razor

still sticking with Smashley
Simpson as the jammer.

She's up against the Widows'
speed woman, Honey Suckit.

The Wldows' jammer
hip-checks Smashley.

Well, our favorite
Whole Foods checkout girl

is about to bag her some Honey.

Clean-up on Aisle 5.

With time left for only one
more jam, and the game out of reach,

Smashley Simpson
is out of here.

Okay, you're in.

Show me why they
call you Ruthless.

Go get you some.

Okay, Austin, get ready to
meet your newest Hurl Scout.

Here she is, Number 22, the fastest
thing on eight wheels, Babe Ruthless.

Babe Ruthless? All
right. Go, Babe Ruthless!

All right,
it's the final jam of the night.

I like the taste
of fresh meat.

And Razor, with nothing
to lose, throws the rookie

into the last jam on
her very first game.

And dang.

Babe Ruthless gets a double shove
to the rail served up by Whiskey.

But she's back up
like a Weeble.

Okay, okay, that's good.

She darts down the inside
and heads towards the outside

and makes a run for it
out of the pack.

Oh, but here comes Eva
Destruction, still skating strong,

hoping to ruin
Babe's debut.

Ruthless is out of the pack. She's
coming around for her points.

That's my best friend.
That's my best friend.

Rumor has it that Ruthless blew
away the judges in speed trials,

and you could certainly see why tonight.

And now Manson Number 1
takes out Eva.

Feeling the heat
Ruthless is bringing,

and she gets through
for the score.

And Ruthless
gets four points.

Go, Babe Ruthless!

Babe Ruthless scored the
last four points of the game,

but the Widows
take this one home.

Congratulations,
you still suck.

That's great. Celebrate
mediocrity, that's fantastic.

Yeah, it's all a big joke.

We came second.

We came second.
You came second.

We came in second
out of two teams. Nice.

We're
number 2, we're number 2.

We're number 2.
We're number 2.

Razor, come on you did good.

Well, I didn't
throw up.

That'll do.
Good thing.

Oh, my God I take back what I
said about you not being tough.

- You kicked ass.
- Really?

- And I saw that guy you liked.
- You did?

But then I lost him.

- Bliss.
- Hey, Hot Tubs.

Oh, I can't. I gotta
get home to my man.

- No.
- Yes. Great game.

Yeah, man,
that was good.

What's Hot Tubs?

Well, here at the
Warehouse, he's Johnny Rocket.

But here he's
"Hot Tub" Johnny.

Even though he's not allowed in,
we started calling him "Hot Tub"

until he got us one.

All right.
Check it out.

No, that's the thing.

- Coke?
- You swallowed?

That's hilarious.

Not in this lifetime, Johnny.

Or the next one.

Hey!

What's up, ladies?

Should we help him?

Nah, that's her fianc?.
He loves it.

- That's my fianc?
- Hey.

You know, there's some stuff
I'm pretty sure I could teach you.

Johnny.

Y'all check it out.
He's not even in anymore, man.

Heyman, check this out.

That's not a bruise.
That's a bruise.

Yeah, you look pretty good
That's nice, huh?

Pash?

Nice choice.

Yeah?

Yeah, and I love
this one.

So where you from?

Well, I hail from the bustling
metropolis known as Bodeen, Texas.

The tiny town, right?
Off of South 84?

That would be the one.

You live alone?

Roommate.

Me, too.
Four of them.

Why Bodeen? If you don't mind
me asking what do you do there?

By day, I work
at the Oink Joint.

But by night...

Oliver! Oliver!

Oliver!

One second.

Oliver!

Get your ass down here you left
Jasper's guitar in your car.

All right, dill weed.

Shut up, douche bag.

- Nimrod.
- Tampon.

Tool.

What are you doing in approximately
five and a half minutes?

No official plans.

Great.

I'll go bring
you something.

There she is.
All by herself.

- Hey.
- Don't fight it.

Let's get a beer.

Oh, my God.

Okay, you can make out
with him, but that is it.

Who are you,
my mother?

Pash?

Savage and I have been
looking everywhere for you.

Yeah, I bet.

My belly hurts.

There's a storm
in there.

It really does, though.

Come on, hold on.
Hold on. Let's get this.

It's cool.
I swallowed it.

No, come on. Just stick
your fingers in your throat.

No, you stick your finger
down your throat.

Pash. Have you ever thought
about your parents making love?

Your dad's naked body?

What?

His balls jiggling.

- Sweaty.
- No.

That's not fair.

Could you get me
a washcloth?

Yeah.

I'm sorry I ruined
your kind of date.

But I want dirt.

His name's Oliver.
It's a great name.

Yeah, if you like wayfaring
Dickensian orphans.

You're gonna have to roll over
you smell like a dead goat.

Sorry

Hey, girl.
How was the sleepover?

Fine.

Bliss, are you ready yet?

The Blue Bonnet brunch
is in an hour.

Did you forget?

You think you have all
the time in the world,

but there's not many girls who
are both smart and pretty like you.

And I hate to admit it, but the
pretty part doesn't last forever.

You got to make the most of
what you have while you can.

Nobody tells you that.

Mom, you're still
really beautiful.

Save your sarcasm for later.

How's your inspiration
speech coming?

- I'm working on it.
- You want me to read it?

- Not yet.
- Later?

Bodeen, Bodeen,
Bodeen, Bodeen.

Someone get me
out of here, Bodeen.

It's depressing
in the sticks.

I'm all over
these racist hicks.

And I'm jonesing
for an Austin fix.

Yeah. That's right.

Oh, my God,
it's him.

What do I do?

Go ask him if he
wants a Squealer.

Are you stalking me?

No, ma'am.

I happen to be here in Bodeen on
business craving some barbeque.

And, yeah,
I'm stalking you.

Okay.

Can you take a break?

You owe me. I wasn't even
supposed to work today.

I love you.

Is this you?

Technically, it's my brother's
band. But, yes, I'm in it.

And I'll be taking
that from you now.

Wow. From here it kind of looks like
you're wearing a Stryper T-shirt.

Stryper? Yeah, '80s
Christian heavy metal.

I mean, "In the name
of Jesus, we rock."

Well, I suppose if
it's in His name then.

What's this? What's this three
million five hundred and...

Oh, that's nothing.

- You wanna know?
- I wanna know.

It's a little thing
called a high score.

At just the right...
Go. Nice shot.

Is this what you do
with all the girls?

You take them here to
show off your skills?

Yeah. And it
usually works, too.

Oh, yeah?

Maybe we should do
something different.

I should probably
get to practice.

Shit.

I think I might
have lost my keys.

- Marco.
- Polo.

Marco.

Polo.

Marco!

Polo!

Found them.

Cool, I guess
we can go now.

Oops.

I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna tear you up.
I know.

I am going to...

I realize this.
I realize this.

Holy crap, you guys.
We almost won that one.

Yeah, almost.

You know, Razor's play
actually worked.

Man, maybe we ought
to learn new plays.

What's up,
Hurl Scouts?

That was so
good out there.

It was really cute to see
y'all trying so hard.

I hate her.

- Bliss.
- Yeah?

Remember all that stuff I said
about winning not mattering?

Forget it.

I wanna beat
that cocky bitch.

Me, too.

On my team. Yeah!

Look what Corbi did.

With all that
combined brain power,

this is the best
they could come up with?

They got
your freckles.

That they did.

Hey, are you all right?

You can't do that.

She just did.

We deserve
better villains.

Just a few minutes gone by,

but the game Is already
falling into a familiar pattern,

giving the Fight Attendants
an 18-to-6 lead.

Okay, ladies, we're getting
beat, but we got the playbooks.

Time to show these Fight
Attendants a few tricks of our own.

Let's run Play Number 3.
Stampede.

Number 3?

Yeah. I think we only
got to Number 2.

Like, one and a half

You didn't learn
a goddamn thing, did you?

What's it gonna take for
you guys to pull it together?

You know what?
That's it. Hold this.

Did he just
take Number 3?

Come on. That's all I'm
saying, just skate on through.

Hey, what's up, Razor?
Ready to forfeit?

Forfeit my ass.
Run this play.

What do I look like?
An idiot?

Anyway, I've got
my own plays.

Here's $20. You know
how little money I have.

You run the play. You don't
score at least three points,

you got another 20 coming
at the end of the bout.

Just run the play, Jeff.

- You all right? Let's skate.
- Yeah.

- Ladies, we've got a change of plan
- What?

Hey, don't let that traitor throw
you. Let's hit him where it hurts.

Did Razor just coach the other
team or did my peyote just kick in?

I don't even know
what's coming on

'cause I don't know what's
coming around the corner.

Fight Attendants are
about to take on the sky.

Whoa! Holy crap,
a 180 turn.

Kami Kaze makes her way through the
rubble to score an easy four points.

Fight Attendants, 22,
Hurl Scouts, 6.

Is that Play Number 3?

Works pretty well, doesn't it?

You suck.

You turncoat.

Want me to give them
Play Number 4 now?

No.

Okay, take a knee.

Okay, I wanna put what
just happened behind us.

I know I've moved on. We're
gonna run Play Number 2.

Fire and Smashley, you at least
know the first half of that, right?

Yes.

Okay.

Then get out there
and get you some.

Hey, Scouts You mind finishing
your little Family Feud huddle?

Survey says you're
wasting our time.

Let's go ape shit.

Yeah.

Coming out of halftime
and an alternate universe,

Coach Razor puts former figure skater
Bloody Holly in the jammer position,

who launches furiously
into the pack.

The team Is on their game now,
pushing Bloody to the front.

And she makes it through
Bitch and Cooke Flake

grabbing a total of eight
points for the Hurl Scouts.

Come on, come on!

The Hurl Scouts are catching up
in points for the first time ever.

As this space
oddity continues,

Babe Ruthless uses
her speed to fly by...

Oh! Axels of Evil
knocks her down.

But she's back up. Here
they come around the turn.

A choreographed move
from the Hurl Scouts.

Has to be from
Razor's playbook.

That makes
the score 58-58,

a first in the history
of the Hurl Scouts.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but the Hurl Scouts are tied.

We got a tie game
here, folks.

Oh, but Smashley goes down.

- Really?
- Bitch. What the... No.

Ooh, watch out, Tammy.

Here comes Smashley

Get off me,
you psycho.

We've got two girls
brawling on the track.

I don't know whether to break it
up or break out the video camera.

Hell hath no fury
like a woman fouled.

That's not legal.

By day, these ladies are your
favorite waitresses, nurses, teachers.

But by night these girls give
the crowd what they came for.

Smashley Simpson Is out of
here We're only moments to go

and the Hurl Scouts have
managed to squeak out in front.

We're at a 70-67.
Hurl Scouts!

Okay, grab her wrists,
hold on tight. Go.

Play Number 8.
You ready for the whip?

Put your arm out,
I'll be there.

It's the final
seconds of the game.

Manson ramps Cookie Rumble,
and the Hurl Scouts attempt

a classic move in derby.

Babe and Maggie go for the
whip, and it's effective.

Nothing gives you
speed like the whip.

A whip!

Ruthless is flying into the pack

while her teammates are doing
a downright professional job

of clearing the way. She picks
up one, two, three, four points.

Break out
the merit badges. 74-67.

The Hurl Scouts
have finally won one.

Fight Attendants, this
Is your captain speaking.

It's gonna be a long, bumpy ride back
to Loserville. So if you have your...

You win the game. If you
run the plays, you win the game!

How about them Hurl Scouts?
Yeah, how about them Hurl Scouts?

How about them Hurl Scouts?

Touch?, ladies.
Touch?.

We got to run the plays. We
run the plays, we win the game.

- We'll do our homework
- Every time.

There're only 10 of them.
It's not... Not rocket science.

Let's get those
Holy Rollers!

Yes!

Murray. Murray.
Murray!

Please tell me you did not
shove Corbi Booth over a rail.

Actually, I did.

Corbi has a huge
bruise on her leg.

I know that you're just
too bohemian to care,

but she has to
cheer tonight.

And she's gonna go through
with it? What an athlete.

I'd like to
speak to the parents alone.

She's passing one, two,
three girls. That's three points.

If you're still having trouble
following the game, folks,

don't worry,
you're not the only one.

We'll keep
track of the score for you.

You keep track
of the fishnets.

This is a whole new Hurl Scouts on this
four-game winning streak they're on.

They ain't playing scared,
that's for sure.

Number 22 pulls it off again,
earning another merit badge.

Looks like she's on her way
to rookie of the year,

and I can't think of anyone In
recent history more deserving.

Oh!
They gave her the whip

You wanted it and they
gave it to you, folks.

You've been whipped.

Nothing gives you
speed like the whip.

And the Scouts,
they go for another one,

inching even closer to
a slot in the championship.

So my brother's been
working on some dates.

And it looks like this tour
thing is actually gonna happen.

That's really great.

Yeah, I guess.

Thirty-four days crammed into a
crappy van with four other dudes.

Like a bathroom on
wheels or something.

That's a long time.

No, it's cool.

Look, you'll be doing your
thing, I'll be doing mine.

It'll go by fast,
you'll see.

- Hit it.
- Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah.

Go, go, go, baby
Yeah. I love it.

- Oh, my God
- Do it.

No, I don't wanna
know, I don't wanna know.

Blisster?
What are you doing?

I'm watching the game.

That's what I tell the folks
at work, I'm cutting out early.

I tell your mom
I'm coming home late.

Dad, I'm not
gonna tell her.

Why do you feel like
you have to lie to her?

You gotta pick your
battles with your mother

because she is a fighter.

This Blue Bonnet deal
means so much to her.

And I think it's really
nice, you going along.

But you know there's more
to life than beauty pageants.

You know that, right?

I'm aware.

All right.
I'll shut up.

Can I have one?

No, you may not, but you
can have a sip of mine.

Oh!
He took it to him.

That was a nice...
That was a good block.

Since when do you
like football?

I don't.
I better go.

Hey, listen up. Just
a brief announcement,

then you get right
back to your food.

The championship bout
is November 12th.

You got your flyers
right there.

If the Hurl Scouts win
one more game, we're in it.

Good luck with that.

Now I'd like to yield the
floor to Miss Eva Destruction.

Love you, Eva.

Thank you.

In the grand
derby tradition,

as you know, the new poster girl is
revealed by a member of another team.

Sorry, Widows.

Suck on this, girls!

Yes!

Very cute.
Very cute indeed.

One for our team, man!

There she is.

Yeah, yeah.
Make the face.

Make the face.
Do it.

Exactly

Congratulations, Ruthless.

Hey, Smash.

What's up, Maven?

- Hurl Scouts.
- What up?

I just wanna congratulate
you on your new poster child.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

Yeah, you worked hard
for that, didn't you?

That's really
kind of you.

- Hey.
- Hey, hey. Hey.

You guys hang on a sec.

That's okay.

- It's just a French fry.
- Maven, man

Yes! Yes!

Ruthless, yeah.

- Okay I love it
- I love it.

I like banana cream,
but I like chocolate, too.

Food fight!

Gorgeous.
Just beautiful.

How's your speech coming?

It's good.

Okay, turn around

What is that?

Oh, it's...
I tripped at work.

Are you okay?

It's a bruise.
I can handle it.

It looks like it'll hurt.
It's fine.

You got
to be kidding me.

Oh, shit.

This is
an important game, folks.

This is the last game
before the championship.

The winner today
goes on to the big game.

And Ruthless is your lead
jammer and she gets through.

And the Scouts
score four points.

The Hurl Scouts have won!

Listen to how high my voice
is. I need an hour of Oprah.

I'm like a woman.

I need a
white wine spritzer.

By order
of the fire marshal,

you are hereby ordered
to evacuate the building.

Well, this
game is over, folks.

The Holy Rollers are
already in the championship,

so now the Hurl Scouts
will play the Rollers

in the championship game
on November 12th.

Come on, man, roller
derby is not a crime.

Illegally filling
a warehouse...

- ...with too many people is.
- Wait here, I gotta go find Oliver.

Hey, hey, you two.
I need to see your ID.

I was just leaving.

Look, you can show me your
ID, or you can go to jail.

Young lady, what was
that you just disposed of?

Seventeen, huh? Don't you think
you're kind of far from home?

That's why
I was leaving.

Yeah, good idea.

Hey.
Hi, come on.

What do you say? Cherry Slurpees
to celebrate our last night?

I gotta find Pash.

Where the hell
have you been?

We got a phone call from Pash's
parents at about 3:00 in the morning.

That wasn't fun.

This is your SAT class?

Excuse me,
what are you doing?

You can't do that.
I paid for those.

Hey, you lied, kiddo, all
right? That dog ain't gonna hunt.

Okay all right,
I screwed up.

I get it, but what
was I supposed to...

Was I supposed to
ask for permission?

I mean, you would
have just said no.

You're damn straight,
we would have said no.

What do you think,

that the world thinks of those
girls with all their tattoos?

Do you think they have an
easy time finding a job?

Or getting
a loan application?

Or going to
a decent college?

I think it depends
on the girl.

Or finding a husband?

No, you just limit
your choices.

Seriously,
you need to stop.

You really need
to stop shoving

your psychotic idea of '50s
womanhood down my throat.

And pageants? I mean, what
have they ever done for you?

That's my point, Bliss!

I didn't have a mother..

- ..to navigate all my opportunities.
- Jesus Christ.

I am in love with this.

I mean,
don't you get it?

It won't last.

In two or three years, it'll
be over. This is a moment.

Well, how great is that?

You don't understand.

You will when you have
to support yourself.

I do support myself.

No, you don't.

You buy shoes.

You're full of shit.

You know what,
actually...

Hey.

Hey, you calm down,
little lady.

Why don't you go back
to your turtle shell

so you don't have to
freaking confront anything?

You all right?

I just don't
wanna talk about it.

Pash, come on.

You told me
to wait for you.

I was so busy waiting for you
that I didn't notice the cop

coming over to arrest me
for an open container.

Shit, are you okay?

No, actually I'm
not okay, all right?

On top of everything, my parents
decided to put a GPS in my car

so they can track
my every goddamn move.

So what's your problem?

Hope the joyride with your
boyfriend was worth it.

Wait, wait.
How is this my fault, okay?

I didn't put that
drink in your hand.

You know what? I'm ecstatic
that you have this whole new life

and you have all new
friends and it's great.

But I'm trying to get out of this
armpit of a town just as much as you.

And last time I checked,

getting arrested is not
the kind of extracurricular

that Ivy League schools
are looking for.

Do you really think that this roller
derby career of yours is going anywhere?

That's not what
it's about.

Oh, yeah, right.

I'm sorry, Pash.

Thanks for
letting me stay.

Anytime.

That's Riley back there.
He's my little man.

So that's why you never
come out with us?

Yeah, he pretty much owns
my ass. Don't you, Rile?

Okay, first stop, sitter.
Then the Warehouse.

Ruthless, Ruthless,
Ruthless.

Maven, Maven, Maven?

Hey, guess how old I am.

Twenty-seven?

Oh, that's sweet.

I'm 36

Guess when I
started skating.

I was 31.

'Cause it took me that long to find
one thing that I was really good at.

And you know what? I
worked my ass off to get it.

Yeah, me, too.

It's too bad
you're only 17.

What do you think the league is
gonna say when they find that out?

Or your teammates, when they
find out you've been lying?

That's gonna be rough.
Maven, please. Look...

No, you look.

One day it will be your time,
Ruthless, but it's not your time now.

And if I was you, I wouldn't even
bother lacing up those skates.

Fuck.

It's Oliver, I'm running
with the bulls right now.

Hey, Oliver.

I just need to talk to you. I...
I'm calling you from a payphone.

Look, I've left home.

I... You know, this...
I don't...

I don't wanna do this
on voicemail,

so maybe you can get me
on Maggie's phone.

512-697-4998

And then we can just... We
can talk later. Okay, bye.

- Oink Joint
- Hey, B.

Hey, Bliss.

Is Pash there?

She's not here.

Yeah, okay.
Bye.

If, you know, you hear a
hint of pain in my voice

when I say that I've
lost my best friend..

..to a gang of
roller skating she-males

and that the only highlight of my
night was serving corn to an old man

who can't even chew it,
then I'd say you're wrong.

I'm happy.

Okay, that was odd.

Oddly glorious.

Ruthless, what's up?

I just had something
I wanted to tell you all.

Seventeen!?

What if you'd
gotten hurt?

Her parents could sue
the league, you guys.

I know.

We're in enough trouble with
the fire marshal as it is.

- Exactly.
- You know what? She can still play..

..as long as she gets permission
from one of her parents.

I can't.

I'm not even living
at home right now.

Well, even though you can't skate
with us, and you're a big liar.

You're still
a Hurl Scout.

Yeah, you could
be our mascot.

You can't understand until you
have one, everything changes.

Yeah, that's what
my mom always says.

But you're not
really like her, though.

Oh, I'm the cool aunt?

Yeah.

Why don't I just cut school and
hang out with you guys today?

Bliss, I know what it's like
to wanna do your own thing,

believe me, I do.

But maybe there's
a way you can do it

without making your
parents feel like crap?

What?
I've just been thinking.

I think maybe you're being a
little selfish with your mom.

Okay, no.

She's the one who has
been shoving her agenda

down my throat
since day one.

First of all, you're lucky
to have a mom that even cares.

And just because
she's wrong about derby,

doesn't mean she's wrong
about every single thing.

And if Riley ever lies to me
the way you lied to your parents.

He wouldn't even be able to run
away 'cause I'd break his legs.

I'm just kidding, honey.
That was a joke.

I am here for you,

but just because you've found a new family
doesn't mean you throw the old one away.

Have a swell day at
school, sweetheart.

You didn't see that,
did you?

Please don't
judge me right now.

Whoever he is.
He doesn't deserve you.

Come here.

I feel sick.

I know you do.

I gave him everything.

No, don't say that.

No, it's true.

I did.

That's a lot to process.

She was wearing
my Stryper T-shirt.

I just don't understand
how he could do that.

Your T-shirt?

It's the only
cool thing you own.

That you'd know about.

Stryper.

Mom, this isn't...

This isn't working.

I know.

You just make me
feel so guilty.

That's not what I want.

I deserve it sometimes.

Well, I know I can go
overboard sometimes.

But when the person that
you love more than anything

tells you
that you suck, it...

If you want me to do the Miss
Blue Bonnet pageant, I will.

No, no, no, no.
We're way past that.

No, it's not a big deal. I
mean, we already got the dress.

Don't do it for me.

Fine, I'll do it
for myself.

Look who's back.

Hi.

Glad you're safe.

I shouldn't have said
those things to you.

Already forgotten, kiddo.

She's trying to
look pathetic on purpose.

How long you gonna
hold onto that grudge?

Thanks.

Pash, I'm sorry.
You see, I just...

Come on.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I know.

Just keep...
Keep saying it.

Yeah.

Over and over
again, please.

Yeah, I will.
I'll keep it up.

So what happened?

God, I just feel
like such...

I'm stupid. I'm just... I feel
so stupid for falling for it.

Yeah, that's why I like
a good fondling, you know?

It's so much simpler.

Well, while you were
off gallivanting, I...

I got some news.

What... What... What's...

I got into some colleges.

Wow!

My parents want me
to go to Johns Hopkins,

but I think I'm
gonna go to Columbia.

I know. I'm gonna see what it's like
to live in New York for a little while.

That's amazing.

Do you still have
his stupid jacket?

Did he turn into
a handsome prince?

No, he stayed a Birdman.

But the worst part is,
he's actually a good kisser.

Really good.

Congratulations
are in order.

Uh, no. Let's not
encourage this.

I like Birdman.
He's nice.

Hey, Bliss, somebody on the
phone for you. A Maggie Mayhem?

Well, look at you.

I got a makeover.

Yes, you did.

Hello.

Ruthless,
it's the championship.

Don't even tell me
you can't make it.

I can't.

Is it her mom? Let me talk
to her. I'll knock her out.

Just tell your mom
it's important.

The pageant is the same day
as the game, and I can't.

Well, you have to try harder and
you have to make it work. We need you.

- Let me talk to her mom.
- Bye.

I'll kick her in her...

You're selling out.

"Babe Ruthless."

A classic
move in derby.

Babe and Maggie go for the
whip, and it's effective.

Nothing gives you speed like
a whip. Look at Ruthless fly.

Excuse me, ladies.

I'm looking for Maggie,
Maggie Mayhem.

Good pageant, y'all.

Love the dress, Amber.

- We'll have to break through.
- I know.

What time is it?

- Your gown is custom, huh?
- Yeah.

It's beautiful.

Thanks.

Your dress is nice
too Amber.

- Hey.
- Hey.

We need to talk.

Ma'am, put down
the lip gloss.

Step away from the mirror.

What are you all doing
here? Are you...

You're just springing
this on me now?

I know the timing sucks,

but I've been thinking. You
know, I'm not so bothered

by her playing
this roller derby.

In fact, I think
it's kind of neat.

I went on the website, they got
Blisster's pictures all over.

And it looks like they're
having a ton of fun.

Earl, we just spent a lot of
money on a custom-made gown.

And you want her
to just up and quit?

Yeah, but her team is in
the league championships.

The game's tonight.

$800, Earl.

I can take
losing the money.

I cannot take losing the
chance for our kid to be happy.

- I love her.
- Yeah, she looks nice

- Really sweet.
- Bliss.

You guys gotta
hide, my mom's coming.

- Bliss.
- Seriously you guys have to hide.

Bliss.

Your daddy is about to come in here
and tell you that he thinks it's okay

for you to go off
and play roller derby.

- I don't agree.
- Mom.

When you told me that you weren't
doing the Miss Blue Bonnet for me,

did you mean it?

Well, good luck.

Come on, ladies.
What are we waiting for?

Ready to play!

Okay!

Wait.

One more thing.

- Yeah, come on, let's go!
- Good luck, Amber!

Step it up!

That's when...

Hi.

I got it.

We just got back into town.
I came straight over.

I probably still smell
like the van. But...

I went on your website and saw some
girl wearing my Stryper T-shirt.

Oh, that girl...

She just climbed
into our van,

threw on your shirt.
She was an idiot.

You know, I don't
wanna be this girl.

What girl?

I don't wanna be the girl
that has to stand here

and hear about what didn't
happen between you and some idiot.

You don't. And this is bullshit,
anyway. I didn't cheat on you.

But you never
called, okay?

Okay.

I know I should've called, but
there was no privacy in the van.

And then I got
your message and...

I would've called.

My mom wants
her shirt back.

That's right, I'm back.

Thanks a lot for outing me.
That was a class move.

I didn't out you.
I never said a word.

I was just
messing with you.

I don't wanna beat
your ass with rumors.

I wanna beat your ass on
the track with my skates.

It is
happening tonight, folks.

There they are,
the coaches shaking hands,

being nice and diplomatic

right before the craziest match
that we will ever see here.

Oh, I love it, Austin.

That's right,
ladies and gentlemen,

we're talking about the
one and only Iron Maven

versus the upstart from the
heart of Texas, Babe Ruthless.

Yes.

Our jammers,
Ruthless versus Maven

head-to-head,
the teams' two top stars.

As they approach
the pack,

Ruthless seems to be having an
easier time finding an opening,

slithering through like a
proverbial snake in the grass.

There's Babe Ruthless,
Iron Maven, neck and neck.

They've been after each
other the whole time.

That's a hip check
right there.

You don't see Maven taken
down like that too often.

Did you see that?
Call it.

That was illegal. What
are you talking about?

It's a clean hit.

That was illegal.
Just call that shit.

Calm her down.

I'll show you ruthless,
Ruthless.

It's the
second quarter, folks.

We got Babe Ruthless jamming
against the Rollers' Jackie Daniels.

Finally, I made it
to the promised lands.

Okay, don't embarrass me now
that you're here, all right?

Never.

Go, Bliss Go!

Go, Babe Ruthless!

Go!

Babe Ruthless
coming In to the pack,

but she's having
trouble getting out.

That tiny pipsqueak finds a hole,
but not as fast as Jackie Daniels

breaks out of the pack.
Becomes the lead jammer.

Rollers just picked up four more
points, bringing the score 24-11,

Rollers in the lead.

Slaya takes down Smashley

Oh, but the Mansons
grab those wings

and Smashley flies after
Slaya like a bat out of hell.

You just
clotheslined me, man.

Princess Slaya,
feeling the force now.

That's gonna hurt tomorrow
in a galaxy far, far away.

Listen. You play smart,
stay aggressive.

Don't leave any holes for them
to slip through, all right?

Bliss, this may be time
for Play Number 4.

LBJ.
Knock them out.

Coach Razor throws
Ruthless in the jammer's seat

as she makes her way
through the pack.

Look, she gets a hand from Bloody
Holly and slingshots out front.

This could be big.

And one of the Manson sisters
sends Maven hard into the rail.

Maven can yell all she
wants, but she can't hear you.

No, seriously, she can't
hear you. She's deaf. So...

I'll tell you what. The Holy Rollers
have got to lay some hits on Ruthless

if they're gonna have
any hopes of stopping her,

otherwise she's
just too quick.

All the Scouts dive-bombing
the Rollers, clearing the path.

Not one schoolgirl
left standing.

But we are tied as we
go into the halftime.

Ladies and gentlemen, that
was a game-changing down.

Okay, Razor, what's
next? Tell us what to do.

We're gonna run Play Number
7, Rose of San Antone.

Hey, Smashley, if the
play was called Bong Water,

would you be paying
attention right now?

You know what, I'm taking you
out and putting Ruthless in.

No! My head
is in the game.

Then get out there
and prove me wrong.

Slaya hip-checks
Smashley Into the rail.

She's up and over
and she's crowd surfing.

And Smashley Simpson
is back on the track.

Slaya and Smashley have been
at this all season, folks.

And it looks like Smashley
is speeding towards revenge.

I hope the medic is ready

'cause it looks like Slaya's
about to get a rainbow special.

This game's about
to get ugly, folks.

Walt, I don't
believe this.

Smashley goes for the points
instead of the beatdown...

...and picks up four for her team.

Okay, we're running Play
Number 10, Pi?ce de r?sistance.

Get back out there
and win it.

All right.

Let's go, you
know what to do. Get you some!

The game's still
too close to call,

but the Scouts may have
some tricks up their sleeves.

Looks like they're
forming a wall. Kaboom!

The entire Rollers team is
down as Ruthless flies through.

Walt, out of nowhere,
Jackie Daniels...

She's okay, she's okay.
That little munchkin's a trouper.

Give it up, folks.

Let's remember that
derby is a brutal sport.

We've seen our fair share of
sprained ankles and broken bones,

fishnet burns
and black eyes.

It's the final jam.

Two points
deciding Austin's fate.

Let me hear you. Folks.
Give it up for these girls.

It's Iron Maven
versus Babe Ruthless.

Would you have it
any other way?

The Mansons play Maven in the
middle of a patented cage move.

They're calling for the whip, and
they just might get what they want.

They got it.

Go, Maven!

Ruthless gets out first.

And now as she gets a hand
from Bloody Holly...

No, Maven sneaks out from the
Inside and is heading for the lead.

But wait, the Manson sisters
line up. A double leg whip.

Ruthless is surging ahead.
She can taste the victory.

But no!

That's it.

Iron Maven brings
down the anvil.

The Holy Rollers
remain undefeated

and are league champions
yet again!

The Holy Rollers
are champs!

Undefeated three years
in a row. Unbelievable.

What a game.

You gotta take your hat off to
both teams, ladies and gentlemen.

As for the Hurl Scouts,
there's always next year.

But this year it's a
three-peat for the Holy Rollers,

once again,
three- time champions.

I'm sorry, Razor.

Sorry, my ass.
You were great.

Still, who do they
love the most?

Did you see
that leg whip?

How about that jump
by Ruthless?

Smashley's dive
was hall of fame.

Yeah!Holy Rollers!

We did it.

We're Number 2
We're Number 2.

We're Number 2.

We're Number 2.
We're Number 2.

Ladies, just seeing
you guys run the plays,

I can't tell you how good
that makes me feel. It's...

Razor,
are you gonna cry?

No, I'm not gonna cry.

It's just it's such
a long time coming.

I think he might cry.

Hurl Scouts on three.

One, two, three
Hurl Scouts!

Nice jump, Evel Knievel.

Thanks.

Maybe I'll teach it
to you sometime.

Really?

Okay.

Listen, folks,
it's been another great year

at the Texas Roller
Derby League.

I've enjoyed the ever-loving shit
out of you I hope you have, too.

Come out next year, and
we'll do It all over again.

And if you would, this is
a residential neighborhood,

so please don't be too
loud as you head out.

And whatever you do,
don't drink and drive.

All right,
thank you, Austin.

I love you.
I'm out of here.

This is your daughter's
playing card. Might wanna buy it.

Actually, how
much are these?

- 3 each?
- Yeah.

It's a piece
of cardboard.

Yeah, they support the...

- How much for the shirt?
- Earl.

I'll tell you what, kiddo, I've
seen some ballgames in my time,

but this...
This was even better.

I really didn't think
you were going to come.

I'm really glad you did.

That was scary.

I...

I can't change what
you're gonna do, can I?

Probably not.
I really wanna do this.

I want to move to Austin,

and I need to know
that you can accept that.

That's gonna be
a hard one.

- In poetry, if...
- It has to be midnight 'cause...

I know. Okay.

Hi, Mrs. Cavendar.

Hi, Amber.

I just wanted to
return the gown.

Thank you.

Oh, and Bliss left
this at her station.

I wasn't sure if
she still wanted it.

Thank you.

How did you do?

I came in second.

Good for you.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

"The person I admire most..

"..is my mother,
because she is a fighter..

"..who never gives up
on what she believes in..

"..and she never
gives up on me.

"Obviously, I would be delighted
to win the Blue Bonnet pageant.

"But knowing my mother
is proud of me..

"..means more than
any crown."

Earl.

Ronny.

Wait.
Turn the music up.

Roller derby
is not a crime.

Come on man. Roller
derby is not a crime.

Undefeated.

How do I get out?

There we go.

Get out. I can't do it
Do it for me.

Female Fight Club!
Okay, all right.

I love you.
Oh, I love you.

Hey, inbreeders, you're
supposed to leave a tip.

If Jack Black was working
here... Is it Jack White?

- He's sexy.
- I like Jack Black.

Here you go, baby. You have
as much of that as you want.

Okay

It's just so funny.

Hey.

Fishnets and
sexy nicknames.