Where the Boys Are (1984) - full transcript

(dramatic music)

(bell tolling)

(uptempo harmonizing music)

(moaning)
(breathing heavily)

- Oh, that was so good.

Almost five years, just
keeps getting better,

you know, Carole?

Carole?

- I think we need
separate vacations.

- What?

You've been talking to
those girlfriends



of yours, haven't you?

- No.

I've got a mind of my own.

- Well, what about the ski trip?

I mean, we've been
planning it all semester.

- I know, but I really
think that separate

vacations would strengthen
our relationship.

- And just where we you
planning on spending

this separate vacation of yours?

- Fort Lauderdale.

- Fort Lauderdale?

(uptempo tech music)

- [Sandra] Hot rollers,
roomie dear, were not made

for re-heating pizza.



- You didn't like that, huh?

- [Sandra] I knew I shoulda
started packing last week.

- Sandra, we're going to
Fort Lauderdale for 10 days.

All you need is a bikini
and a diaphragm.

- I'm not going to
Fort Lauderdale.

I am going to Bermuda.

Fort Lauderdale is a zoo.

It's full of millions of
guys who are just looking

for animal sex and debauchery.

- Exactly, that's why
we're going.

- Oh, grow up.

- You grow up.

Sandra, the four of us could
have a great time down there.

Besides, your cousin
Camden will be there.

You know what it would
mean to Jennie to meet him.

- Camden?

He's got the personality
of a cement block.

- Who cares as long as
it makes Jennie happy.

- Okay, I will drive down
there with you

and I will spend the weekend
with you, but that is all.

Then I am going to Bermuda.

And just to show you how nice
I am, you can use my car.

- Thanks.

- Which is probably
the only reason why you

want me to go in the
first place.

(classical music)

- Hey, how'd it go?

- [Carole] I told him and
he handled it very well.

- How well?
- He wanted to kill me.

- It's pretty well considering.

- So, it's Fort Lauderdale,
here we come.

- I don't think I can go.

- What?

And what about you?

- [Carole] Oh, I'm okay,
I'm going.

- Jennie, thinking has
nothing to do with it.

We're talking 10 days
in Sodom and Gomorrah.

How can you back out now?

- Because I have a term
paper due in two weeks

and I haven't even started yet.

I'm not like you, Laurie.

You don't crack a book
and you make straight A's.

- Listen, darlin'.

If I can go spend three
days in Fort Lauderdale,

which is out of my element,
so can you.

Besides, how are you
gonna go meet my famous

cousin, Camden Roxbury, though
he be a weenie among men.

- Prick.

- Weenie.

- It's all the same.

- I don't get it. What's
this got to do with Camden?

- He is going to be in
Fort Lauderdale.

He is doing a benefit
concert that

my Aunt Barbara is sponsoring.

So, as long as he's
gonna be there,

why don't you come meet him?

- Oh, I wanna go so bad,

I just have so much work to do.

- [Laurie] Bring your
books and you'll study.

- When you're not
lusting after Camden.

- [Laurie] You can do both.

- You're right, I can do both.

- So?

- We're outta here.

("Hot Nights" by Jude Cole)

♪ Got me a school vacation

♪ I been waiting so long

♪ So long

♪ Get my reputation

♪ I'm gonna stay up
all night long ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Nothing to lose,
I've got to win ♪

♪ They might not see
me back again ♪

♪ Hot nights are calling
my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking
back again we're gone ♪

♪ Can't wait forever

♪ It's now or never

♪ We're gone gone gone gone

♪ So grab your books
and leave them ♪

♪ We don't need them
where we're going ♪

♪ No, no, no

♪ Got no time to read them

♪ That paperback
don't turn me on ♪

♪ No, no, no

♪ Locked up in school
it just ain't right ♪

♪ We're gonna make it
up tonight ♪

♪ Well alright

♪ Hot nights are calling
my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking
back again we're gone ♪

- [Sandra] What are you doing?

- S.A. major S.A.

- [Jennie] What's an S.A.?

- Stud alert, you nun.

I'm giving that guy a ride.

- [Sandra] Laurie, no,
not in my car.

That guy could be an
ax murderer.

- [Laurie] With that bod?

I'll chance it.

- [Sandra] Are you crazy?

Driving in reverse on a
major highway?

- [Laurie] Hi.

(all chattering)

- Thank you God.

Hi, I'm Scott Nash.

Could you move over
just a little?

So where you girls going?

- [Laurie] Lauderdale!

- [Scott] Great, so am I!

You know, this is a very
special place to me.

It's my sixth year in a
row down here.

- [Laurie] Really?

- Yeah, and the reason
I come to Lauderdale

every spring is to
make my fortune

so I can continue being
a part-time student.

- When did you drop
out of school?

- Oh, about two years ago.

And let me tell ya, it's
gonna be different this time.

'Cause I got a band.

- Where, in your duffle bag?

- Scott Nash and the Ramblers.

Ever heard of us?

- [Girls] No.

- No one has, but you will,
real soon.

- So, you're into music?

- [Scott] Uh huh.

- [Carole] Jennie's a
music major.

- Oh really?

Like what?

New wave?

Punk?

Reggae?

- Strictly classical.

- Hey, let's find a gas station.

I have to go pee-pee.

- Tinkle.

- Leak.

- Piss.

- Oh, gross.

(laughing)

Where's the bathroom?

- [Attendant] 'Round back.

- [Sandra] Where?

- [Jennie] There.

- [Carole] Yeah.

- Oh, no door?

Guard it.

- [Carole] Hey you know,
that guy's kinda cute.

He's got gorgeous eyes
and a nice smile.

Pretty intelligent, too.

- Yeah, and how
'bout those buns?

(uptempo pop music)

♪ Well ahead it won't
be no snow ♪

♪ It's a place where
everyone goes ♪

♪ Get a little crazy
for a while ♪

♪ It's the land of good
and plenty of guys ♪

♪ They come in every
shape and size ♪

♪ And there's enough
of them to go around ♪

♪ Many many times

♪ It's gonna be paradise

♪ Simply heaven

♪ You do anything you like

♪ Simply heaven

♪ Whoo hoo hoo

♪ Simply heaven

- [Carole] Oh my God,
it's a supermarket of sex.

- Check out those hamstrings!

Look at those legs.

- Oh stop it.

I'm gonna take that yellow
shirt and that blue biker

and the guys who's in it.

(chuckling)

- Sorry ladies.

This is where I get off.

My band awaits me.

Hey, thanks a lot for the ride.

Where you staying?

- Well, our plans are
kinda up in the air,

we actually haven't--

- Lauderdale Beach Hotel.

- Right, catch ya there.

- [Carole] So long, hotshot.

- [Sandra] It's been
very nice to meet you.

- Hey, you forgot your bag.

- Hey!

Hey, you finally made it, huh?

- [Scott] Hey Tony.

- Where the hell you been?

- [Scott] I got held up.

So, where are the guys?

- Oh, they're like,
scoping the beach, man.

Scrounging for food, crazy.

Listen, we got uh, we're
really hurtin', here.

We gotta eat and in order to
eat we need bucks, you know?

Bread?

- I told ya I'd get us a gig.

- Oh my God, look at
the talent on this girl.

I mean, fucking
incredible footage.

Spielberg would shit.

(uptempo music)

- [Carole] Hey you guys,
I'll go check us in.

- [Laurie] Okay.

- I am definitely out
of my element.

- I thought leopard
shawls were out.

(roaring)

- [Rappaport] Hello, doll.

- Hi, Carole Singer of Kenmore.

- Ah, here we are.

That's room 617.

The name's Rappaport.

Listen, dollface, if you
need anything,

extra soap, more towels,
a nude hot oil massage,

feel free to call me.

- [Carole] Gimme that key,
creep.

- [Sandra] No boutique.

No beauty parlor.

- [Jennie] We'll find you
a beauty parlor.

- Yeah, well I wish I were
in Bermuda now.

(chattering)

- It's down there on the left.

- Oh, dammit.

Yellow ice again.

- [Carole] I got the key,
I got the key.

Hold on.

- Hi y'all.

I'm from Texas A & M.

- Looks more like Texas S & M.

- [Carole] I think I'm
missing a suitcase.

- [Laurie] Could be in
the trunk of the car.

- [All] Oh my God.

(mumbling)

(crashing)

- Now I really am out
of my element.

- We can't stay here.

- [Laurie] I love
cheap grandeur.

- You would.

- [Jennie] How much is
this room costing us?

- [Carole] I don't know.

- Oh, we've got to have
this bathroom condemned.

- [Sandra] Why don't we
call that guy at the desk

and get some Lysol?

He's probably drinking
it as we speak.

- There's no hot water.

In fact, there's no
water at all.

- [Carole] That bug was
bigger than my foot.

- Operator I would like a
number in Fort Lauderdale,

the Roxbury residence.

- [Carole] This has gotta go.

- [Sandra] Just a minute,
operator.

- Perfect.

What have you got in there?

- One bottle of 151 proof
rum, birth control pills,

some Midol, my father's
American Express card,

king size bottle of
Alka-Seltzer, too.

One sexy black teddy.

A lid of grass and a quarter,
just in case

I have to call home.

I think that oughta get
me through the night.

- That could get me through
the rest of my life.

(harpsichord music)

- Ah, let's see, I'm
wearing the black and white.

You're wearing the pink.

We'll take that one.

- Perfect.

That'll impress 'em at
the Miami Airport.

- Hector, wash the car,
not your hair.

- Relax, Barbara.

- Relax?

If I'm late I'll kill myself.

My son needs me.

- Darling, he hasn't needed
you since he was six years old

when he won the International
Chopin Competition.

- At Juilliard.

- [Maggie] Besides, he's
wealthier, smarter and far more

pretentious than we are.

- [Barbara] No one's more
pretentious than we are.

- [Maggie] Wanna bet?

- Barbara Roxbury please.

When?

Oh, can you tell her
her niece Sandra called?

Sandra and I'm staying at
the Lauderdale Beach Hotel.

Si.

Ooh, what's that?

- My buddy, Dave.

He was a gift and he'll
be our bodyguard.

- Laurie, it is way too
crowded in here.

He's gonna have to
sleep in the tub.

- Come on, Dave, time for bath.

- [Jennie] Laurie, you're weird.

- She's on vacation scrubbing
other people's toilets

and I'm weird?

Let's get naked, Dave.

(chuckling)

(harpsichord music)

- [Man] Hello, Mrs. Roxbury.

- Hi, thanks.

Oh God, we've missed him.

I knew it.

He's gonna be furious.

Camden!

Camden, darling, it's Mother!

- And Maggie.

- I know, I know.

Are you sure there's no press?

- Didn't I promise you?

Sometimes I think you
don't trust me.

- Mother, you're a
picture postcard.

And Maggie, you are simply
younger than springtime.

- Oh, this boy's truly divine!

Oh come on, Camden.

Give your old mom a
big smack on the chops!

(smooching)
(chuckling)

- Camden, you look a
little tired.

How old is this French actress
that you've been dating?

The one we read about in People?

The one you didn't
mention to me?

- Mother, that's my affair.

- Don't you think you'd
be more comfortable

with people your own age?

- Mother, let's set
things straight.

I'm here to do the concert
for you and Maggie,

as I promised, but by
weekend I'll be going back

to San Tropez for a little
peace and quiet

and a very long rest.

- Oh, but darling.

You'll get plenty of
peace right here

during Easter vacation.

♪ It's gonna be paradise

♪ Simply heaven

♪ I'll do anything you like

♪ Simply heaven

♪ Ooh hoo hoo

♪ Simply heaven

(cheering)

(screaming)
(splashing)

- [Woman] Oh my God.

(chattering)

- [Laurie] Hey guys, you know
what I wanna do down here?

- [Carole] What?

- I wanna meet some
total bonehead

with the most gorgeous
bod you've ever seen,

whose mind has turned
to guacamole.

I'm talking Conan the Barbarian.

(giggling)

I'm gonna wrap myself
around him for one night

of unbelievable raw, primal sex.

- She's great when she
holds back like this.

- [Mr. Bullhorn] Attention!

Attention Paul Newman.

Paging Mr. Paul Newman.

- Paul Newman?

Where?

(cheering)
(applauding)

Another victim of Mr. Bullhorn!

(cheering)

- New arrivals in town, hmm?

Better be careful with
this Florida sun.

It's a lot stronger than
you're used to.

- Really?

I guess you'd know all
about sunburns and things,

being from Fort
Lauderdale and all.

- I'm dark complected.

I don't burn.

- Well, darlin', you just
be extra careful, okay?

- Uh huh.

- He's cute.

- And he's real sexy.

- Police officers are not sexy.

They're civil servants
and you don't date them.

You date bankers and lawyers--

- Lawyers.

- [Sandra] And doctors--

- Doctors.

- There she goes again.

- Well, if I intend to
leave here looking like

Diana Ross, I'd better start
catching some serious rays.

(uptempo rock music)

Oh my God, it's Conan.

- Oh Jennie, be careful,
be careful.

(wincing)

(knocking)

- [Laurie] Hey if you're
hot, young and hung,

you can come in.

- What'd she just say?

- [Sandra] Laurie, who's that?

- [Scott] Hi, I forgot my bag.

- [Laurie] Hi, well,
it's right over there.

Come on in.

- Well, thanks.

Hey guys, come on in.
- [Sandra] What are you doing?

- [Jennie] What, are
you kidding me?

- I want to introduce you to
my four fabulous musicians.

That's Tony on the
bass and camera.

That's Jude and Ray
on the guitars.

And that's Jeff on the drums.

(chattering)

- This is Laurie, Sandra...

- Carole.

- [Scott] Carole.

- Thank you.

- And Jennie.

- [Tony] Ray, we're
losing light here.

- I'm gonna call the front desk.

- What are you doing?

- I'm shooting a documentary.

- On what?

Half nude college girls?

Get outta here.

- He thinks he's Fellini.

Anyway, you're all invited
tonight to City Limits

where we will be appearing live.

- [Jennie] Okay, look, bye.

- 9:30.

(chattering)

- Bye.

(phone ringing)

- [Scott] Now, don't forget,
9:30.

- [Tony] Bye.

(phone ringing)

- [Jennie] Laurie, would
you come back here?

- [Laurie] No.

- [Sandra] Hello Aunt Barbara.

- [Jennie] I don't believe...

- Sandra, what a surprise.

I thought you'd be in Bermuda.

So, where are you staying?

Lauderdale Beach Hotel
on the strip.

How divine.

With whom?

Oh, your three roommates.

Well, yes he is here, the
little genius.

I know he'd love to meet them.

Where?

The City Limits.

How vivid.

No, no, it's perfect, what time,
9:30?

Great, right, bye.

- Bye bye.

Done.

We are meeting my Aunt
Barbara and my cousin Camden

tonight at that club
where Scott's playin'.

- I don't believe it.

(giggling)

What's he really like?

- Let me put it to you this way.

To Camden Roxbury, a
one night stand

is an evening with
the Boston Pops.

(laughing)
(knocking)

- I got it.

- [Carole] Careful, might be
that creep from downstairs.

- [Scott] Hi.

- [Jennie] Hi.

- I almost forgot, for you.

- Oh, thank you.

You really shouldn't have.

I mean, this must have
been expensive.

- Some things are more
important than money.

- Thanks.

It's Beethoven.

- How nice.

- [Jennie] From the Fort
Lauderdale Public Library.

Oh, gimme a break.

(laughing)

- Hey look.

Come on, Toby, have a heart.

- My heart's in the cash
register right over there.

- Well just put Scott Nash
and the Ramblers to work

and you'll have cash in
the register over there.

Come on, just let us
perform tonight

and you'll see that
Nash means cash.

Toby look, how do you
expect me to go out there

and tell the guys that
you can't use 'em?

I thought we had a deal.

- Sorry my man.

I don't need you.

I got a band.

- I'll tell you what,
we'll work cheap.

In fact, we'll work free.

- What I need is busboys,
dependable, responsible busboys.

- Busboys?

We're musicians.

- [Gary] Chip, we've
been driving up and down

this strip for six hours.

- [Chip] And we'll keep
driving for six more hours

until we find her.

- It's a hundred
degrees down here.

I think we brought the
wrong clothes.

- Well, we're not
here for sunning.

We're here for spying.

- How do you expect to find her?

There's over two million
college kids roaming around.

- She's down here,
I'll find her.

I've given Carole some of
the best years of my life,

and I swear, if I find
her with some other guy,

I want those years back.

♪ Well be-bop-a-Lula
she's my baby ♪

♪ Be-bop-a-Lula I
don't mean maybe ♪

♪ Be-bop-a-Lula she's my baby

♪ Be-bop-a-Lula I
don't mean maybe ♪

- [Barbara] Roxbury
party please.

- [Camden] As expected,
noisy, crowded, intrusive.

Perfect for my first night.

(mumbling)

- [Barbara] We're in
America now, Camden.

You can say shit.

- Mother, I'm giving you
15 minutes in this place

and that's it.

- This is our best booth
Mrs. Roxbury the third.

- He's the third,
I'm the second.

Oh, there they are.

Come on, Maggie, Camden.

Darling.

- [Sandra] Barbara, over here.

(chattering)

Nice to see you.

This is my friend Carole
and Laurie and Jennie.

My Aunt Barbara and Maggie.

Come on, sit down.

Hi Camden.

- Very nice to see you in
your real eminence, Sandra.

- This place wasn't
exactly my idea, cousin.

We just came to see a
friend of Jennie's perform.

- Hi ladies.

May I take your order?

- Scott, I thought you guys
were playing here tonight.

- So did I, but I think we're
gonna play in a couple nights.

You know, I'm really
glad you could make it.

And to show you my appreciation,

the first round of
drinks is on me.

So what'll it be?

- I think we'd like to start
with a magnum of Dom Perignon,

be just fine.

- How 'bout a round of beers?

- Is he a friend of yours?

- Well, not exactly.

He's just a guy we picked
up hitchhiking.

He's someone we just met.

- Waiter, I think we'll
just have the champagne

and you can put it on
my Mastercard.

- Yes, sir.

(uptempo rock music)

- This job is worse
than the job I had

in a pet cemetery in Cleveland.

- Do me a favor, okay?

- Oh sure, anything for a
pal who got me into this

in the first place.

- Just take this order
over to that table.

- [Tony] What's the matter?

Tray too heavy for ya?

- No, I just may drop
it on his head.

- Hey guys.

For someone with a
personality of a cement block,

I think Camden's kinda cute.

- I think you better
get your eyes examined

for glasses when we get
back to school.

- Getting back to your
(mumbling) interpretation

of my third piano concerto.

- No, your second.

Your third was much more
moderish in mood.

- I actually think she
understands his music.

God knows I don't,
but I love it.

- You know, Jennie, I'd
very much like

to continue our conversation
but this atmosphere

is certainly not the
most conducive.

I'd like to see you again.

Would you like to be my guest
at the concert Saturday night?

- I'd love to.

- Very good, I'll take
care of everything.

Mother, Maggie, our 15
minutes are up.

Time to say au revoir.

- [Laurie] Oh, Camden we
didn't even dance yet.

- [Barbara] Bye, you
sweet thing.

- [Laurie] Oh, don't go.

- [Maggie] Bye darlins.

- [All] Bye.

(cheering)

(uptempo pop music)

♪ I don't want money

(chattering)

- Alright, you guys.

I think it's time to
get seriously shitfaced,

but with dignity.

- Of course.

- Hi.

Can I have a margarita?

- [Bartender] Okay.

- And I'll have a gin and tonic.

- Scotch on the rocks.

- Scotch on the rocks.

- A virgin Mary.

- Hang on, hang on.

This isn't one of your
mother's luncheons.

You're on vacation.

Have a real drink.

- Yeah, could you bring
her a double tequila Mary

and could you possibly
bring me your phone number?

- Don't go away, I'll
be right back.

- I don't believe you.

(uptempo pop music)

(chattering)

- Hi Carole.

- [Carole] Tony.

- Come here.

- [Laurie] He's the one
with the camera, isn't he?

- So, you game for a
round of buzz, or what?

- [Carole] I'm game for
a round of anything.

♪ I'll change my mind

♪ If you want me to

♪ I won't change my style

- In this game, it's
anything that ends with seven

and multiples of seven, got it?

- Okay, I got it.

- [All] Then chug it, baby.

(laughing)

- Hey, are you sure it's
okay for us to sleep here?

- We got no choice.

No hotel room.

No Carole.

(uptempo pop music)

- Good girl.

Okay, one more time.

One.

Two.

- Huh?

- Two.

- Three.

- Four.

(snoring)
(laughing)

- He's five, I'm six.

- I'm seven, shit.

(laughing)

- At least one of us is
having some fun.

- Aw, mas tequila.

Mas tequila Mary.

I am tequila Mary.

(giggling)

- We should get her
drunk more often.

She's funny.

I'll be back in a minute.

- Can I have scotch
on the rocks?

Ooh, Oberlin, huh?

- That's right.

- Where the men are men
and the sheep are nervous.

Can we get acquainted?

- Sure.

- How 'bout out there?

- Thank you darlin'.

- Drink madam?

- Listen, I want to apologize
for what I said earlier.

I really didn't mean for
it to come out that way.

I guess I just wasn't thinking.

It was rude and I'm sorry, okay?

- Okay, if you let me
walk you home.

- Okay.

- One thing, the place
doesn't close 'til four a.m.

But I'll buy you
breakfast on the beach.

- Alright.

- Ooh, I wanna buy his butt.

Buy somebody's butt.

- Ooh.

Yeah. Hey, if we keep this
up much longer,

we'll have to get married.

- Is this what I
meant when I said

let's get shitfaced with a
little dignity?

- Yeah.

I don't film in there, so
hang on, I'll be there.

- Okay.

- Well, that's a wrap.

(cheering)

("Slow Down" by The Rockats)

(cheering)

♪ (lyrics unavailable)

♪ Come on pretty baby ♪
Give me one more chance ♪

♪ Try to save our romance

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby moving way too fast

- Would you please shut up?

(siren blaring)

♪ Come on pretty baby give me
one more chance ♪ Oh shit.

(crashing)

(yelling)

(chattering on police radio)

Hi, could I have a cheeseburger,
fries

and cherry coke, please?

- Let's try driving while
under the influence.

- I think, uh--

- Come on, dear.

- A cherry coke
sounds much better.

- [Ernie] Let's try a
little speeding

and reckless driving.

That sounds good, too.

Watch your head, hon.

- [Laurie] I didn't do that.

Did I?

- [Ernie] How 'bout
damaging public property.

- [Laurie] You are picky.

- Okay, officer.

We're ready for the chain gang.

- Here we go.

- Now, I am a law abiding
citizen and I demand for you

to tell me just what the
hell you think you're doing.

- You demand?

- What if I booked you on
a drunk and disorderly,

comes with a nice big, fat fine.

You'll love that, okay miss?

- [Sandra] Oh yeah?

- [Ernie] Mm hmm.

- Yeah, well fuck you.

(smacking)

- Come on, dear.

Let's go to the station.

You'll love it.

- [Sandra] Hi!

- Watch your head.

- Are we there yet?

(melancholy music)

- [Scott] Hey Jen.

I'm really glad you could stay.

- [Jennie] I didn't mind.

It was actually kinda fun.

You know, being my first
night in Fort Lauderdale,

it was a lot to see.

- I love this time of
the morning.

It's so peaceful.

- Yeah, it's really beautiful.

- Now how about seriously
discussing the possibility of

having some real fun?

- Like what?

- Like this.

(melancholy music)

- Not now, okay?

- Sure, for the moment.

- Thanks for the walk
and the talk.

I should be going.

- Then I'll see ya tomorrow.

- It is tomorrow.

- That's right.

I think I'll just stay
and catch a few zzz's.

- Okay.

I'll see ya later.

- Great.

(chuckling)

♪ Nobody knows the
trouble I've seen ♪

- Shut up!

- [Prisoner] Your ass.

- This sickens me.

Physically sickens me.

The youth of America,
this country's strength.

They come down here
and they behave

like total degenerates.

I haven't seen a spring
vacation this bad

since '69 when I had to
call in the National Guard.

It was like Korea.

- They took all my jewelry.

They actually took my mugshot
without any jewelry on.

You know my mother will
have a total coronary

if she knows I'm here.

- [Laurie] Mm hmm.

- What are we doing here?

- You don't remember?

The strip tease?

The accident?

- Nope.

- Telling Officer
Grasso to fuck off.

- Laurie, I did a strip
tease and told

a police officer to screw off?

- Fuck off.

- I'm gonna die.

What are we gonna do?

Ow.

- Don't worry about it.

I called Jennie, she knows we're
here and she'll get us out.

- What's the total fine?

- $200.

You know, Sandra's parents
can easily afford it,

but when I suggested
calling, she threatened

to kill herself.

- Great.

- Good thing she
doesn't overreact.

- Hey Carole, if we use our
spending money for bail,

how much does that leave us?

- $4.50.

- Great, that might get
us through breakfast.

- Can I have your
attention please?

Can I have your
attention please?

This is Mr. Bullhorn.

Don't miss the exciting Mr.
and Ms. Hot Bod dance contest.

That's right.

It'll be at three p.m.
today at Bootleggers.

The bigger the bulge,
the bigger the bucks.

(cheering)

- Hello.

- Oh, forget it.

- Oh come on, Carole.

You'll be great.

- [Scott] Jeff, you're in the
Hot Bod contest with Carole.

I want ya firm and I
want ya pumped.

- [Jeff] Right, buddy.

- Why does it have to be me?

I mean, that's really
humiliating.

- No, it's not.

You'll be wonderful and you
had years of dance classes.

- Jennie, that was ballet.

I don't think the
Hot Bod contest

is looking for a new Giselle.

- [Jennie] Just remember
you're doing it

for Sandra and Laurie.

- [Both] Sandra and Laurie.

- [All Three] Sandra and Laurie.

- [Both] Sandra and Laurie.

- [Camden] An afternoon cocktail
party for Sandra tomorrow?

It's out of the question.

- [Barbara] Oh, you can't
be that rude to your cousin

and her friends, besides,
I invited that darling

debutante Christina Lawson.

You'll love her.

- Oh Mother, please quit
trying to fix me up.

But I suppose you are right
about Sandra and her roommates,

especially that girl, Jennie.

I think that's what
her name was.

- Jennie, she's the one that
was so fascinated by you.

- She was not.

She just happens to be
very bright and well-versed

in a subject in which we share
a common interest, my music.

- Perhaps you'd like
to invite her yourself?

- I suppose that would be
the proper thing to do.

Do you know what hotel
they're staying at?

- Of course, it's the
Lauderdale Beach Hotel.

I already called.

They aren't in, but
they did leave a message

they're at someplace
called Bootleggers.

- Mother, you're
certainly on top of things

at all times, aren't you?

(chuckling)

("Bony Moronie" lyrics
by John Lennon)

♪ I got a boy named
Bony Moronie ♪

♪ He's as skinny as a
stick of macaroni ♪

♪ You should see him rock 'n'
roll ♪

♪ With his blue jeans on

♪ He's not very fat

♪ He's just skin and bone

(cheering)

- And their cucumber.

And now my lovely assistant
Star will walk among you

and pick contestants
number four.

Contestants number four
should be Carole and Jeff.

They gotta be over
there somewhere.

("Rip It Up" by Jude Cole)

♪ Well it's Saturday night
and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money
don't try to save ♪

♪ My heart says go, go

♪ Have a time 'cause it's
Saturday night ♪

♪ And baby I feel fine

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ I'm gonna rock it up

♪ I'm gonna shake it up

♪ I'm gonna ball it up

♪ I'm gonna rip it out

♪ And ball tonight

♪ Got me a date and I
won't be late ♪

♪ Picked her up in my '88'

♪ Shag on down to the
union hall ♪

♪ When the music starts
jumpin' ♪ I'll have a ball ♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ I'm gonna rock it up

♪ I'm gonna shake it up

♪ I'm gonna ball it up

♪ I'm gonna rip it out

♪ And ball tonight

- Ah, we're wasting our time.

Carole wouldn't be caught
dead in a place like this.

She's into ballet,
for chrissake.

What the fuck is she
doing up there?

- Well, it sure ain't Swan Lake.

♪ Rocking on out into the sky

♪ I don't care if I
spend my gold ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight I'm
gonna be one happy soul ♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ I'm gonna rock it up

♪ I'm gonna shake it up

♪ I'm gonna ball it up

♪ I'm gonna rip it up

♪ And ball tonight

(cheering)
- [Toby] Do not go away,

this couple's been in town
for three days.

Ain't got laid yet, calling
Mama to get more money

to stay in town, they're
from Bowling Green,

let's have a nice hand
for couple number five.

(cheering)

- Chip!

What are you doing here?

- I don't know, Carole.

I was just gonna ask you
the same thing.

- What happened to Vermont?

- I gave it up for Lent.

(uptempo music)

♪ I been told long time ago

♪ I been told baby
you been old ♪

♪ I'm gonna be your fool

Carole, what the hell is this?

Entering some tits
and ass contest

the minute my back is turned.

- I was only doing that
for Laurie and Sandra.

- Please, Carole, don't
make it any worse

by lying, alright?

- Lying?

Laurie and Sandra are in jail.

- Carole, you know, it's
not bad enough

that you've lost any sense
of self respect

but that you would turn
around and lie to me about it.

God, Carole, I
thought I knew you.

I guess I was wrong.
- Well, I guess you were.

- Well, guess what?

You wanted separate vacations,
right?

How 'bout separate
relationships?

- Well that'd be just fine!

(engine roaring)

♪ Oh my Melina she's a
solid sender ♪

♪ You know you'd
better surrender ♪

♪ Oh my Melina she's a
solid sender ♪

♪ You know you
better surrender ♪

♪ I been told baby
you been told ♪

- Come on, we're shootin'
this. ♪ Be your fool

- [Camden] Jennie, Jennie.

- [Jennie] Camden, what
are you doing here?

- Hi Skipper, where's Gilligan?

- Scott.

- Well actually Jennie, I
came to see you.

You see, Mother's having
an afternoon cocktail party

tomorrow for some of
our friends and Sandra

and I wanted to invite
you personally.

- Oh, I'd love to come.

- Excellent, excellent.

I'll see ya around
four tomorrow?

- Okay, great.

- And you can tell your
roommates the address is

333 Ocean Vista Drive.

- 333 Ocean Vista Drive.

- [Camden] Right up the channel.

- Alright.

- 'Til tomorrow afternoon.

- [Jennie] Bye bye.

- That guy's really weird.

- Why?

Because he has perfect
manners and a boat?

(clapping)
(uptempo music)

(steamboat whistle blowing)

- You guys, I think we
just lost first prize.

(catcalling)

- [Jennie] There they are.

- [Sandra] Jenny!

- [Laurie] Hey!

- [Jennie] Are you alright?

(mumbling)

- Listen, we got good
news and bad news.

The good news is that
Carole and Jeff won

second place in this
Hot Bod contest, $150.

- The bad news is, we
only have enough money

to get one of you out.

- What?

- What are we gonna do?

- We'll flip a coin.

Somebody call it.

- Heads.

- Tails.

- Oh!

- [Man] Open four.

- We'll be back, okay?

- [Sandra] Okay.

- [Jennie] Don't worry.

- [Laurie] Should we call
her Aunt Martha?

- [Jennie] Are you crazy?

- Looks like your friends
left you kinda high and dry.

- What friends?

I don't have any friends.

This is it.

Alone, behind bars.

How did I fall so low so fast?

- I think you've done
enough time, lady.

Open four.

How 'bout a cup of coffee?

- Yeah okay, I'd like that.

(clanging)

You're Officer Brasso, right?

- [Ernie] You can call me Ernie.

- [Sandra] Oh, thanks.

Listen, could I call my friends?

- [Ernie] That's a good idea.

Coffee may turn into dinner.

(uptempo rock music)

♪ The beat goes on and on

♪ Night is almost gone

♪ I've got to get to you

♪ Before the night is through

♪ To hold you close and tight

♪ Would make me feel alright

- [Laurie] Hey guys,
whaddya think?

Is this a little too trashy?

- [Carole] On you, never.

- I still can't get
over him saying we have

an appointment tomorrow night.

I love it.

It's not a date, it's
an appointment.

I've got a scheduled
rendezvous with Conan.

- God, Laurie, can't you
think of anything else?

- Hey, where have you been?

- Oh, I've been to the
moon, Jupiter, Camelot

even Shangri la.

- God, I shoulda stayed in jail.

- Ladies, I'm in love.

- Are you kidding?

What about Bermuda?

- Oh, screw Bermuda.

I'm not gonna leave
this paradise.

- [Laurie] God, jail
changed her.

- For the better.

- Well, tell us all about it.

Who is he?

- I don't know.

Maybe he'll be the great
love of my life,

like Chip is to Carole.

- Chip is no longer the
great love of my life.

We're estranged.

- What can I say?

He's strong,

attentive,

committed.

- What else?

- Dedicated, thoughtful.

- Who you datin' ?

Clark Kent?

(giggling)

- There's just one little
problem but it's nothing.

I think we can overcome it.

- He's gay.

- No, married.

- Same thing.

- Oh no!

- Yeah, I know.

I never thought of
myself as the kind

that goes around wrecking homes,

but I guess you gotta
start somewhere, right?

(mumbling)

Actually, they're separated.

- That's what they all say.

Has he got any kids?

- Yeah, a boy.

Imagine me with a son?

- Sandra, just go for it.

- Laurie, this isn't
just a fling.

I'm a little scared.

What if he just wants
to go to bed with me?

What if he's just
trying to use me?

- Just use him back,
it's very simple.

- No, what if I get--

- Oh, would you stop
with the what-ifs?

You're obviously crazy
about this guy.

Now, you should just
go be with him

and have a good time.

You never know until you try.

- [Sandra] Oh yeah, yeah.

I guess.

Maybe I will.

- You know what I'd kill
for right now?

- What?

- Pizza.

(laughing)

(thudding)

Room service'll get that.

Nurse, she's out of
her room again.

(laughing)

- I'm starting to fantasize
about Ernie already.

- Uh oh.

- I hope he's the one
that's gonna make me oh!

- Make you what?

- Cough it up.

- Come!

(shrieking)
(laughing)

- Now what a minute,
wait a minute.

You gonna tell me
nothing happened

with you and Peter or
Brad behind ivy walls?

- Nope, not once.

I've only had six experiences

and that counts as two times
where I just kinda shook.

(laughing)

While everyone else was
playing doctor,

I was trying to figure
out how to marry one.

- [Laurie] I think it's
time for a little education.

- [Jennie] What are
you gonna do?

- Put on something romantic.

- [Carole] What are you doing?

- [Jennie] You don't like this?
(laughing)

- [Laurie] Music!

Dave, are you done
with your bath?

- Nurse, she's out of her room.

- [Laurie] Here he comes,
squeaky clean.

- [Sandra] Is this
romantic enough?

Okay.

- You've already begun
to fantasize,

so fantasize this as Ernie.

(laughing)

- Ernie is not inflatable.

- He better be, else I'd
break the date with him.

(laughing)

- You're both feeling those
strong animal impulses,

so you start out with
a simple kiss.

- What?

- Oh, Laurie.

- He doesn't have herpes,
just kiss him okay?

Relax.

Nothing'll ever happen
if you're tense, okay?

- Okay.

- [Laurie] Okay.

Now, kiss him.

- [Carole] Oh God.

- Not like he's your
grandfather.

Just kiss him.

- [Jennie] Where's my camera?

(laughing)

- [Laurie] Come on.

- [Jennie] Okay, now give
me a great shot.

- Go for it girl.

(moaning)

Feel anything yet?

- Not a thing.

- Maybe you should dig
your nails into his back.

- Only if you really feel it

because you can't fake it.

- Fake it?

The woman is screwing
a hefty bag (mumbling).

(laughing)

Oh my God!

- Well, start again.

- Okay.

- With foreplay, alright?

- Oh, you gotta be kidding.

- Body kissing.

- [Carole] Body kissing?

- Now, start on the mouth, okay?

- [Carole] Just pretend
he's Richard Gere.

(laughing)

- Here we go.

- Okay, good, now linger
there a minute

and then slowly move
to the cheek.

And it tastes like a
combination of suntan oil--

- And rubber.

(laughing)

- Now, you slowly move off
the cheek, across his chin

and your mouth slides
down his neck.

Tastes like apricot brandy.

- I'm suffocating.

- Okay, you can hardly
stand it now.

As your tongue comes
down his neck,

to his heaving chest...

(laughing)

you place your lips on either
one of his nipples, okay?

- Nipples?

Oh gross, Laurie, come on.

(laughing)

- Now,

you kiss it, and then,

feeling very reckless,

you gently, gently,

but firmly bite it.

(popping)
(shrieking)

(hissing)

- She killed him.

(somber music)

- [Laurie] Goodnight,
sweet prince.

(waves lapping)

- [Sandra] Laurie, I'm truly,
truly sorry.

- [Laurie] It's okay, hon, as
long as you climax with Ernie.

Dave would have
wanted it that way.

(giggling)

(uptempo pop music)

(engine rumbling)

(light classical music)

- [Maggie] Oh, I see the
Cabots are here.

Charlie had time for
these little wing-dings.

- Oh, he'll do anything I
ask ever since

I found out about the
affair with the Jeep driver.

- Ooh, I bet you didn't
waste a second

in letting him know.

- You know how I hate
keeping secrets.

- [Maggie] Isn't that
Carola Minola?

- [Barbara] It certainly is.

- [Maggie] I thought
she was dead.

- That never stopped
her from coming to one

of my parties before.

- And on the patio,
Mother in 1983 built

the cascades over the pool.

Oh, here she is right now.

Hello.

(chattering)

- Thought you got lost, hi.

- Hi, girls.

- Aunt Barbara, I would
like you to meet my escort,

police officer Ernest Grasso.

- Where did you two meet?

- In jail.

- Why don't you say hello
to Christina Lawson,

our favorite debutante.

(chattering)

- Carole, where is that
adorable Laurie?

- She couldn't make it.

- Yeah, she had a
previous appointment.

(soft pop music)

(doorbell ringing)

- [Conan] You're late.

- [Laurie] Just five minutes.

- [Conan] Time is money.

- Right.

Satin sheets,

nice.

- [Conan] They'd look
nicer with you in 'em.

- That could be arranged.

You don't waste any time,
do you?

- I told you, time is money.

- That's the second time
you've said that.

What's that all about?

- I'm a businessman, lady.

You wanna play, you gotta pay.

- You expect me to pay you?

What are you, on drugs
or something?

You son of a bitch.

Pay for it my ass.

Okay, get undressed.

- What?

- You heard me.

If I'm buying a piece of meat,

I sure as hell intend to see
what's under the wrapper.

Come on, come on, time is
money remember?

That too.

Yeah.

So, where's the rest of it?

I'll see you in small
claims court.

- You must have had a wonderful
childhood growing up here.

- I wouldn't know.

I was on tour when my childhood
was supposed to happen.

- [Barbara] Oh, they
look so happy together.

God, I hope she's from
a good family.

- Why? You weren't.

(engine rumbling)

(dramatic music)

- [Mr. Bullhorn] Come on
party animals, this way.

333 Ocean Vista Drive.

Come on, party animals.

(uptempo pop music)

♪ Gonna go wild

♪ Gonna shake it down tonight

♪ We are gonna rock all
around that cloud tonight ♪

♪ We'll do it right baby

♪ There's no ride tonight

♪ Oh yeah

♪ Gonna lose control

♪ Gonna rock gonna
roll tonight ♪

♪ Right on party party

♪ I'm coming after you

(zooming)

- Holy shit.

- [Camden] That noise,
those people, those boats.

Mother has really done
it this time.

The only thing that can save
us is some nice champagne.

- Oh, sounds great.

So, how's the new piece
coming along?

- I haven't really figured
out what to call it yet.

Could be one of my most
important works.

Except for one phrase.

If I could find that,
then all the rest

would fall into place.

I suppose that's the
story of my life.

Finding that right note.

Perfect phrase, exact sound.

You know how
frustrating that can be.

Cheers.

C sharp.

(uptempo party music)

- I'd like that like that.

Thank you.

- [Maggie] And I'll
have that bottle.

- [Barbara] I think I'm
gonna kill myself.

- Calm down.

So a few extra people showed up.

It always happens.

- A few?

This is hundreds.

Maybe I should call the police.

- Why?

Sandra already brought a cop,
remember?

- Excuse me, pardon me, dear.

My church, my house.

Thank you, pardon me, excuse me.

(uptempo party music)

- Hey pal, interested in
some hot credit cards?

Mastercharge, Visa,
American Express Gold?

- [Scott] No thanks, buddy.

- Do you mind?

- [Tony] Yes, I would.

Keep walking, otherwise
we'll fuck up this shot.

Hey Carole.

- [Carole] Hi Tony.

- Hey, lighten up, huh?

It's a luau.

Slam bama lama.

♪ Sometimes you got to
turn and scream ♪

- [Chip] You didn't tell me
this was gonna be formal, Gary.

- If you don't find me in
an hour I'll be in heaven.

- Go get 'em.

(uptempo party music)

- [Maggie] Excuse me.

- No, excuse me.

How would you like to have
an affair with a younger man?

- Well, only if it's (mumbling).

- Right.

- Ooh, come with me.

- Hey lady.

I like the way you look.

That's why I'm gonna sell
you this piece

of stupid for only 20 bucks.

- That's very kind of you
considering I paid 2000 for it.

(uptempo party music)

(stammering)

- I'm real sorry, but
I just can't do this.

- What's the matter?

- Tony, this might
sound real dumb,

but I've been going with
Chip since the 11th grade.

- Oh, right.

- And I just can't do
this to him.

♪ Whoa, no

♪ No disguise show your face

(chattering)

- We have in this bag
Borneo bong, you like?

Guess you don't dig weed.

Alright, homemade ludes.

You get a discount if
you buy 'em by the gross.

No, speed.

I know, you're into speed.

- Mrs. Roxbury, have
you seen Jennie?

- She's probably with
Camden who, thank God,

I haven't run into.

(uptempo party music)

- How 'bout everybody's
favorite, snow from the Andes.

99 and 44 one hundreds
percent pure.

Tough sell.

Alright, (mumbling)
acid '69 vintage.

I've been saving it for a man
of your discriminating tastes.

Say man, what are you into,
anyway?

- Law enforcement.

- He's a police officer.

♪ No disguise show no
face whoa no ♪

♪ See my heart show no
face whoa no ♪

♪ No disguise show no
face whoa no ♪

(chattering)

- [Ernie] Come on baby.

Let me show you Fort
Lauderdale my way.

- [Sandra] Ernie, I
would love it.

- I mean, I really love music.

I just, I don't know if I
have the talent.

I think I have the taste.

- It's the
inspiration that counts.

Like a beautiful woman's face.

Such as yours.

Or the D flat tone of
your crystal.

- You mean this?

- It's D flat.

D flat.

(uptempo party music)

(soft piano music)

- [Scott] Jennie.

- [Jennie] Shh.

- No, no, not a D
flat variation.

What you need is an E
minor diminished

and that will set the structure
for the next five bars.

- But that can't be.

- Just try it.

(soft piano music)

- It's brilliant.

Would you two leave me
alone please?

I've got to work.

- Oh, I won't make a sound.

- Please, I'm working.

- I thought you just said--

- Jennie really, I've got
to concentrate.

- Hey look, genius.

- What did you do that for?

You interrupted my flow.

- The only thing that
would interrupt your flow

is if someone shoved a
fist in your mouth.

- Scott.

- I haven't got time to
exchange snide remarks.

I'm an artist.

I've got to be alone.

- Apologize to Jennie.

- Apologize for what?

- It's okay.

- For acting like an asshole.

- I don't think I've
treated your or Jennie

any differently than
I've treated anyone else.

- Oh, so you treat
everyone badly.

- Please get out of here.

- Hey, why don't you and I just
go outside and settle this?

- There's no room outside.

- Would you two please stop it?

(uptempo party music)

- Carole.

- You maggot.

(smacking)

- What the hell'd you
do that for?

- [Scott] Jennie, Jennie.

- Carole, wait.

- Hey, wait a minute.

I wanna talk to you.

- I don't feel like
talking right now.

- Why are you mad at me?

I was just defending
you back there.

- I don't need you to defend me.

- Jennie, I don't get it.

I mean, you're a very
special girl, you really are.

But it makes me goddamn
mad that Camden Roxbury

could just dismiss you like
you were the hired help.

- I don't really think
he meant it that way.

- Camden Roxbury is an
arrogant fool.

He doesn't give a damn
about anything but his work.

- Well, maybe he has a
right to feel like that.

- Would you stop defending him?

- You're just jealous.

- Yeah, you're right, I am.

I wish you felt that
way about me,

because I really care about you,
Jennie.

I care about you so much.

(horn honking)

- I have to go.

- No, for once can't we
just finish something?

- Finish what?

(horn honking)

I can't.

- [Scott] Jennie.

Jennie, no.

- First my party's ruined,
then my house is destroyed,

now someone's stolen my car.

- I've always said Barbara,
you throw one hell of a party.

(uptempo party music)

(engine rumbling)

- Oh, I should have never
come down here.

I should have gone to
Vermont instead of acting

like a silly adolescent.

- Sounds like true love to me.

My second husband was
exactly the same way.

- Really?

What'd you do?

- Divorced him.

- Great, that's just what
I need to hear.

- Listen, lamb.

You come with me to the
concert tonight.

I'm sure your girlfriend
will be there.

You'll work the whole thing out.

- I hope so.

Listen, Maggie,
about last night.

Everything's sorta vague,
you know?

- Listen, don't worry.

When you remember, and you
will, it'll be dynamite.

(speaking foreign language)

- That's the brightest
moon I've ever seen.

- That's not the moon,
that's the sun.

Have you ever had a
hangover this bad before?

- No.

- You know what I
gotta do today?

I gotta finish my suite.

- Our suite.

- It's my suite.

Your note.

You ever try to do
anything difficult?

You know, like sit down and
really work on your music?

- Sure.

It's about getting that
one lucky break.

- The only breaks you get are
the ones that you make happen.

You want success but you
don't do anything about it.

I know you got talent.

So do I.

The only thing that makes
us different is desire.

Until you learn that,

you'll just be another
ripple in the pond.

(speaking foreign language)

- It goes over here in
front of the sofa.

(speaking foreign language)

- Must have been some party,
huh?

- Yes, I'm surprised you
weren't there.

- I was.

Carola Minola, remember?

(laughing)

(soft pop music)

- Hello.

- Hello.

- These are for you.

- Thank you, they're beautiful.

- Let me put 'em in
water for you.

(chuckling)

Jennie.

I want to apologize for
my behavior last night.

- Oh, let's talk about
something else, alright?

I'd really like to
forget last night.

- So would I.

If I could only remember
what happened.

Jennie, I'd still like
you to be my guest

at the concert tonight.

- Okay, I'd like that.

- Good.

If you'll excuse me,
I've got to add

the finishing touches
to my suite.

Or die.

Whichever comes first.

Ciao.

- Hi.

- Morning Camden.

- That's questionable.

- What's he doing here?

- He came to apologize and
he even brought me flowers.

- Flowers?

I think that's romantic.

- Romantic?

Since when have you been
into romantic?

I thought it was strictly Conan.

- Oh yeah, whatever happened
to your appointment?

How'd it go?

- It went.

But, Conan turned out
to be just another jerk

in a leopard bikini.

- Something's gotta
hold him together.

- Wasn't much to hold.

- Hi y'all.

Hey, give me a minute to change

so I can join ya on the beach.

I just can't wait to
share my joy.

- [Jennie] I think I'm
gonna be sick.

(chattering)

- Okay, so after the
fourth time,

I just had to say, "Enough."

- I'm gonna kill her.

- [Jennie] When are you
gonna see him again?

- Tonight, I asked him
to the concert.

He said he'd call me later.

- What about Scott?

- Oh, Scott's, he's just a guy.

- Just a guy?

Jennie, I saw him kiss
you last night.

That's not just a guy.

- Yeah, well, I don't know.

I'm so confused.

On one hand, there's
Scott and on

the other hand there's Camden.

- I should have these problems.

(chuckling)

- Jennie, it's me, Carole.

Remember me, your friend,
your pal?

You know you can talk
to yourself 'til you're

blue in the face,

but actions speak
louder than words.

That's really a boring phrase.

- You're right.

- Jennie, I was thinking
maybe you could take Scott

and leave Camden for me.

- Are you serious?

- You like my cousin Camden?

- Well, sorta.

- Laurie!

Now, I can understand Jennie
being attracted to him

'cause he's her idol and all,
but you!

I don't know, I just never
thought of him as your type.

- One never knows the
chemistry between

a male and a female, does one?

- [Jennie] Whoa, I think
she means business.

- Hey, listen, I'm gonna
go back to the room

'cause I'm expecting that call.

- Good, see ya later.

- [Sandra] Leave my towel, okay?

- Alright.

So, wanna take a dip?

- Yeah.

(mellow music)

- Are you sure you're
gonna be alright?

(melancholy music)

I feel bad leaving her here.

- You can stop talking
behind my back.

- [Carole] We weren't.

Let's go.

- [Jennie] We'll save ya a seat.

Come and meet us.

(applauding)

- Oh thank you, thank you.

Isn't this a lovely night?

In case any of you didn't
know, I'm Barbara Roxbury.

- [Woman] Hi Barb.

- Oh, thank you.

Well, welcome welcome one and
all to this year's concert

for the United Charities
of South Florida.

We are very lucky to have
with us our own native son,

and incidentally, my own son.

(applauding)

Without further ado,
performing his world famous

Quantum Sonata, Camden Roxbury.

(applauding)

(dramatic piano music)

- Oh God.

Make it ring, and I'll
never eat another Godiva

chocolate as long as I live.

(dramatic piano music)

- [Ernie] What are
you doing here?

- [Sandra] What do you
mean what am I doing here?

You were supposed to pick me up.

- [Ernie] Yeah, but come here,
you shouldn't come over here.

- Well, I'm not used to
getting stood up.

- I didn't stand you up.

- We had a date.

I waited for you, you
didn't show up,

now what would you call it?

- Sandy, I explained my
whole situation

when you and I just got started.

- You're back with your wife,
aren't you?

- No.

Yes.

Not really.

Look, she lost her job
and on my salary,

I can't afford to pay
two rents honey,

so I let her move back in.

It's just for a while.

- I see.

- No, I don't know
if you do see.

I'm talking about I'm
in bad financial shape.

I'm confused. I don't know
if I'm coming or going,

all I know is I'm
crazy about you

and there's nothing I
can do about it.

Do you understand me?

All I'm asking you, honey, is
just give me a little time.

Please, a little time,
that's all.

- I don't think you're
ready to let go, are you?

- What?

- I don't think you're
ready to let go

and I can't afford
to hang around

and wait for you not
to be confused anymore.

I mean, that just might
not happen, so,

I think I need to be the
one who lets go.

Bye, Ernie.

(dramatic piano music)

(applauding)
(cheering)

- Thank you.

Thank you.

For my next piece, I'd
like to play for you

a world premiere, something
I've just completed.

Inspired by a very lovely,
beautiful girl

who's very special to me.

And now, Suite For Jennie.

(applauding)

(dramatic music)

♪ Jennie

♪ Won't you make your mind up

♪ I could be so good for you

♪ What's all the mystery

♪ Oh Jennie

♪ I'm looking for an answer

♪ Don't turn your heart away

♪ Tell me what you're thinking

♪ Jennie

♪ You keep running

♪ From my love

♪ All I want is

♪ To be in your life

♪ We were fated

♪ Ever something that
was meant to be ♪

♪ And I love you

♪ Jennie

♪ Come to me

♪ Oh Jennie

♪ Don't you feel your
heart beat ♪

♪ Faster than usual

♪ Listen to the music

♪ Jennie

♪ You keep running

♪ From my love

♪ All I want is

♪ To be near you girl

♪ We were fated

♪ Ever something that
was meant to be ♪

♪ And I love you

♪ Jennie

♪ Come to me

♪ Come to me

♪ Come to me

(applauding)
(cheering)

- Carole.

- Chip.

- [Both] I'm sorry.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

(applauding)
(cheering)

(dramatic music)

(melancholy music)

- Hi Camden.

I can't promise lasting
love or anything, but,

we could sure have one
hell of a night.

- [Carole] Honey?

- [Chip] Yeah?

- [Carole] Are you sure
that Gary won't mind

driving back all that way alone?

- Carole, he's not going back.

He's transferring to Miami.

I got this, girls.

- [Sandra] Thanks, Chip,
thank you.

- [Chip] You bet.

- Hey San?

- [Sandra] Mm?

- You gonna be alright?

- Ah yeah, I'll get over it.

- [Jennie] You sure?

- Yeah.

- No what ifs?

- And no regrets.

Where's Scott?

- I don't know.

He said he'd say goodbye
before we left.

- Oh darlin', I hope he
doesn't turn out

to be another Ernie.

(horn honking)

- Hey party animals.

Time to head back to the
real world, huh?

- [Jennie] Hey, did you
have a good time?

- You bet I did.

Bye Conan.

You barbarian.

- I just wanna say thanks.

- I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Guess it just wasn't
meant to be.

I'd still like to
consider you as my friend.

- Absolutely.

I'll see ya later.

- Take care.

- We better hit the road.

- But what about Scott?

- I guess we said our
goodbyes last night.

- Bye bye Sandra.

- Bye.

- I got a paper to write.

- Come on guys, let's get going.

- Yeah, let's roll.

- [Carole] Thank you.

- [Laurie] You guys get
all my stuff?

- [Jennie] Yep, it's
in the trunk.

- [Camden] See ya later.

- [All] Bye.

- [Camden] Arrivederci. It's
a week I'll never forget.

- It was great, Camden.

("Where The Boys Are" by
Howard Greenfield/Neil Sedaka)

Jennie, Jennie.

Stud alert.

♪ Where the boys are

- Hi, how ya doin'?

♪ My true love will be

I'm Scott Nash.

I'm heading for Penmore to be
with a girl I'm crazy about.

♪ In time

♪ And I know he's looking
there for me ♪

♪ In a crowd of a
million people ♪

♪ I will find my valentine

♪ Then I'll climb to the
highest steeple ♪

♪ And tell the world he's mine

♪ 'Til he holds me

♪ I wait impatiently

♪ Where the boys are,
where the boys are ♪

♪ Where the boys are,
someone waits for me ♪

♪ 'Til he holds me

♪ I wait impatiently

♪ Where the boys are,
where the boys are ♪

♪ Where the boys are,
someone waits for me ♪

("Mini Skirted" by Spark)

♪ I'm no hick

♪ And I'm no prude

♪ But any less and
you'd be nude ♪

♪ Because for mini skirted

♪ That's enough for me

♪ Mini skirted

♪ Good enough for me

♪ Mini skirted

♪ What a lovely sight to see

♪ When I walk around and
see the sun in the sky ♪

♪ Or bouncing off your
knees and through my eyes ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna end up
legally blind ♪

("Hot Nights" by Jude Cole)

♪ Got me a school vacation

♪ I been waiting so long

♪ So long

♪ Get my reputation

♪ I'm gonna stay up
all night long ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ I got to win

♪ They might not see
me back again ♪

♪ Hot nights are calling
my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking back

♪ But then we're gone

♪ Can't wait forever

♪ It's now or never

♪ We're gone gone gone gone

♪ So drop your books
and leave them ♪

♪ We don't need them
where we're going ♪

♪ No no no

♪ Got no time to read them

♪ The paperback don't
turn me on ♪

♪ No no no

♪ Locked up in school
it just ain't right ♪

♪ We're gonna make it
up tonight ♪

♪ Well alright

♪ Hot nights are calling
my name now oh oh oh ♪

♪ There's no looking
back again ♪

♪ We're gone

♪ Can't wait forever

♪ It's now or never

♪ We're gone gone gone gone

♪ Well alright let's go

(dramatic music)