We Need to Talk (2022) - full transcript

Hey, Scotties.

What's up?

Yeah, finally, it's your boy
Great Scott.

I know it's been awhile

since I've made one of these
videos.

But don't worry,

we do have a ton of game reviews

and play throughs coming up,

but I know that's
not why you guys are here.

You wanna know what happened,

and well, you probably wanna
know



where I've been for the last
three months,

and I bet some of you think
you had it figured out but

You really won't believe
the day that I had.

♪ One ring to voicemail ♪

♪ Text me, babe, please ♪

♪ If we talk in the morning ♪

♪ I'll lose another night of
sleep ♪

♪ You and I got in our first
fight ♪

♪ Over something stupid ♪

♪ I barely remember ♪

♪ Let our heads get over our
hearts ♪

♪ And broke something beautiful ♪

♪ But we can get back together ♪

♪ Second time around is better ♪



♪ If we can get it wrong ♪

♪ We can get it right ♪

♪ Tell me what's good ♪

♪ And I'll see you tonight ♪

♪ We can get back together ♪

♪ Third time round forever ♪

♪ If we can get it wrong ♪

♪ Yeah we can get it right ♪

♪ Tell me it's good and
I'll see you tonight ♪

♪ Yeah we can get back ♪

♪ We can get back ♪

♪ We can get back ♪

♪ We can get back together ♪

♪ We can get back ♪

♪ We can get back ♪

♪ We can get back ♪

♪ We can get back together ♪

Oh, good morning, sunshine.

Mm-hmm.

I hope being up all night

playing Dome Shots was worth it.

Head Shots.

Oh, Head Shots.

'Cause it was really cold last
night

and the only reason why I keep
you around

is to keep my feet warm, so.

Well the review has
to be done today, so.

Well that doesn't keep my
feet warm.

Well, socks do.

Oh.

You know what?

I should post this.

Boom.

I don't know why you
play your game so late

when you're here all day.

Because I film videos
throughout the day, Aly.

Come on, you know this.

Well, what I know

is that it's not healthy
to stay up so late.

The average adult needs
seven to nine hours

of sleep a night to stay
healthy.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Well the average adult also
doesn't run

one of the biggest video game
channels on the internet.

So, you know, there's that.

Oh, you're so special.

What about frame rate?

Okay, I'm leaving.

You're an idiot.

Oh, Scott, you know what?

You're a douche bag, you know
that?

Um, so I was thinking-

Kiss my ass.

That after I get home tonight-

Get out of here.

We need to talk.

Shut up! Oh my God!

Well, why, why are you even
here?

Why are you even commenting?

Do you know what? Screw you.

This dickhead wrote that,

"I bet he doesn't even have a
girlfriend."

Ha, yeah, real funny.

This asshole, he just wrote in

that he thinks that I don't
even have a girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

Al?

Wait, we need to talk?

Double
kill.

Wow, she said that?

Yup.

That sucks.

Yeah, not as much as you.

Watch your left.

Oh, got it.

So what are you thinking?

I don't know.

I'll probably comment
on it in my next video.

Hashtag we need to talk.

What?

Oh, come on. It's great
content.

You know the fans love
it when I talk about Aly.

Don't you think you should
ask Aly

what she wants to talk about

before you announce it
to the entire world?

Nah.

It's probably just some comment

about putting the toilet
seat down or something.

Speaking of,

did you see the comments
on last night's video?

Yeah, I guess a few.

I feel like you should be
taking this more seriously.

Which comment?

The one about the octopus?

'Cause you know what?

I totally agree.

That one really weirded me out.

No, we need to talk.

About what?

Dude, not me, not your social
media,

your social life.

I think she's gonna
tell you

you have a little dick.

Hi, Kyle.

I can't wait. It's gonna be
terrible.

Asshole, what the-

Oh, careful now, Kyle.

You don't want your mommy to
hear you

speaking all nasty like
that again, do you?

Shut up, Great Snot.

Is that what they teach
you in school these days?

More importantly, Kyle,
why aren't you in school?

I'm out today with allergies,
bitch.

So I'll be here crushing
your KD all fucking day.

Great.

I hate to admit this, but
Kyle might be onto something.

Yeah, sure.

Superhero bedsheets.

Screw you Tit Dick.

Kyle Sheldon!

What did you just say?

Nothing.

It was some jerk on the game.

- I'll mute him.
- Hi, Moreen!

You better, because if I hear

talk like that again, young man-

Oh, Kyle.

My kids would never talk like
that.

I'm hungry. I want dino
nuggets.

Oh, sweetheart.

You can't have dinosaur
chicken nuggets for breakfast.

Daddy's gonna make you waffles

as soon as Daddy's game is
over, okay?

Goddamn prick!

I'm fucking reporting
him right fucking now.

I'm gonna report you to Child
Services.

- Jesus.
- They're fucking cheating.

I know it.

Sure.

Can we circle back to Kyle's
first ever lucid point?

Okay, you know what, Joe?

I can officially confirm that
my girlfriend of 10 years

is perfectly fine with
the size of my joystick.

Oh, well that's settled then.

Seriously, it might be major.

Oh, thank you.

You know, I've always thought
of my junk

as slightly average, but major,
wow!

Not your junk!

All I'm saying is there's
nothing worse in the world

than when someone says to
you, "We need to talk."

Are you sure?

Because when she says,

"Do you know what today is"

that usually ends up in a
pretty expensive

same day delivery.

Wow.

Okay, look, you're worrying

about absolutely nothing, all
right?

Let it go.

They're spawning behind us.

I'm just playing devil's
advocate here.

As your producer I wanna make
sure that-

Predator.

You know I hate that so much.

Okay, you are my video
producer and editor.

So ipso facto, you're a
predator.

Mm-mm.

Ew.

I knew you guys liked little
boys.

Fucking perverts.

Oh, goody. Kyle's back.

Why the whispering, bud?

Shut up.

I don't care how many
subscribers you have.

Your videos suck.

Really?

'Cause I'm gonna be uploading

a really super funny one today.

Whatever.

Nobody watches your old ass
anymore.

Really?

'Cause, you know, I just think,

I think they're gonna
really like this one.

What are you doing?

You fuck!

Shit, dick, cock, assholes!

No, stop!

Kyle Sheldon!

- Prick! Nuts!
- That's it!

You are done!

No, no, no, Mom!

No, Mom, I swear it wasn't me!

It wasn't me! It was Scott!

No, no!

Woo, thank god his mom showed
up.

Honestly, guys, I was
running out of bad words.

That was amazing.

That was wrong, bro.

No, no, you know what's wrong?

Is wasting the day reviewing
Head Shots.

Head Shot Heroes 10?

- Yep.
- Nice.

I love the first one.

Yeah, I played it all
the time before we had-

Kids!

Yeah, no, I played it all
the time back in college.

You know, come to think of it,

I really have no idea how I
graduated.

You did not graduate.

Oh yeah.

So, how's the new one?

I don't know. Same shit.

I'm almost done with it

but it's, you know,

it kinda just feels like it's-

No, no, no, save it for the
video.

Can you finish playing the game

so we can do the review before
launch?

If I have to.

You have to.

It's the biggest game of the
year

and it comes out tomorrow.

You'll have to film it, edit
it, and post it all today.

So it'll go up around 10:00.

This has been Joe signing off.

Okay, hey,
hold on one more second.

Joe, Joe, Joe?

What?

You suck.

Goddammit.

I want dino
nuggets.

Yeah, let me feed the dweebs.

I'll be on later if you wanna
raid.

Copy that.

Good luck
with the lady.

Whatever.

Go get on those dinosaur
nuggets, Dad.

Game
begin.

Okay.

Controls feel okay.

Boom, first head shot.

Okay, looks kinda the
same as it did before.

This is the same exact
level just backwards.

Crushed it!

Did it get easier

or did I just get better?

Wait, no one answer that out
loud.

I got better. Okay.

Oh, look.

An invisible wall.

Working super hard.

Look at his eyes.

He looks so damn good.

Yeah.

So predictable.

Pick a
side.

Come on, what are you waiting
for?

Come on, what are you waiting
for?

Take a shot.

Oh, shit.

You bathed.

I feel special.

And I'm gonna put on a new
shirt.

Ooh!

A new shirt.

Yep, this one's charcoal.

Okay.

A different color doesn't
make it a new shirt.

It still has your big ol' face
on it.

Yeah, well this big ol' face

sells lots of t-shirts, all
right, buddy?

It's called branding

and I need to do it.

Well, if you didn't always
feel the need to brand,

Aly wouldn't need to talk.

Okay, Steve Jobs, he wore the
same shirt

every single day, okay?

You know why?

Because it allowed him to free
his mind

and focus on bigger,
more important issues.

So, what should I order for
lunch?

Hmm, seems like it's working.

What? You love...

You know what? You're not
getting any.

And I'll ask the Scotties, okay,

'cause they adore me.

What up, Scotties?

It's your boy Great Scott.

We about to get all up in this
video.

It's gonna be lit.

Hey, there's Joe

doin', I don't know,
whatever the hell Joe does.

Anyways, far more important,
I'm starving.

Let me know some restaurant
recommendations in the city.

And I'm out.

Posted.

Boom!

So, how do you wanna do
this Head Shots review?

Wanna do like a skit like we
did before?

You toss on those army fatigues.

You can even download
some World War footage.

Eh, you know what?

I'll just let you know when
I finish the game, okay?

Dude.

Have you seriously not finished
the game?

No.

But I've almost finished the
game, hmm?

I'm on the last mission, come
on.

Well I don't wanna be
cutting this all night long.

All right, we gotta get this in
the can.

Okay, relax.

I will get it in your can soon
enough.

But right now that's not
what we're doing, okay?

Mic me.

Fine.

What are we doing?

Oh, ooh. Cold hand.

Okay.

What up, Scotties?

It's your boy Great Scott

with Great Scott Gamer.

Now, serious talk.

Sometimes our community can
be just a little bit immature.

So today I had the pleasure
of teaching a valuable lesson

to one of my younger fans

about just how to communicate
with your fellow teammates.

Because you see, Great
Scott is for the childrens.

Yeah, yeah Great Scott
Gamer is for the childrens

and if you don't believe me,
well then, check this out.

Whatever. Nobody
watches your old ass anymore.

Really, 'cause I think,

I think they're gonna
really like this one.

What are you doing?

You fuck, dick,
shits, tits, suck balls.

Kyle Sheldon!

That's it!

You are done!

No, no, no, Mom!

I swear, it wasn't me, it
wasn't me!

It was Scott! No, no!

Scott!

Well, there you have it.

You know, maybe next time Kyle
will think before he speaks.

And speaking of
speaking,

or is it talking of talking,

this morning Aly, you know, my
lovely lady and sugar mamma,

said that we need to talk
later on when she gets home.

Now, should I be concerned?

I don't know. Joe thinks so.

But Joe's also afraid of
plastic ware, so.

Anyways, leave me your comments

and your thoughts on that one

and don't forget to like,
subscribe, and comment.

Love you guys!

Catch you on the flip side.

Your boy Great Scott Gamer.

I'm out.

Everything's set up for the
review.

How's that Kyle video doing?

Yo, Scott.

- Hey!
- Hmm?

Oh yeah, dude, everything's
good.

All right.

I'm gonna go home, grab
some lunch, come back.

That should give you enough
time for the review, right?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, man. Do whatever you need.

Yo, where are you right now?

Is the edit okay?

What? Yeah, dude, your edit's
great.

But the comments, man,

they're all about Aly.

Look.

Man, I tried to tell you.

Yeah, well you also tried to
tell me

that using a typewriter at
Starbucks would be inspiring.

Yeah, it was inspiring.

It was great.

Doubtful.

So what are the comments saying?

Man, okay, well,

she's got a new sugar daddy.

She's got a hairy navel.

She's smooching another pickle.

She's just not that into you.

She's got erectile dysfunction.

That doesn't make sense.

She's out of your league.

They wrote it.

I don't think she's out of your
league.

Although, to clarify,

are we talking major leagues
or like a little league?

Joseph.

Since when do you even
care about comments?

Ever since I was ever
given the attention

I so desperately crave.

Have you met me?

True.

But, dude, it's not even
about the stupid comments.

It's the fact that they even
give a shit.

I mean this, this Kyle gag is
epic

but all they care about

is what my girlfriend had to say

when she was walking out the
door.

And honestly, I didn't.

Well, now you do.

Call Aly up, find out what
she wants to talk about.

No, I'm not gonna do that.

That's a stupid idea.

I think I'm gonna go
ahead and not call her

because she might just forget

she even said anything in
the first place, right?

Joseph, look at me.

This is a good lesson for life.

Oftentimes when there's a
problem,

the best thing to do is just

ignore it and hope it goes away.

Under what circumstances
does that ever make sense?

Global warming.

Dude, your carbon footprint.

We've talked about this all the
time.

- You have to reduce it.
- Jesus, okay I get it.

Don't go chain yourself to a
tree.

I'll call her.

Great.

Fine.

Call her, finish your thing,
I'll be back.

Oh wait, Joe, Joe, Joe.

Hey, Joe, buddy.

We need to talk.

About what?

What should I order for lunch
today?

See, it's not a big deal.

Those words don't mean anything.

You are such a dick.

See, the words aren't that
bad, okay?

It's not that scary.

It is.

Love you.

Hate you.

Mm-hmm, right.

I'm not gonna call her.

Hello?

Yeah.

Aly, yeah, no, no.

Hey, no, hey, hey.

I am the one doing the talking
here, okay?

Clearly-
- Delivery.

- Hello?
- Hey, yeah, hey.

Sorry about that. It's Scott.

Yep, I'll do the chicken parm
special.

Mm-hmm, thank you very much.

Aly, I am sorry, okay?

I am so sorry.

You know, whatever it is, I'm
sorry, okay?

I'm nothing without you

and I'll keep your feet
warm, okay, I swear.

I promise I will keep your feet
warm-

Hello?

Yes. Yes.

Onion rings instead of fries.

Same order as always.

Come on, Mr. Lee.

But what is talking, really,

you know, besides,
besides mouth just moving?

We're like, ooh,

we're like Jean Gray and
Professor X.

Hmm? Yeah.

Ooh, how about Luke and Leia?

We're like Jay and Bey.

Yeah, she's gonna love that one.

Jay and Bey. That's brilliant.

Oh, shit, but he cheated on her.

The whole lemonade thing.

How to talk to your girlfriend.

She needs to talk? So let her
talk.

Ooh, and you know what?

I'll even try and listen.

Better yet, how to listen
to your girlfriend.

That's what it is.

I'm gonna try and listen.

What, who does that?

No, no, that's absurd.

Hey, it's Aly.

I can't take your call.

Leave me a message.

Shit.

Best video game reviewer ever.

Yo, Scott, I heard about

that we need to talk stuff.

That's actually not a bad
photo of me.

You know what? Focus.

Hey, it's Aly.

I can't take your call.

Scott, man, it's Dubby, man.

I heard about the chick.

Hey, it is Scott, your
boyfriend.

I'll text.

I will just text Aly.

Uh, you know, just call
me back when you get back.

Hey, Scott.

She always responds to texts.

She'll get right back to me.

It's gonna be moments.

Huh?

The last time I sent-

Nope, just more comments on
the video.

A text message like that to
somebody,

things did not

- go well for them.
- I hope your feet are warm.

- Um, bye.
- Hey Scotty, I just saw

that video about you and Aly.

I'm sorry to hear that.

But more importantly,

did you get the I Shoot
Raw shirt I sent you?

Oh, come on.

Yo Scott, what's up, man?

Look, tell her you love
her and start crying.

What is wrong with these people?

Don't any of them have jobs?

Wait a minute.

Aly has a job.

Good morning. Weinreich &
Associates.

Hey there, Melissa.

It's Scott.

Is Aly around?

Oh, hey Scott.

No, she's presenting
in the conference room.

Do you want her voicemail?

Nope, nope. I am good.

Just, you know, let her know I
called.

Will do.

Have a great day.

What the fuck?

All right, I mean, you know,

you gotta admit that I did try

and make a little bit of
an effort to talk to her

and, seriously, in my defense,

I had a ton on my plate.

Please tell me you
finished up Head Shots.

Nope.

But go ahead and eat your
cage-free tofu

or whatever shit you order
for lunch and relax, okay?

It'll take me 30 minutes tops.

Dude, it's my job to make sure

the review goes up on time.

Oh yeah?

Is it also your job to
push too far and see?

'Cause well, guess what?

They're spawning behind us,
dickhead.

Where?

Right side. Check your
radar.

I got 'em.

Oh, shit.

My bad, bro.

I got this.

Damn, bro. You went ham on it.

Victory.

Hey, hold on, real quick.

Back out.

My girl wanna join.

Okay.

So you talked to her?

Hell yeah. All the time.

Not you. Scott.

Oh, that's right.

You got all that we need
to talk shit going down.

What's up with that anyway?

Let's see.

I called her, left a message,

texted her, no response,

called her work.

She was in a meeting.

And you believed that?

Well, I did right until you
said that.

Look, man, I'm just trying
to keep it 100 with you.

She might not even be at work.

She might be out in these
streets.

Okay, Tango, you know what?

She's not out in these streets.

So, you can stop that right
there.

Did you check these streets?

Okay, she's not out in these
streets.

Yeah, okay.

You don't gotta try to convince
me

'cause I know where my lady is.

Hello, lads.

Hey, gorgeous.

Hello, dear heart.

How is everyone, yeah?

Wait, Tango.

I thought you said your
girlfriend was from Canada.

Hell no.

They ain't got no morals.

Lady Fingers is classy.

She's British.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't get that.

So how'd you two meet?

Oh, we never met before.

She just my little gamer boo
for now.

Aww.

Are you gonna send her dick
pics?

I really, really need to
block you.

Whatever, bitch.

Careful, Kyle.

Scott'll make your
little ass famous again.

Screw you, Tango.

And my mom went to the store.

Where's yours?

I told your ass I pay rent

and they my roommates.

Plus, there's a great recession.

Yeah, like 10 years ago.

Three, two, one. Dominate.

Scott, hurry up and kick
this asshole off the game.

Too late.

Hey, Scotty, what did you
lady need to talk to you about?

Well, I haven't talked to her
yet.

So well, no updates.

Oh, well I'm sure it's
nothing, love.

Really?

You know, I sure really
appreciate you saying that

because that's what I was
thinking

that this whole thing is
probably nothing.

I actually feel a lot-
- Yeah, sorry.

I don't really think it's
nothing.

I was just being polite.

Great.

Thank you.

I'm marking enemies on the
radar.

Girl, you our own personal GPS.

With PMS, you
tossers.

Oh shit, that's it.

What? You got your
period too?

Yeah.

We'll see who's in these
streets now, huh?

All right.

I swear, if we lose because
of you-

Please tell me you'll
quit this game right now.

Screw you.

At least I had a
girlfriend in his country.

Whoa, Kyle.

You are seriously asking us

to take a leap of faith right
there.

Yeah, sticking your
dick in couch cushions

doesn't make that your
girlfriend.

But it does make it
a Seaman's Furniture.

Oh!

And right there was a tribe
called quest reference, Kyle,

but you were probably a dead
pool when that one dropped.

Hey, man, rest in
peace the fight, though.

And Kyle, did you say had?

Wow, and you're worried
about me getting dumped?

Watch your right, Kyle.

Oh!

Game
over.

Victory!

Kyle?

Kyle, are you crying?

Well, that went bad.

Oh no.

Damn you little bitch.

You blokes are
awful.

Whatever, I'll send him a
t-shirt.

He'll be fine.

Oh yeah, that'll make it tons
better.

Maybe you should tweet about it.

I mean, I did record it, so.

Bollocks,
don't you dare.

Nah, do that shit, do
it, do it!

Hey guys, I, I gotta jump.

You better be jumping
into that Head Shots review.

Okay, all right.

Hey, beautiful.

There you are.

Yeah, here I am.

That'll be 13.50.

Yeah, sorry. I thought that
you were-

Aly?

Yeah, you know that we need to
talk stuff?

It never works out.

Thank you.

Yeah, no, I've heard at this
point.

Thank you very much.

Here you go, go ahead
and just keep the change.

I'll take this and, uh, buh-bye.

Hey, man, I am free
later if you would like to-

Come on.

So, good luck!

Aly?

Oh god.

She is in these streets.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, Aly.

Come on.

Aly!

Aly!

Hey, do you need my help?

No?

I'm gonna find you.

She's right here.

Aly?

Hey, Al.

Come on, Al. Pick up.

Pick up.

Hey, it's Aly.

I can't take your call.

Leave me a message.

Oh, come on.

Great.

Weinreich & Associates.

Oh hey, it's Scott again.

Hey, has Aly had a chance to,
like,

come up for air or anything yet?

Uh, yes she did

but she ran out again.

Oh, okay, okay, because she
left her-

Left her phone, I
know.

She told me to tell you

that she would call you later.

Okay, cool.

Is she off to like another
meeting or something?

No, a doctor's
appointment.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right,
of course.

The doctor's appointment for
today.

All right, no problem.

Thanks so much. Bye.

Doctor's appointment?

She didn't tell me about
any doctor's appointment.

Did she?

Maybe she did.

Nope, nope, I am pretty
sure that she didn't.

Shit, she probably did.

Boo-yah.

Dr. Covington's office.

Yeah, this is Scott Stewart.

I am Aly Fulton's boyfriend.

Is she there?

Uh, who's this?

It's Great Scott.

Scott Stewart.

Are you a patient of Doctor
Covington's?

No, no, no, I am not.

But my girlfriend, Aly Fulton is

and I think that she's there.

So, is she there?

You think your girlfriend is
here?

Yes.

Is she there?

Okay, I'm not allowed to
give out patient information

to anyone but spouses and
immediate family members, so-

Okay, you know, I know
this is probably gonna sound

super creepy, stalker,
even restraining order,

but seriously, I really
do need to talk to her.

So if you wouldn't mind, just,
you know,

putting her on the phone

if she happens to be, I don't
know,

sitting right in front of you.

Sir, I'm sorry.

That's against the rules. Have
a nice day.

Wait, no, no, no, wait, don't
hang up.

Okay, please just let me
explain, okay?

This morning, before she left,

she said "We need to talk."

Yeah, okay?

And I wasn't paying attention
and well,

she left her cell phone here.

So look, I'm just trying to
find her

so that we can talk and-

Yeah, that's trouble.

Good luck.

Thank you.

She probably
has teeth in her crotch.

Of course she does.

They all do.

What?

Watch your left.

It's probably just
her lady doctor visit.

Yeah, that's
what I was guessing.

So they can check if your dong

is too small for girls.

That is not what I was
guessing, Kyle.

Please watch your right.

Seriously? That's all you're
guessing?

Well, I was,

but I guess you have a
different guess, I'm guessing.

Oh, for the love of God, man.

I'm pretty sure my wife
came to me one day and said,

"Hun, we need to talk",
and boom, two kids later,

I'm Captain Stay-at-home
Dad making dino nuggets.

Dino nuggets!

Dino nuggets!

Dino nuggets!

Yeah, seriously, Scott,

you never thought that
she might be pregnant?

Oh, Scotty.

Congratulations.

A baby by Scott will be a
millionaire.

Okay, thanks, but not
necessary, all right,

because that is not possible.

Because you have no penis.

No, because she's on the
pill, Kyle.

Yeah, penis pills.

No, birth control pills.

God!

Oh, so you leave it up to the
woman

to be the responsible one.

Typical rubbish.

No, no, not like that.

I never like-

I'm joking, love.

Well, not really.

But you do know it's really
easy to forget

to take those little buggers
every day.

Yeah, I forget to put
deodorant on all the time.

What's happening?

Silas, apologize to your
sister, okay.

I'm not gonna say it again.

Silas, relax.

Guys, I'm gonna use
the restroom real quick.

Player one or player two?

Finish Head Shots.

Yep, I'm doing it right now.

Guys!

What do birth control
pills even look like?

There's no way that she's
pregnant.

All right, you know, she's
not forgetful, first of all,

and she would've said something.

No, she definitely
would've said something.

And I would've definitely heard
that.

Like I'm pretty sure I would've
heard something like that.

♪ I got up to drive till dawn ♪

♪ And you're gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Are you going ♪

♪ Won't you stay ♪

♪ On second thought, it's okay ♪

♪ I'm at the border of control ♪

Where is your teammate, little
man?

♪ So you wanna fall hard ♪

♪ Fall hard, hard, hard ♪

♪ You're dying to make some art ♪

♪ And you're so smart ♪

Yes!

♪ All I hear is talk, talk,
talk, talk ♪

♪ Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk ♪

♪ All I hear is talk, talk,
talk, talk ♪

♪ Talk, talk, talk, talk ♪

♪ Talk, talk, talk ♪

An extra life.

♪ Talk, talk, talk ♪

Yay.

And look, for the record, I
love kids.

I adore them.

I mean, they're fantastic.

They're my biggest fans.

I feel like it's gonna
start sounding creepy.

The point is,

would I like to have a family
with Aly?

Weinreich & Associates.

Hi, Scott.

Yes, she did come back from the
doctor.

Great.

Can I talk to her?

No, she got
pulled into one of the labs.

Had to put out a fire.

Oh, not like a, not like a real
fire

with flames or anything like
that.

Like not an emergency kind of
thing.

Is your thing an emergency?

I can try to get her if it's an
emergency.

Is it an emergency?

Uh, nope.

No, not, not an emergency.

Just let her know I called
again.

Yeah, thanks.

Scott, it's Kendall.

- Dude, I heard about Aly.
- Hey Scott.

- That's terrible, man.
- I'm really sorry to hear

about you and Aly.

She's definitely out

- meeting other guys.
- If you ever need some advice

- or someone to talk to.
- Getting drunk right now.

So like, we should go do

- the same thing.
- Just know I'm always free.

But, meet other girls.

Picking a name.

That's a huge commitment, boy.

It's like picking a gamer tag.

Look at mine.

Joe Joe Joe.

Simple, easy to remember,

and it's not embarrassing

to tell people in mixed company.

Flanking right.

Look, man, on some real shit,

Tango_Unchained wasn't my first
name.

I was 15 when I got my first
system

and I thought the name
Boob Shooter was hilarious

until last year when my boss
got his kids

their first console and
he asked me my name.

Oh no. Did you tell him?

Hell yeah I told him

but I never heard from his kids,

so it was all good.

Although he did ask me out
for drinks from time to time.

Okay guys, I'm not picking a
name.

I'm still trying to figure
out why she didn't tell me.

She did say "We need to talk."

Yeah, I guess so.

They're capturing B.

That's a game changer.

Not really, we've
controlled the B and C points

like the entire game.

We're good.

Not the game. The pregnancy.

Right, yeah.

I guess, but, you know,

how reliable are those
little test things, anyway?

Give it back!

Oh, they're fucking accurate.

Give it back!

Silas, give her back the toy,
please.

Goddamn it!

Who's got the A point?

It's okay.

I got it under control.

I hope so.

It's just like this Head Shots
review.

You can't avoid it

and think it's just gonna go
away.

Okay thanks, Dad.

But I'm trying here, okay?

What am I supposed to do?

Put it on Facebook so the
whole world can see it?

I mean, her dad is literally

just looking for a reason to
choke me out

and all of her friends are
terrible.

Double
kill!

Speak of the devil.

So you'll talk about it in a
video post

with a bunch of total strangers.

Okay, that's different.

They're not strangers.

They're my fans.

Mm.

Man, it sound like you
got more love for them.

Oh yeah, okay,

this is coming from the
guy whose girlfriend

is entirely across the Atlantic.

All right, now.

Let's don't be cheeky.

He's just trying to help.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I just...

I just don't know what else to
do, guys.

Well, if I had any serious
problems,

I would tell my girlfriend.

No, yeah.

Not gonna happen.

Her best friend hates me, first
of all.

Oh, and second of all,

dealing with her is like
dealing with the red witch

at the red wedding.

Death and crotch demons.

Come on, man, spoilers!

Stop doing that shit.

Honestly, Scott, I think
her mate would appreciate

that you care enough for Aly to
ask her.

So ask her.

Uh, no.

Look, even if I wanted to,

like, there's no way that
she would talk to me.

Oh, it can't be that bad.

Oh yeah?

Last time I saw her, she
hit me with a bicycle.

I mean, there's just no
way she's gonna talk to me.

A secure.

But she will talk to Aly.

Lost
the lead.

Hey Amber, I really need to
talk to you.

Come over.

Right away.

All right.

C secure.

Oh my...

Oh, what the shit?

Aly?

Aly?

Yeah, sure, just come on in.

Aly?

She's not here.

Bitch.

Well, where did she go?

She told me to come over.

No, I asked you to come over.

Okay, weirdo, fuck this, deuces.

You know, I always knew
you were hot for me, Scott,

but this is pathetic, seriously.

Okay, Amber, seriously shut up.

That's not what I want.

Look, Scott, we couldn't
even if I wanted to

because I'm on my period

and I don't even know you like
that, so.

Amber, that's so gross.

Fine, so bossy.

But get behind me.

I don't wanna have to look
at both your stupid faces.

I just wanna talk about Aly.

Oh, gross, no.

You really are into some
kinky ass weird shit, Scott.

Okay, Amber, stop, okay?

Seriously, I need to talk about
Aly.

No sex.

Just talk.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, I knew that.

This was all a test and you
passed with flying colors.

So high five. Yay, go you.

So how long have you known?

Oh my God. You're such a dork.

That's not Aly's.

Wait, so Aly's not-

Oh God, no.

So you're-

Oh, fuck no.

- So you hadn't-
- Oh, gross, no!

Our friend Mary got knocked up.

She came over to do the test,
duh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I forgot that I live
at Planned Parenthood.

Yeah, that's my bad.

Ha-ha, fuck you. Is that it?

Seriously, how would
I possibly know that?

Oh my God.

Scott, you were here when we
did the test.

Maybe if your head wasn't so
far up

Pac-Man's ass all the
time, you would know that.

Look, I get it.

I need to pay more attention,
okay?

But Aly left her cell phone
here,

I can't get her at the office
and,

I have no idea why she
thinks that we need to talk.

Oh, shit.

She said, "We need to talk"?

Yes.

Damn!

You're toast!

Oh my God.

I'll tell you what, though,
it is about fucking time.

I've been telling her

to kick your ass to the curb
for years.

You know what, whatever Amber.

You can go.

And you know what?

For the record, Pac-Man
doesn't even have a butt.

So, you're stupid.

Jesus Christ, Scott.

Whatever you wanna talk about
or ask,

I will give you one
cigarette's time to do it.

Who said you could smoke in
my...

If Aly's not pregnant,
why is she at the doctor?

Oh my God.

She's probably at the crotch
doc, Scott.

How do you not know that either?

I don't know, okay?

I'm an insensitive asshole, I
get it.

Jesus, Amber, okay.

Do you have any idea

why she thinks that we need to
talk?

Nope.

Awesome, thank you, this
was a great idea, yeah.

Look, I don't know,

but if I were to guess,

I would say it's about
the state of the union.

That's it, yeah.

It's the president's fault.

Oh my God, Scott.

I am talking about the two of
you.

Amber.

Seriously, has she said
anything to you,

like you know about, I don't
know, us not working or-

Scott, you would know if it's
working.

How is your relationship?

What do you mean? It's great.

Like the same it's been
for the last 10 years.

Is it?

Okay, what did you guys
talk about last night?

Oh my God.

I don't know, you know, dinner
probably.

Okay.

When's the last time you guys
went out?

Like last week, month.

Last week, month?

Is that a short month like
February?

What did you guys do?

We went to dinner, you know,

because they wouldn't,

they wouldn't deliver.

So romantic.

Well, in my professional
opinion,

you sound more like
roommates than a couple.

And on that note, peace.

Scott,

I know you think that this
whole world

revolves around you and that
YouTube shit

and I'm sure you get showered
with, like,

hell a nerd love all the time

but you gotta understand
Aly doesn't have that.

So when it comes to
getting showered with love,

all she has is you.

Drop the mic.

Boom.

You know, why'd she wanna
get showered with you

by anything is beyond me.

- Oh my god. Oh my God.
- Okay, you know what?

Goodbye, Amber.

I just pictured you showering.

Oh! Oh my god.

Hey, Scott!

I need money for the bus!

Look, I was gonna let you tap
that ass.

The least you can do is
reimburse me for travel, Scott!

- Asshole!
- Fine, here you go.

Ooh, 20 dollars.

- YouTube make a lot of money.
- On your way.

- Hi!
- Um, hey.

Do we need to talk?

Oh my god.

Oh, it smells like
not sex.

So you're not banging

your pregnant girlfriend's best
friend?

Nope. No friend banging.

Aly not pregnant.

Flawless victory.

Cool, so...

No way.

Are you seriously still playing
the game?

You didn't finish?

Okay, don't get your panties
in a twist.

I am finishing it right now.

So run along and grab your
camera

and we can film your little
video

because that is what you want.

I mean, I guess.

It's not really what I want.

It's about what the fans want.

Yeah, sure it is.

Dude, you made a commitment
to them.

Did I?

'Cause I remember that I just
wanted

to play video games and make
money.

You wanted to turn it into
this big Hollywood production.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

You know what, sorry for
making your videos not suck.

And I guess it's also my fault

that you haven't finished
playing a game

that you've had for an
entire month, right?

That's on me.

Yeah, well apparently,

it's either yours or the
president's,

but I'm pretty sure
that it makes more sense

that it is yours, yeah.

I'm just trying to keep it
fresh, okay?

We can't keep doing the
same videos year after year.

Why not?

I mean, honestly, they're
gonna forget about this,

this stupid Head Shots review
the day after you post it.

I mean, just like I can't even
remember

what I had for dinner last
night.

So, frankly, what's the
difference?

I just don't want them to get
bored

and go somewhere else.

Yeah, right.

Where else is she gonna go?

Who?

Like any of those other
stupid channels.

No, you said, "Where's she
gonna go?"

She who?

No, no I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

Okay, you know what?

I should just live stream
this shit right now

and be done with it.

Look, people like the skits.

People like the in-depth review
videos.

They think they're cool.

I think they're cool.

Yeah, well they also thought
it was cool

when I was just gaming in my
dorm room.

I mean, honestly,

if I wasn't wasting all this
extra time

filming all of your extra
bullshit,

Aly would probably be cool

and not trying to talk to
me about whatever the fuck.

No, nope.

There's no way you're gonna pin

whatever's going on
between you and Aly on me.

- No.
- No, no, think about it.

Seriously, I mean, if I just
kind of did what I did before,

I would have time at night to,

I don't know, hang out with my
girlfriend.

You could do that now
and finish during the day

but you choose not to.

Well, you can't argue

that I would save a shit ton of
money

if I was just live streaming.

I wouldn't have to pay my
predator the big bucks.

Wow.

Come on, dude.

I was joking.

Well, the thing about jokes

is that they're actually
supposed to be funny.

I would make double
doing what I do for you

doing, I don't know, like
weddings or something,

but I choose not to do that

because I feel like we're
doing something different.

We are, Joe, we are.

We are doing something
different.

But you don't want to.

I'm not gonna beg you to be
better.

Okay, fine, fine, fine, I get
it.

All right. You're upset.

But you know what?

You can just get on in
line behind everybody else.

But what I will do for you is
I'm gonna,

I'm gonna go ahead and finish
this game

so you can do your stupid
little review.

Okay, buddy?

Would you let me?

Would you please be so kind

and let me bust my ass

making something you
don't even appreciate?

Wow.

Thank you, Great Scott.

We are so blessed that you
even exist in our lives.

Me, the fans,

shit, even Aly should be
counting her blessings

because maybe if she
plays her cards right,

and I'm only spit balling here,

but maybe you might order
dinner from a new place tonight.

Such a lucky girl.

Go fuck yourself, man.

Sure.

Run to the internet.

Oh yeah, because you have, what,

half a million friends
on your Great Scott page.

How many do you have on
your personal page, huh?

Like, whew, 14?

Your mom, Aly, her friends, me.

Yeah well, it pays the bills.

Yeah, well I'm sure if
you would call the bank

the would say you're rich, of
course.

But, dude if you...

If you just invested
in your real life more,

you'd be way richer.

Wow.

That typewriter is really
paying off, huh?

If you feel like doing
anything more

for the people who actually
give a fuck about you,

it's all set up back there.

I guess we needed to talk after
all.

Yes, I know, I
know I was wrong, okay?

I'm the first to admit it now.

Total tool for that one.

Yeah.

But it's...

You know, it's tough to get
called out on your bullshit.

Especially when you know
they're right.

I guess we really did need to
talk.

Well, you know what?

I will give you something to
talk about.

Oh and would you look at that?

I have 23 friends on my
personal page.

So, blow me.

Okay, about to live stream
Head Shot Heroes 10.

Boom.

Okay, taking it back to the old
school.

Huh.

What up, Scotties?

It's your boy Scott with Great
Scott Gamer

coming to you live and direct.

Okay, so let's get right to it.

Head Shot Heroes 10.

Now, all anybody really wants
to know is was it any good.

All right, so I thought

instead of making you wait
for some boring review,

that we would find out
together, huh?

What is this?

Is the review out?

This is great, right?

I mean, why wait around for a
review?

This is boring.

Did you review it yet?

All right, guys, so this
is the 10th game in a series.

So, you know, everything
feels pretty familiar,

no surprises so far.

No surprises.

Just like your channel.

Are you just
live streaming now?

All right, guys, so I
thought I'd mix it up,

keep it fresh, and try
out this live streaming,

which is so much better
than a regular review.

It's like an instant review,
huh?

Like why go all the way across
town

to eat at that one restaurant

when you can just order the
food right to your front door?

Bon a pet it.

I only watch play
throughs if the game is good.

Is it any good?

Okay, some good questions
coming in.

Uh, is the game good?

Will it live up to the classics?

Stop being lazy
and just finish the review.

I saw you post about it.

Review it.

All right, guys, so, you know,
this is just the beginning.

We all know these games
start a little bit slow.

- Boring. I'm out of here.
- Oh my god, Scott. Epic fail!

Okay, uh,.

Oh great, great, great, here we
go!

Our first fire fight.

Finally some action.

This is great, you know?

This is like reviews on demand.

Kind of like I always tell Aly,

why waste time and money
going out to see a movie

and pay for those overpriced
snacks

when you can just wait and
then watch it right at home?

I mean, it's so much better,
right?

Better or just
easier for you?

Thanks for the effort, dick.

Unsubscribed.

Shit.

Wow, you must
be a super fun boyfriend.

Fun, fun, fun factor, right?

What's the fun factor like?

Poor Aly.

No wonder she needs to talk.

- Uh-oh, you're losing 'em.
- Get it under control.

Uh, you know, the controls,

the controls feel tight,
you know, good, as always.

No surprise there.

That's what
she said, right Aly?

Okay guys, guys, look, look,

just stay with me, okay?

There is tons of great stuff
coming up.

Oh great, don't
review it.

Just spoil it for us.

No, guys, guys, hang on, all
right?

I've almost finished the game.

So, trust me, I'll warn
you of any spoilers.

You almost finished
the game?

Then do the review.

Guys, I just thought
that we'd, like, you know,

we'd do it together.

You know-
- Great, let's sit here

and watch you do your job.

No, no, no, that's not what I
meant.

I thought that-

Man, I'm a
long time subscriber.

You used to care about this
stuff.

Guys, guys, I obviously do
care, okay?

I am right here, aren't I?

You're here?

Where else would you be?

He'd be managing a
Game Stop.

You know what, look.

We'll finish the review tonight
and-

Seriously, I
didn't subscribe to this.

I'm out of here. Unsubscribed.

Guys.

You know what?

Shit. Just turn off.

Fuck, why won't you...

Jesus.

Where the fuck is the off
button?

Shit.

All right, look,

I'll give you 20 for the trade
in,

but the used game you want
costs 30.

So you owe me 10.

But Mr. Frank, I only have
five dollars.

Please?

Spencer, the game costs me 30.

You want me to lose money on
the deal?

No.

But what if I fix the games
on the shelf for you again?

Fine.

But alphabetical this time,

not based on the ones that
you think are best to worst.

It's not like you're...

Great Scott.

Great Scott?

Hey guys. What's up?

Oh my gosh.

Great Scott, you're my favorite.

Can I get a picture?

Yeah, yeah we can make that
happen.

Scott, I'm sorry about your
girlfriend.

She's really pretty.

Thank you.

Oh, look, look!

See?

Hey, look.

We're matching.

Yeah.

Okay, guys, let's
give the man some space.

I'm sure he didn't come
in here for all that.

How can I help you?

I just need a new system.

I had a little mishap with mine.

What's a
mishap?

I think that means a bad
live stream.

You saw that, huh?

Uh, yeah.

Where the fuck is the off
button?

Jesus.

You've still got it pulled up.

Great.

I'll go grab that for you
from the back

if you're okay here.

Yeah, yeah, I think
I can manage, thanks.

So guys, what's new?

Oh, when's your Head
Shot video coming out?

I like to watch you play them.

Soon.

Yeah, I like to watch your
videos in bed

while my mom's at work.

Cool, so kind of like we get
to have a little sleepover.

Yeah.

I like to play your videos

when I'm playing the same game.

It reminds me of when
I played with my dad.

What happened? He
just, he stopped playing?

He stopped coming home.

I'm sorry.

Man, that's, that's hard.

You know, when I was a kid,

kind of about your guys' age,

I used to play Pro Skater

with my uncle Jeff all the time.

He was super cool.

Pro Skater?

Man, you're old.

Shut up.

No, it's okay.

I am.

But best part was

he actually gave me his whole
system

when he went off to the Army.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, and I would play it all
the time

and I just remember that I
couldn't,

I couldn't just wait to show him

how good I got when he got back.

What did he say?

He never made it back.

He didn't like you anymore?

No.

He died fighting.

But that's actually what got me
into

playing shooters in the first
place.

You know, I used to pretend
that I could go and save him.

So, I played all the time.

Is that how you got so good?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it is.

All right, here you go.

Thanks, man.

Excuse me, guys.

Why don't we just throw
that right on here?

And you know what?

Whatever these delinquents want.

Great Scott
is for the children!

Great Scott is for the children!

Great Scott is for the children!

All right, guys, go pick out
whatever you want, come on.

Hurry up.

Cute kids.

Yo, can I get an autograph?

Yeah, sure, man.

Cool, man, cool.

What do you
want me to sign, a game?

Uh, my back.

I'd really rather not.

Hey, Scott.

No, she said she would be late

and she will talk to
you when she gets home.

All right.

Goodnight.

Kyle, you talk that shit again

and I'll post the video of you
crying

like a little bitch.

Oh my God.

Please do it, bro, do it, do
that shit.

Be nice, Scotty.

It couldn't be worse than you
crying

on your stupid live stream.

Mighty blow.

Yeah, I'll admit that
was not my best moment.

Yeah, speaking of that,

hold on for a minute.

I need to live stream.

Ew, gross.

What did Joe think of your
live stream?

Wet and warm.

Yeah, just like your
bed sheets.

Shut up!

I'm having growth spurts.

Yeah, Joe wasn't exactly
on board with my live stream

and by not on board, I
mean he pretty much told me

to go fuck myself and then
bounced.

Any word from Aly?

- Not really.
- She's gonna be home late.

That's all I got.

Oh, Scott. I'm
sorry.

Did you at least get the
review done?

No.

Guys, I mean, I tried.

No, man, I don't blame you.

Your homeboy ain't fucking with
you,

your girl beefing with you,

your shit all fucked up.

Thank you for the recap.

Really appreciate that.

It doesn't matter.

People are already saying the
game sucks.

Really?

Damn.

That's all I used to play
when it first came out.

The first one's a classic.

Man, shit, that was the
first shooter I ever played.

That shit was so dope.

Yeah, it came out the year I
met Aly.

Tango, you and
I met

playing Head Shots, you know.

Oh, damn, that's
right, girl.

My dad used to
play that all the time

when I was little.

I kind of miss that.

Yeah, well,
your mom wouldn't shut up,

so I had to bounce.

So stop bitching.

Shut up, asshole.

He stopped playing 'cause it
got boring.

Yeah,
it hasn't been the same

for a few years now.

I'll probably skip it.

Yeah, man, I gave
up on that shit a while ago.

Yeah, me too.

I feel like they don't even
really care about us anymore.

You know what, guys?

Some people do care.

So I'm gonna jump off

and try and finish this video.

No you're not.

You're just gonna go whack your
wiener.

Don't forget to clear your
browser.

Man, you don't even need to
do all that.

Just go incognito.

Guys, guys, I am not gonna
go whack my wiener, okay?

I promise you that.

God, I wish my lady
mates play video games.

Uh, sorry.

The camera won't work.

You turn it on?

Um, yes.

Whatever.

Let's just start.

I have to be up all night
trying to edit this shit.

So what are you gonna wear,
army fatigues?

Uh, no.

I thought I would try
something a little different.

What is that?

It's a Pima cotton button up

I ordered online.

Does it look okay?

Let's just shoot.

All right, dude, hold
on.

What?

I'm sorry.

Okay, I didn't mean anything
that I said before, man.

Fine. Can we start?

Hey, I'm being serious.

Yeah, I can tell by your shirt.

So what are we doing here?

I think this is us talking.

No, we're just standing.

Yeah, I'm, uh,

I'm really just uncomfortable
with this.

Well you should be.

You've been comfortable
for a long ass time.

I know, but,

dude, all I ever wanted

was for us to be comfortable.

You know, making a living,
making videos.

What could be better?

But I got too comfortable

with the fans, with you,

and worst of all, with Aly.

Dude, I don't know what to do.

Look, um,

I know we all get wrapped up in
ourselves

with the likes and comments and
shares

and all that crap,

but I can't even imagine
what it would do to someone

if it all comes from
like millions of people.

Yeah, it's exhausting.

I'm sure.

What's that leave for everybody
else?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Well, there's your problem
right there.

What are your fans supposed to
do

if you stop putting out videos

and stop being there for them?

They'd unsubscribe.

What are we supposed to do

if you stop being there for us?

Shit.

Dude, come on.

Don't unsubscribe from me, okay?

Well you can start by being
nicer to your biggest fan.

Man, come here.

Can I give you a hug?

Not me.

Aly.

Shit, you're right.

Aly.

She's totally gonna unsubscribe
me.

You're really doubling down

on that social media metaphor.

Dude, I mean in real life,
she's...

She's gonna break up with me.

What are you gonna do?

The only thing I can do.

What up, Scotties?

It's your boy Scott with Great
Scott Gamer

and here is your review

of Head Shot Heroes 10.

Now Head Shot Heroes,

the Mac Daddy of all
first person shooters.

Head Shot Heroes,

the game that launched
millions of channels.

Head Shot Heroes, the
reliable gaming comfort food.

But you know what, Head Shot
Heroes?

We need to talk.

So here's the deal.

At the core of this game
is incredible game play.

I mean, the controls are just
as intuitive

as they were when they
first launched this game

10 years ago,

but that makes it so easy
to overlook the fact that,

well, it's just not that
interesting anymore.

Feels lazy.

You know, and I think the
problem is

when something is so reliably
amazing year after year,

we get comfortable on both
sides.

Yeah, they give us the same
old, same old,

and then, well frankly, we just
expect it.

And because of that feeling we
got

the first time we played the
game,

or the first time we fell in
love.

You know, and yeah,

they might give us a new level

or a new character type,

or we might order in
from a new restaurant,

but all the excitement's gone.

So Head Shot Heroes,

we're not breaking up with you
quite yet.

But if you can't commit

to being a better partner
in this relationship, then,

well, you know what, we are
gonna find

somebody who appreciates us.

That's all I got.

So now if you let me get out of
here,

I'm gonna go appreciate what I
have.

Guys, thank you so much for
watching.

Don't forget to like, subscribe.

You know what?

Why don't you just stop
watching this video right now,

get out there and go enjoy the
day

with somebody that you
appreciate.

Later.

I guess I should go.

Yeah, I didn't wanna say
anything.

Oh,
that's so sweet, Scotty.

I'm so excited for you.

Well, thank you.

I'm more excited to
see the Head Shot's team

shit egg rolls when your review
comes out.

Egg rolls,
egg rolls, egg rolls!

Guys, no egg rolls.

Yeah, I think they'll be just
fine

only selling tens of millions
of copies.

Man, forget that video game.

Your lady game strong enough

with that dinner thing you got
laid out.

Man, hopefully I can get my
money up

so I can appreciate Lady
Fingers all over her body.

Oh, that's sweet.

I think.

Maybe your roommates can
appreciate you

and raise your allowance.

Hey, man, shut the fuck up.

I don't get an allowance.

I get paid for chores,
motherfucker.

Ooh.

Appreciate that.

All right, you idiots,

I don't think I should be
playing games

when she gets home.

So, I'm gonna jump.

But before I do, I just wanted
to say

that I really appreciate you
guys helping me out today.

Wah!

Are you gonna cry?

Most of you.

I appreciate most of you.

Of course.

Anything for love.

We're family.

We've got your six, brother.

Squad life all day, Scott.

Well I hope you can
appreciate this, loser.

Looks like your girl's out
on a date with another dude.

Check your Twitter, mouse dick.

I got unsubscribed for
a fucking lumberjack?

You're
getting axed!

Get it?

Because he's a lumberjack.

Oh, what the shit?

What the fuck are you wearing?

- Amber?
- Oh my god, Scott.

You can't just come in here
wanting sex

and then changing your mind.

Either you want this
ill na-na or you don't.

- Okay, Amber-
- Fine, but sign a waiver

before we bang in here.

They're so strict.

- Jesus, Amber!
- It's the rules, Scott.

I don't make them up.

Amber, I don't wanna fuck
you, okay?

Scott.

Oh my God, Scott.

What the fuck are you talking
about?

Who's talking about fucking?

I'm not fucking. What the fuck?

Fucking dump his ass already,
Aly.

Use the fucking sharp axes.

Uh, what are you doing here?

Well, you know, you left
your phone at the house, so.

Oh.

Thank you, I guess.

You didn't have to bring it all
this way.

Is everything okay?

Sure.

Yeah, everything's great.

Okay, good.

Okay.

All right.

Seriously?

You're just gonna unsubscribe
me for the paper towels guy?

What are you talking about?

That fucking guy.

Oh my God, Scott, stop.

- What?
- What?

Hmm?

Look, you know what, fine, I
get it.

I get it, all right?

Go ahead, unsubscribe me.

I got super comfortable and lazy

and clearly he's the
quicker picker-upper, so.

And you know what?

Maybe I am slightly smaller
than average

down in the dingle department

but that has never stopped me-

Okay, stop, stop.

This is Alex.

He's our ax throwing coach.

He's teaching our group how to
throw axes.

I'm here with people from work.

It's a team building thing.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Hi, Scott.

Hi, Melissa.

I gave Aly your messages.

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Alex.

Wanna give it a toss?

No, thanks, Alex.

I'm good.

I do most of my tossing in the
shower.

Okay.

Scott, stop it.

Come on, we need to talk.

Finally.

Yeah, great, let's go talk.

Oh shit!

Yes, it's happening,
motherfuckers!

He's finally getting axed!

Nope, nope, asshole 12 year old

already beat you to that one,
so.

Fucking dweebs.

Hey, you still gotta sign a
waiver, dude!

What is going on with you?

Fine, I'm ready.

Go ahead, put me out of my
misery, ax me.

Okay, what are you talking
about?

Where is this coming from?

One of my followers, all right?

He tweeted at me a photo of
you and Mr. Brawny over there

and, you know, I thought
you were on a date.

Why would you think I was on
a date?

Because you don't
wanna be with me anymore

and, you know, cause he
looks amazing in plaid, duh.

What?

No, because this morning

you told me that we needed to
talk

and then you just disappeared.

Um, yeah, I was-

Look, look, please let me say
something.

I know that I've been

a pretty sucky boyfriend
recently

and yeah, you know,

maybe I'm just not as fun

or as exciting as I used to be.

And sure, Google thinks
I'm a bit of a narcissist

but you know what-

Sorry.

It's okay.

Look, when I met you
at school, you know,

I thought you were the most
amazing person

in the whole world

and, you know, then all
this gaming stuff happened

and you noticed

and you were impressed

and I finally felt worthy

to be in the same room as you.

Scott, I just-

My bad.

Please, just let me finish,
okay?

So we started dating

and so I kept working and I
kept growing

and you stayed.

You know, that's all I ever
wanted.

But then, yeah, I think I forgot

why I was doing it.

I got caught up in all the
attention

and I stopped doing it to
impress you

and I just started doing it
to impress everybody else.

Oh shit.

Great Scott.

Oh my God.

Is this...

Hi, Aly.

Is this the "We need to talk"
talk?

Can I give you my number?

Anyway, what I'm trying to say-

- Please?
- In privacy.

Okay.

Aly, is that, I'm sorry, Aly.

I really really am

and I'm nothing without you.

And if you still wanna
leave me, I understand.

Okay, Scott-

But keep in mind,

I will still, you know,
social media stalk you-

- Okay Scott, stop!
- Okay, I'm sorry, fine.

You know what, let me have it.

Okay, Scot-

God, that's unnerving!

Scott, listen.

All I wanted to talk to
you about this morning

was the apartment.

The one above us is available

and I thought that maybe
we should think about

moving upstairs because it's
bigger.

I mean, yeah, it'll cost more,

but you'll have more room for
your videos.

Oh.

So, we're good.

Yeah.

I mean, listen, don't get me
wrong,

you definitely need to come to
bed sooner

because it's cold as balls in
that room.

And I don't know,

maybe you give Pac-Man a break

and play with me sometimes.

What is it with you guys and
Pac-Man?

He's like 40 years old.

Oh my God, Scott, stop.

Okay, no, you're right,
you're right, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

New leaf turning over.

Okay, good,

because now I'm giving you the
ax.

What?

♪ We got love that we'll
never need to hide ♪

♪ Love will always rise above ♪

♪ Whatever comes ♪

♪ We will be just fine ♪

♪ If I am yours and you are
mine ♪

♪ Take my hand and let's fly
away ♪

♪ To another galaxy ♪

♪ Hold me close ♪

♪ I want to feel your love ♪

♪ Together we are free ♪

♪ Just be with me ♪

♪ Just be with me ♪

♪ Just be with me ♪

You know, who knew that
a game without screens

could be so much fun?

I know it's weird, right?

You're really good at it too.

- I know.
- Like scarily good.

- Like really scary.
- Are you an ax murderer?

- Maybe.
- We're definitely not getting

an ax in the house, ever.

Excuse me, ma'am. Waiver.

- Scott.
- Joe.

- Hey.
- What's up?

Oh my God, did your
typewriter run out of ink?

Fuck off. We have an actual
problem.

What?

That little shit Kyle
just posted a video.

Okay, so what?

So, it's a video of
your failed live stream

and saying that you broke the
review embargo on Head Shots

and that they're gonna be
pissed.

Goddammit.

Let's talk about this little
fuck face

commonly referred to as Great
Scott.

Hey, what's a review embargo?

He ruined Head Shots
for the entire internet.

It's when the game committees

make you agree not to release
your review

until a certain date.

Oh my God, is it finally
happening?

Are you giving him the ax?

Did you break up with him?

Oh my god, I'm so happy for you.

No, Amber, not now.

What do you wanna do?

Scott, how can I help you?

Just tell me.

No, no, thanks. You've
done enough today, okay?

- Oh shit.
- Excuse me?

- Scott, hey-
- Seriously?

None of this would've happened.

Why didn't you just tell me

about the damn apartment this
morning?

You never listen to me.

I told you about the apartment
last week.

Boom! You are so done, Scotty
boy.

Shut up!

Hey guys, can you please
maybe take it outside?

Alex, if you don't shut up
right now,

you're gonna take a
spill that even your ass

- can't pick up.
- Stop it.

Okay, that is enough, let's go
outside.

Ooh, that's the type
of love I grew up with.

You love this.

This is an actual crisis and
you're...

What the hell is wrong with you?

Look, what do you mean
what's wrong with me, Aly?

You know exactly what's wrong
with me.

I'm fucked!

Oh my God. It's one video.

It's one mistake.

I'm sure they'll understand.

It's not one video, Aly.

It's my whole brand.

Okay, your brand?

Yes, if I don't have
my brand, I have nothing.

Oh, that's really weird.

What?

Well because five minutes ago

you were nothing without me.

So which one is it?

You know what? Seriously, Aly?

Not right now, okay?

- Not right now?
- Not right now!

What was your little
speech for then, huh?

Because you're right, Scott.

You actually do take me for
granted

but, luckily for you,
I'm too busy to notice

because I have friends
and I have coworkers.

But at least when you
talk to me, I listen.

I stop what I'm doing and I
listen!

Oh my God, I listen all the
time!

Just...

Oh yeah, if I comment on
one of your stupid videos.

Just give me a
second, will you?

I'm trying to fix this.

Yeah, it really seems like it.

Hey, come on.

Don't be like that, all right?

Fuck you.

Yes!

Okay. They're good.

- Oh great. So happy.
- They're good.

Look, all right, I'm sorry
about that.

- Sorry, sorry, okay?
- Yeah, sure you are.

I am, Jesus!

Aly, Aly, Aly cat.

Hey, hey.

I meant everything that I said.

Yeah, sure you did.

I did, okay?

And I do, all right, come on.

Huh?

So, will you?

What are you doing?

No.

No. Really?

Look, I knew as soon
as I got on one knee,

that it was just a terrible
idea.

And in my heart,

I knew she'd probably say no.

And I also knew

that she was gonna kill
me when she got home

because I left that lobster out.

Buy guys, I was desperate

because I realized it didn't
matter

what I told her,

or more accurately what I told
myself.

I knew I was gonna lose her.

And not because of
something stupid that I did

or some grand gesture that I
didn't do,

but because I truly didn't
deserve her.

She deserves better.

She deserves the best.

And maybe that isn't me.

Thank you.

You know what, you
were right.

I gotta say that this is really
way better

than getting married.

Oh yeah, you kidding?

Having square footage
is way more important

than lifelong commitment.

And with having the third
bedroom

for my video game set up,

that leaves the whole living
room

to be our little love nest.

Mm-hmm.

And having all the bedrooms
filled

keeps Amber from asking to move
in.

Hmm, yeah, no comment on that
one, okay?

But, on that note,

I better get the studio
gear in that bedroom

or Joe is literally gonna
have a heart attack.

Yeah, hey, wait.

Look, I'm really glad
that we're doing this

and I do think that someday-

- I know.
- Yeah.

And I really appreciate the
effort

that you're making, I do,

but I don't wanna trade you
ignoring me

while you play games in the
living room

for you ignoring me while you
play games

in the extra bedroom.

Okay, not gonna happen,
not gonna happen, all right,

because your boy has a game
plan.

- Okay.
- Yeah, I do.

Oh, but just in case, I
did get you something.

Right here.

A house warming gift?

Sort of.

Even better, a feet warming
gift, right.

Just in case there is a game

that keeps me up a little
late once in a while.

Okay, you know what? I hate
you.

Besides, these are more
for me than for you anyways.

All right, your feet are frozen.

- That's not true.
- Like little walking

- dead toes.
- That's not true.

- Yeah it really is.
- You're the worst.

Like, they named the white
walkers

by looking and feeling your
toes.

- I'm done talking to you.
- It's seriously after you.

How cute are these?

Aren't these fantastic?

Double kill.

I am
so happy that you two

decided to work it out.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, it's a great new
apartment.

And we've got plenty of
time to figure things out.

Great!

Maybe you can figure out

where your dick is while you're
at it.

Jesus.

You know, Kyle,

I don't really care

if you have 100,000
new subscribers or not.

You still suck.

Careful, Great Snot.

I'll make you famous.

Damn, young buck is blowing up.

But not as much as me, right,
baby?

You're right, my love.

Well at least
somebody got a yes.

Without a doubt.

God, man, where's Daddy Gamer,
man?

We need backup.

He is out camping with the
family.

Outside, like in a forest?

I guess so.

Well, I think it's sweet

to spend some quality
time with your family.

Well, I think it's sweet

to have one more quality player

and not get slaughtered tonight.

I got you.

Back out.

I got a new recruit.

All right, copy that.

Hey, guys.

No way!

Aly cat blue is in the house!

- Aly?
- Wow.

Finally!

Someone I can actually talk to.

Yeah, about periods.

All right, careful, Kyle,

'cause I'll make you famous.

Damn, I like her.

Hey, yo Scott,

I know you're gonna
record this session, man.

Your fans will love it.

No.

Tonight's just for fun.

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We're sitting in a tree ♪

♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪

And boom, there you have it.

Happily ever after.

I mean, what?

Can you blame her?

Seriously, look at me.

Okay, in all sincerity, jokes
aside,

I know I am the luckiest guy in
the world

and I know that I still don't
deserve Aly.

And I know people are probably
saying

just terrible things
about me in the comments,

but that's okay because you
know what?

We are all just a work in
progress

and I'm pretty sure I'm
still on some sort of

like beta test mode.

Honestly, if I learned
anything throughout this,

it's when you're trying
to get that high score,

you know, really level up,

don't forget those who've
been cheering you on

from the beginning

because it's those people

that truly make you great.

♪ Things we've never felt
before ♪

♪ You and me now ♪

Later, Scotties.

♪ You, me ♪

♪ You and me, yeah ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We must be meant to be ♪

♪ In a million years ♪

♪ We'll still be sitting in our
tree ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together we will fly ♪

♪ Around the world and
through all space and time ♪

♪ We don't know what it's all
about ♪

♪ Maybe we should figure out ♪

♪ This sense we've never felt
before ♪

♪ You and me, now that's for
sure ♪

♪ We don't know what it's all
about ♪

♪ Maybe we should figure out ♪

♪ This sense we've never felt
before ♪

♪ You and me, now that's for
sure ♪

♪ You, me ♪

♪ You and me, yeah ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ Yeah, you and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ Yeah you and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ Yeah, you and me ♪