Two Mules for Sister Sara (1970) - full transcript

Set in Mexico, a nun called Sara is rescued from three cowboys by Hogan, who is on his way to do some reconnaissance, for a future mission to capture a French fort. The French are chasing Sara, but not for the reasons she tells Hogan, so he decides to help her in return for information about the fort defences. Inevitably the two become good friends but Sara has a secret..






MAN 1: Hee-yah!
MAN 2: I'm first!


♪ This is the way we go to church ♪

♪ Go to church, go to church ♪

♪ This is the way ♪
♪ we go to church... ♪


The party's over.
You men can get movin'.

Hell, I don't know
who you are but, uh...

Why be a hog, man?

She can handle four of us.

We also got some mighty fine whiskey.

- Waiting for ya!
- Besides...uh ..



Now what are you gonna do,
you bastard?

You may get me... but you sure as hell
ain't gonna get any part of her,

(CHUCKLES) unless you like to
have your fun with a corpse!



♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

You keep standing around like that,

the sun's gonna
burn the hell out of you.

They told me they were gonna kill me,

kill me so I couldn't report them.

They told me...


Well, they ain't
telling you much now.

So get dressed, hm?




WOMAN: You're a good man.

All my life I will pray to the Virgin
to protect you from harm.

Jesus Christ.

And I will also pray that for all
your life you have what you desire.


What the hell's
a nun doin' out here?

I'm on a mission. In Mexico
a nun can travel safely

among murderers and thieves.

I could have avoided these men
but I came to ask for food.

- They give you any?
- No.

- There's probably some leftovers.
- I couldn't eat just now.

Well, you look like you could use
a shot of whiskey.

Whiskey? Thank you.

- Your mule?
- Yes.

No provisions, no canteen?

Just how'd you
figure on existing?

I was confident
the Lord would provide.

Three more like them?

He also provided you.

- Which way you headed?
- North.

North, huh?

Well, I'm headed south.

So I'll just help myself to
those ponies and be on my way.

But, first we must
cover them with stones.

We can't leave without giving them
a Christian burial of some kind.

After the way they treated you,
you feel like covering them?

Of course.

You got to be touched in the head.

Do you have a shovel?

Sister, raise your
eyes to heaven.

Now, are they or are they not
God's creatures?

But, of course they are.

- Well, why do you want to rob them
of all this convenient nourishment?

Do you have a shovel?

Yeah, it's on my packhorse
over the hill.

Then would you get it and
cover them, please,

for the sake of my
soul if not your own?

Sister, I don't mind
shootin' 'em for you but I'll be

damned if I'm gonna
sweat over 'em for yo

You're as stubborn as my mule,
you know?





How are the blisters?

Other things in life have hurt more.

Thank you, Brother.

- It's Hogan.
- I'm Sister Sara.

Well, Sister Sara, if you ever
get tired of being a nun,

you can look forward to be
an A-1 gravedigger, that's for sure.

You better have some
of these beans.

Those fellas weren't much in a fight
but one of 'em wasn't a bad cook.

I couldn't eat anything they cooked
but I'll have some water, please.

- Here help yourself.
- Thank you.


- You really are touched!
- You give that back to me, please.

Sister, you wanna bless
'em, bless 'em dry.

I've obliged you 'bout all I'm
going to and now I'll say goodbye.

You stay out of that
sun now, you hear?

Or you're gonna really be in trouble.

Goodbye. Thank you again.

God go with you.

Hey, you're in luck. Looks like a
French cavalry headed this way.

You can probably travel
along with them.

Please help me.
They're looking for me.


I was raising money for the
Mexican army, and... and...

I had to run in the middle
of the night. Please!

Lady, if you weren't a nun
I'd let you save your own bacon.


All right, do as I say and act fast.

Get rid of that cross,
it shines like a mirror.

You bring that last horse
and follow me.

Son of a bitch.

What are you doing?

I'm doing for you what...

no Holy Virgin's
in any position to do.


We'll walk slowly so as not
to stir up this stream bed

any more than we have to.

Why did you put that dead man
on the horse?

Because, a horse with a rider makes a
deeper print than a horse without a rider.

If we're lucky, the French
will follow those ponies.

Here. Eat this.

I told you to eat
something back there.

Your stomach keeps growling, we'll
have the whole French army on us.

You know these little noises can
only be heard a few feet away.

Why are you so angry with me?
What have I done?

Well... maybe a nun ought
not be so good-lookin'.

The way I look is
of no importance.

I'm married to
our Lord Jesus Christ.

That's exactly what I'm steamed up about,
Sister if you'll pardon my being frank.

- I'm not offended, Brother Hogan.
- Don't "Brother" me.

Excuse me.

Soldats, concentrez-vous de ce côté.
[Soldiers, focus on that side.]

Les autres, avec moi.
[The others with me.]

They split up, damn it, and they're
catchin' up. (HORSE WHINNIES)

I wouldn't just sit there, move.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪


We can't outrun 'em.
You can get in there.

I may not shoot all of them
but I'll get their attention.

You wait a bit, then head
on out the other way.

You've been a wonderful friend, Mr Hogan.
Go with God.

Leave Him out of this, huh?
Get movin'.


- I can't go in there.
- Why not?

There's a rattlesnake in there.

Keep singin', partner.



Get that mule in here.

Here, if we get split up,
this'll make good eatin'.

♪ ♪



♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Vous regardez là-dedans.
[You look in there.]


Il n'y a rien.
[There is nothing.]

Au galop!


Well, well. Too bad nuns don't
play poker, you'd be sharp at it.

There's no way I can thank you.

I suppose you'll be
starting south now.

Naw, it's gettin' too close to dark.
We'll have a hot meal first.

- Can nuns cook?
- I do.

Good. Your late gentlemen friends
donated us some beans and coffee.

But first I'll scratch up
some firewood.

It's hard to believe that rattlesnake
could taste so delicious.

Hmm. Here.
Ladies first.


Thank you.

So you were headed north.
Any particular place?

I want to try to find a Juarista
band, I'll be safe with them.

- Where were you comin' from?
- Chihuahua.

- Chihuahua? You live there?
- Mm-hm, for several years.

- French garrison in Chihuahua.
- Mm-hm, right next to the church.

You wouldn't by any chance know
how many soldiers in the garrison?

- More or less you know?
- About 200 and some cannon.

How do you know all that?

The French officers
wanted to learn Spanish

so my mother superior assigned
the task to me, I also speak French.

I went into the garrison
three times a week.

I hate them. Oh, how I hate them.

- Ain't it a sin for nuns to hate?
- Not if it's something evil.

The French army killing and
torturing the Mexican people,

trying to force them to become one
of their colonies. I hate them.

- How big is the garrison?
- Two stories.

Years ago, it use to be a monastery.

- It's one of those kind of
buildings with an open patio?

- A beautiful patio...

- A balcony around the top floor
and a staircase leading down?

- That's right.

You say it's next to a church.
How far apart are they exactly?

I don't know exactly, but in some places
not more than ten or twelve feet.

When you're the roof of the church, is the
top floor of the garrison higher or lower?

- Lower. Much lower.
- Oh.

- Sentries?
- Day and night at the front gate.

Sister Sara,
you're gonna slow me up some,

but I'll take you to one of those
guerrilla bands you're lookin' for.

- Do you belong to one of them?
- Till I get paid, yeah.

Paid? You mean in gold?

Well let's put it this way, if
they pay me off in tortillas,

I'm gonna shoot 'em
right in the eye.

But the Juaristas are too
poor to hire anybody.

Well I made a deal to work out
a plan to take the garrison.

If it pays off, I get
half the French treasury.

Then you don't have any
sympathy for their cause?

Not theirs or anybody else's.

See, I spent two years
in a war in the States.

Right now,
all I'm interested in is money.

If money is all you care about,
then why did you fight in that war?

Everybody's got a right
to be a sucker once.

- Mr Hogan.
- Hmm?

The 14th of July is a French holiday.

By noon of that day last year
the entire French garrison was drunk.

- What's the date today?
- July the 6th.


That information
puts gold right in my pocket.

This calls for a drink.

Well, I'll be leaving
you for a few moments.

Well, be careful not to go too
far, there may be another rattler.

I'll pray as I walk.

I'll keep my back turned.
Don't worry.

You're a real gentleman, Mr Hogan.


I guess you haven't slept
much on the ground.

Oh, I'm very tired. I'll sleep.

For somebody who's wore out,
you sure got a happy look.

It was a miracle you found me
when you did, Mr Hogan.

Oh, that was no miracle, just an
accident and life is full of 'em.

No. It was a miracle.

Yes, ma'am.

Two men are ridin'
along side by side,

a bullet ricochets off a rock, kills one
of them but doesn't kill the other...

Just an accident, that's all, no miracle.

Then you believe
there are no miracles?

Well, um... Now, you take
that fella this morning.

He could've picked up
that stick of dynamite

and thrown it back at me
before I shot him.

Now, that would have
been a miracle.


It's nice to hear
you laugh, ma'am.

You think nuns don't laugh?

I don't know. I never spent
the night with one before.

Good night, Mr Hogan.

Thank you very much
again, for everything.


Hey, wake up, Sister.

- Time to get movin'.
- Couldn't I please sleep a little longer?

Not if you want to travel
with me, you don't.

I'm so stiff.

Oh... I'm not accustomed
to riding like that.

Would you please help me up?


Oh... Thank you.

Oh, my every muscle is aching.

How can I possibly
ride again today?

I ride from sunup to sundown.

You either keep up or you don't.

You'll feel better when you
spend a few hours on your mule.

You make very good coffee.

A man on his own
has to take care of himself.

- So you're not married?
- Nope.

- Ever been?
- Nope.

- Want to be?
- Nope.

- Don't you want a woman of your own?
- What for?

Share your name, bear your children,
be a companion?

To ask me to quit drinkin',
quit gamblin', save my money

and to bitch about her
aches and pains? No, thanks.

- Must be a lonely life.
- It's a great life.

Women when I want 'em and
none with the name of Hogan.

How about you, ma'am? Haven't you
ever wanted to be a whole woman?

Have a man make love to you?
Have children?

I've chosen a different way of life.

What about those feelings your god
gave every woman, including you?

- You know I've always wondered about that.
- Well, we're human, of course.

When we get those feelings,
we pray until they pass.

In your case, just how much
praying does that take?

What about before you became a nun?
Did you ever have a man?


- Ever been kissed by one?
- No.

Haven't you ever laid awake
wondering what it would be like?


All the women I've ever met
were natural-born liars

but I never knew about nuns till now.

You're right. I lied.

I'll say one thing, Sister.

I sure woulda liked to
have met up with you

before you took to them
clothes and them vows.

HOGAN: That limp's getting worse.

Stone bruised.

It'll take a week
for that to heal up.

Well maybe the people in this
village will hide you out

until this animal comes around.

Why couldn't I
ride the packhorse?

Because, he carries my
equipment, that's why.

I ain't gonna miss
bein' in Chihuahua on the 14th.

- Please, Brother Hogan...
- Look, I told you not to "Brother" me.

All right, Mr Mule. You were right.
You are as stubborn as my mule.

When we get up to that village,
Sister, then I'll say adios.

This is where we part company.

- Now what are you doin'?
- I must say a prayer at this shrine.

You said your prayers last night and this
morning. You're going to wear them out.

It's a sin to pass a shrine
without praying.

- Not if you shut your eyes.
- Please, Mr Hogan.

All right, it's a small shrine,
let's make it a small prayer.

Buenos dias, hermana.

You see, Mr Hogan,
what a little prayer can do?

The Lord provided a kind gentleman

who accepted my mule
for this creature of God.

Now I can still be with you.

Your mule for that burro?


Well, if that kind
gentleman traded you even,

you won't be meeting
up with him in heaven.



25 centavos la rebanada de papaya.
[25 cents a slice of papaya.]

[Thank you.]

This man lives in
the hills there.

Three hours ago on his way to the
market he passed a French patrol.

Which way were they headed?

¿En qué dirección estaban marchando?
[In what direction were they marching?]

- En esa dirección.
[In that direction.]

All right. Let's get the supplies
we need and move out.


- I want you up in that tree.
- What tree? Why?

Please, Mr Hogan, looking down
from heights frighten me.

Then look up.

I think there's a mountain lion around
here and I want you up in it.

Excuse me, Sister.


SARA: What are you doing?

HOGAN: If you can't see him,
you can't shoot him.

How are you doin', Sister?

- Looking up.
- Good.

We won't talk now.

I'd like him to make his
run if he's going to.



- What the hell?

Who the hell are these people?

Oigan, soy monja.
[Hey, I'm a nun.]

El señor trata de proteger nuestros animales.
[Mr. tries to protect our animals.]

Come on, get down from there.
Turn around, I'll catch you.


Amigos, ¿qué hacen ustedes aquí de noche?
[Friends, what are you doing here tonight?]

Venimos huyendo de los franceses
que están en la estación de Satevo.

Están esperando el
tren de Santa María.

Uh... What'd she say
about Santa Maria?

French soldiers at Satevo were
waiting for a train for Santa Maria.

Santa Maria's where I'm headed.
Those Juaristas are hiding out there.

You got to find out why the
French are going there.

All right. You can be sure I will.

All right, Satevo's a long way away,
so let's get some sleep.

Muchas gracias, pobrecitos.
[Thank you very much, poor things.]

- Hasta mañana. [See you tomorrow.]
- Adiós, hermana. [Goodbye, sister.]

By the way, Sister, I guess
I owe you an apology.

When I was trying to get
you up the tree, I...

Oh, no apology is
necessary, Mr Hogan.

In emergencies, the Church
grants dispensation.

Anyways, it's no sin that you pushed me
up the tree with your hands on my ass.

Where'd you learn
that kind of English?

- What kind?
- Ass.

Oh, in the convent.

Sister Harriet taught us
words for parts of the body.

This part she called the ass.

Where is this Sister Harriet from,

New Orleans. Why?

I'd sure as hell like to know what
she did before she became a nun.

En arme!

Par ici, mon capitaine!
[Over here, sir!]

Bonjour, ma soeur.
[Hello my sister.]

Que Dieu vous bénisse.
[God bless you.]


Tournez à gauche! En avant! Mars!
[Turn left! Forward! March!]

Demi-tour à gauche! En avant!
[Turn around to the left! Forward!]



En arrêt!

Demi-tour en arrière!
[U-turn back!]


[Prepare yourselves!]

¡Viva Juarez!
[Long live Juarez!]


¡Viva Méjico libre!
[Long live Mexico Free!]

Feu! [Fire!]

Demi-tour a gauche!
[U-turn left!]

En avant! Mars!
[Forward! March!]



¡Asesinos! ¡Asesinos!
[Murderers! Murderers!]

Ma soeur. Ma soeur, s'il vous plaît.
[My sister. Sister, please.]

- Venez avec moi.
- I'm sorry. I don't understand.

Please. An officer is dying.
Come with me, please.

- Prenez garde de son animal.
- Oui, mon capitaine.

Even though you are not a priest, you
can give him some spiritual comfort.

Our colonel is very, very ill.

Il est sur le point de mourir.
[He is about to die.]

Docteur, permettez que la soeur le bénisse.
[Doctor, let the sister bless.]

(WHISPERING) Deliver his soul
into your soul,

Mary Mother of God...


C'est toi. You filthy bitch!

Kiss the cross. Kiss the cross.

Sister, he was delirious.
Forgive him.

I forgive him. I forgive
him with all my heart.

Now he is with God.

God damn it!


I don't see how you
can drink this stuff.

You'll get cockeyed drunk!
What happened?

I was recognized,
that's what happened.


- By who?
- I've never been so frightened.

I had visions of being shot.

- Who recognized you? What did he do?
- He died.

What the hell are you talking about?

I was asked to give
spiritual comfort to one

of the colonels who
was dying of fever.

When I saw him I nearly
fainted, he was one of the

officers I taught Spanish
at the fort in Chihuahua.

Oh, thank God none of the others
believed what he called me.

What did he call you?

A filthy Juarista.

All right, so he died and you're safe.
Now, what did you find out?

They're waiting for a train
due today for Santa Maria

so they can load it
with supplies and ammunition.

Well, you did all right, Sister.

Between here and Santa Maria
there's got to be a gorge.

Where there's a gorge
there's a trestle.

Now, all we got to do is make sure
we get there before the train does.

Will you burn it?

I'll blow it to hell and
gone with the train on it!

Come on, get up. You're gonna have to
ride, or else I'll have to leave you.

- I am not intoxicated.

You ought to be.That's a whole hell
of a lot of whiskey before breakfast.

My faith in God
will turn it to water.

We'd better hurry. I've never seen a
train blown to hell and gone, before.





- Get out of my line of fire, Sister.
- Can you kill them all with one pistol?

Put it away. These are Yaquis.

They're wild and pagan but the
Church has reached some of them.

Can you get on your horse?

I think so. I think so.

Then tell me when you're on it.

Be very careful not to
show any pain or weakness.



You have to stop that when you get closer.
Are you on?

(WEAKLY) I'm on.



HOGAN: ♪ Yes, I killed a man ♪
♪ one day, so they say ♪

♪ I beat him on the head ♪
♪ and I left him there for dead ♪

♪ Yes, I left him there for dead, ♪
♪ damn his eyes ♪

Oh, you got the moss.
That'll stop the flesh putrefying.

What should I do with it?

Well, I'll take you
through it step by step.

First, I got to get drunker
than hell. (COUGHING)

- How much time has passed since I got hit?
- You asked me that ten minutes ago.

- So what was your answer?
- About an hour.

All right. I want you to cut a groove
in the shaft of this arrow

just deep enough
for a good pinch of gunpowder.


Gunpowder, that's right.

That'll cauterize the insides,
they tell me.

I don't know if this arrow is...

near my heart...
I don't think so.

Of course some women have said
my heart ain't exactly...

in the right place.

All right, start cutting

and don't worry
if I yell a little bit.

Come on, my beautiful Sister
who saved my damn life...


from those damn Yaquis.

You don't want me to lose
my deal now, do you?


♪ And the parson, he did come, ♪
♪ he did come... ♪

This ain't such a nice song

but it's the only one I know
well enough I can sing drunk.

- I don't care what you sing.
- You got a beautiful character. You know?

Anyway, it's about a Protestant
parson, not a Catholic one.

♪ And the parson, he did come, ♪
♪ he did come ♪

♪ And he looked so bloody glum, ♪
♪ as he talked of kingdom come ♪

♪ Well, he can kiss my ruddy bum ♪

♪ Damn his eyes ♪

I need another bottle.

More whiskey.

That's the last bottle you got.

Last one?

Oh, that's bad news, Sister.

I'm sorry I can't share any with you
but you've got to have a steady hand.

♪ The sheriff, he did come too, ♪
♪ he came too ♪

♪ Yes, the sheriff, ♪
♪ he came too, he came too ♪

♪ The sheriff, he came too ♪

♪ With his men all dressed in blue ♪

♪ Lord, they were a bloody crew ♪

♪ Damn their eyes ♪

- There, finished.
- That's not bad. Not bad.

That'right, you're
married to a carpenter.

Now what?

Cut the shaft off right there.

- Cut it?
- Yep.


♪ Now it's up the rope I'll go ♪

♪ Yes, it's up the rope I'll go, ♪
♪ up I'll go ♪


♪ And those bastards down below ♪

♪ They'll say, Sam, we told you so ♪

♪ Sam, we told you so ♪

♪ Damn their eyes ♪

- May I break it?
- Uhmm



All right. How much time's gone by?

- Over an hour.
- Oh, that damn train.

That train is on its way,
I know it is.

Remember what I told
you about accidents?

We didn't have to run across
those damn Yaquis but we did.

No miracle, just a
rotten, lousy accident

and it's going to cost
me my whole deal.

Get me up straight.
Get me up straight.

You are a beautiful
woman, Sister Sara.

You feel like a beautiful woman,
you smell like beautiful woman.

- Please, Mr Hogan.
- I can't help thinking,

You know that first time I saw
you and you were almost naked...

You must forget that.

I can't forget that Sister,
my beautiful Sister.

I don't want to forget.

Every night when we bed down next to
each other I think of you that way.

And I want... And I want to reach out and
touch you and hold you and feel you.

I forgive you because I know that if
you weren't drunk you won't be talk...

Maybe. Maybe so.

But you can't stop
a man from wishing.

I sure wish you weren't a nun.

Please, Mr Hogan.

All right.

All right get me some gunpowder
out of my saddle bag.

Don't come near me till I tell you.

Pour some in your hand...

and leave the pouch there.

Fill the groove. Fill the groove.

That's fine.

All right, now comes the hard part.

Cuz we gotta
time this perfect.

As soon as I light the powder,

you drive the arrow through me
and pull it out the other side.

What do I hit it with?

Take the knife,
put the flat part over the end...


and hit it with the gun.

And please, Sister Sara,

please hit it a straight blow,
not a glancing one, huh?

What if I don't hit it straight?

The hell with that,
my beautiful Sister.

The arrow will break off inside me.

Now, I know you're an
A-1 gravedigger but...

All right. What do I
do with the moss?

Plug the holes... both sides.

Push it in about a half-inch.

All right.


One last swallow
and it's up to you, Doc.


- Prayin' for me?
- Yes.

Well, then I must
be drunk enough.

Damn my eyes,
I find that kind of touchin'.

One last thing, Sister.

The powder will flare up
when I light it, so watch yourself.

Now, you can load
up the animals.

We'll be on our ways as soon
as you get this stick out of me.




Mr Hogan!

Mr Hogan... Mr Hogan, remember the
train with the French supplies.

You have to blow it up.

- How long since I been hit?
- Hours.


- You fell unconscious.
- Why didn't you wake me up?

Well I thought you were...

You thought. You thought.
The hell you thought.

You let me down, Sister.
You let me down.

Then why don't you get on your horse?


You're too drunk to ride alone.
I'll have to get on with you.

Hold on to the mane.

Lean back against me. Lean back.

Tell your horse to get moving.

Oh, I like being in the arms
of a good-looking nun.

How do you like it, Sister?

The Church allows this
for the sake of your safety

but you may not take liberties.

I apologize, ma'am.
I most sincerely do.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

HOGAN: Will you look at
that trestle? Couldn't be sweeter.

- It's a miracle.
- A great place for an accident.


Is this small package of dynamite
powerful enough?

Not if you put it at the base

but if you put it up high
on those braces - pow!

How can you climb that trestle
with your shoulder...?

- Oh, no. Oh, no Mr Hogan. No.
- Now, wait a minute.

- Remember I saved your life.
- I saved yours today, too.

I saved yours twice from the French.

I saved yours twice - the arrow?

What are you gonna do? Are you gonna
desert me in my hour of need?

What about that deadly rattlesnake
when you were hiding from them soldiers?

That was easy, no risk at all.

Did I or did I not come to you
in your hour of need?

This is my hour of need.

What kind of need is your need?
All you ever have on your mind is money.

What's more important than that?

My life. If I climb that
trestle, I'll fall.

A fine psalm-singing
hypocrite you are.

The French are gonna slaughter
a whole outfit of your Juaristas

and you're the only one
who can help 'em

and you won't climb one lousy,
stinkin' trestle.

That's right, Sister, lean on it.

A little of that good,
old-fashioned Christian faith

will carry you up there like a bird.

I know you're scared, Sara,
but those braces are easy to climb.

You just keep thinking of all those
Christian lives you'll be saving.

Have faith in that wonderful shiny
cross and God and all those saints

will be right up there with you.

Suppose they are up there
with me when I climb,

you haven't told me how
you'll set this off when I...

You let me worry about that. I'll
do it with my rifle. Now get going.

Surely that train's on its way.


Keep goin'.

I want the dynamite up on top
so I can get a clear shot at it.


That's it, Sister.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪


♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

You're entitled,
you certainly are entitled,

but I never did see anybody
get used to hard liquor so fast.

I want to take a few practice shots
without ammunition.

You turn around and face the bridge.
Come on, turn around.

- Just like that.
- Yeah

Now, when I tell you to,

I want you to take a
deep breath and hold it.

Come on, grab the end of the barrel.
This ain't easy.

Take your fingers off the top of it.

All right, now take a deep breath.
Hold it.



- You wouldn't have hit it.
- Yes, I would've.

No, I saw the end of the gun
move when you pulled the trigger.

- Look, I'd have hit it.

Put out your hand.
Let's see how steady it is.

You're still drunk,
you'll never hit that.

- I'll hit it.
- Put a bullet in it.

Let's see if you can hit
something about the same size.

That little rock over there,
the one on top of the big rock,

let's see if you can hit that.
It's the same size.

Will you cock this for me?

Pull down that lever as hard as
you can, then slam it shut.


Perfect. All right. Yeah.

Now... take a breath.


Now cock it again.


We'd better try it
with you sitting and me kneeling.

Go ahead. Get down.


This ain't easy, now.

All right, take a breath.



Can you shoot?

No, I can't shoot and you made
me climb that thing for nothing!

Now take it easy, just wait a minute.
I'm sobering up fast.

Meanwhile, you fix me
a cup of hot coffee.


I'll fix you some hot coffee!


Sober up! You sober up,
you dirty bastard or I'll kill you!

Sit up!



Now, tell me when
to hold my breath.

Dear Mary, Mother of God, help this
no-good atheist to shoot straight.

Hold your breath.



HOGAN: Hold your breath.



What did I tell you?


Did I or did I not hear
you call me a bastard?

Well, I suppose whiskey
can make a man hear anything.

Dear Lord, forgive him
for the impurity of his thoughts.

Ah, there's the cantina I'm looking for.
I may need your help.

Is it alright for you
to go into a saloon?

In times like this the church...

The Church grants dispensations,
I know.



- Buenas tardes, senor.
- Buenas tardes, hermana.

¿Habla inglés?

- Yes, I am speaking English.
- Good. Good. Tequila?

- Oh. Would you like something?
- Do you have lemonade?

I'll have lemonade.
You're getting drunk again, are you?

Oh, I never get drunk
unless I'm shot by Yaquis.

- Then why the tequila?
- Just to oil up my arm. That's all.

I don't think they've seen a nun
in here for some time.

Not one like you, that's for sure.

- Gracias.
- Hey!

- Any of these men speak English?
- No, señor.

- You're sure?
- Sure. Me only.

Good. I'd like to order a bottle
of French champagne, year 1789.

French champagne, 1789.

- What is it, señor?
- What's what?

This "champagne"?

Is there another El Gato
Negro saloon in this town?

- Are you the owner of this one?
- No.

- Well, who is?
- Mi padre. Me father.

- Ya... When does he get here?
- Psst.

Por favor, señor.

That's swell, that's my luck.

They give me a code and the
man who has it isn't here.

...probably show up
on the 15th of July.

Mr Hogan, you should be
happy you're still alive.

What do you want from
your life anyway?

A ranch? Cattle? What do you want?

A ranch?

You mean get up at sunrise,
go to bed at sunset?

Rear end in the saddle all day?
No, thanks, Sister, I'd rather be dead.

No Sister, there's this town called
San Francisco that's booming.

And if I get this stake,

Well, I'm gonna open up myself the biggest
gambling saloon in the whole area

with long, red mahogany bars
and green felt tables

and we'll play roulette, dice, faro
and all those wonderful games.

I realize that doesn't mean much
to you but to me, that's living.

Some men have strange desires.

- Where the hell's your father?
- Señor, he is sick. Enfermo.

It's important I see him.
Where is he?

Since three days now,
he cannot talk.

All this side, no move.

- Does he understand when you speak?
- Sí, señor.

Does he understand English?

Not so good like me but...
my mother, she with him.

Un memento. Madre!
[Just a moment. Mother!]


He no can speak.

- May we see him?
- Bien, hermana.

Please to come.




Can you understand me, señor?

That means yes.

I need a bottle of French
champagne, year 1789.

I must see Colonel Beltran at once.

Can you take me to where his camp is?

What about your son?
Can he take me there?

Does anybody in this town
know where the camp is?


Don Ezekiel, el hacendado.

¿Horacio, el velero?

The Candle- maker.
She says the candle-maker knows.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

In Mexico when somebody is killed
on the road, we put crosses.

So these crosses not make
anybody think anything.

Now, we go that way.

- How far, Horacio?
- Not far.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪


MAN: Put away your gun, gringo.

Name's Hogan. Beltran's expecting me.

MAN: You mean Colonel Beltran.

Colonel, general, what difference
does it make? Take me to him.

[Follow me.]



I have been waiting for you, Hogan.
What happened to you?

uh... I stopped a Yaquis arrow.

- So you never got to Chihuahua?
- Nope.

Sister Sara here saved me
a good part of the trip.

Sister? How?

- Is the deal still on?
- I keep to my word. And you?

Good. You get me a bottle of tequila

and I'll lay you out a plan
as smooth as a baby's behind.

You tell me the plan,
I will tell you how smooth it is.

BELTRAN: The roof of the garrison
is lower than the roof of the church

and on the 14th of July
you have promised us, Sister,

all the Frenchmen will be drunk.

Not bad, Hogan. Not bad.
Thank you, Sister.

Yeah, we make quite a team.

In fact, If we pull this
off, we might go in

the garrison business
again, right Sister?

If we follow what you did to
the train by capturing the garrison,

- all of my people will take heart.
- How many men do you have?

40, but there'll be more
by the time we reach Chihuahua.

- How many more?
- 50 to 60.

I thought you were a
colonel of the Mexican army.

I am.

Any army I ever heard about,
a colonel commands a full regiment.

Yes, and a parade but not after all
the fighting we've been through.

You know when you got me into this
thing, you told me you had no artillery.

- What about dynamite? You have any?
- None.

Less than a hundred rifles,
a few machetes and not much more.

Even drunk,
the French'll blow your heads off.

You don't know my men. Each one
tough, courageous, a Mexican patriot.


Isn't that sweet?
But I happen to be a Hogan patriot

and I'd like to have some
dynamite working with me.

I will welcome all you
can get, you show me the

tree it's growing on,
I'll have my men pick it.

Probably plenty for sale
across the border in Texas.

Yeah, but that takes money.

Even the food you ate
and that bottle were donated to us.

We leave for Chihuahua tomorrow.

You can come with us
and fight under my orders, my way,

or go back to that Texas bar
that I found you in.

I'm in on this deal and no son
of a bitch is taking me out of it.

If any other bastard spoke to me
like that, he would be dead.

But since you have helped Mexico,

I am giving you a chance to get on
your horse and leave this camp alive.

- Now get out of here fast.
- I ain't leavin' here.

Colonel, please. This ring, it's gold.
It'll buy dynamite.

Perhaps some of your people have
other things that could be sold.

If someone shows me back
to Santa Maria, I'll go

from house to house
tonight begging for help.

Dynamite would save the lives
of some of my men.

I told you I was staying
in this deal, Colonel,

cuz you know nobody over in Texas is gonna
sell a load of dynamite to a Mexican.

I am asking you,
buy dynamite for us.

I'd love to.

Oh, Sister.
You better sew this back on.

You don't want to have those people
see you going around half-dressed.

This is better than
killing each other, no?

I only figured there was gonna
be one funeral... Catholic.

Oh? I didn't know
that you were Catholic.


♪ ♪



¿Cómo le fue, hermana?
[How did it go, sister?]

Muy bien. Magnífico.
[Very good. Magnificent.]


Easy, Hogan. There are no
Yaquis arrows here, just a nun.

- How did you do?
- I'm not sure.

What do you mean 'Your not sure?' You must
know if you've got something worth while.

I just don't know how much
it'll bring in Texas.


You don't?

This will buy enough dynamite
to give my horse a rupture.

You did real well for me, Sister.

Uh... for the cause.

Maybe this will buy you a bottle of
medicine to keep your arm well-oiled.

- Can you give this?
- I want to.

I like you better as a Juarista
than as a nun, little Sister.

Well, I'll just see you in Chihuahua.

Right. If we take the fort, we'll
owe ourselves a celebration.

I might even put a little
whiskey in your lemonade.

Mr. Hogan, there is something
I'd like to talk to you about...

They are bringing
your horses now.

Oh, fine. My packhorse has some
handguns and some Winchesters.

I'm sure you'll know
what to do with them.


Oh, nothing just a gift from some
old friends of Sister Sara's.

Saquen las armas en la remonta.
[Take out the weapons the back.]

Could we talk?

I can't, Sister. I need every second
to get where I'm going.

Where are we gonna meet up?

Just outside of Chihuahua riding
south, there is a little church.

Be there as early as you can
on the morning of the 14th.

Good riding.

Don't let those French spend
that money before we can get there.

- Goodbye, Sister.
- Goodbye.

♪ ♪


♪ ♪ ♪ ♪



- Hello, Mr Hogan.
- How do, Sister?

- Glad to see you're back safe.
- Waiting for the dynamite?

- Hhmm... And you.
- What, me personal??

- Mm, I missed you.
- Yeah.

Well, to tell you the truth,
it felt kinda wrong the

past few days not having
your burro slowing me up.

- Did it?
- Yeah, damn it.

What's the matter?

Well, you see, there's
a problem, Sister...

I should have never met up
with you in the first place.

Come, Beltran's waiting.



Where have you been? There are
only a few more hours of daylight.

I had to go to three towns but
I've got all the dynamite we need,

plus plenty of cigars.

Ignacio. Agarra esa dinamita y llévese
[Ignacio. Grab the dynamite and take]

a los hombres del campamento.
[the men in the camp.]

Salimos para la iglesia enseguida.
[We leave for the church right away.]

My men will leave for
the church in a few minutes.

- How many men do you have?
- Over 100. Let us go.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪


The garrison's on that side.

They must be drunk already,
I don't hear any singing.

Agachados y en una sola fila.
[Crouch and in a single row.]


COMMANDER: En avant.

En avant. Marche!

En avant. En avant.

Nobody's drunk.
Nobody's even drinking there.

You got your calendars
mixed up, Sister.

No. It is their Independence
Day, July the 14th.

What went wrong?

It is the train you blew up.
It put them on the alert.

To attack now would be suicide.
Surprise is impossible.

Without surprise,
I never attack superior forces.

Instead of giving up so easy, why
don't you just listen a minute.

I am listening to you, but I have my mind
on my men, all you have on yours is money.

Alright, listen, I think I know
how we can get a in surprise.

Three streets from here there is a house.
It use to be the residence of the bishop.

To protect him in the rainy season
there was a tunnel.

It led from the house to the garrison
when it used to be a monastery.

And after the bishop moved,
the monks built a wall,

closing it up. I think
you can break through.

- Who lives there now?
- Very good friends of mine.

- Trustworthy?
- Yes. Very trustworthy.

Good, I got something that'll work.

- What?
- Fire.

Hey, when you were giving
those Spanish lessons,

you ever get a peek at
where they kept the garrison money?

They used to pay me from a strongbox
in the general's office.

Second floor in that building there.

HOGAN: Now was it iron or wood?
SARA: Iron.

Great. That means it won't burn.

Now, I figure we separate
your men into four groups,

giving them coal oil and dynamite,

and let the first group
hit that main gate.

Have the second group go
through that tunnel she is

talking about and busting
into the courtyard.

And the third group
hit that gate over there.

The fourth group, the fourth group
made up of your best riflemen,

we'll have right up here. They can pick off
the sentries and set fire to the garrison.

Of course this all has to
happen at the same time.

First we shall wait for the cover of night.
- Alright.

And second, some women and children
carrying a piñata filled with dynamite...

might get close enough to that gate.

What's a piñata?

It's an old Mexican way
of livening up a party.

Come, come.


Atáquense, una monja.
[...a nun]

- Sarita, baby!
- Rosanna!

ROSANNA: You are safe.
They didn't get you!

They didn't get my favorite girl!
- No.


Sister Sara, this here's a cathouse.

Oh, no, Hogan. This is no cathouse.

- It's the best whorehouse in town.

Day and night, night and day,
out there in that desert,

you made a sucker out of me?

I didn't want to.
You forced me to.

What the hell are you talking about,
I forced you to?

What did you say
when we saw the cavalry?

If I wasn't a nun, you'd let me
save my own bacon. Por favor.

After I told you about the garrison
you said if I wasn't a nun,

you'd just as soon say
adios and thank you.

Well I wanted to be with you,
I wanted to be safe.

I tried to tell you that night at the camp
but you were too damn busy to listen.

And what are you looking so surprised
about, you no-good atheist, move!

It could be, you know,
I saved your bacon... again.

Trae al resto de los hombres.
[Bring the rest of men.]


Hogan, the piñata.

- Got the coal oil?
- Yes.

Have them put this thing against
the building outside the gate.

- How long is the fuse?
- Approximately 30 seconds.

That'll give them enough time
to get on down the street.

There are going to be
women and children, remember.

Any longer fuse might be seen.

Just don't make the children too young
and the women too old

and tell 'em not to trip.

Now, you fill the jar
with candies and nuts,

just like we do
at the birthday party.

- MAN: Colonel?
- Llévensela. [Take her.]



Hogan, the tunnel is open.



Libérenlos. [ Release them.]
My men will have them free.

- ¿Por dónde los metieron?
[Where do they exit?]

- Por arriba. Por la escalera.
[From above. By the stairs.]




I can't budge it.

If we use dynamite,
the element of surprise is gone.

They'd have to open the trap door
if they had another prisoner.

The French want me very badly.

Why don't you turn me over
and ask for a reward?

Esta bien.
[It's okay.]

Even if they don't put you in here,
it will get Hogan inside the gate.

It is a chance to open this door.

I don't like it.
We'll find another way.

- SARA: What other way?
- I don't know. Let me think about it.

- There's no time to think about it.
- I still don't like it.

We have to get that
trap door open too, don't we?

What you're talking about's
crazy, Sara.

Listen, Hogan, everybody's got
a right to be a sucker once.

How can we be sure we hit 'em
all at the same time?

I will put a man
in the belfry of the church.

As soon as he sees you and
Sara entering the garrison,

he will ring the bells three times.

The women with the piñata will start
up the street at a slow walk.

So from the time you enter
the gate and the bells ring,

it will be four minutes
till the explosion.

- Slow 'em up. Make it six.
- Bien. Six.

All right.
Let's go give a Spanish lesson.

BELTRAN: Quédense hasta
que el americano abra la alcantarilla.

[Stay until the American open sewer.]

HOGAN: Hold it.

I don't know how this is gonna
come out but I owe this to myself.


- We'd better go.
- Bad time for a war.

Bad time.




Anybody in there speak English?

MAN: Oui, monsieur.
What is it you wish here?

I... have something out here
I think will interest you.

Sergent, ouvrez la porte.

Oui, monsieur?

Ah, mon Dieu, mais c'est Sara.
Entrez! Entrez!

Come on, you little cottontail.

Sergent, fermez la porte.

The General himself
will want to meet you. Un moment.

Oh, Captain, wait just a minute.

I've just about had a bellyful
of this little Juarista.

She's been yapping at me
for three days now.

If your general wants to socialise
that's up to him

but I'd sooner have her locked up
while we talk.

Je regrette.
[I am sorry.]


MAN: Entrez.


They're gonna place
that piñata right outside.


When I give you the signal,
you get ready to move.

This little cottontail sure
wishes she had that cross back.

GUARD: Approchez, s'il vous plaît.
[Come here, please.]

[Come in.]



Passez, s'il vous plaît.
[Go, please.]


Excuse me, monsieur, I'm
certainly not laughing at you

but at this, this costume.

Come to think of it, we shall have
to shoot you dressed like that.

Uh, well General, I understand that raisin'
money for the Mexican army is a crime...

- So is shooting a lieutenant.
- Did that bastard die?

Yes, the lieutenant died
and you will, too.

Monsieur, I am Général le Claire.

My name's Hamilton, General.

- Tex to my friends.
- How do you do, monsieur?

How come you caught
this little pigeon for us?

Well, you see,
I have this spread up north

and in rides this nun...


♪ Te las cantamos a ti ♪

♪ Despierta, mi bien, despierta ♪

♪ Mira que ya amanecio ♪

♪ Ya los pajarillos cantan ♪

♪ La luna ya se metio... ♪

And when I heard that,
I said to myself,

"Tex, you just got to haul her
on down here and turn her in."

You know I hate them damn Juaristas. Do
nothing but cause me trouble all the time.

Why they got my Mexes laying around
just praying for independence.

You didn't know
we had posted a reward?

- A reward?
- 200 gold francs.

How about that?

Certainly better than
a stab in the eye with a sharp stick.

Why don't you just lock her up
and send me on my way?

Lock her up? No, monsieur.

Condemned prisoners are entitled
to a last night of relaxation.

- Wine or cognac, Sara?
- Cognac, a full glass, please.

Anything my sweet-tempered
little pigeon desires.


Colonel, please bring 200 francs.

- Oui, mon general.
- Monsieur Hamilton? Tex?

Make mine smaller than the one you
poured her. I'm just a country boy.

None of us can keep pace with Sara,
in cognac or any other way.

To your virtues
and especially your vices, Sara.

What a pity to bury them both.



Excuse me, Monsieur Hamilton.

A people who know how to sing...
the Mexicans.

- Are you familiar with that melody?
- Can't say that I am.

Las Maòanitas, for birthdays
and weddings and what not. Lovely.

♪ Las maòanitas que cantaba ♪

♪ El rey David, ♪
♪ hoy por ser dia de tu santo ♪

♪ Te las cantamos a ti... ♪

My, how touching.

They know it is our independence day
and they come to toast us.

- Do you know what a piñata is, monsieur?
- Can't say that I do.

Come and see. A charming invention.

They build an animal figure
from papier-mâché

with a clay jar hidden
in the center of the body.

They fill it with candies,
nuts, fruits and toys

and suspend it from a tree.

♪ Despierta que ya amanecio ♪

♪ Ya los pajarillos cantan ♪

♪ La luna ya se metio ♪

♪ Ahora si que yo sere... ♪

Now, that's real cute.

WOMAN: Corranla!


!Viva Mejico!


HOGAN: Come on.


Over here.

Get back to the house and pour
yourself another... cognac.
















!Viva Mejico!

!Viva Juarez!! Viva Mejico!

- Where's Sara?
- Last door. Hall left. My room.

- Sara, open up.
- SARA: I'm taking a bath!

Well, get out of the bath.

SARA: Go away and will you come back later?
I want to be all dressed up for you.

Who the hell
wants to see you dressed?


The least you can do
is take off your hat.

I haven't got time for that.

Come on!