Twelve Days of Christmas (2020) - full transcript

Steve, it's okay.
Just act confident.

You are a confident 21-year-old
from Edmonds, Washington.

- It's like a federal thing.
- Oh, my God.

Why did you get a fake ID if
you were never going to use it?

Well, it was part of a group.

- It was cheaper to get ten at once.
- Ah, my God, Steve.

And I didn't want to get
in the way of a deal.

- Seriously is what?
- Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Steve,
I need to get drunk tonight.

That doesn't sound very healthy.

Nothing about college
is healthy.



Okay, you know what, take this.

Here, buy this alcohol from me.

We're gonna go through
what's going to happen.

I would like to purchase
this please.

- Can I see some ID?
- Sure.

What brings you to California,
Steven?

You know, visiting.

Mm-hm.

Boop, this doesn't scan.

No, it should scan.

Boop, no, it's not scanning.

No, really, the guy promised me
it would scan.

Guy? What guy?

You better be talking about the
guy down at the God damn DMV!



- No, really, Amy, it should scan.
- Amy? My name's Maurice!

Okay, this is starting to feel
a bit racist.

Oh, oh, oh, God,

the stress from you trying
to use this fake ID

is giving me a heart attack,
call 911.

Um, okay. Beep, beep, boop.

911, what's your emergency?

Uh, yeah, the guy at the liquor
store's having a heart attack.

Alright, sir, we're gonna send
an ambulance down right now.

Maurice,
I need you to stay calm.

You know when they get here,
I'm going to tell them you underage.

Okay, well then,
I am fucking leaving.

Hands up! Everybody hands up!
This is a robbery!

- What is happening?
- Hands up.

My boy already called 911. What?

Motherfucker,
you already called 911?

No, I didn't.
Sir, no, I didn't. I did not.

Boy, you didn't call 911?

- I am dying!
- Okay.

I called it for you,
but not, not for you...

So you did call 911,
you lying little son of a bitch!

I should waste you right here,
right now.

I should waste you.

- This is raspberry?
- They didn't have cherry.

That's cool.

Here's a toast to Dan.

Here's to losing my virginity,

here's to prom,

here's to wasting my first semester
on a long-distance relationship.

Here's to heartbreak.

- Hey.
- Amy.

Oh, my God, it's so good
to see you, you have no idea.

- I missed you, too.
- Okay, let's get going.

I cannot wait to sleep
in my own bed.

It's like one in the afternoon.

Which means I am pushing
about 36 hours of no sleep.

- Drive.
- Yes, Ma'am.

Um...

Steven, what is this?

Oh, my God.

That's just some Christmas thing
my mom picked up from church.

Ah, it's amazing.

We are going to jam out to it
like it's Taylor fucking Swift.

Oh, no, let's not.
I am in the strong not...

What the fuck kind of CD player
do you have, Steve?

- This is like...
- An awesome six-changer CD player, that's what...

And you have one CD in your car?
That's good.

Look, I mean, my mom sings on it.
And you know her voice.

She smokes a lot of cigarettes

and she's got,
it's not a good voice.

♪ Hark, the herald ♪

That's my shit.

♪ Angels sing ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

Steve, sing along.
You know this.

No, I am good. You do you.

♪ Blah, blah, blah, blah ♪

♪ What a blah, blah, blah ♪

♪ Hey! Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Hey. Jingle bells
Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

You're killing me, ugh, alright.

Well, thank you ever so much
for picking me up.

Hey, any chance I have
to give you singing lessons.

Uh, fuck you,
and let's hang out soon.

- Love you.
- Love you, too.

- Stevey boy!
- Connor.

- Come here.
- Okay.

Don't let go. Don't let go.

I'm letting go. I'm letting go.

- What are those?
- Potatoes.

Before we drink,
we're making latkes.

What... It isn't Hanukah yet.

Why, why are there potatoes?
Why are there potatoes...

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve,
Steve, Steve, Steve.

I would like to believe
that in this country,

we don't need an excuse
to make potato pancakes, okay.

- Kitchen, let's go. Kitchen.
- Mm-hm.

- Latkes.
- Don't leave your stupid... Connor.

You know what? Actually,
I would like a hot chocolate.

Okay.

So, do you need help?

Nope, it's just warming up.

So, the rest of your
first semester was good then?

Yeah, yeah, it was.

- Yours?
- Awesome, so much fun.

- So, how you doing since Dan?
- I've been fine.

Honestly, just being able
to focus on like college friends

and meeting new people
might actually be good.

Yeah, totally.

- How's your sorority stuff?
- Oh, my God, great!

I love everyone.

Okay, obviously not,
like, everyone.

Shut up.
But I do like most of them.

And the girls that I don't like,

there's somebody I do love
who loves them. So everybody.

Hello, my beautiful, amazing,
wonderful, fantastic friends.

Hello, Court.

- Uh, how the F are you, cooky kids?
- Doing well.

- Doing great. You?
- You want some hot chocolate?

Uh, no, not particularly, no.

So, you guys want to get high?

Yeah.

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon Virgin ♪

♪ Mother and Child ♪

♪ Holy infant so tender
And mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪

♪ Peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

Tonight, we play the honorable
game of alcohol consumption

known as
Flarney-Ba-Blarney-Snarks.

May our hearts, our minds
and our livers stay true.

We shall begin
on the third gavel strike.

One, two, three.

Okay, okay, okay.

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

- I win. Yes.
- Fuck you!

That's a 100 points for me, Stevey boy.

And for our next event,
red means target practice.

And Jack means,
oh, be careful with that.

It was uncomfortably cheap.

It's so cute. We were like
twinsies for like the entire time.

Amy, you good over there?

It's just been a while
since I last partook.

- Okay.
- Wow, jeez.

So, I've got this group
of friends that, uh,

we just get together
and every weekend,

we watch an absurd amount
of Animal Planet.

Sounds like a good way
to spend your tuition.

It's... It is.

The only downside is I, uh,
already spent all my graduation money.

Get out, no way.

Even with Creepy Uncle Tommy liking
you better than his own kids?

If he could only see the bong
he got me.

- Uh, so, how was your semester?
- Yeah.

Yeah? Oh, I mean, yeah.
It was solid.

Oh, Rachel, you got some
interesting things happening.

No, this is good shit.

- Oh, man, yeah.
- No.

Dude, I bet, I bet you can tell
that it isn't actually.

Yeah, no, thank you.

Man, I miss that
high school weed, guys.

- I don't think you do.
- No, I don't.

Who are you right now?

- Holy shit! Holy shit!
- You sound surprised.

That's because I am really,
really, really fucking surprised.

- Her name's Michelle.
- No, but that's awesome.

Really, really, really.
I'm really happy for you.

- That brings me to the thing I wanted to talk about.
- Uh-huh.

I'm, like, sure, I am bisexual.

Really?

- Mmm, really?
- So...

A while ago, uh,
I kinda pitched to Michelle,

like, jokingly like that
we should have a threesome.

And she was, like, really cool with it,
and, like, knows a girl who is down.

- And...
- Oh, my God. You, Sir, were a virgin months ago!

Right? But then she asked if I'd
be willing to do it with a guy.

And... Yes, yes.

And it felt, like,
weirdly sexist to say no.

- Huh.
- No, like, I can't...

I can't like ask her
to have do it with a girl

- and then like a guy like I'm...
- No, no, no, no. I get it.

It's just, huh.

So, she has a male friend
who would be down.

And we, um... We do that and...

Where does she get these friends?
It's Craigslist, isn't it?

Stevey boy, Stevey boy,
I got to tell you,

having a guy in... there
just felt right.

Like everything fit.

And by the end of it,

I was giving Ben as much attention
as I was giving Michelle.

Don't get me wrong.

Like Michelle and I have
like a super deep,

like, you know,
like a connection but...

Just like you and me, buddy.

I also want a connection
with a cock in my throat.

And that's three.
Fuck you, drink up.

Motherfucker,
was any of that shit true?

I mean, probably.

- Oh, and do you have any...
- Fucked up.

- romantic interests at your school?
- Mm.

- Uh, no, nada.
- Yeah, I didn't think so.

Finish that. Here we go.

- No!
- Finishing it, finishing it, finishing it.

- Oh, oh, oh!
- There we go. Good, Stevey boy!

I swear, guys, I've smoked, like,
a decent number of times now

and I never get high,
I think I'm immune.

Did you say something, Rachel?

What are you even doing?
Come over right here.

Okay! I give up.

- It's fine. Am I pretty?
- Beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh, my God, you guys.
I needed this so much.

This is like a middle school
sleep over again.

Oh, my God, we're, like,
college friends now.

Oh, my God, we're like the three best bitches ever.

Oh, forever bitch.

Oh, my God. I, like, thought that
I would really stay in high school.

- No.
- It just came back.

Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

And I think that's my cue to get
some PB&J tacos started.

Oh, my God, I have wanted peanut
butter for like the last hour

and now Court
just went to go get some.

What?

Who's ever even heard of that?

- Hey, bitch.
- Yeah, bitch?

- We're best friends.
- Aw, forever bitch.

- Hey, dude, you good?
- Yup.

You sure?

I actually need you guys
to leave.

You got it, boss.

Hey, hey, Rachel, get up.

We gotta go.

So, what did you want
to talk about?

Thanksgiving break.

I should waste you right here,
right now. I should waste you.

What about Thanksgiving break,
did you want to talk about?

Yeah, it would...

Have you ever like looked
at one pulp individually?

- What the fuck, Steve?
- Oh. Dan sucks.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Am I dead?

I don't know.
Fuck it, I hate this game. Oh, God.

Yay, that's fucking gross.

- You know, all my friends at school want to meet you...
- Hey, thank you for this.

I really missed you.

Why did you do that?

Because I wanted to.

Okay.

- Is this okay?
- Yeah.

First, I have to say, that the
reason I didn't say anything myself

is because I felt you
didn't want to talk about it.

I mean, the next day we sort of
just made awkward small talk,

went to our respective
Thanksgivings,

and the next time we saw each other
it was like nothing had happened.

I didn't want to push.

But I think you're right.

This is good to talk about.

And we need to explore why it happened
because if I am being honest...

You know, those things
aren't a 100% accurate.

Okay, so...

Obviously, whatever happens,
I support your choice.

- What do you...
- I'm getting an abortion.

Okay.

- Do you want to talk about alternatives?
- No.

Okay.

So, what's the deal then? Is it
like I drive you to a place?

- Like a clinic?
- Yeah, yeah, I think that's an option

or I think there's like a pill.

You mean Plan B? I think,
that's a next day sort of thing.

No, an abortion pill,
not Plan B.

- Okay, but isn't Plan B kind of an abortion pill?
- No.

They're different things.
They do different things.

Okay, but like I'm sure I've heard before
that Plan B is basically an abor...

Yeah,
that probably was in church.

Okay, so, obviously, we are not
going to involve church with this.

- Yes, yes, yes, yup.
- Okay.

No anesthesia, pro.
Cramping's worse, con.

- Feels like a miscarriage, pro.
- Pro?

Nausea, vomiting,
diarrhea, weakness.

It's not like a big scary
artificial thing. you know.

Yeah, no, yeah,
that makes sense totally.

It's just a miscarriage.
I'm sorry, it skeeves me out.

Miscarriages skeeve you out
but you're fine with abortions?

No. I am clearly
abortions should be legal

and everything
and miscarriages happen.

But I guess,
the words just feel heavy.

So, you're saying I should call
this thou which shall not be named?

I'm saying, yes.

I'm saying you should call it
Lord Voldemort.

Okay, so here's what it is.
I need to do it.

I can't...

I want the abortion to stay
at the doctor's office.

One-time visit,
surgical, for sure.

- Okay, surgical abortion.
- Yeah.

I will drive you to and from.

And I want you
in the procedure with me.

- Okay, totally.
- Good.

We got this.

So should I go then?

Like just let us be alone
to process for a bit?

Okay.

Or you know what, it doesn't
have to be a big deal.

Poor Rudolph.

Where most reindeers' noses
are brownish and tiny...

So, apparently,
Connor, has a girlfriend now.

Really? Poor girl.

How does that work if you're
the only one he doesn't hate?

Apparently, he likes a lot
of people in New York.

Does that mean he's not a total
prick to people in New York?

Maybe. I...

Look, he doesn't have a ton of elementary
school bullies there or anything.

Bitch! Bitch. Why have you not
answered your phone?

Jesus, I don't know.
It's over there.

Have you talked to Dan?

No, we're not exactly
on speaking terms.

- Somebody died on him.
- What?

On his plane ride home
last night,

the woman sitting next to him,
literally, died on top of him.

- What the fuck?
- Right?

- Hey, hi, Steve.
- Rachel, hey.

Did you have
a great first semester?

I did,
I actually pledged a sorority.

- Tell me every single detail about it.
- Do I look different?

- Because I feel like I kind of look like one of those...
- You guys. Steve...

- You look like one of those girls.
- I totally loved your glasses.

Do you want to do a frat?

Shut the fuck up both of you,
seriously.

And, Rachel, start talking again and
it better be about this Dan thing.

If you utter a single
Greek letter I swear to God.

Alright,
so apparently this old woman,

like, sits next to Dan
on his flight home.

And she doesn't really like say much,
just sort of lays back and goes to sleep.

At some point during the flight,
she shifts over

and is, like,
sleeping on Dan's shoulder.

But Dan's such a sweetheart,
he doesn't say anything.

But then the plane lands
and she still hasn't moved

so he tries to like wake her up
and she doesn't move.

And then a whole bunch
of other shit happened

but the end result was that she
literally died on top of Dan's shoulder!

What the fuck?
I have to text him!

- Yeah, you do!
- Uh, I think I am going to duck out.

- I will see you later.
- Yes.

- Nice to see you, Steve.
- You, too.

Oh, my God,
a woman died on top of Dan.

She perished and our friend
was freakin' underneath her.

- Since when do you run?
- I started at school.

Gotta keep stress down,
get in shape and all that.

Well, it doesn't suit you

and also you've left me waiting
in this unbearably chilly weather

when I have something
to tell you.

Why... didn't you just wait
in your car? Or go in my house?

- You know my mom will let you...
- Alright, Steve, focus, Steve.

Oh, my God, it's like
this whole A.D.D generation.

I mean, you're talking to me
about houses and cars and weather

and we're trying to discuss
my brilliant, fucking idea.

Ugh, fine,
you're no fucking fun anymore.

Oh, I almost don't want to tell you my
idea but it's brilliant so I'm going to.

Okay, so you and I
are going to throw an awesome

like burn-the-house-down-type
New Year's party

and invite everybody
from high school.

There... There... There are so many
things wrong with what you just said.

- Like grammatically?
- Mm-hm.

You hate the people we went to high
school with and they kinda hate you back.

Yeah, that's why I need you
and when people inevitably ask,

just tell them, my parents won't be
there, it's gonna be cool and fun.

- Will it?
- Presumably, ugh, if people come.

- I'll think about it.
- Yes, Stevey boy.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Stop it, stop it. Get off me.

Okay, okay, okay, this is what
the invitation looks like.

Feast.

- You're sending out physical invitations?
- Mm.

Everyone expects me to be that
weird fucker from high school

so I am going to live up
to those expectations.

Plus, this is hilarious,
read it.

"Hello, I am writing to you
with two related intentions.

Firstly, I wish to inform.

There is to be a social
gathering at my residence

on December the 31st
to usher in the New Year.

My second intention,
having finished informing, is to invite.

Yes, you, lucky individual, are encouraged
to be present on the night of the 31st.

I hope to see you there or not, whatever.
I don't give a fuck.

But please come, booze is free.
Love, Connor Dawes."

- Some people really never change.
- Here you're invited.

Yay. So we're going, right?

Do you want to?

I mean, fuck Connor, obviously
but free alcohol.

Plus, I get a chance to see
all the people from high school

that I want to but you know
just not enough to like try.

I guess, we're going
to Connor Dawes's party.

- Cool with you, Court?
- Yeah, dude, yeah, obviously.

- Do you have any matches?
- Yes, inside by the fireplace.

Dope.

Be sure my mom
doesn't hear you, though.

Sneaky Court on the job!

It'll be fun to see people
at a real party, right?

Yeah, it'll be cool to see
some of the old crew.

I hope it's like a full-blown rager.

Oh, my God, I want to see
Laurie King black out.

Oh, God.

Ugh, I can't believe
we're smoking again.

It makes Court happy.

Yeah, but what the hell
did we do for fun in high school?

We hung out.

Can you imagine if the three of us
went to college together, though?

That would be unbelievable.

What up, Mother-Forkers!
Let's flipping do this ish!

Nope. Yeah!

Oh, my God, like, one semester
of college, what did this girl do?

- Who is this?
- It cannot possibly be dishwasher safe.

Every year,
it's up to me, swear to God.

Yeah, I mean, they have to take,
like, Ativan to go on planes.

So like, there's no way
they're coming up here.

I'm the only one who's willing
to do this freaking thing.

Well, I am happy to help.

Any excuse to get me on a roof
and look upon suburbia.

Ooh. Yes.

You're going to Connor's thing,
though? Yeah?

Yes, yes, yes, it feels like
a lot of people are despite

its direct association
with the ass hole king himself.

- I know, I'm surprised.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- It's weird.

But whatever.

Are you two...
Do you still feel close?

Oh, yeah, totally.

I mean, his heart's definitely
in New York

but you know him, he kinda...
He just talks about New York a lot

because he likes to talk
about the fact

that he's in, oh, New York,
at an Ivy League no less, oh-ho.

But does it still feel
like high school?

Do you think things feel
different between us?

No, no, not between us, no.
We're good.

Uh, I just, honestly, I just...
I feel like we're even closer

than we were in high school,
you know?

- Yeah.
- Pointy?

Oh!

Oh, speaking of which, our Lord
Voldemort is all set for January 5th.

Why would you say that?
Uh, I was having a nice time.

- Uh...
- What?

I just... Look, I just... I... I just... I feel
like we're really good at being around each other.

Well, yeah, obviously,
but it's like I have always said, Steve,

my love for you manifests itself in
making you feel very uncomfortable.

- And like you've always said...
- That that's fucked up.

- It's really fucked up, yes.
- Pointy.

I mean,
it's not as fucked up as,

say impregnating your friend of ten years.
It's not that fucked up...

Oh, my God, I am going
to jump off this God damn roof.

I'm trying to tell you
something real here.

Amy, um, since high school ended and especially
once you and Dan broke up, I just feel like...

- Uh...
- No, Steve, I know. It's great. Everything's great.

And, I mean,
Dan's a perfect example.

I mean, with certain people
like you and him, it's just...

You pick up right
where you left off.

- You and Dan?
- That's...

Yeah,
we've been texting a little.

I thought you hated him.

Um, I realized that hate
in this context means that,

you know,
you have really strong feelings

and nowhere to direct them

so what comes out is
a hate-like synthetic, you know?

Did you hear someone died
on him?

Yeah, I was there
when the telling happened.

I don't know, man. I'm just really
impressed with how he's handled everything.

I mean, that's traumatic,
you know?

It shows a certain maturity.

Still couldn't handle
a long-distance relationship.

Okay,
those are hard for anybody.

Some people manage.
This is the last of the lights.

What the fuck? What,
you didn't even need these?

What am I doing?
What am I doing up here?

Keeping me company.

Oh, my God, Steven,
this is like tedious torture.

Hey!

- Nice!
- Scoot.

Yeah,
now it feels like Christmas.

Yeah.

Your family's not really
that scared of heights?

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- No.

My...
My Dad if he sees, no joke,

if he sees a Goodyear blimp
go by, he gets a little woozy.

- It's...
- That's not real.

♪ They lay keeping their sheep ♪

♪ On a cold winter's night ♪

♪ That was so deep ♪

♪ Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel ♪

I get a knock on the door,
and it's the freakin' pizza guy.

I didn't even know
they delivered pizza that late.

The whole Perez family
was behind me

watching me trying to figure out
how to bribe the pizza guy.

♪ Born is the King of Israel ♪

♪ And they looked up ♪

♪ And saw a star ♪

♪ Shining in the East ♪

♪ Beyond them far ♪

♪ And to the earth ♪

♪ It gave great light ♪

♪ And so it continued ♪

♪ Both day and night ♪

♪ Noel, Noel ♪

♪ Noel, Noel ♪

♪ Born is the King of Israel ♪

♪ Noel, Noel ♪

♪ Noel, Noel ♪

♪ Born is the King ♪

♪ Of Israel ♪

Oh.

Wow,
bacon-scented air fresheners.

This is incredible
and absolutely from Court.

- How'd you know?
- Let me see.

Okay, this is for me.

And I can already tell
it's from Steve

because I have seen this
wrapping paper in your house.

These are disgusting.

No, dude, they like actually
smell like bacon.

Yeah, no, I get that.

Oh, my God, are you serious?

Is this a toaster?

No more half-warmed dining
hall toast for you.

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

Seriously, the best gift ever.

Um, how did you get a toaster
for under ten dollars?

I didn't,
it was a little bit more

but I...
I was going to get it anyway

so, like, I just kinda made it
my secret Santa gift.

In a sense,
I was just being cheap.

Yeah, in a truer sense,
you blatantly cheated.

- Oh, To-mae-to, to-mah-to.
- I didn't get a toaster.

- I have a tic-tac, this is five dollars.
- To-mah-to?

Whatever, I will cover the cost
if it makes you happy.

- Thank you.
- I am just so psyched to have this.

You're most welcome.

You know, I don't know I've ever
actually met someone that says to-mah-to.

- Is that like a British thing?
- I'm getting cold.

- Can we go inside?
- Yeah, basement?

Oh, yes, hello!

The queen would like to put an
order in for some to-mah-toes!

- No, that sounds weird.
- Yeah, Court, that was all weird.

- Ready?
- You got it?

Hot chocolate?
You're not making sense, Steve!

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe
you're telling me this.

Oh, fudge that's good, thank you.
This is... I love this.

So have you heard the flipping BS
coming out of Steve's face right now?

Oh, look, I just told her that
I hadn't smoked at college.

She had a conniption about it.

You're getting so high tonight,
Hudgens.

You're going to get high
as an astronaut's kite.

- Oh, that's Dan!
- Dan's coming?

Yeah, I told him that he could hang
out for a while before the party.

- Hey, Steve.
- What's up?

Have you ever talked to Amy
about Dan?

I mean, they dated for a while.
He came up.

Yeah, you know, have you ever
like explored your own emotions?

Maybe why you may
have certain feelings about...

Wow,
you know what would be dope?

Playing this game.
Let's do it, Steve.

- This looks awesome.
- No, I love your mom.

I would come over
just to hang out with her.

- Well, she loves you.
- Dan.

Court, my friend,
ugh, never changed.

- Oh, for you, never.
- Rachel, always a pleasure.

- Nice to see you, Dan.
- Steve!

- How you liking college?
- Uh, yeah, love it. It's great.

- You?
- Incredible, yeah.

Definitely a great semester.

It's good to be home though,
right?

- Yeah, right.
- Dan, sit.

Uh, here, take my spot. I gotta go.

Oh.

- Uh...
- Where you going?

Connor, he, uh just texted me

and he said that he wants some
help setting up for tonight.

Dude, what the fuck? I thought
we were supposed to pre-game.

I'll see you later tonight.

I will see all of you tonight,
okay?

Dan, Daniel, Danny boy,
tell me everything about this plane ride.

Oh, it was actually
world changing.

Alright, we are almost ready

for a kick-ass party.

Almost. We're almost there.

I fear the alcohol
may have been poisoned.

What?

Come, we must taste test it all.

Connor, that's... stupid! We'll be
blacked out before the party even starts.

Price I am willing to pay if
it means my guests are safe.

None shall be poisoned
this night!

What's first?

♪ Deck the halls
With boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Fill the mead cup
Drain the barrel ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Fast away
The old year passes ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

♪ Hail the new
Ye lads and lasses ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la ♪

There are reasons to look hot
other than just to have sex.

Rachel, oh, my God, I'm one 100% positive
that you think that's true, okay?

Yo, Dan, heads up.

- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Oh, Dan.

Oh, wow!

Oh, shit's about to get trashy.

Court-Amy-Rachel-Dan!
Welcome to my little shindig.

Alright, bar's over there.
Bathroom down there.

Pretty sure I saw some gentle
ladies and a circle of blow.

Sorority ambrosia,
am I right, Rach?

Everyone, make yourself at home.

- Yes.
- Thanks for having us.

Yes, keep up the squats, Dan!

Alright, Connor, this is
actually very impressive.

Yes, I am an impressive individual
and flattery will get you nowhere.

And I see
you're still an asshole.

And I see you're still
an irredeemable cunt.

So glad Steve has both of us
in his life.

I'll drink to that.

Vodka cranberry
is your preferred poison?

- Yes.
- Cheers.

Has some kick to it.

- What are you drinking?
- Oh, this is water.

But, uh... But I thought I brushed up
against you and felt something kicking.

Okay, wow, enjoy the party, Am!

- Is that Amy Bruckner!
- No, it's not.

- So much money for such a small thing...
- I know.

And he could have
just shaved it.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah, um, pour me something.

Classic? Just like high school.

What does that even mean?

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.
Look, okay, all I'm saying is that

people expect me
to be this reliable stoner

so that they can get high and not have to
confront how different it is being back.

- I think you're projecting.
- Okay, yeah, I am projecting.

Steve over here who just casually
brings up that he hasn't smoked

since high school while we're at
Amy's, completely unwarranted.

Isn't that the point
of this break?

To... Or this party? To see
how everyone else has changed?

No, no, no,

what I think is that everyone comes
here to show how much they've changed.

You know, like, we've all gone to
college and experimented with sex

and drugs and politics
and we just kind of hope

that everybody else from
high school has stayed the same

because then we look cool
in comparison.

- Still, shouldn't this be a time to explore...
- No!

No, no, no.
This is a break, Steven.

None of that going back
to the previous step stuff.

You know, I don't get...
I don't get this whole,

I want to go back to high school
and like re-do it mind-set.

You know, we have so much ahead
of us that we haven't learned yet.

I don't want to be
on my deathbed like, oh,

if only I had one last chance
at assisted living

just to do it again
and really get it right.

What if there is something in the
previous step that you can't get past?

Do I ignore that?

Okay, Steve, I have no idea
what you're talking about

but if it's really
bugging you that much,

just resolve it quickly,
you know?

You know,
rip it off, like a Band-Aid.

Mm?

Okay, okay, okay, I'm coming.
Alright, alright, alright.

- Yo.
- I need to throw up.

- All yours.
- All right.

- Thank you for the pep talk.
- You got this.

Hey, how's it going?
You enjoying the party?

Yeah, I am.

It was a normal day for me.

It was a normal travel day so I was
like I took my seat on the plane

and... And she's coming down the
aisle and I'm like, oh, no, right?

I fall asleep, she falls asleep.

♪ On the first day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ On the second day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ One, two, three ♪

♪ On the third day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Three French hens
Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge
In a pear tree ♪

♪ On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Four calling birds Three
French hens Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge
In a pear tree ♪

♪ On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Five golden rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds Three
French hens Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge
In a pear tree ♪

♪ On the seventh day
Of Christmas ♪

♪ My true love sent to me
Seven swans a swimming ♪

Wait, wait, we skipped a verse.

Oh, I forgot six geese a-laying, five rings,
four calling birds, three and then two.

Okay, just go to eight.
Just go to eight.

Fuck this song!

♪ On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying
Five golden rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds
Three French hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five golden rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds
Three French hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Ten lords a leaping
Nine ladies dancing ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five golden rings ♪

♪ And Four calling birds
And Three French hens ♪

♪ And Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ On the 11th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ 11 pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping ♪

♪ On the 12th day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ 12 drummers drumming
11 pipers piping ♪

♪ Ten lords a leaping
Nine ladies dancing ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five golden rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds
Three French hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a ♪

♪ Pear tree ♪

Stevey-boy, I want to tell you
something about blowjobs.

- What are you doing out here?
- You see...

This, this, it's your party.

When you blow a guy, you don't
get sour skittle mouth.

And that, to me,
is the key difference between

performing oral sex on a man
versus a woman.

Okay,
what is a sour skittle mouth?

It's when you eat too many sour
skittles and your tongue goes numb

but it's also what happens
when you go down on a girl.

Uh, no,
it does not happen like that.

That is a falsehood.

Yes, it fucking does.

Like if she shaves down there
but doesn't like wax,

she's gonna get those tiny little hairs
that eventually wear down on your tongue

because of the friction but
that doesn't happen with penis.

Okay, okay,
not to be crude but...

I think, we've already
crossed that line, Stevey boy.

If she is aroused enough, then she should
be wet and then your tongue would be fine.

No, no, no, no, no,
this is not a dryness thing.

I am talking about body hair.

Arousal doesn't make a woman
retract hair into herself.

Okay, this, if you vigorously
explore the area,

as I do, I go hard in the paint,
you will get sour skittle mouth.

Why are we talking about this?

I was thinking about it.

What happened to, uh,
your, uh, turtle neck?

Amy.

She is in a bad mood tonight.

Yeah, well,
people get moody when they're pregnant.

What?

It's good to see you dude, yeah.

Oh, my God,
I forgot he even existed.

He is a good kid,
it's nice to see him.

I never thought he'd have
the ability to grow facial hair.

- Hey, come on.
- What?

- Well, I'm just... I was tired.
- Look, I thought we agreed.

It has to be a friendship thing.

No, it totally is.

Yeah, no, yeah, you're right.

- It is.
- We're good, we're good. Yeah.

I'm, uh,
going to make the rounds.

Is that Mike Whitaker I see?

Hey, how the heck are you?

Let's go get a drink.
I got a story for you brother.

Have you ever been to New York?

Hey. Oh, my God,
this is called flip cup.

- Can we talk?
- Oh, my God, yes.

Okay.

What? Shut up.

Oh.

Baby Connor Dawes, pew, pew.
Fuck you, Connor.

Okay, so what's been going on?

Um, I just...
I don't know what I'm doing.

Ugh.

You mean with Dan?

No, well, yeah,
with that too I guess

but, no, I just...
Rachel, can we stop swaying?

Okay.

I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God, okay, yeah.

- Are you... Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

- Seriously, what the fuck?
- Congratulations, by the way.

And if it's a boy,
can I suggest Connor?

How did you find out?

Listen, I could tell something was
bothering you so I checked your texts.

And it's all clear to me now.

Oh, my God, Connor, what the fu...

This is such an invasion
of privacy.

Okay, you know what,
the government can read your texts.

So either you trust the U.S.
Government more than your friend?

Or alternatively,
you trust me as much or more

and, therefore, I have the right
to read your texts whenever I want.

I hate how in your head
that makes sense.

Okay, Steve, we have bigger problems
right now than my impeccable logic.

Yeah. We're getting an abortion.

Yeah, fuckin' obviously. I'm talking
about, the cops are going to be here soon.

I am sorry, I've been around
normal people for a semester

and, um, I've forgotten what a fucking
adventure talking with you can be.

Why are the cops coming?

Because I am going to call them.

- Why?
- Because fuck these people.

Okay, so you're going to scare
everybody with the cops

so that, uh, you can get
your revenge.

It will... It will pay back for years and years
of shitty, shitty things being done to you.

That's... Is that what this is?

Stevey boy, you were the only good
thing about this winter break.

I am never
coming back here again.

This is just my way of saying fuck
you and good bye to this whole place.

I mean, it's not like you have
to live here, you know, I'm...

I... Your family's
still gonna be here.

I just don't know
how to be happy in this place.

That was fine in high school.
It's just the way the world was.

But now, in New York, at school,
I have friends.

I have a girlfriend. I'm nicer.

I come here and I'm the asshole.

This cops thing
will just prove that.

It's already the New Year there.

Its 28° outside.

It's supposed to snow.

I felt fine.
You know I've been handling it

but I just... It's just something
that I've had on me, you know.

And I haven't told anyone except
Steve who I guess told Connor...

Oh, asshole.

Uh... Ugh.

- Does the father know?
- No.

Who is it?

- Is it Dan because...
- No, it's not.

It was some kid at school.
It was right after Dan. It was stupid.

Have you talked to your mom?

No, and I think
she'd be fine with it.

She'd help
but I just don't want her...

Yeah, what are you going to do?

Abortion, surgical next week.

- Why not the pill?
- I don't want to.

Okay.

And you know, I know this is right for
me, I know that.

I mean, I can't have a kid.

But I just...

I just wanted to get it done with,
you know, so I can stop thinking about it.

I just... I've felt so weird
for not struggling with it,

you know, like I'm supposed
to struggle with it and I'm not.

I'm not because it's just...
It's just something I need to do.

But then it is... But then it is
really fucking hard, too, you know.

I mean, I just..
That doesn't...

- I know it doesn't make sense.
- No, no, it makes sense.

I miss this.

Remember when I first got
my driver's license

and I'd drive us home
from school

and we'd have our
Bitches Get Deep' weekly talk?

That was fun.

Hey, what do you say to actually
having some fun tonight?

Yeah?

- But the party...
- Yes, exactly, okay, let's go freaking murder this party.

You and me. Fuck everybody else.
Okay, we are doing shots.

We're gonna tear up the dance floor.
Just like old times, okay?

Start the year off right.
Come on, let's go.

54, 53, 52, 51, 50,

49, 48, 47, 46...

You know, you look like you super
don't want to be here right now.

...37, 36, 35,

34, 33, 32, 31,

30, 29, 28, 27, 26,

25, 24, 23,

22, 21, 20,

19, 18, 17, 16, 15,

14, 13, 12, 11,

ten, nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.

It seems we've crossed
into the New Year.

- What the hell was that?
- Celebration!

- Oh, God.
- Plus, I get nervous when I talk to the police.

So I figured it if I am wasted, it'll go...
It'll go a bit more smoothly.

And since this is the last conversation
we're having in this Godforsaken city.

- It isn't.
- It truly is.

And as such, there is one order
of business left to discuss.

Let's talk about Amy.

There isn't... There isn't
anything more to talk about.

- I mean, the abortion...
- You need to tell this girl that you love her.

It is so obvious
to everyone except her

and we all kept it quiet in high
school because she was dating Dan.

But she's single now

and fuck, Steve, you guys had
sex, you have to say something.

Listen,
I don't know how she feels

but I can't keep seeing you hurting
because you're keeping this inside.

You shouldn't be in pain every
time you see your best friend.

You just gotta jump off
that cliff.

You have to talk to her.

- Ugh. I am in love with her.
- No shit.

Now, go tell her
before the cops arrive, okay?

Yeah.

- Like now, hop to. Let's go.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a nine and then,
then a one.

[electronic dance music playing

♪ Joy to the world
The Lord is come ♪

♪ Let earth receive her King ♪

First car on scene will
report back on a possible 200 in progress.

Calling all vehicles,
first car on scene will report back...

♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And Heaven and Heaven ♪

♪ And nature sing ♪

♪ Joy to the world
The Lord is come ♪

♪ Let earth receive her ♪

♪ Joy to the world ♪

Oh, you should totally
come to school with me next year.

We make like mixed drinks
in juice boxes.

It is fucking adorable.
It's so cute.

Okay,
this is where we part ways.

Amy, you should come over
to my house.

- Uh, I think I'm just gonna...
- No, no, no, ssh, ssh, my friends and I...

No, Rachel, I think I'm just
gonna head home tonight.

Okay, go home.
Say hi to Steve or Dan.

I don't know because nobody
tells me anything but I am a good friend.

Court, you are my best friend,
right?

I want to hear
about your sisters.

- Doesn't matter to me.
- Tell me about the juice boxes.

Later, Amy.
Come on, tell me about your big.

Amy. Amy...

Oh, my God, Steve,
what the fuck?

I have something
I need to tell you...

No, I don't want to hear it
tonight, seriously.

- Amy, wait, wait, wait.
- Oh, my God, I know, okay.

I know you told Connor
about the pregnancy.

I mean, we weren't going to tell
anyone, let alone him.

I didn't tell him. He stole
my phone and read my texts.

I didn't even know.

Ugh. Fucking, of course, he did.
A fucking asshole!

Did you know
he called me a cunt tonight?

- That's not him.
- Yeah, it is him!

And you want to think he's like
misunderstood or tortured

or whatever Steve
but he is an asshole.

Even he knows it.

Okay, maybe in high school
but I think he's better now.

I think in college,
he's different...

We're not at college.
We are here.

We're supposed to be here.

- Amy.
- What?

- Are you fucking laughing? Are you laughing?
- I can't help it.

That face you make when
you're mad is kind of adorable.

I think it's funny. It's funny.

No, that, listen, Amy, I...
I love that face you make when you're mad.

I do.

And that... And that's what's insane
because you'd think that when you're mad,

that would be like the one time
I couldn't be happy but I am.

I'm just happier
when I'm with you.

And... And then
when you're not mad at me,

it's like, it's even better,
it's, um, like, I don't know.

I... I think, I think,
what I'm trying to tell you,

I think is that no one makes me
feel as happy

or as good or as right as you.

And I should have said something a long
time ago. And I always had excuses.

I should have told you
at Thanksgiving break

or... Or a thousand times in high
school or the moment that I met you.

I don't know if it's the alcohol
or the Christmas spirit

because nobody seems to take
down their fucking decorations

or if it's because I'm pretty sure this
is the last chance I am going to get.

Amy Bruckner,
I am in love with you.

Do you...

I thought we were past
this, I just...

Okay, listen, Steve,
I care about you so much.

But not...

No, but it's not...
You haven't done anything wrong.

And you deserve the best.
I... Shit!

Oh, my God.

Someone called the cops
on Connor's party.

Yeah, that... That was him.

- Have you ever...
- He called the cops on his own party?

I don't get him.

And you knew
and you didn't say anything?

- I... I was coming here.
- But, Steve...

Oh, my God, Steve, our friends are there!
There are drugs!

I mean, people are going
to get in serious trouble

and you could have stopped it
but you had to...

Oh, my God, you know what, I...
I can't do any of this tonight.

I'm drunk and I'm pissed
and I'm going home.

- I don't believe you.
- What?

You can't tell me that this whole
time you've never thought about it?

You and me?

Steve,
what do you mean I can't tell you?

That's exactly
what I'm telling you.

I mean, don't expect me to feel some
way, just because you do.

No, it's not... I did not
expect you to say, yes,

but now that you've said no,
I'm confused.

Uh, at times,
you have given off signals.

What signal, I mean, what... What...
What signs do you think you saw,

wait, I mean, we were,
you know, having fun?

I mean, we're friends.

Well, I don't want to be
just your friend.

Fuck.

- Amy.
- You know what,

I don't think
I want to see you for a while.

- At least until the fifth.
- What?

Did you fucking forget?

I just wasn't thinking
about that.

Must be nice.

Bye.

Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll...
I'll pick you up in just a bit.

Okay, listen, I've been thinking a lot
and I apologize for the other night.

You put yourself out there
and that takes a lot

and I didn't react
as gracefully as I could have.

It's just been...
It's been a tough year for me.

Especially with keeping...
Trying to keep Dan

and I working, finding a place
at school has been hard

and I've just been feeling
really shitty alone and I...

Okay, listen, Steve, I really
suck at talking about this stuff

but I really need you
as a friend right now.

So, what you're... What you're saying is
for now, you need for us to be friends.

I'm saying
you're my best friend.

So, you don't...

- But like maybe at some point, you...
- No.

But you knew?

After the party, you said you
thought that we were past this.

Which means at some point,
you must have realized...

I don't know I might...
God, I know I might have guessed

but I didn't want
to think about it.

Okay. Thank you for apologizing.

You know,
Father Goldwater brought up abortion

during the sermon today.

Oh, really? I wasn't aware Catholics
had an opinion on the matter.

And it was like some throwaway
line during the homily,

- list of things wrong with the world.
- What the fu...

Are you trying to make this
an ethical dilemma?

No, I was... Never mind.

You know what else
Catholics are against?

Gay people. Evolution.

Oh, and pre-marital sex,

which is clearly something
you don't have an issue with.

Sorry I said anything.

But since you brought it up,
why did we do it?

I was fucked up.

- I mean, I was drunk fucked up and I was emotionally fucked up.
- You know what...

I... I know, clearly,
the circumstances under

which it happened
they weren't the greatest

but it did feel like maybe
at some point...

No, it didn't feel like anything.
Oh, my, Steve, can you stop?

Can you just stop taking years
of memories of friendship

and inserting the subtext that you
just wanted to fuck me the whole time?

No, no, God,
it's not what this is.

It.. It... Look, it felt like to
everyone like our friendship was tipping.

Lots and lots and lots of people
throughout the years

always made jokes about like,
"Hey, look, it's Steve and Amy."

What? So lots and lots of people
make jokes

and they comment on it and so
we should do something about it?

- But we should be...
- Maybe they saw something that we weren't seeing.

What the fuck?

That's not how it fucking works, Steve.
I'm not attracted to you.

I mean, fuck... Yeah, you've
been nothing but great to me

but I don't owe you
anything in return,

other than to treat you
like a decent human being.

That's it.
That's all you're owed.

And I gave you so much more than that.
I mean, we were best friends.

We're here.

Hey, real quick before we go in.

Fucking what?

I just feel like we never really
talked about, um, alternatives.

To our friendship?

- No, to the... This.
- No, no, no, no.

Just hear me out. We don't have
to do anything about it.

I... I, uh, just have something
I want to say.

Uh...

What if we put the kid up
for adoption?

I know it wouldn't be easy but let's
just think about it for a second.

I... I could help you with the
pregnancy and the adoption process.

Yeah, yeah, this was a mistake but I think
that if we work together really hard,

you know,
this whole shitty situation,

we could make
something good out of it.

You know,
someone could love this kid

and we could help that happen.

Yeah, we could.

Now, let's go kill it.

You know, it makes me really fucking
uncomfortable when you say shit like that.

Oh, it makes you uncomfortable.

You're only here
to make me comfortable

but you can't even do that.

You kids seem nervous.
Your first time?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Oh, first times always scary
but you get used to it.

Wife and I, fourth, fourth time.

Honey, honey, come here.

Tell these kids
they got nothing to worry about.

Oh! Oh, yeah, the media makes it out
to be this scary thing, abortion.

Don't do that. But it's simple.

You're in, you're out,
you are done.

And there's nothing to be
ashamed of.

No, no, of course, not.

Sweetie,
you should not feel ashamed.

- Now look at us.
- We still have the most loving and honest relationship.

- Yes, we do.
- We just don't want to have kids.

No, we've talked about it,
it's not for us.

- Doesn't mean our marriage isn't great.
- It's great.

No, it's fantastic.
Loving and honest.

- You two ever think about getting married?
- No.

- So, you're just dating?
- That's fine too!

No, no, we're just friends.

- Are we?
- Or I guess we're not even that.

You know, uh,
you may not be friends

but you're going to have
to be friendly.

I mean, if you are getting
an abortion together.

Yeah, that's us.

Just a couple of friendly,
abortion companions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- Amy Bruckner?
- Yeah.

If you'll follow me, please.

- She's gonna be fine.
- Yeah.

So will you. You'll see.

Thanks.

Hey, sorry, sorry.

I waited till the last second
to pack like an idiot.

I'll be down in a minute.

- Hey, can we talk?
- Yeah, what's up?

I just... I feel like we've
been bumming each other out this break.

Maybe, like on New Year's,
we had a tough conversation

but I felt good about us

and we got really excited about
having a fun night out together.

And then suddenly, the fun
just got zapped out of it.

- I don't know what happened, I...
- It's... No, it's...

Like when you
and I started to...

I just think we're just
in different places right now.

And even if we want it to be
like high school again,

it's not going to be
and that's fine.

I mean, it's just natural.

I don't want it
to be like high school.

I want it to be better.

I know what it's like now
to have close female friends

who want to spend time together
and have fun.

I want that for you and me,
like we're college friends.

Well, I don't really have...

Oh, my God, I know
that you're not in a sorority.

I mean, why is that
such a thing with you?

- Is that what this is about?
- No, it's not.

I just... It's not what college
is for me, you know?

I mean, I don't do the big groups and
the going out and getting drunk and...

Oh, yeah? What do you do?

I mean... I do homework.

I watch Netflix.

Uh...

I'm just... I'm alone.

So, mostly, I just work on my fucking
time machine so that I can go back to

when I actually
had control over my life.

- I'm sorry. Look, I honestly...
- It's not on you.

It's...

I'll go back and figure it out
this semester.

I really hope you do.

Let me know if there's any way
I can help you.

Well, my mom's still at work with the
car so I could really use that ride.

Yeah, about that,
so here's the thing.

I wasn't really sure
how this conversation would go.

I thought we might need space
or something,

I called Steve to pick you up

and... And he said he didn't
think that it was a good idea

but I said
that you wanted him to.

I didn't... Is there something
going on between you two?

I'm... I'm sorry. Um look, you're right.
I'll get in my car right now...

No, it's...

I'll deal with it.

Let me just say I am incredibly sorry for my monumentally shitty

and immature behavior

and I understand if you can't
forgive me because...

I didn't tell Rachel
to call you.

I'm gonna call you an Uber.

- I want to drive.
- What?

I haven't driven in a while and I just...
I... I want to drive.

Okay, yeah, I mean,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't even have to come
if you don't want me to.

You could just, well,
I guess I need the car back.

Just get in.

This is really fucked up.

Yeah, what is?

That we're not talking.

That you were so offended

I didn't feel the way
you wanted me to

that you couldn't even be
the bare minimum of a friend.

And it's fucked up that
the best friendship in my life

is based off of me ignoring
how you felt and leading you on

because it was easier then...

...and it's just
really fucked up that we had sex

and had to have an abortion,
so, just everything.

You shouldn't feel bad
about leading me on.

- I read into shit...
- Shut the fuck up, Steve.

You don't get to be a martyr.

You have plenty to feel
bad about, trust me.

Just let me feel bad
about the shit I did.

I am not okay
with how I did this break.

I thought I knew how I would act
in certain situations

that I really didn't
and I am very sorry.

Are we going to be okay?

I'd like to be.

Me, too.

Eventually,
I miss having fun with you.

I want to go back to that but I just...
I don't even know where to begin.

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go ♪

♪ Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtails ring ♪

This isn't even a little bit
of what I meant

when I said having fun with,
Steven.

Oh, really? By "having fun"
you didn't mean

listening to a physical CD of
off-pitch Catholic housewives.

No, especially
while driving through a city

that's renowned
for its lack of cold weather

and precipitation and they're
literally singing about snow.

Actually, I... I think that, uh,
snow means Holy Spirit.

- So, it's a metaphor?
- I mean, it usually is.

I take it back.
This is very fun.

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one horse open sleigh
Hey ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Hey, Jingle bells Jingle
bells Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Should Auld ♪

♪ Acquaintance be forgot ♪

♪ And never brought to mind ♪

♪ Should Auld Acquaintance ♪

♪ Be forgot ♪

♪ And Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ We'll take a cup of kindness
Yet ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ We two have run
About the slopes ♪

♪ And picked the daisies fine ♪

♪ But we've wandered
Many a weary foot ♪

♪ Since Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ We'll take
A cup of kindness yet ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ We'll take
A cup of kindness yet ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪

♪ For Auld Lang Syne ♪