To Be Heard (2010) - full transcript

I’m tired of fearin’

the walk down to the registrar.

Like payin’ your tuition with rolls of quarters

and socks of change isn’t as cool as the flick

of your pencil signing your name on them dotted lines when...

the only lines I’m familiar with are the ones outside the pantry.

I’m tired of feelin’ like who I am

isn’t worth being part of your family portrait.

I’m really tired of having to debate

between dinner and carfare for school.

It’s hard trying to hear the inner you



when your stomach roars.

Floors make out as makeshift beds.

I bet you would look differently at lead-paint poison

if you were 3.

I’m tired of 125th Street being the borderline

between the haves and the have-nots.

Tired of who I am being where I’m from

like somehow my worth isn’t worth...

...shit.

I’m tired. -I’m sick and tired.

I’m tired of being sick and tired of being...

...broke. -...broke.

All right, what do you need?

With division. -Divisions, oh, crap.



8,500 divided by 5.

Let me see.

What was it?

3,500.

I’m the oldest of six.

I have a lot of responsibilities.

I have to be role model for the kids

and I have to help my moms out a lot in the house

’cause she works, and it’s just overwhelming at times.

Why you have to be putting stuff that needs to be recycled

in the garbage?

Oh my God.

I live in a private house, we need to recycle.

You’ll go to jail for not recycling up in here.

Stress me out. -I wouldn’t know that.

Like, all we do is fight,

and I honestly thought that she didn’t love me anymore,

you know, and me being 18 now, it’s even worse

because she thinks I don’t need as much attention

when, in reality, I need a little bit, you know,

even if it’s a hug before I go to sleep at night.

That’ll satisfy me.

I don’t want to be an adult yet.

I’m 18 years old, but I don’t want to be,

you know, without Mommy yet.

This is my neighborhood.

Right now I’m on 173rd and Southern Boulevard,

or like my brother and them like to call it,

the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

This hood is like any other hood.

You got your hustlers, your basketball players,

your rappers, because that’s, like,

the only real way to make money on this block.

Ask any of these kids.

Angel, is $6 an hour money?

Hell no! -Thank you.

When I write a poem, it’s like I’m in somewhere

completely different than right here.

When I’m writing a rhyme, it’s like my exit path,

that’s my get-out-of-jail-free card.

This city ain’t helpin’ us do shit.

They just give us a basketball and a gun and say,

"Either shoot the basket or shoot each other."

I don’t have no special pictures.

I ain’t got no paint.

I ain’t got nothing on this.

This is my bathroom.

I got a tub.

I ain’t got no step-in shower.

It ain’t the size of somebody’s apartment house.

It’s my sister’s room, but, um,

my father’s in there,

wrapped around in a pink cover.

He’s embarrassing me, come on.

Check these signs out.

"Waiting for Mr. Right."

Skeleton. That’s me.

These are the quotes that I did.

All these are quotes

that I had everyone come to my house and give me one.

This one’s one of the best that I’ve got.

"The best way to make your dreams come true

is simply just to wake up."

And I wrote down all my positive traits about myself

and all my negatives.

The worst thing on this is "fear"

because I have the fear that I’m not gonna be anything,

I’ma fear that I might get rejected by someone or a job,

I have a fear that I might not get into college,

I might not make it in life,

I’ma fear that my family will be stuck

in the ghetto forever, you know?

This is the one I’m working hard to get rid of.

Warning: Put your cell phone away for me, please.

Jonathan, don’t hold up the line!

And pull those pants up! What’s the matter with you?

Journal, very important.

Life-and-death situation.

Many killed.

Last week you guys were working on what, autobiographies?

Autobiographies are, in many ways,

the most important bit of writing

that every one of you guys can do.

This class is called Power Writing.

The most simple and basic way you empower yourselves

is through self-awareness.

You’re in this room to teach yourselves

how to be heard in the world.

What’s the motto of this class?

What’s on the back of your T-shirts?

If you don’t learn to write your own life story,

somebody else is gonna write it for you.

This is the first chapter that you’re writing now,

or the first part of the book,

then the rest is gonna be up to you guys

as you walk out into the world.

Um, we’re gonna divide you up into small groups,

put you with one of us, and then we need to hear

your perceptions of your world, okay?

That’s the major function of this class.

The day that I met Roland, Joe, and Amy,

I was like, "Hold on, she’s white in the Bronx."

And then I saw Roland and I thought to myself,

"Who is this Shakespeare-in-the-face dude?"

I didn’t know what to expect from him,

and I was really, really afraid because this was something

that’s so personal to me, like, my poetry

I’ve never expressed to anyone, and now I had a place

that I was supposed to pour my heart out?

I always thought poetry wasn’t cool.

It was about, "Oh, my hearts

and the birds and the butterflies."

I never looked at poetry as a way to escape.

"...And I loved to hear we were going to go see him."

A lot of people in my hood, they’re just worried

about making money, getting an apartment, moving out,

but all I see for myself is bright lights and stages,

and I’m not gonna settle for normal, I mean,

I gotta be extraordinary.

Hello, we need a master.

Little gangster, if you’re gonna play master,

two things have to happen.

The person has to be introduced,

we clap the person in, we clap the person out.

The first poet is Anthony Pittman

with "Infatuation."

I ain’t never have nobody show me

all the things that you done show me,

and the special way I feel when you hold me,

we gonna always be together, baby, that’s what you told me,

and I believe it.

I know this means that I am a bitch,

but... I don’t care, just as long as I’m your bitch,

and just as long as I’m that little niche,

I’ll always make you feel good like a scratch to an itch,

like the cure to the sick,

like whatever else makes you feel better.

See, we belong together like rice and beans,

like neck bones and collard greens,

like ugly people and Halloween...

You already know you’re a great performer,

but this is kinda different coming from you,

the asshole of the group, to actually show

some deep emotions

with some respectable things to say, so it’s kinda new

and I liked it, but, okay, moving on.

It’s not really a class, we’re a family.

They brought us into a little room

with no AC, hot-ass room,

and we realized that we have everything in common.

We grew so much at the same time,

and so we’re all connected in certain ways.

You know, me, Anthony, and Karina.

It’s a tripod, we call it.

It means no matter what happens,

we are gonna be there for each other.

We were meant to do so much better

than just chill on a block and wish we was rappers,

wish we were stars, I’m telling you,

look out for us ’cause we’re gonna be stars.

Remember that time I got naked? -I got the dollar.

I got naked on the train before. You already know that I did.

So what? I got the dollar.

You gonna strip? Go ahead.

Wait till the children-- -Go ahead.

Wait till the children get off the train.

Take it off.

Take it off, take it off!

Take it off!

I’ll give you all my laundry quarters!

Take it off!

Okay, that’s funny.

Tonight, we’re gonna be performing

at the Whitney Museum.

And, like, we haven’t done a public reading

in like a long time,

and I’ve been dying to perform in front of a crowd.

So, starting in February,

Urban Word NYC is very proud

to be hosting the eighth annual

New York City Teen Poetry Slam.

I’m never nervous, I love the attention.

I get on stage and it’s like Heaven.

Make some noise for Anthony Pittman, y’all.

Give it up for Anthony.

Yeah, I’m gonna read something for the ladies real quick.

I love the things you do.

That’s one of the reasons why I can’t take

my eyes or my mind off you.

See, I’m infatuated.

That shit is an emotional roller-coaster.

One day we’re talking about being friends.

The next day we’re talking about shit

that she doesn’t want people to know that we’re talking about.

Make some noise for Karina!

This piece is called "Love."

The shaking of my leg and the trembling of my lip

and the fact that I can’t stop smiling while in your presence.

I mean, I don’t know if this feeling I’m feeling is love yet

because we haven’t been together long enough to say,

but whatever this feeling I’m feeling is...

Aww! -...I like it.

The special way I feel when you hold me,

we gonna always be together, baby,

that’s what you showed me, and I believe it,

’cause I ain’t never have nobody do me like you when I--

I think about you,

’cause just looking at you, I think to myself,

"Your eyes are so dreamy, now come closer and kiss me."

Loving the things you saying, the way that you say them,

feeling the style you portray and the way you portray it,

and the fact that you’re not mine,

goddamn, I hate it, but...

it feels good.

Anthony Pittman, y’all!

Shut the fuck up!

Went out while you were sleeping.

No! -Yes, it did.

This went on in the cellar.

Look, let me see.

My daughter Karina was born

18 years ago on my birthday,

and she’s like my right hand.

She’s like second mom here.

If I’m not here, she’s Mom 2.

Turn off the lights. Why are the lights on?

She’s very outspoken, and I’ve given her that.

You know, I’ve always taught my children

to let me know where I’m failing at,

and I have a problem with accepting it sometimes,

especially when it comes from her,

’cause she know how to get me,

she know how to hit me where it hurts.

Let me go!

Mommy, tell him to let me go.

I’ll behave, Mommy.

Tell him to let me go, I promise.

Don’t leave me.

They say that I was crazy, but the truth is

these walls are what’s doing the trick.

Visiting time was over, and this day, like every day,

I would cry and hold onto her

until my hands were literally ripped off her jacket

and I was forced to sit in my uncle’s lap

until she would walk out that door and, to me,

felt like out of my life.

I look into your eyes

through the three-inch-thick glass window

and see you turn your back again,

but this time, I was expecting it.

I know that a lot of us find it really hard

to write about our families truthfully.

Sometimes there are very terrible things

that need to be said.

It’s a very, very strong piece.

I’m very proud of you. -Thanks.

Okay, it was a great piece.

I have some news

that I literally wanted to slit my wrist when I found out.

My mom is pregnant!

So it’s gonna be seven now. -There is like a thousand kids

in your house, son.

You’re gonna have to sleep in the cupboard.

Go to bed, get in the knife drawer!

Let’s go, let’s go, we have like seven people...

I always tell my kids every year,

as long back as I can remember,

that I really can’t teach them what I know.

It’s taken me my lifetime to know what I know.

But I can teach them how I know,

and then they’re on their own.

I have to understand that these kids are not mine,

and that if I don’t do it, they will be fine.

I don’t want to be their "When Mommy’s not home, you’re Mommy."

I don’t want to be that anymore.

I’m here because I had no place to let that go.

There’s nothing that satisfies my day

than a finished piece of writing and a couple hours here.

Whenever I’m upset at something, I’ll write.

If I can’t write, I’ll turn on some music

and I’ll try to dance.

If I can’t do neither, I’m going nuts.

Karina, this will give you permission to wear your hat

in school all day.

All right. -What’s today, the 3rd?

Yeah.

Then by Monday, I pray that this is gone.

What are you putting on it?

Cocoa butter, cocoa butter and ice.

Let me see it. It looks better today than it was yesterday.

Yeah.

Your mother beat you up?

Where?

Oh, you fucking kidding me?

Who did that to you?

With what?

Last week, Monday, me and my mom

got into a really, really bad fallout.

She got really upset because I spend a lot of time practicing.

She needs to understand that, you know,

I’m always home, I do what you want me to do,

just give me my time.

Every time I would come home, she would pick a fight with me

and it just piled up to the point where I just exploded.

I just packed up some clothes and I left.

I went to school one morning and I didn’t come back.

I ain’t been writing. My moms took my journal.

You mean, all of that drama and you didn’t write it?

You know how strong your poetry gonna be

if you write about this situation?

I couldn’t. I was sitting at the computer

and I couldn’t even start. -Grab a pen and paper...

I can’t do the pen, especially when I’m like this.

Start thinking about all the shit that make you mad

and scream it. -I get frustrated.

Like, a lot of time, my strongest pieces...

I get them in the shower, and as soon as I get out

the shower, I’ll be like, "Yeah, I’m gonna write it down!"

As soon I get out the shower, I forget. What!

I keep my pen and paper with me everywhere.

You should see how wet my paper be.

I be washin’ dishes and writin’ shit.

I’m always writin’.

So when I put the foundation on, you don’t get red on your face.

Okay.

Holy shit, son.

Zenina, look!

It looks so nice now.

I’m gonna cry and mess up my makeup!

You beat me down, beat me down,

beat me down with your mental, emotional, and physical abuse

to the point where I can’t lay my head to rest at night.

Hiding bruised cheekbones and fractured ribs,

covering aching thighs that just remind me

of why they hurt so bad, and yet I remain strong,

but how many more?

How many more fractured ribs and busted lips

will I have to blame on a fight?

How many more, Ma?

They say that if you look over that rainbow,

you would see that there is no place like home.

And I say you’re damn right ’cause

there’s no place I don’t want to be more.

No.

Fine, fine.

I’ll get up.

You guys suck.

Mommy, I’m leaving!

So where are you off to today?

School.

Where you going? -School.

Oh, what time you leaving? -9:30.

As a parent, I have a tendency to look at her

from a different perspective.

I’m a disciplinarian.

I’ve been a single parent for the majority of my life,

and, um,

I would always be the one that had to hold it down,

so I couldn’t always afford to be her friend.

We fight like cats and dogs sometimes.

It’s a loving war, you know.

There’s been, I’m sure, periods of time she couldn’t stand me

and I couldn’t stand her

and we had to go to separate spaces.

There’s only four dollars on this.

Right, but the transfer is automatic, girl.

But what about when I get home?

My mama, wise woman that she was, she said

that children are not children;

they’re adults in training.

And there was no such thing as an afflicted child,

just afflicted parents.

I knew that I wanted to find people who accepted me,

who looked at me, didn’t just see an overweight girl,

who gave me a chance to speak, who understood me as a person.

I needed someone to finally hear me.

So now, on this reading, who’s reading first?

Pearl. -Pearl.

Okay, traditionally, what do we do?

Clap. -Why?

We clap people in. -I like to think

that we clap people in to let them know they’re home,

that you know you’re home.

The first poet up is Pearl Quick

with a piece that’s untitled.

See, you have my soul in the cleaners,

and some things aren’t meant to be cleaned by me.

You had me feeling oh, so dirty

’cause you played my existence in moments

when everything you said had me falsely accused

in fairy tales of, "And they lived happily ever after."

See, I’m in love with a man who ain’t in love with me.

Started telling me through apps and mailboxes and...

"Oh, I’m sorry, I was busy,"

that you and I ain’t never gonna be a "we."

See, when it’s the end and the curtains go down

and the people are now rising out of their chairs,

it’s clear to see who’ll be now left,

with tears streaming down their cheeks and bad reviews

’cause news got out that the shorty who wrote this poem,

see, she was through.

The piece, I felt, was beautiful.

It’s truly about someone who’s actually fed up

of being in love with someone that doesn’t love her back.

You know, Pearl, you’ve grown to a pretty high level

up to a few months ago, and now something--

something else has happened in your work

that I’d never heard before.

What you’re writing about now is much more detailed

and much more refined as you look at what it means

to be in love, to be in pain about that love,

to be frustrated.

I was there for the genesis of this piece, I believe,

and I’m sorry your heart’s broken.

I really am.

Yo, I’ma fuck that nigga up when I see him.

People always say to me, "Well, aren’t you supposed

to keep a distance, and how come you know so much about them,

and why do they know so much about you?"

But, as far as I’m concerned,

that’s why the kids have gone where they’ve gone.

Okay, um, how do you want me to start?

How do you start something like this?

Well, you can say, "As part of my participation

in Power Writing, I have gone with the group

to museums, theater pieces."

I dream of going to Sarah Lawrence.

That’s the only place that I’ve ever wanted to go

since 10th grade, just to know that I’d be in a place

where it’s, like, constant poetry and writing and reading.

Sadly I missed the deadline, so I’ll do my best

at wherever I go and then transfer if I can.

Can I just drop out?

Drop out of what, life? -Yeah.

No, you can’t drop out of life.

Sorry! -I can’t do this.

Honey, you ain’t seen stress if you think this is stress.

It’s stressful!

This ain’t a walk in the park.

This isn’t a dress rehearsal.

This is your life.

You gotta get the hell out of the Bronx.

Huh?

Yes, I know.

I know, I know.

My stepfather left, so there’s no more income

but my sad little paycheck, and my mom’s on welfare,

and they tell her, "If you get a real, paying job,

then we’ll take away your welfare,"

and we can’t pay $1,500 a month--

well, I can’t pay $1,500 a month.

I wanted to get better, I want to move out,

but it helps me take care of my family,

and that’s more important than going away or something

for right now.

Here you go, ma’am. All right. -Thank you.

But maybe in about two years, I can do better

’cause I can’t live there anymore, like,

I love my mom, but, you know,

I really need my own.

What happens if you don’t understand language totally?

It can go right past you. -The ideas go past you.

You are screwed.

You are imprisoned, you are fucked for life

if you don’t get every single vocabulary word.

When you don’t understand a word and you let it go,

you’re just erecting one of those prison bars

right in front of your face.

These are weapons, these are stones, these are rocks.

You have to know how to use ’em

and you have to know how to defend yourself

when people try to use ’em against you.

That’s why we’re teaching vocabulary here,

not because you gotta take some stupid test sometime.

This is a weapon in your life.

Let me try.

Anthony made a decision that he was not gonna continue here

and so that he was not going to graduate from our school,

and that was his decision.

And I just wish that he would grow up,

that he would mature and just get over it.

I’ma just go get my boys and we’re gonna leave.

Anthony. -Anthony.

Look at all of these people, yo,

and I can’t be on campus?

No, this shit pisses me off, yo.

They treat me like I’m a fucking convict or some shit.

I should slap the shit outta Brenda

and give her reason to arrest me.

Don’t.

Anthony, just avoid it all, please.

I’m gonna tell my boy that I’m leaving--

No, you’re not gonna tell your boy anything.

You wanna know why? ’Cause your boy’s not gonna be

riding with you in the back of a fucking police car

when you guys get arrested.

That’s why.

Going over there to tell my boy--

Fine,

So if you’re political enough to write a political poem,

the politics that are in front of you right now say, "Bounce."

You’re not disappointed, you can’t be hurt,

because no one can make you a nigger, no one.

No one can make you a prisoner unless you open for them.

Okay, you know, let it go, man.

There’s lots of other shit we can be angry about.

Look at me, look at my fucking face.

No (unintelligible), bounce.

Okay, ’cause I’m tellin’ you, three of my favorites

left this motherfucker in a police car

’cause that’s the way they wanna do it.

All right, so I’ll see you later then.

I just wanna chill, then we go, come on.

Being in the streets is not a good thing.

I mean, like, my father was like a real, big-time drug dealer,

and like, he got arrested I think 11 years ago,

so I haven’t seen him in, like, 10-11 years.

I don’t know exactly when he comes out.

Like, my family doesn’t really tell me.

They still think I’m a child, so...

If he doesn’t wise up now, Lillian,

he’s not gonna graduate.

It was about us three: me, him, and Pearl.

It was a thing that we had,

that’s why I’m so upset right now.

It has nothing to do with you, nothing, zero.

So how you gonna say he f’ed you over--

Because he knows what plan we had.

It was me, him, and Pearl.

Me, him, and Pearl, we all agreed

that we were gonna be graduatin’ at the same time.

Pearl graduated early, all right, understandable,

but he’s not doing anything.

Well, maybe he’s afraid.

I’m afraid, too, that’s the problem!

Yo, this experience is, I’m scared to death, Lillian.

I know.

I be stressed over it, I be...

I’ve cried over it.

I’m scared too!

He might not be graduating with the tripod,

and that’s just gonna kill me.

Like, seriously.

The next stop is 176th Street.

I was on the roof with a friend of mine,

noticed some guy was asleep up there

and, like, we really didn’t pay no attention,

but like, being like me, I’m an asshole, so like,

I was kinda bothering him a little bit,

but, like, we didn’t wake him up.

Like, my friend Angel came upstairs,

and like, was messing with his bag a little bit,

and like, he thought somebody took his bag,

so he had a knife on him, and during the fight,

I got stabbed once and cut once.

The doctor said an inch deeper

and my lungs would’ve been collapsed.

All night they were telling me I was lucky.

Sometimes I feel like my cup is full,

and being a single parent is like--

I used to hear that back in the day, be like,

"Oh, shut up, you just gotta take care of your kids,"

but now I realize that sometimes

if you’re a two-family household,

being with your husband and both of you back and forth,

it’s like not one person, and in our community,

we tend to think we can be the mother and the dad,

and that’s a myth.

We don’t wanna admit it ’cause we’re strong Black women

and we have to take care of our kids, but it’s bullshit

and I just wish we would just tell our kids,

"No, everyone needs a support system."

I don’t care if it’s two dads, two moms, whatever it is.

You need--you need more than one person.

And I don’t want him to think, you know, I don’t love him

because lately it’s like, "Oh, I’m sick and tired of you,"

and I don’t want him to just get that from me, you know.

He needs to know that I’m frustrated,

and sometimes it makes me feel like a failure, like,

"What the hell are you doin’ wrong?"

It’s like...

I’m blindfolded.

Unable to see the path that I must walk, but...

unable to stop walking.

I wanted to shed my skin

so that I could become a man,

but this cocoon doesn’t have any exit signs.

Seeking the easy way out has given me nothing

but hard times and hard lines to put in my poems,

but sadly, these hard rhymes don’t mean shit to no one but me

because the world doesn’t listen to failures.

So what are you supposed to do

when your five-o’clock shadow arrives at two?

When adolescence never shows up,

and for your own good,

you’re forced to grow up?

Wow, blueberries is really gonna throw me off.

I don’t know, it just tastes kinda weird.

These cheeses are disgusting.

That’s "Fear Factor" food.

"Fear Factor" food!

Stay away from the Gruyère--

Swiss Gruyère cheese.

It’s disgusting.

It’s Pearl Quick with a piece called "Unglued."

Can I just say, on Monday will be my four weeks on a diet?

Can I just say that?

Thank you.

You got me unglued.

See, I’m tricklin’ down train of thought

’cause my body’s in a drop and I’m drawing out of emotion,

asking on bended knee, "How can I finally be set free?"

I’m playing heads or tails with a double-headed coin,

knowin’ I won’t win but secretly hopin’ I’d lose.

See, you mistook me for another happy ending.

See, I haven’t made a name for our so-called beginning.

So drink me full of emptiness

because I am hollow.

I’m lost between him and I,

and I just wanna cop out and give up

and be what I’ve been for the past 18 years:

alone.

I wanna peel my layers back

just so you can see how deep I can get.

Hand you my insecurities hoping you’d know what to do with them

once you get them back, ’cause I’m truly

all out of suggestions.

It was always a great voice.

We always were convinced immediately of your sincerity,

okay, but now you have, um, presence.

Now the full young lady is there, you’re all there.

Well, you’re much more comfortable in your body.

Period. -Yes, I am,

which makes it better. -It does.

I always think of, when I first knew you,

the Pearl that sat at the desk kind of curled into yourself,

who didn’t speak, who didn’t smile,

and...she’s gone.

She was like that? -Ate the bitch.

She be gone, that Pearl is long gone.

Oh, they don’t have Black people, okay, I get it.

You don’t seem to understand

that the world needs you to go to their colleges.

So they can feel diversified? -Yes, that’s right.

They have an obligation to become diversified.

Oh, there he is.

Oh, where, where, where, where, where?

Hi!

Damn tall.

How are you? -I’m good, how are you?

Are you ready for this? -Yeah.

I hope so!

This is a predominantly Jewish school.

As much as I complain about diversity on campus,

once you stop thinking of things as race and class,

you meet wonderful people,

like the people that I live with.

I’m not saying, "Forget where you’re from,"

I’m not saying, "Forget your roots,

forget your family," but a break is necessary

where they smell the fresh air and meet some new people

who will challenge their perceptions of reality.

That’s what they need.

We create this notion that hip hop is

this big, vast, wide thing, and if I can get in on the side,

then I’ll just hide out over here

without having to come through the core,

you dig what I’m saying?

So if it’s cool for me to just tip my foot in

and be hip hop today and be somethin’ else tomorrow,

it really deals with our values and our beliefs,

but more importantly, it deals with stereotypes.

Culture, as a human social construct,

is an opportunity for us to enjoy how other people live

despite not being born

into the same life as those people, you know.

I can put on the clothes of Spanish culture.

I can still enjoy, become part of, and then contribute to.

Interesting.

I guess because I come from the hood,

I feel like we’re always a little skeptical.

You’re a little afraid to let someone

who isn’t born in your situation come into your world

because you’re afraid that, today they wanna be hip hop,

tomorrow they wanna go back to where they came from.

You see, ’cause I can’t leave my hood.

I can’t be down for a day.

You know, you gotta dig deep if you wanna become more

than what you’re born into, you know?

Thank you, I mean, the way you guys

carried yourself in class today, you’re ready.

And you see how confident you were

as opposed to how confident other people were,

you should see that you’re ready,

and don’t ever minimize where you come from

or what you do because at the end,

everybody really trying to be like you.

"In 1845, Henry David Thoreau went to work and live

at Walden Pond where he stayed for two years,

keeping a journal of his thoughts

and his encounters with nature and society,

and published them in the book ’Walden’ in 1854."

"To front only the essential facts of life,

and to see if I could not learn what it had to teach

and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

That’s really tight.

Now, what is this place called?

Wa-- -Wa--

Wa-Wa-- -Walden Pond or some shit.

"Walden."

That’s not no goddamn pond.

Some days when I don’t want to be in someone else’s world,

I write my own because that’s where I was most safe,

and that’s where no one made fun of me,

and that’s where I was treated right,

so whenever I wrote about a girl,

she would be slim and she would be great,

and everyone would love her.

I feel like, for other people, they can mess up,

and Daddy and Mommy will bail them out,

but I don’t have that.

I have to succeed,

or I’m just gonna be what everyone thinks

people in the hood will always amount to be.

And I want to take care of business.

I think it’s time.

I’ve been the same Pearl for the last eight years.

I think it’s time to be just a little bit different,

and I’m, like, working towards a better me.

It’s like we all feel before I get on stage with poetry.

Feel like I’m gonna puke.

I’m afraid!

The last time I did this, nothing went right!

I want to hide under my bed,

if I had an under-bed,

and if I could fit.

I can’t do this, Amy.

Can’t I just work forever instead?

You have to just print everything out,

put it in a folder, and we’re going.

Do you have a check for $65?

I’m already...

Yeah, they gave me Speech, Math, Sociology, Health,

and no English because my test scores

were so high, they didn’t give me no English.

They didn’t give you "no English."

Maybe you could take an English class.

Yeah, I know, right.

It’s all just the first step.

So I want to stay in the CUNY school

for about a year and a half because I wanna qualify

for Sarah Lawrence.

I’m excited, you know.

The lady inside of the orientation room said,

"If you’re doing it for anybody else,

then you’re gonna fail because you have to do it for yourself."

And I know that I’m ready.

This isn’t a political poem.

This isn’t a shout-out or what’s-up or slap-fest

on Hot 97.

But broken sidewalks remind me of simple bodega dreams,

and I wanted to live in the land of the free,

home of the brave.

Now, brave men now lie six feet under

and cowards walk streets spray-painted in gold,

and hip hop played backward says "Army Reserve."

So like I said before, this isn’t a political poem,

just to remind you.

I’m gonna have a heart-to-heart with Anthony today.

So, what do you guys want to say?

What’s your feeling about his state in the world?

It’s a crazy dichotomy.

He is a gifted sort of linguist, you know,

phenomenally creative, observant, um...

You can smell the tragedy building, you know,

it’s kind of, um, a genius level of perception

and an apparent inability to put

the common two-plus-twos together.

I don’t think there’s a fast-solve solution for Ant.

If he were my son, I would send him to the shrink.

I would say,

to tell Anthony that we’re his best shot,

that he has to commit to coming to poetry every Friday,

and we’ll work with him until he’s safe,

outta here, off the street.

Blunts and broads,

life and death,

either survive or don’t.

See, my life is the streets,

where eatin’ grits with sugar is the closest

you’ll ever get to oatmeal, with no seals on cereal bags,

and no seeds in nickel bags,

and no serial numbers on cable boxes, VCRs,

or DVD players,

where every Black man must be a Blood

and every Hispanic male must be a King,

where a race full of kings and queens has been erased

and replaced with thugs and pimps, sluts, and bitches.

So, fuck the blunts and fuck the broads,

and fuck the get-rich-quick bullshit,

and fuck the love shown between me and my niggas

’cause if it isn’t the love shown between me and my peers,

then I ain’t with it, and fuck being a G.

I’ll take my chances being me

’cause even though my life is the streets,

I’d give my life to get off of them.

Thank you.

You know, I’ve never been through shit

that you’ve been through, where you can just slide over--

you can walk over a dead body and be like,

it’s an ordinary day.

So, the fact that you flip it at the end and you tell them,

"Well, you could stay here.

But this is my life, but I don’t want to be here,

you know, and I’m gonna fight hard to get off it,"

so I’m very proud of you.

All right.

The way Pearl said that walking over the dead body

and it just being a regular day,

that’s a reality for most of us,

and for you to actually put it down in writing

is extremely difficult.

I think that piece is hot.

It’s one of the hottest pieces you have.

All of you write poetry

that is personally very powerful.

It means something to you, you all speak your own truths,

and I think Joe and Amy and I are proud

that we can support you in doing that.

Um, what this poem has

is something that I haven’t seen

in that many poems in this room yet,

is the ability to transform other people.

To get to the point where you write a piece

that changes other people’s lives

is really, to me,

the most wonderful accomplishment of power writing.

That’s when you become truly powerful.

There’s still time...

It’s not that I don’t love Anthony.

I do! -I’m just going to tell you,

she calls me every day to find out

if I’ve heard anything.

Yes, because you went MIA.

You scared the shit out of me.

Why she don’t put on--

Why don’t she act like that around me?

Because! -Why do y’all girls do that?

Like, y’all feel so much about a guy

and then y’all don’t show it in front of him.

What type of shit is that?

It’s not that I want him to get a job

’cause that’s, like, you know what I mean?

I loved Anthony before that.

Ain’t enough seats.

All right, come on.

Why are you still trying to treat me

like I’m some nigga that thinks that I’m nothing?

Like, you listen to my poetry,

you listen to me when I talk,

you’re there when I’m down, you’re there when I’m up.

And, like, I finally found a chick

that I wanted to open my heart to again,

and she’s saying I ain’t ready for it.

I don’t want this mess around shit.

Then don’t do it, then you stop it.

Then you stop it. -Thank you!

You get your shit together.

You be the man I’ve always seen you as,

and you become who you want to be.

It’s up to you.

Throughout the whole week,

he won’t do nothing to fuck up.

As soon as we got something to do, he fuck up.

He fuck up all...

Oh my God!

I guess I know him like the back of my hand.

Pshh.

I know what I want in life,

and I’m not moving forward with someone

that’s not with me anyway, you know what I mean?

I know that he’s gonna be a big star one day,

like, he has those qualities, but you’re not there yet.

And he would prefer to be upstairs smoking weed.

That’s not gonna get you a job.

That’s not gonna get you out of your mother’s house.

That’s not gonna get you the shit that you need

in order to get the fuck out.

Oh well.

Pshh.

Why?

She wanted something really cute,

but not too boyish,

so she fell in love with the Noah’s Ark,

and this is his stuff.

Because the lamp and everything is gonna be over there

and the mobile could be over here.

Yeah. Got it.

The baby, you know, is just tiny,

so there’s gonna be...

...so you don’t want nothin’ to fall.

Rockaway onesies.

I mean, who--Rockaway onesies?

Rockaway onesies?

Rockaway infant caps.

I mean, come on now.

With every child that your mother has

or is added to your family,

your heart grows just a little bit bigger

so that you’ll be able to love that person

just as much as you love everyone else.

Hey, even if my mother decides to have another one,

what am I supposed to do?

I’m excited.

This is my little brother. -Oh, yeah.

Another little person I’m gonna have to take care of.

Smile.

His name is David Matthew Batelle

and he’s approximately one day old.

Can you be nice and give him to me now?

Can you wait?

So burp him. -Give me him.

I didn’t say I wouldn’t.

She wants to act like she’s a professional.

You don’t know how to do it.

I’m a mother. -Give me, put him here.

Shit, now you’re about to have it.

Put him here. -See, you’re making me...

Put him here, Mommy, put him there.

Hello. -Just put him here, look.

I’m gonna embarrass you on camera.

What are you doing?

Something you don’t know how to do without me.

No.

That’s not how it goes.

I know. You know everything.

He’s supposed to be enough.

It may be because the stress that my home possesses

causes me to digest the routine verbal abuses

that I get daily, enough to fill

three niggas up at once and drink it down

with a bucket full of responsibilities

that aren’t mine.

God forbid I tell her no.

I hate looking in the mirror and see this beautiful girl

that everyone else sees when I don’t.

I hate the fact that my mother knows

that when she calls me "anorexic"

it hurts my feelings and I cry,

but she does nothing to avoid the situation.

I know that I can’t love someone else

until I love myself first, but I don’t.

I don’t want to hate to have to go home

to this stressful place.

And I eat a fucking bowl of cereal

without thinking about a fucked-up problem in my life

to then lose my appetite.

I want to be able to eat as I please.

But, see, this problem can’t be correct

until I’m pleased with me.

The safe space part of it is, from my point of view,

the most important thing

and that we take that safe space into the world,

and they see that the safety is really within them,

that they can learn to create that safe space

within their own hearts and their own bodies

and their own minds.

And that’s what we want them to do.

Aww.

Congratulations.

Pain in the ass.

Come so I can put this on your lips.

I’m not putting that gloss on my lips.

I don’t like sticky. -Look.

Put a--just put a dab.

I’m gonna punch you in your face

if it’s sticky, so you better run now.

Just put a dab, Karina, that’s Avon, man.

It costs money, eight dollars for a lip gloss.

Don’t you look pretty!

You look so good!

That’s my sister.

It goes on your jacket.

Eat it, dammit. -God, this nigga look like

a pimp today!

Pimp daddy mack up in this mother, woo-wee!

I’m about to cry, don’t play with me.

Oh my God, this is beautiful.

Look at me, daughter.

Shit, that’s a beautiful couple.

Jesus, have mercy.

I got to save these photos.

Put on the jacket, please. -It’s hot.

Why’d you wear the white tie?

It’s supposed to be out a little bit.

Karina, you’re not married.

Stop being so demanding.

It’s supposed to be like that, and put on the jacket

’cause I want you to look nice when we go outside.

It always felt like she wanted me to fail.

I go around her and she’ll be like,

"Aye, what you looking like that for?"

And then she’ll hug me.

And I’ll tell her like always, "Get off me!

You always do this!

You always make me cry."

And then she says to me,

"You’re grown.

Gotta cut the cord."

Karina Sanchez.

But that’s my mom, I learned to accept it.

I’ve learned that I can choose what I want to be around

and what I choose not to.

For the most part, I know who my mother is.

You know...

Love it or shove it, you know?

I had my preliminaries yesterday

and everybody want to bring the cameras today?

Guess who’s in the semifinals?

I’ll fix it later.

Guess who’s in the semifinals?

What? -I’ve got to memorize

that poem

The poem was good when I was reading it,

but after I memorize it, like, it is so different now

and so much stronger.

All right, so this is the semifinal round

of the eighth annual teen poetry slam.

Folks got three minutes to rock the mic.

No props, no costumes, no musical accompaniment.

Just yourself, your body, your words, your voice.

You know, I recently lost my job

and my bills are killing me,

and I watch him sitting here.

And to me, you have to go to work, go to school,

preferably both, but you got to pick something.

You can’t just live here and watch me

provide for everybody.

All right, y’all, put your hands together

right now for Anthony Pittman.

I’m from the show-me state with Anthony right now.

I feel so bad.

I want to be right there with my heels

and my pom-poms, but, ugh, it just really pisses me off

that he’s just kind of waiting around

for the next big poetry gig.

Since when has being locked up become an accomplishment?

We need to stop the nonsense

and become conscious to our surroundings

because if you haven’t noticed yet,

that angry Black man shit is played out.

That angry Black man shit will either get you laid out

or laid up in a room the size of a queen-size mattress

with a metal sink and a metal toilet to piss in,

sleeping in the same room that you shit in.

Fuck what you feel because we are still gonna prosper

because I have been to my mountaintop

and I have had my dream

that the hip-hop generation will gain its respect

by all means necessary.

So, in no particular order, the seven poets going on

to the finals from today are Nicole Lacosta.

Come on up here.

Give it up for Anthony Pittman.

Give it up for Devon the Poet.

Now, the last finalist, give it up for Boylan Gomez.

You know what that is?

You know what that means?

That means I’m a finalist, yo.

Two years ago, I didn’t even make it

past the preliminaries.

This year I’m a finalist, yo.

We got the cam, yo.

I’m proud of you.

Fuck whoever said I wasn’t gonna make it,

including my mom, I ain’t shit.

I ain’t shit?

I’m a fucking finalist.

What she fails to realize is I’m not my father.

I have things going my way.

That’s why I try to sort of--

I try to surround my whole life with poetry.

I try to go everywhere there’s poetry, every time.

If there’s nothing to do,

that means I have to stay in the hood.

I don’t think your mother connects the dot

between powerful words

and being able to do

what you need to do in your life.

The funny thing is,

there’s a strong connection between those two.

I can’t live without poetry.

Poetry is like rehab.

I don’t care what position I’m in

as long as I get to read tonight.

Two years and I’m finally here, yo.

I’m so focused... -Use that! Use that!

No fuck-ups.

I’m gonna go dumb strong.

On one-minute pieces of shit.

Let’s go.

The anxiety is killing me.

But let’s go.

You feel me, right?

I’m just ready to go.

I’m not talking about that cute

"they met and fell in love" blood.

I’m talking about that slave raped six times by the massah,

birthing six mixed babies then were hung blood.

Started kicking as I stood at the end of subway cars,

train swerving back and forth.

I can hear the heartbeats of the people...

After a certain point, if certain things

have happened to you, you stop being afraid.

The closer you get to death,

the less you become afraid of life.

I go for whatever I want now.

Like, if I feel that’s what I want,

that’s what I’m gonna go after

’cause, like, I’m not afraid anymore.

Come on, Anthony!

You’ve got everybody looking at the hip-hop culture

as if we’re a bunch of thugs with our pants below our ass,

but what they’re not recognizing

is the difference between us.

And y’all can see me.

Poetry is my job.

I wear these clothes because I like them,

and the only reason why my pants hang low

is ’cause I’m skinny and my belt doesn’t come

with enough holes.

See, nowadays, every color bandana means something.

And a do-rag in a fitting makes old women grab their purse

so tight that their knuckles turn white.

So fuck being a Blood and fuck being a Crip.

I’m gonna let my words bleed out my pen

until it cripples the perception of the ignorant

because I have been to my mountaintop

and I have had my dreams that the hip-hop generation

will gain its respect by all means necessary.

Shit!

My fucking God!

Oh, shit!

Oh my God.

I need to calm down.

Without further ado, Cain Smith is gonna announce

the top scoring poets.

So, y’all make some noise for Tahani Simone...

Anthony Pittman.

Fucking amazing, yo!

Hey!

Oh my gosh.

Yo, that makes me one of the top ten poets

in all the world.

All over the world.

Are you offering to plead guilty

to the fact that you attempted

to engage in sexual intercourse

with a person who was less than 15 years old?

Yes.

And at that time, you knew that person

was less than 15 years old, is that correct?

No.

You don’t have to, but it’s up to you.

I can say anything that I want?

What do you want to say?

Anthony, we love you.

We want you to know we know a lot of things

that they didn’t know and we love you.

You’ll be all right.

I’m sorry that when I finally got my life together

that it messed up again.

But now that I know that I can get my life together,

when I get out again, I’m gonna change.

That’s it, Your Honor. -Friggin’ bullshit.

The sentence of the court is one and one half years

in state prison and three years

post-release supervision.

That is the sentence of the court.

Yeah.

For me, as a person, I believe you have to have

a moral center, an ethical posture

that essentially begins with the idea

that I want for your child what I want for mine,

and, um, I proceed from that.

In every transaction with my students,

I want for yours what I want for mine.

And, um, given the Darwinian nature of our culture,

I guess at some level, what I’m saying

is I want your child’s chance to survive

and thrive in America to be equal to the chance

that we struggle so hard to provide

for our own children.

Her thighs held fingerprints of a soulless man.

And she’s willing to give up hers

if it will have him stay just a little bit longer.

She is way past numb.

That was a really good take. -Really good?

Let me make a couple of edits, and we’ll listen to it.

Okay.

You gave her a death sentence.

I wish it was me instead of her.

I wish it was me.

I blamed you

and I think I still do.

That was good.

That was really good.

I told you it was hot.

Wrap it up.

Woo-hoo!

This is so cool! -This one is yours.

I know, I’m so excited.

Yeah, I did a really great essay.

I sent in some of my poetry and everything,

so everything should go well.

...Manhattan bound.

Yes, sir.

It’s a really great school for writers and poetry,

and that’s what I am, I’m a writer and a poet.

It’s a liberal arts school.

Yeah, but it’s more for me.

Round tables.

Makes me feel like part of a family.

This is a great day.

I’m so happy.

I’m so excited!

Oh, I did so well.

Amy Sultan!

I’m standing in front of it.

I did it!

I’m so excited, Amy.

It was four in the morning

and she beat the shit out of me.

She made my eye puffy.

My nose was bloody.

I think she busted my lip.

Four in the morning, she didn’t give a shit

where I went.

She told me to leave.

Get out! Get out!

Oh, I want to kill this bitch.

Get out!

That’s all she do is fuck shit.

I’m gonna break your motherfucking habits.

Go ahead, go ahead.

Three days later, I had no more clothes,

so I had to go back to my mother’s house

and pick up some things.

Then, when I go upstairs into the house,

my bags were already packed.

I didn’t know where I was gonna go.

And so I asked Alex if he could help me,

and I just left.

Our living conditions aren’t ideal,

but I don’t have to make no bottles,

I don’t have to change no ass.

I’m pretty good, you know?

This was his closet, just with my touch.

Like...

Piggy bank, that’s how you do it.

I forgive her for a lot of the stuff she’s done to me,

but it doesn’t mean I have to deal with it.

I don’t have to forget either.

You feel almost like cows.

I feel like I’m put out to pasture.

I’m really the property of somebody else.

They strip you of humanity, dignity, everything.

Like, Pearl, it’s always gonna be my conscience.

Karina is always gonna be in my heart.

Do you know how it feels when you get a letter

and she writes "laugh out loud,"

and you can hear her laugh?

That shit kills you.

You can’t just have that shit.

Man, this shit is making me emotional.

I’m gonna cry just talking about

the shit that I miss, like...

...pigeons, I hated the pigeons.

I miss them shits now.

In order for me to prove that I am the man

that I say I am,

I have to do it myself.

I’m strong enough to live through it,

but I’m not made for this shit.

I’m made for much more.

"Dear Pearl, it is with regret

that we are unable to offer you admission

to Sarah Lawrence College."

I hate the "we were not able to admit

all of the talented students who applied."

That’s just so crappy.

They make you seem like, "Oh, you were really great too,

but it just wasn’t enough."

And I always think, I just imagine who they did,

you know, who really did get in.

I’m trying to think of the kind of people

who are better than me, like, no,

I don’t really know anyone.

Like, I’m just, like, my application was so full,

and I’m just so confused,

and they don’t give you a real answer.

You know, yesterday was a bad day.

You know, it’s really hard to know that you can’t go

to your dream school, but I also realize

that I did everything I could.

It just didn’t happen my way, sadly.

For a long time, I didn’t think he even cared

about what I went through.

Then, he writes me a letter and, "I hope you’re serious

about coming up to visit me.

I don’t want anything.

I write to complicate things between us.

Maybe this is how shit is supposed to be.

You found someone that makes you happy,

and even though that person isn’t me,

I wish you the best.

You don’t know how much your letters mean to me.

Thanks for still caring.

Oh, yeah, I quit smoking."

You’re only as strong as your weakest link,

and he, right now, is our weakest link.

And we have to make sure that he’s better

when he comes home because if not,

then how is a tripod gonna stand

with just two legs?

It was hard.

I’m not used to seeing him like that,

you know, and I felt bad.

I mean, in the beginning, I was kind of mad at him,

you know, ’cause he put himself in this situation,

but it’s like why throw salt on a wound, you know?

This is a poem he wrote.

It’s untitled.

And it starts off:

They say dreams are the doorways to future

if you possess the right keys,

but this nigga lost his set.

So, now, his thought bubbles are filled with blank spaces,

and his poetry books are filled with blank pages,

and his voice is left on mute.

No longer a baby boy, he lays before the tombs of men

who made it possible to say the things

he couldn’t say before,

so, now, he speaks with a tongue

that rebels supplied him with.

If you ask him now why he writes,

you’ll have to listen ’cause you won’t hear him speak,

but you could almost hear his pen whispering.

When I first heard of it, I was in Butner, North Carolina,

doing a 15.5-year sentence for conspiracy

to sell and deliver crack cocaine.

So I told him that, you know, once I get out,

I can never bring back the time that we missed,

but I can make it better for the time that we have.

No one never wants to see their child in harm’s way,

but with prayer and faith,

I knew that he’s gonna make it out just fine.

Mr. Pittman, you’re soon to be released from jail.

You have your entire future in front of you,

and it’s my hope that you’ll be able to resolve

and put behind you all of this and continue the good work

that I understand that you have been doing.

And you, from this point onward,

will be the author of your own destiny.

I do truly hope that you are successful,

and I do truly hope never to see you again.

You see it, right?

I don’t want people to judge me for my crime.

I’m not mad that that paper says I am.

I know a whole lot of shit is gonna change between now

and five years from now,

that as long as I’m living my life

the way I want it to be lived and I’m not in trouble,

that’s how I want my life.

Oh my gosh.

Don’t cry.

No reason to cry, I’m here, ya hear?

Shit.

I missed you, Pearl.

In jail, I didn’t want to watch Cops and shit like that.

If you don’t understand how it is to be a Black man

in America, you have no idea

what a tiger feels like in a zoo.

I’ll punch y’all in the face.

I see that look.

We can’t talk about those kind of jokes

for about a year, a year and a half?

Can’t talk about that shit ever because I lost my freedom

’cause some little bitch said some crazy shit.

And I’m gonna call her a little bitch

for the rest of my life.

Give me my jacket.

You’re gonna leave because I said that?

I’m leaving. -Y’all don’t understand

what it feels like to lose your freedom

because somebody else said some crazy shit.

I didn’t expect to hear "it was her fault."

Anthony, you have to own up.

You understand? -I own up every day.

No, but see, just you saying, "Well, it wasn’t my fault.

She looked this age..."

I never said it wasn’t my fault.

I know what I did.

I know what I did,

but the people that I trust the most

can’t see shit from my point of view.

It’s not even seeing it from your point of view.

You just told me... -It’s not seeing it

from your point of view, Anthony.

I’m gonna shut it down right now

so we ain’t got to even talk about this no more.

Just because you’re females, you’re gonna look at it

from the female perspective no matter what.

You got nerve. -You just told me that.

She’s 18 in my mind.

She tells me she’s 18.

You tell me you’re 18 and we have sex,

and I get locked up the next day

because you lied to me,

I was wrong?

It still stands, Anthony. -I was wrong?

The situation could have been avoided.

With us being here, your best friends,

okay, your best friends.

If we were truthful a hundred percent with you

before this shit happened, you should have--

you should have expected us to be

a hundred percent with you now.

I expect it, but I still got to say my piece and...

I know that you’re angry, and I know that, you know,

you’re going through a lot, and I’m not here

to put more pressure on you.

I’m just saying you went in, and we were a tripod,

and you left us out here.

And, yeah, we were angry.

Of course we were angry.

For me, you know what you did?

First time ever, you stood here and you said it.

I’ve never--even in your letters,

you’ve never said it to me, "Pearl, I fucked up."

And that’s the first time you’ve ever said it.

Come on, I’ve got to think about this shit every day.

Every day I know I fucked up.

I wasn’t wrong, but I fucked up.

You’re gonna try to see it from my perspective,

but you never lived through what I just lived through.

You will never understand why I’m as angry as I am.

I was legally a slave for 18 months.

Niggas laughed at my nigga.

This ain’t a joke, this ain’t a game.

I’ve got to do this shit for the rest of my life now,

my nigga.

If I move and don’t tell the police

that I’m a sex offender, I’m going to jail.

I can’t even see the students on Friday, nigga.

My life is completely fucked up

for the rest of my life.

I love you, nigga, always, you know?

You’re crushing my glasses.

There’s a bunch of people who are new here, right?

Raise your hand if this is your very first class.

Okay, one, two, three, four.

Power writing is about taking control of your life

in this world, period.

It’s about using the power that you have

that people absolutely do not want you to use.

Map.

I am so over...

I love this place.

Let’s go look at all the rooms.

Like, I just woke up one day and I just realized

that I just don’t want to die

before I do something great, you know?

I’m not gonna give up.

Smith, Vassar, Sarah Lawrence were the three schools

I wanted to apply to,

and I’m gonna apply to all of them.

I feel like I’m gonna learn something

that I’ve never learned before.

I want everyone who reads my work to start thinking,

"She’s grown up a bit."

I’m gonna do things on my own and help myself

in becoming a better writer.

The object is not to have them become great writers.

Not everybody is gonna be a great poet,

but everybody can become a fuller human being

with more confidence in themself.

And our route into that is through controlling language.

If you don’t control language in this world, you go to jail.

Whether it’s a physical jail or a mental jail

doesn’t really matter.

PO Bronx to area office.

I will not leave the state of New York or any state

to which I am released or transferred

without permission.

Number 11, I will permit my parole officer to visit me

at my residence and/or place of employment.

It’s gonna be a whole lot easier

once I get my own apartment.

Then I’m gonna stay in my house all day.

Yeah, I’m gonna be on the phone a lot,

reading a lot, writing a lot.

I’ll go to work, go to college, and then go home.

My real goal is to have my students pass

the test of life, to have them survive America

at a very special level far beyond near subsistence.

We really hope to produce literate, ethical,

politically motivated students,

people that are gonna be conscious,

people that are not gonna settle

for the way the world is,

but rather use their information

to change the world.

Can I look at it? -Mm-hm.

You sure? -Mm-hm.

Okay. Did you write in it? -Mm-hm.

I gave Tatiana, Imani, and Hector journals.

I strategically gave Hector this journal.

He wrote in the red something he was mad about,

and in the pink he wrote something he was feeling

really lovely about.

Because I’m not home, I kind of lose

lots of precious time with them

and that if I have this, you know,

I kind of keep them close to me.

You want to read one?

Okay. "Sometimes my mom gets mad at me,

but sometimes I can’t take it and so I just start crying.

But my mom says, ’Don’t cry.

What are you crying for?

Nobody did anything to you.’

And I said, ’Because I get nervous a lot.’

Every day I help her out

and make sure that we survive in this world forever."

I know that there’s a lot of things in life,

not even just home, in life that may bother you

and tick you off, and I just want you to know,

like, instead of getting mad about it like you used to,

you can just be like, "You know what?

Know what? Screw you!"

I’m not gonna get mad.

Yeah, don’t get mad, just write.

I live with the hopes of one day

looking into the eyes of my future

and not seeing pain and anguish,

to see a day worth waking for and live a life worth living.

I live to write my own life story,

for no one else knows what it is

to breathe the air that hurts my lungs,

to bear this weight I balance in the space

between my shoulders and eventually become

the woman I’ve always dreamed of being.

I live to connect,

to love, to feel.

I am a poet.

I live to write.

It’s been a long, long time

since I been back around the way.

It’s been a long time

since I been back around the way.

This is eventually gonna be

part of your autobiography.

So anything you feel that this class,

your new family, should know about you,

like, "This is me and these are my struggles.

I want you to hear it."

And just start writing.

As soon as you get those first couple words out,

just let it flow.

It’ll leak after that like a faucet.

Since I been back around the way.

It’s been a long time.

Let it spin, let spin, let it spin.

Long time, long time.

Long time.

Yeah, struck by the luck of the draw.

Real-life preservation, what I’m hustling for.

My name, black thought the definition of raw.

I was born in South Philly on a cement floor.

We had nothing at all, I had to knuckle and brawl.

They swore I’d fall or be another brick in the wall,

another life full of love that lost.

That’s silly, this Philly.

Y’all really ain’t stoppin’ the boy

with the pen like Willie on top of the hall.

Pure soul is what the city’s most popular for.

Hear the tones that will ease you.

Smooth as Bunny Sigler’s soundtrack.

Keepin’ your head boppin’ and all.

And it’s something in the water.

Where I come from

they used to sing it on the corner,

yo, where I come from.

Making somethin’ out of nothin’

because everybody fifty cents away

from a quarter where I come from.

Yeah, the streets ain’t timid, but I feel at home in it.

Gotta see a couple people, I ain’t got at in a minute.

Yeah, you can take a brother out of South Philly,

can’t take it out of him really.

I forever represent it and it’s...

It’s been a long, long time

since I been back around your way.

It’s been a long time

since I been back around your way.

It’s been a long time.

A long time.

Long time.

Live and direct, I don’t need no mic check.

Remember mommy told me, "Peedi, you ain’t write that."

It started in the bathroom taking a dump.

Listening to Ultramagnetic, ego tripping.

You won’t pressure my word,

I’m the urban version of you chump.

Stomped on a different ground, sound second to none.

The synthesizers tweet to improvise your feet.

I calculated every lyric to arrive on a beat.

It’s free, come get high on me.

Before a nine millimeter shell hit my Pelle Pelle in the P.

Yeah, it’s somethin’ in the water though

where I come from.

They used to sing it on the corner though

where I come from.

Making somethin’ out of nothin’

because everybody fifty cents away

from a quarter, yo, where I come from.

It’s just a natural reaction for crack to make it happen.

Let the pen ink sink into the paper of the pad.

Think back when I was younger,

ghetto could have took me under,

but Peedi can’t mess with North Philly, never had.

You don’t know about me, you ain’t stroll my streets.

I look familiar, I feel ya, long time, no see.

Ooh.

It’s been a long, long time

since I been back around the way.

It’s been a long time

since I been back around your way.

It’s been a long time.

A long time.

Long time.