Thirsty (2016) - full transcript
Bullied girly-boy Scott Townsend grows into revered drag queen Thirsty Burlington fighting obstacles along the way only to discover what he really wants is self-acceptance.
* Ain't got no
trouble with my life *
* No foolish dream
to make me cry *
* I'm never frighted
or worried *
* I know I'll always get by
* I heat up
* Heat up
* I cool down
* Cool down
* When something
gets in my way *
* I go around it
* Don't let life get me down
* Gonna take it the
way that I found it *
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me *
- Hey, girlie girl
where you going?
What, you got some dolls?
Ow, mama.
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me, yeah
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* Feel funky, feel good
* Gonna tell ya
* I'm in the neighborhood *
- Take these pants, 50 cents.
Want this dress?
- Hey chicky?
- What?
- Is this the little
faggot that lives
downstairs from you?
- Hey girlie boy,
where you going?
- Hi, Chicky.
- Is this a girl or a boy?
- I don't know,
pull his pants down
let's see what he's got.
- No way I'm touching
that nasty thing.
You'd get cooties for life.
- Oh!
- Shit, this little
faggot plays with dolls.
- Oh, shove it up his ass.
- Nasty ass fag
likes it up the ass.
- Please don't.
- Hey, leave
that boy alone.
- What? That's no
boy it's an it.
* You're freak, you little it
* You know what that means
* You got some
nasty ass things *
* Going on in your jeans
* You ain't no girl
you sure ain't no male *
* You're just a
freaky in betweener *
* Who never gets nailed
* You're freak kid
* You're freaking us out
* You girlie boy, girlie boy
* You got a pansy ass vibe
* From your head to your feet
* Get off our street
* It's you who are the freaks
* He's just a little boy
* Little boy
* You think you're tough guys
* Go pick on someone
* Your own damn size
* You're a freak kid,
you're freaking us out *
* You girlie boy
* You look like an it
from your head to your feet *
* Get off our street
* You're a freak kid
* You're freaking us out
* You girlie boy
* Got a pansy ass vibe
from your head to your feet *
* Get off our street *
- Scottie, what are
you doing in there.
You're not messing with
my pills again, are you?
I have to take these,
doctor's orders.
Oh my god, what did you do?
You cut your beautiful hair.
- I don't wanna
look like a girl.
- Oh, my poor baby.
Oh, my god, your eyelashes, too.
All right, I will
fix it for you.
- It's okay mom, now I
look more like Jimmy,
you know, before he
got sick and died.
- Scottie, you are perfect.
You are my perfect
little boy, hmm?
- Okay boy, now
get up under there
and clean the bottom.
- I don't want to, dad,
it's too small down there.
- Too small, are you
fucking kidding me boy?
I bet a little sissy boy like
you'd fit under there easy.
- I don't want to.
- He don't wanna, now
you're gonna clean it
with a toothbrush.
When I was in the
service I cleaned
the whole latrine
with a toothbrush.
It made a man outta me.
Carol, Carol.
Fetch me a toothbrush,
I'm gonna make
a man outta Scottie here.
- You don't wanna ruin
a nice, new toothbrush
on a dirty old car.
- Well Scott, you've been
with us for a whole week now.
How do you like it here?
- It's good.
- Uh-huh, I'm sure you
wanna go home soon.
- Oh, no, no, no I
really like it here.
- What do you like about it?
- Well, the nurses
are real nice.
I like the way the sheets smell
and everything is so clean.
I like the food--
- We need to talk a little
bit about why you're here.
It's a very lovely decoration.
Is it American Indian?
- It's supposed to
be but it's probably
made in Taiwan.
- Must be pretty special to you.
- Nah, I just like
the way it looks.
My dad gave it to me.
He's part Cherokee
and part Black Foot
and some other tribe.
- You went to
visit him recently.
- Yeah, but I hated it there.
He's so big and mean
and he drinks too much.
- Scott, you mother told us
that you threatened
to kill yourself.
- I didn't mean it.
- When a child threatens
to hurt himself
we adults have to take
it very seriously.
What made you feel like you
had to hurt yourself, Scott?
Was it something that
happened during the break in?
- Nothing happened, it's
I just told Doris my mom
that I'd kill myself if
she didn't stop drinking
and, you know, taking pills.
- Why do you call
your mother Doris?
- 'Cause that's her name.
- You love your mother
very much, don't you?
- Yeah, she's kind of
like my best friend.
I just get scared sometimes
that something bad
will happen to her.
That's why I said that.
- We really can't
send you home Scott
until we know that you're
going to be safe there.
- I feel safe here.
- I'm glad to hear that.
And, we certainly
want you to feel safe
when you get home.
- You know, I don't
feel that safe.
I do think about killing
myself sometimes.
I don't think you
should send me home
I wouldn't be safe there.
- Hey, hi Scott how's lunch?
- Great.
- Good.
- Hi Katie, do you
wanna watch TV?
Oh, the Robins Family
Singers, I love them.
- I wanted to change my
hairdo for our final number
but I didn't have time.
Barry kept hogging the mirror.
- A guy's gotta look good
for his fans, Janine.
- But Barry, I'm supposed
to be the pretty one.
- I thought we agreed
you were the brains
and I was the beauty.
- You got it wrong, Barry.
I'm the brains and the beauty.
- You've got brains,
beauty, and a lot of soul.
Let's sing it.
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* Let it shine, let
it shine, let it shine *
* Let it shine, let it
shine, let it shine *
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* Let it shine, let
it shine, let it shine *
* Everywhere I go I'm
gonna let it shine *
* Everywhere I go I'm
gonna let it shine *
* Everywhere I go I'm
gonna let it shine *
* Let it shine, let it
shine, let it shine *
- Uncle Gene.
- Callie baby, come here.
How's my girl, hmm?
So, where's the gang?
- Mom's in the living
room with Scottie.
- Where's your sister?
- I think she went
somewhere with Anthony.
- Really?
I thought we told her
not to hang with him.
Hmm?
- Hey Uncle Gene.
- Hey.
- Look what I made you.
- Oh,
Mister man.
That is the most beautiful
picture I have ever seen
and I'm gonna hang
it in my bedroom
where I can see as soon
as wake up everyday.
- Gene you want a drink?
Callie, fix Uncle
Gene a screwdriver.
- Whoa, no thanks sis.
Cathy's expecting me home.
I just dripped by to
have a little chat
with this little man.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Come here, have a seat.
Now listen mister man
I'm performing next Friday
for the Jerry Lewis benefit.
- Wow.
- And, I thought I'd
take you with me.
You know that little
routine I taught you?
How'd you like to
perform it with me?
- Oh boy.
- And, I think, I think
we can persuade them
to let you sing a
solo all by yourself.
What do you say?
- Yes, yes, yes.
- That is wonderful.
- Oh boy, I can't wait.
- Scottie, Scottie
what song do you think
you'd like to sing?
- The one by Captain
and Tennille.
- He loves that song.
He always drives
us nuts singing it.
- Which one do you mean?
* I never wanted, I never wanted
* To touch a man
* The way that I
wanna touch you*
- Well, that's kind of a song
for a female vocalist, hmm?
Can you think another one?
- Well, he
does love that song.
- Well, here's the thing
mister, now we don't want
anyone to think you're funny.
You know, trying to be funny
singing a song like that.
- Hey, Uncle Gene, why
don't you change the lyrics?
- Hmm, hmm.
* I never wanted
to touch a girl.
Could you sing it
like that, Scottie?
- He can sing anything.
- You bet I can.
- Come here.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
We really appreciate that.
Now, ladies and
gentleman I hope you
brought your checkbooks
because tonight,
tonight we gotta priceless
act to lay on you.
Please give a real warm
welcome to my nephew,
little Scottie Townsend.
* Come on over here Mister Man
* Now don't be shy, you hear
* Mister Man
* You're so young
and dear Mister Man *
* You've got to be sincere
* Mister Man
* There's nothing that I fear
* Uncle Gene
* I love the life you lead
* Uncle Gene
* I wanna dance and sing
* Uncle Gene
* And want to be on the screen
* Uncle Gene
Come here, take a bow, come on.
Take another bow.
Wasn't this kiddo great?
- Wonderful, wonderful darling.
- Would you like to
see the kid do another
all by himself, huh?
Hit it.
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to touch a girl *
* The way that I
want to touch you *
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to love a girl *
* The way that I
want to love you *
* You are sunshine
* You are shadows
* You are morning
* You are night
* You are hard times
* You are good times
* You are darkness
* You are light
* I never wanted
* I never wanted to
touch a man *
* That I way that
I wanna touch you *
* I never wanted
* I never wanted to love a man
* The way that I
wanna love you **
- Oops, give mister
man, Scottie Townsend,
a round of applause, huh?
Come on mister man,
you've gotta take a bow.
- Scottie, look at me.
You were wonderful.
- No.
- You were wonderful.
Come here, come here.
- I'm so sorry, I thought
this was the men's bathroom.
- This is totally vomitaceous.
- Is that even a real word?
- All I know is I'd
rather torch this thing
than paint it.
- I don't know, I think it's
kind of sweet, you know?
Let's just hope no one in
the audience has diabetes.
Yeah.
- It's Moonie and
Junie, perfect.
- Give the people
what they want.
- Kids, can you wrap
it up for a while?
Laura needs to practice
her big number.
- Got a little paint on ya.
- Yes.
* I don't know how to love him
* I don't see why he moves me
* He's a man
- I'm sorry Miss Freeman,
I guess I just need
to practice a little more.
- Laura, maybe this song is
a little ambitious for you.
Mister Malone is there
a less challenging
song you could recommend?
- But, I really
wanna sing this song.
It's my mother's favorite.
- She just has to watch the
pauses and where she breathes.
It's not that hard.
- What's your name?
- Scott.
- Are you a singer?
- I sang with my Uncle Gene
a few times with his band
the Top Dogs.
We did like fund
raisers and parties.
- Maybe he should sing the song.
- Very funny.
- Well, maybe he could show me.
- Do you know the song, Scott?
- You bet I do.
It's Jesus Christ Superstar.
My mom bought me the
record, it's so good.
- Come on, show us
how you can sing it.
- I don't think
that is a good idea.
- How's the key.
- Can I have it lower.
- A little bit more.
- That's better, thank you.
* I don't know how
* to love him
* What to do, how to move him
* I've been changed
* Yes, really changed
* In these past few days
* When I've seen myself
* I seem like someone else
* I don't know
how to take this *
* I don't see why he moves me
* He's a man
* He's just a man
* And I've had so
many men before *
* In very many ways
* He's just one boy
* Should I bring him down
* Should I scream and shout
* Should I speak of love
* Let my feelings out
* I never thought
I'd come to this *
* What's it all about
- He's fantastic, isn't he?
- I could never sing like that,
but thank you, you're amazing.
- For our Fall production
I am going to look for
a musical with a strong
male lead just for you.
- Wow.
- Just for you.
- Thanks Tasha.
- Do your Michael thing.
- Yeah, go on do it.
- Do it.
- I can't, I can't do it
in front of everybody.
- Who Chicky? I'll
kick his fucking ass.
Move it or we'll kick
your ass motherfucker.
- I'll fuck you up, bitch.
- Go on, girlfriend.
- Can I have a
beat or something.
Okay.
- Come on.
- Woo.
- Come on.
- He's got a thing,
do that thing.
- Woo.
- Keep it girlfriend.
- Jump in.
- Cher was absolutely divine.
I mean, that girl
can do anything.
- The woman is a living goddess.
- And, did you see
her in Silkwood?
I mean, she made a pretty
convincing lesbian.
- No she didn't her
pants were too high
and her hair was all wrong.
It must have killed her
to get rid of her nails.
- Oh, I doubt that,
she's a serious actress.
- Well, she's got that
deadpan comic thing down.
"Charlotte, I know you're
planning a celibate life
"but with half my chromosomes
I think it's gonna be tough."
- Oh, my god, you
sound just like Cher.
- Thank you, I can
sing like her, too.
- Oh?
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Wanna to feel
you close to me *
You could make a ton of
money impersonating her.
- I probably could, right?
And, I could use the
money because Christopher
is a total cheapskate.
- Oh my god, Scott,
I've got a great idea.
I have to go to P-town
tomorrow and my friend Richie
runs a drag show up
there so come with me
and maybe you could
audition for him.
- Well, Christopher's
got a gallery show
in New York tomorrow.
He'd probably freak if
he knew I was auditioning
for a drag show, but what he
don't know won't hurt 'em.
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Wanna feel you close to me
* Take me home
* Take me home
- Dominic, what's
going on my friend?
How's everything?
- Excellent.
- Oh my god, yo, who's
your adorable friend?
- Oh, he's not just
my friend he's a star.
- He's got a nice build,
and his face is lovely, too.
- And, you should hear him sing.
He sounds exactly like Cher.
- Come on mister man,
give a girl a chance.
- How's it going, hun?
- Oh, I don't know, Richie.
- I'm in costume now, you
refer to me as Raquel Rich.
- Charlene, au chante.
- How do you prevent this thing
from going up your butt crack?
- You can prevent it.
Just relax and
enjoy it, sweetie.
- You know, you're
lucky I have a soft spot
for a damsel in distress.
It's usually not my policy
to lend out my costumes
to other girls.
- Well, she certainly
can't wear mine.
Her skinny little ass
would get lost in this.
- You know, this
really is an art form.
It's not just about
putting on a dress
or wearing fake boobs.
Getting a musical number
right can take months.
- But, Scott sings like Cher.
He's not a lip syncer like
most girls in the business.
That gives him a
leg up right there.
- And, don't forget
your costume.
We're visual artists as much
as we're musical performers.
- Well, I'm kinda screwed there.
This was kind of last minute.
- Girlfriend, you
got your drag mother
and your fairy godmothers
here to help you out.
* How can you perform
* Without a costume at all
* You're already cute
* But we need to
make you a doll *
* A little bit of blush
* Will go a long, long way
* You need to wow the crowd
* And give them
something to say *
* We're putting you together
* Gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask where
you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag,
wig, and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage and the lights
* Take this necklace
and these hoops *
* You're coming
together my dear *
* Apply some lipstick
and some liner *
* Now look in the mirror
* Now don't
forget your falsies *
* And to hold in your gut
* You'll need to
have some attitude *
* And learn how to strut
* Putting you together
* Gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask
where you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag,
wig, and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage and the lights
* It's not just how you look
* Or giving a whole
lot of sass *
* If you wanna turn some heads
* Your whole package
has to pass *
* It's not just what you say
* Or who you imitate
* To become a queen
and really great *
* Is much more inane
* Putting you together
* We're gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask where
you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag, wig,
and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage
and the lights **
- I look fantabulous.
- You look just like her.
- Performing for the very
first time ever,
Thirsty Burlington.
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Wanna feel you close to me
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Oh baby,
let's get out of here *
* I'll follow you anywhere
* Your place or mine
* Just a one night affair
* Would be so fine
* I'm in heaven
* Seems like heaven
* So much in heaven
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Oh, wanna be close to me
* Take me home
* Take me home
* With you is where I wanna be
* Wrapped in your love tonight
* Just making love
* Music and candlelight
* Stars above
* I'm in heaven
* Seems like heaven
* So much in heaven
* Take me home
* Take me home with you
* Take me home
* With you is where I wanna be
* Home with you
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Take me home *
- Thank you, thank you.
- Hey Thirsty, so it seems
like they enjoyed you.
How would you like to
join the show full time?
Say we'll start you
off at $40 per show.
But, if it seems like
you're bringing in bodies
we'll give you 5% of the house.
- I'm your girl.
- All right.
- Scottie, Scottie put
these away for me, will ya?
- Okay mom.
- Oh boy am I thirsty.
What did you do?
- I didn't do anything.
- I'm thirsty, what did
you mess with my drink for?
Geez.
You are like a little
one man vice squad.
I had a long, hard day
at work I just want
one lousy little drink.
Is that too much to ask? Hmm?
What in hell is your problem?
- I don't want you to drink.
- You threw out my vodka?
Do you know how much
this stuff costs?
What do you think
I am a millionaire.
- I don't like you
when you drink.
You're like a mean, ugly witch.
- That is a very
mean thing to say,
that is not a nice thing
to say to your mother.
Where are the?
- I flushed your pills.
- I could hit you,
I'm so angry at you.
The doctor gave me those pills.
You know that, I need
them to be able to sleep.
How am I gonna sleep?
And now, I have to
find another doctor.
- If you do I'll kill myself.
- Scottie, you're
only 11 years old.
How could you say
something like that?
Why would you say
something like that?
- I need you to
stop for me, mom.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay, I'm sorry.
Come on.
- Hurry up, Mabel.
- Slow down Gertrude.
Hey mom, Gertrude, can we
have hamburgers for dinner?
- Are you kidding, I don't
get paid till next week.
We gotta cut corners.
- Mom, that's stealing.
- Shh.
- I'm gonna tell on You.
- Hey, what are you, the fuzz?
I am paying for
most of this stuff.
Geez Mabel, I can't
take you anywhere.
- You're crazy, Gertrude.
- You try bringing up
three kids on your own.
- Ow.
- Come on.
- You're still a robber.
- Just keep your
trap shut, Mabel
and I'll buy you a candy bar.
- Oh, what a pretty
little girl you have.
- Thank you.
Actually, he's a boy.
- Of course, you can
hardly tell anymore.
The total's 19.35.
- There's 25,
35.
- Thank you.
What's your name, handsome?
- Mabel.
Mom, take me with you.
- Can't, gotta stay here.
- Why? Why can't I come?
- 'Cause I have errands
to run by myself.
- Are you going to buy drugs?
- That is a terrible
thing to say.
What do you think I'm a junkie?
- I'm scared being home alone.
- Well, you should
have thought of that
before you decided to
stay home from school.
- You said I could.
Come on, mom.
I wanna come.
- Can't my big bog
stay at home by himself
for a couple of hours, huh?
I'm gonna, oh, I will
be home by three.
If I'm late your sisters will
be back by then, all right?
- I have a little
shadow, me.
And, what can be the use of
him is more than I can see.
- Does this dress
make me look fat?
It makes you look
a little hippie,
but we can even that out if
we make your hair fuller.
- Have
you got any smokes?
- No.
- I thought you didn't have any.
You lying motherfucker.
- I am sorry, Chicky.
I think Jeanie's got
some in her room.
I can go get them
for you if you want.
- Give me your money.
- I don't have any.
- Got anything else?
Fucking coupons?
- Please Chicky, I
won't tell anyone.
Please don't.
- Shut up.
Fuck.
God damn it.
- I need to go to the bathroom.
- Get back here
you little freak.
You better help
me find something
or I will fuck you up, hmm?
- You can take the TV,
but you better hurry.
My mom's gonna be home soon.
- Oh, I want your
mom to come back
'cause when she gets
home I'm gonna rape her.
How would you like to watch
me rape your mom, hmm?
- I gotta go to the bathroom,
I have to go real bad.
- Don't think you're gonna
sneak out the window, either
'cause I'm going
in there with you.
Let's go freak, let's see it.
What's the hold up.
Motherfucker.
- Please.
- Come here freak.
- Please, please Chicky don't.
No, no please, please
Chicky don't, don't.
- Scottie, Scottie?
Scottie, what happened.
Scottie, tell mama
what happened.
Are you okay sweetie.
- A man came in,
he stole the TV.
- What man, Scottie, what man?
Somebody from the houses?
Was it, did he hurt you?
- No, no he stole my chain
and he was just so scary.
- Oh Scottie, he
didn't hurt you?
- I'm so scared
mom, I'm so scared.
- Shh.
- Callie, thank God you're here.
- How is she?
- She's getting pretty bad.
She thinks there's bugs
crawling all over her.
- There probably
are bugs crawling on her.
This place is a mess.
- It's always been a mess.
Scott has a party
to go to and so do I
so could you--
- It's mom's
birthday, she's dying.
How could you even
think of going out?
- Because Callie, we're
here all the time.
We help her in the
shower, we help her
go to the bathroom.
- We give her her meds.
- Everyday.
- Scott can go, but
Janie you made your bed
now lie in it.
- Well fuck it, if that's
how you're gonna be
I'll just bring the party here.
- Callie, thank you.
I just need a break.
I'm using your liner,
okay, the blue stuff.
- Thought you didn't
wanna look like a girl.
- It's a Halloween party.
- You're leaving me
alone on my birthday?
That's not fair.
- Come on ma, I'm
with you all the time.
Can I just have a
little fun for myself?
- Scottie, fix me a
screwdriver, will ya,
for my birthday?
- Come on ma, you
know it's not gonna
mix with your meds.
- Oh, look at me.
I'm at the end now
what does it matter?
- How do I look?
- Beautiful, like
a million bucks.
- Hey ma, what would
you say if I told you
I was gay?
- I'd say I didn't wanna know.
- All right, you want
that screwdriver?
I'll go make you one.
- I can't drink that, Scottie.
- Why not?
- I've gotta pee.
- Mom, okay I'll help
you, I'll help you.
- Okay, okay, okay I
can take it from here.
- Okay, I'll wait outside.
- Uh, is this the
party? Okay, thanks.
* I see you again and
I trip to discover
* Love is where you are
- Yeah, give me a little blow.
* It's always here
in the daylight *
* It's always here in the sky
* You, you, you, you, you boy
* No matter where we are
* Waiting for the
moment we can move *
* Waiting for you and me *
- Boy, am I thirsty.
Isn't there anything
non-alcoholic.
- Why
wouldn't you want alcohol?
- My parents are
hardcore alcoholics.
So, I guess not drinking
is my form of rebellion.
- My parents are teetotalers.
I guess it's all
starting to make sense.
- I'm Scott.
- Christopher.
We've met, I think.
You're Dominic's friend.
- We went to hair school
together, but he dropped out.
- So, you're a gay hair dresser?
- Uh-huh.
- Now I've heard everything.
- Oh, I get it. I'm a cliche.
Guilty as charged.
Well, what do you do?
- I'm a painter of
canvases not houses.
- Well, that's impressive.
- Which is a glorified way
of saying that I wait tables.
In short, I'm a cliche, too.
- Well how come
you're not dressed up.
I mean they did specify like
come as your inner diva.
- Frankly, the whole drag.
- Hey.
I don't think she
likes me very much.
- Frankly, the whole drag
thing leaves me cold.
- Me too, me too.
I get enough grief for
looking so feminine
without playing it up,
but it's Halloween.
- No, I like feminine guys.
I just don't like guys
who wish they were girls.
I'm a man, I like being
a man and I like men
who like to be men.
- Well, I'm a man who likes
men who like to be men
and to be with men.
- Can you say that
three times fast?
- Then, I'd probably have
to do some major coke first.
- So, you do do coke.
- Yeah, well, I
mean, I would try it.
- Where'd
you get that dress?
- It's my mom's.
- You're wearing
your mother's dress?
- Mm-hmm, I know,
I know paging Doctor Freud?
- It's a little Tony Perkins.
So, is she still around?
- Yes and no.
Oh man, you're gonna think
I'm a complete shit head
but she's at home dying of
cancer and I'm out partying
and it's her birthday.
- Do you want me to give you
a little piece of advice?
- Sure.
- Shut up about your mother.
* If I could turn back time
* If I could find a way
* I'd take back those
words that'll hurt you *
* And you'd stay
* I don't know why I
did those things I did *
* I don't why I said
the things I said *
* Pride's like a knife
it can cut deep inside *
* Words are like weapons
they wound sometimes *
* I didn't want to see you go
* I know I made you cry
* But baby if I
could turn back time *
* If I could find a way
* I'd take back those
words that'll hurt you *
* And you'd stay
* If I could reach the stars
* I'd give them all to you
* Then you'd love me, love me
* Like you used to do
* My world was shattered
* I was torn apart
* Like someone took a knife
* And drove it
deep in my heart *
* You walked out that door
* I swore that I didn't care
* But I lost
everything darling *
* Then and there
* Too strong to
tell you I was sorry *
* Too proud to tell
you I was wrong *
* I know that I was blind
* But baby if I
could turn back time *
* If I could find a way
* I'd take back those
words that'll hurt you *
* And you'd stay
* If I could reach the stars
* I'd give them all to you
* Then you'd love me, love me
* Like you used to do *
- Hello Doris.
- Wow, it was like a
simultaneous orgasm.
- Yeah, we're like
total soul mates.
- I know.
- Tina?
- Your parents are home.
- Tina.
- Just a minute, mom.
- Tina, open this door.
Who's this?
- Hi, I'm Scott. It's
nice to meet you.
- This is my friend from school.
- Scott, Scott it's
nice to meet you.
- I'll just leave you
two kids alone then.
It's a boy, she's with a boy.
- Dude, hurry up I
gotta take a serious dump.
- That's a
guy in front of me.
- No way, that's a chick.
- No, it's too
tall to be a chick.
It's a homo.
- Maybe he'll use
the ladies room.
- He better not leave any
AIDS germs on that seat
'cause if he does
I'll kick his ass.
- This clean up guy
better not drop his mop.
- Thirsty?
- Yeah?
- I mean it this
time, 20 minutes.
- I'm on it.
I'm on it.
What are you doing here?
- I'm here to see you.
- You mean you're
here to pick a fight.
Christopher, I really don't
have time for this right now.
Catch me after the show.
- I came here to see you.
I need to see you just like this
so that I know I'm
doing the right thing.
- So, you're leaving me again?
Oh, that's just wonderful,
that's just great.
Have yourself a ball, have
yourself lots of balls.
You know where I'll be
if you change your mind.
- You never gave
a shit about me.
You just liked me for the sex.
- And, what
were you in it for?
- I wanted a real
relationship with a real man
not a drag queen.
- Christopher, I'm not
gonna argue about this
over and over again.
This is my job.
I do not hassle you
for being a waiter.
- I'm an artist.
- Yeah, so am I.
- You are not an artist,
you are a fake cunt.
That is all you are, wearing
a stupid Halloween costume.
You're pathetic.
- If that's how you see
things I'm not gonna
argue with you, but you
need to get the fuck
out of here because I'm
gonna kick your ass.
- You're not man
enough to kick my ass.
If I wanted to fuck something
that looked like that
it might as well have a pussy.
- I'm not a something,
I'm not an it.
I am a man, I'm a real man.
- Then man up, man the fuck up.
* When you meet a boy
* That you like a lot
* And you fall in love
* But he loves you not
* If a flame should start
* As you hold him near
* Better keep your heart
* Out of danger, dear
* For the way of love
* Is a way of woe
* And the day may come
* When you'll see him go
* But, what will ya do
* When he sets you free
* Just the way that you
* Said goodbye to me
* When you meet a boy
* That you like a lot
* And you fall in love
* But he loves you not
* If a flame should start
* As you hold that boy dear
* Better keep your
little itty bitty heart *
* Keep it out of danger, dear
* For the way of love
* Is a way of woe
* And the day may come
* When you'll see him go
* But, what will ya do
* When he sets you free
* Just the way that you
* Said goodbye to me
* That's the way of love
* The way of love *
- Hi Patrick.
- Hi guys.
- Bye, kisses.
Night guys.
- Call me.
- Bye darling.
- Bye.
- Yeah, I have
in the morning.
- I'm scared, I wanna go home.
- Hey, hey, hey it's
okay mister man.
You're safe here, don't you see?
You're one of us.
- Scottie, cutie,
oh don't worry baby.
I'm here now.
Let's play hide and seek, Mabel.
- Sure Gertrude.
- Man up, freak.
- Well, good morning sunshine.
- What happened?
Where am I?
- You're at my place.
You may not know this
about me but I am Patrick
the patron saint of
people who pass out
at the bar and who's
"friends" ditch them.
- I need better friends.
- No shit, how
'bout I whip you up
a nice, big breakfast?
- Well, I never say no
to a man with a whip.
- Okay, but I gotta warn
you people eat my cooking
they tend to stick
around for more.
- Well, maybe I will.
- Toby, slow down you are
scaring the shit out of me.
- Don't be such a prima donna.
- Of course he's being a
prima donna, we all are.
What are you supposed
to be, Rambo?
- When you cross Dick Cheney
with Thirsty Burlington
that's what you get.
- Come on guys, we're
visiting my father,
you know how freaky
that is for me.
- Does your dad know
what you do for a living?
- That you're gay?
- Yeah, he knows all about me.
And, he's cool with it, at
least I think so anyway.
Maybe when we get
there he'll throw us
into the shed and let
the local rednecks
have their way with us.
- Yipes, makes you wanna run
for the nearest blue state.
- Listen, I'm just
glad to be off the road
for a few days and
stay in a bed for free.
- Yeah, that'll
be a good change.
- I can't believe
Milty stiffed us.
We'll be lucky if we
break even on this tour.
- What's your dad like?
- Well, the few times
I visited him he was
really scary, I mean
he was a mean drunk.
But, he stopped drinking
about 10 years ago.
And, you know what I noticed?
- That he's a woman,
you're secretly
a lesbian love child.
- No, he's kind of boring.
I mean, the few times
we've talked on the phone
we have absolutely nothing
to say to each other.
- Sounds like it's
gonna be a fun visit.
- Hey, I was wondering
when you boys
would finally come rolling in.
Come here.
What, you didn't think
your old man could
lift you anymore?
- I don't know.
- Make yourselves at home.
I'll be getting something
to wet your whistle.
- Thanks.
- Bambi.
- Run Bambi,
faster, man in the forest, pow.
- Now, sit down.
- Sorry, I can't help you
boys to something stronger
but you know.
- I know.
- Oh, a weapon of
mass destruction.
- Nah, don't mind that
son, that's a Beretta
FS 92, semi automatic.
It's a real beauty.
- Nice.
- Well, if you boys
like tomorrow morning
I'll take you to the shooting
range before they open
and you can see where I work.
We can have ourselves some fun.
- Swell.
- Am I holding this right?
- Okay, spread your feet
shoulder width apart.
- Like this?
- Yep, yep.
Turn your left foot
at a 45 degrees angle
to your line of your target.
There you go.
Bend your knees slightly, lean
forward on your right leg.
- If you had taught me this
when I was a little kid
maybe I wouldn't
have grown up gay.
- That's nonsense Scottie,
you are who you are.
- Girl, come
on, get your own man.
Oh, damn it.
Bambi, no.
- Okay, put the guns
down step back now.
- Oh Scottie, you look
so Charlie's Angels.
I've gotta get picture of you.
- Actually, I see myself
more as a Bond girl
but I guess I could
channel Farrah.
All right Kelly, you
pose as a hooker.
And Sabrina, you
masquerade as a teamster.
- I wanna be Sabrina,
she's the classic
all American dykon.
- Oh shit, that means I'm
stuck with Jaclyn Smith.
Virgil, can you
take our picture?
- Sure.
(camera clicks
- 9:30 is showtime,
folks, 9:30 is show time.
- How do you feel
about minstrel shows?
- God, I love my
job, honestly I do.
- Drag reinforces offensive
stereotypes about women.
- Look honey, I'm just
trying to get people
to see the show.
If you're not into it--
- Don't call her
honey, it's belittling.
- Who are you supposed to be?
- I'm Cher, but I impersonate
Thirsty Burlington onstage.
- Yes but, I think you're
missing the implicit irony
in the presentation.
- Oh, my presentation of
Cher is highly ironic.
- Drag isn't perpetuating
negative stereotypes,
it's a commentary about them.
No, it's ultimately a
rejection of stereotypes.
- You're a man?
- Yes, I'm a short, fat
black man impersonating
a tall, skinny, white woman.
Drag is liberating for
guys like me who catch
a lot hell for
being too feminine.
When I'm in drag
everybody knows I'm a guy,
when I'm not dressed like
this people aren't sure
what I am.
- Well, that's exactly
the way that it should be.
I mean, why do we
need assigned genders?
Gender is drag and
drag is gendered.
- Are these tits real?
- Get outta here.
- Thirsty, we love you.
- I love you too, have
you seen the show?
Come to the show.
- Well, drag is fun,
gender can be fun.
- Gender is a source
of oppression.
Genitals is a source
of oppression.
- We've all got an ass, right?
You know that thing
that paying customers
put in seats to see my show?
So, have that.
- We'll be there.
- Thank you.
9:30 is show time folks,
9:30 is show time.
- Oh, my god you're
supposed to be Cher, right?
I love Cher.
- Well, I'm Thirsty
Burlington, Provincetown's
number one Cher
impersonator, but the show
is family friendly and there's
no adult language or nudity.
Hi guys.
- Can my kids get
a picture with you?
- Sure, hi.
- Their father is
gonna be so pissed
when he sees them
standing next to a gay.
- I'm not a circus freak,
I'm an entertainer.
- Yeah, but you are gay, right?
I mean, why else would
you dress up like a woman.
- One of your kids could be gay,
have you ever
thought about that?
What kind of message
are you sending them?
- You don't have to be
such a dick about it.
- Yeah, you're a
real class act, lady,
the real mother of the year.
9:30 is showtime folks, hi.
Hi, 9:30 show, thank you.
Hi there, 9:30.
How are you? Thank you so much,
call me.
only.
* Hear my story
* Some people ask for fame
* Like athletes in a game
* We break our collarbones
* And come up swinging
* Some of us are downed
I am taking this song
way too seriously.
* But most have seen it all
* They live their
lives in sad cafes *
* And music halls
* They always come up singing *
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
- That's applause for
your final performance.
You're fired, Scott.
- I'm Thirsty, and
you can't fire me
'cause Scott's not
here, I'm Thirsty.
- Listen, you're my
friend and you're the best
Cher impersonator
in the business
but you can't work in
my show if you're drunk.
- That's not fair.
- Why's that?
- Okay, it's fair.
But, you know what Richie
you should fire me.
It's time Thirsty
went out on her own.
She's sick of drag.
- Ladies and gentlemen
up next the legendary
lady of Provincetown,
Thirsty Burlington.
- Thank you, sweetie.
Thank you so much, hi guys.
- Cher, Cher, Cher
sing The Way of Love.
- I'm sorry, Cher
couldn't make it tonight.
Who's thirsty for Thirsty?
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to touch a man *
* The way that
I wanna touch you *
* I never wanted
* I never wanted to love a man
* The way that
I wanna love you *
* You are sunshine
* You are shadows
* You are morning
* You are night
* You are hard times
* You are good times
* You are darkness
* You are light
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to touch a man *
* The way that I
want to touch you *
* They way that
I wanna touch you *
* The way that I
wanna touch you now *
* The way that I
wanna touch you *
* The way that I
wanna touch you now **
- I'm so disappointed.
- How many times
I gotta tell you
not to hang out with
those chowderheads?
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
- Come on, let's get you to bed.
How'd the show go?
- Hardly anybody came.
Nobody likes me,
nobody loves Thirsty.
- I know somebody who
loves her very much.
Come on.
- I just
want 'em to like me.
- Then get rid of
Thirsty, besides she's too much
like your mother anyway.
- What's wrong with that?
My mother was great.
- Listen, your mother
was no goody two shoes,
she had her problems.
And, she neglected her kids.
- That's not fair,
how can you say that?
I was a good mother.
- I'm sorry lady, but
that's a load of bullshit.
- Who the hell are you?
- Look at you,
sitting there drinking
and feeling sorry for yourself.
You should be cooking a
nice meal for your children,
keeping house, making
them feel safe and loved.
- I loved my children,
especially Scottie.
I doted on him.
He slept in my bed
till he was 10.
- What boy sleeps
with his mother?
- He was scared.
- Of course he was scared,
what did you ever do
to make him feel safe?
Kids teased him and bullied him.
You know what Chicky did to him.
You just sat there and whined
over your own hard luck.
- I can't help that, I tried.
- You're a wimp.
That's all you are, a
self pitying dish rag.
Man up, lady.
Oh, come on lady, don't
take it like that.
Look, I know you love
Scottie but as mothers
of gay sons we--
- Scottie is not gay.
- Listen to yourself,
you're walking around
with your eyes closed.
- You're saying it's my fault?
- Our sons are gay
because they're gay.
Who knows why.
But, the mother of a gay
son has a responsibility.
She has to teach him
to stand up for himself
like I did for my Patrick.
She has to be a role model.
- All right, so Doris
was dysfunctional.
She was kind and fun and funny
and all those are
really good qualities.
- Okay, then give Thirsty
her good qualities
and dump the bad stuff
like the drinking.
- I don't know if
Thirsty can be Thirsty
without all the
dysfunction in the mix.
- Thirsty needs less
Doris and more Scottie.
- Who's hungry?
- Who's Thirsty?
* Bursting with blues
* Yellows and reds
* I gotta feeling now
* Whoa I'm so empty
* And killing me dead
* Feel like I won somehow
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* I'm a bouquet
* From a single stem
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* Run for the mirrors
* We shatter 'em down
* Standing alive and bold
* Possibly ready
* For what, I don't know
* Maybe for me, yeah
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* I'm a bouquet
* From a single stem
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* And all I can give
* Is I that I am
* Yeah every woman
and every man *
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* Every inch in every bar
* Every inch in every bar *
- Goodbye
Scottie, I'm leaving you.
- So, you're saying I'm ready
to fight my own battles?
I sure don't feel ready.
- But, watching your
act here tonight
I suddenly feel
rather superfluous.
- Superfluous?
You know, whenever I'd
fantasize about talking with you
I always just thought you'd
talk more like a tough girl.
You're so refined.
- Well, Thirsty's pretty
refined and she's tough.
- So, you think Thirsty's
gonna fight my battles for me?
- No Scottie, Scott
you may wrap yourself
in many different skins,
Thirsty, Cher, whoever
but when all is said
and done it's all Scott.
You have to decide
what you want from life
and then go out
and fight for it.
What is it that you really
want out of life, Scott?
- I wanna be fearless one
day and I wanna feel safe.
I wanna be comfortable
in all of my skins.
* Sometimes I'm right
* Then I can be wrong
* My own beliefs
are in my own songs *
* A butcher, a banker,
a drummer and then *
* Makes no difference
what group I'm in *
* I am everyday people
* I am no better
* And neither are you
* We're all the
same whatever we do *
* You love me, you hate me
* You know me and then
* You still can't figure out
* The bag I'm in
* I am everyday people
* This is a long man
* That doesn't
like the short man *
* For being such a rich one
* That will not
help the poor one *
* Different strokes
* For different folks
* And so on and so on
* And Scooby Dooby Dooby
* Oh sha sha
* We have to live together
* There is a yellow one
* That won't accept
the black one *
* That won't accept
the red one *
* That won't accept
the white one *
* Different strokes
* For different folks
* And so on and so on
* And Scooby Dooby Dooby
* Oh sha sha
* We have to live together
* I am no better
and neither are you *
* We're all the
same whatever we do *
* You love me, you hate me
* You know me and then
* Still can't figure
out the bag I'm in *
* I am everyday people *
* Come on over here,
mister man *
* Now don't be shy
you here mister man *
* You're so young
and dear, mister man *
* You've got to be
sincere, mister man *
* There's nothing that I fear
* Uncle Gene
* I love the life you live
* Uncle Gene
* I wanna dance and sing
* Uncle Gene
* And want to be on the screen
* Uncle gene
* That's my little man
* You're such a mister man
* You light up the stage
* With your pure
and budding age *
* You put on a great show
* And everyone will go
* I'll teach you all I can
* They'll know my little man
* You're such a mister man
* How can you perform
without a costume at all *
* You're already cute, but
we need to make you a doll *
* A little bit of
blush will go *
* A long, long way
* You need to wow the crowd
* And give them
something to say *
* Putting you together
* Gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask
where you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag,
wig, and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage and the lights
* Take this necklace and hoops
* You're coming
together my dear *
* Apply some lipstick
and some liner *
* Now look in the mirror
* Now don't forget
your falsies *
* And to hold in your gut
* You need to
have some attitude *
* And learn how to strut
* Bursting with blues
* Yellows and reds
* I got a feeling now
* What was so empty
* And killing me dead
* Feel like I won somehow
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* I'm a bouquet
* From a single stem
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* Every woman and every man
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* Every inch in every bar *
trouble with my life *
* No foolish dream
to make me cry *
* I'm never frighted
or worried *
* I know I'll always get by
* I heat up
* Heat up
* I cool down
* Cool down
* When something
gets in my way *
* I go around it
* Don't let life get me down
* Gonna take it the
way that I found it *
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me *
- Hey, girlie girl
where you going?
What, you got some dolls?
Ow, mama.
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me, yeah
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* I got the music in me
* Feel funky, feel good
* Gonna tell ya
* I'm in the neighborhood *
- Take these pants, 50 cents.
Want this dress?
- Hey chicky?
- What?
- Is this the little
faggot that lives
downstairs from you?
- Hey girlie boy,
where you going?
- Hi, Chicky.
- Is this a girl or a boy?
- I don't know,
pull his pants down
let's see what he's got.
- No way I'm touching
that nasty thing.
You'd get cooties for life.
- Oh!
- Shit, this little
faggot plays with dolls.
- Oh, shove it up his ass.
- Nasty ass fag
likes it up the ass.
- Please don't.
- Hey, leave
that boy alone.
- What? That's no
boy it's an it.
* You're freak, you little it
* You know what that means
* You got some
nasty ass things *
* Going on in your jeans
* You ain't no girl
you sure ain't no male *
* You're just a
freaky in betweener *
* Who never gets nailed
* You're freak kid
* You're freaking us out
* You girlie boy, girlie boy
* You got a pansy ass vibe
* From your head to your feet
* Get off our street
* It's you who are the freaks
* He's just a little boy
* Little boy
* You think you're tough guys
* Go pick on someone
* Your own damn size
* You're a freak kid,
you're freaking us out *
* You girlie boy
* You look like an it
from your head to your feet *
* Get off our street
* You're a freak kid
* You're freaking us out
* You girlie boy
* Got a pansy ass vibe
from your head to your feet *
* Get off our street *
- Scottie, what are
you doing in there.
You're not messing with
my pills again, are you?
I have to take these,
doctor's orders.
Oh my god, what did you do?
You cut your beautiful hair.
- I don't wanna
look like a girl.
- Oh, my poor baby.
Oh, my god, your eyelashes, too.
All right, I will
fix it for you.
- It's okay mom, now I
look more like Jimmy,
you know, before he
got sick and died.
- Scottie, you are perfect.
You are my perfect
little boy, hmm?
- Okay boy, now
get up under there
and clean the bottom.
- I don't want to, dad,
it's too small down there.
- Too small, are you
fucking kidding me boy?
I bet a little sissy boy like
you'd fit under there easy.
- I don't want to.
- He don't wanna, now
you're gonna clean it
with a toothbrush.
When I was in the
service I cleaned
the whole latrine
with a toothbrush.
It made a man outta me.
Carol, Carol.
Fetch me a toothbrush,
I'm gonna make
a man outta Scottie here.
- You don't wanna ruin
a nice, new toothbrush
on a dirty old car.
- Well Scott, you've been
with us for a whole week now.
How do you like it here?
- It's good.
- Uh-huh, I'm sure you
wanna go home soon.
- Oh, no, no, no I
really like it here.
- What do you like about it?
- Well, the nurses
are real nice.
I like the way the sheets smell
and everything is so clean.
I like the food--
- We need to talk a little
bit about why you're here.
It's a very lovely decoration.
Is it American Indian?
- It's supposed to
be but it's probably
made in Taiwan.
- Must be pretty special to you.
- Nah, I just like
the way it looks.
My dad gave it to me.
He's part Cherokee
and part Black Foot
and some other tribe.
- You went to
visit him recently.
- Yeah, but I hated it there.
He's so big and mean
and he drinks too much.
- Scott, you mother told us
that you threatened
to kill yourself.
- I didn't mean it.
- When a child threatens
to hurt himself
we adults have to take
it very seriously.
What made you feel like you
had to hurt yourself, Scott?
Was it something that
happened during the break in?
- Nothing happened, it's
I just told Doris my mom
that I'd kill myself if
she didn't stop drinking
and, you know, taking pills.
- Why do you call
your mother Doris?
- 'Cause that's her name.
- You love your mother
very much, don't you?
- Yeah, she's kind of
like my best friend.
I just get scared sometimes
that something bad
will happen to her.
That's why I said that.
- We really can't
send you home Scott
until we know that you're
going to be safe there.
- I feel safe here.
- I'm glad to hear that.
And, we certainly
want you to feel safe
when you get home.
- You know, I don't
feel that safe.
I do think about killing
myself sometimes.
I don't think you
should send me home
I wouldn't be safe there.
- Hey, hi Scott how's lunch?
- Great.
- Good.
- Hi Katie, do you
wanna watch TV?
Oh, the Robins Family
Singers, I love them.
- I wanted to change my
hairdo for our final number
but I didn't have time.
Barry kept hogging the mirror.
- A guy's gotta look good
for his fans, Janine.
- But Barry, I'm supposed
to be the pretty one.
- I thought we agreed
you were the brains
and I was the beauty.
- You got it wrong, Barry.
I'm the brains and the beauty.
- You've got brains,
beauty, and a lot of soul.
Let's sing it.
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* Let it shine, let
it shine, let it shine *
* Let it shine, let it
shine, let it shine *
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* This little light of mine
* I'm gonna let it shine
* Let it shine, let
it shine, let it shine *
* Everywhere I go I'm
gonna let it shine *
* Everywhere I go I'm
gonna let it shine *
* Everywhere I go I'm
gonna let it shine *
* Let it shine, let it
shine, let it shine *
- Uncle Gene.
- Callie baby, come here.
How's my girl, hmm?
So, where's the gang?
- Mom's in the living
room with Scottie.
- Where's your sister?
- I think she went
somewhere with Anthony.
- Really?
I thought we told her
not to hang with him.
Hmm?
- Hey Uncle Gene.
- Hey.
- Look what I made you.
- Oh,
Mister man.
That is the most beautiful
picture I have ever seen
and I'm gonna hang
it in my bedroom
where I can see as soon
as wake up everyday.
- Gene you want a drink?
Callie, fix Uncle
Gene a screwdriver.
- Whoa, no thanks sis.
Cathy's expecting me home.
I just dripped by to
have a little chat
with this little man.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Come here, have a seat.
Now listen mister man
I'm performing next Friday
for the Jerry Lewis benefit.
- Wow.
- And, I thought I'd
take you with me.
You know that little
routine I taught you?
How'd you like to
perform it with me?
- Oh boy.
- And, I think, I think
we can persuade them
to let you sing a
solo all by yourself.
What do you say?
- Yes, yes, yes.
- That is wonderful.
- Oh boy, I can't wait.
- Scottie, Scottie
what song do you think
you'd like to sing?
- The one by Captain
and Tennille.
- He loves that song.
He always drives
us nuts singing it.
- Which one do you mean?
* I never wanted, I never wanted
* To touch a man
* The way that I
wanna touch you*
- Well, that's kind of a song
for a female vocalist, hmm?
Can you think another one?
- Well, he
does love that song.
- Well, here's the thing
mister, now we don't want
anyone to think you're funny.
You know, trying to be funny
singing a song like that.
- Hey, Uncle Gene, why
don't you change the lyrics?
- Hmm, hmm.
* I never wanted
to touch a girl.
Could you sing it
like that, Scottie?
- He can sing anything.
- You bet I can.
- Come here.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
We really appreciate that.
Now, ladies and
gentleman I hope you
brought your checkbooks
because tonight,
tonight we gotta priceless
act to lay on you.
Please give a real warm
welcome to my nephew,
little Scottie Townsend.
* Come on over here Mister Man
* Now don't be shy, you hear
* Mister Man
* You're so young
and dear Mister Man *
* You've got to be sincere
* Mister Man
* There's nothing that I fear
* Uncle Gene
* I love the life you lead
* Uncle Gene
* I wanna dance and sing
* Uncle Gene
* And want to be on the screen
* Uncle Gene
Come here, take a bow, come on.
Take another bow.
Wasn't this kiddo great?
- Wonderful, wonderful darling.
- Would you like to
see the kid do another
all by himself, huh?
Hit it.
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to touch a girl *
* The way that I
want to touch you *
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to love a girl *
* The way that I
want to love you *
* You are sunshine
* You are shadows
* You are morning
* You are night
* You are hard times
* You are good times
* You are darkness
* You are light
* I never wanted
* I never wanted to
touch a man *
* That I way that
I wanna touch you *
* I never wanted
* I never wanted to love a man
* The way that I
wanna love you **
- Oops, give mister
man, Scottie Townsend,
a round of applause, huh?
Come on mister man,
you've gotta take a bow.
- Scottie, look at me.
You were wonderful.
- No.
- You were wonderful.
Come here, come here.
- I'm so sorry, I thought
this was the men's bathroom.
- This is totally vomitaceous.
- Is that even a real word?
- All I know is I'd
rather torch this thing
than paint it.
- I don't know, I think it's
kind of sweet, you know?
Let's just hope no one in
the audience has diabetes.
Yeah.
- It's Moonie and
Junie, perfect.
- Give the people
what they want.
- Kids, can you wrap
it up for a while?
Laura needs to practice
her big number.
- Got a little paint on ya.
- Yes.
* I don't know how to love him
* I don't see why he moves me
* He's a man
- I'm sorry Miss Freeman,
I guess I just need
to practice a little more.
- Laura, maybe this song is
a little ambitious for you.
Mister Malone is there
a less challenging
song you could recommend?
- But, I really
wanna sing this song.
It's my mother's favorite.
- She just has to watch the
pauses and where she breathes.
It's not that hard.
- What's your name?
- Scott.
- Are you a singer?
- I sang with my Uncle Gene
a few times with his band
the Top Dogs.
We did like fund
raisers and parties.
- Maybe he should sing the song.
- Very funny.
- Well, maybe he could show me.
- Do you know the song, Scott?
- You bet I do.
It's Jesus Christ Superstar.
My mom bought me the
record, it's so good.
- Come on, show us
how you can sing it.
- I don't think
that is a good idea.
- How's the key.
- Can I have it lower.
- A little bit more.
- That's better, thank you.
* I don't know how
* to love him
* What to do, how to move him
* I've been changed
* Yes, really changed
* In these past few days
* When I've seen myself
* I seem like someone else
* I don't know
how to take this *
* I don't see why he moves me
* He's a man
* He's just a man
* And I've had so
many men before *
* In very many ways
* He's just one boy
* Should I bring him down
* Should I scream and shout
* Should I speak of love
* Let my feelings out
* I never thought
I'd come to this *
* What's it all about
- He's fantastic, isn't he?
- I could never sing like that,
but thank you, you're amazing.
- For our Fall production
I am going to look for
a musical with a strong
male lead just for you.
- Wow.
- Just for you.
- Thanks Tasha.
- Do your Michael thing.
- Yeah, go on do it.
- Do it.
- I can't, I can't do it
in front of everybody.
- Who Chicky? I'll
kick his fucking ass.
Move it or we'll kick
your ass motherfucker.
- I'll fuck you up, bitch.
- Go on, girlfriend.
- Can I have a
beat or something.
Okay.
- Come on.
- Woo.
- Come on.
- He's got a thing,
do that thing.
- Woo.
- Keep it girlfriend.
- Jump in.
- Cher was absolutely divine.
I mean, that girl
can do anything.
- The woman is a living goddess.
- And, did you see
her in Silkwood?
I mean, she made a pretty
convincing lesbian.
- No she didn't her
pants were too high
and her hair was all wrong.
It must have killed her
to get rid of her nails.
- Oh, I doubt that,
she's a serious actress.
- Well, she's got that
deadpan comic thing down.
"Charlotte, I know you're
planning a celibate life
"but with half my chromosomes
I think it's gonna be tough."
- Oh, my god, you
sound just like Cher.
- Thank you, I can
sing like her, too.
- Oh?
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Wanna to feel
you close to me *
You could make a ton of
money impersonating her.
- I probably could, right?
And, I could use the
money because Christopher
is a total cheapskate.
- Oh my god, Scott,
I've got a great idea.
I have to go to P-town
tomorrow and my friend Richie
runs a drag show up
there so come with me
and maybe you could
audition for him.
- Well, Christopher's
got a gallery show
in New York tomorrow.
He'd probably freak if
he knew I was auditioning
for a drag show, but what he
don't know won't hurt 'em.
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Wanna feel you close to me
* Take me home
* Take me home
- Dominic, what's
going on my friend?
How's everything?
- Excellent.
- Oh my god, yo, who's
your adorable friend?
- Oh, he's not just
my friend he's a star.
- He's got a nice build,
and his face is lovely, too.
- And, you should hear him sing.
He sounds exactly like Cher.
- Come on mister man,
give a girl a chance.
- How's it going, hun?
- Oh, I don't know, Richie.
- I'm in costume now, you
refer to me as Raquel Rich.
- Charlene, au chante.
- How do you prevent this thing
from going up your butt crack?
- You can prevent it.
Just relax and
enjoy it, sweetie.
- You know, you're
lucky I have a soft spot
for a damsel in distress.
It's usually not my policy
to lend out my costumes
to other girls.
- Well, she certainly
can't wear mine.
Her skinny little ass
would get lost in this.
- You know, this
really is an art form.
It's not just about
putting on a dress
or wearing fake boobs.
Getting a musical number
right can take months.
- But, Scott sings like Cher.
He's not a lip syncer like
most girls in the business.
That gives him a
leg up right there.
- And, don't forget
your costume.
We're visual artists as much
as we're musical performers.
- Well, I'm kinda screwed there.
This was kind of last minute.
- Girlfriend, you
got your drag mother
and your fairy godmothers
here to help you out.
* How can you perform
* Without a costume at all
* You're already cute
* But we need to
make you a doll *
* A little bit of blush
* Will go a long, long way
* You need to wow the crowd
* And give them
something to say *
* We're putting you together
* Gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask where
you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag,
wig, and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage and the lights
* Take this necklace
and these hoops *
* You're coming
together my dear *
* Apply some lipstick
and some liner *
* Now look in the mirror
* Now don't
forget your falsies *
* And to hold in your gut
* You'll need to
have some attitude *
* And learn how to strut
* Putting you together
* Gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask
where you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag,
wig, and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage and the lights
* It's not just how you look
* Or giving a whole
lot of sass *
* If you wanna turn some heads
* Your whole package
has to pass *
* It's not just what you say
* Or who you imitate
* To become a queen
and really great *
* Is much more inane
* Putting you together
* We're gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask where
you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag, wig,
and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage
and the lights **
- I look fantabulous.
- You look just like her.
- Performing for the very
first time ever,
Thirsty Burlington.
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Wanna feel you close to me
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Oh baby,
let's get out of here *
* I'll follow you anywhere
* Your place or mine
* Just a one night affair
* Would be so fine
* I'm in heaven
* Seems like heaven
* So much in heaven
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Oh, wanna be close to me
* Take me home
* Take me home
* With you is where I wanna be
* Wrapped in your love tonight
* Just making love
* Music and candlelight
* Stars above
* I'm in heaven
* Seems like heaven
* So much in heaven
* Take me home
* Take me home with you
* Take me home
* With you is where I wanna be
* Home with you
* Take me home
* Take me home
* Take me home *
- Thank you, thank you.
- Hey Thirsty, so it seems
like they enjoyed you.
How would you like to
join the show full time?
Say we'll start you
off at $40 per show.
But, if it seems like
you're bringing in bodies
we'll give you 5% of the house.
- I'm your girl.
- All right.
- Scottie, Scottie put
these away for me, will ya?
- Okay mom.
- Oh boy am I thirsty.
What did you do?
- I didn't do anything.
- I'm thirsty, what did
you mess with my drink for?
Geez.
You are like a little
one man vice squad.
I had a long, hard day
at work I just want
one lousy little drink.
Is that too much to ask? Hmm?
What in hell is your problem?
- I don't want you to drink.
- You threw out my vodka?
Do you know how much
this stuff costs?
What do you think
I am a millionaire.
- I don't like you
when you drink.
You're like a mean, ugly witch.
- That is a very
mean thing to say,
that is not a nice thing
to say to your mother.
Where are the?
- I flushed your pills.
- I could hit you,
I'm so angry at you.
The doctor gave me those pills.
You know that, I need
them to be able to sleep.
How am I gonna sleep?
And now, I have to
find another doctor.
- If you do I'll kill myself.
- Scottie, you're
only 11 years old.
How could you say
something like that?
Why would you say
something like that?
- I need you to
stop for me, mom.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay, I'm sorry.
Come on.
- Hurry up, Mabel.
- Slow down Gertrude.
Hey mom, Gertrude, can we
have hamburgers for dinner?
- Are you kidding, I don't
get paid till next week.
We gotta cut corners.
- Mom, that's stealing.
- Shh.
- I'm gonna tell on You.
- Hey, what are you, the fuzz?
I am paying for
most of this stuff.
Geez Mabel, I can't
take you anywhere.
- You're crazy, Gertrude.
- You try bringing up
three kids on your own.
- Ow.
- Come on.
- You're still a robber.
- Just keep your
trap shut, Mabel
and I'll buy you a candy bar.
- Oh, what a pretty
little girl you have.
- Thank you.
Actually, he's a boy.
- Of course, you can
hardly tell anymore.
The total's 19.35.
- There's 25,
35.
- Thank you.
What's your name, handsome?
- Mabel.
Mom, take me with you.
- Can't, gotta stay here.
- Why? Why can't I come?
- 'Cause I have errands
to run by myself.
- Are you going to buy drugs?
- That is a terrible
thing to say.
What do you think I'm a junkie?
- I'm scared being home alone.
- Well, you should
have thought of that
before you decided to
stay home from school.
- You said I could.
Come on, mom.
I wanna come.
- Can't my big bog
stay at home by himself
for a couple of hours, huh?
I'm gonna, oh, I will
be home by three.
If I'm late your sisters will
be back by then, all right?
- I have a little
shadow, me.
And, what can be the use of
him is more than I can see.
- Does this dress
make me look fat?
It makes you look
a little hippie,
but we can even that out if
we make your hair fuller.
- Have
you got any smokes?
- No.
- I thought you didn't have any.
You lying motherfucker.
- I am sorry, Chicky.
I think Jeanie's got
some in her room.
I can go get them
for you if you want.
- Give me your money.
- I don't have any.
- Got anything else?
Fucking coupons?
- Please Chicky, I
won't tell anyone.
Please don't.
- Shut up.
Fuck.
God damn it.
- I need to go to the bathroom.
- Get back here
you little freak.
You better help
me find something
or I will fuck you up, hmm?
- You can take the TV,
but you better hurry.
My mom's gonna be home soon.
- Oh, I want your
mom to come back
'cause when she gets
home I'm gonna rape her.
How would you like to watch
me rape your mom, hmm?
- I gotta go to the bathroom,
I have to go real bad.
- Don't think you're gonna
sneak out the window, either
'cause I'm going
in there with you.
Let's go freak, let's see it.
What's the hold up.
Motherfucker.
- Please.
- Come here freak.
- Please, please Chicky don't.
No, no please, please
Chicky don't, don't.
- Scottie, Scottie?
Scottie, what happened.
Scottie, tell mama
what happened.
Are you okay sweetie.
- A man came in,
he stole the TV.
- What man, Scottie, what man?
Somebody from the houses?
Was it, did he hurt you?
- No, no he stole my chain
and he was just so scary.
- Oh Scottie, he
didn't hurt you?
- I'm so scared
mom, I'm so scared.
- Shh.
- Callie, thank God you're here.
- How is she?
- She's getting pretty bad.
She thinks there's bugs
crawling all over her.
- There probably
are bugs crawling on her.
This place is a mess.
- It's always been a mess.
Scott has a party
to go to and so do I
so could you--
- It's mom's
birthday, she's dying.
How could you even
think of going out?
- Because Callie, we're
here all the time.
We help her in the
shower, we help her
go to the bathroom.
- We give her her meds.
- Everyday.
- Scott can go, but
Janie you made your bed
now lie in it.
- Well fuck it, if that's
how you're gonna be
I'll just bring the party here.
- Callie, thank you.
I just need a break.
I'm using your liner,
okay, the blue stuff.
- Thought you didn't
wanna look like a girl.
- It's a Halloween party.
- You're leaving me
alone on my birthday?
That's not fair.
- Come on ma, I'm
with you all the time.
Can I just have a
little fun for myself?
- Scottie, fix me a
screwdriver, will ya,
for my birthday?
- Come on ma, you
know it's not gonna
mix with your meds.
- Oh, look at me.
I'm at the end now
what does it matter?
- How do I look?
- Beautiful, like
a million bucks.
- Hey ma, what would
you say if I told you
I was gay?
- I'd say I didn't wanna know.
- All right, you want
that screwdriver?
I'll go make you one.
- I can't drink that, Scottie.
- Why not?
- I've gotta pee.
- Mom, okay I'll help
you, I'll help you.
- Okay, okay, okay I
can take it from here.
- Okay, I'll wait outside.
- Uh, is this the
party? Okay, thanks.
* I see you again and
I trip to discover
* Love is where you are
- Yeah, give me a little blow.
* It's always here
in the daylight *
* It's always here in the sky
* You, you, you, you, you boy
* No matter where we are
* Waiting for the
moment we can move *
* Waiting for you and me *
- Boy, am I thirsty.
Isn't there anything
non-alcoholic.
- Why
wouldn't you want alcohol?
- My parents are
hardcore alcoholics.
So, I guess not drinking
is my form of rebellion.
- My parents are teetotalers.
I guess it's all
starting to make sense.
- I'm Scott.
- Christopher.
We've met, I think.
You're Dominic's friend.
- We went to hair school
together, but he dropped out.
- So, you're a gay hair dresser?
- Uh-huh.
- Now I've heard everything.
- Oh, I get it. I'm a cliche.
Guilty as charged.
Well, what do you do?
- I'm a painter of
canvases not houses.
- Well, that's impressive.
- Which is a glorified way
of saying that I wait tables.
In short, I'm a cliche, too.
- Well how come
you're not dressed up.
I mean they did specify like
come as your inner diva.
- Frankly, the whole drag.
- Hey.
I don't think she
likes me very much.
- Frankly, the whole drag
thing leaves me cold.
- Me too, me too.
I get enough grief for
looking so feminine
without playing it up,
but it's Halloween.
- No, I like feminine guys.
I just don't like guys
who wish they were girls.
I'm a man, I like being
a man and I like men
who like to be men.
- Well, I'm a man who likes
men who like to be men
and to be with men.
- Can you say that
three times fast?
- Then, I'd probably have
to do some major coke first.
- So, you do do coke.
- Yeah, well, I
mean, I would try it.
- Where'd
you get that dress?
- It's my mom's.
- You're wearing
your mother's dress?
- Mm-hmm, I know,
I know paging Doctor Freud?
- It's a little Tony Perkins.
So, is she still around?
- Yes and no.
Oh man, you're gonna think
I'm a complete shit head
but she's at home dying of
cancer and I'm out partying
and it's her birthday.
- Do you want me to give you
a little piece of advice?
- Sure.
- Shut up about your mother.
* If I could turn back time
* If I could find a way
* I'd take back those
words that'll hurt you *
* And you'd stay
* I don't know why I
did those things I did *
* I don't why I said
the things I said *
* Pride's like a knife
it can cut deep inside *
* Words are like weapons
they wound sometimes *
* I didn't want to see you go
* I know I made you cry
* But baby if I
could turn back time *
* If I could find a way
* I'd take back those
words that'll hurt you *
* And you'd stay
* If I could reach the stars
* I'd give them all to you
* Then you'd love me, love me
* Like you used to do
* My world was shattered
* I was torn apart
* Like someone took a knife
* And drove it
deep in my heart *
* You walked out that door
* I swore that I didn't care
* But I lost
everything darling *
* Then and there
* Too strong to
tell you I was sorry *
* Too proud to tell
you I was wrong *
* I know that I was blind
* But baby if I
could turn back time *
* If I could find a way
* I'd take back those
words that'll hurt you *
* And you'd stay
* If I could reach the stars
* I'd give them all to you
* Then you'd love me, love me
* Like you used to do *
- Hello Doris.
- Wow, it was like a
simultaneous orgasm.
- Yeah, we're like
total soul mates.
- I know.
- Tina?
- Your parents are home.
- Tina.
- Just a minute, mom.
- Tina, open this door.
Who's this?
- Hi, I'm Scott. It's
nice to meet you.
- This is my friend from school.
- Scott, Scott it's
nice to meet you.
- I'll just leave you
two kids alone then.
It's a boy, she's with a boy.
- Dude, hurry up I
gotta take a serious dump.
- That's a
guy in front of me.
- No way, that's a chick.
- No, it's too
tall to be a chick.
It's a homo.
- Maybe he'll use
the ladies room.
- He better not leave any
AIDS germs on that seat
'cause if he does
I'll kick his ass.
- This clean up guy
better not drop his mop.
- Thirsty?
- Yeah?
- I mean it this
time, 20 minutes.
- I'm on it.
I'm on it.
What are you doing here?
- I'm here to see you.
- You mean you're
here to pick a fight.
Christopher, I really don't
have time for this right now.
Catch me after the show.
- I came here to see you.
I need to see you just like this
so that I know I'm
doing the right thing.
- So, you're leaving me again?
Oh, that's just wonderful,
that's just great.
Have yourself a ball, have
yourself lots of balls.
You know where I'll be
if you change your mind.
- You never gave
a shit about me.
You just liked me for the sex.
- And, what
were you in it for?
- I wanted a real
relationship with a real man
not a drag queen.
- Christopher, I'm not
gonna argue about this
over and over again.
This is my job.
I do not hassle you
for being a waiter.
- I'm an artist.
- Yeah, so am I.
- You are not an artist,
you are a fake cunt.
That is all you are, wearing
a stupid Halloween costume.
You're pathetic.
- If that's how you see
things I'm not gonna
argue with you, but you
need to get the fuck
out of here because I'm
gonna kick your ass.
- You're not man
enough to kick my ass.
If I wanted to fuck something
that looked like that
it might as well have a pussy.
- I'm not a something,
I'm not an it.
I am a man, I'm a real man.
- Then man up, man the fuck up.
* When you meet a boy
* That you like a lot
* And you fall in love
* But he loves you not
* If a flame should start
* As you hold him near
* Better keep your heart
* Out of danger, dear
* For the way of love
* Is a way of woe
* And the day may come
* When you'll see him go
* But, what will ya do
* When he sets you free
* Just the way that you
* Said goodbye to me
* When you meet a boy
* That you like a lot
* And you fall in love
* But he loves you not
* If a flame should start
* As you hold that boy dear
* Better keep your
little itty bitty heart *
* Keep it out of danger, dear
* For the way of love
* Is a way of woe
* And the day may come
* When you'll see him go
* But, what will ya do
* When he sets you free
* Just the way that you
* Said goodbye to me
* That's the way of love
* The way of love *
- Hi Patrick.
- Hi guys.
- Bye, kisses.
Night guys.
- Call me.
- Bye darling.
- Bye.
- Yeah, I have
in the morning.
- I'm scared, I wanna go home.
- Hey, hey, hey it's
okay mister man.
You're safe here, don't you see?
You're one of us.
- Scottie, cutie,
oh don't worry baby.
I'm here now.
Let's play hide and seek, Mabel.
- Sure Gertrude.
- Man up, freak.
- Well, good morning sunshine.
- What happened?
Where am I?
- You're at my place.
You may not know this
about me but I am Patrick
the patron saint of
people who pass out
at the bar and who's
"friends" ditch them.
- I need better friends.
- No shit, how
'bout I whip you up
a nice, big breakfast?
- Well, I never say no
to a man with a whip.
- Okay, but I gotta warn
you people eat my cooking
they tend to stick
around for more.
- Well, maybe I will.
- Toby, slow down you are
scaring the shit out of me.
- Don't be such a prima donna.
- Of course he's being a
prima donna, we all are.
What are you supposed
to be, Rambo?
- When you cross Dick Cheney
with Thirsty Burlington
that's what you get.
- Come on guys, we're
visiting my father,
you know how freaky
that is for me.
- Does your dad know
what you do for a living?
- That you're gay?
- Yeah, he knows all about me.
And, he's cool with it, at
least I think so anyway.
Maybe when we get
there he'll throw us
into the shed and let
the local rednecks
have their way with us.
- Yipes, makes you wanna run
for the nearest blue state.
- Listen, I'm just
glad to be off the road
for a few days and
stay in a bed for free.
- Yeah, that'll
be a good change.
- I can't believe
Milty stiffed us.
We'll be lucky if we
break even on this tour.
- What's your dad like?
- Well, the few times
I visited him he was
really scary, I mean
he was a mean drunk.
But, he stopped drinking
about 10 years ago.
And, you know what I noticed?
- That he's a woman,
you're secretly
a lesbian love child.
- No, he's kind of boring.
I mean, the few times
we've talked on the phone
we have absolutely nothing
to say to each other.
- Sounds like it's
gonna be a fun visit.
- Hey, I was wondering
when you boys
would finally come rolling in.
Come here.
What, you didn't think
your old man could
lift you anymore?
- I don't know.
- Make yourselves at home.
I'll be getting something
to wet your whistle.
- Thanks.
- Bambi.
- Run Bambi,
faster, man in the forest, pow.
- Now, sit down.
- Sorry, I can't help you
boys to something stronger
but you know.
- I know.
- Oh, a weapon of
mass destruction.
- Nah, don't mind that
son, that's a Beretta
FS 92, semi automatic.
It's a real beauty.
- Nice.
- Well, if you boys
like tomorrow morning
I'll take you to the shooting
range before they open
and you can see where I work.
We can have ourselves some fun.
- Swell.
- Am I holding this right?
- Okay, spread your feet
shoulder width apart.
- Like this?
- Yep, yep.
Turn your left foot
at a 45 degrees angle
to your line of your target.
There you go.
Bend your knees slightly, lean
forward on your right leg.
- If you had taught me this
when I was a little kid
maybe I wouldn't
have grown up gay.
- That's nonsense Scottie,
you are who you are.
- Girl, come
on, get your own man.
Oh, damn it.
Bambi, no.
- Okay, put the guns
down step back now.
- Oh Scottie, you look
so Charlie's Angels.
I've gotta get picture of you.
- Actually, I see myself
more as a Bond girl
but I guess I could
channel Farrah.
All right Kelly, you
pose as a hooker.
And Sabrina, you
masquerade as a teamster.
- I wanna be Sabrina,
she's the classic
all American dykon.
- Oh shit, that means I'm
stuck with Jaclyn Smith.
Virgil, can you
take our picture?
- Sure.
(camera clicks
- 9:30 is showtime,
folks, 9:30 is show time.
- How do you feel
about minstrel shows?
- God, I love my
job, honestly I do.
- Drag reinforces offensive
stereotypes about women.
- Look honey, I'm just
trying to get people
to see the show.
If you're not into it--
- Don't call her
honey, it's belittling.
- Who are you supposed to be?
- I'm Cher, but I impersonate
Thirsty Burlington onstage.
- Yes but, I think you're
missing the implicit irony
in the presentation.
- Oh, my presentation of
Cher is highly ironic.
- Drag isn't perpetuating
negative stereotypes,
it's a commentary about them.
No, it's ultimately a
rejection of stereotypes.
- You're a man?
- Yes, I'm a short, fat
black man impersonating
a tall, skinny, white woman.
Drag is liberating for
guys like me who catch
a lot hell for
being too feminine.
When I'm in drag
everybody knows I'm a guy,
when I'm not dressed like
this people aren't sure
what I am.
- Well, that's exactly
the way that it should be.
I mean, why do we
need assigned genders?
Gender is drag and
drag is gendered.
- Are these tits real?
- Get outta here.
- Thirsty, we love you.
- I love you too, have
you seen the show?
Come to the show.
- Well, drag is fun,
gender can be fun.
- Gender is a source
of oppression.
Genitals is a source
of oppression.
- We've all got an ass, right?
You know that thing
that paying customers
put in seats to see my show?
So, have that.
- We'll be there.
- Thank you.
9:30 is show time folks,
9:30 is show time.
- Oh, my god you're
supposed to be Cher, right?
I love Cher.
- Well, I'm Thirsty
Burlington, Provincetown's
number one Cher
impersonator, but the show
is family friendly and there's
no adult language or nudity.
Hi guys.
- Can my kids get
a picture with you?
- Sure, hi.
- Their father is
gonna be so pissed
when he sees them
standing next to a gay.
- I'm not a circus freak,
I'm an entertainer.
- Yeah, but you are gay, right?
I mean, why else would
you dress up like a woman.
- One of your kids could be gay,
have you ever
thought about that?
What kind of message
are you sending them?
- You don't have to be
such a dick about it.
- Yeah, you're a
real class act, lady,
the real mother of the year.
9:30 is showtime folks, hi.
Hi, 9:30 show, thank you.
Hi there, 9:30.
How are you? Thank you so much,
call me.
only.
* Hear my story
* Some people ask for fame
* Like athletes in a game
* We break our collarbones
* And come up swinging
* Some of us are downed
I am taking this song
way too seriously.
* But most have seen it all
* They live their
lives in sad cafes *
* And music halls
* They always come up singing *
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
- That's applause for
your final performance.
You're fired, Scott.
- I'm Thirsty, and
you can't fire me
'cause Scott's not
here, I'm Thirsty.
- Listen, you're my
friend and you're the best
Cher impersonator
in the business
but you can't work in
my show if you're drunk.
- That's not fair.
- Why's that?
- Okay, it's fair.
But, you know what Richie
you should fire me.
It's time Thirsty
went out on her own.
She's sick of drag.
- Ladies and gentlemen
up next the legendary
lady of Provincetown,
Thirsty Burlington.
- Thank you, sweetie.
Thank you so much, hi guys.
- Cher, Cher, Cher
sing The Way of Love.
- I'm sorry, Cher
couldn't make it tonight.
Who's thirsty for Thirsty?
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to touch a man *
* The way that
I wanna touch you *
* I never wanted
* I never wanted to love a man
* The way that
I wanna love you *
* You are sunshine
* You are shadows
* You are morning
* You are night
* You are hard times
* You are good times
* You are darkness
* You are light
* I never wanted
* I never wanted
to touch a man *
* The way that I
want to touch you *
* They way that
I wanna touch you *
* The way that I
wanna touch you now *
* The way that I
wanna touch you *
* The way that I
wanna touch you now **
- I'm so disappointed.
- How many times
I gotta tell you
not to hang out with
those chowderheads?
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
- Come on, let's get you to bed.
How'd the show go?
- Hardly anybody came.
Nobody likes me,
nobody loves Thirsty.
- I know somebody who
loves her very much.
Come on.
- I just
want 'em to like me.
- Then get rid of
Thirsty, besides she's too much
like your mother anyway.
- What's wrong with that?
My mother was great.
- Listen, your mother
was no goody two shoes,
she had her problems.
And, she neglected her kids.
- That's not fair,
how can you say that?
I was a good mother.
- I'm sorry lady, but
that's a load of bullshit.
- Who the hell are you?
- Look at you,
sitting there drinking
and feeling sorry for yourself.
You should be cooking a
nice meal for your children,
keeping house, making
them feel safe and loved.
- I loved my children,
especially Scottie.
I doted on him.
He slept in my bed
till he was 10.
- What boy sleeps
with his mother?
- He was scared.
- Of course he was scared,
what did you ever do
to make him feel safe?
Kids teased him and bullied him.
You know what Chicky did to him.
You just sat there and whined
over your own hard luck.
- I can't help that, I tried.
- You're a wimp.
That's all you are, a
self pitying dish rag.
Man up, lady.
Oh, come on lady, don't
take it like that.
Look, I know you love
Scottie but as mothers
of gay sons we--
- Scottie is not gay.
- Listen to yourself,
you're walking around
with your eyes closed.
- You're saying it's my fault?
- Our sons are gay
because they're gay.
Who knows why.
But, the mother of a gay
son has a responsibility.
She has to teach him
to stand up for himself
like I did for my Patrick.
She has to be a role model.
- All right, so Doris
was dysfunctional.
She was kind and fun and funny
and all those are
really good qualities.
- Okay, then give Thirsty
her good qualities
and dump the bad stuff
like the drinking.
- I don't know if
Thirsty can be Thirsty
without all the
dysfunction in the mix.
- Thirsty needs less
Doris and more Scottie.
- Who's hungry?
- Who's Thirsty?
* Bursting with blues
* Yellows and reds
* I gotta feeling now
* Whoa I'm so empty
* And killing me dead
* Feel like I won somehow
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* I'm a bouquet
* From a single stem
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* Run for the mirrors
* We shatter 'em down
* Standing alive and bold
* Possibly ready
* For what, I don't know
* Maybe for me, yeah
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* I'm a bouquet
* From a single stem
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* And all I can give
* Is I that I am
* Yeah every woman
and every man *
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* Every inch in every bar
* Every inch in every bar *
- Goodbye
Scottie, I'm leaving you.
- So, you're saying I'm ready
to fight my own battles?
I sure don't feel ready.
- But, watching your
act here tonight
I suddenly feel
rather superfluous.
- Superfluous?
You know, whenever I'd
fantasize about talking with you
I always just thought you'd
talk more like a tough girl.
You're so refined.
- Well, Thirsty's pretty
refined and she's tough.
- So, you think Thirsty's
gonna fight my battles for me?
- No Scottie, Scott
you may wrap yourself
in many different skins,
Thirsty, Cher, whoever
but when all is said
and done it's all Scott.
You have to decide
what you want from life
and then go out
and fight for it.
What is it that you really
want out of life, Scott?
- I wanna be fearless one
day and I wanna feel safe.
I wanna be comfortable
in all of my skins.
* Sometimes I'm right
* Then I can be wrong
* My own beliefs
are in my own songs *
* A butcher, a banker,
a drummer and then *
* Makes no difference
what group I'm in *
* I am everyday people
* I am no better
* And neither are you
* We're all the
same whatever we do *
* You love me, you hate me
* You know me and then
* You still can't figure out
* The bag I'm in
* I am everyday people
* This is a long man
* That doesn't
like the short man *
* For being such a rich one
* That will not
help the poor one *
* Different strokes
* For different folks
* And so on and so on
* And Scooby Dooby Dooby
* Oh sha sha
* We have to live together
* There is a yellow one
* That won't accept
the black one *
* That won't accept
the red one *
* That won't accept
the white one *
* Different strokes
* For different folks
* And so on and so on
* And Scooby Dooby Dooby
* Oh sha sha
* We have to live together
* I am no better
and neither are you *
* We're all the
same whatever we do *
* You love me, you hate me
* You know me and then
* Still can't figure
out the bag I'm in *
* I am everyday people *
* Come on over here,
mister man *
* Now don't be shy
you here mister man *
* You're so young
and dear, mister man *
* You've got to be
sincere, mister man *
* There's nothing that I fear
* Uncle Gene
* I love the life you live
* Uncle Gene
* I wanna dance and sing
* Uncle Gene
* And want to be on the screen
* Uncle gene
* That's my little man
* You're such a mister man
* You light up the stage
* With your pure
and budding age *
* You put on a great show
* And everyone will go
* I'll teach you all I can
* They'll know my little man
* You're such a mister man
* How can you perform
without a costume at all *
* You're already cute, but
we need to make you a doll *
* A little bit of
blush will go *
* A long, long way
* You need to wow the crowd
* And give them
something to say *
* Putting you together
* Gonna make you a queen
* Putting you together
* They'll ask
where you've been *
* Putting you together
* With the wag,
wig, and tights *
* Putting you together
* For the stage and the lights
* Take this necklace and hoops
* You're coming
together my dear *
* Apply some lipstick
and some liner *
* Now look in the mirror
* Now don't forget
your falsies *
* And to hold in your gut
* You need to
have some attitude *
* And learn how to strut
* Bursting with blues
* Yellows and reds
* I got a feeling now
* What was so empty
* And killing me dead
* Feel like I won somehow
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* I'm a bouquet
* From a single stem
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* All I can give
* Is all that I am
* Every woman and every man
* All that you feel
* Is all that you are
* Every inch in every bar
* Every inch in every bar *