Things Never Said (2013) - full transcript

"My voice,

my voice doesn't carry the hate

you perceive."

Come on,

kalindra.

"Voices carry hate, life is

destroyed."

Fuck.

Influence the back row,

the front row will love you.

Think about the front row,



the back row will forget you.

You're just as good as everyone

else.

Find your voice.

♪

♪ Yeah, I plan to reimburse

♪ the ghetto with the ♪

♪ knowledge they gave me

♪ street corner talk be the ♪

♪ college that saved me ♪

hey, can I get a pack of

Marlboro smooths, please?

I'm sorry, we don't have any.

How about Virginia slims?



You know, we're low

on cigarettes.

Sorry, we're just... we're out.

Alright.

You're Ronnie stepney.

Didn't you play for dorsey high?

Yeah, back in the day.

I remember you.

Well, I guess I'll get my

cigarettes somewhere else.

It's 10:38, pedey.

My bad, bro.

Sister had my car.

You used that one last time.

Had it then, too.

It ever occur to you this is a

fucking job?

What this is is a gas station

with fucking pumps that don't

even work.

This ain't no fucking job.

I'm gonna go piss then we'll

switch out registers.

♪

Kalindra?

Kalindra.

Yeah, I'm in the bathroom.

Okay.

Message 1:

Hey, it's mom.

I really expected my daughter to

come...

Hey, Ronnie, it's Lem, man.

Holla at ya nigga, man.

Where you at?

Kalindra, it's Earl.

What's the deal?

Look, I did some hoodoo, and i'm

sure I can get you the nuyorican

gig.

It'll only be for a month...

Hey, baby.

Hey.

I'm late, dinner's in the oven.

You good?

Yeah, what was Earl talking

about?

The nuyorican is offering a

waitress job this summer.

He thinks I can get the job and

be around all the poets who

perform there.

This is the place in New York?

Yeah.

So, you've never been out of

California, now you wanna go

for a month?

To learn, then bring it back.

You sure about that?

Yeah, babe.

Tonight's the first night i'm

going up at the lounge.

It's a really big deal, you

wanna come?

I gotta work a double, I ain't

tryin' to be out late.

Dude, we never do anything

together anymore, and you don't

even like that job anyway.

Ask me, I think you should quit.

And do what after six years?

Coach kids' basketball or

whatever you want, it's a gas

station.

Well, one of us has gotta hold

down a job in case you decide to

go to New York without me.

Ouch.

"Why don't you take a chance and

step outside your comfort zone?

Why don't you stop pimping out

your spiritual side and start

showing us what's going on deep

inside because the truth just

sounds different and even if

I don't agree with the

specifics, I believe it's

realistic because two

truths can occupy the same

space..."

So Ronnie wasn't feeling your

nuyorican thing?

I'll work on him.

You've never been further than

Bakersfield.

In my mind I have.

New York is, like, far, kal...

What's going on with you and

Steve?

Okay, you don't even like Steve,

and you bringin' him up, so that

means you really don't wanna

talk about it.

No, I don't like

that is his baby's mother comes

between the two of you.

And I didn't like that he moved

in with her, either.

Well, it was only for six

months, and he is living with

his father now,

so you ain't got to worry about

that.

Great, by forty he'll have his

own place.

You evil.

The men we choose.

The men we choose.

Alright, y'all, so I'm gonna

give you the rules.

So, each poet getting up

on-stage, you have three minutes

to do your thing.

If you go over three minutes,

you're gonna hear this:

And then if you keep going, this

gonna happen:

Alright, so please don't let

that happen to you.

So, coming to the stage, please

put your hands together for

kalindra stepney, y'all.

Give it up for kalindra.

Rip it.

"If you think my voice carries

the hate of my ancestors...

You're wrong.

It doesn't carry hate,

but the frustrations of the

disappointed,

the darkness that envelops the

light at the end of the tunnel.

My voice is from the hollowness

of the well we fell down deep in

and clawed with our fingernails

out of only to be pushed back

down again, standing in the

waist-deep water knowing,

knowing, knowing that if one day

the white god found a touch of

blackness in his soul, somebody

would speak out.

Somebody would say that the hate

you thought you heard coming

from us was nothing but the

echoes of your own white mind.

If you think my voice carries

the hate of my ancestors you're

wrong.

My ancestors never had a voice.

They were too busy listening

to you."

Yes.

Alright, um, judges, on the

count of three put your score

cards up in the air.

One, two, three.

We have a 6.2,

we have a 7.0...

Look, I don't damn what the

score was, that shit was hot.

You gotta say that, you're my

best friend.

No, I'm telling you the truth.

Well, at least I host the coffee

shop.

It's not on the level of these

poets, but it makes me feel good

about myself.

I hear you.

Come on, let's go get a drink.

I can't stay, I gotta go home.

My mom's watching Michael, so I

gotta go.

Are you serious?

Yes.

But I'm not tired.

Well...

Go to skinny's.

Alright.

And have a drink for me.

Lord knows I need one.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Text me when you get home so I

know you made it safely.

Alright.

Sayonara.

You look cute.

Just fuck her mom and pick up

the phone and call her.

You say that shit like it's so

easy.

"Fuck her mom"... that's fucking

chantelle we're talking about.

It is easy.

Just call her.

What can I get you?

Seven and seven, please.

How you doin'?

Um, my name's Curtis.

You go to a lot of the poetry

reads, I recognize you.

How's that?

He hides in plain sight

these days.

Loosen up, will.

This is will, my older brother.

And he does this every time I

meet a girl who gets within five

feet of me.

That ain't many.

You further than five feet.

Okay, what do you say I give you

a reason to rethink the

distance?

And how would you do that?

I don't know, maybe a poem or

something.

You're a poet who goes to Sam's,

but you won't get on stage?

He's scared.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

he's always got talent.

You're killin' me, dude.

Come on, man, you're throwin'

me under the bus.

Shut up.

Shut up?

Yeah, shut up.

I got years on you.

Don't disrespect me

in front of company.

It's brother shit, excuse us.

I may get some parts wrong,

but you know...

There's points for trying.

Yeah, there's points for trying.

"What does it profit a man to

gain the whole world...

Yet lose his soul?

I mean, are the riches that he

would gain so enchanting

that he'd risk a sickness so

deep that his life would cease

when wealth begins?

Death doesn't come like a thief

in the night.

Nah, see death comes in broad

daylight smiling...

Enticing you to take and take

and take,

lulling you like the lover who

whispers murder, caressing your

ears."

That's my poem.

Yeah.

I heard you spit it twice,

doughboys and genghis cone.

You really workin' with the

crowd, getting better, sister,

every time I see you up.

That's my poem.

You should see your face.

You wanna impress me?

Come at me with your own flow,

and don't let it be one of those

"my dick is like the taste of

chocolate" poems.

Wow, how about, "I really like

that you appreciated my poem"?

How about you pay for my drink?

Like he can afford her drink.

Nice move, player.

I'm tryin' here, man, shit.

You know, maybe she left because

the way you delivered the poem

sucked.

♪

It was good, Ronnie, whoo!

♪

Hey.

I'm sorry.

What are you talking about?

New York.

It-it's just I felt when I heard

that that you were moving

towards something without me

and i...

No, I just wanna be a better

poet.

It's like going to school,

you know?

Yeah.

I know this has been your outlet

since you...

Since we lost the baby...

You know what?

You should come hear me.

Yeah, maybe one day.

Hey, poet, back to work.

"Dancing, but my feet won't

move.

I don't hear music, there's

nothing to move to,

give a fuck to.

Then why do I keep dancin'?

I keep dancing because

eventually the music will start,

because eventually the thump

thump of my heart will be

accompanied by the ivories of my

spirit and joined by the

saxophone of my soul, and my

feet will move.

But not some negro spiritual

shuffle.

This is what I truly give a fuck

about kinda dance, like i'm

dancing on a cloud,

a cloud of groovin' pussy wet on

slow jams.

Can you hear it?

Poo, poo, shh, poo, poo, poo,

shh, shhhh."

That was amazing.

Thank you, girl.

Girl, I know you been telling me

forever I should put my poetry...

You need to get up there

and do it.

Everybody knows me as a dj,

I'm just nervous.

Hey, my man, you seen kalindra?

You're welcome, baby.

You just let me know, bring it

to me next week.

Okay.

And I'll look at it.

Okay.

Not that I'm a professional.

Here you are, he told me you

were in here.

Sister, you mind if I get just a

second?

Thank you.

Alright, bye.

What are you doing here?

Can we try this again?

Look, I'm married.

So, that's why you always alone?

You need to go.

Give me a second here.

Do you me to call security?

Let me just get a second.

I'm starting to understand who

I'm fuckin' with.

"Is it nefertiti

out to discover the riches

of the nile?

Or is it Cleopatra

ready to give up her life so

soon after I have given up mine?

If not two women whose names

are our history,

maybe Delilah out to rule this

Samson into a place of

vulnerability.

Shear my locks,

and then turn me over to others

who would do as they wish.

Who am I speakin' with?

Who, as uncannily expose

my delight in her,

and if I find out

that you are Eve

with a poison apple in your

grasp, I'm gonna ask me to bite.

But rather, tell me where we

will go after we get kicked

outta heaven later tonight

'cause not only do I excite and

things unknown, but I have a

tendency to be drawn to the...

Well, to the turbulence that

resides in a woman's loins

much like the calm resides

in the eye of a storm.

So if I never know, if I never

understand, I'm cool with that.

'Cause, you see, kal,

I don't mind bein' a man fucked

with...

As long as I ain't the man

fucked over.

So...

Tell me something:

Can I fuck with you?

This is starting to become a

regular thing here.

Kal, will, will, kal.

Hello.

Hi, how are you?

It's a pleasure.

Hey.

Now, you are the first

woman that he's had a connection

with since he's been here.

And I am trying to figure out

what you been hitting him with.

This is why you shouldn't have

an older brother.

When you get tired of a young

thing, you know...

Okay.

He's funny.

Yeah, he's funny.

So, what does he mean, like,

since you been back?

Will and I grew up in

Philly.

He's been out here for a minute,

I joined three months ago.

Did you ever go on the mic back

there?

Nah.

I feel like dudes...

A lot of dudes get up, and they

pimp poetry for pussy.

You know what I mean?

Well, yeah,

you know what I mean 'cause you

thought I did the same thing.

No, I didn't think that.

I think it's wack, and I'm not

really into pimping myself like

that.

What about you, you been back

east?

Well, I'm hoping to go to

New York and perform at the

nuyorican.

Word.

I've been to the nuyorican.

Bad poets there, too.

It's the mecca in regards to

poetry.

It's a place.

You sexy, kal, you know that?

And I'm married, he's home

asleep.

And your husband lets you roam

the streets at night?

He's not that interested

in poetry.

Fuck poetry,

what about his wife?

Good question.

That question means I needs to

get home.

Okay.

So, I guess I shouldn't have

said the whole sexy thing and

talk about your husband?

Wow, persistent.

No, interested.

This is me.

Okay.

Interested in what?

Interested in your story.

And what's your story?

Heartbreak.

Rebirth.

I'm trying to find my place,

you know?

I never expect you to be at a

loss for words.

Well, delivering poems and

writing poems...

That's totally different than

talking real shit.

And this is real shit.

Well, I gotta go home, Curtis...

Jackson.

Curtis Jackson.

You don't have to laugh at it,

that's my name.

Kalindra

stepney.

That's your name.

That's my name.

Kalindra stepney.

Kalindra stepney, you remind me

of a line from Shakespeare.

"To be or not to be?"

"In thy face, I see honor,

truth, and loyalty."

And where's that from?

That can't happen.

What?

Is the poem in your head that

damn good?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, honey.

What'd you say?

Steve and i...

Daph, this guy has been really

shitty to you.

He's different since we've

gotten back together.

Are you laughing?

Well, okay,

picture this: Until I can find a

decent motherfucker that will

love me and also my kid, then

Steve's all I got.

You ever met someone who moved

you from the moment you met him?

Negro, if I had I wouldn't be

with Steve's ass right now.

Well, he might still be out

there, and if you get with this

fool, you're never gonna meet

him.

Or maybe I've already met him,

I just have to ride a rough time

right now.

You love him?

I do.

But not more than you, but you

don't have a dick and you know

I love that dick, girl,

especially when it's dug.

♪

Why you always gotta harass me?

Why can't you just learn how to

cook?

One, two, three, it's easy.

Ronnie, like I never cook?

You cook about as much as

werewolves come out, like once a

month.

Yeah, well, if a werewolf was

married to your ass it wouldn't

come out at all.

Marriage is hard on you,

isn't it?

What you talking about?

Cooking.

You hate being married because

you have to cook.

You ain't never like cooking.

You always make a production,

I do what's easy.

Your daddy likes it when I make

a production.

What about you?

I love it when your daddy's

happy.

Took a long time to get to this

point.

So take the easy route?

Yes.

And let time do its work.

Time.

Time will take all the fight and

anger out of a man.

Your father just woke up, and he

realized that fighting me wasn't

helping him.

You've just got to be willing to

stick around.

And if you love him you will.

Really?

Men ain't all that different,

whoever it is, kalindra.

They're children that never

wean.

And the ones that don't fight

you with their fists will fight

you with their heart.

And that can be ugly, too.

You and Ronnie'll figure it out.

And you won't have to go through

most of the things I went

through, thank god.

Pssht, thirty years is a long

time to be married.

Thirty years is a long time to

be anything.

And you'll tell your kids

the same thing.

You might have to wait on the

grandkids.

She got a bug up her about going

to live in New York for a while.

Enough just isn't enough, is it?

Sometimes I wonder just why you

can't settle.

You may have to wait

on grandkids.

Thanks.

I'm to fucking blame?

No, you know how hard it is for

me to tell my mom what I wanna

do without getting a damn

lecture.

Well, you're not settled,

kalindra.

Grown people figure out what the

fuck they're gonna do, and they

stick with it.

They don't go flyin' all over

the motherfuckin' place trying

to confuse other people.

How settled do I have to be when

I'm a minimum wage waitress?

If you're confused, that's

'cause of who you are.

Boy, you are fucking

selfish, dude.

Because I wanna do something

outside of what everyone

expects?

You want me to say "fine, go to

New York, I'll wait 'til you

fucking come back"?

Yeah.

I'm not.

♪

So you won't even let me fill

out an application?

No, I'm not gonna let you fill

out an application 'cause i'm

not gonna let you get this bar

closed down.

But I really am twenty-one.

On your best day you're not

twenty-one, alright?

You need the job that badly?

Yes, my mom's sick,

I really need to help out around

the house.

There's not that much work

going around.

Alright, alright.

Listen, put your number in

there.

I'll make a phone call.

It's not gonna be a bar,

but it'll be work.

You'll do that?

Yeah, I'll do it, alright?

Thanks.

Alright, I'll call you, okay?

Okay.

Sorry.

It's alright.

Where's Curtis?

At home.

What, you thought he'd be here?

Yeah, I did.

You dig him, don't you?

I appreciate his poetry.

Ha, appreciate his poetry?

Okay.

Listen, I'm gonna be straight

with you, alright?

He's floatin' right now, and I

don't know when he's gonna land,

so don't play with his emotions.

What happened to him back in

Philly?

He's gonna have to tell you

that.

4250 Underwood.

♪

Whose plant?

Mine.

Horticulturist?

No.

Therapy.

Therapy?

Take care of something that

can't take care of me back.

Where'd you learn that from?

Back home, I had some issues

and a homey of mine shared that

with me when I was in a

situation.

He also said, "care about what

you care about, fuck the rest."

So, for now,

I care about the plant.

You must've had a rough time

back home.

Tattoos tell the story.

How long you been writing?

Since I was a shorty.

But I stopped.

How about you?

I just started like a year ago.

You should be proud.

I mean, I know a lot of people,

you know, they write for years,

and they suck.

So, what got you writing?

Well, a lot of things.

We almost had a baby.

And I just needed an outlet.

Don't we all.

No one's ever done that before.

What?

Remember my poetry.

Yeah.

You and it spoke to me.

You know when you said my poem

back I thought you were

mocking me, right?

Yeah.

It's good.

Could be better, if you don't

mind me saying so.

You're entitled to your opinion.

Yeah, well, thanks.

You read?

Yeah.

Poets? Like you read poets?

Yeah.

Really read?

You know, like yeats and frost

and...

Other dead white

motherfuckers that aren't very

interesting, but they teach us

how to be better poets.

The black poets that write in

their crazy dialect, all the

poets.

Well, maybe not that deep, but...

Not that deep, but you expect to

be better.

How?

I'm being judged by someone who

won't step up to the plate?

So, you don't wanna get better.

You really got a lot to say

about what everybody else does,

especially when you're floating

through life.

Follow me.

"And most especially when you

have forgotten sunday, when

you have forgotten sunday

halves in bed,

or me sitting in the front-room

radiator in the limping

afternoon looking off down the

long street."

That's a bad girl.

Gwendolyn Brooks, beautiful

black woman.

Kinda like somebody I know.

She never thought her stuff

would be heard, but she kept

writing.

She just kept writing about her

loves and about the bullshit

that broke her down.

She wrote about things that

made her human, good and bad,

for everybody to hear.

Well, I'm not pouring my heart

out for everybody to be in my

business.

Well, then why you get up on

stage?

You got it all figured out,

don't you?

Not everything.

Some shit,

but not everything.

Hey, I don't think you can

prepare unexpected.

♪

♪ So frightening it's fragile ♪

♪ you'll never hear me sing ♪

♪ but it's in my eyes ♪

♪ been torn down ♪

♪ but I reconstructed after ♪

♪ the destruction he did ♪

♪ still I'm afraid ♪

♪ I checked carefully ♪

♪ I trust in you, baby ♪

♪ do you care for me? ♪

♪ Ooh, lay me down ♪

♪ love me how I want and ♪

♪ deserve to be loved ♪

♪ by a man

♪ do I have to say that I'm ♪

♪ falling deeply? ♪

♪ Do I have to say, love, that ♪

♪ your fingertips ♪

♪ I could show you better than ♪

♪ I could ever tell ♪

Hey, kal.

Whaddup, deeky deek?

Trying to get everybody ready

to roll.

Hey, there's somebody here

asking about you.

Who that?

Hey, can you do me a favor and

go on next?

Nicole's not here with her

always-late ass.

Yeah, babe.

"Read each of my selves until

I know myself well enough to

create cures for us both, and I

will grow lavender from my scalp

that you can prune

with your presence whenever you

choose to.

Bite me whenever you choose

to..."

Hey.

Hey, babe.

Where you been?

I gotta go up.

Okay.

"We will tame hunger,

breed a new people,

and find a way to love each

other forever."

Alright, y'all, it look like

Nicole had better things to do,

but don't worry, I got a little

somethin' to hold you over.

I think I'm gonna try this one

off the top of my dome.

"Why kill me softly with a song?

Why not celebrate my existence?

Why not dance in my life and

show me, love me, give me my

next breath with your kiss?

Is that too hard to do?

Is it too hard to look from

behind the hardness of your own

heart to hearten me?

And if you kill me softly,

is it not still murder?

And if you murder me,

does not part of you die, and

with a song?

A song which is just a

modulation of pitches,

those pitches so quickly turning

into a scream for help,

for love,

for hope?

Lift my voice, brother.

That way I can sing your praises

everyday."

"I don't use sheet music when

I write street music..."

Thought I'd sneak up on you.

So, all these people think that

you're good.

Well, I'd be afraid to ask.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Okay.

"we're losin',

we're losin'..."

It's not a good time.

Let's just bounce.

My husband's here.

You weren't lying?

I never lied to you.

You're really married.

I thought you were bullshittin'.

It's not a good time, okay?

Nah, that's cool.

I think I'm just gonna go holla

at your husband for a minute.

"while our nightmares keep

us prepared for worst-case

scenario.

That is the day when we have to

play our stereos very low

unless they tuned into pot radio

braggin' and boastin'..."

Mind if I cop a seat, brother?

Go ahead.

"the number one percussion

when the blood get to rushin'"

how are you, brotha?

I'm cool, man, how are you?

I'm good, good.

Solid.

You a poet?

Nah.

I just really dig the vibe.

You?

Tryin' to widen my horizons.

I heard that.

That never hurt.

Where do you know kalindra from?

I know her from here.

Other poetry spots around

town, too.

You ever hear her do her thing?

No, not until tonight.

Alright, that was excellent.

Alright, I just wanna take time

to say thank you to my husband

for coming out tonight.

I appreciate you.

And next up we have

Mr. Marky Mark.

You're married to her, and you

never heard her spit?

No, I'm just saying, you know,

if that were my wife...

I think if I ain't listening,

she gotta be talking to

somebody else.

Well, it's a good thing she's

not your wife, isn't it?

True.

Fuck, Ronnie.

I forgot to tell you,

you were really good.

Thanks.

I don't know why you wanna go to

New York, hell, we've never

been apart longer than two days,

but I'll think about it.

Why don't you celebrate my

existence?

I'm sorry about the other day.

Why are you apologizing?

You told the truth, I believed

differently.

I've never done anything like

this before, never.

There's a first time

for everything, right?

Curtis, can I see you?

For what?

To talk.

The park on 62nd near the

basketball courts, okay?

Yeah, alright.

Hello.

Hey, kal, telephone for you.

Hello?

Fifteen years I've had this

place, and nothing like this

has ever happened.

Well, where is he?

Babe, what happened?

Fine.

I told this motherfucker pedey!

I fucking told pedey,

"stop fucking coming late!"

It fucks with everybody's hours!

This motherfucker tells me to

get off of fucking Derek's dick

and be my own fucking man!

What did you do?

I broke his fucking nose.

No.

Yeah, I did.

I broke his fucking nose.

Okay, alright.

Come on.

I can't let pedey sue me

because this happened on my

premises.

Fuck you, Derek!

Fuck you and this motherfuckin'

gas station!

You should've fired that

motherfucker a long time ago!

I'm sorry, kalindra.

Yeah, me too.

♪

♪ Today I say goodbye to ♪

♪ something that has been very ♪

♪ prominent in my life ♪

♪ love love

♪ it had me on a high ♪

♪ then pushed me off the edge ♪

♪ like it wanted me to die ♪

♪ but I will not be defeated ♪

♪ by love ♪

♪ love love ♪

♪ I had been broken by love ♪

♪ so I'm so elated these gates ♪

♪ are open for love ♪

♪ filled out until next time ♪

♪ I'm tired of writin' songs ♪

♪ about you, poured my ♪

♪ heart inside my poems ♪

♪ hope you know ♪

every time I try to get ahead in

life, it comes and bites me in

the ass.

That's not true, babe.

I blow my knee out,

my basketball career's over.

They take away my scholarship,

and I can't finish school, and I

get stuck in this shitty job.

My mom was right.

Don't start.

It's what she said,

I'd wind up like my drunk

ass daddy.

You gotta get past that shit.

You're gonna have to put off

going to New York.

We don't have enough money.

I'll find another job, baby.

Yeah, I know you will.

No, Earl, I'm not gonna be able

to come to New York.

Yeah, um, Ronnie lost his job.

Yeah.

No, I'm still writing.

Yeah, well, the nuyorican ain't

goin' anywhere, right?

Right, well, I'll get up.

♪

Do you want wings or legs?

A wing, please.

Excellent.

Just water to drink?

Yes, please.

Awesome.

Thank you.

It's my pleasure, thank you.

Hi, I'll be right with...

You.

You two see anything you like?

Everything.

You know this is my favorite

spot.

Yeah, that's what you said.

Kal, I didn't know you worked...

Here.

You guys know each other?

Yeah.

Somethin' like that.

Kal, this is Jasmine.

Hi.

Haven't seen you at any of the

readings lately.

What reads?

Poetry.

You do poetry?

Here I thought you were just an

a and r guy.

A and r?

Congrats.

It ain't what you think.

You two on a date?

I'm feeling him out.

Word of advice?

Never keep him waiting and

always be upfront with him.

Curtis, can you have your friend

take our order now?

What can I get you?

Louis!

Yo.

We need more filters, babe.

Alright, I'll get some from the

back.

You know what?

Why don't you pay the check?

How much do I owe you, kal?

I waited two fucking hours at

the park.

Curtis, I tried to come.

I don't know what you're trying

to pull, but you ain't got an

honest fucking bone in your

body, you know that?

You might be the only person I

ever wanted to be honest with.

Save it up for your husband,

kal.

It's all there.

Tip?

Tip?

Be honest, that's your tip.

Hey.

Guess my dick does taste like

chocolate.

Ouch.

Is she here?

It didn't end so well.

Thanks a lot, kal.

Look, my husband got fired from

his job.

He needed me and that's why I

didn't come.

Look, kal, whatever you got

going on with your old man,

if this is payback,

you gotta,

you gotta work that shit out.

If you want me to leave, I will.

I don't mind you staying.

She might mind.

Ooh,

don't do that.

Menage?

♪ this might be

♪ the only time for us ♪

♪ baby, take your time, ♪

♪ don't you rush ♪

she's cute.

Look at that smile, she's really

cute.

How long's it been since you

seen her?

Three years.

What's her name?

Alana.

Alana... I like that.

Why so long, though?

Her mama, chantelle.

There must be a big story behind

that.

Well, she doin' alright.

Actually, I'm friends with her

mom's cousin, so she keeps me up

on what's going on with my

daughter.

She has developmental issues.

They say she's two grades behind

where she should be.

Then why are you here instead of

back there fighting for her?

For a woman that doesn't like to

share a lot about herself you

sure are gettin' to know a lot.

Ooh, touche.

How's the new job?

What new job?

You know,

the a and r gig.

I don't have an a and r gig.

I was an assistant on the video

she was on.

I was trying to tell the girl I

was in a and r as an assistant.

I didn't get passed a and r.

And she was pushin' up on you

instantly.

That green-eyed bitch.

What?

Damn.

So you hit it?

Don't you see us right now?

What? No, I'm just curious

what it's like tappin' that.

So why me, kalindra?

Why the boy from Philly?

"Since I've given into my demons

my guilt thrusts me forward.

My body calls my spirit into

question and,

well, I don't have the answers."

Another poem.

How about a straight answer?

Yeah.

So what's the deal with this

dude you runnin' from?

It's hard to find the right

words.

Well, when you do find the right

words I'll be right here

ready to listen.

Okay, but it doesn't look like

either of us are big on talking.

You know why I remembered your

poem?

'Cause when you got on the mic

it was like you meant every word

of it.

It was like your soul depended

on every single word,

like you'd die if you didn't

get all that shit out.

I loved every fuckin' part of

it.

I get what you meant,

what you wanted it to mean,

like you sat down and wrote

just for me.

I was feelin' it.

Yet you think I can get better.

There's some things you're damn

near perfect at.

So round two?

I gotta go, poetry calls.

Coffee shop?

Yes, the place for

underdeveloped poets.

Then take your ass and get

developed.

Peace.

"Kiss me like July,

like fireworks, running in the

sprinklers, like fireflies,

like sleep after full day

yes, kiss me..."

Whoo!

Whaddup, bitch?

Hey, heffer.

Where you been?

You and Michael fell off the

face of the earth.

Well, you know, love'll do that

to you sometimes.

Steve.

Kalindra.

I need to talk to you.

Now?

Whenever you have some time.

Right.

Girl, I have this poem

that is so hot.

I mean, it's a love poem.

Love?

This shit is like...

It'll get you moist.

I hate that word.

P, can Daphne go up next?

She got twenty dollars, she can

do anything.

Twenty dollars?

He said twenty dollars.

Go.

Okay, 'cause I ain't paying

twenty dollars.

Follow his ass up.

Do your thing, baby.

Earn that twenty.

People can change, kalindra.

When you got a

man puttin' his hands on you,

you ain't got no right to be

extra about what goes on

between me and Daphne.

Excuse me?

You heard me.

Already told me, you know.

Nigga knocks you on your ass a

few times.

Look, you deal with your shit

before you try to get into mine.

Then we can be cool.

Alright?

I like that green.

It's money.

Don't tell that nigga my

business.

Come on, kalindra.

I mean, I was at the hospital

with you, I let you stay at my

place when Ronnie was cuttin'

out.

What the hell was I supposed to

say when Steve asked?

You say it's none of his

business.

Okay, I'm sorry.

He shouldn't have said anything.

You're damn right.

Kalindra, I'm sorry.

At least I know what I can tell

you and what I can't.

Work on that poem.

It's flat.

"My aches ache.

My pain sings out.

Fuck this.

Who the fuck gives a fuck?

Does someone give a shit about

me, my pain, my shit?

I'm sick of being the bitch

for you, motherfucker.

Do I feel guilty about how I

live my life?

Fuck yeah.

But not the guilt you think,

you low piece of shit."

Kalindra, wake the fuck up.

Hey.

You were mumbling in your sleep.

Which?

Um,

the blue.

Blue? Okay, purple.

The manager from sav-on really

liked me other day,

just called, said that the

district manager wants to meet

me.

I think they're going to hire

me.

That's good, that's really good.

Have a good interview.

This bitch is married and you

boned her anyway?

Why?

'Cause I like her, bro.

I fucking like her, man.

All the shit that you find

yourself in, why would you put

yourself in the same situation

you were in back in Philly?

It's not the fucking same

situation as chantelle

in Philly.

It's the same situation except

now you're doing what was done

to you!

How does that make you feel?

She's exactly what I need right

now.

No, what you need

is a job

and some common sense.

Don't turn this into some love

at first sight bullshit.

Hey.

Lots of construction?

Hey, will.

What goes on between you and

your husband is none of my

business, but he is my business,

and you shouldn't be here.

You told him I was married?

And now he hates me.

No, he doesn't hate you.

He's my older brother, so he's

trying to protect me, kalindra.

He doesn't fuckin' hate you.

Old girl, what's her name?

Chantelle?

Yeah.

She must've really done a job on

you more than you're letting on.

I put chantelle's boyfriend in

the hospital.

That's why she won custody.

I spent three and half years in

jail.

Jail?

I threw her boyfriend, his name

was Kevin, I threw his stupid

ass off a balcony.

Paralyzed him from the waist

down.

My god.

And here I am trying to get it

back.

When did you get out?

A week before I came here, and

the worst part about it is that

she wasn't even sleeping with

the dude.

Why did it happen?

He thought that she was breaking

up with him to get back with me.

He came at me...

He came at me with a gun.

I lost my cool.

Wow.

Well,

that's the past.

You can start your life over

now.

I did, kalindra.

And then along came

this really pretty,

bright, passionate

poet.

With the same fucking baggage.

It scared the shit out of me.

I thought I recognized you,

kalindra.

Hey, miss Leona.

Hey, baby.

I just stopped in to pick up

some food on my way home from

work.

Yes, ma'am.

Um, miss Leona is one of my

mother's friends.

And he is?

I'm one of kalindra's friends.

We met at a poetry reading,

like a lounge.

Yeah, he's helping me.

We're actually going over some

poetry, and he's kinda coaching

me along.

You a poet, kalindra?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, charlayne never told me

about that.

Well, she thinks it's just a

phase.

Well, if your mama don't

know you, who does?

Anyway, I gotta go.

I'm here to pick up a to-go

order.

Okay, I'll check on that.

Here you go.

Good luck with your poetry,

baby.

Thank you, ma'am, I appreciate

it.

Definitely gonna hear about

that?

God, am I.

Yeah.

You tell your brother

I won't my shithead husband

anywhere near you.

You tell your shithead husband

that I can handle myself.

I can see that.

So you're sure you're not gonna

run from me

and this thing we got going

'cause old girl saw us?

Well, it'll come to a natural

end anyway, right?

Everything comes to a natural

end.

The question is if the ending is

gonna be good or bad.

It's only a job interview, you

don't have to let it ruin your

entire night.

This motherfucker tells me I

don't have enough experience in

the drugstore field.

I'm like, experience?

Managing is handling people and

solving any problem that they

have.

It doesn't matter if you do it

in a drugstore, pharmacy,

footlocker, gas station,

wherever.

Did you tell him that?

Come on, people never listen to

what they don't want to hear.

Well, sometimes you gotta speak

up anyway.

Well, maybe I can attach a poem

to my appli-ca-tion-tion

Because Ronnie is

feeling depleted and de-fea-Ted

not being the pro-per sort of

man-a-ger.

You can be such an asshole.

Wow.

See? You listened.

Next time I'm in an interview,

I will speak my piece.

♪

You know your boy got balls,

right?

Knockin' out fools smooth the

fuck out.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

I bet his ass won't be late for

work no more.

Now he doesn't have a job.

A job?

He'll get another job.

But he got his swag back like

when we was in high school.

That's what I'm talkin' about,

runnin' shit.

Back in the days we was hoopin'

we had shit on lock,

on motherfuckin' lock.

On lock!

We used to go out to venice

beach for like forty-eight hours

and make like 300 dollars.

Bitches, weed, and hoops,

that's it, that's all.

No, no, kalindra all earthy,

and she ain't tryin' to hear

your gangster ass.

Ronnie tryin' to hear me.

Thank you.

Let them know we still up on it.

No matter how much time pass,

we still them niggas from back

in the days that'll bring you

your hat.

What?

I feel you, baby, I feel you.

I know you feel me.

I'm knowing it 'cause this my

boy.

You know what I mean?

But kalindra only want him to be

some new millenium ol'

soft ass nigga.

Whatcha gonna buy him some

skinny jeans next?

Lem.

What?

Relax.

Why you staring at me like that,

kalindra?

You still do that,

spoken word poetry,

what is that?

Yeah, Lem.

Well, bless your brother Lem

with something.

Enlighten me.

Show me the path, I'm walking

in the dark.

What?

Stop.

What, is her shit wack?

If it's wack, I won't bother.

Is her shit wack?

Y'all heard her shit?

Damn, Lem.

What, mama, I'm just...

Ronnie!

What?

Tell your boy he needs to chill.

Kalindra ain't listening to this

motherfucker...

Why you hanging out with these

niggas?

They're my friends.

They've been my friends since I

was little, they're gonna be my

friends when don't nobody give

a fuck.

He was trying to embarrass me.

No, no, he wasn't, that was

just Lem being Lem.

Pissin' on me because I want

something better out of my life.

Kalindra, everybody ain't

shootin' for the stars like you.

You just gotta accept that.

You used to.

And look at what fucking

happened.

A dream ain't nothing but

something you wake up from, k.

You wanna be here by yourself?

Okay.

"I didn't know I needed to say

'rescue me, ' I thought you saw

me flailing.

When you claim a woman, lay her

on her back and pretend you are

appendage.

Call her by her god-given name."

Chris, thank you so much.

My bad for making you wait

that long.

Not at all, I really like

listening to the poetry.

So you wanna make a slam team,

Yeah, I think it's time for me

to be around people that make me

step my game up.

You do know most people don't

make the cut, right?

Well, you gotta at least try,

right?

A'ight.

Slam tryouts next week.

Alright.

Alright.

Next week.

♪

♪ The way you dance and look

♪ in the moonlight

♪ I promise it was love

♪ at first sight

♪ and I can't let this

♪ moment pass

♪ I want this night to last

♪ the way you speak

♪ your words so softly

♪ I'm telling the truth

♪ you killing me softly

♪ no amount of pain

♪ in your past

♪ is the fact I want

♪ you to grasp

"and if I have to scale

mountains to have you, I will

like a mountain goat with baby

horns who can't knock down shit

who says to himself,

'these horns don't work for

shit, but I'm out to find

my mama'"

nice?

That ain't,

that ain't the poem you doing

for the tryout.

Yeah.

Whatcha think?

That shit sucks.

What?

I'm lying.

Man.

I'm lying.

Crazy ass.

Wow.

You didn't like it?

I was thinking if I gotta say

this shit is good just to hit

it, I'll do it, but damn,

I ain't gotta like it.

That shit was awful, that was

horrific.

You straight hated on me.

No, them baby goats with baby

horns and shit hated on you.

They have little horns.

The what?

Do that again.

Do that again.

Alright, then, Mr. Big stuff,

why don't you get up and show me

how it's done?

Write a poem for me.

Nah.

What do you mean, nah?

Nah.

I'll write one about you

for when this...

Fantasy we got going ends

you'll never forget me.

Come on.

Let me go rub my Booty on you.

♪ Hey homey tell me whatchu

♪ think right quick

♪ just a outta town brotha

♪ with a style so sick and

♪ I walk quick

♪ this is the beginnin'

♪ I started out with rags

♪ now I'm collectin' my linens

♪ I'm just livin'

♪ how I'm livin'

♪ I get it how I get it

♪ so I'm livin'

♪ how I'm livin'

♪ you better not forget it

♪ 'cause I'm livin'

♪ how I'm livin'

no, daph, I'm not avoiding you.

Yeah, I am still mad.

Hold on.

That's my mama, let me call

you back.

Hey, mama.

So, you just roll around with

some man and don't give a damn

what someone else might think.

Miss Leona don't even know what

she's talking about.

You were kissing this man in

public.

And Leona saw that, too.

And you know she knows Ronnie's

family.

She only came to me because i'm

her friend.

Life never jumped in your face

and said, "surprise, what you

think is, ain't"?

This ain't no poetry, kalindra.

This is real life.

Ronnie loves you and you out

screwing around behind his back.

That man put me in the hospital!

He knows he was wrong.

And he's growing into a good

man.

You need to talk to your

husband.

As long as I've been aware of

what the fuck goes on around

here, I used to tell myself,

"mama's so strong for putting up

with daddy's shit."

But you know what?

You need help.

Honey, the Bible says,

"for better or for worse."

Then maybe the Bible's fucking

wrong.

You watch your mouth.

What did you get out of your

life, mama?

More worse than good,

that's for sure.

After all these years, what is

there to be proud of?

I never ran,

no matter how tough it got.

Maybe that's why I've been

runnin' ever since.

♪

Hey.

Pedey's suing me.

Derek just called to tell me.

And your mother called.

She sounded all pissed off and

shit, so I told her I would call

her ass back.

Ronnie we need to talk.

We're talking.

I think one of us needs to move

on, and I think it needs to be

me.

What?

We've gone on too long.

This hasn't been good for either

of us.

Don't fuck with me, kalindra.

We don't work anymore, Ronnie.

I ain't got time for this.

I...

Turn the fucking TV off, please.

We don't work anymore?

You've been lettin' that poetry

shit fuck with your head, all

that mumbo jumbo half rap shit.

I ain't never stopped loving

you, kalindra.

I've never stopped loving you.

I don't think what we have is

love, Ronnie.

Well, I do, I do.

No.

I've seen love.

What we're doing, we're just

existing.

Did you not hear what I just

fucking said?

Did you not hear what I just

said about motherfuckin' pedey?

It's always about you,

why should things change now?

Get the fuck off me, Ronnie!

You say you wanna motherfuckin'

talk, then you try to

motherfuckin' leave.

We're gonna talk right

motherfucking now!

Why did you wait 'til now?!

Why don't you grow up?!

When you gonna realize,

when you gonna realize that you

hate your motherfuckin' self?

Sit your ass down.

Get the fuck up!

You a motherfuckin'...

Let's motherfuckin' talk.

Okay, bitch, you wanna fucking

talk?

You ain't get it, do you?

I'm the only motherfucker that

will put up with your black ass.

The only thing I had to put up

with is you, Ronnie.

You don't think I had to put up

with you blaming everybody

else for your fucked up life?

Stay...

Get the fuck off me!

Stay in this room, kalindra.

You come out, you get what you

deserve.

Thank you.

Shut up.

You know no matter what's going

on between us, we are still

best friends.

If he comes over here,

I got your back.

I thought you said things got

better.

They did.

I've been seeing this guy.

Seeing?

Does Ronnie know?

No.

Why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to, but...

But you thought I would tell

Steve.

Look, I will never tell Steve

anything else that you tell me

ever again.

Fuck a promise, bitch.

You gotta pinky swear.

I motherfuckin' pinky swear.

You know what else?

You're gonna be alright.

You're going to be okay.

So, I'm not seeing you tonight?

We had a... I don't know what

happened, it just came over me

all of a sudden.

The flu?

Yeah.

I, um...

I think I need to just lay low

for like a week

or so.

You sure it's the flu and not

the excuse to show me the door?

You sayin' I can't get sick?

Okay.

You're sick, I'll check on you

tomorrow.

Yo, um, flu season was over,

like, two months ago.

So says the knowledgeable

bartender.

Well, you don't have to be a

rocket scientist.

And you ain't, bro.

And I stopped watering your

plants, like, two weeks ago.

You might wanna check on them.

♪

Hey, kalindra, it's Curtis.

You okay?

Just calling to check on you.

Kalindra stepney, this is

Curtis Jackson.

I am wondering your whereabouts.

You tell me we were good and

solid and copasetic.

I'm trying to make sure that's

still the case.

Hoping you feel the same,

so why not give me a call?

Peace.

♪

This place is always empty.

And you had the flu.

Yeah, I, I didn't know how

to tell you I got mugged.

Your husband.

He's somethin' else?

Just lets you roam the streets.

No.

What the fuck?

He did this to you?

Please don't.

Please.

Why are you here?

I thought I was here to talk.

I can't talk at work.

Yeah, 'cause there's so many

people in here?

Ronnie called here today...

I don't wanna talk about it.

He's just trying to tell you

what happened.

And I told him...

Daddy.

I told him

to stay the hell away from you.

If you go back to him,

you'd be stupid.

I hit her, yeah, I know, I know.

But it's different when it's

your only child.

Maybe if your grandparents

had been just a little bit

smarter, they'd have kept

your mother...

Away from me.

Okay, kicked down syndrome girl

is over with tonight.

You gonna get up and

we goin' out.

Right now.

get up.

No.

Come on, girl, I gotta poem for

you, too.

"Roses are red,

violets are blue,

get your ass up..."

I'm still workin' on the end

part.

Come on, girl.

Get up.

♪ I'm moving on

♪ to new horizons

okay.

Daph.

Yes?

What are you doin'?

Come on.

I know how much this means

to you.

And if you give it up now,

you're gonna regret it.

What?

That's him.

Where?

Right there by

the window.

Pull over.

Pull over?

Pull off!

Okay, I'm pulling off, shit.

Hello?

So you leave because of me

or because you can't go in?

I waited on you to show a few

times.

Why?

So you could see me on stage.

What?

Well, kal, I figured it didn't

make any sense to do a poem I

wrote about you if you weren't

there to hear me do it.

Turn the car around.

What?

Turn around.

Alright, alright, I'm turning.

Alright, coming up next to the

mic is...

Curtis Jackson.

Did you know that's fifty cent's

name?

Yeah.

"This little lady brokenhearted,

so this little lady turned

stone.

Some little lady's cupid darted,

some little lady's all alone.

So, this little lady goes

wee, wee, wee, wee

all the way back to poem.

And poem goes back to me

like spine to tummy.

I come to you undefined,

raw, full of flaw,

buried alive like an unmarked,

unwrapped, swaddled mummy

left behind the door,

trapped inside a floor board

of a pyramid.

My mama been tellin' me I need

even more lord than I did as a

kid 'cause now I'm in a game of

hide-and-go-seek with self.

And I can't seem to remember

where she hid.

It's like I'm locked behind

these thirty-two bars of this

rhyme like I'm servin'

a thirty-two year bid for my

husband's crime.

And he's still filthy!

But I feel guilty!

Like he done geppettoed the

pinocchios outta my soul

with blows to my nose.

Now it's even hard to smell the

Rose that are right underneath

my toes and doctors suppose I

done lost my mind

like the scarecrow has scared

crow, just cry at the beautiful

death of a once beautiful love

now photographed perfectly and

framed in a chalk outline.

I am a prodigal dove

just flyin' to find my way

back home and lately old ladies

been offering me ten pennies for

my thoughts.

I turn 'em into a dime and tell

them it was because I loved him,

that's the reason I didn't fight

back.

The more he fought each time,

dear god, I swear I'm tryin'

through ears scarred that are

even becoming blind, it's

gettin' hard to hear how this

scene's supposed to play out.

Imagine what it feels like to be

kicked out of your own skin,

razor thin with razor thin

sticks that are sprouting from

my words, it hurts my mouth

when I speak.

But every time I write them in

stone, it's like I'm hurting

them.

I am a poetess, broken, flirtin'

with a pen

that don't even like my hand.

I am a dilapidated wo-man, so

whoa, man.

Whoa.

You gotta handle me with care.

Can't you see I got empty rooms

inside of here?

And filled with dirt on my

walls,

though frantically and patiently

I still sit next to a broken

phone awaiting god's call.

This poem wasn't written to be

tall and handsome, but i'm

admittin' that it's dark,

full of callous fists that beat

me and beat me and beat me

until my heart split.

So, if this here be

woman's anonymous,

hello,

I am the wife of a piece

of shit,

and on the side I been

datin' Satan and that

motherfucker gotten me hatin' my

life and gotten me thinkin'

there's gotta be more to the

stage than an encore of rage.

So, dear god,

please,

please let me in on your secret

on how a beautiful but broken

bird can still sing when she's

locked underneath the cage

when all she ever dreamed of

was to find the love worthy

of her pen

and her page.

Peace to my beautiful daughter,

peace be with her.

May god watch over her.

♪

He just poured his heart and

soul out on that one.

Why don't we take a break?

♪

How long you been here?

A moment.

Will let me in.

He likes me again.

I love you, too.

You should see if she'll let you

talk to your daughter.

Chantelle.

I tried to call chantelle.

She hung up the phone.

Keep trying.

It's not that easy, kal.

Then stop fighting.

End it.

Right here, right now.

What about the bully?

Ronnie.

I'm leaving him

for good.

I don't want you to go back.

Don't go back.

Look at me.

Stay with me.

I need you.

I want to get to know you

better.

I want to get to know you, too.

Don't you fuck with me.

I'm not, I'm not.

♪

What are you doing here?

I came to see my wife.

How ya doing?

Fine.

I'm not gonna bite you.

I got a job, I start next week.

Department store clerk.

It's not great, but it'll do.

Look, maybe we could go to

therapy, baby, get a new handle

on shit.

Ronnie...

Come on, kalindra, think of all

the shit that we've been

through, but we stuck together.

I can't handle you puttin' your

hands on me anymore.

We've been together since

freshman year of high school,

kalindra.

Just give me a second.

Please.

You gotta be out before Daphne

gets back.

Okay.

Lem says I should say fuck it,

go out and fuck as many hoes

as I can.

That's Lem for you.

I told him to shut the fuck up.

Wow.

I'm sure he didn't take that

very well.

No.

But he ain't fightin' to get

his wife back.

So I guess since I'm out the

way, New York is back on?

No, timing's not right.

Why didn't you ever talk to me

about us, kalindra?

I didn't think it mattered.

I mean, our lives have been

nothing but pain and

misunderstanding and fighting

and arguing and fuckin'.

It's been about making my

parents happy and never talking

about your mother.

It's been about everybody

but us.

That's not true.

It is true, Ronnie.

You've been stuck in your pain

for so long, and I felt so sorry

for you that

I let you stay there.

And I was wrong for that, I was

wrong for not telling you how

disappointed I've been for so

many years.

Your parents got past it.

Who wants to be like my parents?

You know, this poetry shit was

good for you, kalindra.

I didn't have that.

And after the baby died, you had

something, I didn't have

anything.

You know, I got all this shit

going on inside of me.

Don't nobody ever ask

me what the fuck I think.

When did you ever stop to

think to ask me what I thought?

You know, it's hurts me just as

much on the inside as it does

you or anybody else.

I never thought, I'm sorry.

All I tried to do was be strong.

That's it.

I can't have nobody thinkin' i'm

a fuckin' punk.

I know, I know.

I never thought, I'm sorry.

Come here.

I'm sorry.

Wasn't I here for you?

Wasn't I here for you and for

the baby when your parents told

you that you weren't shit?

When nobody else was here for

you wasn't I here for you?

Get your hands off me.

Is there another nigga,

kalindra?

What would it matter if

there was?

'Cause I'm your fucking husband.

Yes.

And he doesn't put his hands

on me.

Who will you be angry with when

you're done with me, Ronnie?

You could care less that there's

another man.

You're always gonna find a

reason to put your goddamn hands

on me and that's why I stopped

loving you.

I-I-I didn't mean to.

You can't hide behind that

anymore.

Leave.

Please.

♪

I'm nervous.

I've never been on a plane

before, you know.

Got everything you need.

Nothing to worry about.

Got your three poems, right?

Yeah.

You got it all memorized?

Yes.

Look at you.

I'm on top of it.

You confident?

Well, then fuck the rest.

Fuck the rest.

Fuck the rest.

Fuck the rest.

You do care.

Yeah.

♪ Down down downtown ♪

♪ east or West Side ♪

♪ I just want her for a bride ♪

♪ she's a New York City girl ♪

♪ in a big ol' fancy world ♪

♪ I just hope there's room for ♪

♪ me ♪

♪ could there be room

♪ for me in her high society ♪

♪ high society ♪

♪ her skin of golden brown ♪

♪ I feel the warmth of ♪

♪ sunlight in her smile

♪ baby ♪

♪ the type of eyes that see ♪

♪ right through my games ♪

♪ she tames my inner child ♪

♪ drives me wild ♪

♪ at times I'm livin' for ♪

♪ the moment ♪

♪ other times I'm stuck ♪

♪ in the past ♪

"I'm a grandson of adversity...

Direct descendants of uncle

Sam's draft picks of a latino

but we a Spanish assimilation

whose prior culture

was influenced by both

African and Asian traders

primo, I am both deceitful

pillager and peaceful villager

I'm the euro-centric immune

system surviving the cold,

arabic beauty that was

enslaved and sold

I am deadly arrow, belly of

the beast with the smallpox

cure

my people's blood is so mixed,

but our soul is just so pure

now I live at the top of the

metropolitis grid

swingin' from coconut palms to

city light posts as a kid

so when you checkin' for words,

cousin, know who you seekin'

I am, and always have been,

a nuyorican.

One more time for abbott

getta words

layin' it down,

representin' the New York

to the fullest.

Bx!

Bronx, baby.

So, coming up next...

Man I didn't think this was

gonna happen, k...

My friend's new,

not new-new,

kinda new to poetry.

I was the second person she told

that she was gonna start writing

poetry after she told herself.

And she promised me that she

would make it to the nuyo

one day, and here she is.

I'm real proud of her.

Welcome to the stage

kalindra stepney.

Come on, y'all.

Make some noise.

Representin' the west coast.

West si-de.

Yes.

Now, y'all know the routine for

poets that haven't been on this

stage before, so we're gonna do

it on the count of three,

alright?

Here we go.

One, two, three.

Virgin.

Congratulations, your cherry's

just been popped.

"Who the fuck do you think you

are?

Who the fuck do you think you

are?

Was the question posed to me

asked in your furtive glances

when I dared to speak up

asked after makin' love when we

were supposed to be fuckin'

and after fuckin' when we were

supposed to be makin' forever.

It was asked when you were

relentless in your anger

dead silent in your

disappointment

furious in you self hatred

never really wanting an answer

never cared what the answer was

it was asked to throw me into a

contemplative silence

and it worked

I was scared to answer

scared I wouldn't have an answer

'who the fuck do you think you

are' screamed in my face as your

punches landed on my skin like a

whip on a slave's back

whispered between your sorrowful

makeup cries of a abused child

who became a gnarled man.

Well, I wanna answer

as a matter of fact, I am happy

to answer your question

I am me

now, hold on

because when I say that you get

confused, it's understandable

because when you tell someone

who doesn't really know you

the answer to the question is me

they don't think of me,

they think of the me they have

created, only that's not the me

I'm talkin' about

I'm talkin' about the me you

don't see, the me you take

for granted, the me that doesn't

even know it's me until I say

'yes, that's me'

in all my motherfuckin' glory

and all my fucked-up-ness

and all the ways I have yet to

understand

bitch? Yeah, that's me

selfish? That's me, too

angry, bitter, loving, warm,

tender, brilliant... all me

so damn me that I don't know who

me is 'cause I got so many mes

wrapped up in me

but I figured this shit out

and I want the clock to go back

I wanted to take you and me all

the way back to the very first

time you asked me that question

to the very first time you were

so fucking confused by my me

that it wasn't really a question

it was a condemnation,

an accusation, a way of puttin'

me in my place

so go for it

ask me

who the fuck do you think you

are, kalindra?

Well, motherfucka, I'm glad

you asked

like yahweh, god formed from

the word 'hayah': I am

I am the Alpha and omega

I am strong, I am weak

I am kind and I am filled with

the kind of love that you will

never take away

I am sick of your shit, so i'm

gonna stop this date from ever

becoming a relationship

so you will never lay your hands

on me and curse me and abuse me

because you don't know who the

fuck you are

I am going to allow this

back to the future moment to be

so that I will never lose sight

of the very simple but true fact

that I am

me

That's who the fuck I am!

When I realized why I thought

I was writing poetry and why I

wasn't really living

was the same,

things change.

And I didn't need to get the

approval I'd been seeking.

I'd fooled myself into thinking

I was expressing my problems in

my poems.

I was lying.

I hadn't even told myself the

problems.

I took his abuse, but I accepted

my own toward myself and

I didn't need to.

No one needs to.

If where you are in life doesn't

feel right in your heart,

and if what's in your heart

doesn't feel right in your life,

you have to make yourself heard

after you hear yourself.

That wasn't taught to me.

The women in my life never

spoke the things that were

in their hearts.

Maybe they never spoke it

because they were scared, not

of their husbands, but where

their lives would be if they

were alone,

if they decided not to bear the

burden women are expected to

willingly bear.

Sometimes we focus too much on

how we'll be seen and judged.

And if we don't have people in

our lives who won't harm us

because of the hate they have

for themselves, then life is

pretty miserable.

And who wants to lead a

miserable life?

So, I told myself,

"before you write another word,

find out who you are

so this sort of thing

never happens again."

I think that if you are to be

very true to yourself

and listen,

really listen to the things

you never say,

you won't have to be in this

room or in a prison cell

or in the jail of your own fears

writing when the truth is

waiting on you to just speak it.

But you have to listen.

You have to be quiet and listen,

not to the garbage everybody

puts into your soul, the things

you fight every day just to make

yourself feel worthy of walking

this earth...

You have to listen to your

spirit.

Listen to your soul.

♪

♪ I live to learn ♪

♪ and break the spell ♪

♪ there's a time to laugh ♪

♪ and a time to yell ♪

♪ I'm not afraid ♪

♪ to stand or fall ♪

♪ like a Rose in bloom ♪

♪ on a fertile soil ♪

♪ my love

♪ will take you higher ♪

♪ sweet dew ♪

♪ sweet dew ♪

♪ scent of desire ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ no doubt we can grow deeper ♪

♪ we can go deeper ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm here ♪

♪ right now I'm real ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ relationships are tricky and ♪

♪ sometimes even love is a ♪

♪ means to an end

♪ a Rose in bloom ♪

♪ I reach to touch the sky ♪

♪ my roots go deep ♪

♪ I was born to thrive ♪

♪ my love ♪

♪ will take you higher

♪ will take you higher, babe ♪

♪ sweet dew ♪

♪ sweet dew ♪

♪ scent of desire ♪

♪ scent of desire ♪

♪ no doubt ♪

♪ no doubt ♪

♪ we can go deeper ♪

♪ we can go deeper ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm here ♪

♪ right now I'm real ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ my love ♪

♪ will take you higher ♪

♪ will take you higher, babe ♪

♪ sweet dew ♪

♪ sweet dew ♪

♪ scent of desire ♪

♪ scent of desire ♪

♪ no doubt ♪

♪ no doubt ♪

♪ we can go deeper ♪

♪ we can go deeper ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm here ♪

♪ right now I'm real ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪