Things (1989) - full transcript
An impotent husband, driven by a fanatical desire to father children, forces his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. The result: the birth of a multitude of monstrous THINGS.
(exploding)
- [Man] Oh, my god.
(gunshot blasting)
(exploding)
(people yelling)
(gunshot blasting)
(suspenseful music)
(man laughing muffled)
- I want you to have my baby.
My wife and I tried to have a baby,
but we could never get one.
Now it's up to you.
My true fair love.
(suspenseful music)
(muffled laughter)
You don't have to take a shower, dear.
(muffled laughter)
I said I wanted you to have my baby.
- [Masked Woman] I can't have your baby.
- Darling, I want you to have my baby.
(muffled laughter)
- [Masked Woman] I've
already had your baby.
- Aw, coochie, coochie,
coochie, coochie, coochie.
(frightening banging)
(shrieking)
(Doug screaming)
(mysterious music)
I brought you some of these
to help you ease the pain.
- Thanks, I hope they work,
I feel like I'm gonna die.
(mysterious music)
I'm feeling better already.
- That's very good.
(scary music)
(mysterious orchestral music)
(growling)
(mysterious orchestral music)
(insects buzzing)
Here, I'll grab that Don, thanks.
Yeah thanks Wally, you big jerk.
You asshole.
Have a good drive home, goof.
(tires squealing)
- Hi, and welcome to TV9
news, I'm Amber Lynn.
- I'm Johnny Scott.
- We're your hosts for today's broadcast,
following top news stories of the day.
We will speak briefly with
the leader of the Soviet Union
concerning topics of the
George Bush administration,
and the threat of nuclear war.
In Manhattan, an oil slick caused a truck
to crash into a hydo pole today.
Inside sources say the
residents of the Upper East Side
may be without electricity
for up to three hours.
(buzzing)
- What?
- Careful,
watch where you're going.
This way.
We're almost there.
- [Fred] Yeah, somebody
must've left the light on.
(dog barking)
- [Don] Well, we're almost there.
- [Fred] That was kinda hard to find.
(dog barking)
- [Don] If he's not home, we'll break in.
- [Fred] Okay.
(dog barking)
(pounding at door)
- [Don] Doug.
Well I guess we won't need
this with the light on.
(dog barking)
(knocking at door)
Doug.
(knocking at door)
He must be home, Doug, Doug, Doug.
(tapping at glass)
Are you home?
Doug, Doug?
Doug, are you home?
- Anybody home?
- Gotta be here somewhere, shit.
He's probably wasted out of his mind.
Doug, are you alive?
What we need is a couple of hot women
and a few beers up here.
(somber music)
Party, party, party.
- [Fred] You sure Doug won't mind
if we have a few of his beer?
- We can drink all we want.
- [Fred] Are you sure?
- I'm sure, I'm his brother.
I'm entitled to a few
privileges, don't you think?
- All right, let's dig in.
What's that a, a book?
- (laughing) "Horror of a
Thousand Ugly Brutal Cuts."
(laughing) A recorder, in the freezer.
Hey, let's try this thing.
- [Fred] That guy's pretty strange.
(ghostly whirring)
- [Ghostly Voice] Get your hands off this.
Get your hands off this.
- Don, Don.
You better turn it off, I
think I'm being possessed.
(yelling)
(laughing)
- [Don] Get a load of this
shit, Aleister Crowley, uh,
it's talkin' about the people
he killed before he died.
Oh my god, oh the diagrams are so sick.
(distorted voice vocalizing)
How'd that movie start that
you're always talkin' about?
You know that weird one
with all those weird things?
- Well it started when
they found a tape recorder
down in the basement.
They turned it on
- Get your hands off this.
- and there was all these weird
Satanic cults, chants on it.
That's kinda, that's how it all started.
- It's gettin' kinda hot in here.
(Don chuckling)
(distorted voices vocalizing)
Throw this in the freezer.
In storage maybe.
It's a good place for it.
(distorted ghostly voices vocalizing)
- [Doug] Turn this thing off!
Susan's trying to sleep, dammit.
(light, upbeat music)
- [Fred] Hm.
Hm, hm, see what we have here.
Hm-hmm.
- Huh, getting kinda nosey, aren't we?
(Don laughing)
- Kinda bored, looking
for a cockroach snack.
Can't see any of the delicious critters.
(water flowing)
All right, oh look, running
water and everything up here.
Hm, yep, it is plastic.
- This place is a joke.
(light, upbeat music)
It's pretty creepy up here.
Why don't you put something on TV?
- There's an idea.
- They get the bestiality network up here.
You can get stations
from Texas and New York,
underground stations,
death, murder, violence.
- Some programs that have
been off the air for years.
- Some of the stations,
he doesn't know where they're comin' from.
- A medical discovery by
the world renowned Dr. Lucas
of Grizzly Flats.
Scientists and surgeons
alike are very excited.
Dr. Lucas has discovered
that if the human brain
is exposed to ultraviolet light,
a human's lifespan will double.
Scientists all over the world
are very happy with the discovery and if.
(man groaning and gagging)
- [Tortured Man] Oh the pain.
Oh my god.
(man groaning)
Ah!
- Hm, hm.
- Is it you?
Do you have my baby?
My beautiful baby.
I want you
to have my baby.
Kill.
- This'll do the trick.
(laughing)
(man grunting)
(man gasping)
(man groaning)
- [Man] Kill them, kill
them, kill them, kill them.
Kill, kill,
I want you,
kill, kill
kill, kill.
- Unstrap his arm, bitch.
(haunting choral music)
(man crying out in pain)
A job well done, bitch.
- [Ghostly Voice] Kill me, kill me now.
I want you to have my baby. (laughing)
(squeaking)
(suctioning)
(man laughing)
(squeaking)
(tense music)
(man laughing evilly)
(tense music)
(man groaning)
(man laughing)
- Huh?
(tense music)
- Hm.
Hey, where'd he steal this chair from?
Should've taken Wally's advice
and gone back home with him.
This place is boring.
(guitar music)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Isn't this Salvador Dali's
famous "Devil's Daughter" painting?
It was thought to be burned years ago.
How did Doug get ahold of it?
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Huh, where did he get, get this?
- [Don] Oh well where,
where he used to live
was this last house on the left
and he stole it, but uh,
oh that's another story.
♪ Hasn't happened yet
but it sure feels ready ♪
♪ Be on your own with
it, don't forget it ♪
♪ Don't you know that
things will be the same ♪
(rock guitar music)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Just goin' 'round and goin' down ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken the knife ♪
- Ah, ooh!
♪ Hasn't happened yet
but it sure feels ready ♪
♪ Be on your own, with hell to pay ♪
- [Fred] It's still pretty dark in here.
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Say Don, I think Doug's
a little on the weird side
with his art collection,
if you know what I mean.
- [Don] That particular
painting, if I'm not mistaken,
was given to him by the Queen of England.
- Huh, yeah, well I didn't know that.
What's the matter with his TV set anyway?
(chuckling) Now that'll help.
See what we can get in on this thing.
(hard rock music)
Hey Don, get a load of this.
- [Don] Yeah, I'll be there in a second,
do you want a beer?
- Yeah.
Doggy, doggy, come here, right here.
Come on.
That-a girl.
♪ You're taking every kind
of pill to make you high ♪
♪ Playing with the other
guys'll leave you dry ♪
♪ Then you call me up ♪
- Yeah, that beer tastes like cow shit.
Must've came from a well in West Africa.
(water flowing)
I'll add some pure American water to it.
(Don humming)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Just goin' 'round, and goin' down ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken your life downtown ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Oh thanks, Don.
- Uh.
I saw this before.
What a bunch of trash.
(Don laughing)
Oh, I know that guy, that guy.
He's, he was in that other movie.
I think that one with Bruce
Lee, yeah that was it.
This company puts out the cheapest crap
I've ever seen. (laughing)
Oh, reliving old memories.
This is stupid.
(light guitar music)
(Don laughing)
I'm scared.
It's so cheap, it's suppose to be a ghost.
(Don laughing)
(loud whirring)
(women moaning)
- [Man] Help.
(women moaning)
- [Woman] Goofy perv!
- Here's a show I think you'll enjoy.
(women moaning)
How's the color coming in?
(women moaning)
- Yeah, that's good, leave it there.
(Doug burping loudly)
- What the fuck?
Didn't you dorks bring any food?
Eh.
Well, there's six day, or a
six month old bread in here.
Maybe I can make myself
some kind of a sandwich.
Eh.
(light, upbeat music)
- I thought he'd be pissed off about that.
(light, upbeat music)
- Oh thanks, Doug.
(light, upbeat music)
(laughing)
(light, upbeat music)
Hey Doug, uh, how 'bout
a couple more cold ones.
- Grab me one while you're at it, okay?
- Fred, Fred, Fred-freaka,
can't you do anything for yourself?
I think you've been reading
"The Lazy Man's Guide to Living"
a little too much lately.
Next time you come with
me, you're staying home.
(hand slapping)
(light, upbeat music)
- Wait, it might still be alive.
This'll be crunchy in
his tummy. (laughing)
- Well I heard about having butterflies
in your stomach, but.
(Doug burping loudly)
(Doug farting loudly)
(light, upbeat music)
Sounds good, great.
Thanks, Don.
(light, upbeat music)
- Ah fuck, I hate mosquito bites.
(light, upbeat music)
(crunching)
I must say, Doug,
(gulping)
For somethin' you'd conjured
up, you did a pretty good job.
- Well, I usually spice up my sandwiches
with a little bit more
than just that, but,
as long as you liked it.
- [Don] I loved it.
- Um, good.
- I loved it.
- I used to work in a restaurant.
(light, upbeat music)
Hey listen, I think I'm gonna have to go
check on Susan, okay?
- [Don] Yeah.
(scary music)
(yelling)
- Don!
Fred!
(Susan yelling in pain)
(scary music)
Don, Fred, come quick, Susan's sick!
(growling)
(squealing)
(scary music)
Oh my god!
Susan!
(groaning) Damn, that fuckin', eh.
- What they hell you talkin' about?
- Eh, come back with me
and I'll tell you about it.
(suspenseful music)
(growling)
(dog whining)
(scary music)
(dog whining)
(dog barking)
(dog barking viciously)
(creature growling)
(dog whining)
(tense music)
(growling)
- George Romero, director of such hits as
"Dawn of the Dead" and "Creepshow,"
is once again taking his copyright case
to the Supreme Court of the United States.
Pirates continue to
distribute thousands of copies
of "Night of the Living Dead,"
while Romero continues to
state his case in the courts.
- That child wasn't mine.
Dr. Lucas.
- What the fuck you talkin' about?
- Listen, we couldn't have a child.
We both wanted to, but couldn't.
- What's that got to do?
- Listen, let me finish.
We both needed money.
You were going to college.
We were gonna ask you for some,
but you needed all that you had.
And we both still wanted the baby.
Dr. Lucas found a way to
artificially impregnate her.
Somethin' went wrong.
- I'll say.
- Shut up!
You let this jerk experiment on Susan?
(tense music)
I read a story once about
something weird like this.
It was a sci-fi novel
about a couple teenagers
who had nothing better to do one summer
than to kill the neighborhood
boy named Harold.
Along with everyone else
in this Scottish town,
the boys thought he was weird in his ways.
A few times he was
observed by the lake shore
eating raw fish that he
caught on his fishing rod.
When he was young, they all bothered him
because he was thin as a toothpick.
And as he got older,
they, they laughed at him
because he was fatter than a fridge.
One of the boys took a
hammer to Harold's head,
the claw of the hammer.
And the other slashed his
stomach open with a machete.
Harold died from blows to the head.
But it wasn't until the
machete slashed him open
that he smiled,
the first time the boys
had ever seen him smile.
At that instant, out
of the flames of hell,
a large serpent-like beast
burst out of Harold's bloody stomach
and devoured both killers,
and proceeded to consume
everyone else in the town
that it set its eyes upon.
It had a hunger that couldn't be satisfied
until it ate every torso in the town.
- This is really no time for stories, Don.
My wife's dead, and all you can do
is sit there and tell
about some weird story
that you read in some sci-fi novel?
- Doug, you're my brother,
I didn't mean no harm by it.
I was only trying to ease the tension.
- Ease the tension, you damn bastard!
Ease the tension, you dick!
- I'm sorry, Doug,
I really didn't mean it.
- Why don't you and Fred
help me to ease the tension
right now by helping me find out
what has exactly happened to Susan?
- Okay, okay.
- Why don't we do something about this,
call the police or something?
- Can't do too much, can't
make it through those woods.
The phone's out, can't do nothin'.
Might get attacked by bears, rattlesnakes,
this is a real creepy place, you know.
- Besides, Grizzly Flats is
the closest town to here.
That's nine miles away.
They'd be cratin' us away
in pine boxes by morning.
- I guess we'd all be dead, wouldn't we?
What're we gonna do?
- Great, so we're stuck.
- What're we gonna do with Susan's body?
I never thought I'd have
to live with the dead.
(gentle piano music)
- Tomorrow we'll make the
nine mile hike to Dr. Lucas'.
And then I'll phone the cops.
- [Don] That guy should
be locked up for good.
He's got a criminal mind,
he's evil, should be dead.
- Fuck, give me a beer.
(scary swishing)
- Hey, what happened?
The lights went out.
- Relax, listen man,
the electric systems in this
place are scuzoid anyway.
Fuses get overloaded all the time.
(tense music)
- Ah, there's a lantern outside,
but the gas is probably all used up, uh,
it was pretty low when we were walkin'
through the woods there.
Is there a flashlight around?
- 14 days have passed
since Brooklyn residents
Don Drake and Fred Lewis
were last seen alive.
Police are investigating a
tip from a New Jersey woman
who says she saw them
murdered by a gang of bikers
and dumped into the Atlantic Ocean.
At the moment, it is only speculation.
More details will follow
soon, back to Johnny.
- Tabloids report that
bagel boy Rob Camilletti,
Cher's boyfriend, has been seen
around town with Traci Lords
in some of the hottest Hollywood clubs.
- Don't you mean ex-porn
star, Traci Lords?
(both laughing)
- [Both] Are we still on air?
(suspenseful music)
- [Don] What the fuck?
- [Doug] Where's Fred?
- [Don] I think he went
into the third, fourth,
and fifth dimension.
It looks like he got sucked
into that mouse hole.
- [Don] I think I know what happened.
- [Doug] What?
- [Don] Spontaneous combustion,
I read about this crap.
- Listen, spare me the stories, Don,
we gotta get to the fuse box.
There's blood on my face,
there's blood all over my hands.
(towels scraping)
One thing I can't stand
is blood all over me.
(tense music)
Yeh, ah.
(scary music)
Why in the world did
you have to bring Fred?
(water dribbling)
(spooky music)
- [Don] You never told me you
were a kindergarten artist.
- [Doug] Well you never told
me that you were an asshole
either, I had to find out for myself.
- [Don] That's pretty disgusting stuff
you nailed on your basement door.
- [Doug] Our niece did that
before we tortured and ate her.
Wait.
(rapid whirring)
(gentle music)
- [Don] Let's tackle this right now.
- [Doug] No, we'll change
the pictures later.
It's too dangerous now.
(gentle music)
(Don sighing)
- Grab me a couple of
beers, make yourself useful.
- There ain't no beers, dumbbell.
Everyone alive in this house
knows that there ain't no beers.
- There's gotta be somethin'
around here to drink.
- Well I know that there's
whiskey or rum around here somewhere.
Take a look in those cupboards.
(light, mellow music)
- Well, pilgrim, and some paper cups.
(laughing)
What do you think about that?
- Paper cups, eh?
I got one for ya, how do
you get paper children?
- Paper children?
- Yeah, how do you get 'em?
You fuck a bag lady.
(Don laughing)
- Oh, (laughing) god.
- Yeah, I'll drink to that.
- Did you hear that?
Fred?
- Fred?
- Fred!
He must've went to get some help.
Oh, god.
- Fred?
(hissing)
He's dead, I know he's dead.
(door clicking)
I know he's dead.
(laughing awkwardly)
(groaning and crying)
(Don laughing)
- Oh, joke's on you.
Hey, did you hear that, you hear that?
- That?
- I didn't hear nothin' at all.
I just didn't want you to
pour any whiskey on me.
Lost your train of thought, didn't I?
(Don laughing)
- That's that fuckin' booze.
- Oh, I think I'll have another drink.
Oh, hey, there's a,
there's a hair on your arm.
- That is my fuckin' arm, man!
(Don laughing)
- Does the toilet flush in a blackout?
- Why?
- I gotta take a wicked piss.
- What's stoppin' ya?
- [Don] I really gotta go to the can bad.
- Yeah well, go then.
- There might be some of those ugly
creature things in there.
- That's right, you wouldn't
want any of those things
nibblin' on you when you get in there.
- [Don] Why don't you go check
it out then, you goofball?
Ooh, what a reek.
Huh, I think we're gonna have
to go back to the kitchen
and get a flashlight.
Huh, yep, we'll have to get a flashlight.
(tense buzzing)
(creature growling and shrieking)
- You got 'em real good.
(tense buzzing)
(scary music)
(scraping)
(scary music)
(tense buzzing)
(floor creaking)
(tense music)
(floor creaking)
(tense, spooky music)
(floor creaking)
(tense music)
(floor creaking)
(spooky music)
(scratching)
(spooky music)
(laughing)
(groaning)
(spooky music)
(creature growling and squealing)
(water flowing)
- Eeh.
(spooky music)
(ghostly howling)
(spooky music)
(melancholy piano music)
- This light's startin'
to get a little bit dim.
The emergency light's on anyway, look.
(melancholy piano music)
Ah, they're like spiders
in a haunted house.
Oh god, look.
(Don groaning)
(somber piano music)
Oh my god.
Doug we gotta get the
fuses in, where are they?
- There!
(Doug yelling)
- [Don] Oh no, what did I do?
(somber piano music)
Oh I hammered your head
in, are you all right?
Oh, ooh.
Blood, oh, gotta get some bandages to ya.
Oh you heavy fuck.
(Don grunting)
Ah, put you back down, you're so heavy.
(groaning) Blood, ooh, gross.
Ah, I should've hit you
again for being in the way.
(somber heavy rock music)
Ah, stupid light.
You fuck.
It's hot.
I better watch myself,
I'm not very good at electricity things.
(somber rock music)
(Don muttering)
Oh, I hope I get this right.
(somber, heavy rock music)
(Don sighing)
Luckily those other creatures
are sleeping over there.
Zzt.
(laughing) Stop playing
games with your head, Don.
(somber, heavy rock music)
(electric guitar music)
(Don groaning)
Oh, I wish I had a midget
for a brother, ooh, fucker.
Oh, you're fuckin' heavy.
(mellow rock music)
- Ah fuck, that's not
exactly the kinda way
I wanna get hammered, man.
(laughing)
- That's so stupid.
(creature growling and squealing)
(Doug groaning and yelling)
(Doug coughing)
- Don it's gone!
(Doug groaning)
Give me back my hand!
(old fashioned vocal music)
- [Don] I'm gonna have to cauterize this.
I have to mend your hand together.
- [Man] Careful.
- [Don] This is gonna hurt me
a lot more than it's gonna hurt you.
I know it's gonna hurt, just...
(mellow music)
♪ Let's do this together, oh ♪
- [Don] Yeah, I think it's working
♪ Let's do this together ♪
- [Don] Oh, I learned
little somethin' at camp.
Guy had a...
(groaning and yelling in pain)
- Oh, hurry up, I'm
through with the blood.
♪ Let's do this together, oh. ♪
- [Don] Ah the blood is just
dripping like maple syrup.
(Doug groaning)
Oh, oh so much blood.
- Get me with morphine!
It's in the basement, in a blue box.
(Doug groaning and yelling)
I guess he had a bad day.
(Doug gasping)
I don't know what to do.
What is there to do?
Great so we're stuck.
What are we gonna do with Susan's body?
Other than the fact we
have to live with the dead.
You, you're dead, you're dead!
Doug, no way, no way am
I gonna let the creatures
eat you alive, you're comin' with me.
Oh, you heavy puke, oh. (groaning)
(saxophone music)
Now stay in this closet
so they don't eat ya.
I'm gonna shove ya right
under the floorboards.
Ah that should do it.
(supernatural whirring)
(gentle rock music)
(drill whirring)
(somber electric guitar music)
(drill whirring)
(somber electric guitar music)
Cute little bloody dog.
(Don retching)
(Don groaning)
(Don gasping)
(Don groaning)
(drill whirring)
(mellow, somber rock music)
Oh, you're alive.
No, you're suppose to be dead.
Oh, but you're dead.
No, no, oh.
(laughing creepily)
(deep, heavy rock music)
- A New Jersey woman who
gave police a tip earlier on
in the day has been deemed
psychologically insane
by the staff at Saint
Mary's Hospital in New York.
There is still a chance that
after being declared missing
for 14 days, Don Drake and
Fred Lewis may still be alive.
(saw whirring)
- What? (stammering)
(saw whirring)
(creature growling)
(saw whirring)
(creature squealing)
(saw whirring)
(Doug yelling in pain)
(saw whirring)
(Doug yelling)
(Don yelling)
Ah, they woke up again, the bastards.
Ah, (grunting), ah.
Ah, ah, ah.
(Don shuddering)
The blood in this place,
it's unbelievable.
(Don laughing frantically)
(Don groaning)
- Don Drake and Fred Lewis were
surprised to find out today
that they were being sought
after in a nationwide manhunt,
after they were reported
missing 14 days ago.
They checked into a hotel in Dallas.
An off-duty security guard
noticed the two checking out
and was quickly told off by the two,
who say they are "traveling
across the United States
"to visit a relative."
So much for privacy in
the good old U.S. of A.
- They ate Susan, that ate
her to the skull. (crying)
There's worms and maggots everywhere,
get it outta her face.
(Don grunting)
(saw whirring)
(Doug grunting and groaning)
Outta there, Fred, get out!
You're surely gonna die, get out!
(Don yelling)
(light music)
Ooh.
Ah, Doug's fingers, uh, bloog.
Oh my god.
(saw whirring)
- Huh?
What?
(light music)
- [Fred] Help, Don, help, Don, Don!
Don, Don, they're eating me.
Get me the fuck outta here, Don, Don, Don!
I'm gonna kill ya, Don, get me outta here.
This is the last time I'm
goin' on any of your trips.
(creature yelling and growling)
Don, help, Don!
Help, Don, help me!
Help me!
Help, I don't wanna die! (yelling)
Don, you chicken shit, I
hope they get you good.
Hey you little fucker, come
on back here with my eyeball.
Ah, get off of me, get off!
(Fred yelling)
Oh, get off of me, oh, no!
Get off, oh!
Oh, get off of me!
You know they can't keep a good man down.
They're eating me, take
me to the hospital.
They can rebuild me there.
They got artificial parts these days.
They can almost replace anything, oh.
(mysterious music)
Don, look what they've done to me.
Don, I'm still here, I'm over here,
and, and over there, and
over, and over there too.
Help me.
(mysterious music)
(Don screaming)
Don, I'm still alive,
they haven't got me yet.
(Don yelling)
Don, help me, I'm still alive.
Now I'm really pissed off, you shit head.
- At the present time,
residents refuse to leave their homes.
We will have up-to-date reports,
every hour, on the hour.
(mysterious music)
- Hello?
I've come to pay a social
visit, how's Susan feeling?
- Social visit, Susan, what
the fuck are you talkin' about?
- I'm Dr. Lucas down from Grizzly Flats.
- So you're that fuckin' bastard, yeah?
Susan's dead, everybody's
dead, all because of you.
- Who, me?
- Yeah you, there's hundreds of creatures
around this goddamn hell
hole, all because of you.
Do you wanna see some blood?
(light piano music)
First off, take a look at this door.
- Oh god, what a horrible mess.
This is ghastly, brutal, horrible, insane.
Blood and guts, that's
all that's left of her.
Mm, that's human blood all right.
What made you do such a brutal crime?
- What made me do it?
Your experiment fucked
up and you're blaming me?
You're the madman!
- Dude, tell it to the sheriff.
- I, I, I, I, I...
- I nothing, the evidence
is surrounding me,
and the weapon's right at the door.
- [Don] I, I, I, I...
- All I see is this goddamn chainsaw
and a golf club at the door.
- I'm telling you, the
creatures were here,
they were here, you gotta
believe me, you gotta believe me,
we even killed a bunch of 'em.
- Ha, ha, ha, you're a real looney tune.
I better grab this before
you try to kill me too.
- [Don] I'm not a killer,
your experiment went wrong!
- There's no creatures
here, not even a dead one.
- [Don] The dead creatures
were probably eaten
or taken away by the others.
- You're watchin' too
many horror movies, pal.
This place is empty.
(curious piano music)
All I see is blood.
And guts.
Murder is written all over your face.
I suppose you haven't seen these, huh?
(curious piano music)
Well.
Well, it's time to take
you to Grizzly Flats,
and after that you're going to
the Los Angeles institution.
- I'm telling you, they're hiding.
They're hiding, I'm telling you.
Dammit, they're fuckin' hidin'!
I'm telling you the truth, honestly, I am.
- You're a fuckin' liar!
(somber piano music)
(laughing) You're
nothin' but a joker, man.
There ain't nothin' here,
don't give me that shit.
- I'm telling the truth.
- Yeah, you've been lying all along.
All that's gonna happen to you is
you're gonna end up in a hospital
for the criminally insane.
- I'm telling you the truth.
- Yeah man, you're giving
me a bunch of shit.
Time for you to get locked up,
that's about the size of it.
Ah you're giving me a bunch of shit, man.
- [Don] Check the place out.
(Lucas yelling)
- [Lucas] Things are fucked up so,
I have to find your (yelling).
(somber piano music)
(eerie rock music)
- I'm getting' sick of lookin' at you.
(creepy music)
Your dead body's startin'
to rot and stink.
Uh, oh I've lived with
the dead in New York City,
but this is ridiculous.
At least now you're out of my sight.
(creepy, somber music)
(upbeat music)
♪ No, don't go that way ♪
♪ Don't turn your back ♪
♪ Please don't leave me now ♪
♪ I need you in every way ♪
♪ I love you more each day ♪
♪ Please don't go that way ♪
(heavy rock music)
- Help me!
Help, can you hear me?
Help!
- [Man On Bridge] Hey, buddy.
You all right?
(Don yelling)
(deep, somber piano music)
- Listen, ah gee, ah, I'm gonna die.
I feel like it, but I'm saved.
Ah, fuck.
- What the hell happened to you?
- Those creatures, everybody's
dead, and there was a doctor!
- You need a doctor.
(Don yelling)
Everything'll be all right.
(Don sighing)
Everything'll be all right.
I'll take you to Dr. Lucas.
- No, Dr. Lucas, he's the one!
Creatures were everywhere,
he did an experiment, he did!
- Is that really what happened?
- Yeah, that's what happened.
Let's go to the police,
bring me back to Sacramento.
(light music)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken your life downtown ♪
(muffled lyrics)
♪ Hasn't happened yet ♪
♪ But it'll soon be straight ♪
♪ Being on your own ♪
♪ Don't you know that
doesn't mean the same thing ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ It's goin' 'round, goin' down ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken your life downtown ♪
(heavy rock music)
- Now we're finally here.
- Oh we made it, thank god!
(Don groaning)
Ah.
- [Man On Bridge] Are you
sure this wasn't all a dream?
(yelling)
(groaning)
(man groaning and laughing)
(man groaning)
(creepy music)
- Dead or alive, we're all gonna get ya.
We can wait a long, long time.
(Don groaning)
- I'll be okay, I'll
be okay, I'll be okay,
I'll be okay (laughing tiredly),
I'll be okay, I'll be okay.
(laughing evilly)
(light music)
♪ There was a gentle breeze blowin' ♪
♪ On the night that you left ♪
♪ You kissed me and said you'd be back ♪
♪ And where you were goin' ♪
♪ Was a mystery ♪
(light rock music)
♪ You said that you'd always love me ♪
♪ And would always be there by my side ♪
♪ I needed you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
(light rock music)
♪ Days and weeks went by ♪
♪ Standing by ♪
♪ It turns out ♪
♪ I waited for you like
I said that I would ♪
♪ And still you did not return ♪
(light rock music)
♪ These days of silence
sittin' by a window ♪
♪ I feel the gentle breeze blowing ♪
♪ I remember you and how
you kissed me goodbye ♪
♪ And with a tear ♪
♪ I remember the way ♪
♪ And the pain ♪
♪ And you said that you loved me ♪
♪ And would always be there by my side ♪
♪ I needed you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ There was a gentle breeze blowing ♪
♪ On the night that you left ♪
♪ You kissed me and said
that you'd be back ♪
♪ And where you were goin' ♪
♪ Was a mystery ♪
(light rock music)
- I remember when I did
"52 Pick-up" with Vanity.
- [Man] We saw you in that one.
- When I walked on the set,
like I was suppose to be an extra
and we went there as a joke.
A friend of mine was friends
with the casting agent.
And they wanted a bunch of
actresses to play porn stars.
So, she called up a
girlfriend of mine and says,
"I'll get a bunch of my girlfriends
"who really are porn stars to come down
"and show up on the set and
surprise Don Frankenheimer."
So we came down there just
as a joke, and he seen me,
and he says, "Oh my god, Amber Lynn,
"I'm a big fan of yours."
He says, "You gotta be in my movie."
So I was like, "Oh shit."
So when I met Ann-Margaret,
I was like speechless.
I couldn't even talk around her.
And he kept, he wanted
me to do this one line
about Cecil B. DeMille.
And she walked over and
stood next to the director,
John Frankenheimer while he was, he says,
"Run the line for me."
And I was like.
(man laughing)
I says, "I can't."
He says, "What do you mean, you can't?"
I says, "I'm sorry, I can't do it,"
and I turned around and walked away.
And he like, for some
reason he followed me over
and he says, "Listen," he
says, "You know this is,
"you're playing this
stripper in this part,"
he says, "This is your part of the movie
"and as far as I'm concerned,
you're the star of this part."
And so he made me feel real comfortable.
- Was that the,
- Oh, that's good.
- I kinda missed it, but
was still "52 Pick-up?"
- Yeah, it was, it was "52 Pick-up."
- [Man] Oh, my god.
(gunshot blasting)
(exploding)
(people yelling)
(gunshot blasting)
(suspenseful music)
(man laughing muffled)
- I want you to have my baby.
My wife and I tried to have a baby,
but we could never get one.
Now it's up to you.
My true fair love.
(suspenseful music)
(muffled laughter)
You don't have to take a shower, dear.
(muffled laughter)
I said I wanted you to have my baby.
- [Masked Woman] I can't have your baby.
- Darling, I want you to have my baby.
(muffled laughter)
- [Masked Woman] I've
already had your baby.
- Aw, coochie, coochie,
coochie, coochie, coochie.
(frightening banging)
(shrieking)
(Doug screaming)
(mysterious music)
I brought you some of these
to help you ease the pain.
- Thanks, I hope they work,
I feel like I'm gonna die.
(mysterious music)
I'm feeling better already.
- That's very good.
(scary music)
(mysterious orchestral music)
(growling)
(mysterious orchestral music)
(insects buzzing)
Here, I'll grab that Don, thanks.
Yeah thanks Wally, you big jerk.
You asshole.
Have a good drive home, goof.
(tires squealing)
- Hi, and welcome to TV9
news, I'm Amber Lynn.
- I'm Johnny Scott.
- We're your hosts for today's broadcast,
following top news stories of the day.
We will speak briefly with
the leader of the Soviet Union
concerning topics of the
George Bush administration,
and the threat of nuclear war.
In Manhattan, an oil slick caused a truck
to crash into a hydo pole today.
Inside sources say the
residents of the Upper East Side
may be without electricity
for up to three hours.
(buzzing)
- What?
- Careful,
watch where you're going.
This way.
We're almost there.
- [Fred] Yeah, somebody
must've left the light on.
(dog barking)
- [Don] Well, we're almost there.
- [Fred] That was kinda hard to find.
(dog barking)
- [Don] If he's not home, we'll break in.
- [Fred] Okay.
(dog barking)
(pounding at door)
- [Don] Doug.
Well I guess we won't need
this with the light on.
(dog barking)
(knocking at door)
Doug.
(knocking at door)
He must be home, Doug, Doug, Doug.
(tapping at glass)
Are you home?
Doug, Doug?
Doug, are you home?
- Anybody home?
- Gotta be here somewhere, shit.
He's probably wasted out of his mind.
Doug, are you alive?
What we need is a couple of hot women
and a few beers up here.
(somber music)
Party, party, party.
- [Fred] You sure Doug won't mind
if we have a few of his beer?
- We can drink all we want.
- [Fred] Are you sure?
- I'm sure, I'm his brother.
I'm entitled to a few
privileges, don't you think?
- All right, let's dig in.
What's that a, a book?
- (laughing) "Horror of a
Thousand Ugly Brutal Cuts."
(laughing) A recorder, in the freezer.
Hey, let's try this thing.
- [Fred] That guy's pretty strange.
(ghostly whirring)
- [Ghostly Voice] Get your hands off this.
Get your hands off this.
- Don, Don.
You better turn it off, I
think I'm being possessed.
(yelling)
(laughing)
- [Don] Get a load of this
shit, Aleister Crowley, uh,
it's talkin' about the people
he killed before he died.
Oh my god, oh the diagrams are so sick.
(distorted voice vocalizing)
How'd that movie start that
you're always talkin' about?
You know that weird one
with all those weird things?
- Well it started when
they found a tape recorder
down in the basement.
They turned it on
- Get your hands off this.
- and there was all these weird
Satanic cults, chants on it.
That's kinda, that's how it all started.
- It's gettin' kinda hot in here.
(Don chuckling)
(distorted voices vocalizing)
Throw this in the freezer.
In storage maybe.
It's a good place for it.
(distorted ghostly voices vocalizing)
- [Doug] Turn this thing off!
Susan's trying to sleep, dammit.
(light, upbeat music)
- [Fred] Hm.
Hm, hm, see what we have here.
Hm-hmm.
- Huh, getting kinda nosey, aren't we?
(Don laughing)
- Kinda bored, looking
for a cockroach snack.
Can't see any of the delicious critters.
(water flowing)
All right, oh look, running
water and everything up here.
Hm, yep, it is plastic.
- This place is a joke.
(light, upbeat music)
It's pretty creepy up here.
Why don't you put something on TV?
- There's an idea.
- They get the bestiality network up here.
You can get stations
from Texas and New York,
underground stations,
death, murder, violence.
- Some programs that have
been off the air for years.
- Some of the stations,
he doesn't know where they're comin' from.
- A medical discovery by
the world renowned Dr. Lucas
of Grizzly Flats.
Scientists and surgeons
alike are very excited.
Dr. Lucas has discovered
that if the human brain
is exposed to ultraviolet light,
a human's lifespan will double.
Scientists all over the world
are very happy with the discovery and if.
(man groaning and gagging)
- [Tortured Man] Oh the pain.
Oh my god.
(man groaning)
Ah!
- Hm, hm.
- Is it you?
Do you have my baby?
My beautiful baby.
I want you
to have my baby.
Kill.
- This'll do the trick.
(laughing)
(man grunting)
(man gasping)
(man groaning)
- [Man] Kill them, kill
them, kill them, kill them.
Kill, kill,
I want you,
kill, kill
kill, kill.
- Unstrap his arm, bitch.
(haunting choral music)
(man crying out in pain)
A job well done, bitch.
- [Ghostly Voice] Kill me, kill me now.
I want you to have my baby. (laughing)
(squeaking)
(suctioning)
(man laughing)
(squeaking)
(tense music)
(man laughing evilly)
(tense music)
(man groaning)
(man laughing)
- Huh?
(tense music)
- Hm.
Hey, where'd he steal this chair from?
Should've taken Wally's advice
and gone back home with him.
This place is boring.
(guitar music)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Isn't this Salvador Dali's
famous "Devil's Daughter" painting?
It was thought to be burned years ago.
How did Doug get ahold of it?
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Huh, where did he get, get this?
- [Don] Oh well where,
where he used to live
was this last house on the left
and he stole it, but uh,
oh that's another story.
♪ Hasn't happened yet
but it sure feels ready ♪
♪ Be on your own with
it, don't forget it ♪
♪ Don't you know that
things will be the same ♪
(rock guitar music)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Just goin' 'round and goin' down ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken the knife ♪
- Ah, ooh!
♪ Hasn't happened yet
but it sure feels ready ♪
♪ Be on your own, with hell to pay ♪
- [Fred] It's still pretty dark in here.
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Say Don, I think Doug's
a little on the weird side
with his art collection,
if you know what I mean.
- [Don] That particular
painting, if I'm not mistaken,
was given to him by the Queen of England.
- Huh, yeah, well I didn't know that.
What's the matter with his TV set anyway?
(chuckling) Now that'll help.
See what we can get in on this thing.
(hard rock music)
Hey Don, get a load of this.
- [Don] Yeah, I'll be there in a second,
do you want a beer?
- Yeah.
Doggy, doggy, come here, right here.
Come on.
That-a girl.
♪ You're taking every kind
of pill to make you high ♪
♪ Playing with the other
guys'll leave you dry ♪
♪ Then you call me up ♪
- Yeah, that beer tastes like cow shit.
Must've came from a well in West Africa.
(water flowing)
I'll add some pure American water to it.
(Don humming)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Just goin' 'round, and goin' down ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken your life downtown ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
- Oh thanks, Don.
- Uh.
I saw this before.
What a bunch of trash.
(Don laughing)
Oh, I know that guy, that guy.
He's, he was in that other movie.
I think that one with Bruce
Lee, yeah that was it.
This company puts out the cheapest crap
I've ever seen. (laughing)
Oh, reliving old memories.
This is stupid.
(light guitar music)
(Don laughing)
I'm scared.
It's so cheap, it's suppose to be a ghost.
(Don laughing)
(loud whirring)
(women moaning)
- [Man] Help.
(women moaning)
- [Woman] Goofy perv!
- Here's a show I think you'll enjoy.
(women moaning)
How's the color coming in?
(women moaning)
- Yeah, that's good, leave it there.
(Doug burping loudly)
- What the fuck?
Didn't you dorks bring any food?
Eh.
Well, there's six day, or a
six month old bread in here.
Maybe I can make myself
some kind of a sandwich.
Eh.
(light, upbeat music)
- I thought he'd be pissed off about that.
(light, upbeat music)
- Oh thanks, Doug.
(light, upbeat music)
(laughing)
(light, upbeat music)
Hey Doug, uh, how 'bout
a couple more cold ones.
- Grab me one while you're at it, okay?
- Fred, Fred, Fred-freaka,
can't you do anything for yourself?
I think you've been reading
"The Lazy Man's Guide to Living"
a little too much lately.
Next time you come with
me, you're staying home.
(hand slapping)
(light, upbeat music)
- Wait, it might still be alive.
This'll be crunchy in
his tummy. (laughing)
- Well I heard about having butterflies
in your stomach, but.
(Doug burping loudly)
(Doug farting loudly)
(light, upbeat music)
Sounds good, great.
Thanks, Don.
(light, upbeat music)
- Ah fuck, I hate mosquito bites.
(light, upbeat music)
(crunching)
I must say, Doug,
(gulping)
For somethin' you'd conjured
up, you did a pretty good job.
- Well, I usually spice up my sandwiches
with a little bit more
than just that, but,
as long as you liked it.
- [Don] I loved it.
- Um, good.
- I loved it.
- I used to work in a restaurant.
(light, upbeat music)
Hey listen, I think I'm gonna have to go
check on Susan, okay?
- [Don] Yeah.
(scary music)
(yelling)
- Don!
Fred!
(Susan yelling in pain)
(scary music)
Don, Fred, come quick, Susan's sick!
(growling)
(squealing)
(scary music)
Oh my god!
Susan!
(groaning) Damn, that fuckin', eh.
- What they hell you talkin' about?
- Eh, come back with me
and I'll tell you about it.
(suspenseful music)
(growling)
(dog whining)
(scary music)
(dog whining)
(dog barking)
(dog barking viciously)
(creature growling)
(dog whining)
(tense music)
(growling)
- George Romero, director of such hits as
"Dawn of the Dead" and "Creepshow,"
is once again taking his copyright case
to the Supreme Court of the United States.
Pirates continue to
distribute thousands of copies
of "Night of the Living Dead,"
while Romero continues to
state his case in the courts.
- That child wasn't mine.
Dr. Lucas.
- What the fuck you talkin' about?
- Listen, we couldn't have a child.
We both wanted to, but couldn't.
- What's that got to do?
- Listen, let me finish.
We both needed money.
You were going to college.
We were gonna ask you for some,
but you needed all that you had.
And we both still wanted the baby.
Dr. Lucas found a way to
artificially impregnate her.
Somethin' went wrong.
- I'll say.
- Shut up!
You let this jerk experiment on Susan?
(tense music)
I read a story once about
something weird like this.
It was a sci-fi novel
about a couple teenagers
who had nothing better to do one summer
than to kill the neighborhood
boy named Harold.
Along with everyone else
in this Scottish town,
the boys thought he was weird in his ways.
A few times he was
observed by the lake shore
eating raw fish that he
caught on his fishing rod.
When he was young, they all bothered him
because he was thin as a toothpick.
And as he got older,
they, they laughed at him
because he was fatter than a fridge.
One of the boys took a
hammer to Harold's head,
the claw of the hammer.
And the other slashed his
stomach open with a machete.
Harold died from blows to the head.
But it wasn't until the
machete slashed him open
that he smiled,
the first time the boys
had ever seen him smile.
At that instant, out
of the flames of hell,
a large serpent-like beast
burst out of Harold's bloody stomach
and devoured both killers,
and proceeded to consume
everyone else in the town
that it set its eyes upon.
It had a hunger that couldn't be satisfied
until it ate every torso in the town.
- This is really no time for stories, Don.
My wife's dead, and all you can do
is sit there and tell
about some weird story
that you read in some sci-fi novel?
- Doug, you're my brother,
I didn't mean no harm by it.
I was only trying to ease the tension.
- Ease the tension, you damn bastard!
Ease the tension, you dick!
- I'm sorry, Doug,
I really didn't mean it.
- Why don't you and Fred
help me to ease the tension
right now by helping me find out
what has exactly happened to Susan?
- Okay, okay.
- Why don't we do something about this,
call the police or something?
- Can't do too much, can't
make it through those woods.
The phone's out, can't do nothin'.
Might get attacked by bears, rattlesnakes,
this is a real creepy place, you know.
- Besides, Grizzly Flats is
the closest town to here.
That's nine miles away.
They'd be cratin' us away
in pine boxes by morning.
- I guess we'd all be dead, wouldn't we?
What're we gonna do?
- Great, so we're stuck.
- What're we gonna do with Susan's body?
I never thought I'd have
to live with the dead.
(gentle piano music)
- Tomorrow we'll make the
nine mile hike to Dr. Lucas'.
And then I'll phone the cops.
- [Don] That guy should
be locked up for good.
He's got a criminal mind,
he's evil, should be dead.
- Fuck, give me a beer.
(scary swishing)
- Hey, what happened?
The lights went out.
- Relax, listen man,
the electric systems in this
place are scuzoid anyway.
Fuses get overloaded all the time.
(tense music)
- Ah, there's a lantern outside,
but the gas is probably all used up, uh,
it was pretty low when we were walkin'
through the woods there.
Is there a flashlight around?
- 14 days have passed
since Brooklyn residents
Don Drake and Fred Lewis
were last seen alive.
Police are investigating a
tip from a New Jersey woman
who says she saw them
murdered by a gang of bikers
and dumped into the Atlantic Ocean.
At the moment, it is only speculation.
More details will follow
soon, back to Johnny.
- Tabloids report that
bagel boy Rob Camilletti,
Cher's boyfriend, has been seen
around town with Traci Lords
in some of the hottest Hollywood clubs.
- Don't you mean ex-porn
star, Traci Lords?
(both laughing)
- [Both] Are we still on air?
(suspenseful music)
- [Don] What the fuck?
- [Doug] Where's Fred?
- [Don] I think he went
into the third, fourth,
and fifth dimension.
It looks like he got sucked
into that mouse hole.
- [Don] I think I know what happened.
- [Doug] What?
- [Don] Spontaneous combustion,
I read about this crap.
- Listen, spare me the stories, Don,
we gotta get to the fuse box.
There's blood on my face,
there's blood all over my hands.
(towels scraping)
One thing I can't stand
is blood all over me.
(tense music)
Yeh, ah.
(scary music)
Why in the world did
you have to bring Fred?
(water dribbling)
(spooky music)
- [Don] You never told me you
were a kindergarten artist.
- [Doug] Well you never told
me that you were an asshole
either, I had to find out for myself.
- [Don] That's pretty disgusting stuff
you nailed on your basement door.
- [Doug] Our niece did that
before we tortured and ate her.
Wait.
(rapid whirring)
(gentle music)
- [Don] Let's tackle this right now.
- [Doug] No, we'll change
the pictures later.
It's too dangerous now.
(gentle music)
(Don sighing)
- Grab me a couple of
beers, make yourself useful.
- There ain't no beers, dumbbell.
Everyone alive in this house
knows that there ain't no beers.
- There's gotta be somethin'
around here to drink.
- Well I know that there's
whiskey or rum around here somewhere.
Take a look in those cupboards.
(light, mellow music)
- Well, pilgrim, and some paper cups.
(laughing)
What do you think about that?
- Paper cups, eh?
I got one for ya, how do
you get paper children?
- Paper children?
- Yeah, how do you get 'em?
You fuck a bag lady.
(Don laughing)
- Oh, (laughing) god.
- Yeah, I'll drink to that.
- Did you hear that?
Fred?
- Fred?
- Fred!
He must've went to get some help.
Oh, god.
- Fred?
(hissing)
He's dead, I know he's dead.
(door clicking)
I know he's dead.
(laughing awkwardly)
(groaning and crying)
(Don laughing)
- Oh, joke's on you.
Hey, did you hear that, you hear that?
- That?
- I didn't hear nothin' at all.
I just didn't want you to
pour any whiskey on me.
Lost your train of thought, didn't I?
(Don laughing)
- That's that fuckin' booze.
- Oh, I think I'll have another drink.
Oh, hey, there's a,
there's a hair on your arm.
- That is my fuckin' arm, man!
(Don laughing)
- Does the toilet flush in a blackout?
- Why?
- I gotta take a wicked piss.
- What's stoppin' ya?
- [Don] I really gotta go to the can bad.
- Yeah well, go then.
- There might be some of those ugly
creature things in there.
- That's right, you wouldn't
want any of those things
nibblin' on you when you get in there.
- [Don] Why don't you go check
it out then, you goofball?
Ooh, what a reek.
Huh, I think we're gonna have
to go back to the kitchen
and get a flashlight.
Huh, yep, we'll have to get a flashlight.
(tense buzzing)
(creature growling and shrieking)
- You got 'em real good.
(tense buzzing)
(scary music)
(scraping)
(scary music)
(tense buzzing)
(floor creaking)
(tense music)
(floor creaking)
(tense, spooky music)
(floor creaking)
(tense music)
(floor creaking)
(spooky music)
(scratching)
(spooky music)
(laughing)
(groaning)
(spooky music)
(creature growling and squealing)
(water flowing)
- Eeh.
(spooky music)
(ghostly howling)
(spooky music)
(melancholy piano music)
- This light's startin'
to get a little bit dim.
The emergency light's on anyway, look.
(melancholy piano music)
Ah, they're like spiders
in a haunted house.
Oh god, look.
(Don groaning)
(somber piano music)
Oh my god.
Doug we gotta get the
fuses in, where are they?
- There!
(Doug yelling)
- [Don] Oh no, what did I do?
(somber piano music)
Oh I hammered your head
in, are you all right?
Oh, ooh.
Blood, oh, gotta get some bandages to ya.
Oh you heavy fuck.
(Don grunting)
Ah, put you back down, you're so heavy.
(groaning) Blood, ooh, gross.
Ah, I should've hit you
again for being in the way.
(somber heavy rock music)
Ah, stupid light.
You fuck.
It's hot.
I better watch myself,
I'm not very good at electricity things.
(somber rock music)
(Don muttering)
Oh, I hope I get this right.
(somber, heavy rock music)
(Don sighing)
Luckily those other creatures
are sleeping over there.
Zzt.
(laughing) Stop playing
games with your head, Don.
(somber, heavy rock music)
(electric guitar music)
(Don groaning)
Oh, I wish I had a midget
for a brother, ooh, fucker.
Oh, you're fuckin' heavy.
(mellow rock music)
- Ah fuck, that's not
exactly the kinda way
I wanna get hammered, man.
(laughing)
- That's so stupid.
(creature growling and squealing)
(Doug groaning and yelling)
(Doug coughing)
- Don it's gone!
(Doug groaning)
Give me back my hand!
(old fashioned vocal music)
- [Don] I'm gonna have to cauterize this.
I have to mend your hand together.
- [Man] Careful.
- [Don] This is gonna hurt me
a lot more than it's gonna hurt you.
I know it's gonna hurt, just...
(mellow music)
♪ Let's do this together, oh ♪
- [Don] Yeah, I think it's working
♪ Let's do this together ♪
- [Don] Oh, I learned
little somethin' at camp.
Guy had a...
(groaning and yelling in pain)
- Oh, hurry up, I'm
through with the blood.
♪ Let's do this together, oh. ♪
- [Don] Ah the blood is just
dripping like maple syrup.
(Doug groaning)
Oh, oh so much blood.
- Get me with morphine!
It's in the basement, in a blue box.
(Doug groaning and yelling)
I guess he had a bad day.
(Doug gasping)
I don't know what to do.
What is there to do?
Great so we're stuck.
What are we gonna do with Susan's body?
Other than the fact we
have to live with the dead.
You, you're dead, you're dead!
Doug, no way, no way am
I gonna let the creatures
eat you alive, you're comin' with me.
Oh, you heavy puke, oh. (groaning)
(saxophone music)
Now stay in this closet
so they don't eat ya.
I'm gonna shove ya right
under the floorboards.
Ah that should do it.
(supernatural whirring)
(gentle rock music)
(drill whirring)
(somber electric guitar music)
(drill whirring)
(somber electric guitar music)
Cute little bloody dog.
(Don retching)
(Don groaning)
(Don gasping)
(Don groaning)
(drill whirring)
(mellow, somber rock music)
Oh, you're alive.
No, you're suppose to be dead.
Oh, but you're dead.
No, no, oh.
(laughing creepily)
(deep, heavy rock music)
- A New Jersey woman who
gave police a tip earlier on
in the day has been deemed
psychologically insane
by the staff at Saint
Mary's Hospital in New York.
There is still a chance that
after being declared missing
for 14 days, Don Drake and
Fred Lewis may still be alive.
(saw whirring)
- What? (stammering)
(saw whirring)
(creature growling)
(saw whirring)
(creature squealing)
(saw whirring)
(Doug yelling in pain)
(saw whirring)
(Doug yelling)
(Don yelling)
Ah, they woke up again, the bastards.
Ah, (grunting), ah.
Ah, ah, ah.
(Don shuddering)
The blood in this place,
it's unbelievable.
(Don laughing frantically)
(Don groaning)
- Don Drake and Fred Lewis were
surprised to find out today
that they were being sought
after in a nationwide manhunt,
after they were reported
missing 14 days ago.
They checked into a hotel in Dallas.
An off-duty security guard
noticed the two checking out
and was quickly told off by the two,
who say they are "traveling
across the United States
"to visit a relative."
So much for privacy in
the good old U.S. of A.
- They ate Susan, that ate
her to the skull. (crying)
There's worms and maggots everywhere,
get it outta her face.
(Don grunting)
(saw whirring)
(Doug grunting and groaning)
Outta there, Fred, get out!
You're surely gonna die, get out!
(Don yelling)
(light music)
Ooh.
Ah, Doug's fingers, uh, bloog.
Oh my god.
(saw whirring)
- Huh?
What?
(light music)
- [Fred] Help, Don, help, Don, Don!
Don, Don, they're eating me.
Get me the fuck outta here, Don, Don, Don!
I'm gonna kill ya, Don, get me outta here.
This is the last time I'm
goin' on any of your trips.
(creature yelling and growling)
Don, help, Don!
Help, Don, help me!
Help me!
Help, I don't wanna die! (yelling)
Don, you chicken shit, I
hope they get you good.
Hey you little fucker, come
on back here with my eyeball.
Ah, get off of me, get off!
(Fred yelling)
Oh, get off of me, oh, no!
Get off, oh!
Oh, get off of me!
You know they can't keep a good man down.
They're eating me, take
me to the hospital.
They can rebuild me there.
They got artificial parts these days.
They can almost replace anything, oh.
(mysterious music)
Don, look what they've done to me.
Don, I'm still here, I'm over here,
and, and over there, and
over, and over there too.
Help me.
(mysterious music)
(Don screaming)
Don, I'm still alive,
they haven't got me yet.
(Don yelling)
Don, help me, I'm still alive.
Now I'm really pissed off, you shit head.
- At the present time,
residents refuse to leave their homes.
We will have up-to-date reports,
every hour, on the hour.
(mysterious music)
- Hello?
I've come to pay a social
visit, how's Susan feeling?
- Social visit, Susan, what
the fuck are you talkin' about?
- I'm Dr. Lucas down from Grizzly Flats.
- So you're that fuckin' bastard, yeah?
Susan's dead, everybody's
dead, all because of you.
- Who, me?
- Yeah you, there's hundreds of creatures
around this goddamn hell
hole, all because of you.
Do you wanna see some blood?
(light piano music)
First off, take a look at this door.
- Oh god, what a horrible mess.
This is ghastly, brutal, horrible, insane.
Blood and guts, that's
all that's left of her.
Mm, that's human blood all right.
What made you do such a brutal crime?
- What made me do it?
Your experiment fucked
up and you're blaming me?
You're the madman!
- Dude, tell it to the sheriff.
- I, I, I, I, I...
- I nothing, the evidence
is surrounding me,
and the weapon's right at the door.
- [Don] I, I, I, I...
- All I see is this goddamn chainsaw
and a golf club at the door.
- I'm telling you, the
creatures were here,
they were here, you gotta
believe me, you gotta believe me,
we even killed a bunch of 'em.
- Ha, ha, ha, you're a real looney tune.
I better grab this before
you try to kill me too.
- [Don] I'm not a killer,
your experiment went wrong!
- There's no creatures
here, not even a dead one.
- [Don] The dead creatures
were probably eaten
or taken away by the others.
- You're watchin' too
many horror movies, pal.
This place is empty.
(curious piano music)
All I see is blood.
And guts.
Murder is written all over your face.
I suppose you haven't seen these, huh?
(curious piano music)
Well.
Well, it's time to take
you to Grizzly Flats,
and after that you're going to
the Los Angeles institution.
- I'm telling you, they're hiding.
They're hiding, I'm telling you.
Dammit, they're fuckin' hidin'!
I'm telling you the truth, honestly, I am.
- You're a fuckin' liar!
(somber piano music)
(laughing) You're
nothin' but a joker, man.
There ain't nothin' here,
don't give me that shit.
- I'm telling the truth.
- Yeah, you've been lying all along.
All that's gonna happen to you is
you're gonna end up in a hospital
for the criminally insane.
- I'm telling you the truth.
- Yeah man, you're giving
me a bunch of shit.
Time for you to get locked up,
that's about the size of it.
Ah you're giving me a bunch of shit, man.
- [Don] Check the place out.
(Lucas yelling)
- [Lucas] Things are fucked up so,
I have to find your (yelling).
(somber piano music)
(eerie rock music)
- I'm getting' sick of lookin' at you.
(creepy music)
Your dead body's startin'
to rot and stink.
Uh, oh I've lived with
the dead in New York City,
but this is ridiculous.
At least now you're out of my sight.
(creepy, somber music)
(upbeat music)
♪ No, don't go that way ♪
♪ Don't turn your back ♪
♪ Please don't leave me now ♪
♪ I need you in every way ♪
♪ I love you more each day ♪
♪ Please don't go that way ♪
(heavy rock music)
- Help me!
Help, can you hear me?
Help!
- [Man On Bridge] Hey, buddy.
You all right?
(Don yelling)
(deep, somber piano music)
- Listen, ah gee, ah, I'm gonna die.
I feel like it, but I'm saved.
Ah, fuck.
- What the hell happened to you?
- Those creatures, everybody's
dead, and there was a doctor!
- You need a doctor.
(Don yelling)
Everything'll be all right.
(Don sighing)
Everything'll be all right.
I'll take you to Dr. Lucas.
- No, Dr. Lucas, he's the one!
Creatures were everywhere,
he did an experiment, he did!
- Is that really what happened?
- Yeah, that's what happened.
Let's go to the police,
bring me back to Sacramento.
(light music)
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken your life downtown ♪
(muffled lyrics)
♪ Hasn't happened yet ♪
♪ But it'll soon be straight ♪
♪ Being on your own ♪
♪ Don't you know that
doesn't mean the same thing ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ It's goin' 'round, goin' down ♪
♪ You got yourself in a tailspin ♪
♪ Since you've taken your life downtown ♪
(heavy rock music)
- Now we're finally here.
- Oh we made it, thank god!
(Don groaning)
Ah.
- [Man On Bridge] Are you
sure this wasn't all a dream?
(yelling)
(groaning)
(man groaning and laughing)
(man groaning)
(creepy music)
- Dead or alive, we're all gonna get ya.
We can wait a long, long time.
(Don groaning)
- I'll be okay, I'll
be okay, I'll be okay,
I'll be okay (laughing tiredly),
I'll be okay, I'll be okay.
(laughing evilly)
(light music)
♪ There was a gentle breeze blowin' ♪
♪ On the night that you left ♪
♪ You kissed me and said you'd be back ♪
♪ And where you were goin' ♪
♪ Was a mystery ♪
(light rock music)
♪ You said that you'd always love me ♪
♪ And would always be there by my side ♪
♪ I needed you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
(light rock music)
♪ Days and weeks went by ♪
♪ Standing by ♪
♪ It turns out ♪
♪ I waited for you like
I said that I would ♪
♪ And still you did not return ♪
(light rock music)
♪ These days of silence
sittin' by a window ♪
♪ I feel the gentle breeze blowing ♪
♪ I remember you and how
you kissed me goodbye ♪
♪ And with a tear ♪
♪ I remember the way ♪
♪ And the pain ♪
♪ And you said that you loved me ♪
♪ And would always be there by my side ♪
♪ I needed you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ I believed in you ♪
♪ There was a gentle breeze blowing ♪
♪ On the night that you left ♪
♪ You kissed me and said
that you'd be back ♪
♪ And where you were goin' ♪
♪ Was a mystery ♪
(light rock music)
- I remember when I did
"52 Pick-up" with Vanity.
- [Man] We saw you in that one.
- When I walked on the set,
like I was suppose to be an extra
and we went there as a joke.
A friend of mine was friends
with the casting agent.
And they wanted a bunch of
actresses to play porn stars.
So, she called up a
girlfriend of mine and says,
"I'll get a bunch of my girlfriends
"who really are porn stars to come down
"and show up on the set and
surprise Don Frankenheimer."
So we came down there just
as a joke, and he seen me,
and he says, "Oh my god, Amber Lynn,
"I'm a big fan of yours."
He says, "You gotta be in my movie."
So I was like, "Oh shit."
So when I met Ann-Margaret,
I was like speechless.
I couldn't even talk around her.
And he kept, he wanted
me to do this one line
about Cecil B. DeMille.
And she walked over and
stood next to the director,
John Frankenheimer while he was, he says,
"Run the line for me."
And I was like.
(man laughing)
I says, "I can't."
He says, "What do you mean, you can't?"
I says, "I'm sorry, I can't do it,"
and I turned around and walked away.
And he like, for some
reason he followed me over
and he says, "Listen," he
says, "You know this is,
"you're playing this
stripper in this part,"
he says, "This is your part of the movie
"and as far as I'm concerned,
you're the star of this part."
And so he made me feel real comfortable.
- Was that the,
- Oh, that's good.
- I kinda missed it, but
was still "52 Pick-up?"
- Yeah, it was, it was "52 Pick-up."