The White Book (2021) - full transcript

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CINEMAKOR

When winter fell upon the city

my soul felt lonely and cold.

PRESENTS

My life as if split into two parts:

one was bright and white

and the other was pitch dark.

DIRECTOR WEIPING KAIGEN

My life is like a winter river:

it's not yet chained in ice,



but it's so cold that my
heart feels almost lifeless.

I started writing a new book.

It's a book about how I feel,

what I've experienced,

the thoughts that haunt me
and the feelings that I go through.

The White book

If you want something
new to happen in your life,

get rid of something old.

To do that, I thought,
I’ll redecorate my room.

Old wallpaper is like old
feelings and emotions.

From time to time you
just have to get rid of them.

The fresh white snow behind
the window inspires me.

The water in the pools makes
my heart feel clean again.

A lonely soul feels like a
bird sitting on a tree branch.



A lonely woman feels like a tree that has been cut
down, waiting in piles to be burnt in a furnace.

A cold wind is blowing in my ears.

I’m a lonely soul longing
for something new.

When this happens, you
feel as if you were reborn.

You’re ready for the new feelings,
experiences, and something incredible.

He keeps calling me every day.

He says we should start it again. Live
together. Forget everything. Start a new life.

You don't even need much for that.

All you need is someone close to
you. Someone I have waited for so long.

Someone I hoped to meet.

I tell him to forget everything. I
tell him not to call me anymore.

He doesn’t understand. He
wants us back together again.

Every day is divided into two parts.

Spending time with her made me happy.

It filled the days I was living
through with joy and emotion.

I feel as if I live in
two parallel realities.

One is close to me and I feel fine in it.

The other one is past and long gone.

As someone said, “The past was past. Whatever
it has been, it was no more at hand”.

I no longer want it to be at hand.

He says I’m stupid. That I don’t
know life. That I will not manage myself.

He says without him I’m
worthless and incapable of anything.

Am I?

I just want to prove him wrong.

My new room interior decorated in shades of
grey suddenly sparkled with new vibrant colours.

The icy wind in my ears turned into
a sea breeze and seagull squeaking.

We talked about nothing.

I don’t remember what I
said or what she replied.

Talking with her was like touching blades
of grass: sharp, straight, dangerous.

But you can’t hold yourself and touch it.

Even though you know you may cut yourself.

It was as if two trees stand lonely in the
wilderness and suddenly start blooming.

They extend their branches to the wind.

It is as if two brooks ran
merrily through the forest.

It is as if the dawn and the dusk
have met at the horizon, for an instance.

And now they are ready to part.

It’s like an old book that you opened many
times before and you know everything in it.

Then suddenly you find something new.

It feels like a book that
you would never open alone.

You only open it now because she’s
next to you. And you are together.

As if the elegant grey colour of your
room suddenly became blue and hopeful.

It is like an old story you
heard many times before.

Now you pretend you
hear it for the first time.

I know my husband
is hurt and suffers a lot.

All we are doing now is trying to
find a way out, for each one of us.

It is like a lonely person in a cold street,
hoping to find warmth and compassion.

If you feel like a lonely bird on the cold snow,
it’s hard to find a ray of hope in your heart.

And strength to experience the joy of life.

Any person is a very harmonious being.

Every person is self-substantial.

But somehow nobody
knows what we need for that.

To feel it in ourselves.
To enhance this feeling.

Any person is like a hidden book with
pages that have not been numbered.

So you never know how many pages there are all in
all and what the next chapter is going to be about.

His sister has never liked me. When we got
married, she was the one against everything.

She kept saying that I was different, wrong choice for
the family. That I could not live like normal people do.

Whatever happens, he always goes to her.

She’s the one to hear all his
stories and the first one to reply.

She never lets out a
chance to humiliate me.

At a certain time I even thought she
knew much more about me than I did.

Her personal life went wrong. So she always
tries to express herself in my personal life.

Her endless partners and an infinite
number of ex-es made her very bitter.

Imagine that you stand deep in the forest.

There’s nothing but trees all around you. Suddenly
you start feeling as if somebody was approaching you.

You don’t quite understand what it is.

But you anticipate it with all your heart.

This is what I experience
when I’m next to her.

At such moments you feel totally naked.

And nothing constrains you.

My husband is a weak person with no will. His sister
has immense influence on him and everything he does.

At a moment like this you feel as if your soul,
stained and worn, is suddenly washed by a fresh shower.

And you don’t quite know where it comes from.
But you feel great relief and alleviation.

The first drops of the
shower fill your soul with light.

The negative past
experiences keep stopping me.

I start realizing that to be able to see the new and beautiful I
just have to cast away whatever has been haunting me for years.

To make the first step towards
whatever is new is extremely hard.

But the pouring rain that keeps throbbing
through my soul just calls me to do so.

Have you ever ridden a bike on
an empty road absolutely naked?

As you ride, you don’t know when the road
will finish and where it is taking you.

There is absolutely nothing but my naked body
and the wind, wandering past tree branches.

You can’t see it, but you only feel
its freshness touching your body.

It feels as if you’re
staying in a dark room.

There’s no light, but a few candles signal
you that there’s still some hope left.

You find yourself in a state when you can’t call anyone, you can’t
talk to anyone, you can’t complain. There is only you who can help.

We may all be of different faiths.

But the colour of our
soul is always the same.

My soul feels chained and keeps looking for
a way out between the dark and the light.

But the darkness absorbs all my endeavours
and the strife for life, and the light.

And I don’t quite know where to go.

In this darkness, it is very
difficult to find a way out.

To find the door leading to the light.

Finding it at last fills my
life with joy and with hope.

And then I make one step forward.

If prejudices become an obstacle in your
life, get rid of them in a most radical way.

Only when you free yourself entirely
from everything that is old in your life,

will your life space and withered flowers that used
to grow there start to get the refreshing summer rain.

The space surrounding
you starts to breathe again.

The room gets more light and more sense.

It feels as though drops of life are
getting through every cell of your space.

The inanimate objects start to
move and this all is very unusual.

Whenever I look into myself, and try to
understand why I am feeling the way I am,

I always see myself as if I was a monk, or a
priest, desperately trying to find freedom.

I grew up in a Catholic family. So many of the
complexes and dogmas were just hammered into my head.

The human being is like a tree. Neither can live
without the roots that would bring water and food.

Likewise, no woman can live without love.

It is very hard to first live in marriage
for a long time and then see it break apart.

It is even harder to see all those
friends and advisors trying to console you.

My husband has a close friend
who’s been chasing me for along time.

He just wanted to fuck with me.

So naturally he was the
first one to smear my name.

I’ve never told my husband about this storyline. So if he
had ever found out, he would have definitely shot him down.

I would’ve shot him down myself, but he was
too nasty to stain my hands with his blood.

At the time of separation my
husband made a desperate attempt.

He decided to see every single friend of ours on
his and my side, trying to understand the reality.

One of my closest friends is a nun. She lives
alone, practices and cherishes her solitary life.

Whenever I close my eyes, I imagine her dead and
then reborn, wearing a beautiful white dress.

Once she was married, too, but she had the stamina to
get out of this marriage for the sake of her inner self.

She never got married again, but I heard that,
while in the monastery, she did meet women.

And we, too, had a very short romance.

It is only with a man like you that my friend Sophie could have lived
with for so long. I can’t imagine any other man standing near her.

You look well and smell nice.

There’s something in you of a
gay, clean and well-groomed.

I know that no other man
would have interested Sophie.

An ordinary man would have been
too simple for her. And too rough.

So I know why she has chosen you.

Do you know we had an
affair and slept together?

I hope she never told you about us.

But don’t worry. It was
even before you got married.

Sophie didn’t know herself that we would part,
and that our relations were just starting.

I once hoped that it would be serious. But Sophie did
not like secret meetings in the monastery, so she left.

Much time passed since then. I
left the monastery too and live alone.

I find myself much freer
than I ever used to feel before.

Every person needs quite a lot of time
to understand what their preferences are.

But it didn’t take Sophie long to
understand that religion was not for her.

Thanks to her I followed her example.
And I no longer practice religion.

Do you know why all my friends are gay? I
thought about that myself for a very long time.

Finally I know the answer.

First, they’re sensual and
can easily be hurt. Just like me.

Second, we both look
for happiness and love.

But the toughest for you to understand as a heterosexual man is that
they’re not obsessed with the idea of fucking me in a doggy style.

Do you know what it feels like to be in the monastery and to suck
someone’s dick every morning even though you never want that?

It’s a strange feeling to suck one’s dick while the
Bible is read and you’re just staring out of the window.

I listen to the words of
God and I can’t stop thinking:

Does God really want me to do
that? Is this all He wanted me to do?

This is what I’ve lived through myself and this is
what killed every wish of staying in the monastery.

I thought a lot about this. This is the
main reason why Sophie and I got so close.

So you’ve come to me to tell you about Sophie. You’ve loved with her
for ten years and you don’t understand a single thing about who she is?

Now you come to me with
all your niceties and requests.

Remember the wedding day when you came up to me silently and
told me to shut my fucken mouth and stay out of your family.

So you thought you’d calmly fuck her three times per
week and she’d just spread her legs and wait for you?

Do you think she loved you because of
your beautiful blue eyes and bald head?

You’re such an idiot that you don’t even know
that she married you only because she was lonely.

Do you think she doesn’t know about all your lovers
that you fuck the way she would never let you do that?

I think this is a very good lesson for you and pricks
like you who just think they can calmly fuck their wives.

Do you ever look into the mirror?
Do you think you’re a woman’s dream?

If she wanted, she could’ve had
every man like you, every day.

Sophie was my spiritual teacher. I love
her so much. And I can't see her suffering.

What she told me about life, love, and freedom
gave me wings and made me feel like a bird.

What she seeks in her life is
something high and pure, full of air.

This is not the mundane routine. She has some light inside
herself that just tries to get through. You won’t understand that.

All you know about her is seeing
her naked in bed, sucking your dick.

You think all her life revolves around your big round eggs? Do
you think it’s the woman’s dream to clean your sperm off her face?

Every woman, besides her hole, actually has got a soul, a
heart, and aspirations to strive for something beautiful.

Do you think that pushing your prick
back and forth you’ll make a woman happy?

Trust me, this is not what women think. And that’s why
they’re looking for something different to be happy.

I think you’re preoccupied with your prick and
have obsessive thoughts of where to push it.

I don’t think you see
anything in my sister.

And now your marriage is breaking apart.

I see by your eyes that you didn’t
understand a single thing of what I said.

But I don't care.

I just wanted you to hear that. That’s all.

There’s a lot more I could tell you,
but I think it’s just a waste of time.

Sorry, I need to go. Sort your problems yourself. I think
that, if I ever met a man like you, I wouldn’t even notice him.

It’s so boring. Bye.

They say that the bits of a broken
cup can still be glued together.

But looking at the bits of my broken family
life, I somehow don’t want to restore them.

They will never make a cup what it used to be. They
will remain trash. And trash just needs to be cleaned.

I see you’re still suffering,
breaking up with this whore.

Don’t you think a lesbian is not
the best choice for a family life?

I’ve always told you, she’s more interested in
sucking other vaginas and boobs than your dick.

But true, only a lesbian can
suck one’s dick, like she did yours.

I don’t care about your marriage at all. What
I’ll miss are your videos of you fucking her.

I always fear that my wife might open my
cellphone and stumble upon all those merry videos.

I’d have a hard time explaining to her why I keep
masturbating on the cellphone in the lavatory.

You know, I even feel sorry for you. You look so
pitiful. You know why? You’ll never find a slut like her.

Hold on, bro. Your sexual life is over.

Join the club. Now it’s not only me who’s going to
watch the videos of her sucking your dick, but you, too.

You haven’t closed your Facebook account yet, have you? What
if we create a closed group there and post all your videos?

Of course, if only you’re not afraid
to get a ban for spreading porn.

Sorry, it’s a bad joke. But I just wanted to say
something to you. And I did not quite know what.

Quit smoking. It’s bad for your health.

I’m sorry, I need to go. I’m
really very, very sorry for you.

But you’re a big boy. You
have to sort it out yourself.

Try to put up with that, man. It’s bad to be
nervous in our age. You might have a heart attack.

Collect yourself. Put your hand into a fist.
Hold it tight until you’ve forgotten her.

You can always phone me,
if you want. We’re friends.

PART 3. THE FINALE

Freedom.

The last item of clothes
from our past is cast away.

The old body dies. And
the soul seeks for light.

Work isn’t the best place to
talk about personal problems.

These are not personal
problems. It’s a tragedy.

Have you heard – my wife is leaving me? If I
told you why she’s left me, you’d find it kinky.

Felix, don’t be naïve. Don’t you think that no one
in the department knows that your wife is a lesbian?

You’d better drink less vodka at our corporate
parties. Then you’d have some idea of what’s happening.

You’d have some idea about what’s happening in other
rooms while you’re sleeping on a couch like a pig.

I’m sorry, I somehow witnessed all those scenes accidentally.
But I never really wanted you to know about them.

I never wanted to tell you.

I never thought it could’ve gone so far.

Women do want to have
some time together. It’s not bad.

I thought that, as a man, you
know about that and take it normally.

Do you think that you can take 'normally' the
fact that your wife is making sex to other women?

Making sex with a woman is not that bad after all,
you know. I’d be glad to take part in that myself.

You mean you’re a lesbian too?

There are too many lesbians around, you know.
And it’s getting more and more difficult.

Felix, you’re too serious. You can’t speak
about it with such an expression on your face.

It’s just sex.

You know, I can’t take it in any
other way. It’s too complicated.

Women take sex and marriage differently. I think it’s not about
sex here; it’s rather a problem in your personal relations.

For some reason, men think that if they have a dick
up to their knees, their marriage will be successful.

But women don’t think this way.

Do you mean that you can have
a big success with a small dwarf?

Come on, let’s not
develop the topic of sizes.

I’m unmarried, so arousing
myself will not lead to any good.

Have you tried going to a sex doctor?

I don’t think there’s any problem in
that. But thanks for talking to me, anyway.

Sophie asked me to give you the keys from her
car. She says she doesn’t need it anymore.

Do you think I’ve come to you to hear you
humiliate me saying that I’m just a bag of shit?

Your cutie lesbie wife told you to
get out so you so you went to me?

I just wanted to tell you my story.

Are you a complete idiot? Are you coming
here just to tell me your sad stories?

All the world is breaking apart around
me. And you don’t even want to hear me.

Hear you? Why should I listen to you? You come to my
place, bring presents, and fuck me. And that is enough!

I don’t understand why you keep talking
about sex. Can’t we talk like normal people?

Are you normal? You’re a pervert! I’ve forgotten when we
had a vaginal sex last time. All you do is have my ass!

Why do you want to talk 'normal' to
me? We’ve never talked 'normal' before!

I don’t want to talk 'normal'.

If you’ve come, I can get undressed and you can
fuck me. And that’s it. I don’t want any sentiments.

Do you think sex is all I want from you?

Please remind me when
we’ve last been to the theatre!

I think you spend much more time
at the pharmacy buying condoms.

The last time I remember us talk,
we were discussing condom varieties.

Strawberry condoms, blueberry condoms, vanilla condoms, condoms with
vibrators. That’s all. And now you’ve come to talk about souls...

Don't make me laugh.

I’m not your wife. Pick
up your ass and get out.

Is this all I deserve?
Am I just a piece of shit?

I’ll tell you more. You’re not just a piece of shit,
and not only a deceived husband. You are NOTHING.

You’re not even interesting to me anymore.

I thought you would understand
me and would just listen to me.

THE END

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