The Whale (2022) - full transcript

Like we
discussed yesterday,

I really want you all to focus
on topic sentences more.

Too many of you
are rushing into examples

in your body paragraphs.

It'd be good for everyone
to review

the paragraph structure PDF
I sent you

a few weeks ago.

I know these rules
can feel constraining.

But remember,
the point of this course

is to learn how to write
clearly and persuasively.

That's how you can
effectively communicate
your ideas.



Chris, I imagine
that was supposed to be
a private chat

that you sent
to the whole class.
Well done.

And, yes, the camera
on my laptop
still doesn't work.

Believe me,
you're not missing much.

Oh, and for those of you
who still haven't
given me paper three,

I need it by Wednesday,
no exceptions.

And remember,

- the more you revise
these essays, the better.

The more you change,

chances are you'll express
your thoughts and ideas

more clearly
and persuasively.

All right?

Oh!

"Moby Dick...
In the amazing book, Moby..."



Liz?

Just use your key,
open the door!

Oh, my God.

Who are you?

Gosh, are you okay?
Should I call an ambulance?
I should call an am...

Read this to me.
Do you have a phone?

My phone's dead,
I need to...

Please just read it!
Okay!

Okay.

"In the amazing book,
Moby Dick, by the author,
Herman Melville,

"the author recounts his story
of being at sea.

"In the first part
of his book, the author,
calling himself Ishmael,

"is in a small seaside town,

"and he is sharing a bed
with a man named Queequeg."

What is this?
Why am I reading this?

I need to...
Just read any of it!

"And I felt saddest of all
when I read
the boring chapters

"that were only
descriptions of whales,

"because I knew
that the author
was just trying to save us

"from his own sad story..."

Sad story.
"...just for a little while."

Just for a little while.

"This book made me think
about my own life...

"...and then it made me
feel glad for my..."

Did that help?

Look, do you have a phone?
My phone is dead.

I need to call an ambulance.

You need help.
I don't go to hospitals.

I can't help you, I don't...
I don't go to hospitals.

I am sorry, um...
You can go.

Thank you
for reading that to me.

Are you sure you're okay?

I'm sorry, who are you?

Are you acquainted
with the Gospel
of Jesus Christ?

What?
I'm sharing
Christ's message of love,

and I'm showing people...
Oh.

Think I should call my friend.

She's a nurse,
she takes care of me.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll go.
Sorry to bother you.
Wait.

My phone fell under there,
can you...

Yeah, sure.

Here it is.

Hey, listen, I don't know
what's gonna happen

in the next few minutes.

If you don't mind,
could you...

Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Thank you.

It's Liz. I'm not around.
Leave a message.

What was that thing
that you had me read to you?

It's an essay.

It's my job.

I teach online
college courses.

But why did you have me
read it to you?

Because I thought
I was dying.

And I wanted to hear it
one last time.

You should have called
an ambulance.

With no health insurance?

Being in debt
is better than being dead.

What's wrong with you?

Why is there
a missionary here?

Someone left
the door unlocked.

I left after
you fell asleep earlier,

I must've forgotten.

Good thing, too.
If I hadn't, you might have...

Liz, I don't like it when you...

Okay, okay.
I just hate the thought

of you being sealed up
in this place
when I'm not here.

Now shut up, I'm trying to...

What?
Hush.

Tell me what you felt.

Pain, in my chest.

Hard to breathe.

I couldn't intake air.

How are you sleeping?
I'm not, really.

Lean forward.

You're wheezing.

I always wheeze, Liz.

You're wheezing more.

Deep breath.

That hurt?

What was my blood pressure?

Two-hundred and thirty-eight
over 134.

Oh.

Yeah. "Oh."

Hey, could you...

I haven't been
to the bathroom all day,
I'm ready to explode.

You need help in there?

No, I'm fine. Sorry.

What are you sorry about?

I'm sorry. I don't know.
Just sorry.

- I should go.
- Thank you.

You must be from New Life.

You know Doug,
from the church council?

Yeah, I think so?

I'm not entirely sure.

I'm sort of new here, so...

He's my dad.

Doug and Cindy adopted me
when I was a baby.

Oh, that's great.

I've never seen you there
before, but,

again I'm sort of new, so...

Fucking hate New Life.
Oh.

My dad forced me to go
when I was a kid.

It was awful,
growing up with all
that "end times" bullshit.

You're young.

Why the hell
would you want to believe

that the world
is about to end?

I believe that
when Christ returns,

it's gonna be beautiful.

Look, you can go.

I know Charlie appreciates
the help,

but if you're here
to convert him...

Oh, we don't convert,

our message
is a message of hope

- for people of all...
- People of all faiths.

- I know. You're sweet.
- But...

Believe me, he doesn't want
to hear about New Life.

Why?

Because it's caused him
a lot of pain.

How?

It killed his boyfriend.

You're saying the church...

Killed Charlie's
boyfriend, yes.

And I should add that New Life

has caused me a lot of pain
in my life.

So, we don't need you
coming over here,

especially not now,
not this week.

Why?

Because he probably
won't be here next week.

Where's he going?

I'm sorry
you had to come over, Liz.

No, it's okay.

I'm sorry
that I always think
I'm dying.

Charlie, your blood pressure
is 238 over 134.

I'm sorry.
Go to the hospital.

I'm sorry.
Stop saying you're sorry.

Go to the hospital.

You have congestive
heart failure.

If you don't go
to the hospital,

you'll be dead by the weekend.

You will die.

Well, then,
I better get to work

because I have a lot
of essays this week.

God damn it!

I know. I'm sorry,
I'm an awful person. I know.

I'm sorry.

Did you still want to hear
about Christ's message
of love and salvation?

No, he does not!

Okay. Okay.

I'll go.

I still don't understand

why you had me read
that essay to you.

It's a really good essay.

Goodbye.

Charlie, you have to go
to the hospital.
This has gone way too far.

And rack up tens of thousands
of dollars in hospital bills

I'll never be able
to pay back, ever.

This affects me too, you know?

You're my friend.

I know.

I'm sorry.

You say you're sorry
one more time,

I will shove a knife
right into you,
I swear to God!

Go ahead, what's it gonna do?

My internal organs
are two feet in, at least.

I've been telling you
this would happen.

I know.

Haven't I been telling you?
You have.

...a new
GOP presidential primary.

However, they say
absentee ballots

are the lowest they've seen
in recent history.
That's not good.

No, it's not.
Get out and vote tomorrow.

if you want to vote
in the Republican primary.

Our current polls do show,
among Republicans,,

30% favor Trump...
Liz.

...senator Ted Cruz,

17% would vote
for Florida senator
Marco Rubio,

and 5% for Ohio governor
John Kasich.

Liz.

...for someone else,
if they could.

Below a percent
that just don't know.

- Meanwhile, Vermont senator
- Bernie Sanders

is expected to win
the Gem State
on the Democratic side...

Please.

Thank you.

Oh, I've seen this one,
it's good.

In the first part
of his book, the author,

calling himself Ishmael,

is in a small seaside town

and he is

sharing a bed with a man

named Queequeg.

The author and Queequeg
go to church,

and later,
they set out on a ship

captained
by the pirate named

Ahab,

who is missing a leg,

and very much wants
to kill the whale

which is named Moby Dick,

and which is white.

In the course of the book,

the pirate Ahab encounters
many hardships.

His entire life is set around

trying to kill
a certain whale.

I think this is sad

because the whale
doesn't have any emotions.

He's just

a poor, big animal.

And I feel bad
for Ahab as well

...because he thinks
that his life will be better

if he can just kill this whale.

But in reality,

it won't help him at all.

This book made me think

about my own life.

This book made me think
about my own life.

This book
made me think
about my own life.

Does this mean
now I'm gonna get fat?

No, it doesn't.

I was always big.

I just...

I let it get out of control.

So, was your mom okay
with you coming over here?

I didn't tell her.

It's really good
to see you.

You look beautiful.

So, how's school?

You're a senior, right?

You actually care?

Well, of course I care.

I pester your mom
for information

as often as
she'll give it to me.

Um...

So...

Why are you...
I mean, don't you have school?

Got suspended
this morning.

Oh.

Why?

I posted something
about my stupid bitch
lab partner

that the vice principal said
was "Vaguely threatening."

You don't like school?

Only idiots like high school.

But you're on track
to graduate, right?

Counselor says I might not.

I'm not worried.

I'm a smart person.

I never forget anything.

High school is just bullshit.

But, Ellie, it's important.

If you don't graduate, then...

Are you actually trying
to parent me right now?

No, I'm... Sorry.

I just...

I just thought that maybe
we could spend some time
with each other.

I'm not spending time
with you.

You're disgusting.

Well, I'm a lot bigger
than I was

since last time you saw me.

No, I'm not talking
about what you look like.

You'd be disgusting
even if you weren't this fat.

You'd still be
that piece-of-shit dad

who walked out on me
when I was eight.

All because he wanted to fuck
one of his students.

Can I have one of these?

Yeah.

Look, it's...
it's been a long time.

I just thought that maybe

we can get to know each other.

I don't even know
why I'm here.

I can pay you.

You want to pay me
to spend time with you?

And I can help you
with your work.

It's what I do for my job.

I can help you pass
your classes.

You teach online?
Yes.

Your students know
what you look like?

I keep the camera shut off.

Yeah, that's probably
a good idea.

My counselor says
that if I show
a lot of improvement

in one subject,

I might be able
to graduate.

You can rewrite these essays
for English.

They have to be
really good, though.

Well, look, um...

I don't know
if I should write them
for you,

but I can work with you
on them.

How much can you pay me?

Everything I have.

All the money
I have in the bank.
How much?

$120,000?
Something like that.
I'd have to check.

I never go out.

All I pay for is food,
rent, Internet.

And I work all the time.

And you'd give
all of it to me?

Not to my mom, to me?

Yes. Just...

don't tell your mom,

all right?

And maybe you could do
some writing just for me.

Why?

Because you're a smart person.

And I bet you'd make
a strong writer.

Plus, I'm a teacher.
I want to make sure

you're getting something
out of this.

I don't even
understand you.

Stand up and walk over to me.

What?

Come over here.
Walk toward me.

No. No. Without this thing.

Stand up and walk over here.

Ellie, I can't really...
Shut up!

Come over here.

"...celebrate my soul.

"Sell my soul."

Gambino's!

Yeah, you can, um...

I put a $20 in the mailbox.

Sure.

You can just leave it
on the...

Yeah, I, uh...
I remember.

Everything okay in there?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

Thank you.

Breathe slowly.

Relax.

It measures perspiration.
It's an indicator of stress.

It's about establishing
a relationship

between your brain
and your body.

If you know
how to make yourself calm,

then your blood
pressure will...

Here.

I don't need a little machine
to tell me

to take a few deep breaths
and stop sweating.

Well, apparently,
you fucking do.

Take another deep breath.

Thank you.

We're just gonna try
some different methods,
or whatever.

If you refuse to go
to the hospital,
then you'll...

I don't know.

Where'd this come from?

Hey.

Was she here?

No, I don't like this.

This isn't a good idea.

You know you're not supposed
to be around her.

Does her mom know about this?

I just wanted to see her.

Mary has kept her from me
all this time.

Why do you suddenly need
to see her so bad, why now?

Liz.

Why the hell do you have
her homework, anyway?

Look, I didn't plan for this.

She needs some help at school,

so I'm gonna help her
with a few essays.

You haven't seen her
since she was eight
years old,

and you're gonna
reconnect with her

by doing her homework
for her?

It's fine.
It's not fine.

She shouldn't be around you
when you're like this.

What if something happens,
what if you need help?

Charlie, calm down.

Hey. No.

Okay. Forget it, then.

I'm worried about her.
Why?

Oh, you're spying on her now?

It doesn't look
like she has any friends.

I don't think this is...

Come on, a dead dog?

I'm worried
that she's forgotten

what an amazing person she is.

She's just a teenager.

Everyone is insane
when they're a teenager.

When I was her age,

when my dad
would really piss me off...

I'm just lucky
I didn't get arrested,
that's all I'll say.

Point is,

bringing her over here
is a bad idea.

You have enough to deal with
right now, you hear me?

Do not bring her
over here again.

Okay.

Okay.

It's not like she's alone,
you know. She has her mom.

Ugh, shit.
I have to go soon.

I hate these night shifts.

It's just a steady parade
of dumb, drunk college kids.

Did I tell you
about this girl

from a few nights ago?

The puke was bright purple,
I swear.

I mean, what is that?

Why can't these kids
just drink beer? You know.

Are you choking?

Oh, God!
Okay, lean on that arm.

Lean on that arm!

Okay, I need
you to rock with me.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

God damn it, Charlie,
what is wrong with you?

Chew your food
like a normal human being!

You could have just died
right in front of me!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Liz.

It's okay.

I read through
some of the posts

in the class discussion forum
this morning.

In particular, a post

about crafting a good thesis,
and I quote,

"Just pick a sentence
from the reading

"and say, 'It's good,'
or some shit."

Listen, at this point
in the course,

I have given you
all that I can,

in terms of structure,
building a thesis,

paragraph organization.

But if all of that isn't built

on your own original ideas
and truthful analysis,

it doesn't mean anything.

Think about that
as you write and revise.

Think about the truth
of your argument.

I know this may sound silly,
but it's important.

Promise, it's important.

This is...

You say that Walt Whitman
wrote Song for Myself.

Yeah?

It's called Song of Myself.

My title's better.

Yeah.

Well...

Okay, I'll just change it.

"The poem Song of Myself

"is in a book
called Leaves of Grass.

"It was written
by Walt Whitman

"and was published in 1855.

"He paid for the first
publication himself."

You don't have to read it
out loud. Just rewrite it.

You're supposed
to analyze the poem.

This is just a list of facts.

Yup. Thank you, Wikipedia.

You know, it's really
an amazing poem.

Whitman uses the metaphor
of "I" not to refer to himself,

but to explode
the very definition of self

in favor of a more
all-encompassing...

I really, really don't care.

You know, I think
you might like it
if you actually read it.

You're just like my teachers.

You think just because
I'm not losing my shit
over the poem,

it's because I didn't read it.

I did read it.

It's overwritten, and dumb,
and repetitive.

And even though he thinks
his metaphor of "I" is deep,

it's actually
just a bunch of bullshit.

And, in reality,

he's just some worthless
19th century faggot.

That's an interesting
perspective.

It would make
for an interesting essay.

Just write that thing
about exploding
the definition of self.

My English teacher
will love it.

So, how's your mom doing?
Oh, my God.

Look, if you're not
gonna write
these essays for me, then...

Ellie,
I don't need you here
to write these essays for you.

If you want to go, you can go.

You can still have the money.

I thought you wanted
to get to know me.
I do,

but I don't want
to force you to be here.

It's up to you.

She's fine.

Mom. I guess.

She happy?
When she drinks.

You guys still live
in that duplex
over on Orchard?

You don't even know
where we live?

You don't stay in touch
with Mom?

Yeah, I check in with her
as often as she lets me.

She really only tells me
things about you.

Why?

Because that's all
I want to know about.

When I was 11,

we moved
to the other side of town,

near the Walmart.

Is your mother

with anyone right now?
No.

Why, you interested?

No, of course not.

Why'd you gain
all that weight?

I don't...

If you're gonna
interrogate me,
I'm gonna do the same thing.

Why'd you gain
all that weight?

Someone close to me
passed away, and it...

It had an effect on me.

Your boyfriend.

My partner.
Your student.

He wasn't that young.
It was a night school course.

Oh, I remember him.

You had him over
for dinner once

when Mom was in Montana,
visiting Grandma.

You made steaks.

The good kind.

Better meal
than you ever made
for me or Mom.

I remember hearing
you two talk
after I went to bed.

How do you remember all that?

I told you,
I never forget anything.

How did he die?

I... I don't... I'm...

I really don't want
to talk about that right now,

if that's all right with you.

I'll write these essays
for you.

I want you to do some writing,
just for me.

I hate writing essays.

Just think about the poem
for a while,

and write something.

Be honest.

Tell me what you really think.

You want me to write
what I really think?

I'll be right back.

Just write whatever you want.

Are you okay?

Unless you're dying,
there's no way
I'm going in there.

Oh, yeah.
I'm fine. I'm fine.

Hi.

I was looking for Charlie?

He's in the bathroom.

Oh, I can come back.

Are you his friend, or...

I'm his daughter.

Oh.
Are you surprised?

Yeah, I guess.

What's more surprising?
That a gay guy
has a daughter,

or that someone
actually found his penis?

I'm kidding.

Jesus.

Um...

Charlie was interested
in hearing more
about my church,

and I brought
some literature...

Are you Mormon?
No, I'm from New Life.

Oh. That end times cult thing.

It's not a cult.

Tell you one thing
that I like about religion.

What I like about religion

is that it assumes
that everyone is an idiot

and that they're all incapable
of saving themselves.

I think they got
something right with that.

I don't think like that...

What I don't like
about religion

is that when people
accept Jesus or whatever,

they suddenly think
that they're better

than everyone else.

By accepting the fact
that they're stupid sinners,

somehow they've become better,
and they turn into assholes.

I don't really know
what to say.

I have some pamphlets
that I think would...

Why did you just do that?

Are you coming back tomorrow?

I'm not sure...
Come back tomorrow.

I'll be here
around the same time.

I'm sorry, what's happening?

Oh!

Hi. I was just coming over

to share these pamphlets
with you.

You'll have those done
by tomorrow?

Sure.

Five-page minimum.

It'll be good, I promise.

I'm Ellie.
Thomas.

So...

Christ's return
has been promised
for centuries.

But there are a lot
of clues in Scripture

that suggest it's imminent.

So, that means
we don't have time
to deny the Gospel,

we don't have...
Do you really think

that the world's
gonna end soon?

Well, the Bible says
that no one shall know the day

or the hour, but,

yeah, I think we're probably
living in end times.

And that doesn't bother you?

No. It's the idea

that a better world is coming
to replace this one.

That everything terrible
about this country,

this planet,
is gonna be wiped clean,

and replaced with something
pure and holy, and...

I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be rude,

but I know all this.

What do you mean?

I have probably
read everything

New Life Church
has ever written.

Probably every pamphlet
they've ever published.

Wow, that's great
and everything,

but these tracts
are just the beginning.

There's so much more
in the Bible that we can...
I read the Bible.

Really?

Sure. Couple times.

Did you like it?

I thought it was devastating.

God creates us,
expels us from paradise.

We wander around
for thousands of years
killing each other,

before He comes back
and saves 144,000 of us.

Meanwhile, seven-
and-a-half billion of us
fall into hell.

Yeah.

That's not really
how I interpret it, but...

Charlie, you have
to understand,

God hasn't turned
His back on you.

If you accept Him,
He'll release you from this.

He'll take your soul

out of this body
and give you
a brand-new body.

One made of pure light.
I mean, don't you want that?

I'm not interested
in being saved.

I appreciate what you did

the other day,
but you can go.

This doesn't sound
like something that I...

Look, I really think
that God brought me here
for a reason.

There's a reason
why I knocked on your door

right when you needed
someone the most.

Isn't there any way
I can help?

I mean,
that's the entire reason

why I became a missionary
in the first place, right?

There's something
you can do for me.

What?
Um, nothing I just...

I hope you know
I wasn't talking about, um...

What?
I'm not...

Oh, my God.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I just...

No.
With what
you were watching

the first time
I came in here, I just...

I am not
attracted to you.

Please, you gotta believe me
when I say
I'm not attracted to you.

You're a fetus.

I'm sorry.

Thomas, tell me the truth.

You find me disgusting?

No.

I just want to help.

Please, just let me help.

Thank you.
That's very helpful.

What happened to your...
Sorry. Your friend, Liz,

she said
that your boyfriend,

he used to go to New Life?

Charlie?
Yeah.

I got you this.

I did some
asking around, and...

What the fuck
is he doing here?

He's just helping me
with something.

Take it easy, Liz.

Okay, well, you can go now.

Liz.

Go home!

Sorry. I'm sorry.
Leave it.

I said, leave it!

Liz, would you stop?

Actually, stay.
We'll have a little chat.

What's this?

The fuck does it look like?

It's a fat-guy wheelchair.

And why do I need
a wheelchair?

I was talking to one
of the ER doctors,

He said moderate activity
would be a good idea.

Sense of independence
might help you out.

And what did you pay
for this thing?

Nothing. We ordered it
for a patient
a few months ago.

It's just been sitting around.

What happened to the patient?

Just try it out.

Please.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Can I sit?
I gotcha.

Good?
Yeah, actually,
this is really nice.

Yeah.

Let me clear
some space for you.

Whee.

Hello?

Look, no hands.

Thank you, Liz.
This is great, so great.

- See? I told you.
- I know.

I should go.
Ah-pap-pap.

Not until we have
our little chat.

- What?
- Come on.

Liz.

Just gimme a minute with him.

Where are you from?

What?

You said you've only been here
for a little while.

Where you from?

Uh, Iowa.
A town called Waterloo?

You asking me?

No. I'm from Waterloo.

Okay.

Your whole family
move out here for New Life?

No, it's just me.

I wanted to do
some missionary work
before school.

You're from Iowa,

and you came to Idaho
to do missionary work?

Why aren't you
in Africa or something?

Idaho needs the Word
as much as anywhere else.

Okay, listen.

I know this is fun for you.

You get to travel around,

act superior than
everyone else,

and eventually, you go home,

get some boring job,
have too many kids.

It's God's plan.

But there are
other types of people.

People like Charlie,

for whom this amazing plan
doesn't fit.

So, just stay away from him.

He doesn't need this
right now.

I disagree.

Excuse me?
Sorry, I just, uh...

He's dying.

He's refusing
to go to the hospital.

What he needs
is spiritual guidance.

And you're gonna
give him that?

No. God will.

I see.

My big brother
did some missionary work
for New Life.

Went to South America.

Oh.
Yeah.

I was the black sheep.

I refused to go to church
ever since I was 12.

Dad knew
I was a lost cause,

but not my brother,
he loved New Life.

He wrote me a letter
a few months after he left,

told me he was tired,

and lonely, but he didn't
want to come home

because he didn't want
to get married.

He didn't want to get married?

Dad had set it all up.

Pushed him
into getting married

to this girl from the church
he barely knew.

But when he came back,
he met someone else.

Fell in love,
started a whole new life.

And Dad kicked him out
of the church.

And the family.

I thought he was gonna be able

to get over
all that religious stuff,

but it was like a cancer.

He couldn't shake it.

He just caved in on himself,

stopped sleeping,
stopped eating.

Lost a ton of weight.

One night,
he doesn't come home.

Couple weeks later,
this guy is out jogging

on a bike path
near the river in Lewiston,

sees something washed up
on shore,

and that was Alan.

The love of Charlie's life,
and my brother.

Oh.
Yeah. "Oh."

To this day,
my dad won't admit it.

Told the whole congregation
Alan's death was...

just an unfortunate accident.

Denying him to the end.

Look, I know
that you don't trust me.

And I know
that I haven't known him
for very long,

but I really think
that God brought me here,

right when Charlie
needs it the most.

I just want him to be saved,
that's all...
You listen to me!

He doesn't need saving!

In a few days, he's probably
going to be dead,

so what he needs
is for you to leave him alone.

I'm the only one
who can help him.

- You understand me?
- Liz.

You wanna watch some Maury?

Sounds good, right?

Actually, I got
another night shift tonight.

I better, uh...

You good for the night?

I'll leave the remote here.

Gambino's!

Yeah. You can, uh...

Money in the mailbox,
leave it on the bench.

Yeah. Thanks.

I'm Dan.

What?

I just...
My name, it's Dan.

I've been coming here
for a while now.

Just thought you'd wanna know
my name.

Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

Have a good night, okay?

...it sure did.

More Idaho Republicans
want to see Senator Ted Cruz

in the White House
than any other candidate.

Cruz will split
Idaho's 32 delegates

with Donald Trump,

the only other candidate
to clear that 20% threshold.

It was a disappointing night
for Senator Marco Rubio

who failed to win
any delegates

in the four states
that held primaries, while...

"This apartment smells.

"This notebook is retarded.
I hate everyone."

This apartment smells.

This notebook is retarded.

I hate everyone.

And I felt saddest of all

when I read
the boring chapters

that were only descriptions
of whales

because I knew

that the author
was just trying to save us

from his own sad story,

just for a little while.

This apartment smells.

This apartment smells.

The author
was just trying to save us

from his own sad story.

I hate everyone.

I hate everyone.

Do you have it?

I'm almost done.

You can wait
while I finish it up,

print it out.

Maybe while you're waiting,

you can write some more
in your notebook.
Oh, my God.

You've only written
a couple sentences so far.

Can you write more?

I kind of hate you.
Yeah.

Well, you hate everyone.

Listen, just keep going.

Forget about the poem.

Write whatever you want,
whatever you're thinking.

Okay. Be quiet, just...

You know, I was in
a really strange place
in my life

when I married your mom.
Did I fucking ask?

I just wish...

I'm sor... I'm sorry.

I understand
that you're angry.

But...

you don't have to be angry
at the whole world.

You can just be angry at me.

Okay, you know what?

You can't throw me away
like a piece of garbage,

and then suddenly
just want to be my dad
eight years later.

You left me
for your boyfriend.

It's that simple.

And if you've been
telling yourself
anything different,

then you're lying to yourself.

But you know what? I'm glad.

I'm glad,
because you taught me
something very important.

People are assholes.

Most people learn that
way too late.

You... You taught me that
when I was eight.

Thank you for that.

You know, you could've...

What?

You could've been
sending us money.

If you had
all that money saved up,

and wanted to be a part
of my life so bad,

you could've been
sending money to Mom.

I did.

Yeah, I mean more
than just child support.

I did.

When I left your mom,
she did not want me
around you.

I hoped

that she would change her mind
eventually, but she...

You could have
just fucking called me.

All this time, you...

You could have been
a part of my life.

Ellie.

Look at me.

Who would want me
to be a part of their life?

I'm hungry.

There's some stuff
for sandwiches in the fridge.

I'll make you one,
but it's going to be small.

And I'm only using turkey,

and no mayonnaise.

What?
Nothing.

You're an amazing
person, Ellie.

I hope you know
what an amazing person
you are.

I couldn't ask
for a more
incredible daughter.

I'll print that out
for you now.

Yeah?

Uh... Hello?

Hi.

Come on.

Is he...

Is he okay?
I don't know.

I ground up some Ambien
and I put it in his sandwich.

What?

I only gave him a couple.
He's fine.

I can take, like,
three at a time.

Where
did you get Ambien?

I had sex with a pharmacist.

I'm kidding. Gross.

My mom pops them
like Tic Tacs.

I don't know if he should
be taking Ambien.

Does this make you nervous?
'Cause it's just pot.

It's not like
I'm smoking meth or anything.

I know. I...
I know what pot is, okay?

No. You only think
you know what pot is

because your parents told you
a bunch of lies about it.

Don't. I know what drugs are.

I've smoked pot before.
Ooh. Oh, I'm so impressed.

I wasn't trying
to impress you.

You've not smoked pot before.
Yes, I have. It...

It was kind of a problem.

That is the stupidest
fucking thing

I've ever heard
in my entire life.

I was smoking every day.
I had a problem.

You were a stoner.
You had a hobby.

All right, I'm gonna go.
Just tell him I was here
and I'll...

If you leave, I'll feed him
the rest of the pills
I have in the bottle.

What?
Yeah.

There's, like, 20,
30 more in here.

I'll crush them up,

I'll put them in some water,

and I'll pour it
down his throat.

You wouldn't actually do that,

would you?
Sit down.

So, why do you keep
coming back here?

He needs help.

He needs God in his life
right now.

That's a stupid reason.

Do you think he wants
to have sex with you?

That is so gross,
oh, my God. Take a hit.

I don't want...
If you don't take a hit,

I'm gonna call the police

and I'm gonna tell them
that you tried to rape me.
Take a hit.

I don't understand you at all.

Oh, my God.

Is there a carb on this?

Ooh, I'm impressed.

I wasn't trying
to impress you.

There isn't a carb.

Calm down.

What are you
gonna do with that picture?

I'm gonna masturbate to it.

Is that what
you want me to say?

You're a pervert.
Take another hit.

Look, I'm just fucking
with you, all right?

I'm not gonna kill anyone,

I'm not gonna tell anyone
that you tried to rape me.

You're not going to give him
any more Ambien?

No.

Why do you
keep coming back here?

I don't know.

Seriously, if you hate him
so much, then why...

I'm done answering
questions now.

Can I take another hit?

It goes against your religion,

and that makes you
a hypocrite.

Go ahead.

I really wish
that you wouldn't do that.

Yeah, I know.
I heard you the first time.

Do you find me attractive?

Because I'm not attracted
to you at all,

just to let you know.

I'm not trying to be mean
or anything.

I just don't think
you're very good-looking,

or interesting.

Or intelligent.

Oh, my God, grow up.

Maybe someone else
finds you attractive.

Maybe my dad
finds you attractive.

I really wish you...
You know, it is so easy

to make you uncomfortable.

It's honestly...
It's a little sad.

You can cash that out.

If my parents knew
I was getting high,

getting high while out
witnessing for the church...

You're not from New Life.

What?

There's a kid in the grade
below me who goes there.

He told me
that they stopped doing

door-to-door stuff last year

when some woman
was out preaching
or whatever,

and a guy answered the door
with no clothes on.

I gotta go.
Who are you, really?

Come on, just tell me!

Why do you care?
Because I think we have

a blossoming friendship.

You're just messing with me.

No, I'm not.

You're not going
to tell anyone?

Who am I gonna tell?

I was on a mission.

With a group from my church,
back in Waterloo,

my hometown in Iowa.

When my dad
caught me smoking pot,

he thought a mission
would be a good idea.

I mean, the truth is,
he's just embarrassed by me

and wanted me gone
for a while.

Anyway, I just left.

I couldn't do it anymore.

Why?

The mission leader,

this guy, Jerry,

all he had us doing
was standing on corners

and handing out pamphlets.

The end of each day,
he'd be like,

"Look how many people
we're helping," but...

I tried to talk to him

about different ways
we can minister.

I mean, different ways
that we could actually
help people. But...

You could just tell
that he didn't need to earn

or prove his faith at all.

After a while,
I was just, like,
"Am I really helping?"

No. You were not.

Yeah, I started to feel
that way, too.

I don't feel that way,

I know that you weren't
helping people.

It doesn't help people
to tell them

that they should believe
in God.

Why would that help people?

I just thought...

I see all my family,
my friends,

they're all just so happy.

I just want to be like that.

So, why'd you leave, then?

I was worried
I was gonna get arrested.

For smoking pot?

For stealing from the mission.

One day,
I ditched the pamphlets.

I went door-to-door.

I started actually
engaging with people.

Finally. I mean, it felt
like I was doing something,

helping someone.

And that night, I went back
to the mission meeting,

and I told everyone
what I did that day,

and Jerry was like,
"That's not
what we do, buddy."

And I was like,
"Well, why not?"

And we got
in this huge argument
in front of everyone, and...

And that night,
I decided to leave.

And when everyone
was asleep, I...

I took the petty cash.

How much?

$2,436.

Oh.

Yeah. "Oh."

I got on a bus.

Jerry and my parents
were calling me

over and over again.

I just tossed my phone.

After a while,
I wound up here.

I thought
I could use this money

for my own mission.

You know, see my faith save
just one person.

But now I'm almost
out of money. I just...

I can't go home, and...

My parents probably
wanna disown me.

I don't know
what to do.

You're more interesting
to me now.

Thanks.

So, that's why
you wanna save my dad.

Mom?

Don't freak out.
Shut up.

You again?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie.

Not with the oxygen tank.

I'll stand by the window.

Ellie told you
she was coming over?

No. I did.

And just in time, looks like.

You having any more pain?

How easy
is it to move?

Not very.

Any confusion?
Have you felt disoriented,

forgotten where you are
or what you're doing?

Am I okay?
No, you're not okay.

But as far
as the sleeping pills,
you're fine.

I don't think
she gave you much.

Yeah, that's what I told you.

You know, I was a very angry,

very stupid little girl
once, too,

but if you would've given him
any more pills than that...

Yeah, but I didn't give him
more pills than that,

I gave him two pills.
Ellie?

How much money
did he offer you?

All of it?
How do you know
about the money?

You think I'm an idiot?

You think I would believe
that you were coming
over here

out of the kindness
of your heart?

Charlie
doesn't have any money.

- She doesn't know?
- Mary.

Where do you think
all the money

from his teaching
has been going?

The account for Ellie?

By now, it has to be huge.

Over $100,000 at least, right?

That's not true, is it?

Charlie.

We could have gotten you
anything you needed.

Special beds,
physical therapists,

fucking health insurance!

Last winter,
when my pick-up broke down

and I had to walk
through the snow

to get your groceries
for you...

I offered to get
your truck fixed.

Yeah, and I refused
because I thought
you had $700

in your bank account.
The money is for Ellie.

It's always been for Ellie.

If there was ever
any kind of emergency,

I would have given you
the money.
Would you?

Wait.

Wait.

Mom, you're not getting
any of my money.

Oh, shut up, Ellie.

Leave, right now.

Wait.

Ellie, I know
you didn't mean to hurt me.
I know you didn't...

Okay, you know what?
Listen to me. Listen.

I don't care about you!

Get that through
your fucking skull.

Ellie, please.
Just fucking die already!

Enough!

Ellie, your... Your essay.

So... It's...

It's a really good essay!

Jesus, Charlie.

Do you have anything?

It's above the sink,

the kitchen counter
on the left.

- The other one.
- Yup.

Our deal was

to wait until she's out
of the house
to give her the money.

What's the difference?

The difference is she's 17
and still in high school.

She's gonna spend it
on face tattoos
or ponies, or something.

I think that she's
a lot smarter than that.

So...

How's it been?

Getting to know her.

She's amazing.

You still do that.

What?

That positivity.

It's so annoying.

You're a complete cynic.

Just trying to balance us out.

Yeah. I guess I do miss that.

That one thing.

Just that?

That, and the cooking.

Last month, tried to make
a stir-fry thing.
Yeah?

Almost set the entire
apartment building on fire.

I never knew
you were doing this
to yourself.

Well, you never asked
how I was doing.

You never asked
how I was doing either.

Every month, it's just,

"How much money do you need?"
or, "How's Ellie?"

You didn't tell me
that she's flunking
out of school.

I guess I just didn't need
the lecture

about my involvement
in her education.

That is not what I...

How're you doing, Mary?

I know I'm not supposed
to be around her.

You could probably call
the police if you wanted to.
Oh, Christ.

You really think I'd do that?

You fought me pretty hard
for full custody.

And I don't blame you
for keeping her from me.

Charlie, need I remind you
that you left us.

I know.

And I was left raising our kid

and explaining to people
that my husband
left me for a man.

But you didn't
have to cut me out
of her life like that.

Oh, please.

You were more than happy
to forget about us for a while.

You know that.

I know I made
a lot of mistakes.

But I just wanted
to see her, Mary.

I've always just...
Just wanted to see her.

It's all about you.

Even now, huh?

Now you know why
I kept you from her.

What?

She's awful. Isn't she?

She's a terror.
And you think it's my fault.

Wait, is that why
you kept her from me
all this time?

Because you thought
that I would think
that you're a bad mother?

At first.

But later,
when she was 15, 16,

I was worried
she would hurt you.

Hurt me?

It's ridiculous.

I don't take any pleasure
in admitting it.

I'm her mother,
for Christ's sake.

You know, I spent
way too much time
telling myself,

you know,
"She's just rebellious,

"she's just difficult."

Charlie, she's evil.

She's not evil.

What are you doing?

You think it's just me?

"There'll be
a grease fire in hell
when he starts to burn."

Don't feel bad.

I've made
quite a few appearances
on that thing.

She's a strong writer.

That's your response?

This isn't evil.

This is honesty.

Do you know how much bullshit
I've read in my life?

My God, I don't
understand you, Charlie!

Every time I call
and ask you how she's doing,

you say, "She's fine."

If she's so evil, then...

What was I
supposed to tell you?

Huh? That she was off
making her classmates cry

or slashing
her teachers' tires?

You didn't want
to hear that stuff!

I could have helped her!

She doesn't want your help!
She doesn't want anyone!

You think I didn't want her
to have a dad?

She adored you!

The only reason
you married me
in the first place

was to have a kid,
I know that!

Mary, please!

Well, this brings back
memories, doesn't it?

Listen.

I never got to say
that I was sorry.

What would you have
to be sorry about?

That's not what I mean.

I mean...

About your friend.

Oh.

His name was Alan.

I know
his fucking name, Charlie.

I saw him once,

in the Walmart parking lot.

He wasn't looking too good,

and I don't think
it was long before he...

Anyway, I had
all these things that I...

I wanted to say to him,

you know, hurl at him
like bricks.

But I...

I asked if he wanted
some help.

He let me carry
a couple of bags to his car,

he said thank you,

and I left.

I never even told him
who I was.

You're wheezing.

Yeah, it's gotten worse.

Should I call someone?

No. Um...

You'll let me hear?

How do I sound?

That was the first time
we've all been together

in almost nine years.
Do you realize that?

When Ellie was little,

when we took that trip
to the Oregon Coast together,

Ellie played
in the sand, and...

...we laid out on the beach.

I went swimming in the ocean.

That was the last time
I ever went
swimming, actually.

I kept cutting my legs
on the rocks.

The water was so cold.

And you were so mad
that my legs bled

and stained the seats
in the minivan.

And you said,
for days after that,
I smelled like seawater.

You remember that?

You sound awful.

I'm dying, Mary.

Fuck you.

I'm sorry.

Fuck you.

For sure?

Yeah. For sure.

Listen to me.

I need to make certain
that she's going to be okay.

We can't give up on her.

You already gave up on her!

You gave up on her
when she was eight years old!

I wish I could have been
a part of her life, Mary,

a part of both of your lives.

Go to the hospital.

You have money,
just go to the hospital!

We both know that
that money is for Ellie.

But beyond that,

I need to know
that she's gonna have
a decent life.

Where she cares about people

and other people
care about her.

And she's
gonna be okay.

I need to go.
Mary.

She doesn't have
anyone else!
I have to go.

I need to know
that I have done

one thing right with my life!

We both played our parts.

I raised her, and you're
giving her the money.

It's the best we could do.

Do you need anything

before I leave?

Water, or something.

Gambino's!

Yeah.

Charlie?

You okay?

Yeah.

The money is in the, um...

Sure.

You sure
you're doing okay?

Yeah. Thanks, Dan.

Have a good night, okay?

Fuck these essays.

Fuck these readings.

Just write something
fucking honest.

Liz?

Can I come inside?

It's not locked.

Hi.
What's wrong?

Thank you.
For what?

Look, I'm not exactly
who I said I was.

I'm not from New Life.

What? I... I don't...

I've been in a pretty bad
place recently.

I... I stole some money,

and I ran away from home
a few months ago.

And your daughter,
she took these pictures
of me smoking pot,

and a recording
or something like that,

and she found my church
in Waterloo somehow,

and then she sent it to them,

and they sent it
to my parents...
Wait.

...and you know
what they said?

"It's just money."

And they forgive me.

And they love me,
and they want me
to come home.

How awful is that?

Ellie, she...
She did all that?

I can't tell if she was trying
to help me or hurt me or...

Do you ever get
that feeling from her?

How did she even... She...

She found your church,
she tracked down your parents.

She really did all that?

Yeah. I mean,
I'm going home tomorrow.

But, Charlie, before I go...

...I have to show you this.

What... What's wrong?

Wait, are you okay?

It just hurts.
Charlie,

I want to help you.
I know I can help you.

I'm not going to the hospital.

No, I know.
I'm not gonna make you go.

But I can help you.

"Therefore,
brothers and sisters..."
What are you doing?

"...we have an obligation,

"but it is not to the flesh,
to live according to it.

"For if you live
according to the flesh,
you will die.

"But if by the Spirit
you put to death

"the misdeeds of the body,
then you will live."

I... I don't understand.

Charlie, when I read this,
I finally got it.

I finally understood
why God brought me here
to you.

So I could help you understand
what happened to Alan,

so it doesn't happen
to you, too.

How did you get this?

Charlie, Alan tried
to escape God's will.

He chose his life with you
over God.

But this is why
he was so obsessed
with this verse.

He knew that he was living
in the flesh,

and not in the Spirit.

He never prayed for salvation,
but it's not too late for you.

Through the Spirit,
you can put to death

the misdeeds of the body,
and you will live.

You think Alan died
because he chose
to be with me?

You think God
turned his back on him

because he and I were in love?

Yes.

You know something?
I wasn't always this big.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, I wasn't
the best-looking guy
in the room, but...

Alan loved me.

He thought I was beautiful.

Okay.

Halfway through the semester,

he started meeting me
during my office hours.

And we were...
We were crazy
about one another.

But we waited

until the class
was over before...

This isn't, uh...

It was just after classes
had ended for the year.

It was perfect
temperature outside.

We took a walk
in the arboretum,

and we kissed.

Charlie, stop.

We would spend entire nights
lying together, naked.

We would make love.

We would make love.

Do you find that disgusting?

Charlie, God is ready
to help you.

Oh, I hope
that there isn't a God,

because I hate to think
that there's an afterlife,

and that Alan can see
what I have done to myself.

Charlie...
That he can see
my swollen feet

and the sores on my skin,

and the patches of mold

in between the flaps.
Stop.

The infected ulcers
on my ass,

and the sack of fat on my back
that turned brown last year.

Okay, stop!
This is disgusting?

Yes!
I'm disgusting?

Yes,
you're disgusting! You're...

I'm sorry.

What?

Go home to your family.

Well,
your complaints
have been heard.

I've been replaced

by someone who will,
no doubt,

have you rewrite,
and rewrite, and rewrite,

be more objective,

less authentic,

less you, with every draft.

But some of you saw my post

about writing
something honest.

And...

...the things
that some of you wrote...

Kristy, you wrote,

"My parents want me
to be a radiologist,

"but I don't even know
what that is."

Julian, you wrote,

"I'm sick of people telling me
that I have promise."

Adam, you wrote,

"I think I need to accept
that my life

"isn't going to be
very exciting."

You all wrote these
amazing, honest things, and...

you've been so honest
with me that I... I...

...I just want to be...

honest with you, too.

These assignments
don't matter.

This course doesn't matter.

College doesn't matter.

These amazing, honest things
that you wrote,

they matter.

I'm sorry.
Don't.

I really hate you
for putting me through
this again, you know that?

Those last few months
before Alan...

I'd come over here,
shake him, scream at him,

just trying to get him
to fucking eat something.

God, that was awful!
It was awful for me, too.

Yeah? Well,
you weren't the one

who had to identify his body,

all bloated...
They wouldn't let me.

I wasn't family.

I got you two meatball subs.
Extra cheese.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm not going to the hospital.

I'm not asking you to.

I can't do this anymore.

I tried to save him, Liz.

I thought
that if I just loved him,

that he wouldn't need
anyone else.

I told him he didn't need God,

he didn't need anyone but me.

Charlie,

all I know
is that you gave Alan

the best years of his life.

If it weren't for you,
he would have jumped off

that bridge years earlier.

Nobody could've saved him.

Believe me,
I spent years trying.

I don't think I believe anyone
can save anyone.

She saved him.

She wasn't trying to hurt him.
She was trying to help him.

Who are you talking about?

He's going home. She did that.

Charlie...
She didn't do it to hurt him,

she did it to send him home.

Do you feel light-headed?
Charlie, look at me.

She was trying to help him.
Who?

Ellie. She was trying
to help him,

She just wanted
to send him home.

Do you ever get
the feeling that...

people are incapable
of not caring?

People are amazing.

What the fuck did you do?

What's wrong with him?

He's dying.

So, call someone.

No.
Call a fucking ambulance!

Liz.

I need to talk to him.

I'm not leaving you
alone with him.

I need to talk to him alone.

Liz.

Please.

Okay.

I'll call someone.

Charlie.

I'll wait downstairs.

Why did you do that?
What?

I failed.

It's a really good essay.

Are you just trying
to screw me over
one last time?

I don't care about you!
I don't care
that you're dying.

Do you want me to fail
out of high school?

Is that why you did this?
I didn't write it.

This is the essay
that you gave me yesterday.

You didn't read it.
I don't need to read it.

Read it.

This is...

I know what this is.

I knew you would.

I wrote this.

You never forget anything.

I wrote this in eighth grade
for English. Why do you...

"And I felt saddest of all

"when I read
the boring chapters

"that were only descriptions
of whales,

"because I knew that

"the author
was just trying to save us

"from his own sad story,

"just for a little while."

How do you have this?
Your mother,

she sent it to me
four years ago.

I wanted to know
how you were doing in school,

and she sent it.

And it's the best essay
I've ever read.

Why are you
fucking with me like this?

I'm not.

I'm sorry
for leaving you.

I was in love, and...

I left you behind.

You did not deserve that.
I don't...

I don't know how

I could have done such a thing.

You're so beautiful.

You're amazing.
Stop.

You're amazing.

This essay is amazing.

This essay is you.

Stop saying that.

This essay is you.
Stop saying that!

You're the best thing
I have ever done.

What's the matter?

Ellie!

No. Okay, I can't
be here right now.

I have to go.
You're perfect.

You'll be happy.

You care about people.

The ambulance is coming,
they'll help you.

No. They won't.

You're going to the hospital.
No.

You just need surgery,
or something!

Read it to me.
What?

If you want to help,
read it to me.

You'll help if you read it.

You asshole.
You fat fucking asshole!

You'll help...
Fuck you.

Please.
Fuck you!

Ellie!

Daddy, please.

"In the amazing book, Moby Dick,
by the author Herman Melville,

"the author recounts his story
of being at sea.

"In the first part of his book,

"the author,
calling himself Ishmael,

"is in a small seaside town

"and he is sharing a bed
with a man named Queequeg.

"The author and Queequeg
go to church

"and later set out on a ship

"captained by a pirate
named Ahab,

"who is missing a leg,

"and very much wants
to kill the whale

"which is named Moby Dick,
and which is white.

"In the course of the book,

"the pirate Ahab encounters
many hardships."

"His entire life is set
around trying to kill
a certain whale."

"I think this is sad

"because this whale
doesn't have any emotions,

"and doesn't know how bad
Ahab wants to kill him.

"He's just a poor

"big animal."

"And I feel bad
for Ahab as well,

"because he thinks
that his life will be better

"if he can just kill this whale,

"but in reality,
it won't help him at all."

"I was very saddened
by this book,

"and I felt many emotions
for the characters.

"And I felt saddest of all

"when I read
the boring chapters

"that were only descriptions
of whales,

"because I knew
that the author was just trying

"to save us
from his own sad story,

"just for a little while."

"This book made me think
about my own life,

"and then it made me
feel glad for my..."