The Wedding Trip (2021) - full transcript
(eerie warbling music)
(upbeat music)
- [Murray] Jack. Hey have you left yet?
- Nope. I'm still in the city.
- Perfect.
Hey, one of Lisa's
bridesmaids needs a ride.
- With me.
- She doesn't drive and
she's afraid to fly.
- Yeah. Can you pick her up?
- (sighs) Where does she live?
- She's on the way.
- Off the 78 and Clinton.
- Jersey?
- [Lisa] Come on, Jack.
- Yeah, I mean, it would
give you someone to talk to
unless Jess changed her mind.
- No, she's not coming.
Just text me the address.
I can be there probably in an hour.
- Thanks Jack.
- Excellent.
Hey man, I really appreciate
you being a part of the wedding
and sorry you missed the bachelor party,
but we're gonna make up for it on Friday.
- I'll see you on Friday.
- [Murray] All right, man,
I'll see you in a few days.
(lighthearted music)
- You gotta be kidding me.
Hello?
- [Samantha] I'm almost ready.
Can you put my bags in the car?
- [Jack] Sure.
(Jack pants)
(light upbeat music)
- You must be Jack.
Thanks for picking me up.
I was gonna ride with
Wendy, but she went earlier.
Can you help me with this?
- Can you take off your glasses please?
- What?
- Just take off your glasses.
(suspenseful music)
No.
- [Samantha] What?
- No way. Not gonna happen.
- What's wrong with my glasses?
- All the people.
You don't recognize me.
- We've never met.
- I'll see you in Nashville.
(lively country music)
(phone vibrating)
I can't do it, Murray.
- What are you-
- You're an asshole, Jack.
- What the hell happened?
You just left Samantha in the driveway?
- He said, "See ya in Nashville,"
and then just left.
- Murray, I know her.
We had a blind date in college,
a terrible blind date.
You don't understand.
- We understand that you're
screwing our wedding.
(Lisa sighs)
- Bro, if Samantha doesn't make it here,
it's gonna be my fault
and I cannot start my wedding like this.
It's already stressing me out.
- Murray, I'm not doing it.
(tense drumming music)
You really don't remember.
- No. What?
(Jack scoffs)
- Doesn't matter.
I was asked to get you to the wedding,
but I'm doing it for
Murray and Lisa, not you.
- I wouldn't be in this
car with someone like you
if it wasn't for them.
- Good.
- Good.
- Fine.
- Perfect.
(upbeat music)
♪ Well I not know what to do ♪
- Do you want some air?
- Your car is really loud.
- It's a truck.
- What do all those do?
- Top lights.
Pusher lights.
Fog lights, trailer lights.
- No radio?
- Help yourself.
- Any preferences?
- Just something good.
(light electronic music)
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Why you upset like Cinderella teens ♪
♪ You should see the things ♪
♪ That fit inside these denim jeans ♪
♪ I can't associate with y'all ♪
♪ Fishin' like ketamine ♪
♪ Bet on one, bet on
two, bet on everything ♪
♪ Bet your mama game ♪
♪ I'm a squall ♪
♪ What the fuck you want ♪
♪ Sophie rolling gas like ♪
- What?
What was wrong with the song?
- A song has a melody,
not just words and a beat.
- You're a music snob.
♪ Fishin' like ketamine ♪
♪ Bet on one, bet on
two, bet on everything ♪
♪ Bet your mama game ♪
♪ I'm a squall ♪
♪ What the fuck you want ♪
♪ Sophie rolling gas ♪
(birds chirping)
(Jack sighs)
- Are you sure you don't
wanna use the bathroom?
- Yes.
Who's this?
- That's my friend Jafari.
That's Snorky.
- When was it taken?
- Botswana. Three years ago.
That's in Africa.
- I know where Botswana is.
- He was killed the year
after that photo was taken.
He died protecting the
elephant from poachers.
- Did he, save the elephant?
Why were you there?
- I was on a photography job for the BBC.
I'm a wildlife photographer.
- Explains the car.
- It's a truck,
heavily modified for
exploration and off-roading.
And what's wrong with it?
You don't even have a car.
- I don't drive.
- Then you shouldn't judge cars.
- Whatever.
How much longer?
- Until what?
- Until we get to the wedding.
- We'll be there about this time tomorrow.
(light guitar music)
(Jack sighs)
- This is gonna be fun.
(Samantha grunts)
- Was there a line?
Do you need a laxative?
Are you getting enough fiber?
It keeps the whole digestive tract moving.
Mouth to hole in one flow.
Shh, woo woo woo, puh!
- I can go. I just didn't.
The bathroom was gross.
- Okay.
(seat belt alarm buzzing)
Wait.
No, I can't use that bathroom.
(seat belt alarm buzzing)
Wait.
Let's go.
- [Jack] You sure?
- Yes. I'm sure.
(upbeat country music)
The main highway is faster.
♪ Free like a breeze got me walking fast ♪
- I know.
- So...
- I need to get a photo of
the brown-headed nuthatch.
- What's that?
- It's a bird.
I read there's an area where
they've been spotted recently.
It's not far from here.
If you get hungry there's
food in the cooler.
(lively music)
♪ (indistinct) in your soul ♪
(birds chirping)
- You're just gonna leave me here?
- You can come.
- How far is it?
- See that hill back there? It's...
You can't see it.
It's about 15 minutes each way.
- I'll wait.
- Suit yourself.
(light guitar music)
(Samantha sighs)
(ringtone ringing)
(Samantha sighs)
(ringtone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Jess] Who is this?
- Samantha. Jack's not here right now.
- [Jess] Why do you have his phone?
- I don't know, he went to go take a photo
of some stupid bird.
- [Jess] Are you going to
North Carolina with him?
- How did you know?
- [Jess] I knew it!
(upbeat music)
(Samantha sighs)
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ La La dooz la la dooz ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ La La dooz la la dooz ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ She'll walk you too far ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ La La dooz la la dooz ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ She'll walk you too far ♪
♪ La la doo doo wa ♪
♪ Oh no ♪
(zipper zips)
(birds chirping)
- [Samantha] Uh!
(lively comical music)
(Samantha grunting)
(camera clicking)
(birds chirping)
- You changed?
- I was hot.
- Doesn't feel hot.
- I was hot, okay?
- Okay.
So I was up on that hill
and I was watching a group
of those brown-headed nuthatch birds
I told you about.
- This is fascinating, but can we go?
- So I'm watching the birds
and all of a sudden they
fly off, scared away
by some high-pitched wailing sound.
It was almost not human, you know?
I mean, like... (screaming)
Something like that.
You wouldn't believe,
I see this girl just running around
in her underwear.
- You're kidding.
- Oh, I can prove it.
If you scroll that
little wheel right there,
looks like you're dancing.
Just imagine that with some music.
- I needed to go and went over there
and all of a sudden I was covered in ants.
- I would not have gone in those bushes.
- Can you delete these?
- See that little trashcan button.
Go ahead and delete 'em.
Just do me a favor.
Save one.
Might make a decent
meme someday. (chuckles)
(Samantha sighs)
- Here. They're deleted.
- Did you get the job done?
- What?
- Did you tinkle before getting attacked?
- You're very concerned
about my bathroom habits.
- You make it interesting.
(message alert tinkling)
- I think it's your girlfriend.
- She was my girlfriend yesterday.
My ex this morning.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh.
(message alert tinkling)
- She's a fan of the exclamation point.
- (sighs) Can't be anything urgent.
- [Samantha] She called
when you were gone.
(message alert tinkling)
- She doesn't like to be ignored.
- I sort of answered.
- (chuckles) What did you say?
- Just that you were taking
a photo of some bird.
Then she asked if I was going
to North Carolina with you.
- (chuckles) I bet she's losing her mind.
Triple exclamation point.
- Hm.
(ringtone ringing)
What are you gonna say?
- Nothing.
- Maybe she wants to say sorry.
- I doubt it.
I went by her place this morning.
She had some guy hiding in the bathroom.
- Oh.
- Well, what are you gonna do?
- Can we get some food?
- I have a whole cooler full of stuff.
- Real food?
- Murray and I went to the
same program in college.
I've only met Lisa a few times.
- You were pre-med?
- And post-med.
- What happened?
- With what?
- Are you a photographer or a doctor?
- I'm a photographer
with a medical degree.
- I don't get it. You went to
school for all those years.
I mean, you must have crazy student loans.
- I actually graduated
with almost no debt.
And I like what I do.
I capture photos of animals
that are going extinct.
I preserve history.
It's not just taking pictures.
- But you could be helping
humans, real people.
- You need to see some of these animals
to really understand how
amazing and precious they are.
(belches) Oh, God.
- Classy.
- I didn't realize we're
trying to impress each other.
- We're not.
- Good. (belches)
So how do you know Lisa?
- [Samantha] We were dorm
mates our freshman year
and then pledged at the same sorority.
- That fits.
- What?
- You and Lisa have the same vibe.
- Oh.
After school, we got
an apartment together,
moved to the city,
and a few years later she met Murray.
- So you've spent a lot of time with them.
Did you get cut out when
Lisa got a boyfriend?
- Definitely changed the dynamic.
So where do you live?
- Right there.
- You live in your car?
That's everything you own?
- And the few boxes I have at Jess's.
- Can you open the back?
- [Jack] It's open.
- You didn't lock it?
I have thousands of
dollars worth of stuff.
So what did you mean that
Lisa and I have the same vibe?
- They're similar.
- Similar how?
I don't think that we're alike.
- Oh, I just mean like
overall look and attitude.
- So how would you describe
Lisa's look and attitude?
- I'm not going down that rabbit hole.
- What if I do? Will
you agree or disagree?
- Just forget I said it.
- Just agree or disagree
with how I see Lisa.
- Okay. How would you describe Lisa?
- She's smart and classy.
And when she walks into
a room, people notice.
- I agree.
See.
- She's a little self-centered.
- Really?
- And Murray even said that I'm funnier
and know how to have a good time.
- See, I obviously don't
know you well enough.
I'm sorry I said you have the same vibe.
What's wrong?
- You're right.
I'm a horrible.
(gentle guitar music)
- No, I didn't say that.
I like Lisa.
- (crying) No you don't.
Nobody likes Lisa. (crying)
- She can be a little
much after an hour or so.
But Murray loves her and
you're nothing like...
Don't, don't do that.
I'm sure you're funny and
know how to have a good time.
I, I just haven't seen it yet.
(upbeat music)
- Had to have some success.
10 minutes.
- Can we not talk about
my bathroom visits?
- Sure.
- How much further are we going today?
- Another 55 miles.
There's a nice campsite.
- Camping?
What's wrong with a hotel?
- What's wrong with camping?
- No showers, sleeping on the ground.
It's cold, animals, bugs.
- I have a big tent.
You can have it. I'll sleep in the car.
- I need a shower in a room with a heater.
- Okay.
- I'm not asking for
the Four Seasons, okay?
I'm perfectly fine with coffee
from one of the little crappy
coffee makers in the room,
but I need a bed and my morning coffee.
- That sounded like
three exclamation points.
- Yeah.
I'm not going camping.
- And I'm not paying for a room
when I can sleep in the car.
- The room smelled of
cigarettes, blood on the sheets,
mold, found a poopy diaper in the closet.
Don't stay here.
(Samantha sighs)
- See. Camping's sounding pretty nice.
- Do you think that I'm difficult?
Because I think that you
think that I'm difficult.
- Just keep looking.
- Okay. This looks cute.
The Route 19 Inn, five stars.
Mid-century modern.
(gasps) Look at the cute car out front.
- Book it.
- Crap.
- What?
- There's only one room
and it's a queen bed.
- Grab it. I'll sleep in the car.
- It's okay. I'll keep looking.
- Just book it.
I really don't care.
- Really?
(upbeat country music)
Booked.
♪ I made our boat ♪
♪ Depends where I'll go ♪
You can put 'em over there.
(crickets chirping)
(Jack sighs and sputters)
- Case you get hungry.
- Oh, I thought we could grab some food
at the diner across the street.
- No. Watch what I eat.
- How 'bout lunch?
- Exactly, I'm a human food dumpster.
(Samantha sighs)
- What time do you think
we'll be in Nashville?
- Well, I gotta stop at my
parents, pick up my tux.
I'll get you to the hotel by three.
Rehearsal dinner's at seven.
Good?
- Sure.
- A little bit of luxury.
I'll stop by in the morning
to help you with your bags.
- Okay. Thanks.
(people chattering)
♪ And goodbye ♪
♪ Hope you like love on the side ♪
♪ Anymore ♪
♪ Won't you along with me ♪
(crickets chirping)
(Samantha sighs)
(gentle piano music)
(sign humming)
- [Woman] No selfie tonight.
That sucks.
- [Man] So it's over?
- [Woman] At least for tonight.
- [Man] Got another hour.
Should we get a drink?
(loud knocking)
(Samantha sighs)
- [Jack] What's up?
- I think you should come inside.
- Don't worry about me. I'm good.
- No, there's a bunch of truckers
and they saw me go into my room, alone.
- There's no truckers.
It's all families.
- How do you know?
- I've been watching.
- I won't be able to sleep.
Please.
- I'm all cozy.
(toothbrush whirring)
I don't know if brushing
your teeth that long
is good for you.
- I take my oral hygiene very seriously.
- Never thought oral was that hygienic.
- A dick joke.
Ha ha ha.
(toothbrush whirring)
(crickets chirping)
- [Man 1] Pop by at any moment.
- [Man 2] Remember when we
used to binge on this shit?
- [Man 1] The midnight special.
Breaking out the big guns.
- [Man 3] And I know that
Susan wants to pick up Ellie.
- [Man 1] What about your (indistinct).
- You want a drink?
- I'm good.
- We've got vodka, tequila, rum.
- I'm fine.
- [Man 2] Even if Susan isn't?
- (sighs) I don't wanna drink alone.
- [Man 1] Fuck me.
- [Man 2] Yeah.
- [Man 1] Fuck you and
what you and I have.
- If you've got silver
tequila in there, I'm in.
(bottles clattering)
- [Man 2] Joe, there's something I have-
- You're in luck.
- [Joe] What?
- What are we toasting to?
- [Joe] Hey, Murph, this
isn't what it looks like.
- [Murph] The fuck it's not.
- To interesting travel partners.
- [Joe] Hanna-
- I'll drink to that.
- [Murph] Joe says freeze.
- [Woman] Whoa.
(drinks chugging)
- Ooh!
- [Man] How do you know Joe?
- [Murph] Bro, you have to trust me.
If you don't like it.
(Jack sighs)
- [Woman] Joe Biden, Barack Obama.
- [Man] I will call you later.
- One and done.
- [Man] Can I get a photo?
- [Man 2] Next time.
- [Man] No, vote hell-
(crickets chirping)
(bottle clattering)
(men chattering)
(woman laughing)
- No. No mas.
- Last two.
(woman laughing)
Smirnoff or Fireball?
(woman laughing)
- Fuck it. Mm, Fireball.
- [Man] What are you doing here?
- [Woman] My house.
- You never ask any questions about me.
Am I that uninteresting?
- Oh, you're very interesting.
- See, the way that you say that
that could be an insult or a compliment.
- It's a compliment.
I'm surprised you're so insecure.
- I'm not insecure.
- I mean, who cares what I think.
- You care that I don't like your car.
- Yet.
- Never.
- You'll come around on
the truck and camping.
- [Man] You got a video?
- Are you gonna change
your mind about my music?
- [Woman] Where are we going?
- Maybe.
- [Man] Sophie, we're parked over here.
- So.
Come here.
- Why?
- I wanna talk to you.
- [Jack] We are talking.
- I wanna talk to you closer, okay?
Don't be a dick.
- [Man 1] Hello?
- [Man 2] Doc.
- [Man 1] Any news?
(men chattering)
- [Man 1] It's a good thing, right?
- (sighs) Oh.
- [Man 2] Yes, the call is from Morgan.
- What?
(men chattering)
- [Man] Okay.
(Jack sighing)
- [Man] (indistinct) I'll call you-
- Okay, I'm gonna tell you something
that you can't tell anybody,
especially not Murray or Lisa
or anybody at the wedding, okay?
- (chuckles) Okay.
(gentle piano music)
Okay.
Is that what you wanted to tell me?
- Listen, I just broke
up with my boyfriend
a year and a half ago
and I haven't been with anybody since.
- So you're horny?
- Extremely.
- You're gonna be at a wedding tomorrow
with plenty of guys.
- I don't wanna hook
up with some stranger.
- I'm a stranger.
- Sort of but,
you just broke up with your girlfriend
so I know that there's a low chance
of you carrying some funky disease.
Plus you don't even like me.
So we go to the wedding,
go our separate ways,
and nobody gets hurt.
- Somebody always gets hurt.
- I don't care if I ever see you again.
I hate your face.
- You are literally the last person
I wanna be with right now.
- If I met Jess, I would shake her hand
and say how the hell did you date Jack?
You deserve girlfriend of the year.
- Okay.
You might be onto something.
How long you been thinking about this?
- Since the Captain Morgan.
(machine whirring)
(sultry music)
♪ Just find out ♪
♪ Just find out ♪
♪ We can make fun and fuck at a time ♪
♪ And sit them out as she cried ♪
You don't like this song?
♪ You know I'm fine now ♪
♪ And I'm just fine now ♪
(jazzy music)
♪ Ever since I know your name ♪
♪ You've strapped me on
this cloud for a joy ride ♪
♪ Hope every kiss would be the same ♪
♪ And every hug would last forever ♪
♪ With you my only love ♪
♪ With you in my heart and soul ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
(glass clanking)
- Is that what you always wear to bed?
- You have a problem with that?
- You're not at all
who I thought you were.
(light clattering)
♪ When I looked into your eyes ♪
♪ You had me in your hand like a puppet ♪
- Stop.
- What?
♪ I only wanna sway ♪
♪ You my only ♪
What did I do?
- I need you to leave.
♪ You in my heart ♪
(tense music)
- I don't know what just happened,
but can we talk about this?
(crickets chirping)
(birds chirping)
(somber music)
(light knocking)
Will you please tell me what happened?
One moment you're taking your clothes off
and the next, I feel like a predator.
- It wasn't last night.
Finally remembered our date.
- So why did you get mad at me?
You're the one that left me
sitting there for three hours.
- Why would you wait for three hours?
- I thought you were
having bathroom problems.
I sat there ordering drinks,
trying not to look like a loser.
They eventually asked me to leave
when I started mumbling to myself.
- I don't remember you
or much about our date.
I went to the bathroom and
I got a text from my sister
to call her right away so I did
and she told me that our
parents had just been killed
in a car accident.
I went home and got a taxi.
- My God, I'm, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
- And the whole time I was packing,
I, I kept getting these texts from you
that just got exceedingly meaner.
- Oh God.
I'm such a dick. I'm so sorry, Samantha.
- After I blocked you,
you started emailing me.
(tense music)
They just kept coming.
The next few weeks, months were a blur.
I forgot all about it until last night.
You said something that you had said
in one of your texts
and it all came flooding back.
- Oh.
That obviously wasn't my best moment.
- I don't care anymore.
Just overwhelmed me last night.
I miss them so much.
Let's just get to the wedding, move on.
- Okay.
- I got you a coffee.
Looked like you could use it.
Hey, it's okay.
Let's talk about something else.
- (scoffs) How can you
eat that and look so fit?
- Thank you, I think. (chuckles)
I have a super fast metabolism
plus my kickboxing class
three times a week,
daily yoga class, and a personal trainer.
Exhausting.
- Short time I've spent with you
I realize that can be a
pretty bad judge of character.
- Hmm.
I'm glad I've helped you
realize one of your flaws.
- You think I have more?
- I'll let you know.
Can I confide something else to you?
- Okay.
One of my flaws?
- I need to tell someone
and you'd have a better
perspective on this.
- Shoot.
- So last summer after Lisa
and Murray got engaged,
Murray stopped by my apartment
and said he wasn't sure
if he wanted to go
through with the wedding.
- (chuckles) That's old news.
He talked to me about that too.
- Really?
- Yeah. He's over it.
- It wasn't just that.
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
He said he wished it was
me who he was marrying.
- Maybe you misread him.
Murray's a goof.
- Then he kissed me.
- Oh.
- And I kissed him back, I
mean, maybe for 10 seconds,
and then I told him he had to leave.
- 10 seconds?
- I don't know. I wasn't timing it.
He asked me not to tell Lisa
and I've been keeping
this horrible secret.
- Wow.
- Should I tell her
before she walks down the aisle?
- You can't. That's on him.
- But I mean, she's my friend.
Wouldn't you wanna know?
- I would, but not the
day before my wedding.
At that point, it's history.
(light upbeat music)
- Okay.
History.
Do you want me to wait here?
- No. I need to try it on.
It's been a few years.
- Cool.
- Wait.
- What?
- They think Jess is coming with me.
How do I explain you?
- Tell the truth.
- That we broke up?
That's gonna lead to an
hour's worth of questions.
- Have they ever met her?
- Today was gonna be the big reveal.
- Then I'll be Jess.
- I don't know.
My mom's got this sixth
sense when I'm lying.
- Let me just do my thing.
They're gonna love the
fake Jess, obviously.
And when you break up with
me next week, problem solved.
- Okay.
Fine.
(Jack sighs)
There are so many ways this can go wrong.
- Don't be so nervous.
- I'm gonna apologize in advance.
- Why?
- You don't know my parents.
They always find a way to embarrass me.
- It'll be quick.
- In and out.
Don't even sit down.
- Okay.
- (sighs) They're probably
watching us right now.
- Come on. (giggles)
- Wow.
Well, hello.
Honey, they're here.
- Oh, hi.
Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you.
- And you too.
- And I like you even better as a blonde.
We're huggers in this family.
- You know, Jack is always so secretive
with his girlfriends.
We thought he might be
playing for the other team
if you know what I mean.
- Dad.
- Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Come have a seat.
- I'm just grabbing my tux.
We gotta get back on the road.
- You've got time.
- We've got time, right, sweetie?
(Jack sighs)
(Jack sighs)
- Don't they look cute together?
- Yeah, sure do.
I broke my foot. Fell off the damn ladder.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- We've had those Christmas
lights up for 15 years
and now suddenly they're a problem.
I'm not putting those damn things back up.
I'm not putting 'em back up.
- Sure you are, dear.
- That damn Cheryl Johnson,
driving around in her fancy Mercedes
taking pictures all over the neighborhood.
She needs to find a job.
- Let it go, Barry.
Have you two talked about kids?
- Mom, we're just dating.
- It's okay, sweetie.
We want at least two,
but four would be great.
The way this guy likes to go
at it, we'll end up with 10.
- Oh, he's always been like that.
From the time he was 13,
his bedroom looked like
a used tissue factory.
Not even socks were safe.
After he went to school,
I'd go in with my little sperm tongs
and clean 'em all up.
- Mom, stop.
- I'm surprised you haven't
run out by now. (laughing)
- Can't we talk about anything else?
- You need to be careful
having all those kids.
You'll end up with a canyon down there.
It's like throwing a
sausage link down a hallway.
- I ripped when I had Jack.
Had to have a couple of stitches.
- It worked too.
Wedding night tight. Still.
- Jess, why don't we
go see if my tux fits?
- You go ahead.
(Jack sighs)
- I don't think Jack has ever
had a girl in his bedroom.
Have you discussed what kind
of wedding you'd like to have?
- Well, he hasn't asked me
yet, but I was thinking...
(Jack sighs)
Jack?
- I'm in here.
I guess I've grown a bit.
- It's not horrible.
- Yes it is.
- Yes it is. (chuckles)
Last time you wore it?
- Senior prom.
(gentle upbeat music)
- (sighs) What are you gonna do?
- We're gonna find a new tux.
♪ Keep it simple, keep it sweet ♪
♪ Is a line I heard somewhere ♪
♪ And feel the ground under your feet ♪
♪ It can take you anywhere ♪
♪ Chasing shadows with you ♪
♪ Let's get broken then repaired ♪
♪ In times of anger feeling hope ♪
♪ From that light hm ♪
♪ Build a bridge right to the shore ♪
♪ Oh the coulda been talk
and woulda been walk ♪
♪ She never done much for help ♪
♪ Get on your feet and run ♪
- Was about to start
and the guy looks at me
and he's like, "Oh my god,
your pants are ripped."
(Samantha laughing)
In front of everybody I know.
- [Sally] Jack.
Can I see you please?
- Jess.
What are you doing here?
- Is your name Jess too?
- (sighs) Mom, Jess and I broke up.
- Now, I'm confused.
You said you came to go
to the wedding with Jack.
- What?
- What we have here is a
classic three-way love triangle.
- Dad.
- Jack and I just had a
misunderstanding, that's all.
- Are you the mistress?
- Mom, I'll explain,
but I need to talk to Jess alone first.
- This one or that one?
- This one.
- (sighs) This is the
most excitement we've had
since I got Barry an escort on his 50th.
- Ooh, Chantelle.
(phone vibrating)
- It's the groom. I gotta take this.
- That's my boy.
- Yup.
- Have you lost your mind?
- Will you please just
answer the question?
- No, it's ridiculous.
- You won't answer
because you feel it too.
- Lisa's my best friend.
- Well, if you tell me right now
we can never be together
and I will drop it.
- Murray.
- Who was that?
Fuck!
- [Jess] I didn't say
I wanted to break up.
All I said was that you
have too much of your stuff
in my apartment.
- Why are you even here? Is it Samantha?
- Who is she?
- Murray asked me to pick her
up after I left your place.
- Oh, so she's a complete stranger.
- Yes.
We had a date a few years
ago but it was horrible.
I don't even like her.
She's annoying as hell.
- Okay, so why can't you just accept
that this was all a misunderstanding?
- I know there was someone at
your place yesterday morning.
- Right.
- His jacket was on the couch
and his keys were on the coffee table.
- Why didn't you say anything?
- My stuff was packed by the front door.
And you had some other
guy hiding in the bedroom.
It was over.
- You're always gone.
- I asked you to come to the wedding.
- Well, here I am now.
- Do you want me to
take you to the airport
or call you an Uber?
- I bought a one-way.
- Well, then I'll buy you a one-way back.
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Would you like some coffee?
- Yes, please.
- (sighs) Hi, Mom.
- You want some coffee, honey?
- Yes, please.
(sighs) I'm gonna book her a flight back.
- (sighs) It's none of my business.
- Can you believe she just showed up?
- Whatever.
- What's wrong?
(phone vibrating)
- Hmm, it's Murray.
(suspenseful music)
(phone vibrating)
- It's Lisa.
Answer.
- Hey, what's up?
It's okay.
Hey, Murray.
Hello?
- [Both] The wedding's off.
- It's all my fault.
- What happened?
- He called when you were outside
and he wanted to know if
there was still a chance.
- With you?
- You know, Jack, some
people actually like me.
- I like you.
(Samantha sighs)
What makes you think I don't like you?
- I'm annoying as hell, right?
- I was trying to take you
out of the conversation.
Wait, you were spying on me?
- Not on purpose.
I came up here to talk to Murray.
- So what happened?
- When he said he still wanted
to be with me, Lisa overheard.
- Oh.
Well, at least we don't
have to tell her anymore.
- [Sally] Would the
mistress like some coffee?
- Yes, please.
- Oh, this is nice.
- Got you a flight. Leaves in two hours.
- I have a question.
Did you go camping with Jack last night?
'Cuz you don't strike
me as an outdoors type.
- I can't wait to go camping with Jack.
- But did you?
- No.
We got a motel.
- Well, actually-
- [Jess] Jack stay out of this.
- Meow.
- There was only one room left
and Jack offered to sleep in his truck
because he's a gentleman.
- Well, that was very nice, Jack.
- But I changed my mind and
asked him to come sleep with me.
- But nothing happened.
- When we were kissing
there was definitely something happening.
You don't even like him.
(hard rock music)
- He told me he doesn't like you.
- He only said that so
that you would leave.
(women screaming)
(women grunting)
- Now this is more like it.
- Maybe the coffee
(women shouting and grunting)
wasn't such a good idea.
- Stop it.
You go to my room.
You get your stuff.
I'm taking you to the airport.
- How come she gets to stay?
- Get your stuff, please.
- I need to freshen up.
- Now, that's how you start a weekend.
- They're both very nice girls, Jack.
Perhaps you need to work on
your communication skills.
- (chuckles) Thanks, Mom.
- You want some coffee, hun?
- Yes-a-mundo.
(gentle piano music)
- I'm sorry I just showed up.
(gentle piano music continues)
So it's really over?
- (chuckles) I knew why
I liked being with you,
but I was never sure why you were into me.
- You're the type of guy I wanna marry
before I realize that I'm not
getting married anytime soon.
(Jack sighs)
- It's always timing.
And we're really different.
You can spend all day in an art museum.
I get bored after eight minutes.
(Jess chuckling)
- And let's be honest.
You prefer a tent in Africa
more than an apartment in New York.
- I'm still not domesticated.
- I'm glad that we can end it like this.
- Friends?
- Friends.
- Crazy day?
- Not what I had planned.
- You want something to drink?
- [Samantha] I'm good.
- That's too bad.
I was about to open a bottle of wine.
Would be a shame to drink alone.
(chuckles) If I'm being honest,
I like you much better
than the other Jess.
(both laughing)
- My name's Samantha.
- Well, it's nice to
finally meet you, Samantha.
Want some more?
- So why doesn't Jack practice medicine?
- He does.
- Oh.
He told me he was a wildlife photographer.
- For the past few years he's been working
with Doctors Without Borders.
It takes him all over the world
and he can shoot his photos
and help people.
- Oh. I didn't know that.
- Oh.
This is his third book. My favorite.
(gentle music)
- Sorry.
- I have the exact same reaction.
I didn't know what he did.
I couldn't understand it until
I saw what he was seeing.
(chuckles) Would you like to have it?
- Oh, I couldn't do that. I'll get my own.
- (chuckles) I bought a whole case.
- Oh, well thank you. Absolutely.
- [Jack] I'm back.
- We're in here.
- She gave that to you, right?
She's got a box of them in the garage.
- Dad's out in the yard.
He wants to talk to you.
- About this morning?
I'll be right back.
I think.
- So what do you do?
- I work in fashion,
well, fashion marketing.
- That's nice, dear.
(birds chirping)
- Jack, come sit down.
You want a beer?
(Jack sighs)
Wanna talk to you
about what I witnessed this morning
about the situation you got yourself into
with those two ladies and,
and all the drama it created.
- I know.
- We had a smack down
right in the middle of the living room.
- It just happened.
- Son, you don't have to make excuses.
It was uh, well, hell it was beautiful.
And I've never been so damn proud of you.
I mean, you've got two smart,
very attractive women fighting over you.
And I don't know what
line you're feeding them,
but keep it up.
Not since that game in 2014.
You remember that, when
you hit those three homers?
Not since then have I ever
been so proud of you, man.
You know, I had a chance once
with two women at the same time
before your mother though.
- What happened?
- Well, they met,
they got together and left me
out of the whole damn thing.
(Jack chuckling)
Here's to the most beautiful
creatures on the planet, Jack.
- Lesbians?
- No. Well, yeah.
Women, Jack, women.
Women like your mother.
If it wouldn't have been for her,
I, I wouldn't have made it for this life.
- I'll drink to that.
- Your mother's a hell of a lover, Jack.
Still is.
- See you later, Dad.
- What's up?
- What's up?
You're acting like we're on vacation.
My mom is starting to really like you.
- (sighs) Well, shit, Jack,
what am I supposed to do?
I'm likable.
- You are likable.
It's just been a crazy few days.
- And you wasted $300 on that tux.
- Fuck.
Oh, you're right.
- This is all my fault.
I ruined the wedding
and put the final nail in
your relationship with Jess.
(Jack scoffs)
And your mom thinks that we're together.
I mean, she's gonna be
heartbroken when she finds out
we're not even friends.
- We're friends.
- This whole trip has been a disaster.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
- You did Murray and Lisa a favor.
And Jess should've never come.
- Yeah, and what about your mom?
- Yeah, telling her we were
going to have four kids
might've given her the wrong idea.
- Shit.
- What?
- We also talked about our wedding
when you were trying on your tux.
- What?
- And how many bridesmaids
I was gonna have
and who the flower girls are gonna be,
and the cake, and our first
two kids are gonna be named
Ethan and Everly.
- But why?
- I don't know, okay?
I was just in the moment.
(Jack sighs)
- Okay.
Please don't cry.
- So what now?
- Well, I need to get you home.
We'll stay here tonight
and we'll start back in the morning.
- To Jersey?
- It'll be like a do-over.
- Okay.
I like that.
Can I have a nap?
I'm exhausted.
- And a little drunk?
- Just a little.
- I'll come get you for dinner.
- Okay.
Hey, Jack.
Can we not tell your
mom about us right now?
- (chuckles) Sure.
(Jack chuckles)
- Everything okay?
- She's taking a nap.
- So is your dad.
Listen.
It's quiet.
(both chuckling)
- When did you know
that Samantha wasn't Jess?
- The second you walked through the door.
- How?
- This has been on the
refrigerator since Christmas.
- (chuckles) I forgot she sent these.
It's not even close.
- I know, it's none of my business,
but you made the right choice.
Samantha is a keeper.
- Mom, Sam and I are...
(gentle piano music)
Sam and I are taking it slow.
So don't expect kids anytime soon.
(Sally chuckles)
- Just do what makes you happy.
(gentle piano music)
I think I'll take a nap myself.
(gentle piano music)
(Jack sighs)
(crickets chirping)
(Jack sighing)
- You didn't wake me.
- I figured you could use the rest.
Our dinner is in the microwave.
- You waited for me?
To interesting travel partners.
(Jack chuckles)
(glasses clinking)
- So this fashion job,
what do you do?
- I'm in the marketing department.
- Do you like it?
- I'm really good at my job.
I mean, that's what they tell me.
I'm not bragging.
- Brag all you want.
- I hate my job.
And I'm pushing 30 and I've
spent the last five years
getting good at something
that I don't even like.
- Didn't you just turn 26?
- Exactly.
The clock's ticking and I wanna quit.
- So quit.
What do you wanna do?
- I have to show you.
- You've been working on a baseball hat?
- No.
My dad used to take me to
basketball games all the time.
Big time Knicks guy.
And our seats were never that great
so I'd be staring at the
back of people's heads,
like thousands of them.
Flash forward, after a year
of working in New York,
they asked me to find
alternative advertising spaces.
And I started thinking
about all of those hats.
And I came up with this.
- That's pretty cool.
Can I see that?
(chuckles) You need to
get a patent on this.
- I have several.
- And can you get the licensing?
- That's been the hardest part
and I have a few meetings
coming up with the NBA
and the NFL, but, I mean,
nothing's guaranteed.
Oh, and golf.
Okay, I don't know if
you've ever played golf,
but when you do,
you have to mark your
ball with a ball marker.
So I came up with this,
a magnetized golf ball marker snap.
- So what's holding you back?
- What if I can't get the licensing?
- And what if you do?
This is good.
- Really?
- You have to at least give it a shot.
I mean, you're right there.
- Thanks, Jack.
- For what?
- Just needed someone else to say it.
(Jack chuckles)
- Bye. Thank you so much.
Bye.
- Sam.
We've done hugs three times already.
(Samantha chuckles)
- Think we'll see her again?
- I don't know. I hope so.
- I do too. She's a keeper.
- Bye.
(gentle music)
- [Barry] Oh.
- [Sally] Do you really think
I'm wedding night tight?
- [Barry] Like the day I met you.
(upbeat music)
- Don't ask. Everything came out great.
- (chuckles) Wasn't going
to but good to know.
(Samantha sighs)
- So I was thinking,
my sister, Missy, lives in Maggie Valley,
and it's about halfway.
If we got a motel there, I could see her.
Would you mind?
- You said you wanted to go camping.
- When?
- Right before you and
Jess started to fight.
- Okay.
Yes, I did say that.
- I'm kidding.
It's your sister.
Of course you should see her.
- You sure?
- I'll find a place nearby
and pick you up in the morning.
- You'd be okay with that?
- Not a problem.
- I can't wait.
Me too.
Okay. See you soon.
- All good?
- She's really excited.
And she has room for both of
us to stay if you want to.
- Oh, I'll let you to catch up.
- Okay. But come in and say hello.
If you end up staying till
morning, that's fine too.
- Deal.
(upbeat music)
- You're gonna like her.
She's nothing like me.
- I like her already.
Are you sure you want me to come in?
- Yes.
I met your family and wait
until you taste her cooking.
- I thought I was just saying hello.
- Come in, say hello,
and have a quick bite.
- (sighs) Okay.
But don't make a big
deal when I wanna leave.
- Promise.
(women squealing)
- Well, you notice anything different?
- They're hard to miss.
(both chuckling)
- And you must be Jack.
- Samantha has talked a lot about you.
- Bullshit. She didn't
mention me until today.
- No, but since then.
- Well, what do you think?
- About?
- My boobs.
Do you like them?
- What do you think?
- Do you wanna feel them?
I got them for my boyfriend.
- Lucky guy.
- He comes back tomorrow.
I need somebody to tell
me if they feel real.
- Samantha, you're more
knowledgeable in this area.
- Why, 'cause I have a pair?
- I need an opinion from
someone with a penis.
- Jack, you're a doctor.
- Perfect. You're a doctor.
- Not my area of expertise.
- Let me take them out for you.
- Please don't.
- You let me know what you think.
I just took them out of the oven.
Tempura bird's nests with
a jalapeno tomatillo sauce.
And then we have palomino
with chicken, mushroom,
onion, and dill with a pesto Genovese.
And last we have puff pastry with feta
and caramelized onions.
- Wow.
- I told you.
- I mean, it looks so good,
I don't even wanna eat it.
- Don't be an idiot, Jack. Dig in.
Oh.
(horn honks)
(tense music)
Oh no. We have a problem.
He's coming up the driveway.
- [Jack] Who?
- My boyfriend Conan.
- [Samantha] I thought he was out of town.
- Well, he's back!
Go, go. In the bathroom.
Hide in here, I'll let you know
when I get him into the bedroom.
- [Jack] How will we know?
- Trust me, you'll know. He's a screamer.
- Missy?
- What are you doing here?
- Where is he?
- Who?
- There's a Jeep parked right in front.
- I don't know. One of the neighbors?
- Parked right in front, right here.
- Maybe it's a city worker.
(Conan sighs)
- Who are you cooking for?
- I'm trying out recipes
for tomorrow night for you.
What are you doing home?
- Something's not right.
- I missed you.
- What are those?
- Boobies.
- Someone is here.
- No, they're for you,
but you coming home early
ruined the surprise.
I know with your big hands
you like big boobs
so now we have them
when we need them.
- Nice. (chuckles)
- You wanna try 'em out?
- Oh yeah.
Actually, hold on.
I gotta go to the bathroom first.
- You can't wait?
- [Conan] No, trust me.
This is gonna be a while.
Oh.
Hey, Missy.
- [Missy] Yeah?
- [Conan] You really don't know
whose Jeep that is in front?
I kinda like it.
- [Missy] No.
- [Conan] All right. Well
stay clear of the door.
(farts) It's gonna get real nasty in here.
- [Missy] Okay.
I'll be in the kitchen.
- Oh, ooh.
(loud farting)
Ooh.
Ooh.
(loud farting)
Oh, wow.
Oh, oh, oh, ooh. (farting)
Oh, wow.
Oh.
(loud farting)
Ah, ah. (panting)
One, two, three, one, two,
three, one, two, three.
(loud farting)
Oh, woo! Wow, that burns.
(lighthearted music)
What the hell?
- Sorry.
- Who the fuck are you?
Whoa! What the fuck?
- I'll call you.
- [Missy] Love you.
- Was nice to meet you.
(phone vibrating)
- It's Missy.
Hello?
Are you okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
- What did she say?
- She said he's coming after
us and he's like a bloodhound.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
She just said, "Hide."
What are we gonna do?
- Why is he coming after us?
- Gee, Jack, I don't know.
You puked in his mouth.
- Well, I'm open to ideas.
- Let's just find a place
to sleep out of site.
- I can find us a place we can camp.
- Still with the camping?
(crickets chirping)
- What you thinking about?
- I miss them.
I've called their home phone
even after they were gone,
just to hear their voice.
(somber music)
It's weird, huh?
- Not at all.
- You know what I remember most?
The way that my dad would look at my mom.
Pure adorement.
And no matter what happens, good or bad,
they always had each other's backs.
You know what I mean?
- I do.
- What?
- I just wish I would've met you
under different circumstances, both times.
- What fun would that have been?
(both chuckling)
(fire whooshing)
- Your hot dog's on fire.
(Samantha gasping)
(Jack sighing)
Yeah.
Comfortable?
- It's not that bad.
Are you sure you're gonna be warm enough?
- It doesn't bother me.
Some of the places I've been
have been extremes on both ends.
- What was the hottest?
- The Amazon. It was pretty damn hot.
But it wasn't just the heat.
The humidity was exhausting.
But everywhere you looked,
there was just another
amazing animal or landscape.
And you can get used to the heat.
Sort of.
(Jack chuckles)
(Jack grunts)
(zipper zipping)
I know you like your coffee.
- Oh. It's freaking cold.
- It's brisk.
- Um...
- (chuckles) You have to go?
(Samantha sighs)
Number one or number two?
- I can't believe I'm constantly talking
about this with you.
(Jack chuckles)
(Samantha sighs)
- You can go in those bushes over there
and there's toilet paper in the tent.
- Did you go over there?
- No, I went over there.
(Samantha huffs)
- Don't look.
- I'm not looking.
- You're looking at me right now.
(Samantha sighs)
Ow!
(dramatic music)
- What happened?
(comical tense music)
(Samantha screaming)
(Samantha grunts)
- [Conan] Ow!
(Conan panting)
Don't touch it.
- Ouch!
- Only a few more.
- I bet you're loving this.
- More than Conan's face. No offense.
- It's cool.
- So what's your deal, dude?
Missy's like the one person
on the planet you can trust.
- I have jealousy issues.
- No shit.
- Found out my last
girlfriend was cheating on me.
- Really? Damn.
What'd you do?
- Nothing you can do except move on.
- I just can't lose Missy, man.
- You're going to if you
keep acting like this.
- She's the one.
Everything will work out.
- I've never seen my
sister put up pictures
of a boyfriend before.
- She has three of me. (chuckles)
- See.
(gentle music)
- Yeah.
Do you guys trust each other?
- Uh, we're not-
- Yes.
I wouldn't trust my
butt with anybody else.
- (chuckles) That's sweet.
- Ouch!
- Done.
- Oh, look at the kitty. (laughing)
- That's not a cat!
(all groaning)
(light upbeat music)
- How you doing?
- Am I gonna have a bunch of little scars?
- You're gonna have to
send me weekly photos
so I can keep up with
the recovery process.
- Seriously?
- No.
- So embarrassing.
- If it makes you feel any better
when I'm in doctor mode,
I didn't even think of it
as your surprisingly smooth white butt.
Five more miles
and our journey's finally over.
- Is that a good thing?
- No, don't do that.
No more analyzing.
- I liked our trip.
- I did too.
(birds chirping)
- Wait.
I don't wanna lose contact.
- Not a chance.
- I'm serious.
I wanna make an effort.
- I've got it all figured out.
- How?
- Do you have PayPal?
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna send you five bucks
for a coffee.
That way you'll owe me
and we'll have to meet up.
- Okay.
- Just put in your PayPal account.
We can be PayPal pals.
PayPals.
(both chuckling)
But...
- What? (chuckles)
- I want you to start
selling your snaps full-time.
And for that, you're probably
gonna need a lot of coffee.
(gentle music)
- Okay, stop it.
- Are you gonna do it?
(Samantha sighs)
- I may not sleep at all,
but I'm gonna go for it.
Jack, stop it.
- You're gonna need materials, inventory.
- Sure but-
- Then I'm all in.
Pay me when it works.
- And if it doesn't?
- It's gonna work.
But the only thing I'm worried about
is you having to split
time with your day job.
(gentle music continues)
- No. Jack, no!
- Now you can quit.
- No, no.
(cash register ringing)
- Too late.
- I, I don't wanna owe you.
- Consider it a zero interest loan.
Pay me when you can.
- Can you stay a while so
we can talk about this?
- What's there to talk about?
You just gotta follow your plan.
- Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
- You still owe me that coffee though.
(Samantha sighs)
(gentle orchestral music)
(birds chirping)
(doorbell rings)
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm looking for Sally or Barry.
- Oh, they're at the beach house.
- Just my luck.
I'm friends with their son Jack.
- Oh Jack, he's here.
Jack. It's for you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- [Jack] What are you doing in town?
- I got a new account uptown.
I thought I'd stop in
and say hi to your folks.
- They would have loved that.
- Hm. Where's the Jeep?
- It's in the shop.
It's in the shop more now than not.
Uh, Samantha, this is
my girlfriend, Caroline.
- Hi. (chuckles)
- Samantha and I were in
the same wedding party.
Almost.
- Long story. (chuckles)
- Samantha owns the company, Snaps.
- Ooh, the little things on
the back of all your hats?
- That was Sam's idea.
- They're cute.
- Can you give Sam and I a sec?
Need to talk some business.
- Sure. Nice to meet you.
- You too.
- Did you drive here?
- I've been driving all over the country.
- How's Tommy?
You guys still together?
- I never get to see him.
He's a little jealous of the business.
- Going through the same thing.
- [Samantha] Being gone all the time?
- (chuckles) I didn't tell you.
I'm actually opening a practice in town.
- Why?
- Family doctor I had since
I was a kid is retiring.
His wife and my mom are friends
and he really wanted someone
who was a local to take over.
- Do I have to call you Doctor now?
- Only in public.
(Samantha chuckles)
- Did you really wanna talk business?
- Right.
I still wanna support the
people I met during my trips.
And I was thinking
maybe you could come up with a Snap
that we could sell, raise money.
- Sure.
What were you thinking?
- I have some ideas I can send you.
- Great.
I should really get going.
- It was great to see you.
- You too.
- Hey, Sam.
I appreciate you paying me back,
but the deal also included coffee.
- I'll let you know next time I'm in town.
We'll settle up.
(Jack chuckles)
(lighthearted music)
(Jack sighs)
- Hey, Sam.
Last time you said that a year went by.
Let's go get that coffee.
- Now?
- Half hour.
- I have a meeting, Jack.
- You could always reschedule.
I could really use that coffee.
What do you say?
- They created the entire
world of Whoville on a lot.
The costuming, the makeup,
the acting, all top notch.
That makes it a classic.
- No.
- You guys are still talking about this?
Decide once and for all.
Jim Carrey's a better Grinch.
- Thank you. Knew I
liked you for a reason.
- You have lost your damn mind.
I did not raise you to be like that.
Oh, number one,
the animated movie is a classic.
It is based on the
original Dr. Seuss book.
- So is the Jim Carrey
one just done better.
- Dad, we've seen both.
You like the Jim Carrey one.
- Oh, da huh.
- I've seen you liking it.
- You like the Jim Carrey one?
- I was wrong. (women laughing)
- I don't know about that.
- I've gotta chime in.
Missy and I grew up
watching the Jim Carrey one.
It's definitely better.
- Thank you.
- I don't know if it's better.
It's good. It's fine.
But I prefer the animated one.
- It's not a good time. It's not.
(upbeat music)
- [Murray] Jack. Hey have you left yet?
- Nope. I'm still in the city.
- Perfect.
Hey, one of Lisa's
bridesmaids needs a ride.
- With me.
- She doesn't drive and
she's afraid to fly.
- Yeah. Can you pick her up?
- (sighs) Where does she live?
- She's on the way.
- Off the 78 and Clinton.
- Jersey?
- [Lisa] Come on, Jack.
- Yeah, I mean, it would
give you someone to talk to
unless Jess changed her mind.
- No, she's not coming.
Just text me the address.
I can be there probably in an hour.
- Thanks Jack.
- Excellent.
Hey man, I really appreciate
you being a part of the wedding
and sorry you missed the bachelor party,
but we're gonna make up for it on Friday.
- I'll see you on Friday.
- [Murray] All right, man,
I'll see you in a few days.
(lighthearted music)
- You gotta be kidding me.
Hello?
- [Samantha] I'm almost ready.
Can you put my bags in the car?
- [Jack] Sure.
(Jack pants)
(light upbeat music)
- You must be Jack.
Thanks for picking me up.
I was gonna ride with
Wendy, but she went earlier.
Can you help me with this?
- Can you take off your glasses please?
- What?
- Just take off your glasses.
(suspenseful music)
No.
- [Samantha] What?
- No way. Not gonna happen.
- What's wrong with my glasses?
- All the people.
You don't recognize me.
- We've never met.
- I'll see you in Nashville.
(lively country music)
(phone vibrating)
I can't do it, Murray.
- What are you-
- You're an asshole, Jack.
- What the hell happened?
You just left Samantha in the driveway?
- He said, "See ya in Nashville,"
and then just left.
- Murray, I know her.
We had a blind date in college,
a terrible blind date.
You don't understand.
- We understand that you're
screwing our wedding.
(Lisa sighs)
- Bro, if Samantha doesn't make it here,
it's gonna be my fault
and I cannot start my wedding like this.
It's already stressing me out.
- Murray, I'm not doing it.
(tense drumming music)
You really don't remember.
- No. What?
(Jack scoffs)
- Doesn't matter.
I was asked to get you to the wedding,
but I'm doing it for
Murray and Lisa, not you.
- I wouldn't be in this
car with someone like you
if it wasn't for them.
- Good.
- Good.
- Fine.
- Perfect.
(upbeat music)
♪ Well I not know what to do ♪
- Do you want some air?
- Your car is really loud.
- It's a truck.
- What do all those do?
- Top lights.
Pusher lights.
Fog lights, trailer lights.
- No radio?
- Help yourself.
- Any preferences?
- Just something good.
(light electronic music)
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Why you upset like Cinderella teens ♪
♪ You should see the things ♪
♪ That fit inside these denim jeans ♪
♪ I can't associate with y'all ♪
♪ Fishin' like ketamine ♪
♪ Bet on one, bet on
two, bet on everything ♪
♪ Bet your mama game ♪
♪ I'm a squall ♪
♪ What the fuck you want ♪
♪ Sophie rolling gas like ♪
- What?
What was wrong with the song?
- A song has a melody,
not just words and a beat.
- You're a music snob.
♪ Fishin' like ketamine ♪
♪ Bet on one, bet on
two, bet on everything ♪
♪ Bet your mama game ♪
♪ I'm a squall ♪
♪ What the fuck you want ♪
♪ Sophie rolling gas ♪
(birds chirping)
(Jack sighs)
- Are you sure you don't
wanna use the bathroom?
- Yes.
Who's this?
- That's my friend Jafari.
That's Snorky.
- When was it taken?
- Botswana. Three years ago.
That's in Africa.
- I know where Botswana is.
- He was killed the year
after that photo was taken.
He died protecting the
elephant from poachers.
- Did he, save the elephant?
Why were you there?
- I was on a photography job for the BBC.
I'm a wildlife photographer.
- Explains the car.
- It's a truck,
heavily modified for
exploration and off-roading.
And what's wrong with it?
You don't even have a car.
- I don't drive.
- Then you shouldn't judge cars.
- Whatever.
How much longer?
- Until what?
- Until we get to the wedding.
- We'll be there about this time tomorrow.
(light guitar music)
(Jack sighs)
- This is gonna be fun.
(Samantha grunts)
- Was there a line?
Do you need a laxative?
Are you getting enough fiber?
It keeps the whole digestive tract moving.
Mouth to hole in one flow.
Shh, woo woo woo, puh!
- I can go. I just didn't.
The bathroom was gross.
- Okay.
(seat belt alarm buzzing)
Wait.
No, I can't use that bathroom.
(seat belt alarm buzzing)
Wait.
Let's go.
- [Jack] You sure?
- Yes. I'm sure.
(upbeat country music)
The main highway is faster.
♪ Free like a breeze got me walking fast ♪
- I know.
- So...
- I need to get a photo of
the brown-headed nuthatch.
- What's that?
- It's a bird.
I read there's an area where
they've been spotted recently.
It's not far from here.
If you get hungry there's
food in the cooler.
(lively music)
♪ (indistinct) in your soul ♪
(birds chirping)
- You're just gonna leave me here?
- You can come.
- How far is it?
- See that hill back there? It's...
You can't see it.
It's about 15 minutes each way.
- I'll wait.
- Suit yourself.
(light guitar music)
(Samantha sighs)
(ringtone ringing)
(Samantha sighs)
(ringtone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Jess] Who is this?
- Samantha. Jack's not here right now.
- [Jess] Why do you have his phone?
- I don't know, he went to go take a photo
of some stupid bird.
- [Jess] Are you going to
North Carolina with him?
- How did you know?
- [Jess] I knew it!
(upbeat music)
(Samantha sighs)
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ La La dooz la la dooz ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ La La dooz la la dooz ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ She'll walk you too far ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ La La dooz la la dooz ♪
♪ La la dooz la ♪
♪ She'll walk you too far ♪
♪ La la doo doo wa ♪
♪ Oh no ♪
(zipper zips)
(birds chirping)
- [Samantha] Uh!
(lively comical music)
(Samantha grunting)
(camera clicking)
(birds chirping)
- You changed?
- I was hot.
- Doesn't feel hot.
- I was hot, okay?
- Okay.
So I was up on that hill
and I was watching a group
of those brown-headed nuthatch birds
I told you about.
- This is fascinating, but can we go?
- So I'm watching the birds
and all of a sudden they
fly off, scared away
by some high-pitched wailing sound.
It was almost not human, you know?
I mean, like... (screaming)
Something like that.
You wouldn't believe,
I see this girl just running around
in her underwear.
- You're kidding.
- Oh, I can prove it.
If you scroll that
little wheel right there,
looks like you're dancing.
Just imagine that with some music.
- I needed to go and went over there
and all of a sudden I was covered in ants.
- I would not have gone in those bushes.
- Can you delete these?
- See that little trashcan button.
Go ahead and delete 'em.
Just do me a favor.
Save one.
Might make a decent
meme someday. (chuckles)
(Samantha sighs)
- Here. They're deleted.
- Did you get the job done?
- What?
- Did you tinkle before getting attacked?
- You're very concerned
about my bathroom habits.
- You make it interesting.
(message alert tinkling)
- I think it's your girlfriend.
- She was my girlfriend yesterday.
My ex this morning.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh.
(message alert tinkling)
- She's a fan of the exclamation point.
- (sighs) Can't be anything urgent.
- [Samantha] She called
when you were gone.
(message alert tinkling)
- She doesn't like to be ignored.
- I sort of answered.
- (chuckles) What did you say?
- Just that you were taking
a photo of some bird.
Then she asked if I was going
to North Carolina with you.
- (chuckles) I bet she's losing her mind.
Triple exclamation point.
- Hm.
(ringtone ringing)
What are you gonna say?
- Nothing.
- Maybe she wants to say sorry.
- I doubt it.
I went by her place this morning.
She had some guy hiding in the bathroom.
- Oh.
- Well, what are you gonna do?
- Can we get some food?
- I have a whole cooler full of stuff.
- Real food?
- Murray and I went to the
same program in college.
I've only met Lisa a few times.
- You were pre-med?
- And post-med.
- What happened?
- With what?
- Are you a photographer or a doctor?
- I'm a photographer
with a medical degree.
- I don't get it. You went to
school for all those years.
I mean, you must have crazy student loans.
- I actually graduated
with almost no debt.
And I like what I do.
I capture photos of animals
that are going extinct.
I preserve history.
It's not just taking pictures.
- But you could be helping
humans, real people.
- You need to see some of these animals
to really understand how
amazing and precious they are.
(belches) Oh, God.
- Classy.
- I didn't realize we're
trying to impress each other.
- We're not.
- Good. (belches)
So how do you know Lisa?
- [Samantha] We were dorm
mates our freshman year
and then pledged at the same sorority.
- That fits.
- What?
- You and Lisa have the same vibe.
- Oh.
After school, we got
an apartment together,
moved to the city,
and a few years later she met Murray.
- So you've spent a lot of time with them.
Did you get cut out when
Lisa got a boyfriend?
- Definitely changed the dynamic.
So where do you live?
- Right there.
- You live in your car?
That's everything you own?
- And the few boxes I have at Jess's.
- Can you open the back?
- [Jack] It's open.
- You didn't lock it?
I have thousands of
dollars worth of stuff.
So what did you mean that
Lisa and I have the same vibe?
- They're similar.
- Similar how?
I don't think that we're alike.
- Oh, I just mean like
overall look and attitude.
- So how would you describe
Lisa's look and attitude?
- I'm not going down that rabbit hole.
- What if I do? Will
you agree or disagree?
- Just forget I said it.
- Just agree or disagree
with how I see Lisa.
- Okay. How would you describe Lisa?
- She's smart and classy.
And when she walks into
a room, people notice.
- I agree.
See.
- She's a little self-centered.
- Really?
- And Murray even said that I'm funnier
and know how to have a good time.
- See, I obviously don't
know you well enough.
I'm sorry I said you have the same vibe.
What's wrong?
- You're right.
I'm a horrible.
(gentle guitar music)
- No, I didn't say that.
I like Lisa.
- (crying) No you don't.
Nobody likes Lisa. (crying)
- She can be a little
much after an hour or so.
But Murray loves her and
you're nothing like...
Don't, don't do that.
I'm sure you're funny and
know how to have a good time.
I, I just haven't seen it yet.
(upbeat music)
- Had to have some success.
10 minutes.
- Can we not talk about
my bathroom visits?
- Sure.
- How much further are we going today?
- Another 55 miles.
There's a nice campsite.
- Camping?
What's wrong with a hotel?
- What's wrong with camping?
- No showers, sleeping on the ground.
It's cold, animals, bugs.
- I have a big tent.
You can have it. I'll sleep in the car.
- I need a shower in a room with a heater.
- Okay.
- I'm not asking for
the Four Seasons, okay?
I'm perfectly fine with coffee
from one of the little crappy
coffee makers in the room,
but I need a bed and my morning coffee.
- That sounded like
three exclamation points.
- Yeah.
I'm not going camping.
- And I'm not paying for a room
when I can sleep in the car.
- The room smelled of
cigarettes, blood on the sheets,
mold, found a poopy diaper in the closet.
Don't stay here.
(Samantha sighs)
- See. Camping's sounding pretty nice.
- Do you think that I'm difficult?
Because I think that you
think that I'm difficult.
- Just keep looking.
- Okay. This looks cute.
The Route 19 Inn, five stars.
Mid-century modern.
(gasps) Look at the cute car out front.
- Book it.
- Crap.
- What?
- There's only one room
and it's a queen bed.
- Grab it. I'll sleep in the car.
- It's okay. I'll keep looking.
- Just book it.
I really don't care.
- Really?
(upbeat country music)
Booked.
♪ I made our boat ♪
♪ Depends where I'll go ♪
You can put 'em over there.
(crickets chirping)
(Jack sighs and sputters)
- Case you get hungry.
- Oh, I thought we could grab some food
at the diner across the street.
- No. Watch what I eat.
- How 'bout lunch?
- Exactly, I'm a human food dumpster.
(Samantha sighs)
- What time do you think
we'll be in Nashville?
- Well, I gotta stop at my
parents, pick up my tux.
I'll get you to the hotel by three.
Rehearsal dinner's at seven.
Good?
- Sure.
- A little bit of luxury.
I'll stop by in the morning
to help you with your bags.
- Okay. Thanks.
(people chattering)
♪ And goodbye ♪
♪ Hope you like love on the side ♪
♪ Anymore ♪
♪ Won't you along with me ♪
(crickets chirping)
(Samantha sighs)
(gentle piano music)
(sign humming)
- [Woman] No selfie tonight.
That sucks.
- [Man] So it's over?
- [Woman] At least for tonight.
- [Man] Got another hour.
Should we get a drink?
(loud knocking)
(Samantha sighs)
- [Jack] What's up?
- I think you should come inside.
- Don't worry about me. I'm good.
- No, there's a bunch of truckers
and they saw me go into my room, alone.
- There's no truckers.
It's all families.
- How do you know?
- I've been watching.
- I won't be able to sleep.
Please.
- I'm all cozy.
(toothbrush whirring)
I don't know if brushing
your teeth that long
is good for you.
- I take my oral hygiene very seriously.
- Never thought oral was that hygienic.
- A dick joke.
Ha ha ha.
(toothbrush whirring)
(crickets chirping)
- [Man 1] Pop by at any moment.
- [Man 2] Remember when we
used to binge on this shit?
- [Man 1] The midnight special.
Breaking out the big guns.
- [Man 3] And I know that
Susan wants to pick up Ellie.
- [Man 1] What about your (indistinct).
- You want a drink?
- I'm good.
- We've got vodka, tequila, rum.
- I'm fine.
- [Man 2] Even if Susan isn't?
- (sighs) I don't wanna drink alone.
- [Man 1] Fuck me.
- [Man 2] Yeah.
- [Man 1] Fuck you and
what you and I have.
- If you've got silver
tequila in there, I'm in.
(bottles clattering)
- [Man 2] Joe, there's something I have-
- You're in luck.
- [Joe] What?
- What are we toasting to?
- [Joe] Hey, Murph, this
isn't what it looks like.
- [Murph] The fuck it's not.
- To interesting travel partners.
- [Joe] Hanna-
- I'll drink to that.
- [Murph] Joe says freeze.
- [Woman] Whoa.
(drinks chugging)
- Ooh!
- [Man] How do you know Joe?
- [Murph] Bro, you have to trust me.
If you don't like it.
(Jack sighs)
- [Woman] Joe Biden, Barack Obama.
- [Man] I will call you later.
- One and done.
- [Man] Can I get a photo?
- [Man 2] Next time.
- [Man] No, vote hell-
(crickets chirping)
(bottle clattering)
(men chattering)
(woman laughing)
- No. No mas.
- Last two.
(woman laughing)
Smirnoff or Fireball?
(woman laughing)
- Fuck it. Mm, Fireball.
- [Man] What are you doing here?
- [Woman] My house.
- You never ask any questions about me.
Am I that uninteresting?
- Oh, you're very interesting.
- See, the way that you say that
that could be an insult or a compliment.
- It's a compliment.
I'm surprised you're so insecure.
- I'm not insecure.
- I mean, who cares what I think.
- You care that I don't like your car.
- Yet.
- Never.
- You'll come around on
the truck and camping.
- [Man] You got a video?
- Are you gonna change
your mind about my music?
- [Woman] Where are we going?
- Maybe.
- [Man] Sophie, we're parked over here.
- So.
Come here.
- Why?
- I wanna talk to you.
- [Jack] We are talking.
- I wanna talk to you closer, okay?
Don't be a dick.
- [Man 1] Hello?
- [Man 2] Doc.
- [Man 1] Any news?
(men chattering)
- [Man 1] It's a good thing, right?
- (sighs) Oh.
- [Man 2] Yes, the call is from Morgan.
- What?
(men chattering)
- [Man] Okay.
(Jack sighing)
- [Man] (indistinct) I'll call you-
- Okay, I'm gonna tell you something
that you can't tell anybody,
especially not Murray or Lisa
or anybody at the wedding, okay?
- (chuckles) Okay.
(gentle piano music)
Okay.
Is that what you wanted to tell me?
- Listen, I just broke
up with my boyfriend
a year and a half ago
and I haven't been with anybody since.
- So you're horny?
- Extremely.
- You're gonna be at a wedding tomorrow
with plenty of guys.
- I don't wanna hook
up with some stranger.
- I'm a stranger.
- Sort of but,
you just broke up with your girlfriend
so I know that there's a low chance
of you carrying some funky disease.
Plus you don't even like me.
So we go to the wedding,
go our separate ways,
and nobody gets hurt.
- Somebody always gets hurt.
- I don't care if I ever see you again.
I hate your face.
- You are literally the last person
I wanna be with right now.
- If I met Jess, I would shake her hand
and say how the hell did you date Jack?
You deserve girlfriend of the year.
- Okay.
You might be onto something.
How long you been thinking about this?
- Since the Captain Morgan.
(machine whirring)
(sultry music)
♪ Just find out ♪
♪ Just find out ♪
♪ We can make fun and fuck at a time ♪
♪ And sit them out as she cried ♪
You don't like this song?
♪ You know I'm fine now ♪
♪ And I'm just fine now ♪
(jazzy music)
♪ Ever since I know your name ♪
♪ You've strapped me on
this cloud for a joy ride ♪
♪ Hope every kiss would be the same ♪
♪ And every hug would last forever ♪
♪ With you my only love ♪
♪ With you in my heart and soul ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
(glass clanking)
- Is that what you always wear to bed?
- You have a problem with that?
- You're not at all
who I thought you were.
(light clattering)
♪ When I looked into your eyes ♪
♪ You had me in your hand like a puppet ♪
- Stop.
- What?
♪ I only wanna sway ♪
♪ You my only ♪
What did I do?
- I need you to leave.
♪ You in my heart ♪
(tense music)
- I don't know what just happened,
but can we talk about this?
(crickets chirping)
(birds chirping)
(somber music)
(light knocking)
Will you please tell me what happened?
One moment you're taking your clothes off
and the next, I feel like a predator.
- It wasn't last night.
Finally remembered our date.
- So why did you get mad at me?
You're the one that left me
sitting there for three hours.
- Why would you wait for three hours?
- I thought you were
having bathroom problems.
I sat there ordering drinks,
trying not to look like a loser.
They eventually asked me to leave
when I started mumbling to myself.
- I don't remember you
or much about our date.
I went to the bathroom and
I got a text from my sister
to call her right away so I did
and she told me that our
parents had just been killed
in a car accident.
I went home and got a taxi.
- My God, I'm, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
- And the whole time I was packing,
I, I kept getting these texts from you
that just got exceedingly meaner.
- Oh God.
I'm such a dick. I'm so sorry, Samantha.
- After I blocked you,
you started emailing me.
(tense music)
They just kept coming.
The next few weeks, months were a blur.
I forgot all about it until last night.
You said something that you had said
in one of your texts
and it all came flooding back.
- Oh.
That obviously wasn't my best moment.
- I don't care anymore.
Just overwhelmed me last night.
I miss them so much.
Let's just get to the wedding, move on.
- Okay.
- I got you a coffee.
Looked like you could use it.
Hey, it's okay.
Let's talk about something else.
- (scoffs) How can you
eat that and look so fit?
- Thank you, I think. (chuckles)
I have a super fast metabolism
plus my kickboxing class
three times a week,
daily yoga class, and a personal trainer.
Exhausting.
- Short time I've spent with you
I realize that can be a
pretty bad judge of character.
- Hmm.
I'm glad I've helped you
realize one of your flaws.
- You think I have more?
- I'll let you know.
Can I confide something else to you?
- Okay.
One of my flaws?
- I need to tell someone
and you'd have a better
perspective on this.
- Shoot.
- So last summer after Lisa
and Murray got engaged,
Murray stopped by my apartment
and said he wasn't sure
if he wanted to go
through with the wedding.
- (chuckles) That's old news.
He talked to me about that too.
- Really?
- Yeah. He's over it.
- It wasn't just that.
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
He said he wished it was
me who he was marrying.
- Maybe you misread him.
Murray's a goof.
- Then he kissed me.
- Oh.
- And I kissed him back, I
mean, maybe for 10 seconds,
and then I told him he had to leave.
- 10 seconds?
- I don't know. I wasn't timing it.
He asked me not to tell Lisa
and I've been keeping
this horrible secret.
- Wow.
- Should I tell her
before she walks down the aisle?
- You can't. That's on him.
- But I mean, she's my friend.
Wouldn't you wanna know?
- I would, but not the
day before my wedding.
At that point, it's history.
(light upbeat music)
- Okay.
History.
Do you want me to wait here?
- No. I need to try it on.
It's been a few years.
- Cool.
- Wait.
- What?
- They think Jess is coming with me.
How do I explain you?
- Tell the truth.
- That we broke up?
That's gonna lead to an
hour's worth of questions.
- Have they ever met her?
- Today was gonna be the big reveal.
- Then I'll be Jess.
- I don't know.
My mom's got this sixth
sense when I'm lying.
- Let me just do my thing.
They're gonna love the
fake Jess, obviously.
And when you break up with
me next week, problem solved.
- Okay.
Fine.
(Jack sighs)
There are so many ways this can go wrong.
- Don't be so nervous.
- I'm gonna apologize in advance.
- Why?
- You don't know my parents.
They always find a way to embarrass me.
- It'll be quick.
- In and out.
Don't even sit down.
- Okay.
- (sighs) They're probably
watching us right now.
- Come on. (giggles)
- Wow.
Well, hello.
Honey, they're here.
- Oh, hi.
Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you.
- And you too.
- And I like you even better as a blonde.
We're huggers in this family.
- You know, Jack is always so secretive
with his girlfriends.
We thought he might be
playing for the other team
if you know what I mean.
- Dad.
- Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Come have a seat.
- I'm just grabbing my tux.
We gotta get back on the road.
- You've got time.
- We've got time, right, sweetie?
(Jack sighs)
(Jack sighs)
- Don't they look cute together?
- Yeah, sure do.
I broke my foot. Fell off the damn ladder.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- We've had those Christmas
lights up for 15 years
and now suddenly they're a problem.
I'm not putting those damn things back up.
I'm not putting 'em back up.
- Sure you are, dear.
- That damn Cheryl Johnson,
driving around in her fancy Mercedes
taking pictures all over the neighborhood.
She needs to find a job.
- Let it go, Barry.
Have you two talked about kids?
- Mom, we're just dating.
- It's okay, sweetie.
We want at least two,
but four would be great.
The way this guy likes to go
at it, we'll end up with 10.
- Oh, he's always been like that.
From the time he was 13,
his bedroom looked like
a used tissue factory.
Not even socks were safe.
After he went to school,
I'd go in with my little sperm tongs
and clean 'em all up.
- Mom, stop.
- I'm surprised you haven't
run out by now. (laughing)
- Can't we talk about anything else?
- You need to be careful
having all those kids.
You'll end up with a canyon down there.
It's like throwing a
sausage link down a hallway.
- I ripped when I had Jack.
Had to have a couple of stitches.
- It worked too.
Wedding night tight. Still.
- Jess, why don't we
go see if my tux fits?
- You go ahead.
(Jack sighs)
- I don't think Jack has ever
had a girl in his bedroom.
Have you discussed what kind
of wedding you'd like to have?
- Well, he hasn't asked me
yet, but I was thinking...
(Jack sighs)
Jack?
- I'm in here.
I guess I've grown a bit.
- It's not horrible.
- Yes it is.
- Yes it is. (chuckles)
Last time you wore it?
- Senior prom.
(gentle upbeat music)
- (sighs) What are you gonna do?
- We're gonna find a new tux.
♪ Keep it simple, keep it sweet ♪
♪ Is a line I heard somewhere ♪
♪ And feel the ground under your feet ♪
♪ It can take you anywhere ♪
♪ Chasing shadows with you ♪
♪ Let's get broken then repaired ♪
♪ In times of anger feeling hope ♪
♪ From that light hm ♪
♪ Build a bridge right to the shore ♪
♪ Oh the coulda been talk
and woulda been walk ♪
♪ She never done much for help ♪
♪ Get on your feet and run ♪
- Was about to start
and the guy looks at me
and he's like, "Oh my god,
your pants are ripped."
(Samantha laughing)
In front of everybody I know.
- [Sally] Jack.
Can I see you please?
- Jess.
What are you doing here?
- Is your name Jess too?
- (sighs) Mom, Jess and I broke up.
- Now, I'm confused.
You said you came to go
to the wedding with Jack.
- What?
- What we have here is a
classic three-way love triangle.
- Dad.
- Jack and I just had a
misunderstanding, that's all.
- Are you the mistress?
- Mom, I'll explain,
but I need to talk to Jess alone first.
- This one or that one?
- This one.
- (sighs) This is the
most excitement we've had
since I got Barry an escort on his 50th.
- Ooh, Chantelle.
(phone vibrating)
- It's the groom. I gotta take this.
- That's my boy.
- Yup.
- Have you lost your mind?
- Will you please just
answer the question?
- No, it's ridiculous.
- You won't answer
because you feel it too.
- Lisa's my best friend.
- Well, if you tell me right now
we can never be together
and I will drop it.
- Murray.
- Who was that?
Fuck!
- [Jess] I didn't say
I wanted to break up.
All I said was that you
have too much of your stuff
in my apartment.
- Why are you even here? Is it Samantha?
- Who is she?
- Murray asked me to pick her
up after I left your place.
- Oh, so she's a complete stranger.
- Yes.
We had a date a few years
ago but it was horrible.
I don't even like her.
She's annoying as hell.
- Okay, so why can't you just accept
that this was all a misunderstanding?
- I know there was someone at
your place yesterday morning.
- Right.
- His jacket was on the couch
and his keys were on the coffee table.
- Why didn't you say anything?
- My stuff was packed by the front door.
And you had some other
guy hiding in the bedroom.
It was over.
- You're always gone.
- I asked you to come to the wedding.
- Well, here I am now.
- Do you want me to
take you to the airport
or call you an Uber?
- I bought a one-way.
- Well, then I'll buy you a one-way back.
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Would you like some coffee?
- Yes, please.
- (sighs) Hi, Mom.
- You want some coffee, honey?
- Yes, please.
(sighs) I'm gonna book her a flight back.
- (sighs) It's none of my business.
- Can you believe she just showed up?
- Whatever.
- What's wrong?
(phone vibrating)
- Hmm, it's Murray.
(suspenseful music)
(phone vibrating)
- It's Lisa.
Answer.
- Hey, what's up?
It's okay.
Hey, Murray.
Hello?
- [Both] The wedding's off.
- It's all my fault.
- What happened?
- He called when you were outside
and he wanted to know if
there was still a chance.
- With you?
- You know, Jack, some
people actually like me.
- I like you.
(Samantha sighs)
What makes you think I don't like you?
- I'm annoying as hell, right?
- I was trying to take you
out of the conversation.
Wait, you were spying on me?
- Not on purpose.
I came up here to talk to Murray.
- So what happened?
- When he said he still wanted
to be with me, Lisa overheard.
- Oh.
Well, at least we don't
have to tell her anymore.
- [Sally] Would the
mistress like some coffee?
- Yes, please.
- Oh, this is nice.
- Got you a flight. Leaves in two hours.
- I have a question.
Did you go camping with Jack last night?
'Cuz you don't strike
me as an outdoors type.
- I can't wait to go camping with Jack.
- But did you?
- No.
We got a motel.
- Well, actually-
- [Jess] Jack stay out of this.
- Meow.
- There was only one room left
and Jack offered to sleep in his truck
because he's a gentleman.
- Well, that was very nice, Jack.
- But I changed my mind and
asked him to come sleep with me.
- But nothing happened.
- When we were kissing
there was definitely something happening.
You don't even like him.
(hard rock music)
- He told me he doesn't like you.
- He only said that so
that you would leave.
(women screaming)
(women grunting)
- Now this is more like it.
- Maybe the coffee
(women shouting and grunting)
wasn't such a good idea.
- Stop it.
You go to my room.
You get your stuff.
I'm taking you to the airport.
- How come she gets to stay?
- Get your stuff, please.
- I need to freshen up.
- Now, that's how you start a weekend.
- They're both very nice girls, Jack.
Perhaps you need to work on
your communication skills.
- (chuckles) Thanks, Mom.
- You want some coffee, hun?
- Yes-a-mundo.
(gentle piano music)
- I'm sorry I just showed up.
(gentle piano music continues)
So it's really over?
- (chuckles) I knew why
I liked being with you,
but I was never sure why you were into me.
- You're the type of guy I wanna marry
before I realize that I'm not
getting married anytime soon.
(Jack sighs)
- It's always timing.
And we're really different.
You can spend all day in an art museum.
I get bored after eight minutes.
(Jess chuckling)
- And let's be honest.
You prefer a tent in Africa
more than an apartment in New York.
- I'm still not domesticated.
- I'm glad that we can end it like this.
- Friends?
- Friends.
- Crazy day?
- Not what I had planned.
- You want something to drink?
- [Samantha] I'm good.
- That's too bad.
I was about to open a bottle of wine.
Would be a shame to drink alone.
(chuckles) If I'm being honest,
I like you much better
than the other Jess.
(both laughing)
- My name's Samantha.
- Well, it's nice to
finally meet you, Samantha.
Want some more?
- So why doesn't Jack practice medicine?
- He does.
- Oh.
He told me he was a wildlife photographer.
- For the past few years he's been working
with Doctors Without Borders.
It takes him all over the world
and he can shoot his photos
and help people.
- Oh. I didn't know that.
- Oh.
This is his third book. My favorite.
(gentle music)
- Sorry.
- I have the exact same reaction.
I didn't know what he did.
I couldn't understand it until
I saw what he was seeing.
(chuckles) Would you like to have it?
- Oh, I couldn't do that. I'll get my own.
- (chuckles) I bought a whole case.
- Oh, well thank you. Absolutely.
- [Jack] I'm back.
- We're in here.
- She gave that to you, right?
She's got a box of them in the garage.
- Dad's out in the yard.
He wants to talk to you.
- About this morning?
I'll be right back.
I think.
- So what do you do?
- I work in fashion,
well, fashion marketing.
- That's nice, dear.
(birds chirping)
- Jack, come sit down.
You want a beer?
(Jack sighs)
Wanna talk to you
about what I witnessed this morning
about the situation you got yourself into
with those two ladies and,
and all the drama it created.
- I know.
- We had a smack down
right in the middle of the living room.
- It just happened.
- Son, you don't have to make excuses.
It was uh, well, hell it was beautiful.
And I've never been so damn proud of you.
I mean, you've got two smart,
very attractive women fighting over you.
And I don't know what
line you're feeding them,
but keep it up.
Not since that game in 2014.
You remember that, when
you hit those three homers?
Not since then have I ever
been so proud of you, man.
You know, I had a chance once
with two women at the same time
before your mother though.
- What happened?
- Well, they met,
they got together and left me
out of the whole damn thing.
(Jack chuckling)
Here's to the most beautiful
creatures on the planet, Jack.
- Lesbians?
- No. Well, yeah.
Women, Jack, women.
Women like your mother.
If it wouldn't have been for her,
I, I wouldn't have made it for this life.
- I'll drink to that.
- Your mother's a hell of a lover, Jack.
Still is.
- See you later, Dad.
- What's up?
- What's up?
You're acting like we're on vacation.
My mom is starting to really like you.
- (sighs) Well, shit, Jack,
what am I supposed to do?
I'm likable.
- You are likable.
It's just been a crazy few days.
- And you wasted $300 on that tux.
- Fuck.
Oh, you're right.
- This is all my fault.
I ruined the wedding
and put the final nail in
your relationship with Jess.
(Jack scoffs)
And your mom thinks that we're together.
I mean, she's gonna be
heartbroken when she finds out
we're not even friends.
- We're friends.
- This whole trip has been a disaster.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
- You did Murray and Lisa a favor.
And Jess should've never come.
- Yeah, and what about your mom?
- Yeah, telling her we were
going to have four kids
might've given her the wrong idea.
- Shit.
- What?
- We also talked about our wedding
when you were trying on your tux.
- What?
- And how many bridesmaids
I was gonna have
and who the flower girls are gonna be,
and the cake, and our first
two kids are gonna be named
Ethan and Everly.
- But why?
- I don't know, okay?
I was just in the moment.
(Jack sighs)
- Okay.
Please don't cry.
- So what now?
- Well, I need to get you home.
We'll stay here tonight
and we'll start back in the morning.
- To Jersey?
- It'll be like a do-over.
- Okay.
I like that.
Can I have a nap?
I'm exhausted.
- And a little drunk?
- Just a little.
- I'll come get you for dinner.
- Okay.
Hey, Jack.
Can we not tell your
mom about us right now?
- (chuckles) Sure.
(Jack chuckles)
- Everything okay?
- She's taking a nap.
- So is your dad.
Listen.
It's quiet.
(both chuckling)
- When did you know
that Samantha wasn't Jess?
- The second you walked through the door.
- How?
- This has been on the
refrigerator since Christmas.
- (chuckles) I forgot she sent these.
It's not even close.
- I know, it's none of my business,
but you made the right choice.
Samantha is a keeper.
- Mom, Sam and I are...
(gentle piano music)
Sam and I are taking it slow.
So don't expect kids anytime soon.
(Sally chuckles)
- Just do what makes you happy.
(gentle piano music)
I think I'll take a nap myself.
(gentle piano music)
(Jack sighs)
(crickets chirping)
(Jack sighing)
- You didn't wake me.
- I figured you could use the rest.
Our dinner is in the microwave.
- You waited for me?
To interesting travel partners.
(Jack chuckles)
(glasses clinking)
- So this fashion job,
what do you do?
- I'm in the marketing department.
- Do you like it?
- I'm really good at my job.
I mean, that's what they tell me.
I'm not bragging.
- Brag all you want.
- I hate my job.
And I'm pushing 30 and I've
spent the last five years
getting good at something
that I don't even like.
- Didn't you just turn 26?
- Exactly.
The clock's ticking and I wanna quit.
- So quit.
What do you wanna do?
- I have to show you.
- You've been working on a baseball hat?
- No.
My dad used to take me to
basketball games all the time.
Big time Knicks guy.
And our seats were never that great
so I'd be staring at the
back of people's heads,
like thousands of them.
Flash forward, after a year
of working in New York,
they asked me to find
alternative advertising spaces.
And I started thinking
about all of those hats.
And I came up with this.
- That's pretty cool.
Can I see that?
(chuckles) You need to
get a patent on this.
- I have several.
- And can you get the licensing?
- That's been the hardest part
and I have a few meetings
coming up with the NBA
and the NFL, but, I mean,
nothing's guaranteed.
Oh, and golf.
Okay, I don't know if
you've ever played golf,
but when you do,
you have to mark your
ball with a ball marker.
So I came up with this,
a magnetized golf ball marker snap.
- So what's holding you back?
- What if I can't get the licensing?
- And what if you do?
This is good.
- Really?
- You have to at least give it a shot.
I mean, you're right there.
- Thanks, Jack.
- For what?
- Just needed someone else to say it.
(Jack chuckles)
- Bye. Thank you so much.
Bye.
- Sam.
We've done hugs three times already.
(Samantha chuckles)
- Think we'll see her again?
- I don't know. I hope so.
- I do too. She's a keeper.
- Bye.
(gentle music)
- [Barry] Oh.
- [Sally] Do you really think
I'm wedding night tight?
- [Barry] Like the day I met you.
(upbeat music)
- Don't ask. Everything came out great.
- (chuckles) Wasn't going
to but good to know.
(Samantha sighs)
- So I was thinking,
my sister, Missy, lives in Maggie Valley,
and it's about halfway.
If we got a motel there, I could see her.
Would you mind?
- You said you wanted to go camping.
- When?
- Right before you and
Jess started to fight.
- Okay.
Yes, I did say that.
- I'm kidding.
It's your sister.
Of course you should see her.
- You sure?
- I'll find a place nearby
and pick you up in the morning.
- You'd be okay with that?
- Not a problem.
- I can't wait.
Me too.
Okay. See you soon.
- All good?
- She's really excited.
And she has room for both of
us to stay if you want to.
- Oh, I'll let you to catch up.
- Okay. But come in and say hello.
If you end up staying till
morning, that's fine too.
- Deal.
(upbeat music)
- You're gonna like her.
She's nothing like me.
- I like her already.
Are you sure you want me to come in?
- Yes.
I met your family and wait
until you taste her cooking.
- I thought I was just saying hello.
- Come in, say hello,
and have a quick bite.
- (sighs) Okay.
But don't make a big
deal when I wanna leave.
- Promise.
(women squealing)
- Well, you notice anything different?
- They're hard to miss.
(both chuckling)
- And you must be Jack.
- Samantha has talked a lot about you.
- Bullshit. She didn't
mention me until today.
- No, but since then.
- Well, what do you think?
- About?
- My boobs.
Do you like them?
- What do you think?
- Do you wanna feel them?
I got them for my boyfriend.
- Lucky guy.
- He comes back tomorrow.
I need somebody to tell
me if they feel real.
- Samantha, you're more
knowledgeable in this area.
- Why, 'cause I have a pair?
- I need an opinion from
someone with a penis.
- Jack, you're a doctor.
- Perfect. You're a doctor.
- Not my area of expertise.
- Let me take them out for you.
- Please don't.
- You let me know what you think.
I just took them out of the oven.
Tempura bird's nests with
a jalapeno tomatillo sauce.
And then we have palomino
with chicken, mushroom,
onion, and dill with a pesto Genovese.
And last we have puff pastry with feta
and caramelized onions.
- Wow.
- I told you.
- I mean, it looks so good,
I don't even wanna eat it.
- Don't be an idiot, Jack. Dig in.
Oh.
(horn honks)
(tense music)
Oh no. We have a problem.
He's coming up the driveway.
- [Jack] Who?
- My boyfriend Conan.
- [Samantha] I thought he was out of town.
- Well, he's back!
Go, go. In the bathroom.
Hide in here, I'll let you know
when I get him into the bedroom.
- [Jack] How will we know?
- Trust me, you'll know. He's a screamer.
- Missy?
- What are you doing here?
- Where is he?
- Who?
- There's a Jeep parked right in front.
- I don't know. One of the neighbors?
- Parked right in front, right here.
- Maybe it's a city worker.
(Conan sighs)
- Who are you cooking for?
- I'm trying out recipes
for tomorrow night for you.
What are you doing home?
- Something's not right.
- I missed you.
- What are those?
- Boobies.
- Someone is here.
- No, they're for you,
but you coming home early
ruined the surprise.
I know with your big hands
you like big boobs
so now we have them
when we need them.
- Nice. (chuckles)
- You wanna try 'em out?
- Oh yeah.
Actually, hold on.
I gotta go to the bathroom first.
- You can't wait?
- [Conan] No, trust me.
This is gonna be a while.
Oh.
Hey, Missy.
- [Missy] Yeah?
- [Conan] You really don't know
whose Jeep that is in front?
I kinda like it.
- [Missy] No.
- [Conan] All right. Well
stay clear of the door.
(farts) It's gonna get real nasty in here.
- [Missy] Okay.
I'll be in the kitchen.
- Oh, ooh.
(loud farting)
Ooh.
Ooh.
(loud farting)
Oh, wow.
Oh, oh, oh, ooh. (farting)
Oh, wow.
Oh.
(loud farting)
Ah, ah. (panting)
One, two, three, one, two,
three, one, two, three.
(loud farting)
Oh, woo! Wow, that burns.
(lighthearted music)
What the hell?
- Sorry.
- Who the fuck are you?
Whoa! What the fuck?
- I'll call you.
- [Missy] Love you.
- Was nice to meet you.
(phone vibrating)
- It's Missy.
Hello?
Are you okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
- What did she say?
- She said he's coming after
us and he's like a bloodhound.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
She just said, "Hide."
What are we gonna do?
- Why is he coming after us?
- Gee, Jack, I don't know.
You puked in his mouth.
- Well, I'm open to ideas.
- Let's just find a place
to sleep out of site.
- I can find us a place we can camp.
- Still with the camping?
(crickets chirping)
- What you thinking about?
- I miss them.
I've called their home phone
even after they were gone,
just to hear their voice.
(somber music)
It's weird, huh?
- Not at all.
- You know what I remember most?
The way that my dad would look at my mom.
Pure adorement.
And no matter what happens, good or bad,
they always had each other's backs.
You know what I mean?
- I do.
- What?
- I just wish I would've met you
under different circumstances, both times.
- What fun would that have been?
(both chuckling)
(fire whooshing)
- Your hot dog's on fire.
(Samantha gasping)
(Jack sighing)
Yeah.
Comfortable?
- It's not that bad.
Are you sure you're gonna be warm enough?
- It doesn't bother me.
Some of the places I've been
have been extremes on both ends.
- What was the hottest?
- The Amazon. It was pretty damn hot.
But it wasn't just the heat.
The humidity was exhausting.
But everywhere you looked,
there was just another
amazing animal or landscape.
And you can get used to the heat.
Sort of.
(Jack chuckles)
(Jack grunts)
(zipper zipping)
I know you like your coffee.
- Oh. It's freaking cold.
- It's brisk.
- Um...
- (chuckles) You have to go?
(Samantha sighs)
Number one or number two?
- I can't believe I'm constantly talking
about this with you.
(Jack chuckles)
(Samantha sighs)
- You can go in those bushes over there
and there's toilet paper in the tent.
- Did you go over there?
- No, I went over there.
(Samantha huffs)
- Don't look.
- I'm not looking.
- You're looking at me right now.
(Samantha sighs)
Ow!
(dramatic music)
- What happened?
(comical tense music)
(Samantha screaming)
(Samantha grunts)
- [Conan] Ow!
(Conan panting)
Don't touch it.
- Ouch!
- Only a few more.
- I bet you're loving this.
- More than Conan's face. No offense.
- It's cool.
- So what's your deal, dude?
Missy's like the one person
on the planet you can trust.
- I have jealousy issues.
- No shit.
- Found out my last
girlfriend was cheating on me.
- Really? Damn.
What'd you do?
- Nothing you can do except move on.
- I just can't lose Missy, man.
- You're going to if you
keep acting like this.
- She's the one.
Everything will work out.
- I've never seen my
sister put up pictures
of a boyfriend before.
- She has three of me. (chuckles)
- See.
(gentle music)
- Yeah.
Do you guys trust each other?
- Uh, we're not-
- Yes.
I wouldn't trust my
butt with anybody else.
- (chuckles) That's sweet.
- Ouch!
- Done.
- Oh, look at the kitty. (laughing)
- That's not a cat!
(all groaning)
(light upbeat music)
- How you doing?
- Am I gonna have a bunch of little scars?
- You're gonna have to
send me weekly photos
so I can keep up with
the recovery process.
- Seriously?
- No.
- So embarrassing.
- If it makes you feel any better
when I'm in doctor mode,
I didn't even think of it
as your surprisingly smooth white butt.
Five more miles
and our journey's finally over.
- Is that a good thing?
- No, don't do that.
No more analyzing.
- I liked our trip.
- I did too.
(birds chirping)
- Wait.
I don't wanna lose contact.
- Not a chance.
- I'm serious.
I wanna make an effort.
- I've got it all figured out.
- How?
- Do you have PayPal?
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna send you five bucks
for a coffee.
That way you'll owe me
and we'll have to meet up.
- Okay.
- Just put in your PayPal account.
We can be PayPal pals.
PayPals.
(both chuckling)
But...
- What? (chuckles)
- I want you to start
selling your snaps full-time.
And for that, you're probably
gonna need a lot of coffee.
(gentle music)
- Okay, stop it.
- Are you gonna do it?
(Samantha sighs)
- I may not sleep at all,
but I'm gonna go for it.
Jack, stop it.
- You're gonna need materials, inventory.
- Sure but-
- Then I'm all in.
Pay me when it works.
- And if it doesn't?
- It's gonna work.
But the only thing I'm worried about
is you having to split
time with your day job.
(gentle music continues)
- No. Jack, no!
- Now you can quit.
- No, no.
(cash register ringing)
- Too late.
- I, I don't wanna owe you.
- Consider it a zero interest loan.
Pay me when you can.
- Can you stay a while so
we can talk about this?
- What's there to talk about?
You just gotta follow your plan.
- Thank you. Seriously, thank you.
- You still owe me that coffee though.
(Samantha sighs)
(gentle orchestral music)
(birds chirping)
(doorbell rings)
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm looking for Sally or Barry.
- Oh, they're at the beach house.
- Just my luck.
I'm friends with their son Jack.
- Oh Jack, he's here.
Jack. It's for you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- [Jack] What are you doing in town?
- I got a new account uptown.
I thought I'd stop in
and say hi to your folks.
- They would have loved that.
- Hm. Where's the Jeep?
- It's in the shop.
It's in the shop more now than not.
Uh, Samantha, this is
my girlfriend, Caroline.
- Hi. (chuckles)
- Samantha and I were in
the same wedding party.
Almost.
- Long story. (chuckles)
- Samantha owns the company, Snaps.
- Ooh, the little things on
the back of all your hats?
- That was Sam's idea.
- They're cute.
- Can you give Sam and I a sec?
Need to talk some business.
- Sure. Nice to meet you.
- You too.
- Did you drive here?
- I've been driving all over the country.
- How's Tommy?
You guys still together?
- I never get to see him.
He's a little jealous of the business.
- Going through the same thing.
- [Samantha] Being gone all the time?
- (chuckles) I didn't tell you.
I'm actually opening a practice in town.
- Why?
- Family doctor I had since
I was a kid is retiring.
His wife and my mom are friends
and he really wanted someone
who was a local to take over.
- Do I have to call you Doctor now?
- Only in public.
(Samantha chuckles)
- Did you really wanna talk business?
- Right.
I still wanna support the
people I met during my trips.
And I was thinking
maybe you could come up with a Snap
that we could sell, raise money.
- Sure.
What were you thinking?
- I have some ideas I can send you.
- Great.
I should really get going.
- It was great to see you.
- You too.
- Hey, Sam.
I appreciate you paying me back,
but the deal also included coffee.
- I'll let you know next time I'm in town.
We'll settle up.
(Jack chuckles)
(lighthearted music)
(Jack sighs)
- Hey, Sam.
Last time you said that a year went by.
Let's go get that coffee.
- Now?
- Half hour.
- I have a meeting, Jack.
- You could always reschedule.
I could really use that coffee.
What do you say?
- They created the entire
world of Whoville on a lot.
The costuming, the makeup,
the acting, all top notch.
That makes it a classic.
- No.
- You guys are still talking about this?
Decide once and for all.
Jim Carrey's a better Grinch.
- Thank you. Knew I
liked you for a reason.
- You have lost your damn mind.
I did not raise you to be like that.
Oh, number one,
the animated movie is a classic.
It is based on the
original Dr. Seuss book.
- So is the Jim Carrey
one just done better.
- Dad, we've seen both.
You like the Jim Carrey one.
- Oh, da huh.
- I've seen you liking it.
- You like the Jim Carrey one?
- I was wrong. (women laughing)
- I don't know about that.
- I've gotta chime in.
Missy and I grew up
watching the Jim Carrey one.
It's definitely better.
- Thank you.
- I don't know if it's better.
It's good. It's fine.
But I prefer the animated one.
- It's not a good time. It's not.