The Wedding Ringer (2015) - full transcript

Hello, I'm Jeremy Garelick.

And I'm Josh Gad.

And we are doing
the commentary

for a little movie
called The Wedding Ringer,

without my costar, uh,
Kevin Hart.

Because he, apparently,
got a little stomach bug,

and he's a baby.

We miss Kevin,
we wish he could be here,

but, uh, Jeremy and I are gonna talk
a lot about this process today.

And, also, we're gonna talk
a lot of smack about Kevin,

since he's not here
to defend himself.



This is actually
me on the other line.

On the other line...
That is you.

Not purposely wanting
it to remain in the film,

but I was doing all
the off-screen lines for you.

And it actually
worked out pretty well.

Another thing that people don't
know about this is, we shot this...

How many months before
we actually shot the...

Like, four or five months.

We shot this four or five
months before we shot the film,

and this was around the time
that Jeremy said to me,

"Josh, I want you to
lose a lot of weight."

And I was like, "But nothing's
gonna match the film,

"when we do it
in four months."

And he comes up
with a brilliant line



that he gave me
later on in the process,

that kills, uh, which I'll
point out when we get there.

Actually, if you
notice in the background, um,

all of the football jerseys with all
the names, those are... That's, um...

That's where he gets all the
names for his groomsmen from.

That's a
Usual Suspects set-up.

By the way, this was the
greatest accident of all time.

We did not mean
for this table to break,

itjust happened on the set.

Which was...

Truthfully one...
And I was like,

"Just keep rolling.
Just keep rolling."

It was incredible.
My, um...

It turns out
I have a stunt ass, uh,

that I didn't know I had.

And it takes... It can shatter
glass in 3.5 seconds.

Any glass, doesn't matter
how thick it is.

You can put me on top of a SeaWorld
aquarium and it will shatter.

The reality is
we had that one day to shoot,

and, um, I knew we were gonna be
in the beginning of the film.

And we needed a big, big, funny,
physical joke right off...

Right off the bat, and we had
that one day, and I was like,

"What the hell?
May as well go for it there."

And it was a good time.

Yeah, it was, um...

It was a good time
for Jeremy,

because he didn't have
to do the stunt.

Jeremy, what can you tell us about
that, uh... The lettuce here?

Yeah, that lettuce
that's being put on there.

Is that real lettuce
or prop lettuce?

It is actually real lettuce.

Actually, those hands were Shayla,
who works with Will Packer...

ls that true?

Yeah, 'cause the guy who was
putting it on couldn't do it right,

so she filled in.

This is, um, actually
not one continuous shot,

that was two separate shots
that we merged right there,

when we pushed
into his back.

We're doing Gravity types of
effects in The Wedding Ringer, guys.

- That's right.
- We didn't even know that.

That's how
they did it in Birdman.

That's right.

And now all these names
that you're seeing here,

this is the cast of the movie,
The Wedding Ringer.

That's why their
names are appearing,

'cause this is what
you call credits.

We shot this at the
roof of Downtown Athletic Club.

Kevin's hair and beard
were ridiculous.

I haven't seen such an honest
portrayal of a wedding since Godfather.

♪ Off! ♪

That's Patrick Carlyle.

And that's Kevin Hart
in a 'fro.

That's not really a 'fro, is it?
What is that?

It's a 'fro.
It's like a...

It's a type of 'fro.

It's a low-'fro.

You have to know that. Okay.

I ain't lying.

There was a bar
mitzvah at the building

across the street
during this shoot

that was driving me crazy.

And it was so loud.

And Kevin managed to
get through his speech

perfectly,

not being bothered
at all by that

insane, insane music
across the way.

A lot of people
don't know this about Kevin,

but he actually
practices his monologs

against the backdrop of bar
mitzvahs on a daily basis,

should something like this
arise on any given set.

GARELICKI "Hustle Hart."

"Hustle Hart."

Comedic rock star, hashtag,

"bar mitzvahs
ain't stopping me."

That's, uh, Mary Gutfleisch,

otherwise known
as Mary Doodles,

who is a YouTube celebrity.

You found a lot of
unbelievably talented

stars from all sorts
of outlets in this film.

From just like...

Jeremy would go to
a bunch of comedy clubs,

and he would go on YouTube,

and he would go on Vine.

And every day...
I think it's one of

the most unbelievable
aspects of this film.

He packed this cast

with people who I had...

A lot of people
I had never seen before,

who just are...

Each one of them
is a discovery.

Each one of them
is unbelievably good.

Especially when it comes
to my groomsmen later on,

who, I think,
each one of which is a star.

It was, uh, like 4:00...

I think it was 4:30 in the morning
when we shot that last scene

with Tristin Mays outside,

and I think Kevin
was falling asleep

literally in
between every take.

I kind of remember him
falling asleep on most days.

By the way, that's
where Kevin is right now.

He's still sleeping.

You're a great kid, but
unfortunately, a deal is a deal.

There's no contact
after final payment.

I should have
charged you more.

I'm serious, man. You got
the real deal tonight.

I was in the zone, baby.

Yeah, great.
No, we don't do that.

Sure.
Thank you, man.

Something
that's established about

Kevin's character
early on in this film is,

he doesn't like
human contact.

That's, uh, Corey Holcomb.

Where to, boss? Just drive, Otis.
Just drive.

Very,
very funny standup comedian.

Very, very funny man.

And these were
all practical, right?

See that, um...

We shot
a matte at Disney.

That American flag up there.

There was an American
flag on top of the roof,

but I was like,
"I need that."

I saw that up there, I was like,
"We got to get up there."

So we had a ninja AD
climb up there

and put a big fan
and a light,

so it lit the American flag.

And now you can see where we
started shooting four months later.

The weight loss
becomes very apparent.

And my hair starts becoming a Chia
Pet at this point in my life.

GARELICKI Yeah.

Can we talk about the
White Shadow for a second?

Yes, we can.

Can we talk about
how Ken Howard...

President of SAG,
by the way.

A revelation
in this movie.

The guy

steals this movie

with every filthy thing
that comes out of his mouth.

And Ignacio...

Ignacio was the first...

And only.

The first guy who walked
in to audition for that part

and he was so good that I just
assumed everybody was gonna...

He was the first guy
who auditioned for anything.

By the way,

what's so unbelievable about his
performance in this movie is

that is a really
difficult task to pull off.

'Cause it's so easily offensive
and he toes the line.

And as you go down
the rabbit hole with him,

he creates two
distinct characters

that are so

wonderfully rich.

He was the first guy...

He was the first guy
who came in

to audition for the movie,
and I was like,

"This guy is so good. ls
everybody gonna be this good?"

And I didn't know...

And then every single person who
came in afterwards was like...

I was like, "The first guy's better.
lgnacio's better."

So, finally, I was like,
"All right. Here you go."

She'll leave me, I know it. You're
not gonna tell her, are you?

She's going to find out soon enough.
Oh, God.

Why didn't you say
something to me before?

I've been on a bullet train
ever since I proposed.

I haven't slept
in months.

I can't keep anything down. I
keep losing weight. ljust...

And there's the gem.

There's the gem that Jeremy was like,
"This will solve our problem."

By the way,
it gets a huge laugh.

A huge laugh.
I'm amazed.

Um, and then we also need
to call attention to, uh,

my co-star,

the incredibly beautiful

Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting,

And
this song, by the way.

And this song.
What is this song?

It's called
The Big, Big Bang.

Oh, thank you.
But Kaley

truly, truly did something
incredible with this movie,

because she had
the unenviable task

of playing a character
who could be

considered shrewd
and bitchy.

And she made her
so distinctly her own.

My father owned a
batting cage, where I grew up,

and, basically, inspired this
entire location and setting,

'cause I grew up in it, and that's
why it's called Arnie's House of...

Arnie's World of Fun,
my father's...

This was, by the way,
the other shot...

This was the other scene
that we shot

prior to the massive
weight-loss campaign.

So suddenly
Josh gets much bigger

and then much smaller again.

- I was stuck in the hall.
- That door.

That was a weight-loss door.

And then there she is.

Welcome to
The Best Man Inc.

I do a killer impression
of her, by the way.

"Welcome to The Best Man Inc."

"I'm Jenifer Lewis."

That was Josh Gad, by the
way, doing Jenifer Lewis.

These pictures
were incredible.

These were so silly.

Yeah,
this is Chris Cornwell,

our great Art Department,
put it together.

You see that knight
back there?

That was a very important
part of the story.

I always
find that so weird.

That was real...

That was real ice tea,
by the way.

Alone? No. I run a very profitable
business because of guys like you.

This was
a challenging scene.

This was a really challenging
scene on the page,

because we made that change
of losing the history

for the "Golden Tux" idea.

We had to, um, figure out how to
make the idea of the Golden Tux

have a lot of stakes.

Jeremy likes writing
in Shakespearean verses.

So, uh, Kevin Hart

had a lot of scenes where he
had to do 10-page monologs,

while I sat there
and gave looks.

I'm like an angel.

I'm only there when you need me to be.

Excuse me. You got to
get going, Jimmy.

Beth Shalom, right?
Beth Yirmeyahu.

Both Kevin and Jenifer
had a very hard time saying

"Beth Shalom" and
"Beth Yirmeyahu."

That took a long time.

That's right,
that was, uh,

"Beth... Jeremy, what?"

"Beth..."

"Try it again.

"Beth Yirmeyahu."

"Beth..."

"Uh, it's okay, take
a breath, take your time.

"It's, uh, Beth Yirmeyahu."

"Rita?"

Hancock Park,
Bel Air, Palisades?

Downtown,
Millennium Biltmore.

Oh, so Millennium
Biltmore gave us a special deal

to shoot there, if we mentioned
it, like, six times in the film.

So that's why we said that.

We took a lot of money from a
lot of people in this movie,

so that we could make it...
We could make our budget.

...plus an additional
three groomsmen

to balance out
the bridesmaids.

For an extra
thousand dollars,

I'll throw you a bachelor
party to your liking.

How are you looking on groomsmen?
Not good at all.

Not good as in
you need one or two?

I need seven.

You need seven groomsmen?
I do.

That knight in the
background always drives me crazy.

I always wanted to say...

I always wanted to give him a
voice or something.

"Jimmy."

Like a random Bedknobs
and Broomsticks character.

I feel like one of these days,
audiences deserve to see

your three-and-a-half-hour
director's cut that you did.

Really?
Should we let...

I think one of these days,
maybe we should add that...

GARELICKI You would love it.

I can't... I've
never seen this infamous

Blade Runner-style cut of the film.

I invited everybody
to watch the first cut

that I saw.

It was the editor's cut.

I invite, like,
six or seven people.

Okay, so this to me was the most
important scene in the movie,

because we were really
showing how much he, um...

How much Josh...

I'm so screwed up
by talking in the thing.

We're showing how much
Josh needs this

and how much
he really loves her.

Or at least thinks
how much he loves her.

In other words,
it's establishing character.

- That's what Jeremy wanted to say.
- Thank you.

But he didn't have
the courage to say it.

We were up late last night at the
premiere of our movie, by the way,

so forgive us
if we're both...

After several Scotches...

...hangover
commentary today.

This was hilarious.

That line came out
of the...

I remember that line
came from

the fact that I didn't
realize that he drove there

and then they were
going somewhere else.

It was just
an illogical thing to ask.

Yeah, that's right.

This scene is hilarious.

It was so fun to shoot.

Oh,
this is one that lasts...

That you could do, easily,
a 10-minute cut of.

We have a 10-minute...
See that guy?

The dead guy is
my friend John Stern.

Every time I see John,
I feel so badly.

He gave us, um...

- I had him do that.
- He also gave us a deal.

He gave us a deal. He
gave us cases and cases of Red Bull

for our bachelor party.

Um, that was the exchange.

This is
the cheapest movie

I've ever worked on in my life.

"Pupil Jew-Jew."

...all they could see was my eye pupils.
"Pupil Jew-Jew."

I think I laughed more
in this scene, when we shot,

than I did in any scene
that I've ever shot.

It was so offensive
and it was so funny.

And, uh, I look up,

and I see Stu.

Oh,
the outtakes of this...

That is iJustine,

another YouTube sensation.

Justine Ezarik.

'mosh.

IVVannaH.

I'm not gonna
finish that,

in case iJustine watches.

...with a face full of corn

a handful of napkins
and a smile...

You can hear, uh,
the music here

has a little bit
of Hatikva in it.

- Does it?
- Yeah.

lam so, so sorry. I mean, I had no idea.

This could have
easily waited.

Man, don't worry
about it.

All those things that you said about
him, those incredible things.

There was a great improv line that
was cut from this scene, what was it?

When they were... We cut
the whole scene on the sidewalk.

"We'll plant
a tree in lsrael."

on, yeah.

That was so funny.

There you are,
"Arnie's World of Fun."

God, this was
my favorite scene...

This was my favorite day
ofshoofing.

This is when
Kevin really...

You're hiring a best man.
Got it.

"Bic Mitchum."

The line on
the script was...

The line on the page was,

"Bic Mitchum, I like it."

And then I went up
to Kevin and I said,

"You should just
play with this.

"Take on other personas
and try to just have fun."

And then this is what Josh and Kevin did.

And this is one-fiftieth
of what they actually did.

Bic. Hey, ladies,
what's going on?

My name is Bic and I got the dick.

What's happening right now?
I'm Bic Mitchum.

Hey, you put that down

and if someone
asks you who said it,

you tell them
Bic Mitchum said it.

What do you mean that
there's no more candy?

I'm Bic Mitchum
and I love candy.

I'm Bic. Where's the pussy at?
What?

Fuck you!
Wait.

Fuck you, man!
No, Bic can't have these...

Bic Mitchum can have
whatever the fuck he wants!

Bic, Bic, Bic.

All right. I like it.

This is when I knew that I
had a really easy job with these guys.

And I didn't have
to do that much,

because it was
just basically,

"Let these guys go
and have fun.

"And don't cut too early."

Yo, what the fuck are you doing?
What are you doing?

That hug would
make me laugh every time.

What do we do now?

You go get some rest.

Take care of them bags
under your eyes.

Stop hugging strangers.

God created the world
in seven days.

I got to do a whole lot
more in a lot less time.

I got to go find you
some damn friends.

Just keep your eye on the
ball, you little fucker.

Colin.

Colin Kane, lwent and saw him
at The lmprov probably four years ago,

and I thought he was one of the
dirtiest, most inappropriate comedians

that I had ever seen,

and I, uh, would bring...

I probably went to, like,
six or seven of his shows

and when the opportunity
for him to...

The opportunity for Plunkett
came around to make this movie,

I thought he would be great.

He's a good-looking guy, so I
had to make him look ugly.

Yeah, we did some wonders
on a lot of these guys.

Hurry up and finish the van.
I'm hungry.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Look, Jimmy,
I'd love to help you out...

By the way,
can we just

applaud the fact that Hurley
is in our movie?

That's a geek fest for me.

Jorge Garcia, one of the
nicest human beings alive.

He's so good.

Amy Okuda off-screen.

- There's GloZell.
- There's GloZell.

Being felt up
by Affion Crockett,

who makes me
laugh relentlessly.

I love that Kevin was
pretending to read the paper there,

just so we could
block his face,

so we could have a reveal.

There was no reason.
"Kevin, lift that paper up."

That is a great jacket.

Thatjacket
is really great.

Reggie, I don't need...
Okay? Of course I'm in.

How did
you find Affion?

I've done, um... I
did a short that Affion was in

and then I did a TV show called
The Rebels that Affion was in.

Um, so I've just been a fan
of his for a long time.

This is what we were
talking about, this scene.

This was the famous "bra versus
no bra" scene. GAD: Mmm-hmm.

We chose bra,
as you can tell.

That is so not fair.
You know I'm trying

to lose 4.2 pounds
before the wedding.

Well, I think you look beautiful
just the way you are.

It's actually, um...

Yeah. We were running
out of time

and Kaley said, "Oh, my
gosh, I don't have a bra."

And...

I think it was Josh
who suggested,

"Yeah, just do it without
it."

That is not true.

You know...

Honest to God,

every time I see Kaley in this
movie, I'm like, "She is truly..."

She just glows onscreen.
She's like...

She's beautiful.

She feels like she's going
to be the next Jen Aniston.

After that little show
that she's on is over.

That little behemoth
called The Bang.

"That's a lot of
quotes" was a nice improv there.

This scene
was a lot longer, too.

Yeah.
That's so funny.

But the article says
this will enhance

our emotional reunification.

I know. Maybe we could
take one night off.

We did a bunch of improvs on the
song that was playing in the back,

because you didn't know
what rights you could get.

So we had
like 15 different...

"ls that Boyz ll Men?

"Is that Ingrid Michaelson?

"Is that Evan and Jaron?

"Is that Ladysmith Black
Mambazo?"

Oh, Dan Gill.

Dan Gill makes me laugh,
whatever he does.

He's just got the driest,
funniest sensibility.

Party tricks. Yeah, okay.

Oh!

- Shit.
- Oh, my God.

So, that's kind of it.

I just need a wall.
No,no,no!

No, don't, please.

He actually
hurt himself on this.

I remember that.

He really hurt himself.

- Ah, that is so funny.
- Oh, Aaron.

How did
you find Aaron?

Um, Nate, my
assistant/associate producer,

showed me a commercial
that he did, um,

for a cellphone,

and he was just hilarious, I
thought he would be perfect.

And
then there's the gem.

I think Alan Ritchson is
going to be a massive movie star.

Absolutely.

He's going to be a superhero.
He's going to be...

The guy is like,

one, he's unbelievably
good-looking,

two,

he is one of
the funniest people

I've ever met.

That idea, actually,
the idea for the twitch

came from James Lopez.

That was not in the... The
twitch was never in the script.

And then James Lopez
was like,

"What if he has a twitch?"

- Such a good call.
- Such a funny idea.

Each one of these
guys brought characters

that, while good on the page,

were not nearly a tenth
of what they made with this.

What's so funny
about this was that

Corey spent months
practicing those lines...

And he couldn't do it?
...backwards.

No, he was perfect,

but everybody else didn't really
give a shit about the lines,

so they were just saying whatever
lines they wanted to say

and he couldn't
repeat it back.

Iwas like, "No, no.
That doesn't match up."

So it was the only place

where we needed everybody
to say the lines

exacfly,Hke,
word for word.

Try the Roquefort
Buttermilk.

ls it too tangy?

Uh, maybe a little.
A little?

This is just,
sort of...

I mean, the whole movie is talking
about the absurdity of weddings,

but the amount of pressure
that people put...

So funny with
the hand there.

The amount of pressure they put
on the stupid little details

and the importance.

It puts so much pressure
on a couple getting married

that it's just...
It's so unfair.

You know I can't make
a decision without you.

Damn it. I was going to keep
this a surprise, but...

What? Bic is flying
in tomorrow morning.

Bic? The Bic?

Yeah. I have to go pick
him up from the airport.

You are kidding!

Oh, I'm so excited! I wanted
to keep it a surprise.

This is so great.
Bring him to lunch with you.

God,
this seems like so long ago.

I'm trying to remember, but I'm
like, "That was so long ago."

How did that salad
dressing taste, Josh?

I actually
still remember it,

'cause you made me taste it about
2,000 times. It was terrible.

I was trying
to get you to match, uh,

your weight from
the first scene.

He is your best man and I
have never met him, okay?

You cannot tell me
he's flying in and not

bring him to lunch tomorrow.
Are you crazy?

Okay.

Take my hand. I'll pull you in.
No!

Stay where you are.
I mean it. I'll let go.

Oh.

BOTH".
A' Near, far... a'

Hey. Doug's on line one.
Something's wrong.

What's going on, Tonto?

Hey, there.
We've got a bit of a problem.

What the hell were you thinking?
She cornered me.

Doug, in the future, if
somebody asks you something

that boxes you in, you boomerang it.
"Boomerang"?

You respond with either a
compliment or a question.

Compliments are for women.
Questions are for men.

If I were to ask you
something about Bic

that you and I
haven't discussed,

what would you say, Doug?

You're, um, very handsome.
Thank you, Doug.

This was
a really fun day.

Again, a lot
of great improvs

left on
the cutting room floor

that will hopefully, one day...
They'll see their time.

That was
the random words we...

We set it up a lot, so that
for the payoff at the lunch

with "red-hot pussy seltzer."

On your right,
you'll see Lyle Alzado,

in the right corner.

...we can tread enough water

to fake a stomach cramp and run away.
How did we meet?

Uh, freshman year,
Stanford.

That means I'm smart.

You really did a good
job of layering the clues.

Like a Usual Suspects homage.

GARELICKI Thank you.

You did a good job
at acting.

Thank you.

Kevin,
you did a good job at...

Oh, wait.
...not coming to work today.

An Army guy
that's the best man

not hitting on
the bridesmaids?

They'll think
I'm a homosexual.

Well, uh, actually...

Josh and Kevin
were very, very good at

pointing out when there was a
lack of continuity in the film.

As a first-time director, I didn't
really care about continuity,

and they were always
pointing out which...

And they were
so good at it.

So if you watch the film
closely, you may have some times

where Josh is holding
the cup in his left hand

and then it cuts back to the right hand.

...because I'm a fucking
priest and I can't

cuss around
your family, Doug. Fuck!

Oh, come on.
That's the last one.

That was all an improv.

Jill Abromowitz,
freshman year.

There were a lot of these
that we made up right on the spot.

Made up on the spot.

And we probably
have a half hour more of this.

Does your foot roll inward or outward?
Outward.

That was a Kevin one.

"That explains
the weight gain."

If you could pick your favorite
superhero, who would it be?

Is Pas-Man a superhero?

No, he's not, Doug.

Now that, that was me setting up
an homage for my upcoming film, Pixels.

Where am I from?

You're from North Dakota.

Ask me why you're
from North Dakota.

Tell me why I'm
from North Dakota.

Because who the fuck knows
anybody from North Dakota?

I want to hear my name again.
What's my name?

Oh, you are motherfucking Bic Mitchum!
Rhythm.

Motherfucking
Bic Mitchum.

Motherfucking Bic Mitchum.
Motherfucking...

What are your phobias?

Uh, I fear raccoons.

Favorite sport, Doug?

That hat on my head, we got a
deal from the Russian military...

A lot of product
placement in the foreground here.

Oh, shit.

Doug!Doug!

This was really fun.

- This is my obligatory ass-crack shot.
- Ass crack.

...remember your compliments,
boomerang, random words.

Use random words.

Specifically, which
random words should I use?

Another
random word set-up,

for the pay-off
in the next scene.

What if they start
asking too many questions?

Kevin got
this monolog in one take.

Did he?
I don't remember that.

...you're near-sighted,
you supinate,

you prefer full moons
over sunsets...

That's because it took
him about six hours to get this,

from 16 different angles.

...and you played the violin
until you were 19 years old.

We're about to get a joke
that people and audiences respond to,

where you see, um,
his camouflage pants.

I'm always stunned
by that response.

'Cause I never
even knew it was a joke.

I didn't even intend
for it to be a joke.

And every single time we play it
in the theater, people laugh.

And it's just... It's the
one spot in the movie

where there's a laugh
where I wasn't...

That I didn't think there
was ever gonna be a laugh.

I love it.

We never even
intended for there being one.

This is another Kev improv.

The line on
the page was, um...

The line on
the page was like...

What was it? "I can't
do this." Or something.

And then Kevin went off
and did this whole thing.

- This scene is...
- This was basically,

I went up to Kevin
and told him sort of

the backstory of what
went into the guy, um...

Bic Mitchum's story,
about this guy who did drugs

and shot up on needles,
and all that stuff.

- And all this stuff...
- It was all improv-ed.

- He improv-ed.
- It was incredible.

Which means, yes,

I may have been to a point

where I was sucking
dick for money.

But that day when I woke up
face down in that snowbank,

I didn't know where I was.

I didn't even know
who I was.

And I remember
squinting because

I was being blinded
by this bright light.

I couldn't see a thing.

And when I finally opened
my eyes, I saw Jesus.

You saw Jesus?

Oh, I saw Jesus.

He was in Mary's arms in the
nativity scene at St. Michael's.

And I wept. But they
weren't tears of pain.

These were tears ofjoy.

From having found
my path, of course.

So, Father...

Call me Bic, please.

What made you decide
to go into the military?

Mmm.
That's a great question.

Some people are called on
to serve God.

Others are called
to serve our country.

Those who are
chosen to serve both,

they're called
Army chaplains.

I got a two-way call
from the big fellow himself.

A priest in the military.
Yeah.

It's interesting.
Do they have a "don't ask,

"don't tell" policy
on child molesting?

Dad!

Oh, it's okay. It's okay.

That's pretty good. I've never heard
that one. Now, that's a good one.

Well, I try.

Clever.
No, it wasn't.

Somebody call the firemen

because this is hot,
hot, hot! Okay?

Do not touch.

So, listen,
if you opt against

the Russian
mushroom bisque,

we can always go into
a more rustic theme

with the Chilean chili.

I'll be back
with the croutons.

So, Bic, uh, where are
you from originally?

Originally? North Dakota.

No kidding. What town?
Henderson.

I've never heard
of Henderson.

Oh, Henderson's
a very small town, Ed.

Oh, where is it in
relation to Bismarck?

Are you familiar
with North Dakota?

Ed's uncle has
a ranch up there.

Here is the famous lunch scene.
Now, the big...

The biggest challenge
to this is

we needed
to figure out how...

Well,
the biggest challenge was,

"Will Cloris Leachman
catch on fire quickly,

"or will it take a while
for her skin to light up?"

She actually
did this stunt by herself.

She actually spent years, um,
building up an immunity to fire.

That's right.
So she was able to...

No. The stuntwoman
who did this was unreal.

She put all sorts of stuff on her
face and straws in her nose,

and was very brave as firemen
were waiting by to put her out.

The biggest
logical challenge and debate

we had during
this entire thing is,

why would they have candles
on the table for brunch?

And I'm like,
"Nobody's gonna care!"

Everyone's like,
"No. But you can't have

"candles on a table
for a brunch."

Right? Right.

Yeah. That sounds right.

- What did you just say?
- Hmm?

I think you said,
"Red-hot pussy seltzer."

- Why would you say that?
Red-hot pussy seltzer?

Honey?

This question
was an improv.

Was that your idea?

You come up with a question
and have Cloris just answer.

So this is where Josh is about to
just confess to the whole thing.

By the way, that smile right there?
That's me laughing.

That was me about to laugh and you
used that take that I screwed up.

That's good, Jeremy.
That's good editing.

Oh, God!

Sorry. I didn't know
it was that hot, guys.

I'm so sorry.
It's okay.

- I'm on fire!
- Oh, my God!

Shit! No! She's on fire!

- It's an inferno!
- Holy shit!

Josh throws a bun,
a piece of bread at her.

Like, watch... Watch. That's my
favorite part of the whole thing,

is when he takes
a piece of bread and...

There it is.

Like the piece of bread is going
to do anything except for...

She just caught fire
so fast.

We had a scene in here that
was really funny that we had to cut.

What? Where
he has to do the prayer.

- Where Kevin does the poem and the prayer.
- Oh, yeah.

I love her. You know that.
What happened?

No, I mean,
how do you like her?

We had a lot of...
This is a Todd Phillipsjoke.

"How do you like her?"

I love that laugh
that Kevin came up with.

Oh, thank God. Come
on, let's go see her.

This was the last
day of shooting, wasn't it?

GAD; N0.

- Are you sure?
- Positive.

The hospital.
It was.

It was not
the last day of shooting.

The very last day of shooting
was the other hospital scene

with the boys later on.

That... We did it
all on the same day.

We did this in the morning
and that in the afternoon.

- Did we?
- Yeah.

I just remember the boys
being in the hospital.

Remember everyone
was goofing around?

And, you know, I made the all-campus
team a couple times in football.

I was an all-conference
nose tackle.

Everyone was...

Everyone was hugging
each other.

It was sad.

It was really sad.
It was like going to camp.

You know, the old-timers
versus the groomsmen.

What do you say?

I think that's
quite the invitation, Ed,

but there's
so much going on.

I just feel like
there's not enough time.

Oh, what's
the matter, Bic?

Afraid of getting your asses
kicked by some old-timers?

I don't think so, Pops.

All things considered, not
that bad for a Shotgun Intro.

Not that bad? I just set
Gretchen's grandmother on fire.

Wrong. We sacrificed Grandma
for the sake of the mission.

I feel terrible.

Feelings are irrelevant
in the big con.

What's important is that
our cover wasn't blown.

Every test that we encounter
will be the same, pass or fail.

As long as we pass, it
doesn't matter how we do it.

I still can't believe they
actually bought all that.

People believe because they
have no reason not to.

We're going to have to
be on top of our game.

That family was sharp.

Come on,
we've to go.

I've got some really important
people waiting on us.

This is the intro
to all of the groomsmen.

You're losing weight,
fat ass.

Oh,
he had to lose weight.

And Josh's
brilliant Gooniesjoke.

Who are these people?
What, are you kidding?

This is just an
example of the, um, R-ratedness

and where you're allowed to have the
freedom to just say whatever you want.

And we talked about how the fact
that this guy's got a dark past

and he raped dudes
in prison.

But if you throw
a tuxedo on him,

there's nobody
better than him.

Just the idea is so crazy.

Every time.

"Every time."
"Every time."

I love the backstory that all of
these guys created for themselves.

For one thing, it looks like
the entire cast of Goonies

grew up and became rapists.

This one in particular
looks like

he just broke out of
a federal fucking prison.

What you need to do is keep
it down because he did.

And he raped
a lot of men in there. Yes.

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus.

I love the backstory
that he's the rapist.

Like, we managed to
get away with making a movie

where there is a rapist

- who's a likeable guy.
- Yeah.

Who, like,
you love. It's like...

He's a man-rapist.

Prison man-rapist.

Who throws kids
into baseballs.

Yeah.
And he doesn't wanna rape.

He doesn't wanna
rape guys anymore.

GARELICKI He has to.

I remember the boys ate
so many chicken wings

and yet none of it made...

That one shot made it
and everybody got sick.

The next scene was
the most challenging scene.

This scene
is cut so insanely,

because the line...

Can you do
Jenifer in this scene?

"Hey!" She could
not say the words, "Provo, Utah."

It was... It eluded her,
for whatever reason.

So every single take,
it was,

"From Provo,
Utah."

"From Bonjo, Bubah."

She also had an
issue with, like, the props.

- There was some issue with the props.
- Yeah.

She is so funny.
Oh, God.

I have to say, all these
guys seem a little off,

butyou
at least look normal.

Oh, thanks, Doug...

This look that Josh gives
right here, is one of my favorite...

One of my favorite
moments in the whole movie.

Just that
look right there.

You're a vegan.

You're also working on your first
book called The Way of Wonder.

I keptjoking
around with Jeremy,

'cause I had, like, two lines
for every Kevin Hart 200 lines,

that at times I felt like I was making
a kabuki film for all my faces.

"The Hundred Looks
of Josh Gad."

I was like,

"Jeremy, I'm running out of
faces to do in this movie."

Well, it's not funny.

I'm supposed to crush ass.

I told him he was
going to crush ass.

- Argh!
- Listen up.

Double check your measurements
and perfect your PTD's, guys.

We didn't have a... We
never had a good PTD for Kevin,

which I regret.

Um, he did... We just improv-ed
a couple on the spot.

And we couldn't
really use them,

'cause they didn't
come out that funny.

What would his PTD be?

I don't know. I mean, we just...
'Cause I never even...

We never wrote it into the
script that he had one.

- And he should've given the example.
- I smell a sequel.

What his party trick distraction is.

The Party Trick Distraction.

Actually, you could've
gotten a good laugh

by giving me a PTD, too,
that I have to...

- It's true.
- Jesus!

You really left a lot on the
table with this one, Jeremy.

God damn.

Look at this.

He gets good cuts.

You cut away from him
every five seconds,

'cause there was no take that you
could just...

He kept screwing
this monolog up.

This has never
been done, gentlemen.

Let's go make some
fucking history, huh?

This is my
favorite part of the movie.

- Have I said that for every scene?
- Yeah, you kind of have.

What I love
about this is that you're...

You're having, like, a friendship
montage, where you're all...

You're getting
to know each other

and you're becoming friends...

By faking it. Right. .
..by faking becoming friends.

And you're creating
this history together.

And we have
this amazing song

that's playing right now
about friendship. Um...

There's no reason for him to be
in the wheelchair at this time.

Itjust... He's getting...
He's practicing it.

They brought
the wheelchair on the ice.

Oh, it was so
freezing out there.

He brings
the wheelchair on the ice.

Another. There's no
reason for them to...

They could have
just rented a lane.

But, instead, had to, like,
steal a lane.

This was just so fun.

It was just these guys getting
to know each other and...

Were there any others
that we cut?

No.
We got everything.

What are you doing?

It's a trick
I learned in Vietnam.

Oh, my God.
What are you doing?

Just prepping for
a little bit of this.

Tahiti?

Voted the number-one

most romantic
honeymoon destination.

That's amazing!

It's going to be incredible.

Oh, my gosh. Honey, that's...

Hey, what has gotten
into you this week?

I've just never
seen you so frisky.

I just feel really good
about everything.

We're getting married
on Saturday.

It's exciting. Your friends
are gonna be there.

My friends are
all gonna be there.

Ijust hope
it all goes smoothly.

Ichecked
the 10-day forecast.

So what's really important
for me was to make sure that

we were rooting for
this wedding to happen

from the start of the movie,
and we really...

'Cause we wanted these
guys to pull off the con.

We wanted them to succeed.

So I really wanted
to be subtle

with Kaley, um,

as to when
we start to not really

want them to
end up together.

And this was the point in the
script where that happened.

Okay, this was
entirely improv.

This, we had one camera
and half an hour,

and all these guys just came
up with all this stuff,

which was just ridiculous.

I'm a doctor.
What type?

Podiatrist.
ls that right?

I think that's right.
That's what it says?

Yeah. I'm a kid doctor.

This... This is literallyjust
funny people sitting in a room

with a camera
and a microphone.

My name is Hobie Plunkett
and I collect...

Playbills.
Cabbage Patch Kids?

No, man, it's exotic pets,
you dumb motherfucker.

Dumb? You can't even say
"Patagonia," you idiot.

Garvey's family
owns a "blank" farm.

Chinchillas.

Nice.

Hey, come on, we have to
hammer out this toast, man.

Right.

They're going to want to
know why she's "the one."

It's like a band playing
their most popular song.

The crowd is just
waiting to hear it.

Let's start with
the first time you saw her.

Oh, she was
wearing a dress.

And she was pretty.

That's it? Why are you marrying her?
Why are you in love with her?

What makes her different than any
other girl that you ever met?

She talked to me.
She talked to you?

What? Yeah, seriously. Her dad
was a client at the firm.

I had seen her
a couple of times,

but she never gave me
the time of day.

And then one day I ran into
her, and it was just different.

She knew my name, she asked
me to go get a sandwich.

You're not helping me.
You have to dig deep.

Like, "From across the
room, she looked at me

"and I swear it was like
slow motion.

"All the room stood still. I closed
my eyes and I reached out my hand,

"and in return,
I got a soul.

"And that's when I knew
that we were soul mates."

That's what I need, Doug.

But that's not real.

All right, Tonto.
Do you want to see real?

I was on a, um...

I had a show-and-tell
from our props guy.

And he showed me
all sorts of different bongs.

'Cause we just had
to have a bong there.

And he showed me
a coconut bong.

And I was like, "Let's go
with the coconut bong."

And then I remember
my college roommate Jake.

He had this... He used to play the
Lime in the Coconut song all the time.

Sol immediately called our music
supervisor, Spring Aspers,

and I said, "Can you clear
Lime in the Coconut

"for us to sing
'weed in the coconut?"'

And then...

I remember
looking at you

when you brought up
the whole coconut thing

and being like,
"This is the weirdest,

"most specific
comedic beat

"I've ever heard
somebody pitch."

And it wasn't like
it was in the script.

No, 'cause it came
after I saw the prop.

Wait, wait, wait. Before we
do the "weed in the coconut,"

I just wanna say I think
that this is one of the most

inspired conceits
in the movie

that lgnacio's
character is,

we think,
an effeminate gay.

Then we think
he's straight.

And then this is revealed.

That he's actually...
He is gay.

But he's masculine gay.

Nachos?

The guy's getting
married in a week

and you're gonna
offer him nachos?

Look at him! What do you think
cheese is going to do to him?

I thought
they wanted nachos.

Use your fucking head.

I'm going to take some.
Sit down, Jimmy!

Itried.

So now going back to
the "weed in the coconut."

I was entirely convinced
that this wouldn't work.

And at first, it was just supposed
to be the three of us singing.

And I looked at you and I go,
"I wanna try something weird."

I don't even think you
said, "I wanna try something."

I think you just did it on a take
and it lit up. Immediately, I...

Everyone started laughing
and I was like...

And it was almost like Josh was
just playing around, like...

- Like fucking around.
- Yeah.

And immediately
I'm like, "No."

And then we shifted the scene.
I was like, "We need to..."

And we did it 100 times.

♪ You put the weed
in the coconut ♪

It was so hard
for Kevin and Josh...

For Kevin and Ignacio
not to laugh.

We kept doing it,
'cause they kept laughing.

Oh, God. That was so funny.

Uh, the infamous
dance scene.

This was another scene where
God blessed Jeremy Garelick.

Kevin and I
were both like...

At first... When you first
presented this to us,

by the way,
lest I remind you,

there were about 10 dance sequences
that you wanted us to do.

- Like, the dance sequence was much longer.
- Yeah.

And Kevin and I looked
at each other.

We were working with a...

Like an, I don't know,
official choreographer

from So You Think You Can
Dance or something like that.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
A crazy choreographer.

GARELICKI Travis Wall.

Travis had us in a...

In a confined room
for two or three days,

working on these dances
and...

Kevin was sick when we
first rehearsed that, too, remember?

It was Josh rehearsing
and Kevin laying on the couch.

This happens a lot with Kevin.

- Oh, brilliant, Josh Peck, destroyed.
- Josh Peck.

Most of this was improv.

But, yeah, so we were...
I was very concerned.

Kevin and I were both like,

"Uh, wait. So you want
two grown men

"doing a 10-minute dance
onscreen together.

"And you think
this will work, why?"

And once again
Jeremy proved us wrong.

The idiot savant won again.

Gotta be honest, I...

A lot of times,
I had no idea.

I was just like, "I don't know.
Let's just do it."

It's so wonderful
to watch this scene

with an audience
every time.

It's just...
It brings the house down.

My favorite part about this
scene is, um, the fact that my cantor

and my bar mitzvah teacher

and my father-in-law
was a wedding singer.

And was a wedding singer
for not only my bar mitzvah,

but also several of the
weddings that I've been to.

And I wrote this part
in for him, like, years ago.

Before I knew you and Kevin.

He killed it.

That's him right there.

Josh Peck is so funny.

He's so good.

This was Day 2 or 3...

There was a great Hitler
improv, too, that he had in that...

What was that?

"As Adolf
Hitler once said..."

"As Adolf Hitler
once said..."

As he's trying to find
the words in the script.

Steve Greene of
SteveGreeneComedy,

another famous YouTube star.

These guys were
so special, um,

with their commitment
to learning how to dance.

And they did
such a good job.

We brought in two amazing
dance doubles,

who were fantastic.

And I think there's one shot
of those guys in the film.

Yeah, I'm very happy
the way this turned out.

Come on, you lead.

No, I don't want to lead.

Okay, then, fine,
be the chick, Doug.

The one that gave me
the most trouble,

unsurprisingly,
was the Dougie.

- This was Day 3 of shooting.
Mmm-hmm.

I remember being so nervous,

I was like, "How are we
starting this shoot off

"with two days of this?"

Twelve years
of dance lessons.

My mom said, "One day,
they would come in handy."

I wanted to do...
See that chandelier in there?

I wanted to do this stunt...

I remember that.

...where you do the Dirty
Dancing thing and Josh lifts Kevin up,

and Kevin gets caught in the
chandelier and starts hanging,

and the chandelier falls.

But we would have
had to take a lot more

product placements
in order to do that.

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah

♪ Teach me how to dougie

♪ Teach me, teach me
how to dougie

♪ Teach me how to dougie

♪ Teach me, teach me
how to dougie

♪ All my women love me

♪ AII my...
AII my women love me

♪ All my women love me

♪ You ain't messing
with my dougie ♪

It's just
so fun to watch.

- I know.
- You know what it is,

I think there's a difference,
sometimes, between fun and funny.

Yeah.
And you can enjoy fun

as much as you
can enjoy funny.

It's true.

This scene never
gets old for...

This movie doesn't
get old for me.

I enjoy watching it
every time.

♪ La, Ia, Ia, Ia

You bastard.

"You bastard."

♪ La, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia, Ia ♪

This is just ridiculous.

Peter Gilroy.

He had
some very funny...

He was very, very funny.

Unfortunately, um, he's in
the three-and-a-half-hour cut.

This was the one that was
the hardest for Kevin and I.

But it was great.

I think that's the shot
with the double, right there.

Then, this next scene, for me,
is the most special one in the movie,

because itjust
allows Kevin and I to...

After what has, up to this
point, been a very loud film,

Jeremy trusts the movie enough
to just quiet it all down

and let two guys talk

and reveal everything the audience
needs to know about themselves

and how they got to
this place in their lives.

This is actually
a true story.

That's how... That's where the
idea came from for the movie.

I just put it right in.

...the bride's brother,

and this Filipino
exchange student.

And it was so sad, Doug.

Everybody is thinking,
"Why in the hell

"would this woman
marry this loser?"

So, I grab the microphone and
ljust get to talking about

how we climbed the Himalayas,
how we fished for sharks,

how this guy saved me in
a barroom brawl one time.

So much bullshit.

And I look over and I see the bride.
She's got his arm, Doug.

She's got his arm so tight
and she's glowing.

Because she's marrying
this amazing guy.

This man comes up
to me and goes, "Wow.

"L would pay money

"to have somebody talk like
that about me at my wedding."

Light bulb.

That's the day that this
wedding hustle was born.

That's the day that I
became The Wedding Ringer.

Now, I don't want you to think
that I'm some sort of schmuck

who doesn't have
any friends.

No.

You know, my father,

he was an international
tax attorney, right?

So, we moved around
all the time.

I went to 13 different
schools by the eighth grade.

I lived on four
different continents.

And after a while
ljust figured,

"Why even make
friends anymore?

"L'm just going to have to move, anyway.
What's the point?"

And then, when my dad died,
I took over the business.

I was just working so much.
I was working too much.

Am I a loser?

No.

This is what you have
to understand, Doug.

Some people are just loners.

It's that simple, man.

Maybe I don't
want to be.

Maybe I just want someone
to grab a beer with,

to go on
a cool guy trip with.

You've never been
on a guy trip, Doug?

Cabo, Cancun, spring break? You've
never done anything like that?

I never really had
anyone to go with.

Good night, Tonto.

I gotta say,
it feels really good

to have somebody
looking out for me.

I got your back, man.

I like that.
And I got your back, too.

Hey,DOug.

I like you, man.
I think you're a great guy.

I just want you to remember that
this is a business relationship.

It doesn't mean that we're
going to be best friends.

That's not how
this story ends.

I'm just an employee with a job to do.
I get it.

You're not my best friend.
You're just my best man.

In one week,
Bic will be on a plane

headed back to
the Middle East.

Three months from now, he'll get
killed in a tragic grenade accident

while giving an impromptu
sermon on the back of a Humvee.

It doesn't mean that we're not
going to have a good time, Doug.

I said I got it.

You're anybody's best friend for a
price, but nobody's when it counts.

I ♪

ls everything okay?
What's the matter with you?

I don't know.

Well, now.

I never expected
the "Jimmy Callahan"

to get all soft-eyed
over a client.

No, no, it's not like that.

All I do is go
from job to job,

saving these losers
with no friends.

Losers?

Come on, Jimmy.

They're not losers.
They're just guys.

They don't share their private,
deep emotional feelings

with each other
like women do.

Women are nurturers.

We sit and listen to
each other's problems.

Which is why we're
always so miserable,

from all that
goddamn listening.

You should
count your blessings.

I still think
they're losers.

Well, maybe you're right. But
let me ask you this, Jimmy.

If you ever found a woman
crazy enough to marry you,

who would be your best man?

$4“

See, this all started because you
wanted to make a guy feel good.

Do you remember how good you felt
the first time you did this?

Well, you've lost that.

You've become jaded
with all your rules.

You forgot what got you into this
business in the first place.

Your ability to be a friend,

to change someone's life.

Now, Jimmy,
we have less than a week

to pull off
the first ever Golden Tux.

So, I'm going to need you to
stop crying like a little girl,

strap on a pair,

stop wasting time
feeling sorry for yourself,

and let's bring
this shit home.

So we didn't have
enough money for stunt doubles,

so Josh did all of
his own stunts here.

That's right.

This was the day
I broke my face.

You know what?
It's funny, I remember

having a discussion
with Josh right there

about that ball kick.

I was like, "You know what?
Let's cut the ball kick.

"L think it's not
gonna be funny."

Josh's like, "You gotta
do the ball kick."

I was like,
"All right, let's shoot it."

And then we shot it
and it was funny.

- It was great.
- Good job, Josh.

He was wearing
a little ball pad.

That is one of
the greatest stunts ever.

Yeah. We were really
concerned Josh might get hit here.

I wasn't.

I know the power.

What's so funny
is that he doesn't get hit,

then he just falls right on that curb.

Man, we shot...

We shot this bachelor party

over the course of two long,
insane nights in Torrance.

How much fun
was this shoot?

It was the most
fun ever. I mean...

This...
This was truly a party.

It was truly a party.

Featuring
Aloe Blacc's hit song

that Jeremy's obsessed with.

Those t-shirts... I remember we
were designing those t-shirts.

They're so funny.
Do you have one of those?

I don't. I want one.

We gotta get
some of those t-shirts.

Oh, Nicky Whelan, arguably one
of the most beautiful women on earth.

Yeah, this was a hard
day at work for Josh. GAD: Yes.

Every time my wife watches this film
with me, she gives me just a scowl,

when she sees this.

Oh, this is happening.
Shh.

Okay, so,
here's the deal.

I think
she's jealous that

we've never done anything
in a bounce house.

When everybody walked
in for auditions for this role,

there was nobody
quite right.

There just was nobody
quite right.

And when Nicky walked in,

there wasn't even...
It was immediate.

I was like, "lt's you.
Let's... It's you."

And Clint asked
if she can speak...

If Nicky could speak
a foreign language.

And I called Nicky, I said, "Can
you speak a foreign language?"

And she said, "No, but I can learn...
I can learn something."

I'm like, "Good." I told Clint
she could speak Italian.

So she learned how to do it.

♪ Seen my man Sei
that I knew from the projects

♪ Said he had beef,
asked me if I had my piece

♪ Sure do
I'm a bad boy

♪ Niggaz wanna front, who
got your back? ♪ Biggie

♪ Niggaz wanna flex
Who got the gat? ♪

There's our rapist
right there, raping Josh.

I mean, this is a bachelor
party that I would have had,

if it was my bachelor party.

It's so good.

We wanted to do
a sort of spin on

the classic '80s
mud-wrestling scenes.

So I thought it would be funny,
ifwe just lost the girls.

There's so many great homages
to the '80s in this movie.

I think that's why
I love it so much.

"Where did
all the girls go?"

It was freezing
in that chocolate.

By the way,
this genuinely hurt.

I grew up
in a batting cage

and, um, ljust thought
this would be funny

if we all ran across
the batting cage.

Oh, man.

All right.
What is happening here?

Oh, yes.
And then we get to Fletcher.

The famous
Fletcher scene.

Nadia.
No!

Nadia! Nadia!
We got through this already.

You smell so sweet.

Ohh!

GAD; N0...

No, uh, large member has been
called into question this much,

since, um, the end
of Boogie Nights,

and I will tell you
right now.

lthink
on the, um...

- There's Fletcher.
- There he is.

Poor dog has
retired from acting,

since this movie was made.

My fraternity dog's
name was, uh, Fletcher.

And that's where
that name came from.

This is...
Just a disgusting dog.

This dog...

Nobody ever
cleaned Fletcher.

Why are you
licking so rapidly?

It was not
harmed in any way.

Except the trauma
of having to do

what it's been told
to do in this movie.

This dog was trained since
the time it was four years old

to lick...

Oh, shit!

When you pull, it hurts!

Stick a finger
in his ass!

Not my ass,
the dog's ass!

You know,
we were never gonna do that.

And then, um...
I thought we would never

be able to get away
with showing it.

And I, uh... When we were
in prep, lwas like,

"Maybe we should just
Mmm-hmm.

"Just because...
Whatever."

And didn't you have to sign a waiver
or something? I forgot what it was.

I had to
sign something.

I was like,
"We're probably never

"gonna be allowed
to do it anyway."

But then we were like, "Let's
just shoot it. Why not?"

And it turned out
to be a big laugh.

This sequence made me laugh
so much when we were shooting it.

Whoa, whoa!
Red light, red light!

- What the fuck was that?
- Was that a cop?

No, it was just a cab.

Shit! We have open
bottles in here.

I can't go back to jail!
I'm tired of fucking dudes!

You were the rapist?
Finish your bottles!

Everybody, chill out!
Put the bottles down,

put your drugs away.
Do you hear me?

The guys in this
scene are so funny.

"I'm only 15." All that...
All that was improv.

Oh, God,
Marci's going to kill me.

You're going to get through this,
man. This isn't going to be long.

This cop's flashlight
kept breaking

every single time
we shot this.

That cop
is Rawson Thurber,

director of Dodgeball, We're the
Millers, and a good friend of mine,

and, um,
isn't really an actor.

But, the guy who was
supposed to do this,

like, fell out,
literally, the day before.

And he looks like a cop.

Rawson does
look like a cop.

God,
the flashlight outtakes.

Have you seen
the flashlight outtakes?

Yes, it's hysterical.

Oh, God.
Ritchson is killing me.

God, I wish we
had the long version

of this scene
in the movie, too.

I do, too.

There's so much fun
stuff that's not in the movie.

Is that a dog?

Yeah. Why is his mouth
on your genitals?

Oh, God.

Lou, what the fuck
are you doing?

What in the fuck, Lou?

Stop the car,
you old dick!

Lou, watch the Buick
on your right!

Do you have to hit
every single meter, Lou?

- Come on, what are you doing, Lou?
- No guts, no glory!

It's a one-way street! I know!
It's the way I'm going!

- Look out!
- Stop the car!

- I hate you, Lou!
- Fuck, Lou, stop!

Lou, this is
a closed road!

You're going
the wrong way, Lou!

I don't have
a fucking seat belt on, Lou!

Holy shit!
There's a gap in the bridge!

- We're all going to die!
- Oh, my God!

No!

$4“

$4“

Oh, my God!

We made it!

Yeah!
Suck on this, copper.

Nadia.

Hey. You waited
all night for me?

You know, last night,

that was the greatest
night of my entire life.

I don't think I've ever felt a
connection to anybody like that before.

I know you can't
understand any of this.

But I...
Tonto.

How is it hanging?

I'm kind of numb.

What did they do?

Oh, they put some stitches
in your penis head.

The doctor said
you'll be okay, though.

Come on, kiss her goodbye.

I've gotta go. It was really
great getting to know you.

$4“

It was great
getting to know you, too.

Wait. You speak English?

Thanks for having me
out again, Jimmy.

Doug here
is a real keeper.

Call me sometime. Maybe we
can catch a Dodger game.

"Dodger game" is
code-word for fucking.

Fellows.

Where's Lou?

Lou had to go away
for a while.

He said it was
worth it, though.

Burn this.

$4“

I haven't felt this good,
this happy since...

Since ever.

Did you take one of those pills
Plunkett was handing out?

The ones that looked like Altoids?
Yes! Did you take one?

Yeah, I took one.
What did I tell you?

You said don't take anything
that looks like drugs.

Then why did you take it?
Becauseit looked like an Altoid.

It wasn't an Altoid, Doug.

Nah, I realized that
soon after.

I said, "Stay your ass away from
Plunkett." Didn't I tell you that?

Now, I know
none of this is real,

but it's good to
be one of the guys.

It really is.

$4“

Come on. Let's go
get you cleaned up, man.

So, uh, let's just go and
knock this thing out, man.

We'll make you look great,
rock your wedding,

send you off to Tahiti so you
can blow Gretchen's back out.

Knock her back loose.

And then, we ship Father Bic
off to his untimely death.

I was thinking about what you asked
me the other day about Gretchen.

Mmm-hmm.

And on our third date,
she said something

about wanting to
start a family,

how she was
ready to have kids.

And I don't know,
ever since I lost my family,

I've always wanted
to make one of my own.

Hey, do me a favor.

Be very gentle with my car.
I've seen your car...

Ain't nobody gonna
mess up this shit.

0K3)'-

Why don't you go put
some ice on your dick?

Yeah.
No kidding, right? God.

Hello.
I got a problem.

I can't be there
on Saturday.

What are you
talking about, Garv?

Marci's dad found a butt plug
in the glove compartment.

She knows I'm working
with you again.

I had to promise to fix the kitchen
cabinets to get her to calm down.

No. You're going to be there.
Do you hear me?

I'll call Marci myself. ls
that what you want me to do?

I'll tell her about Kokomo.

Lurch,
where are you?

Look, Jimmy, come on.
No, don't "Look, Jimmy" me.

I'm not playing the
"Look, Jimmy" game.

No, we all made a pact.

You said the kitchen cabinets
would be done by today.

Just tell Marci that you'll do
the kitchen cabinets on Sunday.

Jimmy, go die in a fire!
I hate you.

I hope your dick
gets chopped off.

Roger Delta Niner.

And may God bless
whoever else is on this.

Hey.
Who is Jimmy?

Jimmy is actually a tag.

It's a tag name.
Military code.

Military code?

So,lsupposel
shouldn't pry into

the meaning of "kitchen
cabinets" then, either.

For your safety, no. I would
kind of leave it alone.

All right, I'll see
you at the rehearsal dinner.

See you then.

Father.
Okay.

Oh, God.

Six violins,
two violas, two cellos,

one contrabass,
one electric bass,

two guitars, one drum set,
and I'll be singing.

And your first dance
will be to what song?

To our song,
You Are So Beautiful.

That's by Joe Cooker.
Thanks.

My favorite scene
in the entire movie,

Jeremy had the balls
to cut out,

which was a long monolog

explaining, uh,
what exactly happened

between Kaley and
her favorite boyfriend

during this sequence.

And Kaley was
a tour de force.

And that needs to be on the
extras, 'cause she's incredible.

...because you've told me
this story about five times.

So...

Jeff Ross, I've been a
fan of for, probably, 20 years.

Jeff Ross.

I know him from the
New York City comedy circuit.

Come on,
the guy is

so freakin' crazy funny,

ifsinsane.

He came... I wanted
him to be a groomsman.

I knew I wanted
him in the movie.

I wanted him to be
a groomsman, but I, um...

He just felt, like, a little bit
out of place for the groomsman.

I called him,
I said, "Would you want

"to be a band leader,
to play Hal Lane?

"It's so funny.
It's a funny part."

He is Hal Lane.
He said he would love it.

His grandfather
was a band leader.

Yeah.

And he took
so much pride in it.

This was
the Inglourious Basterds shot.

Did you always plan to
have Kevin lookinthelens?

GARELICKI Yeah.

Now, this... This scene, the
most magical scene in the movie.

Jeremy had always wanted
rain for this scene.

But, of course,
nobody would sponsor rain.

So I called God.

And suddenly for the
first time in, like, a year,

it started raining out of nowhere
in the middle of Los Angeles.

They had already brought in mud
from elsewhere to the field.

So now it's raining,
creating wetter mud.

It's freezing outside.

John Riggins
right there,

- knocking them down.
Uh-huh.

John Riggins,

Joe Namath,
"Too Tall" Jones.

Ed "Too Tall"
Jones gets the catch.

Incredible group.

Playing alongside
Hall of Famers.

John Riggins, um, he had
had MCL surgery three weeks before,

so he called me,
he was like,

"Listen, ljust want to tell
you I can't run around."

And, um, I said, "Don't worry.
You just have to stand there.

"You're stunt doubles
will do everything."

So his stunt double went
to lay a block on Josh.

And John's like,

"You know what? Let me try one.
Let me try one."

And then
he went and hit...

And, uh, John Riggins
can throw a hit.

Riggins is incredible.
All these guys.

What the fuck?
I'm in a wheelchair!

He's in
a wheelchair!

This was
the greatest day...

This was my
favorite day of shooting.

It's one of my favorite
days of shooting. Ever.

Blue dog left, Omaha!

Joe Namath.

I was just yelling things
for Joe Namath to say.

And I don't think
he was thinking,

he was just repeating
what I was saying.

- So funny.
- And it was so funny.

You're such a fucking
embarrassment.

Your
father-in-law is a dick.

- Oh, God, 72 just bit me!
- All right, that's it.

And then, of course,
Jeremy had the inspired idea

to put one of my favorite songs
in the history of cinema

into this sequence.

You're The Best Around
from Karate Kid.

Which, every time,
gives me goose bumps.

Nice
little serving.

This was just...

Oh, God. Wejust wanted it
to be muddy and disgusting.

And we just wanted our guys to just
kick these old guys' ass.

It's so violent.

It's so inappropriately violent.

I love when Josh...

My favorite moment
is when Josh

just flat out punches the guy in the face.

OLDER PLAYER 13 Hut one.

Fumble!

I've got the ball!
I've got the ball!

This way, Doug!

Kevin Hart, by the way, refused
to put any mud on his face.

Much like he refused to
come in this morning,

'cause he's too sick-y.

He's got tummy ache.

Josh was such a trouper. You
were such a trouper on these days.

I know it was not...

I get this is not
your cup of tea,

you felt more
comfortable dancing.

But you were such a trouper.

- And you were amazing.
- It was fun.

It was
freezing and cold.

And everybody threw me
in the mud afterwards.

I was so excited.

Now that's got to
be a... What did you...

Did you guys use that shot
from something else?

Oh, no.
We shot everything.

- There were birds on our field?
- Yeah.

100%.100%.

Mad, um...

One of the things that I had is,
I always had an extra camera

picking up
anything around...

- That's great.
- ...at all times.

That's what a good director does,
Jeremy, you learned really quick.

It was an accident,
by the way.

Now, I had to get to a
Bon Jovi concert this night

to take my wife
for her birthday.

And we were,
like, losing light quickly.

And because of
the conditions on the field

and because of my, let's just
say, lack of athleticism,

it was very hard for me to catch
the football.

So we kept having to, uh, do
it take after take after take.

And then finally, like, literally
as the light went down,

we finally got the one that
we used on camera, on film.

This is homage to, uh, some of
my favorite football movies of all time.

The Rudy music
is just...

- It always... It really does.
- It makes you cry.

I love that you just so openly use
homages... GARELICK: From everywhere.

But it's great.

You know,
we kept on...

This was the temp score
that was in there.

And we kept on trying to find
new score and make new score.

And every single time, I'm like,
"lt's not as good as Rudy."

Becauseitu
When you hear this music,

- it takes you back to...
- Yeah.

- ...that same emotional...
- It's true.

I actually saw a guy crying
in a theater once during this

and it made me
laugh so hard.

His girlfriend
just broke up with him.

He's
just genuinely like...

Yeah, something
happened at home.

I may have cried last
night during this, by the way.

It's so good.
You were the guy.

Mmm-hmm.

I love the matching.

All of our
wardrobe people were

talking about how to match all the mud.

I was like, "Don't worry
about it. It'll be fine."

No matching
going on.

To all you
directors out there,

don't worry about matching
anything or continuity,

it doesn't matter.

$4“

I'm so happy
for you, man.

You're not a bitch!

$4“

I told you
guys to be careful.

I knew someone would get hurt.
Look at this.

Well, to be fair,
we were just having fun

until your dad
and his friends

decided to make it
an MMA blood sport.

- Don't pin this shit on me.
- Hey, hey, now.

Hey!

Oh, my God. Who the
hell are those guys?

What are you talking about?
Those are my friends.

That's Principal
Mitchell Rambis from Utah.

In the wheelchair,
that's Plunkett.

And that's the brilliant
philosopher, Ira Drysdale.

No. No, no.

That's the strangest
looking group

of guys I've ever
seen in my life.

What do you mean? Those are my boys.
What's up, man?

How are you doing, Doug?

My, this has been a long
time coming, hasn't it?

Palmers, it's an honor.

Mrs. Palmer, I see
where Gretchen gets her

good looks.

Thank you.

Gretchen.
Yes.

On.

It's a pleasure finally meeting
the love of Doug's life.

Thank you. Hey, Grandma...
What the...

Oh, wait, Bic,
I meant to tell you,

Grandma made
a full recovery.

She's doing really well.
Doesn't she look good, guys?

Yeah.

That's something else to look at there.
It's very pretty.

$4“

What are you doing?
Nothing.

What are you feeding him? Oh,
what are you talking about?

That. He wasn't like that
until you showed up.

That's the Doug
that I know.

I've never seen
that Doug before.

Hi, everyone.
Hi. I'm Holly Munk.

I'm the head bridesmaid.

Twenty bucks says
they wrote a song.

$40 says it's The Carpenters.
You're on.

You're on.

You're onner.

You're on first.
You're more on.

You're on from God.

You're never going to
believe this, Gretch,

but we wrote you a little ditty.

Yes. And if everyone wants
to look under your seats,

you're going to
find the lyrics

so that everybody can sing along.

And we're singing
to the tune of

Lean on Me.

Pay up, Father.

I don't have any cash.
I only have credit.

Do you take credit cards?
Oh, no, I only take cash.

Oh, excuse me, Ms. Maid of Honor.
What?

Are you going to chat
all night or are you

going to come up
and sing with us?

Do you think you're too good?
No, this is your guys' thing.

What, do you
think you're too pretty?

God always wins.

That's why you're going up there.
God is a winner.

Let's go, bitch. Come on.
I'm coming.

J' It's that time
in your life

♪ Bum-bum
I When you wear something blue

♪ Bum-bum

♪ And something borrowed

♪ Gretchen was dumped

♪ By handsome Steve

♪ We'll just hit up the Supper
Club And make some mistakes ♪

How long did we rent the place for?
Sing it!

♪ Do you remember I

Oh, Christ.

♪ Baton twirling I

That's the end of the song.
Oh, thank God.

Since none of us
are songwriters,

we decided to put together
a little slide show

to toast our buddy.

He was stealing ladies' hearts
since long before we knew him.

His friendship
came with an instant

half-point boost
to all our GPA's.

You never could
crack 2.5, Dickerson!

You got me there, buddy.

He also taught us things

that you can't learn
in a classroom.

- Whether it was bowling at regionals.
- Aw.

Running the Santa
Monica Marathon.

It was a close
call with the Kenyan.

You ran?
Yeah.

Navigating the rapids
of Colorado.

Scuba diving
the Great Barrier Reef.

What?

Climbing the glaciers

of Patagonia.
Hmm.

Jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet.

Help him out, guys.
You got it?

Yeah.

After I was hit
by a drunk driver

who was found innocent,

it was Doug
who helped me pay

for my law school tuition.

Aw.

That's so sweet.

It was you.

That's okay.

The only thing that
gets hard is my nipples.

Oh, dear.

Let's get him out of here.

Way to keep it
together, buddy.

I wanted to
quit grad school

until Doug told me
the story of Plunkett.

- Which inspired me to stay.
- He inspired us all.

When he wasn't
hitting those books,

old Doug-town was teaching
us all how to have fun.

- Yeah, he was.
Doug-man.

I think we saved
the best for last.

This last shot is
actually my favorite.

This was a historic guy trip
with my closest friend.

As you can see
in this picture

and in all
the other pictures,

Doug is smiling,

but I think we can
all agree that in this shot,

that smile got
a whole lot brighter.

I love you, bud.

$4“

I was a bit surprised
when I met your groomsmen.

I mean, actually, terrified.
Like, "Wah! What is that?"

But I've got to say,
they're really good guys.

Oops.

DOUG". Honey, are you there?

I'm definitely going to
have Alison be my maid of honor.

I mean, no one
can fight over that.

But, babe, what about you? Who's
going to be your best man?

Uh...

Mitchum. Bic Mitchum.

Who?

You know Bic. Bic Mitchum.

He's a buddy of
mine from Stanford.

No, I've never heard
of Bic Mitchum.

Didn't you meet Bic at that...
I met Bic?

You know, maybe on second thought,
you didn't meet Bic because, um...

Because why?
He's overseas,

uh, in the military.

Oh, you know what?
Now that you mention it...

I think you have said
something about him.

Isn't he a priest
or something?

Yeah. That's right.
Yeah, I knew it.

He's a priest overseas
in the military.

GRETCHEN". But our
Wedding's in 10 days.

But Bic's still in...

Uh, El Salvador.

Bic is flying in
tomorrow morning.

In April I was in the Middle East.
Muffin juice.

Bring him to lunch with you. No!

lam...

Oh, my God!

...dying to
finally meet this guy.

I'm dying to finally
meet all your friends.

Who the hell are those guys?
Those are my friends.

Iam still missing the
groomsmen's information.

Those are
the strangest group of guys

I've ever seen in my life.

Your friends are
gonna be there.

My friends are
all gonna be there.

Sweetie.

Hey-Hon?

Gretchen, are you there?

Doug-

Don't you think
it's a bit strange

that you use Bic razors
and Mitchum deodorant...

This is so great.
It's such a...

Once again,
a brilliant homage

to one of my favorite
movies, Usual Suspects.

And when we first shot this,
I was like, "lt's gonna be..."

You know, it was
a plot device, whatever,

but seeing an audience
respond the way they do,

when Doug finally...

When Doug finally figures out
how to play the game,

it is so wonderful,
'cause they just get it.

Most people are not
going to understand this,

but, um, he does
set up that, uh,

Dan Gill does a mean Tom Jones
and here he's doing Tom Jones.

Most people don't
get that. I didn't get this.

Nobody did. I'm the only...
That's why I'm explaining it.

♪ As she deceived me

♪ I watched and
went out of my mind ♪

And I said,
"lt's called loyalty."

I didn't teach you that.

No, that can't be taught.
You're born with that.

You look good, man.

Thank you. I wish I could
say the same for you.

So, you know,
as I'm getting dressed,

I'm thinking to myself how
insane what we're doing is.

You just started
thinking that?

Well, I mean,
she's going to be my wife.

Shouldn't I be able
to tell her the truth?

I mean, the key
to relationships

is being honest, you know?

Up to a point.

It's all about making
her happy, Doug. All right?

Come on.
Let's go get you married.

Ah.

You look good, man.

a' My, my, my, Delilah

♪ Why, why--- T

Hey, fellows.

Gather around.

Hey, hey. Guys, guys.

This is one of
the few times that

you're actually going
to hear me be honest.

Nine days ago, I didn't think
a Golden Tux was possible.

But in less than an hour,
we're going to have

200 unsuspecting guests

filling those pews to celebrate
some holy matrimony.

Which means that from this moment
on, we are flawless, gentlemen.

Have each other's
backs out there.

Support each other.

Remember your HW2's,
your boomerangs,

and your Party Trick
Distractions.

Drysdale, set it off.
What time is it?

It's game time!

I said,
what time is it?

It's game time!

Guys, guys,
I'm down here. Guys.

Douglas! Hi!
Perfect timing.

I was just telling
Papa Bear here

that we did have a
little bit of a"scandaP

with Father O'Brien.

He will not be able to
officiate the wedding.

But it's okay.
Rest assured,

I have everything
under control

because Father McNulty here,

he has agreed to step

as a replacement
of the shoes

of Father O'Brien.

HeHo,Doug.
Hi. Great to meet you.

Father McNulty is
a wonderful priest.

I'm just happy the big day's finally
here, to be honest with you.

I would love for you
to meet all my friends.

This is my best man, Bic.

Uh, Bic must have
gone a different way.

Uh, would you guys mind
going to look for Bic?

I'd love for him to be
caught up on all this.

I'm going to go
see if he's praying.

What is going on?

What the hell is
Father McNulty doing here?

How do you know
Father McNulty?

Because he was my principal
at Benjamin Rush.

I spent half my damn middle school
years in his principal's office.

Please, please tell me
that you are kidding me.

This cannot be happening right now.
I need you to fix this.

What you want me to do?
If I go out there,

he knows I'm not Bic Mitchum.
Shh.

Wait. Wait.
I think I have an idea.

Father McNulty?
Yes.

Go, go, go.

on, shit!

200 grand out the door,

I expect...
No, I demand perfection.

Yes, Mr. Palmer,
I assure you...

Listen, Menudo,
first you tell me

my family priest
is a goddamn pervert.

Now you tell me Father
McNulty has disappeared.

Mr. Palmer,
I'll take care of this.

You better or I will
fuck you up.

$4“

Shall we do this?

Do you, Gretchen Palmer,

take Douglas Ephraim
Ben Lazar Menahem Harris

to be your lawfully
wedded husband,

to have and to hold,

through sickness
and health,

till death do you part?

I do.

Do you, Douglas Ephraim
Ben Lazar Menahem Harris,

take Gretchen Palmer

to be your lawfully
wedded wife,

to have and to hold,

through sickness and health,
till death do you part?

I do.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You
may now kiss the bride.

Aw. Ladies and
gentlemen, I present to you

Mr. and Mrs. Harris.

You are about to
blow that back out.

Don't do this here.
Don't do that.

What?
Nothing.

I'm a lounge singer myself
up there in Canada.

What kind of
stuff do you sing?

That's when I knew I was
born to work on feet.

You're a podiatrist?
I'm a podiatrist.

Big deal.

Where did you
go to school?

Uh...

You don't remember?

Harvard.
I went to Harvard.

I'm really inspired by black,
American soul singers.

Nice.
Like Tom Jones.

You went to Harvard Podiatry School?
Yeah.

What years?
20.

20?

Oh, wow.
You work out, huh?

Isn't Tom Jones white?

Yeah, isn't he
from Wales?

Mom!

- I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Oh, my God.

- Well, do you want to see?
- Boom.

Yeah, three balls.
Count them.

I thought you said
you was a vegan.

Okay, that's cool.

I can do it, too.
Stop.

That's mine.

I'm proud of you, Doug. I really am.
Well, thank you, sir.

I have to say,
I learned from the master.

Hey, well,
don't celebrate yet.

We still have
more work to do.

All right, I'm going
to wait for you outside.

Ugh. Can you believe this zipper
already broke? Okay, I'm coming.

Mrs. Harris, can I talk to you for
a second? I'll get the thing.

Uh, listen,
I may be partial here,

but I just want to say
that you have put on

the perfect wedding.
Really.

Perfect wedding?

The zipper on my
$8,000 dress is broken,

the groomsmen are
accosting my bridesmaids,

my grandmother's burned from head
to toe, my dad's knee is shredded.

And don't even get me started
on the salad dressing.

But at least you have Doug.
True love conquers all.

True love?

Please. I'm just sick
of dating assholes.

Doug is a good guy,
he's good family material.

What can I say?
I'm a girl

that's used to a certain
kind of lifestyle,

and Doug can give me
that kind of lifestyle.

So, I've gotta go.

Bud, are you waiting on me?
Yeah. Yes.

Lefs, uh, get back out there, huh'?
Yeah.

Time for the first dance.
Yes, it is.

♪ You are so beautiful

rTo me

♪ You are so beautiful

rTomer

Will the rest of
the wedding party

please join the happy couple?

♪ You're everything
I hoped for

♪ You're everything I need

So, who are you really?

I'm not sure I know
what you mean by that.

There has just been some
questionable behavior

over the last
couple of days.

Like you setting my
grandmother on fire. Oh.

The secret military codes.
Mmm-hmm.

"Kitchen cabinets."

What you have to understand
is that the Lord works

in mysterious ways.

And he thanketh...

I don't know
about the Lord.

You work in
mysterious ways.

♪ Mmfll'

Thanks for the dance.
No problem.

Thank you.

I got to talk.
We got to talk.

What's the problem?
What's going on?

I think I made
a terrible mistake.

Gretchen doesn't love me.
She never has.

Stop it. Stop.
Of course, she loves you.

Why would you
even say that?

I overheard the two of you
talking, okay?

Okay, listen. Maybe she's
confused, or she has the jitters.

That's perfectly normal for a
woman at this stage, Doug.

You have to understand that.
It doesn't matter.

I don't love her, either.

I love the idea that
a girl who looks that hot

could like me.

I couldn't believe it. But
she's not "the one," Jimmy.

She's not even
"the two"

or "the three,"
for that matter.

Doug, nine days ago,
you came to me

and you asked me to
pull off a miracle.

Right now,
we're 30 minutes away

from pulling off
a Golden Tux.

I know. But then what?

Then I go back to
living what turns out

was a pretty lonely life. I
don't want that life anymore.

I don't want to be that guy.

Doug, you have to
calm down.

Everything is going
to be all right.

I don't want it
to be all right.

I want it to be great.

I want my real life to be

as fun as the one I paid for.

No shit, Doug.

You don't think
I want that? Hmm?

You don't think I want to
be a Delta Air Line pilot

or the CFO of Lubriderm

or whatever the hell
else I made up,

instead of being some guy that works
out of a renovated fucking closet?

You don't think
I would ask Alison

to come out and
have a burrito with me?

Me? With Jimmy Callahan?

Or say, "Hey, Doug, come on,
let's go have a beer next week.

"Maybe we can catch a game."

I want to do all of
that shit, but I can't.

Because I can't go out
there and tell the truth.

Because you need Bic.

Nobody needs Jimmy, man.

Okay? Not a single soul
needs Jimmy.

That's reality, Doug.

I'm going to go out here and
I'm going to make my toast,

and me and you,
we are done here.

We're done.

I suggest you get your
head back in the game.

It's showtime.

Good evening. My
name is Bic Mitchum,

and,uh,
I just want to say

that it's an honor
to be here.

I've delivered
many sermons,

but never
a best man's speech,

so, please bear with me.

Doug and I have been
through a lot together.

Happy times and sad.

When I was accepted
into the priesthood,

Doug was there waiting
for me with a huge hug

and a Bible that was
signed by Cardinal Enders.

And when his parents,
Merle and Irene,

passed,
God rest their souls,

I cried as if
they were my own.

You know, my grandmother
once told me

that the true measure
of friendship isn't...

Isn't how you feel
about someone else.

It's about how they make
you feel about yourself.

And, uh...

I can honestly say that
I've never had a friend

to make me feel
the way that you have, Doug.

Uh...

Um...

I'm sorry. Uh...

When Doug called me and told
me that he wanted to propose,

I was nervous. I was probablyjust
as nervous as he was.

And I remember asking him,

"Are you sure
she's 'the one'?"

Damn it.

He told me he, uh...

Stop!

What are you doing?
Just, uh, stop.

I don't know.

Doug.

What are you doing, Doug?

Are you sure that you want
to go through with this?

Thanks, Jimmy.
I've got it from here.

Hi. I've got
something to say.

None of this is real.

Ooh.
Uh-oh.

What?

See,aHhough
the flowers are beautiful

and the salad
dressing is great,

we're not married,

Gretchen and I.

We can't be

because my friend Bic
is not a priest.

Oh, shit, here we go.

Yeah. In fact, he's not
even in the Army.

His real name is Jimmy,

and I hired him
to be my best man

because I had
no other options.

Same with all my groomsmen.

I actually don't even know
their real last names.

Bronstein.
...is Japanese.

It's good to meet you guys.
So, please stay

and enjoy the cake.

What do we do now?

We need to get
the fuck out of here.

Yeah.
Great stuff tonight.

Thank you so much, bud.

Are you out of
your fucking mind?

Look, Gretch,
who were we kidding?

You didn't grow up
dreaming of a guy like me.

Your knight is out there somewhere.
Go find him.

I'm going to
tear your head off.

You goddamn motherfucking
pathetic piece of shit.

Sefior, let's just relax. Get
out of my way, you fairy.

Fairy?

- Love you, Dougie!
- Calm down.

You motherfuckers!

I swear to God...

What the fuck?

I will cut you!

Shit, man.

Good game, kid. That
was a hell of a catch.

on.

All right. Thanks.

Hey. No ass-touching
off the field, Joe.

I knew you were
full of shit

from the moment I met you.

I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but if you're ever in the mood,

I know a place that
has great burritos.

You just ruined
my sister's wedding

and you're asking me
out on a date?

Yes, lam.
Can I call you?

Yeah, you better.
I will.

Oh.

We were
this close, Doug.

Yeah, well,
maybe next time.

Yeah.

Oh.

Here.

This was...

This shot took us longer
than any other shot,

because the poor guy
holding the dolly was like...

GARELICKI Dale.

Dale was getting
car-sick shooting this scene.

We, literally,
Kevin and I keptjoking

that he needed
to take Dramamine.

It was like one shot... It was
supposed to be one shot.

Yeah, why?
I've got an idea.

First of all, the Steadicam
was probably like 150 pounds.

It wasn't a dolly,
he was holding it.

He was
holding a Steadicam.

"To your first guy trip."

That was
Adam Fields' suggestion.

- It was great.
- As a callback.

Uh, producer
Adam Fields said,

"You should say,
'To your first guy trip."'

And I was like,
"That's a great idea, Adam."

That is LisaNova,
who created Maker Films.

- Really?
- Yeah.

She could fund
the rest of our...

- Of our dreams.
- ...of our dreams.

I'm not
gonna lie, guys,

this is the hottest plane
I've ever been on in my life.

You like that,
don't you?

Is that a dog? You can't
have a dog on the plane.

This sets up the inevitable
sequel that Jeremy wants to make,

where we all go to Tahiti.

We had to bring the
dog back, because we can't...

You never kill a dog.

And then

I always wanted us to sing
"weed in the coconut,"

'causelthought
it was so funny.

And then Josh, once again,
came up with a brilliant...

Callback?

By the way, without even
discussing it with anybody, he just did it.

The entire plane started...

You see people
laughing up front.

And here's
my favorite line.

I got a bad feeling
about this flight.

And also
Josh Gad's line.

Yes, I did.

I'm very proud
of that line.

I'm more proud of that line
than anything else I did.

Here's the, uh,
end credits, as you can see.

Jimmy Callahan/Bic
was played by Kevin Hart.

And now, uh, Jeremy and I have
something to admit to you guys,

Kevin Hart has been
here the entire time.

Hey, guys!

- That's Kevin.
- Kevin, where...

He's just been hiding
in the back of the room,

uh, 'cause he didn't
want to talk.

Thank you guys so much
forjoining us today.

And we hope to see
you again tomorrow,

when you have
nothing else to do,

so you play this commentary
over again

and listen to it and...

And keep us company,
as we keep you company.

Thank you
very much, guys.

I think this is the best shot
scene in the movie, by the way.

It is
really good.

It is really good. Andrew
Ward, he makes, um...

He's a bee keeper, and he
actually makes his own honey.

He was our second
assistant director.

The great Valerie Bleth Sharp,
our phenomenal producer.

Val is incredible.

Our associate
producers, Chris and Nathan.

This is our great
cutter, fitter, Ian Carter.

GARELICKI Nice.

Our amazing gaffer,
Jeremy Launais.

Jeremy Launais. Jeremy
Launais was a phenomenal gaffer.

What about
our rigging gaffer?

- Really handsome man, too.
- Duncan Sobel.

And then you can't
forget the company grips.

Craig, Mark, Dustin, Frank,

- Scott.
- Scott.

And, of course,
the key rigging...

And, of course,
Bill, he gets his own...

That must make the other guys feel really
pissed off at him.

All right, guys,
thank you so much.

Thank you
very much.

Okay. Yeah.
Okay?

Put your weight
into it.

on!

You hit me in my back.

I trust you, you're not gonna do it.
Don't trust me!