The Wedding Date (2005) - full transcript

(PHONE RINGING)

KAT: Hi, this is Kat. Leave a
message and I'll call you back.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

NICK: Hi, Kat.
This is Nick Mercer.

Sorry I didn't get back to you
last night but I got your messages.

All seven of them.

I know you're nervous, Kat,
but this is what I get paid for.

I'm running late so ! sent a
messenger to pick up my ticket.

Kat, stop worrying.

Your ex-fiancé will
wish he never left you

and your family will
think we're in love.



Trust me. I'll see you at the
airport. Can't wait to meet you.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

So sorry.
I wasn't quite ready.

It's a plane ticket.

For a date. My date.

For my sister's
wedding, in London.

You need to let go.

You're gonna have to help me.

(BREATHLESS PLAYING)

Oh yeah

The daylight's fading slowly

But time with you
is standing still

I'M waiting for you only



The slightest touch
and ! feel weak

I cannot lie

From you ! cannot hide

I'm losing the will to try

Can't hide it,
can't fight it Can't hide, can't fight

So go on, go on

Come on, leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me

Until I can't deny
this loving feeling

Feeling
Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on
Go on, go on

Yeah, come on

Yeah

And if there's no tomorrow

And all we have
is here and now

I'm happy just to have you

You're ail the love
I need somehow

It's like a dream

Although I'm not asleep

! never want to wake up

Don't lose it, don't leave it
Don't lose it, don't leave it

So go on, go on

Come on, leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me

Until I can't deny this

Loving feeling
Loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on

Come on, leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me

Until I can't deny
this loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on, go on

Come on, leave me breathless

Go on, go on

WOMAN ON P.A.: ..356
to London Heathrow,

all remaining passengers
please make your way.…

KAT-. Harry, I'm not working,
I'm going to my sister's wedding.

Customer service will have
to survive without me.

But Kat, we've had three
delays and two reps call in sick.

And a 2505 on
the A CPT to LGW.

And there's this
guy on line two

who got stuck with in-laws because
we couldn't get him out of Heathrow.

I'd love to help you, sincerely,
but I haven't seen my family in two years

and my flight leaves
in 15 minutes.

Come on, Kat. Please,
I'm begging you.

Bump the 14:14
to the upper on 16:10.

What about line two?

Check my bags.

I understand, you want your family
to see you the way you see yourself,

or would,
if you didn't feel so victimized by them.

Hello!

We regret that you were inconvenienced.
Unfortunately, we are not liable.

But just this once I'll refund your ticket
and credit you 10,000 frequent flyer miles.

Thank you for calling
Virgin Atlantic.

Your first trip?

My sister's getting married
and the best man is my ex.

If I chicken out, I wanna
know where the exits are.

I'm not a Knuckler,
I fly all the time.

The reason I can't
feel my legs

is that any second my date
is gonna sit down in 3B

and I need him to
look really good today.

Hello, 3B.

Thank you.

Hey.

Kat.

Let's sit.

I'm glad you found it okay.

The airport…
The plane, I mean.

I'm sorry we couldn't leave sooner. I know
you wanted to get settled before the party.

Work must be crazy.

Oh, I should warn you.

You know those families where
everyone's out of their mind

but they're your family
so you love them?

Mine's not like that.

I love my dad.

But since he's my stepdad,
he's technically not family.

He's more like a hostage.

(SNORING)

WOMAN ON P.A.:
Ladies and gentlemen,

we will shortly be arriving
at London Heathrow.

On arrival, please
remain seated

until the seat belt sign
has been switched off.

Local time is 4:22 P.M.

and the temperature
is a warm 21…

Good morning.

That's 72 degrees Fahrenheit.

We would like to thank you
for flying with us today

and look forward to
seeing you again soon.

Oh.

Nick, please tell me you're
not wearing that tonight.

I am.

It's no big deal really, it just looks like
a tailor made your tie out of my dress.

Don't get me wrong, matching's fine. It's
matchy- matchy you wanna look out for.

We look like we're
trying too hard. Exactly.

I want us to look like we fit but not
like we're trying to look like we fit.

Let me teach you a trick.

If you look people in the eye,
they'll never notice what you're wearing.

KAT: There's no way I'm
showing up in his and her outfits

so if you're gonna wear that tie,
I have to change my dress.

Driver, will you please
pull over somewhere?

KAT: I'm sorry. I promise
this is the last one.

You must think…
Who knows what you think?

NICK: I know how important
this is for you.

But remember, you're a beautiful woman
and you've got everything going for you.

KAT: Don't patronize me.

I feel like crap but I
wanna look hot doing it.

Mission accomplished.

Really?

Don't get too attached.

I prefer the red one.

I'll let her know.

Hmm…

“Hmm, nice dress," or "Hmm.…

(IMITATING ENGLISH ACCENT)
“Gorgeous. I was insane to let you go"?

Well, I'd shag you.

If that's all right with you?

(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC)

I don't know if
I can do this.

Well, you can never be sure of
anything but we still have to go inside.

Aunt Bea!

Dear girl.

This should have been
you getting married.

You know, you didn't have
to return the gravy boat.

And to think Jeffrey
is the best man.

Have you met Nick?

How do you do?

Charming.

And what do you do?

Excuse us.

What a nightmare.

Okay, we need a story.

You're a therapist, we just started
dating and you're crazy about me.

Count it. 6,000 even.

Oh, I trust you.
No. Count it.

AI! right.

I'll cover expenses but if you want
to be intimate, we talk money first.

That won't be an issue. I find the
idea of sex for money morally repugnant.

I'm sorry. No offense.

Do me a favor,
quit apologizing.

If you look at this
as a business transaction,

maybe you won't feel compelled
to keep saying sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's also really annoying.

Sorry.

Sorry. Pussy Kat!
What happened to you?

Pull over for a quickie? Mom,
this is so not the time to be yourself.

And who might this be?

Hi. I'm the new guy.
It's great to meet you.

Lovely. This is a marathon,
not a sprint.

We've got welcome
cocktails today

then tomorrow's Young People
In The Park and Stags And Hens.

Friday's the picnic,
then the rehearsal dinner

and since you have left
no margin for jet lag,

I need you to hydrate.

Dad.
My darling.

Meet Nick.
Professor Ellis.

How do you do?

Kat?

Hey! Kat! Oooh! I'm getting married! Oh,
Kitty!

Oh, I missed you so much.

Gosh, who's the
hunky, huh? Nice.

There you are!
Get over here!

At times like these,
I find a good, stiff drink helps.

Can I get you a refill,
sir? Very kind of you.

Where did you find him?

Thank you.

Yellow Pages.

(GLASS CLINKING)

MRS. ELLIS: He/lo!

(FEEDBACK)

Sweet Jesus. Who
gave that woman an amp?

BUNNY: Hello. Hello?

Oh. Wonderful.
It's finally working.

Does everybody have a drink?
Because I am going to say a few words.

(QUIETLY THEN LOUDLY)
Welcome, friends and family…

(APPLAUSE)

BUNNY: I'm.….

Victor and ! are so happy

{hat you're here
to celebrate with us

as we welcome Edward and the
Fletcher-Wootens into our family.

We always thought that
we would marry off Kat first.

We had good reason to hope because
she was so popular with the boys at school

and we came pretty close once,

but, as you all know,
that crashed and burned.

Luckily, we were able
to get the deposit back,

so here we are again…

(PIANO CHORDS)

JEFFREY: To the
bride and groom.

Oh. Yes. Yes. Well,
back to the bride and groom to be.

Um.

Edward, we are so glad that you
fell in love with the girl next door.

Our Amy.
Congratulations, babies.

ALL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

Jeffrey.

Hello. Kat-mandu.

Wow, you look gorgeous.

Gorgeous.

TJ: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God! Top Kat! Ooooh!

Where the bloody
hell have you been?

I have gynecologists
that call more often.

You have more than one?

I play them off
against each other.

Hello, arsehole. Since you
dumped my cousin brutally,

you won't mind if I
steal her away, will you?

Thanks.

You didn't have to do that.

I wasn't saving you from him,
I was saving you from yourself.

You, my love,
are too bloody nice.

I've never seen so many
beautiful women in one room.

Did he bring a date?

Darling, why waste time
on that horse's arse

when Mr. Tie Me Up,
Tie Me Down is waiting for you over there?

What does he do?
He's a therapist.

The perils of paranoia.
Yes.

Oh, God. I think
I've just come.

Thank you.

Can I have that?

Hmm.

(MUFFLED) Thank you.

You know what I love
about all this, Kat?

There's finally a reason for
the world to revolve around you?

Exactly.

There you are.
How's the future missus?

I'm perfect,
I'm all ginny.

AMY: Thanks,
Snufflepop.

Mmm! Mmm mmm mmm!

Wow!

Am I not the luckiest
bastard on earth?

AMY: Aw! Well,
I'll dance to that.

Oh!
Oh, Jesus!

That's what he gets for
not taking dance lessons

until two days
before the wedding.

Who's ever heard of
dance lessons for a wedding?

Just about everyone.

You are taking the piss?

We'll go with you.

I don't even know you, hunky
dunky, and I love you already.

ED: Dance lessons? Hmm. Right.

Oh. Hello.
Hey.

Weddings are a celebration
of love and commitment.…

in Utopia.

In the real world they're an excuse to drink
excessively and say things you shouldn't.

A philosopher, huh?
Well, shrink.

Crikey!
What?

No, nothing.
No, tell me.

Well, you Yanks
and your therapy,

it's a load of touchy-feely
mumbo jumbo.

Spilling your guts to a total
stranger, it's not natural.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, God.

It's just…

There's this girl that I care for… Well,
I suppose you could say I love her.

The bugger is, she's here
with some other guy.

There you are.

Hey, Kat. Hey, Kat.

Oh, hey, yourself.
I see you met my ex.

I was just telling him
how we met. Mmm.

The Knicks game.
Oh, yes.

Yeah… Oh.

You hate sport.

I hate cricket.
Right, yes.

Well, I should
go and.…. Go.

He looks miserable.

What were you talking about?

He seems a little drunk but I
think he's still crazy about you.

Do I know you
from somewhere?

What did he say?
You don't…

You don't think
he wants me back?

(WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER PLAYING)

Love started making sense

! always make mistakes
at my expense

Love has placed a seed

And you're the sun
that shines down upon me

Yeah, when we are together

And when we are apart

Are you okay?

Here we are.
Thank God!

Oh!
Thanks, Mom.

There you are, darling.
Thanks, Dad.

God!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Thanks again
for having me.

Don't be silly. It's
wonderful to meet you.

Although technically,
I never knew you existed.

Come on, Bunny.
I love surprises.

Where's Nick sleeping?

My mother has this rule about
sharing when there's no ring involved…

Don't be silly.
What?

I am not as small-town as
my daughter seems to think.

(GIGGLING)

Sorry about this.

I went through a painfully
earnest floral phase.

Air Supply?

Oh. My parents had a German
exchange student a few years back.

He must have left it here.

Everyone knows
their greatest hits.

Some of their lesser-known
ballads are surprisingly poignant.

(SQUEAKING)

Is that an old habit
from ballet class

or from a lifetime of
walking on eggshells?

I never took ballet.

How'd you know that was me?

I have a friend
at the magazine.

So much for anonymity.

Go ahead, take a look.
It's part of the package.

(LAUGHS)

I'm sorry, I'm just
a little nervous.

I never thought anything
like this could happen to me.

This happened to you?

It happened in the sense that I
picked up the phone, tracked you down,

flew you over here
and gave you $6,000.

Will you grab my shampoo,
please? Shampoo! Got it.

NICK: (SINGING) I'm all out of love,
I'm so lost without you

I know you were right
Believing for so long

I'm all out of love
What am ! without you?

I can't be too late to say
that I was so wrong?

(CLEARS THROAT)

The part where you were a sexual
surrogate and then started to…

branch out, is…

Is that really how
it happened”?

The real story, my mother
was a hippie, and a stripper.

She was insanely
inappropriate with me,

she washed her lingerie in my
bath water while I was still in it.

Oh.

So as an adult, I needed to find
ways to experience intimacy and sex

but with rules that
couldn't be violated. Wow.

I'm just screwing with you.

You shit.

Okay, this part.

You say, and I quote,

“Every woman has the
exact love life she wants."

That seems a broad
generalization… Oh!

Oh.

Do you honestly believe that I
want to be single and miserable?

Do you think that I want to be hung up
on some guy who led me on for years

and out of the blue
shattered my heart?

First of all, there's no such
thing as out of the blue.

And second of all, yeah.

What? When you're
ready to let go,

To be un-single
and un-miserable,

you will.

Till then...

So when you were talking
to Jeffrey before,

how did he sound?

Like a harmless,
self-absorbed toolbox.

Seriously.

He sounded tormented.

Tormented? How?

Like he's...

jealous that I'm here
with someone else, or like...

he regrets throwing
away our life together?

It's just that...

this hasn't really turned out
the way that I thought it would.

Hey, Nick.

Oh, oh, oh!

He seems more mature.

Run, you fat tart! Come on.

(ONE FINE DAY PLAYING)

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop,

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

Come on, throw it.
Throw it!

You'll look at me
And even though I know...

Well played, darling.
Ed!

What?

One fine day...

Are you ready, TJ?
Bugger off.

You're gonna want
me for your girl

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

Oh yeah

NICK: All right,
batter, batter.

The arms I long for
will open wide

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

And you'll be
proud to have me

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

Right by your side

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

One fine day

You're gonna want
me for your girl

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

Move back.
Yeah.

Though I know
you're the kind of boy...

NICK: Come on, Kat.

Who only wants to run around

Batter up.

NICK: You're up, Kat.

I'll be waiting...

AMY: Go, Kat.

Someday, darling,
you'll come to me

When you want
to settle down, oh!

Be nice to me, Jeffrey.

One fine day
we'll meet once more

Shoo be do be do be
do be do wop wop

Out! Yes!

(GRUNTING)

One fine day...

Lose the game.

You're gonna want
me for your girl

No!

Come on!
Edward.

Come on!

Come on, you sexy
little monkey. Come on!

(CHEERING)

You're supposed to be helping. Oh,
trust me. I am.

One fine day, oh yeah
One fine day

You're gonna want me
for your girl One fine day

One fine day
Oh yeah

One fine day

(HUMMING)

(SMACKING LIPS)

NICK: What's with the socks?
KAT: It's a golf-themed bachelorette.

Have you ever done
a wedding before?

No, but I have done funerals.

An escort at a funeral?
Someone's dead.

Yeah, imagine
facing that alone.

Ah. Catch.

Make sure he stays on
the right side of the road.

Which is, of course,
the left. That's right.

KAT: So, are you ever
attracted to your clients?

I know you're curious about my business
but I really can't discuss other clients.

Come on! How many of them
want to sleep with you?

You know, I swear it's
not about the sex.

It's about understanding
what people need.

Please! You're like
the Yoda of escorts.

Getting you on the phone was
harder than getting into college.

No,
I don't play games. No gimmicks. Mmm-hmm.

It's much more...

Subtle?

It's not about me.

It's about you.

Show me.

(SIGHS)

Come on.

Hmm... What's
holding me back?

I think it's the words
"morally repugnant”.

Show me.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

You're safe,
you can relax.

I'm not gonna kiss you.

He's gonna be so
sorry he lost you.

So, stop worrying.

Forget the past.

Forget the pain.

And remember...

what an incredible
woman you are.

If you do that,

he'll realize
what he lost.

Holy crap!

You're worth every penny.

You should get going.
Mmm-hmm.

Okay, Yoda.

(WOMEN WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)

(BOOGIE SHOES PLAYING)

To Amy!

(ALL CHEERING)

Girl, to be with you
is my favorite thing

I thought you might need this.

Silly me. Where was my head?

Listen, why
don't you stay

and have a little fiery
drink with us, eh?

It's fine.
Come on.

TJ: You know you want to!

Oh, I can see why.
WOMAN: You're lovely.

Isn't he lovely?
Have you smelt him?

He smells lovely!

Can you believe Kat
gets to shag this guy?

No, really, you should send God a
bottle of wine or a quiche or something.

(LAUGHS)

Look at those buns.
Fresh from the bakery.

It must feel great getting
paid just for being you.

Who says I'm being me?
Excuse me.

Amy, thank you for granting me a
rare glimpse into a timeless female ritual.

Here's to the husbands who've won you,
the losers who've lost you

and the lucky bastards
who've yet to meet you.

And to the cock
in the henhouse.

(TJ WHOOPS)

(ALL LAUGH)

(ALL CHEERING)

I can't believe you found
him first. I am so depressed.

Will somebody buy
my hoo-hah a drink?

You remember when we took
the girls hiking in the Lake District?

You do!
No.

Blistering heat in the
morning, rained all afternoon.

No.

You backed your car
over a copper's bicycle.

Sorry, no.
The Rat And Gherkin.

Splendid local scrumpy.
Mmm.

Amy wore that
little bikini thing.

But somehow it was Kat
that got stung by nettles.

Kat never said a word until Amy
caught her scratching her arse.

Then you rubbed it with a dock
leaf to bring down the swelling.

Yeah, I remember ii.

I didn't deserve
her back then.

And you do now?

What is his problem?

What? There's something
about him I don't like.

He's less than 9% body fat
and he's shagging your ex.

No, that is not it.
Look at him,

he's walking around all American,
like he owns the place.

(RAUNCHY MUSIC)

(MEN CHEERING AND WHISTLING)

Oh, no!

MAN: Come on,
this is your last chance.

(CHUCKLES)

Woody?

Not yet, but it's getting
there! KAT: It's getting there!

Oh, my God! What
are you doing here?

I thought you were in San Francisco,
or was it Nepal?

Close. Sydney. But it turns
out that ll missed the rain.

Did Kat tell you that she dumped
you because of your funky breath?

She's drunk.

But I didn't... I didn't
really dump you. Right?

Hard. But it was
understandable,

you were one of the
hottest girls in school.

And we know that Kat was one
of the hottest expats in school

because she was voted
Best Eyes and Brightest Smile

and the Most Likely
To Age Well.

You're my half-sister
but I whole love you.

How about you get my
half-sister a Seventh Hole?

Tequila. Tequila.
Sure.

Are you all right?

I don't know if I can do this.

The Seventh Hole?

No! The wedding.

I shouldn't be allowed
to get married. I shouldn't.

What are you talking about?

(POUNDING DANCE BEATS)

TJ!

TJ: Come on! Come on!

What's wrong with Jeffrey? As
if I would sleep with a stripper!

I'm about to get married.
You have to...

It's been my experience that a
man in love doesn't want a prostitute.

Eddie, you did
the right thing.

How do you know so much

about so much?

I'm a hooker.

(LAUGHS)

I like that.

(1 GOT THE FEELING PLAYING)

Baby!

Sometimes I'm down

I'm level
Level with the ground

Whoa

Baby, you treat me

Bad...

(WOMEN SHOUTING)

No, I know

Know you don't mean it now

I just don't know
when to say bye-bye

Yeah

Uh

Uh, uh

Uh, uh, whoa!

Baby

I've got that feeling, baby...

I just don't feel very well.
I'm gonna go. Give us a kiss.

Ladies,
How much do you rock, TJ?

That was a top night.

Top night!

(ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING)

(WOMEN SCREAMING AND SHOUTING)

She's getting married!

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

I know you were right

Believing for so long

I'm all out of love

What am I without you?

I can't be too late

I know I was so wrong

I'm all out of love

What am I without you?

I can't be too late

To say that ! was so wrong...

(SECRET PLAYING)

Are you okay?

Ooh! Ow!

(LAUGHING)

(DOG BARKING)

Watch the sun rise

Say your goodbyes

Off we go

Some conversation

No contemplation

Hit the road

Car overheats

Jump out of my seat

On the side of the highway
Baby

I know I don't know you

But I want you so bad

Everyone has a secret

Oh, can they keep it?

Oh, no, they can't

(ENGINE GROWLING OUTSIDE)

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

(METALLIC CLATTERING)

GARBAGE MAN: Morning.

Morning.

Ahoy, there!

Hi, Dad.

I don't know what works for you
but I brought you some black coffee

and some stale crackers,
egg and cheese sandwich and a Bloody Mary.

That's very sweet of you.
Bull need to ask you something.

What happened last night?

Nothing.

Thanks.

(WATER SPLASHING)

(GASPS)

Is this for last night?

No! How could it be?
Nothing happened.

If I was gonna charge you,
I said I'd tell you first.

I didn't want you to think that I
was expecting anything for free

or that I was expecting
anything at all.

I mean, obviously I
was expecting something

or else I wouldn't have
stopped at that ATM.

Just so you know,
you're 300 short.

Wait, you're telling me that if
something happened last night,

I'd have to pay you $1,7007?

That's a down payment
on a Ford Focus.

Not dollars, pounds.

Besides, it includes,
you Know...

That's the extra 300.

Are you a boatsman, son?

I am now, sir.

I'm glad someone's making
use of her at last.

The boat, I mean.

VICTOR: "To defile."
Four letters.

Good morning, Daddy.

What if I didn't want
you to do that to me?

The 300's for
you doing it to me.

If anything had happened, it would
have been one of the highlights, for you.

But nothing did. That's why
you get to keep your money.

WOMAN: The wedding dance is

the most important dance
moment in a person's life.

A room full of
friends and family,

watching, smiling,

betting on how long
the marriage will last.

All you'll have is each other

and whatever skills
you acquire today.

And pair off.

(SWAY PLAYING)

When marimba rhythms
start to play...

Breathe. Good,
that's a nice position.

Now, your left foot.
Her right foot.

Good. And we'll try to
glide across the floor.

Come a little bit
closer together. Moving.

Trying to turn.

What's the matter, Nick?

Two left feet?

Oh!

Stay with me, sway with me

Other dancers
may be on the floor

Dear, but my eyes
will see only you

Only you have
that magic technique

When we sway I go weak

I can hear
the sound of violins

Long before it begins

Make me thrill
as only you know how

Sway me smooth, sway me now

Like a flower
bending in the breeze

Bend with me, sway with ease

When we dance you
have a way with me

Stay with me, sway with me

Like a flower bending
in the breeze

Bend with me, sway with ease

When we dance
you have a way with me

When I told you I'd never
done a wedding before,

it wasn't because
I'd never been asked.

I'd just never said yes.

Why'd you say yes to me?

There was something in your
voice on the phone that day.

Desperation?

I think it was hope.

Get a move on, you lovebirds.
I'm getting married in the morning.

Ah, hello, Bambi.

Darling, please don't do that.

Oh, wow.

That's a big bed.

You know what pisses me off?

I've been spilling my guts all weekend
and I don't know anything about you.

I'm allergic to
fabric softener.

I'm majoring in comparative
literature at Brown. I hate anchovies.

I think I'd miss you
even if we'd never met.

Come on!

ED: I'm a little concerned...
I'm just... It makes me nervous...

TJ: You know,
I might just call you.

But if I did, I would lose,
because my hand is complete shite.

Ohhh.

I'm In.
Come on.

There's gotta be
something wrong with him.

I bet his thingy bends,
doesn't it? Got a little kink in it.

Oh, no, don't tell me.
It's bloody perfect.

I'm going to see you.

Looky, looky here.

A full house.

Oh, ho, ho!

Has anyone seen my future wife?
She'll kill me if I don't serve her first.

Have you guys ever had a real
honest-to-God fight, ever?

Yes, of course.
Yeah, right.

Well, apparently, makeup
sex is the best kind.

Not that I'm ever
going to find out.

Give me that!

(SHOUTING)

Come on!
No, no!

Don't!
Come on!

(SHOUTING AND LAUGHTER)

You seem to have
a way with women.

Why don't you go and rustle up
the bride? Get her to join the party.

AMY: Why are you bringing
this up now? I love Ed.

What do you want from me?
I want you to tell me...

Blue shirt or white shirt for the,
er, rehearsal dinner?

Sorry to interrupt.

Your dad sent me.

What for?

To make sure you're okay.

Kat, could I have a word?
It'll only take a moment.

Let me think. You stole seven years of
her life with your bullshit and your charm

and now you'd like
just a moment?

Sure. Go right ahead.

Thanks for the solidarity, Mum,
but next time a little less information.

Do you believe a
place has a memory?

Even before Ed and I started dating,
we all used to come up here in the summer

and spend weekends.

God, I hope it doesn't
remember everything.

No matter how certain
one is of one's position

of what one should
or shouldn't do,

one sometimes discovers

that one is not as one would
have hoped one would have been.

What exactly are you
trying to say? I'm sorry.

Look, I feel like I
need to tell you something.

You're not even listening. I'm
sorry. I'll be back in a minute.

Hey, is everything okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

VICTOR: Anchovy, Nick?

I remember the
day I met Kat.

It was in New York.

I'd been seeing Bunny
for a few months

and she finally trusted me
enough to meet her kid.

So I'm over at her place

and in walks this
little monster.

That was it. I was a goner.

That was the day
I became a dad.

You know, Nick, you think it's
going to get easier as they get older,

that you're going to
worry about them less.

Or that you're going to
trust the world more.

But that's just
not how it happens.

This may not make
much sense to you, sir,

but I'd like to ask your
permission to date your daughter.

I thought you already were.

(CHEERING AND LAUGHTER)

I blame...

I blame Tony Peepants.
No.

Let's have the story.
Kat, come on.

I have to initiate
Nick into our family.

I blame Tony for why my two girls
just don't seem to be able to get along.

Don't deny it. You
barely tolerate each other.

Come on. It's true. The only thing you've
got in common is you're both attracted to me.

It started after
we moved here.

My two girls got into a fight over Tony
Peepants and have never made up since.

Apparently, Kat and
I were inseparable.

If Kat ate a banana,
Amy threw it up.

If Amy threw it
up, Kat ate it.

(ALL GROANING)

So we were eating and
throwing up together in harmony

until Tony walked me home
from school one day.

He was my first boyfriend.

Tony ignored Kat because
he wanted to play with me.

Anyway, the point of the story is that
Tony ended up with a chair in his face.

It was plastic
and child-sized.

As I recall, there were stitches
involved. Come on, Bunny, 15 stitches.

So is that when he
peed in his pants?

He cried a lot, but
there was no peeing.

So what's with the nickname?

I have absolutely no idea.

Let me get some more wine.

TJ: Would you marry
me if I asked?

That was ayes.
Did you see that?

(LAUGHTER)

And you know,
I thought perhaps you... Bollocks. Sorry.

I had no idea this would be so difficult.
I just feel like I owe you an explanation.

Relax, relax. It's fine.

I promise.

And I should probably
admit that,

I brought Nick with me
to torture you, slowly,

for the entire weekend.

But then, I don't know,
something happened and now...

I hope this doesn't hurt your
feelings but I'm just sick of you and me.

Of our whole story, so come on, let's
just go upstairs and eat some tiramisu.

I slept with your sister.

I'm sorry? Well,
I shagged Amy, two years ago.

That's why I broke
it off with you.

And then after you left, sod it,
we kept at it like rabbits,

until we both realized it was absolutely
mad and, obviously, morally wrong.

And then that was it.

But last Christmas,
when Ed proposed,

I realized
I'm in love with her.

Good Lord, say
something, please.

Oh, my God, he's
told you, hasn't he?

You knew? Kat,
I'm so sorry. I'm so...

Kat. Kat, please.

Kat, please don't
say anything.

I can't believe
you told her.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

What's going on?

Nothing.

It doesn't look
like nothing.

Now is not the
time to catch on, Ed.

Okay. Good.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Leave me alone. You
knew and you didn't tell me.

Wait up. I can't
believe I trusted you.

Come on. You've
got to stop running.

How could you
not have told me?

What did you
expect me to say?

You let me make
a fool of myself.

You lied to me, but I guess I shouldn't
be surprised because that's what you do.

That's who you are.
You're a liar.

You're judging me?
That's a good one.

You're going to
point a finger at me,

the guy that you hired to
pretend to be your boyfriend?

You're right. I was so desperate to
make everyone believe that I was happy

that I paid $6,000 for a lie.

And, at the end of the day, the only
one who ended up falling for it was me.

I wish I could say
it was worth it.

Go ahead,
Kat, hate me.

I think you're running out of steam
on this whole Jeffrey thing anyhow.

Maybe now you'll be able
to hold on to this long enough

to ruin your
next relationship.

Nick. I'm just
checking into a hotel.

Don't be ridiculous.
It's late.

Take the car.

Actually, the
boathouse is empty.

Look, I don't know what's going on with
you two but I'm sure you'll work it out.

You couldn't be more perfect if
she'd picked you out of a catalog.

Thanks, Ed.

(KNOCKING)

Hey.

Hey.

I just...

I wanted to say thank you
for not outing me in front of Ed.

I want to tell him,
just not the night before our wedding.

You know, with these things,
timing is everything.

You're right.

You should time it right,

so that when he hears that you
repeatedly screwed his best friend,

he won't feel like the world is
collapsing and there's no escape

because you tricked
him into marrying you.

Kat... Don't worry. Your
wedding will be perfect.

Tomorrow I'll say all the right things
and you'll deal with Ed when you're ready.

But right now, tonight,
I'm not going to pretend it's okay.

(HOME PLAYING)

(SOBBING)

And that's your
first flight out?

Another summer day
has come and gone away

All right, thanks.

In Paris and Rome

! wanna go home

Mmm

Another aeroplane
another sunny place

I'm lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

Mmm, I've got to go home

And I feel just
like I'm living...

I'm okay.

Someone else's life

It's like I just
stepped outside...

I don't believe you.

I'm fine, really.

Nothing a bottle of Jack and
a straight razor couldn't fix.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

It's Amy's day.

Get in the car, darling.

(CHILD CRYING)

No, no. Smile.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(BELLS RINGING)

Hello.

I've been looking for you.

So, why did you let him go?

It's complicated, Dad.
Right.

It probably wouldn't have
worked out anyway, huh?

I remember reading a fascinating article
in the New York Times Magazine once,

where this guy said,

"Every woman has the exact
love life she wants."

You know what?
I agree with him.

But I refuse to believe that
this is what you want, Kat.

Ever since you were little,

you've always worried about
what other people think.

Now, come on. What do you
think? Is he the guy for you?

Then go and get him.

Hello, darling. Your mother said
you wanted to have a quick word.

No, no, no, ll...

There's something you should
know before you marry me.

What is it?

I wanted to tell you but I was
afraid you'd never forgive me

and I just...
l love you so much.

I'm sorry.

I knew you were seeing someone
else when we finally got together,

but not Jeffrey.

Does Kat know?

Jeffrey told her last night.

Excuse me.

JEFFREY: Ed?

Ed... Calm down, Ed.

Ed!

ED: TJ!

Ah!

Ed,
calm down! It's all sorted! She wants you!

I've given up!
What's the problem?

You back-stabbing weasel!

That's not fair. It was before
you guys were even dating.

But you were engaged
to her sister.

Ed, calm down!

We can talk about this
like civilized human beings.

I look like a total
wanker, don't 1?

Yeah, kind of.

Get in the car,
Ed. He's halfway to France by now.

Whoa!

ED: I trust you've enjoyed
your trip to England.

Yeah, it was fantastic.
Thanks, Eddie.

You know, I felt sorry
for you last night.

I was just sitting there like some smug
arse, thinking, "Aren't I a lucky sod?"

I forgave her when I thought
it was just some random bloke.

But not Jeffrey.

I've had her up on
a pedestal ever since,

ever since I put her up there.

What a mess I've made, huh?

I'm so sorry.

The hardest thing's
loving someone

and then having the courage
to let them love you back.

But if you know her shit
and she knows yours

and at the end of the day,
you still would rather give up than try,

nothing's ever
gonna be worth it.

Maybe think
about it this way.

You go back,

you get to spend the rest of your
life having really great makeup sex.

Ed?
ED: Must run!

Hi.

Hi.

Last night, when we were fighting,
I thought this was over.

And I was going to leave you
alone and just take off but...

Then I realized I'd rather fight with
you than make love with anyone else.

I should get going.
What? No, you can't.

I have to.

I'm the best man.

(SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR ME
PLAYING)

You can dance

Every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye

Let him hold you tight

And you can smile

Every smile for the man
Who held your hand

Beneath the pale moonlight

But don't forget
who's taking you home

And in whose arms
you're gonna be

So darling
Save the last dance for me

Oh, I know

That the music's fine
Like sparkling wine

Go and have your fun

Laugh and sing...

Let's do it.

But while we're apart

Don't give your heart
To anyone

And don't forget
who's taking you home

And in whose arms
you're gonna be

So darling
Save the last dance for me

Ed, there's no one
in the world who knows

how to love my baby
sister better than you.

Be good to one another.

To Amy and Ed.

ALL: Amy and Ed.

(CHEERING)

You can dance

Go and carry on
Till the night is gone

And it's time to go

If he asks

If you're all alone
Can he walk you home

You must tell him no

Cos don't forget
who's taking you home

And in whose arms
you're gonna be

Save the last dance for me

Oh, I know

That the music's fine
Like sparkling wine

Go and have your fun

Laugh and sing

But while we're apart

Don't give your heart
to anyone

And don't forget
who's taking you home

And in whose arms
you're gonna be

So darling

Save the last dance for me

Save the last dance

The very last dance

For me

(HOME PLAYING)

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Oh

Maybe surrounded
by a million people, I...

Still feel alone
Just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all
the letters that ! wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I'm fine, baby, how are you?"

Well, I would send them but I
know that it's just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I'm lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

Mm, I've got to go home

Let me go home

I'm just too far
from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like
I'm living someone else's life

It's like I just
stepped outside

When everything
was going right

And I know just why you
could not come along with me

But this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day
has come and gone away

And even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I'm surrounded
by a million people, ll...

! still feel alone,
let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I've had my run

Baby, I'm done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I'll be home tonight

I'm coming back home