The Six Thousand Dollar Nigger (1978) - full transcript

Super Soul Brother was originally going to be the "Black Superman". However, it ended up an action comedy. Wildman Steve plays a bum who agrees to allow an experimental drug to be administered to him. What he doesn't realize is that the doctor who's doing the experiment is a criminal, trying to create an unstoppable thief that's immune to bullets. Steve gains all the powers that Superman has, and after getting his revenge against all those who harassed him on the street, discovers the truth about the doctor's plans for him.

That is impossible.

I cannot experiment
on humans yet.

I don't see why
not, Dr. Dippy.

You've tried it on
animals, and it works.

But that is just it.

It works on animals,
but I am not sure

that it will work on humans.

Besides, even if it did, the
subject would die one week

after receiving the injection.

Yes, but does the
person have to die?

Excuse me.

Doctor, here are the reports.

Thank you.

Like I was saying, Doctor,
why does the person have to die?

Did you see that
girl that just came in?

I did.

I saw that big, wide ass.

Never mind that.

What I am referring to
is what she is doing.

Peggy is working with
five different compounds,

which she has to mix in order
to derive one white in color.

When she accomplishes this,
that will mean that we

have found the neutralizer.

But, Doctor, what's
the neutralizer for?

The theory is
pretty complicated.

But what it boils down to
is that the neutralizer must

be administered exactly one
week after the injection,

if the subject is to live.



Well, that sounds slick.

What's the problem?

The real problem is that we
don't know the exact proportion

of the compounds
that will give us

the right color to tell us that
we have found the neutralizer.

But Doctor, that
could take weeks!

It may even take
months, or a year.

Who knows?


We've already put up
$6,000 for this experiment.

We just don't have time.

You're not going to get another
damn dime from us unless--

If we don't pull this
deal in three days,

we're gonna blow
the whole thing.

Doctor, tell me
just one more time,

what happened when you gave
these injections to the mice.

I'd like to straighten out
a few things in my head.

We gave, uh, one of the
lab mice a small injection,

proportionate to the
mouse's body weight,

et cetera, et cetera.

After half an hour after
allowing the injection

to work with the mouse's system,
we put a cat into the cage

with the mouse.

Within one minute, the
mouse had destroyed the cat.


Boy, I'd sure hate
to see that rat.

Look at him.

He died.

Exactly one week after receiving
the injection, he died.

This is the reason why we
must find the neutralizer.

Hey, Bob, you take
the damn injections.

We can pull the job by
the end of the week,

and Dr. Dippy will have
the neutralizer ready.

Right, Doc?


You get the extra million.

No deal.

No deal.

Then what do you suggest?

I'd just say forget
about the neutralizer.

Listen, we can get a
nigga off the street,

give him the injections,
let him pull the job.

And then in a week,
he'll be dead.

We don't even have to tell
him about his short future.

Hey, then we'll be
able to split his share.


But who on earth would--

Oh, don't worry about it, Doc.

I'll get a wino.

Yeah, I'll get me a
wino out the ghetto.


Well, I wish him luck.




Give me a cigarette!

I told you, John A. Jacobs,
I don't have no cigarettes.

You are a bum!

Oh, man, go and have yourself
a drink, and leave me alone.

Which one of you
motherfucking goddamn niggas

took my goddamn newspaper?

We found it out
there in the streets!

That's right.

We found the paper
in the street.

Man, we ain't messed with
your papers in over a month!

For three goddamn
weeks, you goddamn

niggas been taking my paper
every motherfucking morning.


Wait a second, man.

Wait a minute.

Man, that's my business!

Oh, don't hit me
no more, please!

Oh, Oh!

Please, please,
don't hit me no more.



Let's get the hell outta here!

Wait a minute, man.

Let me get my newspaper!


Oh my god, you killed him!

You killed him!


Don't shoot me!

Hey, don't worry,
don't worry, don't worry.

I ain't gonna shoot you.
- I didn't take your paper!

I ain't gonna shoot you, man.
Don't worry about it.

You don't know it, but
this is your lucky day.

Come on, get up.

Get up.

- I didn't steal nothing.
- No, no, no.

This is your lucky day.

Listen, your horse
just came in first.

You have hit the number!

I didn't play the number.

Don't worry.

I'm your lucky number.

Come on.

I'm gonna take care of you.

Now, you see, Jim, this
is as far as we have been

able to get in our research.

Oh, really?

No more.

I don't know what
happened, but that's

as far as we've been able.

What in the hell is that?

This is my wino.

Is that the best you could do?

Oh, Doc, hell, he can do it.

All we gotta do is kind of
let him dry out a little bit

and clean him up.

Let him get a little rest.

You'll see.

He's gonna be perfect.


Say, Doc, I don't think
we've get much of a choice.

Do your thing.

If this thing works using
that thing, it'll be a miracle.


Easy, come on.

Bob, give me a hand.

I want to examine him.

Peggy, will you
come here, please?

Yes, Doctor.

I need your help.

I want you to get a blood sample
and take his blood pressure.

All right?

Yes, Doctor.

Then I also need a complete
medical history, if he has one.

All right?

Yes, Doctor.

I have to go and discuss
some things with Jim and Bob.

Call me when you have
all the information, OK?

Suppose he dropped
dead like that mouse?

So what?

He'd just be
another dead nigger.

Please, what's your name, sir?


My name is Steve.


S-T-E-V-E. All capital letters.

Oh, God damn.

Baby, you-- you--

I must be in heaven.

But why do you say that?

You-- you look like an angel.

I ain't never had an angel
take care of me like this.

I wish them niggas
would hit me in the head

again in the morning.

Why do you want
them to hit you again?

So I can wake up with
you holding my head

and looking at me
and everything.

Oh, God.

Please, please lie still.

I need to take your
blood pressure.

Take my blood
pressure if you want.

Just take anything you want.

I don't care what you take.

Just go on and take it, baby.

Please, please, I need
to take a urine sample.

A what?

And I need to
take a urine sample.

A urine sample?

I ain't let you take no urine
sample, me laid up in here.

You ain't gonna take no urine
sample, with my laying up here.

Please, why can't you
take a urine sample?

Laying in this position,
woman, I'll piss in my pants.

I have to stand up to pee!

How's my blood pressure, baby.

Please lie still.

I'm lying still, but I
just asked you a question.

You know, all black people
have blood pressure.

I just asked you how it was.


Is it all right?


I just wanna know.

You just ask like you
don't even hear me talking.

How's the blood pressure?

Would you be kind enough
to tell me how it is?

Oh, boy.

[INAUDIBLE] I get out of here?


Is everything-- What are
you writing down there?

You're always writing
something down.

You don't ever tell me nothing.

Please, I want
you to turn over,

breathe deeply while I
put this in your rectum.

Stick that in my rectum?

Yes, please.

You mean that you're
gonna try to stick

that pole in my asshole?

Woman, you crazy!

Please turn over, sir.


Shit, Bob, you're the
one that's sick, not him.

Will you shut up
and just listen to me?

Listen, all the way here,
I was talking to Steve.

Yeah, OK, so what,
talking to Steve?

Listen, it's
the perfect setup.

The nigga ain't got no home, no
place to live, no place to go,


Absolutely nothing.

In other words, if the
experiment is a failure,

we can just dispose of him and
nobody will know any better.

Thank you for having such
confidence in my ability.

Aw, come on, Doc.

That's-- that's
not what I meant.

Listen, it's better
to have a bum.

He'll do anything.

He'll play ball.

He'll do anything I say.

Listen, leave it to me.

I-- I know what I'm doing.

You know, Bob, I
hate to admit it,

but maybe this guy may
not be so bad after all.

Now I've heard everything.

Oh, you hurt me, baby!


Oh, God damn.


DIPPY: Hey, What is going on?

Oh, damn!

Doctor, Doctor!

What is all the yelling about?

Doctor, Doctor.

This woman.

This woman makes my asshole
into a tunnel of love.

Look, Steve, I promise you
that if you cooperate and let

us finish the examination,
you will feel better than you

have ever felt in your life.

He's telling
you right, my man.

As a matter of fact,
in a few hours,

you're gonna have your own pad.

I ain't got no money to get no
[INAUDIBLE] pad, no apartment.

I ain't never had that
much money in my life.

Well, you're gonna have it.

Think about it, a big,
fine, king-sized bed,

all the fine foods you can eat.

Everything the
best, just for you,

if you do exactly what
the doctor tells you.

But-- but why me, man?


I don't understand.
I'm a nobody.

Why me?

Don't worry about that.

I'll explain it to you when
we get to the apartment, OK?

I don't understand.

You'll be all right, man.

Just be cool.

I don't understand this.

I think you can finish
the examination now, Peggy.

Let's go.

Yes, Doctor, as you say so.

I don't understand
what's going on here.

What's going on?

Bob, be sure to get Steve
the best pad you can find.

And if you can think of anything
else that'll make him happy,

don't hesitate to
get it for him.

Don't worry, don't worry.

Listen, I know how
to handle this joker.

I'm gonna get him
all the extras.

Believe me, when I'm
through with him,

he's gonna feel just
like he's on cloud 9.

OK, brother.


You know, Jim, I think Bob
knows how to handle this guy.

I sure in the
hell hope he does.

I hope you see what I see.

My 20/20 tells me
that you is a mighty.


Oh, you a fine mama.

Girl, you sure look good.

You're my kind of woman.

Look, you wouldn't be too
bad yourself, if you had

a bath and some fine clothes.

A bath?

I took a bath last
Tuesday, two weeks ago.

Are you finished, Peggy?

Yes, Doctor.

May I see the report, please?

Thank you.

Is everything
all right, Doctor?

I mean, was everything
all right, Doc?


Well, your blood pressure
is a little high.

But otherwise, you're
in fine physical shape.

Oh, great.

That's good news.

I would advise you to rest.


In fact, you should get plenty
of rest for the last phase.

For the last what?

The last phase.

I don't understand
what he's talking about.

I mean, what?

What are you talking about.
"for the last phase"?

Man, you act like I'm
gonna die or something.

Nothing, man, nothing.

Just-- just imagine you're
going to a birthday party.


I got it.

You got what?

I got the key to your home.

Come on, let's go home.


You mean, you weren't kidding
when you told me I had a home?

I don't ever kid.

Come on, let's go home.

For real?

You're not kidding me?

Don't forget,
tomorrow, 10:00 AM.

He'll be there, Doc.

Don't worry about it.

I'll take care of it.

Listen, we'll see
y'all in the morning.

I'm gonna get that
bath, too, baby.

Come on, you're gonna
get everything you need.


Take care, my man.

Tomorrow, 10:00 AM.

Boy, that Bob, he
is something else.

He sure in the
hell is, Doctor.

But you know, it's one
thing that bothers me.

What the hell did he mean
about "all of the extras"?

I-- I've really got
something for you.

You've got a surprise for me?

You ready?


God damn!

Shit, brah!


Damn, shit, man.


Like that?

You damn right I like that!

Come here, baby.

Come here.

- Damn.
- Come here.

Sit down, Steve.

Sit down.

Woo, shit, man.

Damn, man.

Listen, listen.

Sister, I'll tell you
what I want you to do.

Listen to me, baby.

I want you to give--
this is my man here.

And I want you to give
him everything he wants,

when he wants it,
how he wants it,

where he wants it, any damn
time he thinks he wants it.

But Bob, now let me
tell you one thing.

Now, you make sure
this broad don't

think that I'm some peanut
farmer from Plains, Georgia


Get that out of
your goddamn mind.

Peanut farmer?

You-- you make sure you tell
him that I'm not a little snotty

nosed girl from the boondocks.

Oh, I think you're gonna
be in good hands, my man.

Yeah, I believe so, too, man.

But listen, you gotta tell
me about it in the morning.

You sure look out for a nigga.
I gotta give you credit there.

But you gotta tell me
about that in the morning.

I got to go.

You got to split?

I got to go.

I got business to take care of.

Man, you sure is a nice dude.

Listen, I'm gonna pick you up
at 9:30 sharp in the morning.

I'll be ready.
I'll be waiting for you.

All right.
Take care of him, baby.

Thanks a lot, brother.

That's a nice dude.

I ain't never met nobody
that treated me so nice.

Yeah, Bob's real hip.

He told me to take
good care of you, too.

Well, you're qualified, baby.

I'm telling you.

Let's get you comfortable and
get you out of these clothes


Yeah, I wanna get out
of these clothes, anyway.

I want you nice
and comfortable.

Yeah, goddamn, baby.


Shit, let me get this.


Now, big daddy, little
momma wants you to tell me

exactly what you want.

You mean I can
get anything I want?

Everything you want.

I'm gonna tell you
what I want, baby.

I've been wanting this
ever since I left Georgia.

Ever since I left Georgia, baby.


There's one thing
I've been wanting.

I want in the worst way.

Well, let me know what it is.

Can I have it right
here on the couch?

You can have it
anywhere you want it.

Right here?

Anywhere you want it.

Baby, since I left Georgia,
let me tell you something.

I've been wanting--

I've been wanting.

I've been-- hoo, I want so bad!

I want me some pigeon-peas,
rice, and barbecued chicken.

Pigeon beans, and rice,
and barbecued chicken?


Let me get you
something to eat.

I can have this man ready
in two days, but not before.

That's fine, Doctor.

Then we can pull
the job by Friday.


Oh, baby, you talking
about something good?


This sure is good.

anymore hot sauce?

Yeah, sure.

Do you want some
more peas and rice?

I want some more of this beer.

I love the bull.

Bring on the bull!

Bring on the bull.

You know what, dear?

I never in my life believe
a little woman like you,

a woman who looks so
good and smells so good,

I never thought you
could cook this good!

This is a [INAUDIBLE].

You can really burn!

My mama taught
me well, you know.

Well, I always pictured them
big, big women to be the cooks,

goddamn it.

Little women can do that, too.

I believe y'all can
do a lot of things.




But I tell you what, I
can't eat no more food.


You want another beer?

No, the only thing I want now
is-- you know what I'd like?

You see that back room there?

I'd like to go in that shower
and take me a good, hot bath.

But I got one problem.

One hang up.

I hope-- I hope you don't mind
me mentioning this to you.

You've been so nice
to me, darling,

but when I was a little boy,
like all the other kids'

mama used to wash their back.

My mama used to wash my butt.

I got the prettiest,
cleanest butt in the world.

And every time I
get in the shower,

I don't want nobody
to wash my back.

I want a butt washing.

Damn, baby, I don't want
your apron, your uniform,

or your drawers to get wet.

Steve, you are too much.

You wash my butt,
and I'll wash yours.

Hey, now.

Ah, baby, come on, come on.

Let's go on in and get real wet.

You ready for it, baby?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Peggy, we must
find the neutralizer.

Otherwise, this mouse
will die in 24 hours.

Yes, Doctor.

I'm trying to get
that together now.

Do your best.

Thank you.

Come on, wash my butt!

It's butt-washing time!

Butt-washing time!

Woman, I said, wash
my butt, not my back!

Nigga, wait, goddamn it!

Anytime a man get in a
hurry, he ain't do shit.

Oh, baby, this
water feels so good!

Doggone it!

This is a big, big fucking deal.

[INAUDIBLE] I just wish my
old buddy Rufus was here.


Who's Rufus?

Yeah, Rufus is a nigga
that lived in my town.

This nigga was the
dirtiest nigga in town.

This nigga would
be taking a bath,

and then he'd turn
around and fart,

and then he'd turn around,
baby, and bite the bubbles.


Come on in here. woman.

Let's have some fun!

Sweetie, I'm gonna
tell you something.

I never, never, never thought
I'd be living like a king

this bright sunny day.

Are you really happy, Steve?

Am I happy?

I feel like Superman
instead of the wild man.


You know what?

I have a confession
to make to you, too.

Tell me about it.

When you walked in
that door this afternoon,

I never dreamed I'd
feel so much for you.

Well, I'm gonna
tell you something.

I got a way of making
a woman feel for me.

You know, before I got down
on my luck, I was a player.

I used to make my money
making love to white women.

You did?

Oh, yes.

As a matter of fact,
about two weeks ago,

a white woman walked up
to me and said, "wild man,

I'll give you $50 if
you knock me out."

I screwed her three times and
then I hit her in the head

with a brick.


I'd have shot the bitch if
they'd promised me $100.


Steve, you're the greatest.

Oh, when you say I'm
the greatest, baby,

I'm here to show you
that I'm the greatest.

Oh, honey, check me out!

My God, you are greatest.

Come on, and check me out.

How are we doing?

Fine, fine.

Oh, let me take a look here.

Put the light out, Steve.

I do not like to
make love in the dark.

I don't know why all
you broads want to turn

the light out all the time.

Because it's more
romantic like that.

Oh, baby, I
ain't no blind man.

I wanna see what I'm doing.

I wanna see who
I'm making love to.

Well, all I know is
that the darkness just

makes me a little more sexy.

Well, if that's the case,
I'll turn the light off.

But I'm gonna tell
you something, baby.

You better count to three,
'cause I count that light out.

When I cut it out, I am ready.

I am ready to get it on.

So get ready.

It's our time now, baby.


Oh, no, we gonna
get it on now.

Oh, Steve, don't do it!

Oh, Steve, don't!

Oh, Steve!


Do you realize that
it is 10:15 already,

and Steve is not here yet?

I wonder what in the
hell is keeping them!

Don't worry, Doctor.

They'll be here real soon.

Good morning, everybody!


Hello, Jimmy!


Hello, Doctor!

Good morning.


- Steve.


You seem to be in
such a good mood today.

Good mood?


That's the half of it,
thanks to my man, Bob.

Bob really looked out
for your buddy Steve.

Oh, man, he really
looked out for me!

Oh, man, only the best.

Gives me the greatest.

I'm glad that you had
nothing but the best

and the greatest last night.

But now we must proceed
with the examination.

Doctor, as good as I feel,
anything you say, it's OK.

Good morning, Steve.


How you feeling this morning?

Well, what's come over you?


I can't tell you, but my man
makes sure that I get the best!

Peggy, this right
here is the greatest.

Oh, I can't tell you, but thanks
to Bob, everything is super.

All right, all right.

Now we must get
down to business.

I want you to follow Peggy
and take off your clothes

for your examination.

Doctor, let me
tell you something.

Anything you say!

Very well.

It's OK.

All right, Doctor.

Boy, you're all right.


Boy, you're all right.

That's my man!

That's pretty, baby.

Doc, how's my man?

Much better today.

We can start the
injections tomorrow.


I know he'll do fine,
'cause that hooker

I got for him last night played
the part of a maid perfectly.


I want that girl fired!

Steve must be in top
physical condition.

These shots are taking
a lot out of him.

Oh, hell, Doc.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Listen, but don't worry.

I'll call and tell her
not to show tonight, OK?


I'm sending Peggy to
the apartment tonight.

There are certain things I
want her to take care of.

Steve must start getting his
vitamin boosters regularly,

and I want Peggy there to
make sure that he gets them.

I want him in top physical
shape for tomorrow.

That's a good idea, 'cause
I'm sure Peggy won't harm him no

kind of way, 'cause tell
you the honest truth,

I think the bitch is funny,
'cause every time I hit on her,

she goes off into some
sort of funny thing.

Hey, you're not the only one.

That makes two of us.

Correction, three of us.

That's a pretty ring,
like you're a pretty girl.

Hello, darling.

Could I give you two
a ride to the apartment?

There's no need to
go out of your way.

I have my car.

Well, then you do know
where the place is located.

Look, man, I
know where he live.

I know where she live.

I know where you live.

I even know where I live.

I appreciate your hospitality,
but thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Jim, but
I'll take mama home.

She got her own car.

And we going
together, right, baby?

OK, if you feel safe that way.

I feel comfortable that way.

I'd rather have it that way.

You got the keys, darling?


OK, let's go.



Remember, get plenty
of rest, and nothing

to eat after midnight.

I don't understand
what he means,

nothing to eat after midnight.

That's what the doctor said.

That's right.

That's what I said.

Nothing to eat after midnight.

Well, guess I can't have
nothing to eat after midnight.

See you tomorrow.

See you.
See you, Jim.


OK, Steve.

Thank you, Doctor.

Thank you for everything.

I'll see you later.


Goodbye, Steve.

I know, nothing.

Nothing to eat after midnight.

That's right.

STEVE: Nothing to
eat after midnight.

See you, Doc.

You know, I don't
understand this.

I hope this will work,
but I am just not sure.

What's wrong, Doc?

Well, I-- I try to work so
hard, and I'm trying to do

it in the name of science.

But-- but this--
but this clown, I--

I just-- I just don't know.

Doc, don't worry, OK?

Just don't worry.

Say, maybe-- maybe we should
have something to drink.

You know something?

That is a very good idea.

Tell you what I'll do.

Why don't I fix the
two of us a Martini?

Hey, that is very good.

That's very good.

But make mine a vodka Martini.

You got it.

OK, let's go.

Come on in, sweetie.

Come on in.

Welcome to my little castle.

Home sweet home.

Oh, you have a
nice place here.

Yeah, well, we
kind of like it.

It's kind of groovy, and
we've got a few pieces of art

that we kind of
dig a little bit.

That's one of my
pieces there, that we

picked up over in Africa.

Oh, it's quite nice.

Yeah, something
really different.

But you talking about something
different, check out my

get high tree.

My get high tree.

If you had some paper, I'd
roll you a joint right now.

Oh, but isn't it illegal
to smoke marijuana?

Illegal to smoke marijuana
because of the system.

The system says it's
illegal to smoke marijuana.

But when you check it
out, the system's wrong.

The system says it's
illegal to smoke marijuana,

yet it's still the same system
say it's OK for two grown men

to have sex together.

So that means if you are caught
with a joint in your mouth,

you better make sure it has
two balls on the end of it.


It kind of-- it kind of
woke you up a little bit.

I know that woke you up.

That'll kind of get you, so
you can relax in my home.

But the one thing that you
haven't had a chance to see

is the fun room.

The bedroom.

I want you to check
out the bedroom, baby!

Wait a minute.

Let me set you straight.

I'm a professional.

You're a what?

I'm a professional.

You mean to tell
me you're a hooker?

No, I'm a nurse and a
laboratory technician.

I know what a
nurse is, but what--

what does a lab technician do?

How about administering
the technical things?

I've tried a little
bit of everything.

I might as well
try some of that.

Can we try some right now?

Uh, it's time for your pill.

Can you tell me where
I can get some water?

Oh, some water.

Oh, right here in the kitchen.

Just right over there.

See over there?

Thank you.

OK, sweetie.

You'll find it right up there,
the hot and the cold water.

If you're gonna give me a
pill, bring me some cold water,

damn it.

PEGGY: All right.



Yes, I'm just getting
comfortable, so that we

can enjoy ourselves up here.

Well, I mean, there's nothing
wrong with being cool, now.

Come on, look.

I'm here to do one thing, and
that's to take care of you.

I believe that.

I know, and you're qualified.

I told them to send
me a qualified person.

I told them, don't
send me no gorilla.

Don't send me no faggot.

Don't send me no bull dyke.

Well, look.

Suppose-- oh, I know
what's happening.

You're one of them
women that likes women.

One of them damn bull dykes.

That's what you are, huh?

Wait a minute.

I think you got it all wrong.

Well, look, I'm only guessing.

I'm just taking a guess.

Well, tell me this.

Where do you live at?

I live at 1012
Northwest 74th Street.

Oh, I got it figured out now.

You've got a sponsor,
'cause it costs money

to live in that neighborhood,
with swimming pools and tennis

courts and all the other jazz.

That's what's happening, huh?

No, I make enough money
at the lab with Dr. Dippy.

You make that kind of bread?

Well, that's super.

Well, this has got
to be my lucky day.

You ain't got nobody.

I ain't got nobody.

Hey, baby, come here!


Wait a minute.

Come here, come here!

Wait a minute.

You gotta get your rest, be
strong for our experiment


Man, you act like
a karate expert

instead of some lab technician.

Experiment tomorrow?

That's right.

Experiment when?


Experiment when?


Experiment when?



Experiment when?

We're not gonna
experiment tomorrow, baby.


No, sir, baby.

We're gonna
experiment right now.


Baby, woo!

Oh, you are the greatest.




Come on, baby.

Let's go in the bedroom and
get it on right now, right now!

Steve, I'm afraid.

Afraid of what, baby?

I ain't gonna hurt
nothing as fine as you.

Shoot, no.

You don't have to
worry about nothing.

No, don't worry, baby.

I ain't gonna hurt you.

What are you afraid of?

I'm a virgin.

You're a what?

A virgin.

A virgin?

Oh, shit.

God damn it.

This is my lucky day.

I got me a cherry!

That's what worries me.

Oh, no, baby.
You don't have to worry.

Shit, come on.

Take this shit off right now.

- Wait a minute.
- Come on.

I can't get this thing off.

- Wait a minute.
- Wait a minute.

You got this little--

No, that's OK.

Look, you gotta unbutton it.

OK, let me do something.


Oh, baby.

Oh, baby!

Oh, oh, baby.

I can't-- I can't wait, baby.

Oh, baby, shit now!

Oh, shit, now take
your drawers off.

Take your drawers off.

No, you take yours off.

I'll take mine off.

Take yours off.

I'll take mine off.

Come on, girl.

Take your clothes off.

Goddamn it, get
naked, get naked!

But Steve, I'm afraid!

Bitch, it's too
late to be afraid now!

All right, all right, Steve.

I'll take my clothes off.

Say, man, suppose he's
wanted by the police.

Oh, the police don't
want that nigga, man.

I don't even believe
his mama wants him.

Aw, Peggy,
welcome to the club.

But Steve, I'm still afraid.

Oh, darling, don't be afraid.

After all, I'm not
gonna hurt you.

I wouldn't hurt you for
nothing in the world.

Oh, Peggy, just look
at your titties.

Every time I look
at your titties,

they remind me of
windshield wipers.

Windshield wipers?

Oh, windshield wipers!

Oh, Peggy.

Peggy, come here, baby.

Come here.

Let me relax with mama.

Let me relax with you, Peggy.

Oh, Peggy, don't be afraid.

Look at all this.

Oh, Peggy.

Peggy, come on, get
in this bed, baby.

Come on, get in this bed, baby.

Peggy, come on get
in this bed, Peggy.

What are you waiting for, Peggy?

Come on.

Come on, Peggy.

Get in this bed, Peggy.

Peggy, get in the bed.

Come on, baby.

Oh, Peggy.

At last, Peggy.

Oh, fuck, my eye!

Oh, stop making excuses.

Let's dance.

You almost put out my eye.

Well, why don't you
look where you're going?


What's the matter now?

I need air.

I need air.

Peggy, turn that
damn light out, baby.

Turn the light off?

Yeah, turn it off.

This is my first time.

I wanna see what's going on.

I thought you'd
enjoy it better,

baby, with the light out.

Well, if you promise not
to hurt me, I'll turn it out.

I promise, baby.

Just turn it out, please?



Don't hurt me.



Please don't hurt me.

What you mean,
don't hurt you, Peggy?

Don't hurt me.

What do you mean,
don't hurt you?

That ring you
have on your finger.

Peggy, that ain't a
ring on my finger, baby?

Then what is it?

That's the watch on my wrist.

What are you doing in
that ridiculous outfit?

I have just come from
the sauna, darling.

My dear, you keep
going back to that sauna,

and you're gonna lose
what little you have left.

You seem to be very happy
with what little I have left.


Let's talk about something else.

Why don't we play a
little, uh, chess?


No, I just--

I couldn't concentrate.

I have too many things on
my mind about tomorrow.

Well, I know tomorrow
is your big day,

but chess is a big
game to concentrate.

It's purposely
made out for that.

Ah, OK.

I will give it a try.

What the hell.

All right, I made
my first move already.

Oh, I can see you're not
in the mood for this.

I'll tell you what.

I told you.

Sit over here, and
I'll rub your back.


I'd rather you rubbed
something else.

My dear, when I get
my diamond pasties,

you will get a complete massage.

But in the meantime,
you get over here,

I will give you a shoulder rub.

And that's all you're
gonna get for now.

Monica, darling.

What, dear?

Will you hand me one
of my cigars, please?

Oh, I wish you'd stop smoking.

Don't you know, smoking
stunts your growth?

I think it is a little
bit too late for that.

Oh, you are just hopeless.

Well, here you are.

Thank you.

You know, Monica, darling,
within less than 24 hours,

I will have over $10
million worth of diamonds

right in these hands.

I wonder how many
diamonds it's gonna

take to make up my pasties.

Oh, I don't really care.

As many of you want.

Can I also have a new car?

Of course.

Because you are the only one
that I'm going to split with.

Oh, darling, you're the only
one that understands me so.

That's why I love you.

Oh, don't tell me that.

You just love me for my body.

I love you.

By the way, what time it is?

It's only 10
minutes after 12:00.

Boy, I sure hope that Steve
remembers my instructions.

I distinctly told him,
nothing to eat after midnight.

Nothing to eat after midnight.

Oh, Lord!

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Steve!

Steve, do you think you're
gonna be all right tomorrow

for the experiment?

After all, the doctor did
say you weren't supposed

to eat anything after midnight.

I don't think he meant this.

I can't believe the
time is finally here.

In just a few hours, we
will all be millionaires.

Yeah, I'll tell you, ain't
nothing can go wrong now.

But what if--

He will be here, and
the plan is perfect, Doc!

No time for
conversation, Peggy.

Just take Steve in the back.

Steve, please follow me.


I guess this is a
great day for science.

Hey, let's hope it's a
great day for all of us

to become millionaires.

But I am doing it for science.

But we are doing
it for the bread.

How can you think of
money at a time like this?


Now I go to
perform my final act.


Oh, what a night!

Baby, woo!

You've made me the
happiest man in the world.

You are a super, super girl.

You know how to make
a man feel good.

Oh, baby.

Did you enjoy
yourself last night?

Yes, darling.

Well, Steve, are you ready?

Uh, ready for what, Doctor?

Oh, this is the
big day, Steve.

Will you take off
your coat, please?


I don't mind.

I don't mind, Doctor.

I don't mind taking off my coat.

Yes, indeed.

Everything seems to be
going like y'all promised.

I had such a good
time last night.

I'm in such a good, good,
good, good, good mood.

What are you getting
ready to do, Doctor?

Will you please drop
your pants and bend over?

Drop my pants and bend over?

That's right.

I mean, what for?

What are you
getting ready to do?

I'm going to give
you a shot in the butt.

A shot in the butt?

That's right.

But, Doctor, most of the
time, they shoot you in the arm.


Why do you wanna
shoot me in my butt?

Because it's easier
for me to reach!

Will you bend over, please?

OK, Doctor.

Now, you're not gonna
hurt me, are you?


You're sure?

I am positive.

Just bend over, please.

Now, don't hurt
me now, Doctor.


Doctor, don't hurt me!

You won't feel a thing.


Is he a monster?

Is he a wild man?

Is the nigga crazy?

Hell no.

He's just what I
spent my $6,000 for.

I've got myself a $6,000 nigga.

How do you feel, Steve?

How do you feel?

I feel good!

I feel good!

I feel good!

Peggy, get me that iron bar.

What's going on?

Nothing, man.

It's heavy.

It looks heavy.

Here, what do you
want me to do with it?

I want you to bend it.

Are you crazy?

Bend it.

I don't know if I
can bend this thing.

I'll try.


Samson ain't got shit on me!

Man, like I could kick
King Kong's black ass.

Say, Steve.


Since you're so
damn strong, come over

here and lift this iron safe.

Lift this iron safe.

Go ahead.


Go ahead, lift it.

I'll try.

Look at this shit.


That safe weighs 2,000 pounds!

I don't believe it!

Goddamn it, what's going on?

Say, Bob, just to
satisfy this guy,

we'd better make that stop.

Listen, man, we've
only got five hours.

Now, I still got to give
you the instructions.

Listen, you got 10 minutes, OK?

10 minutes to kick their asses,
and then I'll-- then you've got

to get right back in the car.

10 minutes, and then
we've got to go, OK?

That's all I need, baby.

Just 10 minutes.

10 minutes to put my
foot in their ass.

That's all I need.

Then it's settled.

Good luck, Steve,
and hurry back.

OK, man.

I appreciate that.

I don't it's gonna be that long.

Well, let's get out of here.

OK, all right.

Whatever you say, it's OK.

Yeah, man.

They opened that new climax
club down there on 22nd Avenue.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

Yeah, they said membership
for the broads is $10.


And then for
the fellas, it's--


Hey, man.

Look at this shit here.



I got him.

It's my motherfucking arm, man.

He's breaking my goddamn
motherfucking arm.

Cut it loose!

Are you crazy?

Are you crazy?

Are you crazy?

Told y'all I was
gonna get your ass.

Don't-- don't kill me, man.

I told y'all I was
gonna get your ass!

I told y'all I was
gonna get your ass!

Don't kill me, man!

I told y'all I
was gonna get your--

Anybody make a mistake.

Make a mistake?

Make a mistake, goddamn it?

This is your last mistake!


It's your last one!

Don't move, nigga!

Don't move!

Man, please, please,
please, don't hurt me, man!

You done killed both of
these goddamn niggas.

Ain't that enough, man?

All over that
freaking newspaper?


Please, man!

Come on, nigga!

Come here, nigga!

I'm telling you to come here!


Steve, you sure
took care of business.


You see that nigga run?

Yeah, you kicked ass.


Now, you done took
care of your business.

Now I want you to come
on and take care of mine.

Anything you say, Bob.

Come on.
Let's get the hell outta here.

Get in the car.
Let's go.

Come on, let's go.


Now, wait just a minute,
just a minute, man.

Just a minute.

What is this?

What is it you
guys want me to do?

It's all a practical joke.

See, the owners of
this jewelry store,

we're gonna play a joke on them.

We're gonna take the
safe out of the store

without them knowing it.

Of course, we're going to
return it in a few days.

Now, Bob, let me
tell you something.

The last time a nigga
tried something like that,

the police fired two warning
shots in his black ass,

and then they hollered "halt!"

Now, Bob, why?

Man, tell me why?

Why in the hell do you wanna
try for me to take that same?

Ain't gonna be no shooting.

This-- this is different, see.

We wanna sell this store
some equipment, see?

Stop some of these niggas
from breaking in and stealing

these white folks' jewelry.

See, and we can prove
that the store is not

secure the way it is now,
they'll buy the equipment,

and we make a
whole lot of money.

That's great, Bob.

After all, man, you've been
super, super nice to me.

OK, I'll go along with it.

We'll give it a try.

All you got to do
is pretend like you're

buying some jewelry.

The best in the joint.

Now, you're gonna have to look
like you can afford the best,

like me.

See, so go on and get
changed, so we can go on

and take care of this business.

Man, I still don't
understand how in the hell

am I gonna take a big safe
out of the store with all them

people and nobody seeing me!

Don't you worry about that.

I've got it all worked out.

I'll explain to you while
you're getting dressed.

All right, now, you
better explain this.

Hey, remember that guy
that walked in the store

the other day?


The tall, really good-looking
one with blond hair?

Yeah, do I remember him.

The one looking at you?

I saw him the other day.

He asked me out.

He did?


May I help you?

Yes, you can.

You can help me.

Are you looking for
anything specific today?

Without a doubt.

You know what I'd
like to have, sweetie?

What's that?

You look like the type
of lady that can help me.

I'd like to have a nice,
nice present for my lady.

A nice present.

Something different, no doubt.

Right, right, right.

That's it.

A charm for her bracelet.

No, I don't want no charm.

A watch?

A watch.

Now that sounds like a winner.


Well, let me see.
Show it to me.

Come this way, please.

Show it to me, please,
if you don't mind.

We've got some beautiful
ladies watches right over here.

Good afternoon.


May I help you?

Yes, uh, we are
looking for rings.


What kind of rings?

Wedding rings.

Oh, wedding rings.


When's the date?

Very soon.

Next month.

Gosh, that's great.

Let's see, now.

What kind of wedding
rings are you looking for?

Well, we've got plain
bands, some engraved bands.

Something-- something
that is not too expensive.



Hey, listen, I have
this beautiful ring--


--I think you'll like.

Let me get it for you.

Let me see what
she's got to show.

Diamonds are expensive.

Diamonds are a
girl's best friend.

Ah, that's right.

Yes, but not mine.

But not mine.

Let me show you this ring.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at it.

That's just exactly what I want.

That-- that looks
too expensive.

You haven't even looked at it.

I've looked at it!

I've seen it.

It's too expensive.

You don't even know
how much it costs.

I can tell by looking at it.

This ring costs $1,000.


Sir, I have just
the watch for you.

Well, let me see it.

Let me see it.

The finest watch
in the whole store.

Would you like to try it on?


No, no, no, no.

I-- I think you--
you better show

her something less expensive.

Well, it's really
not that expensive.

And it looks so
beautiful on her hand.

No, no.

I-- I am sorry.

This is the one I want.

Let me look at it
under the light here.

It looks lovely.

Look, it's beautiful.

No, no, no, no.

Look at it.


What do you mean, no?


You're so cheap.

I am not cheap.

Well, you are so.


It's only $1,000.

Oh, baby, now, that's
what I call a watch!

That-- look at the
diamonds in it.

Isn't that beautiful?

Notice the filigree leaf.

MONICA: You are cheap.
- Can you--

DIPPY: What do you mean, cheap?
- Can you-- can you put my--

DIPPY: Don't give me that cheap.
- Can you put my lady's name?

MONICA: You are so cheap.
DIPPY: I am not cheap.

Excuse me just a moment.
DIPPY: No way am I cheap.

That's $1,000 too much.

Excuse me.

Is there something wrong here?

DIPPY: Nothing is wrong.

This is a private argument.

Well, everything
seems to be OK.

Would you like to try
on something different?


I don't want
anything different.


This is the one I want.

It's really a
very lovely ring.

If that is the one you
want, you buy it yourself.


Oh, my god!

Oh, my darling.

My darling, speak to me.

Speak to me.

Blanche, Blanche, come here.

She's fainted.


Oh, no.

Lift her feet up.

Perhaps that'll help.

Here, I'll take her pulse.

Maybe we ought to
loosen her clothing.

DIPPY: Yeah, yeah.

I will do that.

I will do that.

WOMAN: No, you don't.

This is a respectable store.

I don't think the
boss would allow it.

DIPPY: I am sorry.

I am sorry.

Uh, call-- call an ambulance.

Call an ambulance.


WOMAN: Let's see.

Your pulse looks OK.

Yes, can I have an ambulance
sent to Main Street Jewelers,


Hurry, it's an emergency.

One of our customers
has fainted.

Thank you.

DIPPY: Speak.

Speak to me.

Speak to me, please?

WOMAN: Oh, she looks
like she's gone to me.

DIPPY: Oh, no.

Bob, what are we
stopping here for?

Never mind that.
Come on.

I want you to get the
safe out of the trunk.

Come on, put it on the ground.


Open it up.

But Bob, it's locked.

Tear the damn thing open, man.

We made you the strongest
man in the world.

Come on, you can do it.

All right, if you
say so, I'll open it.

I'll open it.

Got it, we got it!

Well, what are you
gonna do with them?

What are you gonna do with them?

Never mind that.

Come on, I want you to get
rid of this safe for me.

Come on, hurry up!

All right, all
right, all right!

Come on, man!

Come on!

All right, come on, hurry it up.

Hurry, man, hurry!

How can a man be so strong
and yet be so damn slow?

Holding up my progress here.

Getting me a new
Cadillac, anyway.

Come on, man.

Hurry it up, man.

Man, we ain't got all day.

Get on over here!

Bob, what the
hell are you doing?

I'm sorry, Steve, but
you see, this is a robbery,

not a practical joke.

You see, there was
over $10 million

worth of diamonds in that safe,
and I got them right here.

So now you wanna shoot me?

You're gonna kill me?

Think of it this way.

I'm just closing your
contract with death,

you see, because you were
gonna die in six days, anyway.

What are you talking about?

You see, that experiment
that was performed on you

has one fatal aftereffect.

You see, you die in
exactly one week.

Peggy and the Doctor
were trying to discover

some sort of neutralizer that
would counter that effect,

but you see, we just
didn't have enough time.

We had to get these diamonds.

You're a no good
son of a bitch!


That's just what my
mama used to call me.

I think I'm gonna
shoot you in your face,

because I don't wanna mess up
that suit I just bought you.


Goddamn, this nigga
is bulletproof!




Goddamn, where that
woman could be?



What the hell happened to you?

Well, it's that-- that
goddamn nigga Steve!

He's bulletproof!

What the hell you
mean, bulletproof?

I tried to shoot him, but
the-- but the bullets bounced

right off his black ass.

Well, have you
got the diamonds?

- No.
- You what?


You don't have the diamonds?

He's got 'em.

But don't worry.

Don't worry, don't worry.

That's all you've been saying
since we started this shit,

and look what it's gotten us!

Don't worry.

Steve will bring 'em back.

Well, how will
he bring 'em back?

He'll bring 'em back in
exchange for the neutralizer.

See-- see, I told him that
he was gonna die in six days

if he didn't get the neutralizer
you and Peggy was working on,


But we don't have
the neutralizer!

We know that, Doc,
but Steve doesn't.


Who was that?

That was Peggy.


Peggy, baby, am
I glad to see you.

Honey, what's wrong?

Oh, baby, what-- what--
what's that you got there?

Be careful, be careful.

This could save your life.

Come on, quick, get inside.


Peggy, that nigga's crazy.

That motherfucker was
trying to kill me.


That motherfucker's crazy.

Ain't no [INAUDIBLE] like that.


Steve, I have something
I've got to say.

Say it!

Say it!

Shit, I feel like I'm
dying, goddamn it.

I know.

I overheard them talking.

You know you only
have six days to live?

Six days?

You mean-- I'm not
gonna sit around

here six days till I die.

I'm going to the lab.

I'm gonna find that little short
motherfucker, kick his ass,

and get that neutralizer.

You can't.

That's exactly what
they want you to do,

so they can trick you into
giving up the diamonds

for the neutralizer!

They don't even have
the neutralizer!


You mean to tell me they
don't have no neutralizer?

We have the main ingredients,
but in what amounts,

I don't know.

It could take months, even
years to get this thing right.

You mean to tell
me you think, girl,

I'm gonna sit on my black ass
and just sit here and die?

What's all that shit you
got on there, anyway?

Look, after I heard
all I needed to know--

Yeah, what happened?

--I grabbed the compounds
for the neutralizer.


And I left the lab
without anyone seeing me.



You mean to tell me, you can
make the-- the neutralizer out

of that stuff?

Yes, but--


Give me that stuff!

Steve, what are you gonna do?

I'm not gonna sit
here and commit suicide.

I'm going to do something.

I'm not-- if I'm
gonna die, damn it--

if I'm gonna die, girl,
I'm gonna die trying!

Well, get out of the way.

I don't wanna die.

Ain't nobody-- nobody gonna
put them flowers on my grave.

I do not wanna die!

Lord, I wanna go to heaven,
but I don't wanna die.

Oh, no, no, no.

Them honkies done messed me up!

Eenie, meenie, minie, moe,
this nigga's not ready to go!

I don't wanna die.

I don't wanna die.

I just don't wanna die.

I got too much to live for!

Oh, shit, goddamn it!

Shit, God!


I'll drink this shit.

Oh, my god!

Oh, goddamn it, I got it.

I believe I got the formula!

Steve, don't drink that stuff!

I'm gonna drink this shit!

If it's not white,
it's not a neutralizer.

Peggy, it's turning!

It's a miracle.

Steve, you found
the neutralizer!

Wee, I feel good!


I feel good!

Woo, I feel good!

I knew you would!

I feel good.

All right, cut the bullshit.

We want the diamonds.

Nigga, I don't know
nothing about no diamonds.

Look, if you want
this bitch alive,

then give up the diamonds.

Look, man, that girl
didn't do nothing to you.

Why don't you leave
that girl alone?

Look, we're not kidding.

If you want this bitch alive,
then give up the diamonds.

Believe me, my friend,
he is not kidding.

Oh, I see you have
the compounds.

I can make the neutralizer
for you, Steve.

Of course, in exchange
for the diamonds.

Steve has already
taken the neutralizer.

In the name of science,
how did you do it, Peggy?

Well, you can give
the credit to Steve.

All he did was mix the compounds
together, and he drank it down.

But-- but I don't understand!

We've been working
on it for weeks!

Listen, let's cut the
bullshit and get to the point.

Man, I'll tell you where
the diamonds are, if you--

if you just leave us alone.

Where are they?

Man, they're close to the
spot where we hit the safe.

Well, listen, let's go.

And you remember one thing.

You may be bulletproof,
but your woman ain't.

All right, baby.

Just-- just take it easy, man.

Come on, baby.

We-- we'll go with them.

Come on.

These guys are crazy.

Bunch of nuts.

But Dr. Dippy, where
are you taking us?

Do not worry about it.

Just get going.
- Aw, come on.

Get the lead out of your ass.

Come on.

Hey, man, don't
hurt this girl.

Let's move, man.

Let's move!

Get your honky hands off me.

All right, Steve, you
get out on that side.

All right.

All right, move.

All right.

Move, nigga!

Peggy, out!

You heard the man.

Get your ass on over there.

Come on!


All right, Steve,
where are the diamonds?

I'm not sure, man.

I'm not sure!

You're not sure?


I forgot!

What do you mean, you forgot?

When I gave you
superhuman powers,

I also gave you a super memory.

You cannot forget!

Listen, Steve, if
you play games with us,

we'll have to kill her.

Don't move, don't move!

Any slight movement of my hand
could set this trigger off.

All right, man.

All right.

Don't hurt-- don't
hurt the girl.

Don't-- don't hurt Peggy.
Look, look.

I'll get you the diamonds,
but remember one thing.

If you hurt her, I'm
still bulletproof,

and I'll find you sometime,
someplace, somewhere.

You've got yourself
a deal, brother.

We don't wanna hurt your woman.

All we want is
the damn diamonds!

All right.
Don't hurt the girl.

Don't-- don't-- don't
hurt her, please, please.

I'll get the diamonds.

I'll get the diamonds.

I'll get the diamonds.

You two wait
for me in the car.


What the-- I
thought you were doing

this in the name of science.

Do not be stupid, boy.

I was doing it for the
money, same as you.




It's all over, Peggy.

Let's go.

WOMAN: Mama don't
know what it is.

BOY: Hey.

Hey, baby, you know what it is?

WOMAN: Why, no.

I don't know what it is.

BOY: Somebody's got
to know something.

I don't know where
it comes from.

I don't know where it goes.

Spider-man, can you help me?

Got to know.

I've got to know.

Robin, tell Batman,
I need him now.

I know he can help
me, somehow, somehow.

I'm scared.

Something's creeping
around here.

I don't know what.

Last night, it woke
me from my sleep.

It must be something awful.

It got big feet.

It walks so hard.

It talks real loud.

Maybe I need Wonder Woman
to get the answer for me.

Maybe the Hardy Boys can solve
this mystery, this mystery.

Miss, you saw it.

What is it?

WOMAN: I'm sorry, young man,
but I don't know what it is.

BOY: Hey.

Hey, Mister, do you
know what it is?

MAN: Do I know what it is?

It is what it is.

That's what it is.

BOY: I asked my friend Joe.


Hey, Joe.

Do you know what it is?

JOE: I don't know, man.

I don't know nothing, man.

BOY: I asked my grandma.

Grandma, can you
tell me what it is?

WOMAN: It's a nigga!