The Reluctant Debutante (1958) - full transcript

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

All right, Miss Grey,
how many more?

Only these. The rest
can wait until tomorrow.

Good. What time does
the New York plane get in?

5:55.

And it takes 40 minutes
to get to the airport.

We'll give that call
from Canada

five more minutes,
and then you'd better--

Ah!



Hello?

Oh, thank you. It's Lady Broadbent.
She's on her way up.

- Good.
- Do you think she'd like a cup of tea?

I'm sure she would.

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

Oh, darling!

I didn't frighten
you, did I?

No. I thought it was Miss Grey.

Oh. Well, I'm not late,
am I...Miss Grey?

No, no, no.
You're not late.

You're early for a change.
Come and sit down.

Miss Grey is getting
you a cup of tea.

Oh, don't.

We don't have to go until 5:00. I've got
a call coming through from Canada.



At least,
I hope it is.

Important? You looked
worried when I came in.

Yeah. I was a bit.

You do take sugar in your tea,
Lady Broadbent?

Oh! Yes, I do. Thank you
so much. How's your mother?

Oh, she's a little better,
thank you,

now that
the weather's changed.

Oh, how nice.

Uh. You know, darling,
we really should use tea on our garden.

This plant seems
to thrive on it.

Oh, shut up, darling.

Oh, darling, are you
scared stiff, too?

Oh, no. No.
I'm not scared of it. I-I-I--not in the least.

I just, you know, I just hope that you
sort of get on. That's all.

- What happens if we don't?
- Why shouldn't you?

Ah. Because all children hate
their stepmothers.

She won't hate
this one, darling.

You know,
what'll I do with her?

I mean...she's never been
in England.

She may not like London.
She won't know anybody, and...

But, darling, you know
how awful people can be to young girls

who don't know...

That's not really a very good photograph,
darling.

It was taken
two years ago.

She's not that unattractive.
I mean, she's not a raving beauty.

You haven't been
to America for two years.

She could have turned
into a nightmare.

Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean it. It's only my nerves.

I know, love.

- Oh, Miss Grey!
- Oh!

Oh, thank you.

- Jimmy?
- Yes, love?

- Darling, wish me luck.
- Good luck, darling.

Oh, Miss Grey, tell them to put
the Canadian call

through to the flat just after 7:00.

We should be back by then
if the plane's on time.

- Yes.
- Oh, the tea was lovely, Miss Grey.

It went down very well.

Thank you, Lady Broadbent,
and good luck!

Thank you,
Miss Grey.

That can't be her!

It is.

She's beautiful!

- Are you sure you have everything?
- Yes, everything is here.

- Jane?
- Hello, Dad.

Jane, darling, you look wonderful!
What's happened?

Old age, I guess. How are you?

Fine. Jane, darling,
this is Sheila.

Why, you're beautiful!

Well, is there any reason
why she shouldn't be?

You look terrible on those
wedding pictures, but you are lovely.

Oh, come on. You don't
look so bad to me yourself.

Let's go.
My car's outside.

- Sheila!
- Ooh!

Sheila!
Oh, do come this way.

Would you mind putting
our bags in the front seat?

- Who's that?
- It's Mabel Claremont and her daughter.

She's Sheila's second cousin twice
removed, and twice isn't far enough.

Why? what's wrong with her?
I think she looks like fun.

Well, she is really,
but Jimmy thinks she talks a bit too much.

Her tongue runs
on atomic energy.

Oh, Sheila, darling,

- I haven't seen you since the wedding.
- Hello. How are you?

- Hello, Jimmy.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- You know Clarissa, don't you?

- Hello.
- Yes.

- Who's this?
- Oh, my daughter Jane.

Your daughter?

Yes.
She just got off the plane from America.

Oh, but of course.

I forgot you were married before
to an American, weren't you?

But what a lovely child
she is.

- How old are you, dear?
- 17.

Oh, but how wonderful.

You know, Sheila,
we're just down in London for the season.

We nipped up to Scotland just
to freshen Clarissa up for the weekend.

You know, she's a debutante.
She's coming out this year.

- Clarissa, darling.
- Yes, Mommy?

Do tell Jane all about the season,
won't you?

You know, we have
to be going, darling.

I've got a call,
a business call at 7:00.

Yes. Mabel,
darling, do call us.

Oh, but darling,
we can't part now!

We can't possibly because
I've got so much to tell you.

Oh, don't--why don't we all squeeze
into your car,

and I'll simply
get rid of mine?

Oh, yes. Chauffeur, do be kind
enough to bring my bags

and put them in here, will you?

Yes. Oh, Jimmy darling, do be an absolute
angel and go and take care of him.

He's just a hired
car, sweetheart.

Oh, isn't
this lovely?

Oh, I can't think
of anything nicer

than being married
to a banker, darling.

Oh, what wonderful things
to photograph here!

I'm going to have
a field day with my camera.

- There's one thing you mustn't miss.
- What's that?

The changing of the guards.

It's so colorful,
and we'll be just in time.

- Mommy, can't we stop off at Whitehall?
- Oh, darling--

- Oh, Daddy, can we?
- I've got that call.

Well, I'll get out with Jane,
and we can walk back.

Oh, it's a good idea.
Edwards, pull up and let the girls out.

- Don't get kicked, darling.
- Oh, Mommy!

- And do be careful crossing the roads.
- Don't be too long, darling.

- Come back soon.
- I'll wait for you at Sheila's, darling.

Oh, it's wonderful!

Oh, it was sweet
of you, Clarissa.

It's sweet of you.
It gave me an excuse.

What for?

Do you see that officer?

- Which one?
- The one in the red uniform.

What's he?
Montgomery or something?

He's called
David Fenner.

- What's his story?
- I'm in love with him.

Well, he looks great from here.
Is--is he in love with you?

I don't know.
Do you think he can see us?

No.
Not unless he's got a periscope.

Well, I'll see him
at the ball tonight.

- Come on. Let's go and have some tea.
- Okay.

Once a year, there's
a debutantes' ball

which is called
Queen Charlotte's ball,

and all the debutantes
are dressed in white,

and it's great fun
and they curtsey, and--

- You mean you go dancing every night?
- Yes, nearly.

- Why?
- It's the season.

You keep telling me it's the season.
What is the season exactly?

The London season. Mothers
launch their daughters when they're 17.

Launch them?
You mean break a bottle over them?

No, not exactly.
It's called coming out. The mothers do it.

- They give--
- What about the fathers?

They just pay.

- For what?
- For the balls.

Each mother gives a ball
for her own daughter,

so her daughter can be
asked to the other mothers' balls.

- What do you do then, sleep all day?
- Oh, no. It goes on in the daytime, too.

There's Ascot and Wimbledon
and Goodwood,

and the presentation
parties to the queen...

This year, at least.
This is the last year.

- Why?
- Because the queen's decided

that it's out of date.

You know, I think the queen's
got something there.

You know, darling, I've been a mother
now for quite some time,

but for the first time,
I'm really beginning to feel like one.

It's absolutely
wonderful.

It's so nostalgic sitting at
the dances,

watching like our mothers did
when we came out.

I never came out.

What? Oh, my dear,
I am so very sorry.

Naturally,
I had sort of took it for granted.

What a pity. It was money,
I suppose, in those days.

- No. Hitler.
- Hitler!

Darling! Don't tell me you
weren't 17 before the war.

Oh, darling,
I'm telling you.

Actually, of course,
I--I just barely made it myself.

Oh, you poor darling.
What a tragedy.

You don't know
what you missed.

She didn't miss
a thing.

Listen to him! He adored it!

Adored it? It was
undiluted hell.

All right for you women,
but for a man...

You try it, Mabel. Try going to work
at 9:00 with an almighty hangover,

and then coming back at half past six
and putting on a straitjacket again.

Try going to bed when everybody else
is getting up,

and then try getting up
with both your eyes so sealed--

well, as a matter of fact,
just try getting up.

Hello? Hold on.

It's that Canadian call.
I'll take it in the other room.

You know, darling, we've got invitations
to every single night

of the season
except one...July the 14th.

You know, I'm terribly glad
that Clarissa's decided to do it.

I do feel that there's
sort of a stamp attached if you don't.

I'm terribly sorry, darling. I forgot.

Hello!

Hello.

- Hi!
- Get your picture?

- Yes. It was wonderful.
- Good.

Oh, what a lovely room.

Thank you.

Clarissa, darling,
do hold yourself up.

I am, Mommy.

- No, darling. You're slouching.
- Sorry, Mommy.

Well, it's no good being sorry if you
don't do something about it.

Sorry, Mommy.

Look at Jane.

All I can say is, it's a good
thing she's not coming out.

She'd show you up in no time.

- But she is.
- What?

Jane is coming out.

- Me?
- Yes.

Making my debut?

Yes. You see, darling,
Jimmy and I thought that...

Jimmy and I... Well, we didn't
want to worry you till you got here.

But, darling, why on Earth
didn't you say so?

You never gave me
a chance, Mabel.

Oh, no, Sheila.
It's out of the question.

I'm--I'm absolutely no good
at this sort of thing.

I wouldn't even know
what to do.

believe me,
you'll have a triumph.

Oh, and it's so exciting
and it's such fun, Jane.

And you know, all the arrangements
are made for your dance.

Y-you're giving
a dance for me?

Of course we are!

We borrowed Jimmy's
mother's house.

I haven't had an invitation yet,
darling.

Uh...they're not
out yet.

I hope you'll ask us
when you do.

- Well, naturally.
- Oh, lovely.

What date is it, darling?

Date? It's, um...you know,
the 14th of July.

Well, that's all right.
Everything's fine in Canada.

Hello, Clarissa.

Ah, welcome, Jane.

- Hi.
- You get the pictures?

Oh, yes.
They were terrific.

Good. You wait till
you see the trooping of the color

at the queen's birthday parade.
That's even more terrific.

- Jimmy?
- Yes, darling?

Darling, I-I--
I've broken the news to Jane.

I've told Mabel,
and now they know all about it.

All about what?

All about, uh,
all about the 14th of July.

14th of July...you mean
the Bastille?

No, darling. About Jane.
About Jane's...

About my debut,
Dad.

About your...
about her debut?

Yes. Jane's
coming-out ball on the 14th of July.

- 14th of July?
- Oh, darling, your memory!

It's unbelievable.
Where's you diary?

I spend my entire life
doing this.

Now, here...
let--now, here we are.

Now,
read it out aloud,

or Mabel will think
I've done the whole thing from jealousy.

"14th of July:
Jane's coming-out ball."

Well done, darling.
My love, you've been working too hard.

Maybe. Oh, I'd better have a drink.

Are you going to
the ball tonight, Jane?

No. I think Jane should have
a couple of days to settle in.

Oh, I long to know which one she's
starting off with.

- Whose is it, darling?
- Well, you know it's the uh, next Friday.

St. Aspath! That's it!

That was last week, Mommy.

Oh, yes. How silly.
It's the, um...

Mrs. Arthur Milligan.
That's wonderful. We're going, too.

You know, I should
be making one of these for you.

And you know?
I just might take it.

Mr. and Mrs. Walter Carr

and Miss Ellen Carr.

But how nice of you
to come. I'm so glad you did.

Lord and Lady Broadbent and
Miss Jane Broadbent.

Oh, Zoe, how sweet
of you.

Linda, how heavenly
you look.

A lovely dress!
Do you know Jane?

- Hello.
- Hello.

What a lovely party.

Absolutely beautiful.

Lovely.

Well, Mrs. Milligan's
done us proud.

Hasn't she?
What about her husband?

- What about him?
- Well, darling, he wasn't there.

Perhaps she hasn't got one.

Oh, darling, we just shook
hands with the daughter.

That's no proof
she's got a husband.

Oh, Jimmy.

Perhaps he's dead.

Oh. What a good idea.

Cricket, you see, is a game which consists
of two teams of 11 players.

One team is at bat,
and one team is fielding.

There are two batsmen
on the batting team...

♪ ♪

...because if it's hit
by one of the batsmen...

Oh, darling,
I'm so worried about her.

I think she's
doing pretty well.

Oh, Jimmy, really!

Ah, she's danced
with lots of people.

Yes, once, but nobody
ever asks her twice.

I mean she's not interested
in these boys, and they know it.

Now, now. Look at her now.
She's bored to death.

♪ ♪

Looks all right
to me.

Oh.

Why is it that men
never notice anything?

What is there
to notice?

Nothing, if you spend
the entire evening in the bar.

- What bar?
- Well, I do think

you might at least
have had the grace

to introduce her
to a few nice young men.

- I don't know any. Potato salad?
- A few nice old men, then.

They don't exist.
Anyway, all my friends are middle-aged

and don't like dancing.

I've taken her around three times.
Give me that, at least.

♪ ♪

- Jimmy?
- What?

- Jimmy?
- Yes?

Who's that? Who's that?

- Uh, David Fenner. Sardine.
- Who's David Fenner?

- Charlie Fenner's boy.
- Who's Charlie Fenner?

- He's old Lord Fenner's son.
- Would you know him?

I see him at the club.

Rumor has it he's twice as big a bore
as Charlie, if such a thing is possible.

Wait, darling. Do come
along and introduce me.

♪ ♪

Oh, David, darling boy!

We thought you were never
going to get here, didn't we, Clarissa?

Clarissa, what
a lovely dress.

Now where did
you buy that?

From a little woman
in Pont Street.

Mommy! She's the most enormous
woman I've ever met.

David, you know
Sheila, don't you?

No.

Oh, no. Of course you don't.

Uh, I introduce my wife?
Darling, this is David Fenner.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

I say, I'm most frightfully
sorry I'm late.

David came all the way from
Windsor Barracks just to see Clarissa.

The traffic
was appalling.

Not too bad
on the bypass,

but I got completely
blocked up in Staines.

How well do you
know Staines?

Not intimately.

It's a bottleneck.

Is it?

I nearly went by Slough,

but Eton High Street
can be simply beastly.

Can it?

Oh, yes. If you get
a bus in front of you,

you've had it
till you get to Slough.

Fancy.

Of course, if you go by Datchet,
you know, it's even worse.

The way I should have gone is by
the Dorney Road.

You turn right by
Eton College Chapel,

and then left just before you get
to the lower chapel,

then you go three or four miles across
Dorney Common,

until you come to
the Great West Road,

and then turn east.

But then, of course, um,
you've still got Slough ahead.

David.

- David, you don't know Jane, do you?
- No.

- Jane, this is David Fenner.
- Hello.

How do you do?

Oh, Sheila, that Lord St. Aspath chap's
been looking for you.

- Oh.
- I say, what a funny accent.

Funny?

Jane's mother's American.
That's Jimmy's first wife.

Oh, you're Jane!

I saw you
with Clarissa

on parade
one afternoon.

You did?

I say, would you like to dance?

Oh, no. I...

Oh, she adores dancing!

She's mad about it.
Aren't you, darling?

Darling,
you must be tired.

I know how it is.

I had to nurse Clarissa through
her first ball.

Sheila, for heaven's sake,
hurry up.

They're playing
a waltz.

Couldn't think of doing a waltz
without you.

♪ ♪

Are you going
to Wimbledon this year?

I don't know.
Are you?

No. I went
last year, though.

I turned left
over Chelsea Bridge

and it took me straight there
along the Brighton Road.

Are you doing
Goodwood Races?

I don't know.

If you are, and you're
going down from London,

it's a good idea
to go by Harting.

It saves all that main-road
traffic on the Midhurst Road.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

Not a bit.

Oh, hello.

Oh, all right.

♪ ♪

- Large whiskey, please.
- Sorry, sir. We're all out of whiskey.

- Give me a brandy and soda.
- I'm afraid we don't

have any of that either.

- What's that?
- Champagne, sir.

Give me that.

- I beg your pardon.
- I'm sorry.

If horses went to dances,
they'd be in clover.

They sleep
standing up.

Are you a regular?

Well, yes.
I guess you'd say I am.

What do you do it for?
The food?

No, the money.

Oh, I see. You're a gigolo.
Very interesting.

I've always wanted to
meet someone like you.

I admire the hours you keep.
I think it's an example to us all.

Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.

What do you do then?

- I play the drums.
- The drums?

Mm-hm, in the band.
Not that one. My band goes on at 2:00.

I see. Tell me,
is it easy?

I was going
to be a drummer

till my father shoved me
in the bank.

- Oh, really?
- Yes, I ran my own band at school.

Simply wonderful!
Wonderful!

Hector! Come along.

I say what a beauty.
Where did you find her, Hector?

You all right?

Isn't that
David Fenner divine?

Sheila, he's a drip,
and you know it.

Oh, darling, I'm sure
he isn't when you get to know him.

No, I'm not risking it.

Did you like any of the boys
you've danced with this evening?

No.

But you like dancing,
don't you?

Well, yes, but not with them.

Well, you mean they
don't dance properly?

Oh, yes, they do.
They couldn't dance more properly.

That's exactly
what's wrong.

What do you mean, darling?

Well, look at them.

They all dance like
they're going for a walk,

except that you're
walking backwards.

Well, that's not what dancing's for.

I mean when natives dance in Africa,
it means something.

What does it mean?

They're making love.

Are they?

Oh, no,
I don't mean literally.

It's in the early stages,

but they're warming
up for it.

Well, that's why they do it.
Otherwise they wouldn't do it.

They'd go out
for a walk instead.

Oh, but,
darling, they're primitive.

Love is primitive.

I-I suppose
you're right.

That's what I like
about them,

they're honest,
and we're not.

They know what
dancing's for.

And if it's not for that,
it's not for anything.

Now, try it
double time.

It's a paradiddle.

Paradiddle! That's it.
That's it, yes.

You know, you've got pretty good
coordination.

Thank you very much.
I'm all right up here.

It's when I get to the bass
pedal that I get stuck.

That's simple.
You do the paradiddle.

Bam-bam-bam-bam,
bam-bam-bam-bam.

Ah, yes.

Hello, darling.
This is my wife.

Uh...oh, I've forgotten
your name.

Parkson.
David Parkson.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Parkson. Parkson...

oh, are you by any chance
related to Mary Parkson?

You know, darling,
Mary Parkson's the--

No, no, no. He's an American.

American?
Oh, how wonderful!

You must meet Jimmy's daughter.

She's an American, too.
Jane, darling.

This is her first ball,
and she enjoys dancing so much.

- I do hope you enjoy dancing!
- Yes, I do.

That's wonderful. Jane, darling,
this is David Parkson.

- Hello.
- How do you do, Jane?

Oh, this tune drives
me out of my mind.

Yes! Let's mix
it up a bit.

Yes.

♪ ♪

I think we're
supposed to dance.

Looks that way,
doesn't it?

Oh, Jimmy!
At last she's enjoying herself!

Look at her.
She's radiant.

Well, at least he doesn't look as though
he's talking about a traffic jam.

American?

Well, it's not Papa,
so I guess it must be Mama.

Actually, it's just
the other way around with me.

My Dad's American,
and my mom's Italian.

♪ ♪

Your Dad said
you've just come over.

Yes.
This is my first ball.

Oh.
How are you liking it?

Fine. Do you go
to balls often?

Too often.

Don't you like them?

Well, I like
this one.

What do you do
in the daytime?

Sleep.

Don't you do any work?

Well, sure.

When?

Well, right now,
actually.

You see those drums?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I play them.

Oh, how wonderful!

Oh, darling, we must ask him
to dine tomorrow night

and to take her
to Susan Shelley's dance.

Do you play
at lots of dances?

Yes. We're booked four nights
a week for the whole season.

Good.

But I'll be missing some
because I'm going to Italy tomorrow.

Why?

I've got a great-uncle
there who's old and rather sick.

You won't be gone
for long will you?

I hope not.

I hope not, too.

I enjoyed the dance
very much.

- So did I.
- Oh, Mr. Parkson--

Would you please excuse me?
I've got to go to work now.

Work?

Jimmy, you really
are useless!

On the contrary. He said I have a damn
fine sense of rhythm.

Excuse me. Would you care
to dance?

♪ ♪

Ooh! Ho!

♪ ♪

Whoo!

Sheila...
Sheila!

What happened, Sheila, darling?
Did that dreadful young man pick her up?

Oh, Mabel, don't
be such a snob.

Snob? Because
he's a drummer?

I couldn't care less
if he's in a band!

It's when he's not in the band
that I start worrying.

What do you mean?

Mean? You mean you
don't know about him?

No!

Well, my dear, he's a menace.

Not one single girl in London
is safe... not one!

♪ ♪

Don't tell me you haven't heard about
poor Brenda Bassington?

Good heavens!
Is he the one?

- Do you know about him?
- I heard about it at the club.

I didn't know it was him.

You seem to be the only one who
doesn't know, darling.

Know what, Mabel?

Well, first of all,
he's half-Italian,

and he claims to be
a Portofino or a Positano.

I forget which, but the
Bassingtons fell for it

and invited him
for the weekend,

and that's when
it happened.

What happened?

Oh, they found Brenda
passed out on the bed.

- Who found her, Mabel?
- Colonel Bassington, darling.

He heard a noise, went down
the passageway, threw open the door,

and there she was.

...a whole flask
of brandy!

Well, anyway,
in the long run...

♪ ♪

- ...and then he came back with the nuts.
- What?

- Nuts.
- Oh, I hadn't heard about the nuts.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Is this yours?
- Thank you very much.

- Oh! Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
- Oh! Ooh-wee!

Hi. I'm sorry
I'm late.

But, wouldn't you know it...Sheila
would insist on dropping me at Harrod's.

Then I couldn't get
a taxi in the rain for ages.

What at Harrod's?

She thought I was lunching there
with Clarissa.

Where you,
till I called?

No. Clarissa's out with
David Fenner, actually,

and Sheila thinks
that I'm out with Clarissa.

That makes
everybody happy.

Have, uh...
you put off going to Italy?

No. My plane doesn't
leave until 4:00.

Oh.

What's that?

Sherry. Would you like one?

- Please.
- Miss?

Could we have another sherry,
please?

Yes.

David, why did you call?

Because...
because I wanted to.

You know, I've never
had lunch with anyone alone before.

- How are you liking it?
- A lot.

A lot more than
your stepmother would,

if she knew
you were here.

She wouldn't like it,
would she?

No.

What, going out to lunch or
going out to lunch with me?

I guess that's it.

Could be.

Why? because I played
the drums?

Well, that's what I thought
at first, but...

I don't think
it could be that.

You know, it isn't only Sheila
who doesn't approve.

It's Daddy, too.

Have you been in conference
all night about me?

No. It was at breakfast.

Sheila said she was
sorry she introduced you to me,

and you were a very undesirable fellow,
and Daddy nodded.

And what did you do?

I said you were
very desirable.

Oh, thank you.

And then they changed
the subject.

David, I--

It's a good idea.
Let's us change the subject, too.

May I return
the compliment?

What compliment?

About being desirable.

David.

Jane, uh...

can we meet again
after I come back from Italy?

Yes. I-I'd like that.

How long will you
be away?

I don't know. It depends on
my great-uncle's condition.

Maybe two or three weeks.

Oh, ages.

That isn't such
a long time.

Besides, you'll be
dancing all the time.

Yes. I suppose so.

I hope you enjoy it.

I'll try.

The Dowager Duchess of Drayton

and Mr. Buddy Harper.

Lord and Lady Broadbent
and Miss Jane Broadbent.

How sweet of you.

Hello.
How are you?

How beautiful you look.

Mr. and Mrs. Cookson
and the Mrs. Cookson.

♪ ♪

It's Sheila Broadbent.

Tell me darling,
I'm sure you're terribly busy,

but a few of us are
giving a party,

and it would be so lovely
if you could come. I know you've got--

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I have
another engagement.

I...I see, darling.

Some other time.

Lord and Lady Broadbent
and Miss Jane Broadbent.

You'd think the old left-hand drive
would sort of get you down a bit at first,

but it doesn't.

Any brandy left?

Sorry.

Oh, how's the scotch
holding up?

Sorry.

There's absolutely
nothing to it.

Do you know, I got caught in a traffic
block at Hyde Park corner

the other day
for 14 and a half minutes!

Well, I mean, it's not long.

Now, there's only one way
to solve the problem as far as I can see.

But, darling Robin, I asked
you to come especially three weeks ago,

and I sincerely hoped
that you would come, and I think...

I'm sorry, but I couldn't
possibly come tonight.

I see.

- Lord and Lady Broadbent...
- Father gave it to me

for my birthday, actually.
I must say, It's a smashing little job.

Sounds fun.

You know, it does 70
in turns,

he's absolutely marvelous
on the corners.

Divine.

You know the Portsmouth Road,
the A-3? Yes, of course you do.

There's an absolutely beastly corner
round about Hindhead.

Sounds ghastly.

Climbing up around
The Devil's Punchbowl,

she goes up there
like a bomb.

Lord and Lady Broadbent
and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Mr. and Mrs. Cookson
and the Mrs. Cookson.

Sir Charles and Lady Heathergill
and Miss May Heathergill.

Lady Patricia Ealing.

The Dowager Duchess of Drayton
and Mr. Buddy Harper.

Air Marshal
Sir Edmond Demster,

Lady Demster,
and Miss Sheila Demster.

Mr. John Hopgood.

♪ ♪

Baron and Baby Laybent.

Lord and Lady Broadbent
and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Darling!

I've been wondering
which car park we should aim at.

Ascot high street of course would be
an absolute shambles,

so I thought if we went from
the Windsor Great Park,

then we could turn left
and go right onto the course itself.

Oh, I'll be one second.

Oh! I'm so sorry!

Excuse me, will you?

Lord and Lady Broadbent
and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Sir Andrew Pengelly.

Sir John Manson
and Miss Jane Miller.

The honorable
Miss Susan Nelton.

My biggest problem was
deciding at Scotch Corner

whether to go by
Newcastle or Carlisle.

Do you know what I did?

I decided to go
by Howick.

Howick.

Lord and Lady Broadbent
and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Leftenant General
sir Trevor Sinistraw...

Ohh!

What is it,
my darling?

My poached egg.

What's the matter
with it?

I don't like the way
it's looking at me.

I think it thinks I'm bad.

Well,
drink your orange juice.

Must I?
It lowers my morale.

Well, darling,
have some coffee.

That's not a bad idea.

I say, you look
marvelous.

I don't know how you do it,
considering we didn't get in till 3:00.

Darling, what were
you drinking last night?

Everything I could
lay my hands on.

Champagne, whiskey, cigarette ash,
lipstick, lemonade.

Well, why don't you stick
to one thing or the other?

The thing I was sticking to ran out
so I went over to the other

and that ran out so I had to
scavenge around among the empties.

- Oh, don't!
- Well, sorry, darling, you asked me.

Well now, we're not going to let
that happen at our ball.

It's bound to if I'm
going to keep awake.

Oh, darling,
I don't mean you.

I mean...
We must lay an adequate supply of drink.

I have. I've laid
in everything from vodka

down to
hashish cigarettes.

I'm aiming at complete
unconsciousness.

Oh, Jimmy, isn't it exciting?

You realize it's
tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night
is Jane's ball!

I doubt I'll live to see it.

Don't be silly,
darling.

Silly? I'm not being silly.
This racket's killing me.

I'm nothing but a walking ulcer
in full evening dress.

And for what,
may I ask?

For Jane.

Oh. Well, what are
the orders for tonight?

Well, we're meeting Clarissa
and Mabel at Quaglina's.

We're all having dinner there and then
going on to Rhoda Gregson's dance.

Oh, you know I haven't slept
since Sunday night?

I know, my love,
but you mustn't give in now.

I'll get Miss Grey
to get a table.

Uh, one, two, three, four, five.
Is Mabel bringing a young man?

I expect so.

Six. Are we?

- No.
- Good.

- Darling, are you in a dreadful hurry?
- Yes, as a matter of fact I am.

Sit down. I've got to talk
to you about Jane.

I'm awfully upset about her.

Why? what's wrong?

You may not believe this,

but I've been literally
hanging on to that telephone for days.

I do.
I got the bill this morning.

No, but, darling, nobody
will come. Nobody!

I've been down Rhoda Gregson's
list from A to Z,

and not one single solitary man will come
and have dinner tonight.

Now, there must be something
wrong with Jane.

Perhaps there's something wrong
with Rhoda Gregson's list.

Oh, no, darling. It's Jane.
She's no good with men.

She doesn't know any,
and she doesn't want to know any.

She's a wise girl.

Darling, it isn't funny.

Now, you've got
to talk to her.

- Talk to her, why should I?
- Because you're a man,

and you can tell her
what the young men want.

Don't be silly. Of course you can.

I'm sure they don't
change that much.

You bet they don't.

- Jimmy, then will you talk to her?
- No, I will not.

Oh, darling,
you really are so selfish.

Got to find a man for
dinner tonight if it kills me.

Oh, I know.
I'll try David Fenner.

I thought he was Clarissa's
private property.

Nonsense.
He's very fond of Jane.

I know he bores you to death,
darling, but I can't help that.

On the contrary,
he fascinates me.

It's like talking to a signpost.

- Good morning.
- Oh, hello, Jane.

Did you sleep well?

Very well, and you?

Oh, I dozed off between
the Alka Seltzer now and then.

- Good morning, Sheila.
- Good morning, darling.

Well, I'm going to have
to get dressed.

Oh, Jimmy, it's tails.

What?
To the office?

- No, darling, for tonight.
- Oh. No, of course.

Darling, have you got
David Fenner's telephone number?

No, I don't.

I'll call Mabel.
I'm sure she'll have it.

Let me see...

Cardiff, Cheesewright,
Chris--

Oh, dear!
I've jumped one.

Sheila, I don't want David Fenner
for a dancing partner.

Nonsense, darling. He's divine.

Here we are! Westminster 7381.

You know, we really must
write that down.

Well, you just won't have
a partner. That's all.

I'd rather that than go
on asking David Fenner

until he can't stand
the sight of me.

Hello, Mabel.

Yes, it is.

Uh, I was just wondering if
you've got a young man for dinner tonight.

Oh, I see, darling.

Oh, yes, aren't they
difficult to get?

I just wondered
for the numbers.

Oh, Mabel! Darling, by the way,
you don't happen to have, um...

David Fenner's
telephone number?

Jimmy rather wanted him on business.

Oh, I see, darling.

Uh...Clarissa, go
and see if you can get

David Fenner's number
in your book.

Oh, Mabel, it's
too kind of you.

Clarissa's looking
in her book.

Hmm?

Yes, wasn't it
too lovely?

What? Did you really?

How sweet of you.

I simply must tell her at once.
She'll be too thrilled.

Mabel says you looked
too wonderful for words last night.

She's thrilled.

Uh, what about Clarissa?

Did she like it?
Oh, I'm so glad.

You know, I do think she's very sensible
not dancing all the time.

Her shoe?
Oh, yes. I see.

Darling, I've been meaning to ask you,
who is David Fenner's mother?

Rosie Britt?

No, how too extraordinary!

You know, we always met
at the sea as children?

Mabel, darling,
has Clarissa found--

Oh, come along, Clarissa!
Sheila's waiting.

Just a minute, darling.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Where did you get that dreadful
young man's number?

At a ball. He gets
me records from America.

I'm sorry, darling.

Now, write this down
and stop picking your nose.

Oh, Mabel, darling,
don't be silly.

I was talking to Jane.

You were, too.
What a strange coincidence.

Yes, I'm ready.

Yes--it's, um...

It's Marblearch 5101.

Marblearch 5101.

Thank you so much,
darling.

See you at Quaglina's.

Good-bye, darling.

Well, I'd like to see her get
David Fenner at that number.

Now, that number...
did you write it down?

Mm-hmm. Here it is
on the napkin.

Oh, Jane, really, what
a place to put it. What is it?

Marblearch 5101.

Oh, please,
let him be dated.

Oh, nonsense, darling.
He's enchanting.

Hello?

Hello, David!
This is Sheila Broadbent.

Now, tell me, dear boy,

are you going to Rhoda Gregson's
dance tonight?

Because, if so,
please come with us.

I'm sure you're flooded out
with invitations, but do forget them all

and come and dine with us.

Oh, just a tiny party,

my husband Jimmy Broadbent,
and Jane, and one or two friends.

Oh, thank you.
I'd love to.

Will you really? Oh, how
too wonderful for words!

Well, Let's say eightish
at Quaglina's.

Oh, I shall look forward
to it immensely!

We'll have a lovely long
talk about your mother.

You know that we met
as children by the sea?

How is she, by the way?

Fine.

Still living
in the country?

Oh, how I envy her!

Well, next time you're talking to her,
do give her Sheila's love.

Well, good-bye,
David dear. Until 8:00.

He's coming!

No! You don't say!

Darling, he's coming!

David Fenner's coming.

Well done, darling.
Bad luck, darling.

I'd rather go out
with a road map.

Did you know he was
Rosie Britt's boy?

I assumed so.
She was Lady Fenner after all.

Why "was"?
Are they divorced?

No, darling. Rosie died.
She died in 1945.

- Oh, Jimmy, no!
- I'm afraid she did.

She can't have done.
I just sent her my love.

What?
In a seance?

Oh, darling, this is serious.
He said she was in the country.

Oh? Ah!
Perhaps she was buried there, darling.

But I've just sent
her my love.

There's no harm
in that.

Oh.

Hello? Yes?

Oh, hello, sir.

This is
David Fenner.

Could I speak
to Jane, sir?

It's for you, darling.
David Fenner.

What? David Fenner?
Let me speak to him again.

David, this is Sheila.

About your mother,
darling...

W-well, I'm afraid
she's dead, actually.

Yes, I know, darling,

that's why I'm so sorry about asking
you to give her my love.

I-I'm afraid I can't
because she's dead.

I know, darling.
That's why I'm so sorry.

It was such a silly
mistake to make.

Well, she couldn't help it,
actually.

I...oh, Jane,
you talk to him.

Hello, David.
Don't mind Sheila.

She's all steamed up
this morning.

I say, Jane,
I was wondering

if we couldn't dine
together tonight.

You know, just ourselves,
before the dance.

Oh, hold on.
I'll ask Sheila.

He wants me to dine
alone with him.

Oh, no, no, no!
That comes later.

David, darling boy,
this is Sheila again.

I don't want
to interfere,

but wouldn't it be much more fun
if we all dined together?

W-what? Um, with me?

Oh, no, no, of course not. With Jimmy.

Please say you will.
It will be such fun.

Uh, yes. I'd love to.

Well, that's settled then.
Let's say 8:00 at Quaglina's?

Good-bye, David dear.

Well, I don't think he was too hurt about
his mother after all.

Sheila, he must think
you're cracked.

Y-you ought to see
a psychoanalyst.

You go around giving love to corpses
on the telephone...

well, you're halfway
around the bend.

Well, I'm off.

What should I tell
Miss Grey about the table?

You, me, Jane, Mabel,

Clarissa, David...

6! See you tonight, darling.
Bye-bye, Jane.

Oh, and keep off David Fenner's
mother as a topic, darling.

Rosie died of boredom.

Charlie Fenner killed her.
There's nothing we can do about it now.

I expect they're
in the bar.

- I'll go and see about the table.
- Would you, darling?

Oh, there they are.

- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.
Good evening.

Hello, darling!
I say, you look smart!

How are you, dear?

Oh, goodness gracious,
there ought to be a lot more chairs.

Jane, darling, you come
and sit next to Clarissa.

I want to sit next to your
mother and have a good chat.

I've got something
to tell you, sweetheart.

Oh! Waiter, would you be kind enough
to bring us two more chairs?

Put them right here.

Darling,
has David Fenner turned up yet?

- David Fenner? No. Is he coming?
- Yes.

But, darling, you said you
didn't know his telephone number.

Mabel, you gave it to me.

Oh, did I?

This morning
on the telephone.

I mean, you
must remember.

Oh, vaguely, darling.
Very vaguely.

Oh, thank you so much.

Would you put it right here?
That's gorgeous.

♪ ♪

Hello, Lady Broadbent,
Lady Claremont.

- David.
- Hello, Jane. Hello, Clarissa.

- Do sit down.
- Thank you.

I'm awfully sorry I'm late.
It was devilish trying to park.

Did you find somewhere
nice to park?

Yes, thanks.
Miles away, though.

Quag's is so packed tonight

I had to park almost back
outside my club.

Why didn't you
take a taxi?

I thought of that,
but if I had,

I'd have had to take one back
again to get the car.

Very true, you know.

Yes. Everything
seems fine.

We'll have a drink
or two in the bar first.

Whenever you like, milord.
Thank you, milord.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

- Oh!
- Oh!

So nice of you to ask me
tonight, Lady Broadbent.

It's so nice
of you to come. I...

You know Mabel Claremont
and her daughter Clarissa,

and you've met Jane,
and this is David Fenner.

- Hello, David.
- Hello, David.

Oh, you two know
each other.

Yes, we met one weekend in
the country.

At the, um, Bassingtons,
actually.

At the B-Bass-ing...
oh!

Our drinks! I'm sure
we could all do with one.

Clarissa, darling.
Jane. Mabel.

- David, darling.
- Thank you.

- Mr. Parkson.
- No, thank you.

Won't you call me David?

But I-I-I really don't know you
very well.

But you've already made me
feel at home.

I thought your band was playing
at the ball tonight.

- Yes. That's right.
- Poor you.

You'd much rather
be dancing, wouldn't you?

Yes, I would.

What sort of dancing
do you like best? Very modern?

Well, yes, I guess so,
but you mustn't call it modern.

It's actually much older
than the other kind.

You see a great deal
of that out in Africa.

How interesting.
Have you been there?

Yes. I went out
to study native music.

What kind of dances
do they do?

Primitive, but beautiful.

The loveliest of all is a sort
of wedding dance.

You know, when the chief's daughter's
getting married.

It goes on
for hours and hours.

The whole tribe joins in at first,
until they get exhausted.

Then finally the bride and the bridegroom
are left dancing on their own.

It's lovely to watch.

Moonlight shining through
the rubber trees,

and their bodies swaying
to the rhythms,

and the movements
getting more and more interpretive.

Then the music rising
slowly to a climax,

and then suddenly it
sort of shudders into a silence.

And then he picks her up
and kisses her

and carries her
away to his tent.

Ahem.

Well, darling,
in the afternoon,

Clarissa simply dragged me
around. Most exhausting.

The only thing about it, it made
the private viewers comparatively nice.

Sheila wouldn't let me have your band
play at my ball tomorrow night.

Are you playing
somewhere else?

Well, yes. I'm playing
at a private birthday party until 12:00.

Why don't you come then?

Well, I've
not been asked.

No. Sheila wouldn't
let me ask you.

Well, she asked
me tonight...

or, um, was there
some mistake?

Well, I think--

I thought so!

I didn't think she knew
my mother.

Oh, David!
Was that you?

Well, yes.
Who did you think it was?

We thought it was David Fenner.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- I'm not.

Did Sheila ring you up
and ask you out to dinner?

Well, uh, no. I rang
Jane, actually.

Oh.

Are you in love
with her?

I don't know.

I do. You are.

- And why aren't you dancing?
- Come and dance.

I'd adore to.
We'll be right back.

I want to hear...

Now, then!
Oh! Darling.

Now, then, how the devil
did he get here?

I don't know!

- You must have asked him.
- No, I didn't!

Don't be silly, darling. He said, "How
nice of you to ask me, Lady Broadbent."

How could I have asked
him, in my sleep?

I hope not! What was all
that crazy telephoning after breakfast?

- David Fenner.
- What? All the calls?

What do you mean all? There were only two.
I rang him up, and he rang up Jane.

- Why?
- Well, to ask her out for dinner.

Why did you ring him then?

- To ask him out for dinner.
- After he'd asked Jane?

No, no. Before. Jimmy, you're going
on exactly like a policeman.

What was all that confusion about
somebody's mother?

- Now, think back, darling.
- I don't want to.

That was the first call,
wasn't it?

- Suppose so.
- Yes, well, then think back!

Well...well I asked him
about his mother,

said we'd--said we'd always
met as children by the sea.

I asked if she still lived
in the country. He said yes.

I sent her my love.

- He said yes!
- Who did?

The fellow
on the telephone.

He said--when you--when you asked whether
mother lived in the country, he said yes!

- Did he?
- But you just said so!

- Well, he did.
- Well, all right then,

he can't have been David Fenner,
'cause David Fenner's mother's dead.

- So it must have been him.
- Who?

- Who?
- Who?

Who?
David Parkson.

You mean that David Fenner
rang up on his own to invite Jane out.

Yes, of course. Where did
you get the number in the first place?

From Mabel.

Jimmy, you don't think she could have
given me the wrong number by mistake--

No, I don't.
Not by mistake.

I hope your great-uncle
got well again.

No. He died,
I'm afraid.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you very close?

No. Actually,
I-I hardly knew him.

He was 95 years old
when he died.

David,
it's no good.

How do you know?

She can't stand
the sight of you.

It sticks out a mile.

Why don't you
give it up?

Why should I?

David, you wouldn't take me to a nightclub
after the ball, would you?

I don't mind.

Don't you?

No. It's your affair, not mine.

If you're going to go all broody,
why should it hurt me?

I don't know, really.
I...I just thought it did.

You mean you think
that I'm in love with you?

Well, um, yes.

I did, rather,

actually.

Well, I'm not.

Oh. Sorry.

Now, listen.

After I finish, I'm going to be giving you
a signal on the bongo drums.

Something like...
da da da da dum.

Da da da da dum,
ba rum pum pum.

Da da da da dum, da da da da dum,
ba rum pum pum.

Good. You make
straight for the exit, and I'll be there.

All right, David.

Now, they mustn't be alone
at Rhoda Gregson's for a minute!

That's right! You must
watch them like a hawk!

Me? What about you?

Don't worry, darling. I'll relieve you.

No, no, no!
We must both watch them.

Right! We mustn't take
our eyes off them for a second.

Not a single second!

Hello, darlings.
We had a gorgeous dance.

Oh! Well, I think we ought
to be going. Waiter!

Brandy and soda,
quickly.

Uh, brandy and soda,
quickly.

♪ ♪

Jimmy, I thought
you were watching them.

They're in there.

- They're not!
- What?

Oh, oh!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Ah! Sheila!

It's all right.

- Where?
- She's on the balcony.

- Who with?
- David Fenner.

Oh, thank heaven!

Darling, now
you stay here.

- David, what are you doing?!
- Jane.

- Jane!
- David, stop this!

David Fenner, what on Earth's
the matter with you?

I love you, Jane.
Let me kiss you.

I won't!

David!

- Go away!
- Jane! Please!

- What's got into you?
- Jane!

- Will you stop this nonsense!
- Jane.

David! Have you
gone crazy?

Oh, David,
where's Jane?

I'm afraid
I don't know, sir.

Where's Jane?

Where's Parkson?

There they go!

Hurry!

Jane?

Jane, darling,
are you in?

Oh, Jimmy, see if
she's in her room.

Jane?

She's not in.

Oh, darling,
what are we going to do?

What can we do?
Wait, I suppose.

Oh, Jimmy, you're no help at all!

Let's have a drink.

Well, do you--
do you think we should?

Why the devil not?

Well, Jane.

It doesn't make any difference to Jane
how much we drink.

It's what she
drinks that matters.

- Jimmy?
- Hm?

Jimmy, how much drink
would make her...

make her...

What? Make her drunk?

Well, yes.

Depends how strong her head is.

It's no good letting your imagination
run away with you.

To absent friends.

To Jane!

Good luck to her.

How old Harold Gregson ever
married Rhoda beats me.

She owns
half Yorkshire.

I'd rather settle
for the other half.

I thought she looked
like Groucho Marx tonight,

except that mustache was darker.

Which was
the Gregson girl?

Hmm...sort of
in a green dress, fair-haired.

What, that pretty creature?
Isn't nature wonderful?

As far as I could tell,
she was completely clean-shaven.

Darling, she's only 17.

Oh, and she takes
after her father.

Oh, Jimmy! What are we to do?

Fill up your glass,
old girl.

Oh, dear. He is
good-looking, isn't he?

Who?

David Parkson.

Well, I suppose so,
if you like that type of man.

Naturally I do. I mean,
he's every woman's type...

tall, dark, lean,
handsome, broad shoulders.

I mean, what more
can anyone want?

Well, nothing,
I hope.

What's the time?

Uh...

Five o' clock.

Jimmy?

How long does it take
a native dancer

to get...warmed up?

I wouldn't know. Depends
on the time of day, I shouldn't wonder.

No, no, no. I don't mean that
kind of warming up.

No, I don't mean
that either.

Well, depends who he's dancing with.

Do you think he'll take
her back to his tent?

To his what?

Flat.

Well, I wouldn't
be surprised.

It has happened,
you know.

Jimmy, we must
call him up.

Well, why--why not?

Wh-wh-what will
I say?

Well, ask to speak to Jane.

Oh, what a good idea.
What's his number?

I don't know.

Well, I don't either.

Ring Mabel. She gave it
to you in the first place.

- I couldn't do that, darling.
- Why not?

She's the biggest gossip
ever born.

No, you've got to take the risk.

Risk it? It's a certainty!

Gossip's better
than the other thing.

Oh, Jimmy, don't!

Now, look, if you don't ring up
Mabel, I will!

No. It would sound much too
important coming from you.

I know, I'll call her up and ask her
round for drinks tomorrow.

- What? At give o' clock in the morning?
- No, no, no. 7:00.

No, darling. It's 5:00 now.
It's hardly time to issue invitations.

Darling,
get me that glass.

Give it a chance.
I bet she snores.

Hello?

Hello, Mabel, darling!

This is Sheila. Sheila Broadbent.
Did I wake you?

Oh, what is it,
darling? Are you on fire?

Darling, would you
give me David Parkson's telephone number?

Oh! Uh!

Oh, but, darling,
I've already given it to you!

Yes, I know you did,
but I-I-I've mislaid it.

No, no, no, no, darling. It's just
that Jane left her bag in his car,

and--and Jimmy's very worried
it might be stolen in the night.

Oh, thank you, darling.

She's looking in Clarissa's book!

She what?

Looking in
Clarissa's book!

Oh, you know, I let Clarissa go
to her first nightclub.

Do you think
she'll be all right?

Oh, I'm quite sure she will.

Uh...

I-it...
Marblearch 5101, darling.

Marblearch 5101,
thank you so much, darling.

I am so sorry to be a bore,
but the poor child was so tired

that I packed her
straight off to bed

and I promised I'd do it
for her.

Good-bye, darling!

I knew it. She's suspicious.

How do you know?

Well, because she wasn't angry.

That means she's interested.
Now, what's that number?

Marblearch 5101.

Clarissa's not in yet.
She must be out with David Fenner.

They're probably
engaged by now.

Hmm...
engaged in what?

- There's no answer!
- Let it ring. He's probably asleep.

Oh, Jimmy! Oh, darling!

How are we to know if he's deliberately
not answering?

Why not?

I can see him...
I can see him now,

holding her away
from the telephone,

her strange, frightened little eyes
gazing up into his,

his tense body waiting
for the telephone to stop ringing.

Well, let it
go on ringing!

Well, what difference
will that make?

Well, if the fellow's
the least bit sensitive,

he won't want all that
buzzing, will he?

Oh, Jimmy!
What are we to do?

Oh. I don't know,
but I'm all for bed.

Oh, how can you?

Oh. What else
do you suggest?

Well, ring up the police!

What for?

Tell them that
Jane is missing!

I doubt that they'll
be interested.

It's all your fault.
You should have kept an eye on her.

Me? It's your fault,
and you might as well face up to it...

you and Mabel Claremont
and the rest,

behaving like a lot of refined
white-slave traffickers!

Well, look at you.
You dress these wretched children up

in silks and satins
and throw them on the town

to catch the eye
of the young men.

Don't you want your
daughter looking nice?

Not if it
leads to this.

But this was
an accident!

An accident, indeed.

We sit all summer,
waiting for a victim,

like a fellow waiting
for a tiger with a goat tied on a stake,

and then when the tiger doesn't come,
what do you do?

Ring up the biggest man-eater
in London and ask him in for a meal.

And then, when he carries the goat off
into the bush somewhere,

you say it's a--
it's an accident!

The whole thing is
fundamentally immoral!

Hello, Jane, darling?

Oh, Mabel!

Well, she is, darling.
To tell you the truth,

I-I'm a tiny bit tiddly, and I forgot
she was in for a moment.

W-w-what--what do you mean,
she isn't in?

Good-bye, darling.
I must go, 'cause I'll wake Jimmy.

David Fenner just
brought Clarissa home,

and told Mabel that he'd seen
Jane and David Parkson

in a nightclub
called Zizzi's!

Sheila!
Sheila, come here!

what are they doing?

- Giving her a cigarette.
- Ooh?!

- No, it's all right. It's an open car.
- What difference does that make?

- Well, they're very drafty.
- Jimmy.

If she brings him up here for a drink,
she'll know we've been waiting up for her.

- So we have.
- But, darling, she mustn't.

Psychologically, it's wrong
to let her see we're worried.

You see, even if she isn't interested
in David Parkson,

she thinks we'd be against it,
if she was, she will be.

- "If she was, she will be."
- No, darling.

She mustn't know, but we must wait up
for her. Do you see?

- In the chair?
- No, no, no, no, darling.

Don't be so silly! In the kitchen.
Then we'll hear if we're wanted.

Well, we won't be wanted. If it's
all aboveboard, we won't be wanted,

and if it isn't, we
won't be wanted either!

Well, of course we will,
if he assaults her. Now go in the kitchen.

In the kitchen?

To see if
you can hear me.

I can hear you
from here!

Oh, Jimmy, darling,
do try and understand.

We're hiding
in the kitchen.

We have to know what's going on.
Now run along.

- Jimmy?
- Yes?

- Shut the door.
- I can hear you better with it open.

Shut the door!

Oh, yes, darling.

Don't. Don't!
Take your hands off me!

How dare you?
You beast!

- You beast!
- Darling, what's the matter?

Darling! What's the matter?

You beast!
Did you hear me?

Yes, of course
I heard you.

That's marvelous. Now,
the minute we hear her key in the lock,

we'll switch the lights off
in here and run in there.

- Now, do you understand?
- Yes, but she may not make a fuss.

Of course she would.

Well, perhaps he'll gag her with
a handkerchief.

- Where? In the street?
- No. Here!

Oh, why dear,
I think we'd hear that, all right.

I doubt it.
Handkerchiefs don't make much noise.

Well, I mean he'd say something
as he tied it on.

Only in
an undertone.

- Well, h-how do you know?
- Because his passions are aroused.

- Then he'd make a noise.
- No, not that kind of passion.

Well, I tell you what.
You make some passion noises,

and I'll nip in there and
see if I can hear what you're saying.

Ooh, Jimmy!
Isn't this tremendous fun?

A-a-are you ready?

I thought you said he
wouldn't make a noise.

No, no, go back.
I haven't started yet.

What are you
laughing at?

No, go back.
I haven't finished yet.

One's got to warm up for
a thing like this.

Don't you understand
I love you, you devil?

You divinity? You woman?
Let me smother you with kisses.

Otherwise,
I might go mad!

Can't you see I love your innocent--

Daddy!

Oh! Hello! Frightened eyes!

I think it's high time
you were in bed.

Oh...

Where's Sheila?

She's in the kitchen.

Ooh!

Oh...

Hello, darling.
We were--we were just...

going to bed.

Oh, good.

Where have
you been?

- Out with David.
- David Parkson?

Yes. He's coming up.
He's gone back for my bag.

I left it
in the car.

There's one
in the eye for Mabel.

But, darling, if he rings,
he'll wake up the maid.

No, he won't.
He's got my key.

What's he coming
for, darling?

To have a drink.

A drink? At 5:00
in the morning?

What else could
I offer him?

What, indeed.

Why don't you
go to bed?

- Why don't we all?
- Hm?

Oh, no.
You and I.

- Oh, yes.
- Uh...

Well, good night, uh,
good night, Jane.

Good night, darling!

- Oh! Mr. Parkson!
- May I come in?

Please do. How kind of you
to bring Jane home.

That was the least
I could do.

Have fun?

Yes.
I've been showing Jane the hot spots.

How kind.

Yes, we danced
and danced.

Did you, darling?
How exciting.

I hope you didn't mind
Jane and me leaving,

but we
couldn't see you anywhere.

Well, of course not.
We'd completely forgotten about it.

- Hadn't we, Jimmy?
- Oh, yes, completely forgotten about it.

Jane, you know where
the drinks are.

- Thank you, Daddy.
- David knows how to do it.

I would like a sort of nap
before the office, if you wouldn't mind.

- Good night, Mr. Parkson.
- Good night.

Good night, darling.
Don't stay up too late.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Stop it!
What are you doing?

We've got to go...

- Not yet!
- Yes, we--

I hope she's not
too angry with me.

Oh, don't mind them.
Why don't you sit down?

- Have a drink?
- Yes, I'd love one.

Well, knowing Daddy, I'd say there's
everything here but water.

I'd love some water.

Would you really? Good.

- Oh!
- Sheila!

What are you doing?

Uh, looking for
my earrings, darling.

- Which ones?
- Uh, the diamonds.

But you're
wearing them.

Oh, really?
Well, it must be the gold.

Well, can I help you,
Lady Broadbent?

No, please don't bother.
I'm very happy looking for them.

Gold, you say?

Yes, I think so.

Would these
be them?

Oh, no. They...

Why, yes.
Too extraordinary.

I...must have left them there
this morning. I can't thank you enough.

Here's your water, David.

Oh, darling, I'm sure that Mr. Parkson
doesn't want water.

Oh, but I do.

Well, don't you drink?

Very seldom.

Would you care
for a cigarette, then?

I don't smoke.

David, would you be an angel?
I think I left the tap on.

Oh.

Sheila, go to bed!
You're vulgar!

You're so obvious!

But, darling,
he's--he's--

He's not.
He's sweet!

- But you don't know him!
- I do!

Hello?

Oh, good.
I'll get some biscuits.

Sheila!
Come along, for heaven's sake.

Coming, darling, coming.

I was just seeing that Mr. Parkson
had got everything that he wanted.

- Good night, Mr. Parkson.
- Good night.

Has Sheila
gone to bed yet?

Yes.

Good.
Have a biscuit?

Thank you.

Did you like
all those nightclubs?

Yes, but I like
this better, though.

Yes, so do I.

Because we're alone,
just you and I.

And Lady Broadbent,
off and on.

No, no, she's
gone to bed now.

You know, I've only been
to one once before, on my birthday.

- Nightclubs?
- Yes.

You've been to lots, though,
haven't you?

Mm-hmm.

Thousands?

Well, I hope not.

Well, hundreds,
then?

Probably.

With, uh, lots of girls?

No, just one.

With one girl
lots of times,

or, um, lots of girls
just once?

Well, let's just say
not one girl, lots of times.

Did, um...you ever take Brenda Bassington
out to a nightclub?

Yes.

How many times?

Hmm...I can't remember.
Once, twice.

Would you like
some more water?

I know I'd love
some milk.

All right.

Daddy!
What are you doing?

What? Oh, hello,
darling.

I was just filling
Sheila's bottle.

Well, here, let me do it.
You talk to David, huh?

Yeah. Hello, David.

- Hello, sir.
- No. Don't get up.

Well, how's, uh...
how's Jane as a dancing partner?

Very good.

And her
conversation?

Sweet.

Uh, was she sweet to you?

Yes, rather.

Good. I hope you've been
sweet to her.

Yes, I hope so, too.

You shouldn't have taken
her away alone like that.

You know, poor Sheila nearly had
a fit. She thought...

well, you know
what she thought.

Yes. I can imagine it.

You can't imagine it nearly
as vividly as she can.

- Here, Daddy. The water's boiling.
- Oh, good.

You'd better run off to bed now,
or Sheila will be screaming for you.

Oh, yes, all right. Well, good night.
No, don't get up.

I guess I ought to
be going.

Oh, no, no, no.
There's no need to.

I'm not the least bit
sleepy yet, are you?

Well, no,
not really.

Good. Oh, that can't be
very comfortable.

Why don't we sit here on the couch?
It's lovely.

All right.

Well, what would you
like to do now?

What would you?

I don't know.

Yes, I do. I'd like
to kiss you.

Why?

Because I like you.

Oh. Do you kiss
everybody you like?

Well, I don't like
anybody except you,

and there couldn't be
a better reason than that, could there?

No, I suppose not.

Well, then, can I?

Well, yes,
if you want to.

Oh, I do want to.

- Did I do it all right?
- Yes, very nicely.

Not so bad,
considering it was for the first time.

No, not so bad
at all.

But you weren't
very good, were you?

Oh, wasn't I?
I'm sorry.

No. You--you didn't seem
to have your heart in it.

Perhaps you didn't
when we started--

No, not when
we started, no.

But, uh... but you were
getting better towards the end.

Shall we try again?

Yes, please.

Oh, David!
Is that how you kissed Brenda?

Jane, Sheila thinks--no, don't get up.

Sheila thinks you
ought to go to bed.

- Oh, she's a nuisance.
- Yes, I know.

I think I better be going.

- Good night, David.
- Good night, Jane. Good night, sir.

Good night, David.

You like him,
don't you, Daddy?

Yes, I like him.

But Sheila doesn't,
does she?

No, I'm afraid not.

Why's she got to be so English?
He's a drummer, but so what?

That's not it, Jane.
It's his, uh, reputation.

Oh, honestly, Daddy.
To have a hate against poor David

because he slipped up
just once is--

is it just once?

Well, it was,
wasn't it?

Well, we, uh...we hope so.

You know, you'd think Sheila
didn't know a thing.

You ought to
educate her, Daddy.

In what way?

Well, every young man
does that sort of thing,

provided he gets
the opportunity.

Indeed.

Or didn't they do things
like that in your day?

Are you speaking generally
or asking me a question?

Daddy...

who--who was the first woman
you ever made love to?

Sylvia O'Brien.

Who was she?

She was the vicar's daughter
in our village.

Was she beautiful?

- No. "Striking" is the word.
- And did you kiss her?

- Certainly.
- Where?

The usual place.
Around about the mouth.

I don't mean that. I mean where.
In the garden or the river or...

you know what I mean.

Well, I kissed her
in the graveyard after evensong.

Oh, Daddy, what a rip you were.
How old were you?

13. She was 9.

Well, what
happened to her?

She went home for tea.

When did you ever make love
to someone really, you know?

Oh, years later.

What was her name?

Salonge.

Salonge.

she was French.

And where did you
make love to Salonge?

At her house
in Paris.

In her own home?

No, not exactly.
She...worked there.

Oh, she was a maid?

No, not--not exactly.

Oh, Daddy!
You're wicked.

You're almost as bad
as David is!

You know, Daddy,
I love you.

Sometimes I don't know
what I'd do without you.

- Me?
- Yes.

Because you're
on my side, aren't you?

I haven't said so.

No, on, I know, but then, you can't,
because of Sheila and convention.

I can understand
all that.

Very broad-minded
of you.

- Good night, darling.
- Good night, Daddy.

David!

Your key.

Oh.

Good night.

Good night.

David?
I love you.

Don't you
want me to?

Yes...

but there's something--
there's something I want to tell you.

Is it about
Brenda Bassington?

No.

Do you remember I told you that
my uncle died?

Well, I'm his heir,

so I'm not
David Parkson anymore.

Who are you, then?

Well, I know it sounds
kind of silly, but...

I didn't want to use it here,
but the papers will have it tomorrow.

Well, Jane,
I'm the, uh...

I'm the Duke
of Positano.

- Well, do you mind?
- No. Should I?

Oh, well, it means I'll have to live
there half the year.

Where, Italy?

Florence. There's a sort
of a palace there,

but it's much
too big to live in.

But there's a...there's a villa
in Capri which could be--

Oh, darling, what a lot of
housekeeping.

You know how relieved I am
you've taken it this way?

Jane, you...you wouldn't,
uh, I mean...

Oh, Jane!

I'd like to speak
to Mr. Parkson alone.

Oh, Sheila!

Jane, please go to your room.

But, Sheila,
we...

Please, Jane.

Mr. Parkson, I must
ask you to leave...

at once.

If you refuse,
I'm afraid I shall be forced

to ask my husband
to remove you.

I'm sorry,
Lady Broadbent, I...

I'm afraid
I'm going to stay.

Very well.

Jimmy! Jimmy!
Jimmy! Oh, dear!

- Jimmy!
- No, I don't want any breakfast.

No, darling.
Something terrible has happened!

I just caught
David Parkson kissing Jane!

Has he been here
all night?

No, he came back.
I found them together in the dark!

- What?
- Yes, you must throw him out immediately!

He won't be
a moment.

Oh, thank you.

Not at all.

Daddy!

I love him,
and he loves me.

How do you know?

He just told me.

Daddy...

Now, then,
what's the matter?

This young man
refuses to leave.

I see.

Will you please
remove him?

You better go, my dear.
This may not be very pretty to watch.

Oh!

I'm sorry,
I'm afraid I--

You'll be sorry
if you start anything!

No, look here,
young fellow--

Yes, I'm looking, Broadbent.

If you don't get out of here
in two minutes, I'll chuck you out!

- You just try it!
- All right!

Oh! Jimmy!
Jimmy, are you all right?

All right, darling.
Don't worry!

I'll put him out as
soon as he comes to.

That gives us
two minutes.

Now, are you in love
with Jane?

Yes.

- Do you want to marry her?
- Yes, I do, sir.

So much for the future.
Pretty rosy, if it wasn't for the past!

What about that lost
weekend when brandy flowed like water

and poor Brenda Bassington's morale
was cracking with the nuts?

That wasn't
a very pretty story.

Not a very true one, either.

- Wasn't it?
- No, I suppose I should tell you.

I think you better.

Well, on that Sunday night,
we'd all gone to sleep.

I was reading in my room
when Brenda Bassington came rushing in

saying that David Fenner
had attacked her in her room.

Why did she come to your--
David Fenner?

Yes, sir.

Well, why did she come
to your room?

Because I was next-door,
and she was frightened.

Well, anyway,
she started crying--

So you gave her the brandy.

Yes, that's right,
and it worked wonders.

Um, well, then she said
she was hungry.

So you came up
with a plate of nuts.

Yes. Who told
you all of this?

Never mind. Never mind. Go on.

Well, anyway,
when I got back,

the brandy flask was
lying empty on the floor,

- and Brenda Bassington on my bed.
- Not empty?

No. Well, I suppose
I must have made some sort of noise.

- Lie down.
- I beg your pardon?

Lie down!

Carry on.

The next thing I knew,

Colonel Bassington was
standing in the doorway,

accusing me of playing
fast and loose with Brenda.

What did you do?

I packed and drove
straight back to London.

And do you realize if Mabel knew about
your escapade last night,

then Jane's reputation would be the same
as Brenda Bassington's?

Well, that doesn't matter, sir,
because we're getting married.

Are you?

Well, yes, sir,
with your permission.

My permission?
I'm a married man.

My wife and I make
joint decisions.

Then tell her about
Brenda Bassington.

She wouldn't
believe it.

Do you?

Yes.

- Well, then?
- That's nothing to do with it!

Truth doesn't mean the same to a woman
as it does to a man.

To them, it's what they want to believe
regardless of the facts.

At the present moment,
my wife's dearest wish is to believe that

David Fenner's perfect
and can do no wrong.

Nothing you and I can do can
make her change her mind.

What will make her change
her mind, then?

I don't know, but her
prestige is at stake.

She must be allowed to
do it on her own, somehow.

Look, you push off,
and I'll think about it.

- Thank you very much, sir.
- Not a bit.

We better
make out a show.

No!

Sir, if I--if I think of anything,
may I call you?

I don't think
you realize--

♪ ♪

- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning. Miss Jane, please.

I'm afraid there's
no one up yet, sir.

Oh. Then I'll wait.

Very good, sir.

♪ ♪

I beg your pardon, sir.

Oh.

Good morning, sir!

Great heavens!
How did you get here?

Well, actually,
I went through Wilton Place,

and it cut out
Hyde Park Corner.

I-I'm on duty at 10:00.

Well, that's good.

Will you have
some breakfast?

No, thank you, sir.
I've had mine.

Would you like
a paper while I have mine?

No, thank you, sir.

Um, may I--may I see Jane,
please, sir?

I don't think
she's awake yet.

Oh, dear.
I'm on parade at 10:00.

So you said.

Sir?

May I marry
Jane, sir?

May you...
may you what?

Sir, marry Jane, sir.

I don't know.
You better ask her.

She'll be in
in a minute.

Oh, good.
Thank you, sir.

Good morning, Daddy.

- Morning, darling. Sleep well?
- Well, I--

Hello, Jane.

Oh, it's you. Oh, Lord.

I, um...

I brought you these.

What for?

- Well, to give to you, of course.
- Oh.

Oh, Jane, he wants
to ask you something,

and he's in a hurry.

He's on duty
at 10:00.

Jane.

Jane, darling.

David, go away.
Your hands are cold.

What do you think
you're doing here

at this hour
in the morning?

I--I came here
specially to see you.

Why, on Earth?

Because I want
to marry you.

Oh, don't be silly.

But I do!

Whatever for?

Because I love you.

I do love you, Jane.
Really I do.

I've loved you ever
since that first night

at Mrs. Arthur Milligan's
ball.

You've got a funny way
of showing it.

How do you mean?

Attacking me last night.
Really, David!

But, Jane,
I am in love with you!

Well, I'm not
in love with you.

- Then who are you in love with?
- Nobody.

You're lying. You're in love
with David Parkson.

Oh, don't be silly.

Well, who, then?

With nobody, I said!

I don't believe you.

I'm in love with someone
all the time.

Then you're
oversexed.

Well, I can't
help it if I am.

Well, I'm sorry,
I can't either.

But you've got to!

David, go away!

No, I won't, Jane!
Jane, I must kiss you!

I've felt so awful
ever since I wanted to. I--

Come here, Jane!

David, will you
leave--go!

David, how can you?
In the morning?

David! I'll call Daddy if you don't!
I'll scream!

Oh, well, scream, then.
I just don't care!

Ooh!

David!

Jane, darling!

Oh, Sheila!

Oh, dearest boy!

Good morning, Lady Broadbent.
Good-bye, Jane.

Good-bye, David.

Good-bye,
Lady Broadbent.

Y-y-you're not going!

I'm afraid
I'm on duty at 10:00.

I hope
we meet again.

Well, of course, we will,
tonight at the ball.

Oh, good.

David? You--you--you wouldn't
care to dine with us tonight, would you?

Oh, Sheila, honestly!

But, darling,
we haven't anyone else!

If he comes,
I'm not going!

David, I'm--I'm so sorry.

That's all right.
Good-bye, Lady Broadbent.

Good-bye.

Did he propose to you?

Yes, among a lot
of other things.

A-and you
turned him down?

Well, what do
you think?

Sheila,

what happened to
David Parkson last night?

I'm afraid your father
had to throw him out.

He didn't!

Jane, what else could he do?
He wouldn't go!

But I love him,
and--and he loves me!

He doesn't, darling.
He's--he's just a philanderer.

He wants to wear you
in his buttonhole until you wilt,

and then you'll be thrown away like
Brenda Bassington.

That's why we both decided
you mustn't see him anymore.

Y-you haven't,
have you, Daddy?

Darling, we both have.
It's for your own good.

But...

but can't you understand
that I love him?

I love David,
and David loves me, and...

I can't live without him!

Oh, darling,
where's your handkerchief?

I haven't got one.

Well, here. Here, have mine.

Oh, stop crying, darling!

You'll forget about him
in a day or two, I know you will,

and there will
soon be somebody else.

I won't! There won't be
anyone else, ever!

Jane, there's something
in what Sheila says.

Daddy?!

Well, there is,
you know.

You're meeting lots of people
every evening, thanks to her.

Well, for the sake of argument,
look how you met David Parkson.

Sheila introduced you
at a ball.

Wouldn't surprise me if Sheila got
a nice young man for dinner tonight.

If Sheila had anything to do with it,
he'd be another David Fenner!

I won't have anything
to do with it, so don't you worry, Jane.

I-I-I've made such
a mess of everything.

I-I wanted so terribly
to make the whole thing a success,

and--and now I've--I've ruined you! I--

It's all my fault!

I've made such
a terrible thing,

and you're in love with a dreadful
bounder, you've lost your reputation,

and--and I
don't care anymore!

I mean it, Jimmy.
I'll never telephone again!

I don't care if it is
Jane's ball tonight

and she hasn't got
a young man to take her.

I-I-I just don't care.
I won't go to the ball!

You'll have to
take Jane by herself,

and I will never, never, never
telephone a young man again

as long as I live!

I won't!

Well, that's a pity.

I say, it's a pity,
because I thought we might have invited

the Duke of Positano.

Are you mad?

He's 95 years old!

No, no, darling,
not the old man.

He popped off
last month.

No, I meant the heir.

I've just been reading
about him in the newspaper.

It says he works in London,
and he's 23 years old.

Well, do you know him?

I've been in contact
with him recently,

a business discussion.

What's he like?

He's not a bad young
fellow, in his way.

We probably couldn't find
his telephone number, anyway.

His number? Oh...

I think I might
have it in my diary. Uh...

Oh, I haven't got
my glasses. Jane?

What's this number?

Marblearch 5101.

Ah, yes, yes.
That's it. Hmm.

There we are.

You're being
so brave.

We only want you to be happy.
Don't we, Jimmy?

Yes.

- Hello?
- Hello?

Hello. Is--is the Duke of Positano in,
by any chance?

Oh! G-good morning.
My name's Sheila Broadbent.

I...I-I don't think
you know me,

but my husband,
Jimmy Broadbent,

tells me that
you've met on business.

Oh, he--he sounds
heavenly!

I--I know this is the most
awful cheek of me

to ask you
at this late hour,

but I was wondering if you'd come
and dine tonight for our ball.

Oh! Oh, you are. Oh, poor you.
Well, if you're working so late,

couldn't you come
and join us later at the ball?

Y-y-you could?
Oh, that--that's marvelous!

The--the ball's for
Jimmy's daughter Jane.

She's just come out
this year.

The Earl
and Countess Raven,

Lady Rosemary Ealing,
and Lady Patricia Ealing.

Good evening. How are you?

Good evening.

Mr. John Hopgood,
Member of Parliament,

Mrs. Hopgood.

How are you?

Nice of you to come.

Sir John and Lady--

Good evening.

...and Mr. Clarence Manson.

Jimmy! You won't believe it,
but David Parkson's here.

- No!
- Good evening.

How dare he crash this ball!
Throw him out at once!

Yes...hello.
Disgraceful!

- Good evening.
- How do you do?

♪ ♪

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Lady Claremont,
Miss Clarissa Claremont

and Mr. David Fenner.

What a lovely party, darling.
I hope we're not too late.

Not at all, darling.
Clarissa, what a lovely dress.

Darling boy,
nice to see you.

We got stuck in the most
dreadful traffic jam.

Yes, but David found the most
marvelous shortcut from Warlingham.

He turned left
at the Boltons

and then right again
into Old Brompton Road,

and we missed
Sloane Street completely.

It was a marvelous idea.

But, darling, it was your idea, actually.

...and Mrs. Caultaire.

Hello.
How nice of you to come.

Hello.

Good evening.

- Hello. How are you?
- So nice of you...

His grace,
the Duke of Positano.

♪ ♪

Good evening,
Lady Broadbent.

So nice of you to
invite me tonight.

- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening.

- Hello, Jane.
- Hello, David.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Jimmy?

Shh...
later, darling.