The Reality of Love (2004) - full transcript

Look at that.

How many miles exactly?

2,984.

Oh, hello, California.

Here we are, baby!

No more school for
the rest of our lives.

No more of the same girlyou've been with six times.

The ocean.

The new chicks.

Our own apartment.

The new chicks.



So we're going
to a club tonight.

You know we are, bro.

Hi, boys.

Well, talk about the perfectCalifornia welcome committee.

Oh, how cute are you?

You guys just move here?

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, we just
got here last week.

We're going to beactresses and get famous.

That's my car.

Yeah.

What about you?

You know, we're just going totend bar, hang out, whatever.

I gotta come up with a new line.



Well, here is our number.

Uh, we live together.

So yeah, just definitely
give us a call sometime.

Oh, we definitely will.

Great.

Cool.

What did you say to them?

Told them I was an actor, and worked like a charm.

Dude, there are so
many hot chicks here.

Tell me about it.

Get us a couple
of drinks, will ya?

Excuse me.
Hi.

Hi.

Did I just hear yousay that you're an actor?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah, I am.
- I'm Elise.

Hey.

I am casting a
feature film right now,

and I think you'd be absolutelyperfect for one of the leads.

Really?

Here's my card.

Call me tomorrow, and we'll workout a time for you to come in.

All right.

Who's your agent?

My agent?

You do have an agent, right?

I'm not your agent.

No, man.
Come on.

What do best friends
do for each other?

Anything.

- You're serious.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm serious.

Come on, it's Hollywood.

We'll cross the detailsbridge when we get to it, OK?

Hey, hey.

Here he is.

I thought he was here somewhere.

Fantastic.
I'm Elise.

And you are?
- How are you doing?

I'm Todd.
Todd Doherty.

Yeah.

Oh, I represent Ryan here.

What, uh-- what
can we do for you?

Wilshire Place
Management.

How can I help you?

Oh, Ryan.

That's great.

That's great.

Todd.

I'll see you.

Good news and bad news.

"Journey of Flight 107" bombed.

Like, bombed.

I'm well aware.

Let me trade you.

Happy birthday to the girlwho saves my butt each day.

Oh, my god.

You didn't have to do that.

Oh, the guy in the
corner had socks.

You want me to take them back?- Ooh, tube socks?

Do you believe that?

More bad news.

He's on the front cover ofthe "Onsite Reporter" again.

And the talk sheet.

Nice work, buddy.

More bad news.

Ed's face is a particularlyintense shade of bright red

this morning.

And he wants to see you.

Great.

Let's avoid that.

And, uh, why don't youtell me the good news, huh?

Um, yeah, not so much.

Hi.

Ed, here, let me
get that for you.

There's a new intern
tour about to pass

through here any minute.

You, uh-- would you like meto, you know, close the door

and just tell them
that you're gone?

Psst.

Ch, ch, ch.

Ryan.

You look very nice today.

- Well, thank you, Ryan.
- Have a good night?

- Yeah, I did.
- Yeah?

Gloria.

Hi, Steph.

Hey, Rob, can I get that fax?

Got Mitzi Miller from Product.

Mitzi, you're on with Todd.

Hey, Mitzi.

Hello, darling.

You're going to have
to find someone else

to dress Ryan for the Globes.

We're bowing out.
- Whoa, Mitzi.

Wait a second.

Lewis Lancaster,
"Vanity Fair."

Hey, Todd.

We were wondering what
you thought about having

Ryan in a feature
article about the rise

and fall of a superstar.

David Perlman, Touchstone.

Todd.Sorry.

Change of plans.

We're taking him off the
Julia Roberts picture.

First of all--

My office.

Now.

There's no excuse.

Ryan Banks went from A listto B list in less than a year.

You had every teenage girl inAmerica ditching school to see

his movies over and over again.

You had multi-million
dollar offers

from every studio in town.

You had the world in
the palm of his hand.

And you reaped
the rewards, Ed.

Look how much money
he's made this company.

It's not about money.

It's about image.

We represent stars on theway up, not on the way out.

Ed, he's my best friend.

I'm not going to let
you do this to him.

Oh, he did it to himself.

Did you see his
latest pile of crap?

Ed, that movie bombed becauseit sucked, not because of Ryan.

You're a good manager, Todd.

You've guided Ryan'scareer from the beginning.

You've produced almost
all of his movies,

and you made him a star.

But lately, his
stock is dropping.

And I don't see
my company growing

with this kind of client, or you holding me back.

What's that supposed to mean?

Todd, unlike any other
manager here, I let you

focus almost solely on Ryan.

If I let him go, then itmakes sense to let you go too.

Ed, Ryan's kind of celebrity
doesn't just go away.

America had a place in
their heart for him.

It's just a matter of
carving that out again.

I know I can do that.

You've got three months.

I see you in Runyon
Canyon all the time.

Oh, you're the one
with the retriever.

Yeah, I always
wanted to say hi.

Well, now we meet.

Hey,.

Good to see you.

Hi.

Hey, dude.
- Hey.

What's going on?

Not much, not much.

You're-- you're Ryan Banks.

Yeah.

I love your films.

Thanks.

And you are?

Ronnie.

Ronnie.

Hi, Ronnie.

What are you drinking?

Cranberry vodka.

The movie was terrible.

I know.

It wasn't your fault. I'm justsaying that your reputation

with the ladies--
- I'm a dog.

Yeah.

Hey, I am no different thanany other normal single guy.

How about yes, you are.

According to nine magazines thatare on the stands right now,

you're one of the mostfamous single men in America.

But look, that's part of
the job-- the public's

interest in your life.

So I'm supposed to be a monk?

No.

But the public has
to love you again.

And if you're serious abouthaving the kind of career

that we've always aimed for, something's got to change.

Because right now, thetabloids have it out for you.

Tomorrow's newspaper,
you'll be gay.

At least I still have
the Julia Roberts movie.

You lost the
Julia Roberts movie.

What happened?

I'll fix it.

I promise.

We got to focus on
the image thing.

You can't cheat.

You can't break up
with other women

without letting them know it.

And you can't.- No, no.

That's just the
tabloids exaggerating.

I know.
I know.

But you can't give themas much fodder as you do.

I'm sorry.

So Leslie, there's
a few reality show

ideas we think you'll love.

Bring them on.

First one--

"Under Shelter."

25 homeless people livingtogether in a real shelter.

Each week, they compete
in various obstacles--

who can eat the most
soup in 10 minutes,

who can make the best outfit outof raggedy clothing, et cetera.

Each week, someone is kickedback out onto the street.

But the last remaining homelessperson wins a million dollars

and is therefore
no longer homeless.

I love it.
Sold.

What else?

School bully.

We go into a middle school andtake out the five meanest kids

and pit them
against one another.

They get 10 points
for detention,

20 points for
making somebody cry,

40 points for mouthing
off to a teacher.

Bully with the most pointswins the school bully crown.

But what they don't realize isthat this gets them suspended

from school permanently.

So in the end, this reallyteaches a valuable lesson.

Brilliant.

Sold.

What else?

OK, it's "TemptationIsland" meets "Survivor."

10 engaged couples
on a cruise ship,

and you get points for cheating.

The couple with the
lowest points each week

gets kicked off.

And here's the twist.

I'm bored.

But you're on the right trackwith the romantic slant.

What else?

It's called "The Vegetable."

Eight families, each with afamily member on life support.

Now--

Yo!
- Yo!

I got breakfast.

Thanks.

Have you thought any moreabout our talk last night?

Not really.

Like, I don't know, maybesettling down for a while?

Show me awoman to settle down with.

'Cause I never met her.

How
about I show you 15?

15?

Yeah.

That's a good start.

It's called "I Want
to Marry Ryan Banks."

It's your own reality show.

America will pick your
potential wife for you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?

Think about it.

Think about it.

For six weeks, you'll havewomen around you at all times.

This makes you very happy.

They're competing for your love.

They're throwing
themselves at you.

It's a win-win.

The catch is America voteseach week for the girl

they like the best.

It's the ultimate
fantasy fulfillment.

Normal girl marries
big celebrity.

And we're going to
depict you as the man

that everybody wants to see--

the sweet, sensitive,
romantic guy,

the guy of every girl's dreams.

And in the end, you
get the perfect girl.

It can't go wrong.

That's ridiculous.

Of course it's ridiculous.

Look at the state of television.

What isn't ridiculous?

The tabloids say you're a dog.

You say, yeah, I am a dog.

Here's what I'm going
to do to change that.

I'm going to date 15
women at one time.

Do I really have to
marry the final girl?

No, of course not.

Who knows?

Maybe you'll find
somebody you like.

Do I get to pick the women?

No, you can't pick
the women because you

got to be all excited.
- Screw that.

OK, we'll see what we can do.

OK.

All right, let's do it.

What's next?

Sell it to a network.

And that's not going
to be a problem.

I love it.

This is just the
thing for sweeps.

So here's what I'm thinking.

Each week on
Tuesday night, we'll

broadcast an edited
version of the week's

most dramatic footage.

Then viewers have a couplehours to call in and vote.

On the next night, we boot thebitches with the least votes.

That's original.

Please, I haven't
had an original thought

in my life, which brings
me to my next idea.

We should get AT&T Wirelessto sponsor the whole thing.

Viewers can text in their votes.

We'll do signage,
product placement.

The show won't cost us a dime.

So let's go find some women.

You read my mind.

Ryan
is searching for a wife.

If you want to marry
Ryan Banks, click here.

- Did you see our website?- Yeah.

Yeah.

You got me Lakers
season tickets?

Lakers season tickets?

I thought you'd like those.

You didn't have to do that.

It made be happy to do that.

Congrats on getting
our show picked up.

Well, congrats on havingevery woman in America

want to be your wife,
including the ones

that are already married.

Insane, right?

Yeah.

Shall we?

Yes, let's shall.

And honestly, Ryan,

I've always felt
something really intense

when I watch your movies.

Oh, god.

Mm.

We really have a connection.

And I think that's somethingthat's worth checking

out and checking me out.

Yes.
Yes.

Yes.
Yes.

Yes?

Oh, yes.

Do you not understand
the point of this show?

We need variety.

And you need to see
me not be into her.

I'll get respect for dissingthe girl with the biggest rack.

That's a good point.

Mm.

OK.

I've
seen all your movies.

I
also play the ukulele.

These are real.

Hi, Ryan.- What?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Is it on?

Yes, it's on, Trish.

OK, are you sure?

Yeah?

OK, OK.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Trish from Boston.

And this is my husband, Patrick.

And I know what you're
thinking-- three way.

No.

I mean, not that I
would mind, Ryan.

But--

Trish.

Sorry.

Come on.

We're actually making thisvideo for my sister, Charlie,

who would never
in a million years

submit herself for
something like this.

Huh.

She'd be too embarrassed.

Charlie works in this littlebookstore in Cambridge.

She's a smarty.

She went to an Ivy Leagueschool and graduated

at the top of her class.

Patrick, get closer.

She has no idea
we're stalking her.

Look at that body, huh?

Hot mama.

Over there.

Over there.

This is the bar Patrick
and I own in Southeast.

Oh, and there's Charlie withsome of her biggest fans.

Oh, they're all
in love with her.

But she's picky.

She is your girl.

Now, I would submit myself.

But I'm already married, andI'm probably not your type.

Look, I know Ryan gets a lotof flack in the tabloids.

But I know the tabloids lie.

My sister Charlie-- shedeserves a Prince Charming.

And we hope that Prince
Charming is Ryan.

She's perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

So you're lookingto settle down with a woman?

That's right.

Well, that could really
only mean one thing--

you want me.

Ellen,
you're already taken.

Oh, yes.

I know.

But I think we both realize Iwould leave my husband for you.

But seriously, you
are going to be living

in a mansion with 15 women?

That's right.

What a slut.

I've been called
worse many times before.

But you know, I really
want to find someone.

I'm from Boston.

I grew up like everyone else.

And I feel like the reasonI haven't fallen in love

with anyone is because I justdon't meet enough women that

are normal and real.

Well, we
could put your number

right up on the screen.

And I promise you
my viewers would

give you enough
normal and real dates

to last for your entire life.

But seriously, you are goingto be selecting 30 finalists--

Yeah.

That you're going to
be flying to Hollywood--

For interviews.

Mm-hmm.

And then you're going tobe choosing the final 15.

That's right.

Well, I tell you what, Ryan.

Why don't we call one
of those finalists

and let her know that
she has made the cut?

Really?

Absolutely.

Charlie Norton from Boston.

No way.

That's great.

No one ever said
the man couldn't act.

She should be in hersister's bar right about now.

Oh, my god.

They're calling.

Oh.

Hello?
- Hi.

Is this Charlie?

Oh, my god.

I'm on national television. Hi, Ellen.

Hi, Ryan.

- Hi there.
- Ah!

Oh, my god, I'm gonna die.I'm gonna die.

My nerves are gonna die.

I hope she does that
every time she sees you.

Yeah, right.

Charlie!

Phone for you!

Hey, thanks.

Hi, this is Charlie.

Hi, Charlie?

This is Ryan Banks.

Yeah, very funny.

Who is this?

It's me.

I'm calling you from the"Ellen Carter Live Show."

Is this a joke?

No, it isn't.

I know this is a joke.

No, really.

It's me.

This isn't a joke?

Charlie, have you heardanything about the new TV

show I'm doing?

Uh, the-- the-- the who wantsto date you and marry you show,

or something?

Right.

Well, your sister sent ina videotape on your behalf.

And our producers chose youas one of our finalists.

So we want to fly you to LosAngeles and interview you.

How does that sound?

Oh.

This is-- this is crazy.

I-- I can't--

- I'll be there.
- No.

What are you doing?
No!

No!
- Great, great.

Well, I hope to see
you in the house.

What are you--
I can't do this!

You have to do this, Charlie.

Come on, how many nightshave you complained that you

haven't met the right guy, huh?

Yeah, but I don't
want to meet him on TV.

It's a sign of the times.

And hello, it is Ryan Banks.

Trish--

He's hot, Charlie.

Come on.

I am going to
kill you, kill you.

And you, you.

Oh, hey, did we rememberto order the roses

for the girls' hotel rooms?

Two dozen each.

And I had an idea.

That would make it nice tohave a note attached from Ryan.

Brilliant.

Who hired you?
- You did.

I'm good.

You do Ryan's
autograph, right?

Oh, yeah.

We're with the "I Wantto Marry Ryan Banks Show."

Trish--

Look at this.

Who are they from?

"Dear Charlie, I hope yourroom is to your satisfaction.

Welcome to Los Angeles.

And good luck in your
interview tomorrow.

I sincerely hope we meet soon.

Ryan Banks."

He wrote a letter
to you personally,

and you now have his autograph.

Have you died and
gone to heaven?

He has really
nice handwriting.

Oh, yeah.
Oh.

We're insane.

This is insane.

Would you have a
little fun, Char?

This is not life or death.

You are so serious
about everything.

I am not.

I'm looking for
someone who can give

me the lifestyle I deserve.

And you think you have
what Ryan's looking for?

I know I have what
Ryan's looking for.

I mean, hello.

What are you into?

Uh, what are you--
what are you into?

Like what, hobbies?

Sexually?

Sexually.

Uh-- sexual hobbies--

hobbies-- hobbies.

I like sailing, tennis,
shopping, picnics.

I'm really into wine.

Mm.

And why do you want to marry me?

And why do you
want to marry me--

Ryan-- Ryan-- why do
you want to marry Ryan?

I guess you'll find
out when you pick me.

Mm, I like her.

Mm.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

So you're from Boston?

Between the city and the cape.

So am I.

And I'm from Boston.

And I'm from Boston.

I know.

You just said that.
- Right.

Yes.

Well, we covered that.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Do you prefer one
side of the bed?

Do you prefer one
side of the bed?

Um, well, I--

I usually sleep in the middle.

Mm.

So you haven't had a lotof men in your bed recently?

So youhaven't had a lot of, um,

men in your bed recently?

Oh, wow.

That--
that's a little nosy.

Yes, it is.

Hey, I'm just trying to geta feeling for your vibe lately.

I'm just trying to get afeeling for your vibe lately.

Wha-- Excuse me?

What turns you on?

Uh--
What turns you on?

Oh.

I guess what we're tryingto get at is, are you ready

to fall in love?

No.

Not in this way.

I'm going to go.

Look, thank you very
much for your time.

But this just really
isn't my style.

No.

No, don't let her go.

No, I'm--
I'm sorry.

Please don't go.

I apologize.

So do I. It's, uh,
nice meeting you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are-- are you kidding
me with these questions?

I mean, come on.

What turns you on?

I'm just not that into it.

What, are you crazy?

It was really a nice try.

But this whole thing is
just a little bit weird.

Oh, Charlie.

Well, why don't we
just bail out and go

to a museum or something?

For heaven's sake.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to run
into you like that.

Don't worry about it.

It's cool.

Wait a minute.

Are you sure you're OK?

Uh-huh.

You must be fine.

- I'm Ryan.
- I know.

Hi.
Yeah, Charlie.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Trish.

Hi, Trish.

Charlie.

There's only one othergirl I know named Charlie,

and I spoke to her on
the phone the other day.

Well, that's me.

That was me.

Well, it's a real pleasureto put that face to your name.

Thanks.

So how did your interview go?

Am I going to see you soon?

Oh--

Absolutely.

Great.
Great.

Hey, don't tell
anyone we met, OK?

It's against the rules.

Oh?

See you guys later.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

That's Ryan.

That's good.

Is this not, like, amazing?

I know.

It's incredible.

Oh, I'm Dana.

Sorry.

Hi, Charlie.

What a cute name.

Ryan's going to love that.

Charlie, I'm so
glad you're here.

Hey, Todd.

Hey, you remember my name.

I did.

You're the crazy guy.

Unfortunately, yes.

Yeah.

Moving on, I think you'reup next for the arrival.

OK, great.

You like horses?

Yeah.

I love horses.

It's beautiful.

OK, hop on up there, Charlie.

OK.

Are we having fun?

Yeah, a great time.

Just coming from the hotel.

Can't wait to see this place.

Nerves are jittery.

State in, please.

And action horse.

This place is incredible.

Are you excited, Charlie?

Yeah.

I'm excited and nervous.

We don't have sound?
We don't have sound.

Cut, cut.

It's a reset.

Back to one, please.

OK, fix that sound.

Still rolling?

Yeah.

OK, and say again?

And action horse.

Are you excited, Charlie?

Yeah, I just didn't
know we were going to be

doing it over and over again.

No cut.

Cut.
- Sorry.

- Reset.
- Sorry.

Action horse.

Wow.

This place is really beautiful.

I'm really excited and nervous.

Cut!

I'm not buying it, Charlie.

You're not buying it?

I'm not buying it.

Reset, please.

Ryan, this is Stan, the host.

Oh, hey, Stan.
How are you doing?

I'm good.
Good to meet you.

Yeah, you too.

Hey, have you
seen these girls?

Hot as hell, aren't they?

You're a lucky dog.

Yes, I am.

So you're an actress, Laura?

Yeah, I go on
tons of auditions.

It's just so hard, you know?

I can't imagine.

Maybe someone will noticeyou from the show, you know?

So I was flipping
through the contract,

and I noticed that
they can't put

any cameras or mikes in
the bathrooms because

of some new privacy laws.

Oh.

If we ever need totalk without being heard,

then just come in here.

Thanks for the tip.

So yeah, that's,
um-- that's my plan--

get noticed, get famous.

I already have a boyfriend, but he's in on it.

So don't tell anyone.

OK.

But I had to tell youbecause you're going to hear me

in here talking to him on this.

Oh.

We're not allowed to talk onthe phone, so I snuck it in.

You can use it
whenever you want.

You know, we have
to-- we have to stick

together and help each other.

That's the only way peoplewin on these things,

by forming alliances.

OK.

So what are you going
to do if you win?

I date Ryan long enough
to get really famous

and then break up with him.

Just like anyone TomCruise has ever been with.

I think--

I think you have a reallygood chance of winning.

I mean, you are that girl.

Oh, what girl?

The one that everybody
is going to fall

in love with, including him.

Oh.
No.

I-- I don't think so.

I've never been great atlong lasting relationships.

You're just picky.

How many times have
you been proposed to?

Twice.

Welcome to eternally single.

No, you just know
what you deserve.

I'm an actress.

I've played your
character before.

Oh.

All right, settle, please.

And slate.

And action, Mindy.

Oh.

Cut!

Cut.

It's a reset.

Are you OK, Mindy?

Yeah.

OK, reset, everybody.

Action, Mindy.

Hi, I'm Mindy.

Hi, I'm Ryan.

You OK?

Yeah.

This is very surreal.

Yeah.

Cut!
Cut!

No, no.

You can't look at
the camera, Mindy.

We'll start again from thebottom of the stairs, OK?

And action.

Hi, I'm Mindy.

Action, Angela.

Hi.

Action, Lauren.

Hey, hot stuff.

Hey.

Wow, you are beautiful.

I'm so glad that we chose you.

Thank you.

Amanda.

And action.

Hey there.

Action, Sarah.

Hi.

Action, Fran.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, you too.

And action, Kristin.

Hi.

Hey.

Well.

I'm going to
try to ignore them too.

Oh, my god.

They're beautiful.

Her face, Ryan.

Look at her face.

Sorry.

Go-- yeah.

Cut.

We'll go again.

Uh, just-- can you
just come in from--

yeah, just reset there.

Dude.

Hi.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

Thanks for coming.

I am so, so
excited to be here.

It's always been my
dream to meet you.

Hi.

And action, Charlie.

Um--

You look amazing.

Thank you.

So do you.

I'm, uh-- I'm Ryan.

Charlie.

Well, it's nice to put aface to that name of yours.

Is that your line?

I'm just
messing with you.

Um, reset.

Action, Dana.

Mm.

Hi.

Hi.

Wow.

I am a very lucky man.

Well, are there sparks?

I don't know.

I saw him for 30 seconds.

It's crazy with all
the cameras and lights.

Which do you like best?

Who is that?

It's my roommate,
Lauren, who I love.

Well, lie.

This is a competition.

I'm not lying.

I like her.

You are never going to
win with this attitude.

Hey, pull that down
on the main monitor.

Trim the tail, and
that'll be much better.

You guys, have a look at this.

Who is it.

I can't tell.

She's not allowed to
hide her face like that.

Wasn't there a
rule against this?

Yeah, I just created it.

You go tell her to removethe hoodie, then stall her.

Sure.

Go find Ryan and tellhim to get to the kitchen.

This could be a
great little scene.

Hey there.

Ha, ha.

You scared me.
Sorry.

It's OK.

I was just sent down hereto tell you that you can't

cover your face like that.

I did it on purpose.

I, uh-- I wanted to avoid aconfrontation about the fact

that I was about to force theentire contents of the kitchen

into my face.

What are you concocting?

Oh, no.

I don't give away my secrets.

Anyway, uh, you
have to participate,

which means we can't
have you hiding

your face from the cameras.

Right.

Are you getting rid of me?

No.

No.

No, I'm just telling you whatI'm supposed to tell you.

To tell you the truth, um.

I'm just used to
it being quieter

in my little book store.

Favorite book?

Oh, "Breakfast at Tiffany's."

Oh, great movie.

I never saw it.

You should.

You should read the book.

I have.

Oh.

I should go.

Oh.
You know what?

Here.
Here.

You must be hungry.

That's yours, though.

No, I can make
another one It's OK.

Hi.
Oh, hi.

Hi.

I'll take it for the road.

OK.

So, uh, what are
you doing up so late?

Um, I was just making
myself something to eat.

Can't sleep?

Well, not that tired, I guess.

You know, from
the moment we met,

I knew that we were goingto share something special.

Really?

Yeah.

How?

Because, um-- because
you're so beautiful.

That's nice.

Thank you.

He clicks with
all the other girls.

I don't get it.

She's too much for him.

He doesn't know how to
handle girls like this.

Well, he's going
to have to learn.

So, um, what do you think, you know, of all this craziness?

Having all these ca--

cam-- cameras and
girls flocking to you?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just used to it.

It's really got
a pimento in them.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I don't really like olives.

Oh, it's cool.

Pickle?

Super bright like
candy apple red--

OK, all set?

Let's do this.

Slate.

Got it.

Thanks, buddy.

Am I good?

OK.

So what do you think of Fran?

Which one was Fran?

Show him.

Hi.

Oh, yeah.

What's with that?

Why did you guys cast her?

Because she's tragic.

And if you show interest
in her, it shows heart.

Oh.

I think Fran has somethingreally wonderful to offer.

Moving on to Dana.

Hi.

Hi.

Wow.

Dana, Dana, Dana.

Ha, ha, ha.

Every time I look at Dana, Ithink, oh, baby, come over here

and sit on daddy's lap.

Take two, please.

Dana
is a wonderful woman.

She's beautiful, and
she's not afraid to let

you know that she's in charge.

Good.

Now, what about Charlie?

Charlie-- uh,
Charlie's a tough one.

I mean, when I was in
the kitchen with her,

I had no idea what to say.

Well, that's
because she doesn't

take the Ryan Banks bait.

America is going
to vote for her.

So you're going to have tostart charming her, sweetheart.

Todd's way better withgirls like that than I am.

So he'll help you
with what to say to her.

Sound like a plan?

I'll do my best.

I think Charlie may
be the perfect woman.

And action.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to "I Want
to Marry Ryan Banks."

We have 15 beautiful women whoare hoping to catch Ryan's eye.

Let's meet them now.

This Place.
Is amazing.

Hey!

Hey!

I'm excited and nervous.

I can only see things
progressing with her.

Hi.

Hi.

You are stunning.

I don't know.

Tristan might be
a little too much.

Not really my taste,
if that makes sense.

Oh!

Wow.

You look amazing.

I'm Ryan.

Charlie.

It's nice to put a face
to that name of yours.

I really liked him
when we first met.

But I'm trying to forget thefact that he is Ryan Banks.

Um, it would be great
to fall in love,

but I would like to try to getto know him as a real person.

Wow, these girls are hot.

Ryan, what do you think?

I think my future wife maybe in this group of women.

Well, they're all
upstairs in the house.

But they're not allowed tosee what we've just seen.

But you'll see
them tomorrow night

on our life kickoff ceremony.

So America, it's your choice.

Call in.

The number is on your screen.

Go on!

Pick up the phone.

AT&T Wireless--

Uh, 1-800-654-2192.

Count your
ballot and take part

in choosing the perfect
match for Ryan Banks.

FEMALE SINGERS

I want to marry Ryan Banks.

Last night's ratings
were through the roof.

We're number one in
every demographic.

I know.
It's great.

Let's just hope
they like tonight's

key ceremony just as much.

We're going live
in 30 seconds.

Stan, you almost ready?
- Just about.

Ready?
- Any questions for me?

No.
OK, let's do it.

You're doing great.

Girls ready?

Hey, my-- my mic is slipping.

Sound, can we get a
little help, please?

All right, 10 seconds to air.

Good luck, everyone.
- 10--

Hurry.
- 9--

Here we go.

8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3--

Tonight, America haseliminated five of these women,

leaving only 10.

Those 10 will now receivea key to Ryan's heart.

Ryan, take it away.

Thank you, Stan.

This box contains
10 keys to my heart.

The first key goes to--

--Jessica.

Will-- will you accept
that key to my heart?

Yes.

Yes!

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present

head cheerleader Jessica?

And
the second key goes to--

--Mindy.

Oh.

How are you doing?

Lauren.

Sharon.

Alicia.

Fran.

Dana.

Will you accept this
key to my heart?

That is the sexiest
man in the world.

Angela.

What does he
have that I don't?

Are you sure you
want me to answer that?

I holdin my hand the final key.

The final key
gets presented to--

--Charlie.

Yes.

Charlie, you received the most votes.

You are America's
number one choice.

She's the one.

Will you accept
this key to my heart?

Yes, I will.

Come
back next week

and find out who is winningthe heart of Ryan Banks.

Until then, I will
remain on the sidelines,

heaving with jealousy.

FEMALE SINGERS

I want to marry Ryan Banks.

Charlie.

Hey.

You're, uh-- well, you'repopular with the viewers.

CHARLIE NORTON: Yeah, I have no idea why.

I'm such a nervous
wreck this week.

It's, um-- it's fine.

It's-- sometimes it'shard to know what to say.

Hmm.

Oh. Let me, uh-- let me try.

Yeah.

I should talk.

Say, uh, it's a
lot to get used to.

You did fine.

This is-- it's a
lot to get used to.

Yeah.

I'm just not used to
competing for a guy.

Right.

Well, we'll just try to havetime alone as much as we can.

We'll just, uh, try
to spend some time alone

as much as we can.

Sounds good.

Good.

So I hear you're from Boston?

Yeah.

Oh, make it about her.

Say, um-- and I hear yourfamily has a bar out there.

Yeah, and I hear that your family

has a bar out there.

Yeah.

I mean, it's just
a little place.

I'd love

to chuck all this
for the weekend

and go back home
and see it sometime.

You know, I'd love tochuck all this for a weekend,

go back home, see it sometime.

Wow.

My sister would die.

Brush that hair
out of her face.

Now say good night and
apologize for cornering

her with all the cameras.

I'm going to, uh--

I'm going to say good night now.

Sorry to have cornered
you with these cameras.

Oh.

No, it's OK.

Leave anyway.

Good night.

Night.

Ryan.

Ryan?

Morning, Ryan.

Mm.

Morning, sunshine.

We've got babes
in the hot tub.

Oh.

Let's get the cameras rolling.

You have a swimsuit?
- No.

I don't need one.

Just black bart.

Ohh.
OK.

You rock.

You rock.
- Why?

Why?

Dude, the calls
are flowing in.

The town is loving you.

You got a meeting on
Saturday with Eddie

Titlebaum and Nicole.

They want you.

And that's not even
the half of it.

"Banks turning
over a new leaf.

Boston girl giving
him new life."

Nice.

She said, oh--
you.

God, you're a pro.
- No, no.

No.
No, you're the pro, man.

You saved me with her.

You know, it was like
we were doing a scene--

Ryan.

--But you were
feeding me my dialogue.

Ryan!

I felt like Marlon
Brando in that movie--

- Ryan.
- What?

She's the one.

You keep making
it work with her,

and your image will bethe perfect boy next door.

Nice.

Do you dig her?

- Yeah, I dig a lot of them.- Yeah.

Come on.

Let's get to the hot tub.

I love my life.

Please, ladies.

Ladies, who wants
another cocktail?

I do.

I do.

This is nice.

Oh, hey,.

Ryan, get back in here.

Ryan, Charlie just came downthe stairs right behind you.

Oh, hey, guys.

Um, I'll be right back.

Where's he going?

Who is he, Ray Charles?

He is into everybody but me.

Sawyou girls sitting over here,

and I couldn't resist.

Hey, Ryan.

Well, thank you.

OK, space blank.

Five letters.

Huh?

The crossword puzzle.

Space blank.

You're asking the wrong guy.

Oh, it's cadet.

Space cadet.

Uh, wait.

Um, cadet.

Space blank, five letters.

- Space cadet.
- Yeah.

Thank you.

Hmm.

Ah.

Ask her to take a walk.

Uh, Charlie, would
you like to take a walk?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Excuse us, ladies.

Sure.

So do you miss home?

So do you miss home?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My sister, especially.

Hmm.

OK, be interested in her.

What's, um-- what's
she like, your sister?

Oh.

Well, she's obsessed
with you, actually,

which is why put me up to this.

You know, that's so strange, because I feel so normal.

It's so strange to
hear stuff like that

because I feel so normal.

Yeah, but you live
a pretty blessed life.

Come on, admit it.

You wouldn't trade it tobe slinging beers at a bar.

Don't-- don't give
her the sob story.

You're right.

It is fun.

I've been very lucky.

But let's
stop talking about me.

But let's
not talk about me.

OK.

Now take her hand.

Good.

No, no.

What are you doing?

What are you-- don't.

Don't kiss her.

Um--

Sorry.

This is-- this is all justhappening a little too fast.

So--

You blew it.

You totally blew it.

I didn't tell you to kiss her.

The timing was all off.

Timing?

What are you talking about?

OK, ladies,
lots of energy.

We're dancing, smiling,
high, high energy.

OK, and rolling.

Music.

I think you and I have a lotin common, you know, with the--

the need to explore ourselvesthrough other characters.

I mean, we are both
actors, famous or not.

Nothing that they say aboutyou in the tabloids is true.

Come on.

Ryan, come and dance.

Come on.

Come on, guy.

Hey.

Hey.

There'san energy that's here.

Dance all night.

Dance all night.

So, um, do you think
I have the qualities

to be Mrs. Ryan Banks?

Who are you betting on?

I like Lauren, the actress.

I like Mindy.

And Charlie, of course.

You think so?

Please.

She's the perfect candidate.

Charlie, come on
back out and dance.

I'm
just going to take

a break for a little while.- Yeah?

Oh!

Hey, Dave, back off
a little bit, will you?

No.
You know what?

I'm really OK.

I'm-- I'm just going to gooutside and get some air.

Truthfully, this whole thingis just a little weird.

Not too weird for you, is it?

Not too weird for me.

Hey, I'm sorry about that.

Hi.

Oh, it's OK.

Is this what you have
to go through these days

to get a date?

Well, why fall in loveif you can't do it on TV?

Is that how you
met your girlfriend?

No, I'm single.

Oh.

There must be a very goodreason you're single.

Well, I could probably saythe same thing about you.

You know, if I ever want
to really meet somebody,

the obvious choice is
just have my own show.

I want to marry.

Right.

That'd be great.

Yeah.

I'm, uh-- I'm sorry I'm so agh.

It's just that
Ryan's really sweet.

It's just so hard to get toknow the real him this way.

No.

Is it really?

Yeah.

FEMALE SINGERS

I want to marry Ryan Banks.

Welcome back.

America, you've alreadychosen Mindy, Dana, Jessica.

, Next key, please.

Charlie.

And the finalgirl to remain in the race

for Ryan Banks's heart.

We have--

Lauren.

Yay.

You're meeting with the
director, two producers,

Nicole may or may not be there.

Now, remember, this is theone movie you want to land.

This is Oscar caliber.

I'll land it, buddy.

Don't worry.

Hey, what was with
Charlie at the club?

I just think she's freakedout by all this stuff.

But she's the only one, right?

Oh, yeah.

Then she's got to be more intoit, or it's not going to work.

You're a producer.
Talk to her.

Take her out of here.

Give her a pep talk.

I can't take
her outside the house.

Take her to my house.

No one will know.

Do it tonight.

Kareen will make you dinner.

Mm.

Yeah, I could definitely
get used to living here.

So you're planning on winning?

Oh, yeah.

Mm, I think I'll put aeast wing right over there.

But for now, it'll do.

So the real
reason we're here is

I just want to make you feelmore comfortable about doing

the show.

I am trying.

And I do like him, you know.

It just-- you have to admit thiswhole thing's a little weird.

I have to admit it
is a little weird.

You so do not seem like oneof these Hollywood type people.

How did you get
involved in all this?

Um, Ryan and I have
been friends forever.

We moved out here.

One thing led to another, andit just sort of made sense

to go into business together.

So what did you
want to do before one

thing led to another?

I don't remember.

A friend's business-- allin one, that has to be hard.

How so?

Well, he's Ryan Banks,
and your whole life

revolves around that.

You want to get some fresh air?

Go for a walk?

Oh, there's nowhere
to walk in that way.

Doesn't he have, like,
a 40 acre property?

Yeah, I can't wait to go home, hang out at my sister's bar.

I'd kind of love tochuck all this for a week,

go back home, and
see it sometime.

That's so weird.

Ryan said the exact same thing.

Did he really?

Uh-huh.

That's probably because
he's from Boston too.

God, how sad is it I've
never been down here?

It's my best friend's
own private beach.

You work too much.

Yeah, at a job I don'tremember choosing, right?

That sounds like
someone else I know.

Who?

Well, after college, youknow, my dad got really sick.

And he couldn't
run the bookstore.

I was going to go to
journalism school.

But I knew he secretlywanted me to run the store.

So I did.

Here I am eight years later.

Do you like it?

Oh, enough.

I mean, I love the
people that come in.

But I did it for him.

This is the most normal I'vefelt since I've gotten to LA.

It's really nice.

I wish you could stay longer.

Me too.

It's getting cold.

Yeah.

I mean, you'd think
in California--

Right, right.

In the movies, they always, uh, go swimming a lot.

Yes.

You're
changing everything.

You're changing everything.

Right from the start,
it came from my heart.

You're changing everything.

My everything.

With you.

What did we just do?

So I'm thinking we should, uh--

Yeah, definitely.
It was--

It was a mistake.

Yes.

It wasn't my place to--

Oh, but it wasn't your fault.

Even if it wasn't
my fault, still--

It was really nice, though.

Oh, it was--

it was really nice.

It was really nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

OK, yeah.

Great.

OK, good night.

Good night.

Oh, I was just leaving.

How'd it go?

I got the part.

Oh, nice work, my man.

Oh, OK.

We'll negotiate on Monday.

Good, good, good.

How'd it go with Charlie?

Uh, she'll be fine.

She's just getting adjustedto the cameras and stuff.

It was a good-- it was agood move taking her out.

Right on.
You the man.

OK.

Oh, so if it gets down
to her and someone else,

you'll pick her?

Yeah, sure.

I guess so.

Although I got to tell you, the idea of getting married

is no more attractive thanit was three weeks ago.

But the point is you gotto pick somebody at the end.

Yeah, sure.

So I guess I'll pick her.

It's just that Charlie
seems pretty into it.

You know, if you don't
feel the same way,

maybe you should focus yourefforts on somebody else who's

not going to be so let downafter you dump them two

weeks after the show's over.

Why?

I should pick the one
that America likes best.

That's what you've always said.

Yeah, I'm just saying
she's a cool girl.

You know, you don't
want to mess her up.

OK.

Don't worry, man.

All right.

Good night.

Welcome back.

If you're just
joining us, America

has made their decision
in the countdown

to the heart of Ryan Banks.

Jessica, Mindy,
Lauren, and Charlie.

Sorry, Dana.

If she's like that now,
imagine her with kids.

Good choice, America.

Next week on "I Want
to Marry Ryan Banks,"

you'll see Ryan on a
romantic dinner date

with each of the
four remaining girls.

We'll see you next time.

FEMALE SINGERS

I want to marry Ryan Banks.

You know, ever
since we've met,

I just feel like we have
this thing, you know?

It's really good.

Yeah.

Um, because I just--

I've never felt this
way with anybody before.

Well, how manyrelationships have you had?

I mean, you're pretty
young, aren't you?

Yeah.

But I know what I
want when I see it.

Mm.
Wow.

Here's to you.

Cheers.

How about your
favorite video game?

Oh, you're a gamer?

Yeah.

I'm kind of a pro.

I'm all about
"Tron 2.0" right now.

No way.

Me too.

What version are you up to?

9.82.

10.0.0.

Yeah, I got all the
build points too.

Whoa.

Did you beat the lightcycler, or did you skip it?

Beat it.

Have you played online yet?

No, not yet.

Yeah, death match
and team death match.

Oh, you gotta do it.

You're my idol.

Yeah, I just--

I feel like you're reallyromantic underneath it all.

I don't know.

You know, we should, um--

we should go to the
wine country or Carmel.

Oh, get a roomsomewhere, taste some wine,

listen to classical
music in our bathrobes.

A romantic.

Caught.

So you know, I just feel
like we have this, um--

this unbelievable connection.

What's your favorite book?

Uh, I'm not really a book guy.

I'm more of a movie guy.

So where do you see
yourself down the line?

Um, you know, I want to settledown, get married, have kids.

Well, then, what if I didn'twant to live in Hollywood?

Oh, that's OK.

We can have more than one house.

I can be here doing my thing.

And uh, you can live withthe kids wherever you want.

Well, but then we're
not really together.

And you know, if we're
going to be together,

then I'd want to be spendingmore time with you-- you know,

quality time.

Right.

Um, that's a good thing to--

to talk about.

Um, could you excuse
me for one second?

All right, cut.

Let's cut it.

Why aren't you helping me?

You should be
able to handle this.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Don't let me down now.

And roll cameras.

Cue harp.

Sorry.

I was just saying that--

Let me
know what you think.

It's one step at a time.

I was just saying
that we should

take this one step at a time.

And we
barely know each other.

I mean, we barely
know each other.

And I think that
these decisions--

we should make together
when the time comes.

And I think we should
make those decisions

together when the time comes.

That's
a really good answer.

So Iwas wondering how I could

be so torn between two guys.

And I realize now that I'm not.

No.

Ryan's a great guy.

And I think you should gofor it, if you think that--

Yeah, yeah.

Ryan's great on paper, you know?

But there's never
been any real spark.

And I couldn't figure
out how he kept

saying all the right things.

And I realize now
that he wasn't.

And this is all fake.

And you were saying
them the whole time.

Not the whole time.

Uh-huh.

When he found me
upstairs in the hallway?

Uh, yeah, I was there.

And by the hot tub?

He didn't know the answerto the crossword puzzle.

And that walk in thegarden when he kissed me.

Yes, but I didn't
tell him to kiss you.

That was all him.- I didn't want him to kiss me.

I know.
I know.

It was totally the wrong moment.- Completely the wrong moment.

Yeah.

So it's you.

- OK, I should go.
- No, don't go.

I need to go.

Look, it's my fault.
You need to do the show.

And eventually, you'llwind up falling for Ryan.

Everybody does.

Keep your eyes closed.

OK, OK.

This way.
This way.

I got you.
I got you.

OK, you can open your eyes.

Patrick, what is this?

You haven't been
on one in a while.

So I thought this
would be a good idea.

Patrick, this isn't like you.

I know you like the romance.

And if I want to
keep you around,

I figure I have to step it up.

Congratulations, ladies.

America's spoken.

The three of you remain.

You must be so excited.

Jessica, I'm sorry totell you that America has

taken you out of the running.

That's totally fine.

I'm totally fine with that.

Yeah, you just keep
telling yourself that.

Next week, stay tuned as we seeRyan on an exotic vacation date

with each of the
three remaining girls.

We'll see you next time.

So when this is allover, if you're not picked,

I would love to take you out.

That's perfect.

I mean, she obviously likes you.

And Ryan obviously
cares for her as much

as he's cared about any othergirl, which is like care

factor of zero.

So you're not a bad friend.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Todd, you have to go after this.

You deserve to be happy too.

But you're going to have to waituntil after the show is over.

It's Todd.

Hey, it's Charlie.

Hey.

CHARLIE NORTON: So, um, Lauren's on her date

with Ryan in Carmel.

And there's barely anybody here.

And I'm starving.

You want to bring over
a pizza or something?

OK.

We're good.

We have to continually
avoid that.

Huh.

It was nice having dinner withyou and Ryan the other night.

You and I make a pretty
good date, don't we?

Yeah.

Look, you and I both knowthat it's not really going

to happen between Ryan and me.

And he knows that too.

Yeah, I don't know.

So we're going to
let a TV show get

in the way of whatever this is?

It's my show that
I created for him.

And you're the favorite.

It just seems like
you have sacrificed

everything in your life
for the sake of his.

I've never had anyone paythis much attention to me.

And not because I
only just met you.

Duck.

Oh.

Oh.

Mm.

Mm.

OK, you have to
let me off the show.

Oh, that's not possible.

America would be up in arms.

There has to be
another solution.

Maybe you could
just start pretending

you're the biggest loser onearth, make America hate you.

Then they'll vote you off.

Oh, my-- that's it.

What?

No, that's it.

I was to go to Victoria withRyan this weekend, right?

Well, I'll just start
acting like the biggest

tool on the planet.

Ryan will be repulsed.

And America will vote me off.

And that's it.

Oh, that's kind of brilliant.

It was your idea.

You know, you really
should start taking

some credit for yourself.

I'm going to be the worstdate Ryan has ever had.

This is insane.

Oh.

Mm.

I think I'm getting sick.

Sure you need this many bags?

We're only here for two days.

You can never be too prepared.

Oh.

Hey.

Hey, guys, back off a
little bit, will you?

I don't like this hotel.

This place is a dump.

Oh, thank you for
going shopping with me.

Know how much I
hate sightseeing.

Plus, I need to find
something to wear

to your next big premiere.

Oh, this-- stop it.

Amazing, right?

Oh, thank you.

Oh, and this.

This I will wear
to your second premiere,

when I'm Mrs. Ryan Banks.

Thank you.

I hope you
brought your checkbook.

Cut.

Um, a couple of dragon
rolls, definitely.

Huh.

Thanks.

You know, I would like
a Chinese chicken salad.

Charlie, this is a
Japanese restaurant.

Hmm?

Um, so you can make surethat the chicken isn't cooked

in oil, and that thelettuce is triple washed,

and the dressing is egg-free.

Thank you.

This is super.

Are you having as
much fun as I am?

I'm trying to.

Oh.

What came over her?

At least it'll mix
it up a little bit.

Let's see just howsteamy Ryan and Lauren got.

You know, I didn't come intothis expecting to fall for you.

But you surprised me
in every single way.

You made me surprised myself.

Ryan and Mindy took a funtrip up to San Francisco,

where there was no shortageof bonding activity.

Have a good trip, skipper.

Thanks.

What do you got?

Ah.

Here we go.

It's not bad.

Oh--

I win.

What's that?

Feed me.

Oh, my goodness.

We can go to the redwoods.

I know.

OrAlcatraz, or just stay in.

That sounds good.

Now let's
go to glorious Victoria,

Canada, where the sparks
between Ryan and Charlie

got even hotter.

Amazing hotel, right?

Oh, thank you.

When I'm Mrs. Ryan Banks.

Mrs. Ryan Banks.

This is super.

I mean, are you having
as much fun as I am?

Yep.

I don't get it.

I thought she said
she sabotaged it.

Ooh.

Now pick up thosephones and cast your vote

with AT&T. This is
your last chance

to affect the outcome, takingit down to the final two.

One of those two will
be Mrs. Ryan Banks.

We'll see you all tomorrow nightwhen we're joined by Ryan's

last three leading ladies.

Good night, everyone.

FEMALE SINGERS

I want to marry Ryan Banks.

Leslie.

Leslie, that footage
was a complete lie.

That is blatantly notwhat happened in Victoria.

Isn't this what you want?

She's the one you
want America to pick.

The other two won't donearly as much for his career

as she will.

Lauren's too desperate,
and he and Mindy

are more like friends.

You didn't even
consult with me.

I don't have to.

I'm the network.

And we want ratings,
which means we

have to keep this neck andneck until the last episode.

I owe you.

I owe you guys one.

Do you know how ridiculous Iwould have looked with Charlie

in Victoria if you
wouldn't have pulled

that amazing editing job?

Mm.

It was awesome.

This is unbelievable.

What's with him?

That was Lauren
and Ryan in Carmel.

And finally, as a reminder, let's take a look at Ryan's

vacation date with Charlie.

Amazing hotel, right?

Oh, thank you.

When I'm Mrs. Ryan Banks.

Mrs. Ryan Banks.

This is super.

I mean, are you having
as much fun as I am?

Yep.

Ooh.

Well, America, you have made your choice.

Let's see which two girls Ryanwill eventually choose from.

Lauren, will you accept
this key to my heart?

Yes, of course.

Charlie.

Thank you.

Can you accept
this key to my heart?

Yes, of course.

So tonight, we bid
farewell to Mindy,

who the viewers
seem to think was

more of a friend than a lover.

Hmm.

Can't feel good, Mind.

Can't feel good.

That means next week,
Ryan will choose.

Will it be Charlie, oris it going to be Lauren?

Find out next week.

Good night.

And we are clear.

I don't know
exactly what that was.

But that was not me.

I cannot do this anymore.

I'm done.

OK, listen, I understandwhy you're upset.

I completely
understand, Charlie.

But you can't quit the show.

Yes, I can!

This entire show
is a complete sham.

I would be disrespecting
myself if I didn't quit!

Hey, whatever
that was, go fix it.

Charlie, it's time.

We have nothing to talk about.

Hey, look.

Look, I'm angry about
what they did too, OK?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, you know, they editedthis whole thing without me

even knowing about it.

All right.

This whole thing hasgotten entirely out of hand.

I had nothing to do with this.

Yeah, but you knew, didn't you?

You knew, and you
didn't tell me.

I didn't know
until last night.

You know, and this wholeacting like an idiot thing,

it was your idea.

It
was going to work.

You were perfect.

Well,I'm glad you were amused.

Problem is you didn't holdup your end of the bargain.

You are no better than
anyone else around here.

I did fall for somebody here, but it's not Ryan Banks.

It was you.

I just wish I had morerespect for you than I do.

Bottom line, Todd, this
whole show is a joke.

And I'm not going to be
a part of it anymore.

- Charlie, Charlie.
- What?

Sorry to interrupt.

The next time you want tohave a conversation like this,

I suggest you take
off your microphone.

You're fired.

Literally, for as
long as I can remember,

it's been this way.

You are so far out in
left field with this.

You're just too
obsessed with Ryan Banks

to think about
anybody else's life.

Are you kidding me with this?

You know, for
the past 10 years,

it's been my job to
obsess about Ryan Banks.

That's right.

You wanted to work for me.

No, I didn't.

Look, I don't blame you, Ryan.

You are who you are, andI helped you become that.

But somewhere along the line, I just completely lost myself.

And then I met her.

And I tried to resist it.

And for once, I did
something for myself.

I put work and your careerfirst in my life forever.

And it took her to
make me realize that.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Oh, listen-- listen, man.

You've been the best
friend I could ask for.

We've had a great ride.

It's just now, it's
time for me to figure

out what else my life is about.

So what are you going to do?

I don't know.

So how exactly was
Ryan as a kisser?

Oh, he was good.

Did I ask you to be vague?

Oh, can you get that?

Yeah.

Hello?

Can I ask who's calling?

Todd from LA.

She's not here.

Can I take a message for her?

OK, I'll tell her.

Bye.

Poor guy.

Look, it is an
impossible situation

that is not worth dealing with.

Charlie Norton?

That's me.

How can they sue me?

Remember that thick
document you signed?

Well, if you choose to
cooperate and continue

your commitment to theshow, Ryan, and the crew,

we'll be coming to
your house tomorrow.

What?

I'm going to have
to get my hair done.

Trish, focus.

Right.

OK.

So listen, you're goingto have to finish it out.

Is that the worst
thing in the world?

I can't.

So he picks you,
you're all smiles on TV,

and then you come home.

Charlie, they got you.

You agreed to do this, you signed that document,

and you are not a quitter.

Look, sweetie.

I hate to sound like
an annoying big sister.

But just because
this is tough doesn't

mean you get to walk away.

Why are you always right?

Think of it this way.

You go, you take nakedpictures of him, you come home.

We sell them on eBay.

Ow.

Charlie's in Boston.

So we've turned a
problem into a solution.

He'll go meet both
girls' families.

It'll be great.

Very boy next door
meets girl next door.

And Charlie won't
be able to say no.

How do you know?

We're working something
new into the show.

If the girl Ryan
picks says yes,

she wins a million dollars.

I am so glad I
created this show.

Brilliant idea.

You were just doing your job.

Yeah.

What am I going to do?

She won't return my calls.

You want to know what I'd do?

I would get on a plane
and go visit her.

You can't just sit here.

I mean, you fell
for her, and I've

never seen you do that before.

And she fell for you, andthat happens, like, once

out of every 100 million times.

You guys are meant
to be together.

Oh, my god.

Ah!

They're here!

Charlie!

Patrick!

Ugh.

I've got to keep them straight.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi.

Hello.

Last time we met, I
fainted on the floor.

Oh, that's right.
That's right.

It's good to see you again.

Be more careful
this time, will you?

OK.

Come in.

Come in.

Hi.

Come in.

Wrapped here.

Come in.

So I'm glad we got
out of Los Angeles.

Give you a chance
to be yourself more.

And we can get to know
each other better.

And I promise, this time wewon't mess with the edit.

OK.
You said it.

I'm game.

All right, then.

Camera, take your
position, please.

Ready, guys?

Just act natural.

Slate, and roll camera.

And action.

So Charlie, tell me--

thanks.

Tell me, before you met me, oranyone else, what kind of guy

were you looking for?

Someone honest,
someone kind, funny.

Someone who knows how to listen.

And do you feel like
I'm any of those things?

Yeah, sort of.

I think you're very funny.

You know, but there are otherthings that I like about you.

Um, you say how you feel, you're very passionate,

you know what you want.

All that's absolutely true.

See you in LA.

Bye.

Bye.

Have a good night.

All right, let's go.

I, uh--

I somehow ended up on a
big machine in the sky.

And, uh, it landed in this city.

And I, uh-- I thought
I'd pay you a visit.

Obviously, I wasn't
the only one.

Yeah, well, I was going to beslapped with a million dollar

lawsuit if I didn't let him in.

All I have to do is showup for the final ceremony.

Right.

Come in.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, and if he picks you?

I say yes, I get a milliondollars, and I blow it off.

Really?

Or I say no, I lose
a million dollars,

and I keep working
at a bookstore.

Really?

Mm.

Oh, I, uh--

I found this on your porch.

Thank you.

Do you know how rare this is?

I was wondering.

What are you doing
every day this week?

No plans yet.

I was just fine

alone for so long on my own.

Love was to me a fairy tale.

Self-sufficient, independent.

What was love?

I didn't need it till it
all went out the window

the moment you said hello.

I need your love in
the middle of the day.

I need your love to sleep away.

I need your love with
every breath I take.

Need your love like I've
never needed anyone.

You're everything to me.

I need your love.

Don't wreck my heart.

Need your love every
minute of the day.

I need your love to sleep away.

I need your love
with every breath--

OK, America.

We are back on the
final live episode of "I

Want to Marry Ryan Banks."

Ryan Banks.

You'vechosen two women for him.

He's met their families, spentmore time with them one on one.

And now he says he's
made his final decision.

Thanks for sneaking me in.

Well, like you're
not going to be

here when this all goes down.

All right, I will
come and get you

later so you can be there forCharlie when this is all over.

OK.

Hey, Lauren.

I have had the most
wonderful time with you.

You're charming, andambitious, and beautiful.

I really feel like
we made a connection.

And obviously, America
felt it as well.

Yes.

But I don't think
we're a match.

What?

If I'm goingto settle down with someone,

I want us to complement eachother with our differences.

And the fact that
we're both actors,

it's a little close to home.

I was so ready to
give that up for you.

No, but I want whoever I'mwith to have their own life,

you know?

Unbelievable.

Sorry.

Hi, Charlie.

You got to be kidding me.

Charlie Norton, will youmarry my friend, Todd Doherty?

It's OK.

It's OK.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

What?

I'm sure you're wonderingwho Todd Doherty is.

Todd is my best friend.

He's my manager.

And I'm pretty sure he'supstairs in my room right now.

Now, the entire
time you, America,

thought Charlie and I
were falling in love,

it was really Charlie and Todd.

Now, I know Todd tried
to resist her at first.

But knowing Charlie,
that's pretty tough.

You see, the editing of theshow displayed something false,

something that wasn't there.

But I'm happy to say thata real love connection

was made on the show.

It just didn't involve me.

And when I realized what
was happening, I was--

I was furious at first.

But after a lot of thinking, I realized what I had to do.

And with the help
of a security camera

and a few very dedicated
undercover operatives,

I think I succeeded.

What am I going to do?

She won't take my calls.

You want to know
what I would do?

I would get on a plane
and go visit her.

You can't just sit here.

So through Todd's
assistant, Nikki,

I encouraged him
to go after her.

So I had Nikki book his ticket--

Oh, you did not.

Ha, ha, ha.

--Just so you could see

how perfect they are together.

And her brother-in-law,
Patrick, helped out

with the whole thing.

Of course, I still had
to go to Boston myself

to hang out with
Charlie and her family.

Now, you thought I was goingthere to meet and impress.

But really, I was there tomake sure that she and Todd

were indeed a perfect match.

What kind of guy
were you looking for?

Um, someone honest, someone kind, someone funny.

Someone who knew how to listen.

That is so Todd.

You have to go downstairs.

No, I'm not going.

Yeah, go get her, Todd.

Todd.

Todd, go get her.

OK, go do it.

OK, I promise.

Go, go.

Personalexperience-- they can't know--

Oh.

As forme, I discovered that I don't

really want to settle down.

I'm more of a bachelor at heart.

But I may have a
future in matchmaking.

And thanks to Nikki, I
do believe Todd's going

to be with us momentarily.

There he is.

He's the reason I have a career.

He's my best friend
in the world.

And I'm going to give himthe 15 minutes of fame

that he never had.

Ha, ha, ha.

Did you know about this?

So, um-- do you
want to marry me?

I'm kidding.

Yes, of course, I
want to marry you.

- Kiss her.
- Yeah, I know.

I got it.

Love
changes everything.

Love changes everything.

Yeah.

Right from the start,

it came from my heart.

Love changes everything.

Are you going to be OK?

Oh, I'm going to be fine.

And I still have my boyfriend.

Oh, and also, the casting fora new reality series next week.

It's about homeless people.

Really?

I can definitely do homeless.

You guys are perfect
for each other.

I still can't
believe you did this.

And I'm very impressed.

You know, I'm king
of glad it happened.

Opened my eyes to
a lot of things.

I'd still prefer
to be your friend,

rather than your manager.

Sounds good.

Todd, it's Ed.

He, uh-- he wants to
offer you your job back.

Hey, Ed.

Oh, you know, I
appreciate the offer.

But I'm going to have
to respectfully decline.

But I do know somebody
who can do my job

a lot better than I ever could.

Yeah, it's Nikki.

Hire her.

Ed?

You are such a nice guy.

It was a wild ride, boys.

Couldn't have been any better.

You're still a bachelor,
and America loves

you more than they ever have.

You got the girl.

And I got a girl.

See you guys.

My work here is done.

Hmm.

Go get 'em, man.

Love changes everything.

Love changes everything.

Right from the start,
came from the heart.

Love changes everything.

Everything.

Love changes everything.

Love changes everything.

Right from the start,
it came from my heart.

Love changes everything.