The Party (1968) - full transcript

[Bagpipes playing]

[men whistling
along with bagpipes]

[♪ call to charge]

[bugle note goes wild]

[off-key bugling continues]

[plays weakly]

[screech]

[harsh notes]

[grating notes]

[gunshot]

[ear-splitting notes,
gunfire]



[gunfire]

- All right. Cut it.
- All right. Hold it.

[Whiny notes]

What is that idiot doing?

[Grating notes]

- What's that idiot doing?
- I just asked that.

- What's the answer?
- I don't know.

You're the director.
You brought him over from India.

You'd better start telling him what to do
or we'll be out of business. Now go ahead.

Come on.

- Charlie
- Yes...

Ready? Action!

Cut, damn it. Cut.

- Mr Bakshi
- Yes, sir...



Has it occurred to you that
the period of our picture is 1878?

Oh yes indeed, sir. I am well aware that
that is the period of the film: 1878.

Mr Bakshi, are you
also aware that in 1878

they weren't
wearing underwater watches?

Yes, sir. I know that.
They had not even been invented.

- Got the time?
- Yes, it's...

- Oh my God!
- All right. Lunch, everybody.

[Man through loudspeaker] That's 42 for the crew,
1 hour for the cast.

OK, guys. The cue for the demolition
is when I lower my hand like this.

- We've got one shot at this. Let's get it right.
- All right. Places, everybody.

Marty, Clutterbuck says, if we don't
wrap this location today, it's your neck!

- All we have left
is to blow up the fort. - OK. Great.

OK, Ken. Let's go.

- All right. Carol... Earl...
- All right. Stand by.

You!

Yes, you!

You get off of my set
and get out of my picture.

Off. Out. You're through.
You're washed up. You're finished.

I'll see to it, you
never make another movie again.

- Does that include television, sir?
- I'll kill him.

[Intercom buzzes]

- Yes... - Mr Divot
calling from location, on 6.

All right.

Yes, Charlie...

What?

What?

The whole damn thing?

How the hell
could a thing like that happen?

What's his name?

Spell it.

"Hrundi... V..."

"B-A-K-S-H-I."

I'll see to it
he never works again in this town.

- Your wife wants the party guest list.
- It's on the desk.

You know where to reach me.

I need an address
for Hrundi V. Bakshi.

"B-A-K-S-H-I."

[♪ Sitar music]

[parrot squawks]
Hello.

[♪ Pianist plays
Nothing to Lose]

[parrot squawks]

Vodka and scotch, sir?

No.

I never touch it. Thank you.

No, thank you.

- Hors d'oeuvre, sir?
- Well I'm on a diet, but to hell with it!

[♪ Band plays jazz]

[speaks Italian]

The mother says to the father,
"We've got the wrong baby"

and the father says,
"Sh! It's a better buggy."

I'd never heard that.
It's marvellous.

[Laughter continues]

[forced laugh]
Yes.

I missed the middle part, but I can
tell from the way that you are enjoying it

it must have been
a very humorous anecdote

because the way you are laughing
just shows how much you enjoyed it.

I love a good laugh, don't you?
It makes the world go round.

It's good to
have a laugh, wonderful!

Very good!

I must remember that one.

[Parrot squawks]

"...bound and gagged for six hours."

They took everything...
even the gold watch my daddy left me.

[Forces laugh]

They took the gold watch
that your father left you?

[Laughs] I'm sorry.
It's absolutely fantastic!

What a wonderful thing to do!
Take everything including your father's watch.

I tell you, tonight is one big
round of laughter... all fun and laughter!

The congressman was just telling us about
the time he was robbed.

[Chortles]

- Who's the foreigner?
- I don't know.

Someone my mixed-up wife invited.
[Hrundi chortles]

Hello, dog. What do you want, eh?
You like my feet, do you?

Have your fill and away you go.

Feet are considered a delicacy
among certain animals, you know.

Go on. You've had enough now.
Off! Ciao. Chow-chow.

In fact, there are man-eating animals who
will eat only the feet, not one other thing.

Get away.
Ciao now. Ciao, dog.

Get away.
Get away from me, dog.

- Vodka or scotch, sir?
- No, I... no, thank you.

- Good evening, Mr Divot.
How are you? - How are you?

Smile at them.

Good evening, general.
I'd like you to meet Miss Michele Monet.

"Mr Clutterbuck"... "Mrs Clutterbuck"...
How are you, Alice? [Forces laugh]

I'll introduce
my guests, if I may: "Mrs. Dunphy"...

I've heard
some wonderful things about you.

Well sir, you seem to have
a wonderful party going.

- How do you
like it so far? - Fine.

Have a drink. Go ahead.

- Hello.
- Oh hello.

- Hello. Good evening.
- Good evening.

What a beautiful
evening it is, to be sure!

What's in there?

What, in here?

Well there is
nothing in there.

Yes there is.

Oh I don't know.
I don't think so.

- No.
- Can't you see it?

No. There is
definitely nothing in there.

If there was something
it's gone away now anyway.

Well, I can see it.

What is it?

I don't know
but I don't like it.

Hare Ram Ram.

Hey.

- Oh. Pardon me, sir.
- That's quite all right, fellow.

- I'm so sorry, sir. I beg your pardon.
- Honey, we'll play it over here.

Right here...
This is an easy shot.

First get in the saddle
just like I taught you. That's it.

- No. I feel silly.
- Oh no, hon. You can do it this way.

I was doing it the other day.
Just relax and you can...

Just relax. Just...

Pay no attention to me, sir.
I'm merely spectating.

Fine.

I can see that
you are an experienced player.

One of the best, fellow,
one of the best!

Sir, what is the name of a game that
has a multitude of colored balls like that?

- "Pool."
- "Poo"?

- No, not "poo"... "pool."
- "Pool". Oh like "swimming pool".

- I've never heard of
a game called "pool". - A fine game!

And what is the object of it? To disperse
these balls strategically around the table?

To get the balls in the holes,
except the white one.

That is the art? The art
is not to have the white one in?

- Right.
- Good!

And how many people can play?

- Oh whole bunches, or twos and threes.
- Groups of people can play?

- Or by yourself.
- Thank goodness! How wonderful!

[Speaks Italian]

Keep your eye on
the white ball, and you can...

Oh

Oh excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir, but

you are, are you not, "Wyoming Bill"
Kelso, the famous film star?

- That's me, in the flesh.
- Oh God! What a moment in my life!

I've seen
every one of your films.

Oh that's wonderful, wonderful!
[Cries out]

- What a wonderful
strong grip you've got! - Yes. I do.

I would have been disappointed
if you hadn't crushed my hand.

Would you do me the honor to
sign me an autograph?

Oh sure. Here...
Hold this. I'll be glad to.

- I'm also
in the acting profession. - You are?

Yes, indeed. I'm not in
your quality, but I am also an actor.

- What's your name?
- "Hrundi": "H-R-U-N-D-I."

Wait till I tell them at home
that I've met him!

- Where are you from?
- I am from India.

- Got you covered, Indian!
- Oh

- Bang! Howdy, partner.
- You're pretty quick on the draw there!

Never I believed
in my whole life, I would meet him

and he would go "Bang, partner!"

Listen to me.
"White man speak with forked tongue!"

You old horned toad, buddy!

- Cute little fellow, isn't he?
- I know all your sayings, all of them!

The one where
you walk along and go...

- Hrundi, say hello to the signorina here.
- Hello, partener.

- Piacere
- "Bakshi"

- There you go...
- Ah thank you.

- This is a wonderful thing for me.
- My pleasure.

Thank you, and I would love to say that
it has been the greatest moment in my life!

Bang! I got you!

- I was quick on the draw.
- You beat me that time, pal. That's right.

- Lots of luck to you.
- Yes and the same to you, sir.

[♪ Jazzy dance music]

Howdy, partener.

[Mouthing]

[music ends]
Oh that was a short dance.

- That's right.
- They don't go on for long, do they?

We'd just started and...

Well anyway, thank you very much.
Perhaps we can dance again later.

- Oh, OK. - If your
carnet de bal is not full up.

[Chortles]

[overlapping conversations]

Hello, Polly.

Hello, Polly.
Pretty Polly!

[Parrot]
Hello.

Would you like
some food, Polly?

Pretty Polly!

- "Birdie Num Num"
- Hello.

"Birdie Num Num."
Have Birdie Num Num.

Go on.

I'll give you a last one.
[Grain crashes down]

[parrot squawks]

She's having the
Birdie Num Nums.

Look. She's
waiting for more Num Num.

All gone. Num Num is gone.

[Tramples grain underfoot]

Pretty bird!
Pretty Polly!

[♪ Sentimental piano music]

[coughs]

[coughs]

[amplified cough;
room falls silent]

[amplified snorting and hawking]

"Num Num"

[amplified]
"Num Num", "Birdie Num Num"

[clucks like a chicken]

- What in the world is that?
- I can't imagine.

[Cooing and clucking]

[amplified cooing and clucking]

Howdy, partener.

Howdy,
par... te... ner... partener.

Howdy, partener.

Look at that. Oh

[man]
What was that?

Would you mind getting...

[parrot squawks]

[glasses smashing]

[phone rings]

This is 469-6151.

Please remain
connected to the telephone.

There is
a call for you, sir.

Please, hold on to
the connection. Please, 1 second.

I wonder if you could...

- Can you hold here? - Yes.

Would you just let my hand go?
You've got my hand. Thank you.

Now I'll take this from you.

Hold on one moment.

[Glass smashes]

Excuse the mess up here. It is
"Birdie Num Nums". I've got them under my feet.

[Glass smashes]

Just one second.
If you can take this around you...

Just lift the ashtray, please.

Yes. Thank you.

Yes.

Oh Benny

Yes. Well
I'm having a few people in.

The picture... yes. It was going fine
until some idiot blew up the set.

- Scotch?
- No.

This picture's a very good one,
you know. It's going to be great.

This picture's a very good one,
you know. It's going to be great.

- Caviar?
- No, thank you.

- Sir
- I don't think so, thanks.

[Speaks Italian]

Eat.
[Speaks Italian]

Oh sure, honey. We're going to eat
but they've got to ring the little bell first.

Bell?
[Speaks Italian]

- Bell. Ding-ding.
- Ding-ding?

But first let's have
a little tiddly at the bar.

- Hello.
- Oh howdy, little buddy.

[Cries out]

That's my old
cowboy crusher: an Indian grip.

Oh you really
crushed my old Indian hand.

It, sort of, smarts, doesn't it?

The friendliest
little creature I ever met!

It's an honor to have had
my hand crushed by Wyoming Bill Kelso.

Wait till
I tell them back home!

Ooh

Pooh

- Oh
- OK

- Pardon me.
- It's OK.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Oh... it was occupied.

- Oh
- Yes.

"Hrundi V. Bakshi"

- Pardon?
- That is what my name is called.

- Oh. "Michele Monet".
- How do you do?

How do you do?

Are you having a good time?

- Mm-hm.
- Good!

- Are you having a good time?
- Oh yes. I am having a good time.

- Good! - It's good
to be having a good time.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Are you an actress? - Yes.

- Oh yes. I can tell. - Oh?

- Because I am an actor.
- Oh I see.

Actors can tell when actresses
are actresses, and actresses can tell...

- It is a thing
that we have together. - Ah

- You are also French.
- How do you know?

Your name and
the way you speak English.

- Oh that's right. Do you speak French?
- Just enough to get myself into trouble.

I'll tell you
what I can say:

Où est la direction de
la tour Eiffel, s'il vous plaît?

That's pretty good.
You do speak French.

- Do you speak
Hindustani? - No.

Well you are not
missing anything. Oh dear!

I am here
at the moment taking part

in Mr. General Clutterbuck's
latest motion-picture extravaganza.

- Oh. That's wonderful!
- It is a main feature role

and I am very glad to
have the opportunity to do it.

- Congratulations!
- Thank you.

Are you doing
something in a movie?

- Are you
working in a movie? - No

but next week
I'm doing a test for Mr Divot.

Oh, Mr Divot!
[Chortles]

- What?
- Oh listen. I...

- Oh
- Let's get to the bar.

- Mr Divot, how do you do?
- Yes. Right, fellow. All right?

- Goodbye.
- 'Bye. [Chortles]

- Who is that guy?
- A very nice man

- with an unpronounceable name.
- I know him from some place.

How are you, general?
Remember Miss Michele Monet here?

Have you heard her sing? We're giving her
a test. She sings like a nightingale.

- I'll look forward to that.
- Excuse us, sir. We're going to the bar.

- Dinner is served.
- Good!

Dinner is served.

[Speaks Italian]

Dinner is served, darling.

[Parrot squawks]

- Alice, where is Miss Monet sitting?
- Right around here, dear.

Bernie,
give Miss Monet a hand, please.

Excuse me
for a minute, sweetheart.

Dear... I believe,
you're down here, dear...

right down here.

- "Bakshi", right?
- Oh, yes. Mr. Bakshi.

- Oh there's no chair.
- Everybody needs to move over.

Oh. Darling, would you mind
moving up just one? I'm terribly sorry.

I'm sorry, darling. You're going to
have to move back. It was a mistake.

I'm awfully sorry. Levinson,
will you get the gentleman a chair, please?

No. It was a mistake, but he's going to
bring you a chair and you'll be all right.

What happened to
your little face?

Nothing, except that it is
somewhat nearer to the table now.

My chair is
lower than your chair.

- Do you like your strawberry soup?
- Oh strawberry soup!

I haven't had it lately.

- It's lovely
in summer, don't you think? - Yes.

Oh yes, it's...
oh it's lovely right now.

Good! I'm so glad.

Hey. Give me
some of that, will you, pal?

How's the chow?
It looks pretty good.

No wine, thank you.

No wine, please. No.

Please, no wine.

I know you would like me to
have it, but I don't want it.

All right. I don't drink.
I don't smoke... no wine.

Are you all right?
Oh I'm so sorry.

[Hrundi]
I dropped my roll.

If I can sit here,
I won't be in anybody's way.

- You're sure, you're comfortable?
- Here the door won't bang me.

All right. Excuse me.

They should be
finished with the soup. Get the plates.

[Gags]

- Mrs Clutterbuck,
shall I serve the salad? - Yes.

What are you doing?

[Crash]

Get into the kitchen.

That is
just outside Bombay.

- And Bombay is in India...
- Oh that is very much in India

and that is indeed
the gateway to India!

[Crash from kitchen]

I think that one of these bearers
does not like the other one.

You have a very hard time
finding good help these days.

Yes. You certainly do!

[Gagging]

Did you hear about the trapeze artist
who got divorced? Caught his wife in the act!

That's terribly funny!

Yes. It's been
terribly funny for about 20 years.

[Whispers]

Oh

[scream]

[parrot squawks]

[parrot squeals]

- Gore, are you sure, it's all right?
- It's not "all right". It's divine!

[Women laughing]

You've got to start with education.
That's where you need to spend...

Mrs Clutterbuck, please
can I take this opportunity

to apologize to you formally
for what happened at the table?

Oh my dear, just forget it.
It wasn't your fault.

- What embarrassment for you!
- Why, no.

It was that ridiculous
little chair they put you on!

It was awful, but at the same time
I feel it is my duty to say this to you now.

- I just think we should forget all about it.
- Indeed, you are right

but before then I will also go to
your husband and say to him that I am sorry.

- That's not necessary, really.
- It is on my conscience.

- Well if you
want to, go ahead. - Thank you.

- General, an excellent aroma!
- I'm glad you like it.

I still have a few left over
from the pre-Castro days.

General Clutterbuck, sir

please, I would like to formally
apologize to you for any inconvenience

that I may have caused you
or your guests at the table tonight.

- It's understandable.
- It will never happen again

should you wish to have me on your
list of guests on some other occasion.

When I saw what havoc that I wrought,
my poor old knees turned to water!

- God, what a state I was!
- I can imagine.

But now that I have apologized to you...
also I have spoken to your good lady

and I told her, sir, that it is
a terrible thing to have happened

and I am sorry
deep down inside of me.

- Enjoy yourself.
- Thank you, sir.

- Thank you for listening to me.
- It's all right.

General, about this wack...
I asked her to go out with me one night...

[slurred]
Brandy or crème de cacao, sir?

Yes.

Clutterbuck's a big man.
He could make a star out of me.

Put the drink down
and listen to me.

[Whispers]

[feet sloshing]

- Oh I beg your pardon.
- That's all right.

- It is occupied.
- Oh

Do you speak Hindustani?

No.

Oh excuse me, please.

[Speaks Chinese]

[Chinese]

Hey. Close the door, man.

- Look. I told the general, you'd sing.
- Well I'd rather not do it tonight.

Why not?

- The orchestra is gone.
- There's a guitar. Do you play the guitar?

- Yes. - Then
you play the guitar and you sing.

Hey, waiter.
Come over here.

You're going to be a smash.
Don't worry about a thing.

See that guitar?
Go and get it.

Get the guitar.

♪ Nothing to lose.

♪ If we are wise

♪ We're not expecting
rainbow-colored skies

♪ Not right away.

[Squelching footsteps]

♪ Nothing to lose.

♪ It might be fun.

♪ No talk of spending
lifetimes in the sun

♪ Although we may.

♪ Both you and I have seen

♪ What time can do.

♪ We'll only hurt ourselves

♪ If we build
dreams that don't come true.

♪ What can we lose?

♪ We know the score.

♪ Let's wait before we talk

♪ Of evermore.

♪ One day we may.

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ But much to gain if love

♪ Decides to stay.

♪ Both you and I have seen

♪ What time can do.

♪ We'll only hurt ourselves

♪ If we build
dreams that don't come true.

♪ What can we lose?

♪ We know the score.

♪ Let's wait before we talk

♪ Of evermore.

♪ One day we may.

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ But much to gain if love

♪ Decides to stay.

♪ Nothing to lose.

♪ [Hums]

[tries door knob]

- Well how do you
like her, general? - Great!

- How about you, Bernie?
- I think, she's really great.

[Growl]

[growl]

[dog barks]

[darts whistle]

All right. You win, partener.
You win. [Darts whistle]

[Divot] I'm telling you, he thought
you were terrific. He was very impressed

so tomorrow's test will be just a formality.
We want to see what you look like on film.

Trust me. Here... we can talk.
It's a little quieter in here.

- Oh Charlie, this is the bedroom!
- Ah it is the bedroom!

- Come on, baby.
- Why don't we go back downstairs?

There's too much noise. Let's
sit on the bed. [Michele protests]

Let's sit down.
That's it. That's a good girl.

[Divot laughs lecherously]

- Charlie. Please, don't do that.
- Just one little kiss!

Charlie... [dart whistles]

- Give me my gun.
- Thank you, partner.

- Where are you going?
- Attention!

Just forget it.

Charlie

Knock it off and hit the sack.

Cookie

[dog barks]

[flushing continues]

[flushing continues]

[flushing continues]

[flushing continues]

[flushing stops]

[dog barks]

[dog scrabbles]

[dog barks]

[toilet flushes]

[dog barking]

[knocking on door]

[pounding on door]
[Nanny] Who's in the head?

[Kick]

Help.

Please. Come and help.
There's someone in the pool.

- What can I do for you?
- Hurry up.

- Oh hey, little buddy.
- American aid, partener!

Great night for a dip!
That fellow has a heap of jollies...

- He's drowning.
- He's drowning?

Hrundi, are you drowning?

Great leaping pollywogs!
That little girl's got spunk!

Get him, girl. Grab him by
the wigwam. I'll wait right here for you.

Come on, honey.
Bring him over here.

Get hold of him.

Bartender, we've been fishing
and caught ourselves a little Indian.

- Oh no. I don't drink.
- Come on.

- It'll do you good, partner.
- Right down the old hatch.

There you go. That'll straighten you
right out. You'll feel better.

- Just a little bit more.
- There you go. How about a little more...

- No. I'm perfectly all right.
- Good!

It looks like
little buddy went 'bye-'bye.

The poor darling!
I'm so sorry. You stay there and

Well I don't know what we can do but
perhaps we can at least dry it out for you.

Oh dear! Honestly...

[Kelso] Come in. Your tie looks like
a salamander's tongue that got stepped on.

- Hiya, honey.
- Is he all right?

He's just a little wet.
Have you got some dry duds?

- Surely. I'll get something of Fred's.
- [Hrundi babbles drunkenly]

Here, darling...
Put this on him.

- Now you get out of those wet clothes.
- I love the wet clothes.

Thank you for
a marvellous party. Whoa!

Fred, darling, I had to loan him your terry.
He's soaking wet. This is hers, not his.

Oh darling, do hurry because
the Russians will be here any minute.

- The Russians?
- The dancers, darling, the ballet.

- [Kelso] Come on, sidekick.
- No.

Kelso, would you mind

- What are you doing?
- I am not doing anything.

- You're wetting the bed.
- I am not wetting the bed.

My clothes
are wetting the bed.

- This is the big chief here.
- Oh. "Big chief speak with forked tongue!"

Partener... he's a TV partener.

- I'll hold him. You
get his pants down. - All right.

- Come here, lovely man. I love you.
- I've got something dry over here.

[Hrundi babbles and giggles]

Here, Wild Bill.
You take off your coat...

No.

Oh no, Wild Bill. No.

- Get up off the floor. - I've got him.
A slippery little creature, isn't he?

- Oh you naughty man!
- Here... Put this on.

- Put these on.
- Why?

Can you handle him? I have to
go downstairs. Take care of it.

- I'll handle it.
- Wild Bill, why do you want...

- Little sidekick, put these dry clothes on.
- All right. I will put them on.

Good idea! I've got to get
downstairs before Conchita cools off.

You come down with wet clothes on, and
I'll stomp you and the horse you ride in on.

- Got that?
- Buddy... partner buddy...

I'll see you, little buddy.
[Mimes gunshot]

Oh you got me
right in the pantaloons, partener!

Adios.
Hold on, Conchita. I'm coming.

Adios, partener.

Oh no...

[mutters incoherently]

[Michele weeps softly]

Hello.

Hello.

You are
having some difficulty?

No.

Are you sure?

Well...

- Excuse me.
- Yes.

You know that I don't think
you are being entirely honest with me?

No.

Ah

We have a saying in India.

- Yes?
- Yes.

- Well...
- Well what?

You were saying
something about a saying...

Oh yes.

What is it?

"Wisdom is
the province of the aged"

"but the heart of a child is pure."

That's very pretty.

I'm not sure
I know what it means.

Neither do I.
[Both giggle]

What does it
have to do with me?

Well it has
everything to do with you.

- For one thing
it stops you crying. - It's true.

I feel better.
Thank you very much.

- Don't thank me. Thank my saying.
- Thank you, saying.

- Do you want to
hear another saying? - Yes.

This is a good one
because it will help you to remember

how many days
there are in each month.

It goes like this: "30 days have
September, October, June and February."

"All the rest got 29
except my brother, who got 6 months."

Aha! Just what I thought!

I've been looking
all over for you.

- Get your clothes.
We're going to leave. - I don't think so.

Look. You came with me. You're going to
leave with me. Now get your clothes.

- No. - Don't say
"no" to me. Now get your stuff.

- Go on.
- Mr Divot, please...

- Just stay out of this, buddy.
- If she wishes to remain, that is her right.

- Just who do you think you are?
- In India, we know who we are.

- You're Meshuga!
- I am not your sugar.

Baby, you decide. Do you want to
come with me or stay with this guy?

- I want to stay.
- You're going to stay with him?

OK.

Nobody ever does this
to me. Do you hear that?

And forget about that test! You're finished
in this business before you even start.

[Slams door]

Well that was
a short career, wasn't it!

Oh don't worry about that.

I'd better find
something to put on and call a cab.

No. Don't call a cab.
Stay at the party

and after, I'll take you home
in my three-wheeler Morgan.

- No. That would be nice,
but I can't stay. - Why not?

Well I got myself
into a funny situation.

- What, with old Divot? - Yes.

Is that
why you were crying?

- Yes. It's not really his fault.
- He's a terrible man.

Please stay.
Let's have a wonderful time.

I'd love to, really
but I have nothing to wear.

That's no problem. They have millions of
clothes here. Anyway I've got an idea.

- Who goes there? - Shh!
Mr Bakshi and a damsel in distress.

- What do you want? - Well
you look like a man of the world.

This poor lady is urgently
in need of some dry clothing

and I perceive that you
are both about the same size.

[♪ Jazzed-up Russian music]

[music ends]

[sings in Russian]

[♪ lively Russian music]

[cheering]

[music ends]

Marvellous!
Just marvellous!

Everyone, let's
toast our wonderful friends.

[Toasts in Russian; cheering]

[♪ lively Russian music]

- We need to move the bar.
- What?

- We have to move the bar.
- Oh I know how to do that. I'll do it.

Oh no. I'd rather

Fred, stop him.

[♪ Music continues]

Oh Fred

- Come on. - Molly,
are you sure, it's all right?

- Yes. Will you please come?
- But your mother is having a party.

- What better time to shake them up?
- You've done some stupid things but...

Hi.

- Hello, mom.
- Darling, weren't you out protesting?

It's a love-in.
Meet some of my friends.

I can't now, darling.
I've got all these wet Russians

but I'll come back
and meet your friends.

Oh there they are... over there.

[Screams]

- General, your wife just
fell in the pool. - Get her jewellery.

- Molly, what was that?
- An elephant.

- An ele... - Yes.
You don't have to be so shaken up.

Molly, how could you
do such a dreadful thing!

- I didn't mean to offend you.
- Now listen here, young lady.

You get that elephant
out of this house at once.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Fine. Is this your elephant?

- Yes. This is Jongo.
- You've done a proper paint job on this.

- You should be
ashamed of yourself. - Why?

This is a symbol of
my country.

- Don't you paint them in India?
- Yes, but we don't paint slogans on them.

He's got
"The world is flat" on his forehead

"Socrates eats hemlock" on the side
and "Go naked" all over his bum.

- We didn't mean to be disrespectful.
- But it's humiliating. They know.

How would you like it if
an Indian person came along

and drew a moustache on your ladybirds!
It's the same thing, isn't it?

- I'm awfully sorry. What should we do?
- Get some water and wash it off.

Wash it. Scrub it.
Get it off. Hose it off

Hey, gang. We're going to
wash the elephant.

[Protests]

How many times
have I got to tell you!

You aren't ever going to find
anything in here, half as sweet as I am.

Take it outside.
Come on. Let's go.

No. You fainted. Come on.

All right. Everybody out!

Wash it off.
Take it all off.

"Bakshi"!

I knew,
I knew that guy. I knew it!

[Phone rings]

Hello... Buckercult

I want to talk to
the general. This is C.S. Divot.

No. You can't just

What's going on there?
[Teenagers shouting]

A bit on the ear

Do you believe that child of mine...
bringing home an elephant!

- They're dirty.
- Oh really!

All right. Enough!

We'll take him outside now
and wash all the soap off.

What do you suppose that
awful racket is? I'll be right back.

- I'm not finished.
- I've got to see.

God only knows
what's happening now!

[Gasps]

Mom, what are you doing?

You and I have got to
find someplace to be alone.

Get up.

Save the paintings.

Mom, are you all right?

Get the paintings.
Don't just stand there.

We're certainly having a lot of trouble.
[Blubbering hysterically]

I just never, ever
in all my life... I just never...

Not that one, you idiot!
Just the good stuff! Put it back.

We've got to get rid of it.
Turn on the air conditioning.

- I'll never make it.
- There's a control in the master bedroom.

[♪ "The Party"]

♪ The party gets groovy
and everyone here loses control, yes.

♪ Our minds fly away. As the band
starts to play, we rock and roll.

♪ Come on, baby.
Listen to me here now.

♪ No time for meditations!

♪ Just feel the wild vibrations.

♪ We'll learn some new sensations

♪ Tonight

♪ All night long

♪ All night long

♪ Yes.

♪ The party goes crazy as
we see the night turn into day, yes.

♪ And that's when you find
your inhibited mind is blown away.

♪ Come on, baby.
Listen to me here now.

♪ We'll swing
till we're insane here.

♪ Easy to blow your brain here!

♪ That's why we'll all remain here

♪ Tonight

♪ All night long

♪ All night long

♪ All night long

♪ All night long

- Just a minute, sir.
- I'm C.S. Divot, the producer.

I'm a friend of Mr Clutterbuck's.
I've got to tell him something right away.

Hey. What's with the ambulance?
[Commotion]

Hey. What's with the ambulance?

Hey. Let's go and
struggle in the straw, huh?

What, the hell
is going on around here?

Argh!
[Girl laughs]

- Do you believe it?
The party isn't over yet. - Hey, general.

I don't even know
how it got started.

- We've got to do a report.
- I'll talk to the governor.

- I've got to tell you something.
- It was crazy. You should have seen it!

- Alice, baby,
do you feel better? - Oh I'm fine.

- I'm going to be in the aquacade.
- That's nice. Don't drop her.

Congressman and Mrs Dunphy,
I don't know how to tell you

It's quite all right.
Call me if there's anything I can do.

Mr Clutterbuck

may I apologize to you
for the discomfort

- It's all right.
- [Whispers] General, it's him!

- Who?
- Bakshi!

He's the idiot who
blew up the location! [Roars]

You've got the wrong guy.

Hey, little buddy. Hold on.
Here's one of my old Stetsons. It just fits.

And here's an autographed picture
of me and my horse Fang.

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ If we are wise.

♪ We're not expecting
rainbow-colored skies

♪ Not right away.

♪ Nothing to lose.

♪ It might be fun.

♪ No talk of spending
lifetimes in the sun.

Well, this is where I live.

It's a beautiful home.

I would ask you to
come up but it's a little late

or early... I don't know.

Anyway I have to
get back to feed Apu.

- Apu?
- Yes: my monkey.

Oh

It's a lovely name...
for a monkey anyway.

- He's used to it
by now anyway. - Good!

I would like to say that
I enjoyed myself very much last night.

I did too, very much.

Especially I thought
your song was very beautiful.

- You did?
- Yes.

Thank you.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Oh. Here's your hat.

Oh look... You keep it.

But you may need it.

No. I'd like you to keep it.

All right.

If you should want it
or need it sometimes...

Well... if I need it, I could always
come perhaps and pick it up.

That would be very nice.

When would you be available
for me to pick up my hat?

Well [giggles]
maybe next week.

- I'll come and get it then.
- OK.

- I would love to have my hat back.
- [Giggles] Goodbye.