The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu (2009) - full transcript

( Wind Whistling )

( Tapping )

( Shovel Scraping )

( Water Trickling )

Man: We Funckin" Did It.
We Bought A Boat.,

Drink.

I Dub Thee
Bitch Slayer.

( Chuckles )

We're Retired.
A Little Early Retirement.

- The Company Went Under.
- Whatever.

I Mean, Look At That Shit.
Look At It, Man.



I'm Out.

Mm.

I Got It.
I Got It.

Okay.
Okay.

- Tighten This Thing.
- Uh, Okay.

That's Your Job, Sheldon.
You Got It.

Come On, Man.
You're The First Mate.

Mate.
First.

( Rock Music Playing )

( Splashes )

Okay, I Got...

Sheldon.

How The Fuck
He Get Past Me?

Motherfucker.
He's Not Small.



Okay.

Help!

( Screams )

( Splashes )

( Creature Roaring )

( Boat Creaking )

( Crunches )

- ( Cracks )
- ( Grunts )

( Water Gurgling )

( Wood Cracks )

( Birds Chirping )

Professor:
Scientific Evidence

That Octopi
Are Smarter Than Dolphins.

So Why, In The Deepest Parts
Of The Ocean,

Couldn't There Be
Similar Animals

10, 20, Even 100 Times
More Intelligent?

But How Could Anything
But Microbes

Survive In Those Kind
Of Conditions?

I Assure You,

Things Dwell
At The Bottom Of The Sea

That Are Far More Sinister

Than The Human Mind
Would Care To Imagine.

( Knocking )

I'm Sorry, Class.
Something's Come Up.

We Will Pick Up From There
Tomorrow.

What's This All About?

I Don't Know,
But It Came Straight
From The Council.

The Council Hasn't
Been In Session For Years.

Good, Lake,
You're Here.

I Believe The Sister Relic
Has Been Found.

The Cult Has Been Working
To Secure The Relic.

If They Have Succeeded
In Finding The Other Half,

Mankind Could Be In For
A Short And Devastating War.

The Relic
Must Not Be Rejoined.

Our Piece
Must Be Delivered

To A Descendant
Of H.P. Lovecraft.

Lake,

This Task Has Been
Appointed To You.

What?

But Why?

I'm The Least Experienced
Of The Council.

I Haven't Had Weapons
Training In 15 Years.

This Is True.

But All Of Us
Are Well Beyond

Our Days Of Adventure.

Lake,
For Countless Ages

We Have Fought
To Keep Mankind

Safe From The Horrors
Hidden And Waiting

In The Dark Places
Of The Earth.

Your Time Has Come.

But Alone,
What Chance Do I Have?

Not Much.

My Money Is On You Being
Brutally Killed Within Two Days,

But What Choice
Do We Have?

The Relic Must Be Delivered

Or All Hope Is Lost.

So Be It.

Who's Next
In The Bloodline?

( Phone Rings )

Sqrly Squirrel
Gift Baskets.

This Is Jeff.
May I Take Your Order?

I--

I'm Sorr--
I'm Sorry, Ma'am.

No No No.
I Understand.

Yes.

- ( Hisses )
- Oh. Okay.

Yeah.
All Right.

Look Into My Eyes.

( Growls, Hisses )

Man:
Ahem!

Damn It, Charlie!
What The Hell Is This?

That's Mr. Sqrly Squirrel
With A Chainsaw,

Buzzing Prices.

- Not Company Protocol.
- Okay.

And What Did I Say
About Bringing Those
Things Into Work?

That I Should Because They're
Entertaining And Awesome.

- Don't Be
A Smartass, Charlie.
- Oh.

I Think, Sir,

I Feel A Moment Here.
It's You And Skelly Man.

Your Eyes, They're Meeting.
It's Meeting.

There's Hatred,
But Skelly Man Says,
"I Don't Hate."

Why Can't You Just
Take Care Of Your Shit

Like Your Coworker Jeff
Over There?

Well, Sir,
That's Because Jeffy Boy,

After Whittling Away
In This Cubicle All Day,

Comes Home And Locks
Himself In His Room

Where He Starts
To Make

A Slow, Kind Of Gentle Love
To Himself.

It's Like This--
You Know, A Moaning,

Like A-- You Know,
Like That...

( Moans )
You Know What I Mean?

Mr. Russell,
You're Oversharing.

- You're An Asshole, Charlie.
- Hostile Too.

Just Get Your Work Done,
Gentlemen.

And If I See
One Of Those Things

Anywhere Near
Your Desk, You're Fired.

Hey.
Happy Birthday, Big Guy.

Is This Really
My Freaking Life?

Hey, Man.

Are You Happy Stuck
In This Shitty Cubicle All Day?

God!
Stop Talking!

Okay?
Stop It, You Guys.
I'm Working Here.

This Is A Place Of Bus--

Nobody Gives A Shit
About Your High Score, Henry.

Ahem.

Hey, Cheer Up, Man.

Think About That Comic Book
We're Gonna Sell.

Dude, That's Your
Little Dream, Man.

I Don't Even Like
Comic Books.

And What, You Started
Drawing That Thing,
Like, Six Months Ago

And You Have, Like,
Two Pages Done?

Hey, Those Are
Really Sweet Pages.
Take A Look At Those.

Besides, There's A Bunch
Of Shit We Could Do.

Who Cares?

Yeah, Like What?

I Don't Know.
Like...

Like Getting Our Pee-Pees
Sucked By That Goddess.

- Is She Coming
Over Here Right Now?
- Yeah, Man.

Please Please Please.
Just Don't Be An Idiot
This Time.

Please, Don't Be
A Fucking Idiot.

Put That Stupid Thing Away.
I Don't--

- Hi, Boys.
- Hey, Susie.

Um, Hey, Jeff,
I Was Wondering

If You Wanted To Come
To My Place This Weekend

To Help Me
With All This Paperwork.

- ( Stammers )
Th-This Weekend?
- Mm-Hmm.

Actually,
It's Kind Of Weird,
But Me And Charlie,

We're Working On This
Whole Comic Book Thing.

So Kind Of Booked Up.

But Maybe I Can Stop By
Your Cubicle On Monday

And We Can Go Over All
The Paperwork And Everything.

That Be All Right?

Uh, Okay.

Sure.
That's Too Bad.

- See You Guys Later.
- Okay, Bye, Susie.

I Think That Went Well.
I Like Her A Lot.

I Should Kill You
With My Stapler Right Now.

I'm Gonna Put A Stapler
In Each Of Your Eyes.

No, It's Just, You Know,
The Whole Timing Thing
Wasn't Right.

Yeah, 'Cause I'm Pretty Sure
Susie Wanted To Move
Into Pee-Pee Town

And You Said,
"No Thanks."

No, It's Because
We Had Plans To Plan
The Whole Comic Book Thing.

An Hour Ago You Didn't
Even Want To Do The Comic.
Whatever, Man.

I'm Just Saying, You'd Better
Hope Juicy Little Susie

Is A Necrophiliac
By The Time You Get
Around To It.

Fuck You, Man.
When Was The Last Time
You Even Got Laid Anyway?

Uh, How About
Last Weekend?

- Bullshit. Who?
- Nikki From Accounting.

Oh, My God.
I'm So Close.
I'm So--

Don't Stop What
You're Doing!
It's Too--

Oh My God.
I'm So Close.
Don't--

Ow!

Hey, Be Careful.
That's A Collectable.

What About My Eye?

Uh, First Edition.

Are You Joking?

Why Don't You Go
Fuck Your Stupid Toy
Then, Asshole? God.

Let's Just Say She Thought
I Was Quite The Freak.

Great, Bro. That's Just
One More Girl At Work

That I'm Not Gonna Be Able
To Make Eye Contact With

Because They Know
I Live With You, Dude.

- You're Kind Of A Pussy.
- I'm Not A Pussy.

( Car Horn Honks )

( Engine Starts )

Long Have We Awaited
Your Return.

Now That We Have Recovered
A Portion Of The Relic,

It Has Allowed Us
To Release You.

Who Is Your Leader?

I Am.

Who Is Your Leader?!

( Growls )

We Only Serve One Master.

I Have Summoned The Last
Of The Ancient Deep Ones.

They Are Still Half A Day's
Journey From Shore.

So Until Their Arrival,

You Will All... Suffice.

Now Bring Me The Relic.

Nice Shirt.

( Growls )

This Half Signifies
The Beginning Of A New World.

No Man Shall Prevent
The Second Coming

Of The Great Old Ones.

Once Again,
Our Time Is Upon Us!

Dude, What's This?

A Comic Book That I Actually
Bought For Your Birthday,

But You Found It Early.

"Goblin Wizards"
Number 63, Dude?

You're Welcome.
Happy Birthday.

Look At Him.
So Happy, Man.

Reminds Me
Of How You Used To Be.

What Is That
Supposed To Mean?

I Mean, I Would--
You've Never Done
The Splits In The Air,

But, You Know,
He's Happy

Shooting A Little
Motherfucking Magic
Into The World.

I Just Live In Reality.

I Mean, Yeah, I May
Drive A Fucking Car

With A Squirrel
On The Side Of It,

But Other Than That,
Dude...

Yeah, No. I Mean,
You're Like The--

You Know, You're Like
The Not-Smiley Happy.

I Don't Fucking Live
In A Little Dreamland
Like You Do.

So Just Take Your Comic Book
And Say Thanks, Okay?

- Dude, This Is Awesome.
Thank You.
- Happy Birthday.

That's All I Wanted
To Hear, Bro. It's Cool.

Cool, Man.
Thanks, Dude.

- You Like It?
- Yeah, Let's Roll.

Hey, Jeff, There's Some
Old Guy In Our Apartment.

Oh Yeah?
How Old?

I Don't Know.
Why Don't You Ask Him?

What The--
What The Hell?

How Did You Even
Get In Here, Man?

Is One Of You
Jeff Phillips?

Thanks, Bro.

Yeah, I'm Jeff.
Do I Know You?

'Cause You Just
Broke Into Our House.

I Don't Have Much Time.

The Council Of Cthulhu

Has Sent Me To Give You
An Ancient Relic,

One You Must Risk Your Life
To Protect.

Mm-Hmm.
Well, Here's A Thought:

Why Don't You Go Back
To Your Little Cardboard Box

Or Whatever
You Crawled Out Of,

And Then I Won't Have
To Call The Cops?

I Wish It Were That Simple.

I Know This Will Be Hard
For You To Believe.

Have You Heard Of The Author
H.P. Lovecraft?

Uh, He's Only The Forefather
Of Modern Horror, So Yeah.

Why Am I Not Surprised
You Know What He's
Talking About?

Jeff, You're The End
Of A Great Bloodline,

The Last Living Relative
Of Lovecraft Himself.

Listen, Okay.
Lovecraft Wrote About This.

There's People That Say
He Had A Firsthand Account
Of These Monsters

That The Mere Knowledge Of
Would Drive A Man Insane.

Lovecraft Disguised The Truth
Of These Nightmares As Fiction

And Formed A Secret Society
To Stand Against Them.

Okay, Well, While You Guys
Are Doing Your Little
Comic Book Party Here,

- I'm Gonna Go Dial 9-1-1.
- We're Not Talking--

Comic Books.
Comic Books.

Wait Wait Wait.
Wait A Second.

( Papers Rustling )

Here It Is.

"Tales Of The Deep"
Issue 171,

"The Rise And Fall
Of Cthulhu."

It's All In Here, Man.

Check It Out.

Billions Of Years Ago,
When The Earth Was In
Its Infancy...

( Water Splashes )

Charlie:
Cthulhu And His Minions
Came From The Stars

And Built The Great City
Of R'lyeh.

( Roaring )

It Was The Time
Of The Dinosaurs.

( Squeals )

( Crunches )

Cthulhu Was Gonna Rule
This World,

But The Earth
Had Already Been Colonized
By The Shoggoths

And Their Masters,
A Race Of Aliens Known
As The Elder Things.

Cthulhu Was Pissed.

( Rings )

A Great War Was Fought
Between The Two Alien Races.

The Elder Things Sent In
Wave After Wave

Of Their Shoggoth Hordes.

It Was A Long
And Bloody War

Until A Giant Meteorite,

Or Whatever Killed
The Dinosaurs,

Came Hurtling Towards
The Earth

Sending Cthulhu Back
To His Tomb Beneath The Sea...

And Sent The Elder Things
Fleeing Into Their Last
Great Utopia

Among The Mountains
Of Madness.

The Meteor Crashed
Into The Earth...

( Mimics Crashing )

Causing A Great Ice Age.

Cthulhu Waited
For The Stars To Align

As The Earth Gave Way
To Civilization.

He Sent Forth His Minions,

Led By His General
Star Spawn,

Who Influenced Mankind
Using Telepathy.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo.

And Thus, The Cult Of Cthulhu
Was Born.

The Cult Spread To All Areas
Of The World--

China, Japan,

England, France,

Parts Of Kentucky,

A Small Piece Of Land
In Ireland

Known As Worcester,

The Bayou.

And From The Darkest Corners
Of The Earth,

The Cult Worshipped
Their Master,

Waiting For The Day
The Stars Would Again Align

And They Could Release Cthulhu
From His Tomb Beneath The Sea

To Once Again Rule
In His Dominion Over Man.

( Roaring )

( Howling )

( Hissing )

That's Pretty Much What You're
Talking About... Cthulhu.

In Part.

But It Fails To Mention
The Relic,

An Ancient Key
Made Into Two Parts,

Split And Lost
Centuries Ago.

If This Relic
Comes Together

When The Great City
Of R'lyeh Arises,

It Forms The Key
To Cthulhu's Tomb.

The Stars Are Aligning.

The Cult Has Found
The Other Piece.

Now You Must
Keep This Safe

Until The City Sinks
Beneath The Waves Once More.

This Was Fashioned
By The Old Ones

Using Craft And Skill
Lost Long Ago.

It Cannot Be Destroyed By Man
Or Any Known Force.

Right.

Can I Hold It?

( Loud Thump )

- What Did I Do?
- What The Fuck Was That?

That's It.
I'm Calling The Cops.

( Dialing )

Come On.
You Gotta Be Shitting Me.

We're Sorry.
Your Call Cannot Be--

- ( Hisses )
- Oh!

If They Found Us,
The Council Is Already Dead.

- ( Hisses )
- Get Behind Me!

( Door Thumping )

( Grunts )

( Screams )

Run.
Protect The Relic.

The Fate Of The World
Rests With You Now.

So You Are The One.

I Am.

( Growls )

I'll Drive.
I'll Drive.

This Is Fucking
Crazy, Man.

There's No Such Thing
As Fish People, Dude.

- ( Screaming )
- Start The Car!
Start The Car!

Give Me The Keys!
You Have The Keys!

Jeff:
Oh, It's Like
A Volcano Of Teeth!

- Get It Off The Window!
- I'm Trying To!

It Won't Come Off!

- Get Off!
- Oh My God!

( Both Shrieking )

( Groans )

( Window Squeaking )

Where The Fuck Is Reverse
In This Thing?

- It's In The Front.
- ( Pops )

Got It.

( Tires Squealing )

( Grunts )

( Gasps )

Ahh!

You've Got A Lot Of Fight
In You, Old Man.

It's Not Too Late To Serve
Your True God.

I Know My Path.
And It Doesn't Lead

To Rotting
At The Bottom Of The Sea

With You
And Your Masters.

- ( Roars )
- ( Chain Rattles )

( Growls )

( Tires Squealing )

I Don't Understand
All This Crazy Comic Book
Cthulhu Bullshit!

Okay Look, Man,
When I Was Reading It,
It Was Just A Comic Book.

There Weren't Monsters
Hitting My Window.

So What The Fuck
Are We Gonna Do?

What The Fuck
Are We Gonna Do?

I Don't Know.
I Think He Was Pretty Clear.

You're Supposed
To Save The World And Shit.

Oh, Really?
I Look Like A Fucking
Hobbit To You, Bro?

- A Fucking Hobbit?
- Let Me Think.
Let Me Think.

Let Me Think, All Right?
Okay?

Shit, Man.
Paul Reemer, Man--

That Kid From High School.
You Remember.

- You Broke Both His Arms.
- Yeah, So?

Right, Well,
That Kid Ate Lovecraft, Bro.

If We Can Find Him,
He Can Probably Help Us.

How The Hell
Are We Gonna Find Him?

I Don't Know.
A Guy Like That Probably

Still Lives With
His Grandparents, Right?

Like We're Just Gonna
Go Find Him Somewhere,

Find Paul Reemer
Out Of Thin Air.

Here We Come, Paul.
You Ready?

- Here We Come.
- ( Tires Screech )

- All Right, Knock.
- You Knock.

No, You're The One
Who Mentioned Coming
Over Here.

Just Fucking Knock
On The Door.

Hey, Man,
You're The Chosen One, Okay?

I Can Only Show You The Door.
I Can't Open It.

I'm Not The Chosen One.
Just Knock On
The Fucking Door.

Come On, Man.
Just Knock.

You Are...

( Mask Hissing )

This Isn't Right.

- It's Our Only Plan.
- Did You See Him?

Look What He's Wearing.
A Fucking Fish Head On His--

What Do You Want Me
To Do About It, Man?
I Don't Dress The Kid.

- So What If He Still
Looks Retarded?
- Da-Da-Da!

Hey, Paul.

I Don't Know If You
Remember Me. Charlie.

We Had Science Class
Together.

This Is Jeff.

He Used To Punch You
In The Back Of The Head.

( Chuckles )
Remember The...

Anyway,
Just Wanted To Come By

And Say I'm Sorry
About That, So...

Yeah. Well...

I Appreciate That,
Bone-Breaker.

So What Can I Do For You,
Charlie?

Uh, Yeah, We Wanted You To
Take A Look At Something.

If We Could Just Have
A Minute Of Your Time,
That Would Be...

Let's See It.

If We Can Just
Come Inside,

It's Kind Of
Important, So...

It Has To Do
With Cthulhu, Dude.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, Entrez Vous.

Pretty Crazy
Running In To You Guys
Like This.

I Don't Really Keep Up With
The Whole Alumni Situation.

I Don't Know
If You Remember.
Back In High School,

I Used To Be
A Bit Of A Lone Wolf.

It's Just How I Roll.

Oh, Would You Look At This?

Looks Like
There's No Peanut Butter.

Boy, Sure Would Be Great
If I Could Make A Sandwich,

If My Own Grandmother
Wasn't Such A Peanut
Butter Whore!

I'm Sorry, Nanna.

Uh, I'll Make One Later.

Let's, Uh--
Let's Go To My Room.

- Fuck You.
- Love You.

( Bubbling )

Bullshit.

We Have The Relic
To Prove It.

Oh, Really?

Is It Like Mine?

Where The Hell Did You
Get This Thing From, Man?

What, You Think
You're The Only One With
A Mastercraft Replica?

They Make Them From
H.P. Lovecraft Drawings
Or Something.

I Don't Know.
I Have One Of Their Light
Swords Around Here Somewhere.

These Things That Tried
To Attack Us,

They Weren't After Just
Some Kind Of A Toy, Man.

Look, I Don't Like
Your Guys' Tone Of Voice.

You're The Two Guys

Who Came To The Master's
House For Help.

Right Right.
What, The Master Of Your
Grandma's Guest Room?

( Chuckles )
Okay, Let Me See Yours.

( Scoffs )

- Huh.
- What?

It's A Fake.
It's A Phony.

It's Not Like Mine
Though.

It's, Like, Bootleg.

Okay, It's Not Like Yours
Because It's Real.

This Is A Boot-Leg.

I'm So Fucking Sick Of This
Whole Cthulhu Bullshit.

It's All Fake Anyway.

Guys, I Think Something's
Going On.

Do You Have, Like,
An L.E.D. Relic?

'Cause This Is Doing
Some Weird Stuff.

They Found Us
At Our Apartment.

They're Gonna Find
Us Here For Sure.

Okay, Tell Me
About The Big Guy Again.

He Was Tall, Reddish.
He Had, Like,

This Weird Handlebar
Tentacle Mustache Thing.

He Still Looked
Like A Man Though.

Yeah,
That's The Star Spawn.

That's, Like, One Of
Cthulhu's Main Generals.

Okay,
You're Gonna Help Us.

No.

Yeah You Are, Paul.

Well, I'm Not Ready

To Roll The Nine-Sided Dice
Just Yet On This One, Boys.

I Think We Need To Find
Someone Who's Got A Little

Firsthand Knowledge
Of The Situation.

That's Great.
So What You're Saying Is
You're A Waste Of Our Time?

No, What I'm Saying Is
Captain Olaf.

It's A Sea Captain.

Look, Captain Olaf Had
A Run-In With The Deep Ones

A Few Years Ago
And He Survived.

That's Like A Big Thing.

The Deep Ones Are Like
Star Spawn's Soldiers.

( Hisses )
They're Bad News, Right?

So If Anybody
Can Help Us...

Olaf Can, All Right?

Look Look.
Here It Is.

Here's A Map To His Place
I Got A Few Years Ago.

That's Less Than
A Day's Drive Away.

It's, Like, The Best
$1.25 I Ever Spent.

That's Great.

So What You're Saying Is
Your Plan, Which Sucks Balls,

Is To Go Off Some
$1.25 Souvenir Map

And Go Find Some Sea Captain
In The Fucking Desert?

Okay, It's Settled Then.
Give Us The Map.

No No No No.
I've Been Waiting A Long Time

For Something Like This
To Come Around.

I Am In This To Win This
As A Team.

So You're The Master.
What Do We Do?

I Am Cthulhu!

( Growling )

I Come From Space
And Beyond,

Down To The Ocean Depths.
( Growling )

Come On.
We Don't Have Time
For This Shit, Man.

It's Called Being
Prepared, Jeff.

And What Do You Care?
You're The Chosen One,

Which Is Weird,
'Cause Lovecraft Didn't
Even Have Any Heirs.

Oh, You Guys
Must Have Been Secrets.

( Grunts )
Ow!

So Why Would He Give Me
This Relic?

I Mean, Even If I'm Related
To This Lovecraft Guy
Or Whatever,

What Could I Possibly Do?

Timeout.
Okay, I Have A Theory.

Look, Lovecraft Went
Through All These Things

With All These Creatures,
Stuff That Would Have
Driven Other Men Mad.

But He Didn't Go Mad,
Right?

He Must Have Had Some Kind
Of Genetic Predisposition

To Not Be Affected.
An Immunity.

And If He Had That,
What's To Say
Hypothetically

That Couldn't Go Down
The Bloodline

To Someone Like You,
His Heir?

Ow!
Awesome!

Star Spawn Behind You.
Deep One On Your Butt.

Oh, So Here's
What I'm Supposed To Do:

"Defeat The Star Spawn

And Send R'lyeh
Back To The Abyss.

Good Luck,
Adventurers."

Hey, Paul.
Tell Your Ugly Grandma

To Stop Calling People Faggots,
'Cause That Shit's Not P.C.

- What The Fuck
Is On Your Face?
- Hey, Clarence.

You Remember My Best
Friends From High School,
Charlie And Jeff?

Either Your Grandma
Just Slipped Me Acid

In The Breast Milk
She's Always Offering
People,

Or You're Wearing
A Fucking Cthulhu Mask.

The One You Promised
Not To Open Without Me.

Yeah, It Totally Is.
But Hey, It's Cool Though,

Because There Is
An Emergency Going On.

- It's, Like,
A Level-One Emergency.
- Fucking Bullshit, Man.

Why Don't I Just Take
This 1985 Blaster Set

That I Just Got
On Ebay For Us

And Fucking Play
With Myself?

( Zaps )

I Get It, You're Mad.
But You Shouldn't Be.
Just Calm Down.

It's A Fucking
Nerd Black Hole.

Why Don't You
Fucking Calm Down

After I Fuck Up
Your Little Outfit, Huh?

You Wouldn't Dare.

- Oh, Wouldn't I Dare?
- No.

Then Why Is My Hand Moving
Slowly Towards Your Face?

I Don't Know,
But You're Not Daring.

You Don't Think I Have
The Balls To Do This?

Not Even One Ball.

Raped Your Fucking Mask.

Bitch.

- ( Screams )
- No No No No!

What Are You Doing?
What Are You Doing?

I Got Six Bucks
On Laser Beam Boy.

- I'll Take It.
- And One!

Think You Should
Break It Up?

Eh, Kind Of Enjoying It,
To Be Honest With You.

- ( Yelling )
- Hey!

Break It Up.

All Right,
You Guys Can Go
To My Basement

And Then Find Whatever
You Need For The Trip.

Uh, Nanna,
I'm Leaving Now.

I'm Going On An Adventure
With My Friends.

( Rattling )

It's An Adventure
Full Of Glory And Danger.

So I Might Not Make It Back.

Please Don't Say
What You Always Say

When My Friends Come Over--
That I'm Fat And Retarded.

- But That's How You Look.
- Come On!

I Love You.

I'll Never Be
Your Dungeon Master Again.

What?
They're Fish People.

I Hate You.

All Right.

Sorry.
I Would Have Been
A Little Bit Quicker

If Somebody
Wasn't So Old!

Nanna:
Fuck You.

Hey, Sweet Mask.

Let's Roll.
( Laughs )

♪ Uh Ah Uh Ah ♪

♪ Uh Ah
Uh Ah ♪

♪ Uh Ah Uh Ah ♪

♪ Uh Ah
Uh Ah ♪

♪ When Alcohol Is Involved,
I Might Just Call ♪

♪ Drunk Dialing,
Drunk Dialing ♪

♪ I Know It's Late
And All... ♪

( Low Growling )

( Woman Screaming )

- ( Loud Snap )
- ( Man Grunts )

- ( Gasps )
- No!

Oh God!

( Whimpering )

( Growling )

( Squelching )

( Man Screaming )

( Woman Screaming )

( Crunching )

( Whimpering )

( Creature Roaring )

( Sand Crunching )

( Growling )

( Roars )

- ( Growls )
- ( Screams )

( Crunching )

A Praying Mantis
Would Destroy A Salamander.

No No.

You Sound Like An Idiot,
Charlie.

Do You Know
How Fast A Salamander Is?

Hey, A Salamander
Has No Defenses, Man.

A Praying Mantis, It Has
Those Little Hook Claws.

- Somebody's Never
Been To A Zoo.
- Okay.

Seriously, Salamanders?
Praying Mantis?

What If Dolphins
Were Robots?

- What If Dolphins
Were Robots?
- Yeah.

They're Not,
So Shut The Fuck Up.

What Do You
Want To Do, Man?

Want To Go Back
And Sit And Work In
Your Cubicle All Day?

The Jeff Phillips I Know,
The One That Defended That
Tree Fort When We Were Kids,

Okay, He'd Do Something
About This.

- He'd Make A Difference.
- He's Right, Jeff.

You Shut Your Mouth,
You Little Grandma's Boy.

I'm Sorry.
Are We Still A Team?

Yeah, Man.
Are We Still A Team,
Jeff Phillips?

Look, If You Say
"Jeff Phillips"
One More Time,

I'll Fucking Turn You
Into Bone Dust.

Hey, This Might Be
Some Pretty Bad Timing,

But I Just Wanted
To Thank You Guys
For Bringing Me Along.

Both:
Shut Up.

We're Still A Team,
Charlie.

Really?
That's Awesome, Bro.

♪ Gentle Giant. ♪

( Machinery Whirring )

How Charming.
A Half-Breed.

( Raspy Voice )

( Roars )

( Shrieks )

( Roars )

( Growling )

These Deep Ones Have Traveled
So Far, My Children.

And It Is They
You Shall Be Serving.

You See, They Are Still
So Hungry.

( Hisses )

( Growling )

( Lock Rattles )

( Screams )

( Roars )

( Roars )

( Hisses )

All Right, You Guys Stay
With The Relic.

I'm Gonna See If They Have,
Like, A Vending Machine.

Hey, Can You See
If They Have Cream Cakes?

Yeah.

Good Evening.

That's A Nice Boar
You Got There.

Yeah, I Found It
On The Road.

- Huh.
- You Need A Room?

No, I Was Wondering
If You Had A Vending
Machine Around Here.

Does This Look Like
A Fucking Quik Mart To You?

No, I Was Just Asking--

( Laughing )

I'm Just Kidding.

You Should Have Seen
Your Face.

Hey, Charlie?

Um...

I Was Just Thinking.

I Made This Bracelet When
I Was In The Third Grade

And I Never Gave It
To Anybody.

I Didn't Have Anybody
To Give It To.

I Think I Just Held On
To It For Good Luck.

Yeah, So Do You Have
A Vending Machine At All?

There's A Snack Rack
Right There In The Corner.

Bend On Over
And See What We Got.

All Right.

And I Was Just Thinking
If Anything Would Happen,

I Want-- I Want You
To Have It, Please.

You Know What, Man?
I'm Real Flattered,

But I Don't-- I Don't
Swim That Way, So...

No No No,
This Is A Friendship
Bracelet.

- Whoa! Hey!
- Hey.

About What I Said
Back There,

I Didn't Mean Nothing
By It.

So If You Want To Have Sex
With Me Or Whatever...

No, Man.
I'm Cool, Bro.

- Well?
- Well? Well What?

- Need Any Magazines?
- No.

You Know, I Don't
Even Really Want
The Chips Anymore.

I'm Just Gonna Take Off.
Excuse Me There.

Hey.
This Is My Sex Face.

Yeah Yeah Yeah.
Hey, Man,

Whatever You Want
To Call It, That's...

- No, It's Not
What I'm Calling It--
- Hey, Shh. Hey.

- It's For Friendship.
- Nobody's Judging, Okay?

We're All Good, Bro.

Be Careful Out There.
There's Some Weird Folk
Out Here In The Desert.

I Know.

Start The Car!
Start The Car!

It's Already
Started, Man.

There's Some
Weird People Here.

Paul's Gay.

( Electricity Crackling )

( Bell Dings )

( Laughs )

( Chuckles )
Hey, Charlie, Do You
Still Make Comic Books

- Like You Did
Back In High School?
- Yeah Yeah, Man.

Actually, I Got A Couple
Pages Right Now That Are
Pretty Sweet.

No Way. Really?
What Are They About?

Well, You Know How You See
All Those, Like, Japanese Fish

In Ponds And Stuff
In Malls?

Well, They Get Fed Up,
Right?

So They, Like, Reach Back
Into Their Heritage

And They Make All These
Ancient, You Know,

Weapons And Armor.
So, I Mean, They Become...

Both:
Samurai Fish.

Right Right.
And Then They Just--
They Come Out

And They Fucking Just--
They Slaughter People.

It's Like Revenge,
You Know?

That Is--
That's So Good.

Yeah. Well, I Mean,
You Know,

It's Kind Of Stalled.
The Fish Have Fins,

So They Couldn't Really Do
Any Proper Blacksmithing.

I Mean,
It's A Brilliant Idea.
It's So Good.

And Who's To Say
That The Samurai Fish

Can't Come Into Contact
With, Like,

A League Of Gorillas
With Opposable Thumbs?

And They Can Make The Armor
And The Weapons.

It's Not Out Of The Realm
Of Realisticness.

I Love That.

It's Like-- It's Like
A Monkey-Fish Army.

You Like It?
You Can Use It.

You Guys Really Are Meant
For Each Other, I Think.

What's Wrong With That,
Jeff?

Did You Watch This Show
When You Were A Kid Too, Man?
Remember?

- ♪ Goblins ♪
- ♪ Goblins In The Forest ♪

♪ Goblin Magic! ♪

- ( Laughing )
- I Love That, Man.

- I Didn't--
I Didn't Watch It.
- I Love--

All Right,
Home Slices.

Let's Get In The Damn Car
And Get Some Sleep.

Hoo-Rah?

( Groans )

Hey, Paul.
Can We Use Your Cell Phone
And Set The Alarm?

- We Left Ours At Home.
- I Don't Have A Cell Phone.

Are You Serious?

Who Would I Call?

Hey, All Right,
Don't Even Worry About It.

Okay, I'm Like A Human
Alarm Clock.

Since When, Dude?

I Got It Covered,
All Right?

Just, Nighty-Night.

Nighty-Night, Man.

( Yawns )

- ( Screams )
- Good Morning!

What The Hell Are You
Doing Here, Freak?

Did You Really Think
We Wouldn't Find You?

- We're Everywhere.
- What, Big Greasy Rhinos?

He's One Of
The Cult Of Cthulhu.

Step Out Of The Car
And Hand Over The Relic.

- Start The Car, Man.
- The Big Boss Is On His Way

And I'm The One
Giving Him The Relic.

- It Won't Start, Dude.
- Step Out Of The Car

And I Won't Have To
Kill You Right Away.

What Are You
Talking About, Bitch?

There's, Like, Three Of Us.
We Will Take You Out.

Please, Paul,
It Doesn't Work For You.

Okay, What's He Doing?

I'm Pretty Sure
The Relic Is Fireproof,

You Little Pop-Tarts.

Well, I Guess
We'll Find Out.

All Right, All Right,
All Right, All Right.

You Win. You Win.
We're Coming Out.

That's What
I'm Talking About.

Ass Kicking Time,
Right, Guys?

- Shut The Fuck Up, Paul.
- Just Listen.

When We Get Out Of The Car,
You Wait For My Signal

- And We Run.
- Run? Where To?

We're In The Middle
Of The Fucking Desert.

We Don't Have
Choice, Do We, Dude?
Now Bring That Bag.

We're Getting Out.
Calm Down.

It's All Good.

That's It, Boys.

Keep Playing Ball
And Maybe I Won't Have
To Play With Yours.

Wait.
What?

- Our Balls?
- You Got Balls, Don't You?

Yeah. I Guess I Just
Don't Get The Reference.

You Weren't In There, Dude.
He'll Fuck With Your Balls.
Trust Me.

Is That Why You Were
Running To The Car, Man?

- Did You Get
Your Balls Fucked With?
- Just Get Ready To Run.

I Wouldn't Run
If I Was You,

Being As We Have You
Surrounded.

All Right.

Easy.

What Are We Gonna Do?

All Right, There Was
That Bag At Paul's House.

When I Start To
Approach Him You Throw Me
The Weapon, All Right?

No No No No.
That's Like The Worst
Plan I've Ever Heard.

We Don't Have Any Other
Choice, All Right?
Now Let's Just Do It.

All Right,
I Got The Relic.

I'm Gonna Bring It
Over To You, All Right?

Got It Right Here.

Now!

- Why?
- It Was On Top.

( Grunts )

( Grunts )

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey!
Okay Okay Okay.

I Got The Relic!

Paul, What The Fuck
Are You Doing?

I'm Saving You!

Go.

( Wheezing )
Wait.

Okay.

You Guys Must Exercise
Or Something.

Like Do Cardio Or...

Hand Over The Relic.

Here.
Jeez.

( Laughing )

All Right, Hold On.

( Grunts )

( Wind Whistling )

( Both Panting )

Man, If That Map
Is Right,

This Place Should Be
Around Here Somewhere.

Hey Man, Do You Think
Paul's Okay?

Well, Who Knows, Man?
It's Your Fault Anyway.

A Fucking Snorkel Mask.

Hey, You Know I'm Not Good
Under Pressure, All Right?

A Fucking
Snorkel Mask, Bro.

Hey.

That's An R.V., Right?

God, This Place
Is A Rathole, Dude.

- All Right, Knock.
- You Knock.

No, Man.
I Did All The Knocking
At Paul's House.

We've Already
Established This, Okay?
You're The Chosen One.

- I Show You The Door--
- You're Such A Pussy, Man.

( Muffled Music Playing )

( Bell Dings )

Ain't Nothing
To See Here, Boys.

Just Move Along Now.

Uh, We Were Looking
For A Man That Might
Live Around Here.

Like I Said,
Ain't Nothing Here.

- No Captain Olaf For You.
- Uh...

We Never Said Anything
About A Captain Olaf.

Would You Be Captain Olaf?

Cripes.
I Keep Doing That.

I'm Captain Olaf,
'Tis True.

You Got Me There.

But I Cannot Help You Fight
The Monsters You Seek To Slay.

Don't Know Nothing
About Fighting No Sea Monsters.

We Could Go Right Back
Into The Desert, Just--

No. No, Look,
We Came This Far.

We're Gonna Do This.

- ( Knocks )
- Captain Olaf, Open Up.

We Need Your Help.
We Have The Relic,

The One That Opens
Cthulhu's Tomb.

- ( Music Stops )
- ( Footsteps )

You Shouldn't
Speak So Lightly

Of Things You Know
Nothing About.

Real Or Not,
That's Not Something

You Want To Just Be Flashing
About Like The Ass End
Of A Sea Donkey.

- Sea Donkey?
- Stop Your Yammering!

Get Your Asses In Here
Before You Bring Down
The Minions Of Hell.

- All Right, All Right.
- They'll Strip The Flesh
From Your Bones--

- Okay, We're Coming In.
- Hold It.

Let Me Tidy Up.

( Sea Shanty Playing )

Go Ahead,
Have A Seat.

That's--
That's A Nice Crab.

Sure, Till You Find
It In Your Pants.

Yeah.

Now Let's Hear
Your Fish Story.

( Flies Buzzing )

Oh, Come On.

Ew.

What Is This?

I'm Like A Ninja Eagle.
Hyaa!

( Roars )

( Whimpers )

Fools!

( Roars )

And That's Why We're Here.
We're Hoping You Can Help Us.

You Boys Ever Been
Fish Raped?

It's Something
You're Not Likely To Forget.

We Were Out Night Fishing.

It Was One Of Them
Real Cold Nights,

A Kind Of Cold
That Makes A Man's Balls

Want To Hibernate
Like A Pair Of Weasels

Up Inside His Chest.

The Creeping Fog,

Color Out Of Space,

Just Sleeping Over
The Deep Water.

( Seagulls Calling )

We Never Even Heard
Those Things Come Aboard.

( Faint Snarling )

They Killed My Crew
Within Minutes.

The Sound Of Their Screams
Still Haunt My Waking Hours.

I Close My Eyes

And I See The Horror
Of 1,000 Deaths

Play Across
The Blackness.

Those Teeth,

Those Cold
Insidious Eyes,

Hell-Sent To Drive A Man
To Madness.

Deep Ones,
As Legend Calls Them,

Have A Hankering
To Mate With Us Normal Folk.

Sure, Those Scaled,
Webbed Hands

Might Tickle A Bit.

I Dare To Even
Call Them Soothing.

Then Bam,
You're An Anchovy Popsicle,

If You Catch My Meaning.

Now You Boys
Start Down This Road,

That's All That's Waiting
For You--

A Whole Heaping
Of Fish Raping.

So Why Don't You Do
What I Did?

Move As Far Away From
The Water As You Can

And Never Look Back.

( Water Splashing )

Don't Worry.
That's Just Gary.

- There's Somebody Back There?
- Come On Back.

I'll Introduce You.

What The Hell
Is That Thing?

You Remember
How I Told You

How Deep Ones Like To Mate
With Normal Folks?

Well, Gary Here Is
The Unfortunate Offspring

Of One Such Encounter.

See, Being That One Of
His Parents Is A Deep One,

He Started Changing
As The Ocean Called Him Back.

His Human Side Just Keeps
Fighting To Hang On.

Been Taking Care Of Him
About Six Months Now.

Good Kid.

There You Go.

At First,
I Thought I Might Be Able

To Make A Little Money
Off The Feller.

You Know, Start A Little
Freak Show Or Whatever.

Yeah Right, A Freak Show.
That Makes Sense.

Well, It Didn't
Quite Pan Out.

Seems You Need A License
For Him...

Or It...
Or Something.

I Was Just Gonna Bury Him
Out In The Desert,

But Then I Realized
I'd Grown Fond Of
The Little Feller.

- Isn't That Right, Gary?
- ( Wheezing )

Now That I Think
About It And You've Seen
Him Up Close,

You Probably Owe Me
A Couple Bucks.

- ( Thump )
- You Boys Expecting Someone?

No.

There's Something
Out There.

And It's Got A Wild Eye
The Size Of A Sperm Whale.

God, It's Paul.

- Wait!
- Paul!

Paul.

Damn You,
You Fish-Worshipping Freaks!

Damn You All!

Charlie.

- Paul, Buddy.
- Hi.

You're Alive.

Yeah, They Just
Broke My Arms.

Does It Hurt?

They Broke
Both My Arms.

Jeff, Man, He's Alive!
Come On!

- They Just Broke His Arms.
- All Right.

- Come On.
- Welcome Back.

( Both Groan )

Come On.
Come On.

- ( Groans )
- Come On, Buddy.

Ow, My Arms!

Take It Easy.
Come On.

Easy.

Oh, Man.
You're Heavy.

Yeah.

Sit Your Bones
Down Here And Rest,
What's Left Of Them.

Try Some Of The Captain's
Special Tonic.

Good For What Ails Ya.

( Sputters, Coughs )

Is That Captain Olaf?

Is He Cool?

Yeah, Man.
Hey, What Happened?

Oh, I Was--

Well, I Was Running Away
From The Cult Members

Saving You,
Remember?

Then I Decided
I'm Gonna Stop And Fight.

And So I Did.
And I Started Taking
Them Down.

And Then Star Spawn Came

And He's Like,
"I'm Red, Ahh."

So I Started Kicking Him,

And Then He Turned Into
A Giant Octopus And Stuff.

And So Basically,
I Was The Hero.

Star Spawn, Huh?

Out Here In The Desert
They Can Be Hurt.

They Can't Be Out Of
The Ocean Indefinitely

Without Getting Back
To Some Sort Of Water.

Isn't That Right, Gary?

- Wait, Who's Gary?
- Forget It.

Look, I Say
We Make A Stand.

- What?
- Yeah, What?

If That Relic
Is Reassembled,

All Hell Is Gonna
Break Loose.

And Then What?
What, Are We Just Gonna
Run Forever?

Look, They Already Killed
The Professor.

They Broke Both Paul's Arms.
They Violated The Captain.

So How Long Are We Gonna
End Up Running

Until We Stand Up
And Fight?

Look, Man, I'm Sorry.
But I Say We Keep
Running, Okay?

What Chance Do We Have
Against Those Things, Jeff?

Come On, Charlie.

What About All That Stuff You
Said About Saving The World?

What Do You Say, Cap?

You Gonna Help Us?

I'm Sorry, Boys.

I've Been Living
Out Here This Long,

And Now This Is
Where I'll Die.

My Love For Life Ended
When They Took The Ocean
From Me.

My Will To Fight
Is Long Gone.

Hey, I Don't Want
To Interrupt,

But Just F.Y.I.--
I'm Pretty Sure

That Those Guys Saw The Map
That Leads To Here.

So Whatever
We're Gonna Decide,

We Should Decide It.

I Do Have A Weapons Stash
Not Far From Here.

You Can Give Them
A Real Fight.

Okay Okay Okay.
Look, Okay.

I'm Gonna Stay Here
With Paul.

You Get The Stash
And You Get Back.

Jeff And I Will Be Back

Faster Than Whale Shit
Through An Ice Floe.

Hey, Be Careful.

You Get Back Here,
Okay?

You Know I Will, Man.
I'll Be Back.

You Guys Got, Like,
A Hidden Handshake?

- No No No.
- Ow Ow Ow!

Oh, That's Spicy.

You Hungry Too, Gar?

God.

Some Saltine Action, Huh?

All Right.

There You Go, Buddy.

Sour Cream And Onion.

Bingo.

Let's See Here.
Okay.

( Plastic Creaking )

Oh God.

Oh Shit.

- ( Water Sloshing )
- More Water.

We Got To Get You To Water.
Oh God.

Okay, Hang On.

( Groans )
Okay, Gary, Just Breathe.

Just Breathe.

I'm Right Here.

Whoa!
( Grunts )

Oh God, Gary!

Oh!
Oh God!

What Are We Looking For?

We're Looking
For An Old Sea Chest

That I Left In
This Branch Of The Cave.

( Panting )
Hold On, Gar.

I'll Get You Some Water.

Okay, Here We Go.

Okay. Okay.
Okay, Oh!

All Right.
Let's Get You In There.

Okay.
All Right.

There We Go.
Huh?

Got You A Little Tub,
Huh?

There We Go.
There We Go, Yeah.

( Sighs )

He's Breathing Now, Buddy.
Look At That.

Oh, Sour Cream And Onion
Back There, Man.

( Water Gurgles )

There She Be.

( Blows )

Let's Bring
The Dynamite Too.

I Like The Cut
Of Your Jib.

Oh, God!
Gary!

- He's Dead.
- What The Hell Did You Do?

I Couldn't Even
Take Care Of My Goldfish
When I Was A Kid

- And You Leave Me With This?
- That Is Not A Goldfish.

You Just Killed Gary, Man.

I Tried To Save Gary.
That's Why He's In The Sink.

He Did Try,
Kind Of.

Did You Put Salt
In The Water?

- Unbelievable.
- I'm Really Sorry, Jeff.

I've Never Babysat
A Merguy Before.

It's Common Sense,
Charlie!

Okay, Jeff, There's
Nothing Common Sense

About A Merguy Named Gary
Living In An R.V.

You Did Something
I Could Never Do--

Kill An Innocent
Sea Creature.

Fine.

I Suppose You Put Him
Out Of His Misery

In Some Perverse Way.

You See That, Jeff?
Looks Like Gary Had
A Guardian Angel

And His Name Was Charlie.

Right.

Every Time A Foghorn Blows,

Another Twisted Merbeing
Gets His Fins.

Exactly.

A Moment Of Silence
For Our Fallen Comrade.

Bow Your Head.

I Once Had A Fish
Pee On Me For Hours.

I Loved It.

( Sniffles )

Well, All Right Then.

( Creature Growling )

( Growling Continues )

- ( Roaring )
- Jesus!

- We Got Company.
- Olaf, Can You Start
The R.V.?

Do You Happen To Have
An Engine On Ya?

Oh, We're Gonna Die,
Aren't We?

Uh, Bullets?

I Keep Them Just Outside
Near The Trash Heap.

- Why Would You Keep Your
Bullets In The Trash Heap?
- It's A Safety Issue.

For A While
When Gary Was Changing,

I Wanted To Shoot Myself.

Figured It Was Better
Not To Have Them Laying
Around Inside The R.V.

- ( Claws Scurrying )
- Shit.

We're Sitting Ducks
Out There, Man.

They'd Tear Us Apart Before
We Got To That Trash Heap.

Right, That Somebody Decided
To Keep Their Bullets In.

Um, We Need
Some Kind Of A Bait,

Something To Keep Their
Attention To This Side Of The
R.V. While We Go For The Ammo.

That's Great, Jeff.
But There's No Bait Shop
Around, Okay?

Where Are We
Gonna Get Bait?

You Heartless Bastards.

Wait Wait Wait.
Why Do We Both
Have To Go Again?

Because I'd Rather
Have Two Armed People
Out There Than One.

- Now Let's Go.
- Wait, I Could Cover You.

I'll Be Like,
"You Can Do It, Jeff!"

Yeah Yeah, Really?
With What Bullets, Dude?

Gary Ain't Getting
Any Fresher.

Here's What We're Gonna Do.
We're Gonna Go Out There

And We're Gonna
Get Those Bullets, All Right?
Which Had Better Be There!

I'm Gonna Open It Up
With That Key,

And You're Gonna Be
My Lookout.

- Do You Understand Me?
- Yeah Yeah.

- Do You Understand?
- Yeah!

I Got Nothing.

( Roars )

Oh, That's Better.

Choke On Him,
You Bastards.

Well, What Are You
Waiting For?

( Crunching )

- Come On.
- All Right.

Go Go!

Gary!

Oh, Gary.

- Hurry Up.
- I'm Trying, Man.

Man, I'm Serious.
They're Almost Out Of Gary.

I Know, It's Locked.
Dude, Shit.

We're Gonna Have To
Run This Thing Back.
Grab It.

- Ready? Go!
- Okay.

( Roars )

( Growls )

- Olaf!
- ( Howls )

Who's Fish Raping Now?

( Olaf Laughs )

If You Boys
Are Done Looking...

( Hisses )

( Roars )

I Thought You Lost
Your Love For Life.

Yeah Well, I Couldn't
Have Lived With The Guilt.

For What?
Not Helping Us?

'Cause I Gave You
The Wrong Key.

( Glass Shatters )

Holy Shit!

- The Key! Get The Key!
- Olaf, Key!

Oh My God!

- ( Roaring )
- ( Screams )

( Gunshots )

( Gun Clicks )

( Panting )

You Got Him, Man.

( Panting )

Get The Ammo!
Come On, Come On!

Hey.

What's In The Other Box?

- Olaf: Dynamite.
- Will It Work?

- Maybe, Maybe Not.
- Okay.

Paul:
Guys, Do You Think
I Could Get--

Oh, Yeah Yeah.
There You Go.

- There We Go.
- I Don't Know If This Is...

- Guard The R.V.
- Okay, Let's Go.

( Gun Clicks )

( Crunches )

( Slow Applause )

Well Done.

You've Managed
To Destroy My Pets.

- Now Bring Me The Relic.
- You Can Talk?

Talk? We Helped
Create Your Language.

- Dude.
- Silence!

Bring Me The Relic

Or Your Death Will Be
The Length Of Most Lifetimes!

( Groans )

( Screaming )

So The Bloodline
Of Lovecraft Lives.

I Guess So.

Then I Suppose You Will
Be Able To Watch

Your Friends Die.

( Screaming )

- ( Shrieks )
- Oh, Sorry, Charlie.

I'm Being Driven Mad.

Do Over.
Do Over.

- ( Screaming )
- ( Shouts )

( Heart Beating )

No!

I Can Smell
The Ocean Again.

And Seagulls--

I Can Hear The Seagulls.

I Frickin' Hate Seagulls.

But I Feel The Mist
Of The Ocean.

( Waves Crashing )

It's Okay.

It's Okay Now.

I'm Making Sail
And Going Home.

It's So Beautiful.

Hey, He's Gone.
You've Got To Let Him Go.

( Inhales )

Wait Wait.
What Happened
To The Captain?

- He's Gone.
- Gone?

- Oh Shit.
- Oh, I Think
I Just Peed Myself.

( Cracking )

( R.V. Thumps )

Reload!
Reload!

Oh God, That's All
My Ammunition. You?

- The Last One!
- Oh Shit.

Listen, I Say
We Make A Run For It.
On The Count Of Three.

- One, Two, Three!
- ( Door Thuds )

There's Something
Blocking It, Man.

Guys, There's A Thing
Right There!

( Metal Creaking )

- Oh Shit!
- ( Roaring )

( Screaming )
What The Fuck?

( Screams )

Fuck!
Shoot It!

I Can't Get
A Clear Shot, Man!

Shoot It!

I Trust You.
Fucking Shoot It!

( Gunshot )

( Growls, Roars )

Oh Fuck!
Fuck!

- Jeff! Jeff!
- Charlie! Charlie!

Motherfucker!

( Gunshot )

Oh God.

What The Fuck
Are We Gonna Do Now?

- We Just Got
To Get To The Roof.
- How?

I Got A Plan.

Go!

Oh Shit!

Oh God!

Oh Fuck!

( Grunts )

( Gunshot )

We Made It Up.
Now What?

That Was The Plan,
To Get To The Roof.

We Could Have
Jumped Out The Window
And Made A Run For It.

We Don't Know How Fast
Those Fucking Things Are, Man.

Okay Okay,
So Now What?

I Got Dynamite, Bro.

Okay Okay Okay,
So...

All Right,
I'm Gonna Light This.

I'm Gonna Throw It
In That Window And I'm Gonna
Blow That Motherfucker Up.

How Long Are You
Gonna Make The Fuse?

- That Long.
- How About Like That?

Sounds Good.
Here, Light That Shit.

( Sea Shanty Playing )

- Okay.
- Here We Go.

- Okay Okay, Throw It In.
- Ready?

- Hey, Guys?
- Paul?

What The Fuck
Are You Doing In There?

My Arms Don't Work
And There's Tentacle
Things Around Me.

There's Dynamite
Next To My Penis!

I Don't Like It!
I Don't Like It!

I Don't Like It!
I Don't Like It!

- I Don't Want
To Do This Anymore!
- Okay, He's Clear!

Go!

Jump!

I Don't Like It.
I Don't Like It.

Come On!

( Paul Screaming )

Get Down,
It's Gonna Blow!

- Where's The Relic?
- Son Of A Bitch.

God, You Suck
At Saving The World.

- ( Paul Groans )
- ( Growling )

Well, This Sucks Balls.

Too Bad Your Little Plan
Didn't Work.

Perhaps I Will Allow You
To Be Slaves After All.

How Much Ammunition
We Got Left?

I Got Nothing.

I Got One Left Here.

( Whooshing )

( Gurgling )

( Rumbling )

- ( Thunder Crashing )
- Behold!

God!

( Both Screaming )

( Electricity Crackling )

( Screaming Continues )

( Thunder Crashing )

This One's For You,
Olaf.

( Gun Clicks )

( Gunshot )

( Rumbling )

We Did It, Man.

We Saved The World.

Yeah.
We Did.

- There You Go.
- Cool, Man.

Thank You, Man.
Take Care.

( Sighs )

- Hey, Buddy.
- Hey.

You Liked "The Relic
Of Cthulhu," Huh?

It's Okay.

Hey, Come Here.

I Try Not To Tell This
To Most People,

But This Story,
It Really Happened.

No, It Didn't.

No, I Mean--
I Mean, To Me
And My Friend.

It Really Happened.

Can You Just
Sign My Comic?

I'm Trying
To Have A Moment.

I'm Just Trying To Share
With You That--

Just Sign My Comic, Dude.

I Got The Map.

The Council Thinks
There May Be More
Important Relics There.

Paul's Waiting
With The Plane.

Let's Go.

The Fate Of The World
Rests With You Now, Kid.

Good Luck.

( Wind Howling )

( Creatures Roaring )

( Upbeat Music Playing )

♪ From The Waters
Of The Deep ♪

♪ Come A Mean
Sucker Creep ♪

♪ Better Run,
Don't Sleep ♪

♪ When You Know They're Coming
Just For You ♪

♪ They'll Be Coming
For Your Arms ♪

♪ They'll Be Coming
For Your Legs ♪

♪ They'll Be Coming
For Your Eyes ♪

♪ They're Gonna Rip You Up
In Two ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ It's An All-On Attack ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ Oh No,
They're Here ♪

♪ With The Relic
In Our Hand ♪

♪ Every Woman,
Every Man Will Be Doomed ♪

♪ If The Old Ones
Find Us Here ♪

♪ Quiet Down Every Sound,
Every Noise That You Make ♪

♪ From Your Voice
Is Ringing In Their Ears ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ It's An All-On Attack ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ Oh No,
They're Here ♪

♪ Oh No,
They're Here ♪

♪ This Is
A Tentacle Apocalypse ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ It's An All-On Attack ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ It's An Attack ♪

♪ Oh No,
They're Here. ♪

( Sea Shanty Playing )

♪ Sit Down, Young Lads,
For A Seaman's Tale ♪

♪ A Story Of Mermaids
And Harpooned Whales ♪

♪ Of The Days We Sailed
On The Deep Blue Sea ♪

♪ No Siren's Call
To Set Us Free ♪

♪ And I Faced It All
With Sails Raised High ♪

♪ Through Deadly Storms
And A Pirate's Eye ♪

♪ But Nothing Scared
This Salty, Kid ♪

♪ Like The Cold Embrace
Of A Giant Squid ♪

♪ Oh, Barnacle Days
And Barnacle Nights ♪

♪ Lift Your Rum
So It's Way Up High ♪

♪ Cheers Once More
Before You Take That Swig ♪

♪ For The Cold Embrace
Of A Giant Squid ♪

♪ Now The Ocean Calls
With Its Treasures Deep ♪

♪ From The Darkest Depths
Where The Fish Don't Sleep ♪

♪ And It Rises Up
With Its Giant Eye ♪

♪ The Sharks Start Cracking
And The Seagulls Cry ♪

♪ And It Broke The Waves
Of The Briny Deep ♪

♪ With Captain And Crew
All Fast Asleep ♪

♪ Dreamed Of Maidens,
Alas, They Did ♪

♪ In The Cold Embrace
Of A Giant Squid ♪

♪ Oh, Barnacle Days
And Barnacle Nights ♪

♪ Lift Your Rum
So It's Way Up High ♪

♪ Cheers Once More
Before You Take That Swig ♪

♪ For The Cold Embrace
Of A Giant Squid ♪

♪ The Cold Embrace
Of A Giant Squid. ♪